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<v Speaker 1>This is the seventy seven w ABC Mini cast on

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<v Speaker 1>the Line with us is America's small caffeinated mom of

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<v Speaker 1>Ronda Shrock And Yes, hello, Ronda, how are you? I

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<v Speaker 1>want to we have something to play for you that

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<v Speaker 1>that's prompted all of this. Mister al abdul Sayad.

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<v Speaker 2>What I mean is that hurt people, hurt people, then

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<v Speaker 2>maybe if we're serious about ending the hurt, we should

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<v Speaker 2>stop hurting people.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's right, Randa. Hurt people, hurt people, and if

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<v Speaker 1>we're serious about ending the hurt, we had to stop

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<v Speaker 1>hurting people. The hurt people, that hurt people because people hurt.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, and you are right. It was exactly that clip

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<v Speaker 2>I think a couple of days ago that prompted this

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<v Speaker 2>whole conversation because as ridiculous as he made it sound,

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<v Speaker 2>there is a lot of truth in it.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, doesn't sound it didn't sound ridiculous to me, which

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<v Speaker 1>is why I played it. I'm just like, wait a minute,

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<v Speaker 1>this guy is actually he does this with words, and

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<v Speaker 1>we'll go ahead.

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<v Speaker 2>Randa, Well, yes, I thought about it quite a lot

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<v Speaker 2>since you played that. I mean, it is just really true.

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<v Speaker 2>Hurt people do hurt people. I mean that is true,

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<v Speaker 2>for instance, in marriage. Now, Grant and I actually are

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<v Speaker 2>celebrating our thirty ninth anniversary today, and we definitely thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>We definitely have heard each other from our own you know,

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<v Speaker 2>the pain that we brought in, but thankfully we have

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<v Speaker 2>been able to forgive and move on. I'm grateful for that.

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<v Speaker 2>It's true in parenting sometimes we hurt our children from

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<v Speaker 2>our own painful childhood. I mean, you know our story,

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<v Speaker 2>you know our oldest son's story, and that was definitely

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<v Speaker 2>a factor there. But again, thankful for forgiveness. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>he has forgiven us. And it's true in life. If

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<v Speaker 2>you are in the grocery store, you're in line, you're

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<v Speaker 2>driving along, and somebody cuts you off, what is your reaction?

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<v Speaker 2>Sometimes our outsized reactions are indicators to us of where

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<v Speaker 2>we're carrying on resolved issues and unresolved pain. And if

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<v Speaker 2>I keep that in mind and someone behind the counter

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<v Speaker 2>or the grocery store or is rude or just grouchy,

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<v Speaker 2>I have to think perhaps there's something else going on.

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<v Speaker 2>In fact, I heard this nugget one time, and it's

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<v Speaker 2>so instructive. When a reaction is out of proportion to

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<v Speaker 2>the inciting event, then there's something deeper going on. So

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<v Speaker 2>if you want to learn more about yourself, pay attention

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<v Speaker 2>to your reactions, what sets you off, what makes you uncomfortable,

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<v Speaker 2>what makes you unsettled. And if you are a person

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<v Speaker 2>who loves to grow personally, loves to heal, loves to change,

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<v Speaker 2>loves to become better, you will pay attention to what

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<v Speaker 2>is setting you off and you'll find you'll go down

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<v Speaker 2>to the roots, and then you can heal and grow well.

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<v Speaker 2>As I thought about it this week, James, there's another

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<v Speaker 2>way in which this phrase is true. That hurt people.

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<v Speaker 2>Hurt people. When someone you love dearly is hurting themselves

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<v Speaker 2>with their poor choices, with their life destructive and life

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<v Speaker 2>altering purpose choices, it is deeply hurtful and concerning to you. Again,

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<v Speaker 2>I refer to my oldest son and his years long

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<v Speaker 2>journey and slide into drug addiction and homelessness that was

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<v Speaker 2>so very painful to watch. I cannot tell you the

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<v Speaker 2>sleepless nights and the agony, the fear that would sweep

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<v Speaker 2>through us, the anxiety, the depression and despair, and the

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<v Speaker 2>utter helplessness because we had no power to change his choices,

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<v Speaker 2>to control him. And it was a long running battle.

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<v Speaker 2>And I tell you what that was, years and years

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<v Speaker 2>of pain. And it wasn't because we were, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>doing something wrong or making bad choices. The person that

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<v Speaker 2>we loved was suffering, and those choices he was making

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<v Speaker 2>were coming largely from his own inner pain. Well. As

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<v Speaker 2>it so often happens, James, it is nature that teaches

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<v Speaker 2>me important lessons about life. And this very day I

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<v Speaker 2>have a real time example. In my backyard. I have

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<v Speaker 2>large Grecian urns in which I have planted flowers. We

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<v Speaker 2>bought them early this spring while the greenhouses were full,

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<v Speaker 2>but with our bipolar weather it was still too cold,

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<v Speaker 2>so I sheltered. I sheltered all these beautiful little plants indoors.

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<v Speaker 2>I put them inside the plate glass window where they

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<v Speaker 2>could get the sun. I would move them outside, water them,

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<v Speaker 2>let them get the sunshine and fresh air for a bit,

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<v Speaker 2>and then I would put them back in well. One

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<v Speaker 2>of my tiny, one of my little ivy plants, began

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<v Speaker 2>to struggle, and by the time mother Nature had taken

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<v Speaker 2>her meds and calmed back and I could plant, it

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<v Speaker 2>was nearly dead. And I looked around for another one

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<v Speaker 2>like it. I could not find another one. Like it,

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<v Speaker 2>and I just thought, this is practically dead. I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to plant it anyway, And I began to think of

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<v Speaker 2>it as my little struggler. But I kept watering it.

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<v Speaker 2>I planted that little bitty struggler in Hope, and I

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<v Speaker 2>would water it and just keep an eye on it,

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<v Speaker 2>and it just languished. The other ivy vines were just flourishing,

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<v Speaker 2>trailing clear down almost to the ground, and this poor

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<v Speaker 2>little guy just couldn't couldn't really take root. Well, we

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<v Speaker 2>got back from vacation, and of all things, our sun

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<v Speaker 2>was here taking care of the property. It began to

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<v Speaker 2>turn green. Little by little, it began to green, and

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<v Speaker 2>it began to put out tendrils. It began to It

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<v Speaker 2>finally crested the lip of that beautiful planter and growing sideways,

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<v Speaker 2>and the brown disappeared. I was stunned, and I was thrilled,

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<v Speaker 2>and I thought of my son. I thought of all

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<v Speaker 2>those years where he was my struggler, and all I

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<v Speaker 2>could see was brown and death and destruction and decay.

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<v Speaker 2>But we never gave up on our struggler. We kept

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<v Speaker 2>watering him in faith, through our prayers, we kept we

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<v Speaker 2>would not let Hope die. It would have been so

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<v Speaker 2>easy to just let Hope die, but we loved him

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<v Speaker 2>too much, and that really wasn't a choice. And one day,

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<v Speaker 2>when the time was right, that struggling plant of mind

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<v Speaker 2>began to turn green, began to revive, began to grow,

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<v Speaker 2>and now his roots and his tendrils are going so

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<v Speaker 2>deep and so wide, and we are so grateful. Often

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<v Speaker 2>during that time, when all I could see was that

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<v Speaker 2>despair and that hopelessness, this thought would come to my mind.

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<v Speaker 2>Do not go by what your eyes can see, and

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<v Speaker 2>that is the absence of faith. So if you're a struggler,

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<v Speaker 2>take heart. If there's life, there is still hope for you.

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<v Speaker 2>And if someone you love is struggling, do not give up.

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<v Speaker 2>As long as there is life, there is hope for them.

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<v Speaker 2>God bless all the strugglers and those who love to him.

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<v Speaker 2>That's what I'm thinking about today.

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<v Speaker 1>God, it is so good to hear your voice. Rhonda.

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<v Speaker 1>Love you, love you, love you. Thank you for joining

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<v Speaker 1>us today, Rhonda, and We're not going to give up.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you. America's small caffeinated Mom, Rhonda Shock