WEBVTT 1 00:00:04.440 --> 00:00:07.280 Monday nights always felt a little magical to me, which 2 00:00:07.320 --> 00:00:11.400 probably sounds ridiculous, but after eight years of marriage to Dylan, 3 00:00:11.759 --> 00:00:15.039 I didn't mind finding the magic where I could small 4 00:00:15.160 --> 00:00:18.559 candle at dinners, the quiet promise of a week warming up, 5 00:00:18.839 --> 00:00:22.079 the steady pulse of the city reflecting off the kitchen windows. 6 00:00:22.839 --> 00:00:25.280 Dylan and I, both caught up in the churn of 7 00:00:25.320 --> 00:00:28.160 city life, made a habit out of wrapping our weeks 8 00:00:28.199 --> 00:00:32.719 in these little rituals. Trivia Mondays were his, not mine, 9 00:00:33.000 --> 00:00:35.280 but for a long time it felt like a part 10 00:00:35.320 --> 00:00:38.679 of us, one of those shared understandings that made our 11 00:00:38.719 --> 00:00:42.920 marriage feel effortless. That evening, Chicago was in one of 12 00:00:42.920 --> 00:00:46.159 those deep late winter moods, all olive, gray sky and 13 00:00:46.200 --> 00:00:50.119 brittle wind pushing in through the old window seams. I 14 00:00:50.200 --> 00:00:53.159 was slicing up some left over sourdough, listening for the 15 00:00:53.240 --> 00:00:56.719 rattle of the elevator gears, half expecting him to burst 16 00:00:56.719 --> 00:01:00.359 in with his usual Trivia night adrenaline, details about the 17 00:01:00.359 --> 00:01:05.840 weirdest questions, Olivia's antics, the classic bickering over music rounds. 18 00:01:06.439 --> 00:01:09.400 But when the door finally clicked open, Dylan slipped in 19 00:01:09.439 --> 00:01:13.680 as quietly as the weather outside, not bothering with cheerful greetings, 20 00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:16.599 or even teasing me about my record of missing out 21 00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:19.959 on the glory of the Monday Crew. He closed the 22 00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:22.719 door gently and didn't look up until he was half 23 00:01:22.760 --> 00:01:25.840 way out of his coat, eyes somewhere near my shoes. 24 00:01:26.920 --> 00:01:30.239 You're late, I said, trying for playful, but my voice 25 00:01:30.280 --> 00:01:34.560 caught on the silence. Win or lose? I'd always asked it, 26 00:01:34.680 --> 00:01:39.480 just like that. He always had some ridiculous answer. He hesitated, 27 00:01:39.680 --> 00:01:42.920 mouth curving into a near smile. Weird set to Night 28 00:01:43.280 --> 00:01:46.959 did a whole section on Chicago author's nobody could remember 29 00:01:46.959 --> 00:01:50.560 the guy who wrote the Coast of Chicago, Olivia was pissed. 30 00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:55.159 His laugh was small and his energy lagged. But I 31 00:01:55.239 --> 00:01:58.200 caught something else, the faintest edge of sharpness on his 32 00:01:58.280 --> 00:02:01.200 shirt as he moved past me. Not his usual seed 33 00:02:01.359 --> 00:02:06.599 and laundry mix, a note of something sweet, layered and unfamiliar, powdery, 34 00:02:06.840 --> 00:02:10.039 and just a shade too floral for this kitchen. My 35 00:02:10.159 --> 00:02:13.719 brain caught at it, then lost it. Your acting like 36 00:02:13.759 --> 00:02:16.960 you ran a marathon, not trivia, I called after him, 37 00:02:17.039 --> 00:02:20.159 as he breezed into the living room, ignoring the bread 38 00:02:20.199 --> 00:02:25.039 and the wine. Our usual decompression routine. He just waved 39 00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:29.199 a hand. I'm tired, need a shower, babe. No winding 40 00:02:29.199 --> 00:02:32.560 into our shared post trivia recap, no gentle ribbing about 41 00:02:32.599 --> 00:02:35.840 some friends. Melt on over a geography question. I watched 42 00:02:35.919 --> 00:02:39.560 him as he disappeared, trying to recalibrate. I lingered over 43 00:02:39.599 --> 00:02:42.240 the sound of the shower, the way he hummed tunelessly 44 00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:46.039 behind a closed door. Carefree notes, but something about them 45 00:02:46.080 --> 00:02:50.000 twisted strangely in my chest. I perched on my phone, 46 00:02:50.159 --> 00:02:53.199 flicking through recipes, half watching the city drift by. When 47 00:02:53.280 --> 00:02:56.879 my screen pinged a trivia group chat, a whole motley 48 00:02:56.879 --> 00:03:00.759 collection from Dylan's college days and my art school friends. Olivia, 49 00:03:00.840 --> 00:03:03.800 as always, had posted a photo. Every One crammed around 50 00:03:03.800 --> 00:03:07.080 the bars, long for Mica table mugs raised, Dylan in 51 00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:10.960 the center. I scanned faces, counted heads, No me, of course, 52 00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:15.520 and no Sam, Olivia's boyfriend either. Olivia's next message, best 53 00:03:15.560 --> 00:03:19.759 inside joke ever, Dylan, You're on thin ice with a 54 00:03:19.840 --> 00:03:24.240 wink and the orange heart emoji. No explanation, just a 55 00:03:24.280 --> 00:03:28.240 spray of laughing emojis from Anna and Alex. I caught 56 00:03:28.280 --> 00:03:31.520 myself smiling and was about to ask Dylan what that meant. 57 00:03:31.520 --> 00:03:35.479 When he reappeared in sweats, rubbing his hair, he glanced 58 00:03:35.520 --> 00:03:38.759 over my shoulder and saw the thread. For a second, 59 00:03:39.080 --> 00:03:41.479 I thought I saw something pinch at his eyes before 60 00:03:41.479 --> 00:03:45.240 he looked away. What's this about you being on thin ice? 61 00:03:45.639 --> 00:03:49.240 I teased, nudging him with my phone. Normally he'd jump 62 00:03:49.280 --> 00:03:53.960 into the details, half embarrassed, half browed, but he just shrugged, 63 00:03:54.159 --> 00:03:57.560 settling on to the edge of the couch. Olivia being Olivia, 64 00:03:57.879 --> 00:04:00.800 you know how she gets. He immediately reached for the 65 00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:04.560 remote and flipped channels, the blue TV light washing the room, 66 00:04:04.879 --> 00:04:09.520 making everything look blank and a little impersonal. Let's watch something. Yeah, 67 00:04:10.520 --> 00:04:12.919 he didn't want to unpack the night. He didn't even 68 00:04:12.919 --> 00:04:15.319 want me in the mix. I sat next to him, 69 00:04:15.560 --> 00:04:20.160 tense and a little ridiculous, still cradling my phone. Was 70 00:04:20.199 --> 00:04:22.839 it possible I was making something out of nothing? Was 71 00:04:22.879 --> 00:04:25.720 he just tired? But as the night stretched and he 72 00:04:25.759 --> 00:04:29.079 physically pulled away from my side, face slack behind the 73 00:04:29.079 --> 00:04:32.600 TV screen, I couldn't ignore the loose threads unspooling in 74 00:04:32.680 --> 00:04:36.160 my mind, that smell on his shirt, the smile that 75 00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:40.480 didn't quite crack open. The subject switched with prickly suddenness. 76 00:04:40.480 --> 00:04:43.920 When he saw Olivia's message from the left side of 77 00:04:43.959 --> 00:04:47.360 the sofa, he tried for easy You're not missing out promise, 78 00:04:47.720 --> 00:04:51.600 same old crew. I looked back at the photograph, at 79 00:04:51.600 --> 00:04:54.600 the way everyone seemed a little too happy, eyes bright 80 00:04:54.720 --> 00:04:58.279 behind pints and trivia cards. It was subtle, the way 81 00:04:58.399 --> 00:05:01.720 Dylan's arm curled behind us Olivia, the way Anna's chin 82 00:05:01.839 --> 00:05:04.920 tucked slyly into her mug. But it made me feel, 83 00:05:05.120 --> 00:05:07.759 for the first time in years, like a tourist in 84 00:05:07.839 --> 00:05:10.680 my own life. What was I actually missing on these 85 00:05:10.720 --> 00:05:14.360 Monday nights. Dylan was the reason I'd fallen for this 86 00:05:14.439 --> 00:05:17.959 whole world in the first place. Before Chicago, before I 87 00:05:17.959 --> 00:05:20.600 found my footing as a freelance designer with a patchwork 88 00:05:20.680 --> 00:05:24.920 schedule and a million gig contracts, I've been floating and tethered, 89 00:05:25.160 --> 00:05:27.800 fresh out of a messy apartment with two friends who 90 00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:31.720 loved bad wine and worse indie band posters. Dylan had 91 00:05:31.720 --> 00:05:34.120 breezed into my life during a gallery opening in the 92 00:05:34.120 --> 00:05:38.519 West Loop, all quick wit and unapologetic confidence, a kind 93 00:05:38.519 --> 00:05:41.040 of energy that snapped me out of my own jumble. 94 00:05:41.959 --> 00:05:45.839 He was an architect, tall, animated, never missing a detail 95 00:05:46.319 --> 00:05:48.720 from the first he had a knack for making every 96 00:05:48.759 --> 00:05:52.199 interaction feel like a secret, a shared language built of 97 00:05:52.279 --> 00:05:56.079 jokes that only we could fully decode. My friends noticed 98 00:05:56.120 --> 00:06:00.120 it immediately. You're funnier with him around, Anna used to say, 99 00:06:00.319 --> 00:06:04.199 grinning at me over mimosas we built our social life 100 00:06:04.240 --> 00:06:08.360 around that energy, Weekends brimming with dinner parties and gallery nights, 101 00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:12.519 brunches that stretched until sunset, friends drifting through our flat 102 00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:16.079 and never quite leaving on time. My college roommates pared 103 00:06:16.079 --> 00:06:19.399 off with Dylan's college buddies, and our friend's circles fused 104 00:06:19.439 --> 00:06:23.439 almost overnight. Even trivia Night, which started as a lark 105 00:06:23.800 --> 00:06:28.480 Olivia's way of coaxing everyone out, became a fixture on Mondays. 106 00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:31.000 I'd join if I could, or enjoy the stories if 107 00:06:31.040 --> 00:06:35.199 I couldn't. We would debrief everything, trading notes on every 108 00:06:35.199 --> 00:06:38.439 one's funniest answer, the best team name, the way the 109 00:06:38.480 --> 00:06:41.959 bartender sang along to Bowie. It wasn't about the trivia. 110 00:06:42.240 --> 00:06:44.800 It was about being part of something large and living 111 00:06:45.120 --> 00:06:49.839 electric with possibility. Dylan's enthusiasm for sharing was one of 112 00:06:49.879 --> 00:06:53.639 his best qualities. He was always the orchestrator, the life 113 00:06:53.639 --> 00:06:56.399 of the group, the first to suggest an after party 114 00:06:56.639 --> 00:06:59.240 and the first to toast to whatever the occasion was. 115 00:07:00.319 --> 00:07:02.759 Early on, I gotten a little lost in that swirl. 116 00:07:03.199 --> 00:07:06.040 Sometimes I worried I was the least interesting at our table, 117 00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:09.079 an introvert nestled into the edges of a dazzling circle. 118 00:07:09.560 --> 00:07:12.240 Dylan always brushed it off, tugging me closer with a 119 00:07:12.279 --> 00:07:14.879 hand on my knee or a passing joke, his eyes 120 00:07:14.920 --> 00:07:17.920 soft and fond when he got hit on, even by 121 00:07:17.959 --> 00:07:21.920 our friends. Olivia especially, had always been a flirt. He'd 122 00:07:22.000 --> 00:07:24.439 raise his eyebrows and shoot me a look that said 123 00:07:24.879 --> 00:07:28.120 as if I hung on to that. The two of 124 00:07:28.199 --> 00:07:32.680 us shared everything, silly design projects, at home, cooking experiments, 125 00:07:32.959 --> 00:07:36.680 even the secret language of other people's relationships. We could 126 00:07:36.720 --> 00:07:40.800 read friend's tensions across a crowded bar, deconstruct an argument, 127 00:07:41.079 --> 00:07:44.879 and slide home to bed, arms and legs tangled, full 128 00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:47.959 of that sense of us against the room. That comfort, 129 00:07:48.279 --> 00:07:52.839 that mutual knowing was our gravity. But lately the threads 130 00:07:52.839 --> 00:07:55.199 that made us tighten it felt as if they were loosening. 131 00:07:55.759 --> 00:07:59.720 My design contracts had multiplied and overlapped. I was working late, 132 00:08:00.079 --> 00:08:04.000 grumpy at my laptop, missing dinners. Dylan's jobs, too, had 133 00:08:04.000 --> 00:08:08.319 gotten heavier clients with deep pockets and impossible deadlines, building 134 00:08:08.360 --> 00:08:12.120 sites with endless issues. I'd notice some nights that we'd 135 00:08:12.120 --> 00:08:15.600 snap at each other more easily than before. Our affection 136 00:08:15.759 --> 00:08:20.160 retreated behind routines, the little bump of a toe at midnight, 137 00:08:20.519 --> 00:08:22.879 the text at three when one of us couldn't sleep, 138 00:08:23.279 --> 00:08:28.079 Those things faded. Dylan, always a hugger, had started drifting away, 139 00:08:28.399 --> 00:08:31.279 even from the casual reaches for my shoulder or my hand. 140 00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:34.840 He defaulted to his phone, burrowed in the kitchen, forgot 141 00:08:34.840 --> 00:08:37.440 to buy the bread he'd promised. But I chalked it 142 00:08:37.519 --> 00:08:40.000 up to growing up, to the way work and age 143 00:08:40.039 --> 00:08:43.960 pressed in on everyone, even the shiny couples. That was life. 144 00:08:44.039 --> 00:08:47.440 I reminded myself. That was us still here together in 145 00:08:47.480 --> 00:08:52.279 this overfull city, wasn't it. Two weeks after Olivia's inside 146 00:08:52.320 --> 00:08:55.759 joke text, I hosted a dinner party. It was Friday, 147 00:08:56.080 --> 00:08:59.480 the city thawing slightly, our apartment full of warm chatter 148 00:08:59.679 --> 00:09:02.720 and the cling of red wine on glass. I'd made 149 00:09:02.720 --> 00:09:05.799 too much pastor, and the crowd, our trivia crew plus 150 00:09:05.840 --> 00:09:08.879 a couple of outlier friends, spilled from chairs on to 151 00:09:08.960 --> 00:09:12.600 the floor, shouting about the worst trivia fails, who guessed 152 00:09:12.639 --> 00:09:15.440 Tennessee as a color, who been dared to flirt with 153 00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:19.840 the bartender. Olivia, already on her second Negroni and glowing 154 00:09:19.879 --> 00:09:24.320 as ever, leaned in as Dylan cleared plates. Don't tempt fate, 155 00:09:24.679 --> 00:09:27.559 dil or I'll tell your wife what happened at trivia 156 00:09:27.639 --> 00:09:31.240 the other night. Dylan shot her a look, a mix 157 00:09:31.279 --> 00:09:34.879 of annoyance and something else sharp and loaded. I caught 158 00:09:34.879 --> 00:09:37.159 it out of the corner of my eye, and, propelled 159 00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:40.919 by curiosity, prodded, O, K now, I want to know 160 00:09:41.399 --> 00:09:45.840 what did my husband do? He barely paused. Just dumb 161 00:09:45.879 --> 00:09:49.360 trivia drama, he said, aiming a smile at Olivia that 162 00:09:49.399 --> 00:09:52.799 looked more warning than warmth. Trust me, Babe, had to 163 00:09:52.840 --> 00:09:58.679 be there. Olivia giggled, waving her hands dismissively. Anna, sitting 164 00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:01.720 to my right, changed the subject to the newest tacco 165 00:10:01.799 --> 00:10:05.960 place in Loggun Square. Later, the clatter wound down, we 166 00:10:06.039 --> 00:10:08.600 shewed away the last hangers on washed up together in 167 00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:12.519 our two small kitchen. I watched Dylan mouth set eyes 168 00:10:12.600 --> 00:10:15.360 down as he scrubbed a pan that wasn't actually dirty. 169 00:10:15.759 --> 00:10:18.159 When I tapped his hip with mine, ready to joke 170 00:10:18.200 --> 00:10:21.960 about his trivia mystery. He glanced at the clock. It's late, 171 00:10:22.120 --> 00:10:25.759 em His voice was soft, but his posture was retreat. 172 00:10:26.799 --> 00:10:29.200 He barely brushed my lips when he said good night. 173 00:10:29.799 --> 00:10:33.120 In bed, I curled toward his back, feeling the degree 174 00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:37.240 of separation in the space between us. Was I overreacting? 175 00:10:37.639 --> 00:10:41.720 Had I become paranoid? Haunted by some adolescent suspicion These 176 00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:46.600 things happened in marriages, I told myself, lulls, stale patches, distractions. 177 00:10:47.039 --> 00:10:49.559 But as I burrowed into my corner of the blanket, 178 00:10:49.600 --> 00:10:54.120 the image of Olivia's face, smiling, almost daring, flickered in 179 00:10:54.200 --> 00:10:59.879 my mind. What really happened at trivia? Over the next month, tiny, inconsistent, 180 00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:02.720 He's crept in, each more pronounced than the last, but 181 00:11:02.759 --> 00:11:07.559 always plausibly deniable. Dylan's trivia mondays, once wrapped by ten thirty, 182 00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:11.600 started stretching later and later. He'd come home long after midnight, 183 00:11:11.799 --> 00:11:16.000 apologizing in a yawn. Sorry, we went on forever, but seriously, 184 00:11:16.039 --> 00:11:18.919 it's just the usual. I promise you're not missing much. 185 00:11:19.399 --> 00:11:23.360 He stopped inviting me along. It's gotten kind of boring. Honestly, 186 00:11:24.399 --> 00:11:27.159 you probably have better things to do than listen to 187 00:11:27.240 --> 00:11:31.039 us argue about the capital of Belarus for the sixth time. 188 00:11:32.159 --> 00:11:35.159 One night, I heard him in the shower, genuinely laughing, 189 00:11:35.440 --> 00:11:39.240 belly deep, unguarded. I was so surprised. I stood in 190 00:11:39.240 --> 00:11:42.440 the hallway for a moment, listening when he emerged, wrapped 191 00:11:42.480 --> 00:11:45.200 in a towel, with a slightly stunned look on his face. 192 00:11:45.440 --> 00:11:49.879 I asked, what was so funny. His eyes slid away, 193 00:11:50.639 --> 00:11:55.320 just remembered something Olivia said about Alex's first date. Stupid, really, 194 00:11:55.720 --> 00:11:58.919 he shrugged, but he wasn't smiling any more. I pressed, 195 00:11:59.120 --> 00:12:02.840 like what, he stammered, I can't even remember now, Honestly, 196 00:12:03.080 --> 00:12:08.000 it's late. He retreated before I could ask again. One Wednesday, 197 00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:10.879 hunting for chapstick in his coat, I pulled out a 198 00:12:10.919 --> 00:12:14.639 crumpled receipt. The bar's logo jumped out at me. But 199 00:12:14.720 --> 00:12:17.919 it wasn't their usual trivia spot. This was a cocktail 200 00:12:17.919 --> 00:12:21.840 bar miles across town, dated last Monday, the very night 201 00:12:21.879 --> 00:12:25.039 I thought trivia was happening at the regular pub. My 202 00:12:25.159 --> 00:12:28.480 stomach squeezed, but I told myself it was probably just 203 00:12:28.519 --> 00:12:31.480 a one off. I met Anna for coffee a few 204 00:12:31.519 --> 00:12:34.519 days later, both of us frazzled from work, When I 205 00:12:34.559 --> 00:12:37.159 tried to catch up with her about trivia, she fidgeted, 206 00:12:37.320 --> 00:12:41.559 stirring her larte, you know the same old trivia's trivia 207 00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:45.200 em She changed the subject abruptly to her new project. 208 00:12:45.559 --> 00:12:49.840 Her shoulder was tense, her smile forced. That next Monday, 209 00:12:49.960 --> 00:12:53.159 Dylan's phone buzzed well past midnight as we lay in bed. 210 00:12:53.600 --> 00:12:57.159 I glanced over, just a reflex, but he quickly angled 211 00:12:57.159 --> 00:13:00.440 the screen away, thumb flicking to close the message jap. 212 00:13:00.960 --> 00:13:04.480 He caught me watching and wordlessly locked his phone. I 213 00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:08.080 stared at the ceiling, counting the seconds until the light dimmed. 214 00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:11.840 I went back through the group chat, combing for clues. 215 00:13:12.399 --> 00:13:15.879 There were sly references to Monday Funday and jokes about 216 00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:19.399 the gang, but never about me, never asking when I'd 217 00:13:19.440 --> 00:13:23.600 join again, never referencing anything I'd remember as an inside joke. 218 00:13:24.240 --> 00:13:28.679 I felt invisible, or maybe forgotten. The next week, Dylan 219 00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:31.559 forgot our lunch date. He'd been the one to suggest it, 220 00:13:31.720 --> 00:13:35.159 promising to meet at our favorite Vietnamese place. When I 221 00:13:35.240 --> 00:13:38.519 called to check in, he answered winded and rushed, shit, 222 00:13:38.639 --> 00:13:41.960 em works insane. I can't make it. But that evening, 223 00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:44.759 scrolling through EMIL, I caught a time stamp on a 224 00:13:44.799 --> 00:13:48.360 meeting wrap up hours earlier. Why lie? Why not just 225 00:13:48.399 --> 00:13:52.159 say he was too tired? On a chilly afternoon walk, 226 00:13:52.360 --> 00:13:55.399 I let my mind replay old doubts. A year into 227 00:13:55.399 --> 00:13:58.519 our marriage, I'd had an uneasy stretch watching Dylan and 228 00:13:58.559 --> 00:14:01.440 Olivia banter at parties, always just at the edge of 229 00:14:01.480 --> 00:14:05.919 what friends do, all code and chemistry. He'd noticed my jealousy, 230 00:14:06.159 --> 00:14:09.120 hugged me from behind and said, Babe, you know you're 231 00:14:09.159 --> 00:14:12.320 the only one I see. I'd believed him, of course 232 00:14:12.360 --> 00:14:17.080 I had. But now Olivia herself was acting differently, ducking 233 00:14:17.120 --> 00:14:20.919 out of gallery invites, sending vague responses to my texts, 234 00:14:21.240 --> 00:14:24.960 shooting me clipped hope you're well, messages that didn't feel 235 00:14:25.039 --> 00:14:27.759 like her at all. She'd always been at the center 236 00:14:27.799 --> 00:14:30.639 of our social orbit. Now it seemed she was pulling 237 00:14:30.679 --> 00:14:35.000 away too. The final straw came at Alex's birthday party. 238 00:14:35.399 --> 00:14:39.159 Our whole trivia crew clustered around the patio table, wine flowing, 239 00:14:39.480 --> 00:14:42.279 laughters sharp and quick. Near the end of the evening, 240 00:14:42.320 --> 00:14:44.519 I caught sight of Dylan and Olivia on the porch 241 00:14:44.759 --> 00:14:48.279 a few feet apart, but voices urgent. Olivia's arms were 242 00:14:48.279 --> 00:14:52.120 crossed tight, Her mascarre smudged at the corners. Dylan's jaw 243 00:14:52.279 --> 00:14:55.960 was set, eyes narrowed, Their whispers cut across the noise. 244 00:14:56.360 --> 00:14:59.519 When I walked outside, the conversation snapped off, like a 245 00:14:59.600 --> 00:15:03.200 light being being flicked. Olivia yanked her bag off the 246 00:15:03.200 --> 00:15:07.679 bench and left within minutes, barely saying good bye. I 247 00:15:07.679 --> 00:15:10.759 stood in the kitchen refilling a pitcher, and Anna joined me. 248 00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:14.399 I forced a neutral tone. Everyone seems on edge to night. 249 00:15:14.960 --> 00:15:18.960 She took a long sip of water and shrugged too quickly. Yeah, 250 00:15:19.039 --> 00:15:21.879 I guess so, it's been a weird month. When I 251 00:15:21.919 --> 00:15:24.200 looked at her for more, she gave me the tiniest 252 00:15:24.240 --> 00:15:28.960 apologetic smile and hurried back outside. Back in our apartment, 253 00:15:29.159 --> 00:15:32.519 the gaps in my understanding felt huge. I replayed the 254 00:15:32.559 --> 00:15:36.840 snatches of conversation, the hurried departures from friends, the silence 255 00:15:36.840 --> 00:15:39.159 in our group chat that used to buzz with everything 256 00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:43.039 and nothing. Most hurtful of all was that sense, fleeting 257 00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:46.519 but unmistakable, that they were all closing ranks, just out 258 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:49.799 of my view. The inside jokes weren't for me any more. 259 00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:54.399 Their laughs didn't include me. I started catching Dylan watching 260 00:15:54.399 --> 00:15:57.559 me when he thought I wasn't looking quick, anxious flashes 261 00:15:57.600 --> 00:16:01.039 across the breakfast table, followed by an allmal most relieved sigh. 262 00:16:01.080 --> 00:16:04.720 If I kept smiling, I wondered sometimes if he was 263 00:16:04.759 --> 00:16:07.600 waiting for me to ask more, to confront him directly. 264 00:16:08.159 --> 00:16:10.639 But every time I opened my mouth to push further, 265 00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:16.200 something fear pride clamp me shut. I began to doubt myself. 266 00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:19.519 Was I making something out of normal social drift? Had 267 00:16:19.519 --> 00:16:21.279 I missed some big blow up in the group that 268 00:16:21.360 --> 00:16:23.879 had nothing to do with me? But then another little 269 00:16:23.919 --> 00:16:26.600 piece would click out of place. A late night text 270 00:16:26.600 --> 00:16:29.960 from Olivia, a tense look between her and Dylan. Another 271 00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:34.559 quiet Monday, with Dylan stumbling home, shirt inside out, smelling 272 00:16:34.639 --> 00:16:38.639 again of that mysterious perfume. I started to mistrust my 273 00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:42.559 own mind, my memories. Had I ever really been part 274 00:16:42.600 --> 00:16:45.600 of their world or just the plus one in the background. 275 00:16:46.600 --> 00:16:49.159 One Sunday, I brought it up as we did the 276 00:16:49.200 --> 00:16:52.320 cross word together on the couch, pretending to ignore the 277 00:16:52.399 --> 00:16:56.759 looming workweek. Can I ask you something? I said, quietly, 278 00:16:57.039 --> 00:17:00.799 folding my legs under me. Dylan glare danced up. His 279 00:17:00.919 --> 00:17:05.640 face was unreadable. Of course, you know you can. It's 280 00:17:05.839 --> 00:17:09.640 just I hesitated. Things feel a little off lately, not 281 00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:13.000 just between us, with Olivia, with the group? Are you? 282 00:17:13.240 --> 00:17:17.160 Is there something you're not telling me? He blinked, frowned, 283 00:17:17.240 --> 00:17:21.119 and then reached for my hand. Em No, God, don't 284 00:17:21.119 --> 00:17:23.920 do that to yourself. I've just been slammed at work, 285 00:17:24.240 --> 00:17:27.759 and honestly, the group is getting so cleiquish. I don't know. 286 00:17:27.880 --> 00:17:30.640 Maybe we're all growing apart a bit. Don't you feel it? 287 00:17:31.720 --> 00:17:35.200 I did, and I didn't. Maybe, but Olivia's been weird 288 00:17:35.279 --> 00:17:38.359 with me and you and she well, I saw you too, 289 00:17:38.519 --> 00:17:42.319 arguing at Alex's party. My heart thudded. Is there something 290 00:17:42.359 --> 00:17:45.839 between you two I should know about? He leaned back, 291 00:17:46.000 --> 00:17:47.920 let his head roll on to the cushion with that 292 00:17:48.079 --> 00:17:51.960 familiar tiredness. Live blue up at me. She's having a 293 00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:54.240 rough time at work and took it out on me 294 00:17:54.319 --> 00:17:57.000 because I was teasing her too much. I should have 295 00:17:57.079 --> 00:18:02.519 apologized sooner. It's nothing about you, promis. He squeezed my hand, 296 00:18:02.839 --> 00:18:05.680 and for a moment there was something convincing in his tone, 297 00:18:06.039 --> 00:18:09.039 almost fragile, as if he really wanted me to believe him. 298 00:18:09.720 --> 00:18:12.720 I'm sorry, I haven't been I don't know present I'll 299 00:18:12.720 --> 00:18:16.720 do better. I really will, I swallowed down the urge 300 00:18:16.759 --> 00:18:20.119 to keep pushing. He seemed almost relieved. That night, he 301 00:18:20.160 --> 00:18:23.240 was attentive, ordered our favorite food, chose a film we 302 00:18:23.279 --> 00:18:26.079 both loved, curled up with me as we watched Joking 303 00:18:26.119 --> 00:18:28.799 and Easy Again. For a little while, I let myself 304 00:18:28.839 --> 00:18:31.359 believe that the cracks could be patched. I tried to 305 00:18:31.400 --> 00:18:34.799 notice the details, his arm curled around my waist, the 306 00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:37.640 hint of his aftershavee, the way he knew exactly when 307 00:18:37.640 --> 00:18:40.279 I'd want a reefell on wine. Maybe it had just 308 00:18:40.319 --> 00:18:44.599 been stress, Maybe I was projecting. But late that night, 309 00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:46.759 as I tossed a pile of coats into our closet, 310 00:18:47.039 --> 00:18:49.599 a jacket fell off the hook and something soft and 311 00:18:49.640 --> 00:18:53.359 pale pink tumbled out. I knelt, feeling almost foolish, and 312 00:18:53.400 --> 00:18:57.519 lifted the napkin lipstick stained definitely not my shade. There 313 00:18:57.559 --> 00:19:00.480 in the lower corner our trivia team name scrawled in silver, 314 00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:04.039 Quiz in my pants, Olivia's old joke. The print was 315 00:19:04.079 --> 00:19:06.480 a little smudged, but underneath I could make out the 316 00:19:06.480 --> 00:19:10.200 faint outline of two overlapping finger prints, one berry red, 317 00:19:10.400 --> 00:19:14.200 one more neutral. I knelt on the floor, the napkin 318 00:19:14.319 --> 00:19:17.279 trembling in my hand, the afterglow of our easy night 319 00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:22.000 curdling in my stomach. It was physical, direct, undeniable, a 320 00:19:22.039 --> 00:19:24.400 loose thread I could follow all the way back to 321 00:19:24.480 --> 00:19:29.240 somewhere reel. The world tilted still. The next morning, I 322 00:19:29.319 --> 00:19:32.720 slipped the napkin into my desk drawer. I told myself 323 00:19:32.759 --> 00:19:37.400 I was overreacting. Make up stains, inside jokes, maybe nothing. 324 00:19:37.839 --> 00:19:40.920 But I stopped sleeping as easily. I stopped trusting the 325 00:19:40.960 --> 00:19:46.160 stories people told. I became sharper, more deliberate. I started 326 00:19:46.240 --> 00:19:49.559 checking the trivia crew's social posts, something I'd never bothered 327 00:19:49.559 --> 00:19:53.200 to do before. Anna posted a series of candid photos 328 00:19:53.240 --> 00:19:57.759 one Monday, glasses raised, hands blurred in motion. In one, 329 00:19:57.839 --> 00:20:01.240 partly cropped, you could just see Dylan Olivia closed together 330 00:20:01.279 --> 00:20:04.759 at the corner of the table, his hand almost overlapping hers, 331 00:20:05.160 --> 00:20:08.359 both of them staring at something beyond the frame, smiles 332 00:20:08.440 --> 00:20:13.079 private and unshared. I scrolled through our texts, my mind 333 00:20:13.160 --> 00:20:17.519 mapping out logistics and dates. Trivia venues had changed, frequently, 334 00:20:17.960 --> 00:20:21.480 bouncing between three bars over the last six weeks, always 335 00:20:21.519 --> 00:20:25.240 matching the late trivia nights. Dylan came home, glassy eyed 336 00:20:25.279 --> 00:20:29.440 and evasive. I found old location tags in their group messages. 337 00:20:29.839 --> 00:20:33.160 Realized with a chill that Olivia was always there, even 338 00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:35.279 if the rest of us were cycling in and out. 339 00:20:36.319 --> 00:20:38.839 Driven by a kind of nervous heat, I resolved to 340 00:20:38.880 --> 00:20:42.200 stop waiting for the story to reach me. The next Monday, 341 00:20:42.440 --> 00:20:45.119 instead of heading home after work, I took the Purple 342 00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:48.559 Line to Lakeview. Dylan had told me that morning, we're 343 00:20:48.599 --> 00:20:52.000 at Manny's to night as always, but I recalled seeing 344 00:20:52.039 --> 00:20:54.839 the Crooked Dog tagged in the crew's chat from last 345 00:20:54.880 --> 00:20:58.680 week when he'd come home smelling like gin laughter sticking 346 00:20:58.759 --> 00:21:02.240 to his skin. My fingers shook as I ordered a 347 00:21:02.319 --> 00:21:04.960 drink and settled at the end of the Crooked Dog's 348 00:21:05.039 --> 00:21:09.519 long battered bar, trying to blend into the small afterwork crowd. 349 00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:13.759 Sure enough, thirty minutes later, the trivia booth filled with 350 00:21:13.799 --> 00:21:17.039 the familiar, all of them but me, Anna, Alex, a 351 00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:20.920 couple of Dylan's work buddies. Dylan slid in last, Olivia 352 00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:23.960 practically glued to his side. The two of them whispered, 353 00:21:24.160 --> 00:21:27.440 heads pressed close, his hands settled lightly on her knee 354 00:21:27.480 --> 00:21:31.359 under the table, fingers tapping a silent rhythm. I watched 355 00:21:31.400 --> 00:21:34.119 as he leaned into her, sharing a laugh that seemed 356 00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:37.480 too intimate for the noise of the room. When Olivia 357 00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:42.319 saw me, her smile dropped spastically, replaced by a thin tightness. 358 00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:45.680 Anna sipped from her drink and glanced repeatedly from me 359 00:21:45.720 --> 00:21:48.920 to the group, her jaw working the banter had a tang. 360 00:21:49.319 --> 00:21:51.680 No one called down the table to me, no one 361 00:21:51.720 --> 00:21:54.640 waved me over. I took the opportunity to watch, to 362 00:21:54.680 --> 00:21:58.880 gather impressions, the slight withdrawal from the rest, the nervous glances, 363 00:21:59.039 --> 00:22:03.680 Olivia's hands gliding away abruptly. When Sam appeared, Sam, normally 364 00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:07.039 the most soft spoken, amiable of the bunch, just stood 365 00:22:07.079 --> 00:22:12.119 beside the booth, face closed, barely acknowledging Olivia. He answered 366 00:22:12.119 --> 00:22:16.119 a few questions, then left early. Back home. The web 367 00:22:16.160 --> 00:22:19.240 of betrayal started to connect. I sat on the couch, 368 00:22:19.519 --> 00:22:22.839 laying out my evidence like a crime scene. The bar receipts, 369 00:22:22.920 --> 00:22:27.440 the cropped photos, the trivia napkin, the drifting stories, Olivia's distance, 370 00:22:27.480 --> 00:22:32.000 and Dylan's new edginis. Each little instance, once dismissed as harmless, 371 00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:35.440 now glowed with the clarity of pattern. Every late Monday, 372 00:22:35.519 --> 00:22:38.599 a new bar, every group message, an in joke, built 373 00:22:38.599 --> 00:22:41.920 on my absence. Every overture from me met with retreat 374 00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:45.839 or some half plausible excuse. I wasn't ready to call 375 00:22:45.880 --> 00:22:49.240 it what it was, not out loud, not yet. I 376 00:22:49.319 --> 00:22:51.839 wanted to be wrong, to find a secret that had 377 00:22:51.880 --> 00:22:54.920 nothing to do with affairs, nothing to do with betrayal, 378 00:22:55.039 --> 00:22:58.359 that ran beneath our feet. But a new gravity had 379 00:22:58.359 --> 00:23:02.440 taken hold in the present of absence. Everything Dylan did 380 00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:06.079 formed a kind of proof. I needed one more piece, 381 00:23:06.319 --> 00:23:10.920 something beyond implication, before I confronted the crumbling truth. I 382 00:23:11.039 --> 00:23:14.240 texted Anna asking if she wanted to meet up for coffee. 383 00:23:14.640 --> 00:23:17.680 I tried to keep it light, just catching up, just 384 00:23:17.720 --> 00:23:21.640 two friends, splitting a quasser on a cold morning. We 385 00:23:21.720 --> 00:23:25.519 met on a Thursday, the city half awake. Behind fogged windows. 386 00:23:25.960 --> 00:23:30.359 Anna looked exhausted, eyes rimmed pink, her usual energy blunted. 387 00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:34.160 We talked around the edges for a while, work annoyances, 388 00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:37.720 mutual gossip, and I almost gave up, but the question 389 00:23:37.880 --> 00:23:42.119 tumbled out before I could stop myself. Anna, are you okay? 390 00:23:42.519 --> 00:23:45.759 I tried to pitch it gently. You seem off lately. 391 00:23:46.160 --> 00:23:48.720 I know Trivia's been weird and I feel like I'm 392 00:23:48.759 --> 00:23:51.759 missing something is there something going on that I should 393 00:23:51.759 --> 00:23:55.920 know about. She stared hard at her coffee, fingers tracing 394 00:23:55.960 --> 00:23:59.160 the rim of the mug. EM you're my friend, you know. 395 00:23:59.559 --> 00:24:02.160 I hate this. I hate even being in the middle. 396 00:24:03.160 --> 00:24:06.200 Her voice trembled, and for a moment I felt guilty 397 00:24:06.240 --> 00:24:09.200 for forcing her hand, but her next words hung in 398 00:24:09.240 --> 00:24:13.759 the air, thick and undeniable. I can't tell you everything. 399 00:24:13.880 --> 00:24:16.880 It's not my place, but she pressed her lips together. 400 00:24:17.119 --> 00:24:20.920 You're not crazy. Their's something. Maybe talk to Dylan, O 401 00:24:21.000 --> 00:24:25.480