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<v Speaker 1>Justin Warsht was joined us, so we talked about parenting

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<v Speaker 1>with Justin when it comes in. I saw the article

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<v Speaker 1>yesterday morning, and I actually we got a couple of

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<v Speaker 1>talkbacks from people yesterday.

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<v Speaker 2>Just as an example. Here's one.

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<v Speaker 1>The study was about whether drinking as a teenager with

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<v Speaker 1>permission from your parents.

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<v Speaker 2>They give you little bit of leeway or a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of leeway, whatever it is.

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<v Speaker 1>But drinking before you're legally allowed to, does that have

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<v Speaker 1>an impact on when you drink when you's legal as

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<v Speaker 1>a young adult?

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<v Speaker 3>Hi, Gary, My parents would have a cocktail when my

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<v Speaker 3>dad got home from work. He drank Martiniz. My mom

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<v Speaker 3>drank Dubinet, which is a sweet sherry. We always got

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<v Speaker 3>to taste it. We thought my dad's drink tasted like

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<v Speaker 3>rocket fuel. My mom's drink was very sweet and we

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<v Speaker 3>loved it. But I grew up alcohol just wasn't a

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<v Speaker 3>big deal until I started partying in my twenties. Then

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<v Speaker 3>it was more of a big deal. But now at

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<v Speaker 3>this point in my life, I hardly drink it all.

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<v Speaker 3>Maybe when I ought with friends.

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<v Speaker 1>So the study actually showed that the younger you start

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<v Speaker 1>for one thing, the younger you start your first taste

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<v Speaker 1>of alcoholic's. We had one person say seven, A couple

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<v Speaker 1>of them said nine. The more common was somewhere around eleven, twelve, thirteen, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>twelve was yeah, and not a regular drink, but just

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<v Speaker 1>the taste.

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<v Speaker 4>The sixth of the like the trying in the worship household.

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<v Speaker 4>It's toddlerdom because of my Portuguese stepmom.

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<v Speaker 2>There you go, yes, there, as.

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<v Speaker 4>Soon as you can walk, you dip your pacifier in

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<v Speaker 4>a vase of wine.

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<v Speaker 1>But they said they found an eighty percent increase of

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<v Speaker 1>the sorry, eighty percent of the adolescents responded they had

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<v Speaker 1>drunk alcohol with parental permission, and that those were more

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<v Speaker 1>likely to drink more as young adults.

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<v Speaker 4>And the theory is like, and this is what I

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<v Speaker 4>looked at it. These are surveys taken from two thousand

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<v Speaker 4>and nine to twenty eighteen from people with children ages

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<v Speaker 4>five to seventeen. And I wonder if there is like

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<v Speaker 4>an generational aspect to this, because I feel like what

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<v Speaker 4>she's talking about, like she sounds like she's at least

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<v Speaker 4>close to our age. And my parents let me try

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<v Speaker 4>anything I wanted. And my dad's whole philosophy was if

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<v Speaker 4>you remove the taboo.

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<v Speaker 2>Then it would be less likely that I would drink

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<v Speaker 2>in high school.

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<v Speaker 4>And this could just be circumstantial, but like, I didn't

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<v Speaker 4>like I had one drink my entire the entire time

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<v Speaker 4>I was in high school. I don't think I was

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<v Speaker 4>actually drunk until I graduated high school. I was still

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<v Speaker 4>under twenty one the first time I got drunk. But

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<v Speaker 4>it wasn't like I don't know, I was always very

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<v Speaker 4>responsive about It was never a thing that was like, oh,

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<v Speaker 4>this is exciting. So there's also an element to me

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<v Speaker 4>that my mom always had a glass of wine as

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<v Speaker 4>soon as she came home from work, and I always

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<v Speaker 4>thought it was because she was Portuguese.

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<v Speaker 2>And that was the way she was. Maybe that makes me.

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<v Speaker 4>Racist, probably so Probably so I just saw it like, oh,

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<v Speaker 4>but my dad never drank. My dad was probably drunk

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<v Speaker 4>five times my entire childhood, and I never saw them

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<v Speaker 4>any Like, at no point in my life did I

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<v Speaker 4>ever see my dad's saw ever.

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<v Speaker 2>Never happened. So, but it's so, I don't know, it

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<v Speaker 2>was never important to me.

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<v Speaker 1>I remember my parents not big drinkers, but they had

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<v Speaker 1>a massive, at least my memory of it, a massive

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<v Speaker 1>liquor cabinet right.

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<v Speaker 2>Cabinet is not the right word. A collection of liquor.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was always in the garage, and you know,

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<v Speaker 1>he touched it, opened the garage door and it would

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<v Speaker 1>be behind it. There was a set of shelves back there,

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<v Speaker 1>and I remember looking at it and think of what

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<v Speaker 1>is all that stuff for?

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<v Speaker 2>What? You don't drink it, what do you use it for?

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe they were drinking it and I didn't know it.

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<v Speaker 4>My father used gin as a trap, like he would

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<v Speaker 4>put because he got tired of me sneaking your mom,

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<v Speaker 4>you're right. He got tired of me stealing his coke

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<v Speaker 4>whenever he so he would lay out a coke and

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<v Speaker 4>he would pour gin in it, like half gin, so

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<v Speaker 4>I'd take a hit and lah, and when I was

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<v Speaker 4>like less than five, like.

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<v Speaker 2>That, And that was just his way.

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<v Speaker 4>When with his grandkids he would put kayenn pepper on

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<v Speaker 4>popcorn for the first few times, just so they wouldn't

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<v Speaker 4>steal his popcorn.

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<v Speaker 1>My uncle used to put out his cigarettes in the

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<v Speaker 1>old pepsi battas and that's all.

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<v Speaker 2>So that's at the turret for that and hee spit.

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<v Speaker 2>If you take a sway of that.

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<v Speaker 4>I think there's also got to be an element kind

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<v Speaker 4>of like what but even the talkback person said, like,

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<v Speaker 4>I think is contradictor to this in that I think

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<v Speaker 4>if you're parent like my siblings, my stepbrother and sister

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<v Speaker 4>in law, they threw parties and they had their kids,

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<v Speaker 4>had teenage friends and I'm talking at like sixteen years old.

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<v Speaker 4>They would have ragers at their house where everybody would

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<v Speaker 4>spend the night and everybody was hammered, and both my

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<v Speaker 4>dad and I were really afraid for them because if

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<v Speaker 4>something really bad goes wrong and one of those other parents,

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<v Speaker 4>supposedly all the parents knew.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know, but if one of.

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<v Speaker 4>Those parents decides to file press charges, they could lose

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<v Speaker 4>their house, they could lose their kids. Like There's a

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<v Speaker 4>lot that could come from that, and I think they

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<v Speaker 4>just everybody does it under the thing, Well, I just

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<v Speaker 4>want them to be safe.

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<v Speaker 2>I did.

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<v Speaker 1>I went to one party like that, and I think

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<v Speaker 1>it was a junior. I had to be a senior

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<v Speaker 1>in high school, and the expectation was nobody leaves, nobody

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<v Speaker 1>leaves until the morning. Yeah, and I there were probably

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<v Speaker 1>ten of us, and the it was my girlfriend's mom.

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<v Speaker 1>She bought a twelve pack of beer for like ten

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<v Speaker 1>of us, and I remember thinking, well, this is not

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<v Speaker 1>going to be fun. Yeah, and I had, I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd never experienced it before. But even then I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>this is not How are we going to decide who

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<v Speaker 1>gets to drink the extra two beer?

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<v Speaker 3>Like?

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<v Speaker 1>It didn't make any sense. I cannot imagine doing that.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean now, but freshman year in college, my daughter

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<v Speaker 1>came home and she brought a bunch of friends with

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<v Speaker 1>her roommates and things like that, and I said to them, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't mind. You guys want to hang out and

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<v Speaker 1>have a crush, a couple of Seltzers or whatever. You

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<v Speaker 1>guys want, whatever's cool amongst your group, but nobody leaves.

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<v Speaker 2>Nobody leaves this place. You can't get no windows and

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<v Speaker 2>no doors.

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<v Speaker 1>But there were there were other times as well when

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<v Speaker 1>it was just the four of us, my wife and

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<v Speaker 1>I and then our son and daughter, and I would say,

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<v Speaker 1>you want a glass of wine with dinner? And I

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<v Speaker 1>mean this is late in their teen years, late in

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<v Speaker 1>high school kind of thing, because I wanted them to

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<v Speaker 1>know what it felt like, especially before my daughter went

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<v Speaker 1>off and you know, got to go to the bars

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<v Speaker 1>that in college town. You got to know what two

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<v Speaker 1>drinks does to you. Yeah, compared to four drinks, compared

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<v Speaker 1>to six drinks. Now, I wasn't going to give her

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<v Speaker 1>six drinks, but I just was going to get them

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<v Speaker 1>to the point where they go, oh, this does change

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<v Speaker 1>the way I feel.

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<v Speaker 4>I know what it feels like, it's being prepared, and

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<v Speaker 4>the fact that like there's this where you feel it,

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<v Speaker 4>and so maybe if you have one more drink after

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<v Speaker 4>you start to feel it, there's more that's coming. Yeah, right,

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<v Speaker 4>and you don't alay that, so you try again. There

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<v Speaker 4>was one other thing I want to is it this

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<v Speaker 4>right here? Even just actually increases rather than no, oh,

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<v Speaker 4>we already covered it.

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<v Speaker 2>Never mind.

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<v Speaker 4>Thirty to forty percent of children under the age of

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<v Speaker 4>thirteen try alcohol with parental permission in the United States.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and that, I that's kind of a wide range.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think it just means hey, can I Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>that's said, And here's the question, do you ask?

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<v Speaker 2>That's the other thing about it.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't remember asking for a taste of it until

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<v Speaker 1>I was, you know, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, Oh.

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<v Speaker 2>My kids asked even yet.

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<v Speaker 1>But I remember my dad handing me a beer when

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<v Speaker 1>I was nine or ten and saying, try that both.

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<v Speaker 2>Of my kids said can I try it?

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<v Speaker 4>And we've decided for maybe maybe this is how we're

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<v Speaker 4>ruining and making our children alcoholics. Probably like we they

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<v Speaker 4>said can I try, and we just said yes, like

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<v Speaker 4>we would just give it to them. Especially cocktails at

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<v Speaker 4>a restaurant. That's the one where I really break the law.

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<v Speaker 4>Like I've had a couple of times where when they

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<v Speaker 4>know they have to wait till the server leaves and

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<v Speaker 4>then they can have a hit off a Dad's Old

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<v Speaker 4>Fashion or a margarita or something, and to me, it

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<v Speaker 4>takes the taboo. My son has been to multiple parties.

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<v Speaker 4>What's interesting too, the thing that they kids do now

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<v Speaker 4>at parties. They drink, sure, but not as much they

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<v Speaker 4>do CBD gummies. That's like the new thing. I think

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<v Speaker 4>it's because it's easier to get CBD gummies than it

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<v Speaker 4>is ones with THHC in it. And but that's what

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<v Speaker 4>I'm hearing that a lot of the kids do at parties.

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<v Speaker 4>They're not really drinking. Nobody smokes cigarettes anymore. That's like,

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<v Speaker 4>what are you crazy? I told my kid, I'm like,

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<v Speaker 4>you inviuty some cigarettes so you could take to the party. Cool.

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<v Speaker 4>He's like, you know, what That's the one thing you

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<v Speaker 4>would buy that people would be mad at me. You'd

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<v Speaker 4>be like, why what are you doing? If it was

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<v Speaker 4>a vape man, they would be all over it. But

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<v Speaker 4>everybody's vaping or they like the CBD gummies.

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<v Speaker 1>Today we've talked about the well, Shannon and I have

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<v Speaker 1>talked about the Sean Diddy Comb's trial that's on right now.

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<v Speaker 1>Cassie Ventura, his ex girlfriend, was the star witness. Cassie's

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<v Speaker 1>mom actually testified as well about the abuse that she

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<v Speaker 1>saw in her daughter and led to this question, Hey, good.

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<v Speaker 5>Morning, Gary, maybe this could be for you and justin

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<v Speaker 5>today on the parenting episode. Okay, so Cassie Ventura's mom

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<v Speaker 5>was in court and she showed pictures of her daughter,

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<v Speaker 5>you know, lifting up her top and have bruises and

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<v Speaker 5>blood and all kinds of damage on her body. And

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<v Speaker 5>her mom was aware of it, but she didn't do

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<v Speaker 5>anything to get her out of there from what I

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<v Speaker 5>could tell, So, what kind of parent is that? That's

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<v Speaker 5>not the kind of parent I am, And I don't

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<v Speaker 5>think people listening want to be that type either.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I don't know. If I I wouldn't go so

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<v Speaker 2>far as to say she didn't do anything. We don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know what I was too. But she's also

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<v Speaker 1>an adult. She's an adult. Mom can't force her out

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<v Speaker 1>of a relationship. And mom was the one apparently who

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<v Speaker 1>took the picture, so there was some amount of documentation

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<v Speaker 1>that she knew needed to take place. I just think

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<v Speaker 1>about Listen, there's a the whole thing about that, that

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<v Speaker 1>trial or trials like that. If let's assume, for the

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<v Speaker 1>purpose of argument, that he's guilty of sexually assaulting his

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<v Speaker 1>ex girlfriend, which he's accused of, but let's just assume

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<v Speaker 1>that he that he's that it happened. As a father

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<v Speaker 1>or as a parent, doesn't have to be a father,

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<v Speaker 1>but as a parent of somebody who had gone through that,

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<v Speaker 1>I would do everything I could to make sure that

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<v Speaker 1>that guy never saw the light of day again, as

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<v Speaker 1>uncomfortable as it would be, as potentially embarrassing as it

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<v Speaker 1>would be. I mean, the things that Cassie Ventura was

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<v Speaker 1>testifying to are gut wrenching, gut wrenchingly embarrassing for her,

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<v Speaker 1>and that she survived it and is willing to you

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<v Speaker 1>put herself out there to put this guy away, says

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<v Speaker 1>something about her character. I mean that she's a very

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<v Speaker 1>very strong person. We also mentioned that her husband was

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<v Speaker 1>in the courtroom many times for many of the hours

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<v Speaker 1>of her testimony, not all of it, but for many

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<v Speaker 1>of the hours of it, which has got to be

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<v Speaker 1>gut wrenching, and that her parent, her mom, knows these

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<v Speaker 1>stories about what has gone on.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, there's a kind of a question that comes up.

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<v Speaker 1>I would hate it if a parent was ever in

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<v Speaker 1>that position. But I completely understand the idea that she's there,

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<v Speaker 1>She's going to do everything she can to protect her girl, and.

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<v Speaker 4>I think like her. My two cents on that is

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<v Speaker 4>that like Shannon makes fun of me and the comforter right,

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<v Speaker 4>like when my son was had his previous girlfriend and

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<v Speaker 4>then they would cuddle and while we were all watching

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<v Speaker 4>a movie, and she's like, oh, things are happening under

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<v Speaker 4>that comforter, and and even my brother in law gave

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<v Speaker 4>me a hard time and said, I think they're doing

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<v Speaker 4>more than kiss and and I just, deep down in

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<v Speaker 4>my heart and soul, I know differently, But again, like

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<v Speaker 4>you're talking in a hypothetical, hypothetically, what if I'm wrong?

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<v Speaker 2>And I think that's that's how this stuff happens.

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<v Speaker 4>Is that we all as parents make assumptions about what

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<v Speaker 4>our kids are feeling, especially as they get older. Once

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<v Speaker 4>they get into those teenage years, you don't really have

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<v Speaker 4>a lot of say. And it's hard because if you

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<v Speaker 4>try to hold on too tight and keep them close

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<v Speaker 4>to you, there's a little bit of like you hard,

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<v Speaker 4>You're you're infringing on their development, like you're slowing it down,

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<v Speaker 4>you're stunting it. But also they pull away, like it

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<v Speaker 4>makes them pull away from you more, so you have

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<v Speaker 4>to kind of pick your shots, like it almost seems

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<v Speaker 4>like they're in an orbit, you know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 4>And then there's moments where they seem to want to

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<v Speaker 4>talk to you, and that's when they're close in orbit.

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<v Speaker 4>You're like, oh great, and you get in while you

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<v Speaker 4>can and see how it goes.

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<v Speaker 2>From the elliptical orbit like a comet. Yes, yeah, like

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<v Speaker 2>and you don't.

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<v Speaker 4>But and so all I'm saying is is that I

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<v Speaker 4>think it's very easy on the outside to and I'm

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<v Speaker 4>not judging this person. I think he's just saying, like,

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<v Speaker 4>this might be interesting to talk about, and I agree.

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<v Speaker 4>I think it's easy when we're all looking at the

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<v Speaker 4>outside to say it's the mom's fault, like, why would

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<v Speaker 4>she continue to allow this to happen? Because I think,

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<v Speaker 4>like you said when we started, it's assuming that she

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<v Speaker 4>was what we don't know, and what I'm like, this

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<v Speaker 4>is me doing the same kind of speculation. I was

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<v Speaker 4>a big fan of Loveline when I was in like

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<v Speaker 4>middle school, and it informed a lot about how I

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<v Speaker 4>perceived relationships. And regardless of your upbringing, they what they

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<v Speaker 4>identified to me as a young kid is that everybody

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<v Speaker 4>has these kind of patterns, and what we don't know

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<v Speaker 4>is that maybe this poor young lady has just had

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<v Speaker 4>a pattern of being attracted to the wrong guy in

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<v Speaker 4>her youth, like a lot of us do.

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<v Speaker 2>I was way into crazy chicks when I was younger,

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<v Speaker 2>and now I just like a good old, boring lady.

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<v Speaker 2>That's my wife, and she's awesome, I do. She's gonna

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<v Speaker 2>love this right, so you know what I mean. I

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<v Speaker 2>just don't want any drama in my life.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, and I think the one aspect of this specific

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<v Speaker 1>case also is the power imbalance that existed between did

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<v Speaker 1>he anyone else?

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<v Speaker 2>Anybody?

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<v Speaker 1>If he's threatening to again, One of the reasons that

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<v Speaker 1>Kid Cutty was supposed to testify is Kid Cutty's car

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<v Speaker 1>blew up in his driveway. Not too long after Sean

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<v Speaker 1>did he Combs threatened to blow up his car in

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<v Speaker 1>the driveway. Clearly, clearly this guy, or at least the

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<v Speaker 1>impression was that this guy had the ability to take

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<v Speaker 1>you out if he needed to. And that's, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>one of the reasons why Mom, you could. There are

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<v Speaker 1>other things you can do, but the power dynamic is

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<v Speaker 1>not is not irrelevant in that case.

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<v Speaker 4>And if if like what if, Like I know, Mom,

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<v Speaker 4>I don't know when Mom found out about this stuff.

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<v Speaker 4>But I also think it's very easy, like in these

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<v Speaker 4>situations where your kids are hurting, that's one of the

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<v Speaker 4>scary things as a parent is that you have this

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<v Speaker 4>perception and if the kid is just really good at

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<v Speaker 4>covering it up and hiding it, then there's really no

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<v Speaker 4>real way for you to know, because why would you know.

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<v Speaker 4>I've had like my solution has been, if I have

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<v Speaker 4>an inkling something isn't right, I get and I start

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<v Speaker 4>looking at their texts down on it. No, no, it's horrible,

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<v Speaker 4>but I violate their privacy and I look at their

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<v Speaker 4>text messages that they have with their friend. I look

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<v Speaker 4>at their search history on their computer or on their phone,

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<v Speaker 4>and I do it without them knowing it, so because

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<v Speaker 4>I don't want them to know that I can look

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<v Speaker 4>at that because I feel like then they're going to

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<v Speaker 4>learn how to hide it even better. And so I

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<v Speaker 4>found out there was a time where my younger son

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<v Speaker 4>was struggling, and I know that this wasn't the case.

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<v Speaker 4>And I know people are listening who maybe have experienced

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<v Speaker 4>this are going to go, you're wrong. But in this case,

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<v Speaker 4>so far, everything's fine. But my son was googling like

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<v Speaker 4>depression and anxiety and not suicidal, but definitely depression. And

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<v Speaker 4>so when my wife, when I told her about that,

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<v Speaker 4>she's like, oh, she's like starting to get nervous. I

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<v Speaker 4>was like, no, he's curious. He also has a friend

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<v Speaker 4>group that a lot of the kids struggle with depression

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<v Speaker 4>like at that time. So I said, if it's what

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<v Speaker 4>you're hanging around, because we remember, I learn your social

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<v Speaker 4>circle at his age thirteen to fifteen becomes more influential

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<v Speaker 4>than the parents. So I think it goes back to

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<v Speaker 4>the same thing. If she's traveling around with a group

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<v Speaker 4>of people, people that are being this abusive tour, it's

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<v Speaker 4>hard for anybody to get out of it. Keep snooping right,

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<v Speaker 4>stay connected, keep asking questions, and always just remind like,

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<v Speaker 4>if you ever need anything, I'm here. As sappy after

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<v Speaker 4>school specials as that sounds, I really think it makes

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<v Speaker 4>a difference.

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<v Speaker 2>I really do such a fancy I am. I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 2>go cry.

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<v Speaker 5>Thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>Gary Shannon will continue right after this