Speaker 1: When the alarm pulse faintly on my night sent a
Speaker 1: sliced to hand over it, blinking into the endless dim
Speaker 1: of early morning. A faint show ran out from Daniel's
Speaker 1: side of the bed, and empty stretch had come to expect,
Speaker 1: but never accept as normal Saturday after Saturday. I could
Speaker 1: decipher the shape of his absence by the twisted dent
Speaker 1: in the sheet, the faintest hint of his shampool lingering
Speaker 1: on the pillow. Somewhere beyond our bedroom door, I heard
Speaker 1: the quiet, metallic cock of a zipper, the almost apologetic
Speaker 1: brush of her gin back against the hallway wall. Even
Speaker 1: that sounded careful, like someone trying not to wake a child.
Speaker 1: Though it had just been dining on me for nearly
Speaker 1: four years, long enough to memorize the pattern of each
Speaker 1: other's footsteps. I went still, feigning the heavy breathing of
Speaker 1: late sleep. He slipped in, already dressed in navy jaugers
Speaker 1: last year's heart walked, his shirt, phone in hand, an
Speaker 1: apple watch abandoned on his dresser, bright green and silent.
Speaker 1: Daniel always wore his watch. It was a running joke,
Speaker 1: how he'd move his wrist to check his heart rate,
Speaker 1: and conversations, even with our friends. Yet there it lay,
Speaker 1: blinking on the charger. He leaned over, kissed my temple softly,
Speaker 1: letting the back of his fingers brush my cheek. I'm
Speaker 1: heading out now, charity breakfast at the Rex Center. Remember,
Speaker 1: I'll try not to wake you when I get back.
Speaker 1: Sleep you need rest. He said it the same way
Speaker 1: every Saturday, with the kind of easy, practiced gentleness that
Speaker 1: felt like both ritual and defense. I mumbled something sleep desperate,
Speaker 1: and buried my face deeper into the pillow. The door
Speaker 1: all latched after another minute, the front door two. The
Speaker 1: quiet that settled was uncomfortable. I counted backward in fives,
Speaker 1: then in sevens, letting the numbers combat the prickling flare
Speaker 1: of unrest in my chest. Behind my eyelids. I watched
Speaker 1: the slide row play of all the Saturdays before this one,
Speaker 1: Daniel's sight of the bed cooling as I lanes and
Speaker 1: my darkness, telling myself it was sweet he let me
Speaker 1: sleep in that he was doing good work, that busy
Speaker 1: people made for passionate lives. But that morning the thoughts
Speaker 1: didn't soothe. I sat up, pressing my palms to my eyelids,
Speaker 1: until spirals danced in shadows. The clock said six twenty two.
Speaker 1: Way m. I should have been lost in sleep, or
Speaker 1: at least in the easy comfort of trust. Instead, my
Speaker 1: hand reached automatically for my phone, scrolling through all pictures,
Speaker 1: seeing ourselves grinning on the trailhad of Pescadero, Daniel's arms
Speaker 1: slung over my shoulders, sun blinded and wild haired. My
Speaker 1: stomach twisted. It was a just nostalgier, or a marker
Speaker 1: of something being different. Now, not wrong, exactly, just distant.
Speaker 1: Saturday mornings used to be ours, not his. I reminded myself,
Speaker 1: as I had the previous two weekends, that people grow,
Speaker 1: that new priorities are healthy, That Daniel was the man
Speaker 1: who had once driven across two states just to hike
Speaker 1: and talk me out of quitting my job. Still, the watch,
Speaker 1: he never left the condo without it. I wandered to
Speaker 1: the dresser, picked it up, batteryful, trapped his last night's sleep,
Speaker 1: blink garish green like an accusing eye. The band was
Speaker 1: warm wear, his skin had been I almost set an
Speaker 1: alarm to bring it to him, but comments and stop me.
Speaker 1: He hated interruptions during events. Instead, I thund the quick message,
Speaker 1: drive safe, help the thunders as good to day, Love you,
Speaker 1: tact on with a couple of sunny emojis than I
Speaker 1: felt His reply arrived too fast. Will do thanks babe,
Speaker 1: I'll text later, Love you. I stayed back at the
Speaker 1: neat row of cartoons or muscle flex, a pancake stack,
Speaker 1: a car, cute performative, just like him. I kept waiting
Speaker 1: for a crack, assigned something more than the weird emptiness
Speaker 1: clinging to me. My thumb hovered over our chart history.
Speaker 1: Why was I so desperately hoping to catch him in
Speaker 1: the act of carey? I tossed the phone on the
Speaker 1: bed and closed my eyes against the hush, against increasingly
Speaker 1: annoying question clawing at me. Was this just marriage? Or
Speaker 1: was dwan or quietly rewriting reality in a language I
Speaker 1: didn't yet know, the memory of his warmth beside meet
Speaker 1: our shared hikes, late night talks, when we first met
Speaker 1: everything I'd let myself believe about our invincibility night at
Speaker 1: the corners. I didn't want to fade into you, a
Speaker 1: suspicious wife. But why then did I already feel half
Speaker 1: way there? I didn't sleep again. Instead, I lay there,
Speaker 1: tracing the lines of old hopes, rehearsing how to not care,
Speaker 1: and failing on good days. The story of us felt simple,
Speaker 1: and it's easy to start there. The first true thing
Speaker 1: is that our beginning wasn't that long ago. Chronologically, they
Speaker 1: say you can know someone deeply for a year or
Speaker 1: two and it'll feel like a lifetime, or you can
Speaker 1: spend a decade brushing against some one's edges. We met
Speaker 1: three years back on a grip hikes, barked by a
Speaker 1: mutual friend's need for more single people energy. I was
Speaker 1: two years out of a humiliating, imploded relationship, preferring a
Speaker 1: company of coat and old albums to strangers. He was orknet,
Speaker 1: energy and confidence, the glue of every group he ever joined.
Speaker 1: The first hike rained half way through muddy everyone a
Speaker 1: little miserable. Daniel had taken up the rear of the line,
Speaker 1: short jokes, uneasy, bound to spilling out, until he drew
Speaker 1: me forward, actually pulled me by the hand up a
Speaker 1: washed up part of the trail. There was that moment
Speaker 1: on the ridge where he just looked at me and grinned.
Speaker 1: I was wind blown, self conscious, sweating through my rain shell,
Speaker 1: and he just didn't seem to see the layers. I
Speaker 1: told that story for months afterward, to friends and to myself,
Speaker 1: letting it be the anchor when things felt uncertain. We
Speaker 1: were nearly thirty, job ambitious, bidden by all heart breaks, imperfect,
Speaker 1: but at least old enough to know what we didn't want.
Speaker 1: Very quickly, Daniel became my partner in everything. Hikes every weekend,
Speaker 1: tiny apartments, bold dinner recipes, Jim's sessions I barely attended,
Speaker 1: but always loved watching him lead. We moved in together
Speaker 1: five months after we started dating. Everyone told us it
Speaker 1: was too fast. The good things didn't come from hurrying,
Speaker 1: but it felt right Hatleys Back then, Daniel's extraversion worked
Speaker 1: in ways I admired but didn't emulate. He'd wake before dawn,
Speaker 1: blending protein shakes, shooting texts to gym clients, pouring over
Speaker 1: event fires, plying community runs. I live in the shadows
Speaker 1: of visitivity, content code until two a m. Were charging quiet,
Speaker 1: slide into his orbit whenever he wanted company. Most of
Speaker 1: our friends said we worked because he was the wave
Speaker 1: and I was the shore. We had jokes about that
Speaker 1: he'd throw parties. I'd hermit, I've researched big moves. He'd
Speaker 1: just leap somehow between the push and pull. We understood
Speaker 1: each other early on. We set the rule tell the truth,
Speaker 1: even if it's messy in fidelity. The one thing we'd
Speaker 1: both see blow up a friend group a few years
Speaker 1: earlier was all low star of what not to do.
Speaker 1: We swore to be each other's escape patch. Not the
Speaker 1: emergency marriage a year ago just made it official. In
Speaker 1: our crowd, we were the adults in the room best
Speaker 1: at game night, most likely to drag a crude to
Speaker 1: state pocket six a m. Daniel's energy balanced me, My
Speaker 1: comp steadied him. Our evenings filled with Netflix, lazy dinners,
Speaker 1: Me running my freelance, curd fixes, Daniel strategizing for his
Speaker 1: own jim hammering out sessions, troubleshooting member gripes, wrangling gear repairs,
Speaker 1: hosting over eager new clients in our living room until
Speaker 1: it overflowed with trail mixed and high protein snacks. There
Speaker 1: were cracks, obviously. Daniel could never sit still when stress
Speaker 1: at the Jim Bill. He'd go restless when a project
Speaker 1: bored me, I tune out for days, my introversion at cocoon.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'd catch a hint of yearning in him for
Speaker 1: Newnes's spark something unresolved, but I thought, maybe stupidly, that
Speaker 1: if it ever got cute, we tuck it out. Was
Speaker 1: the last year growing predictable. Maybe my trust came harder
Speaker 1: and I kept it sharp. After conn out the college
Speaker 1: boy friend who had systematically betrayed me and left scars
Speaker 1: that only Daniel's one finally softened. Trusting men work, but
Speaker 1: I swore i'd never be blindsided again. Daniel knew all
Speaker 1: of that, which was why when the doubts started creeping in,
Speaker 1: I felt so dumb for noticing it all. The first Saturday,
Speaker 1: Danield got up early, saying he'd volunteered for breakfast at
Speaker 1: the rec center for kids who darn't have enough at home.
Speaker 1: I'd felt proud. I joked with our friends about being
Speaker 1: married to a local hero, how his energy was a
Speaker 1: public good, not just my own personal battery. It was
Speaker 1: only when he started bailing every Saturday for a month
Speaker 1: that I noticed the shift. If I suggested joining, he'd
Speaker 1: raise his hands and shake his head, grinning apologetically. Babe,
Speaker 1: you work so hard you need a sleep in. I'll
Speaker 1: just embarrass you with my door Kachier routine. Besides this
Speaker 1: chaos screaming kids spilled mel call the good stuff next time,
Speaker 1: I promise. At first, I believed every word. He was good,
Speaker 1: really good at pitching his days as too frantic for
Speaker 1: spectators that I've realized he never offered details. He never
Speaker 1: invited me to a single planning session, nor did he
Speaker 1: ever mention a specific organizer or even mention getting a
Speaker 1: volunteer T shirt or badge. No gruffertoes, no flyer is
Speaker 1: left on our kitchen table. When I press faintly, which
Speaker 1: charity is it? Again? Do you want me to post
Speaker 1: about it in our group chat? He'd wave it off,
Speaker 1: say it's not that fancy, just a bunch of us
Speaker 1: throwing something together. I'll mention it if we do a
Speaker 1: full drive the next weekend, acting on something I tried
Speaker 1: to label as cute and thoughtful, I rose earlier than usual,
Speaker 1: ground coffee and drove to the rec center. It felt
Speaker 1: into history, almost silly. I imagined him playing dodgeball or
Speaker 1: recruiting sullenines with prutine bars, My form pined before I parked,
Speaker 1: super haptic here to day, barely room to breathe. Maybe
Speaker 1: next time, Yeah, don't want you sitting around board while
Speaker 1: I wrangle Chaos's children. Ha ha. I waited in my car,
Speaker 1: acutely aware of how foolish I looked. Twife looking in
Speaker 1: a rick Senter lot on a misty Saturday, scanning for
Speaker 1: a husband who didn't want her there. There was no
Speaker 1: sign of Daniel. The rec center's parking lot sat half empty. Hush,
Speaker 1: a janitor wheeling in a boss of bulk cereal, no event,
Speaker 1: energy insight. I didn't go in, irrationalised that maybe it
Speaker 1: was inside or he coutpolled, or that I didn't want
Speaker 1: to be overbearing. Driving home, I made myself believe my
Speaker 1: concern was rooted in my own past, not in Daniel's secrecy.
Speaker 1: He created space, especially when he was dressed. Maybe charity
Speaker 1: mornings were just him trying to recharge with strangers rather
Speaker 1: than with me. Maybe I was being as I feared, controlling.
Speaker 1: But the days grew longer, Saturdays began winding into the
Speaker 1: rest of the week. He started coming home later at night,
Speaker 1: blaming last minute Jim dram As, a member with the
Speaker 1: Spray and Ankle and the new treadmill shorted out and
Speaker 1: meeting with a sponsor about possible summer clinics, always giving
Speaker 1: just enough story to be plausible. I found myself listening
Speaker 1: too carefully for proof he was telling the truth. The
Speaker 1: tension began living inside me. It showed up as a
Speaker 1: pop of a wine bottle left and corked a drip
Speaker 1: of water in silent apartment, the muscle twist of being
Speaker 1: turned away from part of his world for the first
Speaker 1: time since we'd met. We went to dinner one Thursday,
Speaker 1: a big group of favorite Italian place, all noise and
Speaker 1: laughter and endless wine. I spent half the meal trying
Speaker 1: to chase off my worry to simply live in the present. Alex,
Speaker 1: Daniel's oldest friend, a bulldozer of a guy, all barked
Speaker 1: but never serious, launch into a retelling of last weekend
Speaker 1: ZEPPI hiking fail. He grinned across the oval of half
Speaker 1: empty plates. Hey, Daniel, he still saw from Saturday's death
Speaker 1: climb man. Lena almost turned back twice. That trail kicked
Speaker 1: our asses. Everyone laughed. Daniel went very still. My fork
Speaker 1: clinked a plate. Wait which trail was that? I tried
Speaker 1: for casual. Daniel snapped back to life, chuckling wow. After
Speaker 1: the breakfast, he turned to Alex. We just did a
Speaker 1: quick trail and prompted after the charity event. I told you, right, babe,
Speaker 1: cell service wasn't great out there. We only went up
Speaker 1: to the first overlook. Alex nodded, quick but too quickly,
Speaker 1: already reaching for his form. I nodded, swallowing, playing along,
Speaker 1: but it rang sour. He told me the charity event
Speaker 1: ran late, and he barely made it back for lunch,
Speaker 1: not that he'd hyped with friends. Now Leana's name was
Speaker 1: dropped into it. She was the new Jim Ambathletic bowl
Speaker 1: brush in the way Daniel liked to be. I had
Speaker 1: always watched her with wary fondness, sensing the buzz of
Speaker 1: her presence, but never thinking it specified there. Later in
Speaker 1: the car, when I quietly asked about the hicking story,
Speaker 1: wondering why Alex seemed to know more than I did,
Speaker 1: Daniel roll his shoulders, keeping his eyes fixed outside, as
Speaker 1: if he were still on the trail. It was spur
Speaker 1: of the moment, he said, charity event wrapped. A few
Speaker 1: people wanted to stretch their legs. I figure, when not
Speaker 1: Alex was there, some one needed to drive the van home. Anyway.
Speaker 1: His words came as if he practiced them. I nodded.
Speaker 1: He reached for my hand, squeezing it. I'm sorry. I
Speaker 1: just thought you'd want to do your own things Saturday.
Speaker 1: Didn't want you to feel duty bound to come. Buzz words,
Speaker 1: once so reassuring, now sounded almost patronizing. At home. When
Speaker 1: I peached a Daniel's Jim's Instagram, I found nothing about
Speaker 1: the charity drive. Last year's events always included a deluge
Speaker 1: of photos eager volunteers hashtaggs at the wazoo, But this
Speaker 1: month there was a silence, just Daniel reposting memes and
Speaker 1: trailers for new group runs. I checked Daniel's own profile.
Speaker 1: No photos, no stories, nothing about rec centers or breakfasts.
Speaker 1: I stayed up with my laptop, drinking hubble tea, scrolling
Speaker 1: and scrolling. For the first time in years, I hovered
Speaker 1: over old messages in the group chat, rereading Daniel's breezy
Speaker 1: check ins and comparing them to his current muty posts.
Speaker 1: No declarations, no invitations, a sudden drop in transparency. Logic
Speaker 1: told me to let it go. Fear told me to dick.
Speaker 1: The next day, I called Priya Moutrue was friendly, the
Speaker 1: only one who knew the full arc of my history.
Speaker 1: With cheating, panic and trust. She offered a laugh that
Speaker 1: was only half convincing. Nicoll, I know it feels off,
Speaker 1: but Daniel's always been straight with you, and guys sometimes
Speaker 1: just neath their own space. Charity stuff, Jim staff organizing
Speaker 1: at Cambourn. Someone app Is he coming home later during
Speaker 1: the week though, or just the weekends both? I explained,
Speaker 1: the late nights, the sudden showers, and most specifically that
Speaker 1: high cover story. Pre absorbed it quietly. That is weird,
Speaker 1: she agreed finally, But Babe, you would see it if
Speaker 1: he was having an affair. He's not hiding finances, right,
Speaker 1: He isn't locking you out of the phone. He's just
Speaker 1: more private. You chew are solid. Don't you think you'd know?
Speaker 1: And you're get If it was something heavier in my gut,
Speaker 1: all I knew was unease. I started clicking through more details.
Speaker 1: On Saturdays, Daniel now came home and went straight to
Speaker 1: the shower, claiming he was drenched sin sweat from hiking.
Speaker 1: But the timing mass the supposed breakfast not a lunch run.
Speaker 1: A real clear surfaced accidentally on our shave bank app.
Speaker 1: Daniel's Jim card had a charge for an expensive caveast
Speaker 1: act with full toceiling windows downtown. The time matched after
Speaker 1: his charity morning, but before he returned home covered in dirt.
Speaker 1: My mind hopped explanations. Maybe he went with other volunteers
Speaker 1: or stopped for food, but he never mentioned it. The
Speaker 1: following Wednesday, I overheard Daniel on the balcony speaking quietly
Speaker 1: while laugh of, breaking his usual tense post Jim voice.
Speaker 1: When I stepped outside, he clicked off fast. He said
Speaker 1: it was just an old client calling about new sponsorship deals,
Speaker 1: then shifted the conversation to how his Jim's community runs
Speaker 1: needed more coverage. But when I offered to help with
Speaker 1: any marketing, he shoved me off. It's fine work staff,
Speaker 1: not fun for you. That night, he brought home flowers,
Speaker 1: but filled my tea, rubbed my back. Each gesture was off,
Speaker 1: almost desperate. But simultaneously he became irritable about his phone,
Speaker 1: flicking a screenshup whenever I walked into the room, setting
Speaker 1: new pass codes, claiming he needed privacy with so much
Speaker 1: Jim kaosk these days. Was he just spinning in stress
Speaker 1: or was there someone new? This was the interior of
Speaker 1: my days? He dropping on my own marriage. By now
Speaker 1: doubt had become my own shadow. I found myself triple
Speaker 1: guessing my every instinct for tracing months of normal behavior
Speaker 1: from his signs. Had we been growing apart and I
Speaker 1: just didn't want to see it? Was I reading too
Speaker 1: much into the cracks? Was Daniel's new affection guilt or
Speaker 1: just to counterweight to my withdrawal? Or were we just
Speaker 1: tired thirty somethings cycling for another phrase. When Daniel announced
Speaker 1: after a restless Wednesday night that he'd finally organized a
Speaker 1: big group charity event open to all friends and partners,
Speaker 1: I nearly laughed aloud in relief. I signed up immediately,
Speaker 1: loud and eager for transparency. See I told you it
Speaker 1: was a real thing, prayas said, elbowing me in a
Speaker 1: kitchen crowded with might doubts. Now you can stop acting
Speaker 1: like you were about to call a p I Saturday morning,
Speaker 1: I dressed early, made two coffees, and pried Daniel out
Speaker 1: of bed for once. The event was with energetic teens
Speaker 1: and parent volunteers, exactly as he described, though I noticed
Speaker 1: he spent the whole time amid the group orchestrating beef
Speaker 1: camp sets, avoiding extended one on one moments I have
Speaker 1: heard feeling alternately proud and uneasy. Was this just what
Speaker 1: charity volunteering felt like? Had I been infecting him with
Speaker 1: my leftover paranoia? He seemed luminous, focused, charismatic, mobbed by
Speaker 1: kids and volunteers. He squeezed my hand on his water brake,
Speaker 1: pressed to kiss to my fore. I had introduced me
Speaker 1: three times as my better half, the actual genius in
Speaker 1: our house. With each hour, the relentless dread that a
Speaker 1: chatter of the previous month began to unwind inside me.
Speaker 1: I thought maybe I had made this up. Maybe Daniel
Speaker 1: had just needed some space, a fae shared by every couple.
Speaker 1: Eventually just a working out of nerves, never a fundamental break.
Speaker 1: I left the event lighter than night felt in weeks.
Speaker 1: That night, back in our apartment, as Daniel showered, I
Speaker 1: got a text from Alex Hay, sorry about being weird
Speaker 1: at dinner last time. Just wanted to say it wasn't
Speaker 1: actually at the high class Saturday cover it for Daniel
Speaker 1: because he asked hope I didn't confuse things. Night, I
Speaker 1: sat on the edge of our bed with the phone
Speaker 1: rigid in my hand, the grinding story that had been
Speaker 1: offered for a hag that involved a friend who wasn't there.
Speaker 1: Charity event or not, there was a hole in the timeline.
Speaker 1: If Alex hadn't been with Daniel, and Daniel hadn't been
Speaker 1: at the rec center the whole time, where the hell
Speaker 1: was he? There was no part of my mind left
Speaker 1: to argue that I was overreacting. I waited until Monday
Speaker 1: before letting myself go further. I rationalize maybe it was
Speaker 1: a one off cover that amounted to nothing. But on
Speaker 1: Monday more Daniel left in a rush for the gym,
Speaker 1: so distracted he left his smart watch again in the dresser.
Speaker 1: The watch, always fully charged, had become the new occurring
Speaker 1: detail in our ritual, the only piece of TECHY would
Speaker 1: put with, of all things. I'm not a snoop generally,
Speaker 1: but my trust was shredded. I picked it up, tapped
Speaker 1: into the fittest app, and navigated half from memory, half
Speaker 1: from desperation to the location history. I traced the highlight
Speaker 1: of time frame for Saturday mornings the previous month, expecting
Speaker 1: maybe to see the rec center's address. Instead, what glowed
Speaker 1: was a point on the map marked of Ryancourt, not
Speaker 1: a park, not any familiar trail, but street down in
Speaker 1: the semi luxury condo complex outside downtown. It was an
Speaker 1: address we never visited together. Why was Daniel smartwatch, his
Speaker 1: digital heartbeat stuck there for nineteen minute stretches, four Saturdays
Speaker 1: in a row. The name bit into my mind. Then,
Speaker 1: in a hard crack of recollection, I remembered Lena, the
Speaker 1: new gym member who start at morning runs with Daniel's clients.
Speaker 1: Lena self possessed, stunning, too attentive to Daniel, but always
Speaker 1: professionally distant, at least when I was present. I found
Speaker 1: Lina's public work. I count something s shed, nudged our
Speaker 1: mutual friend group to follow, and scrawled scenic shots, always
Speaker 1: Saturday mornings from hiking trails, not unlike the ones Daniel
Speaker 1: had described in throwaway lines, Always after charity mornings, the
Speaker 1: same sum washed overlook, the same k neon water bottle
Speaker 1: Daniel kept in our trunk. Comments and likes from Daniel's
Speaker 1: Jim account on every other photo, nothing over it, but
Speaker 1: one called out great hassle to day proud my head's spun,
Speaker 1: I called prayer, needing more than skepticism. Now her voice
Speaker 1: was uncertain. He thinks she's involved for real, because look,
Speaker 1: even I have to admit it's weird. And if Daniel's
Speaker 1: really pucking at her place, I got her to drive
Speaker 1: with me, just once, just a look, I told myself.
Speaker 1: Saturday morning, we left early. I texted Daniel, who replied instantly,
Speaker 1: while morning so much prep tons of people here, Well
Speaker 1: call later. We parked up the street from Orion Court
Speaker 1: and waited. I watched the minute scroll by, feeling more
Speaker 1: like a jealous teenager than anything else. Near tennae Am,
Speaker 1: Daniel's gray super Up pulled into the lot. He got out,
Speaker 1: checked his phone, then strode up to the side entrance,
Speaker 1: jogging up three steps with the back back slung low prayer,
Speaker 1: always giving people more credit than I thought possible. Squeeze
Speaker 1: my arm. Maybe he's dropping off Jim equipment. Maybe she's
Speaker 1: in the group run to day. Let's give it another week.
Speaker 1: Don't jump to nuclear conclusions. But the next Saturday we
Speaker 1: did the same the same color, same lot, different time,
Speaker 1: but a pattern. There was no denying it. Daniel wasn't
Speaker 1: at the rec center, and the smartwatch didn't lie. I
Speaker 1: didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to
Speaker 1: call him in that instant blasted into pieces, get it
Speaker 1: all over with. But another part, a deeper, more exhausted part,
Speaker 1: wanted just one more missing detail, something that would line
Speaker 1: up the ache in my chest with the brutal facts.
Speaker 1: I let my sister in finally, in a late night
Speaker 1: confession over the phone. She listened through my ragged voice,
Speaker 1: silence stretching thick as she processed. You're sure, she asked,
Speaker 1: eventually quietly, you are totally sure, because if you blow
Speaker 1: this up and it's just some way of coincidence, you
Speaker 1: can't go back. But if you are sure, then you
Speaker 1: need to ask him, not tomorrow but soon. Don't suffer alone.
Speaker 1: Hearing that warning from someone who would always hate Daniel
Speaker 1: more for this than I ever could, made it suddenly real.
Speaker 1: I stared into the dark, fighting the ours to scream,
Speaker 1: but thankful, so thankful that at least now there wasn't
Speaker 1: any pretending I was the one lose in my mind.
Speaker 1: The days crawled Dinah became almost aggressively normal. In the
Speaker 1: evening's suggesting date nights, mussaushing my shoulders while I watched
Speaker 1: trash TV, making jokes about ordering business cards for my
Speaker 1: new contract job. Each kindness made me feel sick, like
Speaker 1: he was saying goodbye over and over without ever letting
Speaker 1: me notice or answer. I spent hours building a wall
Speaker 1: of evidence, lining up his schedule with Lena's posts, scrolling
Speaker 1: his tired photos, flaggered receipts on our joint card. I
Speaker 1: wanted desperately for just one thing to make sense. I
Speaker 1: wanted more than anything for the answer to be something
Speaker 1: as dull as needing novelty, as harmless as hiding stress.
Speaker 1: I would have taken hidden debt, bad investments, any betrayal
Speaker 1: that didn't break me at the core, but the pithem
Speaker 1: I could said otherwise. When I hugged down, Oh good night,
Speaker 1: I could feel how far apart we'd grown, how much
Speaker 1: I missed the man who'd pulled me up at my
Speaker 1: trail and dared me to fall in love with him.
Speaker 1: I tried to talk myself into patience, into nott Rush confrontation,
Speaker 1: but every time Daniel touched me, some near invisible seam
Speaker 1: inside me widened. By the next Saturday morning, our home
Speaker 1: had become a shell, empty, echoing, waiting for the truth
Speaker 1: to arrive, whether I was brave enough to ask for
Speaker 1: it or not. It was strange the way clarity mixed
Speaker 1: with paralysis. I started treating every morning like a surveillance mission,
Speaker 1: plodding movement and words, cataloging Daniel's smallest habits. When he
Speaker 1: left for the charity events, I noted as breakfast dish's
Speaker 1: two ex toast coffeed rain into the last sip, as
Speaker 1: if he'd need all the fuel. Maybe he was just
Speaker 1: being thoughtful and routine, or maybe he was making sure
Speaker 1: he'd look as innocently normal coming home as he had
Speaker 1: going out. Midweek there was a night went under rolled
Speaker 1: and over the city, shaking the windows and making the
Speaker 1: lights flicker. I was deep looking something for a client,
Speaker 1: half tempted to call at quits for the night, when
Speaker 1: Daniel poked his head into the office, holding out a
Speaker 1: mug of cawmel and honey steam swelling. He wore that
Speaker 1: lopside of grin I used to trust without question. There
Speaker 1: was an openness in his eyes, but shadows too, and
Speaker 1: I couldn't decipher which was winning tonight. I was thinking,
Speaker 1: he said, settling into the old bean vic beside my
Speaker 1: desk is thrown. When he wanted to coax me away
Speaker 1: from Courade about maybe making a video campaign for the
Speaker 1: Gem show people we're more than just sweat machines. He'd
Speaker 1: help write. His willingness to include me felt for a
Speaker 1: minute like the old dust. If you want my super
Speaker 1: dorky editing skills, I teased, trying to sound lighter than
Speaker 1: I felt. Always I always want you involved, he said,
Speaker 1: letting his hand rast on my knee. There was an
Speaker 1: edge to that, always like a performance, as though he'd
Speaker 1: rehearse for an audience that didn't show. He leaned in,
Speaker 1: kissed my cheek, and patted away, leaving behind the ghost
Speaker 1: weaight of suspicion. I heard the front door open and
Speaker 1: close A few minutes later. He'd forgotten his fallen but
Speaker 1: not his keys. I patted to the window in the
Speaker 1: living room, watching his silowet jog down the sidewalk. Hoddy
Speaker 1: pulled up. Normally, he just walked the block for a break,
Speaker 1: sometimes to clear his head after a tricky session with
Speaker 1: a client, But those walks had gotten longer this month.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'd text him no reply for twenty minutes, then
Speaker 1: he'd ance of hours later with the lost track of time. Sorry, babe.
Speaker 1: That night, as rained battered the glass, I finally let
Speaker 1: myself open Daniel's lap up. He often used it for
Speaker 1: Jim's skin. It wasn't password protected and never had been,
Speaker 1: not from me. I hesitated, even as I touped his
Speaker 1: browser into life, nose fluttering in my temples. The search
Speaker 1: history was benign, boot camp terms, YouTube videos about athletic recovery.
Speaker 1: One air page still opened a cabin in Big Share
Speaker 1: months in the future. If he was planning a surprise,
Speaker 1: I'd ruined it. But I couldn't see anything out of place,
Speaker 1: no leaner, no secret accounts. Yet for some reason, I
Speaker 1: stayed up after triple checking messages and notes, half relieved
Speaker 1: to find nothing, half haunted by what I didn't see.
Speaker 1: I told myself fiercely that I wasn't a spy, but
Speaker 1: I also wasn't a fool. Two days later, Thursday, Daniel
Speaker 1: asked if I wanted to join for dinner at a
Speaker 1: restaurant close to his Jim spur of the moment that
Speaker 1: used to be earthing unplanned night's greasy fries cheap red wine.
Speaker 1: But he texted mid afternoon, and I was startled enough
Speaker 1: to say yes right away, for the first time in weeks,
Speaker 1: anticipation fraud in place of dread. I arrived a little early,
Speaker 1: soaking up the warm, garlicky air, watching the family squeeze
Speaker 1: into red vinyl booths. Daniel was a few minutes slate,
Speaker 1: shoe scuffed, hair wind blown. He kissed my forehead, then
Speaker 1: slid into the seat across from me, breathless. Sorry. Client
Speaker 1: consult ran long, you look good. I smiled, you too,
Speaker 1: will day. He nodded, launching into two stories, one about
Speaker 1: a treadmill malfunction, the other about a repeat client who
Speaker 1: wanted to lose wooding weight. I listen, searching for the
Speaker 1: cadence of truth underneath. His details were precise, what time
Speaker 1: he started an issue with locker room keys, a prodeine
Speaker 1: shake fiesco. But not once did he mention his charity
Speaker 1: group or any plans for the weekend. Maybe he'd grown
Speaker 1: tired of playing the hero in every story, or maybe
Speaker 1: the hero was accostume he was putting away. After we'd
Speaker 1: paid and bundled into coats, Daniel suggested walking home, even
Speaker 1: though it was Jersey. It was as if he wanted
Speaker 1: to stretch out the night de lay arrival to the
Speaker 1: little void we'd created in our apartment. As we strolled,
Speaker 1: he slipped his arm around my waist, for a block.
Speaker 1: I rested my head on his shoulder, letting myself drift,
Speaker 1: pretending things could be this simple again. Half a block
Speaker 1: from our building, Daniel's phone buzzed a string of sharp,
Speaker 1: persistent chimes. He fumbled for it, glancing at the screen quickly,
Speaker 1: then putting it away. But jim alarm falls alert. He mumbled,
Speaker 1: but his jaw tensed. I said nothing, partly out of
Speaker 1: fear of what I might drag into the open if
Speaker 1: I pressed inside. He shook off his jacket, not quite
Speaker 1: meeting my eyes, thinking I'll start a new here class
Speaker 1: Tuesday evenings. Want to help me test workouts. I agreed,
Speaker 1: just to feel a part of his world again. But
Speaker 1: when we lay in bed later, our limbs only nearly touching,
Speaker 1: the old ease was gone. I missed his hand in
Speaker 1: my hair, the way he talked at the ceiling about dreams, worries,
Speaker 1: the business, the future. I waited for his voice, hoping
Speaker 1: he filled the silence with anything, but he just stared
Speaker 1: at the crack of plaster, fingers laced across his chest,
Speaker 1: lost to some silent calculation. Friday, Daniel left her at
Speaker 1: least six a m. With a hurried apology, about fixing
Speaker 1: a broken rowing machine before Clein's arrived. I went into
Speaker 1: work late, letting the silence of the apartment stretch until
Speaker 1: it was too thick to breathe. I called Priy again,
Speaker 1: pacing by the window. How bad is it, she asked,
Speaker 1: softer this time. I feel like I'm losing him. Prayer
Speaker 1: little parts of time, she hesitated. You want me to
Speaker 1: talk to Alex, see if you'll slip up again. No,
Speaker 1: I don't want to drag any one else in for now.
Speaker 1: Then come over to night. You shouldn't sit there replaying
Speaker 1: every little thing. But I didn't go out. I stayed in,
Speaker 1: reordered my calendar for the sixth time that week, didn't
Speaker 1: touch a thing in the apartment. I checked Daniel's Instagram again,
Speaker 1: nothing new. I searched Leiness story feed. It had won
Speaker 1: fifteen second video Sunras slicing between Pine's muddy shoes and Vrain,
Speaker 1: a lush, golden angle of the same overlook I'd seen
Speaker 1: in Daniel's past videos. The time stamp seven nine a m. Saturday,
Speaker 1: the weekend before. If I hadn't felt so drained, I
Speaker 1: might have screened. I pulled up my calendar seven nine
Speaker 1: a m. Saturday, he had supposedly been elbow deep in
Speaker 1: pancake mixed with the kids. Why would Lena be there?
Speaker 1: Why would Daniel talk about a trail with Alex if
Speaker 1: Alex hadn't even been there. Every clue triangulated to the
Speaker 1: same empty middle. I texted Daniel, want to do a
Speaker 1: date night before you while Charity morning tomorrow. He replied,
Speaker 1: faster than I expected. Loved you. Maybe. Taco's Dinner that
Speaker 1: night was easy but shallow. He talked through Jim Plans,
Speaker 1: dropped familiar names, never lenas, and peppered the meal with
Speaker 1: casual jokes. Afterward, back at home, he pressed close while
Speaker 1: we watched TV. Handkled round my knee, but when my
Speaker 1: phone buzzed, Priya checking in, Daniel glanced at mass Green,
Speaker 1: then looked away, asking if I had seen his charger,
Speaker 1: Like we were both pretending to need a reason to
Speaker 1: check each other's movements. The pattern repeated on Saturday. He
Speaker 1: left before dawn, watched me closely as he collected his
Speaker 1: keys and wallet, jerking about how they'd feed him to
Speaker 1: the wolves if he screwed up breakfast. This time, he
Speaker 1: did not forget his smart watch, but he left the
Speaker 1: GM branded water bottle behind the one always unlean his
Speaker 1: trail posts. When he was gone, I have it in
Speaker 1: the kitchen, Hardly able to make coffee, I replayed his kiss,
Speaker 1: the shallowness of it. Daniel's touches felt more ritual, less warmth.
Speaker 1: I made myself busy. I did laundry, watered the scraggly
Speaker 1: plant by the fridge, watched the sun rim a messy
Speaker 1: balcony as I came out to slantus over the city. Then,
Speaker 1: on impulse, I decided to drive by Rheinecourt alone. I
Speaker 1: told myself I was being ridiculous, a cliche, but that
Speaker 1: didn't stop me. I circled the block slowly, hot throbbing
Speaker 1: in my throat. Near nine thirty, Daniel's car was there,
Speaker 1: parked in a row of commuters. I pulled around again,
Speaker 1: then left. I couldn't make myself wait any longer. The
Speaker 1: humiliation of maybe being wrong, the fear of being right,
Speaker 1: with both strangling. I called Priya from the car, my
Speaker 1: voice brittle. So was he there? Yes? My grip on
Speaker 1: the wheel was white knuckled. What do I even say
Speaker 1: to him? Now? She hesitated? You want me to talk
Speaker 1: to Lena? I could pretend to be recruiting for a
Speaker 1: woman's hiking group. See if she mentions Daniel. I almost laughed,
Speaker 1: attention breaking for just an instant. No, that lease, not yet.
Speaker 1: I just I need to see if he'll lie to
Speaker 1: my face. Maybe you'll finally tell me the truth. Priya exhaled,
Speaker 1: tell me what you decired. Please. I won't say anything
Speaker 1: to any one, but Nicholl. I know you don't let
Speaker 1: him erase your instincts. Back home, I moved through the
Speaker 1: apartment like a ghost. Every surface, every shed chair of
Speaker 1: her mug felt invaded by doubt. I sat at our table,
Speaker 1: brushing my thumb over the chit ceramic of deabthals old
Speaker 1: Jim Mugg, wondering if anything I knew about him was
Speaker 1: still true. When Daniel came home, he looked tired but collected.
Speaker 1: He dropped his bag, pulled out his phone, testing rapidly,
Speaker 1: then tucking it away. I watched, keeping my face clear.
Speaker 1: How was it, I asked, not in his gym bag.
Speaker 1: He brightened wild. The rec center ran out of milk,
Speaker 1: so we had to improvise pancakes with protein powder. The
Speaker 1: kids loved it. I think we actually made a difference
Speaker 1: when Gil came up and said she'd never tried almond
Speaker 1: butter before. His eyes flicked sideways, not quite meeting mine,
Speaker 1: as he peeled off his shoes. Has Lina, I said
Speaker 1: voice even he stopped saw halfway off well. She ended
Speaker 1: up running the warm up for the group. Hasn't been
Speaker 1: around much, though she started training for a marathon. I
Speaker 1: think I haven't seen her outside sessions. Every word he
Speaker 1: said could technically be true, yet each one run counter
Speaker 1: to what I already knew. That evening, he suggested we
Speaker 1: go out to the movies two celebrate surviving another charity day.
Speaker 1: I wanted to say no, but I said yes, and
Speaker 1: spent two hours in a dark theater, holding a hand
Speaker 1: that felt less and less familiar. When we walked home,
Speaker 1: he was quieter than usual. I thought for a moment
Speaker 1: he might confess, might stutter out the truth. Instead, he
Speaker 1: launched into a critique of a plot hole. Back at
Speaker 1: the building, he pressed the elevator button three times, as
Speaker 1: though speed alone could make the evening end faster. For
Speaker 1: the next few days, ordinary things felt wrong. Daniel played
Speaker 1: music while making X but sang under his better habit.
Speaker 1: He only had been deeply distracted. He whistled off key
Speaker 1: when looking out the window at night. At dinner, he
Speaker 1: picked at his food, said he was just not sleeping. Well,
Speaker 1: I heard him on a coll once, voice low and conspiratorial,
Speaker 1: soft laughter, rumbling that I hadn't heard in weeks. When
Speaker 1: I opened the door, he ended the call quickly, putting
Speaker 1: on a show of searching for his slippers. Just Alex,
Speaker 1: he said, too fast. The next morning, as I finished showering,
Speaker 1: I noticed Daniel's phone left on the bathroom shelf. For
Speaker 1: six months, I'd had the code for emergencies. Lately he
Speaker 1: changed it, saying the gym's financials needed more protection. I
Speaker 1: typed what I thought might be the new code and
Speaker 1: watched the screen cove red locked out. I said it
Speaker 1: down quickly, ashamed, but I couldn't ignore the change, the
Speaker 1: simple fact that now I was in a position of
Speaker 1: doubting what used to be as natural as breathing. By Wednesday,
Speaker 1: sleep was an infrequent visitor. My eyes felt raw. I
Speaker 1: snapped at a client call, then apologized and took the
Speaker 1: rest of the day off work, sighting in Migrain. At
Speaker 1: the late lunch, I met Prayer at her favorite Indonesian place,
Speaker 1: Spicy noodles bright with lemon. She reached over and squeeze
Speaker 1: my wrist. You don't have to decide anything right now next.
Speaker 1: But honestly, this doesn't sound like regular stress. That sounds
Speaker 1: like planning, like he's spending all this energy to keep
Speaker 1: you from looking too close. I wanted to argue, to
Speaker 1: say I would have felt as sooner that Daniel had
Speaker 1: never been a planner that way, But even my protests
Speaker 1: sounded hollow. That Hike's story keeps snagging at me, I said,
Speaker 1: though one Alex brought up. Do you want me to
Speaker 1: ask him straight up? She offered, lips high. I just wish,
Speaker 1: I wished Daniel wild volunteer something, anything, even a liar
Speaker 1: could catch him in directly, instead of all these shadows.
Speaker 1: Priya just nodded, pushing her noodles aside. You know, nobody
Speaker 1: expects you to be perfect at the Nicholl. Plenty of
Speaker 1: smart people get blindsided. Don't be harder on yourself than
Speaker 1: you are on him. I managed a weak smile, but
Speaker 1: my hand shook as I drained my lemon water. Thursday night,
Speaker 1: my sister called, ostensibly to confirm Sunday brunt plans, but
Speaker 1: even over the phone. I could hear the suspicion looking
Speaker 1: in her voice. He sounded hired, she said, implying more
Speaker 1: than fatigue. I'm just busied. I lied Daniel's jim My contracts.
Speaker 1: You know how spring gets. You're still good, right, He's
Speaker 1: still She paused, searching for the right word to Daniel.
Speaker 1: I didn't answer. It was a question that felt dangerously
Speaker 1: the way. By Friday, the next charity event, loomed. Daniel
Speaker 1: spent the evening laying out his running shoes, were filling
Speaker 1: his protein packets, checking his calendar obsessively. I watched from
Speaker 1: the doorway, arms crossed. Do you want me to drop
Speaker 1: you off to morrow, I asked, feigning helpfulness. He glanced up, naugh.
Speaker 1: It's easier to have the car in case I need
Speaker 1: to whole supplies afterward. Plus I'll probably grab coffee with
Speaker 1: the organizer after But thanks, you're sweet, I nodded, tongue
Speaker 1: thick with the taste of another lie. When he ben
Speaker 1: to pack his gym bag, I caught a familiar flush
Speaker 1: of something neon Lina's water bottle, or at least the
Speaker 1: same shade clipped to the side. I waited until he left,
Speaker 1: exactly as six seven, then dressed and took a ride
Speaker 1: share to Ryancourt Harpalding. Again, his car was there. This
Speaker 1: time I stayed longer, giving myself no oubt. I nearly nine.
Speaker 1: Daniel left the building, checking over his shoulder, moving with
Speaker 1: an edge that wasn't there during his gym exits. He
Speaker 1: stopped to just a hair using the reflection in his
Speaker 1: car window, then drove away. I ducked out of sight
Speaker 1: as he passed. Caught between crying and laughter, I texted Priya,
Speaker 1: who replied immediately it's time. But the idea of confrontation
Speaker 1: it paralyized me. How do you put into words the
Speaker 1: suspicion that someone's entire second life is attached to the
Speaker 1: person you sleep beside every night? That afternoon, I sat
Speaker 1: on the balcony, cool when biting at my arms. I
Speaker 1: scrolled Lena's account again. Another hiking photo, different trail, same morning.
Speaker 1: Daniel's Jim account liked it fifteen minutes after it posted.
Speaker 1: Each click was another needle. Just after sunset, Daniel came
Speaker 1: home lesilim humming the way he ACKed after a great workout.
Speaker 1: He kissed my forehead, set flowers beside my old lapped
Speaker 1: up the same shade as the ones from last week
Speaker 1: long day, he asked, reaching for a gatorade. I nodded
Speaker 1: the muscles of my face, refusing to relax. How was
Speaker 1: the event good, he replied, peeling off his sweat stained
Speaker 1: T shirt, heading for the shower. Lots of happy kids
Speaker 1: worth it. He closed the bathroom door, and I slumped
Speaker 1: at the kitchen table, staring at the flowers until the
Speaker 1: colors blurred. The weight of secrecy pressed down twice as
Speaker 1: heavy as the truth. I took Daniel's watch, left again
Speaker 1: on his dresser, at this time with a charging cable
Speaker 1: tangle round it, and clicked through the location. Lock my
Speaker 1: hands steady for the first time in days, four saturdays
Speaker 1: in a row, Brian caught. Never the wreck center, never
Speaker 1: a charity anything. I heard the shower snap off, pipe's knocking.
Speaker 1: That night, I climbed into bed before Daniel, pretending to
Speaker 1: be asleep. In the faint light of the window. I
Speaker 1: thought about the way he'd always once made me feel safe.
Speaker 1: How even in the wildest drain storm, our bodies formed
Speaker 1: a world bigin enough to house every old fear. Now
Speaker 1: in the hush there was a chasm. I wasn't sure
Speaker 1: who'd crossed over first. I made a plan on sure,
Speaker 1: and finished, but a plan. I would give him one
Speaker 1: last chance to tell the truth, to stop spinning stories.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't let him write our history and half truths
Speaker 1: and charity fictions. Tomorrow, when he returned, I would be waiting,
Speaker 1: and every question would demand an answer. All night I
Speaker 1: watched a shoulders move and sleep, remembering old fas and
Speaker 1: tracing my heart brick across the ceiling, waiting for the
Speaker 1: sun and the reckoning that would have to come. When
Speaker 1: the sun shouldered its way through the gaps in our curtains,
Speaker 1: I was already up. She tangled round my waist and
Speaker 1: anxious itch in my palms. My heart banged with every
Speaker 1: small sound. The bottle clinked in a kitchen, pipes muttering
Speaker 1: as Daniel rinstermark. For once, I didn't feign sleep. I
Speaker 1: just lay still, eyes wad, counting creaks and anticipation. As
Speaker 1: the hour seat passed, he drifted through our bedroom like
Speaker 1: a shadow, try not to touch light, careful, watching to
Speaker 1: sea fight stair. His voice when it came was feathered,
Speaker 1: its gentleness oddly tight. I'll see you for lunch. Don't
Speaker 1: worry if you need to rest. He pressed his lips
Speaker 1: to my hair. I caught the faintest were for citrus
Speaker 1: and sweat, artificial and rawer than usual. I waited until
Speaker 1: the apartment was fully silent, until even his car, usually
Speaker 1: given away by the distinctive struggle of its ancient statter mortor,
Speaker 1: faded into street noise. I set up, clutching the line
Speaker 1: between panic and resolve. I'd planned to confront him tonight,
Speaker 1: to corral the questions until I had them all stacked
Speaker 1: ready and I refutable. But with a new clarity of
Speaker 1: what I had seen, the urgency became unbearable. I showed quickly,
Speaker 1: barely filling the water and dressed, with my movements practiced
Speaker 1: in automatic. My phone was charged, watch on bag, packed
Speaker 1: with the note book a pen, my old back up phone.
Speaker 1: As if i'd need to record something, as if evidence
Speaker 1: might matter more than words, I taxed Priya, it's happening
Speaker 1: to day. My nerves settled into a coal methodical readiness.
Speaker 1: I made coffee, skip breakfast, watched our plants blinking in
Speaker 1: the gentle morning heat, waiting for anything to shift. Every
Speaker 1: detail in the apartment appeared brighter, harder, The ring catch
Speaker 1: by the sink I had kept from our first road trip.
Speaker 1: Daniel's Jim badge on the console bent slightly from use.
Speaker 1: The world of us fragile and invaded was still hearing
Speaker 1: these solid, stubborn details. I had one more check to make.
Speaker 1: I found the watch from last night, turned to hover
Speaker 1: and scrolled through the settings. Location trucking still on. I
Speaker 1: noted the last ping at Orion Court, exactly the time
Speaker 1: he'd have told me he was at the rec center,
Speaker 1: though way art there not for him, not for me.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to spend the intervening I was recounting
Speaker 1: the ache, so I made myself folks, run a load
Speaker 1: of laundry, clemite books, text my sister that I'd be
Speaker 1: late for brunch tomorrow. Each activity only underscored the lumintin
Speaker 1: army waiting on the horizon. When noon rolled toward the
Speaker 1: edges of the day, a key spun in the loch.
Speaker 1: Daniel's arrival was almost unto climactic. A light thought of
Speaker 1: his gin back, the familiar exhalation as he eased off
Speaker 1: his shoes. He moved through the whole, humming a small
Speaker 1: tune buried in tiny ancho sculps. I watched him quietly
Speaker 1: perched at the kitchen counter as he entered. Hey babe.
Speaker 1: He dropped his bag by the door, smiled a jacket
Speaker 1: and where he then made a shaw, stretching, twisting his shoulders,
Speaker 1: bouncing a bit on the balls of his feet. Sorry,
Speaker 1: traffic was a nightmare coming back from the rec center.
Speaker 1: You need yet, Not yet, I replied, managing evenness. Thought
Speaker 1: I might wait for you. He moved to the fridge,
Speaker 1: grabbed a protein shake, twisted the top. We circled each other,
Speaker 1: both aware of an edge. I let the silence gather weight.
Speaker 1: You looked tired, he said, forcing normalcy for rough morning,
Speaker 1: not particularly. I kept my gaze level. You seem chapper.
Speaker 1: Good event, he grinned too quickly. Yeah, yeah, kids had
Speaker 1: a blast. We raised a little over five hundred. Alec
Speaker 1: wants to do it again next month. He should come
Speaker 1: next time. Oh, just sleeping. Honestly, you look like you
Speaker 1: could use it. His eyes darted away as he sipped
Speaker 1: little lies in every line. I set my muck down,
Speaker 1: stealed against the tremor in my hand. Daniel, can we
Speaker 1: talk now, he stilled, registering the weight in my voice.
Speaker 1: Sure everything, okay, I nodded, lat's it. He followed me
Speaker 1: to the dining table, wiping his palm on his pand
Speaker 1: like before seating himself across from me. Sunlight made patters
Speaker 1: against the surface, slicing out locked hands from each other.
Speaker 1: I led a breath out, careful, I need you to
Speaker 1: tell me the truth about where you've been on Saturday mornings,
Speaker 1: about Orion Court. A at Lena for an instant. He
Speaker 1: didn't blink, His face froze, muscles tensing under the skin,
Speaker 1: and then he narrowed his eyes with weary confusion. The
Speaker 1: old athlete's defense, he tried for innocent. What are you
Speaker 1: talking about, I swallow, refusing to let the fear climb
Speaker 1: up my troute. Don't do that, I said, calm controlled.
Speaker 1: I know you haven't been at the Rick Center, not
Speaker 1: last week, not this morning, not the last month. The
Speaker 1: watchlogs say, so I know you've been to Ryan Court.
Speaker 1: I saw you there, Daniel. The silence after was cufed
Speaker 1: from granite, heavy and caught. He finally looked down, working
Speaker 1: his joel once, then gathering composure. Aileena lives there. She
Speaker 1: sprained her knee a few weeks ago. I was checking
Speaker 1: on her, bringing her some gear, helping her with therapy
Speaker 1: exercises before the event. It wasn't supposed to be a
Speaker 1: big deal. I stared at him every Saturday Fermont. He shrugged,
Speaker 1: hands flattening atop the table. She needed help. I should
Speaker 1: have told you. I just didn't want you to worry
Speaker 1: or read more into it than there was. My breath
Speaker 1: rattled hard and uneven. Why didn't you mention it at all?
Speaker 1: Why ask Alex to cover for you? Why have him lie?
Speaker 1: He shook his head defensive now because I knew exactly
Speaker 1: how you'd react. You've been on edge with me and Linison.
Speaker 1: She joined the gym. You don't trust me, Daniel. Don't
Speaker 1: that cut in. That's not fair. This is about honesty,
Speaker 1: not insecurity. He looked up as ringed with panic. Nothing happened, Nicholl,
Speaker 1: Not really. She's a friend, a client. I leaned in,
Speaker 1: voice trembling, but clear you line. I've seen the location stamps,
Speaker 1: I've seen Lena's post, the hiking shots, the same Gaye
Speaker 1: matching water bottles he gave her, the overlap in your legs,
Speaker 1: all of it. You spent hours there every weekend. Why
Speaker 1: couldn't you just invite me, let me in if it
Speaker 1: was innocent. His body slumped, The practiced energy drained away.
Speaker 1: For a heartbeat, something naked moved across his face. Shame
Speaker 1: or futility or both. I, he stammered, It's stupid. I
Speaker 1: was lonely, I guess, and she she made things feel
Speaker 1: light again, fun. I felt seen. It had nothing to
Speaker 1: do with you, Nicholl. I screwed up. The words landed
Speaker 1: like a slap. His eyes shimmered with that familiar deflection
Speaker 1: and mixed of apology and self preservation. He reached from
Speaker 1: my hand, I pulled back. Did you sleep with her?
Speaker 1: Tremor in my voice finally surfaced in the open space
Speaker 1: between us. Tell me the truth, Daniel. He hesitated, just
Speaker 1: a fraction too long before nodding, shine cutting through him twice,
Speaker 1: maybe three times. I didn't plan it. I didn't mean
Speaker 1: to hurt you. I stood all the way up. Then
Speaker 1: the room felt both too small and impossibly unknown. You
Speaker 1: didn't have to plan to hurt me, Daniel. You could
Speaker 1: have just left or told the truth. He looked totally broken,
Speaker 1: mouth open, as if searching for another script. I love you,
Speaker 1: he said, desperate, half crying. Now, I just I was
Speaker 1: scared you'd give up, that we'd just fade into boring routine,
Speaker 1: that you'd see me as weak, that maybe you didn't
Speaker 1: even need me any more. His words twisted, part accusation
Speaker 1: park confession. It made my fury real, anchored in lethal.
Speaker 1: So you fixed that by finding some one new. He
Speaker 1: buried his face in his hands, elbows propped on the table,
Speaker 1: shoulders hunched against an answer I refused to give. I
Speaker 1: pressed on because stopping now would mean I'd accepted less.
Speaker 1: Were you going to leave me for her? He looked up,
Speaker 1: tears bright. No, I never was. She wasn't you in
Speaker 1: my life. I just wanted both. I was selfish, selfish
Speaker 1: echoed voice, a'trn thread. He risked everything for a thrill.
Speaker 1: Did you even think about what this would do to me?
Speaker 1: To us? He shook his head miserably. I kept telling
Speaker 1: myself i'd stop each time I thought, this is it.
Speaker 1: Next week, I'll fix everything. But I couldn't let go,
Speaker 1: or I didn't want to let go. She was there,
Speaker 1: and God, it was easy. That bitter was easy, punched
Speaker 1: something out of me. I wondered if I'd been the
Speaker 1: only one working so hard to keep this life upright.
Speaker 1: The silent stretched heavy with all the things that could
Speaker 1: never be fixed. Daniel wiped his nose on his sleeve,
Speaker 1: headache above his eyes. I still love you, he repeated,
Speaker 1: Let me try, let me fix it. I didn't answer. Instead,
Speaker 1: I stood backing away from the table, arms tied across
Speaker 1: my chest, the only way to keep from shattering. Right there,
Speaker 1: the air in the room was dense and forgiving. Then
Speaker 1: came the moment where things napped from confession to collapse.
Speaker 1: Daniel got up, coming closer, wanting I could tell to
Speaker 1: reach me, to hold us back to something familiar. Stepped back, Please,
Speaker 1: he said, voice horse, Please, just tell me what I
Speaker 1: can do. I'll do anything. It's over, nicholl, I swear
Speaker 1: I'll block a number, I'll quit the gym if you want.
Speaker 1: I just can't lose you. I looked at him, full on,
Speaker 1: then searching for my husband in the ruins anything. I
Speaker 1: heard myself say, voice hard as bone. Because the only
Speaker 1: thing you can do is make this, shrew, make this
Speaker 1: not have happened. But you can't. He folded, sinking on
Speaker 1: to the rug, sobs racking him. Helpless and raw. For
Speaker 1: a moment, I almost broke. Kolmos bent to comfort the
Speaker 1: man I had loved, not the man who'd blown up
Speaker 1: our life for novelty. But sympathy could wait. I needed
Speaker 1: out of space, the kind of silence not ringed with betrayal.
Speaker 1: His voice chased me as I moved to the bedroom,
Speaker 1: grabbing a duffel from the closet and stuffing clothes into
Speaker 1: it on not a pilot, Nicholl, Please God, just talk
Speaker 1: to me, don't leave. We can fix this. I zipped
Speaker 1: the bag, ignoring the trimmer in my limbs. He sat
Speaker 1: with his head in his hands as I packed essentials,
Speaker 1: two brush chargers, running shoes, and old fleas I found
Speaker 1: my wedding bend, slid it off and set it on
Speaker 1: top of the dresser. The tiny clink made me pause,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't let myself linger there. I texted my sister,
Speaker 1: coming over. Need a bed for a few days. Not
Speaker 1: ready to talk, she replied instantly, Doors open, come whenever,
Speaker 1: love you. Daniel trailed me as I moved through the hole,
Speaker 1: saying my name like it could break my resolve, but
Speaker 1: I kept going. The apartment was unrecognizable, same pictures, same furniture,
Speaker 1: but all rearranged by the knowledge that had finally surfaced
Speaker 1: at the door. He laid a shaking hand on my back.
Speaker 1: Please don't go. I'll do anything. I'll call lean her
Speaker 1: right now, I'll block her. I swear. I looked him
Speaker 1: in the eye of a man I trusted love, plotted
Speaker 1: a hundred futures with I need to base Danel. I
Speaker 1: need to not see you, not until I can breathe again.
Speaker 1: He stood there, mute, defeated. I left the air outside.
Speaker 1: Didn't feel like freedom, just something survivable. In the elevator,
Speaker 1: I thumb my ring absently, placing it in the zippered pocket,
Speaker 1: with hands steadieth than I expected. I taxed prayer, heading
Speaker 1: to my sister's. She responded with a string of hearts,
Speaker 1: no questions. That was all I could handle. I walked
Speaker 1: to the train, head bowed back heavy against my shoulder.
Speaker 1: Everything was different, and yet the city pulsed on without noticing.
Speaker 1: When I reached my sister's, she hugged me worthlessly, guided
Speaker 1: me to her guest room, where she'd laid out clean
Speaker 1: sheets and a glass of water. She didn't ask questions,
Speaker 1: just fruffled my hair and left me with the door
Speaker 1: half open. I changed into pajama's, curling up better window
Speaker 1: half my world was packed in a bag. The rest
Speaker 1: left of the man I could no longer call home.
Speaker 1: The city sounded different from this high up, less light,
Speaker 1: belonging more like distance. I scrolled my phone to our
Speaker 1: oldest photo, Daniel and me on that first mountain top,
Speaker 1: arm's lace, eyes wind burned and shining. I hovered over
Speaker 1: his number in my contacts, thumb trembling for just a beat,
Speaker 1: then finally pressed Eli. My chest hurt, but my breath
Speaker 1: came a little easier. I set the phone face down
Speaker 1: on the side table. I sat for a while, knees
Speaker 1: pulled to my chest, letting the silence gather and settle.
Speaker 1: I felt hollow, exhausted, lucky in the strangest way, because
Speaker 1: at least now I knew. I felt hollow, exhausted, lucky
Speaker 1: in the strangest way, because at least now I knew.
Speaker 1: For a long time, I just sat there in the
Speaker 1: hush of my sister's guest room, knees pressed into my chests.
Speaker 1: The apartment strange geometry holding me together. Somewhere out in
Speaker 1: the main living area, she climbed together plates and water glasses,
Speaker 1: then turned down the volume of some reality show, her
Speaker 1: signal that I could come out if I wanted. Though
Speaker 1: she was nearby but not prowling. I didn't, not yet.
Speaker 1: The bed was low and forgiving. At the window, the
Speaker 1: city flickered over the river, indifferent to endings or betrayals.
Speaker 1: It should have felt clean out this aftermath, like snapping
Speaker 1: open a window after weeks of stale air. Instead, so
Speaker 1: much of me seen suspended, waiting for panic, for break down,
Speaker 1: for anger to Russian and hollow out the eg with fury.
Speaker 1: But all I felt was the subdued not of exhaustion.
Speaker 1: I wanted answers, but I was done interrogating the emptiness.
Speaker 1: I kept thinking about the night before Daniel and I
Speaker 1: moved in together, the leap it had taken, How I
Speaker 1: waited my trust against every worry, every known wound. I
Speaker 1: had chosen that risk, believed in it as a source
Speaker 1: of pride. I'd spent so long building a way of
Speaker 1: loving that made sense only because both has agreed to
Speaker 1: stay inside it together. Now that contract was shredded, and
Speaker 1: all I could do was account for the loss. Sell
Speaker 1: by cell. The afternoon drifted sun, turning the river gold
Speaker 1: and then looking it into steel blue. My sister came
Speaker 1: and went, leaving bowls of Traio mix, extra charges, a
Speaker 1: sealed envelope of emergency cash, her quiet version of love.
Speaker 1: When she finally appeared in the doorway, she stayed just
Speaker 1: long enough to lay a hand on my shoulder. You're
Speaker 1: safe here, Take as long as you need. Want dinner
Speaker 1: or just sleep? I mumbled, sleep, I think, But she
Speaker 1: set out a plate of toast and slice apples anyway,
Speaker 1: adult comper food. I ate a little, mostly for her sake.
Speaker 1: The hours blurred, but I didn't sleep. My phone blinked
Speaker 1: over and over. Daniel's number replaced by a cold plus
Speaker 1: one text piling in omeread not for its not rage.
Speaker 1: The privy barge a showed please, I am so sorry?
Speaker 1: Can you just on endless loop? I blocked the number
Speaker 1: after the fifth attempt, feeling suddenly lighter but also raw.
Speaker 1: Twice I almost call Priate to rage to sob, to
Speaker 1: ask her if maybe this could ever be reversible, But
Speaker 1: there was nothing left to say. Everything was erupting in consequence,
Speaker 1: and all that remained was to feel it, not theorize
Speaker 1: about it. The room was a cold cocoon, and I
Speaker 1: let myself frest against the unyielding truth that this was
Speaker 1: the shape of things. Now. By morning, I woked a
Speaker 1: week some raking the sky, my mouth dry and temples drumming.
Speaker 1: My sister hovered in the hall, phone in hand. He
Speaker 1: left a note Dwan stairs. I didn't read it. I
Speaker 1: closed my eyes, peturing Daniel in the entryway, waiting for
Speaker 1: the elevator that would never bring me home, scribbling out
Speaker 1: some plea or apology on the back of a gym's
Speaker 1: schedule or lauty card. I shook my head, tarsh it,
Speaker 1: I can't. I don't want to hear my voice wavered stopped.
Speaker 1: I pressed my hands to my eyes until I saw stars.
Speaker 1: She dropped the note into the waste basket without ceremony,
Speaker 1: came to sit with me on the end of the bed.
Speaker 1: No one gets to write this, but you next. Just
Speaker 1: take the time you need. Her voice was steady, a
Speaker 1: mooring line. The consequences and spoiled quickly, logic moving in
Speaker 1: when emotion failed. I realized there would be bills to split, groceries,
Speaker 1: to cancel a least, or negotiate, mutual friends to inform
Speaker 1: or ignore. I'd have to retrieve things half a bathroom drawer,
Speaker 1: the back of charger, the old thrifted muck I love,
Speaker 1: but none of those fats foult as argent as the
Speaker 1: emptiness pressing into my chest. Daniel's mother texted to something
Speaker 1: vague about hoping you both all rite, which meant he
Speaker 1: cracked and told at least a watered down version to
Speaker 1: his parents. I didn't answer. Later that afternoon, Prior showed
Speaker 1: up a takeout lemonade and her own brand of worry empathy.
Speaker 1: She sat cross legged on my bed, and he's knocking
Speaker 1: mine and just let me breathe. When the delivery driver ran,
Speaker 1: she patted Beffort down the hole, leaving me with the
Speaker 1: hush and glow of city light. We ate and quiet,
Speaker 1: wiping hands on paper towels. It felt a little bit
Speaker 1: like normal pity party sleep overs from years ago, before
Speaker 1: growing up a treols, before husband's who built second homes
Speaker 1: out of lies. At one point, she said, quietly, I
Speaker 1: went by the gym this morning. Lena wasn't there. The
Speaker 1: front desk girl said, Daniel, subbing out of his classes
Speaker 1: for a while. That's probably good, right, I suppose I
Speaker 1: didn't know what was good. All I knew was what hurt.
Speaker 1: She now sho to take up box toward me want
Speaker 1: to talk about it? I just don't, I admitted, not yet. Okay,
Speaker 1: she said gently, I'm here anyway. She stayed until evening,
Speaker 1: reading tabs on her phone, scrolling through the quiet oor,
Speaker 1: the comfort. I let myself lean for a little against
Speaker 1: her certainty, let the friendship fill the space that Danol's
Speaker 1: betrayal had cratered. After she left, I did the small
Speaker 1: necessary work of assistance, dragged myself through a shower, chained sheets,
Speaker 1: folded the handful of clothes I'd brought, making small knee piles.
Speaker 1: Each physical act felt like a statement I'm still here.
Speaker 1: I am not reduced to what happened to me. The
Speaker 1: follot didn't feel theatrical. There was no sobbing in the shower,
Speaker 1: no smashing of plates, no grand cleansing breakdown. It was
Speaker 1: dull and heavy, a quiet taking stock. This is mine
Speaker 1: that is lost, and everything in between his grief. We're
Speaker 1: on midnight. My sister peeped in, finding me. Awake, Ye
Speaker 1: need anything, something to help you sleep? I shook my head.
Speaker 1: Now just a little time, I can take you to
Speaker 1: get the rest of your staff if you want back up.
Speaker 1: She said, It like battle prep readiness in her tone
Speaker 1: maybe later, I replied, my voice scratchy with fatigue. She
Speaker 1: nodded to kiss my brow, call if you need me
Speaker 1: for a long stretch. I sat on the coppet, back
Speaker 1: against the bed frame, rubbing my useless ring between my fingers.
Speaker 1: The city was quiet now, street lights pulling amber on
Speaker 1: the wet pavement, all the windows across the wavelinking out
Speaker 1: one by one. I thought about the next day and
Speaker 1: the next, but only fleetingly, my mind refusing to leave
Speaker 1: this moment to bargain or hope or plan. I could
Speaker 1: not go back, and I would not collapse forward either. Finally,
Speaker 1: when my mind was spent and my body empty, I
Speaker 1: peeled myself up, turned off the bedside lamp, and left
Speaker 1: my phone silent For the rest of the night. I
Speaker 1: crawled under the cool, fresh sheets and let the simple
Speaker 1: press of fabric and quite tell me in the most
Speaker 1: basic language that I had endured the reckoning. In the morning,
Speaker 1: with the city just beginning to stir au, I sat
Speaker 1: cross like it on the guest bed, sun light splintered
Speaker 1: across my lap. I fished my wedding ring from the
Speaker 1: pocket of my back, weighing it like something I might
Speaker 1: drop or howl, but I simply held it, letting its small,
Speaker 1: cold shaped press into my palm. With that ceremony, I stood,
Speaker 1: padded to the window and set the rain gently on
Speaker 1: the sill, whether like could catch it, making it almost beautiful,
Speaker 1: almost innocent. For a long moment, I stayed there, breathing
Speaker 1: in air that was solely mine, clearing my chest of
Speaker 1: ek with every exhale. I did not check my phone.
Speaker 1: I did not want to the past. I watched the
Speaker 1: city come up alive in the glass and let the
Speaker 1: prison claim me, jagged, uncertain, but mine alone