Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, it is no I'm
confuse my war with your host, doctor and evangelist Heyo
rich help you do admit what you feel in order
to heal from the tents of narcissistic abuse.
Speaker 2: Hello, how are you all doing today on this lovely
Friday morning? Yes, it is Friday morning. What is today
January the twenty fourth of twenty No, it's not, It's
January twenty third.
Speaker 3: Ah, I'm going to day early.
Speaker 2: January the twenty third of twenty twenty four. I pray
that you were having a blessed and wonderful day on today.
Speaker 3: I pray that you have had.
Speaker 2: A stress free, narcissistic free, abuse free weeks so far,
and that the remainder of this week will continue to
be so as well. But if not, we're going to
be talking about a few things today.
Speaker 3: Again.
Speaker 2: My name is doctor ko Richard, nark Abuse no More
were We're here to help you admit what you feel
in order t o from the effects of narcissistic abuse,
because your fillies do matter, Yes they do. But before
we go on with today's podcast, I just won't let
you know. We are on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday
at ten am Eastern Standard Time, non am Central, and
that is on various platforms such as sound not SoundCloud,
but Speaker and Spotify and our heart radio and Apple Podcast.
Speaker 3: So again we have various platforms that you can listen
to us from.
Speaker 2: But if all else fails, you can go directly to
our website at www dot I I Z finish dot com.
That's it is finished with the spell with a Z,
and then we're gonna be getting that nark abuse no
more back up. I'm having to needing to redo the
page for.
Speaker 3: The narcissistic abuse. So that's up and coming.
Speaker 2: But you will have that up and then we're gonna
have a new website for you to go to that's
gonna include the nark abuse no more address in the
search engine. All right, all right, so what are we
talking about today? We're talking about forgiveness.
Speaker 3: Oooh, that's that's a hard one.
Speaker 2: That's that's a hard when you say, you know what,
I have been hurt by this individual, maybe time and
time and time again, and I'm just tired. I'm just tired.
I don't wanna forgive them. I want I want I
want to I want to be able to soak in
my bitterness. But you know what the thing is is
that forgiveness is a must in order for you to
be able to move on. And we're gonna talk about
some more things with regards to forgiveness, because sometimes people
think that if I forget give that person who hurt me,
then that means that I'm endorsing or condoning what they
did to me, or giving them a past.
Speaker 3: At what they did to me. And know that is
not the case.
Speaker 2: And so we're gonna actually talk about what forgiveness is,
what forgiveness is not, and what's the purpose of forgiveness.
But before we go on into today's podcast, I want
to go to a scripture in the Bible, Matthew chapter eighteen,
verses twenty one through twenty two. Matthew Chapter eighteen, verses
twenty one through twenty two.
Speaker 3: And it says then Peter.
Speaker 2: Then Peter came up and said to him, Lord, how
often will I for will my brother sin against me?
And I forgive him as many as seven times? Jesus
said to him, I do not say to you seven times,
but seventy seven times. And what Jesus was saying that
to forgive people unlimited, and so it's unlimited amount of
forgiveness that we give people because God gives us forgiveness daily.
All right, So when we go to the Lord in
prayer and we ask the Lord to forgive us, then
guess what God forgives us. But there's one thing about that.
There's one thing about that is forgiveness doesn't just mean, oh,
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: Please forgive me.
Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that you could just go in and
say the words and then all is well. When it
comes to God, the Bible says that if we confess
our sins. See that's the thing about forgiveness. If we
confess our sins, and you will find this in first John,
chapter one, verse nine, if we confess our sins, he
is faithful and just to forgive us and from all unrighteousness.
So there is a condition with that forgiveness from God.
We have to confess and admit that we did something wrong.
Then He forgives us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Speaker 3: So it says, if we confess our sins.
Speaker 2: But you know what the thing is is, oftentimes when
you're dealing with people who.
Speaker 3: Have harmed you or who have hurt you, they won't.
Speaker 2: They won't ask for forgiveness, they won't even admit that
they've done something wrong.
Speaker 3: So what do you have to do in this case?
You still forgive, but you.
Speaker 2: Don't allow that person to have access to hurt you again.
I forgive you, but I will not allow you to
have access to hurt me again. Because forgiveness does not
mean reentry. Forgiveness does not always mean reconc Now, for
those of us who are Christians, we know in the
Bible tells us that we're to be ministers or reconciliation,
But there can never be reconciliation if the person would
not even admit that they did something wrong. So basically,
if you let someone back in into your atmosphere and
they are not repentant or we're not even acknowledged that
they did something wrong, then you basically are giving them
access to be able to wound you again. And that
is not what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is that I'm taking
back my power. That means that I'm not gonna allow
this person to rent space in my head and my
heart any longer that they are not paying for Okay,
So I'm taking back my control, I'm taking back my power.
Speaker 3: I'm forgiving them because this is what God requires of us.
Speaker 2: For those of us who are Christians, we know that
God requires for us to forgive. And you might say, well,
you know, this is not something I can easily do.
It's not something that happens overnight. So for those of
us who are Christians, we have to ask God to
help us to be able to forgive that person or
individuals who have done you harm. But at the same time,
as you're working on that step by step, you're also
gaining your power back. Forgiveness is also admitting how you feel,
you taking responsibility for how you feel.
Speaker 4: Hey, this person hurt me, this person you know. Forgiveness
is not saying.
Speaker 2: That I'm just gonna push it up under the rug
and don't admit to myself and own my feelings. Okay,
you have the right to own your feelings. That means
that I have the right to say, yes, I was hurt. Yes,
you know this is how it made me feel when
this person did this to me. So you do not
have to deny your feelings just because you forgive someone.
Another thing is forgiveness is for you and not just
that other person. If that person you know accepts that
they've done something wrong and they.
Speaker 3: Truly can repent, confess it and.
Speaker 2: Everything, and then fine, they you know, forgiveness, You know,
God gives us forgiveness every day, new grace and new mercies.
When we come to him and say Lord, forgive me,
I'm saying have mercy on me or whatever.
Speaker 3: You know, God does forgive us.
Speaker 2: And it's good if that person receives the forgiveness, if
they acknowledge that they've done wrong and receive forgiveness, because
then you're showing them the love of Christ by forgiving them. However,
forgiveness is for you. It's for you because you're the
person that's hurt. You're the person that was wounded. You're
the person that is trying to move past what this
person has done for done to you. And so even
if that person never comes and repents and say I'm sorry,
you still need that forgiveness for your self. So forgiveness
is not just for that person. Forgiveness is for you.
It's for you to be able to move on. It's
for you to be able to not hold on to
those bags of herd and wounds and all the things
that was brought to the table when you were wounded
by this individual.
Speaker 3: Forgiveness is a choice.
Speaker 4: You have to choose to say, you know what, I'm
gonna forgive this person.
Speaker 3: Is it easy?
Speaker 4: No, especially when you when someone isn't even sorry, or
someone will not even acknowledge that they did something wrong.
Speaker 3: No, it's not.
Speaker 2: Because you have those people that will never acknowledge that
they did anything wrong. They will act as if they
have done nothing wrong, knowing that they did because they
have too much pride to acknowledge and say, hey, I
was wrong.
Speaker 3: But that's okay. Let them operate in their pride.
Speaker 2: But the thing is, you do what is best for
you in this situation, which means forgiveness, because many people
are holding themselves back from achieving the things that God
would have for you to achieve because you're holding onto unforgiveness,
and no.
Speaker 3: One can climb to the top of the mountain.
Speaker 2: If you're carrying extra bags, you gotta start dumping that stuff.
You gotta start unloading it. Okay, you can't move and
flow as you would flow if you're holding on to
bags of unforgiveness. That means that whatever they did to
you this year, last year, whatever this week today, you
got to let it go. It doesn't mean that you're
okay in it, and it doesn't mean that you're agreeing
with it.
Speaker 3: So forgiveness is not forgetting what happened, you know, we
we don't.
Speaker 2: People with people sometimes say forgive and forget. Well, we
don't normally forget, but we can forgive what happened, okay,
where it's not a constant reminder or every time you
see that person, you're not your blood, it's not balling
on the inside.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: So you may not forget in the natural what happened,
but you can forgive and.
Speaker 3: Say, you know what, I'm moving past it.
Speaker 2: This person, rather they said they were sorry, or rather
they didn't, I'm choosing to move past this. No, I'm
not endorsing what was done, but I'm choosing.
Speaker 3: To move past it.
Speaker 2: Forgiveness does not deny or minimize your pain. That means that, hey,
what was done to me was done to me.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna it act as if it was not done,
you know. But the thing is when I say I'm
not gonna act as if.
Speaker 2: That means I'm not gonna deny in my inner being
to say that it wasn't done. However, I am not
gonna hold on to it.
Speaker 3: I'm going to release it. I'm going to release it.
Speaker 2: Forgiveness is not excusing what the other person did. You know,
sometimes we you know, make excuses. Well, they gone through this,
they've gone through that. They you know, it's you can
come up with a hundred different excuses on why someone
did something. That's not forgiveness making excuses for what was done.
Because we do need to hold people accountable for what
they did, all right, even our justice system.
Speaker 3: Well it isn't so just these days.
Speaker 2: But the thing is supposed to be just It is
that you know, you do the crime, you do the time.
So the thing is is that you know, we still
hold people accountable for what they did even though we
forgive them.
Speaker 3: It's not excusing them.
Speaker 2: It's saying, hey, you did this, all right, but I'm
still gonna forgive you. Forgiveness does not mean that you
are always able to reconcile with the person who hurt you.
What does that mean? That means that when someone does
not acknowledge that they've done something wrong to you, they
will not take responsibility.
Speaker 4: For what they did to you. Then guess what there
cannot be true reconciliation reconciliation.
Speaker 2: You can go back into a situation and say, Okay,
I forgive this person, and then they're gonna do the
same thing to you again and again and again and
again because they're not sorry, because they don't see that
they did anything wrong, or don't want to see.
Speaker 3: Or really don't even care, don't even care.
Speaker 4: So but you still have to forgive anyway if you're
going to be a healthy.
Speaker 2: Individual an And then for those of us who are Christians,
we know that we don't have that choice. God didn't
give us a choice where you can choose to forgive. No,
he tells us is required of us. But at the
same time, we don't have to allow the person to
keep hurting us again and again. Forgiveness is something that
for those of us who believe in God that we
we definitely need his help on because we can't do
it by ourselves. We can't do it by ourselves. We
need that help.
Speaker 4: You might need to talk to a therapist, You might
need to talk to a counselor someone.
Speaker 2: Who can help you on that path to forgiveness. You
might say, you know what, I don't even know.
Speaker 3: Where to begin.
Speaker 2: And for those of us who are in Christ, we
know to begin with God. And some you might say,
you know what, I'm gonna have to go to a therapist,
go to a counselor, and that's okay, to get back
on the path so that I can release. You want
to release it, you don't want to hold it in again.
Forgiveness is not okay what that person did. Absolutely not.
It's not okn And some people hold on to it
because they say, well, you know what, if I forgive them,
that means.
Speaker 3: That I'm letting them, I'm letting them get bible what
they did.
Speaker 2: And no, but the thing is the only person it's
really hurting it's you.
Speaker 3: They're they've gone on about their business. They can care less.
Speaker 2: A lot of times they don't even think care to
even think about what they did to you. They've moved on,
they can care less. But the thing is is that
when you're caring around the buterness, the anger, the hate,
all of that, then it's wearing you down, not them.
Speaker 3: It's horming you.
Speaker 2: You're probably dealing with high blood pressure, anxiety, panic, all
these things. And it's because the unforgiveness is weorring on you,
not wearring on them. And that's why It's forgiveness is
for you, because you the one that want to move past,
beyond and be able to be the best person that
you can be. We're gonna take a quick break and
we'll be back in just a moment.
Speaker 5: Before I metch I prayed your name, didn't know your face.
Speaker 3: But God did the same.
Speaker 6: He taught me patience, He.
Speaker 7: Taught me grace, so I can love you from a
holy place and I know the words that I could face.
But I love you more with every day, through every storm,
to joy.
Speaker 3: And pain, my power remains the same.
Speaker 6: I love you like priss me.
Speaker 3: Pure and strong face. When I gets hard to fall
to my knees and prayed for you in leslie, you never.
Speaker 6: Have to do. Oh, my love is rooted.
Speaker 8: God love you like cries me.
Speaker 7: To turn.
Speaker 9: Oh A lead with kindness, not with prime, be shelter.
Speaker 8: Right by your side.
Speaker 1: Me.
Speaker 5: You're wearyity, I live you so hatty.
Speaker 6: With prayer and peas that made you home.
Speaker 8: A tonty perfect goddess need true.
Speaker 3: A love and mere SAPs proof you and me a.
Speaker 8: God that's the truest kind of I love.
Speaker 9: Your life, loves me every.
Speaker 8: Tearing, through every tearing, victory I see.
Speaker 3: The crazy she gave to me, so he rest in
my heart.
Speaker 8: Is stream to love your listeners, love even love you
like cries.
Speaker 2: Knows all right, So love you as Christ love me
and I love that particular song.
Speaker 3: We are.
Speaker 2: One thing that's important to realize when you are forgiving
someone is you have to.
Speaker 3: Say to yourself that I deserve peace.
Speaker 2: I deserve peace, and with forgiveness that helps to usher
in that peace. When you've been in a toxic situation
and you have gone round around and you just you know,
finally decided. You know what, I'm jumping off of this
ferrist Will, I'm not going to be on this roller
coaster anymore.
Speaker 3: Guess what.
Speaker 2: That's when you can begin to have peace. But part
of that peace means that I'm letting go, you know
that saying let go and let God. So therefore I'm
releasing this individual there. You know, we can't force people
to change, We cannot force them to change, but we
can change how we respond to any.
Speaker 3: In every situation. Another thing that when when it.
Speaker 2: Comes to forgiveness, one important thing is to forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself because it's hard, you know, it's one thing
to forgive somebody else, but we sometimes tend to not
forgive ourselves, and we have the permission to forgive ourselves.
That means that as I'm working on forgiving someone else,
I'm also forgiving myself. We're the hardest on ourselves. Some
people are I let myself be in this, or I
didn't do this, or I didn't say this, or let go.
Forgive yourself, and one of the ways to do that
is to realize to hurt. That means I'm aware and
understand that my feelings are real. One thing when we
talk about narcissistic abuse, we often on this particular podcast,
we say that your feelings do matter, and they do.
Speaker 3: Your feelings do matter.
Speaker 4: So being aware and understanding that your feelings are real,
that's part of forgiving yourself.
Speaker 2: I am entitled to my feelings. I'm entitled to acknowledge
that pain, that hurt.
Speaker 1: The.
Speaker 2: Fact that I feel as if I've been even maybe abandoned,
or or whatever it is that you're feeling.
Speaker 10: You are entitled to those feelings. Own those feelings.
Speaker 2: I'll even suggest writing them down so that you can
acknowledge that this is how I feel.
Speaker 3: Don't put it.
Speaker 2: Up under the rug, bring it to the surface and
acknowledge it, because that's part of your healing process. Another
thing is owning your emotions. You know what you're thinking
about when certain feelings come to the surface.
Speaker 3: Say I feel sad, I.
Speaker 2: Feel hurt, I feel pain, I feel confused. Whatever it
is that you're thinking, whatever it is that you're feeling.
Speaker 10: Acknowledge it. Another thing that is important is.
Speaker 2: When you have been hurt, we tend to wanna strike back,
you know, when I'm gonna do this or say this,
or whatever case may be. And instead of doing that
striking at that person when you're dealing with the narcissists,
because they're not gonna care anyway, and basically it's gonna
be just an argument going back and forth because when
you're dealing with a narcissist, they're not gonna admit to
what they've done. They're never gonna acknowledge what they've done.
They're not gonna even receive from you what they've done.
But you can begin to say, you know what, this
is what I really want to do, This is how
I really feel. Write it in a journal, Write it
in a journal, and say this is you know. But
one thing we don't want to do is we don't
want to take vengeance, But.
Speaker 4: You can write it down and say, you know what,
this is what I really feel.
Speaker 3: Like saying to this person.
Speaker 2: Write it down, release it, let it out. You know,
for those of us who are Christians, we know God
already knows anyway.
Speaker 3: We can go to God and say, God, I.
Speaker 2: Really really just wanna X, Y and Z, but I
know that this is not what you would have of me,
because the Bible lets us know that vengeance is the
Lord's And I see a lot of times on different
platforms where people will say, well, how do I get
revenge against the narcissists.
Speaker 3: Let me just say this, there really.
Speaker 2: Isn't in susting as getting revenge on the narcissists other
than living your best life. The best way to get
revenge on someone is not to even think about.
Speaker 3: Getting revenge on them. Live your life.
Speaker 2: If you want to say, Okay, I want revenge, live
your life, but don't do things because you think it's
gonna attract the attention of the narcissists. Oh, I'm gonna
go get me another person, and then I want to
rub it up in their face. I'm gonna make sure
I go around them, so they can no, because then
you're still allowing them to have rental space in your head.
Live your life, move on without them. Don't try to
get revenge, but make sure that if you're feeling well,
I want revenge, write it down, write it down, get
you a journal, write it down, but don't taken don't
take action on that.
Speaker 4: We have sometimes those feelings. Own those feelings. But then
also you have to release it.
Speaker 3: Release it.
Speaker 2: That means you know what, this is how I feel.
But at the same time, I know I gotta let
go because even if you was to get the best
revenge on this person, it's still gonna make you feel empty.
Speaker 4: Protect yourself, protect your future self.
Speaker 3: And what does this mean. This means that.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna set boundaries so that I don't hurt again.
Speaker 3: And this doesn't mean that you build up a wall
where nobody can get through.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: What this saying is when someone has done something to
you and this person does not care, or you know
they keep doing the same thing, which means that they
don't care or whatever, you have to set boundaries.
Speaker 4: Okay, there's nothing wrong with saying setting boundaries. Sometimes you
have to set boundaries. Well, you know what I'm gonna
go low contact with this person. That means that I'm
only gonna deal with them when I have to. I'm
gonna go no contact with this person. That means I'm
not gonna deal with them at all. Or you set
it on your terms, you set boundaries. This is not
gonna happen.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna allow this person to talk to me
like this, or treat me this way, or do whatever.
Protect your future self. You know, the Bible lets us
know the guard our hearts, and we are to guard
our hearts. That means that if I know that this
person is a toxic individual, then guess what I'm gonna
set myself some boundaries.
Speaker 3: That means that I'm gonna I'm not gonna allow this person.
Speaker 2: To gain entry in order to be able to do that. Again,
that means I'm gonna watch what I say to them.
I'm gonna watch how often I'm around them. I'm gonna
watch how often I talk to them if I'm around them,
because sometimes you know, people don't have a choice because
they have to be around certain people for us, you know,
if they've got children together or whatever the case may be.
But even with that, you can set some boundaries. Set
your boundaries. We're gonna take a quick break and we'll
be back in just a moment.
Speaker 6: I remn be when I pray asking God to make away.
Speaker 11: Didn't know his plan was. You didn't see and love
to her. He walks in like Heaven's wind.
Speaker 5: Heal in place, is deep, wearing heavy fear, and lost
its voice when God whispered, here's my choice, Heaven.
Speaker 8: Nothing can self away us.
Speaker 5: Heaven has ties strong.
Speaker 6: Heavy storm may shake us below the carrying on.
Speaker 5: And Jesus we stand forever. He's the tread that binds
our hearts.
Speaker 6: So no melting, no vally could pull.
Speaker 5: The souls of Oh, nothing can.
Speaker 11: Separate us.
Speaker 6: Sunday, hand in hand, we face the night still we
walk in perfect life.
Speaker 5: Every taste and every tear only draws us closer.
Speaker 1: Here.
Speaker 6: We were made for more than days, more than earthly
passing ways.
Speaker 9: God, a seal was meant to be you and I turnly.
Speaker 5: The leaders can sai really us.
Speaker 8: Heaven has tied.
Speaker 12: Straw all every stormy shake us, for her will carry
all all. Jesus we stand forever. He's the thread that binds.
Speaker 6: Our hearts, so no mounts and no man could pull
the songs apart.
Speaker 7: Nothing can separate sec.
Speaker 6: No shadow dolls and why could never take your massa?
Speaker 3: My God, notts, no fasking.
Speaker 5: Great We stand firm for heaven and sake love like
this diviceecured, rooted deed.
Speaker 6: Forever acre, every chapter, every cave huts grace and every
sting said. Believe we get severies us because God already solved.
Speaker 8: This proof of grace is down.
Speaker 6: The drab will be the living is promise here to story,
not there not there. I can separate, separate us, sever
storma shape she.
Speaker 5: Ary, separate, separate, separ.
Speaker 6: Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: And it's called nothing can separate us. All right, So
we're talking about forgiveness, and one thing that we also
need to know is to stay committed to the forgiveness.
You know when people ask, well, why are you forgiveness person?
Or you know this person doesn't deserve forgiveness, and again
the forgiveness isn't for that individual. Yes, you know they
are recipients of the forgiveness.
Speaker 10: But at the same time, sometimes you have to.
Speaker 2: Just forgive people and they don't even know about it,
they're not even thinking about it. As I mentioned earlier,
when you're dealing with narcissists. They can care less. You know,
they don't care if you forgive them or not. They're
not even gonna admit that they've done anything wrong. But
the thing is, forgiveness.
Speaker 3: Is for you. It's for you.
Speaker 2: So even if the person does acknowledge that they have
done something wrong, the forgiveness helps you to move forward
and to move on, to let go and let God.
Because some things are out of our control, and we
don't have any control over whether somebody is going to
act right, but we can control how we respond to it.
We don't want to react, we want to respond. Respond means,
you know what, I'm gonna deal with this in a
way that is going to bring me peace. Don't let
anyone disturb your peace. And when you hold bitterness.
Speaker 3: It disturbs your peace. So you're still letting that person.
Speaker 2: You might even be around that person, but if you're
hold an unforgiveness, you're still allowing that person to have
control over your life.
Speaker 13: Therefore, you're not having peace. You deserve peace. Therefore, forgiveness
is for you. Welcome it, embrace it, and allow it
to take care of you.
Speaker 2: All Right, we all bother here at pray to today's
podcast has been a blessing to you and that you
would know that your feelings do matter. This is doctor
k o Rich until next times past