WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:02.919 This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI 2 00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:05.960 AM six forty the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand 3 00:00:06.280 --> 00:00:08.960 on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy 4 00:00:08.960 --> 00:00:11.880 Walls Show on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on 5 00:00:11.919 --> 00:00:14.359 the iHeartRadio App. This is normally the time of the 6 00:00:14.400 --> 00:00:18.199 show where I go live on TikTok Instagram. Open the 7 00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:22.160 phone lines. But my nose is stuffy. The road hurts. 8 00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:23.879 I think I have a tissue coming out of my nose. 9 00:00:23.960 --> 00:00:26.839 I got a cold. I'm all wrapped up musweaters here. 10 00:00:27.199 --> 00:00:30.440 I'm not going live on anything right now, so let 11 00:00:30.480 --> 00:00:33.640 me instead head to social media if you'd like to 12 00:00:33.640 --> 00:00:38.320 send a question in Kayla's going to be checking Instagram 13 00:00:38.359 --> 00:00:39.560 at doctor Wendy Walsh. 14 00:00:39.600 --> 00:00:42.560 At Dr Wendy Walsh is the handle? All right? 15 00:00:42.679 --> 00:00:47.200 Oh, it's actually a kind of Instagram question. Dear Doctor Wendy, 16 00:00:47.240 --> 00:00:51.240 my new boyfriend has only dated influencers. I'm his first 17 00:00:51.320 --> 00:00:54.359 normal girl. Is this a red flag? Am I really 18 00:00:54.359 --> 00:00:57.799 what he wants? You need to bring this up. I 19 00:00:57.880 --> 00:01:00.439 say this over and hord bring it up. Find out 20 00:01:00.479 --> 00:01:04.079 why is the only interest in show people narcissists? 21 00:01:04.200 --> 00:01:06.000 Show offs? Am I describing myself? 22 00:01:06.040 --> 00:01:09.879 I'm just saying no, just say, hey, I noticed you 23 00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:13.680 dated people like who are really beautiful show offs on 24 00:01:13.719 --> 00:01:16.280 the social media in the past. I'm a little different. 25 00:01:16.799 --> 00:01:19.519 Why'd you go this direction this time? Oh yeah, that's 26 00:01:19.519 --> 00:01:20.920 a big opening for him to be able to say 27 00:01:20.920 --> 00:01:24.959 things like because you are so real and authentic. 28 00:01:24.519 --> 00:01:27.799 And I love you? All right? Moving along? 29 00:01:28.400 --> 00:01:30.359 If you want to send a question, send it to 30 00:01:30.519 --> 00:01:35.920 Instagram at dm at doctor Wendy Walsh. Dear doctor Wendy, 31 00:01:36.120 --> 00:01:38.680 My girlfriend claims to love me, but her actions tell 32 00:01:38.719 --> 00:01:41.560 me she doesn't like me. It's hard to explain, but 33 00:01:41.640 --> 00:01:45.000 she ruins my special moments and puts me down every 34 00:01:45.079 --> 00:01:45.840 chance she gets. 35 00:01:46.359 --> 00:01:49.000 I love her, but I told her just leave me. 36 00:01:49.079 --> 00:01:52.280 If she doesn't like me as a person, she won't 37 00:01:52.319 --> 00:01:54.840 admit to not liking me. But is it possible for 38 00:01:54.879 --> 00:01:56.799 someone to want to stay in a relationship with someone 39 00:01:56.840 --> 00:01:59.359 you don't like? If so, why do people stay in 40 00:01:59.400 --> 00:02:00.000 the relationship? 41 00:02:01.719 --> 00:02:02.760 You know what, I'm. 42 00:02:02.599 --> 00:02:04.640 Gonna put that question to you, Why do you stay 43 00:02:04.640 --> 00:02:05.680 in this relationship? 44 00:02:05.840 --> 00:02:06.640 I'll tell you why. 45 00:02:06.840 --> 00:02:09.159 I know what has to do with your early childhood programming, 46 00:02:09.159 --> 00:02:11.280 and you should talk to a licensed therapist about this, 47 00:02:11.639 --> 00:02:14.599 because why are you giving her all that power to 48 00:02:14.680 --> 00:02:17.159 either be nice to you or leave you. If you 49 00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:19.879 don't like the way she treats you, you need to 50 00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:23.479 high tail it get out of there. You said, is 51 00:02:23.520 --> 00:02:25.319 it possible for someone to want to stay in a 52 00:02:25.360 --> 00:02:28.520 relationship with someone you don't like? Yeah, you're doing it, 53 00:02:29.360 --> 00:02:32.479 just saying I want to be really clear here. All right, Hey, 54 00:02:32.520 --> 00:02:35.479 doctor Wendy, I dated a man three years ago and 55 00:02:35.520 --> 00:02:39.159 we decided we weren't compatible. This man won't leave my life, though, 56 00:02:39.400 --> 00:02:43.599 he checks in every few months and says we just 57 00:02:43.639 --> 00:02:48.000 needed time to grow. Can you grow in compatibility? He 58 00:02:48.080 --> 00:02:51.280 puts in so much effort, I'm starting to think he 59 00:02:51.479 --> 00:02:52.719 is my future husband. 60 00:02:54.039 --> 00:02:55.520 Well, well then you should try it out. 61 00:02:56.039 --> 00:02:58.840 For the most part, when two people have a little 62 00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:03.039 relationship and they decide they're not compatible, I don't know 63 00:03:03.080 --> 00:03:05.120 how long you dated, whether it's two dates or whether 64 00:03:05.120 --> 00:03:09.599 it was two years. Generally, when they get back into 65 00:03:09.639 --> 00:03:13.080 relationship later, I call it going retrosexual. 66 00:03:13.879 --> 00:03:16.319 They the same dynamics come up again. 67 00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:19.719 So unless both people admit they were wrong, both people 68 00:03:19.800 --> 00:03:22.280 decide they're going to go to therapy together. It's very 69 00:03:22.319 --> 00:03:25.680 difficult to create a new relationship system with somebody who've 70 00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:29.639 had a bad relationship system with in the past. So, 71 00:03:30.039 --> 00:03:32.919 but now you're saying he's trying so hard, you're starting 72 00:03:32.960 --> 00:03:35.000 to think like he's the one. I mean, is it 73 00:03:35.080 --> 00:03:36.560 just because he's trying hard? 74 00:03:37.400 --> 00:03:37.879 I don't know. 75 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:41.360 I would try it out, see what happens. I'm not 76 00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:43.360 feeling quite confident, but you never know. Let me know, 77 00:03:43.639 --> 00:03:45.759 write me back, let me know how it goes. I say, 78 00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:50.240 green light on that one. Dear doctor Wendy. I'm dating 79 00:03:50.240 --> 00:03:53.319 a man in his twenties. He is great sex and 80 00:03:53.400 --> 00:03:54.120 a fun time. 81 00:03:54.400 --> 00:03:54.680 Uh uh. 82 00:03:55.479 --> 00:03:57.759 It feels like a fling for me. But I think 83 00:03:57.800 --> 00:03:59.800 he loves me and is planning to grow with me. 84 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:03.080 I'm thirty seven and I don't see this growing. How 85 00:04:03.120 --> 00:04:04.240 do I let him down gently? 86 00:04:05.080 --> 00:04:05.479 Oh? 87 00:04:05.520 --> 00:04:05.599 My? 88 00:04:06.680 --> 00:04:09.680 You know the older person. I don't care the gender. 89 00:04:10.199 --> 00:04:14.599 The older person in a May December relationship, a spring 90 00:04:14.639 --> 00:04:16.040 and winter relationship. 91 00:04:16.199 --> 00:04:18.439 In your case, it's like late spring, early fall. 92 00:04:18.680 --> 00:04:22.360 Whatever. The metaphor is going too far. The person who 93 00:04:22.360 --> 00:04:25.120 always has the power is the older person. The older 94 00:04:25.199 --> 00:04:28.560 person may have more money, more experience, but more than anything, 95 00:04:28.639 --> 00:04:31.000 they have more wisdom. And so you must be a 96 00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:34.399 benevolent leader. You can't use this young man for sex 97 00:04:34.800 --> 00:04:37.959 for one more minute. If you think it's not going anywhere, 98 00:04:38.399 --> 00:04:40.839 then let him find somebody that he can have a secure, 99 00:04:40.959 --> 00:04:41.759 healthy bond with. 100 00:04:42.240 --> 00:04:42.920 That's what I'm saying. 101 00:04:43.720 --> 00:04:44.959 All right, I think I have time for one more 102 00:04:45.120 --> 00:04:48.079 Dear doctor, Wendy, my friend introduced me to this man 103 00:04:48.160 --> 00:04:51.240 who is in town for two weeks. We hit it off, 104 00:04:51.319 --> 00:04:54.439 and I had sex with him. It happens he. 105 00:04:54.439 --> 00:04:56.800 Was gone the next morning. And whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 106 00:04:56.839 --> 00:04:59.360 whoa what. I'm reading this sentence and I can't believe 107 00:04:59.360 --> 00:05:01.680 it's true. Is this a fake thing? Okay? 108 00:05:01.920 --> 00:05:06.160 He was gone the next morning and left me five 109 00:05:06.680 --> 00:05:10.639 thousand dollars in an envelope. I think he thought I 110 00:05:10.680 --> 00:05:14.560 was a hooker. I'm so offended. Should I give the 111 00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:21.199 money back? Hell no, I don't know what you said 112 00:05:21.360 --> 00:05:24.279 or did, or maybe the person who introduced you might 113 00:05:24.279 --> 00:05:26.040 have said, maybe she deserves a commission. 114 00:05:26.160 --> 00:05:26.639 I don't know. 115 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:30.360 But he's not coming back. Okay, he's closed the door. 116 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:34.480 Don't hope there's a real relationship. He misrid the signals. 117 00:05:34.240 --> 00:05:36.240 But luckily he was a gentleman an he paid for 118 00:05:36.319 --> 00:05:37.319 those signal. 119 00:05:38.519 --> 00:05:40.639 No you don't know I'm a thing. You gave him 120 00:05:40.639 --> 00:05:42.439 your time. I think I told you the story. One 121 00:05:42.480 --> 00:05:45.360 time I was having lunch some very very wealthy women. 122 00:05:45.480 --> 00:05:47.160 They weren't the most beautiful in the world, they weren't 123 00:05:47.160 --> 00:05:50.040 the most educated or intelligent, but they had some designer 124 00:05:50.079 --> 00:05:52.439 things from head to toe. And I said to them, 125 00:05:52.680 --> 00:05:55.079 and they'd gone through very rich one rich husband after another. 126 00:05:55.079 --> 00:05:57.120 And I said to them, do you ever feel bad 127 00:05:57.160 --> 00:05:59.079 that a guy's paying for everything all the time? And 128 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:02.120 they looked at me without missing a beat and said, no, 129 00:06:03.360 --> 00:06:07.079 he's paying for my time. And I thought, ooh, that's 130 00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:10.519 some self esteem. So guess what this dude paid for 131 00:06:10.600 --> 00:06:14.240 your time? Your time is apparently quite valuable. I wonder 132 00:06:14.240 --> 00:06:15.720 what you do for five thousand dollars. 133 00:06:15.800 --> 00:06:19.519 Just wondering, just wondering. All right, let me come back. 134 00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:20.560 I've got more questions. 135 00:06:20.600 --> 00:06:23.160 If you want to send me a DM send it 136 00:06:23.199 --> 00:06:25.120 to at doctor Wendy Walsh dot com. 137 00:06:25.120 --> 00:06:25.720 On Instagram. 138 00:06:25.800 --> 00:06:27.399 You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on 139 00:06:27.480 --> 00:06:31.519 KFI AM six Sporty Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 140 00:06:32.680 --> 00:06:36.879 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 141 00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:38.279 am six forty. 142 00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:43.199 PFI AM six forty Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 143 00:06:44.720 --> 00:06:48.040 I'm gonna keep going with social media because I don't 144 00:06:48.040 --> 00:06:48.600 feel well. 145 00:06:49.839 --> 00:06:51.759 It's just a head cold, folks, that's all it is. 146 00:06:52.199 --> 00:06:53.839 But I don't want to, you know, I usually go 147 00:06:53.959 --> 00:06:55.839 live on TikTok and Instagram. 148 00:06:55.879 --> 00:06:56.680 I can't. I can't. 149 00:06:56.800 --> 00:06:58.759 No, let's just keep it up with what we got 150 00:06:58.800 --> 00:07:02.199 going here, Kayla, get into those dms if you want 151 00:07:02.199 --> 00:07:06.199 to DM me a relationship question. The handle is at 152 00:07:06.240 --> 00:07:10.079 doctor Wendy Walsh, speaking of Handle, I was at a 153 00:07:10.160 --> 00:07:15.480 car coffee and cars Porsche thing with my husband last week, 154 00:07:15.680 --> 00:07:18.639 and when someone found out I worked for KFI, these 155 00:07:18.680 --> 00:07:21.120 guys like rushed me and they're like, you know Handle, 156 00:07:21.279 --> 00:07:22.079 you know Bill Handle? 157 00:07:22.600 --> 00:07:25.560 Like yes, I do, Yes, I do. I'm very funny. 158 00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:28.680 All right, let me read this one, Dear doctor Wendy. 159 00:07:28.959 --> 00:07:31.839 I have a friend who is a certified gold digger. Wow, 160 00:07:31.879 --> 00:07:34.439 they give out diplomas and that. I don't judge her 161 00:07:34.720 --> 00:07:37.079 for dating for money, but she makes me feel like 162 00:07:37.240 --> 00:07:42.319 I have low self esteem for dating for love. She says, 163 00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:44.519 I don't know how to ask for what I deserve, 164 00:07:45.120 --> 00:07:48.040 but I just don't believe in using people. It's starting 165 00:07:48.040 --> 00:07:51.040 to cause arguments between us because I feel judged by her. 166 00:07:51.519 --> 00:07:53.240 Is this a reason to end a friendship? 167 00:07:54.199 --> 00:07:55.839 No, okay, let me just say this. 168 00:07:56.319 --> 00:08:02.639 Friends should respect and honor each other, even when they're different. 169 00:08:02.759 --> 00:08:09.000 Now you're talking about cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is that 170 00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:12.199 feeling you have when you really like your friend, you 171 00:08:12.319 --> 00:08:14.079 like to hang out with her, you have a lot 172 00:08:14.120 --> 00:08:17.639 in common, but there's this one thing that goes against 173 00:08:17.680 --> 00:08:20.319 your values, and it's hard to hold those two. 174 00:08:20.240 --> 00:08:22.319 Thoughts in your head at once. She's a great girl. 175 00:08:22.360 --> 00:08:25.439 Ooh, she's a bad girl, right, And so we have 176 00:08:25.519 --> 00:08:28.360 to do that with all of our friends. Surprise, surprise, 177 00:08:29.000 --> 00:08:32.279 because if we didn't disagree with some of the values. 178 00:08:32.399 --> 00:08:34.960 Now hopefully they're not major ones like your friends not 179 00:08:35.039 --> 00:08:37.240 out there, I don't know, murdering. 180 00:08:36.879 --> 00:08:39.559 People or whatever. How don't know. I howe. She's an example. 181 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:42.200 It's like the extreme one that I know everybody has 182 00:08:42.240 --> 00:08:47.559 in their head. But we're always going to find something 183 00:08:47.600 --> 00:08:51.279 about our friends that make us pause and go, oh, 184 00:08:51.320 --> 00:08:52.200 I would never do that. 185 00:08:52.399 --> 00:08:53.360 I would never say that. 186 00:08:53.559 --> 00:08:54.279 I'm not like that. 187 00:08:54.960 --> 00:08:57.799 And that's part of how we identify ourselves, by how 188 00:08:57.799 --> 00:09:03.120 we're different from others, so he but what bothers you? 189 00:09:03.240 --> 00:09:06.600 What this question says is that you're getting in arguments 190 00:09:06.639 --> 00:09:10.840 because you feel judged by her. So I think what 191 00:09:10.879 --> 00:09:13.320 you need to do is say something like this the 192 00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:16.159 next time the topic comes up, because she might be 193 00:09:16.200 --> 00:09:19.080 trying to make you think like her to make herself 194 00:09:19.159 --> 00:09:20.720 feel better about the way she is. 195 00:09:21.159 --> 00:09:22.320 I want you to say this to her. 196 00:09:23.000 --> 00:09:25.559 Hey, I was listening to doctor Wendy Walsh, and she 197 00:09:25.720 --> 00:09:27.799 says that all women have a little bit of gold 198 00:09:27.840 --> 00:09:30.240 digger in them. So I want you to know that 199 00:09:31.000 --> 00:09:34.840 if you are dating men for money, that is your prerogative, 200 00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:38.720 your choice. I still love you, but you don't get 201 00:09:38.759 --> 00:09:42.960 to criticize my choices because we're different and we can 202 00:09:43.000 --> 00:09:45.120 be different, and we can still hang out and we 203 00:09:45.120 --> 00:09:46.080 can still like each other. 204 00:09:46.360 --> 00:09:48.799 Right, So, I don't think I have low self esteem. 205 00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:51.080 I just have a different set of morals and they're 206 00:09:51.080 --> 00:09:54.120 not better or worse than yours. I respect you. Go 207 00:09:54.200 --> 00:09:58.159 for it, right, say something like that. See what happens 208 00:09:58.639 --> 00:09:58.960 all right? 209 00:10:00.120 --> 00:10:00.799 To another one? 210 00:10:02.960 --> 00:10:06.000 Oh, here's a good one. Dear doctor Wendy. How important 211 00:10:06.080 --> 00:10:08.000 is it to have the same beliefs as your partner? 212 00:10:08.000 --> 00:10:11.600 For longevity? And I assume you mean religious beliefs. I honestly, 213 00:10:11.960 --> 00:10:14.039 money beliefs and sex beliefs and all that stuff you 214 00:10:14.039 --> 00:10:16.799 know you can work through. But religious beliefs, I think 215 00:10:16.879 --> 00:10:20.639 is what you're asking about. So here's what I want 216 00:10:20.639 --> 00:10:25.639 to say. Pretty much, all the Abrahamic religions preach the 217 00:10:25.679 --> 00:10:29.399 same thing. They celebrate in a slightly different way. They 218 00:10:29.440 --> 00:10:32.080 might use different food or different prayers, or different languages 219 00:10:32.159 --> 00:10:36.000 or different songs, different holidays of the year, but the 220 00:10:36.039 --> 00:10:40.159 commandments are pretty much the same to be a good person, right, 221 00:10:40.960 --> 00:10:44.879 And so I personally do not believe that a couple 222 00:10:44.919 --> 00:10:48.360 needs to hold the exact same religious beliefs. I think 223 00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:52.639 children benefit from diversity. If you were in a relationship 224 00:10:52.639 --> 00:10:55.639 and you raised your children, say Jewish and Christian or 225 00:10:55.759 --> 00:10:58.720 Muslim and Jewish, that'd be great marriage, right, learn it all. 226 00:11:00.440 --> 00:11:02.200 And I think. 227 00:11:02.080 --> 00:11:06.399 That's good the other But what happens I've noticed people 228 00:11:06.399 --> 00:11:09.360 will say, well, I want to marry someone who's in 229 00:11:09.480 --> 00:11:12.759 my religion because it's weird that they don't believe the 230 00:11:12.759 --> 00:11:16.279 same things I do. And I actually had this conversation 231 00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:18.000 with a girlfriend once because she was engaged to meet 232 00:11:18.039 --> 00:11:18.799 this marry this guy. 233 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:19.440 She was Christian. 234 00:11:19.480 --> 00:11:21.399 She because he's not Christian, and I think it's going 235 00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:24.919 to be a problem. And I said, do you need 236 00:11:25.080 --> 00:11:31.480 him to agree with you to help you reinforce your 237 00:11:31.519 --> 00:11:32.159 own beliefs? 238 00:11:32.759 --> 00:11:33.240 She's like what? 239 00:11:34.200 --> 00:11:37.639 And I'm like, if you really have faith, if you 240 00:11:37.840 --> 00:11:43.399 really believe, you don't need anyone to endorse that, right, Because, 241 00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:47.799 as I said, it's not like he's saying, hey, I 242 00:11:47.879 --> 00:11:52.519 need you to break more commandments that's happening, right, He's 243 00:11:52.519 --> 00:11:54.440 probably just saying, hey, I don't want to go to church, 244 00:11:54.919 --> 00:11:57.639 or I don't really believe the Bible. Literally, It's like, 245 00:11:58.120 --> 00:12:01.600 you know, I think it's a little bit magic, but 246 00:12:02.679 --> 00:12:05.320 it works for you, right, And that's where we need 247 00:12:05.360 --> 00:12:08.600 to just respect each other. I respect all of my 248 00:12:08.720 --> 00:12:12.519 friends who practice a faith, a religion, I really do. 249 00:12:13.799 --> 00:12:15.759 All right, move on, Linge, I think I have time 250 00:12:15.759 --> 00:12:18.000 for one more before the break. Dear doctor Wendy. I've 251 00:12:18.039 --> 00:12:20.879 been seeing this guy for two weeks. Every time he 252 00:12:20.919 --> 00:12:24.480 wants to meet up, he calls it a thing. Let's 253 00:12:24.480 --> 00:12:27.799 do a drink thing, let's do a coffee thing, but 254 00:12:27.919 --> 00:12:30.759 he never says the word date. He does pay for me, 255 00:12:31.559 --> 00:12:32.279 but does. 256 00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:35.240 The word thing imply that he's keeping me at a distance. 257 00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:36.000 I love this. 258 00:12:36.639 --> 00:12:40.080 Yes, language has power and language has meaning. Obviously he's 259 00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:41.919 afraid of the word date. Maybe the word date is 260 00:12:41.960 --> 00:12:45.440 not in fashion in his age group or something. I 261 00:12:45.480 --> 00:12:47.039 think he's just trying to be cool. Let's do a 262 00:12:47.120 --> 00:12:50.120 drink thing, Let's do a coffee thing. And I think 263 00:12:50.159 --> 00:12:51.919 the next time he invites you out to maybe a 264 00:12:51.919 --> 00:12:56.200 dinner thing, why don't you just say can? He's pause 265 00:12:56.240 --> 00:12:58.399 for one sec? What does a thing mean to you? 266 00:12:58.480 --> 00:13:00.759 I'm just really curious and you can do it lightly, 267 00:13:01.240 --> 00:13:04.080 you can do it in a fun way, but just 268 00:13:04.440 --> 00:13:10.120 you know, the when things when things about people confuse us, 269 00:13:10.240 --> 00:13:13.840 bother us we're curious about Instead of imagining what they mean, 270 00:13:14.360 --> 00:13:17.799 we should just you know, talk about it, just bring 271 00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:20.080 it up, comment on it, and it can be light 272 00:13:20.120 --> 00:13:22.000 and it can be fun. It doesn't have to be judge, 273 00:13:22.200 --> 00:13:23.120 can be respectful. 274 00:13:24.120 --> 00:13:24.399 Uh. 275 00:13:24.440 --> 00:13:27.840 Okay, moving on, Dear doctor Wendy, My girlfriend acts differently 276 00:13:27.919 --> 00:13:30.240 towards me when her friends are around. 277 00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:32.080 She's a little mean to me. 278 00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:38.080 Oh why does her personality change depending on who she's around? 279 00:13:38.639 --> 00:13:42.360 Tell you why your girlfriend acts differently when her friends 280 00:13:42.360 --> 00:13:45.600 are around, and why she's mean to you because her 281 00:13:45.639 --> 00:13:48.279 friends don't like you, and I don't know what she's 282 00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:50.679 telling them, but you're gonna have to bring it up. 283 00:13:51.000 --> 00:13:54.879 You're gonna have to comment on it. That's what I say. Okay, 284 00:13:55.159 --> 00:13:55.879 whomen come back. 285 00:13:56.879 --> 00:13:59.840 Have you decided it's time you're over fifty and you 286 00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:01.679 want to get on a dating app, then you better 287 00:14:02.000 --> 00:14:03.039 listen up. 288 00:14:03.639 --> 00:14:04.320 You're listening to the. 289 00:14:04.240 --> 00:14:07.440 Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere 290 00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:08.799 on the iHeartRadio app. 291 00:14:09.200 --> 00:14:13.399 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 292 00:14:13.600 --> 00:14:14.799 AM six forty. 293 00:14:15.080 --> 00:14:17.840 Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM 294 00:14:17.879 --> 00:14:21.000 six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 295 00:14:21.320 --> 00:14:23.799 As you can tell, my voice is held up, it's 296 00:14:23.799 --> 00:14:25.559 doing pretty good. Well head cold. 297 00:14:27.080 --> 00:14:29.399 It's just my nose is a little stuffy, That's all 298 00:14:29.679 --> 00:14:31.720 I say. Kayla is still wearing her mask. So very good, 299 00:14:31.840 --> 00:14:33.159 very good girl, Very good for you. 300 00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:35.200 All right, I have promised. 301 00:14:35.600 --> 00:14:38.039 I promised and promised and promised that I want to 302 00:14:38.080 --> 00:14:42.559 talk about dating over the age of fifty, the new 303 00:14:42.639 --> 00:14:47.279 rules for people. I remind you that for the last 304 00:14:47.320 --> 00:14:52.480 ten years or more, the fastest growing demographic on dating 305 00:14:52.519 --> 00:14:56.120 apps are people over the age of fifty. I'm also 306 00:14:56.120 --> 00:14:59.519 going to remind you that when Till Death Do Us 307 00:14:59.519 --> 00:15:02.639 Part was an invented, death was pretty imminent. And if 308 00:15:02.679 --> 00:15:06.519 you believe in the mythology that you're going to meet 309 00:15:06.519 --> 00:15:09.120 your soulmate in your twenties and stay together until death, 310 00:15:09.159 --> 00:15:12.240 do you pardon that's going to be thirty, forty, fifty 311 00:15:12.279 --> 00:15:17.440 or sixty years, then that's a myth and you need 312 00:15:17.480 --> 00:15:20.399 to be reschooled now. I should also say there's some 313 00:15:20.440 --> 00:15:23.960 of you listening who have done that, and you naturally 314 00:15:23.960 --> 00:15:27.600 have a secure attachment style. You and your spouse may 315 00:15:27.600 --> 00:15:29.519 have stayed together until one of you died, or maybe 316 00:15:29.559 --> 00:15:31.080 you're both still alive, and you know what I have 317 00:15:31.159 --> 00:15:35.399 to say to you, Happy anniversary and congratulations. That's amazing. 318 00:15:36.120 --> 00:15:41.480 But statistically speaking, you're the minority for the rest of us. 319 00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:47.120 You know, Mother Nature never anticipated modern medicine and vaccines 320 00:15:47.639 --> 00:15:52.000 and less war and famines, and so as a result, 321 00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:56.200 we suddenly have these very long life expectancies, and we 322 00:15:56.240 --> 00:16:01.320 are essentially outliving our relationships because because we continue. 323 00:16:01.000 --> 00:16:01.960 To change and grow. 324 00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:06.360 One promise that you make today, even though you in 325 00:16:06.399 --> 00:16:08.919 your heart want to make that promises forever and ever 326 00:16:08.919 --> 00:16:10.879 and ever, and you believe it forever and ever and ever. 327 00:16:11.559 --> 00:16:17.159 What you can't anticipate are changing environmental conditions. First of all, 328 00:16:17.440 --> 00:16:20.399 I believe there's no such thing as unconditional love, right, 329 00:16:20.519 --> 00:16:23.159 So I mean, if you're the person you love more 330 00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:26.240 than anything becomes an axe murderer, you're going to divorce them, right. 331 00:16:26.240 --> 00:16:29.000 There are all kinds of conditions, right, that's the first thing. 332 00:16:29.879 --> 00:16:35.399 But secondly, things can change. Health can change, finances can change, 333 00:16:35.879 --> 00:16:39.480 kids can get involved, your goals and dreams, those are 334 00:16:39.480 --> 00:16:41.759 the big ones actually can change. And all of a 335 00:16:41.840 --> 00:16:45.519 sudden it's a different world that you're in and now 336 00:16:45.519 --> 00:16:49.600 you're making this commitment. Right, So I don't believe there's 337 00:16:49.600 --> 00:16:53.840 a such thing as a failed marriage. Just there's relationships 338 00:16:53.840 --> 00:16:57.240 where you've learned some important lessons. That's it. Okay, So 339 00:16:57.360 --> 00:17:00.639 I said that dating people are the age of fifty 340 00:17:00.759 --> 00:17:04.000 fastest growing group on dating apps. But there's a big challenge. 341 00:17:04.039 --> 00:17:06.240 While there may not be new rules, there are big challenges. 342 00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:11.559 The biggest challenge is finding a mate whose tribe will 343 00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:15.440 be compatible with yours. You see, when you're young and 344 00:17:15.480 --> 00:17:19.480 you're dating, you just meet somebody. You form this lovely 345 00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:25.079 romantic bond and you make everything else in your life 346 00:17:25.599 --> 00:17:28.920 wrap around that relationship because you don't have that many ties, right, 347 00:17:29.000 --> 00:17:31.720 you're sort of separating from your family of origin. If 348 00:17:31.720 --> 00:17:34.880 you're a young adult, you may be moving around jobs 349 00:17:34.920 --> 00:17:36.559 and have some flexibility. 350 00:17:36.039 --> 00:17:37.799 You may not be tied into. 351 00:17:37.559 --> 00:17:40.039 A mortgage and stuck in one near one piece of 352 00:17:40.079 --> 00:17:44.119 real estate. So you merge your lives. You maybe have children, 353 00:17:44.200 --> 00:17:47.519 you create your own beautiful little tribe. But dating over 354 00:17:47.559 --> 00:17:51.000 the age of fifty means, oh, there are a lot 355 00:17:51.000 --> 00:17:54.920 of people in this relationship. There might be aging parents 356 00:17:54.960 --> 00:17:59.880 to care for previous spouses who are still financially connected, 357 00:18:00.319 --> 00:18:06.759 or even emotionally connected, children from previous marriages, adult children, grandchildren. 358 00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:11.480 So when we reach the age of fifty, there are 359 00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:15.240 so many people that we share our emotional pie with, 360 00:18:15.799 --> 00:18:19.160 and finding a way to manage all those competing interests 361 00:18:19.559 --> 00:18:21.599 can be the biggest challenge. 362 00:18:22.000 --> 00:18:24.720 You know, when you're young, you can say our relationship. 363 00:18:24.160 --> 00:18:26.799 Comes first, but later you're kind of like, well, you know, 364 00:18:26.799 --> 00:18:29.400 my kids still come first, okay, and then you're there next, 365 00:18:29.440 --> 00:18:34.720 all right, So I will say this that you should 366 00:18:34.799 --> 00:18:36.200 know this if you're over the edge of fifty, if 367 00:18:36.200 --> 00:18:37.559 you're hoping that you're going to meet someone at the 368 00:18:37.599 --> 00:18:40.200 supermarket or a nightclub. You're probably not at nightclubs anyway. 369 00:18:41.440 --> 00:18:43.880 You rarely meet people in the real world. Nowadays, those 370 00:18:43.960 --> 00:18:47.680 days are gone. Dating apps are the only way to 371 00:18:47.839 --> 00:18:54.359 meet people, and so my best advice is that when 372 00:18:54.400 --> 00:18:56.000 you get on those dating apps, the first thing you 373 00:18:56.079 --> 00:19:01.240 want to do is to protect yourself from romance skin. Right, 374 00:19:01.680 --> 00:19:05.079 there are professionals. They often live in other countries. They 375 00:19:05.119 --> 00:19:07.960 make their living by pretending to be somebody they're not 376 00:19:08.279 --> 00:19:11.880 on a dating app, and they scam by charming a 377 00:19:11.920 --> 00:19:14.960 lonely person who's over the age of fifty. They create 378 00:19:15.319 --> 00:19:18.799 a false sense of trust. Then they'll tell you, oh, 379 00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:21.960 suddenly they've had this major life crisis and you know, 380 00:19:22.000 --> 00:19:23.640 maybe you could write a check and get them out 381 00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:28.680 of their problems. Don't go down that road. Don't fantasize 382 00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:33.759 that this profile or this person is real. See them 383 00:19:33.799 --> 00:19:35.400 in the real world. And if they won't see you 384 00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:37.079 in the real world. And don't even trust video, by 385 00:19:37.119 --> 00:19:38.640 the way, because you can do these deep fakes with 386 00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:41.880 the video. If they won't get together in the real world. 387 00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:45.079 There's a reason, and relationships are supposed to take place 388 00:19:45.119 --> 00:19:48.119 in the real world. So as far as what apps 389 00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:50.519 to go on, you can go on any app because 390 00:19:50.559 --> 00:19:54.039 you can search by age. I will say that I 391 00:19:54.200 --> 00:19:59.319 preferred when I was finding Ma Majulio, I preferred to 392 00:19:59.839 --> 00:20:03.079 go on the apps that attracted younger people. Not because 393 00:20:03.079 --> 00:20:06.039 I was looking for younger people, but because I wanted 394 00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:08.000 to date an older guy who was still hip. I 395 00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:10.799 knew about those apps. But there are plenty of people 396 00:20:10.839 --> 00:20:15.640 in the Silver set. They can find a great community. 397 00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:17.599 You know, there's a thing called Silver Sneakers. I just 398 00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:20.200 learned about this recently. It's a health insurance thing. 399 00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:21.039 Did you know that? 400 00:20:21.480 --> 00:20:23.440 See the young people listening don't even know what that is. 401 00:20:23.680 --> 00:20:26.359