WEBVTT

1
00:00:04.160 --> 00:00:13.519
<v Speaker 1>Us studious. Hello friend, welcome back to Stillness Journal Extended.

2
00:00:14.839 --> 00:00:17.800
<v Speaker 1>I am Maya, and I am so glad you are here.

3
00:00:19.519 --> 00:00:25.199
<v Speaker 1>Settle in, take a breath, and let yourself arrive in

4
00:00:25.280 --> 00:00:28.359
<v Speaker 1>this moment. There is something I have been sitting with

5
00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:32.359
<v Speaker 1>for the past few weeks, and I wanted to offer

6
00:00:32.399 --> 00:00:37.399
<v Speaker 1>it to you to day, gently, in case it is

7
00:00:37.439 --> 00:00:40.439
<v Speaker 1>the thing your own heart has been trying to say.

8
00:00:40.679 --> 00:00:45.520
<v Speaker 1>It is about beginning, about the moment when we feel

9
00:00:45.679 --> 00:00:53.039
<v Speaker 1>the pull towards something new, a fresh intention, a quieter

10
00:00:53.159 --> 00:00:59.039
<v Speaker 1>way of living, a softer way of being with ourselves,

11
00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:06.920
<v Speaker 1>and we hesitate not because we do not want to begin,

12
00:01:07.200 --> 00:01:12.400
<v Speaker 1>but because we do not feel ready. I want to

13
00:01:12.439 --> 00:01:17.640
<v Speaker 1>speak to that hesitation to day because I think it

14
00:01:17.719 --> 00:01:21.640
<v Speaker 1>is one of the quiet places where most of us

15
00:01:21.799 --> 00:01:26.040
<v Speaker 1>lose our way. And I think it is also one

16
00:01:26.079 --> 00:01:30.359
<v Speaker 1>of the quiet places where most of us can find

17
00:01:30.359 --> 00:01:34.959
<v Speaker 1>our way back, if we are willing to be a

18
00:01:35.000 --> 00:02:11.479
<v Speaker 1>little gentler with ourselves about what beginning actually requires. So

19
00:02:11.719 --> 00:02:15.400
<v Speaker 1>often the thought that stops us is not I do

20
00:02:15.479 --> 00:02:20.680
<v Speaker 1>not want to begin. It is I cannot begin yet.

21
00:02:22.199 --> 00:02:26.919
<v Speaker 1>I need to finish something else first. I need to

22
00:02:27.000 --> 00:02:30.159
<v Speaker 1>figure it out first. I need to be more prepared,

23
00:02:31.439 --> 00:02:38.159
<v Speaker 1>more healed, more rested, more certain. I need to be

24
00:02:38.240 --> 00:02:41.719
<v Speaker 1>the kind of person who is ready for this before

25
00:02:41.759 --> 00:02:46.319
<v Speaker 1>I actually begin. And the wish behind that thought is

26
00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:50.800
<v Speaker 1>so tender. It is the wish to do it well,

27
00:02:52.360 --> 00:02:55.520
<v Speaker 1>the wish to begin from a place that is whole,

28
00:02:56.719 --> 00:03:00.759
<v Speaker 1>the wish to honor whatever we are stepping into by

29
00:03:00.879 --> 00:03:03.800
<v Speaker 1>arriving at it in the right way. It is a

30
00:03:03.840 --> 00:03:09.439
<v Speaker 1>wish that comes from a good place. It is a

31
00:03:09.479 --> 00:03:13.960
<v Speaker 1>wish that comes from caring. But there is a quieter

32
00:03:14.120 --> 00:03:20.599
<v Speaker 1>truth underneath. The truth is that beginning does not require

33
00:03:20.719 --> 00:03:25.919
<v Speaker 1>a clean slate. Beginning does not require us to be

34
00:03:26.039 --> 00:03:32.120
<v Speaker 1>finished with the last thing. Beginning does not require us

35
00:03:32.439 --> 00:03:35.840
<v Speaker 1>to have it all figured out. Beginning does not require

36
00:03:35.960 --> 00:03:45.000
<v Speaker 1>us to be in any meaningful sense ready. Beginning only

37
00:03:45.080 --> 00:03:53.439
<v Speaker 1>requires the willingness to begin. That is the wholest willingness,

38
00:03:54.520 --> 00:04:02.120
<v Speaker 1>Not capability, not certainty, not having everything else in order,

39
00:04:03.960 --> 00:04:37.839
<v Speaker 1>just willingness. I think of the friend who told me,

40
00:04:38.759 --> 00:04:42.560
<v Speaker 1>with a kind of embarrassed laugh, that she had been

41
00:04:42.600 --> 00:04:49.800
<v Speaker 1>wanting to meditate for years. Years. She had read books,

42
00:04:51.319 --> 00:04:56.199
<v Speaker 1>she had downloaded apps, she had bought a beautiful cushion,

43
00:04:56.399 --> 00:05:02.920
<v Speaker 1>she had read about retreats, and teachers traditions, She had

44
00:05:02.959 --> 00:05:10.680
<v Speaker 1>bookmarked guided meditations, she had asked friends for recommendations, and

45
00:05:10.839 --> 00:05:16.079
<v Speaker 1>every morning she would wake up and tell herself, Today,

46
00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:22.279
<v Speaker 1>when I am less tired, when the house is less loud,

47
00:05:23.560 --> 00:05:27.879
<v Speaker 1>when I have caught up on everything, when the children

48
00:05:28.240 --> 00:05:33.959
<v Speaker 1>are older, when I have finally resolved the thing I

49
00:05:33.959 --> 00:05:39.000
<v Speaker 1>have been carrying, when I am somehow the right kind

50
00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:44.000
<v Speaker 1>of person, to sit down and be still. And she

51
00:05:44.120 --> 00:05:50.319
<v Speaker 1>never sat down, not because she was lazy, not because

52
00:05:50.680 --> 00:05:58.199
<v Speaker 1>she did not care, not because meditation was unimportant to her,

53
00:05:59.160 --> 00:06:02.680
<v Speaker 1>but because the first of herself that was allowed to

54
00:06:02.720 --> 00:06:08.160
<v Speaker 1>begin did not yet exist. She was waiting for herself.

55
00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:14.360
<v Speaker 1>She had not yet met to give her permission. I

56
00:06:14.399 --> 00:06:18.959
<v Speaker 1>think a lot of us are doing something similar. We

57
00:06:19.040 --> 00:06:21.920
<v Speaker 1>are waiting for a self we have not yet become,

58
00:06:22.680 --> 00:06:27.199
<v Speaker 1>to give us the green light to start. We are

59
00:06:27.240 --> 00:06:31.079
<v Speaker 1>waiting to feel settled before we settle in. We are

60
00:06:31.120 --> 00:06:37.279
<v Speaker 1>waiting to feel whole before we begin the small, gentle

61
00:06:37.399 --> 00:06:43.439
<v Speaker 1>practice of coming home to ourselves. We are waiting to

62
00:06:43.560 --> 00:06:49.639
<v Speaker 1>feel peaceful before we allow ourselves a practice of peace.

63
00:06:49.920 --> 00:06:54.279
<v Speaker 1>And the truth is, friend, that self is not coming,

64
00:06:55.879 --> 00:07:02.639
<v Speaker 1>not in the form we imagine a finished, polished version

65
00:07:03.839 --> 00:07:09.199
<v Speaker 1>of who we will one day be. The self that

66
00:07:09.279 --> 00:07:16.480
<v Speaker 1>begins is the one that is here now, tired, uncertain,

67
00:07:18.279 --> 00:07:23.399
<v Speaker 1>a little tent, still in the middle of becoming, still

68
00:07:23.560 --> 00:07:29.279
<v Speaker 1>carrying things she has not put down yet, still figuring

69
00:07:29.319 --> 00:07:33.240
<v Speaker 1>out what she is figuring out. That self is the

70
00:07:33.319 --> 00:07:41.040
<v Speaker 1>only one who can begin, and that self is already here.

71
00:08:12.560 --> 00:08:16.839
<v Speaker 1>There is a kind of permission that only you can

72
00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:23.639
<v Speaker 1>give yourself. And it is not the dramatic permission of

73
00:08:23.720 --> 00:08:29.000
<v Speaker 1>a grand declaration. It is not the kind of permission

74
00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:34.840
<v Speaker 1>that requires you to stand up and announce your intentions

75
00:08:34.919 --> 00:08:39.399
<v Speaker 1>to the world. It is the quieter one, the permission

76
00:08:39.879 --> 00:08:47.960
<v Speaker 1>to begin small, the permission to begin imperfectly, the permission

77
00:08:48.200 --> 00:08:54.639
<v Speaker 1>to begin before you are ready. Because readiness, i think,

78
00:08:55.840 --> 00:09:00.279
<v Speaker 1>is a story we tell ourselves about a future self

79
00:09:01.320 --> 00:09:05.399
<v Speaker 1>who will be more deserving of our own care. We

80
00:09:05.559 --> 00:09:11.440
<v Speaker 1>imagine a future version of ourselves who has finally caught up,

81
00:09:12.399 --> 00:09:17.279
<v Speaker 1>who has finally healed enough, who has finally put the

82
00:09:17.360 --> 00:09:21.919
<v Speaker 1>hard things down, who has finally become the kind of

83
00:09:22.039 --> 00:09:26.960
<v Speaker 1>person who can be trusted with a fresh beginning. And

84
00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:30.919
<v Speaker 1>then we wait for that self to arrive. And this

85
00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:35.759
<v Speaker 1>story is a kind of love. It is the wish

86
00:09:35.960 --> 00:09:41.440
<v Speaker 1>to give our own future a kind of grace, but

87
00:09:41.559 --> 00:09:45.200
<v Speaker 1>it is also a kind of postponement. It is a

88
00:09:45.240 --> 00:09:51.519
<v Speaker 1>way of holding our own beginning at arm's length, waiting

89
00:09:51.840 --> 00:09:57.519
<v Speaker 1>for a condition that we will never quite meet, because

90
00:09:57.559 --> 00:10:04.559
<v Speaker 1>the conditions never end. There's always one more thing to finish,

91
00:10:06.120 --> 00:10:10.000
<v Speaker 1>one more thing to figure out, one our way. We

92
00:10:10.120 --> 00:10:16.159
<v Speaker 1>are not yet enough. The quieter truth is that you

93
00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:20.279
<v Speaker 1>do not need to meet a condition. You do not

94
00:10:20.480 --> 00:10:24.960
<v Speaker 1>need to become a certain kind of person before you

95
00:10:25.039 --> 00:10:29.519
<v Speaker 1>are allowed to start. You are already the kind of

96
00:10:29.600 --> 00:10:36.480
<v Speaker 1>person whose small, gentle acts of beginning are worthy. Your

97
00:10:36.600 --> 00:10:43.240
<v Speaker 1>tired beginning is a beginning. Your uncertain beginning is a beginning.

98
00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:49.120
<v Speaker 1>Your beginning at the wrong time of day, in the

99
00:10:49.159 --> 00:10:55.600
<v Speaker 1>wrong mood, in the wrong season of your life. That

100
00:10:56.120 --> 00:10:59.919
<v Speaker 1>is a beginning. To begin does not require the right thing.

101
00:11:00.080 --> 00:11:38.440
<v Speaker 1>Container beginning only requires the willingness to begin. So here

102
00:11:38.559 --> 00:11:42.039
<v Speaker 1>is this small practice I want to offer you this week.

103
00:11:43.799 --> 00:11:48.879
<v Speaker 1>It is not a complicated practice. It is, in fact,

104
00:11:49.120 --> 00:11:55.960
<v Speaker 1>almost embarrassingly simple, and I think that is part of

105
00:11:56.039 --> 00:12:01.759
<v Speaker 1>why it works. Because complicated practices give us a way

106
00:12:01.919 --> 00:12:08.039
<v Speaker 1>to postpone. Simple practices give us only ourselves and the

107
00:12:08.080 --> 00:12:13.039
<v Speaker 1>moment we are in each morning. For the next seven mornings,

108
00:12:14.120 --> 00:12:18.720
<v Speaker 1>I want to invite you to give yourself one small permission,

109
00:12:20.279 --> 00:12:27.080
<v Speaker 1>just one, the permission to begin one thing, one tiny

110
00:12:27.159 --> 00:12:31.000
<v Speaker 1>thing that you have been waiting to begin. It might

111
00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:35.799
<v Speaker 1>be the permission to drink your coffee without looking at

112
00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:42.039
<v Speaker 1>your phone. It might be the permission to take a

113
00:12:42.159 --> 00:12:46.120
<v Speaker 1>five minute walk before you open your email. It might

114
00:12:46.159 --> 00:12:50.159
<v Speaker 1>be the permission to write one sentence in the journal

115
00:12:51.039 --> 00:12:55.559
<v Speaker 1>that has been waiting on your nightstand for months. It

116
00:12:55.679 --> 00:13:00.039
<v Speaker 1>might be the permission to step outside and feel the

117
00:13:00.120 --> 00:13:04.120
<v Speaker 1>air on your face before you begin the day. It

118
00:13:04.240 --> 00:13:07.919
<v Speaker 1>might be the permission to rest for ten minutes without

119
00:13:07.960 --> 00:13:13.000
<v Speaker 1>earning it first. It might be the permission to begin

120
00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:18.600
<v Speaker 1>the conversation you have been postponing. It might be the

121
00:13:18.639 --> 00:13:23.279
<v Speaker 1>permission to say the small true thing you have been

122
00:13:23.320 --> 00:13:27.240
<v Speaker 1>holding back. Whatever it is for you, name it the

123
00:13:27.360 --> 00:13:32.519
<v Speaker 1>night before, whisper it to yourself as you are falling asleep.

124
00:13:34.360 --> 00:13:39.919
<v Speaker 1>Let it settle into your body as a small, gentle intention.

125
00:13:41.919 --> 00:13:47.879
<v Speaker 1>And the next morning, before the day takes over, give

126
00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:54.320
<v Speaker 1>yourself that one permission to do small thing. Let it

127
00:13:54.399 --> 00:14:02.000
<v Speaker 1>be small, let it be imperfect, let it be enough.

128
00:14:02.559 --> 00:14:06.919
<v Speaker 1>And at the end of the seven mornings, notice what

129
00:14:07.080 --> 00:14:12.559
<v Speaker 1>has shifted. Notice how the small permission of one day

130
00:14:13.600 --> 00:14:20.559
<v Speaker 1>becomes the small permission of another. Notice how beginning small

131
00:14:21.440 --> 00:14:28.159
<v Speaker 1>again and again loosens something inside you. Notice how you

132
00:14:28.240 --> 00:14:33.639
<v Speaker 1>stop waiting for the self who is finally ready, and

133
00:14:33.759 --> 00:14:41.399
<v Speaker 1>you start being the self who is here beginning. Notice

134
00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:47.919
<v Speaker 1>how the waiting becomes smaller. Notice how the beginning becomes

135
00:14:48.120 --> 00:15:23.080
<v Speaker 1>more possible. I want to leave you with this. There

136
00:15:23.159 --> 00:15:27.480
<v Speaker 1>is a sentence I have been carrying my pocket for months.

137
00:15:29.720 --> 00:15:33.279
<v Speaker 1>I do not remember exactly where I first heard it.

138
00:15:34.759 --> 00:15:39.159
<v Speaker 1>I think it was a teacher, or maybe a friend,

139
00:15:41.200 --> 00:15:45.159
<v Speaker 1>or maybe the kind of stranger who says the exact

140
00:15:45.320 --> 00:15:51.159
<v Speaker 1>right thing at the exact right moment and then disappears

141
00:15:51.639 --> 00:15:55.120
<v Speaker 1>into the rest of their day. The sentence is this

142
00:15:58.039 --> 00:16:02.679
<v Speaker 1>the version of you who begins. It's not the version

143
00:16:02.759 --> 00:16:08.279
<v Speaker 1>of you who has arrived. The version of you who

144
00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:15.759
<v Speaker 1>begins is the one who is right now willing to

145
00:16:15.879 --> 00:16:21.320
<v Speaker 1>be a beginner again. That is the permission, That is

146
00:16:21.399 --> 00:16:27.399
<v Speaker 1>the whole invitation. To be willing to be a beginner again,

147
00:16:29.120 --> 00:16:32.559
<v Speaker 1>To be willing to start before you know what you

148
00:16:32.600 --> 00:16:38.279
<v Speaker 1>are doing, To be willing to try something small and

149
00:16:38.440 --> 00:16:43.159
<v Speaker 1>imperfect and real, to be willing to let the beginning,

150
00:16:43.639 --> 00:16:48.879
<v Speaker 1>be a beginning without demanding that it also be polished

151
00:16:49.480 --> 00:16:53.200
<v Speaker 1>or finished or impressive. You do not have to be

152
00:16:53.240 --> 00:16:59.320
<v Speaker 1>a person who has it all together. You only have

153
00:16:59.399 --> 00:17:03.840
<v Speaker 1>to be a person who is willing to begin. And

154
00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:10.720
<v Speaker 1>you are You already are right now, as you are,

155
00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:16.759
<v Speaker 1>as you are listening, as you are, still in the

156
00:17:16.799 --> 00:17:21.240
<v Speaker 1>middle of your own unfinished becoming. The you who is

157
00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:27.559
<v Speaker 1>listening right now is the you who can begin, not

158
00:17:27.720 --> 00:17:35.519
<v Speaker 1>some future, more complete version of you. This one, tired

159
00:17:36.200 --> 00:17:43.279
<v Speaker 1>and tender and a little uncertain, This one is enough.

160
00:18:13.640 --> 00:18:17.559
<v Speaker 1>I want to thank you for being here today, for

161
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:23.000
<v Speaker 1>spending these twenty minutes with me. I hope you will

162
00:18:23.039 --> 00:18:29.559
<v Speaker 1>carry the small permission with you into the week. I

163
00:18:29.680 --> 00:18:32.799
<v Speaker 1>hope when you find yourself waiting for the right moment

164
00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:38.799
<v Speaker 1>to begin something tender, you will remember the right moment

165
00:18:39.559 --> 00:18:45.720
<v Speaker 1>is this one. The right self is this one. You

166
00:18:46.400 --> 00:18:51.799
<v Speaker 1>are already ready. You just have not given yourself the

167
00:18:51.839 --> 00:18:55.960
<v Speaker 1>permission yet. And the permission, friend, is yours to give.

168
00:18:57.960 --> 00:19:02.880
<v Speaker 1>No one else can give it to you, no condition

169
00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:10.160
<v Speaker 1>can earn it for you. It is already yours, It

170
00:19:10.240 --> 00:19:17.440
<v Speaker 1>has always been yours. It is the small, quiet gift

171
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:21.880
<v Speaker 1>of your own willingness. Take a breath with me, friend,

172
00:19:24.279 --> 00:19:29.680
<v Speaker 1>A slow one in through the nose, letting the air

173
00:19:29.880 --> 00:19:35.759
<v Speaker 1>fill the bottom of your lungs first, letting it rise

174
00:19:35.960 --> 00:19:44.119
<v Speaker 1>gently the way away rises, And a long, soft one

175
00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:50.319
<v Speaker 1>out through the mouth, letting the breath go slowly, like

176
00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:56.839
<v Speaker 1>a tide withdrawing from a quiet shore. And as she

177
00:19:56.960 --> 00:20:04.599
<v Speaker 1>breathe out, let yourself begin. Let yourself begin one small

178
00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:12.720
<v Speaker 1>thing right here, right now, not because you are ready,

179
00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:18.960
<v Speaker 1>but because you are willing until next time. Friend, be

180
00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:24.599
<v Speaker 1>gentle with yourself. The beginning does not have to be

181
00:20:24.759 --> 00:20:29.480
<v Speaker 1>loud to be real. It does not have to be

182
00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:35.319
<v Speaker 1>perfect to be worthy. It does not have to be

183
00:20:35.400 --> 00:20:43.400
<v Speaker 1>finished to be yours. Rest well, begin gently, and trust

184
00:20:43.799 --> 00:20:46.359
<v Speaker 1>that the small beginning is enough.