Speaker 1: People believe that success in sales has to come at
a cost, burnout, imposter syndrome, and that feeling that you're
performing more than you're actually leading. But what if playing
big didn't mean losing yourself in the process. Today, I'm
joined by Christy Straw, leadership coach and author of Unicorn Leader,
to explore the subtle mindset traps that keep sales leaders
stuck and how to step into authentic, soul aligned leadership
that actually works. Christy, Welcome to this show. I just
have to say I love you. I love your energy.
Just We've gotten to already engage a little bit IK
on your show recently, and I have been so excited
to have you on just to share more about your framework,
more about what you teach in terms of soul aligned leadership.
I think that that's something that probably every listener of
the show is wanting to learn how to tap into,
whether they're leading themselves, leading a team, or maybe they
have aspirations of leadership. So welcome. I am so excited
to have you, and I'd love to just give you
the opportunity to introduce yourself the work that you do.
I know you're also a mom of three so shout
out to you doing this well, taking care of the
babies so much respect. But I'd love to hear a
little bit more about who you are. Just introduce you
to the audience to start.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you, Thank you so much, Elise. It is
a pleasure to be here. Obviously loved having you on
my show as well, so thank you for that. And
you know, what you said in the intro really hits
home for me because I too have lived a version
of success that looked really shiny from the outside but
felt somewhat hollow on the inside. You know, I've led
high stakes teams, I've hit all the sales targets, but
Waniet Lee, really I was unraveling. And it wasn't until
I really stopped performing and started leading from a place
of authentic authority and from my values that I saw
the shift. So not just in results, but in my
own energy right and honestly my sense of peace. And
so that's why I created the Unicorn Leader Framework, which
is a high EQ leadership framework. And the reason I
did so was because we don't need more top high
flying sales performers who are burning out. We need more
leaders who are aligned and awake and anchored really in
who they are and in their value system.
Speaker 1: You spoke about and you said something there that I
want to go a little bit deeper into, which is
performing versus leading with our values and leading authentically. What
does that mean?
Speaker 2: Yeah? You know, well, first it's still from something really
personal and the fact that leadership to me is super personal,
and so founding Lighthouse Leadership Consultants was born from a
personal reckoning is like what I tell people, right, I
saw all the toxic environments. I watched multifaceted talented women's
shrink or shut down and realizing ultimately that somebody was
going to have to rewrite the playbook. And so I
decided really to be you know, the change that I
wanted to see, you know, to harken some Barack Obama
in here. And so that really was what creating Leadership
Framework was about. That's what it was about for me,
finding peace and really recognizing that there's a different way
to be, there's a different way to lead, and there's
a different energy from which I'm going to have to
operate from in order to go This next part of
the journey.
Speaker 1: Makes total sense. How do we know if performing? I'm
curious your take on that. If someone's listening to this
and they're like, Okay, I think I get it, but yea,
how do we know if we.
Speaker 2: Are Yeah, I think we know. And I always know
I'm performing. When I'm not, I feel a little disassociated
from what I'm saying. So for me, if I'm in
a room and i'm really keynoting on something that is
super exciting and that I'm really pumped up about. So,
for instance, I just got back from Baltimore Training and
organization on bias and stigma around mental health and you know,
microaggressions in the workplace, That's a very different experience than keynoting. Hey,
this is how you take up space and how you
have your own brand. And so I notice for myself
that when I feel that I'm performing, I typically am
pretty disconnected to what's actually coming out of my mouth.
I'm not sure if I'm staying on track. I'm not
sure how I feel when the curtain comes down or
the silence, and you know, on the drive home is
a little more deafening than I would like. Those are
really great indicators for people to feel and maybe wonder
am I code switching? Am I having to change who
I am in one space to another and am I performing?
Speaker 1: And if so, well, I think that's it's so helpful
to dive into. And I'm curious from your taking your
perspective on this if because probably everyone can relate to that.
I know I can relate to that, And sometimes I
get it as a speaker. It's like someone says, hey,
can you come in and speak on this or that,
and you're like, oh, it's not really my zone or genius,
it's not what I love. Or a client asks you
to coach them on something that's not your zone of genius.
Are you proposing that we should be saying no to
opportunities that aren't soul aligned and we'll unpack more of
your framework here as we go, But are you proposing
that that's an indication, Okay, we're misaligned with what we're
doing and we should be saying no to those things.
Are Is there a different solution or a different path.
Speaker 2: That's a great question. I think it's pretty situational actually,
because for those who are growth minded and your energy
is such that you always want to stretch and you
want to grow around your edges, I would never suggest
somebody say no necessarily to an opportunity that is adjacent
to what you already know and are good at. But
for those who maybe already feel stretched, or maybe you're
already in a growth mindset and a different facet of
your life, or maybe you just don't have the energy
to feel excited around an opportunity that isn't soul aligned
or super aligned with what you're doing. Those are times
when I think it is better to just be honest
first with yourself and have self empathy and compassion right
and say, Okay, you know, I have some other priorities
that are really requiring more of me, Or I don't
feel particularly growth minded around this topic, or I don't
think I'm going to show up at my best and
then that's a brand issue. Are all times when I
think it does make a lot of sense to step
to the side and really reconsider your time and the
return on the investment of your time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes sense. Tell us about So. I'm very
curious about this framework that you've developed, the Unicorn Leader framework,
and it's a great nice either way. So I know
that it emphasizes traits like empathy, like authenticity, but I'd
love if you could start by sharing for someone who
hasn't read your book or isn't familiar with your work.
What does that framework include? An entail?
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. I love that you said it's
a great name, because you know, I was floating the
idea of Unicorn Leader as a name at a conference
it'll be a year ago in April, so a year
ago in a couple of weeks, and people were literally like, oh, no, no,
you should not go into the business world with anything
called Unicorn Leader. You know, it sounds really fluffy. That
sounds like a gift I would give my granddaughter who's
like seven. You know, I got a lot of feedback,
and it was great feedback, and I needed to hear
it because what it ultimately had me do was move
from just this idea of being a Unicorn Leader, which
I'd always been called, to creating a framework to give
some data and some substance behind the name. And so
I'm grateful for the feedback that these people shared with me,
because really, in essence, when I moved my ego out
of the way and could hear what they were saying,
they were saying, Hey, I hear you, but it doesn't
really sound seriously serious enough to be taken seriously in
the business context, and so I really built the framework
around the fact that Unicorn is an acronym for unique, nimble, nurturing, inspiring, compassionate, optimistic, resilient,
and noble. And so the framework itself is a high
EQ sales and leadership framework that emphasizes empathy and authenticity
and how these traits actually influence quite a bit mindset
and performance. And so it's not a weakness empathy certainly
is not. It's actually a leadership multiplier, is how I've
looked at it. The sales leaders who I coach and
who lead with empathy consistently outperform those who manage bimetrics alone.
And then you have the fact that when you have
empathy and when you learn how to lead in a
high EQ way, you're incredibly authentic. And that authenticity is
what builds trust, and trust, I believe is what builds
belief and drives belief, and the belief in somebody or
something they're offering is what actually closes a deal.
Speaker 1: I think that's important. The belief in someone and what
they're offering is what closes a deal. If you're ready
to quantumly, I've got something great for you. Inside my
ten k club, I teach the Superhuman Selling Framework, which
is the mindset and strategy that's helped both me and
my clients exponentially increase our income while also experiencing more joy, peace,
and alignment than ever before. You can apply today at
a lease archer dot com slash ten k club. Guys
listening to you talk about the traits, and I think
they're all powerful and needed. And what I'm curious about is,
I'm guessing for our particular audience because they tend to
be highly emotionally aware, they tend to be highly evolved
in this area. I'm wondering if there's all almost another
side of it where someone may really embody all of
those traits and they're stepping into leadership and there's maybe
more discomfort around the management or around the metrics, or
how do I still embody these qualities but hold people accountable.
So I'd love to hear what you would say to
someone who's maybe on the other side of that spectrum
and how we can continue to have those qualities but
also be comfortable having the difficult conversations or driving results.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, that's such a great question, and that is
something that I constantly have from a discussion standpoint with executives,
mostly wealth management firms financial services, because that's really where
my background comes from, sales coaching and financial services and
wealth management firms, and a lot of times they struggle
with the idea that empathy and execution can coexist. One
of the things I often say, and people chuckle, is
I promise you a lease. These people in wealth management
and financial services would have rather seen me show up
and embezzle money or break into the vault then bring
a feelings wheel into the executive suite, right, Like I
am not kidding. They were so, so so uncomfortable and
they just could not wrap their minds in the beginning
around this idea that empathy and execution can coexist. And
so the issues that I ran into there were people
who were not highly self aware. And so the good
news is for people who are highly self aware, all
you have to really learn to do is to step
into the discomfort of sharing uncomfortable feedback. Because since you
already have IQ and since our EQ and IQ, right,
since you already have those traits, all you need to
do is figure out how do I communicate critically and
curiously and non judgmentally with this person I'm sitting across
from And since I'm already a high EQ leader, I'm
going to be able to discern whether the person across
from me is driven by one of these three principles
that Daniel Pink talks about all the time, mastery, autonomy,
or purpose. All of us are driven by those things,
one more importantly or more emphatically than the other at
any point in time. So for me right now, I'm
driven by mastery. I want to master this space. I
want to master keynote speaking, I want to master providing workshops,
I want to master thought leadership. So if somebody who
was high EQ wanted to have a conversation with me
and it was more of an execution conversation and hey,
how are we going to boost results or whatever the
case might be, if they really focused on opportunities for
me to continue to grow my mastery, since that's my
internal driving factor right now, I would be super open
to that conversation. But if they focused instead on autonomy,
like let's say, back in the olden days, you know,
when I didn't have any autonomy and I was a manager,
I was really driven by autonomy. I just wanted people
to leave me the hell alone and let me do
my job. Right, So a lot of salespeople can understand that.
But if I was driven by autonomy and instead this
leader or this sales person came to me and wanted
to talk about continuing education skill development, would you like
some executive coaching? Do you think that's going to attract
me or repel me? If I'm driven by autonomy. So
we are driven by one of these three things more
so than others at any point in time, And as
soon as high EQ leaders and salespeople figure out what
their prospect, client, or employee is driven by, it's game over.
Speaker 1: Interesting. I've never heard it, so I haven't read the
book obviously, haven't heard it positioned that way, but it
makes it makes total sense. How do we Is there
a quick way to discern or to tell Yeah, who
leading like what they're driven by?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Absolutely? So the people who are driven by autonomy,
you know they're going to present in a way that
it's like, okay, I will you don't need to check
up on me all the time? Or could this have
just been an email instead of a meeting, or do
we really need to have a one on one so often,
can I not just send you my pipeline report and
let that be it. Those are people who are driven
by autonomy. Basically, what they're saying is I just only
want to hear from you when you have a check
for me, or you're trying to tell me how to
get a deal done. Right. So, the people who are
driven by purpose, those are people who are absolutely always
talking about the mission, the values, the why behind what
we do. And for a long time, I was really
driven by purpose when I first started my own business. Right,
this is the why I experienced painful, hurtful things in
corporate America, And so I was so purpose driven. Most
of my posts, most of my conversations really talked about
changing and it being a type of generational wealth to
change leadership in corporate America. Right, And people who are
driven by mastery are going to say things like, Hey,
do we do any type of executive coaching around here?
Do you have any book recommendations? Hey, I don't really
feel like you gave me a lot of actionable feedback
in our last one on one session. These are people
who are really driven by mastery and are telling you
that in order for them to respect you and want
to win as a leader or as a prospect. You
know you've got to speak to those intrinsic driving backs.
Speaker 1: Okay, thank you for clarifying that. Yeah, and I'm curious
we all follow up on that. So for those of
us who are leading others, if we are, I think
here's the question. Can we be a successful leader of others,
supportive of our team, and personally be driven by autonomy
not want to have a ton of meetings? Now? Is
that kind of leaving the team hanging and not being
available the way that you should be. I'm really curious
your perspective on that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that. I think so many things can coexist. Now,
I did just get off beyond the binary training right
where I taught a whole entire room ow to rewire
their mindset so they didn't think in either or or.
And so my answer is absolutely, I am very often,
very driven by autonomy. I don't want things to slow
me down. I'm also neurodiverse, I'm adhd and so I'm
a systems thinker. I'm all about efficiency. I don't like waiting.
I certainly don't like waiting and then having to redoce something,
and so I'm very much driven by autonomy, and those
things can change at different points, like I said, in
your career or in the relationships that you have. I
think the important thing to note is while you're driven
by autonomy, if you're a leader, you have to speak
to what's driving the individual on your team that you're coaching. Right,
your boss, if you have one, whether it's a board
of directors, whether it's a VC firm, whatever, they need
to understand that you're driven by autonomy. And then also
you got to make sure those goals are in alignment
for you know, the positionality of the organization.
Speaker 1: Okay, got it. Thank you. Because I'm even personally reflecting here.
I know I'm a woman who's highly driven by autonium.
That's been something that transparently has come up. Yeah, you
have built our team and brought more people on, and
so sometimes there can be almost the sense of in
our conflict of like, of course, I want everyone to
be succeeding and thriving, and I don't love meetings. Just
have meetings. I don't want to, you know, I don't
want to be having unnecessary conversations. And I love my
team and I support my team, and I think you're amazing.
So sometimes there's been an inner conflict, and I hear
you saying there's a way to do both and to
the most important thing is to know what drives the
team that you're leading and speak to them in their
language and make sure communicating to them in the lens
of what matters the most.
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, And if there's a misalignment, right, that's okay.
But because you're high EQ, and because the majority of
the people that work with high EQ people are also
have a fair degree of self awareness and situational intelligence,
you know you will be able to have a really
rich dialogue even if there is some moments of discomfort,
because we need in nyes right that that's when we
go grow through our edges, is really when we get
to the place that we're absolutely performing.
Speaker 1: I love this, And you mentioned before that you're very
focused on training mindset. We do a lot around mindset
rewiring and belief rewiring in our programs. And I know
everyone has different approach to this and kind of a
different method that I don't believe there's a one size
fits all approach to it, But I'm curious your take
on this. Do you see one common self sabotaging pattern
and maybe even experienced sales leaders fall into in terms
of their thoughts and their beliefs.
Speaker 2: You know, I do see a pattern that typically most
of my clients tend to present, and a lot of
times they don't even know what it is. They just
see that it's repeating at each place they go. And
typically that pattern is I call it, and it's commonly
referred to tallest poppy syndrome. Right. It's where you're a
shiny star, you're a tall poppy amongst the field of
other flowers. And ultimately, what brings you into a space
and people are super excited about quickly turns into something
where you're starting to feel sidelined or you're starting to feel,
you know, maybe that you're out of place. And it
tends to come from putting ourselves in places that want
us to be smaller than who we actually are, and
so we spend our energy focusing on being small enough
or digestible enough, or not too shiny, and this creates
a massive misalignment. And honestly, all of that starts with
emotional honesty. A lot of high achievers are incredible at
execution a lease, like absolutely incredible, but freaking disconnected from
their own emotional cues. And so the mindset shift, it
doesn't happen in your Google calendar. It happens in the
quiet moments on your way home, you know, in your
quiet moments before you hit the hay at night. Who
am I actually doing this for? And it's the answer
isn't you yourself? And you then it's time to recalibrate,
because that is yet another sign that you're performing, like
we talked about earlier in the show, and then that
you're disconnected from what you actually truly want to be doing.
And like I said, for most of the women who
come find me, it's they're trying to remain small in
a space that they can never be small enough.
Speaker 1: And that could be a whole nother epicode. I mean,
it really could. And I think it's it's such an
important conversation and something probably many of us can relate to.
Even outside of business. We'd just look at circles that
we've maybe outgrown, or places we put ourselves into, or
feeling like we have to perform. And I think the
question that you asked there, that you poised there for
someone to ask of who am I doing this? For
can be a very sobering question to ask, and there
have been more multiple times in my career where I
realized I was building something or doing something because it's
what I thought I should be doing. And you know,
we're never in our full power when we're doing that,
and it's taken courage to be willing in those moments
to kind of pause and say, what do I really want? Well,
especially for those of us I think who are empathetic,
who do care a lot about other people. One of
my experiences with leading and growing a team is I
would be so concerned about making sure that everybody else
was okay and getting their needs met that sometimes I
would I didn't know how to also meet my own
needs with that, and so there's been a lot of
learning and growth and I think I've always got more
to learn there, but have definitely done some deep work
on that. But to come back to who am I
really doing this for? What do we do if we
find out like if someone does that, like, oh my gosh,
this is completely misaligned, Like maybe the company I'm building,
the role I'm in on the team, whatever it is.
What would you say to someone who asked that question
and they realized they're completely out of alignment.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, the first thing again is I just start
with awareness is so critical. And so for somebody who
comes to that conclusion and they're like, oh gosh, I'm
already halfway down this path. I very much felt that
way in the c suite. I felt that way the
job before, when I was leading a thirty billion dollar pink.
I knew that I was not living in my full purpose,
and for me, that was being free to talk about
emotional cues. Honesty needs emotional intelligence through the lens of
how that helps people show up. And so what I
had to do was really decide, Okay, I've lived the
first forty three years of my life really doing a
lot for everyone else. I've got three kids ranging from
seventeen to twelve, a marriage of twenty something years. I
just thought to myself, maybe I'll spend the next forty
three years of my life doing for me and what
is truly in alignment with me. And that is scary.
And you said something about courage, and I often tell
people confidence is not courage. They're not the same thing.
I was a highly confident woman in business, right, but
I didn't have the courage for a year and a half.
Now I stand in full authentic. They've built a whole
entire program around it. I tea people how to do
it every single day, become the thought leader, sell differently,
lead differently, brand differently, all through this lens and I
stand in full authentic authority. But that's because the courage
came by doing it. Afraid.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Wow, That's how you build courage, and then that confidence
literally spews out of me no matter what space I'm in.
And the cool thing, elease is if that attracts you
or repels you, I'm just happy you had a reaction. Yes, yes,
And I think underneath that too is the we have
to have the belief that we can make the courageous choice,
make the uncomfortable choice, and still be safe and still
be okay. And that in fact, by doing that to
me one of the things that I've come to believe,
and it's come from a lot of moments of not
trusting myself. But every time I trust myself and make
the choice based on what feels most in alignment for
what I know and for where I'm going, that is
where I thrive the most. That is where I am
most successful, even if I can't see the full path yet,
and even if it involves disentangling some stuff that's no
longer aligned. So wow, powerful, I want to ask you.
Speaker 1: So we've got just some short, rapid fire kind of
fill in the blanks question. I think this is a
fun way to get in your mind in a quick,
accessible way and have care.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: We've been in for the whole episode. I'm loving it.
I think it's amazing. But so I'm going to ask
you a series of a couple of questions. Just I'm
going to start a sentence. I'm going to have you
fill in the blanks at the end, just with whatever
comes to mind. First you ready, all right? So First one,
you can't lead a team if you.
Speaker 2: Don't trust yourself.
Speaker 1: First awesome, Okay. Number two, the leadership team that you
used to excuse me, the leadership trait that you used
to overlook but now you live by is what unique?
M unique. I love that. I love that. Okay. Third one,
the moment you knew you had to leave differently was when.
Speaker 2: What Oh, I showed up to a meeting with vomit
still in my hair because I was afraid of my boss.
Speaker 1: Ooh too afraid to take the time to go get Yeah. Yeah, wow.
Many of us can relate to some sort of moment
like that, but yeah that I could see that being
a sobering moment.
Speaker 2: Yes it was. I was like, what the hell is
going on here? You are a grown woman whoa.
Speaker 1: No hashtag mom life here like no, like, this is
just it's a it's a realignment. Opportunity is what it is,
right and then okay, so final final two. Playing small
looks like.
Speaker 2: Ooh uh, making yourself digest vestable for people who really
don't want you there anyway.
Speaker 1: Ooh I love that, making yourself digestible for people who
don't really want you there anyway. So the flip side,
playing big looks like what oh, that's authentic authority baby, right.
Speaker 2: That is like, listen, I know who I am, I
know what drives me, and you know what I wish
you well. Whether you like me or you don't, it's
really not my business.
Speaker 1: I love that, and that's when we're in our full power.
This has been such a fun conversation and I appreciate
I think that there was so much that we touched
on that's going to help those who are either leaders
or aspiring leaders but also the common thread throughout of
being in full alignment with yourself and not no longer
choosing to downplay or minimize to fit in the rooms
with the people who don't really want you there in
the first place, or who more than likely you've outgrown
as well. So wow, Christy, tell everyone how can they
connect with you? How can they learn more about your
work and what you do and get plugged into your
community if they would like to?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Absolutely, you can find me on LinkedIn. I'm super active.
It's Christy Straw on LinkedIn. I also have a LinkedIn
live show called The Last Straw, so that's super easy
to remember and feel free shooting note, I'd love to
see everybody and have a chat.
Speaker 1: Amazing. Well, I appreciate this. This has been a conversation
that I personally have learned so much from and that
to me is always a beautiful experience to get to
share your wisdom and your expertise with the community while
also getting to learn myself. So thank you again, yeah
for taking the time for being here and for modeling
what it looks like to unapologetically take up space and
also really own who you are, own your gifts. And
then inspire others to do the same. To you, my listener,
thank you so much for being here, for being part
of the Superhuman selling community, and I just want to
remind you as we close to trust yourself on your
path to success. Your desires are green lights leading you
and everyone around you to a brighter feature. I'll see
you on the next episode.