Speaker 1: When your old career gives you lemons throwing some ice
mix in some vodka. Call it a podcast from the
Mac of All Trade Studio in Fairport and driven by
Victor Chrysler Dots Jeep Ram. It's Billified, the Bill Moran Podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello and welcome. Thanks for getting your pot on, Thanks
for telling a friend. That's how we spread the word
about the pirate ship. Uh, this is a solo it's
just me. You may want to turn it off right now.
I don't know. I hope not. I'm gonna do these
once in a while, just me. I think, like once
a month, thoughts on different things. And if you ever
maybe I'm a fool even say this, but if you
ever have a topic that you'd like to hear my
thoughts on, I would be happy to do that on
these kind of episodes. But we're gonna throw these in
every once in a while. Uh. You know, I've had
I've had a lot over the past couple of days,
and my head's been in many different places and you know,
kind of spinning around, right, you know, like all of us,
all kinds of things. But one of the things I see,
and there was a headline that recently grabbed me in it,
and I guess it was focused on Matthew McConaughey, and
it said sometimes the best thing to do is to
step away from a parent, right from your parents. I
think the actual headline is why breaking up with a
parent is sometimes the right choice. And it kind of
makes me sad and I and probably because I just
had yet one more memorial service for my dad that
I'd like to explain a little bit more than I
did on the on the previous episode, but you know,
it kind of brings everything sort of sort of to light,
and I'm having a hard time being a parent myself.
It's fucking hard, man, It is fucking hard to be
a parent. I think it's harder today to be a
parent than it was when I ray, when I was
part of the raising. I guess I can say that
of my older two boys, who are in their early
to mid twenties right now, it's harder. There's more information
that is available to everybody in an instant and I
think there's also some of that shows you, like, hey
to your parents. I don't know what it is, but
your parents do this, tell them that blah blah blah.
I have no idea if that's in my head, but
I think that it just is harder now and I'm
having a bit of a tough time parenting my kid,
and I'm trying to do it in I hate the
term gentle parenting, but almost like I want you to
know your heart. You're a fifteen year old person. I
want you to know you heard, you're heard, and you matter,
and whatever you have will work in consideration, I'll give
you one like you see how I'm dressed today, It's
kind of how I wanted him to dress when we
went to the memorial service for my dad and he
was upset, didn't like it, thought it looked ridiculous, blah
blah blah, and maybe I made the wrong choice, but
I said, Okay, wear that, bring a shirt you would
rather wear, and after dinner on the boat you can change.
And that's what he did. I don't know if that's
the right thing to do or not, but it felt
like somewhat of a compromise. That way, you're heard, We
got our thing. I have no idea, and that's why
I think all this is kind of hitting me. And
I think for anybody who's a parent, it's tough. It's
tough in today's date age, and it used to be
my way or the highway, and that just doesn't seem
to work anymore because there's so much information available and
so many different influences on your kids that they know
my way or the highway is fucking old school and
they're not you know what I mean, They're not having
any of it. It is how I see it, So
you know, I try to more or less be a
guide and don't forget he is his mom and I
separated when he was nine, so there's obviously that would
be traumatic, is what I think. So well, going back
to it, because the memorial service was for my dad
a lot of times the only experience that we have
being a parent. Right there. You always hear people go
there no manual on how to be a parent. No,
there's not, And I think a lot of it has
to come from gut or what your parents did. And
sometimes what your parents did may not have been the
best things, so you know that doesn't work, or maybe
it does work, or maybe you do the exact opposite
of your parents. I certainly feel like some family members
of eye of mine do the opposite of what our
parents did. However, I will say this. I don't think
that any parent is the same to each child. I
think that you parent each kid differently. You just do
and and that's a necessity at times. I think Laura,
who's on the podcast, said at best ones, she worries
that her one son feels like the other kid gets attention,
she said, but he needs it because of this. And
she wrote him a letter that she's going to give
him later on in life. And I go, boy, that
to me is like, that's great parenting, right because I
can't explain it to you now. You're not going to
see it, you're not going to understand it. But I
want you to know. I want you to always know,
especially as you look back on your life, that you
were loved and supported. And I think that's such an
important thing to say. And I say that now because
my dad was. He was a different cat man. He
was just a different dude in certain ways, certainly presented
from his exterior, extremely conservative suits, ties, the whole thing.
One of the funniest mofos I've ever been around in
my life. I remember being at Saint John Fisher College.
He comes to visit, stuffing beers in his socks and
walking around and doing all this and people just laughing
and loving him and wanting, you know, always excited when
he would come visit me at camp. He was just
he had was the life of the party in a sense,
and he had had this very very serious side, but
he didn't get sports and he didn't get things. And
you know, this past weekend we had the memorial service,
and the reason we did was he was up in
Maine and things transpired in Maine, and he said, I
would like to have a church service, an open casket,
and I want to be cremated. Then I want when
a couple months passed and the dust settles, I'd like
you to have a big party. And we thought down
in the Hudson Valley, where he spent majority of his life,
where he built the home we grew up in, would
be the best place to have it. And there were
a lot of coworkers that he had and friends that
he had, and friends of the family that still live
there or could get there much easier than they could Maine.
So we thought, okay, we'll do this, and my sister
did an amazing job putting this all together, and it
was a lovely weekend. It hit me harder than it
did when it happened in Maine. It hit me a
lot harder, and uh, I wanted to I was going
to tell this story. I was going to tell this
story because of course they have me kick off the
past the mic to tell stories about, you know, our dad,
and there were some wonderful ones, really really great. So
I start, and what I was going to say is,
I'm back at Saint John Fisher University working on a
master's in mental health counseling. I submitted my first paper,
a really simple thing, and I was going to call
him and I realized, oh my gosh, I can't call him.
And those are the moments that when you see a
headline like the one I shared just a few minutes ago,
why breaking up with a parent is sometimes the right choice,
it just kind of hits me different. I'm not saying it.
If you feel like that's the best thing for you,
you got to do it is the best thing for
you in your life. But either way, so it just
kind of hits me different. And I was about to
tell that story, and I you know, we were on
the boat on the upper deck because it was sunset,
and we were watching the sunset as we did this,
and I look and right in front of me is
my mother, who was married to my dad for thirty
almost thirty eight, thirty four, somewhere between thirty four, I
don't even know. I gotta think thirty eight years before
they separated. And I did call her after I submitted
my paper Fisher, but I didn't want to say I
don't know why. It was one of these things where
I'm like, I don't want to say I was going
to call my dad, or you were second best is
how I felt she would hear it. So I didn't
do that. But this all made me think a lot
about my parents, right. You don't want to hurt one's feelings.
Sometimes you felt like you were walking on eggshells. They
are people too, They have feelings, they have stuff, and
as you parent yourself, you kind of draw back on
those memories. My own man, I would always think like,
he didn't understand radio, right, he didn't like that, he
didn't he didn't care for it, he didn't understand it.
So right there, you could kind of go, well, they
never supported me. No. What my dad had was a
love of knowledge, an absolute love of knowledge. Yes, he
went he was highly educated. But I think even if
he wasn't, he had a love of knowledge. He had
words that were just I mean, you would never hear
in your life ort the little bit of food on
your face, which, by the way, I'm hearing his offensive
now in some cultures, I don't know. I think there's
another word. I won't get into it, but it means too.
I think it's lask or lasking or lasking about adding
urineto like the tanning of leatherns things or whatever. The
guy had a love of knowledge, the point being that
that was where his strong suit was. But he allowed
each of us to go find our own way. We
were never forced. It wasn't like why aren't you going
into the family business, not that there was one, but
like teaching, why don't you follow in the footsteps of
your parents? None of us really did, and I guess
the closest would be my sister, but nobody really did.
They all kind of went on their own, and you
were allowed to do that, which I thought was really
really wonderful when I look back. You were not forced
into doing anything. Now, my father didn't would tell me
all the time. When I hear a voice come on
the radio, I pushed the button, like you could take
that and it could destroy your confidence or whatever. I
don't know why it didn't. Maybe I kind of knew
inherently that that wasn't That may be true for him,
but it wasn't like he wasn't supporting me. Don't forget
I played football. I look up in the stands. He's
doing a crossword puzzle. He didn't get it, but he
was there. That's my point. He was there, and I
think that that's maybe the best thing he can always
do as a parent. Sure, you're gonna fuck up, you're
gonna mess things up, you're gonna say the wrong thing,
you're gonna piss a kid off. You're gonna embarrass your kid,
maybe embarrass yourself, and as a result, the kid is embarrassed.
Whatever happens, I don't know, but I think when it
comes down to the bottom line, it's feeling loved and supported.
I mean, this is a guy who always talked about,
you know, not listening to the radio. He was so
proud he bought a new car. I've never had the
radio on in the car ever, and I would always
look around at my family and go, that's how I
make my money. Why would you you know what I mean,
why would you say? But that's okay, because he was
at comedy shows. He came up once he was here
for I think one of my sons had Grandparents' Day,
Jordan in high school, and my father shows up in
a three piece tweed suit, looking like he's about to
negotiate Brexit. And he after he was at grandparents that
he came over. I was on the radio and he
wanted to see what was going on. So he sat
in the studio and I offered him a mic. He
said no, And then as we're talking, all of a sudden,
I hear a voice. It's him. He's trying to chime
into the conversation. And when I said put a mic,
I don't know if it was a fear of his,
but he did love it, and he did like some
of the banter that went on on the radio. He
did and I and somehow that was communicated, maybe not directly,
certainly what was communicators? I don't listen to the radio.
Oh that's fine, that's your choice. But he I never
I guess they never really fully felt unsupported. And there
was one story that I wish I had shared about
my dad and again. You know, maybe it's these moments
that later on we all find out about our parents,
and our parents our kids will find out about us
that there was something that we did. My dad wasn't
big on drama, and he wasn't big on making a
you know, a big stand on things, unless you were
buying a seventy eight dollars bottle of wine at Thanksgiving dinner,
which is another story. But there was a time when
in radio they decided that they wanted me to do
a stunt, right, and there were these companies that went
around and did radio stunts. So I was to be
entombed in concrete for forty eight hours. They would just
I would lay down in this thing and they would
pour the concrete over top this like coffin basically, so
all these people wore gathered there. I am. I don't
even think, well, I probably wasn't that point about a
year into my marriage and had my first child already, Jackson,
and I think it might have been two years into
our marriage, and then then I think my wife was
pregnant with our second child. That's what it was at
the time. So I am going to be entombed in
concrete and my father had come up. And again you
talk about like feeling supported in love. Had a townhouse,
was taking wallpaper off the bathroom or something wanted a
paint of yellow. The walls were a little goofed up
from you know, any construction when they do these. Let
me just say this real quick, because I did work
on some construction crews, especially years ago, on condos, and
some of those will come in what they call prefab.
They'll already have segments of the walls done and the
wires already threw everything. So the drywalls on there, the beams,
it's all in there and they're wired and all you
got to do is kind of just hook it up.
It's just sort of a plug and play. It's called prefab.
And I think sometimes I'm not sure the condos I
lived in or I actually owned at the time was
a prefab or not, but I know that the walls
were a little buckled and things like that. So my
dad was coming up to help me kind of smooth
some things out. I wanted to hang a different door,
and I and if you know anything about doors, that
it can become a pain in the ass if the
framing isn't exactly right right so you're shimming and doing
this shit. So he came up to do that, and
then I was being entombed in concrete. So my mother
came over with my wife to watch me be entombed,
and they got very upset because it basically was the
shape of a coffin. And I just laid in this
thing and I had I will admit I had started
to have a mini panic attack, but I can go
into that thing where I'm just like, Okay, dude, you
said you were going to do this, We're gonna do it.
Let's just breathe. And I pretended like it was a
fort and I was a kid and I had the Internet.
And I did stay in there for forty eight hours.
There are many other radio morons that tried this and
didn't stay for forty eight hours. So that being said,
the my father then went up because my wife and
mother were so upset. My mother was so upset. It
was like watching me be buried, and it was just
driving her nuts. So of course, when you know, it's
like my father used to always say, it is just
clean your room. I don't want to hear your mother
right right, that would be so. But she got to
him and so he went up to see it himself
and then realized that there was only one air hole
that was kind of going down and providing air to
me in They had like almost like a I guess
you could call it like a periscope, right that people
could talk to you through it, and it was but
it was your only air source down in there. So
this is radio, man, This is how radio worked. They
just not everybody was great at covering all the bases,
you know what I mean, And you can never it's
it's bad because who do you put point the finger at,
because you go, well, why at the top, Well, somebody
was delegating. There was promotions teams, programming teams and all
this stuff, but nobody found like security to kind of
stay around the clock. And I don't think anybody thought
about it. I'm not sure if I even I know
I didn't think about it, but I don't even know
if I were in charge, if I would have thought
about it. And my father gets there and sees this
and realizes that that's the only air source and is
like shit, man, if some prankster comes and covers that hole,
there's going to be nothing, Like he's going to suffocate
in there and die. So my dad stayed the weekend.
I think my brother, who is going to school in
Ithaca at the time, came up. It was at Cornell,
and the two of them sat all night long, the
two because I was in there for forty eight hours,
so two nights overnights while I was in there, I
had no idea. I never really knew that until like
years later. Once I got really upset with my father
over something and it might have been like I didn't
feel like I was supported. I don't even know, but
and I heard that story and I was like, oh
my god, like it almost brought me to tears because
it was one of the most loving things. And he
never said a fucking word. He went to the radio
station and guys and goes, do you have security overnight
if somebody covers that hole, if somebody does something, And
they're like, oh yeah, we got security and nothing. So
my dad stayed every night. And I guess that's kind
of the point for all of this. Maybe this is
more for me, I don't know, but the fact that
there was such love, and I do remember like the
last time I talked to him, and I always wish
I turned around and looked down the hallway at him
as he was there. I said, I love you so much,
and he said, there's so much love from this end
for you, and that was always true. And I think
sometimes we don't feel it. And I think as the
as the child, and I think sometimes as the parent,
we feel misunderstood and maybe we don't communicate well, do
you see me. I'm starting to tear up, and I
think that it's really really hard. But whatever you're doing
as a parent, keep doing it. And if you and
your gut feel like you can do better, or you
should do better, or you should be more present, then
do that. You know exactly that all the answers to
pretty much everything in life is inside all of us.
We have a gut for a reason, and we know,
you know what I mean, We just know. And I
would say I hope that my sons will look back
and realize I wasn't I never was trying to force
them to do anything. I used to always say, as
long as they have a motor to do something, I
don't care. Education was a huge deal for my family
growing up. It was you were in I guess you
could say some people would say you were brainwashed. You
were indoctrinated with this stuff, like they do certain things.
But my father used to say, just to show you,
like low key, that there was always an expectation that
you would go to college. Even for my kids when
the boys were like the older guys were really little
and they were being burped as babies, and one of
them would let out one of these echoe bur I
mean babies sometimes they Jesus Christ, they sound like a
party favor. They're like exploding for both ends and it's
all kinds of noise, and he would go, that's a
dorm room quality burp. They're gonna love you in the dorm, right,
low key telling you education. College it's always talked about.
It's an expectation, it's built in that that's what you do.
I think that again, you got to know your kids.
What's best for them, What is the greatest thing you know.
We can say college is not for everybody, and it
sounds trite. It's not. And if that's not who your
kid is, why force them to do something that's gonna
make them miserable. I mean, I do agree working hard
at something and getting through it and seeing the end
result there's a great satisfaction to that there's nothing better
than that. Thus me going back to school. Right once
I get through this, it'll be it'll be amazing. Right now,
there are days where I feel like I'm underwater. But
that doesn't have to be college. That could be something else.
That could be something else. And that's why I really
hope my kids will always feel because I think that's
one of the gifts my dad gave us was we
were able to find our own voice. And one other thing.
The reason I got into radio kind of my dad's
not the reason I got into radio. Let me rephrase that.
How I got my first radio job is kind of
my dad's fault in that the morning guy who was
on the Big Rocker in Poughkeepsie, New York, sent out
a thing and had all sixth grade classes write PSAs
public service announcements against drugs, something like that, and it
was some kind of radio thing and he would pick
right and then the kids were to come down to
the radio station and record them. Now, I had dropped
off a tape and a resume from my community college
station at the time before I went to Fisher, and
I did all that and I wasn't getting any callbacks.
And then my dad says, why don't you come in
and teach the sixth graders in my class how to
write PSAs. So I went in for a day and
I taught the kids how to write PSA's because I
had learned in college. And then on the day of
the recording, it was I think it was a Sunday
in the spring. My father's like, I'm not giving up
my Sunday. I worked too hard. Bah bah bah bah bah.
Go down there because they picked kids from every school.
I think there were five kids from every school. So
there are five kids from his school, and they needed
a representative from the school, and he said to me
go down to the radio station and be my representative.
So I went down there and I started talking to
management people. I figured out who the radio management people were,
and I said, hey, I dropped off of tape and
a resume. I'm really interested. And I got hired because
of that. So it was kind of you see what
I'm saying, Like I so as much as I could say,
he had no interest in radio, but he didn't discourage me.
And I think that that's the greatest thing. Let everybody
find their own way, be there to guide them, keep
them on the rails, so to speak. Right, Let's not
let you hurt yourself. Like my old man used to
say to me, I'm not here to ruin your good time.
I'm just here to keep you alive. I think that's it.
But parenting is not an easy job and it is
pretty rewarding. You got to admit that. Right. You watch
your kid play sports, you beam with pride when they
do something great. Right. You watch your kids achieve something,
you beam with pride. Right. But it's not you, it's them.
It's them, and it's their life. And I think sometimes
that's pretty hard for a lot of us. And we
have seen cases. I mean, you know Marenovitch in football, right,
his dad just all the time, and he just hated
it in the end, hated it. Was one of the
most gifted athletic guys on the planet, and yet just
resented because it was kind of forced down his throat.
It was almost as though his dad was living vicariously
through him. And I guess if there's anything in what
I'm saying, it's go with your gut. It's not your life,
it's theirs. See the flaws in everybody you have him
to we all do. I do certainly Jesus, and do
the best you can. And when it all is over,
like it is for my dad Lisa on this planet,
I look back fondly and I hope my guys do that,
even though it's tough. And when I think about it,
I gave my old man a run for his money,
and not even with the funny stuff like you know,
fart powder and call call when he burnt his hands
like we and that that would be mild compared to
car wrecks and girlfriends and uh, speeding tickets and you know,
uh drop mufflers on the on the side of the
highway where I need him to come out and you know,
figure out how the fuck I'm gonna get this wreck home.
And like he did it all, He did it all,
and that's the job of the parent. It is not easy.
So keep going and thank you for listening. This is brief,
and uh we'll be back with the longer one tomorrow
because you know, Danny's got thoughts on the Buffalo bills
and I got to tell you about my brother in
this metal musial day. It's changed my life. I know,
I know, I'm Bill Miran. We'll see you tomorrow, tom
didn't know what to do. I'm trying to eve Young
Law a letter to us, and this was stopped