WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:08.679 This is pod Popular Podcast for the People, the. 2 00:00:08.679 --> 00:00:13.640 Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the. 3 00:00:13.720 --> 00:00:17.760 Great Love Debate. It's a great loved bab. 4 00:00:17.879 --> 00:00:19.120 Hi again everyone, It's Brian HOWI. 5 00:00:19.199 --> 00:00:23.160 Welcome to the Great Love Debate, the world's number one 6 00:00:23.440 --> 00:00:26.320 Dating in a Relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am 7 00:00:26.359 --> 00:00:30.039 back here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular 8 00:00:30.199 --> 00:00:33.359 Podcast for the People. I'm at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona. 9 00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:35.920 Not to play favorites, it might be my favorite and 10 00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:39.679 it is the full Scott's Dazzle this time of year here, 11 00:00:39.759 --> 00:00:42.320 So I'm happy to be here. And I'm bringing somebody 12 00:00:42.359 --> 00:00:46.640 in here who has not been on this podcast in years, 13 00:00:47.079 --> 00:00:50.439 many years. She's been on my stage many times. So 14 00:00:50.479 --> 00:00:53.079 she was back there in the infancy, and she came 15 00:00:53.119 --> 00:00:56.039 in here and she said she had witnessed a iota 16 00:00:56.119 --> 00:00:59.159 of growth out of me, personal development and growth. She says, 17 00:00:59.159 --> 00:01:02.960 I seem a fraction better. She is the host of 18 00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:05.319 the very popular Cupid's Coach podcast. 19 00:01:05.680 --> 00:01:06.120 She is. 20 00:01:07.879 --> 00:01:08.200 What is it? 21 00:01:08.319 --> 00:01:09.719 She turns we to he. 22 00:01:09.400 --> 00:01:12.000 He to we, we, transforming me to we. 23 00:01:12.239 --> 00:01:14.640 She transferred me to She will match make you to death, 24 00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:15.959 maybe even literally. 25 00:01:16.640 --> 00:01:18.560 The Lovely Julie Furman, how are you. 26 00:01:18.799 --> 00:01:20.840 I'm so happy to be here. Brian Howie and one 27 00:01:20.840 --> 00:01:21.799 of your biggest fans. 28 00:01:22.239 --> 00:01:22.840 Good. 29 00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:25.480 Yeah, there should be some fans left after all this time. 30 00:01:25.799 --> 00:01:27.560 We were talking a little bit that I brought up 31 00:01:27.560 --> 00:01:30.840 on a podcast that drop before this one about whether 32 00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:33.599 dating was harder or easier, where you believe that it 33 00:01:33.680 --> 00:01:34.879 is harder now? 34 00:01:35.200 --> 00:01:42.239 Why dating is harder now because we're more insulated and 35 00:01:42.359 --> 00:01:46.959 isolated in our little bubbles, and we're really good at 36 00:01:47.200 --> 00:01:49.879 avoiding each other and hiding from each other and running 37 00:01:49.879 --> 00:01:52.920 when it gets the tiniest little bit uncomfortable. 38 00:01:53.159 --> 00:01:56.439 Yeah, there's enough stimuli without dealing with other people that 39 00:01:56.480 --> 00:01:58.799 we can get that makes us not want to fight 40 00:01:58.840 --> 00:01:59.359 through the ick. 41 00:02:00.079 --> 00:02:01.040 Yeah, nervousness. 42 00:02:01.120 --> 00:02:04.159 It's we're so used to solving problems instantly, you know. 43 00:02:04.319 --> 00:02:06.200 Oh gosh, i'm a little tired. Let's just have a 44 00:02:06.319 --> 00:02:10.639 jolt of caffeine. Oh gosh, I'm a little bored. Let's, 45 00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:13.919 you know, watch our new thing on TV or Brian 46 00:02:13.960 --> 00:02:17.120 Howie's latest podcast. We want the instant fixes, and that 47 00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:21.520 when it comes to love and human beings, the issues 48 00:02:21.520 --> 00:02:24.199 that are there, we don't have instant fixes unless we 49 00:02:24.240 --> 00:02:27.800 get really good at just okay, shut up, be still, 50 00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:29.560 open up my heart and listen. 51 00:02:30.039 --> 00:02:34.960 Yeah, you have been in the dating business for not 52 00:02:35.080 --> 00:02:38.520 to age you or date you too much thirty plus years. 53 00:02:38.520 --> 00:02:40.479 Thirty are going on thirty four years. 54 00:02:40.520 --> 00:02:43.479 And I will tell you know me well enough to 55 00:02:43.479 --> 00:02:46.120 know this is true. I have a love hate relationship 56 00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:48.800 with the business of dating. 57 00:02:50.039 --> 00:02:52.120 Well, I know when you put the business and what 58 00:02:52.159 --> 00:02:54.680 do you hate about the business quote unquote, and now 59 00:02:54.759 --> 00:02:56.400 everything is sort of a bit. You could say that 60 00:02:56.400 --> 00:02:58.520 a restaurant is in the business of dating, if florist 61 00:02:58.599 --> 00:03:00.879 is in the business of dating a chocolate maker. 62 00:03:01.000 --> 00:03:06.879 Yeah, it's when the interaction happens, the transaction, when the 63 00:03:07.000 --> 00:03:09.759 client and I was the client fourteen hundred and fifty 64 00:03:09.759 --> 00:03:15.360 bucks I spent to meet, hopefully somebody to keep. When 65 00:03:15.400 --> 00:03:20.919 there's that transaction and your expectation is that you're going 66 00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:26.360 to find love, and you're paying money for the hope 67 00:03:26.400 --> 00:03:32.400 to find love, it is nasty because I can't fulfill 68 00:03:32.439 --> 00:03:35.800 that expectation. If you paid me ten thousand dollars, which 69 00:03:35.879 --> 00:03:40.680 is what I charge minimum fee for personal matchmaking, you 70 00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:45.000 expect that I'm going to deliver something. And on those 71 00:03:45.080 --> 00:03:48.400 legal documents, you know, you got to deal with the 72 00:03:48.560 --> 00:03:51.560 legal You know what, what can I promise in what 73 00:03:51.639 --> 00:03:54.639 I can't and what I can promise if I choose 74 00:03:54.680 --> 00:03:56.639 to take you on. And first we got to have 75 00:03:56.680 --> 00:03:59.080 a consultation. I can find out if you're batshit crazy? 76 00:03:59.159 --> 00:03:59.240 Err? 77 00:03:59.400 --> 00:04:00.800 Yeah, why you need me? 78 00:04:01.240 --> 00:04:04.319 Well? You know I I The first. 79 00:04:04.120 --> 00:04:06.439 Thing I do is have a quick conversation with you 80 00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:08.639 over the phone and find out, Okay, is he batshit crazy? 81 00:04:08.680 --> 00:04:11.599 Because I'm pretty good fifty thousand interviews in thirty four years, 82 00:04:11.639 --> 00:04:14.599 I can pick it out. Then we're gonna do a 83 00:04:14.639 --> 00:04:17.000 three hundred dollars consultation. We're gonna look at real life 84 00:04:17.000 --> 00:04:19.360 people together, and I'm gonna watch your face and I'm 85 00:04:19.360 --> 00:04:21.879 gonna see if you're batshit crazy or not? Do you 86 00:04:22.160 --> 00:04:24.439 only go for the hotties? Do you only go for 87 00:04:24.480 --> 00:04:27.160 the women who I know are a train wreck? 88 00:04:27.560 --> 00:04:28.120 And if so? 89 00:04:28.399 --> 00:04:31.040 Am I taking you on as a matchmaking client? 90 00:04:31.120 --> 00:04:32.160 I'm not that stupid. 91 00:04:32.360 --> 00:04:34.639 What can you promise them for ten thousand dollars? You 92 00:04:34.680 --> 00:04:36.360 can't promise them they're gonna fall in love, right what 93 00:04:36.399 --> 00:04:36.959 do you promise them? 94 00:04:36.959 --> 00:04:37.639 Opportunity? 95 00:04:38.319 --> 00:04:40.680 Like I just took on a brand new client right now, 96 00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:43.600 it's not an easy client. She's and I'm one of 97 00:04:43.639 --> 00:04:46.000 the few matchmakers who will take on a female client. 98 00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:48.480 But for every twenty who think they want to hire me, 99 00:04:48.600 --> 00:04:51.439 I maybe will bring on one. They got to beg 100 00:04:51.519 --> 00:04:53.000 me and I got to look them in the eye 101 00:04:53.079 --> 00:04:56.319 and say, you know, I can't promise relationship, right, I 102 00:04:56.360 --> 00:05:00.120 can't even promise second dates. But I won't take anybody 103 00:05:00.160 --> 00:05:01.720 on that I don't feel like I can do a 104 00:05:01.759 --> 00:05:04.439 good job for. And if I don't think I can 105 00:05:04.480 --> 00:05:08.600 do six, eight, ten, twelve, good solid introductions where she's 106 00:05:08.759 --> 00:05:11.360 happy to have met this person, he's happy to have 107 00:05:11.439 --> 00:05:12.120 met this person. 108 00:05:12.160 --> 00:05:13.319 They're real life people. 109 00:05:14.079 --> 00:05:15.399 If I don't feel like I can do it, I'll 110 00:05:15.399 --> 00:05:17.480 see You know what, Brian, save your money, Let's work 111 00:05:17.519 --> 00:05:20.759 on your flirting skills. Let's do everything else first. 112 00:05:20.600 --> 00:05:22.680 Give you the skills that you can possibly be your 113 00:05:22.720 --> 00:05:23.279 own matchmak. 114 00:05:23.399 --> 00:05:25.720 That's my boot camp for like three thousand dollars, which 115 00:05:26.319 --> 00:05:28.439 you know, you do the boot camp and you're earning 116 00:05:28.480 --> 00:05:30.959 your way toward the ten thousand dollars. But most people, 117 00:05:31.040 --> 00:05:33.360 I will say, don't spend the extra because you're not. 118 00:05:33.839 --> 00:05:34.680 How do you do that? 119 00:05:34.759 --> 00:05:38.800 Because there has to be some no pun tough love 120 00:05:39.319 --> 00:05:42.279 for these people. You have to break down how they 121 00:05:42.319 --> 00:05:45.800 got to this point where they need some help, and 122 00:05:45.839 --> 00:05:50.000 you said you can't tell them their batshit crazy? 123 00:05:50.079 --> 00:05:53.160 What words do you use? Challenging, difficult? 124 00:05:53.959 --> 00:05:56.360 If you were in my hot seat right now and 125 00:05:56.399 --> 00:05:58.399 you were paying me two hundred and ninety five dollars 126 00:05:58.399 --> 00:06:00.399 for an hour, which is an hour year time, two 127 00:06:00.439 --> 00:06:02.480 hours of my time, because first I ran the search 128 00:06:02.560 --> 00:06:04.560 that took me half an hour. Afterwards, I'm going to 129 00:06:04.600 --> 00:06:06.600 write you that email that tells you what you should 130 00:06:06.680 --> 00:06:10.000 do given what I discovered. So I would say, because 131 00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:12.120 I know you and you're my friend, I would say, 132 00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:16.560 here's the deal, Brian. The women you're going for are 133 00:06:16.720 --> 00:06:19.600 spot on. The kind of woman you're interested in is 134 00:06:19.720 --> 00:06:22.000 interested in you too. That means you're looking for a 135 00:06:22.079 --> 00:06:27.160 natural match. You would be a candidate for personal matchmaking. 136 00:06:27.319 --> 00:06:28.959 Let me tell you if I think it should be 137 00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:30.920 with me, or if I think it should be with 138 00:06:30.959 --> 00:06:33.639 one of my colleagues who's actually really hard working and 139 00:06:33.680 --> 00:06:36.199 has a really good solid network. That might be the 140 00:06:36.240 --> 00:06:39.319 way I would advise you, or it might be Brian, 141 00:06:39.720 --> 00:06:41.759 get your head out of your ass. The women you're 142 00:06:41.800 --> 00:06:44.000 going for are not going for you. They're looking for 143 00:06:44.040 --> 00:06:47.199 your much younger brother who has the ferraris and your 144 00:06:47.240 --> 00:06:48.800 cars are not for rien And do you really want 145 00:06:48.839 --> 00:06:50.959 to pay this woman five thousand dollars a month just 146 00:06:51.000 --> 00:06:52.959 to hang out with you? If you want a woman 147 00:06:53.000 --> 00:06:55.279 who looks like that, you're going to be paying. One 148 00:06:55.319 --> 00:06:57.560 of the girls said to me, Julie, you should know 149 00:06:57.720 --> 00:07:03.040 that I really like horses, and you know horses are expensive, 150 00:07:03.439 --> 00:07:06.879 and I'm really you know, I need my boatox And 151 00:07:06.920 --> 00:07:08.040 I said, what's it going to take? 152 00:07:08.279 --> 00:07:09.439 And this is my right. 153 00:07:10.120 --> 00:07:11.920 What's it going to take for a guy to have 154 00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:15.000 you be in his life? It's really looking like fifteen 155 00:07:15.079 --> 00:07:16.879 thousand a month? I mean, I just I have a 156 00:07:16.920 --> 00:07:19.519 lot of expenses and if he wants me to be 157 00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:21.399 free to jump on a plane and go to the 158 00:07:21.519 --> 00:07:24.279 south of France with him, my horses need to be 159 00:07:24.399 --> 00:07:26.439 fed and I'm not going to be training the way 160 00:07:26.439 --> 00:07:29.439 I normally do, so he's going to have to compensate me. 161 00:07:30.720 --> 00:07:33.399 And you can't say no. I mean because a lot 162 00:07:33.399 --> 00:07:34.879 of the women, so you're trying to match them up 163 00:07:34.920 --> 00:07:36.439 with women, and who you think a lot of those 164 00:07:36.439 --> 00:07:39.079 are professional women. A lot of those women have can't 165 00:07:39.160 --> 00:07:41.959 just and a lot of men. They want a wife, 166 00:07:41.959 --> 00:07:44.279 and they want a travel companion. The older you get, 167 00:07:44.439 --> 00:07:48.360 the more somebody's life and somebody's freedom don't necessarily match up. 168 00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:52.480 And so they're basically saying to you, I want to 169 00:07:52.600 --> 00:07:55.360 find love, yes, I want a companionship, yes, but I 170 00:07:55.399 --> 00:07:58.439 also want somebody who matches my lifestyle, but I don't 171 00:07:58.480 --> 00:08:01.360 necessarily want to pay for her her lifestyle without me. 172 00:08:01.879 --> 00:08:03.000 Well that's it. 173 00:08:05.000 --> 00:08:10.800 There are three things that I've determined that breed narcissistic tendencies. 174 00:08:10.959 --> 00:08:13.600 I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm not going to call somebody 175 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:17.560 a narcissist, but I do see some narcissistic tendencies, and 176 00:08:17.600 --> 00:08:25.319 they tend to be hovering around extreme beauty, extreme wealth power, 177 00:08:25.519 --> 00:08:27.199 like we see it among politicians. 178 00:08:28.120 --> 00:08:28.959 So for some. 179 00:08:29.079 --> 00:08:32.240 Reason they think their shit doesn't stink because they have 180 00:08:32.360 --> 00:08:36.360 this money or they have the looks, and it's they're 181 00:08:36.399 --> 00:08:39.759 not They're they're so rarely good catches, you know, so 182 00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:43.440 rarely good at relationship, and if they ever are, they 183 00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:46.840 are the unicorn. And I see unicorns. The woman we 184 00:08:46.879 --> 00:08:48.639 almost had, I almost I tried to get you to 185 00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:50.639 have dinner with us last night with this woman, she 186 00:08:51.080 --> 00:08:52.480 is a unicorn. 187 00:08:52.519 --> 00:08:54.240 Lives right here in Scottsdale. 188 00:08:54.840 --> 00:08:57.879 Scottsdale's tough Scottsdale. I don't know how old this woman 189 00:08:57.960 --> 00:08:58.919 is that you had dinner with. 190 00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:00.639 But she's younger than you, darling. 191 00:09:00.720 --> 00:09:02.759 Okay, but I mean, but is she younger than the 192 00:09:02.840 --> 00:09:05.399 guys want? That's a problem if she's in her forties 193 00:09:05.399 --> 00:09:09.960 here or fifties. A lot of guys here in their forties, fifties, sixties, 194 00:09:11.320 --> 00:09:15.720 They believe they should and can go younger because it 195 00:09:15.840 --> 00:09:17.679 is that certain parts of. 196 00:09:17.600 --> 00:09:18.519 The country are different. 197 00:09:18.639 --> 00:09:20.559 You can be sixty five and go out with a 198 00:09:20.559 --> 00:09:22.600 thirty five year old, twenty five year old in Scottsdale. 199 00:09:23.039 --> 00:09:25.720 It's not going to raise well eyebr go out with. 200 00:09:25.919 --> 00:09:28.279 But if you're really looking for a keeper, if you're 201 00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:30.799 looking for companionship, if you look at somebody to enjoy 202 00:09:31.039 --> 00:09:36.639 life together, a woman who is that much younger is 203 00:09:36.679 --> 00:09:39.120 going to be consistently unsatisfying. 204 00:09:39.399 --> 00:09:41.360 Oh yeah, and you're going to be unsatisfying to her 205 00:09:41.399 --> 00:09:44.039 if you're suddenly too old for her. She's going to 206 00:09:44.080 --> 00:09:46.080 wake up one day and you're just an old man. 207 00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:48.519 Like the gap can't be that big. And I tell 208 00:09:48.519 --> 00:09:50.360 these people all the time, you brought up the women 209 00:09:50.480 --> 00:09:55.039 why don't you take on? Why is it different if 210 00:09:55.039 --> 00:09:56.360 a woman comes you and say, I want you to 211 00:09:56.399 --> 00:09:58.159 match you with the great guys, why is it done? 212 00:09:58.559 --> 00:10:02.120 I love my new female client. She is amazing. She 213 00:10:02.159 --> 00:10:04.720 and I will be friends forever, and I had to 214 00:10:04.759 --> 00:10:08.320 really trust her in order to take her on. Because 215 00:10:08.960 --> 00:10:11.679 there's a reason why I'm not comfortable taking more than 216 00:10:12.159 --> 00:10:15.279 ten thousand dollars from a matchmaking client. I am the 217 00:10:15.320 --> 00:10:17.840 only one as reasonable as that. But I like short 218 00:10:17.919 --> 00:10:20.320 term programs. Either we hit the nail on the head 219 00:10:20.320 --> 00:10:22.799 we have a great relationship, or you know, it was 220 00:10:22.879 --> 00:10:25.159 three four months we tried. We met a bunch of 221 00:10:25.159 --> 00:10:28.879 great people. But I don't kick him out unless they misbehave. 222 00:10:29.399 --> 00:10:31.919 If I've got a great referral six months down the road, 223 00:10:32.039 --> 00:10:35.000 six years down the road, I am tracking her down 224 00:10:35.360 --> 00:10:36.679 and I'm going to go ahead and give her an 225 00:10:36.679 --> 00:10:39.679 extra introduction. I actually care. But here's the reason why 226 00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:42.960 we're so much harder. I've got an introduction I really 227 00:10:42.960 --> 00:10:46.559 want to make for her, and I called the guy, 228 00:10:46.720 --> 00:10:47.799 made sure he's available. 229 00:10:47.960 --> 00:10:48.720 Timing is right. 230 00:10:48.840 --> 00:10:51.519 I get his photos updated, I get his profile updated. 231 00:10:51.559 --> 00:10:53.120 A lot of you know, we're get on the phone 232 00:10:53.159 --> 00:10:55.879 another thirty minute call together, and he's like, did you 233 00:10:56.080 --> 00:10:58.200 reach out to me because you've got a particular person 234 00:10:58.240 --> 00:10:58.879 you want me to meet? 235 00:10:58.879 --> 00:11:01.080 And I'm like, yeah, I did. Do I get to 236 00:11:01.080 --> 00:11:03.399 see your profile? Yeah? You do. 237 00:11:03.519 --> 00:11:05.679 I'm gonna send it over now, and I send it 238 00:11:05.679 --> 00:11:08.120 over and I'm on the edge of my chair because 239 00:11:08.200 --> 00:11:09.159 what am I hoping for? 240 00:11:12.000 --> 00:11:12.720 You're hoping that? 241 00:11:13.120 --> 00:11:14.759 What that He's going to give me a yes? 242 00:11:15.320 --> 00:11:18.039 Well, isn't the guy if she's attractive, isn't he probably 243 00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:18.919 going to give you a yes? 244 00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:22.799 No? I mean if she's good looking. 245 00:11:23.240 --> 00:11:26.159 But one guy is good looking like my husband. He 246 00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:31.799 likes little blonde spinners. Okay, little little blonde, cute, little 247 00:11:31.840 --> 00:11:34.600 peppy golden retriever is, and a golden retriever is my 248 00:11:34.639 --> 00:11:38.840 spirit animal. So right, he loves my type. Now, a beautiful, long, 249 00:11:39.159 --> 00:11:45.399 skinny Asian woman walks in glamorous that's not his type. 250 00:11:46.080 --> 00:11:50.960 If Kardashian Curves walks in the door, not his type. 251 00:11:51.000 --> 00:11:52.080 He's not going for her. 252 00:11:52.840 --> 00:11:54.639 Well, as I always say, and you've heard me say 253 00:11:54.639 --> 00:11:57.200 this before, if you're over thirty and you're still single, 254 00:11:57.200 --> 00:11:57.960 you have no type. 255 00:11:58.039 --> 00:12:00.480 That's right, your type out for you. 256 00:12:00.559 --> 00:12:02.919 So it's what they think they like, have you tried 257 00:12:02.960 --> 00:12:05.000 the Asian dish? 258 00:12:05.399 --> 00:12:07.240 You know? Have you tried this? They don't know. 259 00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:09.799 But so back to the question of the women. Why 260 00:12:09.879 --> 00:12:11.519 is it harder for you to take on a woman 261 00:12:11.559 --> 00:12:13.440 than a man. If the woman has the means to pay. 262 00:12:13.279 --> 00:12:14.120 You, Oh my god. 263 00:12:14.240 --> 00:12:16.559 If she has the means to pay me, she's really 264 00:12:16.600 --> 00:12:20.159 scary because she has. If she has the means to 265 00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:22.559 pay me, then she's used to getting what she wants, 266 00:12:22.600 --> 00:12:25.360 when she wants, how she wants it. And here's some 267 00:12:25.480 --> 00:12:29.600 honest to god statistics I'm working on now. Have thirty 268 00:12:29.639 --> 00:12:33.320 seven thousand registrations in my personal matchmaking community over his 269 00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:36.879 last twenty years. For everyone, yes I get from a 270 00:12:36.919 --> 00:12:41.159 Brian Howie, I will get six to seven of these responses, 271 00:12:41.399 --> 00:12:42.559 Oh Jeel. 272 00:12:42.440 --> 00:12:45.480 Thanks for thinking of me. She looks Great's not my 273 00:12:45.519 --> 00:12:46.240 cup of tea? 274 00:12:46.320 --> 00:12:49.720 Who else you got? Okay? But that's the job, that's 275 00:12:49.720 --> 00:12:50.320 what they're paying ten. 276 00:12:51.000 --> 00:12:51.440 It costs. 277 00:12:51.480 --> 00:12:53.840 It takes me at least three times as much time 278 00:12:53.919 --> 00:12:55.200 to serve a woman as it does. 279 00:12:55.080 --> 00:12:57.759 Because they're almost they're more likely to reject. 280 00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:00.399 Well, here's the deal, as my sisters. 281 00:13:00.080 --> 00:13:02.440 As a woman, we only have a shot with a 282 00:13:02.480 --> 00:13:04.960 guy who thinks we're hot, and it's true. 283 00:13:05.120 --> 00:13:09.600 Right, it's true. So hot is hard. 284 00:13:09.799 --> 00:13:13.559 Well, what's not hot to you could be perfectly acceptable 285 00:13:13.559 --> 00:13:16.200 to another guy. You guys are on a spectrum. If 286 00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:18.360 I determine that you're like a guy. There's a guy 287 00:13:18.440 --> 00:13:21.519 named Corey, worst client I ever took on in my 288 00:13:21.720 --> 00:13:25.639 entire life, and I'm I am so I can sniff 289 00:13:25.679 --> 00:13:29.559 it out anytime I'm working with a guy who has 290 00:13:29.600 --> 00:13:33.240 gotten to the point where his visual requirements have basically 291 00:13:33.320 --> 00:13:36.480 made her a thing. Like if a guy uses the 292 00:13:36.519 --> 00:13:39.919 what word, Oh, I'm not attracted to that, you need 293 00:13:39.960 --> 00:13:46.279 to show me what I'm looking for? What? Oh, I 294 00:13:46.320 --> 00:13:48.519 mean the hair on the back of my neck right now, 295 00:13:49.039 --> 00:13:53.399 because that kind of guy is A woman is not 296 00:13:53.519 --> 00:13:56.559 a thing. She's not a human, She's a thing and 297 00:13:56.639 --> 00:13:58.399 I can hear it, I can smell it. Well. 298 00:13:59.279 --> 00:14:02.399 This both give men credit and this but is also 299 00:14:02.440 --> 00:14:04.240 a bad thing about men. 300 00:14:04.840 --> 00:14:07.440 A very wealthy, powerful. 301 00:14:07.000 --> 00:14:11.799 Successful woman will take Oh, let's just say Oprah, A 302 00:14:11.879 --> 00:14:14.399 man isn't necessarily going to go for her just because 303 00:14:14.440 --> 00:14:16.639 of that. She still has to be attractive, So that's 304 00:14:16.679 --> 00:14:18.600 both Oh, he still has to be attracted to. 305 00:14:18.559 --> 00:14:19.279 Her and like her. 306 00:14:19.720 --> 00:14:22.240 The women the other way around, the money and the 307 00:14:22.360 --> 00:14:24.639 job and the power can make him attractive. That is 308 00:14:24.679 --> 00:14:26.600 a challenge because that, for a lot of women is 309 00:14:26.679 --> 00:14:29.039 so frustrating that they're like, if. 310 00:14:28.919 --> 00:14:33.759 She's beautiful and she's got money, forget it, just forget it. 311 00:14:33.919 --> 00:14:37.799 Who she should be dating is a really talented chef. 312 00:14:38.360 --> 00:14:40.200 She wants to creative, she wants a musician. 313 00:14:41.480 --> 00:14:42.519 Well, the musicians. 314 00:14:44.039 --> 00:14:47.799 You know, my very first wedding when I started my 315 00:14:47.840 --> 00:14:52.279 own matchmaking company is a musician and this beautiful, wonderful 316 00:14:52.279 --> 00:14:56.240 woman and they had a baby, and the baby's driving 317 00:14:56.399 --> 00:14:59.759 now in college and it's just so beautiful. But I 318 00:14:59.799 --> 00:15:02.840 have other than this one guy, Chuck is his name. 319 00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:06.000 I haven't had a lot of success with musicians, and 320 00:15:06.039 --> 00:15:09.200 I haven't had with gentlemen musicians, and I haven't had 321 00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:12.080 a lot of success with gentlemen actors. 322 00:15:12.879 --> 00:15:15.480 Actors a little different. Actors. You're trying to be somebody 323 00:15:15.480 --> 00:15:16.159 else for a living. 324 00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:19.240 So here's the real problem. The reason why we've got 325 00:15:19.279 --> 00:15:22.759 all this, like the wealthier the community someplace like Scottsdale, 326 00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:26.799 someplace like Boca, someplace like Beverly Hills. A big part 327 00:15:26.879 --> 00:15:30.600 of the reason why these wealthy men think they need 328 00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:34.919 a beautiful woman. That's the same reason a woman wants 329 00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:36.960 a wealthy guy so they can say, oh, well, my 330 00:15:37.080 --> 00:15:41.000 boyfriend has his place and Aspen my girlfriend, yeah has 331 00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:43.799 You know, she's twenty years younger and she loves me 332 00:15:43.879 --> 00:15:48.240 for who I am, right, yeah. 333 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:51.240 Right, yeah, no, I agree. I wanted to the relationship 334 00:15:51.279 --> 00:15:51.600 side of this. 335 00:15:51.639 --> 00:15:53.080 I got to take a quick break because we got 336 00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:55.519 to pay for ten thousand dollars matchmakers around here. 337 00:15:56.240 --> 00:15:57.639 I'm here with Julie Furman, she's. 338 00:15:57.480 --> 00:16:01.080 The host of Cupid's Coach, and we will be back 339 00:16:01.360 --> 00:16:02.440 right after this. 340 00:16:05.879 --> 00:16:06.559 And we are back. 341 00:16:06.960 --> 00:16:09.799 So somebody comes to you and you know, they're in 342 00:16:09.840 --> 00:16:13.799 their forties, fifties, whatever. They've had failed relationships obviously, just 343 00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:17.279 like everybody has. How do you determine You might be 344 00:16:17.320 --> 00:16:19.039 able to determine how they are on a date. You 345 00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:21.000 might be able to determine, you know, what they look like, 346 00:16:21.039 --> 00:16:23.039 what they do. How do you go backwards and say, 347 00:16:23.080 --> 00:16:26.039 how are you as a husband, boyfriend? 348 00:16:26.279 --> 00:16:28.519 How are you in a relationship? How do you determine that? 349 00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:29.559 I love this. 350 00:16:29.679 --> 00:16:32.159 It's the reason why I do my boot camp, because 351 00:16:32.200 --> 00:16:34.639 we dig into it in the second week of boot camp. 352 00:16:35.480 --> 00:16:39.600 It's the excavation it's the deep dive into the history. 353 00:16:39.679 --> 00:16:41.679 So there are a bunch of workshops and if you're 354 00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:43.679 in my boot camp, by the way, I will give 355 00:16:43.720 --> 00:16:48.039 you a free participant. You sit into my boot camp 356 00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:50.120 anytime you want. It's virtual. I would love to have 357 00:16:50.159 --> 00:16:53.120 you in class. What we do is it's nine modules 358 00:16:53.120 --> 00:16:56.600 that are video modules. My son Kevin recorded it edit 359 00:16:56.679 --> 00:17:00.399 it's great. And then there's office hours on Thursday evenings 360 00:17:00.440 --> 00:17:03.080 for an hour and Friday mornings men and women together, 361 00:17:03.240 --> 00:17:05.920 all ages. And so the second week is what we're 362 00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:07.759 in the middle of right now. It's the fourth boot 363 00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:08.839 camp and it's. 364 00:17:08.640 --> 00:17:09.319 The deep dive. 365 00:17:09.720 --> 00:17:12.079 So I get this chance to say to you, Okay, Brian, 366 00:17:12.160 --> 00:17:16.960 what's on your sheet about finances? What have you been 367 00:17:17.000 --> 00:17:19.279 happy to pay for in a relationship? What have you 368 00:17:19.359 --> 00:17:20.920 been unhappy to pay for? 369 00:17:21.119 --> 00:17:21.880 But does that. 370 00:17:23.720 --> 00:17:26.480 Yeah, and I think that matters and money matters whatever, 371 00:17:26.559 --> 00:17:30.039 But do you say because a lot of people don't 372 00:17:30.119 --> 00:17:32.240 know the answer because they've thought about it. They're like, 373 00:17:32.359 --> 00:17:34.079 why did you get divorced? Well, my wife was a bitch. 374 00:17:34.119 --> 00:17:35.880 They're always going to pass the blame. Why didn't this work? 375 00:17:35.920 --> 00:17:37.799 I just not having the right person yet, Like you 376 00:17:37.880 --> 00:17:39.799 have to go in and say what are you like 377 00:17:40.680 --> 00:17:42.680 three months in, nine months in what were you like 378 00:17:42.720 --> 00:17:44.799 when you became a dad? Where you're like and a 379 00:17:44.839 --> 00:17:46.759 lot of people don't know this, and you're not trying 380 00:17:46.759 --> 00:17:49.440 to play therapist here, but you're trying to get them 381 00:17:49.680 --> 00:17:52.359 to admit stuff that they don't want to admit to you, 382 00:17:52.440 --> 00:17:54.079 because then you won't match them up. 383 00:17:54.160 --> 00:17:55.680 Here's why I'm still right. 384 00:17:55.839 --> 00:17:58.759 Yes, here's why I'm so excited to be doing this 385 00:17:58.839 --> 00:18:01.640 work after so many years. I will only work with 386 00:18:01.680 --> 00:18:04.799 somebody who's growth oriented. If they don't pass my test 387 00:18:04.960 --> 00:18:07.920 in that first hour long zoom consultation and show me 388 00:18:08.440 --> 00:18:10.440 that they're interested in learning, I. 389 00:18:10.400 --> 00:18:11.319 Don't want to work with them. 390 00:18:11.359 --> 00:18:13.880 I got a line of people looking to get into 391 00:18:13.920 --> 00:18:16.039 my boot camp, looking to book me for an hour. 392 00:18:16.119 --> 00:18:18.200 I'm not They have to beg me to take them 393 00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:19.119 on for matchmaking. 394 00:18:19.319 --> 00:18:20.920 So if they say, like, I don't know, I've just 395 00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:22.960 been an asshole, You're okay with that. 396 00:18:22.920 --> 00:18:25.440 Sure, as long as they know, Oh absolutely. 397 00:18:25.680 --> 00:18:28.279 And the other thing is, you know, I want to 398 00:18:28.319 --> 00:18:32.119 know all the bad stuff that happened in your relationships 399 00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:33.599 and you're going to write it down, and I want 400 00:18:33.640 --> 00:18:36.680 to know what was that person's part in it, and Brian, 401 00:18:36.759 --> 00:18:38.839