Speaker 1: Hey, this is John and Ben with Gateleapers and Geek
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Speaker 2: Jet's quest to find her mother will point them toward
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Speaker 3: Cheap round Dirty Come he did the gad he.
Speaker 4: Join the Questing is charted, Join the icy bast Six
writers face.
Speaker 5: Off by a roll of the dice Tale fine dirty,
leaving nothing behind but figerprits and a tall tail, stealing carts,
breaking fats with plenty of time to kill, and.
Speaker 4: Icy nebasts tens always enticing, and you know the camp
be chasty fasts.
Speaker 3: Come on and join it, dicey faster.
Speaker 6: Hey there, ay, evens Junior Adventures and friends. Come to
the next episodes of Authors and Dragons presents the dice
e Bastards. My name is MK Gibson, your host, Dungeon Masters,
the author of such books as to Beat the Devil
and Villain's Rule. Who do we have with me today?
Why the whole group is back? Thanks Bob. Speaking of
let's start with him, Big bad Bobby Bevin. How a
you doing, sir?
Speaker 7: Hello friends? Robert Bevan here, author of the Camera to
Creature series of comedy fantasy novel short stories. I play
the role of Dreuser, the Sorcerer, the sorcerer with the
Mooser's all.
Speaker 6: Right, pretty good? All right, it's pretty good.
Speaker 8: Uh?
Speaker 6: The other Bevan, mister Waltery, how you doing, sir?
Speaker 7: Hey?
Speaker 8: My name is Rick Qulteririon. I play moog face eater.
The face eater egg beater.
Speaker 9: Face is also a.
Speaker 10: Gonna hit you with my Peter. Yeah yeah, anyway, you don't.
You don't tune in to hear hear my rhymes. Hopefully
you tune into uh to hear me talk about my
books and my most My most recent one, Mike the Werewolf,
should be available on Kindlebella as we speak.
Speaker 6: Fantastic, mister Hayes. How are you, sir?
Speaker 11: Doing wonderfully? Because it's a great day where I get
to play Cabert the Expedient, the horse you call for
a galloping good time. In real life, I write books
such as Superpowered Spread, The Vampire Accountant, Villain's Code Book,
Three Children Reflections, out on August eighth, and a new series, Roverpowered,
a for a into young adult fiction, which comes out
on September third.
Speaker 6: It's something about young adult in this series.
Speaker 9: Man like that.
Speaker 6: You can't mix Miss Kaplan. How are you doing?
Speaker 12: Hello, Hi, Emily. I'm playing Claudia today the the new
skincare market to your peeling her face off like Cannibal Lecter.
I have a new book out called Arsen Arsenic and Albis,
which you should grab. It's a fun cozy mystery set
in North Carolina.
Speaker 6: I'm reading it right now. And last but not least,
mister Weatherill, sir, how are you?
Speaker 9: And then okay, I'll be playing Stan Dandylive the rogue
who's very much in vogue and in real life I
write books such as Everyone you Level Be Eaten by Wolves.
Speaker 8: Check it out.
Speaker 9: It's a fun time.
Speaker 6: I'm loving it all right. Before we get into the
game on, remind everybody listening to if you're not part
of the A and D family, then you are indeed
missing out. Head over to our patreon dot com slash
Authors and Dragons and check out the various tiers with
all kinds of perks just a five buck a month.
Here you can join our discord chat with hundreds of
other A and dbs and junior adventures. Chat with the authors,
hang out, do all kinds of fun stuff. Or head
over author dragons dot com and check out our merch
like to the tea public for some really cool dicey bassards,
T shirts and magnets and all kinds of cool swag.
And if you have no money, then why are you
even listening to us? Like serious again? Give us give
me but no for real. If you have no money,
we understand it, or you just don't want to you
don't want to give it to us. I undersunderstand less,
but we here we are. Just go to your favorite
podcast services, go to YouTube, click subscribe, click the thumbs up,
and leave a comment. You know, tell us we're doing good,
tell us we're doing bad. I don't care to leave
a goddamn comment.
Speaker 9: Okay, you'd give us no money and they come and
tell us what the bad you motherfucker?
Speaker 6: Like's odd enough, and that's how you get demonetized. In
the first four minutes of your of your greetings, all
this is Connie's Stan's conscience. Boom shock a lock on. No,
that's not there yet either. I really I gotta work
on the right honey. What the fuck are you talking about?
But what you won't get your talking time stand? I
don't get mine. And I would like to really have
a catchphrase. I want a t shirts and Connie said,
says something catchphrase here, you know. Anyway, In the last
episode of The Dicey Bastards, not much happened other than
mister Jorseer or the Sorcerer disappeared, being gone on a
puff of smoke, dealing with a drunk share with the
dicey bastards. Later moved on to the inn, where they
met Sleepy Jane. She fed the well and let them
lock them in. Lock them in the inn from the outside.
After assault from children, the nicy bachelors and everything could
to survive the night, only for jorce Or to reappear.
Oh no, they had to find a way to let
him in. That goodness, dude, magic save the day, per usual.
It's a dungeons and dragons game, after all. After moving
all the barrels, all the tables and all, they survived
the night. But now before Moon shot a child and
killed him dead in the streets. I'm telling you, fans,
child murder. That's what these people under for, lots and
lots of child murder. So on the morning the children
are gone, Sleepy Jane Henry turn as she is cooking
them breakfast.
Speaker 9: Where we pick up right now, Can I just say
how much I hate this game in respects of you're
a rogue. You spend your entire life learning how to
pick logs, and then some fuck with he's read a
book as like Misty Step.
Speaker 7: I'd love to say, uh, fucking Dick sounds a lot
better now that you know.
Speaker 6: I like this scene because this is the conversation you
guys are having at the breakfast table, and I believe
this is in game. That is an in game good conversation.
That's like the entire step Well, fuck you all.
Speaker 9: Some of us developed skills just didn't read a fucking
bunch of nonsense in the book, and all of a
suddenly are in corporeal.
Speaker 12: I think he's gray. We kept we kept him up late.
Speaker 9: I didn't sleep well last night. Somebody was leading really
fucking loudly.
Speaker 6: I'm sorry.
Speaker 9: I'm a big, grumpy, sleepy giane. This is a marvelous breakfast.
Speaker 6: Yeah, not bad. I'm a a pretty good cook. What
can I say?
Speaker 8: Move give place four for four stars on yelp, yelp.
Speaker 9: Boy, he does. He just needs like steps of a
small animal and it goes.
Speaker 8: Help minus one for like you know, dead children littering outside.
Speaker 9: It does bring the mood down. Sleepy Jane, So sleepy.
Speaker 12: Jane, are you part of a franchise? Do you have
other like maybe a sister sisters who own other ins innarios.
Speaker 6: It's funny you say that because she rolled an eighteen
plus six or perceptions check is a twenty four total
to see if anything's been changed. And I think you
rolled a sleight of hand of eleven or twelve that
last game. Sleepy Jane is looking at the exact spot.
She looks over at you and smiles.
Speaker 12: Smiles. What kind of a smile?
Speaker 8: Like?
Speaker 9: All is not a good smile, sleepy Jane, More like
sultry Jane. It's literally in the morning for that kind
of play my dead.
Speaker 6: She looks at the papers. Eh, that was my fault
for leaving them out. I guess I thought I let
them hidden under this one of these kegs. People usually
tend not to look there.
Speaker 9: Do you talking about the children again? What are you
talking about?
Speaker 6: Good luck and Sleepy Jane snaps her fingers and goes invisible.
Speaker 12: What the hell?
Speaker 11: I feel like I definitely miss something.
Speaker 8: Fortunately, whatever happens next, Google remind us all that we
are deputized, so technically whatever we do next is legal.
Speaker 9: To be honest, it's not the fast time the role's
pulled that one on me. I can tell you there's
still Ham.
Speaker 6: Right As uh Jorser reaches over for his next helping
of country Ham, the door opens and closes.
Speaker 8: Must be ghosts.
Speaker 9: Probably guys. I mean, there are a lot of un
quiet spirits and you'll wake my friend.
Speaker 12: It better be unlocked.
Speaker 11: It just becomes with all the magic is just stepping
out on the rogue. Give me this horse shit.
Speaker 6: Give me a quick perception check, everybody.
Speaker 9: Oh, I have.
Speaker 12: Barely finished my ex Move it to nineteen.
Speaker 11: Cabarrels are seventeen.
Speaker 9: And then live a rolls of nineteen.
Speaker 6: Jesus, you guys are the most per You are very
much warning people.
Speaker 11: My god, you know, like children and trying to break
in and kill you all night.
Speaker 6: Okay, so everybody did exceptionally well except for Georser, who
is like still curious about a second helping you have
the eggs. So everybody but Jorcer is slowly hearing the
sounds of pressure building on that on that stove.
Speaker 9: Oh shit, somebody stole my plan ball right, Perhaps we leave.
Speaker 12: The toilet out straw, so she's getting the fuck out.
Speaker 7: Jorser, it's ham.
Speaker 11: I will use my action uh cat long strider on myself.
Speaker 9: I realized, I just tell Joser to put that ham
in his pocket, knowing full well he has no pens.
Speaker 11: On and I will I will the door man.
Speaker 6: Tits are nature's pocket. Okay, Caberre, you're out the door
and you find it unlocked, you are.
Speaker 9: Fine, Jocer. Put that ham in ther ham pocket. It's
time to vamoose.
Speaker 7: I'm hungry. There's no time for pleasure.
Speaker 12: I think there's only one hand pocket here.
Speaker 11: Thank you the way jorcerer died.
Speaker 8: Moog will just yell by the way in case you
not notice this place about to explode, and then step
out the door.
Speaker 6: Georgia is getting really, really hot. It's like even where
you're sitting there, you're feeling incredible amounts of heat from
the from the kitchen area.
Speaker 9: Jose, as well done, and as well done, we need
to go.
Speaker 7: All right, Well, if that makes up for my perception check,
then I'll grab two fistfuls of ham and join the others.
Speaker 9: And we have an episode title.
Speaker 6: You all rush outside of the what is it called
the cherry blossom.
Speaker 11: In I don't think it's gonna matter for a lot longer.
Speaker 6: It is not, sir, it is not.
Speaker 11: It feels like we should probably run to the adventuring guilt.
Speaker 9: I'll sell for a way.
Speaker 6: Section of the map is now engulfed into flame as
the there's a tremendous boom. As you guys run across
the market square, people come out houses like what's going on?
Oh my god? And that section of the uh of
the rowhouses over there where the inn was located is
now has there explosion. There are pieces of broken machinery,
There are are beds. They are all all all the
all the was left of the n raining down and
fiery ashy yuh.
Speaker 11: Well, good news stand someone finally moved the bed.
Speaker 8: We think you will change is reading to three and
a half.
Speaker 6: All right.
Speaker 7: Uh.
Speaker 6: The people right now are looking around and they are
looking distracted. And this is like you can either go
to the inn, or you can go to the venturing
Guild or where you can head into the uh the
grove itself and head east Cherry. I don't know what
you want to do.
Speaker 9: Good morning, Oh god, we have like, well, we have
conspiratorial information, right.
Speaker 8: Yeah, as you do.
Speaker 11: We never put the we never put the letters back.
Speaker 9: So no, yeah, there's no sense in keeping that to ourselves.
Speaker 6: Let's yeah, the sheriff will come out. I don't have
token from on the thing, but he'll come out. He's
looking like, what the hell is going on?
Speaker 9: Well, bad news is he don't have an inn anymore.
Good news I think we've got to lad in your case,
my friend.
Speaker 6: Okay, And he comes over and like you're like, all right,
what do you what do you have? What's going on?
Like there's more like he's like he's directing people over,
like with water buckets that are carrying buckets of water
from the from the fountain to the end, like and
it's not it ain't helping much, but they're trying.
Speaker 9: So your in is becoming out. You should probably just
let it go. Yeah, I'll just give him the letters.
Speaker 6: Okay, I can't read this when you.
Speaker 9: Have somebody trustworthy or do you want one of us
to translate it? I don't want to be I don't
want this to be point.
Speaker 6: And the mayor she okay, what what language is this?
Speaker 8: Do you know?
Speaker 11: Sylvan?
Speaker 6: Silvan? Someone calls me the other side of the town. Yeah,
the mayor speaks Sylvan. She's a full elf. She'll know it.
I'll bring these to hers. So what's the gist? What's
going on?
Speaker 9: Its full else they always know, don't.
Speaker 8: Oh wait, Silvan is the Elvish language.
Speaker 6: Well, no, it's it's there is still there's an elvish thing,
but it's also kind of goot ties into the fay.
Speaker 9: Okay, we will, for the sake of me not recalling
anything that was said in the last episode, recount what
was said in the last episode.
Speaker 6: You want to edit that in?
Speaker 9: No, I don't.
Speaker 6: That sounds like more work for me, Colbert, what do
you want to Combert? Does anything you want to scream
from across the way?
Speaker 11: I guess I will trot over and just quickly recite
the uh the letters general content. Seeing as it's now
like the third time I've done this.
Speaker 9: Tibby, I can just go to the previous episode clip
you explaining it and paste it in here now, but
that would be very lazy.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, you know what this time, I Darius, you
said this, I'm gonna edit it out and give you a
middle finger. I'm gonna edit this out and go fuck
you give me you know what this time?
Speaker 8: Don't do it?
Speaker 7: Do it?
Speaker 6: Motherfucker?
Speaker 9: All right?
Speaker 6: Well, actually I'm banking on your laziness. The next three.
Speaker 9: Minutes is just gonna me fighting into the microphone. If
anybody wants the exposition, they can listen to the last episode.
The next three minutes is gonna be really loud chewing moses.
Speaker 12: Okay, okay, okay, So there were letters between sisters. They
want to keep kids in power, they want to keep
creating more zombie kids, and they're they're doing it on purpose,
some kind of sister network, which I feel is misogynistic,
but it could be really truly evil.
Speaker 6: No, you take yours. You keep misogny to yourself. Man,
this is a tried and true fairy tale type situation.
So kiss my ass.
Speaker 9: It's not the misogynistic if they turn out not to be.
Speaker 12: Evil, right, we're going to go with evil, all right.
Speaker 9: Yeah, somebody's raising a child on me and that's not cool.
Speaker 7: Are they black?
Speaker 11: I mean it probably also isn't cool that someone someone
is murdering their way through the child.
Speaker 12: Yes, someone, some terrible people.
Speaker 11: Some unforgivable monsters.
Speaker 9: That seems like a secondary investigation the sheriff.
Speaker 6: The sheriff tells you, like there, yeah, that we found
some We found some kids killed in the in the past,
up up, not up too far away. Someone in the
totally innocent party left the message behind where they found
some bodies of kids, So we gotta find these people.
Speaker 11: Sound like six sons of bitches war is a.
Speaker 6: Terrible thing, like they cut a kid's head off and
then they they looks like woman's shout with an arrow
from the back and woman's shatter into pieces. It's it's
just it's disgusting.
Speaker 8: So we just eat breakfast while you Why are you
ruining our meal?
Speaker 9: I blame the parents.
Speaker 7: This is just ham.
Speaker 6: You guys, head into the grove. Head each chair. So
if you can find out what's the source of the
curse and see you can bring it down. Say, if
these sisters are somehow related, I'll take these letters to
the mayor. She speaks Sylvan. She'll dissected some further and
we'll see what's going on.
Speaker 9: Okay, I can give you a bit of headstop. Most
sisters are related.
Speaker 6: Give your starbuck no, give me, give it, give me
this starback, give me this one's not no, give me
that right. So do you guys head over to start
heading into the grove?
Speaker 9: Yes, yeah, let the adventure begin. Fantastic, What an exciting
stops in the morning.
Speaker 8: This is me.
Speaker 6: Yes, you escaped a bomb.
Speaker 12: We may not be professional adventures, but we slept it
a sleepy, sleepy Jane in last night.
Speaker 6: You're trying to do a holiday in.
Speaker 11: It took me a bit of it.
Speaker 6: That was good, Thanks my mom. All right, you come
into the grove. Sina Grove is renowned for its cherries,
as Cabert could tell you, all the animals love it.
But because the harvest hasn't happened in a while due
to like a curse being on the land, the cherries
are now starting to fall. They are getting rotten. There
are crows in the sky and it's uh, it's and
then you walk into this dense forest area and it's feeling,
uh creepy.
Speaker 9: And I was fine, it's creepy. It seems like a
classic creepy forest to me.
Speaker 11: Yeap, pretty dun creepy.
Speaker 8: Not much creepier than than in did child outside.
Speaker 9: Yeah, but you made that creepy. You always make things creepy.
Speaker 11: That I cannot be built this way. That is incredibly
both funny and stupid. So I I guess I'd like
to roll a knowledge nature check to kind of see
see what's up.
Speaker 7: Yep.
Speaker 11: I'm just I'm just double checking to make sure I
don't get any sort of benefit to this. Nope, nope, nope, Okay, cool,
I have a plus zero to my knowledge nature. So
three a confusing man.
Speaker 6: As druids go, you know, they usually the renowned for
being very wood folks. But compare the guide now, but
now to the plus side of this, like compare the expedient.
It's more one of those like uh, those urban four
nature types. He knows the rats, he knows the pigeons,
he knows that he got connection urban jungle. Yeah, you know,
the urban jungle. But the real nature, you know, like
that's as far as you like you you've heard of
real nature. But that's as far as you're druidd to go.
Speaker 11: And there's a reason that the top half of me
wears a vest.
Speaker 9: Everybody's looking to the the half animal man, and he's like,
yep them some trees.
Speaker 11: Kick. Yeah, that's wood right there.
Speaker 8: So so Kber is as good of a druid as
Stan is a room.
Speaker 6: I'll go so far as I say, compare the grass
hunger hoofs feels icky, like there's no cobblestone, there's no thing,
there's no path, it's just ikey, all.
Speaker 8: Right, let's head head head into this creepy grass.
Speaker 9: Right, we got cold of our pants down next time
by children, actually I won phrase it.
Speaker 8: That way, please, don't we.
Speaker 9: Maybe this time we try actually, you know, being quiet,
maybe a little bit of rogue flat all.
Speaker 6: Right, If you're going to be quiet, then everybody else
to give me stealth checks and you move a half speed.
Speaker 12: Oh wow, that's the worst stealth checkout.
Speaker 6: Claudia with a natural one on her stealth trip's over
a branch, falls down. Half her face peels off again.
God fuck your motherfucker and has a little bit of potentrum.
Speaker 11: I forgot about the mask for a half second, and
I was like, Jesus Christ, that's some natural one damage.
Speaker 6: God damn no koala mask. It's like blood. See the blood.
Since she peeled it off, the blood and now was
drawing on her face. She tries putting it back on,
but it's it's not as sticky as it used to be.
Speaker 12: If she's got a half mask, she's going to be
Phantom of the opera phantom.
Speaker 6: And unfortunately it's it's from the forehead of the nose
that's flapping down.
Speaker 8: So whatever, you two, don't ask to us to help
make it sticky again.
Speaker 9: Then we'll say, Claudia, Claudia, I thought you were a
fucking rogue.
Speaker 10: I thought I was too that's not very roguelike Claudia.
Speaker 6: And Moove's not helped with his nye. He's kind of
like just poking things with like widow crippler, just.
Speaker 7: Like, eh, I don't know that is that Georgia the
Sorcerer would like to just let out and take a nap.
He suffering a level of exhaustion.
Speaker 6: Well, it's it's ability checks again. Okay, that's fantastic, you
know actually, so yeah, go ahead. You know Gorcier is tired.
Speaker 9: That's something nice hiding jocer er.
Speaker 8: We're so going to die.
Speaker 9: Chauncer, a nice hiding chaucer.
Speaker 7: Five minutes move?
Speaker 6: Are they going to stop moving?
Speaker 7: Please?
Speaker 6: As this thing pops up? Oh no, uh, give me
a dexterity save whoa.
Speaker 11: Nature's fucking crazy?
Speaker 8: Okay? Thirteen not enough.
Speaker 6: You are ensnared by these vines that seem to like
come alive, grab you, and you take.
Speaker 7: A sea.
Speaker 6: Where it goes two D four. You take four piercing
damage as the thorns wrap around your legs and hold
you still. You are technically immobile until you break a
DC fifteen grapple. We'll do that on the next round.
One second, because when that happens the land and the
nature seems to stand up as this vegetation like creature
comes comes up out of the earth and ground and
takes a stand. So I would like we won't necessarily
need to go in to turnolder. Right now, we can
keep a track on this mood. You're there, it went,
Who's up next? Who like to go next?
Speaker 9: Given n I'm closest to moo. Stan will draw Matilda
and try and cut these fools down.
Speaker 6: Okay, so give me an attack roll.
Speaker 9: Okay, here we go. He is the first attack or
role I've made with disorder all game. We'll see. Oh,
not bad twenty.
Speaker 6: Four that at all?
Speaker 11: Okay? You hack?
Speaker 6: I mean you definitely hit him with very nice piercing
damage of.
Speaker 9: Six, damage of ten. Is it possibly for me to
sneak up on vegetation?
Speaker 6: No, it's a six piercing damage and you start hacking
at it, and you've got a good chunk of the things.
It still has moved tight for the moment, but it
looks like another swing or two it will free him. Cobert,
I'll just go up the line. Georger, you're laying down.
Is there anything you'd like to do? Once this big
vegetation thing.
Speaker 7: I'm aware of it.
Speaker 6: Well, a fifteen foot tall shambling mound of earth and vegetation.
Speaker 9: And yes, stood up, so all right, he is very tired.
Speaker 6: That is true. That is true.
Speaker 7: Yeah, probably wake up.
Speaker 6: Okay, so you're gonna stand up?
Speaker 7: Yeah, I'll stand up.
Speaker 6: Yeah, fifteen feet of movement left. You want to do anything?
Speaker 7: Um, yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna ice knife it. That
sounds fun. Have some ice knife, asshole?
Speaker 9: Does sound cool? Oh? Nice?
Speaker 6: Click that button?
Speaker 9: Roll the damage?
Speaker 7: All right, thirteen damage or thirteen total damage and.
Speaker 6: Critical damage of three, so it is total sixteen damage.
Speaker 8: Not a problem.
Speaker 7: Oh, well done, thank you.
Speaker 6: You're very welcome. It did not seem to like that,
hope some Cobert.
Speaker 11: Okay, I was trying to figure out what would be
the most helpful, and I would like a token of
some sort of air elemental please, because I am going
to cast some and beast and I am some the
air version.
Speaker 9: Fight nature with nature.
Speaker 6: Yeah, presumably, Holy crap. Well I don't think there's just
gonna be that big.
Speaker 11: Yeah. So no, he's he's small, but that that's fine
for his So you have control of him, thank you.
I will manifest him initially, right, here, I guess, and
then he I guess. We'll just have him attack on
my turn. Okay, probably the easiest, but but but but
he will do a fly by attack, which does not
pro cooke an attack of opportunity. So he'll zip down
and then zip back up and hover about twenty feet
in the air. Okay, and sorry, I'm trying to find
what to roll for them. Your spell attack modifier to hit?
Speaker 6: Okay, yeah, so wisdom.
Speaker 11: Just wisdom, beast makes equal to this spells round down. Okay,
so one attack okay, does a nineteen hit?
Speaker 6: It does?
Speaker 11: Cool deal, all right, look like the damage would work.
There we go six damage, not a problem. And then
I will Cober will use his movement to step back
a little bit.
Speaker 6: Okay.
Speaker 12: Uh Claudia, Claudia will shoot an arrow at the yard.
Speaker 6: Work Okay, oops, sorry, okay, natural one, missus. Uh so
let's see who it hits. Uh, do me fair, I'm
rolling odds Stan even.
Speaker 9: Moog Moog is clearly in between the cabbage odds stand well, no,
she would have to be firing at a right angle.
Speaker 6: Well it's a natural one, dude, So it's somewhere.
Speaker 8: She just doesn't like your man.
Speaker 12: Oh, man, she's already got a lecture already. This is
gonna go down.
Speaker 9: Merits stand will with an arrow in his Yay, Claudia,
we're a fucking rogue.
Speaker 6: I'm gonna do I'm gonna do it because it's all
because it's a what's a street of Pato'll do a
half damage? So stand take three damage to your ass
as an arrow is now sticking out of it.
Speaker 9: Oh my, oh you not a great team?
Speaker 6: All right? The creature will now move ten, fifteen, twenty,
and that's as far as it can move per round.
It is large and it's slow.
Speaker 9: That's it.
Speaker 6: That's all I can do until it can get ahold
of you. So next next up is move moove. You
are stuck. What would you like to do.
Speaker 8: To break out? What is that an action?
Speaker 11: Move?
Speaker 8: What?
Speaker 6: So you can either do an athletics or acrobatics or
attack the vine. If you attack the vine, that takes
away your attack. If you want to give me an
athletics or acrobatic troop, it will make you. You can
see if you get free, you gotta beat if what
I say fifteen.
Speaker 8: All right, let's do athletics.
Speaker 6: You you do not? The vine wraps around tighter. You
are held still all right, but you still have a
tack roll.
Speaker 8: All right, Well I'll shoot a ray of frost that
h this guy?
Speaker 6: Okay, Natural one okay, so.
Speaker 9: Yes, is he gonna hit me? Fuck you guys?
Speaker 6: So odd? Stan, even shambling mound, let's see. No, it's
not shandling moun It's got to be somebody else.
Speaker 9: So mis see.
Speaker 6: Uh you clearly you're in pain, like your hand reaches back.
So there's one two three fourth. So Claudia Cabert George
hurtinstand one two three four.
Speaker 8: Let's see what happens.
Speaker 6: Two Cobert, take a ray of frost for two damage
or one cold damage to your horse.
Speaker 8: Frump.
Speaker 11: What's the U? What's the attack?
Speaker 6: It's the this is the randomness. Just take one cold damage.
It's all right, Uh Stan, it's your turn.
Speaker 9: Okay, I'm gonna carry on trying to say as he
didn't blast me in the face with a ray of
frost for a change, carry on hack in it.
Speaker 6: Oh, it's fine, okay, here we go, Natural twenty mood.
You are free. It's still wrapped around drank with thorns
and shit in it. But you can't you can now.
Speaker 8: Move Hza moove, so glad he didn't shoot you in
face with ice.
Speaker 9: Me too, moo.
Speaker 6: We're really getting along well lately, jorceer. What would I
like to do, sir?
Speaker 7: I would like to whisper dissonantly. I cast dissonant whispers
at the shambling mound, okay, I say.
Speaker 8: I love you.
Speaker 6: Interesting okay, And.
Speaker 7: It has to make a saving throw. Uh.
Speaker 9: Let's see DC thirteen wisdom.
Speaker 13: Yep, I am pulling that up one now right now,
that wisdom save oh ah, all right, it fails, so
it takes ten psychic damage.
Speaker 9: Never seen a plant blush before.
Speaker 7: We actually twelve damage, right, yeah, twelve, oh yep. And
because it failed, a say, it has to use all
its movement to go away from.
Speaker 9: Me, okay, to quickly masturbate.
Speaker 6: When is his turn? It will all right, Cobert, you're up.
Speaker 11: Saying, has he both shot me and is no longer
in danger? I'm going to have the air elements will
try and slice mister big big monster here, got it,
so he'll come down, and then.
Speaker 6: I'll roll a D twenty again for you. So you
had hit six damage shameling mound. He's like, it's okay.
And Claudia would like to do.
Speaker 12: Claudie's gonna try to be her own inspiration by saying
I'm a rogue and she's going to try shooting it again.
Speaker 9: Thirteen convinced you're gonna shoot me again.
Speaker 6: Unfortunately, the thirteen goes wide.
Speaker 11: So oh right, I actually have my own turn. I
forgot that the the elemental does not eat my whole turn.
Speaker 6: Then what would you like to do?
Speaker 11: I will go ahead and throw a thorn whip at
the thing. I'm pretty sure, Yeah, I can reach it.
It's oh, I'm not getting closer. It's got a thirty
foot range.
Speaker 6: No are you trying to pull Moog free? Or what
are you doing?
Speaker 11: No, I'm just trying to This thing is still attacking.
Speaker 6: Right, No, it's he is free.
Speaker 11: Oh I thought this was a living thing, not a trap.
I got it.
Speaker 6: Well it is. It's a trap that out of the
ground and caught Moog. But Stan chopped it off of
the route, so I gotcha.
Speaker 11: Okay, Well in that case, I will take the dodge
action got it.
Speaker 6: Okay, it's a standling mounser. Now it's got to move.
It's gonna use all its moves to go away from you.
Speaker 7: Right, that's correct.
Speaker 8: Why not have it I Love.
Speaker 6: You fifteen twenty, and then it'll use the remainder of
its movie because it's got that's its movement, and it's
gotta use its action so to keep moving, so it
will move off the map. So it is off for now.
It is off the map.
Speaker 9: Good, Okay, we did it, Gray, Everything's fine forever.
Speaker 7: You hear A.
Speaker 6: That's because it's a very large thing of a swamp
thing is walking away? So which way do you want
to go?
Speaker 12: I'm usually really good at shooting things walking away?
Speaker 6: I mean, do you want to antagonize that some more? Do
you want to go a different direction?
Speaker 11: Well?
Speaker 9: No harm, no foul move thing.
Speaker 8: Maybe rogue should check for traps.
Speaker 9: Claudia, Why do you check for traps? Seems like you
got a little bit of making up to doing a
whole rogue finger.
Speaker 6: I can try, all right, give me a perception, troll
ten Uh, there might be Okay, I checked, but.
Speaker 12: You know me.
Speaker 7: Plash Richter is looking better and better every day.
Speaker 11: His fearless stride into danger, So others be safe, all right?
Speaker 6: So what do you guys want to do? They can't
go east because that way is they're certainly now going
that direction. It walks slowly.
Speaker 9: So what do you reckon? Fellas north or south? Or
do we follow the monster? I don't know why I'm
giving you that option. It's a terrible idea.
Speaker 7: We killed kids, I mean, kill a big swamp monster.
That's fine.
Speaker 9: I'm not sure that's the same thing. I don't know anymore.
Speaker 7: To be honest, I think it's better, right, better to
kill him.
Speaker 11: It is better. I don't love that we have this
standard of comparison.
Speaker 8: I mean, you're not made of elve.
Speaker 9: So the thing still has its back turned to us,
so it's not entirely honorable. We can just sneak up
on it and beat it to death. It might be
headed somewhere interesting.
Speaker 7: I mean, it did attack us.
Speaker 9: It's an elemental, right, it might be naturally caring, or
it might be somebody's defense.
Speaker 6: Give me either a nature or our canal. Anybody wants, yes,
anybody wants to figure out what this thing is? Nature
or arcana?
Speaker 11: Well, I got twenty in night shift, Okay, I got
an eight in narcana.
Speaker 6: Yep, that's a big ass thing of leaves, drew.
Speaker 7: And I got a six in arcana. All right, we've
got an eighteen in arcana.
Speaker 6: All right, so stand and moog. Emily even wants to try. So,
I mean, you start thinking about it. Eighteen Okay, so.
Speaker 7: Everybody who's cast out of.
Speaker 6: You guys realize, oh wait a minute. You've heard some
legends about these type of things are called shambling mounds,
and they are. Sometimes it's a weird aberration of nature
where maybe lightning hits a tree and it brings something
to life, or sometimes certain fake creatures will weaken them
from the primordial essence. But mostly what they do is
kind of stalk around a certain area guarded and like
consuming digest and drop the remnant, the remains of shit
out at a variety of spots. It's mostly a guardian
and it's kind of blind, but you do also know,
especially the twenty, it doesn't see very well, but like
at least it does have eyes, but it is aware
of It has a blind sense up to sixty feet,
so anything within sixty feet of it, it's pretty aware
of what it is and where it's at.
Speaker 9: Well, everybody, this seems like an excellent time to test
our intuition as in ventures. We've been together a couple
of days now, we could try and stalk the beast
even though it's quite difficult to stalk. Well, we could
take an incident route and hope we don't bump into
it again.
Speaker 7: Well, I do know the reason that it's walking away
from us is because of the spell I have. It'll
probably come after us once that's finished, So.
Speaker 11: Maybe we should be attacking it while it's running.
Speaker 8: Well, here's the thing. It has sixty foot blind sense.
It ran away from us. It doesn't know we're here anymore.
What it's not an idiot, it's a pile of.
Speaker 6: You're actually pretty sure it kind of is.
Speaker 9: It's kind of kind of an idiot. I'm not sure
what collective intelligence is, but I'm gonna say higher than
a tree.
Speaker 6: Because because of the because you got a twenty on
your arcana or your your nature. You're like, no, they're dumb.
They don't even have object permanence.
Speaker 9: So that was a good move. Joe ser telling that
pile of leaves that you loved it, I mean, you
didn't hear that doesn't that was a dissonant whisper. Doesn't
feel good. I didn't. I didn't mean to out to
you that bad at me?
Speaker 6: Do I smell a jealousy?
Speaker 8: Stamuel?
Speaker 9: Well, that huge shambling mound of mulch shouldn't be too.
Speaker 8: Hard to.
Speaker 9: Keep aware of, so long as we're all paying attention, Claudia,
So I say we take an ultimate route.
Speaker 8: Moog s north.
Speaker 9: I don't trust Moog's instincts at all, anybody else.
Speaker 11: I mean, I guess if we're not going east and
we came from the west and we don't trust Moog,
that really narrows it down.
Speaker 9: What's north, moog elves children?
Speaker 8: Maybe elf children?
Speaker 6: South?
Speaker 9: It is?
Speaker 6: Alright, So you guys want to go south?
Speaker 11: Yeah, sure, absolutely, all right, not a problem.
Speaker 6: And you guys go south? Okay?
Speaker 12: Did we just end up in the same place we've left?
Speaker 9: Oh no, it's not like that, Zelda, level, is it?
Speaker 6: I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 11: Don't let you down? Upright upright up down uptown start. Yeah,
we did that already.
Speaker 9: That's earlier, Zelder. If it's late, as Zel that we
should have followed the shambling now. But Stan, will I
guess check for traps? All familiar video game scenarios?
Speaker 6: All right, well the video game is it feels familiar
video game wise, But I'll let.
Speaker 9: You check for traps investigation, sure, or a perception.
Speaker 12: Is christ Claudia will join him and pretending pretend that
she's roky.
Speaker 6: You both are convinced that this is this is this
location is trapped free. My friends, one of.
Speaker 8: These spellcasters check for gets a seventeen investigation.
Speaker 6: There's a there's a vine that's looking treacherous right about here,
here and down here.
Speaker 8: She's just a bar woman in fancy guy.
Speaker 11: Lie.
Speaker 6: Now all right, moo, do you leave them safely through?
Speaker 8: In words?
Speaker 6: Direction? Do you want to go?
Speaker 8: Well, we were going south, so I guess we'll keep
going south.
Speaker 6: Okay, sooner or later you got to kind of go
east to east Cherry. But you know what you do?
You not a problem?
Speaker 9: They had a cluse in the name, I suppose, So
you want to go south again?
Speaker 8: Well something lest somebody else is suggesting otherwise.
Speaker 11: Why not?
Speaker 12: Yeah?
Speaker 11: Okay, oh god, oh god, what did we all just say?
Speaker 6: Not a problem.
Speaker 9: He's got the most experience of these vine trips.
Speaker 8: Find something new southeast techtically this right direction.
Speaker 6: Actually he did very well. I'm surprised. I actually had
maps for you. Guys left the sheriffs were he offered
him to you. You said no, thank you and left.
Speaker 11: So what kind of nerd uses a map.
Speaker 9: Anyway, Yeah, we should listen to the drunk guy gave
his old plastic stuffs and told us to solve his problems.
Speaker 6: But as you guys start moving towards this now the
south heat surt realized and like there's a transition obviously
from the vibrant kind of cherries, and everything's getting more
rotten and more cursed as the plant life takes on
a gray tone. The further southeast you go, and as
you kind of structure along, you gotta get a whiff
and oh my god, large huge piles of what looks
like composted manure lies in the middle of the path.
Speaker 9: Well, we're certainly getting closer to something.
Speaker 8: Mook, say we in the shit now?
Speaker 9: Ah okay, given our experience of the ground suddenly come
to life, we thought a general ground monster. I don't
want to find a shit monster. Let's be careful, move quietly,
Try not to get your boots.
Speaker 8: Daddy, try another investigation. Check.
Speaker 9: I'm gonna tea that I'm not gonna say. It's gonna work.
Speaker 12: Man. Claudia gets five.
Speaker 9: Staying as the twenty one.
Speaker 11: Okay, Caber gets the nineteen.
Speaker 7: To lie down.
Speaker 9: No fucking point being a rogue in this game, whatsoever?
Speaker 7: All right?
Speaker 6: So Stan and uh Cabert, both of you like now
that you're checking it out. Yeah, you got a feeling
if you get close to that poop, something in there
might grab you. So you goa thread that needle.
Speaker 8: I'm gonna fire a ray of frost into uh into
this pile.
Speaker 6: Okay, see if it triggers never mind, all.
Speaker 11: Right, let's calmly discussed the Oh never what a stupid
fool I was to talk.
Speaker 6: You fire a ray of frost into the poop and boom, boom.
Use all these vines spring out of the poop looking
for a target, and they're just thrashing around and they
don't seem to find anything.
Speaker 8: I'm well turn the rest of them any time, if, if,
if other members of party want to actually do anything,
move would be okay with that.
Speaker 9: Well, we seem to have angered the poop.
Speaker 12: You thread the poop needle.
Speaker 9: We're fine, Jo, sir. I'm not much of an agricultural expert,
but if you've done sleeping, maybe some combustion might aid
this mulching process alone.
Speaker 6: Yep. So while you guys are watching all these things
pop out of the ground, looking for something to get
a hold of you. Hear a from behind you, as
if something's coming your way.
Speaker 9: Maybe we should move again, Jos, A little bit of
fire on this shit light A match.
Speaker 11: No problem of burning cancer.
Speaker 8: All right?
Speaker 6: So what are you guys doing?
Speaker 8: All right?
Speaker 7: Are we doing? Turnoder or just now you guys?
Speaker 6: Are you guys waiting for the thing to find you?
Are you trying to make your way through?
Speaker 8: I think we're making our way through.
Speaker 9: Okay, Yeah, that's run. Okay, I will pick Jose or
hef off the ground. It's yes.
Speaker 6: So are you are you running?
Speaker 11: Moog?
Speaker 6: Are you running through this thing?
Speaker 8: Move is not running? Move is walking. And if at
any point I get too close to like, you know,
a pile, I'll shoot out of the ray of frost
and it just to be on the safe side.
Speaker 6: Okay, not a product.
Speaker 8: I guess I'm gonna go take a path through it. Yeah,
I guess I'm taking a path through it alone.
Speaker 9: Now, well, I'll follow me. He seems like a doing
his job is at a human shield.
Speaker 8: At least you do not say elf shield.
Speaker 11: That would have been the start of some ship.
Speaker 9: Yeah, that would be the wrong time to say that.
Speaker 6: All right, When you get down to that narrow passag
is there a mood? It does look like you're going
to have to do some kind of acrobatics check to
get through, either athletics or acrobatics to kind of somersault
your way between the narrow pile of shit down there.
Speaker 8: Moog will do athletics.
Speaker 6: Athletics, all right, one of these things grabs you and
pulls you into the poo. So you're so actually I
put that right there.
Speaker 9: Now you're in the ship.
Speaker 6: Move, you are moved. You are pulled into this ship
and it's got a hold of you once again. Let
me see real fast. I know Drew's got time. Bop
take one piercing damage and you are pulled into this
composted pooh, the rest.
Speaker 8: Of you and man, mister move mcran moo moved childhood.
Speaker 11: So much for this thing not having object permanence.
Speaker 6: Well it's a funny thing, like the DM almost planned.
Like there's almost one per map that's waiting for one
per location. There's not just one SHAMBLI, there's many.
Speaker 11: Sure, Sure, I think we have a Jaw situation, the
Jaws three D situation.
Speaker 6: Well, you'll notice this one is full hit points and
the other one was wounded. So and it's also right
behind Grocer, who never moved on the map. And I
think this is an excellent place to leave off, with
Moog in a pile of shit. The rest of the
between piles of shit. Drocer is in the shit and
a shambling mound right on his ass. So does anybody
have anything like to say to the friends and family
or anybody else out there, especially the enemies before we
sign off?
Speaker 8: Oh what a shitty game? All right?
Speaker 6: All behalf of Robert Bevin, Drew Hayes, Emily Kaplan, Steve Wetherell,
and Rick Waltery. I'm MK Gibson. We've been the Dicey
Bastards and you've been great. We'll see you all next time. Bye, everybody, Bye.
Speaker 9: You've been listening to The Dicey Bastards gets the of
Ulphs and Dragons The Channel by Geeks four Gigs. If
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That'll be fun, wasn't it? Yeah? Well, buy a T shirt.
I don't know, I'm in charge of your free time
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Fiend by the Gore Coors, for
Speaker 7: I love you.