Speaker 1: Episode with two stories. First part, I hope you enjoy
Speaker 1: this story. Relative requested that I create a permanent design
Speaker 1: on his skin during his marriage celebration on short notice,
Speaker 1: only to discover that he desired his former partner's birthday
Speaker 1: commemorated instead. To provide some context about myself, I am
Speaker 1: familiar with the situation a tattoo artist. I've done an
Speaker 1: apprenticeship the first year of tattooing. I work as a
Speaker 1: tattoo artist for four years now, and I opened a
Speaker 1: studio recently. Me and my family are invited to a
Speaker 1: wedding that is taking place in another state. My cousin
Speaker 1: is marrying and we got the invitation a few months ago.
Speaker 1: Time has moved forward and now the wedding is in
Speaker 1: a week. Already, out of the blue, my cousin let's
Speaker 1: call him Matt, texted me with something along the lines
Speaker 1: of your going to tattoo me on my wedding day.
Speaker 1: I was a bit confused, as I never even thought
Speaker 1: of bringing my equipment since I also didn't plan a
Speaker 1: guest spot or anything. Guest spot is a tattoo artist
Speaker 1: working at another studio for a few days or weeks,
Speaker 1: mostly in a different area to grow the clientele. I
Speaker 1: jokingly asked if he has a machine, as I still
Speaker 1: hope that he wasn't serious. He then just asked if
Speaker 1: I don't have one, and that one machine wouldn't take
Speaker 1: up that much space to take with. I replied that
Speaker 1: I didn't plan on bringing my equipment that in fact
Speaker 1: contains more than just a machine, color, hygiene stuff, stencil,
Speaker 1: that's the purple stuff you put on the skin to
Speaker 1: then trace the tattoo with actual needles, et cetera, and
Speaker 1: that I'm not prepared to tattoo at a wedding of
Speaker 1: which I don't know anything about lay out of the location,
Speaker 1: is it inside, slash outside and so on. He then
Speaker 1: said that he had planned on this and that it
Speaker 1: would mean a lot to him to both get a
Speaker 1: tattoo on his wedding day and that I'd be the
Speaker 1: one to tattoo him. Remember that this is the first
Speaker 1: time I'm hearing this. I again tried to explain that
Speaker 1: I don't feel comfortable with that, and that it's quite
Speaker 1: short notice as I work until me and my brother
Speaker 1: fly over to attend the wedding and a tattoo needs
Speaker 1: to be designed first. Right he saw my message, but
Speaker 1: didn't reply anymore. This morning, my mother called and she
Speaker 1: was furious. She asked why I couldn't pull my shit
Speaker 1: together and just tattoo Matt. I told her what I've
Speaker 1: previously told Matt as well, but she didn't want to
Speaker 1: hear it. She just said it would mean a lot
Speaker 1: to her and Matt's family if I'd do that, and
Speaker 1: that it could be my wedding gift. Then she hung up.
Speaker 1: I talked to my brother about it, and he just
Speaker 1: shrugged it off and said it would be nice of you,
Speaker 1: though I'm unsure what to do now. As I said,
Speaker 1: I'm not really comfortable with the whole situation, especially because
Speaker 1: I've never been guest spotting, so I never had to travel,
Speaker 1: let alone get on a plane with my equipment. But
Speaker 1: is that just selfish? I mean, it would mean a
Speaker 1: lot to apparently everyone, and I'm just saying no. Edit one,
Speaker 1: I do have an actual wedding gift already. As they
Speaker 1: send out a wish list with their invitations, there was
Speaker 1: a point that said artwork because they recently moved into
Speaker 1: a bigger house and apparently they want random artwork to decorate.
Speaker 1: I oil painted them a painting I spent several days
Speaker 1: on so I also don't plan to give him a
Speaker 1: voucher as a gift. Two, Mattie doesn't have any tattoos
Speaker 1: as far as I know. Three, I don't know what
Speaker 1: my mom's problem is with all of this. I think
Speaker 1: she just wants to keep the peace comments. Boop expands
Speaker 1: on why it's such a bad idea. Boop, I especially
Speaker 1: don't understand why I should tattoo at a wedding since
Speaker 1: you can't or shouldn't combine getting tattooed with drinking alcohol
Speaker 1: and knowing matt there will be plenty of alcohol at
Speaker 1: this wedding. Commenter, Really, and does that mean you can't
Speaker 1: drink as well? This would be a hard no from me, Boop. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be able to drink either, But up until now,
Speaker 1: I haven't even thought of that. Commenter, it's inappropriate of
Speaker 1: him to expect you to work for free at an
Speaker 1: event to which you're a guest. Are you even licensed
Speaker 1: to tattoo in the other state? The entire thing sounds ludicrous.
Speaker 1: Tell your cousin your hourly rate, build in the peer
Speaker 1: rate for hauling your equipment, and he needs to cover
Speaker 1: your flights and hotel. After all, flying in a trained
Speaker 1: professional to perform a service costs money. Oh and he
Speaker 1: needs to pay up front since this is a special service. Boop.
Speaker 1: I am actually licensed, and I mean I would ask
Speaker 1: for money. But apparently they plan this as a wedding gift,
Speaker 1: like my mom suggested, I can't imagine what they are
Speaker 1: even thinking. Commenter, they planned this as a wedding gift
Speaker 1: from you, because that's pretty presumptuous and against some kind
Speaker 1: of like wedding etiquette. I always thought any mention of
Speaker 1: gifts by the wedding couple was some kind of faux
Speaker 1: pas n ta boop, especially since they have an actual
Speaker 1: list of things they want to be gifted. I mean,
Speaker 1: there was a point that said artwork. But if they
Speaker 1: wanted me to tattoo matt as a gift, they could
Speaker 1: and should have reached out as they sent out their
Speaker 1: list commenter. And is there a honeymoon happening right after
Speaker 1: the wedding? If they're going anywhere where swimming is involved,
Speaker 1: he won't be able to swim with a fresh tattoo. Boop.
Speaker 1: I thought of that too. They are going to Bali.
Speaker 1: I doubt that he had considered not being able to
Speaker 1: go swim or being in the sun at all. Commenter,
Speaker 1: there being unreasonable and making things weird for no reason.
Speaker 1: Ant A and I just wouldn't go if they keep
Speaker 1: being like this. Oop. I did think about not attending.
Speaker 1: It would be sad not to, but this is also
Speaker 1: very uncomfortable, and I don't think every one has let
Speaker 1: go of it by then. Commenter, Ntia, but disclaim her
Speaker 1: I'm petty. I would find out who the bride is
Speaker 1: and tell her this would hijack the wedding. Explain to
Speaker 1: her or her ama or mom that you would need
Speaker 1: several hours to set up, clean to the actual tattoo,
Speaker 1: that this would take over her whole wedding, then sit
Speaker 1: back and watch the shit fest. Oop. I'm actually not
Speaker 1: sure if the bride is in on this or not.
Speaker 1: I'm not close with her at all. Commenter. Does he
Speaker 1: have any other tattoos so that he understands how long
Speaker 1: it could end up taking He could theoretically want anything
Speaker 1: at this point. This is such a ridiculous request. Oop.
Speaker 1: I don't think he has any tattoos, and with that,
Speaker 1: no concept on how tattooing actually works. Popular Underscore Document
Speaker 1: thirteen ninety nine, NTA, what is really wrong with your mother? Honestly,
Speaker 1: while I am not a tattoo artist, I think it's
Speaker 1: unethical and unprofessional to engage in tattoo services at a
Speaker 1: wedding or other place other than your studio. If matt
Speaker 1: wants to have a tattoo done, tell him to come
Speaker 1: to your studio and you can do it for him
Speaker 1: before or after the wedding as a wedding gift, not
Speaker 1: during the ceremony. Geez, this is so ridiculous. Update one,
Speaker 1: So the last hours have been a lot. First of
Speaker 1: I called my mom and while she asked me again,
Speaker 1: this time very friendly, if I want a tattoo Mattie
Speaker 1: at his wedding, and again I said no, with all
Speaker 1: the reasons I've previously given her, plus some of the
Speaker 1: very good points you guys had. Before she could say
Speaker 1: anything else, I added that I felt like she wouldn't
Speaker 1: take me in tattooing. Seriously. She didn't say anything for
Speaker 1: a bit until she tried to explain that she really
Speaker 1: thought it wasn't a big deal. I told her again
Speaker 1: that it is, and that my mom, of all the people,
Speaker 1: should know how my job works. She agreed and apologized profusely.
Speaker 1: I then asked her if she liked to attend and
Speaker 1: watch me work on a client's appointment, and to my surprise,
Speaker 1: she said yes, Mom is tagging along tomorrow now to Mattie,
Speaker 1: or rather his bride. I finally got hold of the bride,
Speaker 1: let's say her name is Becky, and asked her about
Speaker 1: the request her fiance confronted me with. She seemed surprised,
Speaker 1: as she apparently had heard from my aunt that I
Speaker 1: made them something for their new house. She assumed it
Speaker 1: would be a painting, since I'm the artist of the
Speaker 1: family and it's known that I also paint. I confirm that,
Speaker 1: but that Mattie has come forward with this out of
Speaker 1: the blue, and that it's not a good idea for
Speaker 1: many reasons. She agreed with me immediately, I think she
Speaker 1: does have tattoos. She thanked me for telling her, as
Speaker 1: no one else did. Becky seemed really mad, but she
Speaker 1: seemed to pull herself together. I would have lost it.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming Becky confronted mad after a call, because only
Speaker 1: three to four hours later I checked the family group
Speaker 1: chat and there was a message from Becky there will
Speaker 1: be no ceremony on the thirteenth, as Mad and I
Speaker 1: decided we aren't getting married. Mad and I have things
Speaker 1: to figure out, so please text or call us tomorrow
Speaker 1: if you have questions. For the rest of the day,
Speaker 1: will be on flight mode. After dinner, Becky called me
Speaker 1: and apologized for Mad again. She said it was a
Speaker 1: stupid idea of his and that he just thought it
Speaker 1: would be cool. She then informed me that she still
Speaker 1: wants me to fly over for the wedding day, as
Speaker 1: she will be hosting a party instead of a wedding.
Speaker 1: Everything is paid for anyways, and she doesn't want anything
Speaker 1: to go to waste. I asked if they broke up.
Speaker 1: Not yet, but I'm going to stay at my sister's
Speaker 1: place until next week. I'm assuming Mad hasn't been too great,
Speaker 1: but I'm sure i'll hear about it. Apparently my brother
Speaker 1: and my mom aren't invited. L oel. My call must
Speaker 1: have been the last straw, But as far as I
Speaker 1: am concerned, Becky is handling it gracefully and Mad will
Speaker 1: be okay too. I'm sure. So I'm going to a party.
Speaker 1: But did I just make a new friend? Thanks y'all
Speaker 1: for having my back, update too, Welcome back. I'm finally
Speaker 1: done writing this. Thanks to everyone coming back and reading this.
Speaker 1: I appreciate y'all and love that you are enjoying the tea. So,
Speaker 1: because a lot of you wanted to know how to
Speaker 1: bring your mom to work, day was, I picked her
Speaker 1: up in the morning and we headed to the studio.
Speaker 1: I showed her around, told her a few background stories
Speaker 1: about some of the artworks and photos that are hanging
Speaker 1: on our walls, and explained her my routine As I
Speaker 1: prepared everything, my client arrived and I handled it like
Speaker 1: I usually would, just with my mom sitting there lo
Speaker 1: o L. I explained every step of the process, and
Speaker 1: she also asked me questions about my ink, needles, technique,
Speaker 1: et cetera. It was a lot of fun having her around,
Speaker 1: and she really did surprise me with her openness and interest.
Speaker 1: When I was done with tattooing, my mother had to
Speaker 1: leave for work, but thanked and hugged me for bringing
Speaker 1: her along, as she not only enjoyed spending time with me,
Speaker 1: but also loved seeing me doing my job so professionally
Speaker 1: and said that she sees my work and efforts. Now
Speaker 1: to the wedding slash party. The parties started at one thousand,
Speaker 1: four hundred hours as the ceremony was canceled, I arrived
Speaker 1: and was immediately welcomed by Becky's sister. She hugged me
Speaker 1: and helped me with my painting. Everyone was outside drinking
Speaker 1: and having a small bite already. I went to say
Speaker 1: hi to Becky and she hugged me warmly. She seemed tired,
Speaker 1: but otherwise fine. Becky was also smiling a lot, which
Speaker 1: surprised me. I went to mingle as I didn't want
Speaker 1: to start off with questioning her l oel. I met
Speaker 1: a lot of her friends, and apparently the most of
Speaker 1: them weren't too fond of Matt. I heard a few
Speaker 1: things of how he tried to change Becky to be
Speaker 1: more like his ex and stuff like that. Not a
Speaker 1: great look Mattie speaking of. Not a single friend or
Speaker 1: relative of Matt was around besides me and one other cousin. Later,
Speaker 1: as we sat down to eat, I asked if could
Speaker 1: join Becky's table. They said yes, So I was sitting
Speaker 1: with Becky, her sister, and three of her friends. I
Speaker 1: introduced myself to one of them, talked to him before,
Speaker 1: and Becky added that I'm Matt's cousin. The one who
Speaker 1: was supposed to tattoo. A simultaneous oh came from every one,
Speaker 1: and with that, the conversation was about Matt from the
Speaker 1: get go. I asked what happened. The sister just rolled
Speaker 1: her eyes and was like, what didn't Becky and friends
Speaker 1: told me a while ago. Matt has apparently started to
Speaker 1: pick on Becky for being herself in various ways. It
Speaker 1: started small, like asking her to change her sports routine
Speaker 1: from workouts to only running. Then he criticized her cooking
Speaker 1: as he prefers to eat more meat and more. Traditionally,
Speaker 1: they discussed these topics and it always seemed fine, but
Speaker 1: he didn't stop. He asked her if she couldn't let
Speaker 1: her hair grow or get extensions, and speaking of hair,
Speaker 1: if she couldn't get them bright Becky has shoulder long
Speaker 1: black hair. More and more seemed to pile up, until
Speaker 1: he also started to make comments along the line of
Speaker 1: can't you be more like my ex as? I understand it.
Speaker 1: He didn't say it specifically, but it was clear he
Speaker 1: meant it like that his ex is from Texas. I
Speaker 1: was shocked. I asked why she didn't break up because
Speaker 1: of that, but Becky explained that in the situations, it
Speaker 1: didn't seem as bad as when you list those reasons.
Speaker 1: She had also made a few changes to make Mattie happy,
Speaker 1: but continued to do what she wanted most of the time.
Speaker 1: Time went on and the issues resurfaced again and again
Speaker 1: in different ways. The last big fight was only a
Speaker 1: few weeks ago, when Mattie called Becky by his ex's name.
Speaker 1: They somehow settled this. So let's skip forward to when
Speaker 1: I called Becky about the tattoo idea. After our call,
Speaker 1: she went up to Matt and asked him why he
Speaker 1: didn't talk to her about it and why he would
Speaker 1: just decide doing something like that on their wedding day.
Speaker 1: He explained that he wanted to surprise her and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. Becky went on telling him this wasn't happening
Speaker 1: and that she wanted to be able to enjoy the
Speaker 1: wedding and their honeymoon again. They seemed to agree in
Speaker 1: the end and he apologized, But later this almost threw me.
Speaker 1: As Becky was starting to cook dinner and matt was
Speaker 1: sitting at the counter, they talked about tattoos again, apparently
Speaker 1: really chill discussion about tattoos and in general, and Becky
Speaker 1: asked him playfully what he intended on getting tattooed. He
Speaker 1: gestured across his chest and said, I want my birth date,
Speaker 1: our wedding date, and your birth date. So insert as
Speaker 1: b D June thirteenth, twenty twenty four insert b D.
Speaker 1: Becky said she went blind for a millisecond that third
Speaker 1: date was in fact not her birthday. She asked him again,
Speaker 1: and he repeated the same dates. She then said that
Speaker 1: this isn't her birth date. He persisted that it was
Speaker 1: and that she should stop trying to fool him. She said,
Speaker 1: she started to cry and ran to get her purse
Speaker 1: to show him her driver's license. That's when his face slipped.
Speaker 1: He tried to get out of it by making excuses
Speaker 1: that he isn't good with dates, et cetera. But Becky
Speaker 1: just went straight to her phone and checked Facebook. She
Speaker 1: found his ex's profile showing her birthday. It was the
Speaker 1: date he would have gotten tattooed on his chest if
Speaker 1: I hadn't said no, and also called Becky my dumb
Speaker 1: ass cousin would have ended up with the birthday of
Speaker 1: his ex girlfriend next to his wedding date. Becky said
Speaker 1: he more or less told him it was over and
Speaker 1: that this is enough. She started to immediately reorganize the
Speaker 1: whole wedding and honeymoon while kicking him out of the house.
Speaker 1: A bit later, she called me back. She also mentioned
Speaker 1: that she didn't want to say what happened on the phone,
Speaker 1: as she thought I might tell my family and she
Speaker 1: really didn't want to hear about it. Fair. I get
Speaker 1: that Becky changed the honeymoon booking and is now taking
Speaker 1: her best friend. Also, if you're wondering, Becky's dad is
Speaker 1: currently the owner of their house, as they agreed to
Speaker 1: slowly pay him back due to his financial wealth and stability.
Speaker 1: That made more sense this way, As far as I know,
Speaker 1: Becky is going to stay there anyways. That's the t folks.
Speaker 1: This was truly a wild ride, and I am pretty
Speaker 1: sure Becky and I are going to be good friends.
Speaker 1: We really hit it off. I don't have much dignity
Speaker 1: left for Matt, so I'm not sure I'll keep the
Speaker 1: contact at all. Comments ran eleven o one. Thanks for
Speaker 1: the update. What wild ending. Becky certainly put up with
Speaker 1: a lot before the tipping point. I was wondering if
Speaker 1: you know how long Becky and Matt dated before the
Speaker 1: wedding day. It seems crazy that he would be so
Speaker 1: sure of the wrong birthday, Like have they celebrated Becky's
Speaker 1: birthday before? Has he ever said Happy Birthday to her
Speaker 1: on the wrong day? Either way, I'm glad it came
Speaker 1: out and y'all are living your best lives now without
Speaker 1: Matt's duchess clouding the way. Suspicious fruit two forty three op.
Speaker 1: They have been together for about three years. I think
Speaker 1: Yo Sara underscore hervey. I've got a feeling that Mattie
Speaker 1: isn't over his ex yet. I assume she's the one
Speaker 1: who left because if he's the one who left her,
Speaker 1: he's very dumb. But from what you told us, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't put this past him. The end of that relationship
Speaker 1: is a very good thing for Becky and in some
Speaker 1: way for matt too. Now he's free to pursue his
Speaker 1: ex again. Lol. Thank you for the update. Glad your
Speaker 1: relationship with your mom improved and now you can distance
Speaker 1: yourself from the toxic people and your family. Mattie, I'm
Speaker 1: looking at you. Good luck to you friend. Update three.
Speaker 1: Hi everyone, not sure if anyone still cares, but I
Speaker 1: thought i'd give a tiny update on how everything went.
Speaker 1: First of all, since that question came up a few times,
Speaker 1: I'm a woman. Well, Becky and her bestie went to Bali,
Speaker 1: as they replanned, during her vacation. We texted quite a bit.
Speaker 1: Then they came back and we were still texting. First
Speaker 1: it was all very superficial and polite, as she thanked
Speaker 1: me for telling her about the whole tattoo thing, that
Speaker 1: I showed up to the party anyways, and that I
Speaker 1: still gifted her my painting, et cetera. We got into
Speaker 1: other stuff like music, movies, and hobbies. We have a
Speaker 1: lot in common. Turns out she is just as nerdy
Speaker 1: as me, so we could connect over anime and different games.
Speaker 1: I never had a female friend to share these interests.
Speaker 1: She's also coming over for a few days next week.
Speaker 1: I'm super excited. Anyways, I am super happy how everything went,
Speaker 1: and to see that Becky is doing very good without
Speaker 1: my cousin Loel. I think she's truly relieved and is
Speaker 1: beautifully blooming. Thanks guys for all your messages and comments.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. Comments NOCTOILA eighty eight, that's great.
Speaker 1: By the way, have you heard of Mattie Suspicious Fruit
Speaker 1: two forty three Up nothing direct. I've talked to his
Speaker 1: mother though apparently he actually did try to reach out
Speaker 1: to his ex. But I have no idea what's going
Speaker 1: on there. L Oel. Becky asked me out. Update four,
Speaker 1: Hi Ah, I'm very excited. Becky asked me out on
Speaker 1: a date. It's only in October as she wants to
Speaker 1: take it slow and needs more time since the wedding
Speaker 1: isn't that long ago, but she wanted to make her
Speaker 1: current feelings clear to me. Comments Sunflower and dream Boop.
Speaker 1: Traded in her loser cousin for a new friend. Not
Speaker 1: a bad trade so far, Lucy Aria Rose. Honestly, things
Speaker 1: seem to have turned out well for up new friend.
Speaker 1: Her mom understands what she does better and she didn't
Speaker 1: have to tattoo her jerk of a relative lol. Rattus ratus.
Speaker 1: I still can't get over the shit bird thinking he's
Speaker 1: going to get a chest piece at his wedding and
Speaker 1: just keep rocking. It's a fucking wound. It oozes and
Speaker 1: bleeds and hurts. The wrong birthday was just the shit
Speaker 1: Cherriotop the shit Sunday Chucklin five. Yeah, I've gone to
Speaker 1: work after a hip and wrist tattoo. While not unbearable,
Speaker 1: I was able to uncover the hip for periods of
Speaker 1: time while working due to having a hutch thing on
Speaker 1: my desk so you can't see below my head. It
Speaker 1: still wasn't an enjoyable work day, expecting to dance and
Speaker 1: honeymoon after a fresh piece. What an idiot coffee and
Speaker 1: punk records. I am very heavily tattooed. I recently got
Speaker 1: my stomach done. I work from home, and for about
Speaker 1: a week I was taking calls in jim shorts and
Speaker 1: a button down shirt with the bottom few buttons undone.
Speaker 1: This guy is a moron, even before the whole birthday
Speaker 1: thing is taken into consideration. Mikaela, it sounds like the
Speaker 1: cousin was basically using Becky as a placeholder slash standin
Speaker 1: for his ex since he's clearly not over her, trying
Speaker 1: to change her to be more like the ex, calling
Speaker 1: her by the ex's name, and then the birthday tattoos.
Speaker 1: They've been together for three years and he's never bothered
Speaker 1: to learn what her birthday was because he doubled down
Speaker 1: on swearing that was her birthday. Yeah, he didn't care
Speaker 1: about Becky, she was just a doll where he exerted
Speaker 1: his imagery of the ex onto her because the shirty
Speaker 1: of believing that date was her birthday is definitely giving
Speaker 1: that he was looking at her trough tinted glasses and
Speaker 1: never saw her for her glad she got out weird
Speaker 1: pink hair people being shocked about the birthday thing. After
Speaker 1: them being together three years, my ex asked me to
Speaker 1: call this solicitor when we divorced, and she asked me,
Speaker 1: very embarrassed tone to her voice, what my date of
Speaker 1: birth was? After fifteen years together, he still couldn't be
Speaker 1: oz to remember. So Yet, douches like this really exist.
Speaker 1: That's the end of the first story. Let's begin the
Speaker 1: second one. I hope you enjoy this story. My guardians
Speaker 1: disappeared from my life half a decade ago following my
Speaker 1: marriage and have recently made contact. How should I handle
Speaker 1: this situation? Share it on our subreddit for guidance on relationships.
Speaker 1: Initial post on October twentieth, twenty twenty one. I'm at
Speaker 1: a loss married to my former boss. Parents did not
Speaker 1: take the marriage as well as I'd hoped and ignored
Speaker 1: me for five years, only to reach out when they
Speaker 1: saw a fifth anniversary Facebook post that mentioned our kids.
Speaker 1: Do I let them back in or do I ignore them?
Speaker 1: My husband used to be my boss about nine years
Speaker 1: ago I started working as his assistant. We spent about
Speaker 1: two point five years ignoring our mutual attraction until we
Speaker 1: gave in. We then went to h R, who reassigned me,
Speaker 1: and the whole thing was strictly above board from the
Speaker 1: time we began dating. I got pregnant about a year later,
Speaker 1: and my husband and I decided to just get married.
Speaker 1: While we'd only really been dating for about one point
Speaker 1: five years. We knew each other completely, loved each other,
Speaker 1: lived together, and there was a baby on the way.
Speaker 1: We knew how it would look, but I had to
Speaker 1: leave the company anyway due to problems with my new boss,
Speaker 1: so we didn't anticipate this causing any issues except with
Speaker 1: my parents. They sixty two m slash fifty seven f
Speaker 1: have always been over protective, so I knew they wouldn't
Speaker 1: like me dating my boss and hadn't told them, but
Speaker 1: I had to tell them if I wanted them at
Speaker 1: my wedding. We decided to be mostly honest with them
Speaker 1: about how it was strictly professional until it wasn't how
Speaker 1: the second it got unprofessional, we went to h R.
Speaker 1: How he had never taken advantage of me, but now
Speaker 1: we wanted to get married and we wanted them there.
Speaker 1: We did not mention the baby because I felt that
Speaker 1: giving them that information, in addition to the rest, all
Speaker 1: at once, would just break them. I was only about
Speaker 1: four months a long when the wedding happened, so the
Speaker 1: bump was easily hidden by a flowy dress. The wedding
Speaker 1: itself went off without a hitch, and apart from my
Speaker 1: mother pulling me in the bathroom shortly before the ceremony
Speaker 1: to ask if I was sure about this, which I
Speaker 1: said I was, my parents seemed to take it well.
Speaker 1: The ceremony and reception were at two different venues, and
Speaker 1: we had to travel from one to the other, and
Speaker 1: my parents never arrived at the reception. I called them
Speaker 1: and got ignored, and then my brother called them and
Speaker 1: they told them that they were going home. I don't
Speaker 1: remember the exact reason they gave, but it amounted to
Speaker 1: them being tired and uncomfortable. I tried contacting them after
Speaker 1: the wedding, but found that I was blocked on everything
Speaker 1: except e mail, which I used to send them a
Speaker 1: long letter, essentially saying that I'm an adult who made
Speaker 1: an adult choice, and I hope they can respect that.
Speaker 1: Five years later, I have not heard from my parents
Speaker 1: since my wedding. My husband and I are not big
Speaker 1: on social media in general, but I recently posted something
Speaker 1: for our fifth anniversary in which I mentioned our two
Speaker 1: kids and third on the way. Within a month of
Speaker 1: making this post, my parents left a voice mail saying
Speaker 1: they saw the post and, having had no idea that
Speaker 1: they had grandchildren previously, now want to meet them. I
Speaker 1: haven't responded, and there have been a few follow ups
Speaker 1: since then asking why I haven't. I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do, but my gut instinct is that five years
Speaker 1: is too long, and it's about the kids, not about
Speaker 1: them respecting my choices or relationship. However, I can't help
Speaker 1: but feel that I'm being unfair, and my brother agrees
Speaker 1: because I told them in my email that if they
Speaker 1: could learn to respect my choice and my marriage eventually
Speaker 1: then we could talk. And now I'm retroactively applying a
Speaker 1: time limit. EDIT can't find a way to work this inorganically.
Speaker 1: But my husband is not white. I am, as are
Speaker 1: my parents. I don't think this is a race thing
Speaker 1: or that my parents are racist, and neither does my husband,
Speaker 1: and we don't understand why they would want to meet
Speaker 1: our mixed raced children if they were racist, But this
Speaker 1: element is still gnawing at me. Should I reach out
Speaker 1: to them? If I did, how would we go about
Speaker 1: rebuilding the relationship? Up date October twenty second, twenty twenty one.
Speaker 1: I asked to talk yesterday. We were on zoom within
Speaker 1: an hour. It was my parents and me and my husband.
Speaker 1: They asked to see the kids, and I said they
Speaker 1: could see them eventually, dependent on them earning our trust
Speaker 1: and convincing us they were going to be positive additions
Speaker 1: to the kids lives. They asked to start by reading
Speaker 1: me a letter that they claimed to have written on
Speaker 1: my wedding day. It said that they were uncomfortable with
Speaker 1: me marrying my former boss, as they thought he took
Speaker 1: advantage of me, so they left between the wedding and
Speaker 1: reception to avoid a scene, but they wanted me to
Speaker 1: know they were here for me despite their issues with him.
Speaker 1: They added that they would have sent this to me
Speaker 1: the morning after my wedding, but then I sent my
Speaker 1: e mail about them needing to respect my choices, and
Speaker 1: they were so ashamed they couldn't bring themselves to send theirs.
Speaker 1: Seeing my anniversary post made them realize how much they've
Speaker 1: missed in five years, and they really don't want to
Speaker 1: miss any more. I had some questions, like what the
Speaker 1: big deal was with me marrying my former boss, and
Speaker 1: they said that it just wasn't what they had in
Speaker 1: mind for my wedding day and my future spouse. I
Speaker 1: asked why they even came to the wedding at all
Speaker 1: if they didn't support the marriage, and my dad responded
Speaker 1: that he wanted to walk his daughter down the aisle
Speaker 1: as it was the only chance he'd get. The way
Speaker 1: it was phrased implied that they had intentionally only come
Speaker 1: to the wedding so he could give me away and
Speaker 1: always planned to leave half way. And because he said
Speaker 1: my daughter and didn't talk to me directly, it was
Speaker 1: pretty clear he was thinking about my older sister who
Speaker 1: passed away. My husband caught that too and said that
Speaker 1: if they were talking about me, they should address me directly,
Speaker 1: then added that if they had planned to leave, they
Speaker 1: should have told us, as we wouldn't have invited them.
Speaker 1: And the fact they waited five years to reach out,
Speaker 1: was going to take more reasons than shamus. As a father,
Speaker 1: he didn't understand how they could ignore their daughter for
Speaker 1: years or only get back in touch when we had kids.
Speaker 1: My dad snapped that he wasn't going to take this
Speaker 1: from a kushi a slur meaning dark skinned. My mother
Speaker 1: immediately tried to run damage control, but I ended the call.
Speaker 1: They have since messaged me several times trying to explain
Speaker 1: that calling my husband a racial slur wasn't indicative of
Speaker 1: a racist attitude, and he wouldn't have said that in
Speaker 1: front of the kids, so they should still get to
Speaker 1: meet them. I've spent five years wondering how they were
Speaker 1: so offended by me marrying my boss that had earned
Speaker 1: no contact for half a decade. Turns out they're just racist.
Speaker 1: It's almost nice to find out. If it was just
Speaker 1: the boss thing, I would have sympathy for them and
Speaker 1: we might even be able to reconcile. But with this,
Speaker 1: it's now just a question of if I'm going to
Speaker 1: knowingly expose my mixed race children to a couple of racists,
Speaker 1: which I am obviously not going to do. These are
Speaker 1: people who knew the pain of losing a child and
Speaker 1: still chose to throw away another child just because she
Speaker 1: fell in love with someone she truly loves. I'm glad
Speaker 1: o Pie protected her kids from the racist grandparents. It
Speaker 1: has to be hard to find out your parents don't
Speaker 1: have the character you assumed. Now on to the next story.
Speaker 1: We aren't invited to my stepdaughter's wedding, and I feel
Speaker 1: sad for my husband. My husband is a great man
Speaker 1: and a wonderful father. I have known him for seventeen
Speaker 1: years and have been in a relationship with him for
Speaker 1: eight years. He has two children by his first wife.
Speaker 1: They were really young when they got pregnant. He was
Speaker 1: twenty and I think she was nineteen. Both raised in
Speaker 1: Catholic homes, and both sets of parents pressured them to
Speaker 1: get married. This was in nineteen ninety His son was
Speaker 1: born in nineteen ninety one and his daughter in nineteen
Speaker 1: ninety three. Both being young and stupid and immature, their
Speaker 1: marriage ended in nineteen ninety six. It was a typical
Speaker 1: custody arrangement. She has primary and he has every other weekend.
Speaker 1: She came from a family with significant money. When it
Speaker 1: came time to file for child support, her parents supported
Speaker 1: her financially so she could cut back all of her
Speaker 1: working hours to about fifteen hours a week. They paid
Speaker 1: for one of the best lawyers in our area, and
Speaker 1: he had no lawyer. This resulted in my husband paying
Speaker 1: an astronomical amount of money for child support in nineteen
Speaker 1: ninety six, eight hundred dollars for two kids. He ended
Speaker 1: up having to work three minims wage jobs just to
Speaker 1: support himself and pay child support, but he made it
Speaker 1: work and still made time for the kids. His ex
Speaker 1: remarried someone who also had money, and over the years,
Speaker 1: her and her new husband would take the kids on
Speaker 1: very expensive trips, multiple trips to Disney cruises all the time,
Speaker 1: fancy vacations half way across the country. The kids got
Speaker 1: named brand everything and the latest electrics. My husband couldn't
Speaker 1: afford any of that, so as the kids got into
Speaker 1: their teen years, they kind of drifted away from my husband.
Speaker 1: It didn't help that their mom constantly bad mouthed my
Speaker 1: husband to the kids either. If there were ever a
Speaker 1: picture of parental alienation in Webster's Dictionary, her face would
Speaker 1: be it. Even now, when we run into her, she
Speaker 1: is nasty. One of the last functions we ran into
Speaker 1: her my husband asked her how she and her family
Speaker 1: were doing. Her response was fuck off. Her parents enable her.
Speaker 1: Her one sister is just like her, but the rest
Speaker 1: of the family barely tolerates her. I have met her
Speaker 1: and her whole family. I say this from first hand
Speaker 1: knowledge and not hearsay. So my husband has a somewhat
Speaker 1: distant but okay relationship with his son. We see them
Speaker 1: once in a while. My husband calls him at least
Speaker 1: once a week to check in, and he hears back
Speaker 1: maybe two act a month. His daughter only speaks to
Speaker 1: him as she runs into him us at the grocery store.
Speaker 1: She will not answer any calls or texts. She does
Speaker 1: not visit. She literally refuses to have anything to do
Speaker 1: with my husband. Last December, we ran into her at
Speaker 1: the grocery store tb H. I didn't want to talk
Speaker 1: to her. I tried to avoid her, but she saw me.
Speaker 1: She rushed over to me to show me her new
Speaker 1: engagement ring. The engagement had just happened, so the encounter
Speaker 1: had nothing to do with me. She just was excited
Speaker 1: to show off her ring. My husband was with me
Speaker 1: and she started talking about the wedding. It was set
Speaker 1: for November of this year. She then proceeds to tell
Speaker 1: my husband that she wants him to walk her down
Speaker 1: the aisle. I'm sorry what I am simultaneously thrilled for
Speaker 1: my husband and baffled by her request. She literally never
Speaker 1: wants anything to do with her father. My husband has
Speaker 1: lamented for years about his lack of relationship with his daughter.
Speaker 1: He has tried over and over and over to reach
Speaker 1: out to her, but he has ignored every single time.
Speaker 1: It was in the last five years I really saw
Speaker 1: him stop trying. So when she was gushing about him
Speaker 1: walking her down the aisle, all of his hopes of
Speaker 1: a relationship with her were rekindled. So from last December
Speaker 1: to now, I have reached out to her three x,
Speaker 1: asking her how the planning was going. I was ignored
Speaker 1: and left on read three as he has reached out
Speaker 1: to her, he was ignored. Now we are about nine
Speaker 1: weeks before the wedding and we have not heard from
Speaker 1: or seen his daughter since December. There was no bridal
Speaker 1: shower invite. There has been no wedding invitation. I ran
Speaker 1: into her fiance a few weeks ago and asked about
Speaker 1: the wedding and how it was going, and he immediately
Speaker 1: looked uncomfortable and changed the subject. I told my husband
Speaker 1: this week that I am confident we aren't invited, to
Speaker 1: spite his daughter's initial claim. He pretends to every one
Speaker 1: that he doesn't care, But I'm the one behind the
Speaker 1: scenes who sees the sadness and the herd in his eyes.
Speaker 1: I'm the one listening to him lament how much he
Speaker 1: misses his kids, how much he wants to see them
Speaker 1: and spend time with them. For the record, my husband
Speaker 1: also has a sixteen year old son with his second wife.
Speaker 1: He learned from his mistakes the first time and insisted
Speaker 1: on fifty to fifty custody when they split. He still
Speaker 1: maintains fifty to fifty and he has a very active
Speaker 1: role in his youngest son's life. I also have three
Speaker 1: preteen slash teenage boys from my previous marriage. Their dad
Speaker 1: abandoned them in two thousand sixteen, and my husband has
Speaker 1: stepped in and been a wonderful father figure for my kids.
Speaker 1: I've known my husband for nearly two decades. I know
Speaker 1: what kind of man he is, I know what kind
Speaker 1: of father he is. He doesn't deserve to be treated
Speaker 1: like this, and it makes me sad for him. I
Speaker 1: know it's not anything I can ever get involved with,
Speaker 1: not my kids, not my previous relationship, but I can
Speaker 1: still be sad for my husband. I wish I had
Speaker 1: a way to make it hurt a little less for him.
Speaker 1: Edit to add I am a professional photographer. When she
Speaker 1: gushed about the wedding and my husband walking her down
Speaker 1: the aisle, I saw this as an opportunity for me
Speaker 1: to help mend the bridge. I offered to photograph her
Speaker 1: wedding as a wedding gift. She declined and said she
Speaker 1: wanted me to be able to enjoy the wedding as
Speaker 1: a guest. We know for a fact we were initially
Speaker 1: invited