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Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, it is no I'm

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confuse my war with your host, doctor and evangelist Heyo

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rich help you do admit what you feel in order

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to heal from the tents of narcissistic abuse.

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Speaker 2: Hello, how are you all doing today on this lovely

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Friday morning? Yes, it is Friday morning. What is today

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January the twenty fourth of twenty No, it's not, It's

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January twenty third.

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Speaker 3: Ah, I'm going to day early.

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Speaker 2: January the twenty third of twenty twenty four. I pray

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that you were having a blessed and wonderful day on today.

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Speaker 3: I pray that you have had.

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Speaker 2: A stress free, narcissistic free, abuse free weeks so far,

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and that the remainder of this week will continue to

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be so as well. But if not, we're going to

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be talking about a few things today.

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Speaker 3: Again.

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Speaker 2: My name is doctor ko Richard, nark Abuse no More

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were We're here to help you admit what you feel

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in order t o from the effects of narcissistic abuse,

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because your fillies do matter, Yes they do. But before

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we go on with today's podcast, I just won't let

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you know. We are on every Monday, Wednesday and Friday

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at ten am Eastern Standard Time, non am Central, and

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that is on various platforms such as sound not SoundCloud,

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but Speaker and Spotify and our heart radio and Apple Podcast.

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Speaker 3: So again we have various platforms that you can listen

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to us from.

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Speaker 2: But if all else fails, you can go directly to

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our website at www dot I I Z finish dot com.

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That's it is finished with the spell with a Z,

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and then we're gonna be getting that nark abuse no

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more back up. I'm having to needing to redo the

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page for.

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Speaker 3: The narcissistic abuse. So that's up and coming.

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Speaker 2: But you will have that up and then we're gonna

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have a new website for you to go to that's

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gonna include the nark abuse no more address in the

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search engine. All right, all right, so what are we

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talking about today? We're talking about forgiveness.

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Speaker 3: Oooh, that's that's a hard one.

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Speaker 2: That's that's a hard when you say, you know what,

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I have been hurt by this individual, maybe time and

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time and time again, and I'm just tired. I'm just tired.

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I don't wanna forgive them. I want I want I

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want to I want to be able to soak in

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my bitterness. But you know what the thing is is

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that forgiveness is a must in order for you to

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be able to move on. And we're gonna talk about

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some more things with regards to forgiveness, because sometimes people

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think that if I forget give that person who hurt me,

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then that means that I'm endorsing or condoning what they

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did to me, or giving them a past.

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Speaker 3: At what they did to me. And know that is

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not the case.

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Speaker 2: And so we're gonna actually talk about what forgiveness is,

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what forgiveness is not, and what's the purpose of forgiveness.

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But before we go on into today's podcast, I want

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to go to a scripture in the Bible, Matthew chapter eighteen,

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verses twenty one through twenty two. Matthew Chapter eighteen, verses

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twenty one through twenty two.

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Speaker 3: And it says then Peter.

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Speaker 2: Then Peter came up and said to him, Lord, how

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often will I for will my brother sin against me?

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And I forgive him as many as seven times? Jesus

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said to him, I do not say to you seven times,

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but seventy seven times. And what Jesus was saying that

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to forgive people unlimited, and so it's unlimited amount of

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forgiveness that we give people because God gives us forgiveness daily.

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All right, So when we go to the Lord in

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prayer and we ask the Lord to forgive us, then

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guess what God forgives us. But there's one thing about that.

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There's one thing about that is forgiveness doesn't just mean, oh,

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I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: Please forgive me.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that you could just go in and

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say the words and then all is well. When it

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comes to God, the Bible says that if we confess

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our sins. See that's the thing about forgiveness. If we

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confess our sins, and you will find this in first John,

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chapter one, verse nine, if we confess our sins, he

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is faithful and just to forgive us and from all unrighteousness.

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So there is a condition with that forgiveness from God.

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We have to confess and admit that we did something wrong.

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Then He forgives us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

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Speaker 3: So it says, if we confess our sins.

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Speaker 2: But you know what the thing is is, oftentimes when

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you're dealing with people who.

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Speaker 3: Have harmed you or who have hurt you, they won't.

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Speaker 2: They won't ask for forgiveness, they won't even admit that

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they've done something wrong.

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Speaker 3: So what do you have to do in this case?

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You still forgive, but you.

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Speaker 2: Don't allow that person to have access to hurt you again.

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I forgive you, but I will not allow you to

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have access to hurt me again. Because forgiveness does not

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mean reentry. Forgiveness does not always mean reconc Now, for

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those of us who are Christians, we know in the

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Bible tells us that we're to be ministers or reconciliation,

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But there can never be reconciliation if the person would

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not even admit that they did something wrong. So basically,

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if you let someone back in into your atmosphere and

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they are not repentant or we're not even acknowledged that

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they did something wrong, then you basically are giving them

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access to be able to wound you again. And that

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is not what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is that I'm taking

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back my power. That means that I'm not gonna allow

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this person to rent space in my head and my

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heart any longer that they are not paying for Okay,

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So I'm taking back my control, I'm taking back my power.

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Speaker 3: I'm forgiving them because this is what God requires of us.

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Speaker 2: For those of us who are Christians, we know that

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God requires for us to forgive. And you might say, well,

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you know, this is not something I can easily do.

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It's not something that happens overnight. So for those of

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us who are Christians, we have to ask God to

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help us to be able to forgive that person or

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individuals who have done you harm. But at the same time,

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as you're working on that step by step, you're also

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gaining your power back. Forgiveness is also admitting how you feel,

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you taking responsibility for how you feel.

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Speaker 4: Hey, this person hurt me, this person you know. Forgiveness

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is not saying.

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Speaker 2: That I'm just gonna push it up under the rug

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and don't admit to myself and own my feelings. Okay,

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you have the right to own your feelings. That means

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that I have the right to say, yes, I was hurt. Yes,

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you know this is how it made me feel when

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this person did this to me. So you do not

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have to deny your feelings just because you forgive someone.

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Another thing is forgiveness is for you and not just

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that other person. If that person you know accepts that

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they've done something wrong and they.

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Speaker 3: Truly can repent, confess it and.

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Speaker 2: Everything, and then fine, they you know, forgiveness, You know,

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God gives us forgiveness every day, new grace and new mercies.

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When we come to him and say Lord, forgive me,

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I'm saying have mercy on me or whatever.

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Speaker 3: You know, God does forgive us.

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Speaker 2: And it's good if that person receives the forgiveness, if

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they acknowledge that they've done wrong and receive forgiveness, because

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then you're showing them the love of Christ by forgiving them. However,

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forgiveness is for you. It's for you because you're the

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person that's hurt. You're the person that was wounded. You're

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the person that is trying to move past what this

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person has done for done to you. And so even

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if that person never comes and repents and say I'm sorry,

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you still need that forgiveness for your self. So forgiveness

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is not just for that person. Forgiveness is for you.

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It's for you to be able to move on. It's

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for you to be able to not hold on to

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those bags of herd and wounds and all the things

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that was brought to the table when you were wounded

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by this individual.

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Speaker 3: Forgiveness is a choice.

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Speaker 4: You have to choose to say, you know what, I'm

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gonna forgive this person.

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Speaker 3: Is it easy?

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Speaker 4: No, especially when you when someone isn't even sorry, or

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someone will not even acknowledge that they did something wrong.

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Speaker 3: No, it's not.

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Speaker 2: Because you have those people that will never acknowledge that

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they did anything wrong. They will act as if they

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have done nothing wrong, knowing that they did because they

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have too much pride to acknowledge and say, hey, I

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was wrong.

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Speaker 3: But that's okay. Let them operate in their pride.

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Speaker 2: But the thing is, you do what is best for

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you in this situation, which means forgiveness, because many people

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are holding themselves back from achieving the things that God

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would have for you to achieve because you're holding onto unforgiveness,

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and no.

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Speaker 3: One can climb to the top of the mountain.

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Speaker 2: If you're carrying extra bags, you gotta start dumping that stuff.

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You gotta start unloading it. Okay, you can't move and

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flow as you would flow if you're holding on to

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bags of unforgiveness. That means that whatever they did to

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you this year, last year, whatever this week today, you

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got to let it go. It doesn't mean that you're

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okay in it, and it doesn't mean that you're agreeing

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with it.

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Speaker 3: So forgiveness is not forgetting what happened, you know, we

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we don't.

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Speaker 2: People with people sometimes say forgive and forget. Well, we

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don't normally forget, but we can forgive what happened, okay,

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where it's not a constant reminder or every time you

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see that person, you're not your blood, it's not balling

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on the inside.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 2: So you may not forget in the natural what happened,

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but you can forgive and.

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Speaker 3: Say, you know what, I'm moving past it.

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Speaker 2: This person, rather they said they were sorry, or rather

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they didn't, I'm choosing to move past this. No, I'm

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not endorsing what was done, but I'm choosing.

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Speaker 3: To move past it.

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Speaker 2: Forgiveness does not deny or minimize your pain. That means that, hey,

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what was done to me was done to me.

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Speaker 3: I'm not gonna it act as if it was not done,

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you know. But the thing is when I say I'm

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not gonna act as if.

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Speaker 2: That means I'm not gonna deny in my inner being

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to say that it wasn't done. However, I am not

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gonna hold on to it.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to release it. I'm going to release it.

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Speaker 2: Forgiveness is not excusing what the other person did. You know,

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sometimes we you know, make excuses. Well, they gone through this,

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they've gone through that. They you know, it's you can

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come up with a hundred different excuses on why someone

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did something. That's not forgiveness making excuses for what was done.

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Because we do need to hold people accountable for what

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they did, all right, even our justice system.

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Speaker 3: Well it isn't so just these days.

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Speaker 2: But the thing is supposed to be just It is

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that you know, you do the crime, you do the time.

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So the thing is is that you know, we still

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hold people accountable for what they did even though we

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forgive them.

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Speaker 3: It's not excusing them.

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Speaker 2: It's saying, hey, you did this, all right, but I'm

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still gonna forgive you. Forgiveness does not mean that you

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are always able to reconcile with the person who hurt you.

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What does that mean? That means that when someone does

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not acknowledge that they've done something wrong to you, they

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will not take responsibility.

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Speaker 4: For what they did to you. Then guess what there

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cannot be true reconciliation reconciliation.

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Speaker 2: You can go back into a situation and say, Okay,

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I forgive this person, and then they're gonna do the

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same thing to you again and again and again and

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again because they're not sorry, because they don't see that

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they did anything wrong, or don't want to see.

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Speaker 3: Or really don't even care, don't even care.

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Speaker 4: So but you still have to forgive anyway if you're

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going to be a healthy.

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Speaker 2: Individual an And then for those of us who are Christians,

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we know that we don't have that choice. God didn't

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give us a choice where you can choose to forgive. No,

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he tells us is required of us. But at the

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same time, we don't have to allow the person to

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keep hurting us again and again. Forgiveness is something that

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for those of us who believe in God that we

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we definitely need his help on because we can't do

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it by ourselves. We can't do it by ourselves. We

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need that help.

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Speaker 4: You might need to talk to a therapist, You might

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need to talk to a counselor someone.

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Speaker 2: Who can help you on that path to forgiveness. You

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might say, you know what, I don't even know.

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Speaker 3: Where to begin.

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Speaker 2: And for those of us who are in Christ, we

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know to begin with God. And some you might say,

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you know what, I'm gonna have to go to a therapist,

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go to a counselor, and that's okay, to get back

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on the path so that I can release. You want

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to release it, you don't want to hold it in again.

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Forgiveness is not okay what that person did. Absolutely not.

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It's not okn And some people hold on to it

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because they say, well, you know what, if I forgive them,

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that means.

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Speaker 3: That I'm letting them, I'm letting them get bible what

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they did.

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Speaker 2: And no, but the thing is the only person it's

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really hurting it's you.

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Speaker 3: They're they've gone on about their business. They can care less.

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Speaker 2: A lot of times they don't even think care to

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even think about what they did to you. They've moved on,

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they can care less. But the thing is is that

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when you're caring around the buterness, the anger, the hate,

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all of that, then it's wearing you down, not them.

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Speaker 3: It's horming you.

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Speaker 2: You're probably dealing with high blood pressure, anxiety, panic, all

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these things. And it's because the unforgiveness is weorring on you,

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not wearring on them. And that's why It's forgiveness is

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for you, because you the one that want to move past,

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beyond and be able to be the best person that

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you can be. We're gonna take a quick break and

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we'll be back in just a moment.

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Speaker 5: Before I metch I prayed your name, didn't know your face.

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Speaker 3: But God did the same.

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Speaker 6: He taught me patience, He.

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Speaker 7: Taught me grace, so I can love you from a

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holy place and I know the words that I could face.

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But I love you more with every day, through every storm,

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to joy.

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Speaker 3: And pain, my power remains the same.

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Speaker 6: I love you like priss me.

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Speaker 3: Pure and strong face. When I gets hard to fall

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to my knees and prayed for you in leslie, you never.

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Speaker 6: Have to do. Oh, my love is rooted.

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Speaker 8: God love you like cries me.

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Speaker 7: To turn.

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Speaker 9: Oh A lead with kindness, not with prime, be shelter.

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Speaker 8: Right by your side.

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Speaker 1: Me.

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Speaker 5: You're wearyity, I live you so hatty.

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Speaker 6: With prayer and peas that made you home.

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Speaker 8: A tonty perfect goddess need true.

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Speaker 3: A love and mere SAPs proof you and me a.

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Speaker 8: God that's the truest kind of I love.

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Speaker 9: Your life, loves me every.

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Speaker 8: Tearing, through every tearing, victory I see.

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Speaker 3: The crazy she gave to me, so he rest in

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my heart.

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Speaker 8: Is stream to love your listeners, love even love you

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like cries.

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Speaker 2: Knows all right, So love you as Christ love me

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and I love that particular song.

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Speaker 3: We are.

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Speaker 2: One thing that's important to realize when you are forgiving

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someone is you have to.

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Speaker 3: Say to yourself that I deserve peace.

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Speaker 2: I deserve peace, and with forgiveness that helps to usher

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in that peace. When you've been in a toxic situation

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and you have gone round around and you just you know,

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finally decided. You know what, I'm jumping off of this

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ferrist Will, I'm not going to be on this roller

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coaster anymore.

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Speaker 3: Guess what.

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Speaker 2: That's when you can begin to have peace. But part

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of that peace means that I'm letting go, you know

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that saying let go and let God. So therefore I'm

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releasing this individual there. You know, we can't force people

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to change, We cannot force them to change, but we

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can change how we respond to any.

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Speaker 3: In every situation. Another thing that when when it.

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Speaker 2: Comes to forgiveness, one important thing is to forgive yourself.

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Forgive yourself because it's hard, you know, it's one thing

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to forgive somebody else, but we sometimes tend to not

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forgive ourselves, and we have the permission to forgive ourselves.

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That means that as I'm working on forgiving someone else,

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I'm also forgiving myself. We're the hardest on ourselves. Some

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people are I let myself be in this, or I

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didn't do this, or I didn't say this, or let go.

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Forgive yourself, and one of the ways to do that

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is to realize to hurt. That means I'm aware and

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understand that my feelings are real. One thing when we

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talk about narcissistic abuse, we often on this particular podcast,

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we say that your feelings do matter, and they do.

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Speaker 3: Your feelings do matter.

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Speaker 4: So being aware and understanding that your feelings are real,

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that's part of forgiving yourself.

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Speaker 2: I am entitled to my feelings. I'm entitled to acknowledge

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that pain, that hurt.

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Speaker 1: The.

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Speaker 2: Fact that I feel as if I've been even maybe abandoned,

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or or whatever it is that you're feeling.

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Speaker 10: You are entitled to those feelings. Own those feelings.

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Speaker 2: I'll even suggest writing them down so that you can

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acknowledge that this is how I feel.

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Speaker 3: Don't put it.

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Speaker 2: Up under the rug, bring it to the surface and

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acknowledge it, because that's part of your healing process. Another

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thing is owning your emotions. You know what you're thinking

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about when certain feelings come to the surface.

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Speaker 3: Say I feel sad, I.

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Speaker 2: Feel hurt, I feel pain, I feel confused. Whatever it

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is that you're thinking, whatever it is that you're feeling.

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Speaker 10: Acknowledge it. Another thing that is important is.

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Speaker 2: When you have been hurt, we tend to wanna strike back,

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you know, when I'm gonna do this or say this,

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or whatever case may be. And instead of doing that

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striking at that person when you're dealing with the narcissists,

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because they're not gonna care anyway, and basically it's gonna

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be just an argument going back and forth because when

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you're dealing with a narcissist, they're not gonna admit to

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what they've done. They're never gonna acknowledge what they've done.

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They're not gonna even receive from you what they've done.

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But you can begin to say, you know what, this

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is what I really want to do, This is how

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I really feel. Write it in a journal, Write it

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in a journal, and say this is you know. But

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one thing we don't want to do is we don't

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want to take vengeance, But.

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Speaker 4: You can write it down and say, you know what,

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this is what I really feel.

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Speaker 3: Like saying to this person.

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Speaker 2: Write it down, release it, let it out. You know,

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for those of us who are Christians, we know God

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already knows anyway.

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Speaker 3: We can go to God and say, God, I.

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Speaker 2: Really really just wanna X, Y and Z, but I

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know that this is not what you would have of me,

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because the Bible lets us know that vengeance is the

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Lord's And I see a lot of times on different

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platforms where people will say, well, how do I get

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revenge against the narcissists.

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Speaker 3: Let me just say this, there really.

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Speaker 2: Isn't in susting as getting revenge on the narcissists other

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than living your best life. The best way to get

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revenge on someone is not to even think about.

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Speaker 3: Getting revenge on them. Live your life.

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Speaker 2: If you want to say, Okay, I want revenge, live

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your life, but don't do things because you think it's

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gonna attract the attention of the narcissists. Oh, I'm gonna

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go get me another person, and then I want to

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rub it up in their face. I'm gonna make sure

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I go around them, so they can no, because then

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you're still allowing them to have rental space in your head.

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Live your life, move on without them. Don't try to

401
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:07,079
get revenge, but make sure that if you're feeling well,

402
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I want revenge, write it down, write it down, get

403
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you a journal, write it down, but don't taken don't

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take action on that.

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Speaker 4: We have sometimes those feelings. Own those feelings. But then

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also you have to release it.

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Speaker 3: Release it.

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Speaker 2: That means you know what, this is how I feel.

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But at the same time, I know I gotta let

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go because even if you was to get the best

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revenge on this person, it's still gonna make you feel empty.

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Speaker 4: Protect yourself, protect your future self.

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Speaker 3: And what does this mean. This means that.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna set boundaries so that I don't hurt again.

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Speaker 3: And this doesn't mean that you build up a wall

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where nobody can get through.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 2: What this saying is when someone has done something to

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you and this person does not care, or you know

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they keep doing the same thing, which means that they

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don't care or whatever, you have to set boundaries.

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Speaker 4: Okay, there's nothing wrong with saying setting boundaries. Sometimes you

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have to set boundaries. Well, you know what I'm gonna

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go low contact with this person. That means that I'm

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only gonna deal with them when I have to. I'm

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gonna go no contact with this person. That means I'm

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not gonna deal with them at all. Or you set

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it on your terms, you set boundaries. This is not

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gonna happen.

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna allow this person to talk to me

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like this, or treat me this way, or do whatever.

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Protect your future self. You know, the Bible lets us

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know the guard our hearts, and we are to guard

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our hearts. That means that if I know that this

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person is a toxic individual, then guess what I'm gonna

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set myself some boundaries.

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Speaker 3: That means that I'm gonna I'm not gonna allow this person.

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Speaker 2: To gain entry in order to be able to do that. Again,

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that means I'm gonna watch what I say to them.

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I'm gonna watch how often I'm around them. I'm gonna

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watch how often I talk to them if I'm around them,

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because sometimes you know, people don't have a choice because

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they have to be around certain people for us, you know,

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if they've got children together or whatever the case may be.

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But even with that, you can set some boundaries. Set

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your boundaries. We're gonna take a quick break and we'll

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be back in just a moment.

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Speaker 6: I remn be when I pray asking God to make away.

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Speaker 11: Didn't know his plan was. You didn't see and love

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to her. He walks in like Heaven's wind.

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Speaker 5: Heal in place, is deep, wearing heavy fear, and lost

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its voice when God whispered, here's my choice, Heaven.

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Speaker 8: Nothing can self away us.

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Speaker 5: Heaven has ties strong.

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Speaker 6: Heavy storm may shake us below the carrying on.

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Speaker 5: And Jesus we stand forever. He's the tread that binds

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our hearts.

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Speaker 6: So no melting, no vally could pull.

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Speaker 5: The souls of Oh, nothing can.

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Speaker 11: Separate us.

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Speaker 6: Sunday, hand in hand, we face the night still we

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walk in perfect life.

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Speaker 5: Every taste and every tear only draws us closer.

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Speaker 1: Here.

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Speaker 6: We were made for more than days, more than earthly

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passing ways.

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Speaker 9: God, a seal was meant to be you and I turnly.

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Speaker 5: The leaders can sai really us.

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Speaker 8: Heaven has tied.

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Speaker 12: Straw all every stormy shake us, for her will carry

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all all. Jesus we stand forever. He's the thread that binds.

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Speaker 6: Our hearts, so no mounts and no man could pull

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the songs apart.

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Speaker 7: Nothing can separate sec.

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Speaker 6: No shadow dolls and why could never take your massa?

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Speaker 3: My God, notts, no fasking.

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Speaker 5: Great We stand firm for heaven and sake love like

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this diviceecured, rooted deed.

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Speaker 6: Forever acre, every chapter, every cave huts grace and every

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00:32:50,960 --> 00:33:03,319
sting said. Believe we get severies us because God already solved.

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00:33:03,559 --> 00:33:06,839
Speaker 8: This proof of grace is down.

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Speaker 6: The drab will be the living is promise here to story,

483
00:33:17,839 --> 00:33:31,880
not there not there. I can separate, separate us, sever

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storma shape she.

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Speaker 5: Ary, separate, separate, separ.

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Speaker 6: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 2: And it's called nothing can separate us. All right, So

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00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:08,079
we're talking about forgiveness, and one thing that we also

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00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:13,440
need to know is to stay committed to the forgiveness.

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You know when people ask, well, why are you forgiveness person?

491
00:34:18,159 --> 00:34:24,280
Or you know this person doesn't deserve forgiveness, and again

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00:34:24,639 --> 00:34:29,440
the forgiveness isn't for that individual. Yes, you know they

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are recipients of the forgiveness.

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Speaker 10: But at the same time, sometimes you have to.

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Speaker 2: Just forgive people and they don't even know about it,

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00:34:37,199 --> 00:34:40,360
they're not even thinking about it. As I mentioned earlier,

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00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,159
when you're dealing with narcissists. They can care less. You know,

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00:34:43,679 --> 00:34:46,280
they don't care if you forgive them or not. They're

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00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,960
not even gonna admit that they've done anything wrong. But

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00:34:50,039 --> 00:34:52,599
the thing is, forgiveness.

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00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 3: Is for you. It's for you.

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00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 2: So even if the person does acknowledge that they have

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00:34:59,039 --> 00:35:04,480
done something wrong, the forgiveness helps you to move forward

504
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:09,079
and to move on, to let go and let God.

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Because some things are out of our control, and we

506
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:19,760
don't have any control over whether somebody is going to

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00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:24,679
act right, but we can control how we respond to it.

508
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:30,079
We don't want to react, we want to respond. Respond means,

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00:35:30,199 --> 00:35:34,280
you know what, I'm gonna deal with this in a

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00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:39,920
way that is going to bring me peace. Don't let

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00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:45,760
anyone disturb your peace. And when you hold bitterness.

512
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:49,679
Speaker 3: It disturbs your peace. So you're still letting that person.

513
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 2: You might even be around that person, but if you're

514
00:35:52,039 --> 00:35:55,880
hold an unforgiveness, you're still allowing that person to have

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00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:57,360
control over your life.

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00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:06,280
Speaker 13: Therefore, you're not having peace. You deserve peace. Therefore, forgiveness

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00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:13,440
is for you. Welcome it, embrace it, and allow it

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00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:15,559
to take care of you.

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00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,719
Speaker 2: All Right, we all bother here at pray to today's

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00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:23,880
podcast has been a blessing to you and that you

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00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:28,000
would know that your feelings do matter. This is doctor

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00:36:28,079 --> 00:37:18,320
k o Rich until next times past