Speaker 1: I'm walking down Third Street yesterday, and what should I
Speaker 1: spy with my little eye in front of me? But
Speaker 1: this raccoon just just in the middle of the day,
Speaker 1: it was it was three pm. No, and this raccoon,
Speaker 1: by the way, you might think mangy, you might think,
Speaker 1: you might think, you might think thin. No, this this
Speaker 1: was a fat raccoon, which did make it cute.
Speaker 2: New York City doesn't have sen raccoons. New York City has.
Speaker 2: It has two types of raccoons, fat and muscular.
Speaker 1: Yes, And this raccoon, like it looked like a drag
Speaker 1: queen that was padded for the gods.
Speaker 2: Like just swinging.
Speaker 3: His or her or their hips right down Third Street.
Speaker 2: Real raccoons have curves.
Speaker 1: Falls, right, and like, look, do not approach raccoons on
Speaker 1: the street.
Speaker 3: But I was like, you go girl. From a far distance,
Speaker 3: I was like what.
Speaker 2: She started to tork.
Speaker 3: To work it. She made them cheeks clap, she did.
Speaker 2: My college roommate instilled the fear of God of raccoons
Speaker 2: into me the first time we were in Central Park.
Speaker 2: So I was like a dumb Florida kid who'd never
Speaker 2: really been around raccoons. She was like, oh, pretty, pretty,
Speaker 2: pretty burn cool, and my college roommate who grew up
Speaker 2: in Ohio was like, get away from it.
Speaker 3: It's ferrel, it is not ranger Rick.
Speaker 1: It will rip your face off with the supposable thumbs,
Speaker 1: it can get into your house.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, I was like, take a selfie with me.
Speaker 1: Hey, I'm Paul in America and this is that aged.
Speaker 2: Well, yesterday's pop culture today.
Speaker 1: And we are in the midst of Crazy Technology Month.
Speaker 1: We're talking about crazy technology.
Speaker 2: It is the year twenty twenty five, but in our
Speaker 2: hearts it is nineteen eighty. Laser beam.
Speaker 1: That's right, nineteen eighty laser beam was such a good
Speaker 1: time when technology wasn't so feared.
Speaker 2: Was both futuristic and super old timy all at the
Speaker 2: same time.
Speaker 1: And deeply deeply stupid. That's the other key ingredient, deeply stupid.
Speaker 1: We're talking about some dumb technology in this episode. But first, first,
Speaker 1: we do have some five star of Ustrea. Do you
Speaker 1: wanna read the first one?
Speaker 2: Sure? Our first review comes from Noel m a Q
Speaker 2: Love you guys. I'm not sure how I stumbled across
Speaker 2: this pod, but so happy I did. I'm fifty four.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, gen X, Yeah see you.
Speaker 3: We see you.
Speaker 2: So I was a teen in the eighties. I am
Speaker 2: so jealous of people who are teens in the eighties,
Speaker 2: because being a teen in the nineties was way less fun.
Speaker 2: It was fun, don't get me wrong. It's better than
Speaker 2: being a teen any other time since. But I am
Speaker 2: sella jealous of people who got to live in the glorious,
Speaker 2: absolutely dumb eighties and be teenagers in.
Speaker 1: That ees got to be shaped by those movies, in
Speaker 1: the way that we were shaped by the nineties movies.
Speaker 2: Who got to wear their hair with the all the
Speaker 2: aquinet before we realized that was gonna be a problem yep.
Speaker 1: Yep, hair sprayed with care free insussients.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, and whose parents were so coked out
Speaker 2: they were just like, just do your thing, girl, I
Speaker 2: don't care. I don't care.
Speaker 1: I'm still mad about them taking key parties away from us,
Speaker 1: so you can parent yourself.
Speaker 2: So Noel goes on to write love the recaps, the laughs,
Speaker 2: the banter, and the honest opinions even when I disagree,
Speaker 2: kind of love that I found this a few years in,
Speaker 2: so I won't run out of episodes for a long time.
Speaker 2: Thanks for covering all my fais. Oh my God, they
Speaker 2: got to experience Madonna in real time, Paul, in real time,
Speaker 2: in real time. They didn't come to it late like
Speaker 2: the rest of us.
Speaker 1: When they made a mixtape, it was an actual tape
Speaker 1: and sometimes they had to take a pencil and they
Speaker 1: had to roll the tape back up.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's so so satisfying.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the best. That's the best. All right. We
Speaker 3: have another review.
Speaker 1: This one comes from Podchaser and it was written by
Speaker 1: Kelly Dot Pillsbury, an heiress to the Pillsbury fortune.
Speaker 2: Brohups, Oh she's her father is the dough boy.
Speaker 3: That's right?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, he's a dough man.
Speaker 3: Now he's a dope man.
Speaker 1: Kelly Dot Pillsbury writes, absolutely fabulous podcast. I started with
Speaker 1: the movies that I loved, then the movies that I hate,
Speaker 1: and I'm finishing with the movies I haven't seen yet.
Speaker 1: I want an example of one you loved when you
Speaker 1: hated and one you haven't seen.
Speaker 3: I'm very curious. I want a cross section.
Speaker 1: May I suggest either Love Actually or Robinhood Prince of Thieves,
Speaker 1: both of which are loathsome aside from Alan.
Speaker 2: Rickman, ooh boy, have I got good news for you?
Speaker 2: Kelly Dot Pillsbury. We have since covered both of those films, so.
Speaker 1: That is incorrect. We have only covered Love Actually yes.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, we did Robinhood Prince of Thieves.
Speaker 3: Well, we did it.
Speaker 2: The other one. We did the other one we did
Speaker 2: we did the belt Brooks.
Speaker 3: Robinhood, Yeah, Robino Mednett.
Speaker 2: Basically the same movie call.
Speaker 1: This year has been full of assurances from you that
Speaker 1: we have done movies that we have absolutely not done.
Speaker 1: On this podcast, you're spreading misinformation like it like it's
Speaker 1: like its seeds on a field.
Speaker 2: Just call me Fox News baby, because I am out
Speaker 2: here just spread lies.
Speaker 1: You're a dandelion, just spraying all that stuff everywhere.
Speaker 2: I for five seconds was like I was gonna fight
Speaker 2: you on this line. I was gonna get sassy, and
Speaker 2: then I was like, no, wait, hang on, I'm wrong.
Speaker 2: I'm definitely wrong. Alan Rickman is so sexy in Robinhood
Speaker 2: Prince of Eve's.
Speaker 3: You have said this before.
Speaker 2: I'm very curious, absolutely no right to be.
Speaker 1: And I think you also said the Christian Slater wasn't,
Speaker 1: which really feels like a body swap situation.
Speaker 2: Christian Slater is one too young for me to find
Speaker 2: them sexy personally and two doing just the worst English
Speaker 2: accent you've ever heard. Take Drew Barrymore and ever if
Speaker 2: you're in multiply it by five lovely, it's that bad.
Speaker 1: I love to hear it, all right, Noel MQ, Kelly Pillsbury,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for these reviews. We love them.
Speaker 1: If you would like at that a twelve tope bag,
Speaker 1: just let us know this is you. I will send
Speaker 1: it off for you. Erica, what is the film today?
Speaker 2: Today's film is the nineteen eighty nine sci fi comedy Honey,
Speaker 2: I Shrunk the Kids.
Speaker 1: This movie needed more sound effects, needed more sound trombone, slide, whistle, whoope, cushion,
Speaker 1: that kind of thing it did.
Speaker 2: It needed fewer aunt deaths. Fuck that part of this movie.
Speaker 2: Don't make me fall in love with an animatronic ant
Speaker 2: and then murder it. How dare you so?
Speaker 3: Honey?
Speaker 1: I Shrugged the Kids was requested by Caroline Meghan Kelly
Speaker 1: with An I Kelly with a Y, steph Andy, Nanette,
Speaker 1: Danielle Son, Arah, Rebecca, Elise, Lauri, Mara, Nicole, Sophie, Miggy,
Speaker 1: Paula s Melissa, Dilia Allison, Sydney Ellen I couldn't get
Speaker 1: through it. K h Franziela, rob Ina Neurssa Morgan, k
Speaker 1: Lee Mary, and some people whose names I could not
Speaker 1: get off of the internet.
Speaker 3: How do you like that?
Speaker 2: Damn? This month got so many responses?
Speaker 1: It did all right, Honey Shrunk. The Kids was written
Speaker 1: by Ed Naha and Tom Schulman. It was directed by
Speaker 1: Joe Johnston and stars Rick Moranis, Marcia Strassman, Matt Frewer,
Speaker 1: Christine Sutherland, Amy O'Neill, Robert Oliveri, Thomas Wilson, and one
Speaker 1: that Aged Twell icon known as Jared.
Speaker 2: Rushton Jared Russian for those of you who don't know
Speaker 2: his name off top of your head. This is our
Speaker 2: third film with Jared Russian. He is a child actor
Speaker 2: extraordinaire from the eighties. He was in Overboard. He was
Speaker 2: the smart kid in the family of I think Paul
Speaker 2: called them fear erl Raccoons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was
Speaker 2: the smart one in that fam. Here's the inventor and
Speaker 2: he was Billy frum Big.
Speaker 3: The original best kid, the.
Speaker 2: Original best kid ever, Paul. This film has a best
Speaker 2: kid contender.
Speaker 1: I would actually submit it might have two best kid contenders.
Speaker 2: I see where you're going, I see where you're coming from. Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say just one, because one of them is
Speaker 2: so much better than all the other kids.
Speaker 1: Fair enough, I think I know who the number one is.
Speaker 1: There's a number one with a bullet What the fuck?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, honey. I Shrunk The Kids was an unexpected
Speaker 2: smash hit, spawning two sequels, a TV series, several theme
Speaker 2: park attractions. It was the highest grossing live action Disney
Speaker 2: film for five years, possibly being unseated by Missus Doubtfire.
Speaker 2: The Internet did not give Paul a clear answer on that,
Speaker 2: and he lost interest in the question.
Speaker 1: I started frankly, I was like searching like live action
Speaker 1: Disney movies from like like four years in the future,
Speaker 1: six years in the future, five years in the future.
Speaker 1: The only thing I can come up with in this
Speaker 1: is Doubtfire.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna skip ahead to one of our questions
Speaker 2: from later. I'm going to talk about when I first
Speaker 2: saw this movie.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: I first saw this movie in the theater with my family, sure,
Speaker 2: and then I saw it for the second time yesterday.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: However, I remembered a lot of this movie, and I
Speaker 2: was trying to figure out, why do I know this
Speaker 2: movie so goddamn well? And that is because I have
Speaker 2: ridden the ride at Epcot Center, oh probably five times.
Speaker 3: Okay, and I.
Speaker 2: Was like, oh my god, I know this movie through
Speaker 2: the ride at Epcot.
Speaker 3: And how accurate was the ride? Was it? Plot? Was
Speaker 3: it plot accurate?
Speaker 2: Plot wise? I don't remember. I mean, yeah, we got
Speaker 2: shrunk and we got big, That's yeah, that's it. But
Speaker 2: like scenery, wy, I was like, man, I remember what
Speaker 2: this backyard looks.
Speaker 3: Like in this movie.
Speaker 2: And that's because, through the magic of Disney, I was
Speaker 2: transported there several times as a kid.
Speaker 1: Well that you know that is important. Theme park representation, Yes, yea.
Speaker 2: Theme parks matter, is what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: They They absolutely do. They particularly matter because I don't
Speaker 1: ever want to go to one. So everyone should enjoy
Speaker 1: theme parks without me. Thank you, please, and thank.
Speaker 2: You did she never go to one as a kid ever.
Speaker 1: I went to a couple as a kid. We would
Speaker 1: go to like six Flags. I never cared for them.
Speaker 2: Look, I don't want to look maybe I'm going native here,
Speaker 2: being full Floridian, Like, maybe I don't want to sound
Speaker 2: like I'm encouraging people to come to Florida more than
Speaker 2: I actually am. But I'm telling you there is something
Speaker 2: really I mean, we're too old now, but like seeing
Speaker 2: Disney World when you're like twelve years old is so
Speaker 2: fucking nice.
Speaker 3: I went to Disney World once.
Speaker 1: I was on tour and we were in the area,
Speaker 1: so we went to Disney World on our day off.
Speaker 1: I went to the Magic Kingdom and I got a
Speaker 1: picture with Prince John from the animated Robin Hood and that.
Speaker 2: That was my See that's a magical moment, Paul.
Speaker 1: It was, yeah, yeah, so, and no one forced me
Speaker 1: to get on any goddamn roller coasters, which is also great.
Speaker 2: Oh the thing about Disney, about Magic Kingdom is there
Speaker 2: are no actually bad roller coasters. Okay, The problem is
Speaker 2: is your family went to real places with real fucking rides.
Speaker 2: The Disney ones are meant for like the soft, hardest
Speaker 2: children of all of us to go on them. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was a very soft boy. We all know this.
Speaker 1: Erica, a fourth sequel, was expected to be filmed in
Speaker 1: twenty twenty, with Rick Moranis having signed on to come
Speaker 1: out of retirement to film another Honey I Shrunk the
Speaker 1: Kids movie. For some reason, filming didn't happen. We don't
Speaker 1: need to get into it. Something happened in twenty twenty
Speaker 1: that paused this project and it has not been repicked up.
Speaker 1: It has stalled.
Speaker 2: Oh no, sir, Branna's come back. Baby. I feel like
Speaker 2: Dan Levy needs to write something for Rick, for Rick
Speaker 2: miranas right, he needs to get his father.
Speaker 3: In him the Canadian connection in a room.
Speaker 2: Together with Catherine O'Hara and be like, hey, I've written
Speaker 2: this for you. Three do yes? Yes, yeah, perfect, honey.
Speaker 2: I Shrunk the Kids has a seventy six percent critical
Speaker 2: rating on Rotten Tomatoes and a fifty four percent audience score.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It has an eighty six percent critical rating on Cherry Picks,
Speaker 2: perhaps because of the representation of one great kid.
Speaker 3: Yeah, one particular fantastic kid.
Speaker 2: When wonderful Best Kid contender, the first female Best Kid contender.
Speaker 2: I think we've ever.
Speaker 3: Had on this, I believe so Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah that audience score Who hurt you America?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Who hurt you?
Speaker 3: I don't get it, I really don't.
Speaker 1: It was funny because when I first saw this, I
Speaker 1: was like, wait, is there something that has aged so
Speaker 1: horribly that the audience score has like plummeted since its
Speaker 1: released because.
Speaker 3: I remembered it being a huge hit. But no, I
Speaker 3: don't get it.
Speaker 2: This film is delightful. The only honestly, the only thing
Speaker 2: I could possibly think of is it's adult who don't
Speaker 2: realize it's just how much of a kid's movie this is?
Speaker 3: I guess.
Speaker 2: Yeah. However, the clue is in the title. What did
Speaker 2: you think you were going in for?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: If you were like, well, this is such a fucking
Speaker 2: kids movie. Yeah, it's about four children, we get shrunk.
Speaker 1: It's not like Rick Moranis is known for like serious
Speaker 1: like period pieces. It was like, you know, you're getting
Speaker 1: silly if you get Rick Moranis.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Dan Levy, I know you're a listener. Yeah,
Speaker 2: period piece, serious period piece. It may be an adaptation
Speaker 2: of Jane Eyre. I don't know. Yeah, Starr as Jane
Speaker 2: as Jane and Eugene Levy as Rochester.
Speaker 3: Let's do it. Let's do it.
Speaker 2: Let's do it.
Speaker 1: Let's just remake the English patient with the Uh okay, Erica,
Speaker 1: you already answered the next question, so we know when
Speaker 1: you first saw the movie. When did I first see
Speaker 1: the movie? I'm like ninety five percent sure I saw
Speaker 1: this at home, like on a on a Blockbuster rental.
Speaker 1: I remember seeing the sequel in the theater because when
Speaker 1: we first did this, when we first staid we're going
Speaker 1: to do this, I was like, Oh, Kerrie Russell's in that,
Speaker 1: and you were like, she is.
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, it's Kerry Russell. She's not. She
Speaker 3: is in the sequel. She is the babysitter.
Speaker 2: Oh, I have not seen any The only part of
Speaker 2: this franchise I have participated in is the film and
Speaker 2: the Epcot Center ride, which I'm not even sure is
Speaker 2: still a thing. So wow, So you saw the second one.
Speaker 2: What happens in the second one? How does this happen?
Speaker 1: The family has another baby and rather than shrinking them,
Speaker 1: he like enlarges him.
Speaker 3: So it's honey, I blew up the kid.
Speaker 1: And then they have like this like Godzilla like infant,
Speaker 1: like wandering around Nevada or something like that.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm glad I haven't seen that.
Speaker 1: I don't remember it well enough to offer a critical
Speaker 1: take on it. I saw it once in the theaters
Speaker 1: and then never again. But for some reason, remember that
Speaker 1: Cary Russell was in it.
Speaker 2: You love you saw some carry Russell.
Speaker 1: I do love Carry Russell. You're right, You're right, all right, Erica.
Speaker 1: Are you ready for the tagline? Yes, the most astonishing,
Speaker 1: innovative backyard adventure of all time.
Speaker 2: No, that's bad. That's so bad, it's dumb. You can't
Speaker 2: have a title as good as Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and then a bad tagline.
Speaker 3: Tagline should just be whoops.
Speaker 2: Honestly, you nailed it so hard with the title. I
Speaker 2: don't think you need a tagline. This film could go taglineless.
Speaker 3: The title is the tagline.
Speaker 2: The title is the tagline. The title is everything.
Speaker 1: Like if the title of the movie was a backyard
Speaker 1: adventure or whatever something, then Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
Speaker 1: could be the.
Speaker 2: Tag perfect right, Okay, moving on, moving.
Speaker 3: Moving on, moving on. Would you like me to read
Speaker 3: the iTunes synopsis?
Speaker 4: Sure?
Speaker 1: Rick Moranas Stars is a preoccupied inventor who just can't
Speaker 1: seem to get his electromagnetic shrinking machine to work. Then,
Speaker 1: when he accidentally shrinks his kids down to one quarter
Speaker 1: inch tall and tosses them out in the trash, that
Speaker 1: that is libel or that is yellow journalism right there.
Speaker 2: I don't think I don't think he's there one quarterage.
Speaker 2: I think they're smaller than that.
Speaker 1: Honestly, the stize these kids goes down is a moving target.
Speaker 2: Give us a lot of really dodgy science happening in
Speaker 2: this film, like what they can and can't hear, and
Speaker 2: why you've gotta just place all of that at the
Speaker 2: door and be like, just go with it, just let
Speaker 2: it flow over me like art yeap exactly.
Speaker 1: So, the synopsis goes on, he tossed them into the
Speaker 1: trash and the real adventure begins. Now the kids face
Speaker 1: incredible dangers as they try to make their way home
Speaker 1: through the jungle of their own backyard. Hurricane sprinklers, dive
Speaker 1: bombing bees, a runaway lawnmower, and much much more that
Speaker 1: is not a runaway lawnmower that is not dive bombing bees.
Speaker 3: This is terrible. This is misrepresenting everything that is.
Speaker 2: A little bit dive bombing bees. I'm gonna go I'll
Speaker 2: give them dive I'll give them dive bombing bees.
Speaker 3: The bees just being the bee is just doing what
Speaker 3: bees do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it is also dive bombing. The synopsis does
Speaker 2: not include any mention of the most tragic figure in
Speaker 2: the film, and that is the man next door, mister Russell. Thompson.
Speaker 3: He's a Greek tragic figure, and.
Speaker 2: Greek tragic figure that is Russell Thompson.
Speaker 3: Do you have an actual sis? Did they includes Russell? Aha?
Speaker 2: We should do like a documentary about Russell and be
Speaker 2: like like a nature film narrated by Burderherzog. Being like
Speaker 2: and now look as the toxic man tries to smoke
Speaker 2: a cigarette, fearful of his own insignificance in ever expanding universe.
Speaker 1: Or narrative, but like David Attenborron, like here, we watch
Speaker 1: as the toxic man attempts to feel things around his son's.
Speaker 1: Note how he struggles with his facial expressions and cannot
Speaker 1: express anything other than rage. Will we learn by the
Speaker 1: end of the film. We can only hope.
Speaker 2: Just watch as he ignores his second son to curry
Speaker 2: favor with the one who hates him. It is his
Speaker 2: tragic cycle that he will live on forever, like Pycifus, forever, however,
Speaker 2: carrying the weight of toxic masculinity up the hill of death.
Speaker 1: I think that's an excellent actual synopsis. The boulder of
Speaker 1: masculinity up the hill of death. Excellent, that's poetry. All right, everyone,
Speaker 1: stick around, We will be right back after some messages
Speaker 1: you don't want to hear ads you skid doat all.
Speaker 1: Over to the Patreon that is patreon dot com slash
Speaker 1: dot age well podcast. You sign up at any paid
Speaker 1: level and we will provide for you ad free episodes,
Speaker 1: and more and more. You get to vote, you could
Speaker 1: get thanked, you could get a bonus content. All of
Speaker 1: this stuff is available on the Patreon. Get the there
Speaker 1: or don't stick around. Listen to these ads and we
Speaker 1: will be right back to take you through. Honey, I
Speaker 1: shrunk the kids and we're back.
Speaker 2: We open on hooray an animated credits perfect. That's when
Speaker 2: you know it's gonna be a good one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1: The animated credit sequence never misses.
Speaker 2: Look, I'm just gonna start here. My expectations were low. Sure,
Speaker 2: I went in going all right, maybe this is fine,
Speaker 2: probably has some pretty shitty things in it that we're
Speaker 2: gonna have to call out. Blah blah blah, Paul, this
Speaker 2: movie is a goddamn gym. It is so enjoyable.
Speaker 1: I was really preparing for like some uses of like
Speaker 1: the R word. I feel like I just thought that
Speaker 1: that's just like endemic of being made in the eighties
Speaker 1: or the nineties, whenever this was made the right late eighties.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but also it's four kids, and it is the
Speaker 2: best kind of four kids movie. It's the Goonies. If
Speaker 2: you think about it, it's like you take a bunch
Speaker 2: of kids who don't really like each other, put them
Speaker 2: in a situation where they're in danger, and then they
Speaker 2: all become best friends.
Speaker 1: And they only scream when it is appropriate for them
Speaker 1: to scream. When they're delivering their lines, they deliver it
Speaker 1: in a normal volume of voice, which I greatly appreciated.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I really liked this movie. Now as a forty
Speaker 2: something year old watching it on my couch at home,
Speaker 2: did I ever so slightly wander sometimes? Yeah, sure, I
Speaker 2: know they're going to get home, and I don't need
Speaker 2: I don't need a five minute sequence of them doing something. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but like that was rare, and honestly, the movie like
Speaker 2: moves fast.
Speaker 3: It does there.
Speaker 1: There was a moment in the movie where I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't really think if this happened in reality, all
Speaker 1: four of those kids are getting home.
Speaker 3: I think one makes it.
Speaker 2: Oh Honestly, I was like, A these kids should never
Speaker 2: they you know what, we'll get back, We'll get there's
Speaker 2: a moment where they reunite after being separated, and I'm like, Nope,
Speaker 2: no fucking way correct. So okay, we see in the
Speaker 2: animated title sequence, two kids, shrunk down in size, flee
Speaker 2: from and around household objects that have been transformed into
Speaker 2: obstacles and hazards by their relative size.
Speaker 1: We smashed cut to a suburban street and into the
Speaker 1: Zolensky house. I did the recap for this one. The
Speaker 1: number of times I had to type the word Zelensky.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: Like someone's ancestors didn't go through Ellis Island. That would
Speaker 1: have been Smith in a hot second.
Speaker 2: If I was like, this is rough, that would have
Speaker 2: been Silence. Silence, My last name is silence. Uh.
Speaker 1: In the house, there are there's a Rube Goldberg invention
Speaker 1: for everything from the toaster to the phone, the kind
Speaker 1: of inventions that you're like, are these really saving time?
Speaker 2: They are not. But also the eighties wrote I've said
Speaker 2: this before and I'll say it again, the eighties wrote
Speaker 2: a check that life did not cash because I thought
Speaker 2: Rube Goldberg type machines were going to be such a
Speaker 2: huge part of my existence based on I'm not kidding,
Speaker 2: this is like the seventh film we've done. That's sad
Speaker 2: one of these. Yeah, and we haven't even done the
Speaker 2: best one, Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Oh boy, that is
Speaker 2: the best Rue Goldberg Machine. I stand by it. I
Speaker 2: stand by it. Frankly, the world has disappointed me.
Speaker 3: You know what.
Speaker 1: I agree because I remember as a kid being fascinated, Yeah, fascinated.
Speaker 1: Oh I can click this button and eighteen different things
Speaker 1: will happen, and suddenly someone will hand me a piece
Speaker 1: of toast.
Speaker 2: I will never ever have to crack an egg as
Speaker 2: an adult on this planet.
Speaker 3: That's rover, because I'm not a peasant.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: So the Zelinski's teenage daughter Amy played by Amy O'Neil.
Speaker 3: Look, let's get out of the way. This is the
Speaker 3: best kid candidate.
Speaker 2: This is our best kid contender in this film. Okay?
Speaker 2: Is she better than Chris from stand By Me? No? No,
Speaker 2: But I'm gonna put her in Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez territory.
Speaker 3: In my ranking.
Speaker 1: I'm still saying Chris from stand By Me, Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez.
Speaker 1: I think Amy is edging out Billy from Big for
Speaker 1: that third spot. She may be getting the bronze medal.
Speaker 2: Billy is still more ingenious than she is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the thing about Billy is he requires a
Speaker 1: lawful good to balance out his chaotic neutral alignment.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, she is smarter than Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez, which
Speaker 2: is why I'm almost putting her neck and neck with
Speaker 2: that kid.
Speaker 1: Oh, if we're awarding intelligence, yeah, she is smarter than
Speaker 1: Benjamin frank I can admit that. I just think that
Speaker 1: Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez.
Speaker 2: She has the emotional intelligence of Benjamin Franklin.
Speaker 1: Now see there there, that's where he shines. He has
Speaker 1: more emotional intelligence than Amy. She has more book smarts
Speaker 1: she does.
Speaker 2: But what she does for her family, the emotional labor
Speaker 2: her family forces her to do on top of physical labor.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's borderline Cinderella is what we're talking about.
Speaker 3: This girl is doing too much for six.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be building a case today for Amy Slazynski.
Speaker 2: Sazynski whatever, however, is pronounced to be a best kid.
Speaker 1: So Amy, we're just gonna start here. She's making breakfast
Speaker 1: for her younger brother, Nick, played by Robert OLIVERI, who's
Speaker 1: he's like eight or nine ish.
Speaker 2: This kid is nuclear level cute.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he looks like a puppy.
Speaker 2: There is a Jack Russell terrier in this film that
Speaker 2: they showed like giant, enormous close ups of its adorable
Speaker 2: little nose, and I still think this kid is cuter.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Amy's on the phone.
Speaker 1: She's gleefully telling a friend that quote unquote, Paul broke
Speaker 1: up with his girlfriend and she's meeting him at the
Speaker 1: mall later and maybe, just maybe he's gonna invite me
Speaker 1: to the dance.
Speaker 3: I don't know. She's very excited.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of sick burns in this movie, like
Speaker 2: truly excellent sick burns, and here's one of them. She's
Speaker 2: talking about Paul's ex girlfriend, Unseen the Unseen Girl, and
Speaker 2: she's telling her friend they broke up for religious reasons.
Speaker 2: She thought she was God and he disagreed. Nailed it,
Speaker 2: damn it, Amy, Now why are you coming in so hard?
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, Nick is playing like with legos or like little
Speaker 1: building toys in a lab coat, constructing something that looks
Speaker 1: like a futuristic laser. So what we have here is
Speaker 1: like Amy's the popular high school student, her little brother
Speaker 1: is more of a nerd. Amy tells her friend that
Speaker 1: their parents had an argument the night before, so her
Speaker 1: mother spent the night at her parents' house. So her
Speaker 1: mother spent the night at Amy's grandparents house. Furthermore, her
Speaker 1: father has a big presentation at the lab, so she
Speaker 1: has to watch Nick for the day. And after she
Speaker 1: hangs up, Nick with his little puppy dog eyes and
Speaker 1: his little lab coat, walks up to his older sister
Speaker 1: and says, Amy, when's mom coming home? And Amy has
Speaker 1: to say she's just working. She's definitely gonna be home
Speaker 1: this afternoon, even though she wasn't home last night to
Speaker 1: tuck you in or to say good night, apparently because
Speaker 1: she was like, I'm out.
Speaker 2: I have had it up to here with my f
Speaker 2: reckliss husband. That's the tenor of it, right. Rick moranis
Speaker 2: is so wrapped up in his own thing that he's
Speaker 2: he's ignored his family and his and he's he's become
Speaker 2: a burden to his own family, and the mom has
Speaker 2: had it. The movie sets this up like it's like
Speaker 2: like you're gonna see some draw to the mo. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it just does not come back.
Speaker 3: It doesn't. It doesn't.
Speaker 1: The parents had a very normal like marital spat. It
Speaker 1: feels like in which the person who was wrong, which
Speaker 1: is Rick moranis immediately kind of admits that he was
Speaker 1: wrong and like everything seems to be baseline fine, maybe
Speaker 1: not great, but it's gonna be okay.
Speaker 2: He's too yell at each other, way less than the
Speaker 2: other couple who's very happy together.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So Amy wrings her father in his lab in the attic,
Speaker 2: and we cut upstairs to find Wayne Zelinski, played by
Speaker 2: the great and good Rick moranis, yes, hard at work
Speaker 2: on his shrink ray. Yeah, he is a science He's
Speaker 2: a mad scientist, but adorable.
Speaker 1: He is the kind of character that need Rick moranis
Speaker 1: to play. So you're not like this man is a
Speaker 1: menace and should be jailed.
Speaker 4: Truly.
Speaker 2: The casting is aces across the board to everyone, adults
Speaker 2: and kids, because the adults, the adult actors, the two
Speaker 2: fathers in particular, really balance a tightrope between being terrible
Speaker 2: and adorable, and they both managed to do it. So
Speaker 2: he sends down a message to his daughter over a
Speaker 2: keyboard that's like prototypical, like bad bad texting. This movie
Speaker 2: walk so bad texting could run. It says be down
Speaker 2: on fine mimics, which Amy reads and immediately says she
Speaker 2: knows what it says. She goes be down in five minutes,
Speaker 2: guess he's typing with his gloves on again. We pan
Speaker 2: over to his neighbor's house and we find Russell and
Speaker 2: May Thompson, Matt Frewer, and Christine Sutherland aka Buffy's mom.
Speaker 1: Buffy's mom is in this movie. We have a Buffy's
Speaker 1: mom's sighting.
Speaker 2: First of all, Christine Sutherland's not in the FCOT ride.
Speaker 2: So truly, the one time I saw this movie, I
Speaker 2: did not know who Buffy's mom was. I did not
Speaker 2: understand the gift I was being given.
Speaker 1: That's right, if we talk about best parents in like
Speaker 1: pop culture, Buffy's mom's in the conversation.
Speaker 2: You mean this character here that she's.
Speaker 1: Made No, No, I mean I mean I mean Joyce
Speaker 1: Summers on Buffy Joyce Summers.
Speaker 2: Yes, but also May Thompson.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't cast Christine Sutherland to play a bad mom.
Speaker 2: You just don't what she has to put up with
Speaker 2: with the men in her life. It's a lot.
Speaker 3: She Frankly, she.
Speaker 2: Doesn't have an amy, right, she doesn't have an amy
Speaker 2: to carry, to carry the burden.
Speaker 1: And she's not pulling the escape patch and ejecting herself
Speaker 1: out for a night to take a take a sleep
Speaker 1: at the local four seasons.
Speaker 2: Oh she can't.
Speaker 3: It's not allowed.
Speaker 2: If May Thompson leaves the house for fifteen minutes, those three,
Speaker 2: those three kangaroos that she lives with, just start destroying
Speaker 2: everything you see, like a kangaroo with boxing gloves on.
Speaker 2: That's who she's living with, three of those, yep. And
Speaker 2: they're just circling each other, looking for a fight, just
Speaker 2: begging each other to say the wrong thing.
Speaker 1: You are correct. We have sung the praise of Christine Sutherland.
Speaker 1: I really want to quickly just say Matt Frewer is
Speaker 1: also like an amazing character actor.
Speaker 3: People might know him.
Speaker 1: He's Max Headroom, Headroom, Max Headroom, and he's also the
Speaker 1: big bad doctor on Orphan Black, and that is my
Speaker 1: association with him, and I was like, oh no, this
Speaker 1: guy's gonna be creepy. And he fights through all of
Speaker 1: that association to be like, oh no, I get you.
Speaker 3: I like you.
Speaker 2: You're absolutely right because he plays a character that's almost
Speaker 2: top to bottom unlikable yep, but he imbues it with
Speaker 2: so much vulnerability. Yeah, I got all my biggest laughs
Speaker 2: from that guy.
Speaker 1: I notice how the toxic man starts crying as soon
Speaker 1: as he turns away from his family. This is the
Speaker 1: pain that he can no longer suppress once he is
Speaker 1: not under their judgmental gazes, uch as.
Speaker 2: He puts a cigarette in his mouth for a brief moment,
Speaker 2: tasting the joy of freedom before it is ripped away
Speaker 2: from him. Okay, so the Thompsons are in their home.
Speaker 2: They're trying to sleep in because it's a Saturday morning.
Speaker 3: But that is important. It is Saturday, that's gonna come
Speaker 3: up later.
Speaker 2: That is important. It is during the school year, So
Speaker 2: these two are trying to sleep in. Unfortunately, Wayne's work
Speaker 2: next door is loud enough to wake Russell up. Russell
Speaker 2: is so irritated He's like, I'm gonna go over there
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna kill that guy. And he's a bit
Speaker 2: of a rage monster.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: May is like she's she's she's unflappable, and she's also
Speaker 2: like not scared at all of her husband, who she
Speaker 2: knows is all barket. Note By they manage these very
Speaker 2: gendered tropes in this movie in a way that's skillfully
Speaker 2: enough done that I'm not annoyed by it. I am
Speaker 2: almost annoyed by it. If I'm being honest, I am
Speaker 2: almost annoyed by it, but I'm not.
Speaker 1: I also think this one is a little more nuanced
Speaker 1: oddly than the lead one. Like like the Zelenski's, I
Speaker 1: found a little bit more frustrating than the Thompson's.
Speaker 2: For me, it's the other way around, only because the
Speaker 2: Zelenskis aren't following like the gender norms. Okay, the time,
Speaker 2: she's a breadwinner. She's the you know, she's the person
Speaker 2: who handles there, and he's just kind of this like
Speaker 2: aloof guy in the backgrounds. It's like she has another kid,
Speaker 2: almost all right.
Speaker 1: So Russell storms outside, only to be caught in the
Speaker 1: makeshift trap that his younger son, Ron played by Jared
Speaker 1: Rushton also known as Billy from Big has set up
Speaker 1: to ward off intruders.
Speaker 3: Ron is twelve.
Speaker 1: Russell winds up with one of those suction cupped arrows
Speaker 1: super glued to his forehead. So this is important. Ron,
Speaker 1: the younger kid, is the son that Russell kind of wants.
Speaker 1: He likes fishing, he likes camping, he likes, for lack
Speaker 1: of a better term, guy stuff.
Speaker 2: It's stuff like this that makes this movie sing because
Speaker 2: it's like this younger kid is basically emulating his father
Speaker 2: in every way, the way the younger son and the
Speaker 2: other family is emulating his father in every way. They're
Speaker 2: each other's heroes, and yet the fathers are kind of
Speaker 2: both absent in their lives. It's really well does thoughtful
Speaker 2: this movie.
Speaker 1: So Russell storms back in the house with May following him.
Speaker 1: Ron has the suction cupped arrows attached.
Speaker 3: To a fishing line.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, And he gets a certain distance, he
Speaker 1: says he's sounding, and then he yanks it, ripping the
Speaker 1: arrow off his father's head. Now I assume sounding has
Speaker 1: something to do with fishing. I made the mistake because
Speaker 1: I didn't think about it first of just looking up
Speaker 1: sounding on the Google machine, and don't do that, because
Speaker 1: it means something different that I actually did know about
Speaker 1: prior to I just didn't think about it in the moment.
Speaker 1: If you want to look us up, look up sounding
Speaker 1: meaning in fishing.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah, I've seen what you're seeing. Now, I
Speaker 2: saw what you saw.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't want to talk about that.
Speaker 1: No, neither do I I'm just warning people I don't
Speaker 1: know what sounding means in fishing. Still because any information
Speaker 1: was destroyed by the first Google.
Speaker 2: Yeah, first Google, your computer was like, are you sure, okay, okay,
Speaker 2: it's a technique that uses sound waves to locate fish
Speaker 2: and measure water depths. I don't. That's the first thing
Speaker 2: that came up, and I receive used to look into
Speaker 2: it further.
Speaker 1: Frankly, we've again lost interest in the question prior to
Speaker 1: getting a good answer.
Speaker 3: That's our theme for this episode.
Speaker 2: I've been fishing exactly once. It was fine, it was fine.
Speaker 3: I've been fishing exactly once. It was terrible.
Speaker 2: Oh, I didn't mind it so much. Beating the hook
Speaker 2: was the only part. I didn't want to do, none
Speaker 2: of it. Pass. I did get to scale and guta
Speaker 2: fish once. That was pretty fun, hard pass. I don't
Speaker 2: know why that was okay, But the hook part was
Speaker 2: I was like no.
Speaker 1: So while all this is going on, we quickly cut
Speaker 1: to Amy just doing chores inside the house and she comments,
Speaker 1: weird family, right, So we have this setup of like
Speaker 1: this kind of frenemy relationship between the two neighbors.
Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, Amy doing housework without being asked, yep,
Speaker 2: just without complaint, doing her best. She burns the toast
Speaker 2: her brother's like, I can't eat that, and she's like,
Speaker 2: well then you're not eating That's good parenting. So we
Speaker 2: cut upstairs in the Celensky house. Quork, the family dog
Speaker 2: played by Sammy, the goddamn cutest Jack Russell terrier you
Speaker 2: ever did see.
Speaker 3: And also the true hero of the film.
Speaker 2: Yeah, dogs are the best. We don't deserve dogs. We
Speaker 2: don't deserve dogs. There have been Jack Russell terriers in
Speaker 2: a lot of pop culture. This is the jewe law
Speaker 2: of Jack Russell terriers. This is the handsomest boy that
Speaker 2: ever handsomed.
Speaker 3: Wow Moose from Fraser.
Speaker 4: Alert, Sorry Moose from Fraser Got's fired?
Speaker 2: Yea burnt? That one Jack Russell terrier that was in
Speaker 2: that great movie Beginners with You and McGregor. Ye burnt.
Speaker 2: So Quark watches as Wayne, desperate to make his invention work,
Speaker 2: gives the shrink ray an apple to try on. So
Speaker 2: he's trying to shrink an apple down and he's staring
Speaker 2: at it as the shrink ray is doing his shrink
Speaker 2: ray thing, and he's like, come on, shrink, shrink, shrink,
Speaker 2: and then unfortunately the apple explodes everywhere. And the prop
Speaker 2: guy has never seen one apple explode because the amount
Speaker 2: of apple exploding.
Speaker 3: That happened my exact note.
Speaker 2: You would have thought a bushel had gone off in
Speaker 2: that room.
Speaker 1: How did that much flesh come from one single red,
Speaker 1: delicious apple.
Speaker 2: Also, there is a glop of it on Rick Moranis's
Speaker 2: cheek that looks like jizz. Look, I'm not proud that
Speaker 2: I made that association during this movie, but that's just
Speaker 2: that is what it is. Am I wrong?
Speaker 3: Don't worry. You're not wrong. Don't worry.
Speaker 1: There's more jiz content coming in this episode. Everyone buckle up.
Speaker 2: Oh do you know what? That's the only jizz content
Speaker 2: I recall. But I was like, I was a little
Speaker 2: grossed out by. I was like, you know, take that
Speaker 2: off of Rick Brannis's face. Any other actor I'd be
Speaker 2: fine with it, but not Rick Frannis.
Speaker 1: Back at the Thompson's, Russell and May greet their older son.
Speaker 1: The movie calls him little Russ. I'm just gonna call
Speaker 1: him Russ. Russ is the kid. Russell is the father done.
Speaker 1: He is played by Thomas Wilson. He's kind of an
Speaker 1: age with Amy. I think he's meant to be the
Speaker 1: same age. The movie isn't one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: Clear on that they're like sixteen.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: A big part of this kid's storyline is the fact
Speaker 1: that he's small. Matt Frewer is quite tall. I'd say
Speaker 1: he's well over six feet tall, whereas this kid looks
Speaker 1: to be like five six five seven maybe, Like I
Speaker 1: was like, how tall is this kid?
Speaker 3: Actually? I looked it up and the Internet was like,
Speaker 3: he's five eleven.
Speaker 1: I'm like, he's not five eleven, or else he had
Speaker 1: a growth spurt after Honey, I shrunk the kids.
Speaker 3: One of those two things is true. That kid is
Speaker 3: not five eleven.
Speaker 1: Anyway, Russell is very excited about this fishing trip that
Speaker 1: they have planned. It's gonna be great. Russ, who just
Speaker 1: woke up, is like completely dead eyed, closes the door
Speaker 1: in his father's face basically, and May tells Russell that, look,
Speaker 1: he was cut from the football team yesterday, and Russell
Speaker 1: can't believe it. How could his kid have been cut
Speaker 1: from the football team. Look, if this movie is made today,
Speaker 1: Russ is a gay kid.
Speaker 2: Like Oh, to be clear, the actor who plays Russ
Speaker 2: looks like all the members of Duran. Duran. Russ looks
Speaker 2: like if Wham was American and one hundred percent straight.
Speaker 2: That is what that kid looks like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the feather on the hair.
Speaker 2: Google Duran Duran. I'm not kidding. He could run away
Speaker 2: with Duran Duran. They would not even notice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's a Disney movie. B it's in nineteen
Speaker 1: eighty nine, like they they He's just not into fishing
Speaker 1: and sports and outdoorsy stuff.
Speaker 3: He's a more sensitive soul.
Speaker 2: It's not even like he's an artist, Like, you know,
Speaker 2: I expected him to be like I want to draw
Speaker 2: or paint or whatever, but that's not even it. He's
Speaker 2: just like, I'm just not into that. I don't know
Speaker 2: what I'm into.
Speaker 4: Man.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it might be boys, or they would have.
Speaker 2: Made him smart or something instead, like maybe I just
Speaker 2: want to read all day? Is that a problem for you, dude?
Speaker 1: Watch is the toxic Mail tries to interact with his
Speaker 1: faggy son.
Speaker 3: He's bewildered.
Speaker 2: Behold as this dinosaur from the fifties is rebuffed by
Speaker 2: a new wave icon no only.
Speaker 3: As Russ Russ.
Speaker 2: We cut back to the Zelenski's. They're having breakfast because
Speaker 2: Amy burnt the breakfast because she's not perfect, guys, right,
Speaker 2: she wants to be, but she's not.
Speaker 3: She's better than any of us.
Speaker 2: To be, she's better than all of us, yea combined.
Speaker 2: Nick sneaks a little Debbie oatmeal cream pie to avoid
Speaker 2: the burnt toast, so he has a little box of
Speaker 2: cream pies under the table. Oh my god, did this
Speaker 2: make me want to eat a little Debbie oatmeal cream pie.
Speaker 3: I don't think I've ever had one.
Speaker 2: Those are good, Okay, I mean, well, my memory of
Speaker 2: it might be better than the actuality. The kid I
Speaker 2: used to babysit when I was a kid had like
Speaker 2: their family stocked him and so they were like, you
Speaker 2: can eat whatever you want. I was like, basically there
Speaker 2: for the food.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Amy asks Wayne about the conference that he has to
Speaker 2: go to that day, you know, a Saturday conference.
Speaker 3: Saturday conference that happens.
Speaker 2: Which causes Wayne to realize, oh my god, I'm late,
Speaker 2: and he runs around into tizzy. Meanwhile, his wife, Diane
Speaker 2: played by Marcia Strasman, calls the house. She's where She's
Speaker 2: still her at her parents' house. She's at her the
Speaker 2: grandparents house. She calls to check in. She wishes Wayne
Speaker 2: good luck. There seems to be absolutely no animosity between
Speaker 2: these two.
Speaker 3: Correct.
Speaker 2: Wayne promises that if this presentation goes, well, everything will
Speaker 2: change for them.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: She tells him that she has a house to show
Speaker 2: she's a real to her and she'll they'll talk that afternoon.
Speaker 2: When she's finished, they hang up the phone. He tells
Speaker 2: the kids to clean up the place, so he tells
Speaker 2: Nick to mow the lawn and Amy he looks. He
Speaker 2: looks around the house and he's like, good luck. Only
Speaker 2: Rick Miranas can make this work. It's so sweet coming
Speaker 2: from him. He just he genuinely means good luck. He said,
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry I have saddled you with all the
Speaker 2: adult responsibility in this house. Yeah. Amy takes it on
Speaker 2: the chin and is like, okay, dad uh.
Speaker 1: Nick is not interested in doing the work. He doesn't
Speaker 1: want to mow the lawn. Frankly, I don't know that
Speaker 1: you should send your eight year old to mow the
Speaker 1: lawn regardles. It feels unsafe. But we don't have time
Speaker 1: to dwell on that.
Speaker 2: I have thoughts about this scene continue.
Speaker 1: He brings his friend Tommy over to bamboozle Tommy into
Speaker 1: doing it. Tommy, they walk around the house. Tommy is
Speaker 1: on a skateboard. This kid is skateboarding with the confidence
Speaker 1: of me on a skateboard right now today, like he is.
Speaker 1: Tommy is obviously reluctant to just do the chores until
Speaker 1: Nick shows him that like the mower is a remote
Speaker 1: control like robot rumba kind of thing that Wayne has
Speaker 1: set up, and then Tommy's excited to basically play with
Speaker 1: the toy. He agrees because I'll have to do it later,
Speaker 1: and Nick decides, Okay, that's acceptable.
Speaker 2: Good for Nick. I love the moxie. I love that
Speaker 2: he manipulated some. I don't think these two are friends.
Speaker 2: I think it's a random neighbor kid.
Speaker 3: Also possible. Yeah, he looks a bit older.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's older. He's obviously cool. Paul, He's on a skateboard.
Speaker 1: Right, he's inching down the sidewalk on a skateboard.
Speaker 2: He's obviously a cool kid, whereas Nick is a dork. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and so I love that Nick is manipulating another kid
Speaker 2: into doing his work. Excellent. No, no, its not only
Speaker 2: did he manipulate the kid, He's like, I'll let you
Speaker 2: do it if you want, and the kid's like really,
Speaker 2: and he's like for a box of cookies. He is
Speaker 2: that kid is paying Nick for the privilege of doing
Speaker 2: Nicked chores excellent.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, back at the Thompson's, Big Russell is preparing for
Speaker 2: the camping trip. He is packing for a month long
Speaker 2: journey into the wilderness. This is a weekend getaway.
Speaker 3: I will say. He has two teen boys with him.
Speaker 2: Oh maybe I'm unaware of how much they can eat.
Speaker 1: They go through cycles and there are because I cook
Speaker 1: for my nephews, and there are times where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I have to make like eight pounds of chicken, and
Speaker 1: I may not have enough, or I may have six
Speaker 1: pounds of chicken left over. There's like no telling. You
Speaker 1: don't know where they're gonna hit. Yeah, but when they hit,
Speaker 1: they go hard.
Speaker 2: They gord. Yeah, he is, he is, He is packing
Speaker 2: enough food to feed Like the Donner Party during.
Speaker 1: That Peruvian soccer team would not have had to resort
Speaker 1: to cannibalism if they had Russell packing the plane.
Speaker 2: It was a Odawaian rugby team.
Speaker 1: Get your fast straight ball more misinformation on this podcast,
Speaker 1: Son of a bit.
Speaker 3: They went down in Peru, Is that right?
Speaker 2: No, they went down and well over the Andies. Actually
Speaker 2: I'm not sure exactly where in Peru. You're thinking of
Speaker 2: the Chilean miners.
Speaker 1: Perhaps, what's the difference. They're all from the Southern Hemisphere.
Speaker 2: Diffriend countries down there, Paul, come on, man, be better. So,
Speaker 2: while Russell's preparing for the trip and poor Ron is
Speaker 2: doing everything he can to get his dad's attention. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Russ lounges around the yard reading a magazine.
Speaker 1: Listening to it, reading a tiger beat, listening to Madonna.
Speaker 2: Ron asks both of them to play baseball. He's like, hey, dad,
Speaker 2: want to play baseball with me? You want to play catch?
Speaker 2: And the old man's like, who are you again? Yeah,
Speaker 2: oh right, my other son.
Speaker 3: No, despare no, thank you, Ah.
Speaker 2: Move away, Prince Harry. I want nothing to do with you.
Speaker 2: And then he goes to his older brother and he's like,
Speaker 2: do you want to play baseball? And the older brother
Speaker 2: he was like, with these.
Speaker 3: Hands, I just moisturized.
Speaker 2: He's like, look, I gotta play keyboards for Oingo Boingo tonight.
Speaker 2: I can't be I can't be doing this.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So Ron dejected, seeking some form of communication in this
Speaker 2: world that is slowly closing in on him as the loneliness,
Speaker 2: the crushing weight of loneliness slowly closes in on him.
Speaker 1: As the toxic masculinity starts to seep into his bones.
Speaker 2: He walks over to the fence and he goes, hey, Nick,
Speaker 2: you're weird. And Nick, to his credit, is not an
Speaker 2: easy target even though he looks like an easy target.
Speaker 2: He's a little kid in giant glasses wearing a lab coat,
Speaker 2: like truly an easy target. And He's like, shut up,
Speaker 2: I'm better than you, and Ron's like, no, you're not.
Speaker 2: He's like, yeah, I am, and then they kind of
Speaker 2: shout at each other a little bit, but so there's
Speaker 2: an antagonism between these boys.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Russell then shouts at his kids to shut up and
Speaker 2: help him get for the trip, and both boys snap
Speaker 2: to it.
Speaker 1: We cut back to the Zelenski's where Amy is starting
Speaker 1: her Cinderella length laundry list of chores. She starts mopping
Speaker 1: the kitchen. She turns on some music and she can't
Speaker 1: stop herself from starting to dance along with the music.
Speaker 1: She has like the mop. She's dancing with it as
Speaker 1: if it's her partner or whatever. I gotta say, just
Speaker 1: point of order. If you're gonna dance with the mop,
Speaker 1: don't get it wet first. You want to answer the
Speaker 1: dry mop.
Speaker 2: There is mop jews all over that girl's face. It's
Speaker 2: not at the end of this dance routine. I don't
Speaker 2: like it.
Speaker 1: I don't like it at all. I do like the
Speaker 1: dance routine. Amy O'Neil does a good job, but it's
Speaker 1: very charming.
Speaker 2: It's so charming.
Speaker 1: Outside, Russ is getting ready for the trip with his dad.
Speaker 1: He spots her through the window. He is clearly smitting.
Speaker 2: You know that emoji of a kitten with the hard eyes.
Speaker 2: This is Russ right now, staring at her through the window.
Speaker 3: He is hungry, like the wolf, but like a nice wolf.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a very sweet wof very sweet wolf.
Speaker 1: Russell also sees her dancing and he comments weird family,
Speaker 1: echoing her comment from earlier. Right, and then Russell sees
Speaker 1: Russ looking at Amy, probably feels an enormous wave of
Speaker 1: relief that his son's not like, you know, oo funny
Speaker 1: as they might say, and he decides the best way
Speaker 1: to get his son more interested in football would be
Speaker 1: to get him lifting weights.
Speaker 2: So I just want to pause here real quick, because
Speaker 2: you're absolutely right. One of a couple of things could
Speaker 2: have happened here. There could have been like a moment
Speaker 2: of relief that his like otherwise unathletic son is at
Speaker 2: least into girls. But the movie, even though we're joking
Speaker 2: about it, the movie does not go there.
Speaker 3: Agreed one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: He's actually more annoyed that if the Russ is gonna
Speaker 2: date anyone, it's gonna be one of the weird o
Speaker 2: Zelensky's ah crap.
Speaker 1: So Russell brings Russ into the garage and he's like, hey,
Speaker 1: when I was in high school, my coach got me
Speaker 1: started on these weights and I grew, and you'll be
Speaker 1: able to tackle people blah blah blah. And Russ is like,
Speaker 1: I'm not interested in lifting weights. I'm not interested in football.
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm interested in, but it's not that.
Speaker 1: And Russell is like, look, it's that until you come
Speaker 1: up with something different, because you got to be interested
Speaker 1: in something. And he leaves the He leaves him in
Speaker 1: there with the weights.
Speaker 2: I mean, Russ seems to be interested in eyeliner, right.
Speaker 3: Very interested in eyeliner.
Speaker 2: To the fair that actor is not wearing eyeliner or mascara.
Speaker 2: To my knowledge, those eyes are beautiful.
Speaker 3: They're popping.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, you know who. He looks like he's
Speaker 2: smaller than this, but he looks like the Prince from
Speaker 2: Beauty and the Beast after he becomes the prince. Yes,
Speaker 2: with that like kind of like big nose but sexy
Speaker 2: like it works.
Speaker 3: One hundred percent, one hundred percent. Yes, that's it. With
Speaker 3: Dart with brown hair, yes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and an unfortunate mullet, but that's not that's not
Speaker 2: his fault. We cannot fault him for the mullet anymore
Speaker 2: than we can fall any of them for their outfits.
Speaker 2: That they are doing their best.
Speaker 1: The outfits are roof, we're not even dwelling on them.
Speaker 1: Uh So Russell leaves. He tries to have a stress
Speaker 1: cigarette only for before he can even light it, May's like,
Speaker 1: I hope you're not smoking and just spits it out
Speaker 1: of his mouth.
Speaker 2: This was one of my biggest last very funny, the
Speaker 2: way the actor just puts it in his mouth and
Speaker 2: and like pops it right back out. It's excellent.
Speaker 1: Ron appears and after Russell hears him express excitement for
Speaker 1: the fishing trip, he laments to May that Russ isn't
Speaker 1: more like Ron.
Speaker 3: That's not good man, don't compare your sons again.
Speaker 2: I thought the movie was going to do the like
Speaker 2: expected thing of having Ron over hear this and leah
Speaker 2: blah blah, No that doesn't happen. He's just basically like
Speaker 2: expressing how out of touch he is with his own kids.
Speaker 2: There is a kid there who is begging for his
Speaker 2: attention and his approval, and he's just simply not giving
Speaker 2: it to him.
Speaker 1: And we should say, like Matt Freuer, who's playing Russell,
Speaker 1: he's doing, he's like he sounds awful even as we
Speaker 1: describe him, because he's he's very like eighties dad, right,
Speaker 1: like not really he is awful. Yeah, But every time
Speaker 1: Matt Freuer does one of these things, he either makes
Speaker 1: it funny so you can laugh at him doing it,
Speaker 1: or directly afterwards he like turns away and you do
Speaker 1: see this little moment of vulnerability of him being like,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to reach out to my kids and I
Speaker 1: am not succeeding. I cannot connect with at least my
Speaker 1: older son. He doesn't really notice the younger son at
Speaker 1: the moment, but you know, like and that really softens.
Speaker 3: A lot of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, also they're like the way it's not just
Speaker 2: the Christine Sutherland performance, but the way May is written
Speaker 2: is she's so much smarter than everyone in that house,
Speaker 2: and she's so like in tune with them, and she
Speaker 2: knows exactly what they need, and she knows how to
Speaker 2: like de escalate every situation with her husband, and there
Speaker 2: seems to be some real genuine love and affection between
Speaker 2: those two. Why there is, I don't know why anyone
Speaker 2: would love Russell, I'm not sure. So Ron takes the
Speaker 2: bat and the ball and he starts to play by himself.
Speaker 2: He's like, he like throws the ball in the air
Speaker 2: and tries to bat it the amount of times I
Speaker 2: would have to do this before I connected with the ball.
Speaker 2: He actually does connect with the ball in a third
Speaker 2: try and actually smashes it right out of the park.
Speaker 2: He's so thrilled for half a second before the ball
Speaker 2: goes straight into the Zelenski's house through the attic window
Speaker 2: and landing on the shrink ray, and he's like, oops,
Speaker 2: and what you believe it, audience, what you believe it?
Speaker 2: That ball landing on the exact spot on the shrink
Speaker 2: ray is just exactly the kind of soft touch it
Speaker 2: needed to get it to start working. And suddenly the
Speaker 2: shrink ray turns on, activates and shrinks both a chair
Speaker 2: and a couch in Wayne's.
Speaker 3: Lab yep Ron tries to make a run for it.
Speaker 1: He does what any of us would have done it
Speaker 1: twelve years old and be like, whop wasn't mine and
Speaker 1: tries to leave. But Russ, who has the heart of
Speaker 1: a Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez, has seen the whole thing and
Speaker 1: tells him, look, you have to report what happened. Russ
Speaker 1: is a very strong moral center. He brings him over
Speaker 1: to the Zelenski house and Amy and Nick answered the door.
Speaker 1: There's immediately tension between the two groups. Nick and Ron
Speaker 1: we already no, don't like each other, and Amy is
Speaker 1: popular and Russ is not. So there's already like why
Speaker 1: are you here? So the younger boy sit upstairs to
Speaker 1: get Ron's ball, while Russ tries to make conversation with Amy. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: he immediately is like, oh, so do you like dancing?
Speaker 1: And she's like did you watch me through the window?
Speaker 1: And he's like, yeah, I saw you, but I wasn't
Speaker 1: watching you. Like it goes poorly immediately. Meanwhile, the younger
Speaker 1: boys are shrunk by the Maverick shrink ray upstairs.
Speaker 2: We cut to Wayne at his presentation Saturday presentation the
Speaker 2: Saturday presentation with a bunch of aeronautical engineers. Yep, you
Speaker 2: know that thing that happens all the time. It's not
Speaker 2: going well. He's trying to basically sell the idea of
Speaker 2: a shrink ray that would shrink matter so that, like
Speaker 2: in theory, would actually like save the planet because you
Speaker 2: could you could move things from one location to another
Speaker 2: with minimal effort and minimal use of oil and fossil fuels.
Speaker 2: These are the applications, the practical applications of otherwise a
Speaker 2: very silly thing, yeah, which is a shrink ray. So
Speaker 2: I also appreciated that. I was like, oh, okay, this
Speaker 2: movie made me realize, like, actually shrinking things down would
Speaker 2: make life a.
Speaker 3: Lot easier if only it was possible.
Speaker 2: The audience for his presentation is let's just say not
Speaker 2: into it. And there's one guy who's a full fucking heckler.
Speaker 2: I call him Professor Dickhead accurate, and he's just like
Speaker 2: basically like, boom, you have a shrink ray that actually works.
Speaker 2: And Wayne stumbles and he's like, well, Einstein's theories were
Speaker 2: just this theory before someone else made an atom bomb
Speaker 2: out of them. And he's like, oh, so you think
Speaker 2: you're Einstein. And I'm like, you're asking the wrong question.
Speaker 2: Professor Dickhead right here, like, oh, so what you've created
Speaker 2: is as destructive as.
Speaker 1: The Adam ball, right, That's where the metaphor breaks down.
Speaker 2: That's where the metaphor breaks down, not oh you think
Speaker 2: you're as good as Einstein. And then Professor Dickhead gets
Speaker 2: up and he goes, ladies, gentlemen, I'm going to lunch.
Speaker 2: I don't know what the rest of you are doing.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, well, at least he acknowledged the women
Speaker 2: at this conference.
Speaker 3: He did.
Speaker 2: Kudos to your professor Dickhead.
Speaker 1: He did get one good burden when he's like, the
Speaker 1: only thing you've shrunk in here is the size of
Speaker 1: your audience.
Speaker 2: And I was like, damn sick burn man.
Speaker 3: So we cut back to the Zelenski house.
Speaker 1: Amy and Russ decide the two younger boys have been
Speaker 1: upstairs for an automount of time they had upstairs, and
Speaker 1: wouldn't you just know it? They immediately get hit by
Speaker 1: the shrink gray themselves. The two of them are confused
Speaker 1: at their new size because now we follow them right
Speaker 1: now we see them on like massive built sets obviously
Speaker 1: that are meant to look like floorboards and stuff. Their
Speaker 1: younger siblings are running towards them across the floor. They
Speaker 1: all agree that they need to alert Wane to the situation. Honestly,
Speaker 1: the underreaction, they're a little concerned, but they're not like,
Speaker 1: holy shit, we're half the.
Speaker 3: Size of an ant. What the fuck are we going
Speaker 3: to do?
Speaker 2: The way I would have just immediately started crying. Yeah,
Speaker 2: just sat down and cried and been like unconsolable.
Speaker 1: And honestly, scientists, if you're in a situation where you
Speaker 1: genuinely think you can crack the code to make a
Speaker 1: shrink ray, the first thing you need to do is
Speaker 1: prepare some protocol in case of an accidental shrinking.
Speaker 2: Put a safety on that goddamn machine.
Speaker 1: And if you get shrunk down, there is a red
Speaker 1: button it right here. You get here and you hit
Speaker 1: this button. There's buttons everywhere and down this room because
Speaker 1: you will be either a quarter of an inch tall
Speaker 1: or potentially microscopic, So it's gonna take you a while
Speaker 1: to cross the room.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's gonna take a year.
Speaker 1: No, they're just they're like, okay, we have to find dad.
Speaker 1: They're pretty chill about the entire thing.
Speaker 2: So Wayne arrives back home, dejected, sad from the conference.
Speaker 2: He's been laughed out of town by fellow scientists. So
Speaker 2: there was a little moment earlier where Quirk sees the kids,
Speaker 2: or hears them rather, and knows they've been shrunked down.
Speaker 2: So the dog is aware of what's happening before any
Speaker 2: other adult in this movie is.
Speaker 3: For a long time. The dog is the only one
Speaker 3: in the know.
Speaker 2: So they're like, Cork, go get dad. And then we
Speaker 2: get to watch as this Jack Russell terrier hops down
Speaker 2: the stairs because its legs are too short and it
Speaker 2: can't go down the stairs. And oh my god, Paul
Speaker 2: I rewound and watched it four times. It was so cute.
Speaker 2: So Cork gets around Wayne, starts barking and kind of
Speaker 2: leads Wayne upstairs. Meanwhile, the shrink ray moves in a
Speaker 2: way that the baseball rolls off of it and it
Speaker 2: shuts down. Wayne enters. His kids are screaming for him
Speaker 2: to help, but he doesn't hear them. He does realize
Speaker 2: his couch is gone. He's like, where the fuck did
Speaker 2: my couch go? I wish he cursed. We've been great,
Speaker 2: we'd have been great. He's like huh my, my thinking
Speaker 2: couch is gone. He actually tries to sit on.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine Rick Morani is like standing in the
Speaker 1: middle of Honey the Kids and being like, motherfucker.
Speaker 2: If Rick moranis was given that Steve Martin Seine transplasis.
Speaker 3: Where the fucking fuck is my fucking couch?
Speaker 2: Fuck kids, I should have pulled out when I had
Speaker 2: the chance. The kids fear all of it or worse.
Speaker 2: As you're sitting on the couch, He's like, oh no,
Speaker 2: the couch. My kids were conceived.
Speaker 3: One of the off the couch.
Speaker 2: I'll never be clean again. He looks at the shrink ray.
Speaker 2: He has had it. He has had a terrible, no good,
Speaker 2: bad day. He has blown up his whole life, his
Speaker 2: whole marriage for this goddamn invention that will not work.
Speaker 2: He has a full temper tantrum. He starts beating the
Speaker 2: shit out of the machine, tearing it up.
Speaker 3: The men in this movie really need a better way
Speaker 3: to deal with their emotions.
Speaker 2: I have to be honest, though, Paul. The amount of
Speaker 2: times I've I have come so close to throwing a
Speaker 2: computer out the window.
Speaker 3: It's true.
Speaker 2: The amount of times I have actually, like, you know,
Speaker 2: that thing when you kind of smack a printer to
Speaker 2: kind of get it to work, but then you get
Speaker 2: more and more aggressive with it, and now you're like, well,
Speaker 2: now I'm.
Speaker 3: Just bitting the printer, banking this thing.
Speaker 2: The amount of times I've wanted to do that scene
Speaker 2: in office space where they take the fax machine out
Speaker 2: back and beat the shit out of it, I understand
Speaker 2: his frustration. I really really do.
Speaker 1: It's so funny. My reaction to the moments like that
Speaker 1: is to start crying.
Speaker 2: You take it out yourself.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I become so like.
Speaker 1: I don't think I beat up on myself that much
Speaker 1: generally in my everyday life, but that is the thing
Speaker 1: that will get me. If a piece of technology stops
Speaker 1: working and I think that I fucked it up, I
Speaker 1: get down on myself really fast.
Speaker 2: Obody, That's so funny because I'm the complete opposite. I
Speaker 2: beat myself up over every little thing in my life.
Speaker 2: But if the printer takes two seconds longer then I
Speaker 2: think it should to print something. I'm like, Tina, get
Speaker 2: me the axe. You are.
Speaker 1: You are much healthier this that I am, because I
Speaker 1: should not play myself.
Speaker 2: At it with wire hangers like it has wronged me
Speaker 2: so okay, so he's beating the shrink ray. He's taking
Speaker 2: all his frustrations out on it. Pieces of it are
Speaker 2: flying everywhere, and of course these giant pieces are like
Speaker 2: Indiana Jones boulders to these kids. So they're trying to
Speaker 2: run out of the way, trying not to die, try
Speaker 2: not to get stepped on by the dad. After Wayne
Speaker 2: has beaten the shit out of this, which I feel
Speaker 2: seen frankly, I get it, way, I get it, he
Speaker 2: realizes he needs to clean up the mess, so he
Speaker 2: takes a broom and he starts to sweep up the
Speaker 2: debris of his machine, not realizing that he is also
Speaker 2: sweeping up the kids. There's a harrowing scene where the
Speaker 2: kids are trying to outrun the broom. They can't. They
Speaker 2: eventually just grab onto it for dear life, hoping to
Speaker 2: like stay on there. The dog is trying to help.
Speaker 2: The dog tries to intervene, but he's like, get out
Speaker 2: of the way, and the kids wind up in a
Speaker 2: trash bag and are taken out to the sidewalk.
Speaker 1: The one thing about this movie that I remember is
Speaker 1: that shot of the POV from inside the trash bag
Speaker 1: of Rick Moranas's face as he closes it. Well, really
Speaker 1: that for some reason, I think when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: it scared me a little bit. Like, not to be fair,
Speaker 1: I know I was a very soft boy. I'm very
Speaker 1: open about that. I don't think I was scared watching
Speaker 1: this movie. I think I understood what I was watching
Speaker 1: for the most part, but like it was, it's a
Speaker 1: little creepy, like to see like like that blackness like
Speaker 1: closing over them. Also PSA for it's episode kids, if
Speaker 1: you're in this situation, hold onto the broom bristles, Come on,
Speaker 1: what are we doing?
Speaker 2: Honestly, honest part of me was like, how do they not?
Speaker 2: How did they just let go the broom bristles and
Speaker 2: get anyway? Moving on?
Speaker 1: Yeah, So the kids, they are in the backyard in
Speaker 1: the trash bag. They cut a hole in the bag
Speaker 1: and they look out at the now very intimidating jungle
Speaker 1: of the Zelensky backyard.
Speaker 2: There's a runner in the movie that they never mow
Speaker 2: their lawn. The grass blades are incredibly high for these kids.
Speaker 2: By the way, you say the kids, it's Ron. Look,
Speaker 2: I'm being nice to Ron because I love the actor
Speaker 2: that plays him, But Ron sucks. He is going to
Speaker 2: start to suk so hard for the rest of the
Speaker 2: movie until he doesn't, and at one point I'm like,
Speaker 2: shut up, ron, I like yell at the TV watching
Speaker 2: it fair. But that is a kid you want in
Speaker 2: this situation like this because he carries a Swiss Army knife.
Speaker 2: So he's the one that has like survivals in the
Speaker 2: case of all these.
Speaker 1: Kids, despite their differences, they decide they should stick together
Speaker 1: and they strike out into the lawn to try to
Speaker 1: get home, and Nick calculates that at their current size,
Speaker 1: they are the equivalent of three point two miles from
Speaker 1: the house. Okay, Now, look, three point two miles is
Speaker 1: not a short distance, but it's also not that long
Speaker 1: of a distance if we're talking relatively three point two
Speaker 1: miles for them. They are young, they are strong, they
Speaker 1: are limber. They should be able to do that in
Speaker 1: like an hour and a half.
Speaker 2: Honestly, yeah, yeah, I didn't think about it until this moment. Also,
Speaker 2: given their size, they are not three point two miles,
Speaker 2: They're thirty miles from the house.
Speaker 3: It's way further.
Speaker 2: It's way further. Yeah, you're right. The math isn't.
Speaker 1: Mathing at all, and we are not good at math.
Speaker 1: So if we're noticing it's not mathing. It's really not mathing.
Speaker 2: It's really not mathing. Diane, the mom, the Zelensky's mom,
Speaker 2: it' Zelensky kid's mom arrives back at the house. She
Speaker 2: has made that sale. She's been trying to sell this
Speaker 2: mansion in that house, in that neighborhood for so long.
Speaker 2: She had to show it twelve different times to that family.
Speaker 2: But that Gummitt, she finally made her sale. Yes, so
Speaker 2: she is.
Speaker 3: She will sell this house today.
Speaker 2: She will sell this house today. She's she comes home.
Speaker 2: She's sympathetic to Wayne's. Like Paul here writes failure out
Speaker 2: of a failure, he's just misunderstood in his own lifetime.
Speaker 1: I just meant his failure at the lab if presentation
Speaker 1: was a failure he was hoping to get a grant.
Speaker 2: That failure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't mean he himself is a failure
Speaker 1: forever harsh.
Speaker 2: Paul Way Harsh, Paul Way Harsh. That's another documentary. That's
Speaker 2: one narrated by like Julia Roberts, which he's like the
Speaker 2: struggle of the working class man as he tries to
Speaker 2: find a grant. But his genius will not be discovered today.
Speaker 1: Will it be discovered tomorrow? Only time will tell. As
Speaker 1: we look at the story of the late great Wayne Lensky.
Speaker 2: Alrip wayne' alrp. Yeah, he one hundred percent blows himself
Speaker 2: up with his next invention.
Speaker 1: Absolutely no, he blows his kid up with his next invention,
Speaker 1: but he explodes himself at some point along the way.
Speaker 2: One percent explodes himself five minutes after this movie is over.
Speaker 2: So Diane's very sympathetic to Wayne. You would not think
Speaker 2: these two had had any kind of marital spat at all.
Speaker 2: The movie elives it completely by the way. Diane's level
Speaker 2: of empathy, trust, and understanding in her husband and the
Speaker 2: situation these people are about to find themselves in is superhuman.
Speaker 3: It's superhuman.
Speaker 2: She will not lose her temper once. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 2: want to assign blame here. The shrink row does seem
Speaker 2: like a very good idea once you realize the practical
Speaker 2: applications of it. But I mean, an easy thing to
Speaker 2: do would be for the screenwriters to make her pissed
Speaker 2: off half the movie, and that's just not where this
Speaker 2: movie goes. Wayne dejectedly tells her he's gonna try to
Speaker 2: get his old job back and he promises her things
Speaker 2: will be different from now on. I'm gonna put aside
Speaker 2: these childish dreams of mine and just be a normal
Speaker 2: mad scientist doing whatever I was doing before. If he
Speaker 2: was like it on like a team that helped cure cancer,
Speaker 2: and he's like, fuck this.
Speaker 1: Shrink ray ray, which if you could use it to
Speaker 1: shrink cancer cancer cells.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's a great application for a shrink ray.
Speaker 2: You guys, someone out there needs to invent a shrink ray.
Speaker 3: Is anyone on this? Is anyone on this?
Speaker 2: So he tells her he's gonna get his old job back.
Speaker 2: Thinks you're gonna go back to the way they were.
Speaker 2: She goes inside meanwhile sees that the house is still
Speaker 2: a disaster, and she's like, I thought Amy was going
Speaker 2: to clean the house.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: This is when she starts to realize, huh, the kids
Speaker 2: aren't around. Where are they?
Speaker 3: Uh? So we cut back to the kids. They're hiking
Speaker 3: through the yard.
Speaker 1: They're being frightened by like a relatively enormous butterfly or
Speaker 1: an old t Rex toy of Nicks. It's all kind
Speaker 1: of light at this point.
Speaker 2: There's one thing I actually love about this movie too.
Speaker 2: Russ is not the brave one. Amy is the brave one.
Speaker 2: I'm not trying to assign masculinity to this. I'm just
Speaker 2: saying Russ is skittish. He sees the dinosaur toy and
Speaker 2: hooks like a horse. His brain goes down, and the
Speaker 2: rest of them are all like it's a toy, and
Speaker 2: like Amy kind of good naturedly laughs at him. I'm
Speaker 2: just saying I see a lot of myself and Russ,
Speaker 2: because I would have turned around and been.
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, oh yeah, me too. Fuck that kill a fire.
Speaker 2: I do love that they assigned that role to Russ.
Speaker 2: And it's not to say he's not brave. He's very brave,
Speaker 2: and he's very brave thinks throughout the movie, but he
Speaker 2: is relatively skittish compared to the other kids. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: I love that about this movie totally.
Speaker 1: They eventually come across a muddy rivulet cutting through the
Speaker 1: yard that to them is a mighty river. Nick has
Speaker 1: a moment of inspiration if they summon Quark by whistling,
Speaker 1: they can hitch a ride back to the house on him.
Speaker 1: So they all start whistling, except for Russ, who was
Speaker 1: really taking some l's Like I know, I do appreciate
Speaker 1: the fact that he's skittish. You're totally right to point
Speaker 1: it out. But it's also like Russ can't whistle. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what can Russ do?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 1: We will find out eventually, but like he's being piled
Speaker 1: out a little. It feels unnecessary at this point by
Speaker 1: the movie. Why can't the kid come on?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 1: Quark hears them, but unfortunately the door is closed, so
Speaker 1: even though he knows they're whistling for him, he can't
Speaker 1: get to them.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, Diane, remember in Big how we were like Josh's
Speaker 2: mom is living in a horror movie, but the rest
Speaker 2: of them are not in this is Diane my an
Speaker 2: starts calling around to Amy's friends to see if she
Speaker 2: can figure out where her daughter is or where her
Speaker 2: son is. Meanwhile, Wayne lets Quirk out, so now the
Speaker 2: dog is outside. The boys decide to climb a flower
Speaker 2: so they can see over the grass. They get just
Speaker 2: high enough to witness Spike the Thompson's cat chase Quark
Speaker 2: back into the house.
Speaker 3: Did you hear this is a throwaway line from from Ron.
Speaker 1: He's like, it's Russ's cat, and I'm like, we're really like,
Speaker 1: pily God, this poor soft boy like Russ gets his back,
Speaker 1: but like the fact, like it's it's always sad to
Speaker 1: watch kids bullying other kids, but there is something exceptionally
Speaker 1: sad about watching a little sibling like just getting the
Speaker 1: best of their older sibling constantly. A ron's basically like
Speaker 1: Guyliner over here is the one who wants that pet.
Speaker 2: This little bitch is the one who's like, I need
Speaker 2: a pet, a cat like a girl.
Speaker 1: So the flower starts to sway, and eventually it dumps
Speaker 1: Nick into another nearby flower, covering him with pollen. And
Speaker 1: this is where I must point out that Nick is
Speaker 1: now sitting in a flower's nutsack.
Speaker 3: And he is covered with sperm cells.
Speaker 1: Not since Casper have this many sperm cells been featured
Speaker 1: in a children's movie.
Speaker 2: I'm not even allergic to pollen, but this scene made
Speaker 2: me itch watch poor boy fall into a sea of pollen.
Speaker 2: I was like, ah, I hate everything about this.
Speaker 3: I am allergic to pollen, and I did not care
Speaker 3: for it.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: Also, the way obviously they have to make the pollen,
Speaker 1: you know, bigger, and it kind of looks like movie
Speaker 1: popcorn that's covering him, And it also made me feel sticky.
Speaker 3: I didn't care.
Speaker 2: I don't care for any of this. Yeah, many care
Speaker 2: for this, this flower jizzy all over the kid. Actually, truly,
Speaker 2: the kid landed in the flower jizz.
Speaker 1: If we're being yeah, if we're being fair, if the
Speaker 1: jizz was there first.
Speaker 2: If we're being scientific, which we always are here on
Speaker 2: that aged, well.
Speaker 1: If the math is not mathing, the science has to
Speaker 1: at least science, and that's what we are watchdogs for.
Speaker 1: So Amy's like, oh my god, you're allergic. Amy is
Speaker 1: such a good big sister. We haven't highlighted this yet.
Speaker 1: She is constantly looking out for her younger brother. She
Speaker 1: never she's never annoyed with him, She is never mean
Speaker 1: to him. She is always on his side.
Speaker 2: She keeps her eye on him all the time. She
Speaker 2: protects him as best she can. When he climbs that flower,
Speaker 2: she is terrified. She'd be careful, Please don't fall, Please
Speaker 2: don't fall. Like she's such a good surrogate mom to
Speaker 2: this kid.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: While while he's lying in the flower jiz, a bee
Speaker 1: appears to do what bees do, which is pollinate.
Speaker 2: Grab the jizz and spread it around.
Speaker 1: And spread it around to all the ovum in the yard.
Speaker 1: That's what they do so, Amy starts to freak out
Speaker 1: she's still on the ground, and Russ jumps to try
Speaker 1: to help Nick. The two of them wind up pitching
Speaker 1: a ride on the bee. The bee flies all over
Speaker 1: both of the yards and encounters russell An encounters this
Speaker 1: and that. It finally culminates in Wayne trying to kill
Speaker 1: it with a bat. He misses, and then he looks
Speaker 1: at the bat and he's like, wait a minute, why
Speaker 1: is this bat in my yard? Meanwhile, Diana has been
Speaker 1: calling his name while he's been like air wrestling with
Speaker 1: this bee, and she says, I'm going to the mall
Speaker 1: to look for Amy, just so you know, my clients
Speaker 1: might stop buy for their escrow papers. Can you handle that?
Speaker 1: Can you handle this one thing while I go look
Speaker 1: for our kids. If my clients stop by, can you
Speaker 1: just give them the papers that are in my briefcase
Speaker 1: that is on the kitchen table.
Speaker 3: It is open.
Speaker 1: You just have to reach in, take out four papers, smile,
Speaker 1: don't be fucking weird and hand these people that are
Speaker 1: giving us the money to support the family that you
Speaker 1: do not support their escrow papers.
Speaker 3: Can you handle that? Wayne? And Wayne like, yeah, obviously.
Speaker 2: She should never have said don't be weird. That is
Speaker 2: a that's a bar he can't clear. I'm sorry. Don't ask, Spaceline,
Speaker 2: don't ask for the impossible, Diane. The b scene is
Speaker 2: featured very prominently in the Epcot Center ride.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2: This is the part of the movie that I was like,
Speaker 2: I remember all of this vividly. Why do I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm writing this Bee? And then I'm like, wait
Speaker 2: a minute. The ride this is our first example of
Speaker 2: Russ being extremely brave, and he's not doing it to
Speaker 2: impress Amy. He's just doing it because he's a good guy.
Speaker 2: He manages to keep Nick alive.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: If Amy was a lesser character, we would be talking
Speaker 1: about Russ being a great kid. Russ is also a
Speaker 1: great kid.
Speaker 2: Percent. Russ is an excellent kid. Russ is a top
Speaker 2: ten kid. Yeah, he is simply not a top five kid.
Speaker 2: The way he's not top five, He's had a top
Speaker 2: three kid. Frankly, the way Amy is I think agreed
Speaker 2: the B thing, by the way, the amount of times
Speaker 2: these boys should be dead, I know, or the Bee
Speaker 2: could have just gone and gone and gone like two,
Speaker 2: like three miles three actual human adult miles away.
Speaker 3: Yeah, now, you're dead.
Speaker 2: Yeah, now you're never getting home.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 2: So okay, Wayne, like Paul says, looks at the bat,
Speaker 2: looks at the hole in the attic window, puts two
Speaker 2: and two together, starts realizing what happened. He heads back upstairs,
Speaker 2: and when he enters the lab, he hears a small switch.
Speaker 2: He looks down to see that he has stepped on
Speaker 2: his lab chair. Remember, there's a couch and a chair,
Speaker 2: both have shrunk down.
Speaker 1: There's the couch that the kids were conceived on. There's
Speaker 1: also a chair.
Speaker 2: There's a chair that just there was some sex, but
Speaker 2: but no conception was had on that chair.
Speaker 3: They had it as a swing.
Speaker 2: That's just their weekend chair. Anyway, Moving on, he realizes
Speaker 2: he stepped on the chair. He looks down, he finds
Speaker 2: his little, tiny, shrunken couch, and then he realizes, oh
Speaker 2: my god, my shrink ray works, My shrink ray works.
Speaker 2: And then he's so excited, he's so happy, and then
Speaker 2: he's like, oh no.
Speaker 4: Oh shit, the kids are gone.
Speaker 1: This would have been another great place for Rick Morani's motherfucker.
Speaker 1: All right, kids. That is halfway through the movie. Stick
Speaker 1: around for a couple of commercials.
Speaker 4: We will be right back, and we're back.
Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed those shrink ray commercials we bought.
Speaker 2: We bought a lot of shrink Ray ads, you guys,
Speaker 2: we did. We gotta we gotta start. We gotta start
Speaker 2: pimpande shrink Race.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: So we cut to Russ waking up Nick after the
Speaker 1: flight of the Bumblebee. They're they're both okay, but they
Speaker 1: have obviously been separated from Amy and Ron. We cut
Speaker 1: to Amy and Ron, and the partnership here is not
Speaker 1: going so well because Ron, while you want him on
Speaker 1: this trip with you on the snow Safari, he's a dick.
Speaker 2: He's the worst. He's a mini bee of his dad.
Speaker 1: Yes, without without the mitigating factors of seeing the haunted
Speaker 1: look in Matt Frewer's eyes every time he turns away
Speaker 1: from one of his sons, without seeing the deep insecurity
Speaker 1: that Matt Freuer allows us to see.
Speaker 2: This is the moment in the movie, though, where I
Speaker 2: truly became team Amy, like I was already team Amy,
Speaker 2: but like the way she doesn't back down from this
Speaker 2: fucking little kid being a dick to her, but also
Speaker 2: has like patience for him because she is older and
Speaker 2: she knows better. Truly A plus A plus work from Amy.
Speaker 2: There's also some good sick burns in this scene, because
Speaker 2: these two know a sick fucking burn when they hear one.
Speaker 2: At one point, he's being such a dick. She goes,
Speaker 2: if you were my brother, I put myself up for adoption,
Speaker 2: and then he, without missing a beat, goes, yeah, I
Speaker 2: hope your face ends up on a milk carton.
Speaker 3: Damn.
Speaker 2: That's just some good burns.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So they're going back and forth.
Speaker 1: Ron is like, I'm gonna sue your father, blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: and Amy's finally like, hey, guess what my father's shrink
Speaker 1: ray works. If we survive this and get back, we're
Speaker 1: gonna be rich as fuck. And Ron's like, I've always
Speaker 1: liked you always, I've always felt the connection.
Speaker 2: This is where you need a kid actor as good
Speaker 2: as your ed Russian.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So Wayne makes the bewildering choice of using two crutches
Speaker 2: and a pair of binoculars to search the yard. The
Speaker 2: movie goes so quickly on this. I love it.
Speaker 3: He's also not calling for them, which is bewildering.
Speaker 1: So this you mentioned this earlier, like that he can't
Speaker 1: hear them but they would be able to hear him.
Speaker 2: Like loud, loud, Yes, the voice of God.
Speaker 1: I hope the voice of God is Rick moranis Frankly, honestly,
Speaker 1: we should all be so lucky.
Speaker 2: Is at one point barks at them and they're like,
Speaker 2: and they're all like, ah, it's so loud, and so
Speaker 2: you expect that to come back, but it doesn't. And
Speaker 2: the parents do at some points like yell for the
Speaker 2: kids in the yard and like they should be. The
Speaker 2: movie posits that the kids don't hear them at all.
Speaker 2: It's not like they even hear them in the distance.
Speaker 2: I guess sound waves can't can't travel through grass that tall.
Speaker 2: Maybe this is why you need to mow your lawns.
Speaker 2: People can't say for this episode. You might think your
Speaker 2: Homeowner's Association is being a dick about it, but that
Speaker 2: that grass is important. It saves lives.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 2: So while he's like looking for them through the yard,
Speaker 2: he accidentally sets the sprinklers off through a series of
Speaker 2: hijinks I can't even get into, which means that now
Speaker 2: for the kids, it's like a tsunami and a flash
Speaker 2: flood all at once, because now like enormous waves of
Speaker 2: water are coming towards them and flooding the yard. Both
Speaker 2: groups of kids flee through the landscape, while Wayne winds
Speaker 2: up tangled in a clothes line because again he's trying
Speaker 2: not to step on the on the yard. By the
Speaker 2: time Diane's clients check off clients.
Speaker 3: Are those scrot time.
Speaker 2: They see Wayne like still kind of wearing a pair
Speaker 2: of crutches, clinging to a clothes line upside down with
Speaker 2: binocular glasses going, don't step on the yard. Don't step
Speaker 2: on the yard.
Speaker 3: He made it weird. He wasn't able to not be weird.
Speaker 3: You were right.
Speaker 1: She shouldn't have asked, he made it weird. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: Amy and Ron make it to higher ground. They get
Speaker 1: to this like kind of slate like rock formation that
Speaker 1: Amy's later gonna say is like the headstone, not the headstone,
Speaker 1: the flagstone or the flagstone.
Speaker 3: In the yard.
Speaker 1: They spot Russ and Nick running towards them. They start
Speaker 1: crying for them. Amy's crying for her brother, and she
Speaker 1: kind of gets out too far on the ledge and
Speaker 1: a droplet of water lands behind her and it knocks
Speaker 1: her over into a pool of water and she passes out.
Speaker 2: Oh it's not water.
Speaker 3: She lands in oh, I was trying to be nice.
Speaker 3: It's mud.
Speaker 2: This part is go gross sludge. This is the part
Speaker 2: of the movie. I remembered, okay with that at Walt
Speaker 2: disney World attraction, having to remind me.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, did they dump in a swamp
Speaker 1: at Walt Disney World, But it sounds like, no, they.
Speaker 3: Didn't do that.
Speaker 2: It's Orlando. We're already, We're already.
Speaker 1: It would be repetitive, redundant. So Russ dives in after her.
Speaker 1: He manages to get her out of the water, and
Speaker 1: he performs CPR, and he manages to basically essentially save
Speaker 1: Amy's life. He also, and this is important, he's been underwater,
Speaker 1: so the aggressive feathering of his mullet has been briefly tamed.
Speaker 1: And boyd does that face pop without that hair.
Speaker 2: She does not cough up water. She coughs up like
Speaker 2: a groopy, greenish brown. That poor actress. Yeah, she had
Speaker 2: to hold whatever that was in her mouth until she
Speaker 2: could manage to turn around and cough it up.
Speaker 3: Yep, that's a that's why she quit acting that. See.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's like, I can't act anymore. B that poor woman,
Speaker 2: that actress is clearly breathing before he does on her.
Speaker 2: This is also the moment where Amy finally sees Russ.
Speaker 2: Yeah he's a good looking boy who lived next door
Speaker 2: the whole time. Who knew.
Speaker 1: Yeah, his name is Rio and he dances in the sane.
Speaker 2: I am hungry like the wolf. Like we cut to Wayne. Now.
Speaker 2: Now his whole thing is he's rigged up like a
Speaker 2: Pulley system in the yard using using the clothesline and
Speaker 2: on He's on one side he's being held up by
Speaker 2: I think a hammock and on the other side he's
Speaker 2: just piled on another hammock with household items with like
Speaker 2: a TV and a toaster, and he's like combing through
Speaker 2: the arcs, going kids, kids, are you here? Can you
Speaker 2: hear me? Can you see me?
Speaker 3: Papa? Can you see me?
Speaker 2: If you're ever lost, I'm just going to play some
Speaker 2: son time and you'll find your way home.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 2: Don't leave breadcrumbs for Paul leaves Sondheim out.
Speaker 3: It's the best for me.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, Russell is now deeply disappointed to have missed his
Speaker 2: departure time with his fishing buddies because of their stupid
Speaker 2: missing children. They are so grounded. In his defense, he
Speaker 2: has no idea anything's gone awry. He just thinks that
Speaker 2: his boys are pissed at him for forcing them to
Speaker 2: go on a camping trip or a fishing trip, that
Speaker 2: they've decided to act out and leave.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I have to say we've said this on this podcast
Speaker 1: a few times. I was a very good boy growing up.
Speaker 1: If my parents had attempted to force me to go
Speaker 1: on a fishing and camping trip, I might have run away.
Speaker 1: I may have actually headed for the hills.
Speaker 2: I don't think so. I think you would have gone
Speaker 2: on that trip. You would have brought some books, you
Speaker 2: would have read by the campfire. You would have had
Speaker 2: a great time.
Speaker 1: I would have been pissed. Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1: If I wanted to go camping, I could have got
Speaker 1: out into the fucking backyard and set up a goddamn
Speaker 1: tent there the.
Speaker 2: Way Ron does in this movie.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no camping.
Speaker 2: They have a cabin though, and at one point the
Speaker 2: mom is packing golf clubs, so they're going to a
Speaker 2: fancy place.
Speaker 1: They're going glamping, glamping. I may have been considered.
Speaker 3: I would trying to.
Speaker 2: Get a handle on your childhood and I can't figure
Speaker 2: it out. Worry out doorsy or not, Paul.
Speaker 1: I was outdoorsy by location, but never by choice.
Speaker 2: But like, if you weren't read, if you weren't watching TV,
Speaker 2: what were you doing?
Speaker 1: Oh I was forced to go outside and play. It's
Speaker 1: wasn'thappy about it. Or I was reading a book. I
Speaker 1: was reading comic books and novels. I did a lot
Speaker 1: of reading as a kid.
Speaker 2: I did a lot of reading as a kid too.
Speaker 2: Indoors by the pool.
Speaker 1: Just to get us back to the movie for a second,
Speaker 1: when these two fishes, so Russell's friends, it's this couple
Speaker 1: show up to go on the fishing trip with them.
Speaker 1: Did you not immediately think is that somehow not Arles
Speaker 1: Howard and Carol Kine?
Speaker 3: They are?
Speaker 1: It is an Arles Howard and Carol Caine knockoff.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. I've actually seen that actress, both of them.
Speaker 3: I've seen both of them in other places.
Speaker 2: Totally a lot of stuff. Yeah, but I've seen her.
Speaker 2: She's very memorable. She yet exactly Carol Caine, like that's
Speaker 2: what she is.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: They are also put in the movie to show Russell
Speaker 2: not being such a bad guy, because that guy sucks
Speaker 2: so hard. Yeah, his wife tries to talk to him,
Speaker 2: and he's like, shut up, woman, A man is talking
Speaker 2: like I'm not even exaggerating. He basically says that, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh okay. So in his circle of friends,
Speaker 2: Russell is like the like the good guy. Okay, okay,
Speaker 2: now I'm getting this. So anyway, Russell tells his friends
Speaker 2: they have to they can't make the camping trip, but
Speaker 2: in order to like get out of the trip, he
Speaker 2: like tells his friend He's like, uh, May's having some
Speaker 2: problems and then he whispers plumbing yeah, And the friend
Speaker 2: looks deeply uncomfortable and he's like, okay.
Speaker 1: Heard, nothing like blaming your wife's diarrhea for having to
Speaker 1: cancel a trip.
Speaker 2: Oh you think it's diarrhea?
Speaker 3: Diarrhea? What else would it be?
Speaker 2: Menstrual stuff? Oh?
Speaker 3: Yours is better.
Speaker 2: That's why he whispers it yeah. And that's why the
Speaker 2: other guy does like is like, ohh, I don't want
Speaker 2: to talk about this. Our women are vampires.
Speaker 1: I forget now, see just that I am I am
Speaker 1: a I am an evolved man. I don't mind talking
Speaker 1: about a menstrual cycle. We can talk about one right now.
Speaker 1: Talk can bother me in the slightest I bot tampons
Speaker 1: from a friend's.
Speaker 2: Look at you, mister man of the women people. That's right, Well,
Speaker 2: I'm on day two if you want to talk about it.
Speaker 2: Feel it's currently day two leaky.
Speaker 3: Can I breathe some tea?
Speaker 2: I know I don't need tea. I feel fine. I'm
Speaker 2: just leaking, actively leaking while we're talking. I'm passing a
Speaker 2: giant blood clot as we're talking right now.
Speaker 3: And that's beautiful. Your body is beautiful.
Speaker 2: It's falling out of my uterine lining.
Speaker 3: Your uterine lining is lovely.
Speaker 2: Making its way outside of my body.
Speaker 1: All right, So we cut back to the kids. They're
Speaker 1: trying to clean themselves off. Amy genuinely thanks Russ for
Speaker 1: saving her and Nick. Russ's hair is somehow feathered again.
Speaker 1: Was hair spray in the eighties so strong that you
Speaker 1: could fully wet your hair and it would return to
Speaker 1: its feathered state.
Speaker 2: It's honestly responsible for global warming.
Speaker 3: It really truly is.
Speaker 2: The Awkwinet Corporation, while doing a solid for for our looks,
Speaker 2: really really fucks the earth.
Speaker 3: Amy walks over to Ron.
Speaker 1: Remember the two of them were bickering, and she proposes
Speaker 1: a truce and he agrees, and she shakes his hand
Speaker 1: with an enormous pile of like disgusting goo in hers
Speaker 1: and kind of like smiles like, ah, gotcha, and and
Speaker 1: he kind of smiles back. They figure they're about halfway home,
Speaker 1: and they head off again through the lawn.
Speaker 2: They start to comment about how hungry they are. Actually
Speaker 2: they're talking about the foods they would want. I wish
Speaker 2: I'd written it down because I was like, none of
Speaker 2: you are saying pizza. I would have expected pizza.
Speaker 1: And it's a corn dog and an ice cream sunday,
Speaker 1: I think are the two things that come up.
Speaker 2: Honestly, the idea of like a twenty foot corn dog
Speaker 2: sounds so good to me. Oh, just bury myself inside
Speaker 2: that burrow my way through to the other side.
Speaker 3: Like in a worm and an apple like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, actually sounds pretty goddamn good. Not gonna lie, all right,
Speaker 2: I love a corn dog. Apparently, just as there's like
Speaker 2: really getting hungry, they see one of Nick's oatmeal cream
Speaker 2: pies left in the yard. They start to eat. They like,
Speaker 2: grab giant handfuls of cookie and of cream, And just
Speaker 2: like my Ma Mara, Nick's the only one who does
Speaker 2: it properly where he gets both cookies and cream, yes,
Speaker 2: some others, one on top of the other and then
Speaker 2: starts to eat it because Nick is a gentleman, that's right.
Speaker 2: They immediately are confronted by an ant. They all dive
Speaker 2: for cover because they're terrified. But then Nick is like,
Speaker 2: wait a minute, it's just a baby ant. It can't
Speaker 2: hurt us, or it won't hurt us, and we can
Speaker 2: ride it home. We can use it. They tame the
Speaker 2: ant through frankly brute force. They or they try to
Speaker 2: tame the ant. They try to break it like a horse.
Speaker 2: All the boys do anyway. They all take turns jumping
Speaker 2: on it, trying to ride it like it's like it's
Speaker 2: a bucking bronco. Amy is like stop, you're gonna hurt yourselves,
Speaker 2: and the aunt just stop. She manages to calm it
Speaker 2: down by holding out a piece of the oatmeal cookie.
Speaker 2: The aunt follows Amy around like a puppy, and it's like, oh,
Speaker 2: if they treat it with respect, it will treat them
Speaker 2: with respect back.
Speaker 1: So they rig up a sled and Ron rides Auntie
Speaker 1: they've named him Auntie, like a horse, while holding a
Speaker 1: bit of the cookie out in front of him on
Speaker 1: like a fishing rod to keep him moving in the
Speaker 1: right direction.
Speaker 2: These kids are so goddamn.
Speaker 1: Smart, innovative, innovative problem solvers. As they go they start
Speaker 1: to talk again. Amy hopes that maybe she'll still have
Speaker 1: time to go to the mall, but then with like
Speaker 1: a sideways glance at Russ, she's like, to meet my
Speaker 1: girlfriend Patty or whatever her name is. She doesn't mention
Speaker 1: this Paul character that we were talking about earlier. Yes,
Speaker 1: and Russ is like, I wrote Girls on Film about.
Speaker 2: You, Diane. That's Amy and Nick's mom arrives home to
Speaker 2: see a police car at the Thompson's house. She takes
Speaker 2: their cue and she calls the cops because she doesn't
Speaker 2: know why the cops are there. But she's like, you
Speaker 2: know what, I should call the police. That's a really
Speaker 2: good idea. Meanwhile, back at the Thompsons, would you believe
Speaker 2: what you believe? Paul? That Russell does not communicate well
Speaker 2: with his horny.
Speaker 3: Twist whist.
Speaker 2: There's a funny moment here. They're showing them pictures of
Speaker 2: the kids, and as they're saying, like, our kids are happy,
Speaker 2: they're great kids, they love us, But the kids are
Speaker 2: frowning in both pictures. It's miserable, and at some point
Speaker 2: May is trying to de escalate the situation and she
Speaker 2: accidentally lets it slip that Russ wasn't cut from the
Speaker 2: football team. He quit the team, which, of course, now
Speaker 2: that's all Russell cares about, more than more than the
Speaker 2: missing kids.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, we cut to the Zelenski house too.
Speaker 1: Somewhat to his credit, Wayne does not waste time in
Speaker 1: telling Diane that his shrink ray works, and she's initially thrilled,
Speaker 1: and then he tells her the rest of the story
Speaker 1: as to what how he figured all of this out.
Speaker 1: The doorbell rings when the same cops show up to
Speaker 1: respond to Diane's call, because remember she called the police
Speaker 1: when she saw them at the Thompson's house, is like,
Speaker 1: good idea. Wayne is like, oh no, there must be
Speaker 1: a mistake. Our kids are in the backyard and behind him,
Speaker 1: Diane just faints.
Speaker 3: Get away.
Speaker 1: The cops are like huh, and He's like everything's fine
Speaker 1: and closes the door. Not suspicious at all.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, the kids and Antie are getting tired. Ron's like,
Speaker 2: we need to stop. She's tired, she needs a break,
Speaker 2: she needs some food and water. They decide, actually, in
Speaker 2: a very magnanimous gesture, they should just let Antie go.
Speaker 2: They should stop like harnessing this ant. So they take
Speaker 2: the saddle, the Jerry Riggs saddle off of the ant.
Speaker 2: Ron takes the big piece of cookie that he's been
Speaker 2: using as like a carrot on a stick to guide
Speaker 2: the ant, and he gives it to Antie to eat.
Speaker 2: Auntie is so happy to have these new friends that
Speaker 2: she refuses to leave. She's affectionate. She's got Stockholm syndrome
Speaker 2: for her captors.
Speaker 3: Her captors, no, this is my family, now I belong
Speaker 3: with you.
Speaker 2: The movie has made the decision. It's an giant animatronic ant. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that sh fuckingly they have somehow managed to make look adorable. Yep,
Speaker 2: because it's got giant giant eyes. I think that's what
Speaker 2: it is. You give anything big eyes, it's going to
Speaker 2: look adorable.
Speaker 3: I think it's also the noises because it's almost like purring.
Speaker 2: It's gizmo.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: This movie posits that ants make the sound that Gizmo makesmlins.
Speaker 2: It's like a gurgling, like a childish gurgling and purring
Speaker 2: at the same time. So Antie just starts following them.
Speaker 2: Around as they continue their journey on foot, and Erica
Speaker 2: falls in love.
Speaker 3: As you should, as America does.
Speaker 1: Frankly, night falls as Diane and Wayne hunt through the
Speaker 1: yard on the scale, so they're now balancing each other
Speaker 1: on that scale contraption that Wayne set up. Russell steps
Speaker 1: outside for a cigarette and he just sees the two
Speaker 1: of them and he's so weird it out. He flicks
Speaker 1: the burnt cigarette into the Zelensky yard. The kids run
Speaker 1: into it, and the Thompson boys have a solemn moment
Speaker 1: because they think about how their father only smokes when
Speaker 1: he's really really worried about something. The Zolensky kids are
Speaker 1: never concerned that their parents don't care about them, whereas
Speaker 1: the Thompson boys, from two different angles, think their father does.
Speaker 3: Not like them.
Speaker 2: It's a sweet moment between because it's also done kind
Speaker 2: of wordlessly.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: They realize they can use the burnt cigarette to make
Speaker 1: torches so they can continue walking.
Speaker 3: As night falls, they don't have to like just hole
Speaker 3: up immediately.
Speaker 2: Diane says, Listen, Wayne, we got to tell the Thompson's
Speaker 2: what happens to their kids because they're worried. They're concerned
Speaker 2: and at least we know what happened, right.
Speaker 3: Can I indrop you for one second?
Speaker 1: Yes, because she does say that and all of this
Speaker 1: is this is basically fair, but she decides to punctuate it.
Speaker 1: But like by like they're on this, this contraption, she
Speaker 1: just pulls the release, sending each of them full body
Speaker 1: slamming into the lawn that they have they have meticulously
Speaker 1: been trying to avoid. This would have sent an earthquake
Speaker 1: to those kids that both all of them would be
Speaker 1: dead at this point if they weren't crushed.
Speaker 2: The amount of times these kids should have, So we
Speaker 2: smash cut to the four adults in Wayne's lab. This
Speaker 2: is a very good scene because now you get Matt
Speaker 2: Frewer and Rick moranis getting to play off of each
Speaker 2: other and they're both very very funny. He's like what
Speaker 2: is this and he's like, it's a shrink ray. He's like,
Speaker 2: explain yourself. He's like, well, everything consists of both adams
Speaker 2: and empty matter. What this thing does is it correlates
Speaker 2: the small matter. And he's like, no, in real words,
Speaker 2: what is happening? And the Thompsons are understandably quite upset.
Speaker 2: Russell storms out because he is pissed. He really doesn't
Speaker 2: believe them. May I think actually does believe them. But
Speaker 2: Russell is like, the kids are just out there. He's
Speaker 2: in denial. The kids are somewhere. We're gonna find them.
Speaker 2: They storm out, and Wayne Durns to Diana goes, I
Speaker 2: think that went pretty well, excellent, and.
Speaker 3: Diane goes, we should have them over more often.
Speaker 1: There is but like we were just remember we were
Speaker 1: talking about how Matt Frewer always softens like he had.
Speaker 1: They cut to the They cut to the Thompson house.
Speaker 1: He's on the phone with the police, and then afterwards
Speaker 1: May is just like gazing out into the lawn next door,
Speaker 1: and he comes over and he turns on the light
Speaker 1: and she goes, I thought you didn't believe them, and
Speaker 1: he goes, electricity's cheap. So he's like he doesn't believe them,
Speaker 1: but he like he he's leaving a light on for.
Speaker 3: His boys just in case. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So we cut to the kids. They find a
Speaker 1: lego in the yard that's turned on its side, which
Speaker 1: means it provides like two sleeping compartments, because you know
Speaker 1: the bottom of the legos have those like cylindrical hollow
Speaker 1: spaces in Tokyo.
Speaker 2: You would spend two hundred dollars a night on this.
Speaker 1: Okay, The younger boys climb into the top bunk for
Speaker 1: lack of a better term, and then Russ is like,
Speaker 1: you take the bottom on Amy, I'll sleep on the ground,
Speaker 1: and she's like are you sure.
Speaker 3: He's like yeah.
Speaker 1: She's like, you think the boys will be warm enough?
Speaker 1: And he's like, yeah, they'll be fine. And then he
Speaker 1: turns around. He looks at her and he's like, will
Speaker 1: you be warm enough? And she kind of gets this
Speaker 1: like little starry eyed expression on her face and he's like,
Speaker 1: you know, this is no ordinary world, girl.
Speaker 2: I love that you brought so much to Duram Duran
Speaker 2: backstory to this I'm living. Uh.
Speaker 1: So we go to Diane and Wayne on the porch.
Speaker 1: Wayne says, this is all my fault. I should have
Speaker 1: been more careful. I'm sorry, and Diane says, you know,
Speaker 1: the only important thing is that we get our family
Speaker 1: back together. These two are acting now as if they've
Speaker 1: had some enormous like reconciliation that at.
Speaker 2: One point she's like, hey, did you give those deskcrow
Speaker 2: papers people? And he's like no, and she's like that's it.
Speaker 2: Come out final Straw Camel's back broke.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Wayne says, look there with the Thompson boys, they'll
Speaker 1: be fine, and Diane says that Amy alone in the
Speaker 1: dark with Russ is another thing that she's worried about.
Speaker 2: Okay, there's a moving target here on Amy and Diane's
Speaker 2: relationship because at the beginning of the movie, we didn't
Speaker 2: talk about this because it doesn't matter. When she's on
Speaker 2: the phone with her mom, her mom is like, did
Speaker 2: Paul call? Did he ask you to the dance? And
Speaker 2: Amy's like, not yet, but I'm seeing him tonight, and
Speaker 2: she's like, good for you, honey, Okay, all very lovely,
Speaker 2: all very healthy. The fact that the daughter talks to
Speaker 2: her mom at all about the boy that she likes
Speaker 2: and there's not like a mom like very open, wonderful relationship.
Speaker 2: And now she's like, I don't like her out there
Speaker 2: all alone with that boy from next door, implying that
Speaker 2: Amy is some skink.
Speaker 3: Maybe she's worried that that that Russ is trash.
Speaker 2: Baby. No one worries about Russ, that's true. No way
Speaker 2: anyone looked at that Doe eyed sweet challow May and
Speaker 2: was like he's a predator.
Speaker 1: When I was in high school. One of my friends
Speaker 1: was not allowed to have boys over at her house
Speaker 1: except for me because her old school Italian father looked,
Speaker 1: took one look at me and was like, it's fine.
Speaker 2: I don't know why that line stuck in my crawl.
Speaker 2: When Diane's like, I'm worried about that boy and my girl, I.
Speaker 3: Also like, do you you think they're gonna fuck? Now?
Speaker 2: That's a big they have.
Speaker 3: If you'll excuse the expression bigger problems.
Speaker 2: First of all, statistically speaking, they're dead.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if we're gonna put money on it, they're all dead.
Speaker 2: They died hours ago.
Speaker 1: And if they're not dead, for God's sake, let them
Speaker 1: have a couple moments of happiness.
Speaker 2: It's not a fucking romantic situation they're in and they're
Speaker 2: with their kid brothers also dead, dead, everyone died.
Speaker 1: It almost feels like them trying to put this puritanical
Speaker 1: thing in the movie. That is, it's like, why would
Speaker 1: she be Of all the things she'd be worried about,
Speaker 1: that would be number I don't know, eighteen thousand. I'm
Speaker 1: on the list of like, if this was a real situation,
Speaker 1: Oh but what if she has sex?
Speaker 3: Honestly, if she makes it back cool.
Speaker 2: Right. So meanwhile, we cut back to Rust and Amy
Speaker 2: and they are still flirting adorably at each other. Chastley,
Speaker 2: I should mention, yeah, because this movie is a PG theory,
Speaker 2: and I don't even think it's PG. I think it's
Speaker 2: G I think it's general. I think it's really I guess.
Speaker 3: Because it's scary to liten cigarettes.
Speaker 2: I think, oh, the smoking so much worse than sex,
Speaker 2: so much actually, genuinely, so much worse for you than sex.
Speaker 2: So Amy asks him why he's never stopped by the
Speaker 2: house before. She's like, well, how come you never really
Speaker 2: talk to me? And he kind of shyly says that
Speaker 2: she was too popular to notice him. I'm nobody and
Speaker 2: this is probably really stupid, and then she goes, no, no,
Speaker 2: you're right, which is so good. She's like, you're absolutely right.
Speaker 2: I was too popular. I did not notice you, and
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, and she says that she notices him now,
Speaker 2: and then the two of them kiss. Luckily, for Diane
Speaker 2: the non stop trained to teen pregnancy, it's interrupted by
Speaker 2: the arrival of a very scary and aggressive scorpion. Luckily,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I gotta breathe, I gotta breathe through.
Speaker 3: You can do a girl.
Speaker 2: I'm with you too good for this world. Auntie is
Speaker 2: there to save the day. Remember Auntie is a baby
Speaker 2: ant It is so loyal and brave and noble. This
Speaker 2: creature is Anti, the best kid. Antie is the best everything.
Speaker 2: Antie for President. Antie pulls the scorpion away, and Anti
Speaker 2: and the scorpions start fighting. And now it's a little
Speaker 2: bit of a silly animatronic puppet fight, which it looks
Speaker 2: a little bit like did you ever see Land of
Speaker 2: the Loss when you were a kid? I didn't that
Speaker 2: show from the seventies. Kid, that's a little Land of
Speaker 2: the Loss?
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: Some of the kids try to run, and Ron is like, no,
Speaker 2: we got to help our friend. We got to help
Speaker 2: our friends. So they start to grab sticks and anything
Speaker 2: they could find, and they attack the scorpion. I have
Speaker 2: one of the kids, I can't remember who it might be.
Speaker 2: Russ like throws his stick like a javelin and it
Speaker 2: stabs the scorpion in its head. The scorpion does not die,
Speaker 2: and it stumbles away all like days in confused, and
Speaker 2: the kids go back to Auntie to find she it.
Speaker 2: Auntie is like, goodbye.
Speaker 1: My friends, remember me, I deserved more than a slow
Speaker 1: death by poison.
Speaker 2: My heroism is being unrewarded. Perhaps in the next world
Speaker 2: I will be a king and sit atop a cream
Speaker 2: pie throne.
Speaker 3: We can hope Auntie deserves it.
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ Paul, I was so upset last night watching
Speaker 2: this movie when that fucking aunt dies, I was crushed.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Ron weeps, as do we all at the death of his.
Speaker 1: Friend, and his older brother reaches out and takes Amy's
Speaker 1: hand and he's like, I got a great idea for
Speaker 1: a song.
Speaker 3: It's called of you to a kill. Haha. I think
Speaker 3: about I think it's all the dreador and I have
Speaker 3: on top of my head.
Speaker 2: It's an amazing amount of durander. I'm very proud of you.
Speaker 3: Thank you all right.
Speaker 1: So day dawns over the Zelensky house. Wayne is hard
Speaker 1: at work repairing his shrink ray. The kids wake up.
Speaker 1: They're in the lego just as Tommy. Remember Tommy, the
Speaker 1: kid who can't skateboard from earlier, who was supposed to
Speaker 1: mow the lawn yesterday. Tommy arrives eager to get to
Speaker 1: the lawnmowing. He starts the machine and the kids feel
Speaker 1: the earth start to shake. They realize what's happening. They
Speaker 1: flee through the yard. They eventually find a wormhole to
Speaker 1: retreat into. This is an actual earth wormhole, not one
Speaker 1: of those things that happens in science fiction.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: They go through a wormhole into a wormhole in the earth. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: Wayne and Diane hear the noise. They realize what's happening.
Speaker 1: They rush downstairs to stop Tommy, but they're afraid to
Speaker 1: step on the grass, so they're standing on the back
Speaker 1: porch yelling Tommy, Tommy. So Tommy turns around, he looks
Speaker 1: at them, and the lawnmower stops moving. It doesn't stop mowing,
Speaker 1: it stops moving.
Speaker 2: I guess he hit an off switch.
Speaker 3: I don't know. None of this. What's about to happen
Speaker 3: does not make sense.
Speaker 2: The mower has unfortunately stopped directly over the wormhole entrance
Speaker 2: that the kids are now hiding in. Nick is unfortunately
Speaker 2: sucked up by the motor. Each kid grabs onto the
Speaker 2: like the one above them in this like tunnel that
Speaker 2: they're in, creating a human ladder in an attempt to
Speaker 2: save Nick from a grisly.
Speaker 3: Vivisecting guest from being chunked like that Shark and.
Speaker 2: Jaws from coming undone dad alas they are not strong
Speaker 2: enough and they all fly up into the blades, which
Speaker 2: don't dice them like garlic and instead just miraculously spits
Speaker 2: them out into the lawn.
Speaker 3: I don't understand this.
Speaker 2: I e me either, you know what. I'm not a
Speaker 2: lot mower expert. A lot of people think that about me,
Speaker 2: but I'm just not. It's not gonna move on.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna move on. That's what happened.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna question this. Diane and Wayne are like,
Speaker 2: good boy, Tommy, go home, but go through the house.
Speaker 2: It's safer. And Tommy says the line of the movie,
Speaker 2: He's like weird family and then he keeps moving. Uh.
Speaker 1: The kids kind of come to after being briefly knocked out,
Speaker 1: just in time to grab a hold of who Quark
Speaker 1: because Quark is free again and he is looking for them.
Speaker 1: They grab a hold of Quark's nosehars as he sniffs
Speaker 1: them out in the lawn. He brings them inside. Where
Speaker 1: would you believe? Erica, Wayne and Diane are having a
Speaker 1: just very normal, not at all panicked breakfast of cheerios
Speaker 1: and orange juice.
Speaker 3: What what the fuck?
Speaker 2: What the actual fuck?
Speaker 1: I mean, if they had just actually decided the kids
Speaker 1: are dead, we've lost them, you have to move on,
Speaker 1: that would almost make.
Speaker 2: Sense if Diane was making funeral arrangements. Yeah, if Wayne
Speaker 2: was trying to figure out what the fuck they're gonna
Speaker 2: tell the authorities, the insurance company, the media, frankly because
Speaker 2: four kids disappearing in the suburbs. Yeah, there's a few
Speaker 2: of these in the movie. The first one I had
Speaker 2: is when the kids decided to go to sleep for
Speaker 2: the night in the first place. I'm like, you're almost home.
Speaker 2: Keep going, you have torches, Yeah, just keep going. Why
Speaker 2: are you stopping to sleep? How has the adrenaline of
Speaker 2: the day not sustained you through this? Then there's the
Speaker 2: piss This drove me insane?
Speaker 3: Insane? How can you even eat?
Speaker 2: How can you eat? Your kids have just been chunked
Speaker 2: by a fucking lawn mower.
Speaker 3: They've been minced like an onion by your robot.
Speaker 2: If they if they did not die twelve hours ago, yeah,
Speaker 2: they're dead now, and in the most violent her way.
Speaker 2: You know what, Cheerios.
Speaker 3: Cheerios part of this ballad's breakfast.
Speaker 2: This does it make any sense. But we're going.
Speaker 3: To press on.
Speaker 2: We're going to press on because we have to, frankly,
Speaker 2: just because we have to.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we could stay on this for other ten minutes.
Speaker 2: What else could these parents be doing instead of looking
Speaker 2: at instead of mourning the deaths of their children, brushing
Speaker 2: their teeth, Yeah, paying their taxes.
Speaker 1: You're trying to have another kid, you guys, you got
Speaker 1: to replace them, right, I mean.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we get upstairs, Diane. We we've got work
Speaker 2: to do. Lie back and think of the backyard, Diane.
Speaker 1: Quark jumps onto the table and yips at Wayne's face,
Speaker 1: sending Nick falling into his bowl of cheerios.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, the other three kids jump off the dog, they
Speaker 2: leap onto the table, and they're screaming at Wayne to
Speaker 2: stop eating his delicious, delicious cheerios, while Nick dives under
Speaker 2: the milk to avoid being in the first light. He's
Speaker 2: trying to dive for his life. This scenario is so horrifying.
Speaker 3: This is really dark.
Speaker 1: This is like Titus Andronic is fucking dark dark.
Speaker 2: Honestly too, Cheerios If I was stress eating, cheerios would
Speaker 2: not be the thing I'd be stress eating.
Speaker 3: No, where are those fucking oatmeal cream pies.
Speaker 2: They're having a balanced, nutritious breakfast. These two. I would
Speaker 2: be just like sheet caking. Yes, he was my last
Speaker 2: day on Earth. I'd be like, where's the emergency sheet
Speaker 2: cake time? No time for forks, Diane. I'm sheet caking
Speaker 2: and just eat it with my hands. So eventually he
Speaker 2: does get Nick onto the spoon, and Nick is screaming
Speaker 2: at his dad. Stop stop. He's like using one of
Speaker 2: the cheerios as a life raft. Stop stop, stop and
Speaker 2: quark here's all of this. He intervenes. He bites Wayne
Speaker 2: on the heel. Wayne stops to look at the dog.
Speaker 2: He looks down at his spoon and sees his teeny
Speaker 2: tiny little son, his progeny. Yeah, swimming inside of a
Speaker 2: cereal spoon that he almost put inside of him.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the sunny almost swallowed like Chronos in Greek mythology.
Speaker 1: Although at least Chronos swallowed them whole. That would have
Speaker 1: been That would have been a toothy doom.
Speaker 2: Honestly, not the way Wayne's eaten. Swallow them down, gulp,
Speaker 2: love these cheerios.
Speaker 1: So they realize the other kids are on the table,
Speaker 1: and we cut to the lab. We're all four adults,
Speaker 1: the Thompson's and the Zelenskis are trying to figure out
Speaker 1: how to make the shrink ray work because remember, it's
Speaker 1: not working again.
Speaker 3: The kids manage.
Speaker 1: To charade their way into the adults, realizing that the
Speaker 1: baseball is the key to making the shrink ray work. Honestly,
Speaker 1: this is very good charades played by the kids and
Speaker 1: a lot of stupidity from the adults. The second someone
Speaker 1: winds up and throws baseball is the absolute first thing
Speaker 1: that should come out of your mouth.
Speaker 2: Honestly, true, like the other kids doing a bat. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm like, this is obviously baseball, unless you're in England,
Speaker 2: it's cricket that other than that fucking baseball.
Speaker 1: Wayne realizes the baseball is the key to making the
Speaker 1: shrink ray work. I cannot be bothered to explain why,
Speaker 1: mostly because I genuinely don't understand the baseball is magic.
Speaker 2: It basically, the shrink ray needs a conduit to go
Speaker 2: through before it gets to its target so that it
Speaker 2: doesn't explode the target.
Speaker 3: Okay, but that's the.
Speaker 2: Science this movie is telling us. Remember Paul, we're in
Speaker 2: science months.
Speaker 3: Science mon age. Well, this is the science.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just want to put it like, dot all
Speaker 2: my eyes, cross all my t's and make sure everyone
Speaker 2: understands the hardcore science that is sciencing in this deeply
Speaker 2: scientific film.
Speaker 1: If you are trying to make a shrink rate's not working,
Speaker 1: maybe try to send it through a baseball.
Speaker 3: Just try it. Yeah, you don't know.
Speaker 2: You're a hamster.
Speaker 3: Yeah, why not?
Speaker 2: So basically, the shrink ray starts to work again thanks
Speaker 2: to the magic of the baseball, and they're like, great,
Speaker 2: let's do this. Let's start let's start using it on
Speaker 2: the kids, and Wrestle's like, whoa, Okay, hang on, everything
Speaker 2: else you've tried it on has exploded. Just because you
Speaker 2: say it works doesn't mean I believe you that it works.
Speaker 2: You gotta try it on another living thing. The dog
Speaker 2: immediately pieces out of the room. Excellent, excellent. Wayne volunteers himself.
Speaker 2: He's like, it's my shrink ray. I should be the
Speaker 2: one to do it, and everyone's like, well, that's a
Speaker 2: stupid idea. You're the only one who knows how to
Speaker 2: work the fucking thing, and Russell's like, no, it has
Speaker 2: to be me, obviously, it can't be one of the women.
Speaker 3: Can I just say?
Speaker 1: Everyone in this scene is wildly underworried about potentially like
Speaker 1: being covered with ragou a la Russell. Remember how much
Speaker 1: of that app that that apple became. Yes, this would
Speaker 1: have been this would have been a this would have
Speaker 1: been a grand guen awl.
Speaker 2: Yes, body part of epic epic proportions.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Also try it on one more thing. Like they went
Speaker 2: straight from exploding things to putting the baseball on the
Speaker 2: machine to Okay, let's shrink a human.
Speaker 1: Now try another inanimate object.
Speaker 2: One more thing, just one more please. So Wayne hits Russell. Russell,
Speaker 2: to his credit, looks properly terrified that he's about to
Speaker 2: get blown up. Wayne hits him with the shrink Ray
Speaker 2: and it works. Ray Great Russell exploded.
Speaker 3: It's surprising endy for a Disney movie.
Speaker 2: That was in the original in the original script, and
Speaker 2: then the studio was like, hell if we just had
Speaker 2: the aunt die.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they were trying to sell it to A twenty four,
Speaker 1: but once Disney bought it, they had to change the end.
Speaker 2: Ah. So not only does he get shrunk, they hit
Speaker 2: him again and he d shrinks. He grows up again
Speaker 2: into regular size Russell. They gather the kids in place.
Speaker 2: Russ asked Amy to the dance. He's like, before we
Speaker 2: get reblown up into our sizes, do you want to
Speaker 2: go to the dance with me on Friday? She says
Speaker 2: she'd love to, and they start to hold hands. Wayne
Speaker 2: d shrinks all four of the kids. There's much rejoicing.
Speaker 2: Russell even tells Russ that he is so proud of him.
Speaker 2: Good for you. Wayne and Russell shake hands.
Speaker 1: We cut to a dinner with an enormous turkey. Okay,
Speaker 1: this turkey is a giant turkey sex doll, right, it's gross.
Speaker 1: That is a sex doll. That is a blow up
Speaker 1: turkey sex doll for freaks. And I say freaks with affection.
Speaker 1: You do you You're not hurting anybody, God speed, Get
Speaker 1: down with your bad self.
Speaker 3: That is a sex doll.
Speaker 2: That is a sex doll for someone who likes to
Speaker 2: fist turkeys but legally is not allowed. Yeah, it is
Speaker 2: like if only there was a turkey that was dead,
Speaker 2: so that it wasn't Peter wouldn't come after me, were
Speaker 2: already dead and also big enough for me to fist. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's exactly it.
Speaker 1: The adults are toasting too many more dinners together. The
Speaker 1: kids are drinking their milk, Amy and Russ play foot
Speaker 1: seat under the table, and Quark, the true hero of
Speaker 1: the film, the dog that should replace Superman's dog, should
Speaker 1: Superman's dog ever go on retirement, eats a giant milk
Speaker 1: bone under the table.
Speaker 3: End of movie. All right, so stick around.
Speaker 1: We will be right back after some commercials, and we'll
Speaker 1: bring you through our random observations and final rankings.
Speaker 3: And we're back.
Speaker 1: Erica, do you have any more little little pollen bits
Speaker 1: to sprinkle upon the listening audience?
Speaker 2: Everything else I have is a line from the movie
Speaker 2: Oh okay, some of the lines I love, some lines
Speaker 2: I don't love. I'm gonna start with the line I.
Speaker 3: Don't love okay.
Speaker 2: About two thirds of the way three quarters of the
Speaker 2: way into the movie, Wayne is upstairs tinkering away on
Speaker 2: his machine, trying to fix it after the temper tantrum
Speaker 2: he threw, which no one yelled at him about. Nope,
Speaker 2: and he falls asleep. Diane comes upstairs. She looks tenderly
Speaker 2: lovingly at her husband, and she goes, I love you
Speaker 2: Wayne's Slazynski, whatever the fuck his name is. Yeah, Erica
Speaker 2: screams at the television.
Speaker 1: Not now, Diane, I had the exact same reaction.
Speaker 2: Why is he asleep? Yeah, I know why this is here,
Speaker 2: because according to the movie, these two have had some
Speaker 2: horrible marriage ending fights two days prior to this. That again,
Speaker 2: the rest of the movie does not address. There's not
Speaker 2: even any tension, so there's no need for her to
Speaker 2: like have a moment where she realizes that she just gosh,
Speaker 2: darn it, I just love.
Speaker 3: My just love that man of mine, just.
Speaker 2: Love my weirdo, mad scientist husband.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't make any sense, and it makes her
Speaker 2: look insane.
Speaker 1: I agree, I one hundred percent degree. So we said
Speaker 1: the end of the movie was Quark eating the milkbone,
Speaker 1: which is not exactly correct. That should have been the
Speaker 1: end of the movie, But there's a little bit of
Speaker 1: a runner where after Rusk gives Amy the artificial respiration,
Speaker 1: Nick says, where did you learn CPR? I think he
Speaker 1: calls it artificial respiration? Where do you learn artificial respiration?
Speaker 1: And he goes French class kid. That's kind of cute
Speaker 1: because then Nick is confused. But then the final moment
Speaker 1: of the movie, Quark's eating the giant milkbone, it starts
Speaker 1: to go to black. Then somebody pulls back and they
Speaker 1: have Nick go oh French class, I get it, and
Speaker 1: then he laughs and it like, look, no shade to
Speaker 1: the kid actor. This is very hard, like genuinely trying
Speaker 1: to make that joke land is very difficult. I just
Speaker 1: wish they ended on the milkbone. The milkbone is such
Speaker 1: a better ending.
Speaker 2: Paul, Yeah, such a hard disagree.
Speaker 4: Really, Oh my god, do you want.
Speaker 2: To hear my notes on the greatest last line of
Speaker 2: a kid's movie ever?
Speaker 3: Wow?
Speaker 2: I think the kid nails it. I think the fact
Speaker 2: that the camera then like it zooms in on his
Speaker 2: face and then like blackout as soon as the kid
Speaker 2: starts to laugh. Adorable.
Speaker 3: Okay, fair enough.
Speaker 2: So at the beginning of the movie, after he's been
Speaker 2: shot in the head with a rubber arrow, Russell's trying
Speaker 2: to rub off the super glue off his head and
Speaker 2: just Christine Sutherland comedic assassin, walks behind him and says,
Speaker 2: you're wiping away brain cells and there aren't that many
Speaker 2: to spare Excellent.
Speaker 3: Excellent, excellent.
Speaker 1: I have one more joke I really liked in the movie,
Speaker 1: when the cops are there for that brief moment, there
Speaker 1: is a brief cutaway to them in the car where
Speaker 1: they realize they got another report for missing kids from
Speaker 1: the next door neighbor's house. And if you look, you
Speaker 1: can see on like the police scanner or whatever that
Speaker 1: is that the only thing that's ever been reported from
Speaker 1: the Zelensky house before is twelve counts of disturbing the piece,
Speaker 1: which I thought was excellent.
Speaker 2: I actually fully missed that. Yeah, I just have one more.
Speaker 2: It's my favorite joke in the film, Oh okay, very
Speaker 2: Erica joke when the four adulta together and the Zelenskys
Speaker 2: are explaining what happened. Yeah, one of them accidentally says that,
Speaker 2: like everything you know, we didn't expect it to work.
Speaker 2: Everything else we've ever ever used this machine on, it's
Speaker 2: blown up, right, And May Thompson goes, oh my god,
Speaker 2: you blew up our kids, like the kids are blown up,
Speaker 2: and Rick Brannis, just the most sincerity ever, goes, no, no,
Speaker 2: if the machine had blown them up, there'd be pieces
Speaker 2: of them everywhere, like trying to reassure her. No, no,
Speaker 2: we definitely didn't blow up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that did not happen.
Speaker 2: We'd be we'd be wading through the Viscerara.
Speaker 4: Don't worry.
Speaker 1: It seems like my shrink ray actually multiplies the innards
Speaker 1: of anything. It explodes, so it would be it would
Speaker 1: be waist deep in blood and guts.
Speaker 2: I cackled out loud when Briana said that line. I'm like, muah, perfect, Paul,
Speaker 2: how shall we rate? Honey? I shrunk them kids.
Speaker 1: I don't shrunk the kids. How about one to ten?
Speaker 1: Flower Scrotums?
Speaker 2: Flower drum Scrotum was a was a musical that never
Speaker 2: took off.
Speaker 3: Never took off, but boy, boy, did they have a take.
Speaker 2: I remember one time in my twenties someone was like
Speaker 2: having a bad sneezing attack and I'm like, we were
Speaker 2: we were in Prospect Park and I'm like, are you okay?
Speaker 2: And he's like, the trees are jizzing all over me.
Speaker 2: How about one to ten? Noble animatronic ants?
Speaker 3: Oh so, no noble, honest true.
Speaker 2: Auntie is almost as cute as Quirk. Not quite, but almost.
Speaker 1: It is the cutest animatronic thing I think we've come
Speaker 1: across in this podcast.
Speaker 2: I want to say one hundred percent no, no, no, Gizmo,
Speaker 2: Tom Cruise, I'd say, I'd say Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise, Yes, cute,
Speaker 2: He's cute.
Speaker 3: Yeah, He's not widely known to be animatronic.
Speaker 2: But if you know, you know, he's not widely known
Speaker 2: to be cute, but he's very cute.
Speaker 1: How about one to ten documentaries about a toxic male and.
Speaker 2: Now beholds as a man shrinks himself down to prove
Speaker 2: his worth to his family. Yet another act? What accent
Speaker 2: am I doing? Yet another act of heroic insignificance as
Speaker 2: we rail against in this world.
Speaker 1: Watch now as he goes to the bathroom. You'll see
Speaker 1: how tiny his manhood is. It is from this that
Speaker 1: many of his problems stem.
Speaker 2: You think when they blew him back up, they could
Speaker 2: have They could have given him a little extra genital
Speaker 2: maybe helped. I can we how how precise is the
Speaker 2: shrink ray?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Can we get can we get granular?
Speaker 3: If it's gonna cure cancer, it needs to let.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're gonna need to hit We have to target
Speaker 2: cancer cells. Let's start with penal.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, first, uh huh?
Speaker 2: How about one to ten New waves soft boys?
Speaker 1: He is, he's such a new waves You really nailed
Speaker 1: it with that. Honestly, golf collapse for you? That is
Speaker 1: exactly right.
Speaker 2: I thought of one. Margarine Duransong, Oh yeah, a new
Speaker 2: wave soft boy that I'm gonna save a little prayer.
Speaker 3: For Okay, there you go, There you go. I think
Speaker 3: we should do.
Speaker 2: This one, all right. Yeah, new wave soft boys, new.
Speaker 1: Wave soft boys who are not wearing eyeliner or are they? No,
Speaker 1: they're not, but maybe I don't think so.
Speaker 2: But damn honestly, someone saw this movie and was like,
Speaker 2: we've got to start marketing eyeliner to men. I know
Speaker 2: what we're wasting our time on The female market is saturated.
Speaker 2: We have got to get men on this.
Speaker 3: So do you want to go first on this one?
Speaker 3: Or shall I go first?
Speaker 2: Why don't you go first on this one?
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 1: I would say overall, overall, I think this film ages
Speaker 1: pretty well. There are no people of color in it.
Speaker 3: Zero.
Speaker 1: The characters of the movie are two four person nuclear families.
Speaker 2: Even the dog is white.
Speaker 3: Even the dog is white. It is that.
Speaker 1: I think that sin of omission is the biggest sin
Speaker 1: to ascribe to it. There's no gay content in the movie.
Speaker 1: This was a Disney movie in the eighties. Shocking, blow
Speaker 1: me down.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's almost no sexuality at all. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: I would say, although those kids do kiss, but.
Speaker 1: They kiss, and there's a queer subtext to the Russ
Speaker 1: character that they're obviously stomping out by giving him a
Speaker 1: female love interest to a certain extent, but like there's
Speaker 1: something there, not much, but if you want to cling
Speaker 1: to some little tidbit, there's something there. But on the
Speaker 1: on the women front, I think this is good Amy.
Speaker 1: Obviously we both loved Amy in the pantheon of best Kids. Yeah,
Speaker 1: something we hold very dear in this podcast. And then
Speaker 1: both both of the wives, like you said before, like
Speaker 1: they they are playing with the gender stereotypes, particularly in
Speaker 1: the Thompson marriage. But you know, Christine Sutherland gets jokes,
Speaker 1: she gets to have takes. She's not a quiet woman
Speaker 1: who's just being dragged along behind her husband all the
Speaker 1: time like that. And then, like you pointed out in
Speaker 1: the Zelensky marriage, like she's the breadwinner, she's also the
Speaker 1: the person who cleans the house and cooks all the
Speaker 1: meals and does everything, which we want to we want
Speaker 1: an even division of labor.
Speaker 2: But that's why they have Amy.
Speaker 3: That's why, that's why they had a daughter.
Speaker 1: These women get to have jokes, they get to have arcs,
Speaker 1: they get to be equal to the men. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: rate it pretty high. I mean, I don't find myself
Speaker 1: with much to say. Like, it's a pretty simple kids movie.
Speaker 1: I think it's effective, I think it's well done, it's fun.
Speaker 3: I'll give it an eight.
Speaker 1: I'm going to even an eight out of ten new
Speaker 1: wave soft boys who insert your own Duran Duran pun here,
Speaker 1: I'm out of Duran Duran songs.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, I don't have any more.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe we just do like New Order now or.
Speaker 1: Ever get into a bizarre love triangle with people.
Speaker 2: Who I'm gonna call my personal Jesus there are.
Speaker 3: What do you think?
Speaker 2: So when I started watching the movie, it took me
Speaker 2: a wild warm up, and it took me a while
Speaker 2: to warm up into the dynamics that the movie was
Speaker 2: setting up with like the women doing all the emotional
Speaker 2: labor in the houses. The movie won me over and
Speaker 2: I kind of stopped caring about it, and I kind
Speaker 2: of stopped caring about the like very gendered roles that
Speaker 2: they that the families had. And then to be fair,
Speaker 2: like Diane be the breadwinner really does take some of
Speaker 2: this thing out of that too, And like again, it's
Speaker 2: more important to have the stuff the messaging in these
Speaker 2: movies be crystal clear because the audience is children. But
Speaker 2: it's a good movie. It's much smarter than it has
Speaker 2: to be, and it's more intuitive than it has to be,
Speaker 2: and the script is a lot more nuanced than it
Speaker 2: has to be. Like they really could have just hit
Speaker 2: like these giant beats. There's sins of omission, of course.
Speaker 2: I think the whiteness, the like blanket whiteness of everybody
Speaker 2: is no, I'm not even sure in the like Professor
Speaker 2: Dickhead was a white guy, and I'm pretty I'm like,
Speaker 2: I'm trying to remember that that just scene of scientists
Speaker 2: like listening to his lecture at the conference, and like
Speaker 2: there were women there, great, not just men.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I got distracted, I think because he said ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: and I was like, are there women of Like, oh,
Speaker 1: there actually are a couple of women dotted in the
Speaker 1: in this room.
Speaker 2: Good for there are women in this scientist convention. Thank god, right,
Speaker 2: And so it was just like gentlemen, I'm leaving and
Speaker 2: he just leaves. Yeah, there is that. The movies modern
Speaker 2: enough to include that, but I'm not sure there were
Speaker 2: people of color in that scene. I can't recall any. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I do think it's a little retrograde, I do. I like,
Speaker 2: even even for nineteen eighty nine, I'm not gonna grave
Speaker 2: it on such a curve that, like, I do think
Speaker 2: there's like it does have a little bit of a
Speaker 2: like traditional sure take on family and on like what
Speaker 2: a nuclear family should look like. So I'm gonna ding
Speaker 2: it a little bit more. I'm gonna give it a six.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give a six out of ten new Wave
Speaker 2: soft Voice. I wonder I don't recall having a crush
Speaker 2: on Russ when I was a kid. I would have
Speaker 2: watched this movie a lot more. Had that been the case,
Speaker 2: you would have attached Yeah, I would have. I would
Speaker 2: have been like, Oh, I saw this movie a lot
Speaker 2: when I was and I only saw it that one time.
Speaker 2: I was very young. I was probably eight or nine
Speaker 2: years old when this movie came out, So I don't
Speaker 2: recall having a crush on Russ, but like there is
Speaker 2: some like parallel to be drawn between Russ and this
Speaker 2: And then just a few years later, when I was
Speaker 2: a little older, a little more savvy about what I
Speaker 2: was into, and I watched Fried Green Tomatoes. Oh, and
Speaker 2: there appears Chris O'donald Softboy. Chris O'donnald and I was like,
Speaker 2: it's a little feminine, it's a little masculine. I'm into
Speaker 2: it and I like it.
Speaker 3: I like it all.
Speaker 2: So you know, who knows, maybe there's a grain of
Speaker 2: that in there somewhere, and I have this film to
Speaker 2: thank for it.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, I don't feel need to offer a
Speaker 1: palate cleanser.
Speaker 3: Do you want to offer one?
Speaker 2: I would almost go and like back in time and
Speaker 2: offer this as a palate cleanser to the goonies.
Speaker 3: Oh, sure, there you go.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but no, no palate cleanser if you have kids.
Speaker 2: Great movie.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 1: So that's the end of our show, Erica. Everyone listening
Speaker 1: can follow us on Blue Sky, Threads and Instagram. Instagram
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Speaker 2: That aged Well is produced and edited by Paul Kola.
Speaker 2: We would like to thank Caroline, Megan, Kelly with An I,
Speaker 2: Kelly with a Y, steph Andy, Nanette, Danielle, Sarah, Elise, Lauri, Mara, Nicole,
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Speaker 2: Do I get them?
Speaker 4: I get them all?
Speaker 3: So good. Erica you did, Miss Rebecca.
Speaker 1: You just you were You were reading fast and you
Speaker 1: skipped right over Rebecca's name.
Speaker 2: Thanks Rebecca, Thank you all for reaching out and letting
Speaker 2: us know what you want to hear. If you want
Speaker 2: to have a say in the topics we discussed, join
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Speaker 2: podcast to find out more. Speaking of which, some tears
Speaker 2: on our Patreon come with thanks from a podcast character,
Speaker 2: and today we're getting a dramatic reading from Alabama's favorite son,
Speaker 2: con air Zone Cameron Edgar Allan Poe.
Speaker 1: While it is lovely to be back amongst you fine people,
Speaker 1: I must admit my heart is heavy with the knowledge
Speaker 1: that my one true love, Cyrus the virus Grissom, has
Speaker 1: been untrue. I found the following letter in the hope
Speaker 1: chest that he keeps under his stores of Belladonna, bitter nightshade,
Speaker 1: and white oleander. My dearest Cyrus the virus. As I
Speaker 1: sit beneath this majestic oak tree, the rough bark on
Speaker 1: my back reminded me of the last time your workman's
Speaker 1: fingers traced my spine. I'm transported to our first night together.
Speaker 1: We shared everything with each other, our hopes, our bodies,
Speaker 1: and even our podcast recommendations. I told you that my
Speaker 1: friend Priscilla had turned me on to a great show
Speaker 1: hosted by two elitist East Coast clack boxes. You told
Speaker 1: me that you didn't know what a podcast was, and
Speaker 1: unless it could be used to murder someone, you really
Speaker 1: weren't interested. And when you said that, I must admit
Speaker 1: it put the jazz in my jasmine. I've been salnely
Speaker 1: without your Cyrus. Though it is July and Alabama, my
Speaker 1: bed is cold with the absence of you. Listen, do
Speaker 1: you hear that the old coon dog on the back
Speaker 1: porch is howling at the moon much as I howl
Speaker 1: for you to slake.
Speaker 3: This burning in my loins.
Speaker 1: I've gone to the apothecary and they have assured me
Speaker 1: that there is no potion to offer me sucker.
Speaker 3: Please, Cyrus be my sucker.
Speaker 1: Most sincerely and truly yours, Cassie Patronix of that aged will.
Speaker 1: I know the mean poetry at my disposal could never
Speaker 1: stand up to the verse that Cassie has used on Cyrus.
Speaker 1: I suppose it's just a lonely sasparilla and ginger ale
Speaker 1: for Cameron Poe this evening Bitter night Shade.
Speaker 2: Indeed, Wow, what a heartfelt yeah, deeply uncomfortable letter.
Speaker 3: He's a romantic but also an oversharer.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, too much information a TMI for the ages,
Speaker 2: if you will.
Speaker 1: And I really I don't understand his obsession with Cyrus
Speaker 1: the virus. There's so many better options.
Speaker 2: You Know what's funny is I've seen Connor a few
Speaker 2: times and for some reason right now, all the names
Speaker 2: elude me. Steve bum.
Speaker 1: He's he is the child murderer, So maybe not him
Speaker 1: all right, Erica, any final thoughts on Honey, I.
Speaker 2: Shrunk the kids, Honey, I shrunk the kids.
Speaker 3: Honey, I shrunk the kids.
Speaker 2: Honey, I shrunk the kids. What I'm sorry? Would you say,
Speaker 2: did you just tell me you shrunk the kids?
Speaker 3: No? Why would you think that?
Speaker 2: Why would you No?
Speaker 3: No, not at all, I'd say that.
Speaker 2: But bactating my cheerios watch as he puts a cigarette
Speaker 2: in his mouth for a few brief moments like that
Speaker 2: is the worst werner heads on. I just want to
Speaker 2: acknowledge I'm not even trying apologies to Germans listening