WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.600 --> 00:00:03.720 Welcome to the Trauma Therapist Podcast. My name is gimickperson. 2 00:00:04.240 --> 00:00:07.839 I interview incredible people who've dedicated their lives to helping 3 00:00:07.919 --> 00:00:11.000 those who've been impacted by trauma. A big thank you 4 00:00:11.080 --> 00:00:14.039 to our sponsors and our guests who are supporting this 5 00:00:14.160 --> 00:00:19.480 show five four, three, two and one our folks, welcome 6 00:00:19.480 --> 00:00:21.600 back to the podcast. Very excited to have as my 7 00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:28.839 guest today. Crystal Kasagnasi. Crystal welcome, Thank you all right. 8 00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:32.399 Crystal is a registered psychologist and the founder of Thrive 9 00:00:32.600 --> 00:00:37.479 Psychology Health Team. With nearly a decade of experience supporting children, adolescents, 10 00:00:37.479 --> 00:00:42.719 adults and families, Crystal specializes in comprehensive psychological assessments and 11 00:00:42.799 --> 00:00:47.840 evidence based therapy for anxiety, depression, trauma, and neurodivergence. A 12 00:00:47.880 --> 00:00:52.399 neurodivergent practitioner and parent herself, she brings both clinical expertise 13 00:00:52.479 --> 00:00:56.039 and lived experience to her work, offering a trauma formed 14 00:00:56.200 --> 00:01:01.439 and affirming perspective. Our Crystal. Obviously just a little bit 15 00:01:01.479 --> 00:01:04.319 about you, but before we going share with the listeners 16 00:01:04.840 --> 00:01:08.480 where you're from originally and where you are currently, and 17 00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:09.159 then we'll get going. 18 00:01:11.519 --> 00:01:14.319 So I am a first generation Canadian, So I was 19 00:01:14.359 --> 00:01:17.000 born in Toronto and I still reside in the Greater 20 00:01:17.079 --> 00:01:21.359 Toronto area. My parents are originally from Bulgaria and so 21 00:01:21.560 --> 00:01:25.079 they immigrated to Canada before I was born with my 22 00:01:25.159 --> 00:01:25.840 older sister. 23 00:01:27.359 --> 00:01:30.719 All Right, so how does all this start for you? 24 00:01:33.239 --> 00:01:35.519 Yeah, definitely as a story there. 25 00:01:36.120 --> 00:01:39.000 I think for many of us in this field, without 26 00:01:39.359 --> 00:01:42.640 a purpose, passion might not always be there. And so 27 00:01:42.840 --> 00:01:46.519 there definitely was a time where I too, myself struggled 28 00:01:46.640 --> 00:01:50.599 with my own mental health, and I think one being 29 00:01:50.640 --> 00:01:54.120 a first generation Canadian is tricky, and so definitely the 30 00:01:54.200 --> 00:01:58.400 layers there and navigating that where you're in a society, 31 00:01:58.519 --> 00:02:01.680 your parents are coming from a different society, friction is, 32 00:02:01.719 --> 00:02:05.040 they're struggling, they're trying to figure it out and doing 33 00:02:05.040 --> 00:02:07.560 the best that they can with the resources that they have. 34 00:02:08.639 --> 00:02:12.159 But it all came to like a screeching salt, and 35 00:02:12.199 --> 00:02:14.680 I thought I hit rock bottom when I was probably 36 00:02:15.080 --> 00:02:18.919 about sixteen years old in Grade ten, and thought that 37 00:02:19.080 --> 00:02:22.360 I didn't want to live anymore. And so thankfully I'm 38 00:02:22.400 --> 00:02:25.560 alive and I'm still here, and I had help from 39 00:02:25.560 --> 00:02:26.319 a professional. 40 00:02:26.800 --> 00:02:27.960 But that's really what started. 41 00:02:27.960 --> 00:02:30.319 If you're jumping over all these chapters, you're giving us 42 00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:34.319 the intro and the epilogue. What was going on for you? 43 00:02:34.479 --> 00:02:38.360 I mean you mentioned the backdrop, but specifically to the 44 00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:41.439 degree that you feel comfortable. What were you experiencing. 45 00:02:43.680 --> 00:02:47.319 Yeah, so, like you mentioned, I am late diagnosed neuro divergent, 46 00:02:47.479 --> 00:02:51.439 so I didn't know back then, but the struggles were 47 00:02:51.520 --> 00:02:52.159 definitely there. 48 00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:53.479 I didn't wake up in my. 49 00:02:53.560 --> 00:02:57.039 Thirties and become an ADHD or autistic. 50 00:02:57.159 --> 00:02:57.800 It was there. 51 00:02:58.280 --> 00:03:01.199 I just didn't have the language to really understand that. 52 00:03:02.360 --> 00:03:05.439 And so traditionally I always did quite well in school, 53 00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:11.599 but again I did struggle with deadlines, procrastination, getting things done, 54 00:03:11.719 --> 00:03:15.719 and I remember there was summatives is what we would 55 00:03:15.800 --> 00:03:19.520 call it, final exams, assignments, all of these things come 56 00:03:19.560 --> 00:03:22.439 to a close at the end of the year. And 57 00:03:22.520 --> 00:03:25.599 I went to a school that was non semestered, so 58 00:03:25.639 --> 00:03:27.759 I had eight courses that I had to deal with, 59 00:03:28.120 --> 00:03:31.159 So that would have been eight exams and eight final 60 00:03:31.240 --> 00:03:34.759 projects that I postponed and delayed and put off to 61 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:36.520 the very end, and so it was the end of 62 00:03:36.520 --> 00:03:40.199 the world that I had to get it all done. 63 00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:46.360 So this was going on for you, was undiagnosed? Did 64 00:03:46.400 --> 00:03:53.039 this show up symptomatically in terms of what anxiety stress 65 00:03:53.240 --> 00:03:54.120 I'm imagining. 66 00:03:57.479 --> 00:03:59.879 Yes, so it did show up sabbatically. 67 00:04:01.039 --> 00:04:04.960 I had a panic attack, which I had no idea 68 00:04:05.240 --> 00:04:07.719 what that was. And I remember it was the dead 69 00:04:07.800 --> 00:04:10.120 of winter in Canada and I was walking with my 70 00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:15.360 friend and I just couldn't breathe, I couldn't see. I 71 00:04:15.400 --> 00:04:18.279 started to feel dizzy, and she was like, do I 72 00:04:18.319 --> 00:04:19.319 call an ambulance? 73 00:04:19.439 --> 00:04:20.319 What do I do? 74 00:04:20.519 --> 00:04:22.560 And I was like sixteen years old, and I had 75 00:04:22.560 --> 00:04:24.800 no idea what was happening. In my mind, I probably 76 00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:27.519 thought I was having a heart attack or dying or something, 77 00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:31.439 which of course we know make things worse. And so 78 00:04:31.639 --> 00:04:34.920 that was my body showing me how stressed out I was. 79 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:35.279 Right. 80 00:04:35.399 --> 00:04:37.439 I did go to the hospital. They did tell me 81 00:04:37.560 --> 00:04:40.680 it was a panic attack, but I don't think I 82 00:04:40.759 --> 00:04:43.439 really made sense of it back then like I do now. 83 00:04:44.240 --> 00:04:47.519 And I continued to push myself and then I just 84 00:04:47.560 --> 00:04:48.680 couldn't take it anymore. 85 00:04:48.879 --> 00:04:50.240 There was too many things. 86 00:04:50.439 --> 00:04:53.079 I felt like my parents didn't get me, they didn't 87 00:04:53.120 --> 00:04:55.800 get it. I felt like I was alone and the 88 00:04:55.839 --> 00:04:58.959 only one in this world that was dealing with this thing. 89 00:04:59.600 --> 00:05:03.120 And so oh, I one night was like, I don't 90 00:05:03.160 --> 00:05:04.319 want to be here anymore. 91 00:05:06.000 --> 00:05:07.480 But I'm still here. 92 00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:11.360 So what did you do with that one night? Did 93 00:05:11.439 --> 00:05:12.800 you just had that thought? Did you? 94 00:05:14.800 --> 00:05:16.839 Yeah? So thank you for asking. 95 00:05:16.879 --> 00:05:18.839 I don't know how much detail you want, but I 96 00:05:18.839 --> 00:05:21.000 am going to open it too, because I do think. 97 00:05:22.160 --> 00:05:25.480 People are going to connect with you with your story, right, 98 00:05:26.319 --> 00:05:28.839 I mean, this is what this podcast is about. I 99 00:05:28.879 --> 00:05:31.839 don't want just a thirty thousand foot view of what's 100 00:05:31.879 --> 00:05:34.600 going on. To the degree that you feel comfortable sharing, 101 00:05:34.959 --> 00:05:41.439 is a lot of people have that same experience? What 102 00:05:41.600 --> 00:05:42.279 was yours? 103 00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:46.560 Yeah? Yeah, So I guess I had said this is it, 104 00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:51.079 I'm done with this place, and I had some minde 105 00:05:51.079 --> 00:05:53.800 all and tyin a li all and I took a 106 00:05:53.839 --> 00:06:01.079 whole bunch right, And I remember crying and feeling absolutely 107 00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:06.079 like out of it. I couldn't walk and I was like, wait, no, 108 00:06:06.480 --> 00:06:07.240 what's happening? 109 00:06:07.399 --> 00:06:11.480 I why did I do this? And I had to crawl. 110 00:06:11.560 --> 00:06:15.800 To my older sister's room and she had she was 111 00:06:15.839 --> 00:06:19.040 two rooms down for me, and I crawled there and 112 00:06:19.079 --> 00:06:22.759 it was like nighttime, and so I literally grasped onto 113 00:06:22.759 --> 00:06:25.600 her and said I need help. And I guess like 114 00:06:25.800 --> 00:06:28.439 she woke up in a panic. My parents woke up 115 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:32.040 in a panic. Didn't know what happened. I couldn't talk, 116 00:06:32.199 --> 00:06:34.839 I was like out of it, and so they took 117 00:06:34.839 --> 00:06:38.399 me to an emergency and I guess at that time 118 00:06:38.439 --> 00:06:40.639 they like hooked me up to IVS and try to 119 00:06:40.680 --> 00:06:43.920 get things out of my system. And I was okay, thankfully, 120 00:06:45.079 --> 00:06:49.759 but yeah, I guess I really was done at that time. 121 00:06:49.839 --> 00:06:51.639 And then in that's liver of a moment, I was 122 00:06:51.680 --> 00:06:53.920 like wait, wait, like what did I just do? And 123 00:06:53.959 --> 00:06:58.199 I thankfully someone was there that really one helped me physically. 124 00:06:58.279 --> 00:07:01.959 But then afterwards I got connected with supports from my 125 00:07:02.040 --> 00:07:05.399 mental health that really helped me with that and really 126 00:07:05.399 --> 00:07:07.240 pave the journey for me to say, hey, like I 127 00:07:07.279 --> 00:07:10.839 had this experience, I really struggled. Someone was there for me, 128 00:07:11.519 --> 00:07:13.639 and I want to do this for others as well. 129 00:07:14.759 --> 00:07:18.759 Well. Okay, so how does the healing journey for you unfold? 130 00:07:18.800 --> 00:07:21.000 And how old are you at this point? 131 00:07:22.439 --> 00:07:24.639 I am thirty two years old this year. 132 00:07:25.000 --> 00:07:32.120 So when you had that experience, I was sixteen. Okay, 133 00:07:32.199 --> 00:07:35.920 so you get help. Someone hears you at what point? 134 00:07:36.040 --> 00:07:38.519 But you said you weren't diagnosed. You weren't diagnosed at 135 00:07:38.519 --> 00:07:42.319 that point? We were you diagnosed with anything at that point? 136 00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:48.120 No? Your point and I think healing definitely is a 137 00:07:48.160 --> 00:07:51.839 lifelong journey, and I strongly believe that we're always healing 138 00:07:51.920 --> 00:07:55.839 and learning and unlearning. So even though I've healed, I'm 139 00:07:55.839 --> 00:07:58.399 still very much so in that state where I'm always 140 00:07:58.480 --> 00:08:03.360 trying to improve. But what had happened is I saw 141 00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:07.000 a psychiatrist at the hospital and a social worker and 142 00:08:07.480 --> 00:08:10.399 didn't deem meet at risk enough. So I was at 143 00:08:10.399 --> 00:08:13.519 home and I had to go back to school. And 144 00:08:13.639 --> 00:08:18.079 my mom, coming from a household of an immigrant right 145 00:08:18.199 --> 00:08:21.879 where traditionally mental health all of these things, it's very 146 00:08:22.199 --> 00:08:25.040 nuanced and we don't really talk about it, don't know 147 00:08:25.079 --> 00:08:25.759 how to support. 148 00:08:26.000 --> 00:08:27.120 I remember hearing things like. 149 00:08:29.399 --> 00:08:36.559 Kind of like ignored, yeah, and you know, bless her 150 00:08:36.639 --> 00:08:38.879 because she didn't know what to do. And she went 151 00:08:38.919 --> 00:08:41.320 to my high school and was like, this is what happened. 152 00:08:42.480 --> 00:08:42.919 Help me. 153 00:08:43.159 --> 00:08:45.600 I don't know what to do. And I think in 154 00:08:45.639 --> 00:08:49.000 that moment as a teenager, I hated her for it 155 00:08:49.080 --> 00:08:54.320 because I felt embarrassed and humiliated. But looking back, thank 156 00:08:54.399 --> 00:08:58.200 goodness she did that. So of course, in Canada when 157 00:08:58.240 --> 00:09:01.360 there's difficulties like this, and in the States as well, right, 158 00:09:01.399 --> 00:09:04.279 we have systems that support students as best as they can, 159 00:09:04.679 --> 00:09:07.519 and so I was connected with the school social worker, 160 00:09:07.720 --> 00:09:11.720 which was phenomenal. It was a wonderful experience for me. 161 00:09:11.960 --> 00:09:14.080 And I think, you know, a part of it is 162 00:09:14.120 --> 00:09:17.639 I was getting involved with like the wrong crowd and 163 00:09:17.759 --> 00:09:23.080 skipping school, you know, not really anchoring myself in my 164 00:09:23.279 --> 00:09:27.279 academic success that I did have. And so this person 165 00:09:27.399 --> 00:09:30.360 just told me straight and kind of helped me, you know, 166 00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:31.480 anchor myself. 167 00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:33.039 And they told. 168 00:09:32.840 --> 00:09:36.440 Me, if I want to pursue this, because I had 169 00:09:36.440 --> 00:09:38.200 shared with them, you really helped me. I want to 170 00:09:38.200 --> 00:09:40.240 do this, that I had to put in the hard work. 171 00:09:40.759 --> 00:09:43.639 So they were able to help me find places to 172 00:09:43.720 --> 00:09:46.120 volunteer in in high school. But I had to show 173 00:09:46.240 --> 00:09:48.039 up and I had to you know, interview, and I 174 00:09:48.080 --> 00:09:48.840 had to do it. 175 00:09:50.679 --> 00:09:51.320 I ended up. 176 00:09:51.240 --> 00:09:56.120 Switching high schools through conversations with them my parents. You know, 177 00:09:56.840 --> 00:09:59.240 eight courses was a lot to carry. So I switched 178 00:09:59.279 --> 00:10:02.360 schools to wat get away from some of these relationships 179 00:10:02.399 --> 00:10:04.080 that were kind of putting me in a tough spot, 180 00:10:04.559 --> 00:10:07.720 but also to manage four courses at a time and 181 00:10:07.799 --> 00:10:10.320 not having to carry that heavy of a load. And 182 00:10:10.399 --> 00:10:14.919 so grade twelve, I went to a new school, no friends, 183 00:10:15.080 --> 00:10:17.799 I really locked in on my studies because I'm like, 184 00:10:17.879 --> 00:10:22.080 I'm going to university and that I did, and I 185 00:10:22.159 --> 00:10:26.080 went to my undergrad which again you know, first and 186 00:10:26.200 --> 00:10:31.120 second year, boy were they tough and I wanted to 187 00:10:31.200 --> 00:10:34.399 drop out. I told my boyfriend at the time. My 188 00:10:34.519 --> 00:10:37.600 parents like, I am done. I am not doing this. 189 00:10:38.399 --> 00:10:42.879 It is too hard. I am too tired. And looking back, 190 00:10:43.000 --> 00:10:46.240 I think definitely, you know, like cycle of burnout. I 191 00:10:46.360 --> 00:10:50.320 was burnt out, and so thankfully around the same time 192 00:10:50.440 --> 00:10:53.440 my school went on strike, so I had that pause. 193 00:10:53.879 --> 00:10:59.159 I kind of recentered, found my passion again and pushed through. 194 00:11:00.159 --> 00:11:04.519 In psychology. Undergrad psyche it is brutal. You learn everything 195 00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:07.039 and anything, and it is multiple choice. And so for 196 00:11:07.159 --> 00:11:10.720 someone with ADHD autism, even though I didn't know it, 197 00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:14.639 you struggle with executive functioning and so multiple choice and 198 00:11:14.720 --> 00:11:17.360 a million one things to know they don't not go 199 00:11:17.480 --> 00:11:21.960 hand in hand. But by my third and my fourth year, 200 00:11:22.039 --> 00:11:26.759 where I really focused in on therapy, you know, psychology topics, 201 00:11:26.879 --> 00:11:31.559 more applicable skills, counseling skills, That's when I felt more 202 00:11:31.559 --> 00:11:34.639 grounded and I met the next person in my journey 203 00:11:34.679 --> 00:11:37.759 that really believed in me and inspired me and was 204 00:11:37.799 --> 00:11:41.120 like you got to keep going. Because I knew I 205 00:11:41.159 --> 00:11:43.080 had this goal, I just didn't know how I was 206 00:11:43.120 --> 00:11:43.799 going to get there. 207 00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:47.639 And so when it got hard, was. 208 00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:53.799 I wanted to be a psychologist, right, and so I 209 00:11:53.879 --> 00:11:56.960 knew this is what I wanted to do, and I 210 00:11:57.000 --> 00:11:59.879 didn't know if it was possible, if I could do it, 211 00:12:00.039 --> 00:12:02.799 if I could get there. I realized that the more 212 00:12:02.840 --> 00:12:05.320 that I thought about it and try to map it out, 213 00:12:05.799 --> 00:12:08.480 the more anxious I got about it. And so I 214 00:12:08.519 --> 00:12:11.159 think my brain just kind of focused on the here 215 00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:15.399 and now, and looking back, I think everything fell into 216 00:12:15.519 --> 00:12:19.919 place the way that it did, but definitely there was 217 00:12:19.960 --> 00:12:22.720 that hard work along the way and those people that 218 00:12:22.840 --> 00:12:26.080 believed in me along the way. And so in fourth 219 00:12:26.159 --> 00:12:28.799 year I had a wonderful professor that was like, you 220 00:12:29.000 --> 00:12:33.120 should go to grad school. There's this program. It's really great. 221 00:12:34.240 --> 00:12:38.440 You know, in Canada we have like public institutions and 222 00:12:38.480 --> 00:12:42.360 private institutions. There was this program that is private, but 223 00:12:42.440 --> 00:12:45.559 it's more so focused on like the clinical skills rather 224 00:12:45.639 --> 00:12:49.240 than the research. And I think research never has been 225 00:12:49.519 --> 00:12:53.480 my bread and butter. So they recommended this program. I 226 00:12:53.519 --> 00:12:57.159 did an interview, I got in, you know, and I 227 00:12:57.200 --> 00:13:01.360 did this clinical psych program, which was great. I didn't 228 00:13:01.360 --> 00:13:04.240 struggle at all academically. I felt like because it was 229 00:13:04.320 --> 00:13:10.159 my passion, my interest, I was motivated. Those attentional difficulties 230 00:13:10.320 --> 00:13:12.720 were not as hard to keep up with, right like, 231 00:13:12.759 --> 00:13:17.639 I was able to manage. And then after that I 232 00:13:17.720 --> 00:13:21.120 did go back to you know, the field and start working. 233 00:13:21.320 --> 00:13:25.159 I started working in a school board with students, which 234 00:13:25.279 --> 00:13:28.840 was great. I've always worked in school board settings, but 235 00:13:28.919 --> 00:13:32.559 also private practice settings because with today's day and age 236 00:13:32.559 --> 00:13:34.639 and economy, I couldn't just have one job. 237 00:13:34.759 --> 00:13:37.519 I had to have multiples. So I liked the balance 238 00:13:37.559 --> 00:13:38.320 of that and. 239 00:13:38.360 --> 00:13:40.639 Being able to work in a school setting, but then 240 00:13:40.679 --> 00:13:43.080 also to be able to work in a private setting 241 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:46.360 where the therapy, you know, the assessments, they were more 242 00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:50.519 complex and thorough. In the school system, you know, we 243 00:13:50.559 --> 00:13:52.480 are limited in terms of the time we have with 244 00:13:52.559 --> 00:13:55.159 students and the services that we could offer. 245 00:13:55.720 --> 00:13:57.080 So I enjoyed that balance. 246 00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:00.960 And then I had some kids, so I'm a mom 247 00:14:01.039 --> 00:14:05.279 of three. I had my first child, and I was 248 00:14:05.399 --> 00:14:11.000 planning for my second while also going back to school 249 00:14:11.039 --> 00:14:14.879 to do my doctorate. So now going back to like 250 00:14:14.919 --> 00:14:16.919 more of a public setting, I decided to go to 251 00:14:16.960 --> 00:14:21.320 the university of Toronto and do my doctorate just because 252 00:14:21.360 --> 00:14:25.919 I wanted to get more schooling. And so I'm like, 253 00:14:26.240 --> 00:14:29.240 I need to do an assessment. I know I struggled 254 00:14:29.279 --> 00:14:32.120 in the past with school. I know this has been hard, 255 00:14:32.559 --> 00:14:37.000 and so I'd like some formal accommodations. And so I 256 00:14:37.039 --> 00:14:39.919 went into it thinking that I had anxiety and you know, 257 00:14:40.320 --> 00:14:42.960 thought maybe at times when there was those lows and 258 00:14:43.120 --> 00:14:47.039 maybe it was depression. And the wonderful psychologist told me 259 00:14:47.080 --> 00:14:51.639 it was ADHD, and I was like, wow, okay, it 260 00:14:51.720 --> 00:14:52.519 is ADHD. 261 00:14:52.799 --> 00:14:55.679 I kind of wondered at some times, but I didn't know. 262 00:14:56.639 --> 00:14:57.039 And so. 263 00:14:59.360 --> 00:15:02.279 University to have a critical mind and to question things, 264 00:15:02.360 --> 00:15:05.159 and so naturally I did, and I did do a 265 00:15:05.200 --> 00:15:10.679 second assessment. And so before I started ADHD medication, I 266 00:15:10.720 --> 00:15:13.639 was like, I need to be one hundred and twenty percent. 267 00:15:13.720 --> 00:15:16.159 I want a second opinion. I want to make sure 268 00:15:16.159 --> 00:15:19.480 that this fits right, a little bit of the denial mindset, 269 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:21.480 which did also confirm it. 270 00:15:23.080 --> 00:15:29.879 And then Crystal, So these assessment was with These were 271 00:15:29.879 --> 00:15:33.639 psychological assessments like a battery of peste. 272 00:15:33.639 --> 00:15:34.279 So I did. 273 00:15:36.759 --> 00:15:39.440 My first assessment was a psychological assessment, and then I 274 00:15:39.480 --> 00:15:42.440 was like, let me see what a medical doctor psychiatrist 275 00:15:42.559 --> 00:15:46.519 has to say, right, some differences there, and they both 276 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:47.840 came to the same conclusion. 277 00:15:49.399 --> 00:15:57.600 Okay, yeah, okay, so wow, at what point do you 278 00:15:57.840 --> 00:16:04.879 learn about the now pardon my ignorance here, does autism 279 00:16:05.399 --> 00:16:10.120 and HGAD fall under the topic of neurodivergence or just 280 00:16:10.279 --> 00:16:14.480 is that just autism? They both do, yes, okay. 281 00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:17.960 Okay, yeah, so. 282 00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:22.919 Yeah the autism that didn't comme until later, right, So 283 00:16:22.960 --> 00:16:26.480 I wasn't identified early on, but this is common, right. 284 00:16:26.600 --> 00:16:32.360 ADHD often does overshadow or conceal autistic traits. And so 285 00:16:32.919 --> 00:16:35.559 even with my own clients, with colleagues, people that I 286 00:16:35.600 --> 00:16:38.440 know with, we all joke around and say that ADHD 287 00:16:38.559 --> 00:16:42.759 is like that gateway diagnosis to autism, right. I think 288 00:16:42.840 --> 00:16:47.240 societally it has become more you know, accepted, right, a 289 00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:51.240 lot more understanding about ADHD to start. We feel more 290 00:16:51.279 --> 00:16:56.039 comfortable receiving this diagnosis where autism or you know, is 291 00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:59.240 still not so much understood or accepted or you know, 292 00:16:59.480 --> 00:17:04.119 not there yet but hopefully soon. And so once I 293 00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:08.319 got that adh SHE diagnosis, I started taking medication, which 294 00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:10.799 like one hundred and fifty percent confirmed it because I 295 00:17:10.839 --> 00:17:13.880 was like, wow, this is what it's like to you know, 296 00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:15.039 not be distracted. 297 00:17:15.559 --> 00:17:15.839 Wow. 298 00:17:15.880 --> 00:17:20.960 And with that, definitely I felt more equipped. But of course, 299 00:17:21.039 --> 00:17:23.680 you know, there was grief there for that sixteen year 300 00:17:23.720 --> 00:17:27.119 old girl that almost died because she was struggling with 301 00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:31.079 ADHD and didn't have the tools to cope with it. Right, 302 00:17:31.279 --> 00:17:35.119 And so definitely, through my own therapy works through that 303 00:17:35.160 --> 00:17:39.400 portion of things. Had a couple more kids. So I'm 304 00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:45.519 a mom of three, and I remember social media right 305 00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:49.480 wonderful and many different ways. We do have to take 306 00:17:49.519 --> 00:17:52.160 things with the grain of salt. But I do think 307 00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:56.880 that in today's day and age, through podcasts, through conversations, 308 00:17:57.079 --> 00:18:00.680 through posts, this is where we're doing the big learning 309 00:18:01.039 --> 00:18:04.720 by relating to one another. And another person that I 310 00:18:04.799 --> 00:18:08.240 have no idea who they are posted this video about 311 00:18:08.279 --> 00:18:11.799 themselves and AUDIHD as we refer to it, which is 312 00:18:11.880 --> 00:18:16.039 odd and ADHD and I had known that the ADHD piece. 313 00:18:16.319 --> 00:18:19.119 I didn't know the autisum piece, even though I had 314 00:18:19.160 --> 00:18:22.279 worked with autistic kids. I was a psychologist at this 315 00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:26.480 point doing assessments. It just didn't click. And I remember 316 00:18:26.519 --> 00:18:31.400 it was Christmas break, just after I became a registered psychologist. 317 00:18:31.920 --> 00:18:35.720 I came across this video and you know, to become 318 00:18:35.759 --> 00:18:37.799 a psychologist, there's a lot of work, so I was 319 00:18:37.960 --> 00:18:41.359 likely a little bit burnt out, but I remember just sobbing. 320 00:18:42.000 --> 00:18:44.359 It really hit me and it was like a light 321 00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:48.160 bulb and I was like, this person just described my 322 00:18:48.279 --> 00:18:52.759 whole life in less than five minutes, and this is 323 00:18:52.839 --> 00:18:55.519 what I've experienced and didn't know. 324 00:18:55.559 --> 00:18:58.799 That in that moment. What were you identifying with specifically? 325 00:19:01.240 --> 00:19:05.279 I think this sense of not belonging, this chronic feeling 326 00:19:05.640 --> 00:19:09.359 like I am different and I don't belong and I 327 00:19:09.440 --> 00:19:14.200 don't know why, this chronic sense of I have such 328 00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:18.759 big feelings and empathy and emotions that if a friend, 329 00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:22.000 a loved one, and even another human being, if they 330 00:19:22.079 --> 00:19:26.240 describe things to me, I really do feel it this. 331 00:19:26.599 --> 00:19:29.359 I have been a history of like having moments of 332 00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:34.039 you know, shutting down, periods of burnout and just like 333 00:19:34.559 --> 00:19:39.559 disconnecting moments of when I was younger, having huge meltdowns 334 00:19:39.599 --> 00:19:42.359 and just being a handful for my family to deal with, 335 00:19:43.400 --> 00:19:47.400 you know, having so much wonderful skills and knowledge about 336 00:19:47.400 --> 00:19:50.839 certain things, but then other things just knowing absolutely nothing 337 00:19:50.920 --> 00:19:55.559 about and really struggling with feeling as though I am 338 00:19:55.599 --> 00:19:59.240 performing all the time, like it's a performance and people 339 00:19:59.319 --> 00:20:02.640 are judging me or crediting me. I need to be 340 00:20:02.920 --> 00:20:05.599 liked by others, which really did fuel into my people 341 00:20:05.640 --> 00:20:09.839 pleasing tendencies and my drive to be perfect twenty four 342 00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:12.119 to seven, all of these pieces. 343 00:20:12.200 --> 00:20:13.480 You know, that's just the way. 344 00:20:13.319 --> 00:20:17.359 That I have been, and it does come with hardships 345 00:20:17.400 --> 00:20:21.240 because one, we can never please everybody. People will dislike 346 00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:23.960 us or be unhappy with us. That's just the reality. 347 00:20:24.559 --> 00:20:27.720 And two, we can't be perfect. It's not possible. So 348 00:20:27.759 --> 00:20:30.960 I've always been stuck in this state where I'm fighting 349 00:20:31.039 --> 00:20:34.880 against myself with two unreal realities that I expect. 350 00:20:35.799 --> 00:20:39.079 And once I heard that, and I just like all clicked. 351 00:20:39.200 --> 00:20:42.319 All the times where I felt stressed out or overwhelmed, 352 00:20:42.680 --> 00:20:45.960 disappointed in myself, when I didn't want to live, all 353 00:20:46.000 --> 00:20:49.000 of these things were like a slap in the face, 354 00:20:49.079 --> 00:20:51.559 and it's like, Wow, there's nothing wrong with me. 355 00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:54.960 I'm not broken. I think I have autism. 356 00:20:55.519 --> 00:21:02.240 And so I remember telling my friends, my partner, my parents, 357 00:21:02.319 --> 00:21:06.359 and people were like hmm, like as if I was 358 00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:09.759 like out to lunch, to be honest. And then a 359 00:21:09.799 --> 00:21:14.200 wonderful colleague of mine around the same time got diagnosed 360 00:21:14.480 --> 00:21:17.759 and I had already booked my assessment. I was already 361 00:21:17.799 --> 00:21:20.319 on this journey, and I was like, you know what, 362 00:21:20.559 --> 00:21:22.799 like I need to know, I feel it, but I'd 363 00:21:22.839 --> 00:21:24.640 like someone else to tell me if this is the 364 00:21:24.680 --> 00:21:27.440 truth or not. And someone I used to work with 365 00:21:27.799 --> 00:21:30.559 came out and said that they were AUDIHD and autistic. 366 00:21:30.720 --> 00:21:33.519 And so that was that next you know, like step 367 00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:35.440 in my journey. That was like, okay, like you know 368 00:21:36.039 --> 00:21:39.319 you can be an autistic psychologist, right, because of course, 369 00:21:39.319 --> 00:21:42.400 like you fight against yourself to be like is this acceptable? 370 00:21:42.759 --> 00:21:44.039 What will people think of me? 371 00:21:44.720 --> 00:21:47.000 Right? But they came out and I was like, you 372 00:21:47.000 --> 00:21:49.240 know what, I'm doing this? So I continued on with 373 00:21:49.279 --> 00:21:54.359 my appointment. Actually last April, so a year ago today, 374 00:21:54.960 --> 00:21:58.359 in the month of autism Acceptance. 375 00:21:58.680 --> 00:22:01.720 Is when I got my diagnosis. And I just cried. 376 00:22:02.000 --> 00:22:05.960 And I think it was not cry from sadness, but 377 00:22:06.039 --> 00:22:08.759 it was crying from I'm not crazy. You know, I 378 00:22:08.759 --> 00:22:11.799 did see this thing, and you see me, you understand it. 379 00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:15.480 I'm not alone. There's many of us out there, and 380 00:22:15.720 --> 00:22:19.079 now I have the language and the framework that I've 381 00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:22.480 missed for this, you know, three decades of my life 382 00:22:23.480 --> 00:22:26.720 to really understand my experience and to support my brain 383 00:22:26.839 --> 00:22:29.119 in a way that I won't burn out, that I 384 00:22:29.480 --> 00:22:33.839 won't dislike myself, that I won't feel as though, you know, 385 00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:35.880 something's wrong with me most of the time. 386 00:22:36.039 --> 00:22:42.200 So yeah, damn, Crystal, You're amazing. Your story is like 387 00:22:42.359 --> 00:22:45.000 so and so you are so inspiring. I mean just 388 00:22:45.799 --> 00:22:51.279 you know everything you went through, and you know, crawling 389 00:22:51.680 --> 00:22:56.079 down the hallway grabbing your sister waking her up. I mean, 390 00:22:56.119 --> 00:23:02.839 my gosh, you know amazing, and then here you are 391 00:23:03.400 --> 00:23:07.519 founding this psychology group Thrive. Talk to us. How did 392 00:23:07.519 --> 00:23:09.640 that come about? 393 00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:11.279 Yeah? 394 00:23:11.480 --> 00:23:14.680 So, I mean I do attribute it to my ADHD 395 00:23:14.720 --> 00:23:18.400 brain for sure. That drive, that inspiration, and that like 396 00:23:18.599 --> 00:23:22.200 a little bit of impulsivity, right, risk taking, because opening 397 00:23:22.279 --> 00:23:25.240 up a business, starting something so big, there is a risk, right, 398 00:23:25.319 --> 00:23:26.920 There's always that fear of the unknown. 399 00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:28.240 And I had. 400 00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:30.240 This idea, and I was like, just do it, right, 401 00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:33.200