Speaker 1: Adventist Radio London inspiration for the.
Speaker 2: Song Welcome to Talking Point. Oh, how the time has flown.
Speaker 2: Another week has passed and we're here, and I thank
Speaker 2: you all for joining us, and you've been blessed by
Speaker 2: wherever you've been and whatever you've been doing. I know
Speaker 2: I've had a busy day as usual, but here we
Speaker 2: are on the Sabbath evening, ready to have a really
Speaker 2: another good conversation. It's been a month of men's men's talk.
Speaker 2: It's been November traditionally known as November, and we've been
Speaker 2: speaking to some really interesting men throughout this across the
Speaker 2: last few weeks. Last week we talked about men's health,
Speaker 2: both physical health and mental health, really big topic. We've
Speaker 2: spoken to a guy who has done a lot of
Speaker 2: work within his community, and we've also spoken to our
Speaker 2: Men's Ministry team sat in the South of England conference
Speaker 2: and the work that they've been doing as well. They
Speaker 2: have a regular men's talk. So it's been really encouraging
Speaker 2: as a woman to see that men have been getting
Speaker 2: together and having those conversations. And I hope you've been
Speaker 2: able to join with us and listening as well. As always,
Speaker 2: I am joined by my co host Pedro, I've only
Speaker 2: got one with me at the moment. Hopefully send you
Speaker 2: and maybe able to join us shortly. But Pedro, how
Speaker 2: are you doing.
Speaker 3: Good?
Speaker 4: Out to everybody, welcome to Talking Point. I'm doing good. Angela,
Speaker 4: how are you doing well.
Speaker 2: I've got a bit of a cold, I have to admit,
Speaker 2: but my voice is a little croaky. But you know,
Speaker 2: to me, oh, well, maybe the talking about the day.
Speaker 2: I think it's kind of getting better. Well, I don't know,
Speaker 2: we'll see, we'll see. I have my trusty bottle of
Speaker 2: water next to me.
Speaker 5: So you hydrated, You hydrated. There you go, that's why.
Speaker 2: So so yeah, hopefully, Yeah, of course you've had a
Speaker 2: good week. This's the week as usual.
Speaker 4: No, actually has been pretty decent. Work has been steady.
Speaker 5: But yeah, I've stayed in within the confines of my area, no.
Speaker 4: Long distance really and she just work.
Speaker 5: We had a Christmas party, so I went down. I
Speaker 5: actually went down to my job for a Christmas party
Speaker 5: and it drove back when I lost for that. Yeah,
Speaker 5: there's nothing more, you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've got a couple of those coming up as well,
Speaker 2: so if that happened, ye.
Speaker 4: I'm not into them like that. I don't like.
Speaker 5: I don't like you know a lot of I like people,
Speaker 5: but I don't like to be sometimes in a like
Speaker 5: all around you know, I know, like.
Speaker 4: It's hard to display.
Speaker 5: Like then the music and it's just loud, and sometimes
Speaker 5: it kind of you know, gets me gets my brain
Speaker 5: a little bit.
Speaker 2: Right, We're getting old, that's what it is.
Speaker 4: I'm definitely getting old. I'm right behind you.
Speaker 1: No, I hear that.
Speaker 2: I hear that. But I quite like getting together with people.
Speaker 2: I'd like the idea of exchanging gifts and stuff, so
Speaker 2: that's always quite good. You know, some of the gifts
Speaker 2: that end up people end up getting. I'm not always
Speaker 2: that great, but you know, I'm hoping for a nice
Speaker 2: one this year, so it's all good. It's all good.
Speaker 4: Yeah, We've we got three gentlemen with us today, right, we.
Speaker 2: Have, yes, So, as I say, this has been our
Speaker 2: men's month, so we're going to We've been covering at
Speaker 2: different topics, but today we're looking at relationships. I guess
Speaker 2: starting some kind of you know, the whole idea of
Speaker 2: friendship and brotherhood right through to relationships in a romantic sense.
Speaker 2: So we've got three guests with us currently, so I'm
Speaker 2: looking forward to the conversation there. As always, if you
Speaker 2: want to connect with us and join the conversation, we'd
Speaker 2: love to hear from you, so you can email us
Speaker 2: at so Sorry, you can email us on studio at
Speaker 2: Adventist Radio dot London, or you can send us a
Speaker 2: text message that's eight triple two eight, write hope, leave
Speaker 2: a space and then your message. We can send us
Speaker 2: a WhatsApp message on zero seven four five nine six
Speaker 2: four two eight nine eight. So again, do connect with us.
Speaker 2: We want to hear your views and your thoughts as well,
Speaker 2: and that's studio at Adventist Radio dot London. Text to
Speaker 2: eight triple two eight, write hope, leave a space and
Speaker 2: then add your message, or you can send us a
Speaker 2: WhatsApp on zero seven four five nine six four two
Speaker 2: eight nine eight. As we've got to guess on with
Speaker 2: us today, we're talking about relationships, looking forward to the conversation.
Speaker 2: Interesting to get the Ben's view on this, But as always,
Speaker 2: we want to invite God into our conversation as well,
Speaker 2: so let's bow our heads and let's start with prayer.
Speaker 2: Oh God, I want to thank you for blessing us
Speaker 2: with another wonderful Sabbath dear Lord, and I pray that
Speaker 2: whatever we did today, that we were blessed by the words,
Speaker 2: the message, the songs that we've heard. I thank you,
Speaker 2: Dear Lord for allowing us this time on this platform,
Speaker 2: Dear Lord, to share another word, Dear Lord, to have
Speaker 2: a conversation about topics that they haven't always spoken about.
Speaker 2: But deal Lord, we're focusing on our men and the
Speaker 2: impact that they have within their families, their communities. And
Speaker 2: I pray, Dear Lord that our listeners will be blessed
Speaker 2: and we'll learn something from what they're here today. I
Speaker 2: thank you for being an awesome God and hearing an answering.
Speaker 2: Thank you Lord, your name.
Speaker 4: Amen here man.
Speaker 2: Okay, so we are joined on our platform today. Bye,
Speaker 2: We've got some special guests on, so I guess what
Speaker 2: we'll do. We'll go around and kind of get them
Speaker 2: to introduce themselves a little bit about themselves, what they do,
Speaker 2: and then we will get started straight into our conversations.
Speaker 2: So I'm looking at my screen and I can see
Speaker 2: that I've got just to see the name. So I
Speaker 2: was going to go round, but I'm going to start
Speaker 2: with I will start with Hilton, So I know we
Speaker 2: met Hilton a couple of months ago at an event
Speaker 2: for solo Fest down at Ballam Church, we were part
Speaker 2: of a panel discussion solo Fest being a singles ministry
Speaker 2: festival that happens yearly run by co hosted byke Anel
Speaker 2: And yeah, that was a really good, really good day,
Speaker 2: really good program, really good discussion. And it's the opportunity
Speaker 2: to kind of meet new people and say hey, come
Speaker 2: on to our show. So here we are. So Hilton,
Speaker 2: welcome to Talking Point. Tell us a little bit about
Speaker 2: yourself and what you do.
Speaker 6: Well, Thank you, Angela and Pedro. I'm delighted to be
Speaker 6: with you to have a conversation with people of your
Speaker 6: ilk and caliber. As you indicated, my name is Hilton
Speaker 6: Samuel and I do help singles who get the right
Speaker 6: person for them, and I have the term right in
Speaker 6: brackets and that's the main focus of the type of
Speaker 6: work I do. Because I am a self proclaim apostle,
Speaker 6: I you knows, as Paul says, I'm a card of
Speaker 6: men called of God to bring hope and inspiration to
Speaker 6: families because I'm profoundly convicted, beyond the shadow of a doubt,
Speaker 6: that the whole foundation of all society around the world
Speaker 6: and in the church, around the world, around the globe
Speaker 6: is the strength of the unit of the community, which
Speaker 6: is family. And whenever family breaks down, empirical evidence shows
Speaker 6: that all help brings loose in the lives of women, men, children,
Speaker 6: and society at large. Whenever we have strong families, then
Speaker 6: there is a ripple effect that the society, the church,
Speaker 6: and of course the family themselves do well. Children grew
Speaker 6: up to be powerful citizens and in the context of Christianity,
Speaker 6: powerful weaknesses of God. And so I am actually an advocate,
Speaker 6: a campaigner for people to get married and stay married.
Speaker 6: I run a ministry called God Wants You Married. I
Speaker 6: know that there is a little bit of a tricky,
Speaker 6: an interesting talking point, and we can debate that whether
Speaker 6: or not everybody can get married, but I believe that
Speaker 6: that's God's default position. I know in the world today,
Speaker 6: and I know I'm taking up a little bit of
Speaker 6: a time that lots of people are finding it very
Speaker 6: challenging to get married, particularly women. And they're all kinds
Speaker 6: of statistic. But just last night or a couple of
Speaker 6: days ago, I ran a webinar that it's what's called
Speaker 6: it's easy to get married. You're the one who's making
Speaker 6: it difficult. Well enough said, I let the other guys
Speaker 6: muscling by introduce them, introducing themselves, and we could talk
Speaker 6: about those kind of concepts that that I've just thrown
Speaker 6: out there in the in the on the internet, interweb.
Speaker 2: It's been on the radio, on the radio. Thank you
Speaker 2: for that. Oh I'm intrigued already. So yes, thank you
Speaker 2: for that, Hilton. I'm looking forward to oh, looking forward
Speaker 2: to hearing your insights. Okay, then we have Collechi.
Speaker 7: Hi, Hi, Yes, I excited just to hear mister Sam
Speaker 7: continued to talk. It was exciting, really started, but it
Speaker 7: was exciting. You're cutting too quick.
Speaker 2: Don't worry. We've got plenty of time, plenty tom So, Collecchi,
Speaker 2: tell us a little about yourself, what you do? And
Speaker 2: I've got to say, should I be asked everybody's relationship status?
Speaker 2: But maybe I won't for now. But I'm single, okay,
Speaker 2: all right, so it's to be interesting. As you said,
Speaker 2: but what do you do, Collechi and why you why
Speaker 2: were you quite passion to come on and talk about
Speaker 2: relationships today.
Speaker 7: And you just knows the questions. Yeah, as you know,
Speaker 7: as you said, my name is Colletchi. I'm I'm from Crowding,
Speaker 7: SDA and I work in the cleaning industry, run a
Speaker 7: small cleaning company. And yeah, it's been going on for
Speaker 7: since twenty nineteen, and I give God praise and ask
Speaker 7: the relationships I find it. It's it's, it's it's it's
Speaker 7: a big topic out there today. It's really big. And
Speaker 7: you know, every time any any any social gathering, the
Speaker 7: conversation of relationship always comes up. So I'm just intrigued.
Speaker 7: And I'm glad that Sir Samuel is on because he's
Speaker 7: the expert. So it will let me see if well
Speaker 7: some things that I have in mind and the other
Speaker 7: people I've spoken to, and if we're on, if you're
Speaker 7: on the right trajectory or will my man give us
Speaker 7: a traffic light direction?
Speaker 2: Cool? And I know you and I've had lots of
Speaker 2: conversations about relationships, so yeah, looking forward to that as well.
Speaker 2: So thank you. I find we've got gentlemen called Micah
Speaker 2: so Micaeh, I know you've friends of clusurees. Introduce yourself
Speaker 2: and listen a little bit about yourself and again, why
Speaker 2: a you're passionate to talk about relationships on our platform today?
Speaker 2: Have to come off me though, So okay, maybe we'll
Speaker 2: come back and get okay we did have also, sure, no,
Speaker 2: somebody that's just coming on as well. We've just got
Speaker 2: another guests on as well, so let's see how they
Speaker 2: can get on as well. Sean, do we have you there?
Speaker 4: Sean is going Sean was.
Speaker 2: But he's he's rejoined again as shared as well. That's
Speaker 2: just time if I remember rightly, Okay, I'm going to
Speaker 2: see those two will come back.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're just a little difficulties as always.
Speaker 2: Yeah, technical is, yes, the way, it's the way, make
Speaker 2: it work it. Okay, we'll come back. So we'll come
Speaker 2: back to those guys and get them to issue themselves.
Speaker 2: But I guess, I mean, I don't know where we
Speaker 2: want to go with we want to start, but I
Speaker 2: guess I wanted to go back to something Hilton that
Speaker 2: you said with regards to be sort of the basis
Speaker 2: foundation being the family. So relationships are going to be
Speaker 2: really key to having successful family family units. But it's
Speaker 2: making about making connections. And I guess when I was
Speaker 2: literally thinking about relationships, I guess the idea of just
Speaker 2: relation or connections and between obviously with talking you know,
Speaker 2: family want of family units that may be made up
Speaker 2: of men, women, children, et cetera. But what would be
Speaker 2: the specific and specialness between friendships and brotherhood of men? Really,
Speaker 2: because the connections with men, because sometimes I will speak
Speaker 2: to men and I'm sure they have close friends, but
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's a very different type of relationship
Speaker 2: than it is we'd say with women in their friendship groups.
Speaker 2: So is there anything key that you have noted throughout
Speaker 2: your work about the sort of the friendships between men
Speaker 2: that you see.
Speaker 6: Well, I mean, I think empirically men function vastly different
Speaker 6: to women and women within their friendship groups, they have
Speaker 6: really great connection and they maintained those connections, you know,
Speaker 6: through the various activities that they have. I have my wife,
Speaker 6: she is constantly speaking to her female friends. They you
Speaker 6: know what I'll give you and analogy one time, I
Speaker 6: mean even recently, they decided that they were going to
Speaker 6: go out and go on this weekend together. So they
Speaker 6: spoke for the entire week organizing this weekend. They went
Speaker 6: on the weekend, and then they came back and on
Speaker 6: her way home she was still talking to them, and
Speaker 6: when she got home and got in the house, she
Speaker 6: called them again and was like debris, I thought you
Speaker 6: were on this thing for the whole weekend. You were
Speaker 6: over them, and still you're calling them to talk with them.
Speaker 6: So they have this kind of strong bond and they
Speaker 6: make every effort to maintain that bond, whereas men, we're
Speaker 6: quite we're fairly loose with our connection. And I don't
Speaker 6: know if the other men here would agree with me.
Speaker 6: I have friends that I haven't spoken to for for
Speaker 6: a long time, but once we connect, it's as if
Speaker 6: we we It was as if yesterday we were talking.
Speaker 6: So there is a loose connection, but it doesn't necessarily
Speaker 6: indicate that we have no friends or that we are
Speaker 6: not you know, connected, just that for me, from my perspective,
Speaker 6: we connect differently. Although of recent times, my observation and
Speaker 6: some of the people that I read, it's showing that
Speaker 6: we are being more and more forced into isolation and
Speaker 6: unless we make a definitive effort to come together, is
Speaker 6: not going to happen. More and more people are working
Speaker 6: from home, more and more men are working from home.
Speaker 6: Used to be the day governor, the days when we
Speaker 6: used to collectively meet together, whether in hunting paths or
Speaker 6: coming together in the village. Those of us are were
Speaker 6: from the from you know, developing countries. Men loosely come
Speaker 6: together in the village, you know, talk and whether it's
Speaker 6: at the worm shop or even at church. We so
Speaker 6: that is kind of particularly in the West, in what
Speaker 6: we call what we call the West, I just use
Speaker 6: we are very isolated, isolated, and I think we have
Speaker 6: to make more of a concerted effort to come together.
Speaker 6: Whether in fact I am trying to think from in
Speaker 6: my church, I'm the family life leader, and I in
Speaker 6: the in the back of my head, I want to
Speaker 6: have a men's night out, or a men's togetherness, or
Speaker 6: or just just for men and boys, strictly for men
Speaker 6: and boys. But I also find that men get together
Speaker 6: better around an activity rather than open talking shop just
Speaker 6: sitting around the table eating. If we do something together,
Speaker 6: that activity binds and bond us more, it's easier for
Speaker 6: us to talk and connect. I don't know what the
Speaker 6: other guys would have to say about those ideas that
Speaker 6: I've just thrown out. I would like to hear their views,
Speaker 6: but I think I will. The main point that was
Speaker 6: I started by making that the way we connect is
Speaker 6: vastly different the way women connect and women are much
Speaker 6: more intentional about maintaining their friendships than we are as menu.
Speaker 2: Okay, so can I she any thoughts on what Hilton
Speaker 2: was just saying there or what I was saying in
Speaker 2: terms of friendships and the connections between men and he
Speaker 2: thoughts on that.
Speaker 7: I agree with him when he mentioned about women have
Speaker 7: their connections like they'll just go on chatting, but men
Speaker 7: I have a similar relationship. There's there's friends in my
Speaker 7: circle who we haven't seen each other for moms something,
Speaker 7: just for a long time, and when we connect it's
Speaker 7: as if, as he said, we were talking like the
Speaker 7: next all day, last yesterday. So there is a difference.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I'm in agreement with someone, Go ahead, is
Speaker 2: that sure?
Speaker 3: It's me. I'm in a correct moment.
Speaker 2: How are you doing?
Speaker 3: Me and you and the rest of guys we talk
Speaker 3: all the time, and like like what you just said,
Speaker 3: I might go in my house and I'm still talking
Speaker 3: to you. So I want to disagree, really because I
Speaker 3: find myself maybe I've got some woman jeans or something.
Speaker 3: I don't know, but I talked a lot of guys
Speaker 3: I do, and I'm on the phone just like Edre
Speaker 3: just said, I ring this person that person and I
Speaker 3: do speak. Even when I speak to you, teacher, I
Speaker 3: might be I might have come from somewhere and we're
Speaker 3: on the phone, I ring your back. I have to
Speaker 3: disagree to some degree. Maybe maybe the majority guys are
Speaker 3: like that, but I do talk.
Speaker 5: I think Jared, you're the outlier. I mean, Sean, that's right.
Speaker 5: I'm just looking at your name. I'm sorry because I'm
Speaker 5: like them. I'm the same way. I'm noting Page.
Speaker 4: I.
Speaker 5: I have friends in Bermuda that I haven't spoken to
Speaker 5: in years. But if we call right now, we could
Speaker 5: talk for two hours and it was like nothing. But
Speaker 5: like my wife, my wife, if that person don't call them,
Speaker 5: if she don't call her for like then in three months,
Speaker 5: she's like, did I do something wrong? Is something wrong?
Speaker 5: What's the matter? Like why they don't call me anymore?
Speaker 5: What's going on?
Speaker 3: Like you know, in that sensement are different because you
Speaker 3: cannot speak to a guy for a month to two
Speaker 3: months and you pick up exactly the same place.
Speaker 4: Where you take.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree.
Speaker 5: I was just saying that. I think you're probably out.
Speaker 5: You know, there's a few guys that do talk. You're
Speaker 5: probably your pap. You were saying that you talk, you know,
Speaker 5: to a lot of you know, gentlemen. So I was
Speaker 5: saying that you may be that like outlier, but I
Speaker 5: think it's a lot more men that just don't They
Speaker 5: just don't have that, you know.
Speaker 4: I don't know what it is, just.
Speaker 3: I'll tell you what is a lot of marriage men,
Speaker 3: their wives push them out not to talk to other
Speaker 3: people and keep their friendship. And you see a lot
Speaker 3: of guys do that. They go out and then soon
Speaker 3: as they get a woman, they stop talking to different
Speaker 3: guys and don't keep their friendship, where a woman will
Speaker 3: keep a friendship. Me, I keep my friendship because guys
Speaker 3: I've known before, I talked to them all the time.
Speaker 3: But it's a lot of guys in church they just
Speaker 3: cut they just cut off guys, and they don't want
Speaker 3: to they don't want to know know that normal. They're
Speaker 3: just with their wife and the wise friends. And you
Speaker 3: find a lot of women's got friends and some guys
Speaker 3: don't have any friends because they actually cut themselves off.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I can see that. I was back a little
Speaker 5: bit because I'm mad. I've been mad for nineteen years.
Speaker 5: My wife pushes me to go and talk to guys,
Speaker 5: I just personally my power.
Speaker 4: You'll think I probably can talk about this.
Speaker 5: My problem is that I have I know it's gonna
Speaker 5: sound weird, but I actually talk. I actually talk better
Speaker 5: to women than I do the guys for some and
Speaker 5: it's not that I flair with them, and it's just
Speaker 5: I just I just maybe because it's that dynamic of
Speaker 5: what I was doing.
Speaker 4: So I was always at the kids.
Speaker 5: I was always watching the kids, so you know, so
Speaker 5: like I just always I didn't really connect with the guys.
Speaker 5: I'm more connected with the women, you know, But I
Speaker 5: always just talk to married women. I wouldn't like be
Speaker 5: out there just talking like that. I maybe saying it wrong,
Speaker 5: but it's gonna sound where but yeah, my wife knows.
Speaker 5: I'm not worried about it. But yeah, I think it
Speaker 5: just depends on the guy in that in that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, sorry, Petro ex flinished what you're saying.
Speaker 5: No, no, no, that was all I was saying because
Speaker 5: I don't want to I don't want to like, if
Speaker 5: I keep talking, people may take the wrong things.
Speaker 4: I don't want to say, Like.
Speaker 6: I would want to make another point, another observation. If
Speaker 6: your mind even the content of what we speak about
Speaker 6: is slightly different to women. It's not that men don't
Speaker 6: talk about other people. We do talk about other people.
Speaker 6: But our conversation, I think again I can be corrected.
Speaker 6: It's a little bit more focused and maybe to the point,
Speaker 6: to the point, maybe operational. We have conversation that there
Speaker 6: is a point to it, and not that I'm saying
Speaker 6: that women speak pointless.
Speaker 4: I know, Zach, what you mean. We talk with purpose.
Speaker 6: Yes, there is a purpose.
Speaker 4: We have a purpose of the conversation.
Speaker 5: Yes, we just don't talk to talk well a woman
Speaker 5: and anyway they are talking, and they are just kind
Speaker 5: of generalize, like you know, like beat around the bush.
Speaker 6: Well, let's go down there.
Speaker 2: Let's not go down there.
Speaker 8: It's the truth.
Speaker 4: I tell you all the time. It's the truth.
Speaker 8: Just get to this.
Speaker 6: This in a way for us, they speak differently to
Speaker 6: the way we speak. Usually it sounds like they're beating
Speaker 6: around the bush. But it does have a purpose, you know,
Speaker 6: every little it's almost they could start with one point,
Speaker 6: but they go off in myriads of different directions and
Speaker 6: and all that is important to them. I we found
Speaker 6: we find that generally speaking, this is just simply generalizedation.
Speaker 6: Generally speaking, women talk to connect, and men talk connect
Speaker 6: to talk.
Speaker 3: So.
Speaker 6: The way they frame their conversation is slightly different to
Speaker 6: the way we frame of a conversation, and the weather
Speaker 6: conversation flows. And back to the whole concept of us
Speaker 6: being lone wolves or not having friends. I don't think
Speaker 6: that we don't have friends. We do have friends. We
Speaker 6: don't spend as much as much time as they do
Speaker 6: in the way they do. And I think again Petro
Speaker 6: used the word focused. We're very focused. I find, and
Speaker 6: I could only speak for myself, and you guys could pitching.
Speaker 6: I find that if I'm doing something, I can't be
Speaker 6: having general conversation with my wife. I mean, you know,
Speaker 6: it throws me off. She comes in the room and
Speaker 6: starts the conversation while I am at the computer, very focused,
Speaker 6: and I either have to stop what I'm doing to
Speaker 6: listen to her, or but I see her cooking, washing, talking,
Speaker 6: cross talking. If I come in the kitchen and she's
Speaker 6: on the phone, and she'll be on the phone and
Speaker 6: she starts a conversation with me and the other person
Speaker 6: her friend is on the line, and she jumps back
Speaker 6: and forth, and I'm amazed. I'm amazed, and I think, sorry,
Speaker 6: said that again.
Speaker 3: Than men.
Speaker 6: Well, yes, we use the term multitask, but for some
Speaker 6: in some way, their brain is configured slightly differently. Whereas
Speaker 6: if we're doing something, we're very focused, and many of
Speaker 6: us are busy. We have busy lives. If we at work,
Speaker 6: you know, we need to just get on with work.
Speaker 6: My wife, when I used to be out and you know,
Speaker 6: go into the office and things like that, she would
Speaker 6: call me and I don't pick up. Then when she
Speaker 6: does get me, she would be asking me why I
Speaker 6: didn't pick up, and I'm thinking, hold on, why don't
Speaker 6: you just tell me what you called me for?
Speaker 3: You?
Speaker 6: But the fact is that she wants to connect with me,
Speaker 6: and because she wants to connect with me, she would call. Yes,
Speaker 6: sometimes she has a specific reason to call, but I
Speaker 6: have to stop my work and listen to her, Whereas
Speaker 6: I in my mind, she's probably multitasking, doing several things
Speaker 6: in the background. And I think that one of the
Speaker 6: slight things that get in our way is one way
Speaker 6: is so busy, particularly those of us who are in
Speaker 6: the workforce, and in order for us to talk, we
Speaker 6: need to carve out time to have that conversation, and
Speaker 6: many times we don't have the time. Maybe Sean does
Speaker 6: you know he makes the time. He does it while
Speaker 6: he's in the car, and sometimes we do to then
Speaker 6: he goes home and calls someone else. And I agree
Speaker 6: with Petro, he's probably he probably is an outlier to
Speaker 6: to many of us. But it's not that we don't
Speaker 6: do it, but we need the time, and we also
Speaker 6: need time to get together.
Speaker 3: So I say this to conversation. I talk a lot
Speaker 3: of it. I really our friends are saying sometimes, man,
Speaker 3: I'm kind of the phone that wech had a lot
Speaker 3: of smack and I have multiple conversations, but we finished
Speaker 3: the conversation. We change the conversation about. There was a
Speaker 3: different subjects, but they all get there with and not
Speaker 3: just sticking a topic. We jump from here today today
Speaker 3: on a different topics, but within the conversation, we finish
Speaker 3: the topic. So I'm definitely different than you guys, A
Speaker 3: hundred percent different. And actually I was speaking to a
Speaker 3: guet a garage. I just went there and I was
Speaker 3: just talking to him. I said, I'm a guy that talks.
Speaker 3: I've got any way, and I talked, so show thatself friendly.
Speaker 3: You have many friends, so genuine I'm a friendly person.
Speaker 6: Well, yes, and I don't think I disagree with that.
Speaker 6: I agree with you. If you if you want to
Speaker 6: see men talk, go to the barbershop. And you know,
Speaker 6: we do talk. I don't think we're talk in the
Speaker 6: same way that women do talk. That's that's that's the
Speaker 6: point that someone.
Speaker 2: Before you go on, I just want to say that
Speaker 2: you just obviously just joined this the program. Just introduce yourself.
Speaker 2: Just a little bit about yourself, and I love the
Speaker 2: fact that you've said, you know, show yourself friendly. You'll
Speaker 2: have lots of friends. Tell us a little bit about.
Speaker 3: Who you are. Introduce me. You know me quite well,
Speaker 3: I can, but the others don't so well in me.
Speaker 2: For a long time. Well, I know you're Sean Blake.
Speaker 2: Tell me about Sean Blake.
Speaker 3: I'm just the regular guy. Everybody else named Sean Blake's
Speaker 3: a regular guy that everybody else. Yeah, all different, just
Speaker 3: that the average guy. No different than anybody else.
Speaker 2: Okay, cool, okay, but yeah, definitely you say no different.
Speaker 2: But obviously you're quite very friendly, very talkative. That could
Speaker 2: be quite different from some men. And I guess we're
Speaker 2: talking today about relationships and relational Obviously we're talking starting
Speaker 2: up in terms of friendships, but obviously want to take
Speaker 2: that into you know, relationships, marriage, et cetera. So it
Speaker 2: be interested to get you a viewpoints on that. I
Speaker 2: know you're married, you've been married for how long?
Speaker 3: Certain three.
Speaker 2: Years, wonderful, So I'm sure you have a lot of
Speaker 2: insights into relational and relationships. So I'm looking forward to
Speaker 2: hearing a bit more on that.
Speaker 3: I'm from you on that as well, So thank you.
Speaker 2: I was wanted to check we did have Michael on
Speaker 2: the call. I don't know if you're still there, like,
Speaker 2: are you there? Not come off mut as yet? So okay,
Speaker 2: maybe not? Okay, all right. So in terms of what
Speaker 2: we're talking about, in terms of the conversations and friendships
Speaker 2: might have you, I guess people are very different. And also,
Speaker 2: as you mentioned, you know there are differences between men
Speaker 2: and women and how we communicate. But Sean, for you,
Speaker 2: how important are your friendships for you and maintaining that
Speaker 2: because you mentioned before which is interesting that you know,
Speaker 2: men and women get together and when they get married,
Speaker 2: they often the men seem to either lose their friendships
Speaker 2: or don't maintain that connection in the same way that
Speaker 2: a woman would do. Any thoughts as to why that
Speaker 2: would be. And you know, with that, why is it
Speaker 2: important that you're maintaining your friendships?
Speaker 3: I think anybody really should. Really if you've got a
Speaker 3: friend with somebody, if you're friends with somebody before you're
Speaker 3: married or you're married, you should maintain those friendships. They
Speaker 3: are important because, as you call it, to the closing
Speaker 3: part of your life, those are the friendships that really
Speaker 3: keep you if you don't have any friends. A lot
Speaker 3: of guys that have friends because it just gets stuff
Speaker 3: making their work, maybe in their family life, and they
Speaker 3: depend on their wife's friends. And I think you can't
Speaker 3: depend on your wife's friends. You need your own personal
Speaker 3: male friends that you can talk to, that you can
Speaker 3: connect with. You know, the way men connect slightly different.
Speaker 3: I believe that men are more logical, more logical, not
Speaker 3: so emotional. Yeah, you do have emotions and stuff, so
Speaker 3: you do need to have You definitely need to maintain friendships,
Speaker 3: especially if there's a younger audience out there. Make sure
Speaker 3: when you when you're when you're dating, that you don't
Speaker 3: cut off your friends. Try your best stop cut with
Speaker 3: your friends. If you've got friends and they're good friends,
Speaker 3: keep them because later in life, if you don't have
Speaker 3: those friends. You're just going to be lonely. You're just
Speaker 3: going to be lonely. I hear about lots of guys.
Speaker 3: The wife says, oh, when you're not here, shure, and
Speaker 3: he just goes up up in the room. I'm like,
Speaker 3: what's up in the room. That's not me. I'm not
Speaker 3: sitting up in the room by amounts m And I.
Speaker 6: Said something on that. Yeah, ahead, Yeah, much of what
Speaker 6: John is saying I subscribe to. But I have a
Speaker 6: different take on it, a slightly different take. When you
Speaker 6: get married, particularly with this institution called marrin marriage, we
Speaker 6: recognize there are a couple of things that your circumstances change,
Speaker 6: your priorities change, and because of that, it really changes
Speaker 6: the dynamics of what is happening between you and your friends.
Speaker 6: And so what needs to happen. You still need to
Speaker 6: maintain your friendships. You still also need to perhaps even
Speaker 6: generate new friendships. And these friends should be friends of
Speaker 6: the relationship and not just only you. So your friends
Speaker 6: become friends of you and your wife. And I'm not
Speaker 6: saying that they have to be body friends with your wife,
Speaker 6: as you know, as they are with you, but they
Speaker 6: should also become advocates of the marriage to or the
Speaker 6: relationship between you and your your spouse. What is because
Speaker 6: the reason why I'm saying that what is kind of
Speaker 6: dangerous is that sometimes, you know, we have people complaining
Speaker 6: or women complaining that what happens is that when they
Speaker 6: get married and they maintain their friendship with their single
Speaker 6: the single crowd, the single boys as if they are single,
Speaker 6: and they begin to continue going out with them and
Speaker 6: associate with them as they used to do when they
Speaker 6: are single, that could become a little bit threatening in
Speaker 6: a number of ways. For example, if they go out
Speaker 6: and hang out together in the pub or you know,
Speaker 6: and and and do things that they used to do
Speaker 6: while they're single, then that could impact and influence the
Speaker 6: person who has gotten married. And I'm not saying that
Speaker 6: they should drop their friends. I'm not saying that they
Speaker 6: should isolate themselves from their friends. I'm just saying that
Speaker 6: you need to be careful because we have seen cases
Speaker 6: where people still continue to hold on to that friendship
Speaker 6: circle and that friendship circle influenced them to do things
Speaker 6: that are not conducive to the relationship. Let's just put
Speaker 6: it that way.
Speaker 3: Are we talking to Christian I'm talking to a Christian concept. So,
Speaker 3: so I was talking about and the Christian concept, there's
Speaker 3: no there's no threat of me doing that to the
Speaker 3: club stuff. That's what I was talking about. Really, I'm
Speaker 3: not talking about if you want me to have a
Speaker 3: level yeah.
Speaker 6: So yeah, from a Christian perspective, they should also become
Speaker 6: friends of the relationship and their marriage.
Speaker 3: But I think that should be I think that's just natural.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna have a I'm gonna have a friend
Speaker 3: that I don't like my wife and AND's got a
Speaker 3: problem with her or whatever. I'm like that, man, I mean,
Speaker 3: you like me, you like my wife, but me me
Speaker 3: and you you know you can't you can't. You can't
Speaker 3: be having a friend. And he said, I just don't
Speaker 3: to stay with your missus. Obviously you're like you. I
Speaker 3: mean you're loving your missus. You're like no, no, no,
Speaker 3: I mean they've a valued point. Why they're saying that
Speaker 3: for then that's not really their friend, is it? Because
Speaker 3: your friends should be encouraging you. I would like collection
Speaker 3: was a guy that used to come to my house.
Speaker 3: He was single. He was always encouraging me in my
Speaker 3: marriage over the years, all the time, most of my
Speaker 3: friends were like, I never had a friend that wasn't
Speaker 3: encouraging me in my marriage. Never. I've never had a
Speaker 3: Christian friend. And even my friends who they were cool
Speaker 3: and then still got a good.
Speaker 7: So what if what if you you're married and your
Speaker 7: wife has a male best friend.
Speaker 4: Uhh, that happened.
Speaker 6: Friend has to become friends of the relationship.
Speaker 1: Did you say not happening.
Speaker 4: I said, that's not happening.
Speaker 5: That's just men a whole bag on that one. But
Speaker 5: he said best friend before you, Well, then she will
Speaker 5: have a best I'm her best friend.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but he comes first, if you know, No, I
Speaker 6: don't know if if that person come first. No, No,
Speaker 6: what Sean just said, it's friend actually was an advocate
Speaker 6: of the relationship. Now that that friend, if you're just
Speaker 6: using whether or not the regardless of the gender, that friend,
Speaker 6: whoever he or she is, should become an advocate of
Speaker 6: the relationship. And if in any way, shape or form,
Speaker 6: the threatened the relationship, then you need to evaluate it.
Speaker 6: And by threatening, I mean not necessarily making a move
Speaker 6: on your wife or anything, but dominating her time, you know,
Speaker 6: expecting her to do things that that would impact on
Speaker 6: the relationship and I'm not necessarily speaking in a sexual way.
Speaker 6: You know she can't. You don't want him to be
Speaker 6: prior to prioritize you know what she has to do
Speaker 6: with her with him over you? You, you become sensual in
Speaker 6: her life, and you are the priority of her relationship
Speaker 6: against any other even if they are best friends.
Speaker 3: Are you? Are you talking about a male friend.
Speaker 6: I'm talking about any gender.
Speaker 3: Well, I'll be honest with you. I haven't really got
Speaker 3: a problem my wife talking to any male person, right.
Speaker 3: But like the other guy said, if my wife says
Speaker 3: she's doing that with arms, she got some friends friend
Speaker 3: before she's doing that with him, I have a problem
Speaker 3: with that too, because I'm like, oh, on, when is
Speaker 3: it you're run up and down with this guy? No? Yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean I think personally a woman, ain't. I ain't
Speaker 3: got no problem with a woman with My wife got
Speaker 3: a male's friend, but she's run up and down with him. Nah,
Speaker 3: you're saying you need to be run up and down
Speaker 3: with me. That's what the other guy said. Because I
Speaker 3: can tell this the majority of men, and I hope
Speaker 3: it could be open. The majority of men, the old men,
Speaker 3: the vast majority of men. They get an opportunity. They've
Speaker 3: gone with your wife. The majority of men and they're
Speaker 3: not friends. You can see lots of dating shows. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and a girl's being friends with the guy for ten
Speaker 3: years and the guy says, really up and tell him
Speaker 3: that you and the guy's back up and we want
Speaker 3: to netflix and chill. The guy says, yeah, we can
Speaker 3: netflix and chill. You know what that means. So most guys,
Speaker 3: you know, you've got the odd odd guy that's not interested,
Speaker 3: but the majority of guys, they're interested. They're interested in
Speaker 3: you in what that is one hundred percent?
Speaker 2: And also for a minute, yeah, I was gonna say
Speaker 2: because I guess now if we've got some point where
Speaker 2: we've got a mad but actually we want to explore
Speaker 2: a little bit about getting to that point flesh. She
Speaker 2: has noted that he's single or many single men out there. Hilton.
Speaker 2: You run a program about, you know, helping single people
Speaker 2: find the right person. So I guess, I guess what
Speaker 2: we want to find out is that you know, what
Speaker 2: are the challenges and is it easy? Is the dating
Speaker 2: is a dating game and easy one these days? Sean,
Speaker 2: you sort of hinted at some of these dating shows
Speaker 2: and seeing how people are on there, and there seems
Speaker 2: to be a lot of them out there at the moment.
Speaker 2: So for men, is it easy? Is it not easy?
Speaker 2: What's the situation there? You know we're talking about because
Speaker 2: we're kind of you know, at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: we have some married, married men on this call here,
Speaker 2: But if you're not married, you're going to get to
Speaker 2: that point. That's what Hilting your program is all about.
Speaker 2: You believe that's what God would want for us. But
Speaker 2: how is that? I mean, where is the challenges there
Speaker 2: and what's been happening there? You know?
Speaker 6: Before we go on, I want to say that with
Speaker 6: regards to that last question about having good friends of
Speaker 6: opposite gender, police write very clear that we must avoid
Speaker 6: the very appearance of evil. Even though you will have
Speaker 6: nothing going on and you're very good friends. When you
Speaker 6: become married, you don't want to be associated with your
Speaker 6: best friend in a way that would give any kind
Speaker 6: of suspicion. Right when it comes to that, then some
Speaker 6: clear lines need to be drawn in the sand.
Speaker 4: That was my point. That's why I said when.
Speaker 5: I was dating and I dated my wife, the moment
Speaker 5: I met my wife, I had my friends, but I
Speaker 5: no longer had I let them. I pushed them to
Speaker 5: the side because I was focusing on learning my wife
Speaker 5: and getting to know her. So now I put all
Speaker 5: my relationship into her. And I still kept some friends,
Speaker 5: but some friends I have to let go because, like
Speaker 5: you said, I always just say to my wife, you
Speaker 5: never put yourself in a situation that you know you
Speaker 5: can't handle. So you never put yourself where you know
Speaker 5: you may fail, So you have to let go of.
Speaker 5: And I'm just being real here because you have friends
Speaker 5: that you know you and so just to make sure
Speaker 5: that I keep myself on the straight path. That's that's
Speaker 5: how I did it. That's just me. But I just
Speaker 5: believe that, you know, we could be like that.
Speaker 2: With any of those friends about that, did I yeah,
Speaker 2: did you kind of sort of drop people or just not?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 5: I told them what they knew. They saw when they
Speaker 5: saw that I had my I was dating my wife
Speaker 5: at the time, my girlfriend. They knew how it was
Speaker 5: because I was always transparent in that way, because I
Speaker 5: always believed that you should put all your focus on
Speaker 5: who you are who you're dating first. When I did date,
Speaker 5: I dated multiple people I didn't like. I didn't like
Speaker 5: what I wasn't conclusive. That wasn't just to just one person,
Speaker 5: because I wanted to see who I like who I
Speaker 5: so I would date like in a group bunch as friends,
Speaker 5: and then we all go out together. But then once
Speaker 5: I once, if I start to feel somebody or felt
Speaker 5: one person or I met somebody, then I, you know,
Speaker 5: kind of pushed the rest of them away. I know
Speaker 5: that may sound way, but I just pushed them. I
Speaker 5: didn't push them away like they was no longer in
Speaker 5: my life. I just pushed them to the side a
Speaker 5: little bit and then focused on who I was dating.
Speaker 6: Okay, just to say that we are using some dated
Speaker 6: times about dating.
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, I know that's I'm saying. This is years ago,
Speaker 5: so I know it's definitely changed. It's definitely changes then
Speaker 5: I was, I admit this is I'm just saying it's
Speaker 5: definitely changed. So I have no idea. I couldn't tell
Speaker 5: you now what what the thing is now. I'm learning
Speaker 5: with my son, So you know, I'm learning with my son.
Speaker 5: I'm like, Lord, we didn't do any of this stuff
Speaker 5: back in the day.
Speaker 6: It's a crazy world there actually, And so we're in
Speaker 6: a renaissance, a romantic renaissance. We this term dating that
Speaker 6: was confusing the back in the day, and we're showing
Speaker 6: that way of that generation that used that term. Then
Speaker 6: you know there was a hook up culture then. Actually,
Speaker 6: I really a report recently that young people, particularly of
Speaker 6: the you know, college age, university age, they are now
Speaker 6: the new term that they're using is that we're we're talking,
Speaker 6: just talking, and they talk to these people and do
Speaker 6: things with each other that it's crazy.
Speaker 3: So the dating what didn't do things stand well?
Speaker 6: I think well from a Christian perspective and a non
Speaker 6: Christian person from a secular perspective, They literally sometimes times
Speaker 6: would even move in with each other and before with
Speaker 6: benefits or friends with benefits, but they use the term
Speaker 6: they're just talking until they clarify in their head what
Speaker 6: they're going to do. But they are, they're involve and
Speaker 6: engage with each other in a way that people who
Speaker 6: are exclusive would be, but yet they haven't actually committed
Speaker 6: to each other. And similar things have actually been transpiring
Speaker 6: in the church. One of one of the things that
Speaker 6: I see, well, there are couple of issues, major issues
Speaker 6: that you know, Angela and many people that I speak
Speaker 6: with areware is the unavailability of of illegible men right,
Speaker 6: So that's that's one big major issues, an elephant in
Speaker 6: the room. And secondly, men don't seem to be a
Speaker 6: watching women the way back in our generation used to be,
Speaker 6: so a lot of women are confused. They're not being approached.
Speaker 6: The men are not. There are some men who do it,
Speaker 6: but they are not taking the initiative. Even within the church,
Speaker 6: you know, they're just not taking The majority of them
Speaker 6: don't seem to be taking the initiative. There are some
Speaker 6: of them who do, but that's a major issue that's
Speaker 6: been flagged up. You know, men would talk and of
Speaker 6: course in the dating scene going out with each other,
Speaker 6: and there's a lot of confusion about you know, you know,
Speaker 6: if you go out, who should pay? Are we're going
Speaker 6: to split the difference? And that is significant. I don't
Speaker 6: know if you want me to speak about the significance
Speaker 6: of that. And there is also a lot of women
Speaker 6: who in the church are still traditional in the expectations
Speaker 6: of men.
Speaker 3: But sorry, I missed that part. I missed. I missed
Speaker 3: that part in the church there, Well, there's still very
Speaker 3: you said traditional.
Speaker 6: Yes, that's.
Speaker 3: You said. You say they're traditional, but they are traditional
Speaker 3: when it comes to who's paying this, that, and the
Speaker 3: other women have changed completely men and men are frightened
Speaker 3: to talk to women because if they don't like you,
Speaker 3: they're not going to talk to you very nicely and
Speaker 3: let you that easy. They talked to you in such
Speaker 3: a way that it's trying for the guy next time
Speaker 3: he talks to women. Masculine, very masculine.
Speaker 2: Okay, Collettie, I'm interested to hear your kind of response
Speaker 2: to what hill to say. Is that something that you
Speaker 2: have found yourself as a single man who is on
Speaker 2: the call? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What is it?
Speaker 8: How is that?
Speaker 2: How? What's your observations of this? And how are you
Speaker 2: seeing this in church?
Speaker 7: As Swan said, the women, it's almost like that feminine
Speaker 7: woman's gone. Hardly find that feminine women. The women they
Speaker 7: come across, what's that word?
Speaker 3: Something?
Speaker 7: Man? What what's that word? No, there's another word the
Speaker 7: boss check. My gosh. They're very authoritative and it's not attractive.
Speaker 7: I'm on school, I'm on school. I like that feminine woman.
Speaker 7: I want listen. But when they talk to you, they
Speaker 7: don't even say excuse me, do you mind? They just
Speaker 7: come and oh you go pick. They're telling you that
Speaker 7: you're a boy, and I don't know any real man
Speaker 7: who's gonna just stand there, go Okay, where do you
Speaker 7: want it?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 7: So I think that the roles with women and men.
Speaker 7: And then some of the men help me on this one.
Speaker 7: Some of the men have it jelly back. They just
Speaker 7: accept anything coming, and I believe it's for Pea's sake,
Speaker 7: rather than argue it. The women they'll just do it.
Speaker 7: Just I'm only seeing that for a few hours.
Speaker 3: Just do it.
Speaker 7: I can't do that. They don't. When you're single, you're
Speaker 7: supposed to present yourself, as you know, especially if you're single,
Speaker 7: to present yourself a certain way and try some decorum. Man,
Speaker 7: the way you carry yourself, the way you talk, the
Speaker 7: way you know. So if the man's and I think
Speaker 7: that what's happening now I can talk for my church.
Speaker 7: The men are coming together and having discussions and it's
Speaker 7: really is very informative. And I like that fact because
Speaker 7: to me, I was one of them ignorant men who
Speaker 7: didn't have a clue. And through taking time out and
Speaker 7: reading and attending certain seminars, you can see your flaws
Speaker 7: and you start to make changes. But it's like the
Speaker 7: women have started. The women are behaving like how we
Speaker 7: were and we're trying to we're getting sense, and it's
Speaker 7: like they're getting the other way. So that's just my
Speaker 7: little take on it.
Speaker 2: Fantastic interesting, and obviously we are obviously can't generalize everybody,
Speaker 2: and this is not the case for everybody, but I
Speaker 2: guess I guess there are some patterns there that we
Speaker 2: are seeing that and as you've said, there's been lots
Speaker 2: of changes meilting yourkind of highlighting the kind of maybe
Speaker 2: with it like a commitment, but people are quite still
Speaker 2: very either quite intimate or quite committed in their actions,
Speaker 2: but maybe not in their mindsets.
Speaker 6: Possibly, Yeah, I tell you. The problem is, I think
Speaker 6: one of the problems and one of the challenge is
Speaker 6: that you know, women from the women's movement have actually
Speaker 6: come into their own and they're making significant progress in
Speaker 6: the workplace. They are being honored that they're in terms
Speaker 6: of education, they're outstripping the men, and many of them
Speaker 6: are suggesting and indicating that they're they're finding it difficult
Speaker 6: to find men who can relate to them on the
Speaker 6: level that they're at. And yes, there are some of
Speaker 6: them who do come over in ways that we find
Speaker 6: very offensive or put off. We're put off by that
Speaker 6: type of behavior. And sometimes I don't even think that
Speaker 6: they're being purposeful. I think that, you know, that's in
Speaker 6: the workplace, that that's who they need to be in
Speaker 6: order to progress and achieve what they're achieving, and that's
Speaker 6: become a part of their nature.
Speaker 9: Yeah, oh okay, I agree with.
Speaker 7: I didn't go in deep like mister Samuel, but he's
Speaker 7: right because you know what I think, because I know
Speaker 7: quite a few women who they they have done quite well,
Speaker 7: and they just have that go get it attitude and
Speaker 7: it's almost like they don't know to switch it off.
Speaker 7: It's just them, you know. Once I was watching this
Speaker 7: this it was on YouTube. I was watching this lady
Speaker 7: and she she she used the term strong black women,
Speaker 7: and she said she would use it and felt very
Speaker 7: validated using it. But she said one day she talked
Speaker 7: one of her male friends and he said to her.
Speaker 7: She said to him, how comes you guys? You know
Speaker 7: the way you treat me. They said, you don't need
Speaker 7: no help, He said, you you always tell us about
Speaker 7: this strong black woman. You don't need us, and we
Speaker 7: don't feel like there's anything we can do to help you.
Speaker 7: And it was really sad. And then she said, she
Speaker 7: looked into it, and then she said she went and
Speaker 7: studied about feminism and what it entailed, and then she
Speaker 7: started to take it on for herself. She said that
Speaker 7: the trend, she said, the change the way the men
Speaker 7: dealt with her. She said, this is powerful. And now
Speaker 7: she goes around teaching other women how to live in
Speaker 7: your femininity because that when you're strong, when you're trying
Speaker 7: to do that strong, the man is strong. So you
Speaker 7: don't want to mean another strong person in that sense.
Speaker 7: You want that week not weak, a vessel in the
Speaker 7: sense of weet weet, but you want that tender person complimentary.
Speaker 6: Let's put it not there, sir.
Speaker 7: That's why I like that. Let him know the words. Yeah,
Speaker 7: that's the right one. You ah, Jude, and you know something,
Speaker 7: And we had many discussions. I always say that when
Speaker 7: a woman cooks for a man, there's something about that food.
Speaker 7: It's not like she's the great cook, but the fact
Speaker 7: that she's prepared this food. And then I heard this
Speaker 7: lady on youtu can't whatever I name. She's a psychologist.
Speaker 7: She mentioned it yesterday. I thought, look at that. Someone
Speaker 7: agree with me. You know, women wise, guys, collegi. But
Speaker 7: when I say a church he said, Cechi, I don't
Speaker 7: know where you get those things right, But because I'm
Speaker 7: not the qualified, probably if Samone said it, it is
Speaker 7: in stone. But when I say it, it's like, ah,
Speaker 7: it's COLLEGI. You know, we all have wisdom, and I
Speaker 7: think you're speaking some wisdom. And it doesn't matter who
Speaker 7: he comes from. As long as it's truth and it's
Speaker 7: a valid we should lean an ear and acknowledge and
Speaker 7: acknowledge that. But here, here, I think the real question
Speaker 7: is Angela. The real question is not really to.
Speaker 6: Blame or shame any gender doing a question is about
Speaker 6: how can we get together again?
Speaker 3: Son asciate that with that point.
Speaker 2: We're going to take a break. I'm going to hold
Speaker 2: that and hold that thought. Sean. We're going to take
Speaker 2: a music break here, and we're going to kind of
Speaker 2: come back and we're going to delve a little bit
Speaker 2: deeper into that question, because that's exactly what it is.
Speaker 2: And I'm really curious from the male perspective how we
Speaker 2: get it, because I guess men and women are going
Speaker 2: to view things very differently. We see things very differently,
Speaker 2: and how we approach things we can protect you very differently.
Speaker 2: But could there be any amendment changes that actually could
Speaker 2: make things much better and much easier. So thank you
Speaker 2: for joining us. If you're just joining us, I should
Speaker 2: say welcome to Talking Points. And we've been having an
Speaker 2: interesting conversation already, so if you've missed this part, do
Speaker 2: listen back. You can listen back to our programs on
Speaker 2: spreaker dot com. We podcast all our shows and we'll
Speaker 2: talk about relationships today. So if you've got anything to share,
Speaker 2: anything you'd like to like what you've heard so far,
Speaker 2: or disagreed with what you've heard so far because we're
Speaker 2: too interesting views there, do get in contact with us.
Speaker 2: You can email us on the studio at Adventist Radio
Speaker 2: dot London. You can send us a text on eight
Speaker 2: triple two eight write hope lead space and then add
Speaker 2: your message, or you can send us a Whatsap message
Speaker 2: on zero seven four five nine six four two eight
Speaker 2: nine eight. So we've been talking about relationships, and initially
Speaker 2: we start off talking a little bit about friendships. And
Speaker 2: you know how men connect, and there are definite differences
Speaker 2: between men and women. We know this different type of connection.
Speaker 2: Men do have friends, there sometimes is that concept that
Speaker 2: they often don't. But maybe it's that they maybe don't
Speaker 2: maintain those friendships in a similar kind of way. Then
Speaker 2: we've started to talk a little bit about getting to
Speaker 2: the point about getting married, but also but we want
Speaker 2: to get to that point. So before the music break,
Speaker 2: Hilton posed a question which we're going to kind of
Speaker 2: explore a little bit as well. But before we do that,
Speaker 2: we've got another guest on has joined us today. We've
Speaker 2: got Mark Sempaul back on again. Mark is one of
Speaker 2: our resident therapists. I would say, so it would be
Speaker 2: good to thank you for joining us. Mark, I hope
Speaker 2: you're well. Definitely good to be hearing your insights into
Speaker 2: relational matters as we've been talking. So how are we today?
Speaker 8: We're doing well. Thank you guys so much for inviting me.
Speaker 8: Thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Sure, okay, all right, So just before the music break,
Speaker 2: Hilton posed a question we're talking about. We started to
Speaker 2: talk a little bit about I'm going to use maybe
Speaker 2: an old fashioned term dating, I guess maybe is it dating?
Speaker 2: Is it called dating these days? Or as maybe I'm
Speaker 2: saying that's my mom, I'm sounding old now or just
Speaker 2: talking and what if that means? But Hilton poss a question,
Speaker 2: really what we want to know is how do we
Speaker 2: get together? So, Sean, you're about to make a point,
Speaker 2: and I jumped in there just so we could take
Speaker 2: a bit of a break to kind of regroup. So
Speaker 2: your thoughts on that point.
Speaker 3: Well, as I said before, men are different, women are different.
Speaker 3: Even you said that in the beginning, Well, the guys
Speaker 3: are saying the difference with the conversation, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 3: Now I'm saying to you that a lot of women, no,
Speaker 3: they're not going to date a guy who's a cleaner.
Speaker 3: But a man, definitely, he doesn't care if she's a
Speaker 3: cleaner what. He's just interested in meeting somebody that he
Speaker 3: can get on and fall in love with. In general,
Speaker 3: don't get wrong of this players out there. There's a
Speaker 3: different kind of guys who you know, they're into a
Speaker 3: different game. But most guys they don't care. But women
Speaker 3: do care what man does. And I can understand it
Speaker 3: from women's suspective in the sense of she's looking for
Speaker 3: some somebody down the line provides for her children. She
Speaker 3: wants children. She's saying, well, this guy is a better guy.
Speaker 3: I really like this guy, but he's not earning any money.
Speaker 2: Why do you think that is.
Speaker 3: Hmm, Well, when you listen to all the programs on
Speaker 3: a dating you hear all the women saying the same thing.
Speaker 3: I'm not dating no guy working at McDonald's. It's a
Speaker 3: regular thing. These are average girls out there. They said, no,
Speaker 3: they don't want it. You're a woman, so you should
Speaker 3: be able to give us a perspective on it more
Speaker 3: than us you are guys.
Speaker 2: Any thoughts on that or even maybe I'll come to
Speaker 2: Mark actually to think actually from a is that something
Speaker 2: that maybe you've seen? Is that to do with society's
Speaker 2: expectations have really changed all the kinds of perception, Because Hilter,
Speaker 2: you mention something about there's often a lot of and
Speaker 2: I've seen this as well. Is it a lot on
Speaker 2: social media in terms of the idea you go out
Speaker 2: on a date, who should pay? Should you split the bill?
Speaker 2: Should you the man pay? Should the woman pay?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: You know, so is that kind of is indicative of
Speaker 2: society in the way things have changed in that respect?
Speaker 6: So are you talking to me or Mark?
Speaker 2: That's a that's a question. I'm sorry, who wants to
Speaker 2: jump in?
Speaker 6: Okay, I don't know. I don't know if Mark has
Speaker 6: something to do a muscling there, and because he's joined later,
Speaker 6: I don't know if he wants to absorb what's going
Speaker 6: on before he commenced. But these are fresh questions that
Speaker 6: are being asked. So although I wanted to delve into
Speaker 6: how do we get together despite the differences and the
Speaker 6: challenges that we have, I would respond to the question. Yes,
Speaker 6: it has been observed that women tend to date across
Speaker 6: and up, and men then to tend to date across
Speaker 6: and down. That's general. Men tend to be attracted and
Speaker 6: innately go for people who display fertility in terms of
Speaker 6: you know, offspring, and that is usually women who are
Speaker 6: in the same age grange and younger and again want
Speaker 6: someone on the same level and also someone who is
Speaker 6: above them, you know. And I'm just that's just common
Speaker 6: ipso facto kind of empirical evidence and research evidence that
Speaker 6: we have seen. But there are things are changing, Things
Speaker 6: are changing. There are some more women who have come
Speaker 6: to the realization, well, you know, what they want is
Speaker 6: a good man, and they will tell me that he doesn't.
Speaker 6: Really what they're looking for is someone who has ambition.
Speaker 6: He doesn't necessarily have to earn the same amount of wages.
Speaker 6: He's earning, even though if he earns less. They want
Speaker 6: someone who is ambitious, who has what is popularly known
Speaker 6: as a growth mindset, because we do know that we're
Speaker 6: all on a journey. You know, you could be working
Speaker 6: in McDonald's and studying a PhD. You could be between jobs.
Speaker 6: What women, and rightfully so don't want to condone is
Speaker 6: someone who's stuck at a certain level when they can
Speaker 6: and should improve themselves. Yeah, that's what I would like
Speaker 6: to say, say say on those ideas that Sean has
Speaker 6: pitched out there. There are lots of women now who
Speaker 6: are who tend to think they don't have to have
Speaker 6: someone with the same credentials as they have. They don't
Speaker 6: necessarily have to have someone who has more credentials. There
Speaker 6: are some people who recognize that they're making enough money,
Speaker 6: but they do want a certain caliber of and quality
Speaker 6: of person, someone who meets a certain certain level or
Speaker 6: certain criteria, or who is seen to be making progress
Speaker 6: in their lives. I don't know if you know your
Speaker 6: experience is different from me, Collecchi or even Pedro or
Speaker 6: Michael Byron or Mark.
Speaker 1: I think I think where we are right now. I
Speaker 1: think women.
Speaker 9: They I'm talking about women mainly in their fifties sixties.
Speaker 1: I think things have changed. I think what you're talking
Speaker 1: about is more kind of younger women.
Speaker 9: I think because women have had everything they've always wanted.
Speaker 9: Men just it's exactly how you've explained. But as they've
Speaker 9: got older and they're still on the shelf. And by
Speaker 9: the way, there really does need to be more women
Speaker 9: taking part in this kind of conversation because I kind
Speaker 9: of think so I know, there's a lot of women
Speaker 9: out there who they had a list. You know, he
Speaker 9: had to be six foot tall, good job, owned, house, owned, cart,
Speaker 9: et cetera. The years have gone by and they've had
Speaker 9: to kind of cross those things off the list. They're
Speaker 9: now single, and I think worst of all, the very
Speaker 9: women are not very upfront and coming forward. It's still
Speaker 9: down to the mats daughter running. And I always talk
Speaker 9: about years ago, perhaps when I was in America, how
Speaker 9: if a woman likes you, she'll make that kind of
Speaker 9: move you have. You have women now what we've always
Speaker 9: had women who who they're just not making any moves.
Speaker 9: They're waiting for a guy to come and talk to
Speaker 9: them to make that move. And they're getting older and older,
Speaker 9: and you know, I have. You know, I do a
Speaker 9: radio show and I have lots of listeners who are
Speaker 9: just single, single women, you know, because they've always had
Speaker 9: high expectations, you know, and yeah, basically they're just kind
Speaker 9: of single now.
Speaker 6: So yeah, Byron, just to get some clarity on what
Speaker 6: you're saying, are you talking on behalf of meta mature
Speaker 6: women in their forties and fifties.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, I'm saying that the.
Speaker 9: Generally, if I look at a woman, who's who's I'm
Speaker 9: kind of really look at women in the kind of
Speaker 9: fifties and sixties because that's kind of my kind of
Speaker 9: age group, you know, I think women sometimes, Yes, it's
Speaker 9: down to personality. I'm not going to agree with so
Speaker 9: much about the kind of the guy having a the
Speaker 9: sort of status sometimes it is if you have the
Speaker 9: right kind of personality, yeah, that can canind of get
Speaker 9: it get you through. But the point I'm ma because
Speaker 9: that women are just sitting on the shelf kind of
Speaker 9: waiting to be plucked, if you know what I mean.
Speaker 9: I know that's all right sort of terminology, but they're
Speaker 9: not making any moves. You know, the right man is
Speaker 9: going to be in the in the same environment as them,
Speaker 9: But they're gonna they're never going to kind of make
Speaker 9: no move.
Speaker 6: They're still traditional in their approach.
Speaker 10: Very traditional, and yeah, I think that, if I be honest,
Speaker 10: not much as change from my perspective, even as a
Speaker 10: topless of therapy is and.
Speaker 8: So on, not much as change. I think what has
Speaker 8: change is that I think it's Barron talked about the
Speaker 8: women in the fifties and sixties. We didn't have social
Speaker 8: media at that time, and so we find now that
Speaker 8: the younger generation that have social media as speaking out
Speaker 8: and basically being bold about what the what they want.
Speaker 8: It hasn't changed because the women in the forty fifteen
Speaker 8: sixties was saying that it's just that we didn't have
Speaker 8: they didn't have social media, and so it was just
Speaker 8: said it in the little pockets that were created. I
Speaker 8: think that when we look at it from its true
Speaker 8: aspect culturally, we also have to look at it. I
Speaker 8: grew up on three different continents. I grew up in
Speaker 8: South America, in North America, and I'm here in Europe.
Speaker 8: And basically I know in North America, if a young
Speaker 8: woman liked an individual, we would be bold about it
Speaker 8: and say this is it. But then you have the
Speaker 8: British culture and the Caribbean culture there is a little
Speaker 8: more conservative, but it hasn't changed. It's just that people
Speaker 8: are a little more bold in saying what they want.
Speaker 8: And I think that the generation, the younger generation, is
Speaker 8: a lot more bolder. They're a lot more out there.
Speaker 8: You have the different platforms that they're out there and
Speaker 8: they can speak their mind. But nothing really and truly
Speaker 8: has changed other than and even if you look at
Speaker 8: us as men again aage group, there are certain areas
Speaker 8: within age groups, you find that young men are a
Speaker 8: lot more passive when it comes to talking to a
Speaker 8: woman pursuing a woman, but in terms of choices in
Speaker 8: what a woman wants, and what a woman wants from
Speaker 8: a man basically is about someone that is willing to
Speaker 8: work the build. And I think that what has actually
Speaker 8: change is the role of men in society. I think
Speaker 8: we've been talking about the women, but we haven't talked
Speaker 8: about the role of men in society. Has made that
Speaker 8: shift because of the fact that now we don't have
Speaker 8: the bread winner of the home anymore, because the women
Speaker 8: are more educated, they're making more money, they are more independent,
Speaker 8: and so the men's role has changed. And I think
Speaker 8: as men, we haven't caught up. And I think that's
Speaker 8: the problem that we have men role in the for
Speaker 8: a forty year old, fifty year old, sixty year old,
Speaker 8: you know, they were a bad winner. Not anymore. A
Speaker 8: woman is bringing in a paycheck as much as us
Speaker 8: and even more most if you look at the people
Speaker 8: that are going into university and finishing universities and colleges
Speaker 8: are more women than young men. And the role as
Speaker 8: men has changed. We as men have not caught up
Speaker 8: with the whole idea that basically the bread winner rule,
Speaker 8: it's phasing out. That's what I need to say.
Speaker 6: Ma'am Mark you yeah, Oh sorry, did I jump ahead
Speaker 6: of someone?
Speaker 8: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, go ahead, godad Yeah.
Speaker 6: I think Mark is onto something. I won't use the
Speaker 6: term that think that nothing has actually changed. Many things
Speaker 6: have changed, as you know, for one, the way we date,
Speaker 6: of using the term date, it has actually changed about
Speaker 6: In fact, I heard its statistics about thirty something percent
Speaker 6: of people are meeting their spouses online now through dating apps,
Speaker 6: through dating sights, through you know, so that in and
Speaker 6: of itself, at the online culture is just it's a
Speaker 6: new culture. It's probably the last twenty forty you know,
Speaker 6: very very recent culture, and I agree that we haven't
Speaker 6: actually changed significantly, but there are lots of changes that's
Speaker 6: going around and around us, so that in itself is
Speaker 6: a total different ballgame. You mentioned, and I agree that
Speaker 6: the younger generation, they seem to be quite fine with
Speaker 6: women instigating relationship if they like you and they want
Speaker 6: to go out with you. That has changed. Byron was
Speaker 6: speaking about the older generation. The mature generation still expecting
Speaker 6: sitting around. They're expecting to be approached, to be pursued,
Speaker 6: to be asked out, to be treated in the traditional
Speaker 6: chivalrous manner. And that is creating a problem because you know,
Speaker 6: men are not as approaching as much now as before.
Speaker 6: And the million dollar question that we need to look at,
Speaker 6: both for men and for women is what do we do,
Speaker 6: How do we bridge the divide, how do we get,
Speaker 6: like you said, Mark, how do we catch up with
Speaker 6: what has gone what's going on? And I don't think
Speaker 6: it's an easy conversation to just, you know, flippantly say okay,
Speaker 6: well do you need to do this or that. We
Speaker 6: need some practical, pragmatic ideas to make things happen and
Speaker 6: to help people to know, well, look, this is probably
Speaker 6: what you can do. This is how we have engaged.
Speaker 6: We need to engage and have a conversation, and this
Speaker 6: is the way that we need to progress in order
Speaker 6: for people, both young people, young adults, adults and mature
Speaker 6: people because before that they, you know, mature people were
Speaker 6: coupled up.
Speaker 2: Now we have more and more.
Speaker 6: Mature people who are singles who still want to be
Speaker 6: in relationship. Just weeks ago, a woman who is sixty
Speaker 6: seventy five told me that she wants to get married.
Speaker 6: You know, people in their sixties, like Byron, they do
Speaker 6: want to get married. So we still have to address
Speaker 6: the elephant in the room. How do we help these
Speaker 6: people find fulfilling relationships, both men and women.
Speaker 9: It's difficult when you have it's difficult when you have.
Speaker 1: Have people who are kind of mature.
Speaker 9: They're setting their ways, they have a certain mindset in
Speaker 9: terms of with women, you know. And I don't know
Speaker 9: if it's just in my field where there is a
Speaker 9: certain mindset of black men and there's a there's a hesitance.
Speaker 9: You know, we're not seeing in a very good light
Speaker 9: and you have to jump over hoops.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 9: So I don't know, I really don't know how you
Speaker 9: change that mindset. And I think it's a mindset thing.
Speaker 9: You know, generally we have you know, we've traditionally just
Speaker 9: had dances where people get together and you know, but
Speaker 9: that's not conducive to conversation, is it. You know, For
Speaker 9: a woman who's you know, sixty, who's set in her ways,
Speaker 9: who would like to be in a relationship, I'm not
Speaker 9: too sure where she goes, because sometimes it has to
Speaker 9: be a mindset change on her part. I think men
Speaker 9: have been kind of burned over the years. We've taken
Speaker 9: an air lashin and and so even in the dances
Speaker 9: where I am, because I'll kind of put on events
Speaker 9: and stuff like that, you know, guys saying dance with
Speaker 9: women the way they used to because of this whole
Speaker 9: rejection thing.
Speaker 1: So I don't know.
Speaker 9: I think sometimes i'd like to hear. I'd like to
Speaker 9: hear from the ladies what they want from us.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 8: Let me just let me clarify a few things when
Speaker 8: I say that nothing hasn't changed. Okay, let me give
Speaker 8: you an idea. When are people in the wind Rush
Speaker 8: generation for men for the family. You have to remember
Speaker 8: that the church, the society was more for protection, you know,
Speaker 8: the small island, and you hear all the folks talk
Speaker 8: about the small island people we need as a society
Speaker 8: come a new society coming into England, we basically form
Speaker 8: group support groups. Even churches were support groups. Our children,
Speaker 8: their children and children's children don't need the church or
Speaker 8: these support groups anymore because these kids are not Jamaican, Trinidad, Young's,
Speaker 8: Guyanese or these children are British and so as far
Speaker 8: as they are concerned, they don't need to huddle in
Speaker 8: a church, a church, a community center or whatever it is.
Speaker 8: They can have church like how we're talking online. Okay,
Speaker 8: things hasn't changed from that perspective. So then what has
Speaker 8: changed is that instead of as I think, if Barron
Speaker 8: just talked about a woman in our sixties, she gonna
Speaker 8: have to basically go into a community of people to
Speaker 8: find that individual to basically marry because the online online
Speaker 8: is going a little too fast for her. So for
Speaker 8: her to basically do the old style of things assessing
Speaker 8: this brother and whatever it is, you know she's gonna
Speaker 8: have to basically do that. Online is not gonna wait
Speaker 8: for her. She gotta eat a swipe, let force wipe
Speaker 8: right and hope that what where. When I swipe right,
Speaker 8: I basically get someone good. The problem with that in
Speaker 8: terms of how this works is that anxiety moving a
Speaker 8: very fast space. The same the same rules we used
Speaker 8: to fet people is still in place. It's just that
Speaker 8: people are not basically huddling long enough. That is why
Speaker 8: we have the online dating and all these things happening,
Speaker 8: because we don't have those little pockets of community to
Speaker 8: basically interact with each other. So we all have to
Speaker 8: do one thing. I'm busy, I just came off of
Speaker 8: work at nine o'clock in the night. If I'm a
Speaker 8: single man, where am I going to find a young woman?
Speaker 8: A woman to it at this point in time? I
Speaker 8: just I work in nine to nine time is of
Speaker 8: the efsence. So then I have to basically join the
Speaker 8: online to basically either swipe left or swipe right. So
Speaker 8: the difference is that we don't have that community of
Speaker 8: people that basically stay tactic in different community centers, in
Speaker 8: different churches. Everybody basically is having a community in their
Speaker 8: own home. So for you to basically get to me,
Speaker 8: you're going to have to basically come to me via
Speaker 8: social media, which is in my own home. And that's
Speaker 8: how it is. So, this is what is happening to us.
Speaker 8: Another thing that is happening is because we have a
Speaker 8: lot of men with a lot of low self esteem.
Speaker 8: Men are not in the older days, and the older
Speaker 8: guys will say men are bold and the society bold
Speaker 8: enough to basically what we've done is basically men who
Speaker 8: are bold enough to take an rejection and basically move
Speaker 8: on to the next person.
Speaker 2: The moment.
Speaker 8: And I'm not saying that, I'm not saying that you
Speaker 8: should have shouldn't, but listen to me, Listen to me
Speaker 8: out here. Most of us grew up with single mothers. True, Okay,
Speaker 8: a woman can only give a man, a young man
Speaker 8: how to actually real emotionally. A single mother cannot teach
Speaker 8: a young man how to think rationally. She can only
Speaker 8: do that emotionally. Okay, you need a father in the
Speaker 8: home actually show a young man how to actually think logically. No,
Speaker 8: men or brains are not created to think emotionally. We
Speaker 8: are logical beings. Most of the young men that are
Speaker 8: presenting presenting with emotional issues. I and everybody hurting my feelings.
Speaker 8: At this pointing time, the older men didn't care about
Speaker 8: who hurt their feelings. So what we have is a
Speaker 8: generation of men. Think the Jamaican DJ put it well
Speaker 8: that he said who djits cannot operate on the same
Speaker 8: stage the same time, one will cancel out the other.
Speaker 8: A man and a woman cannot come into a home emotionally,
Speaker 8: one cancel out the other. You need a logical person
Speaker 8: and an emotional person in the home, and the two
Speaker 8: basically create a wonderful balance. But when you have a
Speaker 8: young man behaving emotionally, thinking emotionally, and he takes a
Speaker 8: young woman in the home, they will clash.
Speaker 3: I agree with that, But there are there are guys
Speaker 3: who grew up with their fathers, so you know, I mean,
Speaker 3: there are guys that are out there that Greek with
Speaker 3: their fathers. So obviously you're right in what you're saying
Speaker 3: about the emotional base. But I think I think there's
Speaker 3: a lot of people still today who my son is.
Speaker 3: He's what twenty twenty nine, he says he's not into
Speaker 3: the He's not he's not into the internet. He says
Speaker 3: he's definitely into the internet. He goes out, he talks
Speaker 3: to women, he goes places, just like when I was younger. Right,
Speaker 3: his friends have found people to get married the internet,
Speaker 3: but he says, nah, I don't need to. I can
Speaker 3: talk every week man. Why they need to go on
Speaker 3: the internet for But I'll be honest with you, if
Speaker 3: I was a person who was single, I would choose
Speaker 3: the internet because number One, I just look at the person,
Speaker 3: read the profile, get in contact with them. I think
Speaker 3: it's an easier way Personally myself, I wouldn't be going
Speaker 3: to know club. I would go to a club or
Speaker 3: a party. If I was looking for younger women, I
Speaker 3: wouldn't do it. But my son said, my son does
Speaker 3: what what I would used to do when I'm younger.
Speaker 3: He's out and about talking this, that and the other.
Speaker 3: But I look at even lots of church guys. They're
Speaker 3: at church, and to be honest with you, I'm not
Speaker 3: being rude enough enough. He I've been rude, but a
Speaker 3: lot of the women in church just not look after him.
Speaker 3: So off they want a guy and they don't look
Speaker 3: after I know you might think I'm rude, but I'm
Speaker 3: saying a lot of women like where they used to
Speaker 3: look after themselves, make them so presentable, so they don't
Speaker 3: make them self presentable. And number two, the way they
Speaker 3: talk to the men, I'm like, nah, man, I would
Speaker 3: I go from church to church. I'm married and I'm
Speaker 3: looking at for women from my friends, and I tell
Speaker 3: him straight, I didn't see anybody in these churches. I
Speaker 3: tell him straight, I don't see anybody. I said, maybe
Speaker 3: the odd woman i'd see or whatever that i'd recommend,
Speaker 3: But I said, I don't see them. But anyway, let
Speaker 3: me stop talking before Angela not to be on the head.
Speaker 2: No, I'm interested in because one of my questions would
Speaker 2: be maybe later, so what can women do to support that?
Speaker 2: Because as the Hilton start off saying, the question was
Speaker 2: how do people get together? But there were a lot
Speaker 2: of factors. Because it was interesting, and thank you Byron
Speaker 2: coming in to join the conversation. You obviously it seems
Speaker 2: to be disparao or quite a big difference between the ages,
Speaker 2: because I think earlier on in the conversation we were
Speaker 2: talking about how men are scared to talk to women,
Speaker 2: and Mark, you're talking about how men used to be
Speaker 2: a lot more bolder with approachure women. If you see
Speaker 2: something you like them, you will talk to them. As
Speaker 2: you get older, maybe that doesn't happen quite so much.
Speaker 2: So I don't know whether I don't and I don't
Speaker 2: know what the reason is for that necessarily, but you know,
Speaker 2: I can think.
Speaker 3: I think the reason simple angel women women have changed
Speaker 3: so much. They're better men out there, the way they
Speaker 3: talk to them, right, who are you talking to?
Speaker 6: You just think?
Speaker 3: You know? I went to a shop last night, Me
Speaker 3: and my friend went to a shop at the picture station.
Speaker 3: I said something to the women, and I'm thinking, typically
Speaker 3: typical this is that these new women are man you
Speaker 3: can't even you can't even be you can't be nice
Speaker 3: to them. I've been to a shop before I said
Speaker 3: something to women just just being pleasant. I'm like, boy,
Speaker 3: you know what, if I was a younger, I won't
Speaker 3: be talking to women either.
Speaker 2: Isn't that women have changed or have changed? Or have
Speaker 2: we all changed?
Speaker 5: I think I think what show is saying is cultial.
Speaker 5: I think women just have a expectation of men that
Speaker 5: they just like I'm very polite, so like I'll say
Speaker 5: good afternoon, and they'll look at me like I want something.
Speaker 5: They don't respect, like a man want something from them.
Speaker 5: We just can't be polite and say hey, how you're doing.
Speaker 5: It's almost like they want us to be what's the
Speaker 5: word not ghetto, like gangster. They want us to be gangster.
Speaker 5: A lot of like a lot of women want you
Speaker 5: to be rough, but then they don't want you to
Speaker 5: be rough. They want you to be rough, but they
Speaker 5: also want you to be sensitive. They can't make up
Speaker 5: their mind what they want sometimes, and so you you,
Speaker 5: I just you could just say hello and they'll look
Speaker 5: at you like you like you stole something. You're just like,
Speaker 5: I'm just saying hello, you know, that's it, And they
Speaker 5: give you like the most illness look that you like,
Speaker 5: why why are you gonna act like that? Even opening
Speaker 5: the door for them or something like, they won't say nothing.
Speaker 5: They just walk right past you.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 5: They they just don't no respond, They don't respond to kindness.
Speaker 5: Sometimes that's the best way I can put it.
Speaker 3: Women have Women have changed so much, even in the church,
Speaker 3: they have changed so much. Yeah, and I think.
Speaker 6: Something here we need to be very careful. I don't
Speaker 6: like the man bashing and the woman bashing.
Speaker 5: I'm not bashing, you know, I'm not bashing.
Speaker 4: I think we're like Shna saying, I think we're just
Speaker 4: talking real.
Speaker 5: But I think I'm not trying to bash a woman
Speaker 5: because there's plenty of good women out there.
Speaker 3: You know, you know, Petro, Petro, you know what I think.
Speaker 3: You're just trying to be really corrected.
Speaker 5: I'm the last one, pet Sorry, not you the other
Speaker 5: guy speaking.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you want to if you if you want a
Speaker 3: real conversation, have a real conversation. You you look at it.
Speaker 3: Look at the most American election just finished. All the
Speaker 3: women are crying because Camilla Harris never got in. They
Speaker 3: were thinking. They weren't thinking about the bills and this,
Speaker 3: that and the other. They were thinking about abortions, this
Speaker 3: that and the other. Now you just jumped and said
Speaker 3: we're bashing. We're not bashing nobody. Would just be real
Speaker 3: if you don't want to real.
Speaker 6: Yeah, there are women who who react where that you
Speaker 6: are speaking about, and they are women who are quite
Speaker 6: polite and decent. And the impression from on what you're
Speaker 6: saying that do you think that most women.
Speaker 3: I'm generalizing the old women. I'm generalizing. I'm actually generalized.
Speaker 3: I'm not not all women. There are some lovely women
Speaker 3: out there, but I'm generalizing about women, and I'm being
Speaker 3: real about this. I'm being real that women really only
Speaker 3: pick up men, they never date down. And that's the real.
Speaker 3: That's real talk days.
Speaker 2: The thing is so sure as the only one on
Speaker 2: this platform right now, would there be any should there
Speaker 2: be anything wrong with that? Because equally it's interesting you're
Speaker 2: talking about how women may speak to men. I know
Speaker 2: I've been in situations and I've really not been impressed
Speaker 2: by the way I've been approached by a man, how
Speaker 2: I've been spoken to. And I think to myself, well, actually,
Speaker 2: if I do have a standard and hold myself in
Speaker 2: high regard, et cetera, I'd like someone to match that.
Speaker 2: So I know, I'm not going to be rude to somebody.
Speaker 2: I'll be polite on what happens. I'm just I'm just saying.
Speaker 2: So I think to myself when it's race to say
Speaker 2: women have changed, but I wonder whether we've all changed
Speaker 2: and society has created an environment that's not always conducive
Speaker 2: to good.
Speaker 3: You've always had a section of men who were getting
Speaker 3: of course, you're always from day one, you had a
Speaker 3: certain man coming woman to you. You've always had that right.
Speaker 3: But I'm telling you, women have definitely changed in my view.
Speaker 3: And I listened to a lot of women talking. I
Speaker 3: listened to a lot of shows. I'm like, Wow, the
Speaker 3: women have really up their game. And as I said before,
Speaker 3: women in general, you'll get the odd women I'm generalizing,
Speaker 3: they're not picking up no guy that works at McDonald's.
Speaker 3: They don't want him. Yeah, I mean they don't want him,
Speaker 3: simple as that. You could be the nicest guy talking
Speaker 3: to nice Now I don't want him. I'm thinking about
Speaker 3: my You know, this guy can't advice from this. The
Speaker 3: guy is not thinking about that.
Speaker 6: The guys just thinking.
Speaker 3: Boy, if I fall in love and I've seen a
Speaker 3: woman that I know, yeah, she picked up this guy
Speaker 3: from church. She wasn't doing too well for himself. She
Speaker 3: turned this guy out to be one of the greatest guys.
Speaker 3: And I look at and I said, you know what
Speaker 3: you've done really well. You know, you picked up that
Speaker 3: guy there, right, and you made him into something. And
Speaker 3: I admire her even to when I said, yeah, man,
Speaker 3: that's good, and I see, I said, look, you're on
Speaker 3: your own house, you've got no mortgage. The two of
Speaker 3: you are doing well. She picked him up and she
Speaker 3: helped him hold him. Women, a woman don't want to
Speaker 3: do that already made already quick. One just put the
Speaker 3: water and it mixed up.
Speaker 4: And that.
Speaker 2: Again, is that reflective? Of our kind of fast culture
Speaker 2: and fast society. Yeah, I wonder is it's indicative all
Speaker 2: those things? Lots of factors involved in there. Anyway, I'm
Speaker 2: talking too much to let these other guys.
Speaker 6: The challenge is how do we change that? And what
Speaker 6: advice would we would we give the women that you
Speaker 6: are speaking about. There are classes of women like that.
Speaker 6: There are other classes of women who think h the
Speaker 6: way you're thinking about men that the men like Angela
Speaker 6: said that her experience, one of the experiences that she
Speaker 6: has had, that she was turned off by the way
Speaker 6: she was being spoken to. And my question is how
Speaker 6: do we change and what do we do? Given the
Speaker 6: We could sit here and you know, do all the
Speaker 6: analysis about you know, women and men, but.
Speaker 7: What do we do?
Speaker 6: How do we move forward?
Speaker 8: You have.
Speaker 9: Women, You need women to contribute. You can't solve that
Speaker 9: problem there. You need women to kind of answer that question.
Speaker 2: Really, But I think in this in this instance we've
Speaker 2: got the men here talking.
Speaker 5: I think my opinion, I think a woman. When I
Speaker 5: got ma, I was broken. My wife, like Sean said,
Speaker 5: he met, he knows of a woman. My wife lifted
Speaker 5: me up and made me a better man than I
Speaker 5: am today. I was a single. My mom raised me
Speaker 5: up till about fourteen. Then she got married. I had
Speaker 5: a stepfather. He told me how to be a man,
Speaker 5: but I still have my issues from the past and
Speaker 5: then my so I would say, like, I think it's
Speaker 5: just a collaboration of both parties working together. So the wife,
Speaker 5: the woman doesn't put down the man, because I think
Speaker 5: a lot of times if the woman is looking at
Speaker 5: something and the man doesn't have it, she's like, why
Speaker 5: can't you have that? Then the man feels less than
Speaker 5: so always making the gentleman feel like he's even if
Speaker 5: he's working at McDonald's, he's got a job, he's doing
Speaker 5: the best he can. All right, let's he would let's
Speaker 5: move up from McDonald's to subway.
Speaker 4: I mean, you know, like yeah, like take baby steps.
Speaker 5: Gotta gotta gotta build gradually. It may take a while,
Speaker 5: but you gotta build gradually. You need you need a
Speaker 5: woman that's gonna uplift you, that's gonna be there for you,
Speaker 5: gonna ride or die with you. And and this is
Speaker 5: something that a woman then has to understand that sometimes
Speaker 5: she may have to I won't say subtle for less,
Speaker 5: but she's gonna have to settle for love, because I
Speaker 5: think some women don't settle for love. They like a man,
Speaker 5: he falls in love of woman. He don't care what
Speaker 5: she has. He just loves her. Yeah, definitely, And I
Speaker 5: know Hilton is like webbing his head, so I know
Speaker 5: he's got something to say about that.
Speaker 4: I am I saying the wrong thing, Hilton.
Speaker 3: You can.
Speaker 6: I agree with that point that you made that you know,
Speaker 6: we tend to just love. But similarly, there are some women.
Speaker 6: Once they love you, they love you.
Speaker 5: Yes, right, And then that goes to where the man
Speaker 5: has to then put in the work and every reciprocal
Speaker 5: of what the woman is giving him, and not be
Speaker 5: closed off, and not be closed minded, and not be
Speaker 5: selfish and just do things. And like I'm a man,
Speaker 5: I like we have to work together. I'm the man
Speaker 5: of the house. But my wife is my partner. So
Speaker 5: I tell her what. I tell her everything. I tell her,
Speaker 5: even if it's even if I know she's gonna get mad,
Speaker 5: I tell her because that way we can both fix
Speaker 5: the problem together. Don't try to fix everything yourself as
Speaker 5: a male. Just because you're the male, don't mean you
Speaker 5: have to fix everything yourself. Some things my wife will
Speaker 5: confer to me be like, you know what, you handle that.
Speaker 5: But then some things she'll say, hey, can I help you?
Speaker 4: What do you need?
Speaker 5: Like you know, like it's called constant communication. Communicationation is
Speaker 5: something that if you both do that you can make
Speaker 5: you can make it work. You can make it work
Speaker 5: no matter how much money you got, how much money
Speaker 5: you don't have. It's just you're still you're you're working together.
Speaker 3: Suret's say something.
Speaker 6: Yeah, what I want to say to that, you're going shot?
Speaker 6: Gone shot?
Speaker 3: Well, well, I know of men. Yeah, when a woman
Speaker 3: lifts up a man, you do anything for her. This
Speaker 3: is what I know about men.
Speaker 4: Men.
Speaker 3: Men are really providers. Yeah, you've got a woman that's
Speaker 3: lifting you up. Yeah, you're doing everything for you. Just
Speaker 3: love and you think, you know what, this woman makes
Speaker 3: me feel really good and I'm going to do better
Speaker 3: for myself. That's what I know about men in general. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and it's three things that please men. I'm not going
Speaker 3: to say over the pei, but one of them is
Speaker 3: when you come through the door, the woman makes you
Speaker 3: feel like a king. Right. Food is another one, right,
Speaker 3: and you said the third one. But I'm just saying
Speaker 3: a man would do anything for women. And that's how
Speaker 3: I know men to be the men that I know.
Speaker 3: And also, you do need a man in the house.
Speaker 3: Like the other guy said, if you if you grow
Speaker 3: up without a father. A lot of women grow up
Speaker 3: without a father and their mom's telling them things about men,
Speaker 3: and they just come and they've got a picture about
Speaker 3: a man, and that is really affecting a lot of men.
Speaker 3: They've got a lot of baggage that they come with.
Speaker 3: And the guys thinking about, oh, what's going on. What's
Speaker 3: going on?
Speaker 4: They see they see how the mother treats man.
Speaker 8: Yeah, and.
Speaker 4: You know what, I mean, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 3: You've got that kind of baggage with a woman she's
Speaker 3: not willing to learn because her mama's trained. Look, I
Speaker 3: just said this quickly. I was in the gym the
Speaker 3: other day. Yeah, with a guy. Yeah, so he says,
Speaker 3: he goes another nationality whatever, So cracked a joke and
Speaker 3: he goes, look, I'm not marrying a black woman. He said,
Speaker 3: I've got seven seven sisters or six sisters, and the
Speaker 3: way my mam has trained them, there's no way marrying
Speaker 3: one of them. And I just started laughing, right, and
Speaker 3: we just banged and bantered. But a lot of guys
Speaker 3: say that just the mom's upbringing, telling the daughters this,
Speaker 3: that and the other just puts men off.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I would like to say a couple of points there.
Speaker 6: First of all, from a Christian centeric point of view,
Speaker 6: much of what you have and Petrow have said that
Speaker 6: the way we are created, God said, Look, it's not
Speaker 6: good for a man to be alone. Let us make
Speaker 6: for him a help meet, a helper. And so we
Speaker 6: were designed to help each other to go and develop
Speaker 6: and you know, build together. And when we could collaborate
Speaker 6: as a team, like Petro said, despite all weaknesses, each
Speaker 6: complimenting the other, we can actually go over very far.
Speaker 6: And that's what marriage is for. You know, there's a
Speaker 6: book that recently came out called Marriage, written by this
Speaker 6: professor from Virginia University, and where he showed all the
Speaker 6: evidences from all the research that have been done over wide,
Speaker 6: over a vast number of years, all pointing to that
Speaker 6: marriage is good for human beings. It's good for men,
Speaker 6: good for women, it's good for children, it's good for society.
Speaker 6: And yes we have dysfunctional families, Yes we have women
Speaker 6: who respond the way you you identify. But the thing
Speaker 6: is the thing is, there is a reason why they
Speaker 6: responding that way. There is a reason. Whatever the reason
Speaker 6: may be. Could be the way the parent brainwash them,
Speaker 6: it could be the culture. However, I think deep you know,
Speaker 6: a mark I think was alluding to something like that,
Speaker 6: deep within all of us, deep within those women, deep
Speaker 6: within the men, is the desire to come together, to collaborate.
Speaker 6: The way we go about it might be counterproductive and inefficient.
Speaker 6: The weather respond you know, from a Christian center point
Speaker 6: of view, you know, there's a there's you know, when
Speaker 6: Jesus was on the scene and he tend to you know,
Speaker 6: the song says he looks beyond our faults and sees
Speaker 6: or need. And I come back to this central question
Speaker 6: that I don't think that we're really addressing as much
Speaker 6: as we should do. How do we go? Where do
Speaker 6: we go from here? How do we progress from here?
Speaker 6: How do we help our younger generation, the younger people
Speaker 6: who may not have had the examples of the father,
Speaker 6: or may have had their mind poisoned by their parents
Speaker 6: or their mother, the single mother, who have had bad experiences.
Speaker 6: What do we do to help us to grow and integrate?
Speaker 6: Because they yes, I'm going to let I'm going to
Speaker 6: finish off viron and then you will let you come in.
Speaker 6: We need to get the boys all trained up. We
Speaker 6: need to get the women all trained up too, And
Speaker 6: I think the change can be had. But rather than
Speaker 6: just simply addressing the is you by saying this is
Speaker 6: how men behave, this is how women behave. This is
Speaker 6: so what what are we going to end with Angela?
Speaker 6: And how are we going to you know, those people
Speaker 6: who are looking. One of the major issues I find
Speaker 6: you ask me, you know, what are some of the
Speaker 6: things that I'm seeing in the field is that there
Speaker 6: are lots of women in their thirties and forties, and
Speaker 6: like Byrons said, maybe even fifties and sixties who really
Speaker 6: want have a relationship, to ultimately get married and have
Speaker 6: a family. And they said that there are no men
Speaker 6: in the churches, and those who are in the churches
Speaker 6: that are the married or in some cases are not eligible.
Speaker 6: Maybe you would say, well, they need to lord their standards.
Speaker 6: Maybe they're too picky, maybe their criterias much. But at
Speaker 6: the same time, we are sitting on what I call
Speaker 6: a ticking timebo because generally speaking, human beings weren't designed
Speaker 6: simply to be alone. Yes, bien, I've come off my soapbox.
Speaker 9: You know what I think, despite everything that's been said,
Speaker 9: the answer is quite easy. I just think it's about
Speaker 9: mutual respect. And it might just sound like something silly,
Speaker 9: but you know, when you kind of when there is
Speaker 9: mutual respect, then you can have dialogue, you could have conversation,
Speaker 9: you know, and from you could have conversation, then you
Speaker 9: can you start to kind of, like Mummy said, move mountain,
Speaker 9: because it's quite often you find in relationships there's always
Speaker 9: this kind of battle.
Speaker 1: Somebody has to be the sort of top dog.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 9: Man is argued with women, women's argue with men, and
Speaker 9: then it becomes a kind of who's more intelligent and
Speaker 9: you know, and I just kind of think when you
Speaker 9: just have mutual respect and you because I would back
Speaker 9: in the day, I used to have something I used
Speaker 9: to do a sort of dating game, and I remember
Speaker 9: setting up people on dates and I'd have it in
Speaker 9: a public place and a guy might come in and says, yoh, yeah,
Speaker 9: where she tell me where she is first? Yeah, And
Speaker 9: it's not about that because regardless of what the person
Speaker 9: looks like, it's about sitting down and having a conversation.
Speaker 1: With somebody new, you know.
Speaker 9: And I just kind of think if you can have
Speaker 9: that kind of dialogue with somebody, there's going to be
Speaker 9: guys who are very shy to approach women because of
Speaker 9: the you know, and there's women who well they don't
Speaker 9: see it as their role to approach guys. But from
Speaker 9: you can have that kind of that mutual kind of
Speaker 9: respect there because you have a forum like this where
Speaker 9: we can all kind of talk. And I would feel
Speaker 9: comfortable talking if there was a girls on the pedel.
Speaker 9: I know, we can just have that kind of we
Speaker 9: can have that conversation. But in the real world, there's
Speaker 9: just too many battles going on. Somebody wants to be
Speaker 9: the top dog, and there just needs to be that
Speaker 9: kind of mutual respect.
Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 7: You know what, in light of what Hilton said about
Speaker 7: what can we do? And this is something I've been
Speaker 7: looking at for for a long time, and I realized
Speaker 7: that the mothers in Israel, or the mothers in general
Speaker 7: in our communities, no one seemed to have taught the
Speaker 7: daughters how to be wives, how to look about your
Speaker 7: man when that time comes. It's like you just send
Speaker 7: them to school and as long as they're achieving good
Speaker 7: grades and it's all good. Everyone's happy, But no one's
Speaker 7: looking at how does my daughter operate in terms of relationship.
Speaker 7: You know, for me personally, I had it really good
Speaker 7: with my parents. And I see my sisters. I've got
Speaker 7: three sisters and you know, two were married, were one
Speaker 7: still married. And the way she and her husband operate,
Speaker 7: it's like it's just it's just it's almost like you
Speaker 7: could sit and watch them. You know, they have their
Speaker 7: ups and downs, but they work together. Like Baron said
Speaker 7: in that they have conversation. You know, my youngest sister,
Speaker 7: I see the attributes in her. You know, she just
Speaker 7: when she's out, she'll go and look about whether someone
Speaker 7: wants a cup of tea or someone. She's got that
Speaker 7: stuff in her. My sisters have that. And so if
Speaker 7: the mothers in Israel, would you know what some of
Speaker 7: the older women said to me, Oh, you can't talk
Speaker 7: to them. They won't listen, and they don't want to
Speaker 7: be disliked by the younger women, so they allow them.
Speaker 7: They'll see them acting rash towards the man, or ever,
Speaker 7: they won't say nothing. So the woman, the younger woman
Speaker 7: feels that this is right. So if you don't have
Speaker 7: a guide, and as the brother said, if we have
Speaker 7: more meetings like Agi croding props, non because they've started
Speaker 7: that men's ministry. But when I talk to the women,
Speaker 7: there's no women's ministry. There's no women being held at
Speaker 7: countable because there's some women that's banger. They talk to
Speaker 7: you anyhow, disrespectful and in their eyes it's right. But
Speaker 7: we need accountability for someone to say no, no, no, no, no, sister,
Speaker 7: the way you spoke to the brother, no, you don't
Speaker 7: do that as a woman, you know. And and some
Speaker 7: of the brothers need getting help. We're getting help too,
Speaker 7: because you know, we're coming from a long way where
Speaker 7: we we what we said back in the day, you
Speaker 7: don't matter what the woman said, what we say goes.
Speaker 7: But as we get older, you learn to navigate it differently.
Speaker 7: But you know, so that's that's that's my perspective that
Speaker 7: there's nothing being handed down to the generations. You know,
Speaker 7: and you can see in some of the young people
Speaker 7: today is just is not good. Put it that way.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm going to I'm going to say this here.
Speaker 3: Been in a lot of meetings over the years, especially
Speaker 3: church meetings and the question that you ask you and
Speaker 3: where do we go from here? That is a standard
Speaker 3: question that's always asked and when if anybody ever gives solutions,
Speaker 3: nothing's ever put into place. It just sounds good. And
Speaker 3: also Hill not knocking you, but even when you said
Speaker 3: that we're women bashing, you'll never get people to be real.
Speaker 3: And if a guy can't express himself and be real
Speaker 3: about something about life in general, right, and when he
Speaker 3: said that you just want a man to play a part, yeah,
Speaker 3: this shoppy role, like oh yes, now man, men have
Speaker 3: to be real, just like what Colecchi just said and
Speaker 3: what Byron says, respect right, we just have to be
Speaker 3: real about everything and say, listen, this is how it is,
Speaker 3: and this is why it starts. But being about real
Speaker 3: and then after when you become real, you can put
Speaker 3: some seminars on and go to different places and have
Speaker 3: a seminar. Especially like if women saying that saying that
Speaker 3: they can't find a man in church, Okay, there are
Speaker 3: more women than men in the church, one hundred percent, right,
Speaker 3: it's a man's open ball in church. He can pick
Speaker 3: high and fire a lot easier than a woman. Right,
Speaker 3: So obviously not every woman's going to be able to
Speaker 3: get married because obviously there is not so many guys
Speaker 3: out there. Different guys are like in America, this guy's gay,
Speaker 3: this guy's in prison. In the churches, there's different kind
Speaker 3: of guys there. There's different kind of guys there that
Speaker 3: you know, I mean, they're not eligible. But there are
Speaker 3: some good guys there. There are some good guys there.
Speaker 3: But I'd like to be I like to be on
Speaker 3: the forum and just be real and say what's really
Speaker 3: in my mind right, and you know, not be said
Speaker 3: like you know you're bashing women, because I don't bash women.
Speaker 3: I'm just real. I mean, I'm just say my piece
Speaker 3: and I I try and learn and sit in a
Speaker 3: nice way as possible. I don't want to be horrible
Speaker 3: to anybody. I don't want to be offensive, but I
Speaker 3: do want to be real about what I'm talking about
Speaker 3: a subject. If I'm come on a show, I want
Speaker 3: to be real and said, now this is what I see.
Speaker 3: I may be wrong. Someone can correct me and say
Speaker 3: to me, now, brother, I'm this, that and the other.
Speaker 3: I've learnt something today, and be nice. I've learned somebody today. Anyway,
Speaker 3: let me stop talking, because that would have been a soapbox.
Speaker 9: Sometimes sometimes you've got to even look at the you
Speaker 9: have to look at like I'm looking at the TV
Speaker 9: today and they was talking about the amount of men
Speaker 9: like they're talking about kind of Greg Wallerson, that the
Speaker 9: guy from that chef show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and this whole med too movement where.
Speaker 9: Men can't even men can't, men can't say anything about
Speaker 9: women without being And I'm not saying all these people
Speaker 9: because you had the guy who was on the the
Speaker 9: six o'clock show, the mixed race guy who got suspended,
Speaker 9: You've got the.
Speaker 1: So many of them are just going.
Speaker 9: I mean, I don't know exactly what they've done, but
Speaker 9: sometimes it's about being derogatory in some way to women,
Speaker 9: you know.
Speaker 1: And when you kind of look at the.
Speaker 9: Whole scales which is just totally unbalanced towards men in
Speaker 9: society in general.
Speaker 1: You know, yeah, it's.
Speaker 3: Not just they're buying one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's.
Speaker 9: You know, you can it's just making a lot of
Speaker 9: people kind of angrying. And sometimes you have the woman
Speaker 9: on top who's not just gonna me a hard time.
Speaker 1: It's yeah, anyway, you know, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: But you're right, because even everything is about being pc.
Speaker 3: You can't look even in church today, right, someone comes
Speaker 3: in they said they're transgender. Everybody's running around frightened to
Speaker 3: say anything. Oh which toilet? Let me use the woman's one?
Speaker 3: Are we gonna let him do this one? Men can't
Speaker 3: talk no more. Men can't be men no more. That's
Speaker 3: why when was talking about men being I don't know,
Speaker 3: you said jellyback or whatever. A lot of men are
Speaker 3: like that, and it's always they can't be men. Back
Speaker 3: in my days, my dad was so fear in the house, right.
Speaker 3: I grew up with the house and my mom. My
Speaker 3: dad tell my mom and now got that way adri it,
Speaker 3: now got that way to deer. And my dad was
Speaker 3: always right. I looked at my dad, and I've looked
Speaker 3: at and said myself, Well, my dad was sensible. He's
Speaker 3: you know, you let my mom do what she wants
Speaker 3: to do. But he says sometimes you now go got
Speaker 3: that way ardja toe right, And he wasn't. He wasn't politically.
Speaker 3: Just spoke the truth, and men cannot speak the truth today.
Speaker 3: You say anything on anything now, oh you're you're sexist,
Speaker 3: you or this that the other you think yourself forget it.
Speaker 3: But I ain't even gonna gone say nothing because everybody's
Speaker 3: going to be offending. And all the women jumping there.
Speaker 7: What you're saying, men are tired.
Speaker 3: Listen, listen, I go place. So I just said myself.
Speaker 3: I'm a vocal person, and I just said myself, even
Speaker 3: me who's vocal, I said myself, this, let me choose
Speaker 3: my battles. Man, this ain't even worth talking about. It
Speaker 3: ain't even worth talking about, because you know what, you
Speaker 3: can't be real right, and I like to go places
Speaker 3: and I like to be the guys that we can
Speaker 3: be real right, you know, even for the women are
Speaker 3: saying that men are approaching them years ago, I'm not
Speaker 3: that whistles to women, but the builders used to go
Speaker 3: to it, all right, darling. Now and they're talking about, oh,
Speaker 3: men don't want to approach me. Of course, men don't
Speaker 3: want to approach you because you're going to report them
Speaker 3: to the police. There's so much things that you think youself,
Speaker 3: if I if I was single, if I was single,
Speaker 3: I ain't approaching nobody. I'm telling you me, and I'm vocal, Jack,
Speaker 3: I'm not approaching anybody myself. You know what. I don't
Speaker 3: want the argument, but you know, I'm like Pedro, I'm
Speaker 3: very pleasant to women. I see a woman and I
Speaker 3: said something nice to her, and it's like, man, it's
Speaker 3: causing offense. Man, listen, let me stop talking to these women.
Speaker 3: And I'm married. I don't need a woman. I've got
Speaker 3: a wife. I'm saying, Oh, it's not even worth talking
Speaker 3: to women. Man, they're getting they're getting funny, and I'm
Speaker 3: telling you, they've really changed.
Speaker 2: I want to pause. I want to pause there because
Speaker 2: we're going to take another music break and we're going
Speaker 2: to come back. And actually, i want to go back
Speaker 2: to Hilton's question because as much as we're talking on
Speaker 2: this platform, we're talking here on this show today, what
Speaker 2: can we what can men do to kind of get
Speaker 2: it right? Because in some ways, ununfortunately, Now again i'm
Speaker 2: not generalizing, I'm not saying that every man is like this.
Speaker 2: There are, unfortunately, men who aren't getting it right, aren't
Speaker 2: treating women the way they should be treating they aren't speaking. Sure,
Speaker 2: it is all well and good saying keeping it real,
Speaker 2: but if you are being offensive, if you are being sexist,
Speaker 2: you are being all those things. Keeping it real is
Speaker 2: not That's not what it's about. And I'm thinking about
Speaker 2: bibical principles as well in terms of how we should
Speaker 2: treat each other. And that's really what can we do.
Speaker 2: What can we teach our younger generation about how we
Speaker 2: treat each other, as you mentioned before, with kindness, mutual respect,
Speaker 2: all of those things. So I really want to know
Speaker 2: kind of what men can do.
Speaker 3: I've just said, I've just said to you, Angela. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know me, I'm talking about me. I'm pleasant to women.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not saying I'm talking I'm talking generally.
Speaker 3: I'm a guy that's very vocal. Our got then a
Speaker 3: sal woman and I said something pleasant to her, and
Speaker 3: I'm saying boy, and all the time I'm talking to them,
Speaker 3: and them is like, and let me stop talking to you.
Speaker 2: I'm because they were their experience with other men could
Speaker 2: be very different, unfortunately, and again not everybody's getting it right.
Speaker 2: And unfortunately, if I say men have let the side down,
Speaker 2: there are many men have done that. So many people's
Speaker 2: experience with shape how they may respond. And I think
Speaker 2: Mark you alluded to that previously as well. So again
Speaker 2: we'll take a break. I want to come back and
Speaker 2: just sort of say, as we're coming to the the
Speaker 2: end of the show. You know, what can we do
Speaker 2: that can help get things make things a little better.
Speaker 2: What can we be teaching each other, How can we
Speaker 2: communicate better? How can we have the mutual respect that
Speaker 2: we do that. So let's take a music break and
Speaker 2: we'll come back and we'll discuss on that. You're here
Speaker 2: listening to Talking Point. It's been a really interesting discussion.
Speaker 2: We're coming to the end, and I know we're kind
Speaker 2: of winding down, but if you're just joining us, you've
Speaker 2: missed the whole heap. But I know we've had lots
Speaker 2: to say, and I know it's sours wine stand for
Speaker 2: a part two, So maybe we'll get these guys back
Speaker 2: on again to continue with the conversation. But we've talked
Speaker 2: a lot about relations, the ships between men and women,
Speaker 2: differences between men and women, how they connect, and what
Speaker 2: have you. But really we want to kind of get
Speaker 2: some ideas as what we can do practically. We've noted
Speaker 2: a lot of the flaws, a lot of the things
Speaker 2: that we're not getting right, but what can we do?
Speaker 2: And as older men on this platform, i'd like to
Speaker 2: say sort of hear some ideas that you think maybe
Speaker 2: you could share with the younger generation that's coming up.
Speaker 2: As Hilton has pointed out, as the concept of dating, talking,
Speaker 2: going out with each other has changed and the way
Speaker 2: we do it has changed over the years. But there
Speaker 2: are some probably some really basic principles and basic things
Speaker 2: that we could all do or people could do, that
Speaker 2: actually could make our relationships and our connections much more effective.
Speaker 2: So I'd like to kind of hear a few of
Speaker 2: those things that we can share with our listeners, the
Speaker 2: things that we could do. Any ideas. I know we're
Speaker 2: not going to solve the problem in this one show,
Speaker 2: and I'd like to kind of continue the conversation at
Speaker 2: another time, but what can we do that can be
Speaker 2: quite practical that we can share. I'm also thinking about,
Speaker 2: you know, what are these sort of biblical principles that
Speaker 2: we can kind of stand by that can guide us
Speaker 2: with some of what we're doing as well, because ultimately,
Speaker 2: you know, we want to have relationships to be blessed.
Speaker 2: We want them to be helping us develop our own
Speaker 2: spiritual lives and individuals, but also as a unit as well.
Speaker 2: So any thoughts on you know, practical We've talked a
Speaker 2: little bit about things that have happened over the years.
Speaker 2: What we've been doing in our own experiences. But what
Speaker 2: can we do that we can share that could possibly
Speaker 2: work towards making our relationships much more effective?
Speaker 1: Am I the only one who's not in the church here?
Speaker 2: You could be because I'm thinking the shoe and this
Speaker 2: is probably not help you in a church thing.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking the shoe should be.
Speaker 9: On the other foot, I think you women need to
Speaker 9: kind of start making headway because you know what you
Speaker 9: want to go and seek what you want.
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes when you're kind of depending on the
Speaker 1: man to.
Speaker 9: Make all the moves, and the man does this, or
Speaker 9: he doesn't do that, and so on and so forth,
Speaker 9: why do you not take it upon yourself to go
Speaker 9: and find what you want.
Speaker 2: That's a really interesting point. And actually that's a really
Speaker 2: interesting point because in throughout a conversation that's been a
Speaker 2: bit of a conflicting point because that's, in one hand,
Speaker 2: it's not seen as the right way to go, and
Speaker 2: on the other hand, it is possibly the right way
Speaker 2: to go. So that in itself is an interesting That's
Speaker 2: an interesting point.
Speaker 1: It's just a way to go about it.
Speaker 9: I mean, I know it has certain connotations, but you know,
Speaker 9: really and truly the women will generally have a lot
Speaker 9: more to kind of moan about in general about men,
Speaker 9: and I just can't. I kind of think, well, go
Speaker 9: and find the man that you want, you know, sit down,
Speaker 9: go for a meal, get to know the person you know.
Speaker 9: Rather than wait for the man to come to you, you.
Speaker 3: Go to him.
Speaker 8: Barrons, we choose or up the opposite sex. We choose
Speaker 8: our partner to the level of emotional of what we
Speaker 8: can handle emotionally. So majority of us will choose a
Speaker 8: partner that is opposite to us, but on the same
Speaker 8: emotional level. Okay, So it means then we do not
Speaker 8: choose up or, we do not choose dom.
Speaker 4: We choose.
Speaker 8: So if you if someone choose, if a man choose
Speaker 8: a woman, that is chaotic and he's trying to be nice.
Speaker 8: If from a from a psychology perspective, if you actually
Speaker 8: look at him, he's just as key atic as or
Speaker 8: but reflecting horror on the opposite side. What's basic psychology
Speaker 8: when it comes to choosing individuals. Many of us wear
Speaker 8: too many different masks, and we are not true not
Speaker 8: only to ourselves but to the people that we meet,
Speaker 8: and that it creates a big problem within this dating situation.
Speaker 8: Most of us as men need to start to heal
Speaker 8: because we want good women, but good women also and
Speaker 8: I'm good in terms of talking about the men. Good
Speaker 8: women also will want to basically make suggestions. And we
Speaker 8: don't have all the answers as men and a lot
Speaker 8: of men. The people that are coming into my therapy
Speaker 8: treatment basically a lot of guys. A lot of us,
Speaker 8: both men and women, need to heal. We have a
Speaker 8: generally most of us don't know how to actually live
Speaker 8: with a woman in the home, and a lot of
Speaker 8: women don't know how to live with a man in
Speaker 8: the home because both will bring their situations to the
Speaker 8: home to actually and when the two clashes, we don't
Speaker 8: know how to regulate the situation. And that's basically what
Speaker 8: is happening to us in church, out of church, everywhere.
Speaker 8: What is happening is that I'm coming with my stuff,
Speaker 8: She's coming with her stuff. When we put it together,
Speaker 8: it creates a nuclear bomb.
Speaker 1: And by healing, and what do you mean by healing?
Speaker 8: What I mean by healing is this most of us
Speaker 8: whenever we cannot handle emotional things, most of us don't
Speaker 8: know how to deal with our emotions. We either blow up.
Speaker 8: We either basically go quiet. We either you see personalities
Speaker 8: coming out because no one knows how to emotionally regulate.
Speaker 8: We learn how to emotionally regulate from our parents. Okay,
Speaker 8: and if mommy or daddy did not show me how
Speaker 8: to emotionally regulate, if my wife comes home angry or
Speaker 8: whatever it is, I am going to be angry too
Speaker 8: because she can easily trigger me. We don't know how
Speaker 8: to actually deal with situations emotionally. Society become a very
Speaker 8: harsh and rude society because nobody wants to be as
Speaker 8: the Bible say, a servant. You know, everybody wants to
Speaker 8: be on top as man and woman. And we are
Speaker 8: going to do all in everything that we can to
Speaker 8: be there in a relationship and a marriage. If I win,
Speaker 8: the family loses, and if my wife wins, pop still lose.
Speaker 8: I cannot see my wife as the enemy. And most
Speaker 8: of us in relationship and even outer relationship are coming
Speaker 8: and I'm going to shut up here now, are coming
Speaker 8: with three conceived ideas about the opposite text that was
Speaker 8: given us by our parents and society. So that's what
Speaker 8: we need to heal from.
Speaker 5: I totally agree with you, Mark, I think as married
Speaker 5: couples or even as as single people going to a relationship.
Speaker 5: It is recognizing your faults and then you both work.
Speaker 3: Like.
Speaker 5: With my wife knowing her fault and not and working
Speaker 5: with us, so like not holding her against not holding
Speaker 5: it against her. I haven't like an example. I don't
Speaker 5: know if it's gonna be a good example, but like
Speaker 5: one of the things if my wife, my wife is
Speaker 5: a yeller, she elevates, if she elevates to the kids,
Speaker 5: it doesn't resonate with them. Is when I elevate my voice,
Speaker 5: they seem to they seem to what you call again,
Speaker 5: they seem to respond differently to me. So like you said,
Speaker 5: I want to win. So I'm like, if I elevate
Speaker 5: my voice, they should still respond the same way they
Speaker 5: respond to my wife as they do to my wife.
Speaker 4: But they don't.
Speaker 5: So now I have to be more mindful of how I,
Speaker 5: you know, may say something to my children. And I
Speaker 5: think so that's like an emotional thing that we both
Speaker 5: have that we that we fight through because I have
Speaker 5: to realize that I have to come at it differently
Speaker 5: when I'm talking to them, because the way I talk,
Speaker 5: the way I not saying I talk to them in
Speaker 5: a mean way, just meaning like I just need to
Speaker 5: be more mindful of how I say, especially to the girls.
Speaker 5: And because the girls are gonna respond differently, they're gonna
Speaker 5: think I'm being you know, mean or nasty, and I'm not.
Speaker 5: I'm just being more As Sean said, I'm just being
Speaker 5: more real. But sometimes real doesn't always work.
Speaker 9: Yeah, but that sounds like it's just overthinking. Sometimes it's
Speaker 9: just overthinking.
Speaker 3: You're not.
Speaker 5: I'm not overthinking because if I IF I IF I,
Speaker 5: if I'm saying this to my if I'm talking to
Speaker 5: my kids, I just have to be mindful of how
Speaker 5: I say things sometimes because sometimes because I guess my voice,
Speaker 5: you know, my voice is more of a booming voice
Speaker 5: than my wife is. They're used to my wife being
Speaker 5: more of a of a loud talker, where I've always
Speaker 5: been calmer. So when of me being calmer, the moment
Speaker 5: I go up above the calmness, it kind of scares
Speaker 5: them because they're like, oh, my goodness, like he's really
Speaker 5: mad and they don't, I know, and it's nothing I'm
Speaker 5: over thinking. I'm just saying it's just a reality. I
Speaker 5: don't agree with it, but I have to learn to
Speaker 5: accept it because no matter what I do.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 9: I don't think sometimes there's no different with me where
Speaker 9: if I can't, if I have to raise my voice,
Speaker 9: then there is you know. Sometimes, yes, Mom, I was
Speaker 9: wondering when we said your wife said yellow, I was
Speaker 9: thinking it's talking about her color.
Speaker 4: But now I have yellow.
Speaker 5: Like I mean, like, she's from the South, She's from Alabama,
Speaker 5: so they yeah, she's like I call it a southern firecracker.
Speaker 5: She just you know, when she gets emotional, she gets
Speaker 5: she just goes up there quickly. Yeah, you know, she
Speaker 5: just goes there quickly. And they're used to that. But
Speaker 5: when I do it, they're not used to that. So
Speaker 5: they're like, oh my goodness, something's wrong. So then they
Speaker 5: kind of, you know, like like what did I do wrong?
Speaker 5: They get very defensive. And my point is and the
Speaker 5: same thing goes with like with my wife and I
Speaker 5: talking to each other. I just think that you have
Speaker 5: to know the like I know, my wife is a
Speaker 5: certain way, so even when she may be going in
Speaker 5: that mode, I have to just be mindful of it
Speaker 5: and thinking to myself, Okay, she's going to that place,
Speaker 5: how can I get it back down? So that we
Speaker 5: can have a conversation like it's like Mark was saying,
Speaker 5: it's not about winning. Sometimes you have to take the
Speaker 5: l to get the win.
Speaker 9: I think it's just been like that for years, where
Speaker 9: the father has been a bit more authoritative.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you said.
Speaker 5: We were just trying to give men an idea of
Speaker 5: what they can how they can can can because what
Speaker 5: Mark was saying about, you know, sometimes men always want
Speaker 5: to win, like we have to be on top. We
Speaker 5: always have to win, win, win, and it's not always
Speaker 5: it's not always the case. I don't think it's always
Speaker 5: about winning. You win by doing the right thing. Sometimes
Speaker 5: it's not always winning by because I'm the man of
Speaker 5: the house.
Speaker 4: That's what That's pretty much.
Speaker 1: What, Yeah, I understand.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'd like to say something about what we can do.
Speaker 6: And one of the things that came to mind while
Speaker 6: Mark was speaking is the word compassion. I think we
Speaker 6: need to have compassion with each other for the genders,
Speaker 6: and maybe it may come across as been soft, but
Speaker 6: all of us, all of us, both men and women,
Speaker 6: we have been damaged in some way, shape or form.
Speaker 6: We all have traumas that we are overcoming, and we
Speaker 6: can be triggered at any point in time, and all
Speaker 6: of us have ways. Paul use the mark, use the
Speaker 6: term mask, but I think that it's just a way
Speaker 6: of managing what we have to deal with inside. And unfortunately,
Speaker 6: we can't see inside the person. We can't see beyond
Speaker 6: what they are displaying in terms of their words and
Speaker 6: their actions. And if we begin to understand that we
Speaker 6: are all, well the Bible, we're all sinners, but we
Speaker 6: are all we're hurting creatures. And when we begin I
Speaker 6: have a term that I use, and I tell people
Speaker 6: that we must try and look beyond the presenting behavior
Speaker 6: and get to see because behind every action is an
Speaker 6: emotion or feeling or you know, and behind that is
Speaker 6: a need. And when we begin to have compassion for
Speaker 6: one another and to have love for one another, I
Speaker 6: tell people who are looking for spouses, you know, whether
Speaker 6: men or women, you need to begin to love them.
Speaker 6: And I when I say love men, I'm not necessarily
Speaker 6: meaning that you should love them as romantic partners or
Speaker 6: any such thing, but begin to love them as human beings.
Speaker 6: You begin to try to think about what makes this
Speaker 6: person thick just necessarily respond orde or evaluate the person
Speaker 6: by one interaction with that person. You know, I actually
Speaker 6: tell people that the first date you go on is
Speaker 6: not the date that you need to make the decision
Speaker 6: about whether or not this person is the right person
Speaker 6: for you. You need actually maybe two to three dates
Speaker 6: in order to begin to evaluate other aspects of the
Speaker 6: person other than what you first saw. And I think
Speaker 6: that's what we need, you know. Ellen White has a
Speaker 6: nice quote about christ method alone. He says that the
Speaker 6: Savior mingled with men as one who desired they would.
Speaker 6: And I think we need to mingle more with each other.
Speaker 6: We need to come together well, you know, Sean if
Speaker 6: some things about that. We need to begin to interact
Speaker 6: with each other a lot more. We used to do
Speaker 6: it back in the day. Even within the churches. We
Speaker 6: used to have conventions, There were lots of youth groups.
Speaker 6: We engage with each other in terms of camps and
Speaker 6: all that. So that that was really very good. That
Speaker 6: we don't do that as much now, and we certainly
Speaker 6: don't do that as much as we get older. And
Speaker 6: I think that's one practical thing I would like to
Speaker 6: share that we need more getting together, We need more mingling.
Speaker 6: The early Church, you know, we're talking about the early
Speaker 6: Church did a lot of that eating together in each
Speaker 6: other's homes and breaking bread together. And that's how a
Speaker 6: lot of people connected and form relationships by you know,
Speaker 6: back in the day when we used to go to
Speaker 6: senior camps, a lot of people formed relationships by simply
Speaker 6: interacting integrating with each other on that level. My suggestion
Speaker 6: for people who are thinking, look, they can't see anybody
Speaker 6: in their local church is actually to find a putue
Speaker 6: unities to engage with other people outside their local church,
Speaker 6: in community activities, in church activities beyond the scope of
Speaker 6: the current churches that they're in. Another thing that people
Speaker 6: can do is you don't have to do it alone.
Speaker 6: You know, if you're looking for someone, you don't have
Speaker 6: to do it alone. You could you could ask for help.
Speaker 6: You could ask for recommendation. If it's at a bit
Speaker 6: strange and people may think, oh my god. You know,
Speaker 6: I can't tell someone that I'm looking for a man
Speaker 6: or I'm looking for no but you could say, well, look,
Speaker 6: I'm looking to settle down and you know, I don't
Speaker 6: know if you if this is if it's possible that
Speaker 6: you know, you know someone who with who may fit
Speaker 6: the bill. And there are times when many people would say, oh,
Speaker 6: you know why you're not married. Well, a good question
Speaker 6: to ask, well, do you have any recommendations? Who would
Speaker 6: do you commend? And I think those are some ideas.
Speaker 6: Of course, you can go on dating apps, and there's
Speaker 6: some adventists Christian dating apps that you can go on
Speaker 6: in Christian sides. But I think that we should start
Speaker 6: supporting the singles, the younger people, even the people of
Speaker 6: our generation that are looking for relationship because it's a
Speaker 6: lonely world out there. There are many of us, there's
Speaker 6: never been. There are lots of people, but people are
Speaker 6: lonely and people are struggling in this area. And I
Speaker 6: think as the church and individuals, we as much as
Speaker 6: lizing of our power, can introduce people to other people
Speaker 6: and can foster an environment where people can connect and
Speaker 6: like something that I think it was Byron said that
Speaker 6: he used to put off dating, dating events or something
Speaker 6: like that. I don't know if it was speed dating
Speaker 6: or other types of dating. While we may or may
Speaker 6: not want to do that, I think we should have
Speaker 6: events where people come together, both married and single people
Speaker 6: come together and interact with each other and form bonds.
Speaker 6: Like Paul says that we shouldn't forsake the assembling of
Speaker 6: ourselves together as the manner of some is. And I
Speaker 6: think that's where I want to leave it. If people
Speaker 6: want to have a conversation with me, get in touch
Speaker 6: with me, and I'll be delighted to support them on
Speaker 6: their journey.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, thank you Hilton so much for that. Everybody.
Speaker 2: How would people get in contact with emailson?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Oh yes, I do want to cy called God wants
Speaker 6: you're married dot com. You can even email me at
Speaker 6: god once you're married at gmail dot com and you
Speaker 6: can speak with Angela and Pedro and get my details.
Speaker 6: I don't know if I'm allowed to give my number out,
Speaker 6: but I'm happy to speak with anyone who have that
Speaker 6: kind of need.
Speaker 4: You moan and welcome to.
Speaker 6: All right. My number is zero seven nine zero three
Speaker 6: three one seven four to six. Again that's zero seven
Speaker 6: nine zero three three one seven four to six. And
Speaker 6: and and if you're listening and you do want some
Speaker 6: support in that area, yeah, let's talk.
Speaker 2: Thank you. He'll sim any other final thoughts from any
Speaker 2: of our pannels today about.
Speaker 5: Two minutes, so you got to keep it about thirty seconds each.
Speaker 3: Waits A Part two.
Speaker 5: We're definitely, We're definitely gonna we're gonna have to get
Speaker 5: back and have another part too, because just definitely could
Speaker 5: go on for another two hours for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean again.
Speaker 4: You always say, but we really are going to do
Speaker 4: it this time.
Speaker 3: There we do.
Speaker 2: I meant done that. So as we winded down, I
Speaker 2: want to thank you all for being on our show today.
Speaker 2: It's been a really interesting discussion. It's been interesting for
Speaker 2: me to hear the male perspective. And you know, Barron,
Speaker 2: you said something, actually, a lot of this it really
Speaker 2: is about us coming together because it's not no man
Speaker 2: as an island. And at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: God has created us to be, you know, a community
Speaker 2: to be together. So working together, speaking together, communicating is
Speaker 2: going to be key to a lot of these things
Speaker 2: and having really effective relationships. But ultimately, we want to
Speaker 2: give everything over to God and to guide us. And
Speaker 2: you know, the Bible is full of the principles that
Speaker 2: we can look to to create good partnerships, good relationships,
Speaker 2: good connections. So with that in mind, Nelson, would you
Speaker 2: mind praying praying for us to close and you know,
Speaker 2: for those who are who are out there seeking I
Speaker 2: pray that you will be putting your request to God.
Speaker 2: He knows what you need and knows what you want,
Speaker 2: and I pray that He will bless you with that.
Speaker 2: So my prime verstalize that would be great.
Speaker 6: All right, let's pray, Oh their father God, we thank
Speaker 6: you for the conversation that we've had and the men
Speaker 6: on this platform who have mainly possible to exchange ideas
Speaker 6: and concepts, some of which we disagree lock choms with,
Speaker 6: but many of us see that there is a greater
Speaker 6: need both within our community or society, or the men
Speaker 6: and the women. And we know that you are very
Speaker 6: much aware of the challenges that we have, the issues
Speaker 6: that are going down and each individual here, those of
Speaker 6: us who are married, we ask you, Lord, to that
Speaker 6: you will divinely help us as we try to raise children,
Speaker 6: minister to each other's need, and those who are not
Speaker 6: who we ask you, Lord, that you would give them
Speaker 6: the desires of your heart. And it is quite a challenge.
Speaker 6: It's quite a challenge. As a mark indicated that there
Speaker 6: are many of us who are hurting and eat level
Speaker 6: and we wear a mask and when we get triggered,
Speaker 6: we don't know how to regulate that Preyer that the
Speaker 6: Holy Spirit would move through and be with each person
Speaker 6: where they're at and empower them to rise above the
Speaker 6: base man and become more loving and tolerable. Help us
Speaker 6: to have compassion, Help us to have the love even
Speaker 6: when we get a response from someone that that jolds us,
Speaker 6: that that robs us the wrong way, May we have
Speaker 6: the love that Christ has and that looks beyond the
Speaker 6: presenting behavior and respond in love. Bless This radio show
Speaker 6: may continue to minister to people across the internet, across
Speaker 6: the radio and may Angela and the other host, Petro
Speaker 6: and all the others, May they continue and to give
Speaker 6: up themselves and their talents to help out us in
Speaker 6: Jesus' name. Amen, people, thank.
Speaker 2: You so much, and once again I want to thank
Speaker 2: all of you Sean Coletchi Byron Mark and Hilton for
Speaker 2: being on our show today. Definitely, as the Petro said,
Speaker 2: we will have a part two. We'd love to have
Speaker 2: you back on again to share your thoughts. You've been
Speaker 2: listening to Talking Point, It's been an interesting one and
Speaker 2: we come to the end of our Men's month. We're
Speaker 2: winding down towards the end of the year, so we'll
Speaker 2: be doing a bit of a recap a few shows,
Speaker 2: maybe about looking back at some of the shows that
Speaker 2: we've done. I've had some really interesting conversations with people,
Speaker 2: have some interesting stories. So I hope you'll stick with
Speaker 2: Talking Point, and I pray that you will all have
Speaker 2: a rest, good rest of the evening and blessings for
Speaker 2: the weak ahead. It's been Talking Point. I'll see you again,
Speaker 2: Adventist Radio, London.
Speaker 1: Inspiration for the song