Speaker 1: This is pod Popular Podcast for the People, the.
Speaker 2: Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the.
Speaker 1: Great Love Debate. It's a great loved bab.
Speaker 2: Hi again everyone, It's Brian HOWI.
Speaker 3: Welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number one
Speaker 3: Dating in a Relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am
Speaker 3: back here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular
Speaker 3: Podcast for the People. I'm at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona.
Speaker 3: Not to play favorites, it might be my favorite and
Speaker 3: it is the full Scott's Dazzle this time of year here,
Speaker 3: So I'm happy to be here. And I'm bringing somebody
Speaker 3: in here who has not been on this podcast in years,
Speaker 3: many years. She's been on my stage many times. So
Speaker 3: she was back there in the infancy, and she came
Speaker 3: in here and she said she had witnessed a iota
Speaker 3: of growth out of me, personal development and growth. She says,
Speaker 3: I seem a fraction better. She is the host of
Speaker 3: the very popular Cupid's Coach podcast.
Speaker 2: She is.
Speaker 4: What is it?
Speaker 2: She turns we to he.
Speaker 1: He to we, we, transforming me to we.
Speaker 3: She transferred me to She will match make you to death,
Speaker 3: maybe even literally.
Speaker 2: The Lovely Julie Furman, how are you.
Speaker 4: I'm so happy to be here. Brian Howie and one
Speaker 4: of your biggest fans.
Speaker 2: Good.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there should be some fans left after all this time.
Speaker 3: We were talking a little bit that I brought up
Speaker 3: on a podcast that drop before this one about whether
Speaker 3: dating was harder or easier, where you believe that it
Speaker 3: is harder now?
Speaker 4: Why dating is harder now because we're more insulated and
Speaker 4: isolated in our little bubbles, and we're really good at
Speaker 4: avoiding each other and hiding from each other and running
Speaker 4: when it gets the tiniest little bit uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's enough stimuli without dealing with other people that
Speaker 3: we can get that makes us not want to fight
Speaker 3: through the ick.
Speaker 2: Yeah, nervousness.
Speaker 4: It's we're so used to solving problems instantly, you know.
Speaker 4: Oh gosh, i'm a little tired. Let's just have a
Speaker 4: jolt of caffeine. Oh gosh, I'm a little bored. Let's,
Speaker 4: you know, watch our new thing on TV or Brian
Speaker 4: Howie's latest podcast. We want the instant fixes, and that
Speaker 4: when it comes to love and human beings, the issues
Speaker 4: that are there, we don't have instant fixes unless we
Speaker 4: get really good at just okay, shut up, be still,
Speaker 4: open up my heart and listen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have been in the dating business for not
Speaker 3: to age you or date you too much thirty plus years.
Speaker 1: Thirty are going on thirty four years.
Speaker 4: And I will tell you know me well enough to
Speaker 4: know this is true. I have a love hate relationship
Speaker 4: with the business of dating.
Speaker 3: Well, I know when you put the business and what
Speaker 3: do you hate about the business quote unquote, and now
Speaker 3: everything is sort of a bit. You could say that
Speaker 3: a restaurant is in the business of dating, if florist
Speaker 3: is in the business of dating a chocolate maker.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's when the interaction happens, the transaction, when the
Speaker 4: client and I was the client fourteen hundred and fifty
Speaker 4: bucks I spent to meet, hopefully somebody to keep. When
Speaker 4: there's that transaction and your expectation is that you're going
Speaker 4: to find love, and you're paying money for the hope
Speaker 4: to find love, it is nasty because I can't fulfill
Speaker 4: that expectation. If you paid me ten thousand dollars, which
Speaker 4: is what I charge minimum fee for personal matchmaking, you
Speaker 4: expect that I'm going to deliver something. And on those
Speaker 4: legal documents, you know, you got to deal with the
Speaker 4: legal You know what, what can I promise in what
Speaker 4: I can't and what I can promise if I choose
Speaker 4: to take you on. And first we got to have
Speaker 4: a consultation. I can find out if you're batshit crazy?
Speaker 3: Err?
Speaker 2: Yeah, why you need me?
Speaker 1: Well? You know I I The first.
Speaker 4: Thing I do is have a quick conversation with you
Speaker 4: over the phone and find out, Okay, is he batshit crazy?
Speaker 4: Because I'm pretty good fifty thousand interviews in thirty four years,
Speaker 4: I can pick it out. Then we're gonna do a
Speaker 4: three hundred dollars consultation. We're gonna look at real life
Speaker 4: people together, and I'm gonna watch your face and I'm
Speaker 4: gonna see if you're batshit crazy or not? Do you
Speaker 4: only go for the hotties? Do you only go for
Speaker 4: the women who I know are a train wreck?
Speaker 1: And if so?
Speaker 4: Am I taking you on as a matchmaking client?
Speaker 1: I'm not that stupid.
Speaker 3: What can you promise them for ten thousand dollars? You
Speaker 3: can't promise them they're gonna fall in love, right what
Speaker 3: do you promise them?
Speaker 2: Opportunity?
Speaker 4: Like I just took on a brand new client right now,
Speaker 4: it's not an easy client. She's and I'm one of
Speaker 4: the few matchmakers who will take on a female client.
Speaker 4: But for every twenty who think they want to hire me,
Speaker 4: I maybe will bring on one. They got to beg
Speaker 4: me and I got to look them in the eye
Speaker 4: and say, you know, I can't promise relationship, right, I
Speaker 4: can't even promise second dates. But I won't take anybody
Speaker 4: on that I don't feel like I can do a
Speaker 4: good job for. And if I don't think I can
Speaker 4: do six, eight, ten, twelve, good solid introductions where she's
Speaker 4: happy to have met this person, he's happy to have
Speaker 4: met this person.
Speaker 1: They're real life people.
Speaker 4: If I don't feel like I can do it, I'll
Speaker 4: see You know what, Brian, save your money, Let's work
Speaker 4: on your flirting skills. Let's do everything else first.
Speaker 3: Give you the skills that you can possibly be your
Speaker 3: own matchmak.
Speaker 4: That's my boot camp for like three thousand dollars, which
Speaker 4: you know, you do the boot camp and you're earning
Speaker 4: your way toward the ten thousand dollars. But most people,
Speaker 4: I will say, don't spend the extra because you're not.
Speaker 2: How do you do that?
Speaker 3: Because there has to be some no pun tough love
Speaker 3: for these people. You have to break down how they
Speaker 3: got to this point where they need some help, and
Speaker 3: you said you can't tell them their batshit crazy?
Speaker 2: What words do you use? Challenging, difficult?
Speaker 4: If you were in my hot seat right now and
Speaker 4: you were paying me two hundred and ninety five dollars
Speaker 4: for an hour, which is an hour year time, two
Speaker 4: hours of my time, because first I ran the search
Speaker 4: that took me half an hour. Afterwards, I'm going to
Speaker 4: write you that email that tells you what you should
Speaker 4: do given what I discovered. So I would say, because
Speaker 4: I know you and you're my friend, I would say,
Speaker 4: here's the deal, Brian. The women you're going for are
Speaker 4: spot on. The kind of woman you're interested in is
Speaker 4: interested in you too. That means you're looking for a
Speaker 4: natural match. You would be a candidate for personal matchmaking.
Speaker 4: Let me tell you if I think it should be
Speaker 4: with me, or if I think it should be with
Speaker 4: one of my colleagues who's actually really hard working and
Speaker 4: has a really good solid network. That might be the
Speaker 4: way I would advise you, or it might be Brian,
Speaker 4: get your head out of your ass. The women you're
Speaker 4: going for are not going for you. They're looking for
Speaker 4: your much younger brother who has the ferraris and your
Speaker 4: cars are not for rien And do you really want
Speaker 4: to pay this woman five thousand dollars a month just
Speaker 4: to hang out with you? If you want a woman
Speaker 4: who looks like that, you're going to be paying. One
Speaker 4: of the girls said to me, Julie, you should know
Speaker 4: that I really like horses, and you know horses are expensive,
Speaker 4: and I'm really you know, I need my boatox And
Speaker 4: I said, what's it going to take?
Speaker 1: And this is my right.
Speaker 4: What's it going to take for a guy to have
Speaker 4: you be in his life? It's really looking like fifteen
Speaker 4: thousand a month? I mean, I just I have a
Speaker 4: lot of expenses and if he wants me to be
Speaker 4: free to jump on a plane and go to the
Speaker 4: south of France with him, my horses need to be
Speaker 4: fed and I'm not going to be training the way
Speaker 4: I normally do, so he's going to have to compensate me.
Speaker 3: And you can't say no. I mean because a lot
Speaker 3: of the women, so you're trying to match them up
Speaker 3: with women, and who you think a lot of those
Speaker 3: are professional women. A lot of those women have can't
Speaker 3: just and a lot of men. They want a wife,
Speaker 3: and they want a travel companion. The older you get,
Speaker 3: the more somebody's life and somebody's freedom don't necessarily match up.
Speaker 3: And so they're basically saying to you, I want to
Speaker 3: find love, yes, I want a companionship, yes, but I
Speaker 3: also want somebody who matches my lifestyle, but I don't
Speaker 3: necessarily want to pay for her her lifestyle without me.
Speaker 1: Well that's it.
Speaker 4: There are three things that I've determined that breed narcissistic tendencies.
Speaker 4: I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm not going to call somebody
Speaker 4: a narcissist, but I do see some narcissistic tendencies, and
Speaker 4: they tend to be hovering around extreme beauty, extreme wealth power,
Speaker 4: like we see it among politicians.
Speaker 2: So for some.
Speaker 4: Reason they think their shit doesn't stink because they have
Speaker 4: this money or they have the looks, and it's they're
Speaker 4: not They're they're so rarely good catches, you know, so
Speaker 4: rarely good at relationship, and if they ever are, they
Speaker 4: are the unicorn. And I see unicorns. The woman we
Speaker 4: almost had, I almost I tried to get you to
Speaker 4: have dinner with us last night with this woman, she
Speaker 4: is a unicorn.
Speaker 1: Lives right here in Scottsdale.
Speaker 2: Scottsdale's tough Scottsdale. I don't know how old this woman
Speaker 2: is that you had dinner with.
Speaker 1: But she's younger than you, darling.
Speaker 3: Okay, but I mean, but is she younger than the
Speaker 3: guys want? That's a problem if she's in her forties
Speaker 3: here or fifties. A lot of guys here in their forties, fifties, sixties,
Speaker 3: They believe they should and can go younger because it
Speaker 3: is that certain parts of.
Speaker 2: The country are different.
Speaker 3: You can be sixty five and go out with a
Speaker 3: thirty five year old, twenty five year old in Scottsdale.
Speaker 2: It's not going to raise well eyebr go out with.
Speaker 4: But if you're really looking for a keeper, if you're
Speaker 4: looking for companionship, if you look at somebody to enjoy
Speaker 4: life together, a woman who is that much younger is
Speaker 4: going to be consistently unsatisfying.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and you're going to be unsatisfying to her
Speaker 3: if you're suddenly too old for her. She's going to
Speaker 3: wake up one day and you're just an old man.
Speaker 3: Like the gap can't be that big. And I tell
Speaker 3: these people all the time, you brought up the women
Speaker 3: why don't you take on? Why is it different if
Speaker 3: a woman comes you and say, I want you to
Speaker 3: match you with the great guys, why is it done?
Speaker 4: I love my new female client. She is amazing. She
Speaker 4: and I will be friends forever, and I had to
Speaker 4: really trust her in order to take her on. Because
Speaker 4: there's a reason why I'm not comfortable taking more than
Speaker 4: ten thousand dollars from a matchmaking client. I am the
Speaker 4: only one as reasonable as that. But I like short
Speaker 4: term programs. Either we hit the nail on the head
Speaker 4: we have a great relationship, or you know, it was
Speaker 4: three four months we tried. We met a bunch of
Speaker 4: great people. But I don't kick him out unless they misbehave.
Speaker 4: If I've got a great referral six months down the road,
Speaker 4: six years down the road, I am tracking her down
Speaker 4: and I'm going to go ahead and give her an
Speaker 4: extra introduction. I actually care. But here's the reason why
Speaker 4: we're so much harder. I've got an introduction I really
Speaker 4: want to make for her, and I called the guy,
Speaker 4: made sure he's available.
Speaker 1: Timing is right.
Speaker 4: I get his photos updated, I get his profile updated.
Speaker 4: A lot of you know, we're get on the phone
Speaker 4: another thirty minute call together, and he's like, did you
Speaker 4: reach out to me because you've got a particular person
Speaker 4: you want me to meet?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yeah, I did. Do I get to
Speaker 1: see your profile? Yeah? You do.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna send it over now, and I send it
Speaker 4: over and I'm on the edge of my chair because
Speaker 4: what am I hoping for?
Speaker 2: You're hoping that?
Speaker 1: What that He's going to give me a yes?
Speaker 3: Well, isn't the guy if she's attractive, isn't he probably
Speaker 3: going to give you a yes?
Speaker 2: No? I mean if she's good looking.
Speaker 4: But one guy is good looking like my husband. He
Speaker 4: likes little blonde spinners. Okay, little little blonde, cute, little
Speaker 4: peppy golden retriever is, and a golden retriever is my
Speaker 4: spirit animal. So right, he loves my type. Now, a beautiful, long,
Speaker 4: skinny Asian woman walks in glamorous that's not his type.
Speaker 4: If Kardashian Curves walks in the door, not his type.
Speaker 1: He's not going for her.
Speaker 3: Well, as I always say, and you've heard me say
Speaker 3: this before, if you're over thirty and you're still single,
Speaker 3: you have no type.
Speaker 2: That's right, your type out for you.
Speaker 3: So it's what they think they like, have you tried
Speaker 3: the Asian dish?
Speaker 2: You know? Have you tried this? They don't know.
Speaker 3: But so back to the question of the women. Why
Speaker 3: is it harder for you to take on a woman
Speaker 3: than a man. If the woman has the means to pay.
Speaker 1: You, Oh my god.
Speaker 4: If she has the means to pay me, she's really
Speaker 4: scary because she has. If she has the means to
Speaker 4: pay me, then she's used to getting what she wants,
Speaker 4: when she wants, how she wants it. And here's some
Speaker 4: honest to god statistics I'm working on now. Have thirty
Speaker 4: seven thousand registrations in my personal matchmaking community over his
Speaker 4: last twenty years. For everyone, yes I get from a
Speaker 4: Brian Howie, I will get six to seven of these responses,
Speaker 4: Oh Jeel.
Speaker 1: Thanks for thinking of me. She looks Great's not my
Speaker 1: cup of tea?
Speaker 2: Who else you got? Okay? But that's the job, that's
Speaker 2: what they're paying ten.
Speaker 1: It costs.
Speaker 4: It takes me at least three times as much time
Speaker 4: to serve a woman as it does.
Speaker 2: Because they're almost they're more likely to reject.
Speaker 1: Well, here's the deal, as my sisters.
Speaker 4: As a woman, we only have a shot with a
Speaker 4: guy who thinks we're hot, and it's true.
Speaker 2: Right, it's true. So hot is hard.
Speaker 4: Well, what's not hot to you could be perfectly acceptable
Speaker 4: to another guy. You guys are on a spectrum. If
Speaker 4: I determine that you're like a guy. There's a guy
Speaker 4: named Corey, worst client I ever took on in my
Speaker 4: entire life, and I'm I am so I can sniff
Speaker 4: it out anytime I'm working with a guy who has
Speaker 4: gotten to the point where his visual requirements have basically
Speaker 4: made her a thing. Like if a guy uses the
Speaker 4: what word, Oh, I'm not attracted to that, you need
Speaker 4: to show me what I'm looking for? What? Oh, I
Speaker 4: mean the hair on the back of my neck right now,
Speaker 4: because that kind of guy is A woman is not
Speaker 4: a thing. She's not a human, She's a thing and
Speaker 4: I can hear it, I can smell it. Well.
Speaker 3: This both give men credit and this but is also
Speaker 3: a bad thing about men.
Speaker 2: A very wealthy, powerful.
Speaker 3: Successful woman will take Oh, let's just say Oprah, A
Speaker 3: man isn't necessarily going to go for her just because
Speaker 3: of that. She still has to be attractive, So that's
Speaker 3: both Oh, he still has to be attracted to.
Speaker 2: Her and like her.
Speaker 3: The women the other way around, the money and the
Speaker 3: job and the power can make him attractive. That is
Speaker 3: a challenge because that, for a lot of women is
Speaker 3: so frustrating that they're like, if.
Speaker 4: She's beautiful and she's got money, forget it, just forget it.
Speaker 4: Who she should be dating is a really talented chef.
Speaker 2: She wants to creative, she wants a musician.
Speaker 1: Well, the musicians.
Speaker 4: You know, my very first wedding when I started my
Speaker 4: own matchmaking company is a musician and this beautiful, wonderful
Speaker 4: woman and they had a baby, and the baby's driving
Speaker 4: now in college and it's just so beautiful. But I
Speaker 4: have other than this one guy, Chuck is his name.
Speaker 4: I haven't had a lot of success with musicians, and
Speaker 4: I haven't had with gentlemen musicians, and I haven't had
Speaker 4: a lot of success with gentlemen actors.
Speaker 2: Actors a little different. Actors. You're trying to be somebody
Speaker 2: else for a living.
Speaker 4: So here's the real problem. The reason why we've got
Speaker 4: all this, like the wealthier the community someplace like Scottsdale,
Speaker 4: someplace like Boca, someplace like Beverly Hills. A big part
Speaker 4: of the reason why these wealthy men think they need
Speaker 4: a beautiful woman. That's the same reason a woman wants
Speaker 4: a wealthy guy so they can say, oh, well, my
Speaker 4: boyfriend has his place and Aspen my girlfriend, yeah has
Speaker 4: You know, she's twenty years younger and she loves me
Speaker 4: for who I am, right, yeah.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, no, I agree. I wanted to the relationship
Speaker 2: side of this.
Speaker 3: I got to take a quick break because we got
Speaker 3: to pay for ten thousand dollars matchmakers around here.
Speaker 2: I'm here with Julie Furman, she's.
Speaker 3: The host of Cupid's Coach, and we will be back
Speaker 3: right after this.
Speaker 2: And we are back.
Speaker 3: So somebody comes to you and you know, they're in
Speaker 3: their forties, fifties, whatever. They've had failed relationships obviously, just
Speaker 3: like everybody has. How do you determine You might be
Speaker 3: able to determine how they are on a date. You
Speaker 3: might be able to determine, you know, what they look like,
Speaker 3: what they do. How do you go backwards and say,
Speaker 3: how are you as a husband, boyfriend?
Speaker 2: How are you in a relationship? How do you determine that?
Speaker 1: I love this.
Speaker 4: It's the reason why I do my boot camp, because
Speaker 4: we dig into it in the second week of boot camp.
Speaker 4: It's the excavation it's the deep dive into the history.
Speaker 4: So there are a bunch of workshops and if you're
Speaker 4: in my boot camp, by the way, I will give
Speaker 4: you a free participant. You sit into my boot camp
Speaker 4: anytime you want. It's virtual. I would love to have
Speaker 4: you in class. What we do is it's nine modules
Speaker 4: that are video modules. My son Kevin recorded it edit
Speaker 4: it's great. And then there's office hours on Thursday evenings
Speaker 4: for an hour and Friday mornings men and women together,
Speaker 4: all ages. And so the second week is what we're
Speaker 4: in the middle of right now. It's the fourth boot
Speaker 4: camp and it's.
Speaker 1: The deep dive.
Speaker 4: So I get this chance to say to you, Okay, Brian,
Speaker 4: what's on your sheet about finances? What have you been
Speaker 4: happy to pay for in a relationship? What have you
Speaker 4: been unhappy to pay for?
Speaker 2: But does that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think that matters and money matters whatever,
Speaker 3: But do you say because a lot of people don't
Speaker 3: know the answer because they've thought about it. They're like,
Speaker 3: why did you get divorced? Well, my wife was a bitch.
Speaker 3: They're always going to pass the blame. Why didn't this work?
Speaker 3: I just not having the right person yet, Like you
Speaker 3: have to go in and say what are you like
Speaker 3: three months in, nine months in what were you like
Speaker 3: when you became a dad? Where you're like and a
Speaker 3: lot of people don't know this, and you're not trying
Speaker 3: to play therapist here, but you're trying to get them
Speaker 3: to admit stuff that they don't want to admit to you,
Speaker 3: because then you won't match them up.
Speaker 1: Here's why I'm still right.
Speaker 4: Yes, here's why I'm so excited to be doing this
Speaker 4: work after so many years. I will only work with
Speaker 4: somebody who's growth oriented. If they don't pass my test
Speaker 4: in that first hour long zoom consultation and show me
Speaker 4: that they're interested in learning, I.
Speaker 1: Don't want to work with them.
Speaker 4: I got a line of people looking to get into
Speaker 4: my boot camp, looking to book me for an hour.
Speaker 4: I'm not They have to beg me to take them
Speaker 4: on for matchmaking.
Speaker 3: So if they say, like, I don't know, I've just
Speaker 3: been an asshole, You're okay with that.
Speaker 2: Sure, as long as they know, Oh absolutely.
Speaker 4: And the other thing is, you know, I want to
Speaker 4: know all the bad stuff that happened in your relationships
Speaker 4: and you're going to write it down, and I want
Speaker 4: to know what was that person's part in it, and Brian,
Speaker 4: come on, let's be honest, what was your part in it?
Speaker 2: Yeah? No, I've done I can go backwards and do
Speaker 2: it all now. I'm very evolved.
Speaker 3: Man, I don't know but right, but I don't know
Speaker 3: if a lot of people because I do this and
Speaker 3: I have these conversations a guy who's like, I've been
Speaker 3: buried in my career.
Speaker 2: I have two ex wives. I haven't had it.
Speaker 3: Here's my money, find somebody there to get them to
Speaker 3: do that, which I get that you have to do
Speaker 3: that because you can't grew over some girl that you
Speaker 3: match him up with he turns out to be a psycho.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm ry or whatever.
Speaker 4: I am a really good police cup in my community,
Speaker 4: and if anybody messes up, that's it. I just put
Speaker 4: somebody on inactive status because I wanted to give her
Speaker 4: a free introduction. Half of the introductions I do in
Speaker 4: my world are called Mitzvah matches, and they're absolutely for free.
Speaker 4: And the people I look to provide free introductions to
Speaker 4: are the people who do those consultations and the people
Speaker 4: who are in my boot camp, people who've been my
Speaker 4: match making clients, and their programs are completely and totally
Speaker 4: over and they did not misbehave.
Speaker 1: Anybody who missbehaved.
Speaker 2: If I misbehave, that's it.
Speaker 1: Well, this girl accepted a mitzvah match.
Speaker 2: I go to the guy.
Speaker 4: He's done that consultation with me. He's not the guy
Speaker 4: who's going to pay ten thousand dollars, and I wouldn't
Speaker 4: want him to. He's not in that place financially, and
Speaker 4: he's not that hungry to want to spend that kind
Speaker 4: of money, but he would love a relationship. So I
Speaker 4: go to him, Hey, what do you think about I'm
Speaker 4: going to call her Carol. What do you think about Carol?
Speaker 4: Carol looks great. I would love to meet her. Actually,
Speaker 4: I gave him like five or six people to really
Speaker 4: study up on detailed profiles. He's like, Okay, Carol's the
Speaker 4: one I'm really excited to meet.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 4: I know Carol's a little bit out of his league, okay,
Speaker 4: because he didn't go for Janet, who I think would
Speaker 4: be spot on. But Carol's a little bit hotter, right,
Speaker 4: So he goes for her. I go to Carol. I say,
Speaker 4: Carol has timing for an introduction. She says, timing's great. Julie,
Speaker 4: who you're thinking about and I said, well, first, let's
Speaker 4: make sure your profile's up to date. Do you have
Speaker 4: any updated photos. It's been maybe a year since we've
Speaker 4: seen each other. She could have chopped her hair off, whatever.
Speaker 4: And she gets it to me and I say, okay,
Speaker 4: so Peter wants.
Speaker 1: To meet you.
Speaker 4: Peter looks great, love to meet him. Okay, good, it's
Speaker 4: a Mitzvah match. I send them both the cell phone numbers,
Speaker 4: and in that Mitzvah email, it says, don't screw it up,
Speaker 4: don't screw it up. I don't care who calls who.
Speaker 4: I don't care who because I don't set up all
Speaker 4: the details for the mitzva matches. If you paid me
Speaker 4: ten grand, I am nailing down the restaurant. And I
Speaker 4: don't share last names, and I don't share I don't
Speaker 4: want you to go each other.
Speaker 1: I don't share age, all that stuff. I set it
Speaker 1: all up, but miss don't share age. I do not
Speaker 1: share age.
Speaker 2: And they don't. Do you use your judgment on how
Speaker 2: old is too old or how young is too young.
Speaker 4: I already know because you filled out your profile and
Speaker 4: you've told me, okay, Julie, I'm fifty five.
Speaker 1: I'm open to meeting women from nineteen to twenty six.
Speaker 2: Okay, will you shut that down or will you say
Speaker 2: that's too hard? What will you say?
Speaker 4: No? If you fill out your profile and you're fifty
Speaker 4: five and you say you don't want to meet anybody
Speaker 4: over the age of forty.
Speaker 2: I want to have two more kids. What if they
Speaker 2: say that.
Speaker 4: Oh, that's totally cool, Brian, I'm not the matchmaker for you.
Speaker 4: You need to call the guy over at Model Quality Introductions,
Speaker 4: right because those girls, I hope you're going to have
Speaker 4: lots of extra dollars to spend, you know, to keep
Speaker 4: this woman around and all this so stupid.
Speaker 2: I'm real, I get that.
Speaker 3: But there's a lot of women in their twenties who
Speaker 3: want to have the kids and they can't get the
Speaker 3: guys in their thirties and forties to focus or settle
Speaker 3: down because those guys have too many possibilities.
Speaker 2: They might have to go for the guy who's fifty.
Speaker 4: Five and I will that's great. So does he know
Speaker 4: that he's marrying his next divorce?
Speaker 3: A probably because a lot of the guys who are
Speaker 3: fifty five, they don't.
Speaker 2: I brought this up on a podcast recently.
Speaker 3: A lot of people who were divorced and at that
Speaker 3: age they've given up on the idea of happily ever after.
Speaker 3: They look at life in ten year compartments. Can I
Speaker 3: have ten years two kids? It's fine, I write or
Speaker 3: check at the end, yes, right, maybe they're okay.
Speaker 4: I have no problem with any of that, as long
Speaker 4: as we're open and up upfront about it. So if
Speaker 4: the guy wants a woman much younger, so by the
Speaker 4: time you're in that consultation with me, you've already told
Speaker 4: me what your age preferences are. So in this case,
Speaker 4: I said, all right, I'll see if Carol wants to
Speaker 4: meet you, and he said yes, and she said yes.
Speaker 4: I shared the phone numbers, and the very next day
Speaker 4: he writes me and he says.
Speaker 1: Well, that was fast.
Speaker 4: That was the quickest relationship I ever had. She's too
Speaker 4: busy to even meet me.
Speaker 3: Well, I get I get why the older guys want
Speaker 3: the younger girls because it's easy for them to feel
Speaker 3: confident again. But you're also going to feel old. You're
Speaker 3: also like remember this song, Yeah, my dad used to
Speaker 3: like that song. Like, nothing's going to make you feel
Speaker 3: worse than that.
Speaker 4: You know, we have to be honest about the status thing.
Speaker 4: You know, when a guy walks into the gala and
Speaker 4: he's got Susie with him, Barbie, he's got Carol whatever,
Speaker 4: and she's beautiful and all the heads are turning, and
Speaker 4: he gets to be the guy with that.
Speaker 2: Okay, I think you can find that. And she's forty two.
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 4: But wait, if you're fifty five and she's forty two.
Speaker 2: I think she can look awesome.
Speaker 3: If you're fifty five and she's twenty three and somebody
Speaker 3: makes a mistake of it's not worth the risk of
Speaker 3: that's your daughter, and it's not with the risk of
Speaker 3: her friends saying referring to you by your age, like
Speaker 3: you're still going to that, you're still going.
Speaker 2: Out that fifty five year old. I would never want
Speaker 2: to be that guy.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 4: I love that we're talking about this, all right. So
Speaker 4: you're fifty five and you said something about a forty
Speaker 4: two year old. Does that seem like kind of like
Speaker 4: a nice age spread for you, for.
Speaker 2: Me or for me or for people. I think I'm
Speaker 2: a guy. I think that's the same.
Speaker 3: I believe in the old adage the half the age
Speaker 3: plus seven is the match.
Speaker 1: All right, very good.
Speaker 4: So if this woman who's forty two, has it all
Speaker 4: going on? Yes, why would she make the compromise and
Speaker 4: be with a fifty five year old man.
Speaker 3: I don't think she thinks. I think emotionally we're in
Speaker 3: the same place that those two. I don't think those
Speaker 3: two are far off at all. I don't the forty
Speaker 3: two year old with the forty five year old man.
Speaker 3: He still wants kids and she's going to feel old.
Speaker 3: That's the challenge of the women in their early forties
Speaker 3: who are dating guys in their forties, is there's a
Speaker 3: good chance that they're like, I either want a second
Speaker 3: family or I want a first family, and you can't
Speaker 3: have that. I tell women who are.
Speaker 2: Forty two that they have to go for the guys
Speaker 2: in their fifties.
Speaker 4: They do, yeah, if they well, like, I always want
Speaker 4: to know the kid thing the very beginning, the first thing.
Speaker 1: Who wants babies? Who doesn't?
Speaker 4: Who's a maybe on that? And one of the things
Speaker 4: that really bugs me is when a guy I will
Speaker 4: say maybe, but he really doesn't. He just wants to
Speaker 4: access a woman who's still.
Speaker 3: Of course, because she doesn't want to rule her out.
Speaker 3: I don't blame that, but the hardest age to date
Speaker 3: for these women is the who wants to date around
Speaker 3: the same age are the women in their late thirties
Speaker 3: and early forties. They have almost no shot of getting
Speaker 3: a guy who is in that sweet spot of thirty
Speaker 3: five to forty eight because he has unbelievable amount of choices,
Speaker 3: and if she has kids, they're probably very young and
Speaker 3: he might not want to sign up for that doesn't
Speaker 3: if he either has his own or whatever, or if
Speaker 3: he doesn't have kids, she's too old, right, So she's
Speaker 3: gonna If I were a matchmaker and I am not,
Speaker 3: and somebody came to me there and she was forty
Speaker 3: two forty three, I'm gonna tell her she has to
Speaker 3: go fifty seven.
Speaker 1: That's right. She has to do it.
Speaker 4: And if she's really got everything going on, she doesn't
Speaker 4: need to make that compromise. If she has her own resources,
Speaker 4: she doesn't need to make that compromise.
Speaker 1: So I see these women having their own.
Speaker 3: Children, Yeah, it's it's a God bless them, such a mess.
Speaker 3: Or she has the I'm saying, I'm talking about the
Speaker 3: forty three year old with the young with a four
Speaker 3: year old at home and a six year.
Speaker 2: Old at home.
Speaker 1: Oh, forget it.
Speaker 2: It's hard.
Speaker 3: I can't take that woman on. How difficult you brought
Speaker 3: up the guys who want something out of her league.
Speaker 3: You think men have been ruined by Adam Sandler movies,
Speaker 3: that somehow we see this goofy guy dressing badly and
Speaker 3: he could still get the beautiful girl. Like you can't
Speaker 3: tell the guy not to shoot his shot. If there
Speaker 3: are these out they they're you know, so they're saying
Speaker 3: there's a chance they want to chase the outlier.
Speaker 2: How do you tell a guy she's out of your league?
Speaker 1: Well, it's real simple.
Speaker 4: We're on the zoom call together and you're looking at
Speaker 4: Barbie and you're like, Julie, this is the perfect woman.
Speaker 4: This is exactly the kind of woman I've been looking for.
Speaker 4: And I'll say, I get it. I don't blame you
Speaker 4: at all. Can I show you who she said yes
Speaker 4: to last week? M And I'm gonna show you the
Speaker 4: brad Pitt that she said yes too.
Speaker 2: But he doesn't.
Speaker 3: He's like, she just needs a shot to meet me
Speaker 3: because men now, men think he's when she meets me, right,
Speaker 3: they just want the audition, they want the interview, they
Speaker 3: want the shot, and that's what they're looking for And
Speaker 3: that's the complaint that the men have now, regardless of
Speaker 3: if they're on bumble or if they're going through matchacer is
Speaker 3: the women will not give them a shot.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 4: And it's sometimes the matchmaker is in a position because
Speaker 4: she has enough inventory. I shouldn't call human beings inventory,
Speaker 4: but we are when we're commodities like that, the matchmaker
Speaker 4: has enough possibilities that she can get you that first date.
Speaker 1: But that woman isn't just going to have a first
Speaker 1: date with you.
Speaker 4: All the guys want to date that girl, and so
Speaker 4: she's going to be on the gravy train of nice
Speaker 4: dinners and she's meeting all these.
Speaker 1: Great people and she's having such a good time.
Speaker 4: Or you know, it's the young guy and who's forty five,
Speaker 4: who's got all these choices having such a good time. Why,
Speaker 4: like my mother said, why buy the cow and the
Speaker 4: milk is free? Why commit and be in a relationship
Speaker 4: which is really hard when you could keep dating?
Speaker 3: Do you and don't befriended out there any of my
Speaker 3: little fellow listeners. I am very sympathetic to the plight
Speaker 3: of the short guy. I was one of you in
Speaker 3: high school. Do you charge more for shorter men because
Speaker 3: some matchmakers, do you.
Speaker 4: Know, I look at it this way. I like to
Speaker 4: measure something called romantic market value.
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean stand on your wallet.
Speaker 4: Well, like you know, if a guy, if a guy's
Speaker 4: not that good looking, or he might be short, or
Speaker 4: he might be do we'd be looking for whatever. But
Speaker 4: he has a really fun personality. That's what we call
Speaker 4: the Adam Sandler effect.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: So, and a woman has.
Speaker 4: The ability to develop attraction over time far better than
Speaker 4: a guy does. It is the biggest distinction between men
Speaker 4: and women and how we date.
Speaker 2: So correct, So how can you tell the guy she's
Speaker 2: out of your league?
Speaker 4: Here's what I'll say. Okay, So here's the thing, Brian.
Speaker 4: The three women you were really excited to meet, they're
Speaker 4: very popular, they have a lot of opportunities. I can
Speaker 4: probably get you the first date. I can't promise the
Speaker 4: second date. My recommendation to you is going to be
Speaker 4: sure meet Barbie, Carol and Susie.
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
Speaker 4: Meanwhile, do I have your confidence and trust? I want
Speaker 4: to see what happens if, in addition to these three,
Speaker 4: if you met your second tier, which is this person,
Speaker 4: this person, this person. I want to know how you
Speaker 4: feel after each date, and I want to know what
Speaker 4: that feedback is on you. Do you want to know
Speaker 4: the feedback if it's not so great? Do you have
Speaker 4: the guts?
Speaker 2: Do you try and judge how funny they are?
Speaker 4: Well, that's part of romantic market value. Yeah, if a
Speaker 4: guy's got a great fun personality and these upbeat as
Speaker 4: opposed to being you know, honest to god, I really
Speaker 4: really struggle with people who are awkward socially. People on
Speaker 4: this spectrum. I try really, really really hard. I love
Speaker 4: helping people out. The people in my boot camp, they're
Speaker 4: working on.
Speaker 1: Their social skills. That guy is a better bet than hey, baby,
Speaker 1: how you do it right?
Speaker 2: Who's too over confident? Now?
Speaker 3: A lot of guys who who are very successful and
Speaker 3: very driven, they didn't work on their social skills because
Speaker 3: either they got married really young, check it off, I
Speaker 3: have a wife, I'm going to get back to work,
Speaker 3: or they seven und of dates or they hadn't is
Speaker 3: your job to give them to try and identify are
Speaker 3: they capable of having another layer to their personality? Or
Speaker 3: you're like, this is what I have to deal with
Speaker 3: and I work around.
Speaker 4: Oh man, all somebody has to do to get into
Speaker 4: the sweet spot of my heart is show me that
Speaker 4: they're interested in learning, that they're willing to stretch, that
Speaker 4: they're willing to Like my boot camp is all about,
Speaker 4: let's do everything else first. Let's not hire the matchmakers.
Speaker 4: Let's put the matchmakers out of business. Let's put the
Speaker 4: high end division of my company out of business, because
Speaker 4: I would so much rather do introductions for freeze way
Speaker 4: less pressure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm going to be able.
Speaker 4: To say to you, this is the post date feedback,
Speaker 4: and you're going to say, well, how come I didn't
Speaker 4: get the second date? Well?
Speaker 1: I think I know, Brian, But do.
Speaker 3: They say I was nervous, it was weird? Can I
Speaker 3: get another shot? And can you talk her into that?
Speaker 1: Sometimes?
Speaker 4: But what's more powerful is if you really wanted a
Speaker 4: second date with Susie and she kind of gave you.
Speaker 4: Maybe she got on the phone she said, you know,
Speaker 4: I thought about it, Brian. I don't think there's enough
Speaker 4: you know stuff here. So I'm going to release you
Speaker 4: to your dating mission with you know, but we're going
Speaker 4: to stay friendly. I want people to stay friendly. But
Speaker 4: if you say, Julie, how come I to get the
Speaker 4: second date?
Speaker 1: I think I know what it is. Well, what is it?
Speaker 4: Do you really want to know? Because it's it might
Speaker 4: be hard to hear, and then you're gonna if you
Speaker 4: ask me the second do they want to know? You
Speaker 4: have to ask me the second time. And if you
Speaker 4: say I really want to know, it might be hard
Speaker 4: for you to hear. I don't want you to be
Speaker 4: mad at me and go on Yelp and write me
Speaker 4: a bad review or something. But here's what it is.
Speaker 4: I'm going to make you wait for it. I'm going
Speaker 4: to say, well, she said you kind of reminded her.
Speaker 2: Of her father.
Speaker 3: I know that's right now. They have her contact information
Speaker 3: at this point, right, Yeah, So they're like, do you
Speaker 3: come out the bad guy?
Speaker 2: Like Julie said you said this? Like, how how much
Speaker 2: is the confidence where you were?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: Do you ask her? Can I tell him? Why?
Speaker 1: Well? I have to have to judge in on a
Speaker 1: case by case basis.
Speaker 4: If my client ever went back to Susie and said,
Speaker 4: I can't believe you told the matchmaker that I reminded
Speaker 4: you of her father, right, that would be the end
Speaker 4: of my relationship with that man.
Speaker 2: Do you have to tell him that?
Speaker 4: I would say that's unacceptable. I might give him a
Speaker 4: second chance, or I might say we're done.
Speaker 3: Now do you say that up front? You can't say
Speaker 3: anything to her or we're done. I'm going to tell
Speaker 3: you in confidence.
Speaker 4: I say from the very my welcome guide is ten
Speaker 4: pages long. After you and I do our two hundred
Speaker 4: and ninety five dollars consultation, and you think you want
Speaker 4: to be my matchmaking client, I'll say, well that could be.
Speaker 4: Here's all I'm going to do. I'm going to send
Speaker 4: you my welcome Guide, which evolves. I change it every
Speaker 4: I updated every quarter. And this is an evolving kind
Speaker 4: of a system. And you got to be happy with
Speaker 4: everything about the way my protocols work. And you are
Speaker 4: gonna here's my agreement, and I'll give it to you.
Speaker 4: You got three days to change your mind to get
Speaker 4: all your money back. After that, Brian, look me in
Speaker 4: the eye. Don't ask for your money back. I'm the
Speaker 4: honest to goodness, no bullshit matchmaker, and I don't do refunds.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna I'm giving you my time, my most valuable commodity.
Speaker 4: I can't promise relationship. I can't even promise second dates.
Speaker 4: Are you sure you want to spend that ten thousand dollars.
Speaker 3: How do you avoid them calling American Express and say
Speaker 3: she didn't give me what I paid for.
Speaker 4: I will not take a credit card for a matchmaking
Speaker 4: program because people get emotional. Right of a guy from Hello,
Speaker 4: Kuwait who paid for his twenty five thousand dollars program
Speaker 4: on his black American Express card, I worked my ass off.
Speaker 4: I only wanted Asian women. We did fifteen introductions and
Speaker 4: at the end of it, at the end of the
Speaker 4: six month time, after fifteen introductions, he did a charge
Speaker 4: back on his card.
Speaker 3: And you know what, and a black card, they don't
Speaker 3: even question it. They want his business, not yours here, and.
Speaker 4: I am the I am the business owner. I had
Speaker 4: to pay that five percent on the way in to
Speaker 4: the black American Express card, and then after we did
Speaker 4: the charge back, I had to pay it again. So
Speaker 4: for the privilege of working my ass off for this
Speaker 4: guy for six months, I had to pay for two
Speaker 4: five percent of twenty five thousand dollars. That's why I
Speaker 4: don't charge more than ten thousand dollars, Thank you very much.
Speaker 1: If it's less than.
Speaker 4: Ten thousand dollars in the state of California, we would
Speaker 4: handle it in small claims. Court, and I am detailed
Speaker 4: and meticulous.
Speaker 2: They don't want to go a small claims court over that.
Speaker 4: So that's why I don't have problems with clients. I
Speaker 4: tell most of them don't even think about hiring a matchmaker.
Speaker 2: How do you avoid?
Speaker 3: And your husband's in the other room. So I don't
Speaker 3: mind even asking this, and I would ask anybody is
Speaker 3: how do you avoid your personal taste?
Speaker 2: Not been? Like? I like that guy?
Speaker 3: Like, how do you put yourself a position like that
Speaker 3: guy's interesting to me? How do you get your personal
Speaker 3: taste out of it and decide what the most majority
Speaker 3: of women would do? See I think that would be
Speaker 3: a challenge for him, Like I think she's pretty and
Speaker 3: people are yeah, weird taste or whatever, and I can
Speaker 3: hook you up with whatever. How do you let that?
Speaker 3: I think this is a good guy because he makes
Speaker 3: me laugh.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, well, because that's the that's where the art
Speaker 4: of matchmaking really is. Because the first thing I got
Speaker 4: to do is get under your skin and find getting
Speaker 4: your head and quickly in a matter of an hour,
Speaker 4: maybe an hour and a half, because there's a half
Speaker 4: hour for free, there's emails text in between. I'm getting
Speaker 4: to know you and I got to trust that my
Speaker 4: assessment of who you are is accurate enough that I
Speaker 4: won't fuck it up and take on the wrong client.
Speaker 2: For the mat Yeah.
Speaker 3: So it's accurate enough that most women would give this,
Speaker 3: maybe not marry him, but they'll give him an opportunity
Speaker 3: to find out.
Speaker 4: Well, all I'm looking for is to be a good
Speaker 4: match maker to you. I just want to know that
Speaker 4: the kind of women that you think you should be
Speaker 4: dating are going to be interested in you. That's what
Speaker 4: I call a natural match. I won't take on a
Speaker 4: client who's looking for an unnatural match. An unnatural say, simple,
Speaker 4: you're looking for the girl who's not looking for.
Speaker 2: You back, looking for us back. That's why it's hard. Well,
Speaker 2: they're never looking for us back. That's the that's the sporting.
Speaker 1: Maybe because you're looking in the.
Speaker 3: Wrong maybe, but I think that's what makes it special.
Speaker 3: I think that's fine that they're not looking for us back.
Speaker 3: You need to overcome that they're not looking for us back.
Speaker 4: It's a part of my mission in the coaching that
Speaker 4: I do. The reason why I called my company from
Speaker 4: the very beginning Cupid's Coach is because that little guy
Speaker 4: with the bow and arrow, he screws up all the
Speaker 4: time and usually points the arrow in the wrong fiction.
Speaker 4: So my I'm so excited to do this work for
Speaker 4: so many years is that I want to help people
Speaker 4: make the right choices. So the reason I won't reveal
Speaker 4: age is because there's always an age bias. And the
Speaker 4: more money a guy has, the more market value he has,
Speaker 4: the more character, the more humor, whatever, all the stuff
Speaker 4: that matters, the more he thinks that he should have
Speaker 4: what he wants, who he wants, who is attracted to,
Speaker 4: and that's impacted by culture and status. Oh well, so
Speaker 4: maybe you're going after the forty two year old and
Speaker 4: we do some If you're my client the first two
Speaker 4: months of a four month period we're working together, I'm
Speaker 4: going to give you what you tell me you want.
Speaker 2: And I get that.
Speaker 3: But there's a lot of guys, because I know a
Speaker 3: lot of matchmakers, and they'll put stuff on social media
Speaker 3: or whatever, and either the guy or the girl is
Speaker 3: looking for somebody who went to a specific college or
Speaker 3: they went to Ivy League college, and I'm like, who cares,
Speaker 3: what if they went to Stanford that's not on Ivy
Speaker 3: League college And they're like, our job is to give
Speaker 3: him what he wants. I think your job is to
Speaker 3: talk him out of what he wants, because he isn't no,
Speaker 3: it's laziness out of him.
Speaker 4: He wants to be he wants to be partnered with
Speaker 4: somebody who's going to make him look good. Because when
Speaker 4: he says, well, this is my girlfriend and she went
Speaker 4: to Harvard and she.
Speaker 3: Well, then that's an insecure man and you're screwing her.
Speaker 3: But you're screwing her over to set him up with
Speaker 3: a guy.
Speaker 1: Like that, I'm not making that match right.
Speaker 3: Guy who needs the woman to make him feel good.
Speaker 3: I think that's a dangerous to match him up in
Speaker 3: the way A way you guys are.
Speaker 4: A woman who needs a wealthy man so she looks good.
Speaker 4: She needs a tall man so she looks good in
Speaker 4: her stupid shoes standing.
Speaker 2: There at your stupid shoes. The that's the thing too.
Speaker 3: That's the these women who are five ten and they
Speaker 3: wear the heels and they want a guy six to two.
Speaker 3: I go the six to two guy wants to feel tall,
Speaker 3: so he's not going out with you. That's the point
Speaker 3: of being six to two, so you feel tall. He's
Speaker 3: not going out of your five ten on your heels.
Speaker 3: He's going to choose five two.
Speaker 4: So here's what I love. This is what I love
Speaker 4: about a four month program. During the second half of
Speaker 4: the program, I get a chance to really make an
Speaker 4: impact because we've already done a bunch of introductions with
Speaker 4: women that were the it girls in your esteem and
Speaker 4: you had a good time, she had a nice guy,
Speaker 4: but whatever. And then the guys almost always will come
Speaker 4: back to me and they're a little bit frustrated and
Speaker 4: they're like, well, how come I'm not getting a second Well,
Speaker 4: because I think the bright, shiny objects have kind of
Speaker 4: captured your attention. So do you trust me enough to
Speaker 4: allow me to do some introductions with women that I
Speaker 4: think are really good for you that shared What I'm
Speaker 4: looking for is shared values, shared lifestyle compatibility, the kind
Speaker 4: of thing where you're sitting watching a program together and
Speaker 4: you're just holding hands and you just love being together.
Speaker 4: You cook for each other, you laugh together, you fart
Speaker 4: in front of each other, and it's all good. You know.
Speaker 2: Do you ask how old the kids are?
Speaker 1: It's very important.
Speaker 4: In my new sees that matters, right, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 4: in my new system, I just made decisions about how
Speaker 4: I'm going to handle that.
Speaker 1: I'm going to have the.
Speaker 4: Birth year of the children so that it advances over time,
Speaker 4: like's it's hard to talk.
Speaker 1: About with regard to techno years.
Speaker 3: So it goes so you're not just like, well, once
Speaker 3: you start in the program, she hat twelve year old
Speaker 3: and you have to go fick lace.
Speaker 4: So five years from now, the twelve year old is seventeen.
Speaker 4: And there's all of that. And also I'm going to
Speaker 4: have a really powerful mechanism where I'm going to be
Speaker 4: able to match men who want children with women who have.
Speaker 1: Frozen their eggs or with guy.
Speaker 4: I'm going to be asking men, are you open to
Speaker 4: fertility you know, creative fertility solutions, which means maybe the
Speaker 4: woman has eggs on eyes.
Speaker 3: Me, most men are not well because here's why, and
Speaker 3: get people get out. I say that most men understand
Speaker 3: those odds better than most peomen Right, it's just bad, right.
Speaker 2: It makes it hard for the way the women are.
Speaker 3: Like, it's all cool, I froze my eggs, risky to
Speaker 3: the guy.
Speaker 4: I know, I know, but at least I'm going to
Speaker 4: be able to have the information right because very often
Speaker 4: what will happen is the guy's fifty two he wants
Speaker 4: to have a family, he didn't get to do it.
Speaker 4: Or maybe he had a child with a woman who
Speaker 4: was a whack job and you never got to have
Speaker 4: like the family. Why because he picked the girl who
Speaker 4: looked like stupid Barbie. But you know that's beside the point.
Speaker 2: Where Barbie's taking a beating of them.
Speaker 1: Barbie's taking a beating. But what happens is.
Speaker 3: He check his sperm too, by the way, Yeah, a
Speaker 3: lot of times they blame the woman, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 4: So then I go to him and I say, look,
Speaker 4: I could take you on if you're fifty two and
Speaker 4: you want children, if you're open to dating the woman
Speaker 4: who's already had a child would love to have another,
Speaker 4: or and or if you're open to meeting the woman
Speaker 4: who would love to have a kid and has her
Speaker 4: eggs on ice. There's no guarantee because I can't tell
Speaker 4: you how many men, Brian I have who have always
Speaker 4: been holding out for the woman who's young enough to
Speaker 4: have the kids. I meanwhile, now it's ten years later, right,
Speaker 4: and now he's fifty two instead of forty two.
Speaker 1: I've got a guy.
Speaker 4: He's seventy five years old. He's a judge, Okay, he's
Speaker 4: this Jewish guy. He's never been married, and every five
Speaker 4: years I check into him. I got a great woman
Speaker 4: who's ten years younger than you.
Speaker 1: She'd love to meet.
Speaker 4: You, but oh no, no, I'm waiting for that woman
Speaker 4: who wants to have kids. And finally I said to him,
Speaker 4: I've known you for twenty years and still you're waiting
Speaker 4: for the woman. She can't have children, and she's just crazy.
Speaker 4: I should match him with the woman who came to me.
Speaker 4: And she's just gorgeous, one of the most incredibly beautiful
Speaker 4: women I've ever met in my life. I'm sitting at
Speaker 4: her incredibly beautiful home in Beverly Hills. I don't know
Speaker 4: where the money came from. She's got two of these
Speaker 4: little white Pomeranians on her lap, you know, and she
Speaker 4: just looks so amazing. She's four five, wants kids, won't
Speaker 4: date anybody over the age of forty five.
Speaker 1: You can't have children already, and she's forty five, that's right.
Speaker 3: And you say, I don't care where the money came from,
Speaker 3: you better ask, Well, I think it matters.
Speaker 1: So I'm just but she's just living in a dream.
Speaker 3: Well, a lot of women do that. They're thirty and
Speaker 3: they hold out. You know our friend, you know Lori gottlieb.
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, she wrote this is in her book.
Speaker 3: Okay, she wrote the Mary Him book, and she's like,
Speaker 3: these women wait for exactly perfect at thirty.
Speaker 2: And they wait and they wait and wait in the
Speaker 2: forty one.
Speaker 1: And that's right.
Speaker 2: It's not great.
Speaker 4: So here's the cool thing about our weird world that
Speaker 4: we're living in. Nobody says people have to be partnered
Speaker 4: up anymore. Nobody says who says you have to be married?
Speaker 4: Who says you have to be How do you feel
Speaker 4: when women say, well, gush, you know, how come you've
Speaker 4: ever been married?
Speaker 1: So what neither is half of the other?
Speaker 3: No, I would see that would be a red flag answer.
Speaker 3: I would say, and I've said this on this podcast.
Speaker 3: For why I've never been married, it's because I never
Speaker 3: trusted my parents' love for each other, which means that
Speaker 3: I did not trust their love for me, which means
Speaker 3: I didn't trust the concept, and so I walled myself
Speaker 3: off and led this emotionally unavailable world. Owning that is
Speaker 3: a better answer than trying to be like, h, it's
Speaker 3: not that big a deal. I don't need a piece
Speaker 3: of paper. Me, that's bullshit. You better own why you do. Okay,
Speaker 3: in the interest of Tom gonna let you plug everything you.
Speaker 2: Want to plug and sell your services to the world.
Speaker 2: You've been on the show before.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna play worst date or first date with
Speaker 3: you because you've been you've been married a long long time.
Speaker 3: But I want you to tell this audience how you
Speaker 3: met your husband.
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 4: Let's set the stage. It was an Ethiopian restaurant. I
Speaker 4: was sitting by myself, crying over my beer, looking at
Speaker 4: the personal ads. I was twenty nine point nine years old,
Speaker 4: with half of one overy left. Okay, dad had died.
Speaker 4: I'm working for the Ritz Carlton Hotel company. I've got
Speaker 4: the worst boss and the whole world, working ninety hours
Speaker 4: a week. I have no life. I had done personal
Speaker 4: ads three times in Kansas City, but I moved back
Speaker 4: to Saint Louis, where I'm from, and I'm opening up
Speaker 4: that Ritz Carlton Hotel was no life, and I'm thinking,
Speaker 4: wait a minute, I can't put a personal ad in
Speaker 4: the paper. What if my history teacher hits on me.
Speaker 4: What if the word gets out and my high school
Speaker 4: boyfriend says Oh my god, Julie Hardesty is doing the
Speaker 4: personal ads.
Speaker 1: That's what I'll lose.
Speaker 2: You say, kids, you used to have to do personal ads. Yeah.
Speaker 4: So I'm crying in my beer and I'm thinking, I
Speaker 4: can't do personal ads here.
Speaker 2: What the hell?
Speaker 4: I'm working ninety hours a week. How am I going
Speaker 4: to get this handled? I want to have children. I
Speaker 4: want to be married more than anybody I know. I
Speaker 4: see ads for dating services. I thought, okay, rip the
Speaker 4: page out, ran home. Called all three agencies. Two of
Speaker 4: them were blind date matchmaking companies. I'm like, I've had
Speaker 4: enough surprises with personal ads. I don't think I need
Speaker 4: any more surprises. Let's at least go to the one
Speaker 4: that let's you see photos and videos. You can put
Speaker 4: the little VHS tape and the machine and look at
Speaker 4: the guy. I'm like, I was so excited I couldn't
Speaker 4: wait to go in for my consultation. I go in
Speaker 4: for my consultation, and who interviews me is a guy
Speaker 4: named Gil Firm who owned the local franchise and also
Speaker 4: the Kansas City franchise. Forty four year old bachelor, nice
Speaker 4: Jewish boy, never know joined great expectations first and thought, wow,
Speaker 4: this is a good idea. How come I didn't think
Speaker 4: of it? But then he realized it's a franchise, So
Speaker 4: we put together. The franchise goes across the country, expected
Speaker 4: to open up the place and then leave, you know,
Speaker 4: And he loved it. He was having so much fun
Speaker 4: interviewing people. The reason I got to have the interview
Speaker 4: with Gil Furman is because I was.
Speaker 1: A gill Lead. Now, a gill Lead.
Speaker 4: Was a sophisticated person that was going to be maybe
Speaker 4: a tough clothes So he was just only interested in
Speaker 4: my money. So he talks me into joining, maxed out
Speaker 4: both of my credit cards, and I later flirted with
Speaker 4: him and asked him out and dragged him down the aisle.
Speaker 4: That's how it happened.
Speaker 3: So he dated, he ate where he don't eat, where
Speaker 3: you were sleep, whatever.
Speaker 2: The phrases he did. He scraped the good one off
Speaker 2: the top. No, I grabbed him, Now you grabbed.
Speaker 4: I grabbed him because I knocked on the door after
Speaker 4: I'd got my photos and videos done and I finally
Speaker 4: started getting able to access to the library, started kicking
Speaker 4: people and it was slim pickens Brian.
Speaker 2: And here we are thirty plus years later.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I flirted with him, and then you basically
Speaker 4: got in the business. Yeah, so I worked for him.
Speaker 4: I got pregnant. I wasn't sure I was going to
Speaker 4: be able to have kids, got pregnant, Gil and I
Speaker 4: got engaged in five weeks, married in five months, pregnant
Speaker 4: two months later. That boy is thirty two. And then
Speaker 4: the other one came along two years later. So I
Speaker 4: worked for Gil through two big pregnancies. They just threw
Speaker 4: me in with all the girls who wanted marriage and babies.
Speaker 1: They said, well, it worked for me.
Speaker 4: And then he sold his companies and I started mine
Speaker 4: twenty something years ago in La Now.
Speaker 2: Thirty thousands of happy couples.
Speaker 4: Later here yet thirteen hundred we know about. And no
Speaker 4: we've had divorces, but no murders that were aware of.
Speaker 3: Well, the day's not over all, right, Tell everybody where
Speaker 3: they can find you, Julie Furman.
Speaker 4: It's free, it's private. Men and women of all ages
Speaker 4: are welcome. And if you if you live in southern
Speaker 4: California or if you live in New Mexico, those are
Speaker 4: my two hubs, then I will as long as I
Speaker 4: still have the bandwidth to keep doing this, I will
Speaker 4: give you your first thirty minute call for free. You
Speaker 4: just got to fill your profile out and I'll do it,
Speaker 4: and then you can do a consultation with me for
Speaker 4: two hundred and ninety five bucks. You can do my
Speaker 4: boot camp and then maybe I will allow you to
Speaker 4: think about doing matchmaking with me.
Speaker 1: But first you got to earn your place in my heart.
Speaker 2: There you go, tell peop about your podcast, the.
Speaker 4: Cupids Coach Podcast, produced by Brian Howie. I am so
Speaker 4: happy I do my podcast. It's that was my favorite
Speaker 4: thing and now the boot camp.
Speaker 1: I don't know which is my favorite.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I do.
Speaker 3: I produce you know, hundreds of other podcasts. Besides that,
Speaker 3: you were one of the first. You're one of my favorites,
Speaker 3: and you're one of the most popular. I give you
Speaker 3: credit for that. It's one of the top podcasts, especially
Speaker 3: in this ecosystem, in the world.
Speaker 2: You were awesome as far as us.
Speaker 3: Like, share, follow, Please review not this, but not just
Speaker 3: this podcast, but Cupids Coach Podcast. After all this time,
Speaker 3: your reviews still mean a lot, not just to me
Speaker 3: but in the podcasting universe. Uh shoot us an email,
Speaker 3: Great Love Debate at gmail dot com if you have questions, thoughts,
Speaker 3: comments for me, for Julie, for anybody else. Do that because,
Speaker 3: as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stopped
Speaker 3: making love.
Speaker 2: To see you next time. The Great Love Debate, it's
Speaker 2: the Great Love Debate, a.
Speaker 1: Great love debate. It's a great love debate.