WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.240 --> 00:00:03.359 You know, there's something quite fascinating about overthinking that most 2 00:00:03.359 --> 00:00:07.160 people completely miss. We treat it as an enemy, as 3 00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:09.960 a problem to be solved, as a malfunction of the 4 00:00:10.039 --> 00:00:13.000 mind that needs to be fixed. We say things like 5 00:00:13.039 --> 00:00:16.480 I need to stop overthinking, or my overthinking is ruining 6 00:00:16.519 --> 00:00:19.920 my life. But what if I told you that your 7 00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:23.440 overthinking isn't actually the problem. What if it's trying to 8 00:00:23.480 --> 00:00:26.960 tell you something extremely important and you're just not listening. 9 00:00:27.559 --> 00:00:29.920 Let me put it this way. Overthinking is like a 10 00:00:29.920 --> 00:00:33.280 smoke alarm going off in your house. Now you can 11 00:00:33.280 --> 00:00:36.719 stand there cursing the smoke alarm, wishing it would shut up, 12 00:00:37.079 --> 00:00:41.159 trying various techniques to silence it. You can practice mindfulness 13 00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:44.600 to ignore it. You can use affirmations to drown it out. 14 00:00:45.039 --> 00:00:48.119 You can distract yourself so you don't hear it. But 15 00:00:48.280 --> 00:00:51.479 none of that addresses the actual question, why is the 16 00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:55.159 alarm going off in the first place? What fire is 17 00:00:55.200 --> 00:00:58.719 it trying to alert you to? Most approaches to dealing 18 00:00:58.719 --> 00:01:02.159 with overthinking treated as if the overthinking itself is the fire. 19 00:01:02.679 --> 00:01:05.280 But I want to suggest that overthinking is the alarm, 20 00:01:05.719 --> 00:01:10.079 not the fire. It's a signal, a message, a symptom 21 00:01:10.159 --> 00:01:13.599 pointing to something deeper, and until you understand what it's 22 00:01:13.640 --> 00:01:16.680 trying to tell you, no amount of techniques for quieting 23 00:01:16.680 --> 00:01:19.480 the mind will actually solve anything. You'll just be a 24 00:01:19.519 --> 00:01:23.359 person standing in a burning house congratulating yourself on how 25 00:01:23.359 --> 00:01:26.239 well you've learned to ignore the smoke alarm. So what 26 00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:29.560 is overthinking really trying to tell you? Well, there are 27 00:01:29.599 --> 00:01:33.560 several possibilities, and they're all pointing to the same fundamental issue. 28 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:37.319 You're living out of alignment with your actual nature, with 29 00:01:37.439 --> 00:01:41.280 what you genuinely are beneath all the conditioning and expectations 30 00:01:41.280 --> 00:01:44.680 and roles you've taken on. The first thing overthinking might 31 00:01:44.719 --> 00:01:47.920 be telling you is this, you're trying to control something 32 00:01:47.920 --> 00:01:51.239 that cannot be controlled. Think about when your mind goes 33 00:01:51.239 --> 00:01:55.599 into overdrive. It's usually when you're facing uncertainty, isn't it 34 00:01:55.640 --> 00:01:57.680 When you don't know what's going to happen, When the 35 00:01:57.719 --> 00:02:01.599 future is unclear, when you can't predict the outcome, Your 36 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:06.079 mind starts spinning, trying to think through every possibility, trying 37 00:02:06.159 --> 00:02:09.360 to plan for every contingency, trying to find some way 38 00:02:09.400 --> 00:02:13.240 to guarantee a particular result. But here's what your overthinking 39 00:02:13.319 --> 00:02:17.240 is really saying. You're trying to control life, and life 40 00:02:17.280 --> 00:02:22.039 cannot be controlled. The mind goes into overdrive because you've 41 00:02:22.039 --> 00:02:25.759 given it an impossible task. It's like asking your mind 42 00:02:25.800 --> 00:02:29.319 to calculate the exact position where a falling leaf will land. 43 00:02:29.919 --> 00:02:33.520 The variables are infinite, the factors are constantly changing, and 44 00:02:33.560 --> 00:02:37.439 the whole enterprise is fundamentally absurd, But you keep asking 45 00:02:37.479 --> 00:02:39.800 your mind to do it anyway, and then you wonder 46 00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:43.759 why your mind is exhausted. Your overthinking is not the problem. 47 00:02:44.240 --> 00:02:48.039 Your relationship to uncertainty is the problem. Your inability to 48 00:02:48.080 --> 00:02:51.360 be comfortable with not knowing is the problem. Your desperate 49 00:02:51.400 --> 00:02:55.080 need to control outcomes is the problem. The overthinking is 50 00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:59.280 just your mind's futile attempt to fulfill an impossible demand 51 00:02:59.319 --> 00:03:02.800 that you're placing upon it now. The second thing your 52 00:03:02.840 --> 00:03:06.759 overthinking might be telling you is this, you don't trust yourself. 53 00:03:07.560 --> 00:03:11.199 Listen carefully to the content of your overthinking. What is 54 00:03:11.240 --> 00:03:15.439 it usually about? It's about decisions, isn't it? Should I 55 00:03:15.479 --> 00:03:18.560 take this job or that job? Should I stay in 56 00:03:18.639 --> 00:03:21.879 this relationship or leave? Should I say yes or no? 57 00:03:22.680 --> 00:03:26.639 And you go round and round weighing the options, making 58 00:03:26.680 --> 00:03:30.479 lists of pros and cons asking everyone else what they think, 59 00:03:30.719 --> 00:03:35.000 But you still can't decide why because you don't trust 60 00:03:35.039 --> 00:03:38.439 that you'll be okay regardless of what you choose. You 61 00:03:38.520 --> 00:03:41.879 don't trust your ability to handle whatever consequences come from 62 00:03:41.879 --> 00:03:45.759 your decision. You don't trust that you have the resilience, 63 00:03:46.039 --> 00:03:52.000 the resourcefulness, the fundamental okyness to navigate whatever unfolds. And 64 00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:56.360 so your mind keeps churning, looking for the perfect decision, 65 00:03:56.680 --> 00:04:00.800 the risk free choice, the guaranteed right answer. But there 66 00:04:00.879 --> 00:04:04.520 is no perfect decision, There is no risk free choice, 67 00:04:05.000 --> 00:04:08.879 there is no guaranteed right answer. Life doesn't work that way. 68 00:04:09.599 --> 00:04:13.479 Every choice leads somewhere, and you can't know in advance 69 00:04:13.520 --> 00:04:17.040 where that somewhere is. The Only way to stop overthinking 70 00:04:17.079 --> 00:04:20.240 your decisions is to develop trust in yourself, to know 71 00:04:20.319 --> 00:04:23.600 that whatever you choose, you have the capacity to deal 72 00:04:23.680 --> 00:04:27.399 with what comes next. Your overthinking is telling you you 73 00:04:27.519 --> 00:04:31.360 don't believe in yourself. You don't trust your own resilience. 74 00:04:32.160 --> 00:04:35.079 You're looking outside yourself for certainty because you don't feel 75 00:04:35.120 --> 00:04:39.040 certain inside yourself. And until you address that fundamental lack 76 00:04:39.079 --> 00:04:43.199 of self trust, no amount of decision making frameworks or 77 00:04:43.240 --> 00:04:46.920 pro con lists will quiet your mind. Here's a third thing. 78 00:04:46.959 --> 00:04:50.480 Your overthinking might be revealing your living according to some 79 00:04:50.519 --> 00:04:54.160 one else's script when your mind won't stop spinning about 80 00:04:54.160 --> 00:04:57.360 what you should do. Whose script are you following? When 81 00:04:57.360 --> 00:05:00.480 you are agonizing over the right choice? Who decid I did? What? 82 00:05:00.600 --> 00:05:04.519 Right means? When you're worried about making a mistake, who 83 00:05:04.600 --> 00:05:09.120 defined what constitutes a mistake? Very often, overthinking is the 84 00:05:09.160 --> 00:05:11.600 mind's response to trying to live a life that isn't 85 00:05:11.639 --> 00:05:16.160 actually yours. You've absorbed so many expectations from your parents, 86 00:05:16.600 --> 00:05:21.040 your culture, your education, your peers, that you've lost touch 87 00:05:21.079 --> 00:05:24.600 with what you actually want, and so every decision becomes 88 00:05:24.600 --> 00:05:28.000 an impossible maze because you're trying to satisfy requirements that 89 00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:30.560 aren't even yours, trying to live up to standards you 90 00:05:30.639 --> 00:05:33.439 never chose, trying to become someone you never wanted to be. 91 00:05:34.240 --> 00:05:37.360 Your overthinking is saying this life you're trying to live 92 00:05:37.439 --> 00:05:41.759 doesn't fit. These choices you're agonizing over aren't really your choices. 93 00:05:42.560 --> 00:05:44.839 You're trying to force yourself into a shape that isn't 94 00:05:44.839 --> 00:05:48.120 your natural shape, and I'm exhausting myself trying to make 95 00:05:48.160 --> 00:05:51.160 it work. The solution isn't to think harder or get 96 00:05:51.160 --> 00:05:54.800 better at decisions. The solution is to stop living someone 97 00:05:54.800 --> 00:05:57.680 else's life and start living your own. But here's where 98 00:05:57.680 --> 00:06:01.480 it gets really interesting. There's a fourth message your overthinking 99 00:06:01.560 --> 00:06:03.680 might be sending, and it's the deepest one of all. 100 00:06:04.519 --> 00:06:07.439 Your overthinking might be telling you you've forgotten that you're 101 00:06:07.480 --> 00:06:11.199 not actually the thinker. You've identified yourself with your thoughts, 102 00:06:11.839 --> 00:06:14.399 and now you're trying to use thinking to solve the 103 00:06:14.439 --> 00:06:17.160 problem of thinking, which is like trying to use fire 104 00:06:17.240 --> 00:06:21.839 to put out fire. You see, most people assume that 105 00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:25.079 they are their thoughts. When thoughts arise, they say I 106 00:06:25.120 --> 00:06:28.959 am thinking. When the mind is busy, they say, I 107 00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:31.959 can't quiet my mind. But who is this eye that 108 00:06:32.040 --> 00:06:35.000 has a mind? Who is this eye that thinks thoughts? 109 00:06:35.800 --> 00:06:39.279 If you look carefully, you'll find that there's an awareness 110 00:06:39.319 --> 00:06:43.920 prior to thought, a consciousness that witnesses thinking without being 111 00:06:43.959 --> 00:06:48.439 identical to thinking. You are not the thoughts. You are 112 00:06:48.519 --> 00:06:51.920 that which is aware of thoughts. But somewhere along the 113 00:06:51.959 --> 00:06:56.160 way you've become hypnotized by the content of thinking. You've 114 00:06:56.160 --> 00:06:59.160 become so identified with the stream of thoughts that you've 115 00:06:59.160 --> 00:07:02.279 forgotten you're the s in which the thoughts appear, and 116 00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:05.959 So when overthinking happens, you think it's happening to you, 117 00:07:06.600 --> 00:07:09.600 when really it's just happening in you, like weather happening 118 00:07:09.639 --> 00:07:12.639 in the sky. Your overthinking is trying to wake you 119 00:07:12.759 --> 00:07:16.319 up to this fact. It's saying, Notice how exhausting it 120 00:07:16.399 --> 00:07:19.680 is to be completely identified with thinking. Notice how it 121 00:07:19.759 --> 00:07:22.560 never ends, How one thought leads to another leads to 122 00:07:22.600 --> 00:07:26.279 another in an endless chain. Notice that the thinker who's 123 00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:29.800 trying to stop thinking is itself just another thought. The 124 00:07:29.800 --> 00:07:32.360 only way out is to recognize what you are beneath 125 00:07:32.639 --> 00:07:35.639 all the thinking. This is what the meditation teachers are 126 00:07:35.680 --> 00:07:38.319 pointing to when they talk about observing your thoughts without 127 00:07:38.319 --> 00:07:41.519 identifying with them. But it's not really a technique, it's 128 00:07:41.560 --> 00:07:45.639 a recognition. It's seeing that you are the observing, not 129 00:07:45.720 --> 00:07:49.279 the thinking. And when you see this clearly, not just intellectually, 130 00:07:49.319 --> 00:07:54.120 but experientially, the whole problem of overthinking dissolves, not because 131 00:07:54.120 --> 00:07:58.600 the thoughts stop, but because you're no longer imprisoned by them. Now, 132 00:07:59.160 --> 00:08:03.199 let me tell you about fifth possibility. Your overthinking might 133 00:08:03.240 --> 00:08:06.720 be telling you that you're avoiding something. Think about when 134 00:08:06.759 --> 00:08:11.079 your mind really goes into overdrive. Often it's when there's 135 00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:14.560 something you don't want to feel. Isn't it some emotion 136 00:08:14.680 --> 00:08:17.600 you don't want to experience, some truth you don't want 137 00:08:17.639 --> 00:08:21.040 to face, some action you don't want to take, And 138 00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:25.560 so the mind starts spinning, creating elaborate stories and scenarios 139 00:08:25.560 --> 00:08:29.800 and analyzes anything to avoid that simple direct experience of 140 00:08:29.839 --> 00:08:33.840 what is The overthinking becomes a kind of escape mechanism, 141 00:08:34.279 --> 00:08:36.440 a way of staying in your head so you don't 142 00:08:36.440 --> 00:08:38.799 have to be in your heart, or in your body, 143 00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:42.600 or in the actual present moment with its uncomfortable feelings 144 00:08:42.679 --> 00:08:46.639 and difficult truths. Your overthinking is saying, there's something here 145 00:08:46.679 --> 00:08:49.600 you're trying not to see, there's something you're trying not 146 00:08:49.679 --> 00:08:53.000 to feel, And I'm going to keep spinning and spinning 147 00:08:53.080 --> 00:08:55.960 until you stop avoiding and finally face what's actually here. 148 00:08:56.639 --> 00:09:00.240 In this case, the solution to overthinking isn't thinking better 149 00:09:00.360 --> 00:09:04.600 or thinking less. It's feeling more. It's dropping down out 150 00:09:04.600 --> 00:09:08.240 of your head and into direct experience. It's having the 151 00:09:08.279 --> 00:09:11.679 courage to face what you've been running from. Here's another 152 00:09:11.720 --> 00:09:15.399 message your overthinking might be conveying. You're trying to live 153 00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:19.080 in the future instead of the present. Notice that overthinking 154 00:09:19.279 --> 00:09:22.960 is almost always about what might happen, what could go wrong, 155 00:09:23.279 --> 00:09:26.679 what you should do next. It's rarely about this actual 156 00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:30.639 moment right now. The mind is in the future, trying 157 00:09:30.679 --> 00:09:34.080 to control it, plan for it, prepare for it. But 158 00:09:34.159 --> 00:09:37.000 you can't actually live in the future. You can only 159 00:09:37.000 --> 00:09:39.600 live now. And when you try to live in a 160 00:09:39.639 --> 00:09:43.320 time that doesn't exist yet, your mind goes crazy trying 161 00:09:43.320 --> 00:09:47.120 to make the impossible possible. Your overthinking is telling you 162 00:09:47.600 --> 00:09:50.399 come back to now. Stop trying to live in the future. 163 00:09:50.679 --> 00:09:54.120 The only moment you can actually inhabit is this one. 164 00:09:54.159 --> 00:09:56.559 This doesn't mean you never plan or think about the future. 165 00:09:56.960 --> 00:09:59.480 It means you do your planning from a grounded presence 166 00:09:59.480 --> 00:10:02.120 in the now, rather than from an anxious obsession with 167 00:10:02.159 --> 00:10:06.399 what hasn't happened yet. There's a huge difference. One is functional, 168 00:10:07.120 --> 00:10:10.440 the other is neurotic. Let me share one more thing 169 00:10:10.480 --> 00:10:13.759 your overthinking might be revealing. It might be telling you 170 00:10:13.840 --> 00:10:16.279 that your approaching life is a problem to be solved 171 00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:20.600 rather than an experience to be lived. The overthinker treats 172 00:10:20.639 --> 00:10:23.600 life like a puzzle. If I just think hard enough, 173 00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:26.399 if I just figure out the right answers, if I 174 00:10:26.519 --> 00:10:29.639 just understand all the variables, then I can solve this 175 00:10:29.679 --> 00:10:33.519 puzzle called life and finally be at peace. But life 176 00:10:33.559 --> 00:10:37.000 isn't a puzzle with a solution. Life is an experience, 177 00:10:37.240 --> 00:10:40.960 a happening, an unfolding. It's not something to be figured out. 178 00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:44.360 It's something to be lived. And when you approach it 179 00:10:44.399 --> 00:10:47.120 as a problem to be solved, your mind will never 180 00:10:47.200 --> 00:10:50.720 rest because there is no solution. There's only this moment, 181 00:10:51.200 --> 00:10:55.080 and then this moment, and then this moment, each one new, 182 00:10:55.480 --> 00:10:59.440 each one asking not for analysis, but for presents. Your 183 00:10:59.480 --> 00:11:02.679 overthinking is saying you're using the wrong tool for the task. 184 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:06.080 You're trying to think your way through something that can 185 00:11:06.120 --> 00:11:10.200 only be experienced, lived, moved through with your whole being, 186 00:11:10.960 --> 00:11:14.519 not just your mind. The solution is to put down 187 00:11:14.600 --> 00:11:17.159 the tool of thinking when it's not appropriate, and to 188 00:11:17.240 --> 00:11:20.919 engage with life more directly, more fully, with all of yourself, 189 00:11:20.960 --> 00:11:24.480 not just your analyzing mind. Now, I want to be 190 00:11:24.600 --> 00:11:27.679 very clear about something. I'm not saying that thinking is 191 00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:30.559 bad or that you should never think. Thinking is a 192 00:11:30.600 --> 00:11:35.159 wonderful tool when used appropriately. If you're building a house, 193 00:11:35.399 --> 00:11:37.720 you need to think about the design. If you're solving 194 00:11:37.759 --> 00:11:40.559 a mathematical problem, you need to use your rational mind. 195 00:11:41.399 --> 00:11:45.080 Thinking has its place. What I'm saying is that overthinking, 196 00:11:45.480 --> 00:11:50.840 that compulsive, exhausting, circular kind of thinking, is a message. 197 00:11:51.320 --> 00:11:54.039 It's your system's way of telling you that something is 198 00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:57.480 out of balance, that you're using thinking where it doesn't belong, 199 00:11:58.159 --> 00:12:00.919 that you're trying to use your mind to solve problems 200 00:12:00.919 --> 00:12:03.799 that can't be solved by the mind. So what do 201 00:12:03.840 --> 00:12:06.559 you do with this understanding? How do you work with 202 00:12:06.639 --> 00:12:09.519 overthinking once you see it as a message rather than 203 00:12:09.559 --> 00:12:14.559 an enemy. First, when you notice yourself overthinking, stop fighting it, 204 00:12:15.120 --> 00:12:19.000 stop trying to make it go away. Instead, get curious, 205 00:12:19.559 --> 00:12:22.320 Ask yourself, what is this trying to tell me? What 206 00:12:22.399 --> 00:12:25.039 am I trying to control that can't be controlled? What 207 00:12:25.120 --> 00:12:28.120 am I not trusting? Whose life am I trying to live? 208 00:12:28.480 --> 00:12:31.000 What am I avoiding? Where am I trying to live 209 00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:34.759 other than this present moment? Be honest with yourself. The 210 00:12:34.799 --> 00:12:37.639 overthinking will show you where you're out of alignment if 211 00:12:37.679 --> 00:12:41.000 you're willing to look. And then, instead of trying to 212 00:12:41.000 --> 00:12:45.440 fix the overthinking, address what it's pointing to. If it's 213 00:12:45.919 --> 00:12:49.159 showing you that you're trying to control too much, practice 214 00:12:49.240 --> 00:12:52.879 letting go. If it's showing you that you don't trust yourself, 215 00:12:53.320 --> 00:12:56.639 work on building self trust. If it's showing you that 216 00:12:56.720 --> 00:13:00.440 you're avoiding something, have the courage to face it. The 217 00:13:00.519 --> 00:13:04.360 overthinking will naturally quiet down when you address the underlying issue, 218 00:13:04.840 --> 00:13:07.720 not because you've used some technique to silence it, but 219 00:13:07.759 --> 00:13:10.279 because it no longer needs to send you the message. 220 00:13:10.799 --> 00:13:12.919 The alarm goes quiet when you put out the fire. 221 00:13:13.639 --> 00:13:16.919 And here's the beautiful thing. When you start working with 222 00:13:17.000 --> 00:13:19.720 overthinking this way, when you start listening to what it's 223 00:13:19.759 --> 00:13:22.240 trying to tell you, you begin to develop a different 224 00:13:22.240 --> 00:13:25.279 relationship with your mind. You stop seeing it as an 225 00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:28.000 enemy and start seeing it as an ally, as a 226 00:13:28.039 --> 00:13:32.240 feedback mechanism that's actually trying to help you live more authentically, 227 00:13:32.440 --> 00:13:36.039 more presently, more in alignment with your true nature. Your 228 00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:39.600 mind is not against you. It's trying to get your attention. 229 00:13:39.720 --> 00:13:42.559 It's trying to wake you up, and yes, it's doing 230 00:13:42.600 --> 00:13:45.720 it in an exhausting, uncomfortable way, but that's because you 231 00:13:45.759 --> 00:13:49.360 haven't been listening to the gentler signals. Overthinking is what 232 00:13:49.519 --> 00:13:52.679 happens when you ignore the whispers and the mind has 233 00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:58.240 to start shouting. So listen, pay attention. Be grateful that 234 00:13:58.320 --> 00:14:00.879 your mind cares enough about your well being to send 235 00:14:00.879 --> 00:14:04.440 you such loud signals and then do what needs to 236 00:14:04.480 --> 00:14:08.559 be done, address the underlying issue, make the changes that 237 00:14:08.639 --> 00:14:10.799 need to be made, have the courage to live the 238 00:14:10.840 --> 00:14:12.919 life you're actually meant to live, rather than the one 239 00:14:12.960 --> 00:14:16.360 you think you should live. And in doing this you 240 00:14:16.440 --> 00:14:19.879 may discover something wonderful. You may discover that the mind, 241 00:14:20.440 --> 00:14:23.960 when it's not being asked to do impossible things, when 242 00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:28.120 it's not trying to control the uncontrollable or solve the unsolvable, 243 00:14:28.759 --> 00:14:32.559 is actually quite peaceful. Thoughts come and go, but there's 244 00:14:32.559 --> 00:14:35.679 a natural ease to it, a natural flow. The mind 245 00:14:35.720 --> 00:14:39.759 becomes like a clear pool of water, occasionally rippled by 246 00:14:39.799 --> 00:14:45.879 a passing breeze, but fundamentally still fundamentally at rest. This 247 00:14:46.039 --> 00:14:48.679 is what's possible when you stop treating overthinking as the 248 00:14:48.799 --> 00:14:51.799 enemy and start hearing it as the message. It actually 249 00:14:51.879 --> 00:14:55.200 is not a problem to be solved, but a teacher 250 00:14:55.240 --> 00:14:57.360 trying to show you where you've lost your way so 251 00:14:57.440 --> 00:14:58.879 you can find your way back home.