Speaker 1: The best way to support this podcast is to go
to patreon dot com slash Softcore History, where you get
two additional episodes every week. It's about eight episodes a month,
sometimes more for five dollars a month. Again as patreon
dot com slash software History, subscribe, listen, thank you. On
today's episode, we talk about the Phenian Brotherhood and how
a bunch of Irish Civil War vets decided it was
a good idea to invade Canada.
Speaker 2: Yad. When you put brotherhood after anything, it does just
sound like a supremacy group.
Speaker 1: It does, it does.
Speaker 2: Welcome to Softcore History.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Softcore History. I'm your host for the week.
Damn Red Jester joined not by Rob Fox today he's
on paternity leave. Yes, I'm a gracious co host. I
allow Rob to give birth to his child with his wife.
He has the day.
Speaker 3: Off he gave birth this time instead.
Speaker 1: The IDEs of March just passed. Who better than to
have the icon of blast Boys. Joe Benner, Matt Cooper,
Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2: Happy to be here. Man Rip Julius Caesar.
Speaker 1: Dude, you guys did like thirty episodes on him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were on our way to thirty, but kind
of got shot down.
Speaker 1: Where did it get stopped?
Speaker 2: Around episode thirteen? So the last thing that it was
when Caesar brought Cleopatra back from Egypt.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that we but we kind of kept going.
Speaker 4: We just called the episodes about Cleopatra, but it was mostly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we named him after other people in the story,
but it was still the continuation of Julius Caesar.
Speaker 1: He's an interest in man Cleopatras whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, I mean throat goat. But aside from that,
she didn't really do much.
Speaker 1: All she has to offer to the world is her mouth.
Speaker 2: No thanks, nothing else you need if you're good at it.
Speaker 3: She was the best at it.
Speaker 1: So it's Saint Patti's day as this comes out. We
just did an episode on the Irish actually upset a
couple Irish listeners about the whiskey flood. I guess so
because we were making fun of our ancestors, we got
our Irish cards revoked me and Rob, So I guess
I'm no longer Irish.
Speaker 2: Damn. That's rough. Does that mean I can't like drink
and beat women anymore?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: I think so? Yeah, Yeah, I think I no longer
have that pass.
Speaker 2: Shit. Those are the only two things I enjoy in life.
Speaker 1: I have to embrace my force British ancestry. My last name, Rejester,
is British.
Speaker 2: Is it? Where does that come from? Well, I think
I've ever met anybody with the with the name Register before.
Speaker 1: It means people that lived beside a hill.
Speaker 2: Why would you need a specific word for that?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, baller to live by a hill.
Speaker 1: I imagine it was just kind of forced on my
Irish ancestors a little uh, you know, some of the
r a word.
Speaker 2: The Irish did get a lot of stuff forced onto
him by the British back in the day.
Speaker 1: Dude, I just found out about the troubles, like not
that long ago. Like I knew about the troubles. I
knew they happened in the seventies. I didn't know they
were in internment camps.
Speaker 2: They had fucking internment camps.
Speaker 1: The British had internment camps in Northern Ireland in like
nineteen seventy and I think some of the members were
in jail until like two thousand.
Speaker 3: What. Yes, this blew my mind for what I don't
know anything about.
Speaker 1: It, for being IRA members.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they IRA. What was kind of a rough institution.
They yeah, but blew up a few things.
Speaker 1: They just kind of it was like this broad umbrella
for any military age male in like the seventies. They
just kind of throw them in prison. Oh you're an
IRA member.
Speaker 2: God damn, Irish can't catch a fucking break anywhere.
Speaker 3: Are they cool anymore? Were they cool? I think Connor
McGregor made him not cool.
Speaker 2: I mean before that I think they were. They're fairly cool.
Speaker 1: Did the Irish even like own Connor at this point?
I think they kind of distanced themselves.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure they disavowed him at this point. He
got his Irish carb re bok.
Speaker 1: He is running for I think government there. What he's
doing like the Manipacquia.
Speaker 3: Route, he'll win.
Speaker 2: So what is he going to try and restart the troubles?
Speaker 1: I don't know he's trying. I think he's trying to
get start his own troubles against like any immigrant that
comes into Ireland.
Speaker 2: God damn.
Speaker 1: But our whole point last week was the Irish. I've
always been conquered and always just kind of beaten around.
Speaker 3: They don't win, we don't win a lot.
Speaker 1: We're good storytellers.
Speaker 3: Well you're not Irish anymore.
Speaker 1: Right, I guess I'm not Irish anymore. I just I
got to own my Portuguese roots, my English, Portuguese and
Turkish roots. No longer Irish, fuck the Irish, you know
what I mean? Oh, come on, well, today we're going
to talk about the Irish. Oh it Saint Patty's Day
after all?
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, Happy Saint Patty's Day. Guys, I'm not wearing green.
Speaker 1: If I'm celebrating, I would never expect you to wear green.
You only own black cloaks.
Speaker 4: I think I have underwear, a one pair, but not today.
Speaker 1: But they do not feeling lucky though?
Speaker 2: Do they start off green or turn that color?
Speaker 3: They turned that color?
Speaker 1: You're just pissing green every day.
Speaker 3: I have a I did ship my pants the other day.
Speaker 2: It sucked.
Speaker 3: It's a true story. I actually did. It sucks here
at the studio.
Speaker 1: I have pissed green before. Oh what really Saint Patti's Day?
In college, they used to dive a beer so any
I would hit the block party crush like twenty green
beers next day, just fluorescent green piss.
Speaker 2: O, green piss and black shits.
Speaker 1: Not great.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I think I was dying from something.
Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about a little Irish group called the
Fenian Brotherhood. You know about this?
Speaker 3: Hear about this Brotherhood's good game.
Speaker 1: That's where I get all my history.
Speaker 3: Yeah, me too.
Speaker 1: A lot of people think I'm a dope when it
comes to the show.
Speaker 3: That was in France, right, Brotherhood? Brotherhood? Wasn't it in France?
Speaker 1: No? I think that was.
Speaker 3: Oh no, it was in Florence. Whoever that is.
Speaker 2: They had one in Italy and I think the third
one in the series.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it might be that one. But yeah, did most
of my history I get from Assassin's Creed.
Speaker 3: Me too.
Speaker 2: Games had a lot of good information in it when
it when it came to history, all the first ones did.
Speaker 4: Everywhere you went, you could see like they would have
a description and like information, and I would actually read
all of them when I was a kid playing those games.
Speaker 2: To this day, I would have no idea what the
Hagia Sophia was if it wasn't for Assassin's Creed.
Speaker 3: Hell yeah, I don't know if that is all I know?
Speaker 1: Is pretty cool to assassinate a pope?
Speaker 3: Hell yeah?
Speaker 2: Popular throughout history.
Speaker 1: Popes are bad dudes, you know? Actually, no, they were
always right until Vatican Two.
Speaker 2: That Vatican two electric bogoloo.
Speaker 1: Yes, I don't really know anything about Vatican two or
what that entailed, but I know it's bad. I know
the Catholic Church and the Vatican got naughty, got a
little contaminated with outside allegedly. I know nothing about this.
I want to move on.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about Irish people.
Speaker 1: We are so. The Fenian Brotherhood was a group of
Mick Americans dedicated to freeing Ireland from the British crown.
Many of these Patties were fresh out of the Civil
War and figured we just beat the South, why not
take on the North. No, obviously not the Union.
Speaker 2: Oh thank god, more north.
Speaker 1: The North is north of North America.
Speaker 2: The damn dirty Canadians Canada.
Speaker 1: Yes, sick Irish Americans right after the Civil War invaded Canada.
Speaker 3: I didn't know.
Speaker 2: If there's one thing Irish people love, it's a fight.
Speaker 3: They didn't win.
Speaker 1: Well, we'll get that's what this episode's about. Okay, the
time Irish Americans invaded Canada. Now, the Fenians believe capturing
Canada could be used as a bargaining ship to free
the homeland. So in the fall of eighteen sixty five,
they began to make preparations to invade the syrup sucking
scum we call that.
Speaker 2: I'd never heard anything about this before you mentioned it
when you came in earlier today and I was looking
into it. It's I mean, it's a fascinating story overall, dude.
Speaker 1: I don't know most of the things I talk about
until I write the episode. That's what this show's about.
It's about me learning. Rob tries to stun on me
with his history, but he didn't get a five on
Zapus history. I did, and I can always throw that
in his face. I'm also undefeated on the Patreon in
our game shows, never lost.
Speaker 3: Oh shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm a better Catholic than Rob. I'm a better
father than Rob.
Speaker 2: Well, it's easy to say all that when he's not
here to defend himself.
Speaker 1: Listen, I gave him the day off. He's lucky. I've
never actually taken a show off. I can't. I've been
involved in every software history ever shot. Rob has missed
quite a few.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: That guy, he's not a grinder, he's not dedicated.
Speaker 3: It's a family man, dude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what's more importan he's granting that pussy dude
making kids. Now, dude, every time he has sex, he
has he's a child. He's only had sex three times
in the last three years. Know this, three boys. I'm
a little salty though. Obviously the first kid is named
after him, right, it's Rob. It's Rory, but it's Rob talks.
The fourth second kid is Finn Jacob, so it means white. Jake,
so it's named after our our old co host, Jake Goldman.
Third kid, you would think Dan, No, not Dan, not Daniel.
I offered it up. I'm like, hey, want you name
your kid after me?
Speaker 3: Instead makes sense.
Speaker 1: It was Samuel Sam.
Speaker 2: So he's not even not even giving you like like
middle named Daniel or anything like that.
Speaker 1: Nah. Middle name is named after uh, his wife's middle
name too. I didn't even get a goddamn middle name.
Speaker 2: God damn.
Speaker 1: Maybe you'll get a confirmation name, maybe a little Sam
once he reaches sixth grade and gets confirmed by the
Holy Spirit. When the Holy Spirit enters him, he'll choose
the name Daniel Man.
Speaker 2: Catholicism is a weird religion.
Speaker 3: Do they call you uncle?
Speaker 1: Not yet? Actually, Rory came in the other day and
he was afraid of me. I think you heard some
of the things I've said about him in the past.
Speaker 2: You a little shit. Yeah, haven't you been threatening to
fight him for like since he was born?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because he's a monster. That's why he needs to
be stopped. He needs to be put in his place.
I was going to raise his other kid, Finn, to
take on the older brother.
Speaker 4: Have like an a great name, Yeah, yeah, Samuel Rory
also a great nickname for Rob.
Speaker 2: I mean I didn't even know Rory was a nickname
for Rob, but I didn't. Yeah, solid strong names.
Speaker 1: Straight Irish, Like the third kid should be Patrick, all
things considered, you know Patrick, I mean, Daniel's a great
Irish name. Couldn't get anything, couldn't get anything.
Speaker 4: From this man Samuel. Who's the famous Samuel Doe. That's
tough besides El Jackson.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that's the toughest one out at all
of them.
Speaker 3: Was Samuel in the Bible?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, there's a couple of Samuel's in there.
Speaker 1: Sam had the long hair right cut his hair.
Speaker 2: That's the first thing I thought it was Samson, same
thing that was almost my nephew's name.
Speaker 3: Samson would have been a better name than.
Speaker 2: Sam It's a way Oh yeah, that would be way.
Speaker 3: Cooler Samson Fox.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sounds like a porn star.
Speaker 1: I feel like Sampson though. I cut my hair and
I cut my beard, immediate loss at the gym. Yeah,
I wasn't as strong yesterday.
Speaker 3: I can't know.
Speaker 2: I think everybody in the studio was against you cutting
your beard or your hair.
Speaker 1: I know, I'm sorry, it's getting hot.
Speaker 4: I could barely get my ass here. I was like
so pissed about it. He had to look at a
no call, no show on this, had to look at pictures.
Speaker 1: Of you to get in the mood answer for your crimes.
Speaker 2: Dan.
Speaker 1: The Feenian Brotherhood was founded in eighteen fifty eight by
John O mahoney. I mean, can you get more Irish
than that?
Speaker 2: Oh mahoney? O mahony is oh is middle middle initial
or it's O mahony, Oh mahony.
Speaker 1: This is his last name.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, a little dash or whatever. Yeah, yeah, you
don't get any more Irish than that, John o' mahoney did.
Speaker 1: It's hard to say, just like clean that up a
little bit, Just go John mahoney, Yeah, that's what you think,
John o' mahoney.
Speaker 2: It's too many syllables, it's a lot of syllables to
say when you're drunk too.
Speaker 1: He had come to the US after playing a big
part and he failed Young Irelander Rebellion of eighteen forty eight.
The name of the group comes from a Fenian cycle,
which was a collection of Gaelic poems that were centered
around the mythical pre Christian Irish Army. The group was
solidified with conventions in Chicago in eighteen sixty four and
in Cincinnati in eighteen sixty five. This all went down
as O mahoney found himself as the colonel of the
sixty ninth Nice Regiment of the New York State Militia,
leading Irish forces for the Union against obviously the Confederates.
So a lot of these dudes become hardened vets. In
the Civil War, there's just straight up Irish regiments.
Speaker 2: And this the Fenian Brotherhood is this it's primarily like
a political group or did this start off as like
a social club or something both.
Speaker 1: It was for the freedom of Ireland. So it's just
like we support this club, we're members of this club.
We're putting our money towards independence. Okay, but yeah, it
was kind of a political machine as well, dudes were
running for local politics. There's dudes that were running for
national politics too, and it's just you kind of had
this like backing of the Fenian Brotherhood.
Speaker 2: Sort of like an Irish mafia kind of thing.
Speaker 4: They sound racist just because of the name, well.
Speaker 2: And because they're Irish running the.
Speaker 1: Blood Fenian's not too far off of Arian. Yeah, but
you'll I'll ever find Irish supremacist. Like, I don't think
there's a single Irish supremacist. It doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not that I can think of. But yeah, you
throw a brotherhood at the end of anything, it sounds
pretty pretty racist. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Not being able to have a work life balance between
war with the Confederates and operating his spud club, he
chose Irish independence over freeing American slaves and resigned from
his post to get the wheels really moving on the Fenians.
His presidency of the Brotherhood was quickly challenged by William R. Roberts. O.
Mahony was a bit cash poor from his decades long
quest for a free Ireland, and Roberts quickly found himself
as an influential member, having deep pockets himself. O mahoney,
you know starts the American chapter of the Fenian Brotherhood.
This is kind of like a spinoff of a bunch
of groups in Ireland. And then as soon as he
gets in and as soon as he leads, he's already
getting ousted by other dudes.
Speaker 2: And they're just booting him out because he's poor.
Speaker 1: Because he's poor. He lost off his mind game.
Speaker 2: Almost every Irish person is poor.
Speaker 3: Lots of prostitutes probably too.
Speaker 2: That's where a lot of the money went.
Speaker 1: Outside of money from Roberts, the organization sold bonds to
keep their mission going. These would be redeemable six months
after the official recognition of the Independent Ireland, and all
the potato pop and pilgrims that immigrated to our shores
were happy to donate. O. Mahoney was of the belief
that the Irish veterans should come together and voiage straight
over to take Ireland back from the British head on.
Speaker 2: That sounds like a pyramid scheme right there, Like, oh,
just give me some money. As soon as Ireland's free,
we'll pay you back.
Speaker 1: Kinda yeah, Like the fact that you're contributing to something
that's like almost an incredible long shot. Like think at
the time, Oh.
Speaker 3: You don't get it back unless they win.
Speaker 1: Yeah, six months after they got to keep the country
for six months.
Speaker 4: Let me guess they don't ever get it back.
Speaker 1: Now Ireland becomes independental. Oh, Ireland does eventually become Not
until the nineteen twenties.
Speaker 2: Yeah, long after everybody involved in this is dead.
Speaker 3: Well, they get their money bag.
Speaker 1: Maybe the family.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Have you ever tried to cash bonds?
Speaker 3: No, I've never dealt with then.
Speaker 1: Your grandparents or your parents didn't give you bonds back
in the day. No mature twenty years later.
Speaker 2: No, my family hates me.
Speaker 1: That's a racket. My grandfather would get me like a
fifty dollars bond every year, be like, oh, it'll be
worth a lot of money, you know in twenty thirty years.
It's not I cash them after they matured years of interest?
Would you get like fifth head kind of like an
extra five bucks?
Speaker 2: Was I was joking, but I'm not kidding bucks.
Speaker 1: There's word nothing. I thought. I was sitting on the
gold mine. It was trash, Jill, absolutely trash. Grandpy didn't
care about me.
Speaker 4: You had two grandkids, You got fifty five bucks, dude,
I didn't get any money from my Grandma Granpa.
Speaker 2: At least he tried. Yeah, all I got was an
old ass rifle that I don't think works anymore.
Speaker 1: That's kind of that's kind of cool though, that's cooler.
Speaker 2: It is a pretty cool rifle. I gotta say.
Speaker 1: It was like twenty years worth of bonds got me
through a month when I was unemployed.
Speaker 2: So is that like a fifty dollars bond every year
for twenty years?
Speaker 1: It was for every holidays, So so it was like
I think in total, I cashed like fifteen hundred bucks.
Speaker 2: Shit, that's not bad.
Speaker 1: Twenty years worth of bonds though, I mean over twenty
years that month. I was expecting so much more. I
thought I was. You know, I also had the Princess
Diana beanie baby.
Speaker 2: There was that was gonna be where Princess Diana purple bears. Well,
I never heard of.
Speaker 1: My mom throughout all my Pokemon cards. So there goes
that wealth. Dude, that's that was generational.
Speaker 2: That's where the.
Speaker 4: Money would have been being student in my cards, X
Men cards and shit like full collections that are worth money.
Speaker 3: My sister has them, dude.
Speaker 2: Get those things a praise. I've gotten into watching like
older reruns of Pond Stars Lately and some of that
shit you can you can retire off.
Speaker 4: I've got like an X Men one comic like for
do you know the year the very first one? It
was like or something.
Speaker 1: Started in ninety two, or maybe maybe it was an
X Men.
Speaker 4: It was the one with when Cable joined Cable's win
the other team.
Speaker 2: It's later on in the in the series, because yeah,
it initially started in the nineteen sixties, because it was
about the civil rights movement. There's a sixties seventies something
like that. I don't I know nothing about kin real cool.
Speaker 1: Stanley X Men.
Speaker 3: That's sex Men.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, I don't know anything about those.
Speaker 1: Roberts had a different plan than to go right to Ireland.
He believed that by attacking and holding parts of Canada,
they could hold the land hostage against the Crown or
divert British forces over to leave Ireland vulnerable for rebellion. Also,
a bunch of the Irish Union Vets were just pissed
off at the UK as they supported the Confederacy and
really wanted to stick it to them by invaded their
lands in October of eighteen sixty five, Roberts met with
US Secretary of State William Sewart and President Andrew Johnson.
Roberts asked the President straight up if he was cool
with the group of Irish fats go in rogue and
attacking the Canucks. Johnson did not outright support it, but
he essentially gave him a back door not to go
on with her with his plans.
Speaker 2: So they approached the President to ask if they could
invade the the US's closest neighbor, and the President was
just like, I don't approve, but I'll I'll just look
the other way. God damn that that's insane. That the
old days, like back when you could fund your own wary,
they were amazing. We need to go back to that.
I want to see more independent armies marching around taking
over over other guys.
Speaker 4: So he didn't give him approval, right, he just turned
a blind eye.
Speaker 3: So what you're saying, little.
Speaker 1: Shoulder shrug, just like, eh, I'm not gonna stop you.
Speaker 3: Yeah do it, but I'm not gonna I'm.
Speaker 1: Not gonna help you, but I'm not gonna help you.
Speaker 3: And if Canada says something I can, he's.
Speaker 4: Got plausible than I And Bill, Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's safe,
but fuck up those connects.
Speaker 2: Dude. I've been saying it for years.
Speaker 1: Fuck Canada, sal Park's been saying it for years. Yeah,
that's why I first learned Fuck Canada.
Speaker 4: Americans don't like Canadians anymore either.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's been going both way.
Speaker 3: Anyone really likes us anymore?
Speaker 1: Dude, I don't care though, I mean neither, like we're
gonna do about it.
Speaker 4: Guys, what country like loves us anymore?
Speaker 2: All right, that's that's a really good question. Yeah, but
you don't. When you're on top, you don't need friends.
Speaker 4: I think when we stopped making good movies, that's when
the world stopped liking us, because that was the only
thing we did good.
Speaker 3: For the world.
Speaker 2: Out of everything, Americans like.
Speaker 4: They're killing everybody and fucking everything up, but they make
awesome movies.
Speaker 1: Now we don't even do that now that we don't
give them money anymore.
Speaker 4: We don't do that now either. Yeah, we're like fucking
up everything cool we did. No one likes us anymore
on a hand basket.
Speaker 1: Like they can't do anything. Even as like a unit.
We would wreck their ship.
Speaker 2: Oh, we'd by far. We have the strongest military in
the world. We could suck up everybody.
Speaker 1: We should honestly do exhibition wars against our own units.
Speaker 2: Dude, I'd get that pay per view if they started
doing that, just put different brigades against each other. That'd
be fucking awesome.
Speaker 4: That we should just attack actual countries to show our power.
Speaker 3: I think we're like just to show other people.
Speaker 1: This is what we did in the eighteen Honors.
Speaker 4: We should have never stopped moving south. There's really a
lot of cool beaches in Mexico.
Speaker 1: That was the thing with the Mexican American War. We
were too lenient with our kind of hall, with our booty.
We could have taken way more land.
Speaker 2: Oh, absolutely, pretty much. We just got what like half
of California and most of Texas out of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, we could have. We could have like carved
a nice part of Mexico.
Speaker 2: We could have at least gotten that whole peninsula over
there or something.
Speaker 1: Same thing with us giving back the Panama Canal. Not
cool with it, bro, that's ours, should be ours.
Speaker 2: We'll be taking it back soon.
Speaker 1: Hopefully, black will. We started the Panama Revolution against Columbia
in the agreement was this is our canal.
Speaker 3: And now it's not, and now it's China's canal.
Speaker 1: I guess I don't know.
Speaker 2: Well, I think we gave it back to Panama and
then Panama and just kind of opened it up to China.
Speaker 1: Panama's not a real country.
Speaker 2: FREDI could party the Unions.
Speaker 4: It's a party place, right, Panama, Panama. That song makes
me feel like you could party there.
Speaker 2: I think David Lee Roth can make it sound like
you can party anywhere.
Speaker 1: The Fenians came together for convention in Philadelphia. Roberts, with
the approval of the President, essentially rallied his delegation to
move forward with the attack on Canada.
Speaker 4: You know, he said that he had approval too, even
though it was kind of like, Okay, he's like, dude,
the president says.
Speaker 1: Attack, Oh my honey, wasn't totally into it. But that
wasn't a problem because the group just removed him from
his position of president of the Brotherhood. During this convention,
Roberts was put in charge and we were ready to
go to war boys.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah.
Speaker 1: Roberts secretary for war was General T. W. Sweeney, who
was struck off the American Army list. From January eighteen
sixty six to November of eighteen sixty six to allow
him to organize the raids, so he officially took off
from his job with the US Army to put together him.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're just like, yeah, they did kind of have
permission then.
Speaker 2: Yeah, to me, that sounds like it's it's not on paper.
Speaker 1: That's why he's kind of written off the list.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can.
Speaker 1: I guess this is. This is your thing. We're not
going to hold you to it. It's not going to
be associated with the US Army. Dude, have ad it.
Speaker 2: That's just insane because could you imagine nowadays, like you know,
a like one of the officers from the military nowadays
saying like, hey, I'm just going to take off a
couple months and we're going to go fucking invade Canada
and they're.
Speaker 4: Like, all right, we'll keep you on salary. Yeah, it's
off the record.
Speaker 2: Joab will be waiting for you when you get back.
Speaker 1: He also issued this proclamation on the Brotherhood's behalf. So
this is to Canada. We come among you as foes
of British rule in Ireland. We have taken up the
sword to strike down the oppressor's rod, to deliver Ireland
from the tyrant. We have registered our oaths upon the
altar of our country in the full view of Heaven,
and sent out our vows to the throne of him
who inspired them. Then, looking about us for an enemy,
we find him here, here in your midst, where he
is most vulnerable and convenient to our strength. We have
no issue with the people of these provinces, in which
you have none but the most friendly relations. Our weapons
are for the oppressors of Ireland. Our bows shall be
directed only against the power of England. We do not
propose to divest you of a solitary right you now enjoy.
We are here neither as murderers nor robbers for plunder.
We are here as the Irish Army of liberation. In
a word, our war is with the arm powers of England,
not the people, not these provinces, against England. Upon land
and sea till Ireland is free. You ever hear about that?
That sounds very familiar. What do you mean, upon land
and sea till Ireland is free?
Speaker 2: Is that an ira anything?
Speaker 1: From the river to the sea. Oh okay, dog, Are
the Palestinians just ripping off the Irish?
Speaker 2: It seems like they might be.
Speaker 4: Wait, so they that's there they sent a letter on
horseback or something like.
Speaker 1: They just sent a message just like as they're invade
in Canada, like hey, we're we're not here to like
fight Canadians. We're here to like go against the English military,
so just let us do our thing.
Speaker 2: It's like nothing against you, but we're over your country.
That's crazy that they're sending that threat. Also because they
don't have a big army, like do we know what
their numbers are?
Speaker 3: And they said they had bows. You know they're coming
in with bows.
Speaker 1: Not actual bosky.
Speaker 2: Good lucky they didn't have Like they're not fielding thousands
and thousands of troops, right, They've they've got to have.
Speaker 1: That's just whoever signs up.
Speaker 2: So they've got together like a few hundred or maybe
if drunk Irish dudes.
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's like forty dudes.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like nine hundred. It depends on the day.
The Brotherhood had some early problems with organization and effectiveness.
Imagine that weird irishman trying Irish vets or you know,
maybe not timely or have the best communication.
Speaker 2: It's hard to fight when you're constantly hungover.
Speaker 1: In April, the Fenian staged to raid against Campobello Island
in New Brunswick. The extent of this was just damaged
to a few buildings, just set fire to some stuff,
ran through.
Speaker 2: A couple of rocks, settled a few things on fire,
and then split. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, shut their bow and arrows as stone walls. They're
just like broken arrows on the ground. They had to
clean up a couple of beer cans.
Speaker 1: In May eighteen sixty six, the Fenian plans fell apart
because fewer men then expected to join the forces. In Chicago, Cleveland,
and Buffalo and other locations, Fenian leaders weren't unable to
secure ships needed to transport their forces. Some American officials
at the border also intervened and made arrest, fearing an
international crisis.
Speaker 2: But they had the permission of the president.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but more local dudes on the border like what
the fuck you do? Go back or we're gonna you're
going to prison.
Speaker 3: What are you guys doing?
Speaker 2: You had like forty drunk, irish guys stumbling across the
border like, oh, we're gonna get him, dude, go home.
Speaker 1: Told us we had permission.
Speaker 2: Okay, sure thing, Patty, Now just go ahead and walk
back home.
Speaker 4: Sleep it off, Sleep it off Barcelon open until five.
Speaker 1: Finally, in June eighteen sixty six, they got their shit together.
One thousand heavily armed Fenians crossed the Niagara River from Buffalo,
New York. They were led by John O'Neill, a former
US Cavalry officer who served in Ohio and West Virginia
during the Civil War. The Fenians quickly captured the undefended
town of Fort Erie, along with its railway and telegraph terminals.
Speaker 2: Let me guess that was like the only territory they
were actually able to take more or less.
Speaker 4: I wonder if that dude's related to Rob Rob's Irish
Rob O'Neil. He does have two l's, Dude, I wonder
if it actually is Probably the same clan.
Speaker 1: They arrested the town council and the customs and border
officials at the International Ferry Docks. They forced the town's
bakery and hotels to provide them with food.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: After cutting out telegraph lines, the insurgents seized horses and tools,
which they used to build trenches and fortifications.
Speaker 2: Shit.
Speaker 1: They were within marching distance of the Well End Canal,
the only naval passage between Lake Ontario and Lake Erie.
Major General George T. C. Napier, the commander of the
British forces in Canada, jumped into action. Some twenty two
thousand militia volunteers were mobilized to respond toision, but they
were poorly trained and unprepared to combat the Fenians, because again,
the Fenians were like a bunch of like tough civil
war vets. They already got their trade. Yeah they've been
in battle, these soft ass British Canadians. Some of them
had not shot their rifles.
Speaker 4: Yet, Okay, I see, okay, so they got a chance.
Speaker 2: So the Canadian side, what I was reading earlier, the
Canadian side was also like much more well armed. But
still I mean you.
Speaker 3: Did guns y, Yeah, they were.
Speaker 2: Using muskets instead of bows, some of them were. Even
some of the Canadians were even packing the spencer repeating rifles,
so like the old school lever action rifle.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but even with superior numbers, experience definitely trumpsaul. I mean,
twenty two thousand against a thousand, that's stretching it quite
a bit, but it's it still means a lot to
have that battle experience.
Speaker 1: They also had like a scarce supply of ammunition, yeah,
I read.
Speaker 2: The guys that were issued the Spencer rifles never got
to shoot any of them because they didn't have enough
ammunition to train. And they got twenty eight bullets each. Shit,
I mean going into battle.
Speaker 3: With twenty getting from us.
Speaker 1: Make them count?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you better make them count.
Speaker 1: That's my favorite bit of Archer is where he's just
constantly counting how many people or how many shots are
going off? Oh, how many rounds they have left?
Speaker 2: I love that show.
Speaker 1: They had no food or field kitchens, no proper maps,
no provisions for medical care, no canteens for water, and
no tools for the proper care of their rifles. So
a bunch of like Canadian British loyalists go out with
their rifles and I guess that's it. Like, Oh, I
guess we'll take care of this pretty quick. We'll squash it.
On June, second, Lieutenant Colonel Alfred Booker was ordered to
move his troops to Fort Erie. Booker found seven hundred
and fifty to eight hundred Fenians at Ridgeway and deployed
his men despite his orders to avoid contact. In the
first hour of the battle, the Canadians appeared to prevail,
driving Fenian skirmishers from their positions, but then something went wrong.
Canadian militia men mistook Fenian scouts on horseback for cavalry.
They were ordered to form a square designed to defend
against a cavalry charge. Oh. This exposed the Canadians to
intense Fenian fire.
Speaker 2: Dude, the Canadians are fucking blowing it. How do you
have an advantage that strong and fuck it up that bad?
Speaker 3: Wait, what's happening?
Speaker 1: So they think a cavalry is gonna come in and
charge them, but they're still doing like old school tactics
where they're like, get get into formation and get ready
for a fucking cavalry charge. So they get all tight,
and the Phoenians are just like, oh I can hit
like multiple people at once.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's shooting fish in a barrel at that point.
Speaker 3: Okay, I see, I see what's happening.
Speaker 1: All things considered, you know it's not the biggest battle.
Nine Canadians are killed, thirty two are wounded. The Fenians
lose ten men with an unknown number of wounded. They
quickly turned back to fort Erie, and later that day
the steamship WT Rob lands at Fort Erie. A fierce
skirmish breaks out. Six more Canadians were injured and thirty
six were taken prisoner. The Indians lost nine men with
fourteen wounded. Shortly afterwards, other Canadian troops and elements of
the British sixteenth and forty seventh Regiments arrived. John O'Neill
was forced to withdraw his forces back to the United States.
Speaker 2: She it was a good try.
Speaker 1: They took an undefended town, so that's cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean they fared pretty well considering nine Yeah,
I would think the body count would be a whole
lot higher than that.
Speaker 1: Lots of wounded, but only that with a lot of
battles throughout history, did they just not that big? But
like World War One, World War two kind of like
distorts our brain.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were the costly wars in history.
Speaker 1: Or like any unknown Chinese war ever that happened throughout history.
Those numbers are crazy, but nobody cares.
Speaker 3: About those casualties. Not a death. Casualty is a wounded
person too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of that could be coming from disease also,
because I mean they're washing walking around with unwashed asses,
and you get a scratch, you're gonna get sick.
Speaker 1: Yeah, five days after the start of the invasion, US
President Andrew Johnson issued a proclamation requiring enforcement of the
neutrality laws, guaranteeing the Fenian invasion could no longer continue.
Speaker 2: Probably should have done that in the first place, if
he actually cared about it.
Speaker 4: They wanted them to win. He gave him a shot.
They're lost. So he's like, all right, I.
Speaker 1: Gotta yeah, they had to retreat, So gotta say, yes,
you have to like. That wasn't us. That was just
some crazy, fucking irishmen, you know how they are.
Speaker 2: I didn't even know that they were planning to do that.
I am so sorry. I am so so sorry.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you think Johnson know about the Lincoln assassination? Was
he in on it?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean, that's a good question, but I.
Speaker 1: Haven't really looked into it. I'm just I'm just I'm
just asking questions.
Speaker 2: Guys might have been friends with Wilkes Booth.
Speaker 4: This feels a lot like nine to eleven to me,
you know, like they knew it was coming but didn't
do anything about it.
Speaker 2: Let's see see how it plays out and then we'll
react afterwards.
Speaker 1: It was they in the scenario, who knew about that exactly? Now?
General You'll sees S. Grant and General George Mead went
to Buffalo, New York to inspect the situation. Following instructions
from Grant, Mead issued strict orders to prevent anyone from
violet in the border. The US Army was then instructed
to seize all Fenian weapons and ammunition and prevent more
border crossings. Further instructions on June seventh were to arrest
anyone who appeared to be Fenian, so on site, just
a little profiling nobody.
Speaker 2: They're just arresting every irishman they.
Speaker 1: See, anybody with red hair, freckles.
Speaker 2: And accent and whiskey on their breath.
Speaker 1: When John O'Neill and his forces returned, they were all detained,
though O'Neill was later pardoned. It's kind of a wink
wink situation like ours, bro, Like we have to for optics.
You need to go to prison, brother.
Speaker 2: But then they just let him out right away. I
wonder what kind of sentencing the rest of the people
were facing. I mean, like, are they spending twenty years
in prison for this shit?
Speaker 1: I don't think so, okay good, I think it's all
slap on the wrist. You can just do whatever. Our
first episode of this show was about William Walker who
literally just went with forty bros. To Nicaragua from Tennessee
and just became king.
Speaker 3: Oh I heard about that. That's fucking sick.
Speaker 2: I really miss those days. Man. We got to bring
that kind of shit back.
Speaker 1: The eighteen hundreds were wild. You could just do whatever
you wanted. Foreign policy did not exist.
Speaker 2: And apparently you could just get kind of like implied
permission from the president to invade another country.
Speaker 1: You could just get a meeting with the president.
Speaker 3: That's wild.
Speaker 1: Now, that's just crazy.
Speaker 4: Trump would probably let you do that if you asked him.
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm gonna I'm gonna get a bunch of
dudes to take over Cuba and I'm just gonna go
have a meeting with President Trump. That that's insane.
Speaker 4: If Elon had like a thousand dudes with guns and
he was like, Hey, I'm gonna go take over Cuba,
just keep it on the down though, he'd be like,
I'm not giving you permission, but you.
Speaker 2: Know, do it.
Speaker 3: I'll look the other way, Yeah, I'll look the other way.
Speaker 1: The Fenians struck again a few days later, after the
Battle of Ridgeway on June eighth, two hundred of them
across the frontier near Huntington, to the south of Montreal.
The Canadians managed to catch and defeat the Fenians at
Pigeon Hill.
Speaker 4: Wait, after they were told not to do it, they
went back, and they went back.
Speaker 3: I love him now.
Speaker 1: That ended this round of attacks, despite facing a number
of setbacks. The Fenians tried again to invade Canada in
eighteen seventy.
Speaker 2: Of course, Wait, so this is the third time that
they've tried it now, right, Yeah? Man, they just can't
learn their lesson.
Speaker 1: And it's this fucking dude, John O'Neill. I wonder if
he is.
Speaker 2: The I who got arrested and sent to prison temporarily
got out and just started doing the same shit over here.
Speaker 3: I guess he's passionate dud.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like him.
Speaker 1: He was proclaimed a hero after Ridgeway and was appointed
Inspector General of the Fenian forces. On May twenty fifth,
eighteen seventy, he left Vermont for Quebec with six hundred Fenians.
The Fenians were defeated in a short sharp action, losing
five men and eighteen wounded. There were no losses for
the Canadians. So between oh no, between the first invasions
in like sixty six, there's this like four year gap,
three four year gap where the Canadians are like, we
need to get our fucking shit together with our army
because it's embarrassing. And so they do, and this galvanized
the Canadian forces and actually Canada as a country no shit,
and a lot of people do credit kind of like
this being the birth of Canada, like true Canada.
Speaker 3: Because they like united because of it.
Speaker 1: The fucking Canadians, the Canucks unite over these goddamn Irish
Americans invading their land. It creates a sense of actual
nationalism within Canada. They kind of separate themselves from the
crown' like now, dude, this is our land.
Speaker 3: This is Canada's nine eleven, It.
Speaker 1: Is Saint Patty's Day. As this episode comes out, and
this is supposed to be about Irish independence and everything,
but it ironically leads to Canadian independence.
Speaker 2: That's insane.
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Speaker 4: So but they have a it's like a righteous cause.
That's why this O'Neill guy is so passionate about fucking
them up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because the fucking British are dicks to the Irish
all like throughout history.
Speaker 4: But why do they want to go to Canada Because
that's what that's where they're there's still.
Speaker 1: A British forces.
Speaker 4: It's sort of but if it's separate countries and they're
not fucking with America anymore, like.
Speaker 1: Canada is the British still at this point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it'd pretty much be like taking somebody's family
member hostage for negotiating leverage, like they're taking a cousin
hostage to be like, all right, I'm gonna kill your
cousin unless you're give me my house back.
Speaker 1: They also think if they can take parts of Canada,
the British forces will come over, kind of divert their
strength over in Ireland and leave them vulnerable for a
rebellion or attack in Ireland.
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean overall, it's if they could pull it off,
it's not a terrible plan.
Speaker 1: Two days later, another group of Fenians across the border
into Quebec at Trout River. The Fenians were sent backpacking
across the border. Again, there were no Canadian casualties, so
Canadians really stepped their game up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they got their shit together and that was over.
So this has been going on for like five years.
Speaker 1: Five years.
Speaker 3: I wish that was still going on.
Speaker 2: There's still just random there was.
Speaker 3: Obsessed with this shit. It was like fighting Canada.
Speaker 4: Sometimes we'd wonder if he's coming back or not, and
it was just like normal, just.
Speaker 1: An Irish mercenary group.
Speaker 3: We were always just kind of fighting with Canada.
Speaker 1: The final act by the Fenians came in October of
eighteen seventy one. O'Neill cross the Manitoba border at Emerson.
He and forty men took over a customs office. The
next day, soldiers from Winnipeg and Saint Boniface were marching
to meet the invaders when they learned that the US
Army had already gone in and arrested O'Neill and his men.
Oh shit, this time the Fenian threat for good. O'Neill
was arrested twice, but was released and never charged for
invading other territory outside of the US. The men captured
with him were released by the court simply being dupes
of O'Neill.
Speaker 2: Dude, they they got away with invading another nation multiple
times after being told not to do it and being
arrested and nothing happened, and then they still don't get
in trouble.
Speaker 3: For that's fucking awesome.
Speaker 4: This should have never stopped, you know, like different cultures have,
like coming of age ceremonies or whatever. Americans don't have one.
This was supposed to be it. This would be like
they turned at eighteen or sixteen. You go in and
invade Canada, you get your ass kicked or you kick
some ass, you come back and you're like you're a
man now.
Speaker 2: The Irish kenson yra is invading Canada exactly.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that'd be sick. Should have been the way
it was.
Speaker 1: At least treat it like the Olympics, right, every four years,
we just go in.
Speaker 2: Every four years we have iris.
Speaker 3: Course, yeah we can't agree.
Speaker 4: We'll use like we'll use those shotguns that shoot the sandbags. Okay,
no deaths, but we're gonna fucking beat each other up
and whoever wins gets that like area for like a year.
In the next year you fight for it again and
you can keep moving territory over.
Speaker 2: That would be so down for that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's crazy. There's not more beef. But it makes
sense because a lot of the immigrants from Ireland when
they came over from obviously the famines, a lot of
them stayed in Canada really, so you would have thought
they could have turned some people in Canada on their
behalf or on their side. But yeah, a lot of
them couldn't afford to come to the US, so they
went to Canada.
Speaker 3: They must have not looked cool. They must have looked
like shit, because if they.
Speaker 1: Look cool, nobody liked the arts. Then they were lower
than slaves.
Speaker 3: Like that's what it is. Yeah, slaves were.
Speaker 1: I mean this was obviously after the Civil War, but
before then, slaves were more valuable because they were expensive.
You could pay a fucking irishman though, to dig a
trench for a penny a day, like less than that, probably,
so he was expendable. If he dies, he died, who cares.
Speaker 2: He's just Irish.
Speaker 1: He's just Irish. We were the original Mexicans.
Speaker 2: Well, it's almost like the Irish or the Jews of
the West.
Speaker 1: I think the Jews are still the Jews of the West.
Speaker 4: For Saint Patrick's Day, we're talking about how they got
their asses kicked.
Speaker 3: That Canadian.
Speaker 1: Dude, you should have talked about me and my Irish heritage,
you fucking mix goddamn patties, Potato Chuck and bitches.
Speaker 4: Coople was talking about something I didn't know that the
Canadians are badass, Like we all big fun of them
and like talk about how they're just like these little
fucking forest nerds. But like every story I've been hearing
that's actually real.
Speaker 3: They just like kick.
Speaker 2: Ass up until recently the Canadian military was I mean,
they were fucking monsters.
Speaker 3: Well that you told it on Crime Corner.
Speaker 4: You told the story like how they got pissed off
and they're like the super badass team that they made
or something that killed a bunch of people.
Speaker 1: One of our better episodes was with Coope. It was
about Leo Major. Oh, Leo Major, they're Canadian World War two,
just war God took over a bunch of towns by himself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, single handedly took over an entire.
Speaker 1: Town committed of war crimes and yeah we said that,
but that's bad, and they got really mad about it.
Canadians don't like the show either.
Speaker 2: Well that's well, they is up because we're pointing out
the fact they have a history of committing a lot
of war crimes. Like they're a huge inspiration for the
Geneva Conventions because of the way they acted in World
War One.
Speaker 1: Can't wave a white flag, that's car is that the
guy with the way and then just start shooting them out.
Speaker 2: Yes you again, that's Leo Major.
Speaker 3: Yes you can. Then he did.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, you know how the old saying goes, it's
not a war crime the first time.
Speaker 4: Do what if Canada just starts invading us and they're
just still bad ass, and they just whoop our ass?
Speaker 1: They can't because we're on our own soils.
Speaker 3: We can't just nuke them. They miss their opportunity.
Speaker 1: They don't like whenever, you know, the weather balloons that whenever,
both the US and Canada, like a year ago, two
years ago, we had to shoot them down because Canada's
air force is ass.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they couldn't even shoot down a fucking balloon.
Speaker 4: Probably not shooting them down because we were like trying
to hack back. We're like trying to hack it to
get to see who did it.
Speaker 1: Was an excuse, Yeah, it was just said. We kept
saying it was hobbyist. Is a hobbyist balloon.
Speaker 2: It's a big ass hobby balloon. Isn't that thing like
the size of an SUV costs or some ship.
Speaker 3: Yeah, the Canadians are gonna fuck us up.
Speaker 1: I just whenever I think Canada, I think of letter canny.
That's okay, that.
Speaker 2: Kind of Canadian I can get behind that's just the
redneck of the north there. And I definitely have a
soft spot in my heart for red.
Speaker 1: The Canada mostly Canna is a bunch of rednecks.
Speaker 4: Maybe Canada a couple of times. I've been there, but
I've only been to Vancouver. But just my culture tells
me I hate Canada and I hate French people, and
I don't know why.
Speaker 1: Whenever we play hockey against Canada, I start to ramp
up my hatred for Canada because they always beat us.
Speaker 3: But didn't we win that one?
Speaker 1: We lost the championship, but we won that first one.
Speaker 3: That doesn't we beat them up? Right?
Speaker 1: Who cares if you win the first one and lose
the championship.
Speaker 3: What matters to me is the fights. Did we win
the fights?
Speaker 1: Couple? I think we lost the fight.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Canada.
Speaker 4: Canadians are badass, dude, I think they are. We're in denial, dude.
That's why it's not America, because they're just like, fuck
you guys.
Speaker 1: Their government's ass.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that so is ours.
Speaker 1: There's there's worse.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's there's this real bad Trudeau.
Speaker 1: But I think most Canadians would agree with that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the good ones at least listen to this show.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, and that was the Fenian raids, the Fenian Brotherhood. O'Neill,
you know, didn't really have to answer for any of
his fucking war crimes.
Speaker 4: I guess retired happy, married a Canadian, had kids.
Speaker 1: I don't know if he married a Canadian.
Speaker 2: But just for even Canadians, they're not going to marry
an irishman.
Speaker 1: Roberts went on, I believe to serve in US politics,
there was a Fenian Brotherhood kind of revolt in Ireland
in sixty seven. I believe. I think that kind of
gets squashed again because they don't get independence until I
think the twenties, nineteen twenties.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't remember. I know that it was, I
mean the grand scheme of things fairly recent.
Speaker 4: So what actually ends up happening in the long run
for these Irish people, and.
Speaker 1: The treaty happened in the nineteen twenty one Irish Free State,
self governing twenty one twenty two.
Speaker 2: They got it eventually, but it was through diplomacy that time,
wasn't it not through straight up war.
Speaker 1: Combination of Irish War of Independence was nineteen nineteen to
nineteen twenty one, So oh okay, imagine it was a
gorilla war. Maybe there was dead on that was over
there in Ireland.
Speaker 2: Now, oddly enough, they fought that in Canada too.
Speaker 1: Canada just becomes where everyone meets.
Speaker 2: Everybody just goes here to do wars, a.
Speaker 1: Neutral cot game. We should, honestly, dude, clear out some
piece of shit land and just have all your wars
there so we don't like upset or crater a bunch
of like history.
Speaker 2: Dude, it's like a global war arena somewhere. I mean,
just clear out like a big part of Central Africa or.
Speaker 1: Something like what are we doing with Mongolia right now?
Speaker 2: Nothing? There's a whole lot of open space out there.
Speaker 4: But if we just start moving the border like an
inch a day without saying anything, like put all the
buildings at the borderline and stuff, and just like move
it a little bit, and after like a year, like wait,
you're like four feet closer.
Speaker 2: That's that's where it's always been.
Speaker 4: Just keep moving it over and over and over until
Canada has to attend.
Speaker 3: I guess.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like a fucking new neighbor rebuilding the fence.
Speaker 3: Yeah, close like that.
Speaker 2: You just keep kind of keep doing that generation by generation.
Speaker 1: What you're talking about, like, no, that tree is on
my side of the fence.
Speaker 2: It always has been.
Speaker 1: Yeah, those are my oranges.
Speaker 4: A couple hundred years and they'll just all be the
United States. Canada will be like a beach town, just
the Yukon.
Speaker 1: We will give them that you have that, we don't
want that. That's Grossland. So yeah, fucking Ireland gets their
independence in the twenties. This whole thing kind of galvanizes
Canada to want their own sovereignty. They kind of get
the wheels in motion and have their own national kind
of pride after this, and you can really thank the
Irish for Canada.
Speaker 2: I think that would be the that would be the
lesson to take away from this episode is if if
you're in Canada, you need to be more grateful for
the Irish.
Speaker 3: An irishman, Yeah, the Irish made you tough, Okay.
Speaker 1: They uh kind of put you to the test.
Speaker 4: They should have fucked more ship up when they were
over there. I feel like they only got nine kills.
Speaker 1: We got Lake Erie, yeah, which for like a couple
of days.
Speaker 3: I think they were too nice in their missage the Irish.
Speaker 1: There were not conquerors. We're not good at that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not not historically.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they should have like tortured and raped the women.
Speaker 4: They should have killed all the kids when they got
in there.
Speaker 2: That's maybe that's taking it a little too far.
Speaker 4: No, dude, you got to show them, like, if you
don't give us our freedom, we're gonna kill everybody.
Speaker 1: Now. That's not to say the Irish aren't good warriors
though they fought off the Vikings and like they hunters
nine hundreds.
Speaker 2: They're good fighters, just not good organizers.
Speaker 1: Not good organizers and also just lazy. Maybe they don't
have the will or want to expand.
Speaker 3: What's the point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, what you're gonna be good at war?
Speaker 3: Just good?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: What about being a colonial power? Ireland will never Yeah,
they're just good with what they had.
Speaker 4: Just take their beard whiskey away and they'll they'll fucking murder.
Speaker 2: Oh, they'll take over the world to get that ship back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're peaceful people.
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 1: We have no wants or desires. It's the irishman's dilemma.
Speaker 2: Just just give us some booze and place to sleep
and we're happy. What is it?
Speaker 1: Uh? From Archer? Not just to kind of go back
to that she's like Maloy. Archer's quote is, uh, the
irishman's dilemma is do I eat the potato now or
wait for it to.
Speaker 4: What's the coolest shit Irish people have done? Lepracauns, you
Lucky Charms.
Speaker 1: I don't even think they want to own Leprecauns.
Speaker 2: I mean, Lucky Charms are pretty good. I'd say that's
probably like the best export from Ireland.
Speaker 1: Color even defend the featherweight belt. No, he just bailed,
or the lightweight belt for that matter.
Speaker 3: He's shit.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think they're sock. Team's never good either.
Speaker 2: Irish people play soccer.
Speaker 4: What's the coolest shit Irish people have done? Do you
guys know or no? I don't think we gotta say
something positive about him. For the same time, they haven't
done much?
Speaker 1: Is our whole point?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that seems to be the lesson of the episode.
Speaker 1: And that's gonna upset more Irish people. They're gonna revoke
my Irish card. I feel like I'm allowed to talk.
Speaker 2: I already took it, can't take it a second time.
Speaker 3: All Right, They've got to have done some cool shit,
like I.
Speaker 1: Top Irish inventions.
Speaker 4: Here we go this is what I'm talking about. Guinness. Okay,
they made Guinness.
Speaker 2: That's what's listed as one of the top Irish inventions.
Speaker 3: Yes, great beer.
Speaker 1: I don't even know if he's a real though, because
like AI's been real ass lately.
Speaker 3: That's the only ball, that's the only beer that has
that like ball inside it.
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess that's d I guess that's a
flex apparently, if you haven't done anything else.
Speaker 1: They invented color photography in eighteen ninety four. Huh did
that not just hatch? Must have been bad color photography
because we didn't use that shit.
Speaker 3: They invented color much later.
Speaker 2: Yeah, color in general.
Speaker 4: Being able to take a photo in color, that's actually badass.
Speaker 1: Apparently, or was that eighteen ninety four? But we didn't
When was that actually commonplace in photography? Probably not till
the sixties.
Speaker 4: I have no idea when like the photography I don't
even remember, Like color TVs happened in like nineteen sixty fifty.
Speaker 1: Techno color, Yeah, they created the.
Speaker 3: Nothing really cool yet they haven't done shit.
Speaker 1: Apparently. The ejector seat Okay, that's badass.
Speaker 2: That's yeah, it's all right, not as cool as color photography.
Speaker 3: Dude, ejector seats. Fucking insane of course.
Speaker 1: Oh dude, they're still in Valor here. They said the
submarine submarine is invented in like the sixteen hundreds by
like a Danish, dude.
Speaker 2: Wasn't weren't I thought somebody during so like the civil
or the Revolutionary War. I thought it was invented here
in America.
Speaker 1: It was invented before that. It was over in like
it was either Denmark or one of the Nordic countries.
Speaker 2: No shit, yeah, who invented fucking Irish trying to steal
credit for it?
Speaker 1: Always, dude, just fucking putting.
Speaker 4: I hadn't really done anything except these slaves and lose
at war.
Speaker 1: We're really good at being like indentured.
Speaker 2: Servants and really good at getting shipped on.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry a Dutch, he's Dutch. Yeah, Cornelius Drebbel invented
the submarine technically in sixteen twenty, which is insane, damn.
Speaker 3: And when did they say they invented it?
Speaker 5: Eighteen seventy eight, nineteen eighty six, maybe the modern Maybe
they had no idea about them, so they did technically
invent it for themselves without any influence, right, so that
would count still.
Speaker 1: Their claiming they invented flavored potato chips.
Speaker 2: Okay, if it has anything to do with potatoes, I
can believe the Irish had a hand in it.
Speaker 1: That's the top ten invention from Ireland, flavored potatoes, not
even a real potato chips. But we threw on like.
Speaker 2: They've been so the Irish didn't even invent the fucking
potato chip. Oh man, I'm disappointed in my hair.
Speaker 3: Has aland gone to space.
Speaker 1: No, there's no way Ireland has a space program.
Speaker 4: That was something I looked up because my wife's from
Czech Republic, and uh, the fourth person to ever go
into space was a check personally that things are.
Speaker 2: Proud part of the Russian space program.
Speaker 4: I don't know which one it was, but yeah, sure
it was the fourth person to go into space or
land on them or stand on the moon or something
like that was a check person. You know that Trump's
ex wife is Check.
Speaker 2: I thought she was, wait she are you sure?
Speaker 4: Yeah, one hundred percent sure, it's's Check. Milania is Slavic,
but she's not Check. But before Milania, he dated it.
Speaker 3: He married a chechwoman.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, I was I was singing that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she died in like two years ago or or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, there's a lot of stolen valor here with
their what they claim were their own inventions that rock
the world. These are just just wrong. They're saying they
invented chemistry. That's wrong.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just like cool, Like what's the what's the top
ten things they've ever done?
Speaker 1: The scale? Cool? Dude, fucking they're saying transformers. I don't
see Optimus Prime here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, wouldn't it be optimist o Prime?
Speaker 1: Beer manufacturing with Guinness? All right, maybe that's cool. That
would be actually their coole thing, just manufacturing beer.
Speaker 2: Guinness is the only invention of the Irish.
Speaker 1: It seems that way.
Speaker 2: Because some of those they have to be they have
to be taking credit for inventions that were like created
in other country trees by somebody who has Irish heritage,
like an Irish American guy.
Speaker 1: They're claiming the submarine, but again, I just disproved you
Drebble did that first.
Speaker 2: Yeah, where the where the hell are they getting that from?
Speaker 1: I guess modern submarine.
Speaker 4: Well, they're they're actually kind of fucked. I searched what
is the coolest thing that the Irish have ever done?
And it's like the Irish have some cool writers and
made music.
Speaker 1: I guess I'll give them James Joyce color photography. I'll
give them that.
Speaker 3: That's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: Nothing nothing really else. You know, we're too busy. We're
too busy here.
Speaker 4: In eighteen three man submarine called the Fenian Ram was launched,
which could dive to the depth of forty five feet.
I can swim that fart out. You can do that
with a bucket in a in a cinder block.
Speaker 1: They're saying the first dude, that's when Adam was Irish.
Speaker 3: There you go.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's true. I'm not gonna just
continue reading off Google though. Boys, thanks for joining me.
Speaker 2: Happy to be here. Yeah, thanks for having us.
Speaker 1: In my time. If need Rob was not here instead,
I carried the show.
Speaker 3: God you did great.
Speaker 1: Two great guys, two great guests, and uh yeah, we
powered through. We got to the the source of what
made Canada. We learned the Irish aren't great at really
much anything.
Speaker 3: Last thing I read, I know, but surfing apparently there's.
Speaker 2: No way, no, there's no way in hell. That came
straight out of Hawaii. They've been doing that for like
thousands of.
Speaker 1: Nobody's even getting in the water. In Ireland.
Speaker 4: They were surfing for a while, and uh, you're just
gonna bash your best surfing is in Ireland.
Speaker 1: Jagged rocks.
Speaker 3: There's no way that's what it says.
Speaker 4: Due to the rugged coastline along the Atlantic Ocean, it's
like the perfect place for surfing.
Speaker 1: I'm not giving them credit.
Speaker 3: And irishmen designed the White House.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, all right, whose today's hitler? Joel to the Irish,
the Irish in general, Ireland as a country. Uh yeah,
he never deserved independence. I guess, uh, you need to
go back to being indentured servants. Well, as you guys
want to give you my card back, I'll gladly accept
being Irish again. But until then my English will come out.
Speaker 2: And I think the real hitler of this episode, well
it's always Canada. Now the what was his name? Robert's
the guy who forced out O Mahoney. I think that's
that's the real hitler of this episode. Like that, let
O Mahoney stay in charge.
Speaker 1: Mahoney was old news. He was old hat. All right, boys. Uh,
do you guys want to plug anything anything you want to.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'd like to plug the fact that three irishmen
signed the Declaration of Independence.
Speaker 2: Okay, so we got that going for us.
Speaker 3: Who an Irishman composed?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: Who are the Irish the initial tune for the Star
Spangled Banner?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: No, their music, dude, not bad. Still hasn't invented anything yet.
Speaker 1: No, we're not going to find it. You see her
all day. It won't happen anyway. For Joel Benner, Matt Cooper.
I'm Damna Jester and you just got Officer