Speaker 1: I want to greet all of our campuses and those
Speaker 1: who are watching online. And you know, I am having
Speaker 1: so much fun visiting all of our campus. As I
Speaker 1: mentioned about a month ago, we now have more members
Speaker 1: of our church family not at lake Forest than we
Speaker 1: do at lake Forest, and so I've been traveling all
Speaker 1: around visiting each of our campuses every week.
Speaker 2: And that's been a whole lot of fun.
Speaker 1: Recently, somebody wrote me this on Facebook, Pastor Rick, I've
Speaker 1: walked down many roads searching for happiness, but nothing is
Speaker 1: ever as good as it promises to be. I'm frustrated.
Speaker 1: I just want to be happy. Can you help me?
Speaker 1: And I would say to that person, if you're watching
Speaker 1: online right now, absolutely I can help you.
Speaker 2: I want to.
Speaker 1: Start this series by giving you what I call five
Speaker 1: laws of happiness. And I apologize that I didn't put
Speaker 1: space in your outline for this, so you're just gonna
Speaker 1: have to write on the sides up down the edge
Speaker 1: because it's not on your outline. I added this after
Speaker 1: I wrote the outline, but I thought it would be
Speaker 1: a good introduction to this series that we're going to
Speaker 1: begin this week, five Laws of Happiness. When somebody says
Speaker 1: I've been searching for happiness. I've been looking for happiness.
Speaker 1: I want to find happiness. This is what I tell them.
Speaker 1: Number one, don't look for happiness, create it. Happiness is
Speaker 1: not something you look for. Happiness is something you create,
Speaker 1: and it's your choice. You're as happy as you choose
Speaker 1: to be. Actually, it's quite easy created, and we're going
Speaker 1: to be looking at it in this series. Number two,
Speaker 1: happiness is not a goal. Happiness is not a goal.
Speaker 1: It's actually the result of right thinking, right living, right acting.
Speaker 1: It's the bip. If you make happiness the goal of
Speaker 1: your life, you're going to live a very self centered life,
Speaker 1: and that's going to end up making you miserable. Making
Speaker 1: happiness the goal of your life will guarantee that you're
Speaker 1: never going to be happy happiest. Happiness is never the goal.
Speaker 1: It is always the result. It's always the byproduct of
Speaker 1: something else, and so if you make it your goal,
Speaker 1: you're going to be miserable. Number three, My habits create
Speaker 1: my happiness. My habits create my happiness. Happiness is a choice.
Speaker 1: We shape our habits and then they shape us, and
Speaker 1: we're going to look at this in detail in this
Speaker 1: new series. How we shape our habits, and then our
Speaker 1: habits shape us, and you can create the habits of
Speaker 1: happiness in your life.
Speaker 2: Number four fourth.
Speaker 1: Law, Happiness based on happenings is temporary, but happiness built.
Speaker 2: On habits is long lasting.
Speaker 1: I'll say it again, happiness that is built on happenings
Speaker 1: is temporary. I go to Disneyland, I'm happy. I come
Speaker 1: out realize how much money spend. I'm not happy. I
Speaker 1: have the happiness of going to see a movie. Everybody's
Speaker 1: telling me is great. It's not so great. I come
Speaker 1: out not happy, disappointed. Anything where you base your happiness
Speaker 1: on a happening, on a circumstance, on an occasion, as
Speaker 1: soon as the occasion's over, you lose your happiness, so
Speaker 1: you don't want that. Happiness based on happenings is short term.
Speaker 1: It's temporary. Happiness based on habits is long term. You
Speaker 1: can be happy the rest of your life. Number five
Speaker 1: fifth law is this. Happy habits are as addicting as
Speaker 1: bad habits, but they are a whole lot more rewarding.
Speaker 1: There aren't the negatives that are given to bad habits. Now,
Speaker 1: bad habits take some time to develop. You don't develop
Speaker 1: them overnight, and the same thing with good habits, you
Speaker 1: don't develop them overnight, but happiness and the habits of
Speaker 1: happiness can be developed so that they become habitual in
Speaker 1: your life. Now this weekend, we're beginning this new series
Speaker 1: I'm calling the Habits of Happiness. And what we're going
Speaker 1: to do is we're going to go through the Book
Speaker 1: of Philippians, verse by verse, through the books, through the
Speaker 1: chapters of Philippians. Now, Philippians is a great book. It's
Speaker 1: the happiest book in the Bible. The word joy, the
Speaker 1: word glad, the word enjoy, the word rejoice, of the
Speaker 1: word happy, happiness, these words that are used in various
Speaker 1: forms seventeen times in a very short book. It's the
Speaker 1: happiest book in the Bible. It was written by Paul.
Speaker 1: And what's amazing that this happiest book in the Bible
Speaker 1: is written by Paul while he's in prison in Rome,
Speaker 1: which means your happiness isn't based on your happenings or
Speaker 1: your happenstances. And actually what this book is is a
Speaker 1: thank you note Paul writing to the church in Philippi,
Speaker 1: which is a city in Greece that he started, he planted.
Speaker 1: He's now in prison in Rome, and he's writing to
Speaker 1: thank them. He's thanking them for financial gifts that they've
Speaker 1: given to him. He's fine thanking them for their prayers,
Speaker 1: for their support, for their love, all these things. And
Speaker 1: it's actually the most personal book in the Bible. And
Speaker 1: we're going to look at it together for the next
Speaker 1: twelve weeks as we go verse by verse through the
Speaker 1: Book of Philippians. Now, I want to encourage you to
Speaker 1: bring your Bible with you because you can mark it
Speaker 1: up as we go straight through the chapters like we
Speaker 1: do this. If you want to be happy, where do
Speaker 1: you start? I mean, really, what would you start with?
Speaker 2: Money? Sex, time? What would you start with?
Speaker 1: You say, we need to learn how to be really
Speaker 1: happy in life, Paul starts with relationships. With relationships, it
Speaker 1: is impossible to be happy while your relationship are unhappy.
Speaker 1: Iver I agree with that. I mean, you can meet
Speaker 1: all kinds of people. They've got all kinds of money,
Speaker 1: they've got all kinds of fame, they've got every kind
Speaker 1: of pleasure you can imagine. But if they're in the
Speaker 1: middle of a divorce, they're not happy. If your relationships
Speaker 1: are unhappy, your life is going to be unhappy. So
Speaker 1: Paul when he starts talking about and modeling the Habits
Speaker 1: of Happiness, he begins right off the bat the first
Speaker 1: eleven verses of Philippians chapter one, talking about how do
Speaker 1: you have happy relationships? How do you have healthy relationships?
Speaker 1: So we've got to start here before we can go
Speaker 1: anywhere else in the Habits of Happiness. Now, in the
Speaker 1: first eleven verses, Paul makes his description of his relationship.
Speaker 1: He describes his relationship to the people of Philippi, and
Speaker 1: he gives us four statements. And we're going to come
Speaker 1: back and look at these as habits you can develop
Speaker 1: to have healthier, happier relationships.
Speaker 2: Let me read it to you, Philippians chapter one.
Speaker 1: This letter is from Paul and Timothy, slaves of Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1: It's written to all of God's people and Philippi who
Speaker 1: believe in Jesus Christ, and the elders and the deacons
Speaker 1: of the church. May God, our Father and Lord Jesus
Speaker 1: Christ give you grace and peace. That's his introduction. Now
Speaker 1: he gets into his first subject. He says, every time
Speaker 1: I think of you, I give thanks to my God.
Speaker 1: I always pray for you, and I make my request
Speaker 1: with a heart full of joy because you've been my
Speaker 1: partners and spreading the good news about Christ from the
Speaker 1: time you first heard it until now. And I am
Speaker 1: confident that God, who began this good work within you,
Speaker 1: will continue his work until it's finally finished on the
Speaker 1: day when Jesus Christ comes back again.
Speaker 2: Now it's right that I should feel.
Speaker 1: As I do about all of you, for you have
Speaker 1: a very special place in my heart.
Speaker 2: We've shared together.
Speaker 1: The blessings of God, both when I was in prison,
Speaker 1: when I was out defending the truth and telling others.
Speaker 2: The good news.
Speaker 1: God knows how much I love you and how I
Speaker 1: long for you. Can't you see the personal nature of
Speaker 1: this book how much I love you and long for
Speaker 1: you With the tender compassion of Christ. Jesus and I
Speaker 1: pray that your love for each other will overflow more
Speaker 1: and more. And I pray that you will keep on
Speaker 1: growing in your knowledge and understanding, for I want you
Speaker 1: to understand what really matters, so that you may live
Speaker 1: pure and blameless lives until Christ returns. And may you
Speaker 1: always be filled with the fruit of your salvation, those
Speaker 1: good things that are produced in your life by Jesus Christ,
Speaker 1: for this will bring much glory and praise to God.
Speaker 1: Now in the first eleven verses of Philippians, Paul models
Speaker 1: four relational habits that if you will just practice these things,
Speaker 1: your relationships will be more enjoyable and your happiness.
Speaker 2: Will be greater.
Speaker 1: They are easy to explain, they are simple to understand,
Speaker 1: but they are incredibly hard to do because when I
Speaker 1: tell you these you go, oh, yeah, I know this,
Speaker 1: I know this, but you don't do it. And so
Speaker 1: although it's easy for me to teach them, it's very
Speaker 1: hard for all of us to practice them. But if
Speaker 1: you will do these four relational habits, and you'll build
Speaker 1: them in your life, your relationships will be transformed.
Speaker 2: And you'll be happy. All right, let's look at it first.
Speaker 2: Number one.
Speaker 1: To be happy, The first thing Paul says is this,
Speaker 1: I must be grateful for the people in my life.
Speaker 1: Study after study after study after study after study link
Speaker 1: gratitude to happiness. It's been proven over and over by psychologists, sociologists,
Speaker 1: and others that the more grateful you are, the more
Speaker 1: happy you are. The more ungrateful you are, the more
Speaker 1: unhappy you are. And if you want to have good relationships.
Speaker 1: You start with the attitude of gratitude, you will be
Speaker 1: far happier. You will enjoy your relationships more if you
Speaker 1: will develop the habit of being grateful for the people
Speaker 1: in your life. The habit of being grateful for the
Speaker 1: people in your life. Filippians, Chapter one, verse three. Paul
Speaker 1: starts off with this, this very first thing. Every time
Speaker 1: I think of you, I remember he's in Rome. They're
Speaker 1: in a city called Philippi. Every time I think of you,
Speaker 1: I give thanks. I give thanks to my God. Paul says,
Speaker 1: you know what, I remember the good things about you,
Speaker 1: and I focus on the good times we've had friends.
Speaker 1: That simple truth right there is the source of good relationships.
Speaker 1: And when marriages stop doing this, they crumble. When you
Speaker 1: stop remembering why you got married in the first place,
Speaker 1: what attracted you to that person. When you stop remembering
Speaker 1: the good times, when you stop being grateful for your mate,
Speaker 1: your marriage is already on a long slide into oblivion.
Speaker 1: Paul says, every time I think of you, I give
Speaker 1: thanks to God for you.
Speaker 2: Let me ask you, just be real, honest.
Speaker 1: When you think of the people in your life, do
Speaker 1: you automatically is your first thought gratitude.
Speaker 2: No, it's not.
Speaker 1: No, it's what do they need to do for me?
Speaker 1: Are they late? Are they in a hurry? Uh? What's
Speaker 1: not right? What have we had a problem with? What
Speaker 1: have we got to get done? Your first thought is
Speaker 1: not gratitude, Paul says. When I think of you, the
Speaker 1: first thing I do is I think your gratitude. I'm
Speaker 1: grateful for who you are. I'm grateful for what you've done.
Speaker 1: Now here's the problem with us. The problem with this
Speaker 1: is the longer you know someone number one you take them,
Speaker 1: the more you take them for granted.
Speaker 2: Isn't that true.
Speaker 1: The longer you know someone, the more you take them
Speaker 1: for granted, the more you focus on their faults, and
Speaker 1: the easier it is to remember bad times. I don't
Speaker 1: know why it is, but it's easier to remember baptimes
Speaker 1: than it is happy times. Paul says, every time I
Speaker 1: think of you, I give thanks. If you would just
Speaker 1: develop this habit that whenever you think of the people
Speaker 1: in your life, your friends, your neighbors, your husband, your wife,
Speaker 1: your kids, your relatives, whatever, that the first thought is gratitude.
Speaker 1: It's going to change your relationship. Now, that's a habit
Speaker 1: you have to develop. It does not come natural. We
Speaker 1: are not by nature grateful people. We are by nature
Speaker 1: discontented people. We are by nature always wanting more, wanting
Speaker 1: things to be different. Philippians, Chapter one, verse five. Paul
Speaker 1: says it again, I thank God, I thank God for
Speaker 1: the help that you gave me. Now, if you know
Speaker 1: the story of this church that he started, there there
Speaker 1: was a woman named Lydia who was a businesswoman who
Speaker 1: opened up her home, and he says, from the very
Speaker 1: first day, you welcomed us, and you helped us.
Speaker 2: From the very first day.
Speaker 1: And then, as I said several times in Paul's travels,
Speaker 1: the Philippian Church was funding Paul's missionaries journeys, and in
Speaker 1: this particular instance, they had son, a man named of Paphroditis,
Speaker 1: all the way to Rome to bring him a financial gift,
Speaker 1: because Paul was in Rome by himself in prison. And
Speaker 1: if Paphordita said nearly died on the way, we'll get
Speaker 1: to that later in the book. And now Paul is
Speaker 1: sending him back with this thank you note to the
Speaker 1: people in Philippi, and he says, I thank God for the.
Speaker 2: Help you gave me.
Speaker 1: I just wonder what is it that you have forgotten
Speaker 1: that other people have done for you. Again, the longer
Speaker 1: you know someone, the more you take them for granted,
Speaker 1: the more you look for their faults, and the more
Speaker 1: it's easy to remember the bad things than the good things. See,
Speaker 1: the truth is about Paul and Philippi. He didn't have
Speaker 1: a good time in Philippi. In fact, it was one
Speaker 1: of his roughest churches getting started. But you don't get
Speaker 1: any of that in this letter. The fact is when
Speaker 1: Paul went to the city to start a church, he
Speaker 1: was beaten, he was whipped, he was humiliated, he was
Speaker 1: falsely arrested, he was thrown in a prison, he went
Speaker 1: through an earthquake, and then he was politely asked by
Speaker 1: the city.
Speaker 2: Leaders to leave town.
Speaker 1: When I thank God for you, I think of you,
Speaker 1: I thank God for you, what is he doing? He
Speaker 1: is choosing selective memory. This was not a happy place
Speaker 1: all the time. It wasn't all sunshine and lollipops and
Speaker 1: roses and rainbows in my little Pony. It was a
Speaker 1: lot of bad stuff. It happened, but Paul chose not
Speaker 1: to on painful memories. Are you still living some painful
Speaker 1: memories with some people in your life. You've never let
Speaker 1: them off the hook, and you can't enjoy a relationship
Speaker 1: because you're still holding on to the past. Would you
Speaker 1: write this down? Memories are a choice. Memories are a choice.
Speaker 1: I remember hearing a story one time about two women
Speaker 1: talking and one of the wives said to the other
Speaker 1: wife said, don't you remember that time when your husband
Speaker 1: did da da da da da da da, And she said,
Speaker 1: I distinctly remember forgetting that. That's a choice. Your memories
Speaker 1: are a choice. Now, if you want to hold onto
Speaker 1: your painful memories, go right ahead, but you're not going
Speaker 1: to be happy. Paul had a lot of reasons that
Speaker 1: painful memories in Philippi. It was not a happy time
Speaker 1: for everything that happened there. So they said, beaten, maligned
Speaker 1: and all these things. But he says, every time I
Speaker 1: think of you, I thank God for you. He's choosing
Speaker 1: to be grateful for the people in his life.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: In this series, I'm going to give you what I
Speaker 1: call happiness hints, and I'm going to put a little
Speaker 1: HH next to the next to these happiness hints. And
Speaker 1: here's the first one I get. I want to give
Speaker 1: you the whole series. Remember the best and forget the rest.
Speaker 1: If you want to be happy, remember the best and
Speaker 1: forget the rest. Develop selective memory. By the way, September
Speaker 1: twenty one is World Gratitude Day.
Speaker 2: Did you know that?
Speaker 1: It's World Gratitude Day according to the United Nations. So
Speaker 1: here's my assignment for you this weekend. I want you
Speaker 1: to go home, make a list of the people in
Speaker 1: your life and write down five or ten things you
Speaker 1: can say, I'm really grateful for these things in their lives.
Speaker 1: It's the first habit. The attitude of gratitude will transfer
Speaker 1: in relationship. If you're not grateful, you're going to have
Speaker 1: all kinds of complaining, worrying, all kinds of other things.
Speaker 1: I've got to be grateful for the people in my life.
Speaker 1: Number two, the second habit of happiness in relational happiness
Speaker 1: is this, I need to not only be grateful for
Speaker 1: the people in my life. I need to pray with
Speaker 1: joy for the people in my life. I need to
Speaker 1: pray joyfully. I need to pray with joy for the
Speaker 1: people in my life. Now Paul is praying as we
Speaker 1: just read this passage, praying for these people. How would
Speaker 1: you like to have the apostle Paul praying for you.
Speaker 1: You think that would help the guy who wrote much
Speaker 1: of the New Testament, wouldn't you like?
Speaker 2: Don't you know.
Speaker 1: Those Philippians thought, Hey, this is pretty cool. Paul is
Speaker 1: praying for us. Doesn't it encourage you to know when
Speaker 1: somebody is praying for you? Yes, yes, it does. It
Speaker 1: encourages you. In fact, the thing that keeps me going
Speaker 1: is your prayers. And when people say I'm praying for you,
Speaker 1: pastor Rick, I take that serious because it's.
Speaker 2: What I move on.
Speaker 1: It is that power that I move on, Paul says.
Speaker 1: In verse four, he says this, I always pray for you.
Speaker 1: Now that's part of it. But notice the rest of
Speaker 1: the verse. And I make my request when he's praying
Speaker 1: for you, he says, with a heart full of joy.
Speaker 1: Now I want you to just a minute, think of somebody.
Speaker 2: Who irritates you. Don't look at them, just think of him.
Speaker 1: Okay, maybe somebody you've got a strained relationship with, or
Speaker 1: they just kind of rub you the wrong way. I
Speaker 1: have two questions for you. Number one, do you pray
Speaker 1: for them?
Speaker 2: Okay? Do you pray for it?
Speaker 1: Or do you just complain and grumble and nag a nitpick?
Speaker 2: If you prayed more.
Speaker 1: You'd have a lot less to grumble, complain, nag and
Speaker 1: nitpit about. So you can decide does nagging work? No?
Speaker 2: Prayer work? Yes?
Speaker 1: So why do you do more of the thing that
Speaker 1: doesn't work than does? Paul says, I pray for you,
Speaker 1: and you need to pray for the people in your life.
Speaker 1: But then he says, I pray for you, making requests
Speaker 1: with a heartful of joy. When you do pray, do
Speaker 1: you pray with joy? And let me give you a
Speaker 1: little secret here. There are things within people's lives around
Speaker 1: you you'd like to change.
Speaker 2: You don't want to change yourself. You want them to change.
Speaker 1: If she would just do this, if she would just
Speaker 1: do that, if he would just do this. And we
Speaker 1: always want to change other people. You can't. You can't
Speaker 1: change anybody. You cannot change anybody. They can only change themselves,
Speaker 1: and you can only change yourself. So all of that
Speaker 1: trying to change your change program doesn't work. But you
Speaker 1: can pray, and God can change people. You might write
Speaker 1: this down. Positive praying is more effective than positive thinking.
Speaker 1: You know, people read all these books about positive thinking. Well, okay,
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, I'm sure I'd
Speaker 1: rather have you thinking positively than negatively. But all the
Speaker 1: positive thinking in the world isn't going to change your
Speaker 1: husband or your wife, or your child, or your friend
Speaker 1: or your situation.
Speaker 2: Positive thinking is not enough.
Speaker 1: Positive thinking can change you, but it can't change somebody else.
Speaker 2: But positive prayer can.
Speaker 1: So positive prayer is more powerful than positive thinking. So
Speaker 1: I want you to write this down. Here's my little
Speaker 1: happiness hint. The quickest way to change a bad relationship
Speaker 1: to a good one. The quickest way start praying for them.
Speaker 1: Start praying for It'll change you and it can change them.
Speaker 1: Start praying for them. You say, well, what do I pray? Well,
Speaker 1: I would encourage you to pray what Paul prayed, and
Speaker 1: in verses nine to eleven, we have what Paul prayed.
Speaker 1: Here's what he says, And this is my prayer. That
Speaker 1: your love may abound more and more in knowledge and
Speaker 1: depth of insight, so that you may be able to
Speaker 1: discern what is best, that you may be pure and
Speaker 1: blameless until the day of Christ, and that you may
Speaker 1: be filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God. What
Speaker 1: does he say four things you can pray, write these
Speaker 1: down four things pray, and I would say, pray these
Speaker 1: for your kids. Pray these for your friends, Pray these
Speaker 1: for your boyfriend, your girlfriend, Pray these for your boss,
Speaker 1: Pray these for me, anybody.
Speaker 2: You care about.
Speaker 1: Pray with joy for the people in your life, and
Speaker 1: you pray these four things. First, pray they will grow
Speaker 1: in love. Pray that they will grow in love. Paul
Speaker 1: says that your love will grow more and more. Number two,
Speaker 1: he says, pray that they will make wise choices. Pray
Speaker 1: that the people in your life, in your family, and
Speaker 1: your friends and your neighbor, Pray that they will make
Speaker 1: wise choices.
Speaker 2: Verse nine to ten says that you will.
Speaker 1: Know and fully.
Speaker 2: Know and understand how to make the right choices.
Speaker 1: Third thing to pray for the people in your life,
Speaker 1: pray they will live with integrity. Pray that they will
Speaker 1: live with integrity. Paul says, I pray that you may
Speaker 1: live pure and blameless lives until Christ returns. And the
Speaker 1: fourth thing to pray is pray that they will become
Speaker 1: like Jesus. Parents. There's your prayer agenda right there. Husbands, wives, friends,
Speaker 1: there's your prayer agenda right there, pray that they will
Speaker 1: become like Christ. Verse eleven, that you will be filled
Speaker 1: with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ
Speaker 1: to the glory and praise of God.
Speaker 2: Circle the word fruits. What the fruits he.
Speaker 1: Talk about there, well, we call it the fruit of
Speaker 1: the spirit. The fruit of the spirit is the character
Speaker 1: of Jesus. In Galatians five, twenty two and twenty three
Speaker 1: says this. The fruit of the spirit is love and joy,
Speaker 1: and peace and patience and kindness. The fruit of the
Speaker 1: spirit is goodness and faithfulness. Fruit of the spirit is
Speaker 1: gentleness and self control. What is that?
Speaker 2: It's the perfect picture of Jesus.
Speaker 1: Now, these four things you can pray for me any
Speaker 1: day of the week. Pray that I will grow in love.
Speaker 1: Pray that I will make wise choices. Pray that I
Speaker 1: will live with integrity. Pray that I will become more
Speaker 1: and more like Jesus. You can pray these for yourself.
Speaker 1: You can pray these for your spouse. And you know what,
Speaker 1: you can know they will be answered. Why because they're
Speaker 1: in the Bible. This is not a praier if it's
Speaker 1: your will God, this is God's will.
Speaker 2: It's in the Bible.
Speaker 1: So you know God wants to answer that prayer. So
Speaker 1: the first thing I do, I have to be grateful
Speaker 1: for the people in my life. And second, I have
Speaker 1: to pray and actually pray joyfully, not with complaining, not
Speaker 1: with criticism like, oh God, why can't you get this
Speaker 1: man in.
Speaker 2: Mind in shape.
Speaker 1: That's not praying joyfully, that's praying whinily, crankily. No, pray joyfully,
Speaker 1: and here's what you pray. Number three, here's the third habit,
Speaker 1: Paul says, and it's in.
Speaker 2: The next verse.
Speaker 1: I must expect the best from people in my life.
Speaker 2: I must expect the best.
Speaker 1: Now, these things are so simple for me to teach you,
Speaker 1: but they are so hard to turn into habits. We
Speaker 1: don't normally expect the best from the people around us.
Speaker 1: We expect the worst. We expect them to let us
Speaker 1: down because we have a track record. Now he's saying,
Speaker 1: you want to make a habit of believing in people
Speaker 1: rather than criticizing them. Expect the best Philippians one. And
Speaker 1: in the verse six is the next verse he says this,
Speaker 1: I am confident of this, that God, who began a
Speaker 1: good work in you, will carry it to completion until
Speaker 1: the day of Christ. Jesus. Now circle the word confident.
Speaker 1: I am confident of this that God, who began the
Speaker 1: good work in you, will carry it on to completion
Speaker 1: until the day of Christ. Is I'm expecting the best
Speaker 1: from the people in my life.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: Paul is a pro at bringing out the best in people,
Speaker 1: and I want to teach you how to do it
Speaker 1: right now. There are three things that you do to
Speaker 1: bring out the best in people, and Paul does all
Speaker 1: three of them. In this verse, he says, here's how
Speaker 1: I bring out the best people. Number one, he just
Speaker 1: write this down. He believed in people. He believed in people.
Speaker 1: He says, I am confident, and he gave them confidence.
Speaker 1: Do you give the people in your life confidence or
Speaker 1: do you tear them down? Do you build them up
Speaker 1: or do you tear them down? Do you give the
Speaker 1: people in your life confidence?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: In the last series, I gave you an illustration about
Speaker 1: what a good parent does when a child stumbles. Do
Speaker 1: you remember I said, if a child is running a
Speaker 1: race and you're at the track watching him run a
Speaker 1: race at school, and all of a sudden, they really
Speaker 1: mess up and they stumble and they fall flat on
Speaker 1: their face, and they embarrass themselves and you're in the
Speaker 1: stand as a parent, what do you do? You don't
Speaker 1: get up and say, oh, I'm so embarrassed, I'm leaving
Speaker 1: you know how pathetic you are. A bad parent would
Speaker 1: do that. But what does a good parent do. A
Speaker 1: good parent stands up and yells even more. You can
Speaker 1: do this. Get up.
Speaker 2: I believe in you.
Speaker 1: I know you can do it.
Speaker 2: Come on, come on, get up. I know this is
Speaker 2: just a minor thing.
Speaker 1: No, don't worry about it, don't wory about anybody.
Speaker 2: Just keep on running. That's what God does with you
Speaker 2: when you stumble.
Speaker 1: That's what God wants you to do with people in
Speaker 1: your life when they stumble. That's what it means to
Speaker 1: be like Jesus. Paul says, I believe in people. I
Speaker 1: give them confidence, I helped them grow. I am confident
Speaker 1: that what God has started in your life, he's going
Speaker 1: to continue to do. You see, we all need people
Speaker 1: to believe in us because it's how we change. You
Speaker 1: can't change unless somebody believes in you and you believe
Speaker 1: in yourself. Acceptance always precedes transformation.
Speaker 2: That's why I always say, you know.
Speaker 1: Don't tell it like it is, Tell it like it could.
Speaker 1: Be Sometimes you know, I train pastors in preaching, and
Speaker 1: sometimes pastors say, well, I just tell it like it is.
Speaker 1: I said, well, okay, but that doesn't change anybody. Tell
Speaker 1: it like it could be is preaching for faith. I
Speaker 1: could get appearance. You know you're all not doing a
Speaker 1: good job, and I could tell you all the errors
Speaker 1: you're not doing a good job in.
Speaker 2: What would it do? Just make you defensive?
Speaker 1: It wouldn't change you one bit, and next week you go, oh,
Speaker 1: let's go back and have requipus some more. Some people
Speaker 1: acts or a spiritual massacres o pastor, that's such a
Speaker 1: great sermon.
Speaker 2: It made me feel so bad. I don't gonna what.
Speaker 1: No, No, that's not it. Nobody changes by nagging. Doesn't
Speaker 1: happen in the pulpit or anywhere else. So don't tell
Speaker 1: it like it is. Tell it like it could be.
Speaker 1: If I helped draw a picture, say this is what
Speaker 1: you could become, this is what you could be with
Speaker 1: God's power in your life, then you get excited. Paul says,
Speaker 1: I'm confident I believe in you. The second thing he
Speaker 1: did is he gave people vision, and the vision was
Speaker 1: you're gonna keep growing. God's not gonna what God starts
Speaker 1: he finishes. He's not gonna leave you halfway out there.
Speaker 1: He gave people vision. He painted a picture of the future.
Speaker 1: Now why is that important? Because study after study after
Speaker 1: study shows that we tend to live up to the
Speaker 1: expectations of other people. When people expect the best of you,
Speaker 1: you tend to do better. When teachers expect to the
Speaker 1: best of their students, they always perform better than teachers
Speaker 1: who don't expect the best from their students. That has
Speaker 1: been proven over and over again in studies that we
Speaker 1: tend to become what we believe the most important people
Speaker 1: in our lives think about us. So Paul says, I
Speaker 1: expect the best from people. I believe in people. I
Speaker 1: give people vision. And the third thing, this is really important.
Speaker 1: You write this down from this verse he was patient
Speaker 1: with people's progress. I am confident to what God's began
Speaker 1: in you. He's going to keep on and he's going
Speaker 1: to carry it to completion until the Jesus Day of
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. He was patient with people's progress. Now why
Speaker 1: is that I'm so important to your happiness? I'll tell
Speaker 1: you why. If you insist on perfection in people, you're
Speaker 1: going to be miserable the rest of your life because
Speaker 1: there's nobody perfect, especially you. And if you're always expecting
Speaker 1: perfection in people before you can enjoy them, then you're
Speaker 1: never going to be happy because nobody's perfect. Paul says,
Speaker 1: I am patient with people's progress. Now, let me give
Speaker 1: you a little happiness hent on this one. You're write
Speaker 1: this one down if you want to really be happy
Speaker 1: in your relationships, If you want to have happier relationships,
Speaker 1: healthier relationships, celebrate how far people have come rather than
Speaker 1: judging them for how much they still have to go.
Speaker 1: Celebrate people for how far they've come rather than judging
Speaker 1: how far they still have to go. You got to
Speaker 1: be patient with people's progress. When my kids were little,
Speaker 1: they would draw me pictures and they would bring it
Speaker 1: to me and they'd say, what do you think of this, Daddy?
Speaker 1: And I would say, that's perfect, Amy, that's perfect, Josh,
Speaker 1: that's perfect, Matthew.
Speaker 2: It looks great.
Speaker 1: And when I said that perfect, I mean its a Picasso. No,
Speaker 1: it was perfect for that stage in their life. God
Speaker 1: doesn't wait until you're mature for him to start loving you,
Speaker 1: So you shouldn't do that with others either, you gotta
Speaker 1: love them worts and all. You got to be patient
Speaker 1: with their progress. Now, what is the key to patience?
Speaker 1: How do I celebrate how far people have come rather
Speaker 1: than judging how far they let go? The key to
Speaker 1: patience is love, and Paul says in the next verse,
Speaker 1: verse seven, it is right for me to feel this way.
Speaker 2: In other words, I expect the best from you.
Speaker 1: It's right for me to feel this way about you
Speaker 1: since I have you in my heart circle that frame
Speaker 1: in my heart. This is a real key to happiness,
Speaker 1: and it's real key to healthy relationships. You had to
Speaker 1: have people in your heart. You know what I've discovered.
Speaker 1: If people aren't on my heart, they're on my nerves.
Speaker 1: And if I want to get them off my nerves,
Speaker 1: I got to get them on my heart. If I'm
Speaker 1: praying for somebody, they just don't bug me as much.
Speaker 1: They just don't bother me as much. If they're on
Speaker 1: my heart, they're not on my nerves. But if I'm
Speaker 1: not praying for them, I get perturbed by them pretty easily.
Speaker 1: He says, I have you in my heart. You see
Speaker 1: so many of the relationship problems that you have, that
Speaker 1: you have over and over and over is because we
Speaker 1: all tend to react with our head, not with our heart,
Speaker 1: and that's the wrong place to go in relationships. That's
Speaker 1: you know, he comes you, let's say men, let me
Speaker 1: talk to them in for am it. Your wife comes
Speaker 1: to you and says, honey, this really frightens me, this
Speaker 1: really worries me. This thing really concerns me. And you
Speaker 1: react not with your heart. You react with your head. Go, well,
Speaker 1: that's illogical, that's dumb. You shouldn't feel that way. Oh
Speaker 1: that was helpful. Now did that really build a bridge? No, no,
Speaker 1: it did at all, because you're reacting with your head
Speaker 1: rather than with your heart. When people say, and you've
Speaker 1: had people say this to you before, you just don't understand.
Speaker 1: You just don't understand. You just don't understand. They're not
Speaker 1: really talking about understanding. What they're really saying is you
Speaker 1: don't feel my pain. You don't feel what I'm feeling.
Speaker 1: Has nothing to do with understanding. It has everything to
Speaker 1: do with empathy. You're not sympathetic. You're not empathetic, you
Speaker 1: don't care, you're not feeling my feet. And they say,
Speaker 1: you don't understand. We try to logic it out and say, well,
Speaker 1: let me understand. No, it's not logic, it's it's feelings.
Speaker 1: The feelings are just feelings. They're not right or wrong,
Speaker 1: they're just they're just feelings. The last five months I've
Speaker 1: been getting a PhD in learning empathy and all of
Speaker 1: the things we've been going through in our family, that's
Speaker 1: what they're saying is you don't feel it. And so
Speaker 1: when Paul says, I have you on my heart, loving
Speaker 1: from the heart begins with understanding, and it means you
Speaker 1: know why they tick, you know how they tick, and
Speaker 1: you don't judge them for ticking that way. You just
Speaker 1: listen and you accept, and you listen and you understand
Speaker 1: moods and you respond accordingly. And that leads us to
Speaker 1: the fourth big habit. And this one is the granddaddy
Speaker 1: of them all. And Paul says, this is the fourth secret.
Speaker 1: I must love people in my life like Jesus does.
Speaker 1: I must be grateful for the people in life. I
Speaker 1: must pray for the people in my life with joy.
Speaker 1: I must expect the best from the people of my life.
Speaker 1: And I must love people in my life like Jesus does.
Speaker 2: Now again, I told you. It's easy for me to
Speaker 2: teach it.
Speaker 1: It's incredibly hard for you to do this because you're
Speaker 1: not Jesus, and we tend to be self centered. We
Speaker 1: tend to look at our own needs and all of
Speaker 1: the things that have happened in their life. But I've
Speaker 1: got to love people like Jesus does. Verse eight. Here's
Speaker 1: the fourth thing Paul says about relational habits.
Speaker 2: God is my witness.
Speaker 1: That I tell the truth when I say that my
Speaker 1: deep love for you, my deep love for you all
Speaker 1: comes from the heart of Christ, Jesus himself. I love
Speaker 1: this verse so much because I identify with it. Is See,
Speaker 1: Paul started the Philippian Church. He was the first member,
Speaker 1: he was the first pastor, and so I identify with
Speaker 1: how he felt about this church as I do about you.
Speaker 1: I want you to know that I am grateful for you,
Speaker 1: just like Paul was. I want you to know that
Speaker 1: I pray for you with joy. I want you to
Speaker 1: know that I believe in you, I have confidence in you,
Speaker 1: and I want you to know that it is an
Speaker 1: honor to serve you. You know, this week, when Kay
Speaker 1: and I did that Pierce Morgan interview, that was interesting
Speaker 1: me the only time that I really lost it emotionally.
Speaker 1: I mean I felt the whole interview, but the only
Speaker 1: time I really lost it emotionally.
Speaker 2: That's what I thought of you. Because Pierce asked me,
Speaker 2: he said, what was it like.
Speaker 1: The first time back with your church family? And I
Speaker 1: will never forget that moment? And I told him some
Speaker 1: of you heard it, who watched that interview. So I said,
Speaker 1: you know, for thirty three years, Can and I have
Speaker 1: given our lives for this church, for these people. We
Speaker 1: love them with all our hearts. We love them from
Speaker 1: the heart. I'm like Paul, I'm grateful for you. I'm
Speaker 1: like Paul, I pray for you with joy. I believe
Speaker 1: in you. I am confident to what God began in
Speaker 1: your life. He's going to finish.
Speaker 2: And I love you from the heart.
Speaker 1: And I says, we've given out for thirty three years,
Speaker 1: and in that moment when we walked on the stage,
Speaker 1: you gave all thirty three years back in one second.
Speaker 1: And I wish everyone could feel that kind of love
Speaker 1: just so oh deeply. And uh and I lost it first.
Speaker 1: John three sixteen says, this, this is how we know
Speaker 1: what real love is. Christ gave his life for us,
Speaker 1: So then we ought to give our lives for who
Speaker 1: for others?
Speaker 2: Now, what is that reference? Again? Look at it? What
Speaker 2: is it?
Speaker 1: It's first John three sixteen. Does that remind you of
Speaker 1: any other verse? John three sixteen? Same guy wrote both,
Speaker 1: You know what the problem with relationships is today? People
Speaker 1: who know John three point sixteen ignore first John three sixteen.
Speaker 1: We all know John three sixteen. Most of you could
Speaker 1: quote it. God so loved the world that he gave
Speaker 1: his only son that whoever believes in him should not
Speaker 1: perish but have everlasting life.
Speaker 2: That's the way to salvation. It's a way to have.
Speaker 1: Past, forgiven purpose, for living home in heaven. God says,
Speaker 1: I sent my son. That's how much I love you.
Speaker 1: And we're all grateful for God's love for us John
Speaker 1: three sixteen. But we want to ignore our first John
Speaker 1: three sixteen, it says, and this is real love. God
Speaker 1: gave his life for us, He gave his son for us,
Speaker 1: and we.
Speaker 2: Must do the same thing.
Speaker 1: If we would do that, we would not have any
Speaker 1: relational problems because we wouldn't be thinking about ourselves. We'd
Speaker 1: be thinking about other people. That's about our heads. And
Speaker 1: as we close, I just want to ask you to
Speaker 1: do a little personal evaluation. Whether you're watching online or
Speaker 1: at any of our campuses or here at Lake Forest,
Speaker 1: which of these four habits do you need to work on?
Speaker 1: Who do you need to be more grateful for? Who
Speaker 1: in your life have you taken for granted? Who have
Speaker 1: you failed to appreciate? Who have you because of their
Speaker 1: faults or flaws you have not been grateful for them?
Speaker 1: That's the first habit of happiness. Be grateful for the
Speaker 1: people in my life. Number two, are you praying for
Speaker 1: the people in your life? And are you praying with joy?
Speaker 1: Are you praying with complaining? God fix that person? Are
Speaker 1: you praying with joy? I'm going to encourage you to
Speaker 1: make a prayer list and write down some names and
Speaker 1: pray the four things that Paul prayed. That people will
Speaker 1: grow in love, that they will make wise choices, that
Speaker 1: they'll live with integrity, that will become like Jesus. Let
Speaker 1: me ask you this. Are you patient with the progress
Speaker 1: of the people in your life or do you demand perfection?
Speaker 1: It's never good enough, so I said, if people have
Speaker 1: to be pray perfect for you.
Speaker 2: To enjoy them, You're never going to enjoy them.
Speaker 1: And Number four who do you need to start loving
Speaker 1: from the heart rather than from the head. Now, in
Speaker 1: this series, we're going to talk about the habits of happiness.
Speaker 1: Desire will get you started, but the habits will keep
Speaker 1: you going. So I want you to first make a
Speaker 1: commitment to be a part of this series for all
Speaker 1: twelve weeks. And why don't you in your heart right
Speaker 1: now say God, I really do want to be happy
Speaker 1: and I want to learn the habits of happiness. And
Speaker 1: I commit to being a part and not missing any
Speaker 1: of this series that I may learn the habits of happiness.
Speaker 2: If you've never.
Speaker 1: Invited Christ in your life, say Jesus Christ, thank you
Speaker 1: for loving me, Thank you for dying for me. I
Speaker 1: don't understand it all, but I want to get to
Speaker 1: know you and I want to learn to love you back.
Speaker 1: And then, Dear God, I ask you to give me
Speaker 1: the power to be grateful for the people in my life.
Speaker 1: Help me to remember the best and forget the rest,
Speaker 1: and on those bad relationships, help me to start praying
Speaker 1: for them and pray with joy, to pray that they
Speaker 1: grow in love and that they live with integrity.
Speaker 2: To become like Jesus.
Speaker 1: Dear God, I want you to help me develop the
Speaker 1: habit of expecting the best from the people of my life,
Speaker 1: rather than criticizing the worst. Help me to believe in people.
Speaker 1: Help me to be confident and build confidence. Help me
Speaker 1: to be patient with people's progress. Help me to recognize
Speaker 1: how far people have come, not how far they still
Speaker 1: have to go. God, help me to have love in
Speaker 1: my heart and to love people not from the head.
Speaker 1: Men who you guys who are married say God, help
Speaker 1: me to love my wife from my heart, not from
Speaker 1: my head. And help me to love people in my
Speaker 1: life like Jesus does. That I would be willing to
Speaker 1: lay down my life in sacrifice or in service.
Speaker 2: I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.