Speaker 1: Michelle had her first French fry like two weeks ago.
I don't think she's ready for a jalapeno popper. My god,
I Jim Downey walk on stage. We are all dumber
for having to watch you on this show.
Speaker 2: Fuck'm Ala, it's so good to be bad.
Speaker 1: Hey, what's up, dude? We haven't had yet a little bit.
Speaker 3: Well, it's been a week. I missed an episode, and boy,
I'm sure, uh, Su're glad I missed last week's episode.
Why why last week's episode that you guys covered you
and Ruby? And was was Laurian on that episode? Laurie Alterman?
Speaker 1: It was be an FP.
Speaker 3: Oh it was you an MP? Yeah, okay, all right,
let me cover the uh that episode real quick. That
was the one where you went dress shopping.
Speaker 1: Oh that's right. Yeah.
Speaker 3: We a lot to talk about Danny's nut sack, yep,
a lot of fucking dead dog talk. That was Lala's dog, right, okay.
And then those poor fucking heels that were assaulted by
Britney's feet, right, remember that? And I'm not kidding when
I say if those those shoes could speak, they would
have called an attorney. Hello, Garrigos, This woman's attempting to
rip me apart from the inside with her massive toes
and it's not right.
Speaker 1: Hello, have you ever been goreed by something that's not sharp? Well,
I'm currently being gored by five of them right now.
Speaker 3: Ten ten.
Speaker 1: That's true class action lawsuit. Yeah, yeah, it was fun
of them.
Speaker 3: There was a fun episode last like King Kong trying
to fuck a car tire. It's not gonna work anyway.
My point here is that was a horrible episode, and
I'm glad I wasn't here for it. But now I'm back.
Speaker 1: I'm happy you're back, and I'm very grateful for MP
for filling in last week.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 1: We talked about the importance of actors taking on the
role of the mentally handicapped and how it can do
wonders for your career. You know what I'm talking about. Yeah,
was Daniel day Lewis famous before My Two Left Feet?
Speaker 3: Daniel da Lewis? Yeah, does that predate him being in
the Last Mohegan?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: Well, that came out in nineteen ninety two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the Cobbets. Let us go all right, slow start,
we got to get into slow start.
Speaker 3: I fucking coming out like fire.
Speaker 1: Great start, is what I meant to say.
Speaker 2: Say.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about this episode of The Valley.
Speaker 3: Let's not focus on the past.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, We're not focusing on the past
right now. This week had all sorts of stuff for us, right,
A lot of really really great stuff. So how many
rotten hells would you give it?
Speaker 3: Okay? God, did I like this episode?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 3: I like all the episodes. This is the worst show
on television, but it's just wonderful. We had divorce papers signed.
We had Lala show up at Kristen's house to tell
her that she should like Janet.
Speaker 1: Not that she should like Janet, but that she shouldn't
call people's confessions of being sexually abused in the past bullshit.
Oh that's right, that's right. Yeah, that's kind of the
thing that she was like, Is this true? Did you
say that Janet lying about being sexually abused in the past?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's right. I liked it. I liked the episode.
Speaker 1: Fourteen schnefs, fourteen schneves baby hell, yeah, all right, give you.
I cried this episode. I cried when Jesse and Michelle
were signing those papers and why because of how sad
divorce is, and how beautiful their focus and love for
their daughter is. And when Jesse said that when you
become a parent, you become your child's memory, Uh yeah,
I just kind of cried.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah. And they were talking about he said, I
think I remembering correctly that he has a box of pictures,
so that Isabella. One day we'll look through those pictures
and go, wow.
Speaker 1: Mom was dating a guy who couldn't close his eyes.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: That, and also mommy and daddy they had a good
time and they loved each other. And then she'll go
on the internet and find season one and two of
a show called The Valley and go, oh my god,
my parents were douchebags.
Speaker 1: Well I she'll go my father called my mom an
affordable escort. That too, that's bad. Wow, memories, bamories all
alone in the moonlight. I give it seven schneieves. Hey,
Tom Schwartz looking pretty good this episode.
Speaker 3: Huh oh he looked great.
Speaker 1: Why don't you get into it? Okay, all right, I
gotta play it something.
Speaker 3: Speaking of Swarts snorts.
Speaker 1: Did you can I guess what the title of that
video was? What bear attacked by porcupine?
Speaker 3: No, it's snorting? Oh okay, all right, all right, we
bounce around the valley, We go to Schwartz's condo. It's
Keani's birthday, and Swarts pulls out all the stops. He
went to the grocery store.
Speaker 1: He got a sheet cake.
Speaker 3: He got a sheet cake. And but what am I saying?
She loved it. Children love sugar.
Speaker 1: Yeah, kids love sugar, and that's why she's so happy.
She loves the thing about her is that she's a
kid that loves sugar, but also booger sugar. She loves drugs. Yeah. Uh.
Speaker 3: Then we get to we get to see Michelle in
her Element movie really quickly.
Speaker 1: Who doesn't love drugs? Okay, drugs are fun. I don't
fall her. She's of age.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's like twenty eight or something. I think he's
lying about her. I think she's twenty five. But that's okay, Okay.
We get to see Michelle in her Element moving high
price real estate. You know, watching a real estate agent
strategize and negotiate is like watching Oppenheimer work on that
Manhattan project. You know, just seeing people do what they do.
Speaker 1: It's it's and not to throw any shade to realitors,
I understand that there's a lot of details. Uh, what
is what is the expression about details? The dot the
blank is in the details, devil, the devil's in the details. Okay.
So I understand that there's like acronyms that you have
to know, and you have to be on top of
the marketplace. You have to know which neighborhoods are car
I understand there's a lot of let me give it exact,
but let me just say I understand there's a lot
of things to keep you know, on top of. But
let's not get it twisted. If you go to a
flea market and watch a merchant haggle with a homeless
person over paying seven or five dollars for a radio
that doesn't work anymore, it's the same thing that Michelle
is doing at this beautiful home, Dylan.
Speaker 3: I actually have the transcript we took place in that
very nice house she was talking to this she got
she goes on the seller wants seven million, and she goes, okay,
all right, I think I know what we should do.
Why don't we come in at asking at six point
nine and see what they say? Bam. Nothing like watching
pro's work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's a little bit like watching Andre Agassi
play tennis. You're like, I don't even know how he's
doing this. It's so in press it. But I go
back to the flea market. I'm not paying seven for that.
It doesn't even work.
Speaker 3: All right, let's head over to I'll do.
Speaker 1: I'll give you five bucks deal meet me at six
and a rat scurries across the table. That's what she's doing.
Speaker 3: Okay, Magoo's coffee shop. This is with Benji and Zach.
Speaker 1: I love Benji and Zach.
Speaker 3: Oh they got some bad fucking hate.
Speaker 1: This fucking shirt everyone does. Why did you buy that shirt?
Speaker 3: They got some bad news at that immigration office. Still,
Benji is running out of time and money. Now, Zach
could solve Benji's issues by just marrying this.
Speaker 1: Guy, but I smoke it. Here are the kids come?
I get here?
Speaker 3: Oh no, you could smoke away everybody. But they don't
agree on kids. Benji wants them, and Zach says he
needs a year to figure things out.
Speaker 1: So here's the thing, Benji. Benji can't work because if
he goes to work, his name will come up in
a database and Christy Noom's husband with a big, a
fake rack of tits will come and personally throw him
out of the country. Then we've got the kid problem.
And while I agree that Zach is just a giant
blockhead of a human being, he is a monster energy
drink refrigerator. Zach is well within his rights to say.
What I want from my life in my future is
to bounce around boys town until I can't even I'm
so bow legged, I can't even walk anymore. That's his call.
So I understand that, Like, Zach seems like he's forcing
this thing on Benji, but Benji is kind of like
forcing kids on Zach, and Zach's like, people are well
within their rights to go. I don't know if I
want fucking children, So I'm kind of on Zach's side here.
I love you, but if Christine ums heaving, fake tittied
husband needs to come get you, then that's fine. I'll
be heartbroken, but see you later. Ben Jam I mean,
you could get thrown so much further than a lot
of people.
Speaker 3: Santa Clarice.
Speaker 1: I think Benji weighs I'm gonna say sixty two pounds.
Speaker 3: He's a little guy. It's very small.
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen an owl with all of its
feathers shaved off?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Kaylyn, can you pull up a picture of that real quick.
Speaker 3: Why would an owl get its feather shaved off? It's
not it's.
Speaker 1: In like museums. It doesn't happen out in the wild.
But there's a poor owl filled yeah, yeah, yeah, there's
just a Caitlin. Have you found it?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that poor thing.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I know. That's how crazy their feathers are.
They it makes them look so much bigger than they are,
but their bodies are actually very small, kind of like Benji.
Speaker 3: Look it up, people, Oh my god. You know when
you see what an owl, it's like it wears a
gigantic fur.
Speaker 1: Coat, oh yeah, a puffa jacket.
Speaker 3: And underneath it is like an elderly man. Can you
believe those things kill things in the wild and eat them.
Speaker 1: They're one of them true hunters of this planet. Owls
are one of my favorite animals. I love owls. I
love animal owls of all shapes and sizes.
Speaker 3: You believe that that husband uh threw his wife down
the stairs, killed her with a fireplace poker and tried
to blame it on one of those goddamn owls? Yeah yeah,
son of a bitch. All right, let's get to Santa
Clarita Nia returns back from being a ah yes, being
a judge for Miss USA, and she's not shy about
admitting it was so nice not to be around an
obnoxious drunk for three days.
Speaker 1: No, and I take your point making the joke like that,
but I do want to zero in on what Nia
says because I am officially at really not quite hate,
like I hate Tamra, I'm not at hate with Nia,
but I really don't like her.
Speaker 3: You don't like Nia not at all?
Speaker 1: Why I think that she is so small minded, She's
so she's so it's a little bit like Ruby with West,
Like Nia is just so hot that we've been completely
thrown off the scent. Other than protecting her heady little
ant farm person hold on like an evil, other.
Speaker 3: Than her lying for her husband's drunkenness and bad behavior
to essentially protect her brand nice.
Speaker 1: And stuff that she does with Zach. Later on in
the episode The Political Maneuvering, she thinks she's Circe. Circe
was trying to get to the iron throat. Nia's trying
to get to Santa Clarita. We talk about the game
of Warshit. Nobody thinks that this is Kaylin. We told
you so many times not to sneeze in here.
Speaker 3: You thought you thought Nia was really really pulling strings.
I mean, the steaks are so low. I thought, Lala,
who I do like, but I thought that was absurd
of her. At the end of the episode laying out
how these strategies are working.
Speaker 1: I think Lala is right on the money.
Speaker 3: Oh give me a break.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, Nia comes home and she says, it was
so nice to be around people that support one another. Okay,
you're talking about the pageant world, one of the most
Tanya harding kind of like environments you could possibly be in.
So you don't mean that.
Speaker 3: It's just.
Speaker 1: She's just trying to paint the two of them as
these victims, and I'm so over it. You're on reality
to me, and your husband's are drunk.
Speaker 3: I will say this, though, the pageant world, given that
these girls are coming from different parts of the country,
some of them from southern parts or small towns whatnot,
you're telling me that they're more shallow than the likes
of people like Janet or fucking Jasmine Pat.
Speaker 1: Not only people from Los Angeles can be manipulative little egomaniacs.
I mean people in the Midwest life. People in the South,
lie people in the Midwest.
Speaker 3: But you're making the comparison of the the beauty contest
world versus the assholes they shepher need.
Speaker 1: To stretch out the victim narrative of the two of
them by saying that the pageant world is supportive, is
fucking insane, but also a throwaway and not that big
of a deal.
Speaker 3: All right, all right, right, well here, okay. So I
thought it was endearing that she had even thought for
a second that any of these people on this reality
show had good intentions, because they never have. There always
been thirsty, lost assholes that have sold their souls to
be on TV and to make money doing it. If
Danny being eaten alive by a lesbian dolphin would increase
the ratings on this show, they would root for it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so, it's just the game, bib. All right,
So let's get to Jesse and Michelle. Jesse makes Michelle
some tea well deserved job at the Honey, well deserved job.
Now we get ready to sign the documentation for the divorce,
and I said, what do you think? I think that
you become your child's memory is like one of the
more beautiful things I've ever heard about parenting ever.
Speaker 3: I think that was a good line from Jesse. Well,
he had heard it from.
Speaker 1: Me, he'd heard it, but he was the condo it.
Speaker 3: I thought that was a good line. But I would
argue that they they'd sullied their memories by him being
on TV telling thirty five guys, some of which he
had no relationship with, that her mother sold her body
at a remarkably reasonable price two millionaires, and then she
will be remembered for not judging but maybe society well
exclusively dating people that are famous.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so what Jesse did was he basically told a
bunch of people and then everyone that his wife cost
just marginal more than like a swamp cooler, which is
damaging to the memory. Arguably, it's a little bit like
Luke in Vader, like once you cut your son's arm off,
it's tough to come back from that. They do. But still, okay, spoilers,
all right, how do we feel about cracking champagne for
this moment? I'm okay with that. I think that your
sensitive enough.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm okay with it. But her weeping, I thought
was ridiculous.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it's like. It is really it's
I'm seeing divorce and my friends now and it's really
really shocking to have been in love. You think about
when you get married to somebody. You get married to
somebody because you have these experiences that are so filled
with love and excitement and happiness, and then you start
hating that person. It's like a really crazy shit.
Speaker 3: Well let me tell you why I think this is performative.
You do mourn the ending of a relationship, especially where
someone you loved like a death, not as obviously, not
as dramatic, but you mourn it because it's over. There's
finality in it. She's been over this fucking guy for
three fucking years. It's over.
Speaker 1: It's over.
Speaker 3: So this was performative.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I gotta say, will you get to Magical
Tiki the.
Speaker 3: Magical Tiki boat? This is my worst nightmare.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is bad. I don't want to be. I
don't want to be. Here's the thing. I if Dan
Blzarian asked me to come on one of his yachts
in my cute little two piece, I would say, actually, no,
I don't want to be anywhere that I have to
swim to safety. Now I'll go out on a boat
for a little bit. But if it's like a boat
boat this, you're in this little tiny thing and you're
out in whatever. What are they in? Burbank or Hermosa
Beach or something. I don't know where this thing is.
But anyways, La La orders a virgin pina colada. The
rest of them ordered just regular pina coladas.
Speaker 3: I think that's a pineapple milkshake.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I said. Last time I had
him drink in rum in a long time. I have
drank rum only if it's in a pina colada, a
pineapple milkshake, essentially pineapple coconut milkshake. So Schwartz tries to
help the bartender. He says, hey, do you if you
need any help? I you know, I ran a couple
of bars.
Speaker 3: No, he said, I ran a bar, And she says,
do I look? He said, I owned a bar. No no, no, no, no, no,
you owned two failed bars, two, sir, Well, he owned nothing.
Speaker 1: So it's very important to say that he owned nothing,
because if you own two percent of something, that's not
even close to a majority. Okay, but anyways, I guess
you still own it. So Michelle is going to be
going on a date with this guy MAXI.
Speaker 3: She never dates clients.
Speaker 1: I one thing I love about summer is how easy
everything feels.
Speaker 3: Me too.
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and I can find myself reaching for the same comfortable
clothing over and over and over again. It's it's easy.
It's summer.
Speaker 3: Are you talking about Quinn's.
Speaker 1: That's why we keep coming back to Quins. Quins is
one hundred percent European linen. Pants and shirts are breatheable,
easy to throw on, and the summer upgrade your rotation needs.
Starting at just thirty four dollars. Leanin is one. It
looks good, it makes you look like you get a
little bit of class, and it's breatheable. Linen is the best. Okay,
and the quinn stuff I've been popping on the Quinns
shorts at the house. It's a little hot. We don't
have central ac We're in one of these charming uh
old sparksmens. Yeah. Yeah, very cute, but it gets hot.
Quince lets me breathe. My haunches dry, smooth and beautiful.
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it makes me.
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she's just in the right circles to meet somebody way
more impressive than Jesse. That's right, all right. So Schwartz
says that everyone is dismissive and weary of Janet's story
of sexual abuse, and Kristin chief among them. Now we
get a double down for the ages. Kristen's had multiple
opportunities to soften this a little bit, and she has
not until the end of this episode.
Speaker 3: You know, her point is, I think she says, it's
not that I don't believe her, it's that I just
don't like her.
Speaker 1: That's what she softens too. But her point was that
her she's the accusation, is that it's contrived and she's
pulling it out. It's either fabricated or she's pulling it
out at a time that she thinks it's going to
present the most.
Speaker 3: Useful I'll say this, I know it's mean spirited. That's
her opinion, having known her, and it's I think it's
okay to have an opinion on someone.
Speaker 1: It's definitely not okay to have that opinion on this network,
on this show.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, given our climate and such. Well, and she's
these are the things that just people say in the quiet.
I think it's.
Speaker 1: Gross, regardless of the turn of twenty sixteen or whatever,
to say that somebody's sexual abuse stories is not true,
which is what she did in the beginning kind of
And I'm just thinking we'll get to the la la conversation.
But Christen's going to have a tough time at the reunion.
Speaker 3: That's that's a tough it is.
Speaker 1: That's going to be a tough moment reunion for her. So,
speaking of let's get to couples counseling, Jesus Christ. Oh
that's right. So what is there to say?
Speaker 3: I can break down a couple of things.
Speaker 1: Yeah, go for it, all right.
Speaker 3: So the therapist brings up something I've not heard before,
but we should all know and more people should talk
about it. Having a newborn in a relationship is, in
my personal experience, is the biggest stressor in my life
and therefore also in my relationship part.
Speaker 1: It's one of the great marital stresses. Not it is
the the I don't know if you're if you're going broke,
I think that's probably pretty bad.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, those are financial, but this is the one
that just because you don't talk about it, you're just thinking,
oh my god, we're gonna have a baby. This is
gonna be amazing, right, And then you're like, why the
fuck do we want to kill each other? Why the
fuck do I hate you now? Why the fuck are
we not having sex? Why the fuck? Blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: This goes out on many people. How many people can
you reach out to? How many podcasts can you listen to?
How many YouTube shorts can you scroll through to understand?
Speaker 3: Don't believe it. You don't understand it until it's really
just laid out for you, like.
Speaker 1: No, I know. But when you're in the middle of it,
the people have circles that they can they can lean on.
There there are ways to get the mess, to procure
the message. It's temporary and it's hard, Dylan.
Speaker 3: No one ever, Dylan, I'm telling you, no one ever
told me straight to my face. They said, like little
things like Lynette used to tell our friend Lynette, you say, uh,
weekends are when you work, when you're the weekdays are
when the kids are at daycare or whatever. That's your vacation,
all right, little things like that. I would hear and go, Okay.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get bogged down on this too much,
but I have a hard time believing that you didn't.
I understand that when you have the baby, and it's
your first baby, you there's a lot of bliss and
you think it's going to be this beautiful thing, and
then you quickly realize that you've actually booked a one
way ticket.
Speaker 3: To hell that I had no idea what my wife
would hate me as much.
Speaker 1: Right exactly. But within the in the middle of that,
you got to come to an understanding. You come to
an understanding that it sucks, but but it's just a
period that you're going to get through. Luke does not
understand that he needs to have a level of constitution
to get through this. He is, well, I want to
pull my notes back out because it's it's just unbelievable
how much I dislike this guy. He's my least favorite
person on this show.
Speaker 3: You're not gonna give him some grace because he's immature.
Speaker 1: None.
Speaker 3: He does say some pretty fucked up which is he
explains that why he doubles down on the I don't
know if we can get married is because he never
met the pregnant Kristen before this.
Speaker 1: This is why I hate him, right, because he is
he's very dumb, so to not understand. He frames this
as though this is an aspect of her that he
didn't know before, and it's this this thing whereas he
views it because he's so fucking dumb that she was
hiding this or that this is something that he's now
going to have to live with she had a fucking baby.
She's in a hormonal super nova. And it's not it's
not a hide side of her that is going to
be there for It's just this is really really tough.
It's not doesn't reframe how you think about your fucking wife.
Speaker 3: Let me be the attorney for the caveman.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I go for it.
Speaker 3: Most dudes are unaware that this is what transpires after
a woman has a baby. He is a dumb caveman,
like a lot. Why do you think most divorces happened
the first two years of a baby being born. It's
because shit like this. Dudes are not emotionally mentally prepared
to understand the needs of the female. That's why I'm
saying it would be so nice if we fucking really
educated people go like totally.
Speaker 1: That was my whole point to make I understand what
you're saying. We will fail. There's no there's no you're
not going to have a batting average when you're a
guy and you're dealing with this stuff. There's no way
you don't get her. She's going through a ton, so
it's always going to be really really messy. But the
the the chicken littling of it all is what is
super frustrating.
Speaker 3: To and doubling down and not being understanding that the
idea of throwing things out there, like I said, he
hadn't meant the pregnant Kristen before, Like that's you've had
time to sit on this, you idiot, right, what the
fuck are you doing?
Speaker 1: And yeah, my my larger point is like that's not
a person. The pregnant Kristin is not a person. And
it's a period. And looking at we've got another deadbeat
bumpkin who they they always want to have more children,
he wants to have another we want what the therapist
is that Luke needs to hear. I hate the way
we end this conversation.
Speaker 3: We end it with a session in stillness, whatever the
fuck that means.
Speaker 1: We end it with the therapist telling Luke that he
needs to hear that his stupidity has caused Kristen to
recalibrate and make sure she doesn't cause him this stress again.
Speaker 3: So it's almost.
Speaker 1: As if like like she's pushing his head in a
pile of love. She's like, are you listening to what
she's saying? She loves you so much that she's willing
to do her best to change.
Speaker 3: Even though she's the one going.
Speaker 1: Through the fucking crazy biological torrent. She loves your dumbass
so much that she's willing to change more than you are.
Speaker 3: Right, Well, look, good therapists, Sorry they try, Dylan good.
Your wife is a therapist, good therapist, no matter how
they try, and find a way to get you to
the water to drink it.
Speaker 1: Right, totally all right, So let's get to me Ma
Cruz is doing better, and Janet heads over.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's because that rage of coke field addict is
a living in that goddamn yeah.
Speaker 1: No, it's very stressful when they're around. It's almost like
the what a rage felled coke addict is the dad
in the house, a little bit like the temp the thermostat.
I was always said, at like fifty seven, You're just like,
what is going on in here? I'm so I need
a jacket. His energy just I can't even imagine it.
Janet heads over to pick up Cruz because Britney can't,
and she begins talking about Halloween.
Speaker 3: I love Halloween, she loves it.
Speaker 1: I'm all throw the biggest party I've ever thrown. Okay.
It's going to be a Victorian vampire Renaissance mansion Halloween bonanza. Okay,
and she's going to be doing a photo shoot. We
will get to the photo shoot. Okay. Now we had to.
We had a new engagement and unironic big brand chain
restaurant outing with.
Speaker 3: Janet baby baby, baby back.
Speaker 4: I want my baby back, baby back, baby back. I
want my baby back, baby back, baby back. Here's supposed
to do baby back, baby no, no, no.
Speaker 1: I I'll take it. Keep going.
Speaker 3: I want my baby back. I want my baby baby Yeah.
Do you know? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I mean they did
there long time ago Chili's where I haven't been that
Chili's they went to is in Sino in Ventura Boulevard.
Is the second cousin to Fridays. Also a menu that
is thirty eight pages long. Also they serve well. Their
menu has no theme well.
Speaker 1: Their menu is designed for the the literate populace of
the United States of America. It's mostly pictures, it's loud,
patriotic colors, and it's fried foods. It's one of the
horsemen of the apocalypse. Jannit does not see it for
what it is. A thinly veiled missile. She is going
to go in there and have a great time.
Speaker 3: Look at the cheese pole.
Speaker 1: Shut up. Okay. Also, we spent six hundred dollars on
breakfast from McDonald It's just a lot.
Speaker 3: There's no way she was doing supersize me.
Speaker 1: Then he's dead.
Speaker 3: He died, by the way. Another guy who went out
right at the right time. He's getting me too. It's like, oh,
let me just die. Morgan.
Speaker 1: Are you eating McDonald's again? Yeah? Why no reason? Oh
my god, your energy levels are so low.
Speaker 3: Yeah, welcome McDonald's. Would you like to supersize it?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, they got rid of that because sometimes you
fly too close to the sun. These companies have made
it a mission to kill us and make fun of
us along the way. But supersize me. That's we caught
it off.
Speaker 3: M h. I've never seen.
Speaker 1: I think they're trying to kill us.
Speaker 3: I've never seen longer lines at every McDonald's in my life.
Now did not work. No, they're still killing us. Oh yeah,
I haven't eaten McDonald's now in three months.
Speaker 1: Last time you said two years.
Speaker 3: No, I French fries are some bullshit, picking it up,
happy meals for the kids. I feed my children this poison.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, well the last time you ate it was
three months ago.
Speaker 3: Three months ago?
Speaker 1: Yeah, what did you get?
Speaker 3: French fries? Ice cream?
Speaker 1: Sorry? You get French fries and ice cream? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I think I meant to say fast food in general.
Speaker 1: Okay, So you get a Sunday or they don't flurry.
Speaker 3: They don't sell Sundays.
Speaker 1: There, the cone, the cone? You get the cone. God,
I haven't gotten a cone in a while.
Speaker 3: It's hard to take in a car.
Speaker 1: That soft serve is pretty electric. Okay, Sorry, we're getting distracted.
I smoked a joint and you're talking about McDonald's soft serve.
It's like, I'm kind of fucked up right now. Okay,
So we're going to be going to Chili's and Nia
and Kristen are not going to be invited. Now, burn
you don't you don't get to You don't get the cheeseburger,
egg rollths you bitch. Okay, all right, So we get
to Chili's. Jane says, I'm from Ohio, I love a chain,
and we talked about her ordering six hundred dollars to
breakfast for McDonald's. Now, I just I want to just
drill down on this a little bit. I googled it
and Google's AI said, six hundred dollars can buy you
sixty five to one hundred McDonald's breakfast menu items. Now,
I'm not saying that Janet didn't have monstrous mornings where
maybe she put down three or four egg mcmuffins. You
could do it. There's I just don't think maybe she
was postmating it. So the delivery charges and stuff, But
six hundred dollars a month on breakfast is just six.
Speaker 3: Hundred a month. Oh, I thought through the entire pregnancy. Okay,
that's a lie.
Speaker 1: It's a lie. That's one of these things. It's just
like you can spot those things where you're like, god,
I don't know about that. We have a moment from
Zach where Michelle walks in she's in a bear middrift,
and he says, Michelle had her first French fry like
two weeks ago. I don't think she's ready for a
jalapeno popper. My god, I Jim Downey walk on stage.
We are all dumber for having to watch you on
this show.
Speaker 3: Fuck I mean. And then then after that little dust
up he house with Britney for some reason about dismissing
her feelings. Then he goes and shits himself.
Speaker 1: In this disgusting, fucking creature.
Speaker 3: Throws aways underwear in a Chili's bathroom. Can you imagine this?
Speaker 1: Disgusting? Just you know a nutria you know nutria nutrient. Yeah,
it's an everglade rat. They're an invasive species. They look
like massive combats, right yeah, now now, yeah, you see
the nutrient.
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, that's that's what I thought it looked like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, can pulled up.
Speaker 3: We're going to see one of those, I think on
the season of Orange County.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's camera. Yeah, Now, I don't want to insult nutrient.
And while they are an invasive species, there are people too.
Zacha goes in the bathroom and tries to Jim carry
his way through a routine of shitting himself, and he
ships himself. Oops poop, I mean oops poop, he's peeing,
he farts, little ship comes out. Now we've all been there, right.
Speaker 3: Not a Chili's restaurant.
Speaker 1: Well most for the majority of people. It actually does
take place at Chili's because the the fajitas act fast
and also the triple dippers have It's more cheese than
you could ever imagine, and your body just can't process
that stuff. So couple that with a Nashville flaming hot oil,
you're going.
Speaker 3: To sheep.
Speaker 1: To the point where I wonder if they have like
three restrooms, you know, one for this.
Speaker 3: Can I tell you?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: When I worked at weather Vane Silpons, which was ninety Yeah,
it was a seafood restaurant, but it was fried food,
and we were frying everything. At the end of the night,
I felt so bad because I got to leave. I
only had to clean the kitchen. I would see both
the men's room and the lady's room. The poor guys
with the mop buckets, what they had to clean up
in there.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: People made messes out of that place.
Speaker 1: Food out, Yeah, looks like you know, barbarian when they
go into the house. Yeah, yeah, it looks like that.
But let's talk about really quickly the etiquette that one
has to demonstrate and display when you mess yourself. Zach
goes in shits himself right, he throws away his underwear
at obvious first move. You have to do that. You
can't then go and sit your nasty, shitty ass back
down at the table loosely in your jeans. Okay, and
La La smelled that, and there's pat you shit yourself.
You need a power host, You need at least a shower.
You're not going to just take the toilet paper at
that restaurant and get the scent of that mistake off
of you. You're going to go back and sit down
at the table. I mean, just a gitteous thing to do.
All right, we've talked about it for way too long.
Discuss all right, So let's get.
Speaker 3: To the Mummy makeover photoshoot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, let's do that. Very sweet for Brittany. She
has been belittled for years and it feels like finally
she can be proud to be herself. Also, who pays
for a photo shoot for just themselves? It's just it's
very odd. What did you think of the photo shoot?
Speaker 3: I thought I thought it was great.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's move on. The gals sit down. Why did
you want to get there?
Speaker 3: Well, we have to cover.
Speaker 1: It, so let's cover it. I said, what I think? Oh?
Speaker 3: Well, the her friends La La and Kristen show up
for support, and then the three talk about the group
dynamic and Zach and Lacey actually hate Janet but won't
admit it, and then we learn that Lacey walking into
Chili's was actually on the phone Chris and it said
I fucking hate this bitch. And then Nia apparently he's
been acting like uh Vito Corleone, pulling all the fucking strings,
you know, and that's what they talk.
Speaker 1: I want my.
Speaker 4: Baby back, baby back, baby back. I want my baby back,
baby back, baby back. I want my baby back, baby
and back baby, I.
Speaker 1: Want my baby chilies be.
Speaker 3: La La lays out, I.
Speaker 1: Watched The Office, man, you gotta watch the.
Speaker 3: I've never seen an episode. La La lays out how
Christen has been rolling on Nia while sharing it to
her homies.
Speaker 1: Now have La simp cannot speak like this. It's simply
so unbelievable that you are speaking like this. I want
to talk about really quickly. The Forgotten Four see the
post on Instagram that this crew is all at this
chain restaurant together, and Danny asks what's up with Zach
the flip flopper, and Nia says, this is where you
gotta listen to who Nia is. He's not flip flopping
at all. He's Janet's best friend. It's so pathetic. The
two of them are so pathetic. He doesn't like Janet.
He likes you guys to be this like petty and
cagey and paranoid about friendships at this age, with this
many children, it's pathetic.
Speaker 3: So let's get to La La visits Kristin.
Speaker 1: Well, first there's this thing where there's a clip of
Nia mocking Zach for acknowledging Zach's presence on the boat
or on the bus, and we get and then we
get Zach. We get a lot of look backs, a
lot of yes at this gameplay. And then Kristen says
that Zach texted her to yell at Janet on his
behalf at the Halloween party.
Speaker 3: I can't believe they're putting it in writing.
Speaker 1: Can you believe grown adults behave this way? I mean,
he is just it's crazy, all right. So let's get
to La La talking to Kristen. Lawa has essentially gone
there to cut this off at the pass. Go uh, Kristen,
you're on Bravo. Yeah, you cannot do this.
Speaker 3: I would argue maybe one of those little secret texts
like I'm gonna show up here and then you're gonna go, yeah,
you're right, La La, Right, we should support women.
Speaker 1: Which is exactly what they do. We'll get to the
season finale next week.
Speaker 3: I'm very Next week's the season finale.
Speaker 1: Weeks the season finale, and then we get the reunion,
which I'm very excited about. Until then, get in the comments,
let us know what you thought about the episode. We
will see you next week. From More Valley. I'm doing
saying goobye God say goodbye.