1
00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:04,799
Speaker 1: I'll start by saying that if I had known what

2
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,160
this would lead to, I never would have touched it.

3
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,279
I would have kept dragging myself through the exhaustion and

4
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:16,160
creeping dread that had settled over my life. I would

5
00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:19,800
have let it crush me instead. But at the time

6
00:00:20,559 --> 00:00:24,719
it didn't feel like a mistake. It felt like salvation.

7
00:00:27,719 --> 00:00:32,640
I was barely keeping it together mentally, physically, and emotionally.

8
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,479
Work was draining the life out of me. Every morning

9
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:41,399
I woke up with the same exhausted groan, accompanied by

10
00:00:41,399 --> 00:00:44,840
the all too familiar, dull pain behind my eyes as

11
00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,679
the realization that I had to get through another day

12
00:00:47,719 --> 00:00:51,320
of this hit me. My life had become a loop

13
00:00:51,359 --> 00:00:56,439
of meaningless emails and passive aggressive meetings. My social life

14
00:00:56,439 --> 00:01:01,320
had deteriorated into scrolling through other people's happiness on Instagram.

15
00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:07,840
My body felt sluggish, and so did everything else. Then,

16
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:14,239
out of nowhere, I got a text from Jason. He

17
00:01:14,359 --> 00:01:16,599
was a guy I used to work with before he

18
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:20,400
burned out worse than me. I hadn't heard from him

19
00:01:20,439 --> 00:01:23,280
in almost a year. Ever since he quit his job,

20
00:01:23,719 --> 00:01:26,760
went through a brutal break up and spiraled into some

21
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:31,840
kind of depressive abyss. He wanted to meet up, and

22
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:35,920
when we did I barely recognized him when he walked

23
00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:43,599
into the bar. Jason had always looked horrible, but as

24
00:01:43,599 --> 00:01:46,480
he stood in front of me, he looked like he

25
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:51,760
had been reborn. His skin was clear and glowing, his

26
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:55,319
eyes were sharp and full of life. Even the way

27
00:01:55,359 --> 00:02:01,120
he moved was different. I couldn't stop staring. What the

28
00:02:01,159 --> 00:02:06,280
hell happened to you? I finally asked. Jason just smiled,

29
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:12,719
leaned back in his chair and figured it out. He

30
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,639
reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, nondescript

31
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:22,000
pill box. White. It looked like Ibroprofen at first glance.

32
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:27,560
He set it on the table between us. I frowned,

33
00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:34,639
what's that? Jason slid the box toward me. The answer.

34
00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:41,120
I picked it up, popped the lid open. Inside were

35
00:02:41,159 --> 00:02:47,039
dozens of small, white pills, perfectly uniform, no logo, no label.

36
00:02:48,039 --> 00:02:52,879
They could have been anything. I raised an eyebrow. You

37
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:58,479
selling me drugs now, Jason laughed. No, I don't sell them.

38
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:02,960
I don't even know where to get more. I let

39
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,159
out a dry chuckle and told him that this sounded

40
00:03:06,199 --> 00:03:09,039
like some rich Silicon Valley guy's new tech bro drug,

41
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:14,719
some dumb arpttermized performance crap. But Jason just shook his head.

42
00:03:16,199 --> 00:03:22,080
So where'd you get them? He hesitated, just for a moment.

43
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,879
Then he exceled like he'd made peace with something. I

44
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:31,280
can't explain it, not in a way that'll make sense.

45
00:03:32,039 --> 00:03:35,039
But I don't need as many as I have, and

46
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:39,120
I don't want to leave without giving you the chance leave.

47
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:45,960
Jason nodded, I'm moving other side of the world. I

48
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:52,280
don't think I'm coming back. That hit harder than I expected.

49
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,680
Jason had been one of the few people who understood

50
00:03:56,680 --> 00:04:00,759
how miserable our lives had been. I set the pill

51
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:06,639
box down. Jason, man, I don't know about this. He

52
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,919
held up a hand, cutting me off. You don't have

53
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,439
to take them. I'm not pushing anything. Just try it

54
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:18,600
one one time. If you don't like it, toss the rest.

55
00:04:20,879 --> 00:04:24,639
He looked so at peace, and I was so tired.

56
00:04:27,319 --> 00:04:32,560
I took the pill that night. It was instant. The

57
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:36,560
moment the pill dissolved on my tongue, I felt something

58
00:04:36,759 --> 00:04:41,279
unlock inside me. Not a high, not like being drunk

59
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:51,360
or stoned, clarity, pure undiluted euphoria. My thoughts became razor sharp,

60
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:57,279
every idea crystal clear. My body felt light. Every single

61
00:04:57,319 --> 00:05:04,439
inch of me just worked. I felt entirely unstoppable. I

62
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:08,240
lay back in my bed, staring at the ceiling and

63
00:05:08,399 --> 00:05:15,319
realized I was smiling. A deep, unshakable contentment filled my chest.

64
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:23,319
For the first time in years. I felt alive. After that,

65
00:05:23,759 --> 00:05:28,160
there was no crash, no sluggish come down, just the perfect,

66
00:05:28,439 --> 00:05:34,759
dreamless sleep. The next morning, I had woken up from

67
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:39,480
the best sleep of my life, but better, like my

68
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:44,160
body had been completely reset, like every ounce of exhaustion,

69
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:48,040
every creeping doubt, every bit of background stress I've been

70
00:05:48,079 --> 00:05:53,160
carrying for years had been scrubbed away. I breathed through

71
00:05:53,199 --> 00:05:58,319
work like it was nothing, every task effortless. I finished

72
00:05:58,319 --> 00:06:02,639
my entire workload before lunch. My boss even pulled me aside,

73
00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:07,639
eyes wide. I don't know what's gotten into you, but

74
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:10,360
keep it up. This is some of the best work

75
00:06:10,399 --> 00:06:16,000
I've seen from you. It wasn't just work. People noticed more.

76
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:23,439
Conversations flowed easier, my jokes landed harder. I felt sharper, funnier,

77
00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:27,839
more confident than I ever had. By the end of

78
00:06:27,879 --> 00:06:31,759
the day, my phone was blowing up. Friends I hadn't

79
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,879
talked to in months, reaching out, wanting to hang out.

80
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:41,920
I wasn't invisible anymore. That night, as I lay in bed,

81
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:48,199
i'd a thought circling around in my head, why wouldn't

82
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:52,519
I take another? But I also did not want to

83
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:56,240
depend on this, so I would hold off for a

84
00:06:56,279 --> 00:07:01,639
while see if anything went wrong. I'd convinced myself that

85
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,240
I would only use it when things got really bad,

86
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,439
a boost to get me back on track. Maybe it

87
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:12,120
was even some kind of placebo effect, my brain waking

88
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:15,160
up for the first time in years and tricking itself

89
00:07:15,199 --> 00:07:20,800
into feeling superhuman. But the next morning, when I rolled

90
00:07:20,839 --> 00:07:24,000
out of bed and felt the familiar drag of exhaustion

91
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:29,920
pulling at me, I knew it had worn off. I

92
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,720
hesitated for a while, I even went through the motions

93
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:38,800
of a normal mourning, But it wasn't the same. That

94
00:07:39,079 --> 00:07:43,079
sharp clarity I felt yesterday was gone, like a door

95
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:47,199
had been shut in my brain. The temptation was there,

96
00:07:47,879 --> 00:07:52,720
whispering in the back of my head. Just one more?

97
00:07:53,720 --> 00:08:00,560
What's the harm? I gave in easier then, I'd like

98
00:08:00,639 --> 00:08:05,000
to admit. The second pill hit just like the first.

99
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:09,800
There was no slow build up, no waiting period. The

100
00:08:09,879 --> 00:08:13,959
moment I swallowed it, my mind clicked into place, like

101
00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:18,279
someone had turned the lights on inside my skull. The

102
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:22,800
heaviness in my limbs vanished. I was instantly unburdened by

103
00:08:22,879 --> 00:08:31,680
hesitation or doubt. I was alive. Then I blinked and

104
00:08:31,759 --> 00:08:37,000
an hour was gone. I stood in my bathroom, staring

105
00:08:37,039 --> 00:08:41,279
at my reflection. The last thing I remembered was taking

106
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,639
the pill, checking the time, and heading toward the sink

107
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:48,720
to brush my teeth. But now it looked like I

108
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,960
had just got done taking a shower. The water was running,

109
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,519
and the clock on the wall said it was past eight.

110
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,080
I turned off the FORRCET and robed to my face,

111
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,399
trying to shake off the feeling of something being missing.

112
00:09:03,759 --> 00:09:07,480
But I felt better than fine. My body was humming

113
00:09:07,519 --> 00:09:12,159
with energy, the same exhilarating sensation I had felt before.

114
00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:16,759
Maybe I'd just sowned out or fallen into some kind

115
00:09:16,799 --> 00:09:23,120
of hyperfocus state. I wasn't about to overthink it, not

116
00:09:23,279 --> 00:09:28,000
when it felt this good. I moved through chores and

117
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:31,960
work like there was second nature. Problems that would have

118
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,360
normally taken me hours to work through now came with

119
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:39,360
obvious solutions, as if my brain had already worked them

120
00:09:39,399 --> 00:09:43,360
out in the background. When my bar dropped an urgent

121
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,480
project at my desk, expecting it to take the rest

122
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:52,120
of the day, I had finished it before lunch. That afternoon,

123
00:09:52,639 --> 00:09:57,039
he called me into his office. If you keep this up,

124
00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:02,919
we might have to talk about a real promotion. I nodded,

125
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:08,840
acting cool, but inside I was thrilled. I had been

126
00:10:08,879 --> 00:10:13,639
stuck in this job for years, grinding through the same routine,

127
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:17,080
and now in less than a week, I was suddenly

128
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:22,279
the best employee in the room. The pill was working.

129
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,080
I decided to go out with some of the people

130
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,480
that had written me off a long time ago, after

131
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,480
I had bailed one too many times or let text

132
00:10:33,639 --> 00:10:37,799
sit unanswered. And when I showed up, I wasn't the

133
00:10:37,879 --> 00:10:41,240
quiet guy in the corner. I was the one keeping

134
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:45,840
conversations going, the one people actually wanted to talk to.

135
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:54,320
That's how I met Mia. It wasn't anything special, at

136
00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:58,639
least not at first, just a random conversation at a bar,

137
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:04,279
a mutual and introducing us over drinks. But unlike every

138
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,960
other time I had tried to flirt with some one,

139
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:12,240
there was no awkwardness. The words came easily, the laughter

140
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:18,440
felt natural. By the end of the night we'd exchanged numbers.

141
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:23,120
By the end of the week, we'd gone on two dates.

142
00:11:23,759 --> 00:11:26,960
At night, I stood in front of my mirror, studying

143
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:32,360
my own reflection. I looked so much more confident, the

144
00:11:32,399 --> 00:11:37,919
same way Jason had. I wasn't going to stop, not

145
00:11:38,399 --> 00:11:45,200
when I had a whole box left. The night I lost.

146
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,120
The week, I was supposed to meet mea for dinner.

147
00:11:49,159 --> 00:11:52,240
I'd been looking forward to it all day. But as

148
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:55,320
I stood in front of my mirror fixing my shirt,

149
00:11:56,440 --> 00:12:02,639
I felt something I never wanted to feel again, sluggishness.

150
00:12:03,399 --> 00:12:07,120
My limbs felt heavy again, my thoughts weren't as sharp.

151
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:13,000
It was nothing extreme, but it was noticeable, the kind

152
00:12:13,039 --> 00:12:16,720
of creeping exhaustion I had all but tried to forget about.

153
00:12:18,519 --> 00:12:22,200
I knew what I had to do. I grabbed the

154
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:25,519
pill box from my dresser and popped one into my mouth.

155
00:12:26,639 --> 00:12:29,440
It sat on my tongue for a moment before dissolving,

156
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:36,360
and just like that, the fog lifted, my heart beat steadied,

157
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:44,120
my mind lit up. That was the last thing I remembered.

158
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,279
I woke up in my bed. The first thing I

159
00:12:49,399 --> 00:12:54,480
noticed was the morning light bleeding through my blinds. That

160
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:59,279
didn't make sense. My date had been at seven p m.

161
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:05,399
I reached for my phone, blinking against the brightness. The

162
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:12,200
screen showed the date. It was seven days later. I

163
00:13:12,279 --> 00:13:14,840
sat up so fast I nearly fell out of bed.

164
00:13:16,159 --> 00:13:19,440
My first thought was Mere, I had missed our date.

165
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:24,440
She must have been furious. And work. I had been

166
00:13:24,519 --> 00:13:27,600
out for a whole week. My boss was going to

167
00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:32,679
kill me. My bills, my emails, my texts, everything was

168
00:13:32,879 --> 00:13:37,759
probably in ruins. I unlocked my phone, dreading what I

169
00:13:37,879 --> 00:13:42,679
was about to see, but there were no miscalls or

170
00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:46,840
panicked messages. I tried looking for a sign that anything

171
00:13:46,919 --> 00:13:51,440
was wrong, but I couldn't find anything. I scrolled through

172
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:55,320
my texts, breath catching in my throat when I saw

173
00:13:55,480 --> 00:14:01,080
an unread message from Mere. Last night was amazing. I

174
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:04,320
feel like I've known you forever. I can't wait to

175
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:09,639
see you again. I stared at the message, rereading it

176
00:14:09,879 --> 00:14:15,840
over and over. We had gone on another date, I

177
00:14:15,879 --> 00:14:21,440
had been there. I checked my care log. I'd spoken

178
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:26,240
to people, texted them, replied to emails. My work schedule

179
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:31,759
was completely normal, no absences. It was like I'd lived

180
00:14:31,759 --> 00:14:37,039
the week perfectly, except I didn't remember any of it.

181
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,960
My hands were shaking when I decided to dial my coworker.

182
00:14:42,919 --> 00:14:46,480
I had to know what was going on, and I

183
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,879
had no other way of getting information that I could

184
00:14:48,919 --> 00:14:55,559
think of. He picked up almost immediately. Yo, what's up.

185
00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:01,480
I forced the casual tone. Not much, man, just checking in.

186
00:15:02,279 --> 00:15:07,320
How was work this week? There was a pause, then

187
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:11,600
a chuckle rough, but you should know you were there.

188
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:18,720
My stomach dropped. I tried again, Yeah, of course, just

189
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,080
you know. It was a blur, But remind me what happened.

190
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:31,519
He started listening off projects, meetings, conversations we'd had. I

191
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,879
hung up and called a close friend next, same thing.

192
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:40,039
You good men, They asked, you've been on fire lately?

193
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:45,639
Haven't seen you this sharpen years. I could barely respond.

194
00:15:46,039 --> 00:15:51,080
My mouth had gone dry. Everyone remembered a week that

195
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:55,720
I didn't live. My body had been awake, but I

196
00:15:55,919 --> 00:16:01,039
wasn't in it. The next number I called was Jason's.

197
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:06,480
This number is no longer in service. I tried again,

198
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:14,159
and again nothing. Jason was gone, probably already living life

199
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:19,120
in that other country he was talking about. That night

200
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,960
I dumped the pill box into the trash. I wasn't

201
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:28,080
touching it ever again. But the moment I made my

202
00:16:28,159 --> 00:16:34,039
decision my body betrayed me. It started with what felt

203
00:16:34,039 --> 00:16:38,240
like a mild headache pressing against my skull. By the

204
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:41,879
next morning, the ache had grown into a full body fever.

205
00:16:43,159 --> 00:16:46,919
My muscles felt like they were shredding themselves apart. My

206
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:51,240
skin was too tight, too hot, crawling with a thousand

207
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:56,639
unseen insects. I called up on my couch, drenched in sweat,

208
00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:03,360
gripping my stomach as waves of nausea row. I thought

209
00:17:03,399 --> 00:17:09,319
it would pass, but it didn't. By the second day,

210
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:14,359
I couldn't think straight. My brain felt fractured, like there

211
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,119
was something inside it trying to dig its way out.

212
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:23,039
My thoughts wouldn't connect, My vision blurred, My hands shook

213
00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:28,160
violently whenever I tried to hold anything. At one point,

214
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:32,400
I swore I heard someone whispering my name. I turned

215
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,799
my head so fast my neck cracked, but there was

216
00:17:35,839 --> 00:17:41,400
no one there. By the third day, I wasn't sure

217
00:17:41,559 --> 00:17:45,839
what was real anymore. I stopped showing up to work.

218
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:51,559
The job that had felt effortless now felt impossible. Every

219
00:17:51,599 --> 00:17:55,240
email I tried to write came out as nonsense. I

220
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:58,799
would stare at my screen for hours, my fingers frozen,

221
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:03,920
my brain refusing to cooperate. My boss sent me a

222
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:09,200
single message, What's going on with you? You were doing so well.

223
00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:17,039
I didn't answer. My friend stopped reaching out. At first,

224
00:18:17,079 --> 00:18:20,720
they checked in asked if I was okay, but I

225
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:25,960
was moody, volatile, paranoid. I would snap at them for

226
00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:32,119
no reason, then apologize the next day. Eventually they stopped

227
00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:38,680
texting back. Mia was the last to go. She stuck

228
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:42,640
around longer than I expected. She tried to be patient,

229
00:18:43,759 --> 00:18:47,519
but I could see it in her eyes. She didn't

230
00:18:47,599 --> 00:18:53,039
understand what had changed. One night, she came over, sat

231
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:57,519
next to me on my couch and said, you're different now.

232
00:18:59,599 --> 00:19:04,400
I didn't even argue. She left, and I didn't try

233
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:09,680
to stop her. By the end of the week, I

234
00:19:09,799 --> 00:19:14,359
was completely alone. I had lost everything the pill had

235
00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:18,680
given me, my job, my friends, my mind, my body.

236
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,480
The worst of all, I had lost who I could

237
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:28,880
have been because I wasn't just feeling withdrawal. I was

238
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,160
feeling hollow, like whatever had been inside me for that

239
00:19:33,279 --> 00:19:36,559
missing week had taken something with it when it left,

240
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:41,400
and the only way to get it back was to

241
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:46,960
take another pill. I held out as long as I could,

242
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:52,079
I really did. I locked myself in my apartment, trying

243
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:56,039
to sweat it out. To fight through it. I promised

244
00:19:56,039 --> 00:20:00,519
I wouldn't touch it again. My body moved, I could

245
00:20:00,559 --> 00:20:05,640
stop it. I dug through the trash, hands shaking, tearing

246
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:10,759
open the bag, searching for the pill box. Halfway through,

247
00:20:11,079 --> 00:20:15,119
I realized how out of control I was. Yet I

248
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:19,200
couldn't do anything about it. I held one of the

249
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:23,880
pills in my palm, staring at it. I didn't want

250
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:28,200
to take it, but I didn't have a choice. I

251
00:20:28,319 --> 00:20:37,400
put it on my tongue and swallowed. I woke up

252
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:43,319
to the smell of fresh coffee, inexpensive perfume, soft morning

253
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:47,279
light filtered through the sheer white curtains. The bed beneath

254
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:51,519
me was impossibly soft, the kind of mattress that swallowed

255
00:20:51,519 --> 00:20:56,559
you whole. For a moment, I thought I was dreaming.

256
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:03,480
Then I turned my head. A woman was sleeping beside me.

257
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:10,880
Mir My pulls spiked. I sat up too fast, the

258
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:15,119
sheets tangling around me. As I struggled to get free.

259
00:21:15,519 --> 00:21:22,200
My body felt different, stronger. This wasn't my bed. The

260
00:21:22,279 --> 00:21:27,079
realization settled in my stomach like a stone. I swung

261
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,319
my legs over the side and stood up, scanning the room.

262
00:21:31,799 --> 00:21:36,440
It was massive, a high rise apartment, modern and sleek,

263
00:21:37,039 --> 00:21:43,119
floor to ceiling windows overlooking a glittering city skyline. I

264
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:47,559
had never been here before. There was a walking closet

265
00:21:47,599 --> 00:21:53,400
to my left, the door slightly ajar. Inside, racks of

266
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:58,279
expensive suits and designer shoes lined the walls. The shelves

267
00:21:58,319 --> 00:22:00,839
held watches that cost more than I rent used to.

268
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:09,880
None of it was mine, but it was. I opened

269
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:13,200
the bedside draw and found a wallet with my ID,

270
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:17,920
my name, my face. I turned to the nightstand and

271
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,759
grabbed my phone, fingers trembling as I checked the lock screen.

272
00:22:23,559 --> 00:22:29,400
The date stared back at me. One year later. I

273
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:35,519
stopped breathing. A year, not a week, a full year.

274
00:22:37,039 --> 00:22:40,200
The room blurred around me, A sudden rush of nausea

275
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,920
climbing up my throat. I gripped the edge of the dresser,

276
00:22:44,319 --> 00:22:50,160
struggling to keep myself upright. One year I had lost

277
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:55,599
an entire year, but somehow I had still been here.

278
00:22:56,799 --> 00:23:00,279
I unlocked my phone with a shaking hands, scroll through

279
00:23:00,319 --> 00:23:04,759
months of text messages I didn't recognize. At the top

280
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:10,480
was a chat with mire. My breath hitched. I opened it.

281
00:23:12,279 --> 00:23:17,039
We had kept dating, we had traveled together. She had

282
00:23:17,079 --> 00:23:20,680
sent pictures of us at expensive restaurants on boats in

283
00:23:20,759 --> 00:23:26,400
different countries. There were videos of me smiling, laughing, talking

284
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:31,640
about how amazing life had been I had proposed to her.

285
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,799
There was a photo of her hand, a diamond ring

286
00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:40,880
shining against the skin. I read the messages, trying to

287
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:45,799
force a single memory to the surface, but there was nothing.

288
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:51,920
I was looking at someone else's life, a better life,

289
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:56,640
a perfect life, and I hadn't been here to live it.

290
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:01,279
I backed out of my text checked my bank account.

291
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:09,720
The balance nearly made me drop the phone. Millions. I

292
00:24:09,759 --> 00:24:14,559
had become insanely wealthy. Whatever had been using my body

293
00:24:14,599 --> 00:24:18,559
for the past year, it had played the part flawlessly.

294
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,599
I scrawled through emails. I had a high powered job now,

295
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,640
something in finance, something I knew I had never been

296
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:33,839
qualified for. I had clients, colleagues who respected me. I

297
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:39,000
was a completely different person, and nobody seemed to notice.

298
00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:47,000
Mia stirred in her bed. I flinched. She sat up,

299
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:52,640
stretching her hair falling in waves over her shoulders. She

300
00:24:52,759 --> 00:24:56,960
turned to me with an easy familiarity, smiling like she

301
00:24:57,039 --> 00:25:03,559
had done this a hundred times before. Warning, baby, she murmured,

302
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:09,200
voice heavy with sleep. I felt like I was going

303
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:13,200
to be sick. I stumbled out of the bedroom and

304
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:17,920
into the hallway, my breath coming fast and shallow. The

305
00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:24,079
apartment was pristine, enormous. Every service was sleek and polished,

306
00:25:24,839 --> 00:25:29,880
every piece of furniture meticulously chosen. I made my way

307
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,079
to the kitchen, hands gripping the counter as I tried

308
00:25:33,079 --> 00:25:39,799
to steady myself. What was I supposed to do? I

309
00:25:39,839 --> 00:25:44,079
couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't say, Hey, I actually haven't

310
00:25:44,079 --> 00:25:46,240
been here for the past year. Can you tell me

311
00:25:46,279 --> 00:25:52,119
what happened? My life was perfect and everything I had

312
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:58,680
ever wanted, but none of it belonged to me because

313
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:04,759
I was the one who had built it. I took

314
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:09,359
a shaky breath, trying to think. Could I fake it,

315
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,920
just pick up where my body had left off, learn

316
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,440
the routines, read through my messages, figure out how to

317
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:20,559
become this version of me? Or should I try to

318
00:26:20,559 --> 00:26:24,640
stop it, find out what really happened, make sure it

319
00:26:24,759 --> 00:26:30,119
never happened again. I wasn't sure what the right answer was.

320
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:37,240
But then my hand moved, not on its own. I

321
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:42,119
could feel myself doing it. I was reaching, but I

322
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:47,160
wasn't making the choice. My fingers brushed against something cold

323
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:53,440
and smooth on the counter. I looked down the pill box,

324
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,599
the same one Jason had given me, the same one

325
00:26:57,759 --> 00:27:01,400
I had thrown away, the same one I had sworn

326
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:07,599
off forever I was waiting. I stared at the pill

327
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:11,799
in my hand. I knew what would happen, but even

328
00:27:11,839 --> 00:27:17,519
as I tried to resist, I felt it that pull,

329
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:23,640
that impossible temptation. I had taken one to lose an hour,

330
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:27,440
one to lose a week, one to lose a year,

331
00:27:29,559 --> 00:27:34,279
And now, as the pill pressed against my lips, I

332
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:39,039
wondered how much would I lose this time?

