WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:08.080 I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage 2 00:00:08.119 --> 00:00:09.359 and I have three kids. 3 00:00:09.960 --> 00:00:12.359 I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came 4 00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:14.880 out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage. 5 00:00:15.359 --> 00:00:19.239 This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles 6 00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:20.640 and victories that come with it. 7 00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:22.920 When coming out feels like the end of the world, 8 00:00:23.320 --> 00:00:24.920 but it's really just the beginning. 9 00:00:25.640 --> 00:00:35.960 This is the Lesbian Chronicles. 10 00:00:37.280 --> 00:00:40.600 I am waiting to be joined by my co host Melissa. 11 00:00:42.320 --> 00:00:47.479 We have a lot to chat about today, starting with well, 12 00:00:47.560 --> 00:00:50.759 what a blast we had at Atlanta. Gross in Atlanta. 13 00:00:50.840 --> 00:00:54.479 I'm still posting pictures. They're coming in hot. Oh and 14 00:00:54.520 --> 00:00:58.079 look who just decided to join me four minutes late 15 00:00:58.159 --> 00:01:03.039 for the pod. It's four minutes late. 16 00:01:03.759 --> 00:01:04.799 I'm sorry. 17 00:01:05.280 --> 00:01:07.079 I'm not used to opening alone, but I did it. 18 00:01:07.120 --> 00:01:08.959 I did it because Melissa and my job. Ali. 19 00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:09.840 I'm proud of you. 20 00:01:10.040 --> 00:01:12.079 Melissa and I have an appointment at twelve fifteen, so 21 00:01:12.079 --> 00:01:14.319 I knew if I didn't get on it, we'd be 22 00:01:14.359 --> 00:01:14.799 in trouble. 23 00:01:15.280 --> 00:01:17.319 That's taking initiative. I like it right. 24 00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:20.519 Well, anyway, I have a topic that I want to 25 00:01:20.560 --> 00:01:22.640 get after today on aging. 26 00:01:23.799 --> 00:01:24.400 On aging. 27 00:01:24.439 --> 00:01:26.599 Okay, yeah, this is another one of those times where 28 00:01:26.640 --> 00:01:28.480 I don't know what the topic is, Yeah. 29 00:01:28.319 --> 00:01:31.680 Exactly, she's coming in, Okay, So let me tell you 30 00:01:31.959 --> 00:01:33.840 kind of what happened. So we have a block party 31 00:01:33.879 --> 00:01:36.879 in my neighborhood twice a year, and we're planning the 32 00:01:36.879 --> 00:01:41.680 block party now for April. And the women there are 33 00:01:41.760 --> 00:01:45.519 asking me like do I want to be single? Like 34 00:01:45.640 --> 00:01:47.799 do I wish I was in a relationship? Like just 35 00:01:47.879 --> 00:01:50.319 asking me lots of questions. And my neighborhood's very gay, 36 00:01:50.359 --> 00:01:50.640 as you know. 37 00:01:50.879 --> 00:01:52.799 I was going to say, are these straight women? Gay women? 38 00:01:52.879 --> 00:01:56.400 Gay women? Mostly gay women? Actually it's half gay, half straight. 39 00:01:56.799 --> 00:01:59.359 Last night, the planning committee is half gay, half straight, 40 00:01:59.480 --> 00:02:02.560 all women, okay, And they're just like, you know, digging 41 00:02:02.599 --> 00:02:04.519 in with me, like what do you you know, what's 42 00:02:04.599 --> 00:02:08.080 your deal? Like, asking lots of questions, and we have 43 00:02:08.159 --> 00:02:11.280 all ages we have. We run the gamut from you know, 44 00:02:11.439 --> 00:02:16.159 thirty five to probably fifty eight in the planning committee. 45 00:02:16.159 --> 00:02:19.120 So they're just asking questions. But anyway, the married couple, 46 00:02:19.199 --> 00:02:21.080 that's the gay couple that have been married a long 47 00:02:21.159 --> 00:02:23.520 long time. They're showing me pictures of when they met, 48 00:02:23.560 --> 00:02:26.960 and I swear to God, Melissa, they looked like twenty 49 00:02:27.000 --> 00:02:29.439 two year old doe eyed girls. I mean they were 50 00:02:29.560 --> 00:02:32.879 like baby baby girls. And now they've been together all 51 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:35.080 these years. They live across the street from me, they've 52 00:02:35.080 --> 00:02:39.120 got a daughter, and they're just two married lesbians. They're 53 00:02:39.120 --> 00:02:42.840 a little bit older than me, not much, but it 54 00:02:42.879 --> 00:02:45.039 got me thinking about how like do you ever see 55 00:02:45.199 --> 00:02:47.520 actors that you don't see all the time and then 56 00:02:47.680 --> 00:02:49.800 you see them again and you're like, fuck, they got 57 00:02:49.840 --> 00:02:51.000 old like. 58 00:02:50.960 --> 00:02:54.039 They Actually I thought that the other day. I mean 59 00:02:54.400 --> 00:02:56.599 Hairston Ford, that's one. 60 00:02:56.280 --> 00:02:59.879 Great example for ever Hotti Hotty Hotty in. 61 00:02:59.840 --> 00:03:03.719 The right like back in the Star Wars day and 62 00:03:04.280 --> 00:03:07.280 even into his gosh, he was probably in his forties 63 00:03:07.400 --> 00:03:10.800 right doing the Fugitive totally, you know, had that like 64 00:03:11.199 --> 00:03:15.360 rugged situation going on. And I saw him at an 65 00:03:15.400 --> 00:03:17.840 award show the other day and I was like, damn, 66 00:03:17.960 --> 00:03:19.280 he got old, right. 67 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:22.599 Well, do you ever worry that? Like I I guess 68 00:03:22.599 --> 00:03:25.719 I feel like I have. I worry that. It's like I'm, 69 00:03:26.000 --> 00:03:28.840 you know, just vulnerably I'm getting older, Like I'm over 70 00:03:28.919 --> 00:03:32.280 fifty now, I'm fifty one. I hate saying it, but 71 00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:35.000 it's like I do all the things I do, the 72 00:03:35.039 --> 00:03:37.599 skin stuff, I work out, I go to yoga, I go, 73 00:03:37.719 --> 00:03:40.639 I run, like I do all the things, but it's 74 00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:44.360 like you can't stop time, like you're just and the 75 00:03:44.400 --> 00:03:46.680 weeks are flying by. I think that's the other thing, 76 00:03:46.759 --> 00:03:48.960 Like with this planning committee, we have two a year. 77 00:03:49.039 --> 00:03:52.080 We just had the last one and now months have 78 00:03:52.159 --> 00:03:54.240 blown by and we're doing the other one, and I'm like, 79 00:03:54.319 --> 00:03:58.039 nothing's really changed, like I'm still here and it's not 80 00:03:58.199 --> 00:04:01.439 to be depressing. It's more just like the time is 81 00:04:01.520 --> 00:04:03.560 ticking by. And when I look at these other people, 82 00:04:03.639 --> 00:04:07.240 I'm like, shit, they got fucking old. And here these 83 00:04:07.319 --> 00:04:10.159 women are like asking me, like what's your plan, dude, 84 00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:12.280 Like do you want to meet some Like what are 85 00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:15.000 do you want to be single? Essentially is what they're 86 00:04:15.039 --> 00:04:19.199 asking me. And the answer is no, unequivocally no. And 87 00:04:19.560 --> 00:04:24.920 I guess I feel like it's hitting me more now. 88 00:04:24.959 --> 00:04:27.519 You're and you're saying from the standpoint of not just 89 00:04:27.519 --> 00:04:29.199 like physically aging. 90 00:04:29.240 --> 00:04:34.560 But like time is faring by somebody, yeah, or just 91 00:04:34.639 --> 00:04:37.839 like that feeling of like wow, I see how like 92 00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:39.519 in fact they were I don't want to be set 93 00:04:39.600 --> 00:04:41.279 up by them, Like I was laughing it was kind 94 00:04:41.279 --> 00:04:44.680 of funny, but they were like basically, oh, you know, 95 00:04:44.720 --> 00:04:46.800 they were talking about this group of women that are 96 00:04:46.839 --> 00:04:50.399 our age that are all still single and kind of 97 00:04:50.480 --> 00:04:52.879 like it's kind of a thing like maybe you just 98 00:04:52.879 --> 00:04:54.920 want to be single. We have all these friends that 99 00:04:54.959 --> 00:04:56.839 are single that just don't want to ever be in 100 00:04:56.879 --> 00:05:00.319 a relationship. But I think that is wonderful, but that's 101 00:05:00.360 --> 00:05:02.360 not me. And then I start to wonder do they 102 00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:04.319 really want to be single or are they just like 103 00:05:04.360 --> 00:05:07.399 now they've accepted that that's their fate. And so I do. 104 00:05:07.439 --> 00:05:11.040 Wonder that sometimes, like with I've met people, you know, 105 00:05:11.120 --> 00:05:14.199 in their sixties and they're just like, I'm done. I 106 00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:17.959 don't want to meet someone at this point right Like 107 00:05:18.560 --> 00:05:20.120 I don't, I don't expect to. 108 00:05:20.399 --> 00:05:22.560 And I'm also just fine with it. 109 00:05:22.600 --> 00:05:25.079 Is it fine with it? Or is it like it's 110 00:05:25.079 --> 00:05:27.240 like fine with it if you cook my steak wrong, 111 00:05:27.319 --> 00:05:29.120 but I still wish I had it medium rare. 112 00:05:29.319 --> 00:05:32.920 Yeah, that's what I wonder too. And I think, honestly, 113 00:05:33.360 --> 00:05:36.199 I feel like when straight women say that like I'm done, 114 00:05:36.399 --> 00:05:38.600 I'm good, they really mean it. 115 00:05:38.680 --> 00:05:40.439 You believe it because you're like, who would want to 116 00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:41.079 be with a man? 117 00:05:41.079 --> 00:05:41.879 Would want to be. 118 00:05:43.560 --> 00:05:45.680 Even my daughter says that she's like, I can do 119 00:05:45.720 --> 00:05:47.759 it for a minute, but I can't do middle aged 120 00:05:47.800 --> 00:05:50.399 man like, I know I'll be out, but she's just like, 121 00:05:50.959 --> 00:05:52.079 I know I'm going to be out. 122 00:05:52.720 --> 00:05:55.319 So it's like when a straight woman says that, I'm like, yeah, 123 00:05:55.480 --> 00:05:56.360 solid makes sense. 124 00:05:56.360 --> 00:05:58.959 I wouldn't want to do it either, But I don't know. 125 00:05:59.000 --> 00:06:05.040 With I'm like, I would want at least companionship, you know, 126 00:06:05.639 --> 00:06:07.399 But I think that a lot of. 127 00:06:07.319 --> 00:06:08.160 The time though too. 128 00:06:08.279 --> 00:06:10.879 With these women, their cup is filled with so many 129 00:06:10.879 --> 00:06:13.560 other things, you know, like they do have a good 130 00:06:13.560 --> 00:06:16.839 community and people behind them, and you can have all 131 00:06:16.879 --> 00:06:18.240 that hobbies and. 132 00:06:18.680 --> 00:06:20.800 Like, I think you can have all that, but is 133 00:06:20.879 --> 00:06:24.079 that the person that's sitting at your bedside when you 134 00:06:24.079 --> 00:06:28.000 get a terrible diagnosis, when your parent dies? Like, is 135 00:06:28.040 --> 00:06:31.040 that the intimacy of friendship? Is that enough? And yes? 136 00:06:31.720 --> 00:06:35.160 For many it is, like I don't I don't disagree 137 00:06:35.160 --> 00:06:37.720 with that. I guess I just feel like I don't know. 138 00:06:37.759 --> 00:06:40.040 It sort of hit me. It's like keeps happening, Like 139 00:06:40.120 --> 00:06:42.560 today my sister was talking to me about tech neck. 140 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:45.920 Do you know what tech neck is? No, Okay, I'm 141 00:06:45.959 --> 00:06:49.959 scared exactly. She's like, I'm getting tech neck, and I'm like, 142 00:06:50.040 --> 00:06:51.879 what the fuck is that. And she's a little older 143 00:06:51.879 --> 00:06:54.160 than me, but she's like, from staring at my computer, 144 00:06:54.279 --> 00:06:56.360 you get a line across your neck, and I'm like, oh, 145 00:06:56.439 --> 00:06:58.800 I have a line on my neck. I do too, 146 00:06:58.959 --> 00:07:01.600 Like I can see it. I know I do, And 147 00:07:01.639 --> 00:07:03.160 I'm like, that's technic. 148 00:07:03.480 --> 00:07:06.120 That's technic from looking down at your computer. 149 00:07:05.920 --> 00:07:08.480 I guess. But it's like those are That's one of 150 00:07:08.519 --> 00:07:11.199 a thousand things that are happening as you get older. 151 00:07:11.720 --> 00:07:16.079 Yeah, it is wild to me because turning forty, like 152 00:07:16.319 --> 00:07:17.959 I've heard between forty. 153 00:07:17.720 --> 00:07:19.199 To forty five is one of the times that you 154 00:07:19.279 --> 00:07:20.160 age the most. 155 00:07:21.199 --> 00:07:25.360 And it does feel like there's certain things where all 156 00:07:25.399 --> 00:07:28.040 of a sudden, like I've got this like random wrinkle and. 157 00:07:28.160 --> 00:07:31.000 Yeah, I didn't even see it forming no, you know. 158 00:07:31.560 --> 00:07:33.959 Or your eyes are more swollen in the morning, yeah 159 00:07:33.959 --> 00:07:36.680 than they were before. It's like I didn't used to 160 00:07:36.720 --> 00:07:37.519 wake up like this. 161 00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:38.560 Yeah. 162 00:07:38.759 --> 00:07:41.199 This was like two years ago at Pride. You know, 163 00:07:41.319 --> 00:07:42.839 I'd gone out the whole weekend. 164 00:07:43.360 --> 00:07:46.480 I had had a blast, but then by the time 165 00:07:46.560 --> 00:07:48.759 Sunday rolled around, I was so tired. 166 00:07:48.839 --> 00:07:51.240 And then the next day, Monday morning, I woke up 167 00:07:51.279 --> 00:07:53.120 and my eyes were swollen. 168 00:07:53.240 --> 00:07:55.959 Yeah, like under eyes. So it's never happened to me 169 00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:58.199 in my existence, right And I was like, welcome to 170 00:07:58.279 --> 00:07:59.800 forty exactly. 171 00:08:00.519 --> 00:08:03.120 That's what I'm saying. Like it's like, what the fuck? 172 00:08:03.920 --> 00:08:06.120 But I don't. I feel like I'm in the best 173 00:08:06.160 --> 00:08:09.480 physical shape of my life, Like I'm in my I'm 174 00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:12.160 working in a way that I love. I love my job, 175 00:08:12.279 --> 00:08:15.519 my kids are thriving right now. Like everything is hitting. 176 00:08:16.319 --> 00:08:19.800 So it's not like there's anything bad happening. Everything is hitting, 177 00:08:20.600 --> 00:08:22.959 but it's just this feeling of like I'm watching and 178 00:08:23.000 --> 00:08:25.800 then in yoga this morning, these young thirty year old women. 179 00:08:26.560 --> 00:08:29.160 I heard one of them say, I can't believe I'm thirty, 180 00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:32.320 and I thought, you can't believe you're fucking thirty. You're 181 00:08:32.399 --> 00:08:35.399 laying next to me, you have no idea, like I'm 182 00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:38.559 twenty years older than her in this class, and I 183 00:08:38.559 --> 00:08:42.480 guess it's just it's just flying by. What's happening. 184 00:08:42.840 --> 00:08:43.120 I know. 185 00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:46.759 I told I was talking to Breckon about this recently. 186 00:08:46.799 --> 00:08:49.559 My son. I was just like, you know, I can't 187 00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:53.360 believe that he's eleven going on twelve. 188 00:08:53.679 --> 00:08:57.440 Over a decade, thirteen going on fourteen. I'm like, where 189 00:08:57.480 --> 00:08:58.159 did that time go? 190 00:08:58.279 --> 00:09:00.159 Thank you? 191 00:09:00.159 --> 00:09:01.639 You guys were babies yesterday. 192 00:09:01.799 --> 00:09:04.440 That's it because I'll talk to them about stuff that 193 00:09:04.480 --> 00:09:06.240 they did as a baby or whatever, and they're like, 194 00:09:06.320 --> 00:09:09.159 we feel like you're talking about a completely different person. 195 00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:10.000 You don't know that. 196 00:09:10.240 --> 00:09:14.559 Yeah, I know, you're like nostalgic. Yeah, but it makes 197 00:09:14.600 --> 00:09:17.320 me think about, like, as we're doing the pitch, which 198 00:09:17.360 --> 00:09:20.399 I'm so into. I mean, I'm loving these pitches and 199 00:09:20.440 --> 00:09:23.120 we have people putting them together right now, but it's 200 00:09:23.200 --> 00:09:26.759 kind of like that. The feeling I'm getting is the 201 00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:30.679 risk that someone is willing to take to do the pitch. Like, 202 00:09:30.720 --> 00:09:31.720 it's not you're talking. 203 00:09:31.720 --> 00:09:33.399 They're talking about the dating the dating pitch. 204 00:09:33.440 --> 00:09:36.240 I guess let's talk about that, right, I'm going to say, yeah, okay, 205 00:09:36.799 --> 00:09:39.440 So Lesbian Chronicles, we're doing this thing called the pitch, 206 00:09:39.559 --> 00:09:42.279 and you can pitch your friend, you can pitch yourself, 207 00:09:42.679 --> 00:09:45.320 you can do any number of things. But you're if 208 00:09:45.360 --> 00:09:48.080 you're single and you want to meet someone and you're 209 00:09:48.120 --> 00:09:50.759 ready to meet someone, we want to hear a pitch 210 00:09:50.840 --> 00:09:53.679 from you, and you can go on our social media 211 00:09:53.720 --> 00:09:56.039 and see people that have done pitches. We just launched 212 00:09:56.080 --> 00:09:58.559 it less than a week ago, and so we have 213 00:09:58.679 --> 00:10:01.320 pitches coming in I have people dming saying I'm about 214 00:10:01.360 --> 00:10:03.080 to do a pitch or I'm getting waiting for my 215 00:10:03.159 --> 00:10:05.360 friend to do a pitch, and I can't believe, first 216 00:10:05.399 --> 00:10:07.600 of all, how friends are nervous to do the pitch 217 00:10:07.679 --> 00:10:10.320 for you, Like they feel nervous on camera. You don't 218 00:10:10.399 --> 00:10:12.200 need to. I sat on my front porch. Took me 219 00:10:12.240 --> 00:10:15.519 fifteen seconds to pitch the person I pitched like, it's 220 00:10:15.679 --> 00:10:18.960 it's very simple. I also want to say no hard feelings, 221 00:10:19.120 --> 00:10:22.039 like you may not meet anyone. It's a long game. 222 00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:24.960 So you might meet someone in three weeks, in six weeks, 223 00:10:25.000 --> 00:10:28.200 in a month, like you might just make some friends 224 00:10:28.200 --> 00:10:31.559 that follow you. You're gonna get something out of doing it, 225 00:10:31.639 --> 00:10:34.759 period hard stop, like something good will come of it. 226 00:10:34.799 --> 00:10:36.720 Every pitch we've done so far, what have we done? 227 00:10:36.720 --> 00:10:39.720 Three have had something positive come out? And one of 228 00:10:39.720 --> 00:10:41.600 the things Aaron said that I thought was so cool. 229 00:10:41.679 --> 00:10:44.159 She's like, if nothing else, if nothing comes of it 230 00:10:44.200 --> 00:10:46.799 at all, this was a fun ego boost. And then 231 00:10:46.840 --> 00:10:49.879 I saw somebody comment on hers. They just were like 232 00:10:49.960 --> 00:10:53.000 fuck yeah, Like this is an alternative to the dating apps. 233 00:10:53.799 --> 00:10:55.919 Do a fucking pitch. What are you scared of? 234 00:10:56.639 --> 00:10:56.879 Yeah? 235 00:10:56.879 --> 00:10:59.200 Like, what do you have to lose nothing zero. 236 00:10:59.639 --> 00:11:02.000 I mean, I think people have a hard time selling 237 00:11:02.039 --> 00:11:05.200 themselves sometimes, you know, like I think that there's people 238 00:11:05.200 --> 00:11:08.799 out there that can do it, you know, easily, and 239 00:11:08.840 --> 00:11:11.080 then it's like the other side of the spectrum where 240 00:11:11.080 --> 00:11:13.799 people are like no, no, no, no, like it's so 241 00:11:13.879 --> 00:11:16.120 hard for me to talk about myself or like say 242 00:11:16.159 --> 00:11:19.279 any anything. And also I think it's it's it's hard 243 00:11:19.320 --> 00:11:20.679 to to be like, well, what do I like, what 244 00:11:20.720 --> 00:11:23.559 do I like to do? And it and a little 245 00:11:23.600 --> 00:11:26.559 bit like if they're the kind of person that doesn't 246 00:11:26.559 --> 00:11:28.039 really like to go out a lot, I feel like 247 00:11:28.080 --> 00:11:29.960 those kind of people don't want to say that. 248 00:11:30.159 --> 00:11:31.039 You know, that's me. 249 00:11:31.200 --> 00:11:32.080 I say it all the time. 250 00:11:32.679 --> 00:11:34.879 Yeah, but some people are like, oh like that. They 251 00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:37.080 feel like it's not appealing, but it is appealing. 252 00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:39.159 It's totally appealing. That reminds me of the thing the 253 00:11:39.200 --> 00:11:42.759 planning party. One woman said, all my friends are CDC dorks, 254 00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:45.799 and I'm like, CDC dorks are the fucking rule of 255 00:11:45.840 --> 00:11:48.879 the world, Like, those are the best people. Who wants 256 00:11:48.919 --> 00:11:52.039 the person partying every weekend. I sure don't to me. 257 00:11:52.440 --> 00:11:56.399 You tell me CDC dork or somebody who's super social. 258 00:11:56.519 --> 00:12:00.559 I will take CDC dork every single time twice on Sunday. 259 00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:03.000 I will literally I won't it. It's no comparison. 260 00:12:03.320 --> 00:12:05.519 But it's also like, if you don't sell yourself, then 261 00:12:05.559 --> 00:12:06.240 who's going to? 262 00:12:07.000 --> 00:12:09.200 So you get your buddy to sell yourself or don't 263 00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:10.960 look at it as selling yourself. Look at it as 264 00:12:10.960 --> 00:12:12.960 saying what you want. So instead of getting on there 265 00:12:12.960 --> 00:12:15.120 and being like, oh, I'm so great, just get on 266 00:12:15.159 --> 00:12:17.360 through and be like I'm looking for a CDC dork. 267 00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:18.919 Yeah, like. 268 00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:21.559 Yeah, declare you. 269 00:12:21.519 --> 00:12:22.200 Are scared of it? 270 00:12:22.320 --> 00:12:22.519 Yeah? 271 00:12:22.600 --> 00:12:26.120 And say what you want totally. That's that's the other 272 00:12:26.159 --> 00:12:27.799 thing too. If you don't say what you want, you're 273 00:12:27.799 --> 00:12:28.159 not going to. 274 00:12:28.159 --> 00:12:32.559 Get it totally. And let people just DM you, let 275 00:12:32.639 --> 00:12:35.679 them follow you, let them. I mean one we did. 276 00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:39.879 She got a somebody who DMed her, and I looked 277 00:12:39.879 --> 00:12:43.720 at because I'm very, very invested in this one. It's Rachel, 278 00:12:44.480 --> 00:12:48.840 So the woman they DMed, and I just looked at 279 00:12:48.840 --> 00:12:51.440 the person to see like if this could be a match. 280 00:12:51.480 --> 00:12:55.080 She's a fucking badass, like anybody would be lucky to 281 00:12:55.159 --> 00:12:58.639 date her. So I'm like that, you know, maybe nothing 282 00:12:58.639 --> 00:13:00.759 will happen, Maybe they'll be friends, maybe they'll just hang 283 00:13:00.799 --> 00:13:02.639 out in Seattle and go out to a bar and 284 00:13:02.679 --> 00:13:06.559 meet other people. But there is nothing bad that could 285 00:13:06.600 --> 00:13:10.679 come from that, because these are two very cool Seattle 286 00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:12.799 women that don't know each other yet. 287 00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:14.559 Well. And that's the other thing too, It's like you 288 00:13:14.559 --> 00:13:15.919 never know who someone else knows. 289 00:13:16.039 --> 00:13:17.519 You never know who someone else knows. 290 00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:20.279 Maybe someone DMS you and you're like, like, I'm not 291 00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:22.960 feeling it. That doesn't mean you brushed that person off entirely, 292 00:13:22.960 --> 00:13:24.799 because this could be a good new friend to have 293 00:13:24.840 --> 00:13:27.840 that lives in your city and they might know someone. 294 00:13:28.440 --> 00:13:32.039 You might actually know someone that's good for them exactly. 295 00:13:32.879 --> 00:13:34.919 So I'm a connector too. 296 00:13:35.399 --> 00:13:35.879 I am too. 297 00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:36.840 Yeah, I am too. 298 00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:39.639 I just had a friend or someone on Instagram reach 299 00:13:39.639 --> 00:13:41.279 out to me say that they're kind of new to 300 00:13:41.320 --> 00:13:42.960 the community, and I was like, wholl I know someone 301 00:13:42.960 --> 00:13:45.559 who lives in your city. Follow them yep, And I 302 00:13:45.679 --> 00:13:48.720 let that person know, and so yeah, like, if you 303 00:13:48.759 --> 00:13:50.919 can think of ways to like bridge the gap with 304 00:13:51.000 --> 00:13:53.279 people and bring people together, like do it. 305 00:13:53.440 --> 00:13:56.279 If somebody called me and said, hey, Ali, I've got 306 00:13:56.279 --> 00:13:58.759 a friend that just moved to Atlanta. She wants to 307 00:13:58.799 --> 00:14:00.759 go to an event that I You're going to be 308 00:14:00.840 --> 00:14:06.360 there will you meet her. I promise you I am 309 00:14:06.399 --> 00:14:09.840 showing up and making sure that that person is completely 310 00:14:10.120 --> 00:14:14.039 taking care of that evening. I remember when Kat joined 311 00:14:14.039 --> 00:14:15.879 our group and we ended up at a party and 312 00:14:15.919 --> 00:14:18.039 I waited for her to get there. I waited to 313 00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:21.360 see her. I made sure she was introduced to everybody 314 00:14:21.399 --> 00:14:24.039 in the room. I mean, these are common courtesies. It's 315 00:14:24.120 --> 00:14:26.759 like we could all do this for each other and 316 00:14:26.799 --> 00:14:28.759 make it so that you're not alone, because the truth is, 317 00:14:28.799 --> 00:14:30.559 I don't want to show up at something alone either. 318 00:14:31.639 --> 00:14:32.799 Yeah, exactly. 319 00:14:33.679 --> 00:14:35.600 And I think that's one of those things that you know, 320 00:14:35.679 --> 00:14:39.200 someone mentioned on one of our previous episodes that they 321 00:14:39.200 --> 00:14:42.799 had learned something about like manners and being at dinner 322 00:14:42.919 --> 00:14:46.000 and you know, and I think that's just it, Like 323 00:14:46.159 --> 00:14:49.240 I don't feel like my I was trained properly and 324 00:14:49.320 --> 00:14:52.120 how to do these like interactions socially like to be 325 00:14:52.679 --> 00:14:52.879 you know. 326 00:14:53.320 --> 00:14:56.080 But it's like I've learned along the way that you know, like. 327 00:14:56.279 --> 00:14:59.039 If someone comes up in the conversation, you turn towards 328 00:14:59.039 --> 00:15:01.600 them and you bring them into the conversation. They have 329 00:15:01.679 --> 00:15:05.320 you met so and so, Yep, It's it's just a courtesy. 330 00:15:05.360 --> 00:15:06.720 It makes that person feel welcome. 331 00:15:06.799 --> 00:15:10.799 It also lessens that like fear of coming up to 332 00:15:10.840 --> 00:15:11.399 other people. 333 00:15:11.720 --> 00:15:13.639 Let me tell you something else that I noticed that 334 00:15:13.720 --> 00:15:16.840 happened at Lanta Cross where we're standing in a group 335 00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:20.600 and somebody is there having it. Somebody walks up and 336 00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:24.679 they start having a conversation and didn't introduce me. So 337 00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:27.639 I'm standing there. I'm fine because I knew a lot 338 00:15:27.639 --> 00:15:31.320 of other people there, but I felt like it was 339 00:15:31.320 --> 00:15:33.799 a misstep. And so even if you don't know the 340 00:15:33.840 --> 00:15:36.919 person's name or you're scared because you're forgetting someone's name, 341 00:15:37.080 --> 00:15:40.159 you are better off in that situation to say, oh, 342 00:15:40.279 --> 00:15:42.759 I'm so embarrassed, I forget your name, tell me again, 343 00:15:43.399 --> 00:15:47.799 and making the introduction, then standing there having a conversation 344 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:50.519 and not introducing the third person. 345 00:15:51.080 --> 00:15:53.759 Yeah, or you just say hey, this is my friend Ali, Yeah, 346 00:15:53.840 --> 00:15:54.120 or just. 347 00:15:54.120 --> 00:15:56.639 Say half of it and let them finish, you, got it. 348 00:15:56.879 --> 00:15:58.639 That's another way to do it. But what you don't 349 00:15:58.639 --> 00:15:59.879 do is ignore the problem. 350 00:16:00.559 --> 00:16:03.879 I mean, hell, I even introduced you to my best 351 00:16:03.879 --> 00:16:07.919 friend's ex boyfriends from like ten years ago did and 352 00:16:08.519 --> 00:16:10.799 it just because like you walked up and it's like, hey, 353 00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:12.000 this guy. 354 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:13.120 He's one of your neighbors. 355 00:16:13.240 --> 00:16:13.519 Yep. 356 00:16:13.759 --> 00:16:15.799 And yeah, I mean, I don't know. 357 00:16:15.879 --> 00:16:19.879 I think I think that's it's a good mindset to 358 00:16:19.919 --> 00:16:22.519 have as far as like you know, you're looking to. 359 00:16:22.480 --> 00:16:25.559 Fill your cup. Yep, fill other people's cup one. 360 00:16:25.399 --> 00:16:27.600 Thousand percent and it will come back tenfold. 361 00:16:27.960 --> 00:16:30.360 So if you have if you want to be pitched, 362 00:16:30.840 --> 00:16:33.559 maybe think about some a friend that could be pitched too, 363 00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:35.279 and you guys pick each other. 364 00:16:35.720 --> 00:16:38.440 Yeah, yeah, or just like I love how one of 365 00:16:38.480 --> 00:16:40.919 the recent pitches. She's just like, give me a minute 366 00:16:40.919 --> 00:16:43.519 to think about who would be a good one to 367 00:16:43.559 --> 00:16:46.519 do for me? And then she said she's like, I'm 368 00:16:46.559 --> 00:16:48.720 gonna work on it. I'll have something tomorrow. And she 369 00:16:48.919 --> 00:16:53.000 did versus like I don't know, like there's something so 370 00:16:53.279 --> 00:16:57.279 badass about doing it. Don't be scared, there's nothing only 371 00:16:57.320 --> 00:17:00.240 good will come of it or nothing nothing will of 372 00:17:00.279 --> 00:17:01.559 it or good well. 373 00:17:01.639 --> 00:17:04.920 And it's like my therapist the other day, I was 374 00:17:04.960 --> 00:17:06.720 talking to her about this audition that I was doing 375 00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:08.480 and I was nervous about it, and she's like, what's 376 00:17:08.519 --> 00:17:11.599 the worst case scenario, Like the worst case is that 377 00:17:11.599 --> 00:17:12.319 I'm not going to get it. 378 00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:14.119 She's like, what's the best case that I'll get it? 379 00:17:14.440 --> 00:17:17.519 And she's like, there you go. So now go for it. 380 00:17:17.640 --> 00:17:20.960 The worst case scenario here, but you don't connect with anybody. 381 00:17:21.079 --> 00:17:22.440 Okay, you may not. 382 00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:25.519 You probably won't, that's the reality. But you'll have a 383 00:17:25.559 --> 00:17:28.359 few people who follow you, you'll follow some new people. 384 00:17:28.680 --> 00:17:31.440 You're only going to miss the shots you don't take, right. 385 00:17:31.759 --> 00:17:34.240 So, speaking of the shots, I love them. 386 00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:35.240 Oh my god, me too. 387 00:17:36.319 --> 00:17:36.839 Hilarious. 388 00:17:36.920 --> 00:17:39.079 I know she is hilarious. I thought later, like is 389 00:17:39.119 --> 00:17:42.799 she single? Like she would be a great one. Somebody 390 00:17:42.839 --> 00:17:46.599 should pitch. Yeah, so this thing is just getting ramped up. 391 00:17:46.759 --> 00:17:48.960 Get your shit together and do a freaking pitch. 392 00:17:49.279 --> 00:17:51.559 And that's just it. It can be funny, it. 393 00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:53.599 Can be funny. Do yourself to. 394 00:17:53.799 --> 00:17:57.960 Be Yeah, Sarah did one for herself. She was I 395 00:17:58.000 --> 00:17:59.319 told her confident. 396 00:17:59.240 --> 00:18:03.160 First take, fantastic. It was like, no, don't overthink it, 397 00:18:03.440 --> 00:18:06.880 don't do fifteen iterations, just freaking get on camera and 398 00:18:06.920 --> 00:18:10.279 start talking. I had read film mine and so he's 399 00:18:10.319 --> 00:18:12.319 like very impatient. So he was like, get know what 400 00:18:12.319 --> 00:18:15.440 you're gonna say, because I'm doing this one time. And 401 00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:17.920