Speaker 1: I was on the phone with one of my parents
Speaker 1: and I had it on speaker because I was doing
Speaker 1: something in the kitchen, and I know the word Google
Speaker 1: was not said. Okay, that does not matter, because all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, the Google machine that I have in
Speaker 1: my kitchen that helps me like set the timer and
Speaker 1: plays music while I will I cook just started out
Speaker 1: of nowhere going a bcp F g h I j
Speaker 1: k lmnop, and I, like I was chilled to my
Speaker 1: fucking bone.
Speaker 2: Was ant like haunted child's voice.
Speaker 1: Was a haunted child voice. I don't know what triggered it,
Speaker 1: and I know how that thing heard whatever mundane conversation
Speaker 1: I was having about cooking cereal or whatever I was
Speaker 1: doing with my parents cooking cereal. I'm not a big cook.
Speaker 2: Call.
Speaker 1: I said what I said?
Speaker 2: What sentence sounds like? Please sing the alphabet song in
Speaker 2: the creepiest voice ever? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Hey Google?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Can you haunt me forever? Can you make sure I
Speaker 1: don't sleep for the rest of my life?
Speaker 2: Hey Google, can you send a chill up my spine?
Speaker 1: Hey Google, what does it sound like right before you die?
Speaker 1: Hey have g.
Speaker 2: Hey Google, can you explain the phrase to me? My bowels?
Speaker 2: Turned to water.
Speaker 1: Oh now I can't even eat my cereal. Hey I'm
Speaker 1: Paul in America and this is that age dwell yesterday's
Speaker 1: pop culture to.
Speaker 2: Day to day today and all month we are doing
Speaker 2: nighttime soap.
Speaker 1: Operas slap, tickle bang.
Speaker 2: What if? Rather than revenge and betrayal. It was just
Speaker 2: like slap it a sound. It was on a monopoia.
Speaker 1: It's just yeah, just what it would be like those
Speaker 1: old Batman cartoons.
Speaker 2: Bam wow wow, that would be a great way to
Speaker 2: advertise a TV show. I think.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think a new like nighttime soap that
Speaker 1: also is like an old timey Batman cartoon. Be amazing.
Speaker 2: It would be amazing a night. They did try to
Speaker 2: do a nighttime soap with superheroes with like Michael Chicklis
Speaker 2: and Julie Ben's. They did. Yeah, it was like one season.
Speaker 2: It wasn't good.
Speaker 1: What I want is like when Blair Waldorf and Serena
Speaker 1: vander Woodson fight, for them to slap each other and
Speaker 1: there'd be like a bap on the screen. That's what
Speaker 1: I want.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you the little visual effects. Yeah, so that's that
Speaker 2: is a winter winter chicken dinner. I'll tell you that Erica.
Speaker 2: We have five star Apple podcast reviews. Shall I? Shall
Speaker 2: I read the first one?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: Okay? This is from KTG seven seven seven seven, and
Speaker 2: they write, get out of my head or get back
Speaker 2: into it. This podcast feels like it sprang from my
Speaker 2: strange subconscious like Athena. Ooh fun not a parth in
Speaker 2: the Genesis mentioned this early in the podcast. Sprang from
Speaker 2: my strange subconscious like Athena, but from the nineties as
Speaker 2: a certified theater kid, hey girl whose personality gateway drugs
Speaker 2: included The Muppet Show, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Drop
Speaker 2: Dead Fred. I feel right at home. Paul, your voice
Speaker 2: is somehow as familiar as an old friend, and Erica,
Speaker 2: your laugh is delightful and reminds me of comedy icon
Speaker 2: Phyllis Diller.
Speaker 1: WHOA Okay, Hi, praise.
Speaker 2: Please know that you have made this neurospicy, middle aged
Speaker 2: queer woman in rural Oklahoma so very happy and I
Speaker 2: thank you. Oh. I feel seen by a podcast in
Speaker 2: a way I never imagine, and that's eerily intimate. Keep
Speaker 2: it up. I adore you, Purple heart ps. Speaking of
Speaker 2: Phyllis Diller, I highly recommend the nineteen sixty seven cult, treasure,
Speaker 2: mad monster party. It would be a fun one for
Speaker 2: Spooky season.
Speaker 1: Woo.
Speaker 2: I love this idea already.
Speaker 1: I love this idea.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Our comedy pics on Spooky Season are getting more
Speaker 2: and more esoteric as we go on.
Speaker 1: More seventies, more sixties, bring it on, more weird old icons,
Speaker 1: more of everything, Yeah, more of everything, Yes.
Speaker 2: KTG seven seven seven seven.
Speaker 1: Seven seven seven seven seven.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you so much. This is a very
Speaker 2: very sweet review.
Speaker 1: I hope you rural Oklahoma is treating you well. I
Speaker 1: hope you're enjoying the vistas and the mountains and I
Speaker 1: don't know what's in Oklahoma. I'm not gonna lie to you.
Speaker 2: And thank you for not hating this. These these elite,
Speaker 2: elitist East Coast cunts.
Speaker 1: Yea, these elitist East Coast cunts are very excited to
Speaker 1: have you on board.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. Do you want to read the
Speaker 2: second one?
Speaker 1: Sure? Second review comes from Philly MJS Mental Comfort Food.
Speaker 2: It's cute.
Speaker 1: This show was an accidental discovery but has quickly become
Speaker 1: one of my favorite podcasts, offering hilarious takes on some
Speaker 1: of my favorite guilty pleasure movies. The episodes on the
Speaker 1: cutting edge, Center Stage and Hackers are absolute must listen to.
Speaker 1: You have amazing taste in movies, affiliate mjs. I just
Speaker 1: want you to know that, but don't sleep on that.
Speaker 1: Show Girls too hard either.
Speaker 2: Versus the Volcano.
Speaker 1: Hosts Paul and Erica have fantastic chemistry and their laughter
Speaker 1: is often contagious. There is now a cream for it though,
Speaker 1: just so you know there is.
Speaker 2: They said it is rectal.
Speaker 1: They have created a sab to prevent the contagion from
Speaker 1: our laughter, just so you know. My single complaint is that,
Speaker 1: as of this writing, they have yet to cover thirteen
Speaker 1: going on thirty or Bring It On Too, excellent films.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to keep complaining, I'm afraid because we
Speaker 1: have not covered those again. You're absolutely right, Yeah, we
Speaker 1: will get to both those films.
Speaker 2: Bring it On. It's gonna be uh quite the thing
Speaker 2: to tackle.
Speaker 1: I love Bring It Off.
Speaker 2: I love it too, but it's so it's it's not perfect.
Speaker 1: It's not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but what is true?
Speaker 1: But truly what is except for the sab that they
Speaker 1: created and Phyllis Neffler and Phillis Neffler and Phyllis Diller.
Speaker 2: Yes, and Chris from stand by me and Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez,
Speaker 2: Yep and Billy from Big yep Y's.
Speaker 1: Other than that, those are the only perfect things on earth.
Speaker 2: Oh KTG seven seven seven seven Philly mjs, thank you
Speaker 2: for these reviews. We so appreciate them. If you would
Speaker 2: like that, Adel Tote Bags, let me know. Hey, this
Speaker 2: is me, here's my address and I will send them
Speaker 2: off for you. Erica, what is the nighttime soap that
Speaker 2: we are digging into today?
Speaker 1: Today's soap? Today's prime time soap opera is Dynasty.
Speaker 2: Mmm. This was requested by Benji by CJ Joanna Shannon
Speaker 2: Noel and I'm gonna say Alana, but I'm not entirely
Speaker 2: sure how to pronounce this. It's a bit of an
Speaker 2: odd spelling, but Alana or perhaps Elhana lovely either way.
Speaker 2: Dynasty was created by Richard and Esther Shapiro and it
Speaker 2: aired from nineteen eighty one to nineteen eighty nine. We
Speaker 2: will be discussing season five, episode twenty nine, titled Royal Wedding,
Speaker 2: which had a story by Camille Marquetta and Susan Baskin
Speaker 2: and a telew play by Edward Deblasio. It starred John Forsyth,
Speaker 2: Linda Evans, John James, Pamela Bellwood, Gordon Thompson, Jack Coleman,
Speaker 2: Michael Nader, Katherine Oxenberg, Michael Praede, Emma SAMs, Diane Carroll,
Speaker 2: Heather Locklear, and Joan Collins.
Speaker 1: And in case you're like, okay, but that's the whole cast,
Speaker 1: who's actually in this episode? Paul, that's it. All those
Speaker 1: fucking people, plus like seventeen more correct stuffed to the
Speaker 1: gills this episode. In discussing Dynasty as a show, producer
Speaker 1: Douglas S Camp Names NaN's name is Camp Names matter,
Speaker 1: Names matter, People stated, we walk a fine line just
Speaker 1: this side of Camp. Careful calculations are made. We sense
Speaker 1: that while it might be wonderful for Crystal and Alexis
Speaker 1: to have a cat fight in a coy pond, it
Speaker 1: would be inappropriate for Joan to smack Linda with a.
Speaker 2: Cooy I say, I think that's a miscalculous.
Speaker 1: Mister Camp, get your shit together. You are wrong, You
Speaker 1: are wrong. Is Camp fucked up? Harder? On Camp? Like?
Speaker 2: I cannot imagine how iconic it would have been if
Speaker 2: they had just a fake koyfish.
Speaker 1: The most rubber, fake looking cooyfish.
Speaker 2: And they had Joan Collins whip it out of the
Speaker 2: water and smackling Evans across the face.
Speaker 1: Amazing, uh amazing, smacker across the boobs with it.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It was with some great zinger
Speaker 2: like you got fish on your tits, heyfish tits.
Speaker 1: Hey fishhits. Yeah, you got some coy on your cleavage.
Speaker 2: What's the matter? KOI got your cleavage.
Speaker 1: The man's name is Douglas S. Camp.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he apparently doesn't understand camp.
Speaker 1: Everything about is this camp? Are we being punked? Is
Speaker 1: this a fake thing that you wrote that you wrote
Speaker 1: to punk me?
Speaker 2: I didn't write it. I honestly, I wish I could
Speaker 2: have come up with it, because it's one of the
Speaker 2: most amazing things I've ever read.
Speaker 1: Haha.
Speaker 2: If they can't go into a coy pond, let them
Speaker 2: fall into, like, I don't know, a river. And then
Speaker 2: they come up with like salmon, a salmon, absolutely in
Speaker 2: the salmon. They go into the grunion run, they start
Speaker 2: are grunting at each other.
Speaker 1: It's one of those salmon you see on the Muppet
Speaker 1: Show hitting room with that the head with his salmon perfect.
Speaker 2: Erica Dynasty season five does not have a Rotten Tomatoes score. However,
Speaker 2: season one has a fifty percent critical rating.
Speaker 1: Look, I can't speak to any of this. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: spoil something right now for everyone I've never seen Dynasty.
Speaker 1: Last night was my first time ever seeing any episode
Speaker 1: of Dynasty, and it was this bunker's halfway through the show.
Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on. There's forty five people
Speaker 1: to keep track of. They all look exactly alike. John
Speaker 1: Collins is the only person who looks different from everyone.
Speaker 2: Else, and Diane Carroll, well, Diane Carroll for.
Speaker 1: Obvious reasons, but like, but also dian Carroll's barely in
Speaker 1: the episode. It is the most blonde white women you
Speaker 1: will ever see crossing your your field division, and you
Speaker 1: cannot tell them apart.
Speaker 2: I see, I had an easier time with the women.
Speaker 2: I could not tell the men of that.
Speaker 1: There are four dudes who are constantly playing like some
Speaker 1: sport on a lawn. Genuinely, I don't know who any
Speaker 1: of those men are correct correct, So anyway, I just
Speaker 1: want to say I cannot speak to like the critical
Speaker 1: rating this deserves, or like how how it works, like
Speaker 1: as an arc? How you know what Season one accomplished
Speaker 1: in terms of moving the needle forward on nighttime network television,
Speaker 1: because I am so busy trying to get my goddamn bearings.
Speaker 2: What the fuck is going on?
Speaker 1: I am watching correct, so fine, fifty percent seems fine?
Speaker 2: Fine?
Speaker 1: I guess what do you think?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I think it seems fine. I mean, it's so
Speaker 2: ridiculous to today's eyes, it's entertaining. Oh my god, it's
Speaker 2: so I was entertained.
Speaker 1: Are not entertained?
Speaker 2: You put the show into the gladiatorial arena with most
Speaker 2: other shows, It's gonna win. He's gonna smack those other
Speaker 2: shows with a koyfish.
Speaker 1: Paul, when did you first see Dynasty?
Speaker 2: I have never seen a single episode of Dynasty ever
Speaker 2: in my life?
Speaker 1: Is this your first?
Speaker 2: This is my first episode? We are? We are? You
Speaker 2: know as one in this? I actually told you. I
Speaker 2: was like, try not to spend too much time looking up,
Speaker 2: looking up the backstory. I have it all, like I
Speaker 2: did all the backstory work that I possibly could.
Speaker 1: There's a murder board in here, I'm looking at it now.
Speaker 1: There's there's there's rope and twine everywhere everywhere.
Speaker 2: Uh, it is bonkers, But like I said, incredibly entertaining.
Speaker 2: I mean just Joan Collins is just watchable. They can't.
Speaker 1: A few of these people are watchable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have to say none of the men.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think like John Force. You know what
Speaker 1: kind of I kind of like? You know who I like.
Speaker 1: I don't know his name. The actor who's married to
Speaker 1: Joan Collins, the character Michael Nader dex that guy dex Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think the character's name is something like Farmhouse Dexter.
Speaker 2: It's farn It's farnes Worth dexter, I think. But his
Speaker 2: dex dexter.
Speaker 1: Farnsworth is worse than Farmhouse. I made it better. The
Speaker 1: man's name is Farnsworth Dexter.
Speaker 2: I'm not a thousand, but I think you're right.
Speaker 1: I really do think you're right, because I read it
Speaker 1: yesterday and my brain translated it to farmhouse. That guy's good.
Speaker 1: I thought he held his own in like the most insane.
Speaker 2: Circumsantas all right, Erica. The tagline for Dynasty was greed, seduction, betrayal, revenge.
Speaker 2: Dynasty has it all and more and more.
Speaker 1: Dresses, dresses, dresses.
Speaker 2: Homosexuals as far as the eye can.
Speaker 1: See, dresses, dresses, dresses. That's all I care about. The
Speaker 1: outfits on this show. It's that eighties ugly but fabulous
Speaker 1: all at the same time where it's like, if I
Speaker 1: saw this in person, would I like it? I don't know, right,
Speaker 1: But on the screen with the with these people like,
Speaker 1: all I want is a fashion parade, That's all I want.
Speaker 1: There is a woman wearing truly one of the ugliest
Speaker 1: things I've ever seen put to film on this But
Speaker 1: five minutes into that scene, I was like, or is
Speaker 1: it ugly? Or is it? Or? Am I wrong? Am
Speaker 1: I the weirdo for not liking this?
Speaker 2: Do you not tell me which one you're talking about?
Speaker 2: I want to find out in the moment.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, No, you know what I'm talking about already,
Speaker 1: because if you saw the same episode I did. There
Speaker 1: is one outfit that is truly unbelievably hideous.
Speaker 2: It's the Heatherlockier one.
Speaker 1: No, no, it's not Heatherlockleier. I don't know the actress's name.
Speaker 2: Oh, the riding outfit.
Speaker 1: If I'm being honest, I don't know the character's name either.
Speaker 1: It's a blonde woman.
Speaker 2: The duchess is outfit, the riding one.
Speaker 1: It's not one of the Duchess's outfits. No, we'll go
Speaker 1: get to We'll get to it. But like it's truly
Speaker 1: this like eighties excess in like the most visually appealing
Speaker 1: way where all of it is wrong but like the
Speaker 1: some of its parts are all wrong, but like the
Speaker 1: whole is right. Yeah, And I don't know how they
Speaker 1: managed to do it? Am I wrong? Am I crazy? No?
Speaker 2: I there are things that are objectively ugly in this
Speaker 2: And I'm like more more.
Speaker 1: That Linda Evans like suit that's like that's like lavender,
Speaker 1: and it's got like wings on the sleeves. Yeah, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, the wings on this. And then she's talking,
Speaker 1: talking to I barely paid attention to, like what's happening
Speaker 1: on the show, She's talking, talking, talking, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: or is that excellent? I think that's amazing. I think
Speaker 1: she's pulling it off.
Speaker 2: I want one, all right? Shall I read the iTunes synopsis?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: Okay? So Elena confesses to Amanda that nothing happened in
Speaker 2: the bedroom with Prince Michael. Sammy Joe fits her roommate
Speaker 2: Rita with a blonde wig and has her practice duplicating
Speaker 2: Crystal's voice. Fallon has chosen a new name and heads
Speaker 2: for Denver Dex is kidnapped by Yuri and his gang
Speaker 2: is Amanda and Michael recite their wedding vows. Dex breaks
Speaker 2: free from his captors and heads for the chapel, where
Speaker 2: terrorists have opened fire on the entire wedding party.
Speaker 1: Why did they give it that away? That's bullshit. They
Speaker 1: should not have given that away.
Speaker 2: Should I cut that part? Should we not tell them?
Speaker 1: Honestly, we should re re edit it and be like, guys,
Speaker 1: ear muffs right here unless you don't want to know
Speaker 1: what's happening. Just ear muffs.
Speaker 2: Hopefully didn't ruin this for anybody. I mean, I even
Speaker 2: though I have never seen Diney, I kind of knew
Speaker 2: that this happened. This is one of the more famous
Speaker 2: oh I had.
Speaker 1: I knew absolutely nothing about really except that it starred
Speaker 1: Linda Evans and Joan Collins.
Speaker 2: Okay, do you know we just.
Speaker 1: Did Scrooged like a few weeks ago, and I knew
Speaker 1: I loved John Forsyth, So when he popped up on
Speaker 1: my screen here, I was like, oh, yeah, it's John
Speaker 1: forsythe he gets very little to do in this episode.
Speaker 1: It's not worth it. But like, and I didn't know
Speaker 1: Heather Locklear was on this show did Melrose Place with
Speaker 1: Heather Locklear, And I was like, oh my god, another
Speaker 1: Heather Locklear thing right away, like that's crazy.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, this nighttime soap world is quite incestuous. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, and she's the queen. She's like, well maybe Joan
Speaker 1: Collins is the queen, which she's like the the princess.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Paul, do you.
Speaker 1: Have an actual synopsis for Dynasty?
Speaker 2: Yes, actual synopsis for this episode of Dynasty. Forty five
Speaker 2: minutes of television and not one strand of hair moves.
Speaker 1: No, not one, not one on anybody.
Speaker 2: This episode of television created the whole Neozone layer.
Speaker 1: This episode of television is brought to you by at Aquinet.
Speaker 1: Make your hair salacked to the point where you can
Speaker 1: get through. You can literally be shot at by terrorists,
Speaker 1: that's right. And that hair will not move, won't.
Speaker 2: Move, that's right. You can dive to the floor in
Speaker 2: the midst of a firefight.
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding. Like Ali McGrath's hair is a helmet.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 1: They did her dirty. It is so mean they did her.
Speaker 1: It's like so dirty on this episode.
Speaker 2: All right, everyone stick around, We are gonna come right back.
Speaker 2: We are going to take you through Dynasty. But before that,
Speaker 2: you're gonna hear some commercials. If you don't want to
Speaker 2: hear commercials, you can go to our Patreon Patreon dot
Speaker 2: com slash that Age Weel podcast. You join at any
Speaker 2: paid level, you get ad free episodes. If not, stay
Speaker 2: right here, we're gonna come right back, or we're gonna
Speaker 2: take you through Dynasty.
Speaker 1: Dynasty Dynasty brought to you by Aquinette and Shoulder Pads.
Speaker 2: That's right, and we're back after.
Speaker 1: The gloriously over the top nearly two minutes credit sequence.
Speaker 1: I said what I said, Okay, my.
Speaker 2: First note though, So the sequence starts and you see
Speaker 2: what I presume is the family home because we don't
Speaker 2: really see that.
Speaker 1: Yes, I also did not know this took place in Denver. Nope,
Speaker 1: nothing against Denver. I've been there. Absolutely beautiful city, but
Speaker 1: doesn't scream like rich. So I was blown away by
Speaker 1: like this takes place in Denver. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: to me when I think rich bitches, I just assume
Speaker 1: Beverly Hills. I just like, I'm sorry. My brain goes
Speaker 1: to one place in one place, only fair enough, maybe
Speaker 1: Upper East Side of New York city. I'm a coastal elite.
Speaker 1: What did I say? So when when I find out
Speaker 1: that this all takes and obviously there's very wealthy people
Speaker 1: in Denver, in Colorado, but I was just so surprised.
Speaker 1: Were you surprised?
Speaker 2: I was surprised. I was. I was more surprised by
Speaker 2: the house, which is very nice, but was not as
Speaker 2: grand as I was expecting it to look. I was
Speaker 2: expecting probably what looks like a Beverly Hills mansion or
Speaker 2: or rich in.
Speaker 1: Like a Texas way, a Texas oil money where it's
Speaker 1: a fucking palicial Bonker's estate.
Speaker 2: If you had asked me where this took place, I
Speaker 2: thought it took place in Texas because I know that
Speaker 2: it was a competition with Dallas, So I think I
Speaker 2: was just assuming it was in Houston or something. I
Speaker 2: don't know why, but that was where my brain. That's
Speaker 2: what my brain did. My favorite part of the credits
Speaker 2: is the one clip of the horse just like sprinting
Speaker 2: through the field for no reason. Ah, yes, why is
Speaker 2: that there? Okay?
Speaker 1: Anyways, so much snow, so many snow capped mountains. The
Speaker 1: opening credits to Dynasty, they show three young men in
Speaker 1: succession again I don't know who they are. I cannot
Speaker 1: keep track of this cast. There's too many people in it.
Speaker 1: But they're like, clearly the three sexy young guys on
Speaker 1: the show, right. They're not John forsythe who's like the patriarch.
Speaker 1: They're not like the more character actory guys. It's the
Speaker 1: three quote unquote hot guys, right. And they're shown respectively
Speaker 1: with like everyone's shown, and then there's like an image
Speaker 1: that follows them. They're not in the image, it's just
Speaker 1: an image that sort of describes the character, right, And
Speaker 1: they are shown with respectively gushing champagne, like a bottle
Speaker 1: of champagne gushing out, gushing oil, oil gushing out of
Speaker 1: the ground, and then a gushing waterfall. These men are viral,
Speaker 1: is what this show is. I mean I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is not subtle at all. So
Speaker 1: after that ridiculous thing, we open on the Moldavian Royal Palace. Listen, guys,
Speaker 1: I want you to know because if some of you
Speaker 1: are going to go through the same journey and I
Speaker 1: want to save you the trouble where you think, would
Speaker 1: did you hear me say Moldavian Royal Palace and go
Speaker 1: it's Moldovia, Erica, that country you're thinking of next to Ukraine,
Speaker 1: between Ukraine and Romania. It's called Moldovia, you dumb, ignorant bitch.
Speaker 1: I know it's called Moldovia because the entire time I'm
Speaker 1: watching the show, I thought this took place in Moldovia,
Speaker 1: the real country that actually exists. It does not. It
Speaker 1: takes place in Moldavia because.
Speaker 2: We wanted to make it more complicated, which is a.
Speaker 1: Former principality like you can actually if you google it,
Speaker 1: there's a whole like, yeah, there's a whole history there.
Speaker 1: It stopped being a thing in eighteen fifty nine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it is part of current day Moldovia. But that
Speaker 1: will not stop the writers of Dynasty in nineteen eighty
Speaker 1: whatever of being like Moldavia. So we open at the
Speaker 1: Royal Palace as Alexis Carrington Colby played by Joan Collins.
Speaker 1: She is resplendent. Yes, do you want to explain the outfit?
Speaker 2: It is plumb jod perse yep, and then.
Speaker 1: I fucking love jodpurs. Okay, not on me, won't look
Speaker 1: good on me, but you put that on like a
Speaker 1: skinny rich lady yeah, I am.
Speaker 2: In, You're in, You're in, and then suede boots just
Speaker 2: a few shades darker than the job purse, and then
Speaker 2: a billowing shoulder padded for the god's blouse a few
Speaker 2: shades lighter than the job purs. She is, she's a
Speaker 2: vision in plum.
Speaker 1: A vision. Also, there's jewelry. There's so much jewelry.
Speaker 2: And my hair is so big.
Speaker 1: It is a it is a look. Ali McGrath has
Speaker 1: the helmet hair. I don't know what this is. She
Speaker 1: looks like a cute tip. That's someone that someone dipped
Speaker 1: in chocolate, because she has brown hair, black hair. But
Speaker 1: it's it's so big, it's it's almost a rich white
Speaker 1: lady afro like. It is close.
Speaker 2: It looks too heavy for Joan Collins' skinny little frame,
Speaker 2: Like it's her neck gonna snap if it did a
Speaker 2: strong breeze.
Speaker 1: It's gotta be a wig, right for real. It's a way,
Speaker 1: no way, She's not wearing wigs through this whole show.
Speaker 1: I cannot tease regular hair this much to make it
Speaker 1: do that and like and not have it move. It's
Speaker 1: just not possible. So okay, So Alexis is chiding her daughter,
Speaker 1: Amanda played by Catherine Oxenberg. Poor Amanda will be wearing oh,
Speaker 1: like a slip and a robe the entire show, almost
Speaker 1: up until the end. Like everyone else, will have had
Speaker 1: four costume changes because many days have passed and scenes
Speaker 1: have passed, and every time they cut to Amanda, it's
Speaker 1: just like a white slip in a very pretty robe.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, oh, this poor woman, she did not
Speaker 1: get any fun this episode.
Speaker 2: Well she got she gets one.
Speaker 1: She gets one crazy terrible outfit but amazing, yeah, also amazing.
Speaker 1: So okay. So Alexis is chiding Amanda because Amanda is
Speaker 1: threatening to call off the wedding to the Crown Prince
Speaker 1: of Moldavia Michael.
Speaker 2: In medias as they.
Speaker 1: Say, Amanda has been told that Michael was unfaithful to her,
Speaker 1: and she angrily tells her mother that she cannot and
Speaker 1: will not marry a man she doesn't trust. And Alexis
Speaker 1: is like, girl, he a prince, what are you doing?
Speaker 2: He slept with someone before you were married. Literally, what's
Speaker 2: the problem.
Speaker 1: She That's exactly what she says to her daughter. By
Speaker 1: the way, Paul is not exaggerating. She says, baby, you're
Speaker 1: not even married yet, why do you care if he
Speaker 1: fucks around, and I'm like, what is what is parenting?
Speaker 1: What even is parenting?
Speaker 2: Amanda won't be budged. And then a servant comes in,
Speaker 2: and so it's the fun thing about Moldavia. I'm gonna say,
Speaker 2: Moldova accidentally is a real country, because Moldova is real
Speaker 2: and Moldavia is not. It's this. It's Santa Carla and
Speaker 2: Santa Clara from the Lost Boys all over again. A
Speaker 2: servant comes in and he's a swarthy man. And because
Speaker 2: I had realized that this was a this is a
Speaker 2: fictitious country that they did this in, which is for
Speaker 2: the best, to be clear, I think fictitious was the
Speaker 2: way to go.
Speaker 1: There is something I have to talk about later with
Speaker 1: this royal family. You know what, keep going. I can't,
Speaker 1: I can't.
Speaker 2: He came in, and I briefly had a fear that
Speaker 2: we were going to be going with a bunch of
Speaker 2: white people playing like Middle Eastern and with like terrible,
Speaker 2: like racist accents. That is not what happens. This is
Speaker 2: a European country and they don't care about accents.
Speaker 1: They could not care less about accents. We will get
Speaker 1: into it.
Speaker 2: So this servant comes in and He says, the two
Speaker 2: of you are due a reception with King Galen of
Speaker 2: Moldavia at seven o'clock, right, And Alexis is like, we'll
Speaker 2: be there, and he leaves, and Alexis begs Amanda to
Speaker 2: at least allow Alexis to break the news diplomatically if
Speaker 2: she insists on this foolhardy path that she's chosen. But
Speaker 2: Amanda says, I will not play along during the reception.
Speaker 2: I have to say, with love and respect to Katherine
Speaker 2: Oxenberg Wolf, not a compelling actress, but not the.
Speaker 1: Worst performance on the show. There's a woman later coming
Speaker 1: up later who is so terrible that I can't even
Speaker 1: win her.
Speaker 2: We're gonna talk about when we get there.
Speaker 1: It's I think thecharacter's name is Claudia.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's very rough.
Speaker 1: He's so bad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So Alexis tells her, fine, if you won't play along,
Speaker 2: you can stay in your room and will tell everyone
Speaker 2: that you came down with the flu.
Speaker 1: We cut to another room in the palace as Blake
Speaker 1: Carrington played by John Forsyth and his wife Crystal, which
Speaker 1: is not spelled. How you think it's going to be spelled?
Speaker 1: Every time it showed up on my screen because I
Speaker 1: watched this with the subtitles. I was like, that's how
Speaker 1: they're spelling Crystal.
Speaker 2: There's a K and the L and the E or
Speaker 2: there's an e.
Speaker 1: There's it, there's it. What why Crystal played by Linda Evans.
Speaker 1: They arrived for the wedding, and.
Speaker 2: This is the suit you were talking about, like the
Speaker 2: bluebell suit with like the wings on the side, with.
Speaker 1: The wings on the side. And then I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's so ugly. And then and then like she's talking,
Speaker 1: talking and talking about god knows what, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: or is it? Is it amazing? So they arrived for
Speaker 1: the wedding. Crystal is pensive over an upcoming will reading
Speaker 1: this has nothing to do. Don't worry about it, don't
Speaker 1: worry about it. As her niece Sammy Joe will be
Speaker 1: there and that bitch always causes trouble.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: Blake asks her to enjoy the upcoming wedding and put
Speaker 1: Sammy Joe out of her mind, and Crystal smiles and
Speaker 1: nods like a good little wifey. I have to say,
Speaker 1: these two there's like the they're like the heads of
Speaker 1: the family of the of the TV show. Basically, I
Speaker 1: do like them. As a couple, they seem. It's crazy
Speaker 1: how normal they seem compared to everyone else.
Speaker 2: And from my understanding, their wedding is the beginning of
Speaker 2: the show, and they they are together the whole time
Speaker 2: like it is.
Speaker 1: It's a love match, it's a real love match. But
Speaker 1: they also both seem very normal, which is great because
Speaker 1: it grounds the show in like, yeah, these two actually
Speaker 1: normal people with all these like these whirling dervishes of
Speaker 1: insanity around them.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: We cut to New York City where Sammy Joe played
Speaker 1: by Goddess Heather Locklear. Yep, she's so pretty in this
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, good gravy. That's a beautiful woman. She's listening
Speaker 1: to a message from her aunt and from Crystal spelled
Speaker 1: so wrong on her on her answering machine because it
Speaker 1: is the eighties. Her roommate Rita, also played by Linda Evans,
Speaker 1: and can I tell you, I don't know what Linda
Speaker 1: Evans looks like because I watched this entire scene going
Speaker 1: who is that? I know that woman.
Speaker 2: I did not realize it was actually Linda Evans until
Speaker 2: their second scene much later.
Speaker 1: Oh, I googled it. I literally google. I had to
Speaker 1: google Rita Dynasty actress, and I thought it was going
Speaker 1: to be like Joanna Gleeson. I'm like, yes, someone I know.
Speaker 1: I just don't know how I know them, because it
Speaker 1: is Linda Evans and a red wig accent and a
Speaker 1: Southern accent, you know what. Not bad. She acquits herself
Speaker 1: nicely as Rita. She's more interesting as Rita, frankly than
Speaker 1: his Crystal. And I was like, oh my god, that's
Speaker 1: Linda Evans. I spent the entire scene thinking this was
Speaker 1: a different actress. I thought it was that woman from
Speaker 1: Don't Tell Mom, The Babysitters Dead, who plays the boss
Speaker 1: who's also on SI.
Speaker 2: No, No, that's at Joanna, Joanna Cassidy, Joanna Cassidy, Thank you,
Speaker 2: that's who I.
Speaker 1: Thought this was. Yeah, I can see that for like
Speaker 1: fully thirty seconds. So Rita appears to be an actress
Speaker 1: right as a voice actress specifically, and Sammy Joe has
Speaker 1: a thought. Yep, she asks Rita if she thinks she
Speaker 1: could impersonate Crystal's voice, because you know, she also has
Speaker 1: a striking resemblance to Crystal. Yeah, and Rita's like, perhaps,
Speaker 1: uh huh dun dun dune.
Speaker 2: Let me tell you. I hunted through the Dynasty Wikipedia
Speaker 2: which that exists.
Speaker 1: Oh, I did too to try to.
Speaker 2: Figure out if there's any reason that Rita is Crystal's
Speaker 2: stoppelganger from what I can tell. No, She's just a
Speaker 2: random roommate that Sammy Joe has that happens to look
Speaker 2: exactly like her aunt.
Speaker 1: However, that does play dividendly, Yeah it does. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So we cut back to Moldavia. The King's reception is
Speaker 2: fully underway and we're going to meet just an avalanche
Speaker 2: of characters. Also, I just have to point out out
Speaker 2: the servants at this gala are dressed like they are
Speaker 2: about to be cursed by our sorceress to live out
Speaker 2: their lives as candlelobbers and clocks.
Speaker 1: Okay, Paul, let me let me read to you my
Speaker 1: exact thing that I wrote when I watched this. These
Speaker 1: poor waiters are dressed like Loumier's at the end of
Speaker 1: Beauty and the Beast.
Speaker 2: Yes, they all are all Cogsworth.
Speaker 1: They all look like Cogsworth and Lumier at the end
Speaker 1: when they get turned back yep into into into people.
Speaker 2: And this came first, which means I think the Beauty
Speaker 2: and the Beast people copied copied this the Moldavian servants uniform. Okay,
Speaker 2: so first we meet Alexis's husband Dex, played by Michael Nator.
Speaker 2: This is Farm's Farmhouse from before.
Speaker 1: Possibly the best of the male actors on this show.
Speaker 2: Yep, I think there's one that's actually better, but it's
Speaker 2: a good chance to shine. I only say that because
Speaker 2: I've seen him in other things and I know he's
Speaker 2: a good actor. Oh okay, Yeah, So Dex approaches her.
Speaker 2: He wants to talk about their marriage, but Alexis puts
Speaker 2: him off, doesn't have time for this. Then we meet
Speaker 2: Alexis's step son, Jeff Colby. He's played by John James.
Speaker 2: This is a very generic looking brunette man, so janire.
Speaker 1: I could not tell any of these men apart.
Speaker 2: Yeah. He is pressing his older lover, Lady Ashley Mitchell
Speaker 2: Ali McGraw for an answer to his marriage proposal.
Speaker 1: Allie McGraw is in this, you guys, Ali McGrath like
Speaker 1: movie star Ali McGraw. I squealed, yeah when I saw her.
Speaker 1: I knew Diane Carroll would be in this because I've
Speaker 1: already I just knew that ahead of time. I was
Speaker 1: so surprised to see Ali McGraw in this.
Speaker 2: I with love and respect to Ali McGraw man. This
Speaker 2: is a black hole of chrisma going on right here.
Speaker 1: This is rough. I'm not glad to you. She's not
Speaker 1: good in this, but she's she's doing her level best.
Speaker 1: Paul with given the worst character on this show. Uh.
Speaker 2: Then we meet Stephen Carrington played by Jack Coleman. Now
Speaker 2: you may not realize who this is at first. If
Speaker 2: you watched Heroes, this is horn rimmed glasses from Heroes.
Speaker 1: I kind of watched Heroes, but I don't really.
Speaker 2: Do you remember Angela's gay husband from the Office.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my god. Wow, Okay, he looks better older. Yes,
Speaker 1: he does not look as good in this. Well it's fine.
Speaker 2: But he also has a mullet. It's an eighties o mullet.
Speaker 2: And he's the blonde. He's gay, so he's blonde.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, let's a little let's just I'm gonna jump ahead.
Speaker 1: I did not know they were going to be gay
Speaker 1: people on the show, And when they revealed this character
Speaker 1: to be gay later, I squealed. I could not believe
Speaker 1: that they had gay characters on TV in nineteen eighty
Speaker 1: whatever this is, did you know they were gay people.
Speaker 2: I knew there was.
Speaker 1: I did not know that. I genuinely like gobsmacked, jaw
Speaker 1: on the floor.
Speaker 2: I was like, there's gay. We have gaye, we have gates,
Speaker 2: and we have gays. He's not like the lead character
Speaker 2: of this episode, but he has more of a storyline
Speaker 2: than Melrose Place, which happens almost ten years later. Yes,
Speaker 2: like he actually has some stuff to do.
Speaker 1: Well, he has a lover in this episode.
Speaker 2: So we meet his boyfriend, Luke, played by Billy Campbell,
Speaker 2: the Great Billy Campbell, so handsome.
Speaker 1: Oh that is Billy Campbell. I didn't recognize it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's so different.
Speaker 1: Say it's Billy Campbell, Like, of course that was Billy
Speaker 1: camp Yeah.
Speaker 2: The gay the gays can act. I don't know that.
Speaker 2: They demonstrate it in this episode and blown away.
Speaker 1: I watched this yesterday and I did not recognize him.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Uh. Then we meet Claudia Blaisdell played by Pamela Bellwood.
Speaker 1: Okay, poor girl, look there's a lot.
Speaker 2: So first, Okay, this dress, this is the dress of
Speaker 2: talking about Okay, oh yeah, this is the it is.
Speaker 1: It is a disco nightmare.
Speaker 2: It's so bad. So it's it's one of those. It's
Speaker 2: kind of baggy, but fitted. Baggy's not the right word. Likes.
Speaker 1: It's meant to be oversized, oversized, oversized, and yet fitted
Speaker 1: because it starts at the most shoulder shoulder pads you've
Speaker 1: ever seen, the biggest shoulder pads ever, and then tapers down.
Speaker 1: So because it also has a very deep V in
Speaker 1: the front, she's literally dressed like she is like the
Speaker 1: most coked out person at Studio fifty four to walk
Speaker 1: around like the polo grounds in Moldavia.
Speaker 2: But you're forgetting the best part.
Speaker 1: No, no, I'm not. I'm not. I just want to
Speaker 1: describe the dress in all of its accurate glory. Okay,
Speaker 1: So it tapers down to her to her hips. You
Speaker 1: are like, no, Eric, I think you meant to say
Speaker 1: tapers down to her waist. No, no, it tapers down
Speaker 1: to her hips, and then at her hips it is
Speaker 1: gathered with a giant gold Lemmee sash that is just
Speaker 1: tight around her hips and asks to keep the dress
Speaker 1: in place, and then it just kind of falls from
Speaker 1: there to the ground. And the whole thing is like
Speaker 1: silver metallic rhinestone sequined disco ball that is this dress.
Speaker 1: And of course it's awful. Of course, it's awful, Paul.
Speaker 1: I'm not telling you it's not awful. But is it?
Speaker 2: But you it is?
Speaker 1: But but does it also look incredible?
Speaker 2: Is it a perfect tallow costume?
Speaker 1: Yes? Also the sexiest thing I've ever seen. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Paul. This show has broken my brain.
Speaker 2: So Claudia is Steven. Stephen is the gay son. Claudia
Speaker 2: is Stephen's fragile ex wife. They have a child together.
Speaker 2: She is currently in a relationship with Adam Carrington played
Speaker 2: by Gordon Thompson.
Speaker 1: Wait, they're not brothers, right, their cousins.
Speaker 2: No, Adam and Stephen are brothers, but Adam was thought
Speaker 2: to be was kidnapped as an infant and came back
Speaker 2: as an adult like was resurfaced like two seasons ago
Speaker 2: on the show as an adult. So he is Steven's
Speaker 2: full brother.
Speaker 1: Got it? So she is now with her ex husband's brother. Yes,
Speaker 1: they're carrying on an illicit affair.
Speaker 2: Correct. Now their relationship has been forbidden by Blake. That's
Speaker 2: John Forsyth, the patriarch of the family, because he said
Speaker 2: that the failure of Claudia and Steven's relationship turned his
Speaker 2: son gay again.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Look.
Speaker 1: Normally I would be like, that's terrible, what a terrible
Speaker 1: thing say to someone. But then I looked at that
Speaker 1: dress and I thought, well, maybe maybe that's possible. You guys,
Speaker 1: if you marry a sentient disco ball, yeah, you might
Speaker 1: turn out to be gay. It might make you gay.
Speaker 2: We do on this podcast believe that it is nature,
Speaker 2: not nurture. But if it is nurture, but if it is,
Speaker 2: this is the nurturing that we'll do.
Speaker 1: It is guys, like, do not marry sentient disco balls.
Speaker 1: They will turn you gay.
Speaker 2: They will. It's true. Also, she is I may not
Speaker 2: get this right. Alexis married the Colby patriarch. To get
Speaker 2: Alexis Carrington Colby, I believe Claudia is his first wife.
Speaker 2: What I think.
Speaker 1: Claudia is like twenty five years younger than Johan Collins.
Speaker 2: I think I could be wrong, or maybe she's married
Speaker 2: to his son. I could be wrong, but no, she's
Speaker 2: married to his son. Excuse me.
Speaker 1: She's definitely a different generation from the others.
Speaker 2: She's married to Colby's son, so she's technically Alexis's stepdaughter.
Speaker 1: Got it, and Adam is Alexis's son son. Yes, got
Speaker 1: as is gay Stephen correct, Okay, got it now? Who
Speaker 1: birthed the disco ball?
Speaker 2: That would be the Colby's, got you?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Wait, no, no, sorry, she's married into the Colby's. We
Speaker 2: don't know her parents or I.
Speaker 1: Don't know Freddy Mercury birth disco ball.
Speaker 2: Freddy Mercury and Robert Maplethorpe fucked and they birthed this dress.
Speaker 1: Halston shot this dress out. Yeah, and that's how it became.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right. Finally we meet Dominique Devereaux played by
Speaker 2: Diane Carroll. She is Blake's half sister. She is black. Uh,
Speaker 2: just a really fun backstory on Dominique Devereux and Dian Carroll.
Speaker 2: The role was created for her. She campaigned for a
Speaker 2: role on Dynasty because she wanted she thought she'd have
Speaker 2: racial diversity. And she said, I want to be the
Speaker 2: first black bitch on television. Wow.
Speaker 1: Yeah, clearly she never saw Eartha Kits Catwoman, just saying,
Speaker 1: but wow, good for her. Okay, already more diversity than
Speaker 1: fucking Melrose Place had last week, I have to say.
Speaker 2: And she was the only black actress with a regular
Speaker 2: role on like a nighttime soap at that time. It
Speaker 2: was just her.
Speaker 1: I bet, Yeah, that's incredible. Wait a good day, and Carol,
Speaker 1: I haven't. She doesn't do much in this episode, but
Speaker 1: I every once in a while Instagram will serve me
Speaker 1: clips of her and Joan Collins like sniping at each other,
Speaker 1: and it is so excellent.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, we meet Crown Prince Michael played by Michael Prade
Speaker 1: Prade Pride, who is being pursued by Elena, the Duchess
Speaker 1: of Brenna played by Carrie Armstrong, his ex fiancee. Okay,
Speaker 1: then we're gonna have to talk about Mouldiavian accents. Now.
Speaker 1: The King Galen has an American accent, correct, The Prince
Speaker 1: Michael has a British accent. Elena, the Duchess has something
Speaker 1: like a Swedish accent.
Speaker 2: Something up there.
Speaker 1: Definitely like it's Norwegian, it's Swedish, it's Scandinavian. Later on
Speaker 1: in the episode there will be an archbishop, the Archbishop
Speaker 1: of Moldavia has, I swear to Christ a Belgian accent.
Speaker 1: What is this country?
Speaker 2: It's a melting pot Erica, a.
Speaker 1: True melting pot in every sense of the word. This
Speaker 1: is the craziest. They didn't even like have a meeting
Speaker 1: to be like, can we just all agree that we
Speaker 1: all have like a generic English accent? Or can we
Speaker 1: all agree that we have no accents and we're all
Speaker 1: just American?
Speaker 2: Can we just.
Speaker 1: Agree on a fucking accent? So Elena is the one
Speaker 1: who told Amanda that Michael the Prince, her fiance had
Speaker 1: been unfaithful. Elena's like, I need to talk to you, Michael,
Speaker 1: and Michael's like, I can't talk to you right now, Elena,
Speaker 1: I don't even want to look at you. You're ruining
Speaker 1: my life. And then he opens his door to find
Speaker 1: his bodyguard Yuri on the other side with an iepatch.
Speaker 1: The man has an eye patch, you guys, if you're
Speaker 1: not already in yeah, and you bail now because there's
Speaker 1: a fucking eye patch in minute five of this show.
Speaker 1: And then Michael says, oh, what are you doing lurking
Speaker 1: behind the people watching my goings and cummings. That's not
Speaker 1: a mistake. They knew what they were doing. Ye, they
Speaker 1: knew what they were doing when they wrote that line.
Speaker 1: He storms off, telling Yuri and Elena to stop following me.
Speaker 2: We cut back to the reception. Blake pulls Alexis aside
Speaker 2: in case it's not clear to everyone. Blake and Alexis
Speaker 2: are exes, in case anyone didn't know that, I don't
Speaker 2: know if we actually said that.
Speaker 1: They are, like so prior to this show starting, they
Speaker 1: birthed a bunch of children and all the nonsense we're
Speaker 1: watching now is their drama. And then they split up.
Speaker 1: He married Crystal. Okay. That's the other funny thing when
Speaker 1: you start to think about this is all of these
Speaker 1: people flew to Moldavia for this wedding, but it doesn't
Speaker 1: make any sense some of them. I'm like, why are
Speaker 1: you here? Why were you even invited? Why is Steven's
Speaker 1: ex wife invited to this wedding? Why is she there?
Speaker 2: So Blake demands Alexis tell him why Amanda is skipping
Speaker 2: the party, and she relents and she tells him the truth.
Speaker 2: Maybe you can talk some sense into her. So we
Speaker 2: cut to Blake confronting Amanda upstairs. Now, in case you're wondering, Erica,
Speaker 2: Amanda is Alexis and Blake's fourth child. Right, Okay, we
Speaker 2: met two of the other ones. We met the two boys. Okay,
Speaker 2: then there's this one, and there's also Fallon, who will
Speaker 2: very briefly meet later in the.
Speaker 1: Episode I can't wait to talk about Fallen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Blake did not know about Amanda's existence for a
Speaker 2: very long time because apparently Alexis was pregnant with her
Speaker 2: when they split up, and she kept Amanda hidden from
Speaker 2: him for most of her life. So she popped up
Speaker 2: at the beginning of this season.
Speaker 1: I did not know that.
Speaker 2: So, in case you're wondering how strong this father daughter
Speaker 2: bond is, it's at most one year.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this woman is twenty five. If she's
Speaker 1: a minute, how do you hide a twenty five year old?
Speaker 2: So Blake tells Amanda that she has to grow up
Speaker 2: and make a decision, and Amanda says she knows that
Speaker 2: he's right, but she doesn't know what to do. And
Speaker 2: Blake tells her that she has to decide what she wants,
Speaker 2: but once she figures that out, he'll support her in
Speaker 2: whatever decision she makes, and the two embrace. It's actually
Speaker 2: kind of a nice again, Like you said, Blake and Crystal,
Speaker 2: at least in this episode.
Speaker 1: I don't I cannot normal. They're so normal, I tell
Speaker 1: you how normal.
Speaker 2: Decent like parental figures.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, except for telling Claudia that she turned her.
Speaker 2: The soun Okay, right, we didn't do that in this episode.
Speaker 1: That was that was another episode. I didn't even know
Speaker 1: that happened, and frankly, she probably did. I said what
Speaker 1: I said. So Blake goes to find Michael on the
Speaker 1: grounds of the palace to ask him for his side
Speaker 1: of the story about what the fuck happened with Elena.
Speaker 2: Right now, I just point out something real quick here.
Speaker 2: I want to start tracking time. So we know that
Speaker 2: the reception was at seven pm the prior, in the evening.
Speaker 1: Uh huh, they all arrived yesterday, I'm sure presumed.
Speaker 2: Presumably, Yeah, they're all at the reception, presumptively. Alexis tells
Speaker 2: Blake why a man isn't there, and he goes upstairs
Speaker 2: to talk to her. Now it is now full daylight,
Speaker 2: so we're it's the next day now that this is happening.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, she's still in her robe. Everyone else
Speaker 1: has changed at least twice. By the way, there's a
Speaker 1: scene here the two of them are walking around the grounds,
Speaker 1: Blake and Michael. And you know that Michael is royalty
Speaker 1: of some sort because he does the universal actor thing.
Speaker 1: He walks with both hands behind his back. That is
Speaker 1: such a thing, such an actor thing when you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm playing royalty, I walk with my hands behind my plushment.
Speaker 1: I sort of christ Everyone saw Prince Charles do it
Speaker 1: once and then they just copied it forever. So Michael
Speaker 1: tells him what happened with Elena was not his fault,
Speaker 1: but he has no way of proving it. He's like,
Speaker 1: she came on to me. He assures Blake that he
Speaker 1: loves Amanda and would never, ever, ever be unfaithful to her.
Speaker 1: Too many nevers, man, too many nevers. One is fine
Speaker 1: more than one.
Speaker 2: You cheat, protest too much.
Speaker 1: Blake heads back to Amanda to report Michael's story and
Speaker 1: tell her that he believed it. I believed him when
Speaker 1: he said he didn't cheat on you. But stress is
Speaker 1: that it's still Amanda's decision to make. I'm not telling
Speaker 1: you anything except that I did fly literally everyone we've
Speaker 1: ever met out here for this wedding, and I really
Speaker 1: hate to not have a wedding after all the trouble
Speaker 1: and expense I've went through. But anyway, it's still on
Speaker 1: your decision.
Speaker 2: We cut to the Palace grounds, where a proto top
Speaker 2: gun volleyball scene is happening in the background.
Speaker 1: This made me so every time they cut to these
Speaker 1: boys just doing sports, just random sports.
Speaker 2: Yep, Lady Ashley that's Ally McGraw confides in Dominique, that's
Speaker 2: Diane Carroll, that she's concerned the age difference be too
Speaker 2: much in her potential. I'm sorry, I've dozed off. This
Speaker 2: was so boring. Not even Dian Carroll can make this interesting.
Speaker 1: All I could look at is the hair is Ally
Speaker 1: McGrath's hair. It's all I saw. Yeah.
Speaker 2: We cut to Alexis later that night. I guess so
Speaker 2: because she is now again dolled up. She is now
Speaker 2: like for reception of some sort.
Speaker 1: Is the red dress or is this No, this.
Speaker 2: Is the the bubblegum pink dress with the halter with
Speaker 2: it like the halter that looks a little bit from
Speaker 2: a distance, like someone crumpled up tinfoil and wrapped it
Speaker 2: around her neck.
Speaker 1: I love this dress.
Speaker 2: And then there's this enormous structural part that's like gathered up.
Speaker 2: It almost looks like like pulling taffy around. Yeah. I
Speaker 2: like everything except the strap. The strap is too much
Speaker 2: for me.
Speaker 1: Everything I like everything on this Everything everyone wears this
Speaker 1: dress is amazing.
Speaker 2: So Alexis walks into this random room in the palace,
Speaker 2: and King Galen follows her into the room, wanting to
Speaker 2: talk about us. Right, so yeah, So it turns out
Speaker 2: that like the two of them knew each other from
Speaker 2: years back, and they were madly in love. Alexis is
Speaker 2: more focused on the Amanda situation. She asks if the
Speaker 2: king can speak to Elena, the Duchess of Brana, and
Speaker 2: he says they should let the children work it out
Speaker 2: for themselves. But then he says, but you should stay
Speaker 2: in Moldavia with me, as you should have years ago.
Speaker 2: I should have asked you. I was too cowardly. But
Speaker 2: she says, she's not ready to give up her life
Speaker 2: or my husband. I have a business. These things mean
Speaker 2: something to me. King Galen kisses her shoulder just as
Speaker 2: Dex walks in and sees it, and Dex leaves without
Speaker 2: saying anything.
Speaker 1: Dex has that amazing thing that actor Michael Nader is
Speaker 1: that amazing thing where he's like he looks and they
Speaker 1: don't know that he sees them, and he he quietly
Speaker 1: storms off.
Speaker 2: It's so good.
Speaker 1: We cut to Dex in another room, drinking whiskey in
Speaker 1: the dark. Alexis centers and the two of them start
Speaker 1: to fight.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: He demands to know how far it's gone between her
Speaker 1: and the King of Moldavia, and she snaps back about
Speaker 1: as far as things between you and Amanda.
Speaker 2: Now, Erica, what what you might wondering? You might be
Speaker 2: wondering about that line, So I did a little research
Speaker 2: for you. You might be thinking. When Amanda appeared on the
Speaker 2: show about twenty episodes ago, did she attempt to seduce
Speaker 2: her mother's husband, Yes, yes she did. Did she succeed, Yes,
Speaker 2: yes she did.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Did Dex reportedly regret it immediately and announce his plans
Speaker 2: to marry it Alexis after boning her daughter. Yes, yes
Speaker 2: he did.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. That's why Alexis is all like, Yo,
Speaker 1: whatever happens before you're married is just part of the game, baby.
Speaker 2: That's right. Yeah, what what happens? Prenuptial stays produce.
Speaker 1: N actual Yeah? That Oh my god. I did not. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, I figured because after that line, I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: That's when I started to google, like, wait, are Amanda
Speaker 1: and Alexis full mother and daughter or is she like
Speaker 1: her adopted daughter? What's Oh my god? Their full mother
Speaker 1: and daughter?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: Is disgusting. Okay, So Dex leaves furious as Alexis screams,
Speaker 1: you bastard, everything everything.
Speaker 2: The next morning dawns and Alexis manages to corner Elena.
Speaker 2: That's the duchess, that's the accuser of Michael, and she
Speaker 2: demands she tell Amanda the truth. She even tells Elena
Speaker 2: what the truth is, and Elena scoffs in her face,
Speaker 2: and then Galen appears and he manages to love her
Speaker 2: something about her father and businesses, and no one cares.
Speaker 1: He basically he's like Elena's father will disown her if
Speaker 1: she breaks up the marriage somehow between Michael and Amanda.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Elena, by the way, is wearing almost just a
Speaker 2: writing outfit, but instead of jobberr she's wearing gaucho's.
Speaker 1: It's super weird, but also a skirt. It looks like
Speaker 1: she's wearing pants and a skirt at the same time.
Speaker 2: Those were billowing pants.
Speaker 1: I don't know. All I know is like, unless you're
Speaker 1: going side saddle, you are not writing a goddamn thing
Speaker 1: in this outfit. And she is covered to her ankles
Speaker 1: in this outfit.
Speaker 2: So he basically forces Elena to go tell Amanda what
Speaker 2: Alexis wants her to hear. I am not clear on
Speaker 2: whether or not that is the truth. It seems I
Speaker 2: think it is. It is.
Speaker 1: I think Michael does not cheat on Amanda.
Speaker 2: I believe that.
Speaker 1: I just want to believe in love. I just want
Speaker 1: to believe in faithfulness and love, and I want to
Speaker 1: believe in Amanda and Michael. They're gonna make it work, Paul,
Speaker 1: this is gonna be a marriage for the ages.
Speaker 2: Elena does it, she's told. She goes to Amanda, who
Speaker 2: at this point has been in her room in a
Speaker 2: dressing gown for no fewer than forty eight hours.
Speaker 1: Aha, is she even eating in there? Are they bringing
Speaker 1: her water and food and shit?
Speaker 2: That room smells like a fart. It smells like just
Speaker 2: one long fart. Elena tells Amanda that Michael refused Elena's advances,
Speaker 2: and Amanda says she believes her, but she asks if
Speaker 2: Elena thinks she and Michael are a good match, and
Speaker 2: Elena turns around and says, no, I don't. You don't
Speaker 2: have what it takes to be a prince's wife, and
Speaker 2: then she leaves.
Speaker 1: We cut to Claudia in a salmon leather business suit.
Speaker 1: PAULA love this. It's pretty fat, actually fucking great. A leather,
Speaker 1: like a soft like buttery leather business suit, the kind
Speaker 1: of one.
Speaker 2: Where you can like roll up the sleeves on the jacket.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's in Salmon. I love everything about this.
Speaker 1: She's running to catch up with Adam, who is wearing
Speaker 1: tennis whites and carrying a racket balls at Kimbo. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you, oh, do not look too closely.
Speaker 2: I am so glad you said that, because I was like,
Speaker 2: maybe I'm just being gross, but I feel like I
Speaker 2: can see his penis.
Speaker 1: You get one hundred percent see his penis and balls
Speaker 1: through those tennis whites. Most TVs back then were twelve inches.
Speaker 1: People couldn't really see things.
Speaker 2: But I haven't in this shot, but I have.
Speaker 1: I have a large HGTV. You can see peni and balls.
Speaker 1: Paul rides here, and he's not wrong. He's carrying a
Speaker 1: tennis racket despite there being to our eyes, no tennis
Speaker 1: court anywhere in sight.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: She says she doesn't want to be his embarrassing secret,
Speaker 1: and he says it's just easier for them to carry
Speaker 1: on in private and not anger. Blake. It Islake really
Speaker 1: that concerned that a second son will turn gay co
Speaker 1: he can't possibly be he can't, we actually think is
Speaker 1: Claudia's fall.
Speaker 2: Come on, to be clear, Stephen was gay first and
Speaker 2: then married a woman and then can be gay again.
Speaker 1: He married a sentient disco ball and that turned him straight.
Speaker 1: But some men can marry a sentient disco ball and
Speaker 1: it's fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's David Barton, for instance, who was married to
Speaker 2: Susan Barte.
Speaker 1: That is literally the best example I could think of. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is a man who like, is married to a
Speaker 1: gay man but is still standing. Yeah, yeah, is still
Speaker 1: a straight man married to a woman. He says he
Speaker 1: loves her, and she tells him to start acting like
Speaker 1: it or she'll be gone forever. And this is a
Speaker 1: point where I'm like, who invited her to this wedding?
Speaker 1: Why is she here?
Speaker 2: Why is she here?
Speaker 1: She runs off and he follows her meanwhile across the lawn.
Speaker 1: I'm learning their names in real time, you guys, because
Speaker 1: they don't know their names. At this point. Stephen and
Speaker 1: Luke Gay and his lover are like, just like laxadaisically
Speaker 1: kicking a soccer ball back and forth.
Speaker 2: Gay people doing gay things.
Speaker 1: They're doing sports they were doing. They were doing volleyball first,
Speaker 1: and now they're doing this this sport.
Speaker 2: The Moldavian royal family heard they were gay and just
Speaker 2: hand them a bunch of balls when they walk.
Speaker 1: A You know what, I did not know, because this
Speaker 1: is the scene in which Erica learns these characters are gay.
Speaker 1: I did not know they were gay until right now.
Speaker 1: So this actually puts that volleyball scene in way stark relief.
Speaker 1: Like that actually makes that volleyball scene amazing, because I
Speaker 1: think there's a moment where they're both spiking the ball
Speaker 1: at the same time and they end up like rubbing
Speaker 1: up against each other and everyone's like there's tension. I
Speaker 1: did not catch that the first time. I'm learning that
Speaker 1: in real time. So Stephen and Luke are just like
Speaker 1: sadly kicking a ball, baking forth to each other because
Speaker 1: that's what people did before cell phones. And Steven spots
Speaker 1: his brother and his ex wife talking in the distance
Speaker 1: and kind of sort of canoodling a little like I
Speaker 1: can't remember if they see if they're kissing, and he
Speaker 1: sees that or if they're kissing. They're very close, right,
Speaker 1: and Luke tells him that he has to put Claudia
Speaker 1: out of his mind if they're to have a shot
Speaker 1: at their relationship working. And Erica goes, wait, what So
Speaker 1: this is where I learned that Stephen and Claudia used
Speaker 1: to be a thing. They are no longer a thing,
Speaker 1: and that Stephen is now with Luke. And I screamed,
Speaker 1: gay people.
Speaker 2: I see homosexuals, Well, they know they're gay, No.
Speaker 1: Wonder they don't know how to do sports.
Speaker 2: Boom boom, got it?
Speaker 1: Burt you burnt homosexuals? Yea burnt fruits, yeap burnt.
Speaker 2: So Stephen was used to working with two balls at once.
Speaker 1: So Stephen responds, and his feelings about Claudia are complicated.
Speaker 1: Once you fall in love with a disco ball, it's
Speaker 1: hard to turn away. There's complicated as his feelings about himself,
Speaker 1: and clearly the term bisexual just had not yet been invented. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't mean he doesn't love Luke. In fact,
Speaker 1: when they get home, he and his son are going
Speaker 1: to move in with Luke.
Speaker 2: The way he said that, I was like, did Luke ask,
Speaker 2: is this your idea or his idea?
Speaker 1: And that's it took me this long because at first
Speaker 1: he's like our relationship isn't gonna work if you're still
Speaker 1: obsessed with Claudia. And I was like, Okay, maybe they're
Speaker 1: talking about like Luke's relationship to Claudia instead of Stephen's
Speaker 1: relationship with Luke. And I was like, it's not until
Speaker 1: they literally are like, I'm going to move into your
Speaker 1: house with my son, and then they do bro hug.
Speaker 1: That's the best they could get away with back then
Speaker 1: they literally just like bro hug. Yeah, And I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I became Kristen wigg in that sketch
Speaker 1: where she gets all excited.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god.
Speaker 1: They're good.
Speaker 2: I have to say, like, for it being nineteen eighty
Speaker 2: five or whatever, like I thought this scene was actually pretty.
Speaker 1: Good, Like it's so sweet.
Speaker 2: It's sweet, and Stephen saying like, I have complicated feelings
Speaker 2: about myself, like he his arc over the whole show,
Speaker 2: from what I can tell, is basically him struggling with
Speaker 2: his sexuality, which in the nineteen eighties, it's a real
Speaker 2: fucking arc that takes a long time in that time,
Speaker 2: like it, you know, and his father clearly doesn't support him.
Speaker 2: I think he and Crystal actually have a really good
Speaker 2: relationship if I understand all the all my readings correctly.
Speaker 2: I read a lot about soapropers these past few weeks,
Speaker 2: You guys is starting to blur. Aha. The way he
Speaker 2: said it, I thought was very progressive, Like I have
Speaker 2: complicated feelings about like my ex wife and about me
Speaker 2: being gay, but I don't have complicated feelings about you, right,
Speaker 2: which is like an interesting line to draw, because.
Speaker 1: You're Billy Campbell and you're adorable.
Speaker 2: You're adorable.
Speaker 1: So the two bros hug it out pro style and dude, dude,
Speaker 1: love fucking love you, dude. Meanwhile, we see Blake seeing
Speaker 1: Adam and Claudia kiss across the courtyard. So Blake is
Speaker 1: the father of Adam and Stephen. He blames Claudia for
Speaker 1: turning Stephen gay and now she's now she's on his
Speaker 1: other son.
Speaker 2: Yeah. We cut to Amanda, who has finally left the room,
Speaker 2: but she is wearing an insane white suit. And I
Speaker 2: know what you're thinking, listeners, You're thinking, it's a white suit.
Speaker 2: How insane can it be? I have one word, two syllables, netting.
Speaker 2: There is netting on this suit. There are there band
Speaker 2: aid colored strips of accent fabric with a vague giraffe
Speaker 2: pattern on them, and the netting causes visible shoulder pads.
Speaker 1: I don't remember this at all. I may have blacked
Speaker 1: out passed out with when you said earlier she wears
Speaker 1: a one outfit. That's crazy. I thought you were referring
Speaker 1: to the wedding dress. Spoiler, there's a wedding dress.
Speaker 2: It's a wedding dress.
Speaker 1: I in my head, she's wearing just pajamas up until
Speaker 1: that way.
Speaker 2: No, there's a suit moment.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I forgot about this.
Speaker 2: Okay. So she walks into Alexis's room looking for her mother.
Speaker 2: She finds Deck's leaving. Remember dex is someone she had
Speaker 2: an affair with behind her mother's back.
Speaker 1: But now is her stepdaddy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he says, He says he's leaving. She says she
Speaker 2: wants him there. He tells her that she's selfish, just
Speaker 2: like her mother. She grabs his arm. She begs him
Speaker 2: to stay. He says, I have to go. I have
Speaker 2: to go, amandad he grabs her hands say do you
Speaker 2: hear me? Do you hear me? And then Michael walks
Speaker 2: in and he says, you let her go, and the
Speaker 2: two of them fight.
Speaker 1: It is so good. It is so good. The choreography.
Speaker 1: It's two people ten feet apart from each other throwing
Speaker 1: punches and then falling backwards like they've been hit with
Speaker 1: a sledgehammer.
Speaker 2: Yep, Dex easily gets the better of Michael. This does
Speaker 2: track because apparently in my research I found out that
Speaker 2: passed in past storylines, Dex has been recruited for like
Speaker 2: paramilitary missions by the by the US government.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that makes a lot of sense. Later
Speaker 1: in this episode, yeah, actually, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Amanda stops to fight. She tells Dex to leave
Speaker 2: after moments ago begging him to stay, Dex, stay, stay,
Speaker 2: go Dex, and she tells Michael that she loves him
Speaker 2: and she will marry him, and the two kiss. Okay, okay, sure.
Speaker 1: Fine, yep, I have no skin in this game. As
Speaker 1: Dex leaves, he stumbles across men bringing boxes marked wine
Speaker 1: into the kitchen. Yeah it's nighttime. We're now in like
Speaker 1: the dead of night. He demands to know why they're
Speaker 1: delivering so late, but before he gets an answer, Yuri
Speaker 1: the ipatch eyepatche ipet servant appears behind him and knocks
Speaker 1: him out cold. He and his men look at Dex
Speaker 1: and he says, nothing can stop us tomorrow. I don't
Speaker 1: I can't even describe Yuri's accent. It defies all laws
Speaker 1: of like, it defies the un laws, it defies everything.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what this accent is.
Speaker 2: It's the day of the when y'all, Blake calls Adam
Speaker 2: into his room. Adam is his son that was kidnapped
Speaker 2: as an infant and then showed up later, who is
Speaker 2: now dating Claudia, who is his gay son's ex wife.
Speaker 1: Everyone caught up.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, Yeah. He forbids Adam from seeing Claudia, and
Speaker 2: Adam says he will do as he's told, and then
Speaker 2: we immediately see Adam with Claudia, assuring her that he's
Speaker 2: going to find a way to make sure I can
Speaker 2: keep seeing her. Feels like this is all set up
Speaker 2: for later.
Speaker 1: Yep, yep.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: You know what I thought when this was all happening.
Speaker 1: I didn't know the backstory. I thought that Blake had
Speaker 1: an fair with Claudia and likes as well, like probably
Speaker 1: did at some point, maybe fucked Claudia, and that's what
Speaker 1: broke up Claudia and Steven, And so he's like, you
Speaker 1: can't you can't be with her, there's too much baggage.
Speaker 2: Meanwhile, Alexis and Amanda are getting their hair and makeup done,
Speaker 2: and Alexis imparts some wisdom to her daughter about the wedding.
Speaker 2: She e scares her three pieces of device. One, watch
Speaker 2: your posture.
Speaker 1: Sure nothing, She's nothing more attractive than a beautiful bride
Speaker 1: slouching towards the altar.
Speaker 2: Yep. She tells her to take her time walking down
Speaker 2: the aisle. This is your moment, enjoy it, lovely. And
Speaker 2: then number three, hold your bouquet with arms parallel to
Speaker 2: the ground.
Speaker 1: That is specific.
Speaker 2: That is that's a zombie that's a zombie walk. That's
Speaker 2: a clasp hand zombie walk, isn't it? Parallel to the
Speaker 2: ground is never the twain shall meet? Huh? Or this
Speaker 2: with your hands parallel to the ground.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're both. We're both miming having a bouquet in
Speaker 1: our hands.
Speaker 2: What a fantastic visual medium we're having right here.
Speaker 1: Wait, because this is perpendicular to the ground.
Speaker 2: A bouquet is But yeah, but she says, keep your
Speaker 2: arms parallel to that is straight out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's weird.
Speaker 2: That's not good advice. Who wrote this and why someone
Speaker 2: didn't know what parallel meant.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, Jeff finds Lady Ashley again. I forgot these two existed.
Speaker 2: I forget every time they leave.
Speaker 1: This Jeff again. Is he related to Jeff?
Speaker 2: Jeff is Alexis's step son. He is the son of
Speaker 2: the guy she married to get control of the company.
Speaker 1: Okay, got it? Why is he at this time?
Speaker 2: I have no idea, you know what. Never mind, it's
Speaker 2: his stepsister's wedding. I guess, although that's.
Speaker 1: That's a reason to go to Moldavia. Yeah, I guess
Speaker 1: so okay. Lady Ashley is Ali McGraw, a movie star,
Speaker 1: way too big to be doing this. She turns down
Speaker 1: his proposals, saying they're wrong for each other and also
Speaker 1: he's still in love with Fallon I e. Alexis and
Speaker 1: Blake's other daughter. Up until this point, there was a
Speaker 1: mention of Fallon earlier. This is mentioned number two. We
Speaker 1: have not yet seen Fallon. Right. Cut to young woman
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles at a police station. She has amnesia. Yep,
Speaker 1: she speaks, and the subtitles on my TV because I
Speaker 1: turned on the subtitles to watch the show just in
Speaker 1: case I missed anything, says Falon. Okay, and that is
Speaker 1: how Erica is like, Aha, Fallon is in the United
Speaker 1: States with amnesia.
Speaker 2: I did not have the subtitles on, so I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm assuming that's Fallin. I think it's Valin. I had
Speaker 2: to look it up. This is This is Emma Sam's.
Speaker 2: This is her second appearance in the role. She took
Speaker 2: over for Pamela Sue Martin who left the role. Okay,
Speaker 2: so that's why the whole amnesia storyline is happening, because
Speaker 2: they're replacing the actress.
Speaker 1: You know how when you get amnesia, your face changes
Speaker 1: completely exactly, So okay. So she is hoping that someone
Speaker 1: had reported a missing woman that looks like her to
Speaker 1: the police and then that way she can find out
Speaker 1: her true identity. A very kindly police officer is like, no,
Speaker 1: We're sorry. Do you have a place to stay though
Speaker 1: you are you taking care of and she's She says
Speaker 1: she has money. She doesn't know why she has money,
Speaker 1: but she has money.
Speaker 2: We check in on Sammy Joe and Rita in New York.
Speaker 2: That's Heather Locklear and Linda Evans's.
Speaker 1: Second ga playing as Joanna Cassidy.
Speaker 2: Yes, Sammy Joe is coaching Rita on her Crystal impersonation.
Speaker 2: None of this matters. What does matter in this scene
Speaker 2: is the outfit that Heather Locklearer is wearing. It is
Speaker 2: and you're gonna have to give me a minute before
Speaker 2: we get to the horrifying part, because it's gonna sound
Speaker 2: fine at first.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: She's wearing it looks to be like cut off sweatshorts
Speaker 2: and a loose knit sweater. Loose knit baggy sweater. Very eighties.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 2: It is all rendered in the same kind of like
Speaker 2: monochromatic dusty pink.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 2: But on the sweater are random swatches of fabric that
Speaker 2: are also the same pink, but they're attached to the
Speaker 2: sweater with like two white buttons that look like the
Speaker 2: top of Mickey Mouse's pants. Yep. Yeah, that's what Heather
Speaker 2: Lockleer is wearing in this scene.
Speaker 1: I had something very similar, not kidding in the eighties.
Speaker 2: Oh really, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I like to be clear, I was not shopping for myself.
Speaker 1: I was I was a very young child. This is
Speaker 1: on my mother, This is on her, But that was
Speaker 1: a thing I remember that.
Speaker 2: Look.
Speaker 1: I don't know why we did it, but we did it.
Speaker 2: We did it.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, is This also the scene, by the way, where
Speaker 1: Rita puts on the wig or is that later? So
Speaker 1: she's coaching her on how to be crystal. Essentially, she
Speaker 1: buys her a wig, and so it's just Linda Evans
Speaker 1: pretending to pull on her real hair. If you didn't
Speaker 1: know it was Linda Evans before, now you know it's
Speaker 1: Linda Evans and looking at herself in the mirror and
Speaker 1: going like oh.
Speaker 2: Then she turns around and you can see Rita's red
Speaker 2: hair underneath a wig that must have been shaped to
Speaker 2: look like Linda Evans's actual hair. Lots of hair, So.
Speaker 1: Much happening, don't worry about it. Meanwhile, back in Moldavia,
Speaker 1: everyone is getting ready for the wedding, except for Dex,
Speaker 1: who has been tied up in a shed by Yuri
Speaker 1: and his cohorts. He demands to know what Yuri is after,
Speaker 1: and Uri says destiny.
Speaker 2: Did you not immediately think why didn't he say dynasty?
Speaker 1: Oh damn it, Paul, Now that's all I want.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: The wedding starts, and much like a very real wedding,
Speaker 1: it is interminable.
Speaker 2: Okay, I wrote down the time codes. The wedding march
Speaker 2: starts playing at thirty eight minutes, in nineteen seconds, nothing
Speaker 2: happens that is exciting at all. Until forty three minutes
Speaker 2: and twenty eight seconds. That's five minutes of like montage.
Speaker 1: Holy shit, Yeah, you say, nothing exciting happens, though, Paul,
Speaker 1: and something very exciting happens. The archbishop starts to speak
Speaker 1: the ceremony. Here's a few tidbits from the Archbishop of
Speaker 1: Moldavia's wedding ceremony. Long live the seed and a crown
Speaker 1: of glory that fadeth not away. What, Yeah, preserve their
Speaker 1: bed unassailed, and give them of the dew of heaven
Speaker 1: on high and the fatness of the earth. Fill their
Speaker 1: houses with wheat and oil, and with every beneficence that
Speaker 1: they in turn bestow upon the needy. He says, bestow.
Speaker 1: I know it's bestow. He says, bestow. And then he goes,
Speaker 1: have you, Michael, of good, free, unconstrained will and the
Speaker 1: firm intention to take unto thyself? This woman, what is
Speaker 1: this wedding ceremony?
Speaker 2: So they took a wedding ceremony, went to the sourus
Speaker 2: dot com and just like reworked all the grammar and
Speaker 2: all of the words.
Speaker 1: They're like, okay, so it's a country where maybe English
Speaker 1: isn't their first language, but we're gonna pretend that they're
Speaker 1: speaking like this is the most Bunker's dialogue, and it
Speaker 1: is all undercut with montage of what's happening, so you
Speaker 1: are very it's very easy to miss it. All. I
Speaker 1: had to go back. There's more. I'm not gonna bore
Speaker 1: you all with it, Like there's so much more that
Speaker 1: this preacher says that is insane. So while that's going on,
Speaker 1: we see men in commando get up storming the castle.
Speaker 1: They're taking over the grounds, they're taking out the Moldavian
Speaker 1: guards in like truly the most mickey mouse half assed way.
Speaker 1: There is a man who jumps from a not very
Speaker 1: high roof on top of two guards, knocking one of
Speaker 1: them out cold just with the strength of landing on him,
Speaker 1: and the other guard kind of stumbles up and then
Speaker 1: there's like a very terrible punch to knock that guy out.
Speaker 1: Dex meanwhile, is still locked up. He struggles against his bonds,
Speaker 1: and then the priest starts to drone on that amazing speech,
Speaker 1: and the wedding march keeps playing, and we cut to
Speaker 1: like literally everyone in the cast sitting in the church,
Speaker 1: and that's when I was like, oh, right, Diane Carrol's
Speaker 1: in this.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, the commandos are getting closer and closer to the
Speaker 1: chapel as Dex frees himself and storms towards the ceremony.
Speaker 2: The priest declares Michael and Amanda married, and the commandos
Speaker 2: lay siege to the wedding. They open fire indiscriminately, the
Speaker 2: guards return it in kind. All the named characters fall
Speaker 2: to the ground with various degrees of visible wounds, and
Speaker 2: one of the commandos snarls to Yuri, get the King,
Speaker 2: just as Decks arrives and tackles Yuri from behind. The
Speaker 2: two struggle, the gun goes off, and suddenly we cut
Speaker 2: to the aftermath as bells chime and the camera pans
Speaker 2: over all of our characters lying on the floor with
Speaker 2: their eyes closed, spattered with blood.
Speaker 1: I felt so bad for the actors, yeah, because they
Speaker 1: clearly had to stay in these positions on the floor
Speaker 1: for like forty minutes while they got all the coverage
Speaker 1: they needed of everyone. And I'm like, you know, John
Speaker 1: Forsyth was like, someone helped me out my knees, my
Speaker 1: knees yees.
Speaker 2: John Forsyth was like, I'm the lead of this show.
Speaker 2: I'm doing this for five minutes, so get my coverage,
Speaker 2: and I'm fucking leaving a little bit of trivia for you. Yes,
Speaker 2: how many people do you think survive this?
Speaker 1: Oh? I was curious because I did no follow up
Speaker 1: after this. Okay, I'm guessing Ali McGraw's dead.
Speaker 2: You are right.
Speaker 1: I'm guessing the Prince is dead.
Speaker 2: Nope.
Speaker 1: Oh is Amanda Ditch Nope? Oh fuck? I thought one
Speaker 1: of the Marriags would be dead. Okay, Oh no, none
Speaker 1: of the gays. No, it's Billy Campbell.
Speaker 2: Billy Campbell is dead. Damn Those are the only two
Speaker 2: people that die.
Speaker 1: Noah, not even the fucking King of Moldavia.
Speaker 2: Nope, he gets kidnapped, I think, damn it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh, I would have guessed a lot more people. Well.
Speaker 2: I think it was pretty famously like kind of a
Speaker 2: letdown of a cliffhanger, because everyone it looked like everyone
Speaker 2: was dead and obviously not everyone is dead. But I
Speaker 2: think people expected like a cast culling, yeah, kind of
Speaker 2: like get Claudia out of here or something like move
Speaker 2: it along.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then obviously they can just survive and come
Speaker 2: back in a season or two. But like it was
Speaker 2: kind of viewed as like a letdown after this.
Speaker 1: Oh, I told I am a little let down.
Speaker 2: And I'm sure everybody fucking loved Luke. Everyone wanted Billy
Speaker 2: Campbell to stay. Yeah, people loved gay people in nineteen
Speaker 2: eighty five. They were so supportive.
Speaker 1: Like there's just there's a lot of like, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of chaff. You can cut quite a few people
Speaker 1: from this cast.
Speaker 2: You can cut three of the men and no one
Speaker 2: will know it.
Speaker 1: No one would even know which man you cut.
Speaker 2: All Right, So that is the royal wedding episode of Dynasty.
Speaker 2: We are gonna come right back after these messages with
Speaker 2: our random observations and final rankings.
Speaker 1: And we're back. Paul, Yes, before I throw my champagne
Speaker 1: in your face, I.
Speaker 2: Have my coy flopping ready to smack you across the
Speaker 2: cheek with.
Speaker 1: It, give you some random observations on Dynasty.
Speaker 2: Okay, Ali McGrath took some hits from us in this episode,
Speaker 2: and I keep to inform you that I'm gonna hit
Speaker 2: her again.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna hit her again too. Let's see if it's
Speaker 1: the same thing wonderful.
Speaker 2: Is that scene that she has with Dominique with Diane Carroll,
Speaker 2: if we are going to talk about the same thing,
Speaker 2: is it about how she drinks a glass of water?
Speaker 1: Here's the note that I wrote down. Does Alan McGrath
Speaker 1: know how to drink from a glass?
Speaker 2: She doesn't.
Speaker 1: Why is she using two hands.
Speaker 2: And like seemingly unable to figure out how to sip?
Speaker 1: She does not understand how to use a glass. It
Speaker 1: is the most insane she okay, okay for those of
Speaker 1: you who can't see us, because you can't see us,
Speaker 1: she's she takes like an eight ounce glassy water. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she grabs it from the bottom host and then with
Speaker 1: one hand and then kind of teeters, but she's continuing
Speaker 1: to talk and she doesn't want to break the scene,
Speaker 1: so she grabs it with like the top half of
Speaker 1: the glass with her second hand. And now she's stuck
Speaker 1: doing this to try to make it look normal while
Speaker 1: she's talking to Diane Carroll, and she's kind of shaking
Speaker 1: a little bit as she hesitates before she brings it
Speaker 1: to her lips.
Speaker 2: It cuts away. She must must, they must have said, justphin,
Speaker 2: like I need do that again. I didn't mean I
Speaker 2: know how to drink a glass of water.
Speaker 1: Please let me get that again.
Speaker 2: And they're like, no, we have to go. You have
Speaker 2: to go. The boys can't keep playing volleyball. They have
Speaker 2: to get in costume.
Speaker 1: Ali McGrath, are you human? Allie McGraw, are you a
Speaker 1: human woman who SIPs from glasses?
Speaker 2: What are you? That's so funny because I watched it
Speaker 2: once and then I was like, maybe I'm over exaggerating this,
Speaker 2: so I remounded. I watched it again. I was like, no,
Speaker 2: this is weird.
Speaker 1: It's so weird. It's so weird. Yeah, so both of
Speaker 1: mine are. So my next one is also in this
Speaker 1: scene or it's in another scene, but it's another Ali
Speaker 1: McGrath moment, huh, and it's it's a line. So she's
Speaker 1: talking to the guy that she's with. I don't care
Speaker 1: about this plotline. I don't know, but that guy used
Speaker 1: to be with Fallon, although I think canonically all these
Speaker 1: people are related, so they really shouldn't be with each other.
Speaker 1: And she's like, you can't marry me, you're still in
Speaker 1: love with Fallon and he's like, no, I'm not. I
Speaker 1: swear i'm not, and she goes tell me Felon's not
Speaker 1: on your mind right now, and he goes she is,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, bitch, you brought her up. That's
Speaker 1: why she's on his mind. Paul, tell me you're not
Speaker 1: picturing me wearing nothing but saran wrap with butter on it.
Speaker 1: Tell me you're not delicious. Were you thinking about that
Speaker 1: ten seconds ago? No?
Speaker 2: But now I am.
Speaker 1: But now you are. Stop bringing her up? What's wrong
Speaker 1: with you?
Speaker 2: I have one more about Ali McGraw. This poor woman
Speaker 2: she has.
Speaker 1: Like she's taking so many as.
Speaker 2: This one. Actually, this is not this is nothing new
Speaker 2: with her. And look actually outside of the water, it's
Speaker 2: not her. It's what they're doing to.
Speaker 1: Her, Like, yeah, this is a bad character.
Speaker 2: It's it's it's really not her fault. But at the end,
Speaker 2: during the massacre, while bullets are flying, the most interesting
Speaker 2: thing that Lady Ashley does is she tries to take
Speaker 2: a picture with her camera. She's tried to be like
Speaker 2: a photo journalist.
Speaker 1: She's a photographer, right, a photographer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And and someone like pulls her Alexis's step son
Speaker 2: whose name is Jeff, I don't know, the guy that's
Speaker 2: in love with her, that wants to marry her, pulls
Speaker 2: her down. But did she gets that's when she gets.
Speaker 1: Killed takes it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, But I was like, oh, you know what, that's
Speaker 2: interesting someone who like wants to be like a she's
Speaker 2: a photojournalist or whatever, but I'm also incredibly rich, which
Speaker 2: I don't know much about photojournalism, and I think you
Speaker 2: can be successful, but I don't know if you can
Speaker 2: be that successful.
Speaker 1: Well, no, because your name is Lady something something. That's
Speaker 1: why she's written family. She's rich. Yeah, she's she's aristocratic. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you write that is interesting? A woman who's like
Speaker 1: brave and like in the line of fires still going
Speaker 1: to get the photo. That's cool.
Speaker 2: That's interesting.
Speaker 1: Too bad? Rip Yeah rip, Ali McGraw, you didn't know
Speaker 1: how to hold the water glass?
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I only just have one more. And it's my favorite
Speaker 1: line in the whole episode. It's it is said by
Speaker 1: Linda Evans as Crystal spelled wrong. She's explaining in that
Speaker 1: first scene with her and Blake, which she's like, I'm
Speaker 1: so worried about Sammy Joe, like in all the drama
Speaker 1: she's gonna cause and she says, and I quote Sammy
Speaker 1: Joe was so angry because I was made execut tricks
Speaker 1: of his estate.
Speaker 2: I missed the word executrics.
Speaker 1: Executrix of his estate is so hard to say. Kudos
Speaker 1: to you, Linda Evans. She says it with a straight face,
Speaker 1: like that's not the dumbest thing anyone has ever said.
Speaker 1: I was made executricks of this estate.
Speaker 2: I have one more dumb thing. When the commandos are
Speaker 2: laying siege to the palace while the while the wedding
Speaker 2: march is playing for like five minutes and nothing is happening,
Speaker 2: there's a moment where they're like, they make the active
Speaker 2: choice to have these people that are supposed to be threatening,
Speaker 2: you know in the jungle gym as a kid, where
Speaker 2: you would like get the bar at the monkey bars.
Speaker 2: That's what they're doing, their monkey bars.
Speaker 1: And oh yeah they are.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I can't be scared of men doing the
Speaker 2: monkey bars. I can't. I can't do it.
Speaker 1: I can't. Simply cannot.
Speaker 2: I simply cannot.
Speaker 1: I don't have the mental bandwidth right now to do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, O lordie, but Gordy, how are we going
Speaker 1: to rank or rate Dynasty? Specifically season five, episode.
Speaker 2: Twenty nine or the finale whatever it was? One to
Speaker 2: ten real life lumires one to ten credible cogsworths.
Speaker 1: Ah one to ten quote unquote Moldavian accents. Yes, what
Speaker 1: what is duo lingo in this country? What is it?
Speaker 1: What even is it?
Speaker 2: It's not an owl?
Speaker 1: Tell you that it's a drunk owl?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, one to ten. Affairs with your future stepfather.
Speaker 1: Oh, guys, such a bad idea.
Speaker 2: We went so hard on the family stone for something
Speaker 2: again to this.
Speaker 1: This is so wrong. All these people keep having sex
Speaker 1: with their in laws. Yah, stop doing that. Meet more people,
Speaker 1: We meet more people. It's two families that keep sucking
Speaker 1: each other is essentially what this show is. Guys, branch out,
Speaker 1: meet another family. Good on Amanda actually, truly for branching
Speaker 1: out to Europe. Yeah, to find someone else that she
Speaker 1: that no one in her family has fucked.
Speaker 2: This is after her stepfather, So we can't give full points,
Speaker 2: but we appreciate that after the initial mistake she branched off.
Speaker 1: Haha. How about one to ten sentient disco balls that
Speaker 1: may or may not turn your son's gay.
Speaker 2: Sentient disco balls created through the Congress of Elton John
Speaker 2: and Keith Harring.
Speaker 1: Senti in crystal balls that were made on the floors
Speaker 1: of Studio fifty four when Freddy Mercury dropped a drink
Speaker 1: and David Bowie dropped an ounce of cocaine and.
Speaker 2: Eliza Minelli skidded across it on her knees in a
Speaker 2: sequin disco suit.
Speaker 1: I think this one, this one, Yeah, I should have
Speaker 1: said Freddy. I said Freddy Mercury before Andy Warhol. Andy Warhold,
Speaker 1: good catch. I just want everyone to know I know
Speaker 1: more gay people than the two that I mentioned.
Speaker 2: Do you want to go first or should I go first?
Speaker 1: I'll go first on this one, Okay, I made you
Speaker 1: go first last time. These are really hard because we
Speaker 1: don't know the whole show. I've never seen a single
Speaker 1: minute of Dynasty except for this episode that I've seen, so.
Speaker 2: I honestly I do kind of want to watch it now.
Speaker 1: Way more than then I wanted to watch melrose Place
Speaker 1: after this like this show, because this show is so
Speaker 1: like baroque and bunkers in like a way that I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is super interesting already, just the presidence of Diane Carroll.
Speaker 1: There's just some diversity in this. I'm also going to
Speaker 1: give it a little bit more of a pass than
Speaker 1: I would than I did to melrose Place because it's
Speaker 1: from the eighties, from ten years before melrose Place. I
Speaker 1: was so surprised they even had gay characters on this show.
Speaker 1: So in this episode that I see, it's a shame
Speaker 1: they can't kiss or like be more affectionate than like
Speaker 1: the bro hug that the censors would allow back then.
Speaker 1: But hey, it's there.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 1: I was not expecting it. It was such a treat
Speaker 1: to see. I was so excited when they I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is so progressive. So good on them.
Speaker 1: I don't think I need to tell you. Excellent roles
Speaker 1: for women, so many excellent roles for women.
Speaker 2: My only complain about this episode is we didn't get
Speaker 2: one of the fights between Crystal and Alexis.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, but I mean we got I've really liked
Speaker 1: that Dex and Michael fight.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so much.
Speaker 1: So it was so bad, But I agree, I would
Speaker 1: have liked some verbal sparring. There was no verbal sparring.
Speaker 2: I would or.
Speaker 1: Diane Carroll and Joan Collins. Give me them verbally sparring
Speaker 1: all day.
Speaker 2: I'd be thrilled.
Speaker 1: So in terms of like gay representation, pretty solid, especially
Speaker 1: given the era. In terms of like good roles for
Speaker 1: women very solid. I mean that's a given with the genre.
Speaker 1: That's the one that's like much like horror films. Yeah,
Speaker 1: soap operas are always going to have very strong female characters,
Speaker 1: all making the same terrible mistakes. Ye, so there's that.
Speaker 1: In terms of racial and ethnic diversity, I mean Moldavians,
Speaker 1: I guess thing. No, but there's Diane Carroll, like you said,
Speaker 1: lobbied to be on this show. So that's I know,
Speaker 1: that sounds great. That sounds like we're making it like
Speaker 1: and it is great. It's great for Diane Carroll that
Speaker 1: she did that. It does suck that she had to
Speaker 1: do that. Yeah, and it does suck that, Like she
Speaker 1: became like the token black lady on Dynasty as a result,
Speaker 1: Like they gave her, to be clear, an amazing character. Apparently,
Speaker 1: I don't. I wouldn't really know, but my guess is
Speaker 1: like based on clips I've seen online, they gave her
Speaker 1: like a real stone face awesome bitch.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like the one the episode that we watched, it's
Speaker 2: like we talked about Melro's place. Like the storyline that's
Speaker 2: cresting is this wedding. It's not dominique storyline. It's not
Speaker 2: Stephen's storyline. I'm presuming there are episodes where their storylines
Speaker 2: are cresting. Yeah, and they're the ones who get the
Speaker 2: majority of the good stuff, like Crystal is barely in
Speaker 2: this episode. Really Yeah, So like obviously Linda Evans has
Speaker 2: shit to do on this show. So like I would
Speaker 2: imagine that there are other episodes where they're more prominent,
Speaker 2: then they get more to do.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. So yeah, I mean I would would
Speaker 1: I like more people of color, sure, but again, this
Speaker 1: is nineteen eighty something or other, And like I am
Speaker 1: grading on a curve because of that, because we're going
Speaker 1: further back in time than like the shows that I
Speaker 1: grew up watching. I gave melrose Place a four last week,
Speaker 1: I think, right, so I'm gonna go higher on this.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give this a six. Okay, I'm sure there's
Speaker 1: like a huge amount of girl on girl crime like
Speaker 1: that goes on throughout the show, of women fighting over
Speaker 1: men and cat fighting, and that's like part of it,
Speaker 1: and that's not on a whole super great for society,
Speaker 1: but it is so fun to watch, you guys. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And like I said, this is old. This is old,
Speaker 1: and I and I'm going to grade it a little
Speaker 1: bit on a curve. So yeah, six six, six out
Speaker 1: of ten sentient disco balls that came when a unicorn
Speaker 1: made it with an angel.
Speaker 2: Oh beautiful?
Speaker 1: How about you, Paul?
Speaker 2: I agree? I agree with what you said, Like, yes,
Speaker 2: it's grading on a curve. Like if someone put this
Speaker 2: out today, it would be like, what's happening, what's happening.
Speaker 2: I was actually impressed that they had something on TV
Speaker 2: that in nineteen eighty five where a gay man was
Speaker 2: telling his boyfriend he was going to bring his son
Speaker 2: and they were going to live together as a family. Yeah,
Speaker 2: like that in nineteen eighty five is progressive and he
Speaker 2: and it makes me very warm hearted towards the show
Speaker 2: because it makes me believe that all of the creatives
Speaker 2: behind the show were pushing this. If they got that
Speaker 2: on TV was I'm positive it did not go unremarked
Speaker 2: upon that they had that line in there. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: they must have fought for it. So it just makes
Speaker 2: me feel like this show's heart is in the right place,
Speaker 2: which I also felt last week with Melrose's Place. But like, again,
Speaker 2: you're ten years later in Melroe's place, and you should
Speaker 2: be able to get more and Dynasty had more stuff
Speaker 2: for there was Diane Carroll, she existed in the show,
Speaker 2: and there was more stuff for the gay characters. And
Speaker 2: again we're only looking at one episode of these shows,
Speaker 2: so it's obviously an infinitesimal sampling of what they have
Speaker 2: to offer. Yeah, but from what I hear, that was
Speaker 2: pretty much Melrose Place, So I think it's like very fun.
Speaker 2: I wish it was streaming like that where I've watched
Speaker 2: it had commercials and I was like me too, And.
Speaker 1: The commercials were not during the commercial breaks. Yes, it
Speaker 1: was in the middle of a scene. They would cut
Speaker 1: to a stupid commercial for like iced tea or something
Speaker 1: and then come back and then there was a clear
Speaker 1: commercial break like two minutes later. Yeah, but then the
Speaker 1: show would keep going. I was like, get your shit together,
Speaker 1: streaming service.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it will irritate me much less if it just
Speaker 2: goes in the comer. I don't actually mind the commercials.
Speaker 2: It's the interrupting the flow. Yeah, where it's like there's
Speaker 2: spots to interrupt the flow. It was built in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they wrote acts for this.
Speaker 2: I'm going to agree with you. I'm going to give
Speaker 2: it a six a six out of ten. Sentient disco
Speaker 2: balls berthed from from the beautiful coitus of Barbara Streisands
Speaker 2: and Stephen Sontai.
Speaker 1: Perfect.
Speaker 2: It's fun, it's it's so stupid, it's so stupid. But
Speaker 2: I want to watch more episodes just to see the fashion.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Yes, yeah, and you're right. I would
Speaker 1: like to see a cat fight. I know, I know
Speaker 1: that's bad for society. I don't care. I don't care
Speaker 1: like it. It's fun, but.
Speaker 2: I think we we here can say cat fights on
Speaker 2: Dynasty are okay.
Speaker 1: They're okay. They're the exception that proves the rule. Frankly, yes,
Speaker 1: I also want to see that famous scene where she's like,
Speaker 1: I own fifty one percent of this company.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. I don't feel need to offer
Speaker 2: a palate cleanser on this one.
Speaker 1: No me either, I mean would I am I going
Speaker 1: to go back now and watch all of Dynasty. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get real with you. No, But might I maybe
Speaker 1: like go on YouTube and be like Dynasty clips, please,
Speaker 1: Diane Carol, please that, Yes, I will do so. I
Speaker 1: will watch clips from now on.
Speaker 2: Because also, there's like two hundred and fifty episodes of
Speaker 2: this thing. This thing is yes, it's they did, like
Speaker 2: thirty plus episodes a year, plus movies plus movies. Yeah,
Speaker 2: like you, you would have to like, Okay, we're gonna
Speaker 2: launch a Dynasty rewatch podcast and be being paid for this,
Speaker 2: and then I would I would love to do that.
Speaker 2: Anyone who wants to hire us and pay us to
Speaker 2: watch dynastay.
Speaker 1: If you are a Denver based millionaire, yeah, wants to
Speaker 1: hire us, please reach out and let us know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because we're in for that, but it's too much
Speaker 2: in my everyday life. All right, Everyone listening can follow
Speaker 2: us on social media. We are on threads, we are
Speaker 2: on Instagram. We are phasing out Twitter. We're probably pretty
Speaker 2: phased out by this point, so follow us on those
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Speaker 2: monthly themes, please follow us on Instagram. That is the
Speaker 2: only place where I post them, and we cake and
Speaker 2: we take requests for them. I'm sorry, I am one person.
Speaker 2: I cannot have six different platforms emailing me out the
Speaker 2: same thing. I will lose my hair and I'm already
Speaker 2: losing it, so I'm trying to slow that process down.
Speaker 1: Let's keep his beauti hair on his beautiful head.
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Speaker 1: Through he did it so you made it so easy
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Speaker 2: I did that.
Speaker 1: Aged Well is produced and edited by Paul Kola Or
Speaker 1: is it? Oh my god, you're actually my stepfather. I
Speaker 1: knew I shouldn't have had sex with you again, damn it.
Speaker 1: We would like to thank Benji, CJ, Joanna, Shannon, Noel,
Speaker 1: and Elana, all of whom are my illegitimate children, for
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Speaker 2: This is the point in the show where we would
Speaker 2: have a thank you for one of our patrons, but
Speaker 2: we were out.
Speaker 1: We've run out.
Speaker 2: We've run out, not of.
Speaker 1: Patrons, these are champagne problems, but of.
Speaker 2: Requests for them. There are plenty of you out there
Speaker 2: that haven't requested your thank you. So if you want
Speaker 2: your thank you, let us know. We'll happily put it in.
Speaker 1: In the meantime, we're just gonna slap fight each other
Speaker 1: with these coys out Oh I'm allergic.
Speaker 2: To coy all right, Eric, any final thoughts on Dynasty?
Speaker 1: I told you never to kiss my daughter again, for
Speaker 1: you are my stepfather's long lost twin cousin who once
Speaker 1: married my mother and then left her broken heart it
Speaker 1: at the altar?
Speaker 2: How dare you?
Speaker 1: You're not wrong? You can you can just say.
Speaker 2: I'm right, You're right?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Does that hurt? Are you?
Speaker 2: Okay? I think my appendix burst.
Speaker 1: That's the rib that you made me out of. It's
Speaker 1: throbbing because I started to have independent thoughts