Speaker 1: Still Stooping from mister Punch's dramatic Sequels by Saint John Hankin.
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Speaker 2: She stoops to conquer.
Speaker 1: Many people must have wondered where the happiness resulted from
Speaker 1: the marriage between Charles Marlowe, whose shyness with ladies, it
Speaker 1: will be remembered, prevented his ever having a word to
Speaker 1: say to any woman above the rank of a barmaid,
Speaker 1: and the vivacious Kate Hardcastle. The following sequel reveals the
Speaker 1: painful truth Dramatis personae Kate recorded by Karen.
Speaker 2: Savage Charles recorded by Peter Yearsley.
Speaker 1: Hardcastle recorded by Sarah O'Connor. The parlor of Charles Marlowe's house.
Speaker 1: He and Kate are sitting on opposite sides of the fire.
Speaker 1: Silence reigns, and Charles fidgets nervously Kate anticipation a remark
Speaker 1: subsequently made by PAULA Tankery six minutes Charles, finding his
Speaker 1: tongue with an effort.
Speaker 3: Er eh, exactly six minutes, Dear, since you made your
Speaker 3: last remark.
Speaker 1: Charles laughing uneasily and blushing.
Speaker 2: Ah ah ha.
Speaker 4: Well what are you going to say next?
Speaker 3: It's really time you made an observation of some kind,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 2: Um uh, I've nothing to say.
Speaker 3: Come make an effort. It's er a fine day, considering
Speaker 3: that it's raining steadily, dear, and has been for the
Speaker 3: past half hour. I hardly think that can be considered
Speaker 3: a fortunate opening.
Speaker 2: Confounded, so it is forgive me here, my dear. I
Speaker 2: didn't know what I was saying.
Speaker 4: You very seldom do dear to me.
Speaker 2: What a fool you must think me?
Speaker 1: Kate touched by his evident sincerity.
Speaker 4: Never mind, it's a shame to laugh at you. But
Speaker 4: you are rather absurd, you know.
Speaker 1: She goes over and kisses him. He accepts the caress
Speaker 1: with gratitude, but blushes painfully.
Speaker 2: I know, my love, but I've always been shy like that.
Speaker 3: It's an idiosyncrasy, not idiosyncrasy, dear, idiocy.
Speaker 4: The words are so much alike.
Speaker 2: Ah, now you're laughing at me.
Speaker 3: Of course I am goose, you see, dear. As long
Speaker 3: as you were a bachelor, it was all very well
Speaker 3: to be bashful. But now that we are married.
Speaker 4: I really think you ought to fight against it.
Speaker 2: Fight against it. I fight against it every hour of
Speaker 2: the day. Every morning, I say to myself, I really
Speaker 2: must get over this ridiculous shyness. I must try and
Speaker 2: show Kate how much I love her.
Speaker 3: You are curiously unsuccessful, Dear.
Speaker 2: I feel that, but it's not for lack of trying.
Speaker 2: Do you suppose, Kate, that anything but the strongest effort
Speaker 2: of will keeps me sitting in this chair at this moment?
Speaker 2: Do I ever, save under compulsion remain in the same
Speaker 2: room with any lady for more than five minutes? Why,
Speaker 2: my dear girl, if I didn't love you to distraction,
Speaker 2: I shouldn't remain here an instant.
Speaker 3: You certainly have a curious method of displaying an ardent attachment.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's most unfortunate. But I warned you, dear, didn't I?
Speaker 2: I told you all about my absurd bashfulness before we
Speaker 2: became engaged. You knew that the presence of ladies invariably
Speaker 2: reduced me to speechlessness before you accepted me.
Speaker 3: Not invariably, my love. What about your prowess with Missus
Speaker 3: Mantrap and Lady Betty Blackleg that you told me about.
Speaker 1: Charles blushes, crimson.
Speaker 3: Didn't they call you their agreeable rattle at the lady's
Speaker 3: club in town.
Speaker 2: I get on well enough with uh disreputable ladies, but
Speaker 2: you aren't disreputable.
Speaker 4: You are too modest, dear.
Speaker 3: Some of your conquests are quite respectable.
Speaker 4: Didn't I come.
Speaker 3: Upon you in the act of kissing and the housemaid yesterday?
Speaker 3: And no one can pretend that my housemaids aren't disreputable.
Speaker 2: Ah, yes, I'm not shy with housemaids.
Speaker 3: So I noticed I sent Anne away this morning. Hot Anne, Yes,
Speaker 3: and Sarah too.
Speaker 4: I thought I.
Speaker 3: Detected in you are lurking panchamp for Sarah.
Speaker 2: Yes, I liked Sarah.
Speaker 3: So now we haven't a single maid in the house.
Speaker 3: It's really very inconvenient.
Speaker 4: You must get others for you to make eyes at.
Speaker 3: Certainly not. By the way, is there any type of
Speaker 3: female domestic servant whom you do not find irresistibly attractive?
Speaker 3: Dark ones, fair ones, young ones, old ones, tall ones,
Speaker 3: short ones.
Speaker 1: He shakes his head at each question.
Speaker 4: Not one, I'm afraid not. Then I must do the
Speaker 4: housework myself.
Speaker 2: Charming, my dear Kate, how delightful. Put on a cap
Speaker 2: and apron and take a broom in your hand, and
Speaker 2: my bashfulness will vanish at once. I know it will.
Speaker 3: It seems the only course open to us, especially as
Speaker 3: there's no one else to sweep the rooms. But I
Speaker 3: wish you were not so unfortunately constituted.
Speaker 2: So do I. But after all we must accept facts
Speaker 2: and make the best of them. You stooped to conquer?
Speaker 2: You know you must go on stooping, Go and put
Speaker 2: on an apron at once.
Speaker 1: Scene two, Charles's special sitting room, where he is wont
Speaker 1: to hide hishness from visitors. Time a week later, Kate,
Speaker 1: in a print dress, cap and apron, is on her
Speaker 1: knees before the fireplace, cleaning up the hearth. Charles entering
Speaker 1: the room unperceived, stealing up behind her and giving her
Speaker 1: a sounding kiss.
Speaker 2: Still stooping, Kate.
Speaker 1: Charles Charles kissing her again.
Speaker 2: Oh Kate, Kate, what a charming little creature you are,
Speaker 2: and how much I love you?
Speaker 4: But how long will you go on? Loving me?
Speaker 2: Always? Dearest? In a cap and.
Speaker 1: Apron embraces her.
Speaker 3: It's rather hard that I should have to remain a
Speaker 3: housemaid permanently in order to retain my husband's affection.
Speaker 2: It is dear, I see that.
Speaker 3: However, there's nothing to be done, so I may as
Speaker 3: well accustom myself to the idea as soon as possible.
Speaker 1: Takes a broom and begins to sweep the floor.
Speaker 3: You don't think your absurd shyness is likely to diminish
Speaker 3: with time?
Speaker 2: It may, dear, but I think it would be unwise
Speaker 2: to count upon it. No, as far as I can see,
Speaker 2: the only thing to be done is for you to
Speaker 2: continue in your present occupation. You sweep charmingly for the
Speaker 2: rest of your natural life.
Speaker 1: Kate, sweeping industriously.
Speaker 4: What would my father say if he saw me?
Speaker 2: He won't see you. He hasn't been over since we
Speaker 2: were married.
Speaker 1: A ring is heard?
Speaker 4: Who's that?
Speaker 2: What does it matter? No one will be shown in here.
Speaker 2: Jenkins has orders never to bring visitors into my room.
Speaker 3: That's true.
Speaker 1: Returns to her sweeping. Suddenly the door opens and mister
Speaker 1: Hardcastle enters, with elaborate heartiness, thrusting aside Jenkins, who vainly
Speaker 1: tries to keep him out. Zune's man out of the way.
Speaker 1: Don't talk to me about the parlor. Can't I come
Speaker 1: and see my son in law in any room? My
Speaker 1: sjoels Charles mutters, an oath. Kate Dan's clutching her broom convulsively,
Speaker 1: facing her father. How'd you do, son in law? Kate,
Speaker 1: my dear, give me a kiss, Heaven's child. Don't stand
Speaker 1: there cleaning to a broomstick as though you're going to
Speaker 1: fly away with it. Come and kiss your old father.
Speaker 1: Kate drops the broom nervously and kisses him obediently. Charles
Speaker 1: endeavoring by the warmth of his welcome to divert attention
Speaker 1: from his wife.
Speaker 2: How do you do, sir, how do you do?
Speaker 1: Wringing his hand, Hardcastle noticing a small heap of dust
Speaker 1: on the carpet, which has been collected by Kate's exertions. Hey,
Speaker 1: what's this? Why I believe you were actually sweeping the room? Kate?
Speaker 3: I am sorry, father, that you should have found me
Speaker 3: so unsuitably employed, unsuitably.
Speaker 1: On the contrary, nothing could be more suitable.
Speaker 3: Come, Papa, don't you begin to be eccentric too.
Speaker 1: I'm not aware that there is anything eccentric about me.
Speaker 2: No, no, sir, of course not.
Speaker 1: But when I find my daughter laying aside her finery
Speaker 1: and looking after her house, I cannot conceal my satisfaction. Oh, Charles,
Speaker 1: you have improved her greatly. When she lived at home.
Speaker 1: You remember, I had hard enough work to persuade her
Speaker 1: to lay aside fine clothes and wear her housewife's dress
Speaker 1: in the evenings. As for sweeping, I never even ventured
Speaker 1: to suggest it. I should think not. And yet, Kate,
Speaker 1: if you knew how charming you look in a print,
Speaker 1: frock a cap and apron Kate laughing in spite of herself, you.
Speaker 3: Too, Really, Papa, I am ashamed of you. However, you
Speaker 3: seem both of you determined that I should pass the
Speaker 3: remainder of my days as a housemaid. So I suppose
Speaker 3: you must have your way. This is what comes of
Speaker 3: stooping to conquer. Now go away both of you and
Speaker 3: leave me to finish. Sweeping.
Speaker 1: Takes up broom again resolutely we will Kate come, Charles coming, sir,
Speaker 1: darting across to his wife and kissing her darling goose.
Speaker 1: He goes out hurriedly after Hardcastle. The end of still
Speaker 1: stooping