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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Next Level Soul podcast, where we ask

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the big questions about life. Why are we here? Is

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this all? There? Is? What is my soul's mission? We

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attempt to answer those questions and more by bringing you

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raw and inspiring conversations with some of the most fascinating

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and thought provoking guests on the planet. Today, I am

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your host, Alex Ferrari. Now, before we dive into today's conversation,

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I want to invite you to experience something truly transformative.

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dot tv and start streaming your awakening. Now let's begin

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today's episode. Disclaimer. The views and opinions expressed in this

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podcast are those of the guests and do not necessarily

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reflect the views or positions of this show, its host,

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or any of the companies they represent. Now, guys, today

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you're about to listen to one of the craziest near

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death experience stories I have ever had on this show,

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and arguably one of my favorite, because not only is

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it deep and raw and just profound, it is arguably

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one of the funniest ones I have ever heard. Wilcome

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to the show. Nd ear Betty Gordan, I mean, I

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I just am without words after this episode. Guys, so

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I feel like near death experiences. Get ready, let's dive in,

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like to Welcome to the show, Betty Goudaniahi doing.

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Speaker 2: Betty, so grateful to be here.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming down to Next Level

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Soul Studios. I appreciate it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's beautiful here.

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Speaker 1: Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. We

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try to we try to make it.

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Speaker 2: Homie, it's really nice.

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Speaker 1: That's a nice, cool vibe here, These these lovely souls

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are always with us. So we're going to talk about

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your near death experience. But yours your story is pretty

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interesting because you were a hardcore atheist, definitely hardcore atheist.

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You were raised in the Jewish faith.

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Speaker 2: No, my mother was Jewish, my father was Catholic, but

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they were agnostic atheist.

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Speaker 1: Got you. So they didn't even go on Easter to

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the church or the temple, right, nothing like that, right, So,

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so you didn't have much of a spiritual.

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Speaker 2: Upbringing, zero spiritual awareness, spirits.

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Speaker 1: So when you were coming up.

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Speaker 2: Nothing nothing, nothing, Never heard of the word spiritual awakening,

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never heard of a near death experience, never heard of

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a chakra, nothing.

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Speaker 1: Nothing like that. But you had heard of like Jesus obviously, sure,

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and you've heard of you know these kind of you

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know stories in the Bible and things. But it was

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just like, yeah, whatever, So you were hardcore atheists. So

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what did I always like to ask atheists? What did

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you believe? Like, what did you think was going to

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happen after you died as an atheist?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought that you just turn into dirt and

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that's it and that's the end of it.

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Speaker 1: It was just.

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Speaker 2: Easier for me to not believe in something because I

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had such a traumatic childhood and I had so many

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terrible things happened to me, and if I believed in God,

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then I would have to believe that God was doing

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those things to me. And so I just stayed hidden

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from God instead because it seemed easier.

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Speaker 1: It was a coping mechanism, definitely, it was a coping mechanism.

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That's an interesting because I always love hearing atheist's points

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of view of like, Okay, so what do you think?

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And it's just it's just very fascinating. So so let's

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go down what happened. So before we get into your

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near death experience, what was your life like before it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my life before my experience was traumatizing. That's a

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good encapsulating word. So I grew up in a family

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that was full of addiction and poverty and sexual trauma

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and everything that goes along with living a life like that,

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and I just thought that it was all really normal.

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I didn't realize that any of that stuff was different.

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I thought that it was normal to steal your groceries.

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I thought that it was normal to get eviction notices

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on your door and move once or twice a year.

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I thought that it was normal to have a long

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orange extension cord going from your apartment to the building,

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to have lights on in your house. I thought all

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that stuff was completely normal because that's what I saw

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around me. And I didn't realize that my life was

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abnormal until much later. But I did know that my

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parents were struggling. But every time that they smoked something

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or took a drink, or they ate a pill, everything

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just turned off. It was as if there was nothing

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wrong anymore. And so I made all of these mental

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notes as a little kid. As soon as I can

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get my hands on whatever that is, that's what I'm

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going to do.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow. So it was that programming of that first

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seven year programming period where you don't even have to

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be taught. It's not like they sat down and go

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this is how you do meth right. They go along

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those lines, But just by being in the environment, you

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pick up subconsciously.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely all that stuff. Watching the behaviors. Is it like

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all I know is that things are shifting, and I

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want that shift.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting like when people I always tell people when

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they come into that they don't believe in the subconscious

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training of the first seven years. I go, have you

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ever met a rich person who is the stupidest, dumbest

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person you've ever met? But they are rich for no reason?

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And they go, yeah, it's because they were born into

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that kind of family, and subconsciously they just learned how

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to deal with money because it was around them. So

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whatever you do, you know, as an actress, if you're

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born into an acting family, that's just normal. So you

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start picking all these things up. So it's very very

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Those seven years are very bad. I always say those

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first seven years are the you learn, and then the

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rest of your life you'll figure out how to deprogram

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yourself from the first sec exactly. So as you're going

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through how old were you when you had your near

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death experience?

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Speaker 2: I was thirty five?

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Speaker 1: Sure, thirty five, So you lived the good amount of

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life already. Oh yeah, you live the good amount of life.

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And during that time period, what was going on? I mean,

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obviously you started going down the addiction path. How did

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you deal with that on a psychological level? Did spirituality

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even peek its head during that time?

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Speaker 2: No? No lights out, No, definitely all the way asleep.

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You know, my parents. I watched their addiction really take

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a hold of them and just start to destroy them.

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And in two thousand and seven, it was the height

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of the oxy cotton epidemic, and my parents were prescribed

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over a thousand pills each every month, and somehow we're

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always running out of pills. They were facing another eviction.

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The lights were turned off, the gas was turned off,

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and they made this decision that they had to end

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their suffer, they had to stop using, and the only

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way that they knew how to do that was to

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do what they saw everybody else in our family do,

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which was die. And so in two thousand and seven,

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my parents intentionally overdosed together. They ended their lives together. Yeah,

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totally the worst. I mean, just you can't even imagine.

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I was twenty three when that happened, and my sister

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was eighteen. We found them and they left these little

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notes written on the kitchen magnet notepad and it just

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said take care of each other, as if a twenty

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three year old and an eighteen year old would know how.

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Speaker 1: To do that. I'm so sorry, and it was.

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Speaker 2: You know, the thing is that my addiction stepped in

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when my parents died, and it became my parent It

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didn't only become my parent, it became my guiding star.

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It became my higher power. So I didn't have room

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for God in my life because addiction was my God.

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Yeah you yeah, and it was it. Really It just

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threw me for a loop. It made me abandon everything

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in my life. I left my sister, I moved across

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the country. I said that I couldn't deal. I decided

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that I was going to become the perpetrator in people's storylines.

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I was no longer going to be a victim. I

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was done being a victim in my life. And I

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didn't even know that there are other roles to play.

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I thought that it was only perpetrator and victim, and

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so I decided to be the abuser. And I abused people.

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I mean intentionally, maliciously traumatized other people because I wanted

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them to hurt as deeply and badly as I hurt.

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Hurt people, hurt people absolutely, and healed people, heal people

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very much.

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Speaker 1: So on the other side, there's balance to everything in

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this universe. There's balance to everything. So as you're going

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through this, before we get to your and near death experience,

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let's just jump into we're going to like do a

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pulp fiction and jump in the narrative a little bit.

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So we're going to go all over the place. So

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before you're near death experience, let's just jump after what

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you've you're awakening. Why do you believe that you chose

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this life? This blueprint? Those parents? Because so many people

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watching and listening. You know, when I say you know

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you chose this. I do this to my kids all

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the time. When they start fighting with each other, I'll go, well,

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you chose your sister, I'm like, no, I did my kid?

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My kid, one of my kids say. She always says

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that it's just a wheel. It's a wheel of chance.

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I'm like, so is there a giant cosmic wheel? Well,

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if there is, then who's pulling it? And she goes, oh,

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just shut that? Called do your dead people talking? Show

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love children? But so so many people listening, don't it

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really triggers them when you say you chose this life

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because they're only looking at it from the human perspective,

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not the soul perspective. So I'd love to hear your

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thoughts on that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't you know. I if someone would have

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told me that I chose my life, I would have

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punched them in the face. It would have been like

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lights out. It would have been really bad. But for

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me today, I know that I chose the life path

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that I'm on because heaven is really boring and my

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soul is This Spanish novella script writer and she was like,

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let's do it all while we have a chance, script writer.

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I mean, every storyline that could happen in a person's

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life has happened in my life.

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Speaker 1: Has your evil twin come back from life from the dead. Yeah,

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we'll be right back after a word from our sponsor,

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and now back to the show. So why do you think? So,

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why do you think you did this? Why did you

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think you went down this? This is not an easy

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path when you're taught, and you've only given me some

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cliff notes versions of that. You haven't given me details.

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I can only imagine how difficult that path is. A

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path of addiction is horrendous. But it seems like that

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was just one of the many, many ingredients in your

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recipe put together. Yeah, in the Spanish novella scriptwriter, you

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got on the other side.

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Speaker 2: So you know, the life lesson of addiction is brutal,

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but it also comes with the dual experience of recovery.

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So some souls don't get an opportunity to experience both

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parts of the lesson I made, like my parents exactly.

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So what I do is I heal not only for myself,

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but for them too, and for the generations and generations

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in my particular family line and family lines of people

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that I'll never know, never encounter. As I take on

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this intense healing, it's not just for me, It's for

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the whole collective. And having that idea keeps me going,

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because if I thought that it was just for me,

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I might not I might just give up and say

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it's too much.

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Speaker 1: So you're saying, it's really interesting. You're talking now about

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ancestral drama that is in our bloodlines and that we

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carry those things along. So there could be generations of abuse,

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generations of addiction, and it takes one soul to break

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the cycle, and when they do, it does ripple, even

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on a small standpoint like what you're talking about. I

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heard that once a person becomes enlightened, they just erase

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karma for like, I mean, how many generations for it

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and backwards? I heard this is one thing I heard

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from the Vedic test so you're doing something similar, and

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if it's not even as grandiose as like when Jesus

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did it or something like that, it does stop it

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and the next generation can come in without having to

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deal with it. Very Bruce Lee, the dragon kind of thing.

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You know what?

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Speaker 2: These are all stories, right, So this is the story

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that I tell myself because it makes my human experience

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a joyful one. So if somebody thinks another kind of

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narrative correct, they're allowed to have that narrative too. This

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is what makes me feel like I have purpose here

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and that's why I stay centered in spiritual awareness, spiritual principles, recovery,

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open mindedness is to be I want to be the

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ancestor that people and my family pray to one day

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and say, oh I need Aunt Betty's help.

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Speaker 1: You know, do you think because something you said stories?

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And since I've been in a storyteller most of my life,

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the one thing I keep hearing and seeing again and

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again is we're all just trying to figure this out.

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We were kind of dumped on this planet. Essentially, we

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come out in a very cold, harsh way, generally speaking,

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unless you have a home birth in warm water, but

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generally you come in harsh, you come in hot, and

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you're just trying to figure this out. For the rest

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of your life. You're trying to figure out this reality.

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And the stories that we tell ourselves and the stories

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that we believe are are coping mechanisms. Religion is that

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for us, the way we look at life like you

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looked at life like, oh, addiction or these things that

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my parents are doing. Oh, that's going to solve my

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problem because that was a story that was told to you,

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even if it wasn't directly, but it was a story

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that you you started to play in your head and

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as a destructive story until you change the story. But

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we're all just trying to figure things out, and stories

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are the only thing that kind of hold us together

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without losing our mind because this is not easy down here.

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Speaker 2: And you know that's why in every pantheon, in every

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mythological family, it's the same narrative that threads through all

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of them. And this hero's journey, of course, this is it,

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Like this is what it's all about. Everybody has an

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opportunity to hop into their their hero's journey. If I can,

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everybody can, Okay, Like there's no I'm not a special.

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This is available to everybody to take a situation and

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use your pain for purpose, to turn it into power.

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That's what I that's what I the only thing that

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gets me through this experience.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's and I found it so beautiful. You said that,

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you know, the story I tell myself is that I'm

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doing this for my generations forward and back. And that's

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what keeps me going because if it was just for me,

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I don't think I would have gone down. Why do

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you think that? Why do you think that you need

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the grandiose storyline as opposed to like, I just need

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to heal myself. I'm just curious.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think because it gives me purpose than you

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think about the fact. I think that most people will

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help another person before they'll help themselves. Write the analogy

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of quitting the oxygen mask on yourself first, they have

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to say you that, because people would not intentionally do that.

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That's not our default is to help ourselves. It's to

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help other people. So it's one of the things that

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keeps me motivated to keep going because when I first

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came into this journey, I didn't like myself. Why would

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I want to heal from myself? I don't know who

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I am, and the person that I was is really

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a terrible person, and I don't want to be around her.

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So I had to figure out who I am in

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spiritual awareness, who this new version of me is that

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came from my spiritual experience, and learn to love her.

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And it was a process. We're all I'm still doing it.

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Speaker 1: We're all still trying to figure out how to love ourselves.

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Is that like the greatest power we could have is

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to actually truly love ourselves.

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Speaker 2: I want to love myself the way that God loves me.

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That's my goal every day.

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Speaker 1: So that's a T shirt. That's a beautiful saying. You're

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absolutely right, it's I want to love myself like God

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loves me. Oh God, Because most of them, we're the

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worst to ourselves. Yeah, we're the worst. I always tell people, like,

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if you had a friend who talked to you like

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you talk to yourself, you would punch them in the face.

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You would run away from them. Yeah, we're brutal.

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Speaker 2: When I first went when I first came into recovery,

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I did this exercise where I wrote a letter to

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myself as myself, and then I wrote a letter to

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myself as a friend. And the contrast between these letters

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was incredible. I mean, the letter to myself as myself

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was all curse words. It was just like oh my man,

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scribbling all over a page. And the letter to myself

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as a friend was like, you're doing so great. I'm

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so proud of you. And it was two wildly different aspects.

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And I think for me as myself, you know, that's

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kind of my ego centered thought system. Me treating myself

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like a friend, that's my spirit centered thought system.

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Speaker 1: That's beautiful. That's beautiful. So all right, let's go to

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the day that you died. What happened on that day?

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Speaker 2: On that day, I took too many substances. Who would

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have thought a drug addict took too many drugs?

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Speaker 1: You were thirty five.

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Speaker 2: I was thirty five, you know.

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Speaker 1: I Before you continue, look I remember thirty five. It's

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not twenty five, right, it's not fifteen either. Yeah, so

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you feel things at a whole other level. And I

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can imagine the abuse that you've been putting your body

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through and you're still, you know, doing that. The body

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could only take so much.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was a hot mess. I mean I have

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some before and after pictures. It is you, you would

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never ever believe it. It's so incredible. But I never

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gave myself a chance to feel anything. Every day was

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medicating all day. Every day. There wasn't an hour of reprieve.

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Maybe if I passed out, but that's it. And then

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it was right back to it the second that your

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eyes open. And that was how addiction had become for me.

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It was my whole persona. I'm covered in tattoos of

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liquor bottles and packs of cigarettes. Okay, this was my

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entire personality. Wow was that of a party girl quote

359
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unquote an addict? Like this was my entire life?

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Speaker 1: How did you before we get to the near deaths?

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Because I'm really fascinating and I really hope this helps

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people watching. How did you function?

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Speaker 2: I did it?

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Speaker 1: Side, Like, how do you have a job?

365
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Speaker 2: How do you get So I was a prostitute. I

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ended up. At first it was fun, then it was

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fun with problems, and then it was just problems. That's

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the progression of the disease of addiction. So you know,

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at first I had jobs, I had an apartment, I

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had husbands, I had pets, I had clothes, I had friends,

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and then slowly, but surely all of those things faded

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out of my life, and then I could was no

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longer employable, and I had to start doing depraved things

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to make money so that I could keep my addiction

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going because that was the most important thing in my life.

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Speaker 1: That's how it is. Yeah, all right, So to the

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day you.

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Speaker 2: Died, Okay, so the day I die. So it was

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on March twenty third, twenty nineteen, which is actually the

380
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beginning of the season of Aries, which is a symbol

381
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of rebirth, and it's right around the spring solstice. And

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this was an epic rebirth. I took too much because

383
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I was going to go do my laundry and I

384
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was like, I better be real wavy to go do

385
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this long laundry rough. Yeah, and I ended up overdosing.

386
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And I had this incredibly contrasted experience in my overdose.

387
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The first part of it was a life review, and

388
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like I said, I was a traumatized person who was

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intentionally traumatizing other people for this. Yes, my life review

390
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was not nice. It was not a good time. It

391
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was brutal, it was agonizing. I started to experience the

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pain that I inflicted on others from their point of view,

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and it was emotional pain that I was feeling too,

394
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not just the physical things that I had done to

395
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people like lied, cheated, steal, like stolen from being, you know,

396
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all of this physical stuff, the emotional pain and turmoil,

397
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like it felt like I had ripped a piece of

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their soul apart. And so that was what I was experiencing.

399
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And then I started to experience what felt like a

400
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collective life review. I was experiencing all the experiences that

401
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have ever happened on earth.

402
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Speaker 1: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor,

403
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:48,480
and now back to the show.

404
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Speaker 2: Because I was experiencing things that had not happened in

405
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this physical lifetime for me, Like I experienced childbirth, but

406
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I'm not a person who's had a child. I experienced

407
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the death of my child. Again, not a person who's

408
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had a child. My awareness is going into all of

409
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these other life experiences today. I have some awareness that

410
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those I've had past lives like that, and so it

411
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was kind of coming to me like that. But I

412
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was also seeing it from people's perspectives in my family.

413
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So when I had this experience of my child dying,

414
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I was in the awareness of my aunt, who my

415
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cousin died, and so I was experiencing her pain. I

416
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was seeing her face, feeling her agony. And then I

417
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started to experience my parents' suicide from their point of

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view as well as my point of view as a

419
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grieving daughter, but from their point of view, the pain,

420
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the ocean of anguish that I was drowning in. It

421
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felt like every cell in my body was covered in

422
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spikes and static and concrete and I was being shredded apart.

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And in that moment, I thought, Okay, I must be

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dead because I'm seeing all these dead people and I'm

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dead and this is it and this sucks. It's not

426
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what I expected.

427
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Speaker 1: So before we keep going. So did you just when

428
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you when you overdose, did you just pop into a

429
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life review? Or was there a tunnel of light? Was

430
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there darkness? What was it?

431
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Speaker 2: It was? It was like a it was an It's

432
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I fell on my bathroom floor and I just started

433
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to feel the feelings. So and it took me years

434
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to piece together that it was a life review. I

435
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just used to say, you know, I saw my parents

436
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and that's how I knew I was dead, because I

437
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saw my dead parents. But you know, the amount of

438
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emotions that I was experiencing was every emotion that you

439
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could ever have in the earth experience.

440
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Speaker 1: That's interesting. I've not heard of a life review that

441
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you started to see other life experiences and they weren't

442
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you in another life or another timeline. It was through

443
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other peoples in your in your world or people that

444
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were not in your world.

445
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Speaker 2: Both you know and I have some language for today.

446
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I was experiencing a spontaneous Kundalini awakening. Oh Jesus, So

447
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if anybody doesn't know, Kundalini roughly translates into life force.

448
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So I was having this life force energy activation. I

449
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was experiencing all of life, not just my life, every life,

450
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and it was I mean, it wasn't the most intense

451
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thing ever. And I had a unity experience, and it

452
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was as if my soul was going up and down

453
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the scale of consciousness. I was experiencing grief and apathy

454
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and loss and anger and betrayal and then going into

455
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acceptance and willingness and unconditional love. But it was just

456
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rapid firing up and down.

457
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Speaker 1: God, it's like they threw in a washing machine.

458
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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it was brutal, all right.

459
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Speaker 1: So you're watching the life review. And it's more of

460
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a feeling than it is like a room, right, because

461
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there's some end the ears that walked into a room

462
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and there's a spirit guy next to them, and they're like, here,

463
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let's take a look at your life review. You weren't that.

464
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Speaker 2: So the way that I perceive it is that everything

465
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that I was constructing was coming from my mind's eye.

466
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The space where I was had no physical features to it,

467
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but my mind's eye was construct spaces within it.

468
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Speaker 1: Got it. But so were you dead or were you

469
00:24:03,799 --> 00:24:04,400
not dead yet?

470
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Speaker 2: I don't know if I actually died, because nobody ever

471
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pronounced me dead. This is all just like me strung

472
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out on my bathroom.

473
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Speaker 1: Floor, fair enough, so you could have well you did

474
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od I mean.

475
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Speaker 2: A part of me died if I didn't physically die.

476
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,359
Speaker 1: Right exactly. So you're going through all of this. So

477
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,119
then what happens after the life review, which, by the way,

478
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,440
it sounds horrific, but there was positive stuff. So you

479
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,960
were going up and down. A lot of people when

480
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,119
I talk them about the life review, they're terrified of

481
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,920
it because they feel it's judgment. Did you feel judged

482
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,799
or do you just feel like this is what it was.

483
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's no such thing as condemnation. There's no such

484
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,400
thing as judgment. It's me judging me.

485
00:24:41,839 --> 00:24:42,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, which is.

486
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,680
Speaker 2: The worst, which is I'm the wor I'm the worst judge.

487
00:24:45,079 --> 00:24:48,079
So it was just me judging me or you know,

488
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,519
maybe the way that society would judge those things. My

489
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,960
conditioning was judging the experiences. But I was also feeling

490
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,359
the emotion, so it wasn't really about judgment. It was

491
00:24:57,359 --> 00:24:59,720
about truth. This is the way that I made other

492
00:24:59,759 --> 00:25:00,559
people will feel.

493
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's no bs around this. It's like just just

494
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,359
like you hurt this person. This is how it feels, right,

495
00:25:05,759 --> 00:25:08,400
as opposed to like someone telling you you really hurt

496
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,119
Johnny's feelings. You know, you felt what Johnny was feeling.

497
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:11,680
Speaker 2: Oh yeah.

498
00:25:11,759 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 1: And then all right, so after you go through this,

499
00:25:15,039 --> 00:25:18,160
you know, up and down roller coaster of a contleeent

500
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,640
awakening all at once. What happened next?

501
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 2: So while I was in that space of my parents' death,

502
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:31,279
I gave up, this is it, this is what life

503
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:34,359
is now. And then I started to hear my father's

504
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:38,160
voice and he was chanting, you are worthy of all

505
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,480
the love in the universe. You are worthy of all

506
00:25:40,519 --> 00:25:43,759
the love in the un him. Yeah, and so I

507
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,160
and then it kind of morphed into every masculine man

508
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,680
that I've ever had in my life, and I started

509
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,079
to follow those voices because I trusted them because I

510
00:25:53,319 --> 00:25:56,519
knew my dad's voice. And as I was following that,

511
00:25:56,519 --> 00:25:59,200
that was when I traveled into the light and I

512
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,079
started to have a very different experience than the life review,

513
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:03,200
which was very welcome.

514
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,599
Speaker 1: So I want to stop you there for a second.

515
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:09,200
So your life review, I've not heard this before, and

516
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:12,799
I've heard a few of these. You're you had to

517
00:26:12,839 --> 00:26:16,359
come in through this door essentially for you to even

518
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,200
like It's not like you went into the light and

519
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:21,160
then you saw Aunt Betty or Aunt Jenny's there and

520
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,240
everyone's there and then you have a life review. No,

521
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:25,880
you had to like get in. We had to shake

522
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:29,279
you up a lot, and then you came into the light.

523
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,279
It's do you believe that every and that every near

524
00:26:32,279 --> 00:26:36,000
death experience is custom built for the soul and where

525
00:26:36,039 --> 00:26:36,960
they are in their life.

526
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,720
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that we all have our own editing team.

527
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,799
Speaker 1: Hopefully they're not telenovella writers like yours.

528
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 2: So I don't think that it's one size fits all.

529
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,640
I mean, you know about from interviewing so many experiencers,

530
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:53,240
there is no there's no U, there's no one size

531
00:26:53,279 --> 00:26:55,000
fits all when it comes to this. There are some

532
00:26:55,079 --> 00:26:55,880
common themes that.

533
00:26:55,839 --> 00:26:59,079
Speaker 1: Popaback life review Tunnel of Light. There are themes. Sure, yeah,

534
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,559
Jesus sometimes show up, Buddha sometimes shows up. Sometimes it's

535
00:27:02,599 --> 00:27:06,440
you know, it's your dad, sometimes it's your dog. All right,

536
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:07,359
So you're going towards.

537
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,519
Speaker 2: The light, okay. So I go into the light. And

538
00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:12,839
so everything looked a lot like a video game in

539
00:27:12,839 --> 00:27:15,319
my light experience. And that could be because of the

540
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:17,519
generation that I'm born in, or because we're living in

541
00:27:17,519 --> 00:27:18,160
a simulation.

542
00:27:18,839 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously, maybe it's some combination called the matrix.

543
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:23,440
Come on, Neil will be here any day.

544
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:27,680
Speaker 2: So I end up on what felt like the deck

545
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:31,559
of a spaceship, and there was thousands of other souls

546
00:27:31,599 --> 00:27:33,480
around me. I just don't have any better language for it.

547
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,680
It actually looked like the inside of the Gravitron ride

548
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:39,400
from Carnivals. Do you remember that? Looks like a spaceship

549
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,920
spins really fast. I came out of the side of

550
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,319
one of those walls, and then in the center there

551
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,759
was this commander. It felt like a commander to an army,

552
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:53,559
and there was thousands of souls all around me, and

553
00:27:53,839 --> 00:27:56,680
you can call that commander Christ or Krishna or Buddha.

554
00:27:56,759 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 1: There was a consciousness.

555
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:04,440
Speaker 2: There was a higher consciousness, loving, accepting, leading, secure, and

556
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:08,400
all these souls were all jazzed, like we are pumped,

557
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,039
and our commander is telling us that we are the

558
00:28:11,039 --> 00:28:14,599
most special volunteers and we have decided to jump to

559
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:18,759
Earth for the transformation of consciousness. And everybody is cheering,

560
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,920
and everybody's so excited, and you know, I have no

561
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,640
idea what's going on, but I know that I am

562
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:28,640
part of this, and I feel the connection to all

563
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:32,559
the other souls around me. My awareness quickly shifts over

564
00:28:32,599 --> 00:28:34,839
to another scene and I find myself in front of

565
00:28:34,839 --> 00:28:38,079
a table of beings and it was like this really crappy,

566
00:28:38,079 --> 00:28:43,480
plastic like banquet hall table, nothing ornate, nothing beautiful. And

567
00:28:43,559 --> 00:28:46,799
I there was these beings behind the table, and I

568
00:28:46,839 --> 00:28:48,920
didn't ask them who they were because I didn't need to,

569
00:28:49,079 --> 00:28:51,839
because I knew that they were people in charge. I

570
00:28:51,839 --> 00:28:53,200
didn't have to ask them who they were. I don't

571
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,440
know if they're in charge of everything that is or

572
00:28:55,599 --> 00:28:58,759
just me, but they had this big giant book and

573
00:28:58,799 --> 00:29:01,279
they were thumbing through it and looking at me and

574
00:29:01,279 --> 00:29:03,440
looking at the book and saying, it's really nice to

575
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,359
see you. You're not meant to stay, You're only here

576
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:09,599
for information. And I'm like looking all around me, I'm like,

577
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:11,480
you guys aren't talking to me, are you? Because I

578
00:29:11,519 --> 00:29:14,240
don't know where I am, but I'm staying. This place

579
00:29:14,359 --> 00:29:18,400
feels awesome where I just was not awesome. This place, Yes,

580
00:29:18,559 --> 00:29:22,440
I want to stay here. And they just continue to

581
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,799
look through the book and they said, you're here for information,

582
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,599
and my awareness shifts to another scene and I find

583
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:31,599
myself with a man. He was again look like it

584
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:33,640
was like a video game, so this is kind of

585
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:36,880
like NPC. And he's guiding me. He's wearing a plaid

586
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:39,720
blazer and a fedora. He has this big, giant, empty

587
00:29:39,759 --> 00:29:43,039
grocery cart and he says, okay, let's pick your life.

588
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:47,039
And so I start supermarket sweep style running through the

589
00:29:47,079 --> 00:29:49,880
aisles of a grocery store and lining the walls of

590
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:53,319
the grocery store aisles where these big, huge, family sized

591
00:29:53,359 --> 00:29:57,079
cereal boxes and every cereal box has a life experience

592
00:29:57,119 --> 00:30:00,599
on it, and so my soul is like let's do it.

593
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:03,920
We're going to Earth great awakening. Here we come transformation

594
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,720
of consciousness and just starts grabbing everything. Now, my family

595
00:30:07,799 --> 00:30:11,880
line had already been decided because there were certain experiences

596
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,599
that I needed to have.

597
00:30:13,799 --> 00:30:15,799
Speaker 1: But you were there, but you were already in the life.

598
00:30:15,799 --> 00:30:17,119
It's not like you're a freshol coming in.

599
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 2: I'm seeing my pre birth planning. So I'm seeing all

600
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,400
of what's happening before I jumped to Earth. This is

601
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:25,359
all what's taking place.

602
00:30:25,759 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: So you saw the pre birth, Yes, the pre birth experience.

603
00:30:28,319 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 2: This is my pre birth experience with the cereal boxes,

604
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,400
which is good foreshadowing because I ate a lot of

605
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,799
cereal as a kid, obviously, so I started grabbing all

606
00:30:36,799 --> 00:30:40,039
of these cereal boxes, and I'm grabbing things that one

607
00:30:40,079 --> 00:30:42,720
soul has no business taking on all this cereal. Nobody

608
00:30:42,759 --> 00:30:46,160
can eat all this food in one lifetime, like addiction

609
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:49,880
and poverty and you know, sexual trauma. I got the

610
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,039
variety pack of that one. Give it all to me.

611
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,359
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor,

612
00:31:00,079 --> 00:31:01,359
and now back to the show.

613
00:31:03,359 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 2: And the one experience that I think is really profound

614
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:09,359
that I like to share about is that I did

615
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,680
choose this experience of childhood sexual trauma. I grabbed the

616
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:15,759
cereal box, and when I pulled the cereal box out,

617
00:31:15,799 --> 00:31:18,640
a little orb of light came out with the box.

618
00:31:18,799 --> 00:31:21,119
And that orb of light was the soul of the

619
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,440
man that molested me as a small child. And we

620
00:31:24,519 --> 00:31:26,720
came orb to orb with each other, and we came

621
00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:30,200
into contract, and I saw all the reasons why, one

622
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,680
of the main reasons being that in a previous lifetime

623
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,400
I had been his abuser and we were balancing our

624
00:31:35,519 --> 00:31:38,359
energy with each other. I also saw that we loved

625
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:40,960
each other so much, and that's why we were going

626
00:31:41,039 --> 00:31:43,519
to play these roles to each other. That he was

627
00:31:43,559 --> 00:31:46,039
going to be the villain for me in this lifetime,

628
00:31:46,119 --> 00:31:49,599
my perpetrator. And I also saw that because I was

629
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:53,400
coming to Earth for the Great Awakening, that particular life

630
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:56,799
experience wasn't just about me. It was about healing for

631
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,519
every little girl and boy who doesn't get an opportunity

632
00:31:59,519 --> 00:32:02,559
to heal from their childhood sexual trauma. And so I

633
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:05,839
was taking this on with the intention that as I

634
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:09,480
heal everyone around me, heals I ripple it out into

635
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:15,119
the universe. And so this experience, this knowledge just cracked

636
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,920
me out of my victim mentality. It felt like a

637
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,200
whole shell had come off of me, two tons of

638
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,519
garbage had been released from my spirit. I'm not a victim.

639
00:32:23,839 --> 00:32:27,319
I'm a divine co creator. I have co created my

640
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:31,319
experience with the divine. And so I find myself back

641
00:32:31,359 --> 00:32:33,640
in front of the table of beings. I'm crying out

642
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:36,920
in gratitude. I'm on my knees. This is so incredible.

643
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:40,200
I'm so grateful to have this information. Earth is still

644
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,680
a dumpster fire though, I'm definitely not going back, but

645
00:32:43,839 --> 00:32:46,240
I feel so much better now that I know this,

646
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:48,839
this great Awakening show, it's gonna be lit. I'm gonna

647
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:50,920
watch it from up here. I'm gonna grab my PGS

648
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,039
and a bowl of popcorn, and I'm gonna chill with

649
00:32:53,079 --> 00:32:57,640
you guys. And they were like, no, girl, you're going back.

650
00:32:58,759 --> 00:33:02,400
And I trans formed into a small child, like hitting

651
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,599
my hands and my feet, figured of hands and feet.

652
00:33:04,599 --> 00:33:07,680
There's nobody there, but like just throwing a tantrum. I

653
00:33:07,799 --> 00:33:09,960
will not go back. You cannot make me go back.

654
00:33:10,079 --> 00:33:13,000
Do not make me go back. And then I cried out,

655
00:33:13,119 --> 00:33:15,839
you guys don't tell us what Earth is actually like.

656
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:18,359
And they said you say that every time you come

657
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,519
back home, like literally every time you come back here.

658
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,400
They said, you're not going back as a punishment. You're

659
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:28,279
going back because you've been training for lifetimes for this

660
00:33:28,319 --> 00:33:31,559
particular lifetime. This is a mission that you're on and

661
00:33:31,599 --> 00:33:33,279
we're not going to let you miss your opportunity. This

662
00:33:33,359 --> 00:33:35,960
is the most exciting time to be on earth. Every

663
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,240
soul that is here is here for the transformation of consciousness.

664
00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:42,000
And I said, well, I can't go back into her.

665
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,720
And I could see my body outside myself just like

666
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:47,839
blast it out on my bathroom floor. I was like,

667
00:33:47,839 --> 00:33:50,640
look at her. She's a mess, she's glitched, she's broken,

668
00:33:50,799 --> 00:33:53,000
she needs way too much healing. It would be impossible

669
00:33:53,039 --> 00:33:56,559
to accomplish. I can't go back into her. And they said, okay,

670
00:33:56,599 --> 00:33:58,319
you don't have to go back into her. I will

671
00:33:58,319 --> 00:34:01,319
show you the baby that you'll be born into because

672
00:34:01,319 --> 00:34:05,119
you're going back. There's no other option. And so I

673
00:34:05,119 --> 00:34:08,239
could kind of perceive my grocery cart getting shoved over

674
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:12,480
to the side. My life experienced grocery cart, and then again,

675
00:34:12,519 --> 00:34:14,920
like a video game, a little avatar of a baby

676
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,920
popped up. It was like slowly circling three hundred and

677
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:21,159
sixty degrees, and I saw all her stats line up

678
00:34:21,199 --> 00:34:23,519
next to her, her gender, her ethnicity, where she would

679
00:34:23,519 --> 00:34:25,840
be born, who her parents were, what was her adversity,

680
00:34:27,039 --> 00:34:30,159
you know, her purpose, parts of her mission, and this

681
00:34:30,199 --> 00:34:33,320
baby was going to have an even more challenging life

682
00:34:33,639 --> 00:34:36,960
than my own. Cool and I thought, I can't do

683
00:34:37,039 --> 00:34:40,000
this from zero. If these are really my only options

684
00:34:40,079 --> 00:34:42,360
to go back into that glitched, broken body that I

685
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:45,400
just came from or start over, I'm just going to

686
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:47,840
go back into the body that I came from. And

687
00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,199
the beings of light were very loving, and they said

688
00:34:50,199 --> 00:34:53,239
to me, listen, the first part of your life was

689
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:56,039
boot camp. Nobody likes boot camp. There's like a bald

690
00:34:56,039 --> 00:34:58,199
guy screaming in your face. You're doing a thousand push

691
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:01,199
ups in the mud. It's gross. The second part of

692
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:03,199
your life is going to be carrying out your mission.

693
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,119
You're going to have a team, You're gonna have soulmates,

694
00:35:06,199 --> 00:35:10,599
kindred spirits, mentors, teachers, communities. It's going to be so

695
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:14,039
much better. You won't even be able to understand. Just

696
00:35:14,159 --> 00:35:18,440
trust us. And I was like, I do not trust you, guys, peace.

697
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:24,320
And then I found myself back in my awareness I

698
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,559
found myself back in my body and I just wrote

699
00:35:26,559 --> 00:35:29,119
the Holding Office drug and Douce psychosis. I kind of

700
00:35:29,159 --> 00:35:31,639
sat up, shook my head. I was like, damn, I

701
00:35:31,679 --> 00:35:33,400
was so high. I thought I was talking to God.

702
00:35:33,559 --> 00:35:36,679
That was crazy. And I just went about my life

703
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:38,199
doing the same thing I'd always been doing.

704
00:35:38,599 --> 00:35:41,119
Speaker 1: So all right, before we continue down that road, when

705
00:35:41,159 --> 00:35:43,079
you were when you were up there with the spirit

706
00:35:43,119 --> 00:35:45,679
guys that you don't trust, and you're like, audi, uh,

707
00:35:47,079 --> 00:35:51,079
I'd love your storytelling ability with this is awesome. And

708
00:35:51,119 --> 00:35:54,039
only someone of our generations kind of understand a lot

709
00:35:54,079 --> 00:35:58,400
of the things that you're saying, which is awesome. When

710
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,719
you were up in that room with the cheap the

711
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,719
production value was not good up there. Apparently the budget

712
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:06,400
budgetary cuts up on.

713
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,639
Speaker 2: The other side, using so much for the storyline. They

714
00:36:08,639 --> 00:36:10,440
can't be they can't be like.

715
00:36:10,639 --> 00:36:16,599
Speaker 1: Let's just unfold this. She's coming. Oh God, like you

716
00:36:16,639 --> 00:36:18,800
see that, you see the like being bringing out the plant?

717
00:36:19,199 --> 00:36:21,480
All right? Did we get this one at costco? Okay, great,

718
00:36:21,559 --> 00:36:26,800
let's that's awesome. When you were up there, did you so,

719
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:30,039
there's no talking, so it's it's all telepathy essentially, right,

720
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:34,159
And the thing I've heard so many different times, not

721
00:36:34,199 --> 00:36:37,440
only from near death experiences but from mystics, from yogi's

722
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,239
and things like that. Is that there's an understanding that

723
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:45,679
you just know what's happening without anyone telling you, Like

724
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:49,119
you're like I call it kind of like you're tapped

725
00:36:49,159 --> 00:36:52,599
into the cloud, no pun intended. You're kind of tapped

726
00:36:52,599 --> 00:36:55,039
into the cloud. You just have all information all the time,

727
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,079
and when something's in front of you, you just, oh,

728
00:36:58,199 --> 00:37:01,920
that's Uncle Bob, and Bob's here to help me walk

729
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,800
through this or something like that. Is that how it was?

730
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:07,360
Speaker 2: Definitely everything was innate knowing, because I'm not smart enough

731
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:10,440
to put all that together, So it definitely was innate knowing.

732
00:37:10,519 --> 00:37:13,400
At this time, my brain capacity was super tiny, so

733
00:37:14,119 --> 00:37:17,320
it was all a very innate knowing and no need

734
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,840
to question. It was the other part of it, like

735
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:22,039
I knew those I knew the beings of Light were

736
00:37:22,039 --> 00:37:25,280
in charge. I didn't have to question why or who

737
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:27,519
or how or anything like that. These were just all

738
00:37:27,599 --> 00:37:29,719
things that I had massive acceptance around.

739
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 1: So these were basically your counsel. Yeah, it sounds like

740
00:37:32,519 --> 00:37:34,199
this from what I say, it's kind of like your

741
00:37:34,199 --> 00:37:37,239
council of Light. It's your elders, Council of elders. Yes,

742
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:38,920
they're the ones that kind of your spare guides who

743
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:42,760
kind of put together your your journey to go down

744
00:37:43,039 --> 00:37:47,079
and elevate your consciousness and stuff, which is not easy, right,

745
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:49,559
So that's who these guys were. Yeah, it sounds like

746
00:37:49,599 --> 00:37:52,559
that's it's not when they're not the everybody's They seemed

747
00:37:52,559 --> 00:37:54,639
like they were yours. Yes, because they're talking to you

748
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:56,960
very much like they were like every time you come.

749
00:37:57,039 --> 00:37:59,679
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, they were very funny for sure.

750
00:38:00,119 --> 00:38:01,920
Speaker 1: Did you so, did you see any relatives? You only

751
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:02,639
heard relatives.

752
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 2: My father's essence was definitely there with me, and like

753
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,599
I said, I felt like every masculine energy. So all

754
00:38:09,599 --> 00:38:11,559
the other men in my family that had passed away,

755
00:38:11,599 --> 00:38:13,199
they kind of all morphed into it. I had a

756
00:38:13,199 --> 00:38:15,519
boyfriend who had passed away a couple of years before

757
00:38:15,599 --> 00:38:18,280
my experience. He was there, and so all of these

758
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:21,840
things kind of just gelled into this divine masculine energy.

759
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,320
Speaker 1: That's interesting. So it's not because for us we have

760
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:27,039
to have like these individual kind of things, but it's

761
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:31,760
the collective speaking through one is a very divine thing.

762
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,559
Like when angels like all you know, we're when I

763
00:38:34,599 --> 00:38:36,760
have channelers come on, they're like, we have twenty angels

764
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,559
here who shall not be named, but we all speak

765
00:38:39,599 --> 00:38:41,360
as one similar right.

766
00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, the law of oneness is real, like we're one,

767
00:38:44,519 --> 00:38:45,679
everything is one.

768
00:38:46,039 --> 00:38:50,000
Speaker 1: It makes sense. It makes logical sense to me. Okay,

769
00:38:50,079 --> 00:38:53,760
so you come back down and you're like, that was funky,

770
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:59,360
thought I talk to God. Okay, well go get high again,

771
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:01,039
Like essentially, was that what it is? Oh?

772
00:39:01,119 --> 00:39:02,519
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, Well. The first thing I did was I

773
00:39:02,519 --> 00:39:05,000
went on Instagram and I was like, guys, I just died.

774
00:39:05,119 --> 00:39:07,719
It was crazy. I still have a video.

775
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,559
Speaker 1: It's nuts, that's amazing.

776
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:14,360
Speaker 2: But I did just think that it was drug induced psychosis.

777
00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:17,280
I had never heard of any of these things before.

778
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:19,480
I had never heard of spiritual awakening. I had never

779
00:39:19,559 --> 00:39:21,679
heard of kundalini. I didn't even know how to say

780
00:39:21,679 --> 00:39:23,880
that word. For years, I didn't I'd never heard of

781
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,800
a near death experience. So I didn't think that any

782
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:29,280
of this was real. In fact, I thought that I

783
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:33,320
had just actually died and that I wasn't deserving enough

784
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:37,119
to actually cross over. And so for months after my experience,

785
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,400
I just lived with reckless abandon I mean, I was

786
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:44,079
already living quite recklessly. But the two months in between

787
00:39:44,599 --> 00:39:47,039
when I until I realized that it was a real experience,

788
00:39:47,119 --> 00:39:50,719
I was just completely off the handles, totally insane. Oh yeah,

789
00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:52,239
I was nuts, totally nuts.

790
00:39:52,639 --> 00:39:54,639
Speaker 1: And did you ever come close again in those two

791
00:39:54,639 --> 00:39:58,079
months back? No? No, you didn't go that far out.

792
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:00,480
Speaker 2: You know, I had overdosed in my life before, and

793
00:40:00,519 --> 00:40:04,159
I never had a spiritual experience. This particular one was

794
00:40:04,199 --> 00:40:05,840
my I mean I was planned.

795
00:40:06,039 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, this was your Do you believe that this

796
00:40:08,159 --> 00:40:11,320
was one of your exit exit strategies for your life?

797
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,239
Because from what I understand on your soul plan or

798
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:17,039
your and your blueprint in the highway of life, there's

799
00:40:17,079 --> 00:40:20,679
these off ramps that you've put in to go, Okay,

800
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:23,119
you're gonna need a reminder here and you're gonna have

801
00:40:23,119 --> 00:40:24,239
a choice. Do you want to come back or do

802
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:26,440
you want to go go to another life or something

803
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:27,239
like that? Is that what that was?

804
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:29,760
Speaker 2: Well I did not have a choice, No, But that

805
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:31,760
was a moment for you to so for me, this

806
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,320
is the way that I understand it. There's three things.

807
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,239
Pre Birth planning is about major plot points. Right, I

808
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:40,079
haven't planned every bowel movement. I don't know every stranger.

809
00:40:40,199 --> 00:40:41,119
I'm counted on the subway.

810
00:40:41,119 --> 00:40:42,159
Speaker 1: Thank you for the imagery, But.

811
00:40:42,119 --> 00:40:45,800
Speaker 2: I have planned major plot points. Three of my major

812
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:49,599
plot points are addiction, recovery, spiritual awakening.

813
00:40:51,039 --> 00:40:53,519
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor,

814
00:40:57,159 --> 00:40:58,400
and now back to the show.

815
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:03,320
Speaker 2: Now, I had lots of opportunities to let go of

816
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:06,719
the lesson of addiction and step into recovery and spiritual awakening.

817
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:08,760
First time I ever went to rehab, I was eighteen

818
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,199
years old. I could have just decided to get clean.

819
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:14,559
Then I would have been in recovery learning that lesson,

820
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,360
had a spiritual awakening as a result of practicing the

821
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,840
twelve Steps, because that's the promise of the Twelfth Step

822
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:23,000
and Twelve Step Fellowship, and my life would have looked

823
00:41:23,039 --> 00:41:28,039
much different. This was my end timeline, no points left.

824
00:41:28,199 --> 00:41:31,039
All of my lessons compounded on top of each other.

825
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,800
Now you will experience addiction, recovery, spiritual awakening all in

826
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:38,440
the same moment because you kept ignoring the internal GPS

827
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:40,119
that was telling you to make a U turn and

828
00:41:40,159 --> 00:41:41,639
stop moving the car.

829
00:41:42,039 --> 00:41:44,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it starts with a tap on the shoulder,

830
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,679
a whisper, and then it's a sledgehammer.

831
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,960
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, the bucket of spiritual bricks that was dumped

832
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:54,679
on my head. Brutal, brutal, that's amazing.

833
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,320
Speaker 1: All right. So after so during those two months of

834
00:41:57,599 --> 00:42:01,639
goallin chrisee eight, Yeah, when you look, what was the

835
00:42:01,639 --> 00:42:02,960
moment that you just said.

836
00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:07,760
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, There was a couple of different moments. One

837
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:11,679
of the main ones was that the universe was removing

838
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:15,360
people from my life. So I had a bunch of dealers,

839
00:42:15,639 --> 00:42:18,559
like a laundry list of them, maybe ten different guys,

840
00:42:19,159 --> 00:42:21,559
and I would call one up. I'd be like, hey,

841
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:23,639
I want to pick up Can I meet you? And

842
00:42:23,679 --> 00:42:27,079
he's like, listen, lose my number. I found Jesus, I

843
00:42:27,079 --> 00:42:29,039
want to be a good father. I'm out of the game.

844
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:32,440
Click blocked. I'm like, okay, that's weird. Call it the

845
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:36,840
next guy on the list, same exact story, Jesus. But

846
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,519
these guys didn't know each other. I'm like, where has

847
00:42:39,599 --> 00:42:42,320
Jesus been hiding? How are all of these men finding Jesus?

848
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:44,599
What's going on? I'm talking to called ten different guys,

849
00:42:44,639 --> 00:42:46,840
and every single one of them told me to lose

850
00:42:47,039 --> 00:42:50,719
their number, and they blocked me and I so now

851
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:54,840
I'm desperate because I have a physical dependency to opiates,

852
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,960
and so I need to get my I need to

853
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,599
get what I need otherwise I'm going to get via ill.

854
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:04,239
So I'm like running around New York City. Obviously there's

855
00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:07,039
places to buy substances everywhere, and I'm doing what I

856
00:43:07,079 --> 00:43:09,920
have to do. Every time I get something, it's fake,

857
00:43:10,199 --> 00:43:14,320
it's bunk, it doesn't work like every you know, I'm

858
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,039
at my end. So now I start going through withdrawals

859
00:43:17,679 --> 00:43:21,360
and it's agonizing. And I'd been through withdrawals dozens of

860
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,559
times in my life before. But like you said, right

861
00:43:23,639 --> 00:43:26,960
thirty five, no Spring Chicken. Now I'm really feeling it,

862
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:32,079
and I have this moment of just I need to

863
00:43:32,199 --> 00:43:34,360
end this. I need to end this pain. There's no

864
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:36,400
way to get through this. I was on day three

865
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:39,000
of withdrawal, and it was like I was sick all

866
00:43:39,039 --> 00:43:42,199
over myself. My skin felt like it was made of

867
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:46,119
broken glass, my bones were made of campfire logs, my

868
00:43:46,199 --> 00:43:51,119
blood was lava like. Everything hurt on me, everything hurt,

869
00:43:51,519 --> 00:43:53,960
and I just thought, I can't do this. I know

870
00:43:54,079 --> 00:43:57,000
exactly what my parents were going through. I cannot do this.

871
00:43:57,639 --> 00:43:59,159
And then I heard this voice and I told me

872
00:43:59,199 --> 00:44:01,639
that I could request what I wanted fixed, and I

873
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:03,920
was in the throes of desperation, so I was like, okay,

874
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:06,320
a strange voice, take this away. I want to no

875
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:09,480
longer be physically sick. And they told me to close

876
00:44:09,519 --> 00:44:13,599
my eyes and count backwards from ten. And as I did,

877
00:44:13,679 --> 00:44:16,760
these two little men appeared in my mind's eye, and

878
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:19,159
they were wearing white lab coats and they had these

879
00:44:19,199 --> 00:44:22,280
bulbous noses. I see them every time I tell the story.

880
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:25,280
They're like, hey, we're still here. And they had these

881
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:28,400
little lawnmowers that manifested in front of them, and so

882
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:30,280
they're kind of like hopping up and down with the

883
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:33,480
motion of the lawnmower. And then they take off in

884
00:44:33,559 --> 00:44:37,519
separate directions and they start walking through every crevice of

885
00:44:37,559 --> 00:44:40,760
my mind. And as they're plowing through the crevices of

886
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:44,320
my mind, I feel these intense hot tingles start to

887
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:47,239
take over the whole crown of my head. And when

888
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:50,039
they were finished, it felt like somebody drew x's across

889
00:44:50,079 --> 00:44:52,559
my forehead and a plunger went onto the crown of

890
00:44:52,599 --> 00:44:55,199
my head, and as it plunged down and came back up,

891
00:44:55,199 --> 00:44:58,440
there was this bright white flash and in that moment

892
00:44:58,559 --> 00:45:03,440
I was instantaneous healed out of day three of heroin withdrawal.

893
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:06,760
I mean moments before I was sick all over myself,

894
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,800
welcoming death. And then there I was completely well and

895
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:12,719
healed and fine, and I threw myself out of the

896
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:15,480
bed and onto the ground. I'm on my knees. I'm

897
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:17,679
crying out to a God that I do not believe in,

898
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,639
and I'm saying, how could this be happening. I don't

899
00:45:20,639 --> 00:45:23,320
believe in this, I don't believe in you. You could

900
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,360
not have picked a more unworthy subject to bestow this

901
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:29,360
kind of grace on and again. For the contrast, at

902
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:33,039
this point in time, I'm a radical atheist, I'm a

903
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,360
oh yeah, I'm a drug addict. I'm an orphan to suicide.

904
00:45:36,599 --> 00:45:40,079
I'm a hire manipulator, thief, I'm an abuser, I'm a

905
00:45:40,119 --> 00:45:44,199
person who traumatizes others. This is the person that has

906
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:48,360
been bestowed with instantaneous healing. And then all of a sudden,

907
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:51,360
I start hearing this message because I keep telling and

908
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:53,760
affirming I'm not worthy of this, I'm not worthy of this,

909
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:55,719
and they say to me, but you're worthy of all

910
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:57,719
the love in the universe. You're worthy of all the

911
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:01,679
love in the universe. And so after that, I thought

912
00:46:01,679 --> 00:46:05,039
I was the second coming of Christ. Obviously, So I

913
00:46:05,119 --> 00:46:07,800
start running around and streets to New York City. On

914
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:11,760
the New York City subway system. I'm proselytizing. I'm evangelizing.

915
00:46:12,079 --> 00:46:14,360
I'm telling people about a God that I have gone

916
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:16,440
to the other side, all the way, all the way

917
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:17,280
to the other side.

918
00:46:17,559 --> 00:46:20,039
Speaker 1: I don't believe it in anything. I am now Jesus.

919
00:46:20,079 --> 00:46:21,119
Speaker 2: I am now Jesus.

920
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:24,960
Speaker 1: I thought it as as they say in our generation,

921
00:46:25,079 --> 00:46:25,760
are you crazy?

922
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:28,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it was. I was too gu bananas. I

923
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:31,639
was really out of control. So I'm on the New

924
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:37,159
York City subway system. I'm laying hands on homeless drug addicts. No, yes,

925
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:38,760
I am all the way.

926
00:46:38,679 --> 00:46:43,119
Speaker 1: I'm in, I'm in laying hands. Yes, Oh my.

927
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:47,239
Speaker 2: God, Okay, it was wild. I was. Yeah, it was wild.

928
00:46:47,480 --> 00:46:50,039
So one day I'm sitting on the train. The whole

929
00:46:50,079 --> 00:46:51,880
train car is empty, but it's the middle of the day,

930
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:53,079
which is bizarre in New York City.

931
00:46:53,079 --> 00:46:53,840
Speaker 1: It's extremely bizarre.

932
00:46:54,039 --> 00:46:56,320
Speaker 2: Nine million people there. I was nobody in this train car.

933
00:46:57,480 --> 00:46:59,840
So the door is open and a man steps in

934
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,760
and he sits directly across from me, even though the

935
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:05,679
whole train car was empty, and around his neck was

936
00:47:05,679 --> 00:47:10,679
a gigantic blinged out twelve Step Fellowship necklace, the emblem

937
00:47:10,719 --> 00:47:12,639
for the twelve Step Fellowship that I'm a part.

938
00:47:12,559 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 1: Of the twelve Is that a right?

939
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:17,199
Speaker 2: We don't promote, so we don't say what it is.

940
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:18,360
But I'm in the other one.

941
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:21,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, got it, guy Layman?

942
00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:25,119
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, So he's got this big, blinged out necklace.

943
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:27,199
I hear a voice in my head. It says, that's

944
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:29,559
your path. Follow him to a meeting. And so I

945
00:47:29,599 --> 00:47:33,880
asked this strange man on the train, everybody else on

946
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:37,199
the train, are you going to a meeting by any chance?

947
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,400
And he says, yeah, do you want to come with me?

948
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:43,159
And that was the beginning of my recovery journey. And

949
00:47:43,199 --> 00:47:45,119
I went with this strange man. I followed him to

950
00:47:45,159 --> 00:47:46,519
a meeting, and they told me that I had to

951
00:47:46,559 --> 00:47:48,440
keep making meetings every day, that this was going to

952
00:47:48,519 --> 00:47:50,280
be my new thing. Instead of using every day, I

953
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:52,039
was going to make meetings every day. So the next day,

954
00:47:52,079 --> 00:47:54,440
go to another meeting. And I didn't look the way

955
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,719
that I look now when all of this was happening,

956
00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:59,119
when all of this was happening. I was missing most

957
00:47:59,159 --> 00:48:01,760
of my teeth, so thankful for spiritual awakening allowed me

958
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:05,880
to buy some teeth in my life. I was super skinny,

959
00:48:06,039 --> 00:48:09,800
my skin was gray, my eyes were dead. I had

960
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:12,760
these huge holes all over my face in my arms

961
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,440
because every time that I got high, I thought that

962
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:18,000
bugs lived inside of me, and so I would cut

963
00:48:18,039 --> 00:48:20,920
myself open with razor blades and burn myself with torches

964
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:23,000
trying to get the bugs out of me. So I

965
00:48:23,079 --> 00:48:25,239
walk into this meeting and it was a women's meeting,

966
00:48:25,679 --> 00:48:28,599
and I look destroyed. It's painfully obvious that I'm new.

967
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:32,400
And this woman grabs me as soon as I walk in,

968
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:35,360
and she held me so tight, and I hadn't been

969
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,719
hugged in a loving way in a really long time,

970
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:40,800
and so I felt really uncomfortable. And then she leaned

971
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:42,880
in and she whispered in my ear and she said,

972
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:45,480
you are worthy of all the love of the universe.

973
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:48,039
You are worthy of all love of the universe.

974
00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:49,239
Speaker 1: Oh my God.

975
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:53,320
Speaker 2: And that was my deepest moment of surrender. That was it.

976
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:58,719
I melted into that woman. I cried a super ugly,

977
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:02,239
deep wailing. I rested my head on her big boobies

978
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:04,519
for as long as she would let me, and I

979
00:49:04,679 --> 00:49:08,159
truly surrendered, and I didn't feel worthy of all love

980
00:49:08,159 --> 00:49:11,519
in the universe, but I had a little sliver of

981
00:49:11,599 --> 00:49:14,760
hope maybe I'm worth more than what's going on in

982
00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:18,960
my life right now. And so the next day after that,

983
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:22,679
I went to another meeting and it was a huge meeting.

984
00:49:22,679 --> 00:49:24,719
There was like eighty people in there, and I swear

985
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,079
to God, it was like the Truman Show, like everybody

986
00:49:27,119 --> 00:49:29,800
was sharing directly to me. They didn't, they mean, they weren't,

987
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:31,760
they didn't even know I was there, but it felt

988
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:35,719
like every share was a message from God to my ears.

989
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:38,440
And then I realized that there was a woman in there,

990
00:49:39,199 --> 00:49:41,320
and she was the program director of a long term

991
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:44,920
rehab a women's facility. And so the whole meeting, my

992
00:49:45,039 --> 00:49:47,360
internal guidance is saying, you have to ask her for help.

993
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,239
You have to ask her for help, and my ego

994
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:51,199
is coming in and saying like, nah, you're not built

995
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:52,960
that way. You can't ask people for help, like just

996
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:55,960
forget about it. And so I'm having this internal wrestling

997
00:49:56,039 --> 00:49:58,960
match going on between my spirit and my ego, and

998
00:49:59,039 --> 00:50:01,719
so I finally get my courage up the meeting ends,

999
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:03,280
and I walk over where this woman is and I

1000
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:04,639
was like, I'm going to live a new life, and

1001
00:50:04,679 --> 00:50:06,960
she's gonna help me do it. I know it. And

1002
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,280
I walk over to where she is and she's gone.

1003
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:14,000
She left early, and I felt totally defeated and deflated,

1004
00:50:14,039 --> 00:50:16,480
and so with my head hanging, I walked to the

1005
00:50:16,519 --> 00:50:19,719
bus to go home. And when I stepped onto the bus,

1006
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:22,400
that woman was sitting right there.

1007
00:50:22,559 --> 00:50:24,199
Speaker 1: Oh my okay, she left.

1008
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:25,960
Speaker 2: The meeting early and was somehow on the exact same

1009
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:28,159
buses me and I ran after her, totally manic, and

1010
00:50:28,159 --> 00:50:29,360
I was like, oh my god, I think that you're

1011
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:31,760
an angel. You're sent, You're center my heaven. You're here

1012
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:33,480
on earth. You're here only to help me. I can't believe.

1013
00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:34,960
I want to talk to you, and I can't talk

1014
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:36,000
to you and there because you're here and this says

1015
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:37,400
not I can't believe it. Oh my god, will you

1016
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:39,519
help me please? I think that you're supposed.

1017
00:50:39,159 --> 00:50:42,760
Speaker 1: To help me. Wow, coming in hot? Oh yeah, coming

1018
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:43,440
in hot? Are you?

1019
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:47,199
Speaker 2: She looked at me so calm like and like she

1020
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:49,159
had been waiting there for me her whole life.

1021
00:50:50,719 --> 00:50:53,239
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after a word, from our sponsor

1022
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:58,119
and now back to the show.

1023
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 2: And she said, yeah, we can help you. We have

1024
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:05,039
a bed, come by tomorrow. And that sentence changed my

1025
00:51:05,079 --> 00:51:06,880
whole life. And I did go there the very next

1026
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:09,360
day with just the clothes on my back. I didn't

1027
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:12,199
have anything to take. My most prized possession was a

1028
00:51:12,199 --> 00:51:14,599
two hundred dollars vibrator. I didn't have a lot going

1029
00:51:14,599 --> 00:51:16,519
for me. I figured if I could leave that behind,

1030
00:51:16,599 --> 00:51:20,079
I could do anything, and so I did. I left

1031
00:51:20,119 --> 00:51:21,760
the behind and I started my spiritual journey.

1032
00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:26,079
Speaker 1: Huh. And as one does, you don't bring those along

1033
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:28,599
spiritual journey. It's counterproductive.

1034
00:51:28,679 --> 00:51:33,320
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And I went into this all women's facility

1035
00:51:33,639 --> 00:51:37,760
and that's where my integration started to take place. I

1036
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:39,519
didn't know what happened to me. And it was a

1037
00:51:39,519 --> 00:51:43,159
long term program. I was in there for seventeen months. Wow. Yeah.

1038
00:51:43,199 --> 00:51:45,559
And despite what some men might think, it's not sexy

1039
00:51:45,599 --> 00:51:48,679
pajama parties and pillow fights and an all women's drug rehab.

1040
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:54,400
It's brutal. Okay, it was hardcore hardcore, Oh god. Yeah.

1041
00:51:54,440 --> 00:51:56,559
And I got to see all my trauma mirrored back

1042
00:51:56,599 --> 00:51:58,360
to me and I got to see all of my

1043
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:01,239
own defects of character and way that I behaved in

1044
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:04,920
relationships with other people. And I learned a lot so much.

1045
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:07,079
I didn't have access to a cell phone or the

1046
00:52:07,119 --> 00:52:10,000
internet for all that time, so I had to learn

1047
00:52:10,039 --> 00:52:13,239
things out of books. It was totally archaic. I was like, I, now,

1048
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:17,920
have you heard book ridiculous? So they would let us

1049
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:20,760
go to the library once a week and I would

1050
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:23,639
just run over to the section on religion and spirituality,

1051
00:52:23,679 --> 00:52:27,440
and I had this insatiable thirst for knowledge. My brain

1052
00:52:27,519 --> 00:52:32,800
capacity before my experience very limited. Okay, the only vocabulary

1053
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:35,519
that I had was this long laundry list of substances

1054
00:52:35,559 --> 00:52:37,559
that I used and how much money it costs to

1055
00:52:37,559 --> 00:52:39,760
be with me. I didn't have space in my head

1056
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:42,639
for any other thoughts because there was no need for

1057
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:46,000
any other thoughts. So now my awareness has blasted open,

1058
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:48,760
and I want to fill it with spirituality. I want

1059
00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:51,000
to figure out what's the meaning of life? Tell me

1060
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:54,400
everything about quantum mechanics, let me learn. So I start

1061
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:57,880
grabbing all these books off of this one small section

1062
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:01,000
in the library. And one I went into the library

1063
00:53:01,079 --> 00:53:02,599
and there was a book and it looked like it

1064
00:53:02,639 --> 00:53:04,920
was sparkling. I could see it in the distance. It

1065
00:53:04,960 --> 00:53:07,039
almost like I was about to fall off the shelf,

1066
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,800
and all I could see was the word miracles on

1067
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:12,400
the side, and I was like, miracles. I like miracles.

1068
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:15,280
I'm a miracle. And I got a little bit closer.

1069
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:17,760
And then the book was called A Course in Miracles

1070
00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:23,639
Made Easy by Alan Cohen and oh yeah. And I

1071
00:53:23,719 --> 00:53:26,559
devoured that book. I would have actually physically ate it

1072
00:53:26,599 --> 00:53:31,119
if I could have. I couldn't stop myself. And I

1073
00:53:31,159 --> 00:53:33,800
didn't understand really who the author of A Course in

1074
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:36,119
Miracles was, and so I kept going to the library

1075
00:53:36,199 --> 00:53:37,880
and asking the library and to help me, and she

1076
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:40,400
was like, girl, this book does not exist. Please stop,

1077
00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:42,519
we can't you can't rent it here. And I'm like,

1078
00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:45,639
I need it. I need this book. And so I

1079
00:53:45,679 --> 00:53:47,760
just started reading a bunch of books about a Course

1080
00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:51,079
in Miracles. And then one day when I was going

1081
00:53:51,119 --> 00:53:54,079
back to the facility, the clinical director was checking my bag,

1082
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:55,800
like for contraband when you come back and get your

1083
00:53:55,800 --> 00:53:58,599
bag checked, and she saw I had five books about

1084
00:53:58,599 --> 00:54:00,639
a Course in Miracles in my bag and she said, oh,

1085
00:54:00,679 --> 00:54:03,320
you know, I have a copy of the course. I

1086
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:05,599
bought it in the seventies. Didn't understand it. It's been

1087
00:54:05,639 --> 00:54:07,760
sitting on my bookshelf for all these years. Do you

1088
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:10,199
want to borrow it? And I was like, yes, I

1089
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:12,880
absolutely do. And so while I was in treatment for

1090
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:16,519
those seventeen months, I read a course in miracles, and

1091
00:54:16,559 --> 00:54:19,039
I also read every other spiritual text that I could

1092
00:54:19,039 --> 00:54:23,039
get my hands on, and I designed my spirituality around

1093
00:54:23,280 --> 00:54:25,960
these beautiful spiritual principles. I got the cherry pick the

1094
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:28,599
things that I liked out of each teaching and developed

1095
00:54:28,599 --> 00:54:31,039
my own sense of spirituality.

1096
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:31,519
Speaker 1: Like a spiritual cafeteria.

1097
00:54:31,599 --> 00:54:33,480
Speaker 2: Oh yes, a little shmortgage board.

1098
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:37,559
Speaker 1: Pulling things out. You said something was really interesting to me,

1099
00:54:37,719 --> 00:54:41,159
your ego that's not talked about a whole lot with

1100
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:45,039
near death experiences, the ego especially because you had to.

1101
00:54:45,079 --> 00:54:50,719
I mean, your story so intense. So generally other people

1102
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:52,320
are like, you know, I was in the wrong path

1103
00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:55,679
and then I died and then I found good God

1104
00:54:55,719 --> 00:54:58,440
and I was cool. Yours was so much more intense.

1105
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:03,440
The rain is so much more that your ego had

1106
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:07,920
built thirty five years of this is who I am.

1107
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:11,280
And then after you started laying hands on homeless people,

1108
00:55:13,039 --> 00:55:15,480
which was also the ego by the way, going yeah,

1109
00:55:15,519 --> 00:55:17,760
oh we're Jesus. Now I can get behind this.

1110
00:55:17,960 --> 00:55:18,599
Speaker 2: Let's do this.

1111
00:55:20,199 --> 00:55:23,400
Speaker 1: How did you deal with that inner struggle, that inner fight?

1112
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:28,119
Because your ego sounds like it was an intense presence

1113
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:31,079
after thirty five years of addiction and all the trauma

1114
00:55:31,119 --> 00:55:34,000
you dealt with. That it's there to protect you. It's

1115
00:55:34,039 --> 00:55:37,039
there to do things, because that's all it knows. Your

1116
00:55:37,039 --> 00:55:39,519
ego's there always to protect you. Sometimes it goes a

1117
00:55:39,519 --> 00:55:43,000
little overboard, but generally speaking, it's built to do that.

1118
00:55:43,039 --> 00:55:46,119
How did you kind of overcome that to become who

1119
00:55:46,159 --> 00:55:46,960
you are right now?

1120
00:55:47,119 --> 00:55:50,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, and ego is like such a buzzword, right.

1121
00:55:51,039 --> 00:55:56,280
So I also study Young in philosophy, and in that,

1122
00:55:56,639 --> 00:55:59,760
you know, Young talks about all these different stages that

1123
00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:01,719
we have as we come to Earth. Right, So there's

1124
00:56:01,719 --> 00:56:04,199
the stage of the masks, like that's my early childhood,

1125
00:56:04,199 --> 00:56:06,840
my teenage years. Then my shadow came in. My shadow

1126
00:56:07,079 --> 00:56:11,239
really took charge, especially after my parents' death. That was

1127
00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:13,360
the part of me. So like my shadow, my ego,

1128
00:56:13,519 --> 00:56:17,280
all these words are really interchangeable. Something not my spirit, right,

1129
00:56:17,360 --> 00:56:20,159
something not my highest self. And then the other part

1130
00:56:20,159 --> 00:56:23,039
of that is coming into the anima and the animas

1131
00:56:23,239 --> 00:56:26,519
the divine feminine, divine, masculine in young in philosophy, and

1132
00:56:26,519 --> 00:56:28,639
then circling back up to the highest self with the

1133
00:56:28,679 --> 00:56:32,159
capital S. So for me, my shadow was my main

1134
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:35,119
personality point my whole life. And it's not like my

1135
00:56:35,159 --> 00:56:38,440
shadow disappears because I had some kind of spiritual experience.

1136
00:56:38,559 --> 00:56:41,079
My shadow is my main protector. It's all that I've

1137
00:56:41,119 --> 00:56:43,599
ever known. So I have to learn how to give

1138
00:56:43,639 --> 00:56:45,360
it a new role. I have to give it a

1139
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:47,639
new job because it's not going to go away. It

1140
00:56:47,679 --> 00:56:50,000
exists within me, and I'm not a murderer. I can't

1141
00:56:50,119 --> 00:56:52,199
kill it, so I just have to learn how to

1142
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:53,719
give it a new role. So there's a lot of

1143
00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:57,119
things that make up my shadow. For me, my addiction

1144
00:56:57,360 --> 00:56:59,159
is one of the main parts of it. So what

1145
00:56:59,199 --> 00:57:03,159
I like to do is I do's character development around

1146
00:57:03,159 --> 00:57:06,679
my shadow pieces. So my addiction has his own name

1147
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,400
and shape and face. He's a man, he's a gay man.

1148
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:12,519
His name's Richard. He thinks he's so fun and fabulous,

1149
00:57:12,519 --> 00:57:15,599
but he's a mess. So Richard lives inside of a

1150
00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:18,519
glasshouse inside my mind, and he kind of puts his

1151
00:57:18,599 --> 00:57:20,840
mouth up to the creases of the house and he'll

1152
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:23,440
scream let's have a drink, let's have some fun. And

1153
00:57:23,480 --> 00:57:26,840
I'm like, no, Richard, we don't drink anymore. And you know,

1154
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:29,639
I have to like have my highest self come in

1155
00:57:30,079 --> 00:57:33,840
and offer him compassion, because again, I can't kill him.

1156
00:57:34,199 --> 00:57:37,320
If I ignore him, he'll just get louder and louder

1157
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:40,400
and louder. And so I do all of this work

1158
00:57:40,639 --> 00:57:44,079
to compartmentalize myself so that I can see which part

1159
00:57:44,119 --> 00:57:46,519
of me is trying to communicate, which part is trying

1160
00:57:46,559 --> 00:57:48,480
to protect me. Why does it think it needs to

1161
00:57:48,519 --> 00:57:53,280
protect me? So you know, even my addiction splintered off

1162
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:56,159
into other addictions, right, Like I let go of substances,

1163
00:57:56,199 --> 00:57:58,880
and then all of my eating disorders came to the surface.

1164
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,199
And then I start to get my eating disorders under control,

1165
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:05,000
and then porn and masturbating addiction comes up, and then

1166
00:58:05,039 --> 00:58:09,400
codependency and then limerens person obsession, Oh, that one's my favorite.

1167
00:58:09,559 --> 00:58:11,559
I love getting obsessed with people who don't know that

1168
00:58:11,599 --> 00:58:16,960
I exist. Right, And so there's this whole array of

1169
00:58:17,039 --> 00:58:19,760
thing that's going on. My inner saboteur, my inner controller,

1170
00:58:19,880 --> 00:58:22,599
my inner critic, like all of this stuff is going

1171
00:58:22,639 --> 00:58:25,679
on inside of my world and my spirit wants to

1172
00:58:25,719 --> 00:58:30,159
experience all of it, because without that contrast, I don't

1173
00:58:30,239 --> 00:58:33,960
know how great it is to remember who I actually am.

1174
00:58:34,480 --> 00:58:37,280
If I don't have my addiction running the show for

1175
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:39,920
so many years in my life, how can I appreciate

1176
00:58:39,960 --> 00:58:42,000
God the way that I do today. I mean, maybe

1177
00:58:42,039 --> 00:58:44,679
I could have, but I wouldn't give my story back

1178
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:47,840
for anything. I mean lots of twists and turns, lots

1179
00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:52,119
of trauma, but now it's all centered in triumph. You know,

1180
00:58:52,199 --> 00:58:56,519
like the ability to overcome. The human spirit is so resilient,

1181
00:58:56,519 --> 00:58:58,679
and I know that if that's accessible to me, it's

1182
00:58:58,719 --> 00:58:59,559
accessible to.

1183
00:58:59,719 --> 00:59:02,400
Speaker 1: Every for you one, And that's the beautiful thing about

1184
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:05,000
your story Aboutty, is that you know you are an

1185
00:59:05,039 --> 00:59:12,400
extreme story. There's no question. Spanish Spanish novella who is

1186
00:59:12,519 --> 00:59:17,599
on some substances, the Spanish novella writer who's doing stuff,

1187
00:59:18,519 --> 00:59:22,199
There's no question. So you have such an intense story.

1188
00:59:22,239 --> 00:59:26,440
And this, this concept of worthiness is so powerful because

1189
00:59:26,480 --> 00:59:30,239
most of us don't believe we're worthy of anything, let

1190
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:34,079
alone love, let alone success, let alone you know, a

1191
00:59:34,079 --> 00:59:37,280
good partner, anything like that. So I've seen that that

1192
00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:40,280
is a common thread. It was for me for a

1193
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:42,920
long time. I still struggle with it. You know, I

1194
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:46,719
still struggle doing the show. I'm like, really me like,

1195
00:59:46,800 --> 00:59:51,239
I like, I still the programming is very ingrained in that.

1196
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:53,519
And I didn't have a tremendous amount of abuse when

1197
00:59:53,559 --> 00:59:55,679
I was a kid or anything like that that that

1198
00:59:55,760 --> 01:00:01,320
caused that. But but to overcome to overcome that in

1199
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:05,760
your life, and you are a shining example of that

1200
01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:08,800
for people who were like and not to say this

1201
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:12,039
in a bad way, like, well, she like you said it,

1202
01:00:12,119 --> 01:00:14,719
if she could do it, you know, I mean I

1203
01:00:14,760 --> 01:00:18,039
had a tough situation. But jeez man, Yeah, you're like

1204
01:00:18,119 --> 01:00:22,599
a not even a cautionary tale, because it's not a

1205
01:00:22,599 --> 01:00:26,280
cautionary tale. It's an example of what could happen, what

1206
01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:29,599
you could become, kind of like and don't take this

1207
01:00:29,679 --> 01:00:33,239
the wrong way, Jesus, please don't lay hands on me,

1208
01:00:34,639 --> 01:00:36,880
But the way Jesus was an example of all of us,

1209
01:00:37,159 --> 01:00:39,679
or any of these ascended masters were examples of what

1210
01:00:39,880 --> 01:00:43,480
we can become. We are all capable of it, but

1211
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:46,159
not all of them went the road you went on.

1212
01:00:46,599 --> 01:00:49,400
And it's a shining example of what a soul can

1213
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:50,239
do in this life.

1214
01:00:50,559 --> 01:00:55,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, we are meant to transform.

1215
01:00:55,159 --> 01:00:57,679
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor,

1216
01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:02,559
and now back to the show.

1217
01:01:04,719 --> 01:01:07,559
Speaker 2: I didn't know that I was. I thought that I

1218
01:01:07,599 --> 01:01:10,840
was meant to be an earth dwelling caterpillar my whole life,

1219
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:14,440
just this little dirty grub running through the mud. I

1220
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:17,760
didn't even know that you can become a butterfly. And

1221
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,639
I often think this about actual caterpillars. Do they know?

1222
01:01:20,960 --> 01:01:22,599
Do they know what they're going to be one day?

1223
01:01:23,039 --> 01:01:25,119
Are they meant to know? Is it supposed to be

1224
01:01:25,159 --> 01:01:31,559
a surprise? Because my transformation journey, my metamorphosis, has been

1225
01:01:31,800 --> 01:01:35,199
the most exciting thing in my life. And it continues,

1226
01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:39,239
it continues. I'm not done. I'm ever evolving, and I

1227
01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:42,360
have backslides. I'm not saying that like I'm perfect. I've

1228
01:01:42,400 --> 01:01:44,840
never used substances again, thank God. But like I said,

1229
01:01:44,880 --> 01:01:47,760
I have other behaviors and I'm not trying to pretend

1230
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:51,320
like I'm perfect. You know, I I'm only trying to

1231
01:01:51,320 --> 01:01:53,199
be I'm not trying to be better than anybody else.

1232
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:55,360
I'm only trying to be better than who I used

1233
01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:58,039
to be, and every day I have an opportunity to

1234
01:01:58,079 --> 01:01:58,840
do that.

1235
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:02,960
Speaker 1: That's very, very powerful. After this whole experience, Well, let

1236
01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:05,000
me ask you, did you because a lot of people

1237
01:02:05,159 --> 01:02:08,719
have near death experiences bring back some sort of abilities

1238
01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:12,880
or powers. And obviously you believe that for a moment

1239
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:18,159
there the subway, But did anything else during this awakening

1240
01:02:18,239 --> 01:02:21,159
open up other things? You know, I'm not saying you

1241
01:02:21,199 --> 01:02:23,199
see dead people, but is there anything else that you

1242
01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:24,199
kind of had to deal with?

1243
01:02:24,639 --> 01:02:27,880
Speaker 2: Yeah? So when I first had the awakening, I had

1244
01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:32,239
this ability to see people's energy, especially when they were lying,

1245
01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:35,760
like aura Like, I would see these spirals come out

1246
01:02:35,800 --> 01:02:38,360
of people's ears when they were telling a lie.

1247
01:02:38,840 --> 01:02:41,360
Speaker 1: That's very handy. Oh yeah, super handy.

1248
01:02:41,199 --> 01:02:43,880
Speaker 2: Right, except that I was going up to strangers on

1249
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:45,960
the street and I'm like, your husband's lying to you.

1250
01:02:46,079 --> 01:02:48,480
He's gay. You should divorce him and take your baby,

1251
01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:51,199
Like why not? A great parl You're not to please

1252
01:02:51,199 --> 01:02:55,159
stop doing this. And then after that I started to

1253
01:02:56,519 --> 01:02:59,239
understand that I have the to be I was able

1254
01:02:59,239 --> 01:03:01,920
to practice the art a bibliomancy, which is where you

1255
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:03,960
open up a book to a random page and it

1256
01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:06,599
feels like it speaks directly to you because it is

1257
01:03:06,639 --> 01:03:09,280
speaking directly to you. There's a word for it. Yes,

1258
01:03:10,000 --> 01:03:13,360
So I went to Walgreens after my experience and I

1259
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:15,559
stole a Bible because I wanted to learn about God,

1260
01:03:15,679 --> 01:03:18,199
and I was a thief. I probably could have went

1261
01:03:18,239 --> 01:03:20,679
to a church and just asked for you stop for

1262
01:03:20,719 --> 01:03:21,320
a second.

1263
01:03:21,519 --> 01:03:25,000
Speaker 1: I want everyone to understand this scenario. I want to

1264
01:03:25,079 --> 01:03:28,079
learn about God, so I'm going to steal a Bible,

1265
01:03:28,599 --> 01:03:33,599
the book that is given freely in every hotel. You

1266
01:03:33,639 --> 01:03:36,119
could just walk by a church and ask for a

1267
01:03:36,159 --> 01:03:38,119
Bible and they will give it to you. You still

1268
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:39,039
that's where you.

1269
01:03:39,000 --> 01:03:44,079
Speaker 2: Were, Yes, but you know what, I really a God

1270
01:03:44,199 --> 01:03:44,400
and I.

1271
01:03:44,480 --> 01:03:46,760
Speaker 1: Want to but I can't afford a Bible right, and

1272
01:03:46,840 --> 01:03:48,039
didn't think to ask for it.

1273
01:03:48,239 --> 01:03:50,760
Speaker 2: And it was so weird because there was a display

1274
01:03:51,039 --> 01:03:55,199
in the Walgreens of bibles. I've never seen that since

1275
01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:58,360
I've never seen that in what state? This is in

1276
01:03:58,440 --> 01:03:59,719
New York, New York?

1277
01:04:00,559 --> 01:04:04,599
Speaker 1: Bibles like in a Walgreens in New York. Not a Bible.

1278
01:04:04,800 --> 01:04:09,320
Speaker 2: I'm it was there for me to steal one, obviously.

1279
01:04:10,039 --> 01:04:14,000
So I opened up the Bible too, to a random page,

1280
01:04:14,039 --> 01:04:17,559
and the verse that came up was why worry about

1281
01:04:17,679 --> 01:04:19,920
a speck in your brother's eye when there's a log

1282
01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:22,519
in your own? So here I am. I'm trying to

1283
01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:24,920
lay hands on homeless drug addicts. When I got I

1284
01:04:24,920 --> 01:04:27,119
gotta lay those hands on myself. Okay, I gotta heal

1285
01:04:27,159 --> 01:04:30,440
some stuff in me, So that that part really stuck out.

1286
01:04:30,599 --> 01:04:33,199
Another verse that stuck out to me was I'm not

1287
01:04:33,199 --> 01:04:35,199
gonna be able to quote it verbatim, but something about

1288
01:04:35,199 --> 01:04:37,719
the birds don't want for anything, right, like, you don't

1289
01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:40,920
have to worry about shelter or food or clothing. God's

1290
01:04:41,119 --> 01:04:43,679
got you. I didn't believe that, but I kept opening

1291
01:04:43,719 --> 01:04:46,239
up the Bible to that page and I was like maybe.

1292
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:48,280
And then I found myself in that long term rehab

1293
01:04:48,320 --> 01:04:51,360
where I was clothed, I was fed, I had shelter,

1294
01:04:51,880 --> 01:04:54,159
and I just had a place to learn. I didn't

1295
01:04:54,159 --> 01:04:57,039
have to worry about rent or bills or working or anything.

1296
01:04:57,079 --> 01:05:00,199
I just had space to sit and learn. And that's

1297
01:05:00,239 --> 01:05:03,000
what I use that time for. But so those were

1298
01:05:03,039 --> 01:05:04,719
my gifts that I came back with. I also had

1299
01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:07,360
a little bit of synthesthesia, where all of my senses

1300
01:05:07,400 --> 01:05:11,559
were intertwined, so I could taste music like I could,

1301
01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:15,320
you know, I could see people's energy and everything was

1302
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:18,079
kind of mixed up. But I asked to have all

1303
01:05:18,119 --> 01:05:20,599
of that taken away because I was like, this is

1304
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:22,400
this is wacky, this is nuts.

1305
01:05:22,559 --> 01:05:23,519
Speaker 1: I can't I can't deal.

1306
01:05:23,800 --> 01:05:27,639
Speaker 2: I can't go from zero to infinity. I need something

1307
01:05:27,679 --> 01:05:29,320
in between. How am I supposed to be a human?

1308
01:05:29,400 --> 01:05:32,079
Speaker 1: I mean, I didn't want to know what? You can't

1309
01:05:32,119 --> 01:05:35,320
touch this taste, Like, I just really don't need that

1310
01:05:35,360 --> 01:05:39,199
in my life right now. It's interesting that you say that,

1311
01:05:39,320 --> 01:05:40,880
you like, I don't want any of this because I

1312
01:05:40,880 --> 01:05:43,480
have enough to do, let alone, to handle the pressure

1313
01:05:43,480 --> 01:05:46,079
of these abilities. And I know a lot of psychic

1314
01:05:46,119 --> 01:05:48,360
mediums and stuff they just they just put it away

1315
01:05:48,400 --> 01:05:50,519
because they can't. It's too much.

1316
01:05:50,599 --> 01:05:52,760
Speaker 2: It is a lot. And you know, my gifts show

1317
01:05:52,800 --> 01:05:56,000
up in different ways today. So I'm a master manifestor. Hello,

1318
01:05:56,079 --> 01:06:00,960
I manifested this experience, and I I use a law

1319
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:03,719
of attraction in my healing practice. And I'm able to

1320
01:06:03,719 --> 01:06:05,280
do that with the people that I get to work

1321
01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:08,000
with as well. Utilize the law of attraction, teach people

1322
01:06:08,000 --> 01:06:11,039
about it in a really digestible way. Again, like if

1323
01:06:11,079 --> 01:06:14,000
a homeless junkie can do this, you probably can too,

1324
01:06:14,599 --> 01:06:18,039
you know. And and you know, another one of my

1325
01:06:18,079 --> 01:06:20,960
gifts is bringing people together in community. Oh my god,

1326
01:06:21,000 --> 01:06:24,079
I love that being able to shepherd people to communities

1327
01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:28,079
to help them heal, or to make them feel accepted,

1328
01:06:28,239 --> 01:06:31,000
or to integrate an experience. So that's how my spiritual

1329
01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:31,920
gifts show up today.

1330
01:06:32,360 --> 01:06:34,800
Speaker 1: All of the stuff that you went through in those

1331
01:06:34,840 --> 01:06:39,159
first thirty five years, like in my own life, I

1332
01:06:39,159 --> 01:06:41,199
mean all the stuff that I went through in my

1333
01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:43,639
life in the film industry and all that kind of stuff.

1334
01:06:44,159 --> 01:06:46,519
I only recently discovered that it was prepping me for

1335
01:06:46,559 --> 01:06:49,440
what I'm doing now. I was very angry about that

1336
01:06:49,480 --> 01:06:52,320
when I was going through it. I'm assuming as you were,

1337
01:06:52,880 --> 01:06:55,079
but it prepped me for everything I'm doing right now.

1338
01:06:55,960 --> 01:06:58,280
Obviously your experience has prepped you for what you're doing.

1339
01:06:58,320 --> 01:07:01,559
But is there anything specific, any skills like you just

1340
01:07:01,559 --> 01:07:04,519
said community, Like, was there a moment in those thirty

1341
01:07:04,519 --> 01:07:08,480
five years you like, I love gatherings, Let's put some

1342
01:07:08,519 --> 01:07:09,159
people together.

1343
01:07:09,679 --> 01:07:11,440
Speaker 2: Only like stuff.

1344
01:07:14,760 --> 01:07:17,840
Speaker 1: You are the most fascinating your death experience I've ever seen,

1345
01:07:18,039 --> 01:07:21,400
I have to tell you, at least the most fun.

1346
01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:24,719
This has been a heck of a story, and I

1347
01:07:24,760 --> 01:07:26,159
feel like I've gone through this win.

1348
01:07:26,320 --> 01:07:28,920
Speaker 2: I'm glad. I'm glad, really, But it.

1349
01:07:28,800 --> 01:07:31,159
Speaker 1: Was there anything that you brought in like those skills? Like,

1350
01:07:31,519 --> 01:07:33,280
you know, as a junkie, I was able to do this,

1351
01:07:33,280 --> 01:07:35,440
this and this, and now it's really helping me in

1352
01:07:35,519 --> 01:07:36,920
this part of my life.

1353
01:07:37,559 --> 01:07:40,679
Speaker 2: I probably never said this on a podcast before, but honestly,

1354
01:07:40,760 --> 01:07:43,679
like being involved in sex work actually made me understand

1355
01:07:43,840 --> 01:07:46,840
human nature a lot. I mean, it really does. You know,

1356
01:07:46,880 --> 01:07:50,599
like people are innately hurt and wounded and they just

1357
01:07:50,679 --> 01:07:53,400
want somebody to talk to. It was like way less.

1358
01:07:53,440 --> 01:07:55,239
I mean, I was a hot mess, so it wasn't

1359
01:07:55,239 --> 01:07:57,480
even about that, you know. It was just like people

1360
01:07:57,559 --> 01:08:02,159
just want somebody to trust, to confide in. And it

1361
01:08:02,239 --> 01:08:04,599
really did set me up for being able to assist

1362
01:08:04,679 --> 01:08:07,880
people on their healing journeys today. I work with people

1363
01:08:07,920 --> 01:08:10,760
as a transformation coach, and it's really about holding space

1364
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:13,400
and that's really all that people need. They just need

1365
01:08:13,440 --> 01:08:18,920
a little bit of inspiration and an understanding just compassion.

1366
01:08:18,319 --> 01:08:18,520
Speaker 1: You know.

1367
01:08:18,640 --> 01:08:23,039
Speaker 2: But other than that, you know, really the foreshadowing from

1368
01:08:23,119 --> 01:08:28,159
my origin story is that I have dealt with the loss,

1369
01:08:28,239 --> 01:08:30,479
the intentional loss of my parents. I've been able to

1370
01:08:30,520 --> 01:08:35,560
assist people through similar loss like that, I have been

1371
01:08:35,600 --> 01:08:38,680
immersed in my own addiction. My whole job today is

1372
01:08:38,720 --> 01:08:41,199
self disclosure. I don't just work as a transformation coach.

1373
01:08:41,239 --> 01:08:43,319
I have a day job too, and I get to

1374
01:08:43,319 --> 01:08:46,000
work in the field. I have substance use disorder recovery,

1375
01:08:46,479 --> 01:08:49,079
and so I get to self disclose and I don't

1376
01:08:49,159 --> 01:08:50,680
share all of this, like they don't know that I

1377
01:08:50,720 --> 01:08:52,880
had on your death experience or anything. But I say, hey,

1378
01:08:52,960 --> 01:08:56,199
I overcame and if I can do it, you can too.

1379
01:08:56,439 --> 01:08:58,560
And that's a job that they pay me a salary

1380
01:08:58,600 --> 01:09:00,680
for what. That's crazier.

1381
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:04,560
Speaker 1: You're the bird, right, You're the bird. Everything's taken care of, Yody.

1382
01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:07,359
It's all those all has all fallen into place. It's

1383
01:09:07,399 --> 01:09:10,520
all fallen into place. Did you when you when you

1384
01:09:10,680 --> 01:09:13,880
had your whole awakening and during these seventeen months when

1385
01:09:13,920 --> 01:09:16,199
you came back out it doesn't I always ask like,

1386
01:09:16,239 --> 01:09:17,960
what you know? Did you come out of the closet?

1387
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:21,079
When did you start talking about this? When did you

1388
01:09:21,199 --> 01:09:23,840
start talking about it? Was there any apprehension about it?

1389
01:09:23,880 --> 01:09:27,640
Because it doesn't sound like you had a group of

1390
01:09:27,680 --> 01:09:30,560
friends that you were hanging on to, or even family

1391
01:09:30,640 --> 01:09:32,279
or anything like that that you were holding on to

1392
01:09:32,399 --> 01:09:35,560
a lot that you would be ashamed about say about

1393
01:09:35,600 --> 01:09:37,760
talking about near death experience. At this point that seems

1394
01:09:37,920 --> 01:09:41,560
in this storyline doesn't seem that out of whack. So

1395
01:09:41,680 --> 01:09:44,960
was there a moment that you came out of that

1396
01:09:45,000 --> 01:09:47,479
closet and start talking about it publicly on like shows

1397
01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:48,520
and everything?

1398
01:09:48,520 --> 01:09:51,199
Speaker 2: You're doing so well? I did share about it on

1399
01:09:51,239 --> 01:09:54,000
Instagram the next day, I was like, y'all did. But

1400
01:09:54,359 --> 01:09:59,319
after that, when I started to say the comprehensive story

1401
01:09:59,439 --> 01:10:03,600
that's come after years of integrating. The first time that

1402
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:07,199
I spoke about it was through IONS, the International Association

1403
01:10:07,319 --> 01:10:09,840
for Near Death Studies, which I actually I work part

1404
01:10:09,840 --> 01:10:13,760
time for them today. You know, I had all of

1405
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:18,159
this invisible help around me. I was constantly channeling archangels,

1406
01:10:18,159 --> 01:10:20,079
and I had all my spirit guides. My father's my

1407
01:10:20,159 --> 01:10:23,800
number one guide. He's always with me. I had conceptualized

1408
01:10:23,840 --> 01:10:26,880
a whole team, but none of them were actual physical people,

1409
01:10:26,920 --> 01:10:29,520
and I begged them when I left treatment, I said, please,

1410
01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:32,439
you have to manifest into physical people for me, because

1411
01:10:32,439 --> 01:10:35,239
I can't just live my life talking out into the air.

1412
01:10:35,319 --> 01:10:38,640
I need to have physical interaction. I'm here to be human.

1413
01:10:39,079 --> 01:10:41,600
And I had found all of these great spiritual communities.

1414
01:10:42,479 --> 01:10:44,920
I have of course in miracles community. I study the

1415
01:10:44,960 --> 01:10:47,880
Bahai faith. I belonged to a twelve step fellowship, but

1416
01:10:47,920 --> 01:10:50,840
I was missing this one part about this spiritual experience,

1417
01:10:50,880 --> 01:10:52,920
which I still actually didn't know what it was.

1418
01:10:54,800 --> 01:10:57,279
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor.

1419
01:11:00,920 --> 01:11:03,439
And now back to the show.

1420
01:11:04,359 --> 01:11:08,159
Speaker 2: And I was watching Netflix and the Surviving Death docuseries

1421
01:11:08,239 --> 01:11:11,079
popped up, and the first episodes about in your death experiences,

1422
01:11:11,439 --> 01:11:14,359
and I heard doctor Mary Neil share about her experience

1423
01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:19,399
and I was floored and I couldn't believe it. I said,

1424
01:11:19,399 --> 01:11:22,000
oh my god, that's what happened to me. And they

1425
01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:25,560
were at an Iron's conference in the episode, and so

1426
01:11:25,640 --> 01:11:27,359
I googled it and I found out that they had

1427
01:11:27,399 --> 01:11:30,760
sharing groups online, and so I went into these sharing

1428
01:11:30,800 --> 01:11:33,319
groups and I listened to these people talk, and they

1429
01:11:33,359 --> 01:11:35,920
had all this language, and they were sharing their stories

1430
01:11:35,960 --> 01:11:39,119
so comprehensively, and I thought, could that ever be me?

1431
01:11:39,319 --> 01:11:40,920
Am I ever going to be able to share this

1432
01:11:41,000 --> 01:11:43,800
story and have it make sense? And then people were

1433
01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:47,199
saying that they had their experiences twenty years ago, and

1434
01:11:47,239 --> 01:11:48,960
I would come off me and be like, you're still

1435
01:11:48,960 --> 01:11:51,039
not back in heaven? Wait are you saying that I

1436
01:11:51,039 --> 01:11:53,479
have to stay here for twenty more years? Because I

1437
01:11:53,600 --> 01:11:56,600
just thought The whole thing was to get back to Heaven.

1438
01:11:56,760 --> 01:11:59,119
So every time that I reached a milestone, I would

1439
01:11:59,119 --> 01:12:01,399
cry out to God, Hey, God, I haven't used drugs

1440
01:12:01,439 --> 01:12:03,159
in one year. Are you coming back to get me yet?

1441
01:12:03,159 --> 01:12:03,239
Speaker 1: Like?

1442
01:12:03,359 --> 01:12:06,119
Speaker 2: Is the space ship coming? Like what's happening? I'm still here?

1443
01:12:07,079 --> 01:12:11,119
And you know, through that community, I realized that it's

1444
01:12:11,119 --> 01:12:14,079
not about going back to Heaven, it's about bringing Heaven here.

1445
01:12:14,680 --> 01:12:16,600
And so every day I have an opportunity to do

1446
01:12:16,640 --> 01:12:19,960
that in connection with other people, that feels like Heaven

1447
01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:20,239
to me.

1448
01:12:21,279 --> 01:12:22,560
Speaker 1: Do you fear death anymore?

1449
01:12:22,800 --> 01:12:24,760
Speaker 2: Definitely not. I won't say that I welcome it, but

1450
01:12:24,800 --> 01:12:25,840
whenever you're ready.

1451
01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:29,600
Speaker 1: As I always say, everyone wants to go to heaven,

1452
01:12:29,600 --> 01:12:30,319
but just not right now.

1453
01:12:30,479 --> 01:12:34,079
Speaker 2: Yeah. You know, I'm actually really enjoying my Earth experience

1454
01:12:34,159 --> 01:12:36,560
today because I've come out on the other side of it.

1455
01:12:37,319 --> 01:12:40,479
Speaker 1: This is the fun part. Yes, they said, just like.

1456
01:12:40,439 --> 01:12:42,119
Speaker 2: They said, Like they said, I didn't trust them, but

1457
01:12:42,159 --> 01:12:44,399
I do now, and I would even come back to Earth.

1458
01:12:44,479 --> 01:12:46,800
Most experiences say that they will never come back here,

1459
01:12:46,840 --> 01:12:49,479
but at this point in my life, I am enjoying

1460
01:12:49,520 --> 01:12:52,199
it so much. I would definitely come back here again.

1461
01:12:52,439 --> 01:12:54,600
Speaker 1: Can't. So just I want to dig into that just

1462
01:12:54,600 --> 01:12:56,800
for a second, so I wouldn't want to come back

1463
01:12:56,800 --> 01:12:58,640
here is the definition. And I know a lot of

1464
01:12:58,640 --> 01:13:01,239
people listening right now, I'm definitely not coming back here

1465
01:13:01,239 --> 01:13:03,640
because I've gone through this, this, this, and this. Hopefully

1466
01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:05,920
this story kind of shines a light on their own

1467
01:13:05,960 --> 01:13:08,760
experience and going, well, if she went through all of that,

1468
01:13:09,279 --> 01:13:13,479
which is an extreme. But on this other side, as

1469
01:13:13,479 --> 01:13:16,039
the soul, when you saw the pre birthing, the pre

1470
01:13:16,079 --> 01:13:21,640
birth experience, and you were in the spiritual supermarket supermarket sweeps,

1471
01:13:21,640 --> 01:13:25,560
such a generational like your supermarket sweeps and you're pulling

1472
01:13:25,640 --> 01:13:29,720
out the cereal boxes full of experiences, there seemed to

1473
01:13:29,800 --> 01:13:33,560
be a sense of giddiness on the other side, like,

1474
01:13:33,680 --> 01:13:35,680
oh my god, I'm going on a rod. It's kind

1475
01:13:35,720 --> 01:13:37,159
of like right before you go on a ride at

1476
01:13:37,159 --> 01:13:39,600
Disney World, like you like you've never been on Space

1477
01:13:39,640 --> 01:13:42,439
Mountain or you've never been on you know, Tron or

1478
01:13:42,439 --> 01:13:44,319
something like that, and you're about to go on and

1479
01:13:44,319 --> 01:13:47,279
there's that anticipation like I can't wait to see what's

1480
01:13:47,319 --> 01:13:51,560
going to happen in this ride, which from a soul's

1481
01:13:51,600 --> 01:13:54,640
perspective makes all the sense in the world. But from

1482
01:13:55,439 --> 01:13:58,279
this perspective, You're like, why would I want to go

1483
01:13:58,359 --> 01:14:01,159
through what you went through? Why would I want to

1484
01:14:01,199 --> 01:14:05,680
do that? So can you explain to people the feeling

1485
01:14:05,880 --> 01:14:09,359
of it's such a gift to come down here and

1486
01:14:09,399 --> 01:14:13,439
to experience contrast. That's the big thing, is experience contrast

1487
01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:18,079
because some people, you know, everyone everyone, No one gets

1488
01:14:18,079 --> 01:14:22,800
out of here without some scarring, some shrapnel, every human

1489
01:14:22,800 --> 01:14:26,359
being because we come That's just the nature of this reality.

1490
01:14:27,079 --> 01:14:30,239
It's going to be a tough fight. Generally speaking. Even

1491
01:14:30,239 --> 01:14:33,680
if you're born into a billionaire family and all, you're

1492
01:14:33,760 --> 01:14:35,520
still going to have some stuff to have to deal

1493
01:14:35,560 --> 01:14:38,840
with something, no matter what you might if you're in

1494
01:14:38,920 --> 01:14:41,720
a billionaire you might show up in a nicer style

1495
01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:44,359
suit and car, but you're still going to be dealing

1496
01:14:44,399 --> 01:14:47,640
with some crap. So can you explain to people why

1497
01:14:47,760 --> 01:14:51,920
you would want to not do it once for potentially

1498
01:14:52,000 --> 01:14:55,000
thousands of times? And we are only talking about Earth.

1499
01:14:55,359 --> 01:14:58,039
Let's not even discuss the rest of this universe, which

1500
01:14:58,039 --> 01:15:01,479
is fairly large and other experiences that are not Earth.

1501
01:15:01,520 --> 01:15:03,279
But I hear that this is one of the tougher ones.

1502
01:15:03,439 --> 01:15:09,039
Speaker 2: Yeah, so Heaven is boring, Okay, It says Snoozeville. There's

1503
01:15:09,119 --> 01:15:13,159
only one thing happening. It's unconditional love, which is cool,

1504
01:15:13,199 --> 01:15:17,039
I guess, but like, how can you appreciate love unless

1505
01:15:17,079 --> 01:15:23,079
you understand suffering, unless you understand duality. So I really

1506
01:15:23,119 --> 01:15:26,760
honestly think that we're all totally jaded up there in heaven.

1507
01:15:26,840 --> 01:15:29,800
We're like God, the Father whatever, Like I'm.

1508
01:15:29,680 --> 01:15:34,000
Speaker 1: So over this, Like you're a valley girl from the say.

1509
01:15:34,439 --> 01:15:37,000
Speaker 2: That's how I see myself and I have like long

1510
01:15:37,960 --> 01:15:41,880
as if God. Yeah, like my heavenly Father is so annoying.

1511
01:15:41,920 --> 01:15:44,720
He's like all over me with his love. Yuck. So

1512
01:15:45,000 --> 01:15:47,439
down to earth and see what's going on down there.

1513
01:15:47,960 --> 01:15:50,439
I heard that place is a dumpster fire. Let's do it.

1514
01:15:50,520 --> 01:15:54,319
Speaker 1: Let's do this, Let's do this. New York that sounds fun.

1515
01:15:57,720 --> 01:16:00,199
Speaker 2: Let me tell you, living in New York is The's

1516
01:16:00,199 --> 01:16:03,119
an amazing part of my human experience because I can

1517
01:16:03,159 --> 01:16:06,439
experience a wide range of things in one city block.

1518
01:16:07,000 --> 01:16:11,279
I can watch a homeless person defecating, a millionaire coming

1519
01:16:11,279 --> 01:16:14,199
out of a Porsche, a family pushing their new baby

1520
01:16:14,239 --> 01:16:19,319
in a stroller, all in the same block. It's incredible.

1521
01:16:19,800 --> 01:16:23,520
Chinese feet, yes, yes it is. It's insane, and you know,

1522
01:16:23,720 --> 01:16:26,560
for me, it really helps me to keep in mind

1523
01:16:26,680 --> 01:16:29,640
that I'm inside of a dream and that everybody has

1524
01:16:29,680 --> 01:16:32,920
autonomy inside the stream, and that's where the pre birth

1525
01:16:33,000 --> 01:16:35,800
planning thing really comes into play for me. You know,

1526
01:16:36,119 --> 01:16:38,039
maybe I want to go out and fix, manage and

1527
01:16:38,079 --> 01:16:40,920
control and fix the outcome to everything going on. But

1528
01:16:40,960 --> 01:16:43,680
I don't know what that person's soul's plan is. Maybe

1529
01:16:43,720 --> 01:16:46,239
it's their plan to be in that place right now.

1530
01:16:46,560 --> 01:16:49,680
Maybe they're not meant for transformation in this moment. It's

1531
01:16:49,680 --> 01:16:52,760
not up to me to decide. I'm not the decider

1532
01:16:52,840 --> 01:16:55,159
of those things. This is not my dream. This is

1533
01:16:55,159 --> 01:16:58,479
a collective dream that we're having. So I think that

1534
01:16:58,560 --> 01:17:01,720
when it comes to experience ceriencing the duel of everything,

1535
01:17:02,600 --> 01:17:05,039
you know, it's just it's for fun. It's supposed to

1536
01:17:05,079 --> 01:17:08,079
be fun. Now, when challenging things happened to me, I

1537
01:17:08,640 --> 01:17:10,720
just kind of laugh at my team and I'm like,

1538
01:17:10,880 --> 01:17:13,640
didn't I already learn enough lessons? Can I just have

1539
01:17:13,760 --> 01:17:15,840
like this super easy part of the game now, Like

1540
01:17:15,880 --> 01:17:17,760
I don't want to learn anything challenging anymore.

1541
01:17:18,880 --> 01:17:21,239
Speaker 1: And they're going, no, no, no, you got a little

1542
01:17:21,279 --> 01:17:24,760
bit left. If not, why are you here? Right? But

1543
01:17:24,920 --> 01:17:28,359
it's It's interesting that, like your life, the first part

1544
01:17:28,359 --> 01:17:31,279
of it was extremely difficult and this now next chapter

1545
01:17:31,399 --> 01:17:34,439
of it, you know, is a dream.

1546
01:17:35,000 --> 01:17:35,319
Speaker 2: It is.

1547
01:17:35,479 --> 01:17:37,199
Speaker 1: It worked, it took work to get there, but it

1548
01:17:37,199 --> 01:17:37,640
was a dream.

1549
01:17:37,680 --> 01:17:39,760
Speaker 2: Now it is. And you know what, I'll just share

1550
01:17:39,840 --> 01:17:44,680
this success is very uncomfortable for me, and my inner

1551
01:17:44,720 --> 01:17:48,319
saboteur comes in to protect me. And you know, it

1552
01:17:48,359 --> 01:17:50,720
came up with like sugar addiction, I haven't had. I

1553
01:17:50,760 --> 01:17:52,680
haven't eaten sugar in a year and a half, go me,

1554
01:17:53,680 --> 01:17:55,960
But that was a way that I was sedating myself

1555
01:17:56,000 --> 01:17:59,840
through the success of this journey, like finding a wonderful partner,

1556
01:18:00,079 --> 01:18:05,680
getting a career, speaking places, connecting with conscious community, all

1557
01:18:05,720 --> 01:18:09,640
of my dreams coming to fruition. My internal world is

1558
01:18:09,720 --> 01:18:14,640
like no girl, like failure, rejection, we know that, Like

1559
01:18:14,760 --> 01:18:18,560
we're very comfortable there, success, joy, elation, We don't know

1560
01:18:18,600 --> 01:18:22,079
those things. This is all really uncomfortable and weird, and

1561
01:18:22,640 --> 01:18:26,920
you know, like we grow inside of the discomfort of life.

1562
01:18:26,960 --> 01:18:29,600
And so for me getting to this point in my life,

1563
01:18:29,920 --> 01:18:32,880
it's not like, Yay, everything's awesome, Like I still have

1564
01:18:33,000 --> 01:18:35,479
a lot of patterns that are you know, in the

1565
01:18:35,520 --> 01:18:38,319
process of being reprogrammed. I have to be really vigilant

1566
01:18:38,359 --> 01:18:42,119
about my spiritual practices to make sure that I'm connected

1567
01:18:42,199 --> 01:18:43,399
while all of us is going.

1568
01:18:43,239 --> 01:18:45,880
Speaker 1: On, because it sounds like you're you could have easily

1569
01:18:45,880 --> 01:18:47,479
self sabotaged, and you probably did.

1570
01:18:47,520 --> 01:18:52,159
Speaker 2: Oh I have absolutely Yeah when success started coming in, Yes, absolutely.

1571
01:18:52,439 --> 01:18:54,680
Speaker 1: That's why a lot of the people who in lotteries they.

1572
01:18:54,560 --> 01:18:56,960
Speaker 2: Don't write, they really can't handle that.

1573
01:18:57,600 --> 01:19:01,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, if they've never had that kind of energy in.

1574
01:19:01,520 --> 01:19:03,600
Speaker 2: Their life, because like for me, it was zero to

1575
01:19:03,680 --> 01:19:07,760
one hundred. There was no like slow gradual coming into this.

1576
01:19:07,840 --> 01:19:12,880
It was like a sleep violently awake, like alarm clocks blaring,

1577
01:19:13,039 --> 01:19:15,520
buckets of ice water being thrown on your head. It

1578
01:19:15,600 --> 01:19:18,199
was a lot and so there was no space for

1579
01:19:18,239 --> 01:19:22,159
me to ease into what success looks like or what

1580
01:19:22,239 --> 01:19:22,960
joy looks like.

1581
01:19:23,720 --> 01:19:27,560
Speaker 1: Can you talk to the people watching right now who

1582
01:19:27,600 --> 01:19:32,880
are losing someone or about to lose someone from old

1583
01:19:32,920 --> 01:19:36,560
age disease something like that, or have lost someone and

1584
01:19:36,600 --> 01:19:40,359
they were maybe in the atheist camp or didn't have

1585
01:19:40,560 --> 01:19:42,960
a strong belief or you'd think, I just want to

1586
01:19:42,960 --> 01:19:45,319
make sure that Grandma Nana is Nana's going to be

1587
01:19:45,359 --> 01:19:47,920
okay kind of thing. Because if people fine and you

1588
01:19:48,000 --> 01:19:50,439
know this. When people look for these kind of shows,

1589
01:19:50,479 --> 01:19:53,640
in these kind of episodes, it's because they're looking for answers.

1590
01:19:54,039 --> 01:19:57,039
They want to make sure that their loved ones are okay,

1591
01:19:57,680 --> 01:20:00,359
and so it's a message to them, but also to

1592
01:20:00,399 --> 01:20:03,159
people maybe someone who is going through the death process

1593
01:20:03,239 --> 01:20:07,119
right now and is concerned, like like I forgot someone

1594
01:20:07,199 --> 01:20:10,239
you said that that was scared about what was going

1595
01:20:10,279 --> 01:20:13,079
to be on the other side. What do you think?

1596
01:20:13,079 --> 01:20:14,319
What would that be a message for me?

1597
01:20:14,600 --> 01:20:17,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, maybe I'll take away my Heaven is boring

1598
01:20:17,439 --> 01:20:19,720
statement and just to go there.

1599
01:20:20,159 --> 01:20:23,359
Speaker 1: I mean it's super cool, it's really cool, but I mean,

1600
01:20:23,720 --> 01:20:26,039
how long where can I find good Chinese food up there?

1601
01:20:26,119 --> 01:20:31,880
Speaker 2: It's not I mean, heaven is beautiful. The sense of

1602
01:20:32,279 --> 01:20:35,479
reunion that was what I felt in the light, not

1603
01:20:35,600 --> 01:20:37,560
home like where all your stuff is, Like there's no

1604
01:20:37,760 --> 01:20:41,960
words to describe this sense of reunion and bliss and

1605
01:20:42,159 --> 01:20:47,239
joy and connection and safety like so unbelievably safe. It's

1606
01:20:47,239 --> 01:20:50,680
a beautiful place. And I do believe that we all

1607
01:20:50,760 --> 01:20:53,880
go there, like there is no such thing as condemnation.

1608
01:20:54,119 --> 01:20:58,520
If I made it there, everybody's making it there. But

1609
01:20:58,600 --> 01:21:00,720
I also don't think that that's like a ask to get

1610
01:21:00,760 --> 01:21:03,800
out of the Earth experience. You're here to learn things,

1611
01:21:04,239 --> 01:21:07,000
and if you don't learn your lessons, I believe that

1612
01:21:07,039 --> 01:21:09,640
you just come back and you have those classes that

1613
01:21:09,680 --> 01:21:10,640
you still have to take.

1614
01:21:12,439 --> 01:21:14,960
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor,

1615
01:21:18,560 --> 01:21:19,840
and now back to the show.

1616
01:21:22,079 --> 01:21:25,760
Speaker 2: So, you know, I think that there's so much there's

1617
01:21:25,800 --> 01:21:28,800
so much hope. There is definitely life after life. I

1618
01:21:28,840 --> 01:21:32,880
absolutely know that with one hundred percent certainty. But Earth

1619
01:21:32,920 --> 01:21:34,960
is actually really cool too. I find that, you know,

1620
01:21:35,000 --> 01:21:38,600
I host a podcast for ions and a lot of

1621
01:21:38,640 --> 01:21:42,880
people who listen to the podcast that are maybe contemplating

1622
01:21:43,479 --> 01:21:47,760
leaving Earth on their own exit point. And you know,

1623
01:21:47,920 --> 01:21:51,319
this is not Again, I don't believe in condemnation, but

1624
01:21:51,359 --> 01:21:53,439
I also don't believe that you get to just like

1625
01:21:53,560 --> 01:21:56,000
drop out of college and like don't get your degree.

1626
01:21:56,159 --> 01:21:56,960
Speaker 1: You know you're going back in.

1627
01:21:57,039 --> 01:21:59,279
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, you have to finish. You never like signed

1628
01:21:59,319 --> 01:22:03,119
up on this one, exactly, you gotta go.

1629
01:22:03,159 --> 01:22:04,439
Speaker 1: You signed up for the PhD. Yes.

1630
01:22:05,039 --> 01:22:07,840
Speaker 2: I when I first came into spiritual awareness, I would

1631
01:22:07,840 --> 01:22:10,239
hear people say Earth is the most advanced, It's the

1632
01:22:10,279 --> 01:22:12,920
Ivy League of all the spiritual schools, And I was like,

1633
01:22:13,039 --> 01:22:15,079
is it or is it the place for bad kids

1634
01:22:15,079 --> 01:22:20,239
and pregnant teenagers because I'm sorry, I think maybe maybe

1635
01:22:20,279 --> 01:22:21,399
I'm in bad school.

1636
01:22:21,560 --> 01:22:24,640
Speaker 1: Well, if you go on social media, definitely, yeah, there's

1637
01:22:24,640 --> 01:22:27,199
no question, but so go ahead.

1638
01:22:27,880 --> 01:22:29,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just I want to say that there is

1639
01:22:29,640 --> 01:22:31,560
a lot of hope. So if you're getting ready to

1640
01:22:31,600 --> 01:22:35,520
cross over, or you've recently lost someone there with you,

1641
01:22:35,520 --> 01:22:37,560
you have access to them. Like I said, my dad

1642
01:22:37,640 --> 01:22:40,119
is my number one spirit guide. He's always with me,

1643
01:22:40,840 --> 01:22:44,119
and I have that innate knowing and that's not individual

1644
01:22:44,159 --> 01:22:46,319
to just me. We can all access our loved ones

1645
01:22:46,359 --> 01:22:48,800
ask them for a sign. I wasn't sure if I

1646
01:22:48,840 --> 01:22:51,399
was going crazy, if I was schizophrenic, or if I

1647
01:22:51,439 --> 01:22:54,680
was actually having these spiritual experiences. And I felt my

1648
01:22:54,800 --> 01:22:57,800
dad so closely to me, and I said, Dad, listen,

1649
01:22:57,920 --> 01:22:59,880
I think I'm losing my mind. If it's really you,

1650
01:23:00,760 --> 01:23:03,319
send me a sign. And the first image that popped

1651
01:23:03,319 --> 01:23:05,760
into my head with a fox said okay, Dad, send

1652
01:23:05,800 --> 01:23:07,840
me a fox if it's you. The next day, I

1653
01:23:07,840 --> 01:23:10,479
went to TJ Max and you know that story. It's

1654
01:23:10,520 --> 01:23:12,239
like a bomb went off in there. It's like God

1655
01:23:12,800 --> 01:23:17,239
Marshall's Ross forks in the underwear section. There's shoes in

1656
01:23:17,560 --> 01:23:20,600
the home. It's like it's nuts and there. It's totally chaotic.

1657
01:23:20,640 --> 01:23:22,560
Your eyes can't focus on one thing because there's just

1658
01:23:22,560 --> 01:23:24,840
so much going on right And so I'm in line

1659
01:23:24,960 --> 01:23:27,079
with my arms full of garbage that I don't need,

1660
01:23:27,119 --> 01:23:29,600
getting ready to pay for it. And on the end

1661
01:23:29,600 --> 01:23:33,000
cap where all the discarded items are, there's a book

1662
01:23:33,439 --> 01:23:36,800
and it says amazing Dads, and there was a picture

1663
01:23:36,840 --> 01:23:40,279
of a daddy fox and a baby fox, and I

1664
01:23:40,920 --> 01:23:43,159
just knew that was him, and that was the confirmation

1665
01:23:43,239 --> 01:23:45,479
that I needed. So I would say that if you

1666
01:23:45,600 --> 01:23:48,159
just recently lost somebody, ask them for a sign, and

1667
01:23:48,279 --> 01:23:50,239
I look forward to hearing the cool story about how

1668
01:23:50,239 --> 01:23:52,479
that sign came to fruition, because it definitely will.

1669
01:23:52,760 --> 01:23:55,159
Speaker 1: When you were saying that story, and at the end

1670
01:23:55,199 --> 01:23:57,600
of the line, I'm like, is it a display of Bibles?

1671
01:23:59,239 --> 01:24:00,439
And did you steal an another one?

1672
01:24:00,479 --> 01:24:06,840
Speaker 2: Not hilarious, So let me ask I'm gonna ask you

1673
01:24:06,880 --> 01:24:07,479
a few questions.

1674
01:24:07,479 --> 01:24:10,720
Speaker 1: Ask all my guests, what is your definition of living

1675
01:24:10,800 --> 01:24:11,680
a fulfilled life?

1676
01:24:13,199 --> 01:24:18,479
Speaker 2: Living a fulfilled life is just about experience. It means

1677
01:24:18,560 --> 01:24:21,399
all the experience, good, bad, and indifferent. I want to

1678
01:24:21,439 --> 01:24:24,279
experience all of it that is fulfilling to me. And

1679
01:24:24,399 --> 01:24:26,920
being of service. Oh my god, I'm a service junkie.

1680
01:24:27,000 --> 01:24:28,560
Now that's my new drug of choice.

1681
01:24:28,880 --> 01:24:30,520
Speaker 1: That's a good one to do. Yeah, I'm a good

1682
01:24:30,560 --> 01:24:34,119
one to an extent. You can't go over with all

1683
01:24:34,159 --> 01:24:36,840
the goodness. There's balance. It has to be a balance

1684
01:24:36,880 --> 01:24:40,079
for everything. But yeah, service is such a powerful thing,

1685
01:24:40,600 --> 01:24:42,479
and people don't understand, like a lot of people who

1686
01:24:42,520 --> 01:24:46,039
don't provide a service for people outside of themselves for

1687
01:24:46,079 --> 01:24:49,159
no other reason other than just to be kind. It's

1688
01:24:49,199 --> 01:24:53,279
the greatest drug in my opinion, Like you feel, it's

1689
01:24:53,279 --> 01:24:55,560
a chemical that gets released in your system when you

1690
01:24:55,720 --> 01:25:01,159
are kind. I think that's from from our our evolution

1691
01:25:01,680 --> 01:25:04,640
as a species, because we're the only way we survive

1692
01:25:04,760 --> 01:25:07,920
is to be collaborative, to be helpful, because if we can't,

1693
01:25:08,439 --> 01:25:12,079
those bears are much stronger than us. I say, there's

1694
01:25:12,159 --> 01:25:14,640
so much stronger than us, and we're pretty weak. We're

1695
01:25:14,680 --> 01:25:17,199
pretty you know, not really built for this planet.

1696
01:25:17,520 --> 01:25:18,039
Speaker 2: So true.

1697
01:25:18,119 --> 01:25:19,640
Speaker 1: So the only thing that gets us going is this

1698
01:25:19,720 --> 01:25:20,600
and helping each.

1699
01:25:20,479 --> 01:25:22,760
Speaker 2: Other, yes, and being of service. That doesn't have to

1700
01:25:22,840 --> 01:25:25,720
be some grand act where you donate thousands of dollars

1701
01:25:25,760 --> 01:25:27,680
to a cause. It could just be holding the door

1702
01:25:27,720 --> 01:25:32,239
open for a stranger. We're paying somebody a compliment or

1703
01:25:32,279 --> 01:25:34,880
accepting a compliment. That's also an active service.

1704
01:25:34,960 --> 01:25:35,880
Speaker 1: Also very difficult.

1705
01:25:35,920 --> 01:25:37,520
Speaker 2: Yes, that's the hard one.

1706
01:25:38,119 --> 01:25:39,680
Speaker 1: If you had a chance to go back in time,

1707
01:25:39,920 --> 01:25:43,279
got into the Dolorean with Marty, went back in time

1708
01:25:43,359 --> 01:25:46,119
and cut to speak to little Betty. What advice would

1709
01:25:46,159 --> 01:25:46,560
you give her?

1710
01:25:47,000 --> 01:25:51,039
Speaker 2: Oh, to hold on for dear life. For dear life, girl,

1711
01:25:51,239 --> 01:25:53,079
it's going to get real bad and then it's going

1712
01:25:53,159 --> 01:25:56,359
to get real awesome. And you are worthy of all

1713
01:25:56,439 --> 01:25:58,520
the love in the universe. That's what I would tell her.

1714
01:25:58,840 --> 01:26:01,720
Speaker 1: That's another T shirt that is such a great deal.

1715
01:26:02,479 --> 01:26:04,119
How do you define God or source?

1716
01:26:04,720 --> 01:26:09,199
Speaker 2: There is no definition for God. You know. The source

1717
01:26:09,279 --> 01:26:11,880
is all that is as a piece of energy. I'm

1718
01:26:11,920 --> 01:26:15,079
sparked from a source of energy. That's my conception of God.

1719
01:26:15,960 --> 01:26:22,439
And it's unconditional love, it's safety, it's security, it's all

1720
01:26:22,479 --> 01:26:26,439
of these amazing feelings of peace and serenity. That's how

1721
01:26:26,479 --> 01:26:29,840
I conceptualize God. So when I'm praying, I'm praying to

1722
01:26:30,439 --> 01:26:34,600
those attributes. And God is not a form or a gender,

1723
01:26:35,000 --> 01:26:39,319
or race or class in my mind, just this effervescent

1724
01:26:39,479 --> 01:26:42,239
ball of unconditional love that I'm sparked from.

1725
01:26:42,920 --> 01:26:43,520
Speaker 1: What is love?

1726
01:26:44,439 --> 01:26:51,520
Speaker 2: Ew love is so indescribable, right, love is you know

1727
01:26:51,880 --> 01:26:55,479
on earth? Obviously, like we romanticize the idea of love.

1728
01:26:55,520 --> 01:26:58,039
We think about a romantic partner or even a parent

1729
01:26:58,119 --> 01:27:01,960
child relationship, like there's for special relationships of course in

1730
01:27:02,039 --> 01:27:05,680
miracles would call it. But a holy relationship is where

1731
01:27:05,760 --> 01:27:10,439
love can really thrive and be experienced because it's love

1732
01:27:10,520 --> 01:27:14,039
without condition. My whole life, I was under the impression

1733
01:27:14,039 --> 01:27:17,640
that love is transactional, that I have to do something

1734
01:27:17,680 --> 01:27:20,359
in order to be worthy of love, whether it's get

1735
01:27:20,359 --> 01:27:23,079
good grades or clean my room or be a good

1736
01:27:23,119 --> 01:27:26,319
spouse or whatever it looks like. Today, I have this

1737
01:27:26,479 --> 01:27:31,119
concept of unconditional love that means without conditions, that it's

1738
01:27:31,159 --> 01:27:34,840
accessible to me. Again, the feeling of safety, security, connection,

1739
01:27:35,119 --> 01:27:37,760
all of those things encapsulate the idea of love for me.

1740
01:27:39,319 --> 01:27:42,640
Speaker 1: If you could ask God one question, what question would

1741
01:27:42,720 --> 01:27:43,039
that be.

1742
01:27:43,359 --> 01:27:48,199
Speaker 2: Do you like my hair? I'm not going to bother

1743
01:27:48,399 --> 01:27:49,800
God with any question.

1744
01:27:50,039 --> 01:27:51,680
Speaker 1: He's going to be like, I heard what you said,

1745
01:27:52,319 --> 01:27:56,840
Oh my God, my father, Yeah, so much love, that's it.

1746
01:27:58,399 --> 01:28:00,640
I don't know. It's my kids. The same thing, like

1747
01:28:01,359 --> 01:28:03,359
my wife and I literally say that, like, I'm sorry.

1748
01:28:03,359 --> 01:28:06,359
We love you so much. You know, as we dropped

1749
01:28:06,359 --> 01:28:07,680
them off to school, we opened the window.

1750
01:28:08,119 --> 01:28:09,159
Speaker 2: We love you.

1751
01:28:09,399 --> 01:28:11,920
Speaker 1: They just want to die and it's the best feeling.

1752
01:28:12,159 --> 01:28:15,600
Speaker 2: Yes, all of us are like these nihilistic teenagers here

1753
01:28:15,640 --> 01:28:18,920
on earth. Yes we are so email. Yeah, we really are.

1754
01:28:19,319 --> 01:28:24,920
Speaker 1: Listen to a lot of the of the clash and

1755
01:28:24,920 --> 01:28:27,479
and uh, what is the ultimate purpose of life?

1756
01:28:28,119 --> 01:28:32,960
Speaker 2: To experience, To experience everything that life has to offer.

1757
01:28:33,399 --> 01:28:40,479
That means experience heartbreak, experience grief, experience love, experience connection,

1758
01:28:40,840 --> 01:28:45,319
experience everything. That is the meaning of life. We come

1759
01:28:45,359 --> 01:28:48,439
here to forget so that we can remember, because it's

1760
01:28:48,439 --> 01:28:52,840
in the remembrance that that is that's the bliss is remembering.

1761
01:28:53,279 --> 01:28:55,319
Can you believe that, like we think that we're human?

1762
01:28:55,840 --> 01:28:59,279
Speaker 1: It's ridiculous crazy. And as you said, as you said,

1763
01:28:59,319 --> 01:29:02,000
like experience is everything. I just the first thing that

1764
01:29:02,039 --> 01:29:04,520
popped into my hand was like, but everything everywhere, all

1765
01:29:04,560 --> 01:29:04,960
at once.

1766
01:29:05,199 --> 01:29:07,239
Speaker 2: That's exactly how your story goes.

1767
01:29:09,199 --> 01:29:12,640
Speaker 1: You just all of the cereal boxes, all the cereal

1768
01:29:12,640 --> 01:29:15,520
boxes went into your bag. Where can people find out

1769
01:29:15,520 --> 01:29:17,000
more about you and the amazing work you're doing in

1770
01:29:17,000 --> 01:29:17,319
the world.

1771
01:29:17,399 --> 01:29:20,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm on all social media. My handle on everything

1772
01:29:20,600 --> 01:29:22,960
is Buddha Betty. It's a play on words. I'm not

1773
01:29:23,000 --> 01:29:25,680
actually a booty, but I'm not actually a Buddha.

1774
01:29:26,640 --> 01:29:29,399
Speaker 1: You were, Jesus. We already established that.

1775
01:29:29,520 --> 01:29:32,640
Speaker 2: I'm more like a body. But my handle is Buddha Betty.

1776
01:29:32,680 --> 01:29:34,960
I have a website Buddha Betty dot com, and I

1777
01:29:35,000 --> 01:29:37,279
would love to connect with anybody, especially if you're somebody

1778
01:29:37,279 --> 01:29:41,640
that's dealing with addiction or integrating a spiritual experience. I'd

1779
01:29:41,680 --> 01:29:43,960
love to connect you to community or work with you

1780
01:29:44,000 --> 01:29:47,560
one on one. There's so much hope out there, there's

1781
01:29:47,680 --> 01:29:51,880
so much there's so much freedom, there's so many resources,

1782
01:29:51,920 --> 01:29:54,520
so please please reach out.

1783
01:29:54,800 --> 01:29:57,600
Speaker 1: And there is just one last question I want to

1784
01:29:57,640 --> 01:30:01,159
ask you. With this Awakening, Great Awakening, the show that

1785
01:30:01,199 --> 01:30:04,399
you were talking about, we're in it right now and

1786
01:30:04,479 --> 01:30:06,560
a lot of people are going through a lot, and

1787
01:30:06,640 --> 01:30:09,000
you kind of hinted at that with that last comment.

1788
01:30:10,079 --> 01:30:12,000
What advice do you have for people who are dealing

1789
01:30:12,000 --> 01:30:15,479
with their own awakenings, their own dark knight of the soul,

1790
01:30:15,560 --> 01:30:19,640
their own shadow work, which it seems like everybody is

1791
01:30:19,720 --> 01:30:21,920
starting to have to deal with this stuff, you know,

1792
01:30:21,960 --> 01:30:24,000
the stuff that we didn't talk about when we were kids.

1793
01:30:25,520 --> 01:30:27,960
Are we're dealing with now. Yeah, and it's coming on

1794
01:30:28,279 --> 01:30:30,680
a mass level. I think that's one of the reasons

1795
01:30:30,680 --> 01:30:33,720
why where seems like everything is a dumpster fire right now.

1796
01:30:33,760 --> 01:30:36,920
It just seems like the whole world's crumbling, come crumbling

1797
01:30:36,960 --> 01:30:38,880
around us because of this. So I'd love to hear

1798
01:30:38,920 --> 01:30:40,000
your advice for anybody.

1799
01:30:40,159 --> 01:30:42,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't watch the news. That's my number one advice.

1800
01:30:44,159 --> 01:30:46,239
You don't need to. But how will I stay informed?

1801
01:30:46,319 --> 01:30:46,960
You don't need to.

1802
01:30:47,479 --> 01:30:49,039
Speaker 1: If it's important enough, it'll get to you.

1803
01:30:49,199 --> 01:30:54,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, you'll find out. You know, I think that being

1804
01:30:54,840 --> 01:30:57,119
present is such an important thing.

1805
01:30:58,840 --> 01:31:01,359
Speaker 1: We'll be right back for a word from our sponsor,

1806
01:31:05,000 --> 01:31:06,279
and now back to the show.

1807
01:31:08,359 --> 01:31:11,840
Speaker 2: So my awareness of the Great Awakening has shifted. So,

1808
01:31:12,399 --> 01:31:15,039
you know, I used to live every day in this

1809
01:31:15,239 --> 01:31:18,800
awareness that great things are coming, They're right around the corner,

1810
01:31:18,920 --> 01:31:22,279
like transformation is here, it's gonna it's all happening. And

1811
01:31:22,359 --> 01:31:25,279
I realized that every second that I was going into

1812
01:31:25,319 --> 01:31:28,800
this story, I was pulling myself out of the present moment. So,

1813
01:31:28,840 --> 01:31:31,439
whether you believe in doomsday and the apocalypse, or you

1814
01:31:31,479 --> 01:31:34,800
believe in the Great Awakening and transformation of consciousness. Both

1815
01:31:34,800 --> 01:31:37,279
of those things actually keep you out of the present moment,

1816
01:31:37,319 --> 01:31:40,479
which is where heaven is. Another thing about going through

1817
01:31:40,720 --> 01:31:44,800
spiritual awakening, integration, confronting all these shadows of our past.

1818
01:31:45,199 --> 01:31:48,159
Don't do it by yourself, like how you shared right,

1819
01:31:48,239 --> 01:31:52,600
those bears, they're big. We came here in tribes of souls.

1820
01:31:52,960 --> 01:31:54,760
Not only tribes of souls, but in the beginning of

1821
01:31:55,119 --> 01:31:58,239
time we were in tribes of people. We need each other.

1822
01:31:58,720 --> 01:32:01,800
So find a teacher, find community, find a mentor find

1823
01:32:01,800 --> 01:32:04,840
somebody to do this work with. If I'm doing my

1824
01:32:04,920 --> 01:32:07,560
work by myself, I'm a bad company. I'm the person

1825
01:32:07,560 --> 01:32:09,680
who got me into the mess to begin with, Like

1826
01:32:10,399 --> 01:32:12,720
the I'm not the one. I gotta find somebody else

1827
01:32:12,760 --> 01:32:13,199
to help me.

1828
01:32:15,000 --> 01:32:17,439
Speaker 1: Vettie, this has been by far one of the most

1829
01:32:17,840 --> 01:32:21,079
amazing near death experiences I've ever had I've had. I've

1830
01:32:21,119 --> 01:32:26,079
had so much fun with you. You are a just

1831
01:32:26,119 --> 01:32:30,760
a ball of wonderful energy, and I appreciate your candor,

1832
01:32:31,880 --> 01:32:36,720
your humor to the whole thing, and hopefully people listening

1833
01:32:36,800 --> 01:32:40,239
will it will help people. So I appreciate you and

1834
01:32:40,359 --> 01:32:42,159
everything you're doing to awaken this planet.

1835
01:32:42,199 --> 01:32:43,640
Speaker 2: So thank you, Thank you so much.

1836
01:32:46,039 --> 01:32:48,039
Speaker 1: I like to thank Betty so much for coming on

1837
01:32:48,079 --> 01:32:50,000
the show and sharing her knowledge and wisdom with all

1838
01:32:50,079 --> 01:32:51,640
of us. If you want to get links to anything

1839
01:32:51,640 --> 01:32:53,239
we spoke about in this episode, head over to the

1840
01:32:53,239 --> 01:32:55,920
show notes at next level soul dot com Forward slash

1841
01:32:56,119 --> 01:33:00,119
five six nine. Now, if this conversation stirred something in you,

1842
01:33:00,279 --> 01:33:03,840
there's more waiting. You can listen to this episode completely

1843
01:33:03,880 --> 01:33:07,600
commercial free on next level Soul TV's app where soul

1844
01:33:07,840 --> 01:33:13,000
meets streaming. Watch and listen on Apple iOS, Android, Apple TV, Ruku,

1845
01:33:13,239 --> 01:33:19,119
Android TV, Fire, tv LG, and Samsung apps anytime anywhere.

1846
01:33:19,520 --> 01:33:23,920
Begin your awakening at next levelsoul dot tv. Thank you

1847
01:33:24,000 --> 01:33:27,479
so much for listening. As I always say, trust the journey.

1848
01:33:27,760 --> 01:33:30,800
It's there to teach you. I'll see you next time.