Speaker 1: There was once a fine gentleman, all of whose movables
Speaker 1: were a bootjack and a hair comb. But he had
Speaker 1: the finest false collars in the world. And it is
Speaker 1: about one of these collars that we are now to
Speaker 1: hear a story. It was so old that it began
Speaker 1: to think of marriage, and it happened that it came
Speaker 1: to be washed in company with a garter. Nay, said
Speaker 1: the collar. I never did see anything so slender and
Speaker 1: so fine, so soft, and so neat. May I not
Speaker 1: ask your name, that I shall not tell you, said
Speaker 1: the garter. Well where do you live? Asked the collar.
Speaker 1: But the garter was so bashful, so modest, and thought
Speaker 1: it was a strange question to answer. You are certainly
Speaker 1: a girdle, said the collar, that is to say, an
Speaker 1: inside girdle. I see well that you are both for
Speaker 1: use and ornament, My dear young lady. I will thank
Speaker 1: you not to speak to me, said the garter. I
Speaker 1: think I have not given the least occasion for it. Yes,
Speaker 1: when one is as handsome as you, said the collar,
Speaker 1: that is occasion enough. Don't come so near me. I
Speaker 1: beg of you, said the garter. You looked so much
Speaker 1: like those men folks. I am also a fine gentleman,
Speaker 1: said the collar. I have a bootjack and a hair comb.
Speaker 1: But that was not true, for it was his master
Speaker 1: who had them. But he boasted, don't come so near me,
Speaker 1: said the garter. I am not accustomed to it. Prude,
Speaker 1: exclaimed the collar. And then it was taken out of
Speaker 1: the washing tub. It was starched, hung over the back
Speaker 1: of a chair in the sunshine, and was then laid
Speaker 1: on the ironing blanket. Then came the warm box iron.
Speaker 1: Dear lady, said the collar. Dear widow lady, I feel
Speaker 1: quite hot. I am quite changed. I begin to unfold myself.
Speaker 1: You will burn a hole in me. Oh, I offer
Speaker 1: you my hand, rag said the box iron, and went
Speaker 1: proudly over the collar. For she fancied she was a
Speaker 1: steam engine that would go on the railroad and draw
Speaker 1: the wagons, Rag, said the box iron. The collar was
Speaker 1: a little jagget at the edge, and so came the
Speaker 1: long scissors to cut off the jagged parts. Oh, collar,
Speaker 1: you are certainly the first opera dancer. How well you
Speaker 1: stretch your legs out. It is the most graceful performance
Speaker 1: I've ever seen. No one can imitate you, I know it,
Speaker 1: said the scissors. You deserve to be a baroness, said
Speaker 1: the collar. All that I have is a fine gentleman,
Speaker 1: a bootjack, and a hair comb. If I only had
Speaker 1: the barony, do you seek my hand? Said the scissors,
Speaker 1: For she was angry, and without more ado, she cut him,
Speaker 1: and then he was condemned. I shall now be obliged
Speaker 1: to ask the hair comb. It is surprising how well
Speaker 1: you preserve your teeth, miss, said the collar. Have you
Speaker 1: never thought of being betrothed? Yes, of course you may
Speaker 1: be sure of that, said the hair comb. I am
Speaker 1: betrothed to the bootjack. Betrothed, exclaimed the collar. There was
Speaker 1: no other to court, and so he despised it. A
Speaker 1: long time passed away. Then the collar came into the
Speaker 1: rag chest at the paper mill. There was a large
Speaker 1: company of rags, the fine by themselves, and the course
Speaker 1: by themselves, just as it should be. They all had
Speaker 1: much to say, but the collar the most, for he
Speaker 1: was a real boaster. I have had such an immense
Speaker 1: number of sweethearts, said the collar, I could not be
Speaker 1: in peace. It is true. I was always a fine,
Speaker 1: starched up gentleman. I had both a bootjack and a
Speaker 1: hair comb. Which I never used. You should have seen
Speaker 1: me then, and you should have seen me when I
Speaker 1: lay down. I shall never forget my first love. She
Speaker 1: was a girdle, so fine, so soft, and so charming.
Speaker 1: She threw herself into a tub of water for my sake.
Speaker 1: There was also a widow who became glowing hot, and
Speaker 1: I left her standing till she got black again. There
Speaker 1: was also the first opera dancer. She gave me that
Speaker 1: cut which I now go with. She was so ferocious,
Speaker 1: my own hair comb was in love with me. She
Speaker 1: lost all her teeth from the heartache. Yes, I have
Speaker 1: lived to see much of that sort of thing, but
Speaker 1: I am extremely sorry for the daughter. I mean, the
Speaker 1: girdle that went into the water tub. I have much
Speaker 1: on my conscience want to become white paper. And it
Speaker 1: became so. All the rags were turned into white paper.
Speaker 1: But the collar came to be just this very piece
Speaker 1: of white paper we here see, and on which the
Speaker 1: story is printed. And that was because it boasted so
Speaker 1: terribly afterwards of what had never happened to it. It
Speaker 1: would be well for us to beware that we may
Speaker 1: not act in a similar manner, for we can never
Speaker 1: know if we may not, in the course of time,
Speaker 1: also come into the rag chest and be made into
Speaker 1: white paper, and then have our whole life's history printed
Speaker 1: on it, even the most secret, and be obliged to
Speaker 1: run about and tell it ourselves, just like this collar.
Speaker 1: End of the False Collar by Hans Christian Andersen