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<v Speaker 1>Hello everyone, and welcome to Pastor Rick's Daily Hope, the

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<v Speaker 1>Bible teaching ministry that's here to encourage and inspire you

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<v Speaker 1>every day. And today we're continuing our series called Awesome Relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>In it, Rick Warren shares practical ways to help you

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<v Speaker 1>take your relationships with family, friends, co workers, and even

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<v Speaker 1>God from ordinary to extraordinary. And this is a series

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<v Speaker 1>you don't want to miss. Well, let's get started today

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<v Speaker 1>with part three of a message called fighting for an

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<v Speaker 1>Awesome Marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>It really doesn't matter what other people think about marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>It doesn't matter what public opinion says. It doesn't matter

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<v Speaker 2>what the opinion polls say, it doesn't matter what's politically

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<v Speaker 2>correct or incorrect. What really matters is what God says,

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<v Speaker 2>Who invented marriage? And you're going to live in a

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<v Speaker 2>culture where this is absolutely counterculture. You now live in

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<v Speaker 2>a culture sure that has forgotten why marriage matters.

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<v Speaker 3>You live in a culture.

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<v Speaker 2>That does not honor it, but actually demeans it, discourages it,

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<v Speaker 2>ridicules it, redefines it, dismisses it, and on and on.

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<v Speaker 2>And as a result, we can see what's happening in society.

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<v Speaker 2>We now have people who go to Las Vegas, get

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<v Speaker 2>drunk and in a spontaneous moment, go to a wedding chapel,

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<v Speaker 2>get married, and twenty four hours later get divorced because

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<v Speaker 2>it's no big deal.

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<v Speaker 3>It's just a social contract.

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<v Speaker 2>We have celebrities who spend a full year and millions

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<v Speaker 2>and millions and millions of dollars on a wedding, and

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<v Speaker 2>the preparation for the wedding lasts longer than the marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>We have people going from one relationship to the next

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<v Speaker 2>to the next in serial marriages, and they don't understand

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<v Speaker 2>the meaning and the mystery.

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<v Speaker 3>Now, what's amazing about.

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<v Speaker 2>All of this is that when we live in a

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<v Speaker 2>culture that's forgotten why marriage matters, we still honor and

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<v Speaker 2>it still makes big news when a couple makes.

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<v Speaker 3>It a long time.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's still big news when we hear on the

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<v Speaker 2>radio or TV here in a magazine that couple has

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<v Speaker 2>been married sixty years, that couple's been married sixty five, seventy,

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<v Speaker 2>that couple's been married seventy five years. Why Because in

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<v Speaker 2>spite of all the public and political pressure, we instinctively,

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<v Speaker 2>as human beings inside know and we recognize the beauty

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<v Speaker 2>and the sweetness of one man and one woman committing

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<v Speaker 2>themselves to become one flesh and living together in love

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<v Speaker 2>for their entire lives.

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<v Speaker 3>That is a beautiful thing.

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<v Speaker 2>And we know it, and we know it, and we

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<v Speaker 2>know that deep down inside of us instinctively, we.

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<v Speaker 3>Are wired to want this.

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<v Speaker 2>Everybody craves the safety of a relationship where you are

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<v Speaker 2>so fully known and known by each other and.

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<v Speaker 3>It lasts for life. Everybody wants that.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm gonna ask in just a second, k to

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<v Speaker 2>come out and we're gonna talk a little bit about this.

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<v Speaker 3>But let me just end with this section with this part.

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<v Speaker 2>Twice in the Bible, Jesus says there's gonna be no

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<v Speaker 2>marriage in heaven. Huh, Nope, no marriage in heaven. Jesus

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<v Speaker 2>said it twice. He knows more about it than you

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<v Speaker 2>or me. Why will they be no marriage in heaven?

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<v Speaker 2>Because you won't need any of the six reasons. Marriage

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<v Speaker 2>exists in a perfect place that you're not gonna need

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<v Speaker 2>the multiplication of the human race in a perfect place.

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<v Speaker 2>You're not gonna need the protection of children in a

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<v Speaker 2>perfect place. You're not gonna need the perfection of your character.

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<v Speaker 2>You're not gonna need the construction of society, you're not

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<v Speaker 2>gonna need the reflection of christ union.

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<v Speaker 3>You don't need a metaphor because you're going to experience

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<v Speaker 3>the real thing in heaven.

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<v Speaker 2>But here on earth, marriage matters, and the Bible says

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<v Speaker 2>we are to honor it.

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<v Speaker 3>Whether we're ever.

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<v Speaker 2>Married, or we're married or lost a maid or whatever,

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<v Speaker 2>we're to honor marriage. So in a society it doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>like marriage, how do you fight for your marriage because

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<v Speaker 2>there's nothing in society If you're married, nothing in society

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<v Speaker 2>is encouraging and to stay marriage married, everything around you

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<v Speaker 2>is encouraging you to walk out.

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<v Speaker 3>So how do you fight for your marriage?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, as I said, Kay and I have been married

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<v Speaker 2>thirty nine years, so I thought i'd ask her to

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<v Speaker 2>come and help us. Would you give a warm welcome

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<v Speaker 2>to my best friend? All right, let's talk about marriage

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<v Speaker 2>in the seasons of life, because life is seasonal.

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<v Speaker 3>And you go through seasons over and over and over

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<v Speaker 3>and over. Let's just start start us off.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, Well, God balances the world through seasons, the same

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<v Speaker 4>with marriages. Marriages, as you said, don't stay still. They're

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<v Speaker 4>constantly changing. So we're going to use the metaphor of

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<v Speaker 4>the seasons to talk about how to fight for your marriage.

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<v Speaker 4>So if spring represents the busy season, you know, when life.

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<v Speaker 5>Is just going at a fast paced a lot of growth.

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<v Speaker 4>Yep, Summer is going to represent in this conversation when

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<v Speaker 4>things are easy, when they're good. Fall is going to

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<v Speaker 4>represent when things change, and winter is going to represent

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<v Speaker 4>kind of when.

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<v Speaker 5>Life falls apart. So let's start with.

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<v Speaker 4>Spring and springtime, as I said, is the busy time

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<v Speaker 4>when you're like ships passing in the night.

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<v Speaker 5>Every marriage goes through these time periods where.

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<v Speaker 4>You just feel like you're both you can't get everything done,

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<v Speaker 4>there's just too much on your list, and life just

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<v Speaker 4>becomes this, Hi, how are you quick.

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<v Speaker 2>In the same house, But you don't have time to talk,

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<v Speaker 2>you don't have time for sex, you don't have time

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<v Speaker 2>for meals.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, you're just busy.

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<v Speaker 2>I think busyness is the number one destroyer of marriages.

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<v Speaker 2>It's that we fall away from each other because of busyness.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it's so easy because what starts to be a season.

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<v Speaker 4>You know, you go through these time periods where you think, okay, well,

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<v Speaker 4>when we get through this, things.

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<v Speaker 5>Will calm down. Now things are going to change in

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<v Speaker 5>a couple of months. It's not going to always be

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<v Speaker 5>like this.

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<v Speaker 4>But what we've found is that what can start as

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<v Speaker 4>a season, something that is just supposed to last for

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<v Speaker 4>a little while, suddenly becomes a pattern, and before you

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<v Speaker 4>know it, you're in a habit and a chronic state

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<v Speaker 4>of busyness. We have experienced that so many times. We

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<v Speaker 4>are experts at this.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, we have busy lives.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, so we really had to fight this because our

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<v Speaker 6>lives are so busy. So what we've decided to do

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<v Speaker 6>is just to be super intentional, really deliberate about making

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<v Speaker 6>time to talk, putting the computer down, you know, turning

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<v Speaker 6>the phone off, looking each other in the eye. You know,

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<v Speaker 6>even if it's for a brief time, it's that intentionality

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<v Speaker 6>of connecting, staying.

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<v Speaker 5>Close to each other.

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<v Speaker 3>One of the things we have a little phrase in

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<v Speaker 3>our house.

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<v Speaker 2>We call it divert daily, withdraw weekly, and abandon annually.

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<v Speaker 2>Divert daily means find something fun to do every day,

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<v Speaker 2>and divert daily withdraw weekly means we take a weekly

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<v Speaker 2>day off.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, we take every Monday. If he's preaking.

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<v Speaker 4>Preaching on a weekend, then on Mondays, I mean, you know,

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<v Speaker 4>he's typically wiped out. So we have just for years

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<v Speaker 4>and years, almost our entire married life taken Mondays as

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<v Speaker 4>a day off, and when our kids were small, we'd

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<v Speaker 4>farm amount to other people, and then when they were

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<v Speaker 4>in school, we'd have that time together and then it

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<v Speaker 4>became our family night. But it was a deliberate day

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<v Speaker 4>set aside every week to connect in spite of the busyness.

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<v Speaker 3>So we divert daily. We withdraw weekly.

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<v Speaker 2>By the way, if you're not taking a weekly day off,

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<v Speaker 2>you're breaking one of the ten commandments.

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<v Speaker 3>It's that important.

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<v Speaker 2>It's right up there with don't commit adultery and don't murder.

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<v Speaker 2>It says every six days you take a day for

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<v Speaker 2>rest and worship. So if you're not doing that, you're

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<v Speaker 2>breaking on ten commandments. And you can't build relationships. If

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<v Speaker 2>you're so busy you don't have any time for each other.

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<v Speaker 3>Then we abandon annually.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, we've always taken a vacation, so you know, ask yourself,

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<v Speaker 4>you know, how long has it been or how regular

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<v Speaker 4>are you with taking time off together. And it's amazing

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<v Speaker 4>when we talk to folks when they say we haven't

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<v Speaker 4>taken a vacation in years, and some of them are actually.

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<v Speaker 5>Kind of proud of that. As though that's a badge of.

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<v Speaker 4>Honor, it is not a badge of honor to not

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<v Speaker 4>take time off and take time away with the people

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<v Speaker 4>that you love the most, even if it's a staycation,

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<v Speaker 4>you know, even if it's your staying at home and

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<v Speaker 4>you're watching movies, but it's your intentionally spending time with

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<v Speaker 4>the people.

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<v Speaker 5>That you love.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, one of the things you got to do

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<v Speaker 2>what you did to get married, you got to keep

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<v Speaker 2>doing to stay married. You got to date your mate.

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<v Speaker 2>You see, men, we're kind of task oriented, and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>we have this checklist, like the bucket list, and one

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<v Speaker 2>of the things on the checklist is find a good

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<v Speaker 2>woman and getting married.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, And so.

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<v Speaker 2>Then when you hone in on who that person is,

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<v Speaker 2>you're you're a man on a mission, and you do

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<v Speaker 2>all crazy things like go to the opera and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>talk two hours on the phone, and you know, you

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<v Speaker 2>do all these things to loose this woman. And then

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<v Speaker 2>once you're married, it's like, okay, mission accomplished. Now I've

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<v Speaker 2>got to provide. Now I've got Now I've got to

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<v Speaker 2>pay for all of this. And so all your tasks

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<v Speaker 2>and energy moved to something else, and the woman goes,

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<v Speaker 2>where's the guy I dated?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, where's that guy who liked to talk, who love

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<v Speaker 4>to look in my eyes? And just you know, absolutely

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<v Speaker 4>slobber over everything I said.

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<v Speaker 3>And it was a lie.

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<v Speaker 2>But the here's the other thing people tell me all

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<v Speaker 2>the time, and the US do marriage counseling. People would say,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I just don't love him anymore. I just

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<v Speaker 2>don't love her anymore, as if it just happened, and

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<v Speaker 2>it's totally uncontrollable. No, love is a choice. Love is

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<v Speaker 2>a choice. Love is not a feeling. Love creates feelings,

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<v Speaker 2>Love creates great feelings. Baby, oh baby, old baby. But

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<v Speaker 2>love is not a feeling. Love is a choice that

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<v Speaker 2>creates feeling. If love is a feeling, God couldn't command it.

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<v Speaker 2>But God commands you to love people. It's like commanding

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<v Speaker 2>of feelings. I tell him, little kid, I command you

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<v Speaker 2>to be happy.

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<v Speaker 3>You can't force a feeling.

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<v Speaker 2>And so we even use the language like, well, I

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<v Speaker 2>fell in love like it was a ditch, Okay, Like

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<v Speaker 2>I just was walking along and boom, I just fell

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<v Speaker 2>in love. Had nothing to control over it, and and

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<v Speaker 2>so I fell out of love.

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<v Speaker 3>It was another ditch. I fell into no. No, it's

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<v Speaker 3>a choice. Okay, it's a choice.

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<v Speaker 2>And so you can choose to reignite your marriage.

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<v Speaker 5>So we have to feel really you have to be intentional.

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<v Speaker 4>I mean, you just want to keep honing in on

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<v Speaker 4>it in this in this season of busyness, because as

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<v Speaker 4>we're talked about, oneness is the goal.

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<v Speaker 5>So the scripture that we talked about the goal.

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<v Speaker 4>Of marriage is to become one. Flush to become one,

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<v Speaker 4>and to become one is something that happened the minute

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<v Speaker 4>that you said yes, a minute you said I do.

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<v Speaker 5>But then it's the rest of your lifetime to work

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<v Speaker 5>that out. So you have to ask yourself, what am

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<v Speaker 5>I What choices.

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<v Speaker 4>Am I making they're actually working against oneness? If I

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<v Speaker 4>say yes to this commitment, will that actually work against

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<v Speaker 4>oneness in my marriage?

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<v Speaker 5>Well? That actually pulled me away.

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<v Speaker 4>And to ask yourself that deliberate question, what is destroying

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<v Speaker 4>oneness in our relationship?

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<v Speaker 5>And you might be surprised at the answer.

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<v Speaker 3>What will create it?

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<v Speaker 2>You know, there's a verse in Revelation that says if

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<v Speaker 2>you've lost your first love, it says.

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<v Speaker 4>You return and do the things that you did before.

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<v Speaker 2>Return and do the things you did it first So

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<v Speaker 2>if you've lost that first love, what do you do?

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<v Speaker 2>You need to start doing the stuff you did before

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<v Speaker 2>the dating your mate. It's like that old cliche, if

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<v Speaker 2>there was more courting and marriage, there'd be fewer marriages

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<v Speaker 2>in court.

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<v Speaker 5>Oh come on, you guys laughed at that. You're pretty

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<v Speaker 5>saying about three million times.

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<v Speaker 3>How many times have you heard that, honey?

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<v Speaker 5>Countless?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, countless.

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<v Speaker 4>But it's always good, It's always good.

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<v Speaker 5>Okay.

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<v Speaker 4>So the next season is that season of summer where

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<v Speaker 4>things are good, things are easy.

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<v Speaker 5>It's that season in your life where really you're you're cooking.

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<v Speaker 4>With gas, every cylinder is working well.

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<v Speaker 5>You know, your your marriage is going strong, your kids

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<v Speaker 5>are doing well, your careers, you're just kind of you're

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<v Speaker 5>just doing really good. We have found that, unfortunately, that

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<v Speaker 5>season doesn't always last that long.

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<v Speaker 3>Does There's always something that interrupt it.

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<v Speaker 4>But summer is the time when there are that you

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<v Speaker 4>could just say in this man, things are going well

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<v Speaker 4>right now, and so what do you do?

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<v Speaker 5>How do you fight for your marriage in that season?

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<v Speaker 5>Because you would think what to fight for?

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<v Speaker 4>Everything is going great, No, that's the time to bank,

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<v Speaker 4>that's the time to invest, that's the time to.

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<v Speaker 5>Put roots down deep into the love in your.

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<v Speaker 4>Marriage, so that it stores up against the times that.

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<v Speaker 2>Are bad, because you can draw on those good memories

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<v Speaker 2>when you're in the tough and the bad times.

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<v Speaker 5>So it's really easy to get complacent.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, don't get complacent. That's really important. Don't take your

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<v Speaker 2>spouse for granted. When K got cancer and nearly died,

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<v Speaker 2>and I watched it thrown up every day with all

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<v Speaker 2>that chemo and radiation and all that stuff, and I

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<v Speaker 2>just made a vow I am never again taking my

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<v Speaker 2>wife for granted, because you don't know what's going to

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<v Speaker 2>happen to your spouse tomorrow.

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<v Speaker 3>You just don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>So part of my homework would be go on a

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<v Speaker 2>date this week. If you're married. As your pastor, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>commanding you to go on a date this week.

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<v Speaker 3>All right, Well, okay, we'll pay for it.

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<v Speaker 5>See me after the service.

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<v Speaker 4>This is the time in this season it's like to

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<v Speaker 4>go for marriage counseling. You can say, why in the

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<v Speaker 4>world would I do it now? I mean, the unfortunate

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<v Speaker 4>thing is that people wait too long. They do They

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<v Speaker 4>wait until the wheels fall.

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<v Speaker 5>Off the bus before they decided to get help.

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<v Speaker 4>Rick's idea of car maintenance is when the engine falls

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<v Speaker 4>out on the freeway, that's the time to get car maintenance.

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<v Speaker 4>But sometimes we treat marriage that same way. We act

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<v Speaker 4>as though I can put this off, I can put

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<v Speaker 4>this off. I know there's some problems, but you know

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<v Speaker 4>it's gonna get better, or it's gonna change or or

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<v Speaker 4>you know we'll do that next year.

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<v Speaker 5>And we wait too long.

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<v Speaker 3>You know what Kay is saying, it's so important. I

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<v Speaker 3>can't tell you how many men have come to me.

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<v Speaker 2>Uh and their wife was begging them to go get

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<v Speaker 2>some marriage counsel. And they said no, no, no, no,

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<v Speaker 2>And then their wife walked out the door and they go, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>now I'm ready.

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<v Speaker 3>Sorry, buddy, it's too late. Now, okay, it's a little late.

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<v Speaker 2>And this case said you should be getting the counsel

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<v Speaker 2>in the good times.

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<v Speaker 3>Now.

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<v Speaker 2>In our thirty nine years of marriage, anytime we get

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<v Speaker 2>a bumpy time, we get some counsel. So we've gone

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<v Speaker 2>to council lots of times over thirty nine years.

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<v Speaker 3>I remember the very first one when we first.

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<v Speaker 2>Got married, and we are so opposite in every area

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<v Speaker 2>and we just were butting heads. I mean, we've been

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<v Speaker 2>married thirty nine years, thirty seven wonderful years.

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<v Speaker 5>I would say thirty five.

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<v Speaker 3>The early ones.

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<v Speaker 2>We're a little really really rough. Not that we don't

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<v Speaker 2>have tough times today, but we do. But I remember

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<v Speaker 2>we just said, okay, we got to get some counsel.

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<v Speaker 2>I was making eight hundred dollars a month, that was

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<v Speaker 2>my salary when we first gotten married, and our counseling

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<v Speaker 2>bill was one hundred dollars a week, so half of

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<v Speaker 2>my salary was going to counseling. And I wracked up

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<v Speaker 2>a fifteen hundred dollars bill on MasterCard counsel I've often

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<v Speaker 2>said we should do a commercial for MasterCard sake.

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<v Speaker 3>MasterCard saved our marriage. Okay, saved marriage priceless. People say, well.

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<v Speaker 2>I can't afford counseling. We really, you can't afford not

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<v Speaker 2>to get it?

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, so banks, how much?

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<v Speaker 3>Wait minute, how much is your counsel work? How much

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<v Speaker 3>does your marriage work?

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<v Speaker 5>You got ahead of me on this, sad How.

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<v Speaker 3>Much is your happiness worth? I'd pay a million dollars

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<v Speaker 3>for what I got today? Okay, really it was worth.

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<v Speaker 5>We have worked hard to build a strong marriage. We

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<v Speaker 5>have worked hard. That's just it's not an exaggeration.

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<v Speaker 4>We have worked hard, and part of the reason we've

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<v Speaker 4>had to work so hard is because we are so different.

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<v Speaker 4>And that leads me to this season of fall, which

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<v Speaker 4>is the season of change.

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<v Speaker 5>And we want to talk about it from two aspects.

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<v Speaker 4>One, when change happens and it's good, you know you

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<v Speaker 4>it's but it's.

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<v Speaker 5>Major, it's a major upheaval.

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<v Speaker 4>And maybe there's a you relocate, or there's a new job,

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<v Speaker 4>or there's something changes pretty.

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<v Speaker 5>Drastically in your life.

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<v Speaker 4>And change can be kind of scary, can be frightening,

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<v Speaker 4>and yet if you're open to it, what may have

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<v Speaker 4>seemed like very difficult and unpleasant change can actually be

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<v Speaker 4>something that you look back and say, that was one

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<v Speaker 4>of the best things that ever happened to us.

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<v Speaker 5>So when change happens and it's.

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<v Speaker 4>It's huge, but it's good or it could be good,

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<v Speaker 4>have the attitude if I'm going to adjust to this,

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<v Speaker 4>I'm going to look for the good in this. I'm

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<v Speaker 4>going to find the good in this, and you may

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<v Speaker 4>be surprised at the change that happens.

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<v Speaker 5>It's good.

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<v Speaker 2>Let me say a couple of things about the change

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<v Speaker 2>that happens to us. First, if your marriage never changes,

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<v Speaker 2>boredom is setting it in a major way. And boredom

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<v Speaker 2>kills more marriages than almost anything, and so you have

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<v Speaker 2>to fight boredom with creativity.

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<v Speaker 1>What a great message from Pastor Rick today. There's something

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<v Speaker 1>I always take away from his message. Here's Rick to

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<v Speaker 1>tell you how you can help support this ministry.

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<v Speaker 2>Jesus told his disciples that they should live their lives

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<v Speaker 2>according to five specific purposes. He said, You've got to

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<v Speaker 2>love God with all your heart. That's worship, and love

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<v Speaker 2>your neighbors yourself. That's ministry. That's called the Great Commandment.

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<v Speaker 2>And then Jesus said, go make disciples. That's evangelism. Baptize

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<v Speaker 2>them into the Family of God. That's fellowship, a sign

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<v Speaker 2>of fellowship. And then he said, teach them obey everything

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<v Speaker 2>I've taught you. That's discipleship. And we call that the

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<v Speaker 2>Great Commission. We believe it daily hope that a great

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<v Speaker 2>commitment to the Great Commandment and the Great Commission will

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<v Speaker 2>produce a great Christian, a great church, a great company,

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<v Speaker 2>a great community. You know, I started daily hope so

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<v Speaker 2>I could spread the good news about Jesus, not just

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<v Speaker 2>across America, but all around the world. And we want

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<v Speaker 2>people to know that God's word is filled with hope

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<v Speaker 2>and truth, and the power that we need to follow

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<v Speaker 2>Him every day is available to every single one. You

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<v Speaker 2>know as well as I do, that the Word of

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<v Speaker 2>God changes lives. It's a live it's active, and it

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<v Speaker 2>breathes new life and new love into all of our lives.

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<v Speaker 2>So wherever you listen to this, whether you listen on

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<v Speaker 2>the website, whether you listen on a radio station, or

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<v Speaker 2>whether you listen to a podcast, you're a part of

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<v Speaker 2>the Daily Hope family and I need your help. We

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<v Speaker 2>could not do this without your support. We're one hundred

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<v Speaker 2>percent listener funded. Would you continue to pray for this

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<v Speaker 2>broadcast and would you continue to support us? And let

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<v Speaker 2>write to me, let me hear from you. I absolutely

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<v Speaker 2>love reading the stories that are sent to me. So

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<v Speaker 2>write me, pray for me, and support this ministry, and

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<v Speaker 2>God will bless it, and God will bless you, and

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<v Speaker 2>we'll get to heaven and we'll thank God for all

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<v Speaker 2>the people going to be in heaven because you cared.

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<v Speaker 7>Hey, if you'd like to support Pastor Rigs Daily Hope,

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<v Speaker 7>just go to Pastorick dot com. That's pastorick dot com,

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<v Speaker 7>or you can text the word hope to seven oh

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<v Speaker 7>three oh nine. That's the word hope to seven oh

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<v Speaker 7>three oh nine, And really, from the bottom of our hearts,

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<v Speaker 7>we thank you so much for your support. Your gift

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<v Speaker 7>to Daily Hope helps us share the hope of Christ

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<v Speaker 7>with people everywhere. Hey be sure to join us next

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<v Speaker 7>time when we look into God's word for our daily hope.

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<v Speaker 7>This program is sponsored by Pastor Rick's Daily Hope and

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<v Speaker 7>your generous financial support.