WEBVTT 1 00:00:06.440 --> 00:00:08.839 I was never one for fate, for all that mystical 2 00:00:08.839 --> 00:00:11.919 nonsense about omens and signs. But if you pressed me, 3 00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:14.480 put a colt to my head and demanded I pinpoint 4 00:00:14.519 --> 00:00:17.600 the exact moment the flimsy scaffolding of my life began 5 00:00:17.640 --> 00:00:21.559 to buckle. I'd finger the day that support beam snapped 6 00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:25.559 at the construction site. My name is Everett, forty two 7 00:00:25.640 --> 00:00:28.800 years old, and up until that greasy Tuesday, I'd cultivated 8 00:00:28.839 --> 00:00:31.679 the illusion that my existence was built on something solid, 9 00:00:32.119 --> 00:00:37.320 something approaching stable ground. There was Barbara, my wife, thirty nine. 10 00:00:37.439 --> 00:00:39.320 She could turn a phrase with a viper's wit when 11 00:00:39.320 --> 00:00:42.039 she felt like it, which wasn't often with me anymore. More. 12 00:00:42.079 --> 00:00:45.119 Often she was a locked door, a blank wall. Then 13 00:00:45.159 --> 00:00:48.799 there was Gage, her son, my step son, sixteen. He'd 14 00:00:48.880 --> 00:00:51.200 drifted into my life when he was eight, a sullen 15 00:00:51.200 --> 00:00:54.719 little cloud of preteen angst already forming. I married Barbara, 16 00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:57.840 and by default I got him. From day one. I 17 00:00:58.079 --> 00:01:01.079 was the intruder, the guy who didn't belong in their tight, 18 00:01:01.240 --> 00:01:05.799 slightly dysfunctional orbit. Still I put on a show, built 19 00:01:05.840 --> 00:01:09.239 him a goddamn tree house he used twice, tried to 20 00:01:09.280 --> 00:01:12.000 teach him to fish. The little prick more interested in 21 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:14.760 his phone batting cages a few times my attempt at 22 00:01:14.760 --> 00:01:18.760 some rockwlly in fantasy. We had moments, sure, fleeting instances 23 00:01:18.760 --> 00:01:21.480 where I thought, maybe this isn't a complete disaster. But 24 00:01:21.599 --> 00:01:25.519 underneath it all, the whole blended family charade, something was festering, 25 00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:28.799 a rot. We all pretended not to smell. Eight years 26 00:01:28.879 --> 00:01:31.799 Barbara and I eight years of a life constructed more 27 00:01:31.840 --> 00:01:35.319 from the bricks of routine and obligation than any genuine affection. 28 00:01:35.840 --> 00:01:39.439 I told myself. It was enough morning coffee, same stale 29 00:01:39.439 --> 00:01:42.560 inside jokes that had lost their punchlines years ago, date 30 00:01:42.680 --> 00:01:45.319 nights at the same mediocre Italian place where the waiter 31 00:01:45.400 --> 00:01:48.480 knew my order by heart. We didn't fight much, We 32 00:01:48.519 --> 00:01:51.519 didn't do much of anything. It was a beige existence, 33 00:01:51.959 --> 00:01:56.319 comfortable in its sheer, soul crushing predictability. In hindsight, that 34 00:01:56.519 --> 00:01:59.519 was the damn problem, wasn't it. I'd convinced myself. This 35 00:01:59.599 --> 00:02:03.920 sterile peace was happiness that my paycheck was a substitute 36 00:02:03.959 --> 00:02:07.200 for actual connection. If her son was a surly little 37 00:02:07.239 --> 00:02:09.120 fool who wouldn't give me the time of day, well 38 00:02:09.680 --> 00:02:14.159 that was just teenagers, right. I ignored every goddamn warning flare, 39 00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:19.000 the increasingly frequent girl's weekends where she'd come back looking 40 00:02:19.000 --> 00:02:22.360 more exhausted than refreshed, The way she'd cradle her phone 41 00:02:22.439 --> 00:02:26.000 like a lover, whispering into it late at night, always 42 00:02:26.039 --> 00:02:30.680 about some crisis at work. I needed a catastrophic failure, 43 00:02:31.000 --> 00:02:33.639 a literal two by four to the skull, to jolt 44 00:02:33.680 --> 00:02:36.639 me out of myself imposed stupor and buoy Did I 45 00:02:36.759 --> 00:02:39.919 get it? The beam collapsing wasn't a gentle affair. It 46 00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:43.159 was a twelve gage blast of concrete and steel. My 47 00:02:43.319 --> 00:02:48.080 legs shattered, tibia, fibula, the whole damn chorus line. Three 48 00:02:48.159 --> 00:02:51.759 ribs cracked like dry twigs, one puncturing a lung nearly 49 00:02:51.800 --> 00:02:54.680 bled out on a pile of rebar and dust. The 50 00:02:54.759 --> 00:02:59.400 doctors blessed their patronizing hearts, kept patting my arm, telling 51 00:02:59.439 --> 00:03:03.639 me how I was lucky. I was drowning in a 52 00:03:03.639 --> 00:03:06.639 sea of agony. My leg hoisted in traction like some 53 00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:10.159 grotesque piece of modern art. Tubes snaked from my nose 54 00:03:10.240 --> 00:03:13.479 my chest, monitoring my every pathetic breath. Nights in that 55 00:03:13.560 --> 00:03:18.439 sterile cage blurred into a monotonous hellscape of pain. Morphine 56 00:03:18.479 --> 00:03:22.280 induced hazes, the distant squeak of gurney's and the incessant, 57 00:03:22.719 --> 00:03:28.599 infuriating beep of machines tethering me to consciousness. My sister Bernice, 58 00:03:29.919 --> 00:03:35.280 she was there every damn day, homemade soup that tasted 59 00:03:35.319 --> 00:03:38.439 like ashes in my mouth, updates on Curtis, my dog, 60 00:03:38.560 --> 00:03:40.879 Probably the only creature in my house who genuinely gave 61 00:03:40.919 --> 00:03:43.080 a crap about me. She'd stay through the worst of it, 62 00:03:43.120 --> 00:03:45.599 when the pain meds wore off and the screaming started 63 00:03:45.639 --> 00:03:48.319 in my head. She was my anchor in that crap storm. 64 00:03:48.759 --> 00:03:53.439 And Barbara, my loving wife of eight years, vanished, poof gone. 65 00:03:53.759 --> 00:03:56.280 Not the first day when they weren't sure I'd make 66 00:03:56.280 --> 00:03:59.199 it through the night, Not the fifth, when I was 67 00:03:59.280 --> 00:04:02.840 lucid enough to ask for her. Not the tenth forty 68 00:04:03.199 --> 00:04:07.639 goddamn minutes that's the drive, forty minutes she couldn't spare 69 00:04:07.680 --> 00:04:10.120 for her husband, who nearly cashed in his chips. I 70 00:04:10.199 --> 00:04:12.879 tried calling the hospital phone, heavy and slick in my 71 00:04:12.919 --> 00:04:15.759 sweating palm. The first time she answered with a groan, 72 00:04:16.279 --> 00:04:19.519 something mumbled about gauge having a soccer game. Can't make 73 00:04:19.560 --> 00:04:22.600 it ef you know how it is the second time 74 00:04:22.720 --> 00:04:25.439 a Kurt Curtis is sick. Took him to the vet, 75 00:04:25.680 --> 00:04:30.560 can't leave him. The third, fourth, fifth time straight to voicemail, 76 00:04:30.959 --> 00:04:35.279 her professionally cheerful message a cruel mockery. Around day five, 77 00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:38.160 a sliver of actual panic wormed its way through the 78 00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:41.639 pain and resentment. Maybe she was in an accident, Maybe 79 00:04:41.720 --> 00:04:45.560 something terrible had happened. Bernice, Ever, the pragmatist, just shook 80 00:04:45.560 --> 00:04:50.199 her head, her expression a mixture of pity and weary resignation. Everett, 81 00:04:50.319 --> 00:04:53.639 you know Barbara, she said, her voice gentle but firm. 82 00:04:54.199 --> 00:04:58.680 She does what benefits Barbara, always has, always will. Deep 83 00:04:58.720 --> 00:05:01.519 down I knew she was right, but some pathetic, hopeful 84 00:05:01.560 --> 00:05:03.399 part of me still clung to the idea of a 85 00:05:03.439 --> 00:05:07.879 reasonable explanation. A week bled into ten days, ten days 86 00:05:07.920 --> 00:05:11.600 into two weeks, two weeks into three. The nurses, initially 87 00:05:11.639 --> 00:05:15.360 all brisk efficiency, started giving me those looks, you know, 88 00:05:15.399 --> 00:05:20.439 the ones, the pitying glances, the overly solicitous offers of 89 00:05:20.439 --> 00:05:23.399 an extra pudding cup. Tessa, one of the younger nurses, 90 00:05:23.480 --> 00:05:25.920 kinder than most, would sometimes perch on the edge of 91 00:05:25.920 --> 00:05:29.240 my bed offer a hand that felt surprisingly steady. She 92 00:05:29.360 --> 00:05:32.000 never asked directly why my wife was a ghost, but 93 00:05:32.079 --> 00:05:34.839 the question hung in the air between us, thick and 94 00:05:34.920 --> 00:05:39.240 suffocating as the antiseptic smell of the ward. It was 95 00:05:39.279 --> 00:05:43.399 nearly four weeks, four goddamn weeks of staring at acoustic 96 00:05:43.439 --> 00:05:46.680 ceiling tiles, listening to the symphony of suffering around me, 97 00:05:46.759 --> 00:05:49.360 before I finally got Barbara on the phone. Her voice 98 00:05:49.399 --> 00:05:52.199 was breezy, casual, like she was talking to a distant 99 00:05:52.199 --> 00:05:55.720 acquaintance she'd bumped into at the grocery store. So I 100 00:05:55.839 --> 00:05:59.519 croaked my throat raw, thinking of gracing me with your 101 00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:02.519 presence anytime soon? Or are you waiting for the funeral? 102 00:06:03.399 --> 00:06:07.600 A beat of silence, then, honestly, Everett, you're not worth 103 00:06:07.600 --> 00:06:11.639 the gas money right now. Her tone was flat, devoid 104 00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:14.560 of any emotion, like she was discussing the price of milk. 105 00:06:15.199 --> 00:06:19.480 Just die fast or heal quick. Okay, I'm tired of 106 00:06:19.480 --> 00:06:23.120 this whole in between thing. It's inconvenient. The phone slipped 107 00:06:23.120 --> 00:06:27.920 from my numb fingers, clattering onto the scratchy hospital blanket. 108 00:06:28.240 --> 00:06:31.639 Her voice, tinny and distant, continued to chirp from the receiver. 109 00:06:32.120 --> 00:06:36.879 Then a different voice, Gauge's unmistakably smug, adolescent sneer yeah, 110 00:06:36.959 --> 00:06:40.959 we don't miss you, old man. Click. I just lay there. 111 00:06:41.560 --> 00:06:45.480 The world tilted, then slowly righted itself. The steady rhythmic 112 00:06:45.560 --> 00:06:48.519 beep of the heart monitor was the only sound, a cold, 113 00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:52.959 mechanical confirmation that I was, despite their apparent wishes, still alive. 114 00:06:53.439 --> 00:06:55.439 Let me tell you, morphine can dull the edges of 115 00:06:55.439 --> 00:06:57.800 a shattered bone, but it doesn't touch that kind of 116 00:06:57.800 --> 00:07:01.279 a visceration, that kind of cold, calculated cruelty. I spent 117 00:07:01.319 --> 00:07:03.920 the next few nights wide awake, the pain in my 118 00:07:04.040 --> 00:07:06.480 leg a dull throb compared to the gaping wound in 119 00:07:06.519 --> 00:07:11.079 my chest. Every memory, every interaction with Barbara, every dismissive 120 00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:13.720 sneer from Gage, played on a loop in my head. 121 00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:16.680 How had I been so freaking blind? How would I 122 00:07:16.680 --> 00:07:20.279 miss the grand canyon sized cracks spiderwebbing through the foundation 123 00:07:20.360 --> 00:07:23.399 of my marriage, my life. Each day Bernice, bless her 124 00:07:23.480 --> 00:07:26.040 loyal heart, brought me not just soup, but another nail 125 00:07:26.040 --> 00:07:29.040 for the coffin of my denial. Bank statements with gaping 126 00:07:29.079 --> 00:07:32.519 holes where our money used to be, strange significant withdrawals, 127 00:07:32.839 --> 00:07:35.839 receipts from jewelry stores I'd never set foot in, plane, 128 00:07:35.839 --> 00:07:39.319 tickets to can Kun, a solo trip for Barbara, apparently 129 00:07:39.560 --> 00:07:42.079 booked while I was fighting off pneumonia in an ICU. 130 00:07:42.560 --> 00:07:46.240 She was siphoning off our joint accounts, our future, feathering 131 00:07:46.279 --> 00:07:48.480 her nest and as I'd soon discover the nest of 132 00:07:48.519 --> 00:07:53.079 someone else. A neighbor, Silvio some slick, recently divorced Prick, 133 00:07:53.120 --> 00:07:56.519 who'd moved in six months prior. Apparently he'd been helping 134 00:07:56.560 --> 00:08:00.000 her out, fixing all the little problems around the head 135 00:08:00.439 --> 00:08:03.000 while I was busy trying not to die. The image 136 00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:06.720 of him, hands all over my tools, my house, my wife, 137 00:08:06.920 --> 00:08:09.680 sent a fresh wave of bile into my throat. Think 138 00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:13.439 about it, f Bernice said, arms crossed, shoving another damning 139 00:08:13.480 --> 00:08:17.120 bank statement under my nose. Her eyes were hard. While 140 00:08:17.160 --> 00:08:20.959 you're lying here, literally fighting for your life, she's out 141 00:08:21.000 --> 00:08:25.959 there laughing it up with this, this jigglow, setting up 142 00:08:26.000 --> 00:08:28.120 a new life with your money. Are you just going 143 00:08:28.160 --> 00:08:30.000 to lie here and take it? Let her bleed you 144 00:08:30.120 --> 00:08:33.480 dry and dance on your grave. She knew me, knew 145 00:08:33.480 --> 00:08:36.440 that beneath the layers of complacency I'd wrapped myself in, 146 00:08:36.600 --> 00:08:40.039 there was a core of something harder, something that, once ignited, 147 00:08:40.080 --> 00:08:43.679 wouldn't be easily extinguished. But first I had to get 148 00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:46.320 the hell out of that hospital. My doctor, a well 149 00:08:46.360 --> 00:08:49.240 meaning but overly cautious man, insisted on at least another 150 00:08:49.279 --> 00:08:53.080 three weeks infection risk. He droned. My leg was a 151 00:08:53.159 --> 00:08:56.039 latticework of metal rods and pins. Breathing was still a 152 00:08:56.080 --> 00:09:00.840 conscious effort. Tessa, the nurse, tried her gentle persuasion it please, 153 00:09:01.120 --> 00:09:05.039 it's not safe, you need monitoring. But I'd had enough 154 00:09:05.360 --> 00:09:08.120 enough of the pity, enough of the helplessness, enough of 155 00:09:08.159 --> 00:09:11.679 being a god damn patient. I signed myself out ama 156 00:09:11.879 --> 00:09:15.679 a scrawled signature of defiance. Bernice, her lips pressed into 157 00:09:15.759 --> 00:09:19.240 a thin line of disapproval, but her eyes understanding, drove 158 00:09:19.279 --> 00:09:23.960 me to a staybridge sweets, an extended stay hotel, anonymous bleak, 159 00:09:24.320 --> 00:09:27.000 but mine. It was time to claw back some semblance 160 00:09:27.039 --> 00:09:30.039 of control, some iota of power in the wreckage of 161 00:09:30.039 --> 00:09:34.639 my own life. Are you sure about this, ev Bernice asked, 162 00:09:35.120 --> 00:09:37.559 her voice laced with genuine concern as she helped me 163 00:09:37.600 --> 00:09:40.360 hobble into the sterile room. What if something goes wrong, 164 00:09:40.679 --> 00:09:44.399 You're not exactly in fighting shape staying in that bed, Bernice, 165 00:09:44.720 --> 00:09:48.240 I rasped, sinking onto the stiff mattress. That's what's wrong. 166 00:09:48.519 --> 00:09:52.840 Every day there I feel more like a sufferer, a casualty. 167 00:09:53.360 --> 00:09:56.080 Out Here, at least I can start fighting back. The 168 00:09:56.120 --> 00:09:58.559 first night in that soulless hotel room was a special 169 00:09:58.639 --> 00:10:02.360 kind of hell. Keeping machines, no hushed footsteps of nurses 170 00:10:02.360 --> 00:10:06.759 in the corridor, just me, my throbbing, braced leg, the 171 00:10:06.759 --> 00:10:11.360 stale smell of industrial cleaner, and the crushing inescapable knowledge 172 00:10:11.440 --> 00:10:13.759 that the woman I'd shared my bed with for eight 173 00:10:13.840 --> 00:10:17.679 years was actively robbing me blind and screwing another man, 174 00:10:18.080 --> 00:10:20.960 probably in that very bed. The rage was a living 175 00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:24.799 thing coiling in my gut. Hot and venomous days were 176 00:10:24.840 --> 00:10:27.639 spent on the phone, a cheap burner I'd had Bernice pickup, 177 00:10:28.039 --> 00:10:31.120 first a new bank account solely in my name, then 178 00:10:31.279 --> 00:10:35.720 securing documents, birth certificate, social Security card, anything an unscrupulous 179 00:10:35.759 --> 00:10:38.279 witch might try to leverage. I didn't tell Barbara i'd 180 00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:41.519 left the hospital when she bothered to text, usually a 181 00:10:41.600 --> 00:10:45.320 perfunctory how you, I'd reply with a vague still here, 182 00:10:45.559 --> 00:10:49.240 doctor say a while longer. Her response a thumbs up emoji. 183 00:10:49.720 --> 00:10:52.679 Damn classic Barbara, if it wasn't about her, or if 184 00:10:52.679 --> 00:10:55.440 she didn't have a pre rehearsed script. She defaulted to 185 00:10:55.519 --> 00:11:00.559 indifferent silence or digital platitudes. The real ammunition, the spark 186 00:11:00.600 --> 00:11:04.200 that lit the fuse of my meticulously planned offensive, came 187 00:11:04.200 --> 00:11:08.000 from Bernice. Barbara was planning a trip Nashville, a girl's 188 00:11:08.000 --> 00:11:12.200 weekend she'd apparently announced to anyone who'd listen. I knew, 189 00:11:12.320 --> 00:11:14.799 with a certainty that settled cold and hard in my stomach, 190 00:11:14.919 --> 00:11:18.559 that girl's weekend was code. Sylvia would be there, or 191 00:11:18.600 --> 00:11:21.240 some other distraction, paid for with my money. That was 192 00:11:21.279 --> 00:11:24.679 it d Day, the day i'd unleash what i'd grimly 193 00:11:24.759 --> 00:11:29.120 dubbed operations Scorched Earth. This wasn't about getting my stuff back. 194 00:11:29.360 --> 00:11:32.120 This was about erasure. This was about making her feel 195 00:11:32.120 --> 00:11:34.919 a fraction of the desolation I'd felt in that hospital bed. 196 00:11:35.720 --> 00:11:40.639 This wasn't an impulse. This was cold, calculated strategy. I 197 00:11:40.720 --> 00:11:44.120 met a lawyer, Reggie Guy looked more like a roadie 198 00:11:44.120 --> 00:11:48.080 for a defunct rock band, jeans faded concert tee sneakers, 199 00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:51.120 but his eyes were sharp and his reputation was sharper. 200 00:11:51.480 --> 00:11:53.600 He showed up at my hotel, no airs, just a 201 00:11:53.639 --> 00:11:57.519 battered briefcase and a tablet. So he said, scrolling through 202 00:11:57.559 --> 00:12:00.519 something on his screen, not even looking at me. Divorce 203 00:12:01.279 --> 00:12:04.919 or just want to scare her straight with the separation divorce. 204 00:12:05.240 --> 00:12:08.799 I bit out the word, tasting like acid, and. 205 00:12:08.720 --> 00:12:09.519 I wanted to hurt. 206 00:12:10.279 --> 00:12:12.960 Reggie finally looked up, a flicker of something unreadable in 207 00:12:12.960 --> 00:12:16.279 his eyes. All right, in this state, marital assets are 208 00:12:16.320 --> 00:12:19.320 split fifty to fifty. But hurt, that's a different kind 209 00:12:19.360 --> 00:12:23.159 of currency. We can be methodical, we can be precise, 210 00:12:23.639 --> 00:12:26.559 We can be legal. You want to strip the house, fine, 211 00:12:26.720 --> 00:12:29.720 make a list everything you owned before you shackled yourself 212 00:12:29.799 --> 00:12:33.960 to her, that's yours, no contest, joint property. We itemize, 213 00:12:34.000 --> 00:12:36.639 we value. We take your half, no more, no less 214 00:12:36.720 --> 00:12:40.480 on paper. But the impact, that's where the art comes in. 215 00:12:41.080 --> 00:12:47.879 He smirked, a thin, humorless smile. He understood hours. I 216 00:12:47.919 --> 00:12:51.279 spent hours on those goddamn lists. My handwriting shaky from 217 00:12:51.320 --> 00:12:55.399 a combination of residual weakness and simmering fury. Bernice, my 218 00:12:55.480 --> 00:12:59.519 loyal soldier, did reconnaissance. Slipped into the house one afternoon 219 00:12:59.519 --> 00:13:07.600 when barbar was at work, probably with Silvio, and took pictures, furniture, electronics, silverware, 220 00:13:08.159 --> 00:13:12.720 even the goddamn lawnmower. I cataloged everything. The living room 221 00:13:12.799 --> 00:13:15.799 set we'd bought together. She liked the color, I hated it. 222 00:13:15.879 --> 00:13:18.519 The bedroom suite I'd owned long before she'd sunk her 223 00:13:18.519 --> 00:13:23.159 claws into me half. The kitchen appliances. Reggie's voice, cool 224 00:13:23.240 --> 00:13:27.559 and precise in my ear, blender, toaster, microwave, take one, 225 00:13:27.799 --> 00:13:31.240 leave one, or take the expensive ones. The big screen 226 00:13:31.279 --> 00:13:33.960 TV I'd bought for Super Bowl parties. She never attended 227 00:13:34.360 --> 00:13:37.360 My old recliner, the one she always complained about. My 228 00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:41.399 tools from the garage, My tools, not Silvio's playthings. The 229 00:13:41.480 --> 00:13:44.879 only hesitation, the only flicker of something other than cold rage, 230 00:13:45.200 --> 00:13:49.159 was Gage's room years. I'd wasted years trying to connect 231 00:13:49.200 --> 00:13:52.120 with that sullen little crap. But then I remembered his 232 00:13:52.240 --> 00:13:54.919 voice on the phone, We don't miss you, oh Man. 233 00:13:55.679 --> 00:13:58.000 And the fancy gaming system, the one i'd shelled out 234 00:13:58.000 --> 00:14:00.000 of fortune for last Christmas, hoping to buy a slip 235 00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:03.080 liver of his approval. Reggie had been clear, your funds 236 00:14:03.080 --> 00:14:05.440 bought it during the marriage. It's a marital asset. If 237 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:07.639 it wasn't a clear gift to him alone, with documentation, 238 00:14:08.120 --> 00:14:10.600 take it if you want, send a message, oh I 239 00:14:10.639 --> 00:14:13.200 wanted to send a message, all right, a big flashing 240 00:14:13.320 --> 00:14:16.480 neon sign of a message. So the console went on 241 00:14:16.519 --> 00:14:21.399 the list. Guilt a tiny, insignificant tremor, drowned out by 242 00:14:21.399 --> 00:14:24.320 the coffony of betrayal. We booked the movers for a 243 00:14:24.360 --> 00:14:31.120 Saturday smack in the middle of Barbara's Nashville Girls trip. Swift, merciless, clinical. 244 00:14:31.919 --> 00:14:35.519 I was still unsteady on my feet, relying heavily on crutches, 245 00:14:35.799 --> 00:14:39.960 my leg a dull, persistent ache. Bernice would supervise the 246 00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:42.480 heavy lifting, but I had to be there. I needed 247 00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:45.240 to witness it, to breathe the air of my own liberation, 248 00:14:45.559 --> 00:14:48.639 to watch the physical manifestation of my old life being dismantled. 249 00:14:48.879 --> 00:14:53.120 Saturday eight am, the moving truck, an enormous, impersonal beast, 250 00:14:53.559 --> 00:14:55.279 rumbled to a stop in front of the house I 251 00:14:55.320 --> 00:14:58.159 hadn't laid eyes on in over two months. As the 252 00:14:58.200 --> 00:15:02.279 movers burly and impact hopped out, Bernice shot me a look, 253 00:15:02.799 --> 00:15:07.399 last chance to reconsider Everett pull the plug. Her voice 254 00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:10.840 was light, but her eyes were serious. I've come too 255 00:15:10.840 --> 00:15:13.039 far to turn back, now, Bee, I said, my voice 256 00:15:13.080 --> 00:15:16.879 rougher than I intended. Burn it all down, walking through 257 00:15:16.919 --> 00:15:21.519 that front door was like stepping into a stranger's life. Curtis, 258 00:15:21.639 --> 00:15:25.279 my loyal mutt, came skittering down the stairs, nails scrabbling 259 00:15:25.320 --> 00:15:29.320 on the hardwood, a joyous, yelping cannonball of fur. He 260 00:15:29.440 --> 00:15:32.120 damn near knocked me off my crutches, licking my face, 261 00:15:32.600 --> 00:15:36.519 whining his forgiveness for my absence. God, I'd missed him. 262 00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:42.039 The house itself disturbingly unnaturally tidy, not a speck of dust. 263 00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:45.840 The woman who considered vacuuming a form of medieval torture 264 00:15:45.879 --> 00:15:49.759 had apparently discovered domesticity for her lover. The bitterness was 265 00:15:49.799 --> 00:15:53.240 a corrosive burn in my chest. She'd transformed my home 266 00:15:53.279 --> 00:15:56.639 into a love nest for him. Systematically, we began my 267 00:15:56.720 --> 00:15:59.960 pre marriage bedroom set, the heavy oaks she'd always despised. 268 00:16:00.279 --> 00:16:02.919 The coffee table we'd bought, a joint decision. I now 269 00:16:02.919 --> 00:16:06.759 regretted half the kitchen crap as per Reggie's cold calculus, 270 00:16:07.120 --> 00:16:11.360 the TV, my recliner, every tool, every fishing rod, every 271 00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:14.799 book that was mine. The movers were efficient, their faces stony, 272 00:16:14.879 --> 00:16:17.679 like a swat team clearing a hostile building. They worked 273 00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:22.080 from my itemized list, precise and uncaring, barber's vanity, her 274 00:16:22.080 --> 00:16:25.399 clothes spilling from the closet, her ridiculous collection of knick knacks, 275 00:16:25.440 --> 00:16:28.759 all left untouched. I didn't want her tainted possessions. I 276 00:16:28.799 --> 00:16:31.240 wanted to leave her with the shell of what she destroyed. 277 00:16:31.600 --> 00:16:34.600 Pizza on the living room floor, surrounded by a landscape 278 00:16:34.639 --> 00:16:38.039 of boxes and gaping emptiness. The silence in the half 279 00:16:38.039 --> 00:16:40.840 empty house was massive, broken only by the rustle of 280 00:16:40.879 --> 00:16:44.240 packing tape and the occasional grunt from the movers. One 281 00:16:44.279 --> 00:16:47.080 of them, a young guy with tired eyes, finally spoke, 282 00:16:47.879 --> 00:16:52.200 rough day man, been there. I just nodded, stuffing another 283 00:16:52.240 --> 00:16:55.360 slice of greasy pepperoni into my mouth, focusing on the spice, 284 00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:58.360 the salt, anything but the gnawing void where my marriage 285 00:16:58.440 --> 00:17:01.159 used to be. By seven, the truck was loaded, a 286 00:17:01.200 --> 00:17:05.279 monument to eight years of carefully curated resentment. I locked 287 00:17:05.279 --> 00:17:07.480 the front door behind me, the click of the dead 288 00:17:07.480 --> 00:17:11.200 bolt unnaturally loud in the sudden quiet. Should I have 289 00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:15.039 left a note, a pithy one liner. No, Let her 290 00:17:15.119 --> 00:17:18.640 walk into the void, Let her confront the echoing emptiness 291 00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:21.920 I'd orchestrated. That was the only poetry I was interested in. 292 00:17:22.720 --> 00:17:25.119 Back at the stay Bridge, which I was already starting 293 00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:28.640 to think of as my new temporary fortress. It was 294 00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:34.160 organized chaos, boxes piled high, furniture draped in blankets. The 295 00:17:34.200 --> 00:17:38.440 pain in my leg, ignored for hours, screamed for attention. Exhaustion, 296 00:17:38.680 --> 00:17:41.680 bone deep and profound, threatened to pull me under. But 297 00:17:41.799 --> 00:17:46.240 beneath it a dark, unfamiliar thrill, a sense of triumph. 298 00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:49.079 I'd struck the first significant blow in a war I 299 00:17:49.119 --> 00:17:51.599 hadn't started, but was damn well going to finish. I 300 00:17:51.640 --> 00:17:54.359 slept that night on a bare mattress, wedged between boxes 301 00:17:54.400 --> 00:17:57.440 of my clothes. Curtis curled at my feet, his warm 302 00:17:57.480 --> 00:18:00.920 presence a small, solid comfort in the vast empty I'd 303 00:18:00.960 --> 00:18:05.079 timed it perfectly. Barbara was due back Sunday evening. I 304 00:18:05.119 --> 00:18:09.640 braced myself, expecting the deluge calls, texts, threats, tears, the 305 00:18:09.680 --> 00:18:12.720 full Barbara melodrama. But even I wasn't quite prepared for 306 00:18:12.759 --> 00:18:16.480 the sheer, unadulterated fury that erupted my burner. Phone lit 307 00:18:16.559 --> 00:18:19.759 up around seven pm, a rapid fire succession of texts. 308 00:18:20.160 --> 00:18:21.359 Where the hell is everything? 309 00:18:21.480 --> 00:18:21.880 Everett? 310 00:18:21.880 --> 00:18:24.240 If this is some kind of sick joke, It's not funny, 311 00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:25.640 You goddamn monster. 312 00:18:25.920 --> 00:18:27.799 You took Curtis. That's my dog. 313 00:18:28.039 --> 00:18:28.759 You can't do this. 314 00:18:29.599 --> 00:18:30.839 I'll have you arrested. 315 00:18:31.480 --> 00:18:34.240 Call me right now, you cowardly fool Oregon. You'll regret 316 00:18:34.440 --> 00:18:38.319 the day you were born. I read them, a strange 317 00:18:38.359 --> 00:18:43.319 calm settling over me. The predicted storm had arrived. My 318 00:18:43.400 --> 00:18:47.200 heart hammered a dull, steady beat against my ribs. She'd 319 00:18:47.559 --> 00:18:51.720 found it. The phone began to ring, a shrill, incessant shriek. 320 00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:54.839 I watched it vibrate on the cheap nightstand for a 321 00:18:54.880 --> 00:18:58.039 long moment, then switched it off. There was nothing she 322 00:18:58.039 --> 00:19:01.680 could say that I wanted or needed to hear. Bernice. However, ever, 323 00:19:01.759 --> 00:19:03.920 my Eyes and Ears had a doorbell camera and stalled 324 00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:06.359 across the street from my old house just in case. 325 00:19:06.839 --> 00:19:09.880 She sent me a short video clip. Barbara standing in 326 00:19:09.920 --> 00:19:13.319 the driveway, an empty leash dangling from her hand, screaming 327 00:19:13.319 --> 00:19:16.400 at the vacant windows, her voice a raw, ragged tear 328 00:19:16.440 --> 00:19:17.839 in the quiet suburban evening. 329 00:19:18.400 --> 00:19:21.200 He took everything. The fool took my dog. 330 00:19:21.799 --> 00:19:26.160 He can't do this to me. Her performance was oscar worthy, 331 00:19:26.279 --> 00:19:29.599 hair artfully disheveled, arms flailing for the benefit of any 332 00:19:29.640 --> 00:19:33.319 curious neighbors. I watched it twice, a cold smile. Touching 333 00:19:33.359 --> 00:19:36.839 my lips, my hand found Curtis's thick fur. Yeah, buddy, 334 00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:40.759 I whispered, she never deserved you anyway. I went dark, 335 00:19:41.200 --> 00:19:46.160 ignored the escalating threats, the increasingly unhinged voicemails. Reggie, my 336 00:19:46.279 --> 00:19:49.440 rock and roll lawyer, was a bastion of calm, reassurance, 337 00:19:50.200 --> 00:19:53.799 your golden Everett. Everything taken was documented as pre marital 338 00:19:53.920 --> 00:19:57.480 or your justifiable half of joint assets. She can scream 339 00:19:57.519 --> 00:20:01.519 all she wants, she can't touch you. We filed for 340 00:20:01.599 --> 00:20:04.799 divorce the next morning. The petition was served to a stunned, 341 00:20:04.839 --> 00:20:09.400 furious Barbara at her workplace. The humiliation, I imagined was exquisite. 342 00:20:09.799 --> 00:20:14.319 About a week later, Gage texted me a single, unpunctuated word, Hey. 343 00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:17.640 My first instinct was to block the number, to sever 344 00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:21.640 that tie completely, but a morbid curiosity, a desire to 345 00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:24.200 see just how deep the rot went, won out. I 346 00:20:24.200 --> 00:20:25.960 told him if he had something to say, he could 347 00:20:26.039 --> 00:20:29.440 damn well say it to my face. He showed up 348 00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:32.720 at the Staybridge the following Sunday, shoulders slumped, his usual 349 00:20:32.759 --> 00:20:37.279 teenage swagger noticeably absent. He mumbled something about how screwed up. 350 00:20:37.319 --> 00:20:40.519 Everything was at home. How Barbara was a walking inferno 351 00:20:40.599 --> 00:20:43.960 of rage. How Sylvia was suddenly around all the time, 352 00:20:44.359 --> 00:20:46.400 acting like he owned the place, like he was the 353 00:20:46.480 --> 00:20:50.319 new man of the house. Then the kicker Mom. She 354 00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:52.200 wanted me to say that stuff to you on the phone, 355 00:20:52.519 --> 00:20:55.920 he muttered, staring at his scuffed sneakers. That day when 356 00:20:55.920 --> 00:20:59.480 you were in the hospital, she was pissed you kept calling, 357 00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:01.680 said you were being a pain in the a. She 358 00:21:01.799 --> 00:21:03.599 told me if I said we didn't miss you, if 359 00:21:03.640 --> 00:21:05.559 I made you feel like crap, she'd get me that 360 00:21:05.599 --> 00:21:09.680 new VR headset. I just stared at him, the cold 361 00:21:09.720 --> 00:21:13.319 fury and my gut twisted tightened. Part of me, the 362 00:21:13.359 --> 00:21:16.359 part that was still raw and bleeding, wanted to throw 363 00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:19.279 him out on his a. But he was sixteen, a 364 00:21:19.359 --> 00:21:22.559 pawn in his mother's manipulative games, or just a chip 365 00:21:22.599 --> 00:21:27.480 off the old block. Well, I said, my voice flat, 366 00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:30.799 devoid of any sympathy. Did you get the VR system gauge? 367 00:21:31.039 --> 00:21:33.279 He looked up, a flicker of defiance in his eyes 368 00:21:33.359 --> 00:21:37.200 quickly extinguished. Yeah, that one word. It told me everything. 369 00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:40.640 Barbara hadn't just abandoned me, She'd actively poisoned her own 370 00:21:40.680 --> 00:21:43.599 son against me, bribed him to twist the knife. It 371 00:21:43.640 --> 00:21:47.160 didn't matter anymore. I'm fresh out of room for manipulation's gauge, 372 00:21:47.279 --> 00:21:50.319 I said my voice, like ice from her or from you. 373 00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:53.960 A few days later, the universe, in its infinite capacity 374 00:21:53.960 --> 00:21:56.559 for black humor, decided to throw silvia in my path. 375 00:21:56.799 --> 00:21:59.000 I was at the grocery store, limping down the aisle 376 00:21:59.039 --> 00:22:02.440 with a carticking out frozen dinners and bruised fruit. The 377 00:22:02.480 --> 00:22:06.640 bachelor's banquet, And there he was, by the goddamn deli counter, 378 00:22:07.039 --> 00:22:11.359 oozing smarmy charm as he ordered his pershido, muscular, tanned, 379 00:22:12.039 --> 00:22:15.559 wearing a shirt two sizes too small, A sleazy, self 380 00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:19.640 satisfied smirk plastered on his face. He spotted me. The 381 00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:24.559 smirk widened. He sauntered over all false bottom me. Hey there, 382 00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:28.599 Champ Everett right. He stuck out a hand. I ignored it. 383 00:22:29.160 --> 00:22:34.000 Heard you redecorated the place. Little dramatic, wasn't it? Stripping 384 00:22:34.039 --> 00:22:36.240 at bear like that? He spoke as if we were 385 00:22:36.240 --> 00:22:40.440 old pals discussing a minor sporting infraction. My blood, already simmering, 386 00:22:40.480 --> 00:22:43.000 began to boil. I gripped the handle of my cart, 387 00:22:43.079 --> 00:22:46.640 knuckles white. That's none of your goddamn business, I said, 388 00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:51.680 my voice low tight. He chuckled a greasy, unpleasant sound. Relax, man, 389 00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:53.440 Barbara's got a bit of a mouth on her, you know, 390 00:22:53.920 --> 00:22:58.680 telling everyone you're unstable, losing it. Guess the accident really 391 00:22:58.680 --> 00:23:00.920 did a number on you. Legs still giving you trouble. 392 00:23:01.480 --> 00:23:04.599 He glanced pointedly at my braced leg, the smirk never 393 00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:08.920 leaving his face. The air crackled. Patrons nearby were starting 394 00:23:08.920 --> 00:23:12.559 to notice they're shopping slowing. You keep Barbara's name out 395 00:23:12.559 --> 00:23:15.799 of your damn mouth, I growled. The restraint I was 396 00:23:15.880 --> 00:23:18.759 clinging to starting to fray, and you stay the hell 397 00:23:18.759 --> 00:23:22.039 away from me and from what's mine. He leaned in, 398 00:23:22.359 --> 00:23:25.960 his voice dropping to a conspiratorial taunting whisper, his breath 399 00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:29.680 smelling of cheap cologne and something rotten. Oh, I think 400 00:23:29.720 --> 00:23:32.720 you'll find she's not yours anymore, pal hasn't been for 401 00:23:32.759 --> 00:23:36.200