Speaker 1: Hello everyone, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the
Speaker 1: Bible teaching ministry that's here to encourage and inspire you
Speaker 1: every day. And today we're continuing our series called Awesome Relationships.
Speaker 1: In it, Rick Warren shares practical ways to help you
Speaker 1: take your relationships with family, friends, co workers, and even
Speaker 1: God from ordinary to extraordinary. And this is a series
Speaker 1: you don't want to miss. Well, let's get started today
Speaker 1: with part three of a message called fighting for an
Speaker 1: Awesome Marriage.
Speaker 2: It really doesn't matter what other people think about marriage.
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what public opinion says. It doesn't matter
Speaker 2: what the opinion polls say, it doesn't matter what's politically
Speaker 2: correct or incorrect. What really matters is what God says,
Speaker 2: Who invented marriage? And you're going to live in a
Speaker 2: culture where this is absolutely counterculture. You now live in
Speaker 2: a culture sure that has forgotten why marriage matters.
Speaker 3: You live in a culture.
Speaker 2: That does not honor it, but actually demeans it, discourages it,
Speaker 2: ridicules it, redefines it, dismisses it, and on and on.
Speaker 2: And as a result, we can see what's happening in society.
Speaker 2: We now have people who go to Las Vegas, get
Speaker 2: drunk and in a spontaneous moment, go to a wedding chapel,
Speaker 2: get married, and twenty four hours later get divorced because
Speaker 2: it's no big deal.
Speaker 3: It's just a social contract.
Speaker 2: We have celebrities who spend a full year and millions
Speaker 2: and millions and millions of dollars on a wedding, and
Speaker 2: the preparation for the wedding lasts longer than the marriage.
Speaker 2: We have people going from one relationship to the next
Speaker 2: to the next in serial marriages, and they don't understand
Speaker 2: the meaning and the mystery.
Speaker 3: Now, what's amazing about.
Speaker 2: All of this is that when we live in a
Speaker 2: culture that's forgotten why marriage matters, we still honor and
Speaker 2: it still makes big news when a couple makes.
Speaker 3: It a long time.
Speaker 2: And it's still big news when we hear on the
Speaker 2: radio or TV here in a magazine that couple has
Speaker 2: been married sixty years, that couple's been married sixty five, seventy,
Speaker 2: that couple's been married seventy five years. Why Because in
Speaker 2: spite of all the public and political pressure, we instinctively,
Speaker 2: as human beings inside know and we recognize the beauty
Speaker 2: and the sweetness of one man and one woman committing
Speaker 2: themselves to become one flesh and living together in love
Speaker 2: for their entire lives.
Speaker 3: That is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 2: And we know it, and we know it, and we
Speaker 2: know that deep down inside of us instinctively, we.
Speaker 3: Are wired to want this.
Speaker 2: Everybody craves the safety of a relationship where you are
Speaker 2: so fully known and known by each other and.
Speaker 3: It lasts for life. Everybody wants that.
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna ask in just a second, k to
Speaker 2: come out and we're gonna talk a little bit about this.
Speaker 3: But let me just end with this section with this part.
Speaker 2: Twice in the Bible, Jesus says there's gonna be no
Speaker 2: marriage in heaven. Huh, Nope, no marriage in heaven. Jesus
Speaker 2: said it twice. He knows more about it than you
Speaker 2: or me. Why will they be no marriage in heaven?
Speaker 2: Because you won't need any of the six reasons. Marriage
Speaker 2: exists in a perfect place that you're not gonna need
Speaker 2: the multiplication of the human race in a perfect place.
Speaker 2: You're not gonna need the protection of children in a
Speaker 2: perfect place. You're not gonna need the perfection of your character.
Speaker 2: You're not gonna need the construction of society, you're not
Speaker 2: gonna need the reflection of christ union.
Speaker 3: You don't need a metaphor because you're going to experience
Speaker 3: the real thing in heaven.
Speaker 2: But here on earth, marriage matters, and the Bible says
Speaker 2: we are to honor it.
Speaker 3: Whether we're ever.
Speaker 2: Married, or we're married or lost a maid or whatever,
Speaker 2: we're to honor marriage. So in a society it doesn't
Speaker 2: like marriage, how do you fight for your marriage because
Speaker 2: there's nothing in society If you're married, nothing in society
Speaker 2: is encouraging and to stay marriage married, everything around you
Speaker 2: is encouraging you to walk out.
Speaker 3: So how do you fight for your marriage?
Speaker 2: Well, as I said, Kay and I have been married
Speaker 2: thirty nine years, so I thought i'd ask her to
Speaker 2: come and help us. Would you give a warm welcome
Speaker 2: to my best friend? All right, let's talk about marriage
Speaker 2: in the seasons of life, because life is seasonal.
Speaker 3: And you go through seasons over and over and over
Speaker 3: and over. Let's just start start us off.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Well, God balances the world through seasons, the same
Speaker 4: with marriages. Marriages, as you said, don't stay still. They're
Speaker 4: constantly changing. So we're going to use the metaphor of
Speaker 4: the seasons to talk about how to fight for your marriage.
Speaker 4: So if spring represents the busy season, you know, when life.
Speaker 5: Is just going at a fast paced a lot of growth.
Speaker 4: Yep, Summer is going to represent in this conversation when
Speaker 4: things are easy, when they're good. Fall is going to
Speaker 4: represent when things change, and winter is going to represent
Speaker 4: kind of when.
Speaker 5: Life falls apart. So let's start with.
Speaker 4: Spring and springtime, as I said, is the busy time
Speaker 4: when you're like ships passing in the night.
Speaker 5: Every marriage goes through these time periods where.
Speaker 4: You just feel like you're both you can't get everything done,
Speaker 4: there's just too much on your list, and life just
Speaker 4: becomes this, Hi, how are you quick.
Speaker 2: In the same house, But you don't have time to talk,
Speaker 2: you don't have time for sex, you don't have time
Speaker 2: for meals.
Speaker 3: You know, you're just busy.
Speaker 2: I think busyness is the number one destroyer of marriages.
Speaker 2: It's that we fall away from each other because of busyness.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so easy because what starts to be a season.
Speaker 4: You know, you go through these time periods where you think, okay, well,
Speaker 4: when we get through this, things.
Speaker 5: Will calm down. Now things are going to change in
Speaker 5: a couple of months. It's not going to always be
Speaker 5: like this.
Speaker 4: But what we've found is that what can start as
Speaker 4: a season, something that is just supposed to last for
Speaker 4: a little while, suddenly becomes a pattern, and before you
Speaker 4: know it, you're in a habit and a chronic state
Speaker 4: of busyness. We have experienced that so many times. We
Speaker 4: are experts at this.
Speaker 3: You know, we have busy lives.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so we really had to fight this because our
Speaker 6: lives are so busy. So what we've decided to do
Speaker 6: is just to be super intentional, really deliberate about making
Speaker 6: time to talk, putting the computer down, you know, turning
Speaker 6: the phone off, looking each other in the eye. You know,
Speaker 6: even if it's for a brief time, it's that intentionality
Speaker 6: of connecting, staying.
Speaker 5: Close to each other.
Speaker 3: One of the things we have a little phrase in
Speaker 3: our house.
Speaker 2: We call it divert daily, withdraw weekly, and abandon annually.
Speaker 2: Divert daily means find something fun to do every day,
Speaker 2: and divert daily withdraw weekly means we take a weekly
Speaker 2: day off.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we take every Monday. If he's preaking.
Speaker 4: Preaching on a weekend, then on Mondays, I mean, you know,
Speaker 4: he's typically wiped out. So we have just for years
Speaker 4: and years, almost our entire married life taken Mondays as
Speaker 4: a day off, and when our kids were small, we'd
Speaker 4: farm amount to other people, and then when they were
Speaker 4: in school, we'd have that time together and then it
Speaker 4: became our family night. But it was a deliberate day
Speaker 4: set aside every week to connect in spite of the busyness.
Speaker 3: So we divert daily. We withdraw weekly.
Speaker 2: By the way, if you're not taking a weekly day off,
Speaker 2: you're breaking one of the ten commandments.
Speaker 3: It's that important.
Speaker 2: It's right up there with don't commit adultery and don't murder.
Speaker 2: It says every six days you take a day for
Speaker 2: rest and worship. So if you're not doing that, you're
Speaker 2: breaking on ten commandments. And you can't build relationships. If
Speaker 2: you're so busy you don't have any time for each other.
Speaker 3: Then we abandon annually.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we've always taken a vacation, so you know, ask yourself,
Speaker 4: you know, how long has it been or how regular
Speaker 4: are you with taking time off together. And it's amazing
Speaker 4: when we talk to folks when they say we haven't
Speaker 4: taken a vacation in years, and some of them are actually.
Speaker 5: Kind of proud of that. As though that's a badge of.
Speaker 4: Honor, it is not a badge of honor to not
Speaker 4: take time off and take time away with the people
Speaker 4: that you love the most, even if it's a staycation,
Speaker 4: you know, even if it's your staying at home and
Speaker 4: you're watching movies, but it's your intentionally spending time with
Speaker 4: the people.
Speaker 5: That you love.
Speaker 2: You know, one of the things you got to do
Speaker 2: what you did to get married, you got to keep
Speaker 2: doing to stay married. You got to date your mate.
Speaker 2: You see, men, we're kind of task oriented, and you know,
Speaker 2: we have this checklist, like the bucket list, and one
Speaker 2: of the things on the checklist is find a good
Speaker 2: woman and getting married.
Speaker 3: Okay, And so.
Speaker 2: Then when you hone in on who that person is,
Speaker 2: you're you're a man on a mission, and you do
Speaker 2: all crazy things like go to the opera and you know,
Speaker 2: talk two hours on the phone, and you know, you
Speaker 2: do all these things to loose this woman. And then
Speaker 2: once you're married, it's like, okay, mission accomplished. Now I've
Speaker 2: got to provide. Now I've got Now I've got to
Speaker 2: pay for all of this. And so all your tasks
Speaker 2: and energy moved to something else, and the woman goes,
Speaker 2: where's the guy I dated?
Speaker 4: Yeah, where's that guy who liked to talk, who love
Speaker 4: to look in my eyes? And just you know, absolutely
Speaker 4: slobber over everything I said.
Speaker 3: And it was a lie.
Speaker 2: But the here's the other thing people tell me all
Speaker 2: the time, and the US do marriage counseling. People would say,
Speaker 2: you know, I just don't love him anymore. I just
Speaker 2: don't love her anymore, as if it just happened, and
Speaker 2: it's totally uncontrollable. No, love is a choice. Love is
Speaker 2: a choice. Love is not a feeling. Love creates feelings,
Speaker 2: Love creates great feelings. Baby, oh baby, old baby. But
Speaker 2: love is not a feeling. Love is a choice that
Speaker 2: creates feeling. If love is a feeling, God couldn't command it.
Speaker 2: But God commands you to love people. It's like commanding
Speaker 2: of feelings. I tell him, little kid, I command you
Speaker 2: to be happy.
Speaker 3: You can't force a feeling.
Speaker 2: And so we even use the language like, well, I
Speaker 2: fell in love like it was a ditch, Okay, Like
Speaker 2: I just was walking along and boom, I just fell
Speaker 2: in love. Had nothing to control over it, and and
Speaker 2: so I fell out of love.
Speaker 3: It was another ditch. I fell into no. No, it's
Speaker 3: a choice. Okay, it's a choice.
Speaker 2: And so you can choose to reignite your marriage.
Speaker 5: So we have to feel really you have to be intentional.
Speaker 4: I mean, you just want to keep honing in on
Speaker 4: it in this in this season of busyness, because as
Speaker 4: we're talked about, oneness is the goal.
Speaker 5: So the scripture that we talked about the goal.
Speaker 4: Of marriage is to become one. Flush to become one,
Speaker 4: and to become one is something that happened the minute
Speaker 4: that you said yes, a minute you said I do.
Speaker 5: But then it's the rest of your lifetime to work
Speaker 5: that out. So you have to ask yourself, what am
Speaker 5: I What choices.
Speaker 4: Am I making they're actually working against oneness? If I
Speaker 4: say yes to this commitment, will that actually work against
Speaker 4: oneness in my marriage?
Speaker 5: Well? That actually pulled me away.
Speaker 4: And to ask yourself that deliberate question, what is destroying
Speaker 4: oneness in our relationship?
Speaker 5: And you might be surprised at the answer.
Speaker 3: What will create it?
Speaker 2: You know, there's a verse in Revelation that says if
Speaker 2: you've lost your first love, it says.
Speaker 4: You return and do the things that you did before.
Speaker 2: Return and do the things you did it first So
Speaker 2: if you've lost that first love, what do you do?
Speaker 2: You need to start doing the stuff you did before
Speaker 2: the dating your mate. It's like that old cliche, if
Speaker 2: there was more courting and marriage, there'd be fewer marriages
Speaker 2: in court.
Speaker 5: Oh come on, you guys laughed at that. You're pretty
Speaker 5: saying about three million times.
Speaker 3: How many times have you heard that, honey?
Speaker 5: Countless?
Speaker 3: Yeah, countless.
Speaker 4: But it's always good, It's always good.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 4: So the next season is that season of summer where
Speaker 4: things are good, things are easy.
Speaker 5: It's that season in your life where really you're you're cooking.
Speaker 4: With gas, every cylinder is working well.
Speaker 5: You know, your your marriage is going strong, your kids
Speaker 5: are doing well, your careers, you're just kind of you're
Speaker 5: just doing really good. We have found that, unfortunately, that
Speaker 5: season doesn't always last that long.
Speaker 3: Does There's always something that interrupt it.
Speaker 4: But summer is the time when there are that you
Speaker 4: could just say in this man, things are going well
Speaker 4: right now, and so what do you do?
Speaker 5: How do you fight for your marriage in that season?
Speaker 5: Because you would think what to fight for?
Speaker 4: Everything is going great, No, that's the time to bank,
Speaker 4: that's the time to invest, that's the time to.
Speaker 5: Put roots down deep into the love in your.
Speaker 4: Marriage, so that it stores up against the times that.
Speaker 2: Are bad, because you can draw on those good memories
Speaker 2: when you're in the tough and the bad times.
Speaker 5: So it's really easy to get complacent.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't get complacent. That's really important. Don't take your
Speaker 2: spouse for granted. When K got cancer and nearly died,
Speaker 2: and I watched it thrown up every day with all
Speaker 2: that chemo and radiation and all that stuff, and I
Speaker 2: just made a vow I am never again taking my
Speaker 2: wife for granted, because you don't know what's going to
Speaker 2: happen to your spouse tomorrow.
Speaker 3: You just don't know.
Speaker 2: So part of my homework would be go on a
Speaker 2: date this week. If you're married. As your pastor, I'm
Speaker 2: commanding you to go on a date this week.
Speaker 3: All right, Well, okay, we'll pay for it.
Speaker 5: See me after the service.
Speaker 4: This is the time in this season it's like to
Speaker 4: go for marriage counseling. You can say, why in the
Speaker 4: world would I do it now? I mean, the unfortunate
Speaker 4: thing is that people wait too long. They do They
Speaker 4: wait until the wheels fall.
Speaker 5: Off the bus before they decided to get help.
Speaker 4: Rick's idea of car maintenance is when the engine falls
Speaker 4: out on the freeway, that's the time to get car maintenance.
Speaker 4: But sometimes we treat marriage that same way. We act
Speaker 4: as though I can put this off, I can put
Speaker 4: this off. I know there's some problems, but you know
Speaker 4: it's gonna get better, or it's gonna change or or
Speaker 4: you know we'll do that next year.
Speaker 5: And we wait too long.
Speaker 3: You know what Kay is saying, it's so important. I
Speaker 3: can't tell you how many men have come to me.
Speaker 2: Uh and their wife was begging them to go get
Speaker 2: some marriage counsel. And they said no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: And then their wife walked out the door and they go, okay,
Speaker 2: now I'm ready.
Speaker 3: Sorry, buddy, it's too late. Now, okay, it's a little late.
Speaker 2: And this case said you should be getting the counsel
Speaker 2: in the good times.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: In our thirty nine years of marriage, anytime we get
Speaker 2: a bumpy time, we get some counsel. So we've gone
Speaker 2: to council lots of times over thirty nine years.
Speaker 3: I remember the very first one when we first.
Speaker 2: Got married, and we are so opposite in every area
Speaker 2: and we just were butting heads. I mean, we've been
Speaker 2: married thirty nine years, thirty seven wonderful years.
Speaker 5: I would say thirty five.
Speaker 3: The early ones.
Speaker 2: We're a little really really rough. Not that we don't
Speaker 2: have tough times today, but we do. But I remember
Speaker 2: we just said, okay, we got to get some counsel.
Speaker 2: I was making eight hundred dollars a month, that was
Speaker 2: my salary when we first gotten married, and our counseling
Speaker 2: bill was one hundred dollars a week, so half of
Speaker 2: my salary was going to counseling. And I wracked up
Speaker 2: a fifteen hundred dollars bill on MasterCard counsel I've often
Speaker 2: said we should do a commercial for MasterCard sake.
Speaker 3: MasterCard saved our marriage. Okay, saved marriage priceless. People say, well.
Speaker 2: I can't afford counseling. We really, you can't afford not
Speaker 2: to get it?
Speaker 5: Yeah, so banks, how much?
Speaker 3: Wait minute, how much is your counsel work? How much
Speaker 3: does your marriage work?
Speaker 5: You got ahead of me on this, sad How.
Speaker 3: Much is your happiness worth? I'd pay a million dollars
Speaker 3: for what I got today? Okay, really it was worth.
Speaker 5: We have worked hard to build a strong marriage. We
Speaker 5: have worked hard. That's just it's not an exaggeration.
Speaker 4: We have worked hard, and part of the reason we've
Speaker 4: had to work so hard is because we are so different.
Speaker 4: And that leads me to this season of fall, which
Speaker 4: is the season of change.
Speaker 5: And we want to talk about it from two aspects.
Speaker 4: One, when change happens and it's good, you know you
Speaker 4: it's but it's.
Speaker 5: Major, it's a major upheaval.
Speaker 4: And maybe there's a you relocate, or there's a new job,
Speaker 4: or there's something changes pretty.
Speaker 5: Drastically in your life.
Speaker 4: And change can be kind of scary, can be frightening,
Speaker 4: and yet if you're open to it, what may have
Speaker 4: seemed like very difficult and unpleasant change can actually be
Speaker 4: something that you look back and say, that was one
Speaker 4: of the best things that ever happened to us.
Speaker 5: So when change happens and it's.
Speaker 4: It's huge, but it's good or it could be good,
Speaker 4: have the attitude if I'm going to adjust to this,
Speaker 4: I'm going to look for the good in this. I'm
Speaker 4: going to find the good in this, and you may
Speaker 4: be surprised at the change that happens.
Speaker 5: It's good.
Speaker 2: Let me say a couple of things about the change
Speaker 2: that happens to us. First, if your marriage never changes,
Speaker 2: boredom is setting it in a major way. And boredom
Speaker 2: kills more marriages than almost anything, and so you have
Speaker 2: to fight boredom with creativity.
Speaker 1: What a great message from Pastor Rick today. There's something
Speaker 1: I always take away from his message. Here's Rick to
Speaker 1: tell you how you can help support this ministry.
Speaker 2: Jesus told his disciples that they should live their lives
Speaker 2: according to five specific purposes. He said, You've got to
Speaker 2: love God with all your heart. That's worship, and love
Speaker 2: your neighbors yourself. That's ministry. That's called the Great Commandment.
Speaker 2: And then Jesus said, go make disciples. That's evangelism. Baptize
Speaker 2: them into the Family of God. That's fellowship, a sign
Speaker 2: of fellowship. And then he said, teach them obey everything
Speaker 2: I've taught you. That's discipleship. And we call that the
Speaker 2: Great Commission. We believe it daily hope that a great
Speaker 2: commitment to the Great Commandment and the Great Commission will
Speaker 2: produce a great Christian, a great church, a great company,
Speaker 2: a great community. You know, I started daily hope so
Speaker 2: I could spread the good news about Jesus, not just
Speaker 2: across America, but all around the world. And we want
Speaker 2: people to know that God's word is filled with hope
Speaker 2: and truth, and the power that we need to follow
Speaker 2: Him every day is available to every single one. You
Speaker 2: know as well as I do, that the Word of
Speaker 2: God changes lives. It's a live it's active, and it
Speaker 2: breathes new life and new love into all of our lives.
Speaker 2: So wherever you listen to this, whether you listen on
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Speaker 2: God will bless it, and God will bless you, and
Speaker 2: we'll get to heaven and we'll thank God for all
Speaker 2: the people going to be in heaven because you cared.
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