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<v Speaker 1>There was once a fine gentleman, all of whose movables

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<v Speaker 1>were a bootjack and a hair comb. But he had

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<v Speaker 1>the finest false collars in the world. And it is

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<v Speaker 1>about one of these collars that we are now to

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<v Speaker 1>hear a story. It was so old that it began

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<v Speaker 1>to think of marriage, and it happened that it came

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<v Speaker 1>to be washed in company with a garter. Nay, said

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<v Speaker 1>the collar. I never did see anything so slender and

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<v Speaker 1>so fine, so soft, and so neat. May I not

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<v Speaker 1>ask your name, that I shall not tell you, said

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<v Speaker 1>the garter. Well where do you live? Asked the collar.

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<v Speaker 1>But the garter was so bashful, so modest, and thought

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<v Speaker 1>it was a strange question to answer. You are certainly

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<v Speaker 1>a girdle, said the collar, that is to say, an

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<v Speaker 1>inside girdle. I see well that you are both for

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<v Speaker 1>use and ornament, My dear young lady. I will thank

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<v Speaker 1>you not to speak to me, said the garter. I

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<v Speaker 1>think I have not given the least occasion for it. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>when one is as handsome as you, said the collar,

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<v Speaker 1>that is occasion enough. Don't come so near me. I

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<v Speaker 1>beg of you, said the garter. You looked so much

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<v Speaker 1>like those men folks. I am also a fine gentleman,

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<v Speaker 1>said the collar. I have a bootjack and a hair comb.

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<v Speaker 1>But that was not true, for it was his master

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<v Speaker 1>who had them. But he boasted, don't come so near me,

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<v Speaker 1>said the garter. I am not accustomed to it. Prude,

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<v Speaker 1>exclaimed the collar. And then it was taken out of

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<v Speaker 1>the washing tub. It was starched, hung over the back

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<v Speaker 1>of a chair in the sunshine, and was then laid

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<v Speaker 1>on the ironing blanket. Then came the warm box iron.

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<v Speaker 1>Dear lady, said the collar. Dear widow lady, I feel

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<v Speaker 1>quite hot. I am quite changed. I begin to unfold myself.

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<v Speaker 1>You will burn a hole in me. Oh, I offer

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<v Speaker 1>you my hand, rag said the box iron, and went

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<v Speaker 1>proudly over the collar. For she fancied she was a

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<v Speaker 1>steam engine that would go on the railroad and draw

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<v Speaker 1>the wagons, Rag, said the box iron. The collar was

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<v Speaker 1>a little jagget at the edge, and so came the

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<v Speaker 1>long scissors to cut off the jagged parts. Oh, collar,

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<v Speaker 1>you are certainly the first opera dancer. How well you

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<v Speaker 1>stretch your legs out. It is the most graceful performance

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<v Speaker 1>I've ever seen. No one can imitate you, I know it,

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<v Speaker 1>said the scissors. You deserve to be a baroness, said

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<v Speaker 1>the collar. All that I have is a fine gentleman,

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<v Speaker 1>a bootjack, and a hair comb. If I only had

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<v Speaker 1>the barony, do you seek my hand? Said the scissors,

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<v Speaker 1>For she was angry, and without more ado, she cut him,

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<v Speaker 1>and then he was condemned. I shall now be obliged

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<v Speaker 1>to ask the hair comb. It is surprising how well

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<v Speaker 1>you preserve your teeth, miss, said the collar. Have you

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<v Speaker 1>never thought of being betrothed? Yes, of course you may

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<v Speaker 1>be sure of that, said the hair comb. I am

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<v Speaker 1>betrothed to the bootjack. Betrothed, exclaimed the collar. There was

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<v Speaker 1>no other to court, and so he despised it. A

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<v Speaker 1>long time passed away. Then the collar came into the

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<v Speaker 1>rag chest at the paper mill. There was a large

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<v Speaker 1>company of rags, the fine by themselves, and the course

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<v Speaker 1>by themselves, just as it should be. They all had

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<v Speaker 1>much to say, but the collar the most, for he

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<v Speaker 1>was a real boaster. I have had such an immense

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<v Speaker 1>number of sweethearts, said the collar, I could not be

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<v Speaker 1>in peace. It is true. I was always a fine,

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<v Speaker 1>starched up gentleman. I had both a bootjack and a

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<v Speaker 1>hair comb. Which I never used. You should have seen

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<v Speaker 1>me then, and you should have seen me when I

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<v Speaker 1>lay down. I shall never forget my first love. She

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<v Speaker 1>was a girdle, so fine, so soft, and so charming.

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<v Speaker 1>She threw herself into a tub of water for my sake.

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<v Speaker 1>There was also a widow who became glowing hot, and

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<v Speaker 1>I left her standing till she got black again. There

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<v Speaker 1>was also the first opera dancer. She gave me that

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<v Speaker 1>cut which I now go with. She was so ferocious,

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<v Speaker 1>my own hair comb was in love with me. She

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<v Speaker 1>lost all her teeth from the heartache. Yes, I have

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<v Speaker 1>lived to see much of that sort of thing, but

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<v Speaker 1>I am extremely sorry for the daughter. I mean, the

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<v Speaker 1>girdle that went into the water tub. I have much

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<v Speaker 1>on my conscience want to become white paper. And it

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<v Speaker 1>became so. All the rags were turned into white paper.

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<v Speaker 1>But the collar came to be just this very piece

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<v Speaker 1>of white paper we here see, and on which the

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<v Speaker 1>story is printed. And that was because it boasted so

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<v Speaker 1>terribly afterwards of what had never happened to it. It

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<v Speaker 1>would be well for us to beware that we may

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<v Speaker 1>not act in a similar manner, for we can never

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<v Speaker 1>know if we may not, in the course of time,

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<v Speaker 1>also come into the rag chest and be made into

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<v Speaker 1>white paper, and then have our whole life's history printed

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<v Speaker 1>on it, even the most secret, and be obliged to

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<v Speaker 1>run about and tell it ourselves, just like this collar.

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<v Speaker 1>End of the False Collar by Hans Christian Andersen