Speaker 1: Hello Freddie ahead of another episode of Dumb and Jerry,
and it's my sad duty to inform you all that
Chuck Norris has finally gone and at an af day
with undertaking. I didn't know Chuck Norris, but I had
a labor one time called Norris from uproad. Any tools
I needed? I check? Hey Norris, Chuck us up a
lump ammer. Anyways, enjoy, I'll see thee.
Speaker 2: This is the Tom and Jerry Show. Welcome you back
to your regular schedule programming. We can't get away with
another omnibus edition this week time. We have to actually
record a full episode.
Speaker 1: It would be ac indo bollocks. But to be fair,
to be fair to us, but you're not supposed to
say sure you're not. But to be fair to us,
we don't do it too often. And there and some
well known podcasts out there there that trot out out
the stuff left right and center. But at least there
was a point to our drinking getting drunk, and we
had just it with people enjoying it going nice nice
one for the throwback.
Speaker 2: Lets you know like a good pind againness Tom, it
went down real smooth. How are you all keeping everybody.
I'm Jerry McBride. That is Tom. O'Mahoney, we didn't record
an episode last week. Thank you all very much for
chiming in on our old drinking stories that we put
out as to make good. I think we might have
a few more of them down the way. Tom, you
know we're gonna keep shoe in the back cheer.
Speaker 1: It's when you go back through it. I was shuddering
just listening to the stories because I had to go
back through season five. Anybody wants to have againder back
through the yester years. If this is your first outing
with Tom and Jerry and the damn near one hundred
episodes of this this new I suppose take on Tom
and Jerry.
Speaker 2: The current iteration of them.
Speaker 1: Jesus, jer when you're listening back to him, like fuck,
hell did I not die seventeen thousand times?
Speaker 2: Like I'll tell you. When you listen back to the
old episodes, Tommy, you're like, Jesus, why did we record
for four hours at a time?
Speaker 1: I know, but look, you you live, and you learn.
You need to learn to tighten things up. It's so
funny out time to change. I'm so proud of myself.
I was in Goldway the weekend. Thank you everybody, to
the lovely people that sold out the town Hall theater
for me. You were fucking lovely. But I was so
tempted yanker for chocolate, and I've been offul then. This
is where I'm at now from the drinking stories. Back
in the day, I was hanging for chocolate like a
pregnant yeack, I do want to chocolate. I don't know
what it was. I was getting offers of chips left,
right and center. Got myself a bag of chips, but
I abstained and I passed ninety four Petro stations on
the way home. And we know petro stations are full
of two things petal diesel. That's two things, and the
third thing is chocolate and chocolate. Yes, like you ain't
getting sasidious.
Speaker 2: Tom, It's like you don't want a bar, you want
two bars for a five or two bars? You think
I'm saving one of them to the morning.
Speaker 1: That'll get me to the next for a Petro station
or that? Or would you? Are you sure you don't
want to like an eleven your chocolate part of the
size of a car door because you've got a long
journey ahead of the Tom, like we you know what
I do need the energy, but no I abstained. I abstained.
I didn't. That's where I'm at your That's what.
Speaker 2: I I Your stead, buddy, I made it up in
your stead. I had like a fool. Last week I
was away on a on a family holiday to New York,
New York, and I just want to give a shout
out to the Monahan Society of New York for her
letting me and my family march with them in the
New York Saint Patrick's Day Parade.
Speaker 1: Why you were adorable? You were adorable, big Irish hits
like you looked like you were plants like you. If
if Americans drew drew Irish people in the smile in
this albu you were so smiley and wavy and it
was adorable.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you, Tom. I gotta tell you, if you
were along, if you were in the crowds, the hundreds
of thousands of people that crowded up and down Fifth Avenue,
and you were looking at the Saint Patrick's Day Parade
and you said yourself, fuck me, that's very like your
man McBride. It was.
Speaker 1: It was just some American actor just done up to
look like Jerry.
Speaker 2: McBride, Yeah, exactly what about? Hey what hi? And then
I left the parade and went on to eat a
six thousand calorie meal. New York. Hell of a time.
But I'm gonna tell you, Tom, the Pogues weren't lying.
The fucking wind goes right through your buddy.
Speaker 1: It sticks you to the ground, you know the way
You're somethingle here going ah, yes, well it's minus twenty
voter at home, but it's a different cold. It does
not hurt your body. Well, okay, we'll take Eastern Europeans
at the world. But I don't care what anybody says.
Whatever's going on in New York, Philadelphia, Boston and Chicago,
nobody should be there through those months.
Speaker 2: It's great, it's amazing.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine back in the day when it wasn't
even warm stuff to be wearing? There were hardy people,
as say back then, hence why mostly Irish people stayed there.
Speaker 2: Well, this is the two Yeah, we came over from
the Blaskins and we're like mild.
Speaker 1: Out, miles out, sweating bullets here in this minus night.
Do you know how to make themselves feel better about
the cold? Over there? They still use fahrenheit. Oh it's
thirty two degrees. Okay, all right, that's that's still for comparison.
Speaker 2: That's yeah, exactly, that's that's the kind of temperature that
we hang meat at over Home Career, Tom. It is
with the merging, funny to say it is with the
merging of America and Ireland like we had last week.
It carries over into this week's show. It becomes part
of the big news that we kick every show off with. Folks.
We're talking about the scuttle bought, the re raw, the weekly,
what have you. This is a very complicated case, mad
You know, a lot of Ian's, a lot of outs,
a lot of what have you, and a lot of
strands to keep.
Speaker 1: In my head, man, things I've gotten out of hander
And who would have thought? What nation would possibly have
taken a situation that was already a bit of a
pain in the hole and made it twice as worse
by culturally appropriating another situation.
Speaker 2: I gotta tell you, Tom, it's it's some people look for.
Speaker 1: Trouble, they do, and none better than the US.
Speaker 2: The US. No I didn't. I didn't know this why
I was in America, but I heard it on my
way back, and I said it to Tom and the
face fell of them. What are we talking about? Everybody?
Speaker 1: Will?
Speaker 2: You?
Speaker 1: Messaged me? And literally my reply was they want to
cut that out fucking straight away. That was my exact reply.
And what essentially has happened. And no, America haven't started
another war somewhere.
Speaker 2: Else, honestly, Yeah you want to cut that out as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah they would, But this is them just just over
each and just be over the top of Americans when
things and we do. We do have relatives there, you
know what I mean. I lived in the place for
a while. I like it, but you need to cut
this ship out bad enough. Through Christmas chare that we
had this elf on the shelf shit going on up
and down the globe. Now Americans have decided, well, an
American toy manufacturer, not out or whatever whatever you'd call it,
have trends that are moneymaker capitalists, all probably made in
Asia or somewhere. But they're now jumped on the bandwagon
when it comes to lead up to Saint Patrick's Day,
and they've decided to get not the help in the shelf,
but the leprecaun acting the ballacks.
Speaker 2: They have Elf in the shelfed Leprechauns, a game that
is spreading throughout kindergartens and primary schools in America, whereby,
if you leave out a trap for a leprechaun on
Saint Patrick's Day, you may not trap the leprechaun, but
when you check the trap in the morning, you will
find sweeties, maybe a couple of dollars, like box of
Lukie charms, whatever it might be. Number One, it's more
unnecessary shit for parents to do. There's the Easter Bunny,
there's fucking tooth fairies and Santa and Elf on the shelf.
Nobody's looking for another job to do as a parent, Okay,
and now all of a sudden we have to orchestrate
traps for leprechauns. But Tom, it's the least of our
worries that parents have more to do. There's something far,
far more worrisome, Clay here.
Speaker 1: What there is? Because not only are they it's not
that they're not just leaving at that, because of course
families have taken on. They're they're going with the whole
fucking thing.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, there's no sense in doing things by halves
to be better than the next family up there.
Speaker 1: They're all give like they're like they're staying in character.
We're talking to this reporter like a leprechauns showed up
there has on Sundays two Sundays ago and have been
causing me him ever since. Mike Newman, Fuck you, Mike,
fuck you. He so by all accounts, Oh he died,
dyed the dog's hair green. He was a.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they do pranks. It's elf on the shelf.
Speaker 1: In the green outfit.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Now, you keep on pushing, pushing
the buttons Americans, and you think that's going to be okay.
But you have clearly not listened to the Tom and
Jerry episode when it came to pish Oaks because you're fucked.
If you you can, you can test it all you want,
but between loan bushes and these fellows and the fairy folk,
I'm not pushing this one. There. This I don't care.
Even if he finds out about it. It's novel, I
don't care. I'll give him. I'll let him listen to
our Pits episode. I don't care that we we course
swear every two sentences. I'll let him listen to it
and then he can make his own mind up if
he wants to draw that kind of trouble down to
top of him.
Speaker 2: We want to say for new listeners of the Tom
and Jerry Show, but the official line of Tom O'Mahony
and Jerry McBride is that we do not fully one
hundred percent believe in little folk, leprechauns, fairies, the fay
folk and the other kin. But with that being said,
we know to stay the fucking right side.
Speaker 1: Of them one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: Do I believe in it? No? Am I gonna chop
down a loan brush?
Speaker 1: Also, no, there you go. So it's a there's a
duplicity there in in action. Jer It's as well to
live at the fuck alone, because.
Speaker 2: You think, for a second, Tom, I'm laying out a
trap for a leprechaun. You've another thing coming.
Speaker 1: Well, there are a handful of things that they want
to most definitely have been known for. And this I
mean listen oral traditions from down through the years. Like
people tend to take the Native Americans deadly serious when
they've got seventy two words for Bigfoot, right exactly? Well, okay,
all right, well let's keep looking for Bigfoot. And in
a real case, the Irish have been around for nearly
as long. I mean, if you if you really look
back into we've been around for thousands of years or
a Celtic carry on and all the rest of long
before organized religion got here. And these fellows were talked
about long before that. And I mean even still, there
is no nice part. And I don't not talk about
Darbio gilland there's no nice part of these lads that.
Speaker 2: You're talking about, mister America. My god, that Leprecaun came
around and died. Okay. A Leprechaun is not coming around
to die your dog's hair green. Okay. A Leprechaun is
not King Brian from Darbio Grill. Like a leprechn is
an evil.
Speaker 1: Spir yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: They don't mess around.
Speaker 1: Well, this is the thing. Like they they're spiteful, like
they are known. They will just plague you for what
you believe is bad luck. You go out to the car,
fucking tires punctures, right, that's the first start of it.
You go back, keep snapped in the lock. Fuck you
know what I mean? The shoes one of your shoes
go missing. These are all just light hearted things, and
it sounds like good crack. You know what I mean, Ash,
it's on even a crack.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's only a minor inconvenience until they keep coming.
Speaker 1: But they will keep coming, and there is no there
is no What we're to believe is there's absolutely no
there's no worry about full on retaliation from these well
as like they don't there. They will win, that's the answer.
They will always win on the on these occasions. So
if you have been fucking about one or even a
representation of one, there's every possibility that you've pissed one off.
And as the Jerry said about cutting down the lone
bush or you know, you cut down a white horn
or black torn or whatever. If you see two of
them that can see each other and you decide I'm
taking one that because these are the gateways, and you
are like your animals will die. You think dying it green?
How about it just dying?
Speaker 2: How about it just dying? Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
And we've we've gone through this before in previous episodes.
I'm not afraid of these guys, Tom, We're not afraid
of them. We just kind of have a little bit
of sense to not you know, invoke them. For example, Tom,
I know that if you break a mirror you don't
get seven years bad luck. But you don't see me
going through Ikia with hammers. No, there you go smacking
mirrors for the crack of it. I'll avoid the breaking
of a mirror if it's all possible. Well, that's because
why would you bring it upon yourself?
Speaker 1: So yeah, exactly why would you bring it upon upon yourself?
Speaker 2: And you've known plenty of digger men, Tom that when
asked to dig up a fairy foth or dig up
a loan bush, they'll just turn around, can't you be?
All right? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And you go. And I know people who listen to
actually there only you know uneducated cultures. And when you're like,
well that uneducated cultures sitting into their brand new land cruise.
So you know what I mean. If he's able to
get there in life, I'm all right, he's done everything
right so far.
Speaker 2: I've got to tell you, like, you know, twenty.
Speaker 1: Grand machine and an eighty grand JEP sitting beside him.
I'm gonna take his word for grant.
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you another one again. Tom. You
tell me to cut down a lung bush, I'm going
to tell you a story that I heard about when
I was small, about how someone cut down a lung
bush and woke up every night with torns in his bed.
Did that happen? No? Did it scare me for life? Absolutely? Tom, Absolutely,
you don't mess with wee byes.
Speaker 1: No. Well, I mean if if you are trying to
push it, they'll they will come back like they've They're
known for ruining all the food throughout the house. Yes,
that's just an easy thing to.
Speaker 2: Which in America is a push because it's ninety percent
ruined to begin with.
Speaker 1: It is, or it's absolutely full of preservatives, you know
what I mean, And it's it's tasteless and it's start with.
But you can also like they can cast malicious curses, spells,
mysterious diseases can be brought down upon you. I mean
suddenly your head the goat of human doing your five
day day. The next you know, and you've got corlito.
Speaker 2: You've got a dose of the o chakracies.
Speaker 1: Miniscus is starting to play up, you know, Tennis, elbow,
bad hip, all this ship. It's as well to stay
clear of these things like elf on a shelf. I mean,
you're still you know, if you dug enough, like it's
an elf, you know, representation of a water sprite, you know.
Speaker 2: With your shadow of a dead Tom. I got to
tell you that the elf on the shelf, the elves
that are Santa's helpers are almost certainly some sort of
Germanic cramp at demons.
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 2: I think we're freaking imput the devil kind of things
that that that that are like malicious. But they've been.
Speaker 1: You know, cartoonized and.
Speaker 2: Metellized Igain through the years, and they're trying to do
the same with lapacauns, and I got it. I gotta
wish them the best in the future endeavors. But like you,
I cannot see one single Irish household ever ad up
in this shit. Although mind you, I said that about
el from the shop ten years agoing here I am
every goddamn Christmas.
Speaker 1: The problem is is the kids will see it, and
the kids of today aren't getting the core frightened out
of them by elderly grandparents. Well I say that, but
my parents have absolutely no problem in scaring. They live
in pit Jesus out.
Speaker 2: Device If there are indeed any grandparents over in Ireland
that are as Irish as they claim to be. Yes,
I'm yes, I'm Irish. I'm Irish. Okay, well if you are,
then you need to sit your family down and say, lads,
there's a reason we're afraid of the dark.
Speaker 1: Yep. Yeah, elves are Scandinavian from origin, they say. And again,
our spiteful little bastards, biteful bastards. Yeah, who will not
play they Yeah?
Speaker 2: Well, there you go.
Speaker 1: It's it's something you draw in trouble on yourself. Don't
have killed people, it would seem that have crossed our
paths wrongly or rightly.
Speaker 2: What what is an elf other than a Swedish leprechaun?
There you go?
Speaker 1: Yeah, and ikea leprechaun.
Speaker 2: Nikea leprecaun. Tom, I gotta tell you we're gonna move
on with the show here a little bit. But to
all our American friends, have at it. Enjoy Saint Patrick's
Day or Patty's Day as you are known to call it.
But if you want fool's advice, let me tell you this.
Enough with the lepre con rapt lads, Yeah, because that
is enough bad fortune heading your way, you know what
I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, you've already poked enough situations.
Speaker 2: That you haven't poked enough bears to begin Oh, by
the way, Tom's speaking of bears, we gotta move on
to the next segment of the show because, like you know,
we could have talked about the little lads as being
these lads, but we're going to talk about some other
lads that came in late. And we like the cut
of our jib. Every week on the Tom and Jerry Show,
we talk about people that don't just be like, oh yeah,
this lad, it's oh yeah, this lad.
Speaker 1: Now there's that guy. And despite the fact that Jerry
did a hint of an Australian accent there, we're not
going back to Australia for this one.
Speaker 2: This to India and this wasn't that accent tell you
that much. Tom and Jerry Show is on shaky enough
ground to begin with.
Speaker 1: I would there's be a point during this story Jerry's
going to accidentally do the accent. Do you know what.
I'm an Indian friend. He loves the accent, he says,
it's just his is endearing that somebody is far away
from from India is giving it a go.
Speaker 2: He's a good not an endorsement. Tom.
Speaker 1: Oh no, he's the same guys. You know he's he's
a stand up comic, so he's a darkness humor anyway,
so maybe he's you know.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to stay on the side of caution anyway,
Tom as we head off for this week's This Lad,
which is indeed in India, specifically the Sambal District, Utar Pradesh,
if I'm reading this correct, where the farmers have encountered
an unfortunate event monkeys do you know.
Speaker 1: Here, like we've blight? Do you know what I mean?
They're different sort of weavils and stuff like that little
eat your grain. I mean, India has tough. Sometimes they've
got like fact they sometimes you're up against it when
fucking monkeys are just appearing and eating.
Speaker 2: Your monkeys are appearing. And you know, we're not a
very political podcast here on the Tom and Jerry Show,
just expect more of this, folks. With deforestation, climate change
and the whole lot running rampant through India, monkeys are
leaving their habitats and moving through agricultural areas where they've
never been before and saying, well, why am I in
a forest that's either being chopped down, burnt down, or
just uncomfortable to be in when I can be several
provinces over when all of a sudden there's like all
the potatoes and strawberries I can eat, and so be it.
In the Sambo district didn't really have a monkey problem before,
but they got one now. One hundreds monkeys descended upon
the farms in the area Jesus.
Speaker 1: And what was their their their their vegetable of choice
was the potatoes.
Speaker 2: Potatoes, tom and strawberries. So like I say, you said there,
it's one thing to have a blight to be walking
through your crops and notice stains on the on the
leaves like I don't like the look at that, or
weevils eating crops on the thing. It's another thing to
look out and see monkeys kicking back in the sun.
Speaker 1: Jumping into usually poking strawberries, and about the Wexford of India.
Speaker 2: Is having a great old time.
Speaker 1: So because because of course, of course, for anybody who's
along his history buff or legs, No, that's a stupid
shot out of Tom's head. That's where our potatoes are fromer.
Speaker 2: Introduced, so i'd imagine.
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, same as cattle. Britain and Ireland did
not have cattle until well, Walter Rally brought the potato here,
and cattle were brought over and first to Hereford, hence
the Hereford the Hereford.
Speaker 2: Right, I always knew Rally brought over potatoes. Yes, correct,
I will hold my hands and say I did not
know where he brought them over from there you go, India,
There you go.
Speaker 1: India was the shit back in the day. They also
tried to look after us Jordan the famine by sending
over ten thousand they equiding ten thousand pounds in rupees
their emperor king at the time, but unfortunately he sent
it by the way of Queen Victoria. All right, Okay,
he's give it out to the poor lads that are starving.
They will. Yeah, I'm away, I'm off to Vegas for
the weekend, Blackpool for the weekend, and put them all
and put it all on red.
Speaker 2: You know, I gotta tell you time. We thought we'd
get out of a next book in the Brits, but
here we are. Anyway, Let's get back to this monkey
problem in India. Farmers in the area have tried everything
to get rid of these guys, but you couldn't shoot.
Speaker 1: Enough from Jared. That's the honest, true not at all.
I challenge you to shoot one tom to be fair
to that's a very valid point, because it's one thing
to thin plotting along on four legs. But when you've
got a monkey that can is happy, just as happy
swinging through the fucking air as he is peddling along
the ground at twenty five miles an hour.
Speaker 2: He's only he's not taller than the potato plants.
Speaker 1: Best a look. I mean, he'd want to be full
to the rig of spuds before you get it. Get
a shot off on him, and if there's one hundred whatever,
they're gonna have that gun. They're gonna have that gone
off you soon enough.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna tell you today, his lads they have
tried everything. They have tried banging pots and pans, they
have tried just running at them with brooms, and I
guess you know it would have taken me, I guess
a little bit longer to get here, but they got
there quicker than anybody else. They decided that they only recourse,
the Indian farmers in the province, the only recourse to
get against the monkeys.
Speaker 1: Let me guess, uh singing the British nation, and.
Speaker 2: You don't make the Tom and Jerry Show. By that
Tom oh, No, these gentlemen are dressing up as bears
and running into the fields, and I have questions. Yeah,
I have a couple of questions. Tom Okay, So these
gentlemen are dressing up in bear costumes, which they're my
eye look quite just good.
Speaker 1: I've googled them here and how they're fairly rudimentary.
Speaker 2: Fairly rudimentary. They say that they bought them. I don't
know where they bought them from. These look quite they
look like the bears in say, if your local school
put on goldilocks on the three bears, and these will
be the costumes that to put the kids out in.
Speaker 1: No, No, this is the costume that your mother finds
out you're one of the bears the night before, yes,
and cuts up one of your own lads, fucking jackets.
Speaker 2: Like the face seems to be made entirely of doctor yep.
And it doesn't look like a bear, come to be
honest with you, now, it looks like a tall monkey.
Speaker 1: That's I wasn't fully sure what was happening with these lads.
It's but now when I've read that, I'm reading then
through it now because I yeah.
Speaker 2: Okay, so they dress up as bears, they walk into
the field and monkeys by the dozen scatter. They're like,
fuck the strawberries, lads, let's get out of here.
Speaker 1: I wonder who is the lad because there's still I'm
reading here, it's groups groups of monkeys up to two
hundred and fifty times that they're they're fucking organized there.
Speaker 2: They're organized, the monkeys.
Speaker 1: They're not just coming in and eating this bubs and
the strabs. They're wrecking the gap as well. They're busting
things up. My one and only interaction with the monkey
was we were I was doing a land survey using
I was doing a land survey in a Photo Wildlife
park just beside Photo Wildlife Park for a new part
of a golf course. Yes, only to hear the news now.
I was using a golf bugget gator at the time
to go driving around with this little satellite thing on
top of it. And somebody said there's a monkey after
getting loose, and I went, is it under on my
radio that I had? I went, is that a monkey
or a chimp? They want? What's the difference is one
would eat us the other is just gonna eat everything else.
They went yeah, no, I don't think he's gonna eat us.
It turns out it was a monkey. But they managed
to corral him. The greenkeepers managed to corral him into
the greenkeeper shed, talk him down. There wasn't a thing
left in one park, like he put everything in two halves.
He broke rags, he broke strimmers, he broke all around him,
the strength of this thing. When ape shit to keep early, Yeah,
literally flung shit fucking like a dirty protests inside their
wrecked everything, bust open bags of seed. And he's only
in there five fucking minutes. To be fair, I sat
there from one hundred yards back on the eating crips
while listening to this unbelievably entertaining thing. They came up, drank, dirt,
darted him, dragged him off into a trolley and fucked
him back in over the head, just drag into But
to think, if two hundred and fifty of those little
savages showed up, you're fucker.
Speaker 2: Oh you're gone. So I guess you know, like I said,
it might have taken me another six months of trying.
You would have got there there, I would have got there.
So we've got these Indian farmers dressed as monkeys a
bigger part of dressed as bears, lions and tigers and bears.
On my they look quite foolish. But by all accounts,
the monkeys are terrified them, or at least they're terrified
enough to scatter momentarily. The monkeys tom will come back.
Speaker 1: This is the thing. And I think because monkeys are
let's be honest, they're not very far away from us.
Speaker 2: No, they're not.
Speaker 1: Whatever your beliefs are in evolution, them lads are fair
fucking clothes. When you look one of them in the face,
they're fair close to us.
Speaker 2: They're figuring it out when they see what they first
initially think to be a bear coming for them. Next
time they're going to look a little bit closer and say,
hang on to the Tmu tae ganging off that bear.
Speaker 1: Time for the costumes to start upgrading as the lads
are gone. Absolutely, the upgrades and costumes we need to see,
like the thing that looked like it was molested fucking
Leonardo DiCaprio and in the Bear Bear. Yeah, in watch
the Color Reverend. So what was it called?
Speaker 2: Not deliberate revenant?
Speaker 1: Revenant And it was a strange word.
Speaker 2: The most unrealistic movie ever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, come on, but yeah, you know, you
could easily fight off that bear of course, good of course,
good chair. Instead he just lay there and just took
it like some sort of That's where they need to
get to. They need to get to, you know, the
sort of thing that is hilariously huge they need.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they what their problem is. They're putting out a
man in a bear costume. They want to put two
men in a bear costume.
Speaker 1: Ye, now you're talking on their show on the shoulders
of the other one, like.
Speaker 2: On the shoulders pantomime, donkey kind of ubdrs. I'll be
the front now.
Speaker 1: You know, proper roars and proper proper clothes, like I
wouldn't do any harm. If you got into a fight
with one of them, I can just fucked him up.
Do you know what I mean? If you could, if
you could just put the word out there, because those monkeys,
I guarantee you as we speak, are sitting in the
near trees, going hold on a second. We heard about
these bear things. Is that one of them? Because we're
not that much smaller than that dangerous We have said
many times on the Tom and Jerry Show.
Speaker 2: I have said it. Tom has backed me up with
no argument. Bears ain't ship. Bears ain't ship. You fight
a bear, no problem. Yeah, of course you know you will.
You will overwhelm and fight a bear, no problem. If
I personally can fight a bear easy, then two to
three monkeys can stick and move enough to take a
bear down. And it's only a matter of time before
they work that out. And the farmers in this district
in India have to go back to the drawing board
now they do.
Speaker 1: Here's we were almost going to talk about it a
couple of months back, but there was there was talk
in I think it was. It was another It was
somewhere in Asia, whether it the Koreans or what they
had they were wondering had like this. They had a
sun bear in do just you remember said it was
a sun bear in a compound or whatever. And people
are looking on, going that's no more a fucking sunbear
and a man the moon. It's a blow dressed the sunbar.
But the high up and low down are going No.
I swear to God, I swear to God it is
it's it's a sun beear. When I'm just looking to
see what, like, what kind of bears they actually have there,
so they obviously have They have sun bears, which are
very very but they're small little fuckers. They're not worth
the ship, right. They have the humilation brown bear. Is
it going to believable down in the Sambal used to hire,
used to the fucking Himalayas. Now they have the black.
Speaker 2: Bear, which is what I think they're going for here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, also known as the moonbear, which is a way
cooler name shows to everybody.
Speaker 2: He might have changed up my tactic for a moonbear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but they're they're they have the slots bear, but
that guy, you know, he's only eating termites and fucking
So I think they're going for the black bear. And
I'm just looking at what I'm here is Yeah, they
still got a fucking way to go there.
Speaker 2: They got a way to goad this out a little
bit here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like they geez like, in all fairness, them some stupid,
stupid fucking monkeys.
Speaker 2: Those are dumb monkeys and the team I like. I
like animals, don't get me wrong, but I'm team Farmer
on this one. I want these guys to survive and
make a living and all this kind of thing. And
as the story goes on to say that this is
only a temporary situation. They will get used to the
bear costumes. They will come back and eat and not
for nothing. As well, with the rated deforestation, land erosion,
et cetera, more monkeys are going to be spilling out
into the countryside. Who knew this was the way the
world ends, Tom, We all thought it would be tidal
waves and volcanoes and shit. No, no, just displace monkeys
soaring through agricultural land, eating up the bread basket of
the world.
Speaker 1: I'm holding my hand in the air here like I'm
in school. I absolutely saw it going this way. Oh okay,
I'm just I didn't see it going any other way.
Slots bear, So I got that totally wrong. Slot bears
are psychopaths. Oh really, Yeah, they're fucking psychopaths. They'll only
cause slot bears because they've got really long claws and
that's about it. Their teeth are ferrosius. They'll fight a
fucking lion. Hey, I've got one for you. How about
you just go ahead and get theirself a bear?
Speaker 2: Get a bear.
Speaker 1: This dressing up shit, just feeding fucking monkeys.
Speaker 2: How's that, I gotta tell you? Dressing yourself up as
a bear to scare off monkeys is step one on
your road to the most embarrassing death ever.
Speaker 1: Ah, and you know they're going to take pictures, do
you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: As you know, he's yeah, what happened to? What happened Tom? Right?
You know? He I told him not that he dressed
up as a bear to go out and chase the
monkeys in the bottle for a while. When he didn't
realize that Tom and strawberries for dinner.
Speaker 1: One day, one just jumped on it was a fucking
black belt in jiu jitsu and just choked him to
the ground in a triangle and the rest just fucking
tore him to ribbons, got him down.
Speaker 2: It was academic. After that.
Speaker 1: They could hear him scream for up to an hour.
It was fucking blood curdling.
Speaker 2: Well, folks, there we go. We wish them the best
in their future endeavors, but we're gonna move on because
we've got one last segment of the show to take you,
fine folks through. Me and Tom are not young gentlemen,
both mid forties. We've been around since the early eighties,
seen a lot of shit come on, a lot of
shit go, and we look back on how the world
has changed for us. In our closing segment, we remember
when when I was a young lad twenty or thirty
or forty years ago. Tom, It cannot be stated enough
that you and I came up in the golden age
of action movies. Yep ah, And we're now of an
age where some of our action movie heroes are starting
to grow old and pass away. We still have our
core three still up there, Arnold, Sly and Bruce. Bruce
is having his health troubles these days. God love them,
but they're old men. You've your next tier down, which
were your Gale, your Cigals, and your van Ham again
getting a little gray. And then you had another lad
who could have been this lad, but we said we
put him into the last segment and said, who passed
away this week at the age of eighty six one
of the big action stars of our time, mister Chuck Norris.
Speaker 1: Jesus is with a heavy heart. I got that. I
got the message from Jerry the other day and I
was I literally wrote back and I went, well, I'm
glad it's you that told me. Do you know what
I mean? And not to herself wouldn't have put some
sympathy in it, but she would have just written it
like effect, you know that kind of way, here's one
for the podcast, kind of like you don't understand, Jerry understands.
It's notped me in my tracks for a moment, you
know that kind of way. It was like, there are
very few, you know, there's a handful of famous people
that I obviously have never met from my childhood where
you go, ah, fuck, ah shit when you hear it.
Speaker 2: You know, it's the kind of thing and I'm sorry
you didn't put a little bit more reverence on his
name at the start there, Tom, But I'm gonna be
honest with you, I've seen a handful of Chuck Norris
movies in my time, because I feel even by the
time we came around in the early eighties, stallone and
Arnold and Bruce were on the rise. They were like
the megastars, and Chuck his star had faded by the
time I was in nineteen eighty six when I saw
Delta Force Force for the first time. Yeah, which, by
the way, six years of age is way too fucking
young to see Delta Force. But by the time I was,
he was like forty six. In that movie was he
forty six, he was he was like an old man
at not an old man, but he was an older
man at that point in time. So it wasn't that
we got him at the peak of his career, but
he started in some mighty fine shlock around the time.
Speaker 1: But there was I do remember, and I've talked about
this and anytime a movie comes up from from yesteryear
when we were small, and much like when you were small,
you're watching shit that you shouldn't be watching. Yeah, but
I remember there was again from our bus driver who
had a video shop in town. He gave me the
poster from and this is a few years old. I
was I suppose it was in video at this at
the time, but it's got to be the late eighties.
And because I'm I must have been undertaen. But I
remember him giving me the poster to Missing an Action.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Missing an Action.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I remember going, well, we're definitely watching this, and
the outflow was like, we're watching this.
Speaker 2: A shadow over debt. That was the thing, like we
I saw a Delta Force and I remember Braddock. Missing
an Action was another one of the Vietnam movies, and yeah,
kind of Rambo.
Speaker 1: Was that that's what I had version of it, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: And Chuck Norris was in Missing an Action, which was
like the shi En version of it, you know what
I mean, Yeah, which, which is fine and there's a
place for that. But I don't know that he was
ever you know, I was never like, oh wow, Chuck
Norris as as a kid, I was just like buying
large familiar with the two Chuck Norris movies I watched
in my youth were The Delta Force and the kids
movie he did called Sidekicks with one of the side
from Home Improvements. Yes, no, it was like Karate Kids
sort of a thing.
Speaker 1: I think that that it wasn't just the density of
his beard. My god, I had a dense foliage on
his face, but I he didn't have the bulge and muscles,
even though he stayed fit. And we talked about it,
Chuck and his son selling those fucking and you know,
the the machines, you know, the that it wasn't the Abroler,
but he was selling.
Speaker 2: The Chuck Norris training system and the yeah yeah yeah,
and ship like this.
Speaker 1: He never had the big bulgeon fucking gear. You know.
He was never full of steroids and say like the
rest of him, So he didn't stand out for that,
but he always carried a level of legitimacy to him
because he was legit as fun when it came to fighting,
like he was a legit, you know, a third or
fourth then and he could always hark back even though
it's before our time. But I remember having been obsessed
with Bruce Lee movies as a child because I was
into martial arts. And of course I can't no this
is I haven't gone Google on this, but it's it
was either a return to the dragon, away of the dragon.
It was the way of the dragon. He was in
which is which is a Bruce Ley movie, and not
for nothing?
Speaker 2: Who goes hold it? Tod him in the middle of it.
Speaker 1: Like Bruce said, And word on the street was he
could easily go toe to toe with Bruce and Bruce
is one of, you know, the fastest people on earth
at the time. But he they fought in was it
the Colisseum? I think they fought, yes, but they there
was no there was no choreographer in there with them.
They choreographed themselves. I remember watching the documentary on it and.
Speaker 2: Fuck it, we'll do it live.
Speaker 1: Well, No, they they stood out themselves. They stepped it
up and they went so there was no movie come
food coming in. It was just one guy, like two
guys who knew what they're gonna look. You make it
look good, We're gonna do it well. Over a five
day period, they kicked the ship out of each other
and it was brilliant. And that's where he's legit. You're
kind of going, yeah, that's the one thing he had
over all of them.
Speaker 2: The rest of the stars, even the I did watch
an interview with Chuck Norris where he was asked about
who he thought was was good, and he said, well,
Jeann Claud van Dam is very good. I've trained with
John Claude. He's an excellent martial artist, and he's he's
good look and good physique and he's got a good
career ahead of him. I've trained with him, I know him.
He's a nice guy. I know Steven Segal and then
he just trailed off.
Speaker 1: Yes he's an enigma, right, that mad bastard.
Speaker 2: Jesus So, so yeah, he'll.
Speaker 1: Be on this someday. He will be on this someday.
Speaker 2: Everybody's getting on this someday. So yeah, you know, there's
a whole bunch of Chuck Norris movies out there, and
they all have your typical action movie names a Force
of One and I for an eye, lone Wolf McQuaid.
Speaker 1: It's probably one of the great Like if if the
Simpsons made a movie, you know, I like an action movie,
that's what it would have been called Lone Wolf McQuaid.
But was that kind of the early the nxues of
like Walker Texas Ranger.
Speaker 2: Walker Texas Ranger was born out of I want to
say yes. I want to say that because Walker Texas
Ranger came along Tom Again, we would have been teenagers
around about the time of that, and it ran for
like fucking eight years.
Speaker 1: I I liked what I saw.
Speaker 2: I saw a few episodes, but I watched one episode
of Walker Texas Ranger, and I'll tell you how. I'll
tell you how. It's why that sticks with me that
I've watched one episode of the Walker Texas Ranger. I
watched one episode where he's like there's a fucking school
boast with kids on it and he's trying to like
rescue them and all this kind of shit, and I
kind of passed no remarks, but it was what it was.
But then like the next year on Friends, it was
a joke like Ross says to Monica, hasn't gone out
with anyone for a while, and the kind of slagger
a bit goes like, hey, by any chance, mincha what
happened on Walker Texas Ranger didn't And she goes, oh wow,
it was great Walker say this school boast full of
kids and it just shows that she hasn't been outside
the house in six weeks. And I was like, motherfucker,
I've seen that episode. That's the one episode I've seen.
I always just stuck with me. Here's the thing, right,
Chuck North. Yeah, the best thing we can say about
his acting is that you could always see his face.
That's about it. Yeah, it was he never he kind
of looked directly away from the camera. He knew that much.
Speaker 1: He he got to legendary status for nearly some of
the wrong reasons in the way that but he he
he got anointed as being a legend a living and
you know, an anointed legend when he showed up. I
think he showed up in expendables too, and it was
it was a very cool moment because it's still one
ran that ship and he knew who to bring in
like he brought in that lunder, and he brought in
Jason States, and he was a big get.
Speaker 2: He was like, you know, a big can get everybody,
but they're not going to get Chuck because most he said,
Chuck Norris at that stage was nearly seventy years of age.
Fucker could barely walk.
Speaker 1: They're all larger that stage. They were all just cranked
on t RT and fucking steroids. Like, let's be honest,
But he much in all his people would would you know,
joke about Chuck Norris? And did he ever make a
good movie? Did he ever make a good TV show?
I still think all the way back to he did
one called Coda Silence. I remember that wasn't terrible, But
I still think getting to fight Bruce that was it
that that locked you in. And he didn't fall away
into total obscurity like a lot of guys did. He
He got the lead in what because there was a
lot of guys that thought Bruce in movies who got
played the bad guy? You know, yes, do you remember
that tank? What was the name of Sammy something Rother?
He was an absolute fucking tank of an Asian guy.
He was in blood Sport. He thought Bruce at one
stage in some movie I think as well, never got
never got the kudos of of, you know, leading a
movie now, certainly never got the title a title character
name in a movie like Top Walker, Texas Range, which,
by the way, the name of the kids of Ricky,
Bobby and Teldega Nights.
Speaker 2: Remember a strain into Bruce Willis and Bruce Lean here
at the they remember one of one of the guys
that he either fought with or against and ended the
Dragon with John Saxon, who turns up in fucking Nightmare
on Elm Street as the guard. Come here. Here's the
other thing about Chuck Norris. So we can't talk about
Chuck Norris without his number one. We've talked about his
contributions to cinema and to beards and to martial arts
in general. But Chuck Norris did something else that we
witnessed in real time in our journey from the early
eighties to hear Tom, Chuck Norris became in the early
two thousands, one of the first Internet memes. Yep, now
here's the thing, Tom. I've always said.
Speaker 1: One of the first and possibly the definitely the language
I would say.
Speaker 2: The greatest meme well, you know what I'm gonna tell you.
Here's the thing, Tom, I've always said that the Internet
is based on comedy. It was built on comedy. The
Internet is built on cat videos and funny memes and
shit like this. Nobody bought a computer to access a
big encyclopedia. They brought a computer because it was good
crack and YouTube was built on skate border falling over.
You know, comedy is the oil that makes the Internet turn.
And in the early two thousands, not everybody had a computer,
but it was starting to get into an age where
there was a computer in every house and slightly before
the time when everybody had a computer in their pocket.
But we could communicate with each other in a way
never before seen. And one thing people learned that they
liked a lot was sending around what we now know
as memes. At the time, they were just called jokes folks.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 2: And one of the most earliest of these that I
remember that was easy to replicate. Everybody could get it.
It wasn't complicated, it wasn't hybrid humor, and pretty much everybody,
if they sat down a tottle, one could think of
one and share. It was a chuck Norris fact, which
was like a humorously overplayed example of how strong, tough
or goddamn unkillable Chuck Norris really was. And many of
them are incredibly hilarious and pretty much all of them
fit within the one hundred and forty character limit of
a text message. Henceforth they spread quick.
Speaker 1: The amount of times I've seen, you know, on Instagram
where they'll just stop Chuck with the family or whatever,
as you know, a red carpeting or you know, some
launch of a thing to go, Hey, Chuck, what's your
favous meme? And the whole family have them. They love them,
like there, He's.
Speaker 2: In absolutely love them. I've got a couple of them
here for you, just you know some of my favorites here. Yeah,
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Speaker 1: I love the absolute impossibility. Ones like just it's not
physical possibility.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes
the earth down. Yes, yeah. And one that he actually
delivered himself. By the time twenty twelve and the Expendables two,
as you mentioned, rolled around, Chuck Norris was in on
the joke enough that he could give a Chuck Norris
joke himself. Stillone says to him, I heard you were
a bit by a king cobra, and Chuck Norris says, yeah,
but after five days of agonizing pain, the cobra died.
Speaker 1: One of my favorite ones. And it's so it's so subtle.
Is Chuck Norris can fold a fitted cheat? What a
condum a yoke to fold?
Speaker 2: You know there was one like Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
It's like like they're just they're so outlandish and and
and and as we would say up our way, there's
no badness in them. No, And I'm not going to
say like the Internet we have today wouldn't look like
it looks without Chuck Norris, But I'm also going to
say maybe, I'm also gonna say he might it might
look slightly different if it wasn't for the advent of
Chuck Norris memes and people knowing that they loved.
Speaker 1: There's a guarantee you can see little. You could probably
if you could track the Internet and its growth, you
could probably see spikes of growth around certain things, whether
it was cats, whether it was you know, huge moments
in history. But I would say the perpetuation of Chuck
Nurse memes got people in front of the computer, like
I can, I can. I can say that with a
degree as like and you look, there was a group
of us and this was before really like there was
no WhatsApp, but this was an email and we all
kind of work emails and on Friday maybe talks of
sessions and whatnot in a chat of email, but invariably
somebody would throw up the memes, the jokes of the
week something, and there would be definitely chucking.
Speaker 2: There like without that. Well, just like you can use
Chuck Norris to trace the growth of the Internet, you
can use this podcast to trace the death of Chuck
Nurse because he didn't need leave us last week at
the age of eighty six, hadn't very active in the
recent years when it comes to TVs and movies and
all that kind of thing. And I'm just gonna come
out and say, Tom, Chuck Norris was a flag waving
American all his life. So you don't really need to
ask too many questions. Know what the man's politics were
come the end of it, But.
Speaker 1: It's not what we want from somebody called.
Speaker 2: We know it's there, and you don't like.
Speaker 1: When people start go routing in politics or things. Fuck that.
I just want to know that there's a fellow called
Chuck Norris who can do a spin and heel cake
and I can have a laugh, like I think my
favorite one and that's like it's hard because it's all amazing.
I do think my favorite one is Chuck Norris had
a stunt double. Yeah, he used him for crying scenes.
Speaker 2: Just enjoy. That's so much and how true? How true
could that be? So, mister Norris, you know, rest in peace.
I'm sorry for your family and all that kind of crack.
We didn't expect you to be a coming out on
the side of dead the Democrats, you know what I mean,
Like we kind of knew you were Republican through and through,
but you know what, you know, mayor God go with
you in those regards. Thank you for the memes. Thank you,
I suppose for playing in Delta Force when I was
six ball me Isa crying.
Speaker 1: Thank you for the karate fucking amazing spinning wheel wheelcakes.
Rare would you get? And you know what, out of
all the kind of so we see the the the
A list slash B list superheroes, you know, our heroes
of the eighties and nineties, he was the only one
I think the consistently consistently had a beard.
Speaker 2: Well guy, you know, thank you for the beard, Chuck,
Nars not thank you for the beard, Chuck. Thank you
for the beard, Chuck, and thank you all for listening,
ladies and gentle folks. If you would like more information
about the Time and Jerry Show, you can get it
all on our social media pages at Tom and Jerry Show,
Tom would it he, Jerry Wood, and Ge. We'll find
us over on Instagram. You'll find me on Blue Sky.
You'll find Tom on Instagram as well. Additional supplementary visual
material the Odd Choke, Norris Choke and you never know
a picture of me or Tom every now and then Tom,
what else one of these people that do.
Speaker 1: Go ahead, hit subscribe. If this is your first time
you've landed in here because it purely Chuck related material,
well done, Hit subscribe and hit the bell on whatever
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I don't know what it is on Apple, it just
lets more people know. We do love to see comments. Yes,
indeed do it now, especially on Spotify. I know you
can write on Spotify and I'll go back. You lads
are great to be writing on Instagram as well, because
I mean it's it's the easiest place not only for
ye but for us to But do let us know
your favorite chuck chuck meme? What have you ever had
to scare off a plantation of any sort? Did you
have to dress up with something? I won't lie jar
a few times, I've had to be a scary bastard
to a few things around the place, as I've probably
told you down through the years. As well as that,
what's your feeling, that's what's your feeling on this Leprechaun shelf?
Carry on. I'm sensing a lot of eye rolling going on.
But either way, you know not the tempt tempt fate jure.
Speaker 2: I gotta tell you as well on the Instagram if
you send me, if you send me a story on
the Instagram on the Tom and Jerry Instagram, thank you
very much. If I don't see it straight away and
it expires, you know the way stories expire, yeah, I'm
terribly sorry. Find it and send it to me again.
Speaker 1: Yeah, brilliant, because yeah, neither one of us. Jerry needs
to put on his glasses. He has to make the
text three big and stuff like that. So just go
easy on him, will you.
Speaker 2: No lies, no lies. All right, that's it, folks, See
you next week. Good luck then