Speaker 1: Welcome again the Horrible Cult Nation with a Shadows Secrets
Speaker 1: U and the True Little Weapon showing us on cold
Speaker 1: conspiracy as we dive deep to the underbelly of the
Speaker 1: unknown and challenge the narrative spinning around us. Buckles up
Speaker 1: because we're gearing up for a wild ride through the madness.
Speaker 2: Madam the unseen world.
Speaker 1: This is not just a podcast, it's all.
Speaker 3: If you, let's lease the chaos.
Speaker 4: Hi, and welcome back to another episode of Deplorable Nation.
Speaker 4: I'm your host, Deplorable Janna, and today we have part
Speaker 4: five of our holistic mental health series and I'm super
Speaker 4: excited and stoked to get into this conversation today because
Speaker 4: ladies and gentlemen, this is going to be a banger.
Speaker 4: It is about triggers and communication strategies. So, without further ado,
Speaker 4: welcome back mister John Linhart.
Speaker 2: How are you wonderful? Tanna? How are you doing fantastic?
Speaker 4: Okay, So you gotta tell me first, because last time
Speaker 4: we spoke, you were going on your on your trip
Speaker 4: and you were going to be a doing a show
Speaker 4: as well while you were gone.
Speaker 3: So how did that go?
Speaker 2: The show got canceled?
Speaker 3: Oh that's awful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So It was a fairly big podcast, all like
Speaker 2: half a million subscribers, and they canceled it it the
Speaker 2: last minute, literally within a week of when we had
Speaker 2: to go. I was gonna have to fly to New
Speaker 2: York City and that was all canceled. So it's really
Speaker 2: it's really thrown me. I was really ready for this.
Speaker 2: I was. I went through all the stages of getting
Speaker 2: ready for it and felt like I was. I knew
Speaker 2: what I was gonna say and was going to just
Speaker 2: have a great time. When he got canceled, I just
Speaker 2: had to say, Okay, either this wasn't gonna go like
Speaker 2: I thought, or maybe it's just too soon to let
Speaker 2: people know about this, and there's a certain timing to all.
Speaker 4: This, So you know what I love. I love that
Speaker 4: you said that, though, because God has such a divine
Speaker 4: purpose right and guys for everything. And there are times
Speaker 4: where I was super excited about doing a show with
Speaker 4: somebody and that it didn't happen, and then I got
Speaker 4: the feeling that God was like, Nope, this is not
Speaker 4: like the right person, this is not the right show,
Speaker 4: this is not you know, whatever it is. I kept
Speaker 4: getting that little nudge like, don't worry about this.
Speaker 3: Because this is not where you're meant to be.
Speaker 4: So I love that that sorry that that happened, but
Speaker 4: at the same time, that might have been a good
Speaker 4: thing because you never know, especially if you were flying
Speaker 4: to go to New York, like, what could have transpired
Speaker 4: during that time. So I'm always thankful for the smallest
Speaker 4: things that he does to provide, you know, our safety
Speaker 4: and our peace of mind at all times. So let
Speaker 4: us jump in to triggers and communication because we were
Speaker 4: taught talking a little bit before the show, and trigger
Speaker 4: is the buzzword of today right in the.
Speaker 3: World that we live in.
Speaker 4: But uh, triggers are so important for relationships, friendships, addiction
Speaker 4: type issues, all of that stuff centered around triggers. So
Speaker 4: let's jump in, my dear right.
Speaker 2: So, the key to understanding triggers is to understand a
Speaker 2: part of the brain called the amygdala. And there's two
Speaker 2: of them, so they're known as the migdala and there
Speaker 2: are two almond shaped structures. And if you're a Star
Speaker 2: Wars fan.
Speaker 3: Darth Vaders, depends how much Star Wars you're right.
Speaker 2: So the in the episodes one, two, three, Darth Vader's
Speaker 2: mom was, uh, I'm sorry, Darth Vader's wife was Princess Amidala,
Speaker 2: so that is really Princess Amgala. So so the Amigdala
Speaker 2: is where we get that fight, flight or freeze. So
Speaker 2: what happens is or flop.
Speaker 3: That's a new one.
Speaker 2: Flop m HM had heard that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like where you're you're absolutely stuck in a
Speaker 4: state of like distress and your your body cannot get
Speaker 4: out of whatever.
Speaker 3: That's where a lot of.
Speaker 4: Like sleep paralysis and things like that come through the
Speaker 4: flop state because your body is so like excitative with
Speaker 4: the chemicals and the orphans and things that are released,
Speaker 4: and it's also trying to release the reverse chemicals to
Speaker 4: stop things, but your body doesn't know what to do
Speaker 4: and it stays in that state of panic.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, that's a very okay, that makes sense. It's
Speaker 2: a very extreme version. When I went into the schools
Speaker 2: and taught this to the teachers, I used to talk
Speaker 2: about freeze and freeze isn't a response. It's actually the
Speaker 2: Amignola telling the person fight and take off, and you
Speaker 2: can't do both, so you freeze. And the reason that's
Speaker 2: important is I tell the teachers when the kid freezes,
Speaker 2: don't relax because one of those is going to win out.
Speaker 2: So you know, they freeze, you turn around, and all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, the flight goes away, and then they
Speaker 2: throw a chair at you, and you're like, what just happened? Well,
Speaker 2: you turn your back when they kid and freeze, or
Speaker 2: you turn your back and the fight goes away and
Speaker 2: they're gone. You turn around to go where did they go? Right,
Speaker 2: and they took off. So just to realize that what's
Speaker 2: happening is when you experience something for the first time,
Speaker 2: your brain basically and it's traumatic. So we're back to trauma.
Speaker 2: If you experienced something for the first time, it's traumatic,
Speaker 2: your brain takes everything that was associated with that moment
Speaker 2: and files it away with this trauma experience and with
Speaker 2: a response, a fight or a flight response.
Speaker 4: So it's like a snapshot that's saved in a rolodex.
Speaker 2: Right for well for later, youse. And that's the issue.
Speaker 2: This is the issue because I think this is a
Speaker 2: lot more important. You know, you're a holistic health person,
Speaker 2: so this is this what we're talking about right now
Speaker 2: is I think really important for why we see so
Speaker 2: much ADHD and so much problems with these kids in
Speaker 2: school that we didn't see twenty thirty forty years ago.
Speaker 2: Because if you think about it, the key is to
Speaker 2: make sure a person's first experience with something is pleasant,
Speaker 2: because if it's not, every time they experience that thing,
Speaker 2: they relive the unpleasant experience. So, if you've ever seen
Speaker 2: a modern family, Bill Dumphy's got the sphere of clowns.
Speaker 2: And when he explains it, he does one of these
Speaker 2: one shots and he says, I don't know why I'm
Speaker 2: afraid of clowns. My mom said, I found a dead
Speaker 2: clown in the forest when I was a little kid,
Speaker 2: but I don't remember that. It's like his first experience
Speaker 2: with a clown, it was dead, traumatize him so much
Speaker 2: he doesn't even consciously remember it. But every time he
Speaker 2: sees the clown, his memory pulls up the first experience
Speaker 2: and he feels it.
Speaker 4: I have that exact same experience, although not with clowns,
Speaker 4: minus with snakes, but I do remember the first experience
Speaker 4: with it when I was growing up. I was probably
Speaker 4: about six years old, and my parents had these friends
Speaker 4: who lived on a lake, and so we went out
Speaker 4: to visit him, and you know, we're playing around in
Speaker 4: the grass and stuff and I was like, oh, I
Speaker 4: have to go to the bathroom, and they're like, we
Speaker 4: have an outhouse over here. Didn't want us because we'd
Speaker 4: been swimming in the lake and stuff. Didn't want us
Speaker 4: to go in the house wet. And so I was
Speaker 4: walking through the grass to get to the outhouse and
Speaker 4: there were literally snakes because it's sunny right and on
Speaker 4: a water bank, and so there were snakes in the
Speaker 4: grass all over. And I get into the outhouse, which
Speaker 4: kind of reminded me of like a camp outhouse. I
Speaker 4: had showers and all of that stuff in it too,
Speaker 4: and there were snakes in the outhouse. I was absolutely mortified, terrified,
Speaker 4: screaming from my parents to come and get me. And
Speaker 4: the response was, you got yourself there, you get yourself back.
Speaker 4: And so to this day, I have a very unhealthy
Speaker 4: fear of snakes. But I'm getting better, by the grace
Speaker 4: of God, because we live out in the country.
Speaker 3: And so.
Speaker 4: The last summer, now it was the summer before. I
Speaker 4: love to sit outside, and I'm sitting outside and enjoying,
Speaker 4: you know, looking at the deer and stuff, and I
Speaker 4: hear this noise and I look down and there is
Speaker 4: a snake. Shoot you under my chair, and you know
Speaker 4: what that brought up with all of those chemical responses,
Speaker 4: and I froze and I'm like, oh my god, and
Speaker 4: my body's like, you're gonna die, absolutely going to die
Speaker 4: because there's snakes here. It got stuck, its head got
Speaker 4: stuck under our garden hose, and it was like flopping
Speaker 4: around because we were running the hose to the pool
Speaker 4: and it was flopping around. And I kept hearing, God, go,
Speaker 4: you need to let that snake go, You need to
Speaker 4: let that snake go.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, nope, no, I don't not getting near it.
Speaker 4: And I kept hearing that repeatedly, over and over and over.
Speaker 4: And I went over and I picked up the hose
Speaker 4: and let that snake go, and of course it shivers
Speaker 4: up and down my spine. But since then, like my
Speaker 4: fear of snakes has lessened greatly, not completely gone yet.
Speaker 3: I'm still a work in progress.
Speaker 4: But that is because my body registered that trauma when
Speaker 4: I was a young kid and filed that away to
Speaker 4: always feel like that is a dangerous thing.
Speaker 2: So the way I describe the amigalai are it's like
Speaker 2: a person sitting in a room with no doors in
Speaker 2: the windows and They have a computer and they get
Speaker 2: fed information from the unconscious and the conscious. So everything
Speaker 2: when you walk around, your unconscious is seeing everything and
Speaker 2: sending information to the amigalai, and it's like the imigali
Speaker 2: is doing a search. So if the amigalai gets sent
Speaker 2: you know it's April, it's warm, there's tall grass, you know,
Speaker 2: there's there's these things going on, it takes all those things,
Speaker 2: feeds it in and it says, have we ever experienced
Speaker 2: anything that I say is an exclamation point? Right? And
Speaker 2: if it's no, it takes four of those five, three
Speaker 2: of those five, two of those five. It charches everything
Speaker 2: because it's looking through your experience if you've ever seen
Speaker 2: something that you need to run or fight about, and
Speaker 2: if nothing comes up, then it's fine. But if something
Speaker 2: comes up in your memory, it doesn't know reality. It
Speaker 2: just knows we've seen this before, and it starts kicking
Speaker 2: in adrenaline that starts doing all these things. One of
Speaker 2: the stories I tell is is this woman who worked
Speaker 2: at a at one of these schools where they're you know,
Speaker 2: like a detention center type of thing. She's a fairly
Speaker 2: tall woman, blonde. She walks into the classroom and she's
Speaker 2: in charge first day and this kid from the back
Speaker 2: road just starts jumping over the tables, try to come
Speaker 2: and grab her strangler and they grab them and everything. Well,
Speaker 2: that kid's mom is a fairly tall, blonde woman who's
Speaker 2: very in control. So his brain went blonde woman, tall,
Speaker 2: in control, she's hurty, I need to hurt her. Doesn't
Speaker 2: know that that's not his mom doesn't matter. It matches
Speaker 2: these things. So when you think about it, it's like
Speaker 2: what we ought to do is the first time anybody
Speaker 2: experiences something, we ought to make it as pleasant as possible.
Speaker 2: So how many parents today are taking the time with
Speaker 2: their zero to four year old and making sure every
Speaker 2: new first experience is positive?
Speaker 3: Right? They don't.
Speaker 2: And that's you know when you and I were babies,
Speaker 2: that's what our parents did for us. You know, they
Speaker 2: walked through and they talk gentle and everything. I see
Speaker 2: this all the time with kids and I'm like, you know,
Speaker 2: this balloon falls down and this kid and it scares them,
Speaker 2: first time you've ever seen a balloon and the parents
Speaker 2: are laughing, and I'm like, kid's going to be afraid
Speaker 2: every time a balloon shows up. It's going to be afraid.
Speaker 2: So that's a lot of what we got going on.
Speaker 2: Because I like to talk about micro triggers. So as
Speaker 2: much as everybody knows about the triggers, you and I
Speaker 2: are talking about when you're having a conversation with somebody
Speaker 2: and during the conversation it's like that went away for
Speaker 2: two sentences and you go, did you not hear me say?
Speaker 2: They didn't hear certain parts of what you said. It's
Speaker 2: because there's certain things that trigger people for ten seconds,
Speaker 2: fifteen seconds, and then they come back they literally don't
Speaker 2: mean that. Because what a trigger does is is your
Speaker 2: Miggalie is sending more information to your brain than it
Speaker 2: can handle, and it's sending that's electrically and it's sending
Speaker 2: chemicals that slowed down your brain. So this guy is
Speaker 2: trying to google a lot of stuff and you know,
Speaker 2: he's sending a lot of information to brain. He's googling
Speaker 2: sending it. So what's happening is is the brain's trying
Speaker 2: to process a lot, but it's slowed down and the
Speaker 2: Amiga I take it over. And that's what's really going on.
Speaker 2: A trigger is the person doesn't have access to their
Speaker 2: conscious brain and now they're running unconscious and if it's
Speaker 2: a fight or flight, you can't reach him. If you talked,
Speaker 2: you actually make the trigger worse.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And that is so.
Speaker 4: Like common in today's society because you know when when
Speaker 4: you have these traumatic experiences and they get filed away,
Speaker 4: you know, in that in that little rolodex, little things
Speaker 4: like I have a good friend that was in a
Speaker 4: car accident and so out of the blue sometimes from nowhere,
Speaker 4: like uh, standing at a crosswalk will freak her out,
Speaker 4: being in a parking lot will freak her out.
Speaker 3: And that is so.
Speaker 4: Typical of today's society and the people especially that suffer
Speaker 4: from anxiety, because anxiety always has a trigger too, and
Speaker 4: it's a trigger response from something that we have stored
Speaker 4: away in the past that has happened to us that
Speaker 4: we either consciously suppress or unconsciously or subconsciously don't remember.
Speaker 4: But it will cause these emotions to come up and
Speaker 4: like people feeling like they're going to have a heart
Speaker 4: attack or something, and that's because of that fighter flight
Speaker 4: response where they get stuck.
Speaker 2: So before we get to the more subtle version, you know,
Speaker 2: like you're talking about diction and stuff. Me, let me
Speaker 2: just kind of finish this trigger thing off because the
Speaker 2: thing is is it's also things associated. So she's not
Speaker 2: having a car crash, but she associates the crosswalk right
Speaker 2: with the car crash. In this book, the boyo has
Speaker 2: raised the dog and it's up here over here on
Speaker 2: my book, on my bookcase. Here he talks about this
Speaker 2: kid triggering when they brought her a glass of milk. Well,
Speaker 2: her mom got her throat slashed by her her husband,
Speaker 2: the kid's father, and when the kid found her mom,
Speaker 2: she was trying to drink milk and it was coming
Speaker 2: out her throat. So milk is going to cause it.
Speaker 2: So when you're so this called trauma informed care, you're
Speaker 2: you're real familiar with this. But the idea is, this
Speaker 2: is when you deal with someone, do you know the
Speaker 2: trauma triggers this person uniquely.
Speaker 4: Has right And everybody's very different.
Speaker 2: Everybody's completely different, and they can be things like milk
Speaker 2: or a.
Speaker 3: Crosswalk, sites sounds.
Speaker 4: Smells, yes, a lot of people have smell triggers, and
Speaker 4: it is like unusual stuff, but it can be something
Speaker 4: as simple as there was a candle burning, you know,
Speaker 4: when when somebody broke into your house or something like that.
Speaker 4: And so that's why to me, Like the modern day
Speaker 4: therapy system that we have set up, it's not equipped
Speaker 4: to deal with patients on that level because they're not
Speaker 4: looking for these small triggers. They're not looking for the sites,
Speaker 4: the sounds, the smells, you know, and anything visually that
Speaker 4: was going on around the scene. It could have been
Speaker 4: you know, literally a person that they register as being
Speaker 4: part of this bad experience or this trauma experience, like
Speaker 4: a visual person that they saw. And so any time
Speaker 4: they see a person that's relatably close to that memory,
Speaker 4: that triggers that response.
Speaker 2: Right. So the danger with a trigger like this is
Speaker 2: that you temporarily lose control. You don't have control of
Speaker 2: your conscious brain. Right. The example, the best things example
Speaker 2: that I have to explain this is have you ever
Speaker 2: seen a Christmas Story with Ralphie? Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love Ralphie's.
Speaker 2: Watching Alfie's great. When Ralphie's walking home from school, he
Speaker 2: gets hit by a snowball and we're going to talk
Speaker 2: about communication. The bully taunts him with communication triggers him
Speaker 2: and he describes it a fuse blue and I went
Speaker 2: out of my skull right ninety seconds he's out. It's
Speaker 2: a trigger? Is this I say zero to one hundred,
Speaker 2: you're normal. Then all of a sudden, you're one hundred
Speaker 2: percent upset. You don't get any more or any less upset.
Speaker 2: Ralphie's hitting him, and he never hit some harder or
Speaker 2: less hard. And about sixty seconds, if you watch that
Speaker 2: whole scene, at sixty seconds, he says, I suddenly became
Speaker 2: conscious of a steady torrent of swear words coming out
Speaker 2: of my mouth. So what's happening is is the brain
Speaker 2: is flooded with all this adrenaline. You are out of
Speaker 2: your skull. You're watching yourself do it because you're not
Speaker 2: in control. Around sixty seconds, you start absorbing the adrenaline
Speaker 2: and you start becoming conscious, and he starts becoming conscious,
Speaker 2: but he's still going. And then when his mom pulls
Speaker 2: him off, just say Ralphie, Ralphie the second time, and
Speaker 2: now he becomes conscious and then he cries, which is
Speaker 2: proof he's in his conscious brain. So that whole thing
Speaker 2: is accurate. It's about sixty seconds until he starts becoming conscious,
Speaker 2: and it's about ninety seconds when he's back. So what
Speaker 2: I say to teachers, and I would say this that
Speaker 2: anybody you know at home and everything when somebody's triggering,
Speaker 2: what the teachers will do is they'll start a stop watch.
Speaker 2: They'll make sure that the person triggering can't hurt themselves
Speaker 2: or other kids and other people, and they'll make sure
Speaker 2: everybody else gets away. And I actually have the teachers
Speaker 2: rehearse this where the kids learn, don't talk to them person,
Speaker 2: move away in the room, and don't interact if somebody
Speaker 2: says something to the kid, start to watch over because
Speaker 2: it's going to be ninety seconds from each triggering moment.
Speaker 2: So what happens is you can't stay triggered for more
Speaker 2: than ninety seconds unless you get this outside. So some
Speaker 2: of these people try to get you to say something
Speaker 2: because they're high on the adrenaline. They want to stay triggered,
Speaker 2: and you just everybody just waits ninety seconds and then
Speaker 2: you can start talking. But if you interact with them
Speaker 2: before that ninety seconds, you might as well start it
Speaker 2: over again. So because everybody's like, when you start to trigger,
Speaker 2: think of this thing that you're not thinking, right. So
Speaker 2: that's so you can't when I say to people, when
Speaker 2: you see someone triggering, it's a loss. Just count it
Speaker 2: as a loss. Anything you try to do is going
Speaker 2: to make it a worse loss, right, Keep everybody's safe.
Speaker 2: Take the loss. You fit triggers when you're feeling well,
Speaker 2: you do not.
Speaker 3: Extrigger fix them when you're in it, and that you.
Speaker 2: Love psychology advice out there saying try to stop it
Speaker 2: in the moment, try to fix it in the moment.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you should never do that because think about like
Speaker 4: domestic abuse incidents. Right, So, say the woman has been abused,
Speaker 4: assaulted whatever before in her past, so she has those
Speaker 4: triggers you know that are that are filed away, and
Speaker 4: her spouse significant others says something that triggers her.
Speaker 3: She's in that.
Speaker 4: You know, emotional state, like all these things are flying around,
Speaker 4: chemicals and things like that.
Speaker 3: And then he's like.
Speaker 4: Why don't you want to talk to me? How come
Speaker 4: you're not talking to me? Every time you you just
Speaker 4: shut down, you don't speak, And and so he is
Speaker 4: making it worse because he's attacking her, and maybe she's
Speaker 4: not ever been vulnerable enough to share like why certain
Speaker 4: situations or certain things that are said, or certain actions
Speaker 4: that he does sets off that emotional response or that
Speaker 4: emotional trigger for her. So instead of having that communication
Speaker 4: you know where they where they know what's going on.
Speaker 4: He's thinking that she's like just not wanting to discuss things,
Speaker 4: and that's all you do is shut down. And so
Speaker 4: he's making it worse because he's compounding the assault that
Speaker 4: she has stored in her brain. So he is also
Speaker 4: assaulting her at the same time, which exponentially makes things
Speaker 4: worse because when she snaps out of it, he probably
Speaker 4: better run.
Speaker 2: Right. Well, if she doesn't snap out of it, the
Speaker 2: thing is is that she could trigger.
Speaker 3: And hurt him right absolutely, then.
Speaker 2: Get his get her brain back, and then go what
Speaker 2: happened to him?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: And someone says you you you know, threw a knife
Speaker 2: at him? She could say, I don't remember that. I
Speaker 2: got in trouble with a with a couple of female
Speaker 2: teachers who help abused women. When I taught this, I said,
Speaker 2: there are guys that trigger do something and then they
Speaker 2: don't know they didn't know. Every guy knows he did it.
Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, that's not true because.
Speaker 4: Right, because like we talked about on the last show,
Speaker 4: you know that the brain is like a chain link fence,
Speaker 4: and when a piece of that fence is cut or
Speaker 4: broken or damaged, the synapses don't fire, and so it
Speaker 4: doesn't go down the word line like it's supposed to.
Speaker 4: And so when you're having one of these episodes, you know,
Speaker 4: your brain is not processing any of the five senses,
Speaker 4: so it has no idea what is going on because
Speaker 4: it's so flooded with chemical reactions and responses that your
Speaker 4: synapses can't handle all of those reactions and responses, and
Speaker 4: so they don't remember. And that's why people that have
Speaker 4: experienced a lot of trauma damage emotionally in their life,
Speaker 4: they have like disassociative episodes. They lose track of space
Speaker 4: and time. There's whole chunks of things missing, and it
Speaker 4: is just because of what you just talked about where
Speaker 4: they black out, They block out that area and they
Speaker 4: don't remember anything that has gone on in.
Speaker 2: That like the physiologically can't. So the story you told
Speaker 2: I actually helped the couple. They were both on their
Speaker 2: second marriage, and just like you said, the woman triggered
Speaker 2: over something that guy did, and after the fact we
Speaker 2: kind of went through it. And what happened is is
Speaker 2: he asked a question, she didn't answer, he asked it again,
Speaker 2: and she triggered because her first husband used to found her.
Speaker 4: Hmm, that sounds familiar, but mine did the same thing,
Speaker 4: and he would follow me around the house.
Speaker 2: So now you feel unsafe. Same thing for her, same
Speaker 2: thing for her. Yep, And so what we agreed on,
Speaker 2: So now he understood again he was getting charged with
Speaker 2: a crime he didn't commit. First of all, it was
Speaker 2: her first husband, but two times in a row. So
Speaker 2: what happened is is he learned. She said, if you
Speaker 2: could ask the question differently the second time, and that's
Speaker 2: what he did. He'd ask a question and he said,
Speaker 2: if you you know, can you answer it, then make
Speaker 2: sure you answer it the second time. So I'll keep
Speaker 2: doing this. So I call it the double adjustment. I
Speaker 2: do that a lot for couples. Is the answer is
Speaker 2: to go back over the situation, walk through it with communication,
Speaker 2: like we're gonna talk about and then what's the double adjustment?
Speaker 2: Both make an adjustment. So he would ask something she
Speaker 2: would wouldn't answer. He changed it. She recognized that he
Speaker 2: had changed it, meaning, oh, you you did that for me.
Speaker 2: You do love me, and I know I'm going to
Speaker 2: answer it. And when she did that, he felt love.
Speaker 2: So it's funny you make that double adjustment people. Well,
Speaker 2: I don't know if I want to do that, that
Speaker 2: something's awkward, but in reality, when they both make that adjustment,
Speaker 2: they both feel the commitment for the other reason and
Speaker 2: actually they're their marriage gets better because of the adjustment
Speaker 2: you repair. But yeah, I say, the sort the story
Speaker 2: you just said, exactly the same thing she was rapping about,
Speaker 2: but not because of him, but because of her first husband.
Speaker 4: And that look, that happens literally all the time in
Speaker 4: the in the therapy world, right, and when you're trying
Speaker 4: to talk to patients. And it's not just like verbal
Speaker 4: things that we say, it's our actions. It's it's how
Speaker 4: we respond to stuff that reminds people of a previous
Speaker 4: spouse or relationship, family member, whatever, whatever. This is exactly
Speaker 4: what my mom used to say. This is exactly what
Speaker 4: you know my boyfriend used to say, or how he
Speaker 4: used to act or whatever. Same responses different people. But
Speaker 4: like we've talked about before, your subconscious doesn't recognize, right,
Speaker 4: it does difference between this person and standing in front
Speaker 4: of me now is not the same person that I
Speaker 4: had this incident within the past.
Speaker 3: And that's why.
Speaker 4: That's why I always say, people bring baggage to a
Speaker 4: new relationship right until they unpack that and unload that
Speaker 4: and and leave that in the past, or get rid
Speaker 4: of it, throw it away, whatever you need to do,
Speaker 4: because people will carry those things with them and those
Speaker 4: traumas and those responses, those emotional things because we hold
Speaker 4: those at a cellular level, and so holding too much,
Speaker 4: first of all, will make us very unhealthy mentally and physically.
Speaker 3: And it's it's like.
Speaker 4: I like to compare it to like plumbing, like pipe
Speaker 4: the black gunk that gets in your pipes. That's the
Speaker 4: way our body gets our brain and our cellular tissues
Speaker 4: get mucked down and gunked up with that black stuff
Speaker 4: because it's all the things that we were carrying along
Speaker 4: with us, and nobody has cleaned those pipes out to
Speaker 4: give us like that smooth flow of the information that
Speaker 4: we need.
Speaker 2: Right, So the issue is, like you said, it's it's unconscious,
Speaker 2: and all of psychology is really trying to solve everything consciously.
Speaker 2: So they would say, don't feel bad or don't do this.
Speaker 2: The problem is is you can't fix an uncomp can't
Speaker 2: think yeah consciously, you can't just stop that. So let's
Speaker 2: go back to your snake situation. So rather than hey,
Speaker 2: don't feel bad about the snake, or stop stop doing this.
Speaker 2: How did you lessen the emotion?
Speaker 4: It was literally not until I felt like God was
Speaker 4: pushing me to go and like interact with that snake, right,
Speaker 4: to let it go, to have grace and mercy for
Speaker 4: the snake.
Speaker 2: Right. Think about that. What you're showing you're unconscious is
Speaker 2: is I'm not afraid of this thing. I actually am
Speaker 2: being to it.
Speaker 4: Well, And I will tell you because it was a
Speaker 4: non venomous snake that was stuck, and that since we
Speaker 4: live in the country, we have literally all kinds of snakes.
Speaker 4: And so the very next week, I kid you not,
Speaker 4: there was a baby rattlesnake in our driveway. And instead
Speaker 4: of yes, we have rattlesnakes down here, several different kinds
Speaker 4: of rattlesnakes. So instead of like doing my normal like freak.
Speaker 3: Out, I'm going in the house. Heck, no, I don't
Speaker 3: want to deal with the snake. Nope.
Speaker 4: I actually went over in the driveway close enough.
Speaker 3: The way I could see it.
Speaker 4: I wasn't I'm not that stupid, because baby rattlesnakes are dangerous.
Speaker 4: But I was literally with my phone like trying to
Speaker 4: like take a video of it. And I'm like it's
Speaker 4: actually really kind of cool, like whatever, now, what had
Speaker 4: that have ever happened previously? No, And I'm old and
Speaker 4: it's taken me my entire life to move past that
Speaker 4: what a lot of people would call irrational fear, But
Speaker 4: for me, I didn't register that as irrational, you know,
Speaker 4: because the emotion attached to that for me was fear
Speaker 4: of my safety, fear for my well being, and then
Speaker 4: lack of love and empathy from my parents when they're like, oh,
Speaker 4: you just go, you got yourself there, You just get
Speaker 4: yourself on back, you know what I mean. And so
Speaker 4: all of those things I had to work through and
Speaker 4: process to be like, you know what, I'm safe, and
Speaker 4: so rebranding that into I'm safe. I don't fear for
Speaker 4: my life. I'm not in the same situation with the
Speaker 4: people of my past. This situation is different, you know,
Speaker 4: and and all of the things. So I had to
Speaker 4: reroute basically the emotions that were attached to that snapshot from.
Speaker 3: The past and.
Speaker 4: Redo those with a with a positive thing to be
Speaker 4: able to reshape that.
Speaker 2: And that all begin with actions, though it didn't begin consciously,
Speaker 2: and then after the fact you could do that. So
Speaker 2: this is a great transition. I think because you basically said,
Speaker 2: people call this an irrational fear and I don't believe
Speaker 2: it is. Well, here's the reality. Is the reason why
Speaker 2: they're calling it an irrational fear.
Speaker 3: Because they're not failing it.
Speaker 2: Well, because if it's a rational fear, you could rationally
Speaker 2: go I'm going to stop being afraid, but I can't. Okay,
Speaker 2: So isn't that like addiction? Right?
Speaker 3: Absolutely, one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: That's the issue with addiction. It's like we look at
Speaker 2: addiction and go, well, just stop it. You do you
Speaker 2: want to be an addict? No, I don't, Well, then
Speaker 2: just stop it, right, But they can't.
Speaker 3: Right, But they can't.
Speaker 4: And and even you know, it doesn't matter what kind
Speaker 4: of addiction. It could be something as simple as you know,
Speaker 4: cigarettes or whatever. There's some kind of emotion that's attached
Speaker 4: to that that's causing that subconscious control of of their behaviors,
Speaker 4: their thoughts, the whole. And so even though like people
Speaker 4: from the outside can't see that this is this is
Speaker 4: a a not an irrational thing for me, you know,
Speaker 4: it was a terrifying, horrifying experience. Other people can't see
Speaker 4: that because they can't they can't understand what emotion is
Speaker 4: attached to that situation.
Speaker 2: Specifically, But everybody has that situation. They don't have it
Speaker 2: with snakes, but they's you know, driving a motorcycle or something, right,
Speaker 2: And it's like, so that's where I try to help
Speaker 2: people connect it. And so addiction isn't a conscious choice
Speaker 2: to be addicted to this thing, right, And that's where everybody,
Speaker 2: if we really understand how our brains work, addiction is
Speaker 2: a habit, right, and the habit is formed in response
Speaker 2: to something. So the cause is this thing. We're forming
Speaker 2: this habit response to you, because you could form any
Speaker 2: sort of habit drinking, drugs, sex, whatever in response to this.
Speaker 2: So everybody wants to look at the oh you have
Speaker 2: this bad habit, you're you're a dirty person, You're a
Speaker 2: horrible person. That's just the variety of the flavor. The
Speaker 2: issue is what are you coping with? What are you
Speaker 2: dealing with? Right?
Speaker 3: Or what are you what are you not dealing with?
Speaker 2: Are you not dealing.
Speaker 4: And that's and that's the thing because it's always something
Speaker 4: like we talked about before the show, that that is
Speaker 4: buried and a lot of people suppress a lot of that,
Speaker 4: like what is it okay? It's a family issue. But
Speaker 4: let's go deeper in the family issue, Like, you know,
Speaker 4: how did they make you feel? How was your life
Speaker 4: growing up? Like was their affection in the home? Did
Speaker 4: they say things like why can't you be like your
Speaker 4: brother and sister?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 4: What was it about family that caused that deep rooted issue,
Speaker 4: especially if it's like a sibling rivalry type thing, favoritism
Speaker 4: by the parents.
Speaker 3: They have.
Speaker 4: Attachment issues, right, and so somebody with an addictive type personality,
Speaker 4: what did they do? They then attached to alcohol because
Speaker 4: they haven't mended that need for affection from the past.
Speaker 2: Right. So we talked about this in a previous episode
Speaker 2: that it's not nurture, it's not nature, right, it's nurture
Speaker 2: by nature. So everything you just said is important to
Speaker 2: ask and to know the person's uniqueness, right, uniqueness that
Speaker 2: when you start sibling rivalry, they become the number one
Speaker 2: person in the world, right, you know, fetness Trina Williams. Right,
Speaker 2: And then there's a certain type of uniqueness where you
Speaker 2: do the civil verything and they shrink. So when all
Speaker 2: those questions you ask are important and knowing the person's uniqueness,
Speaker 2: because then when you put that together you go, Okay,
Speaker 2: here's what they're coping with, right, and now we get
Speaker 2: a better understanding of the real issue. The part of
Speaker 2: it that I think is interesting is when people say, well,
Speaker 2: there's alcoholism in my family, Like it's a disease, which
Speaker 2: means you could take a pill for it.
Speaker 4: It's a learned it's a learned behavior and a learned
Speaker 4: emotional response or aka emotional trigger because they see that
Speaker 4: family member drinking. That's their way of coping with stress
Speaker 4: or you know, like hard job or whatever. So I'm
Speaker 4: going to develop that same behavior and take that in
Speaker 4: as something for me, and a lot of people use
Speaker 4: that as a safety or protection mechanism.
Speaker 2: Right, Right, So some people's uniqueness goes, well, I'm never
Speaker 2: gonna drink because my dad drinks, So there is that
Speaker 2: response to me on but what you're saying is exactly.
Speaker 2: I think that's one of the most important things to
Speaker 2: realize is when people talk about a generational curse, right,
Speaker 2: and they get real spiritual. Then they ask me about it,
Speaker 2: I go thought process. Everybody does everything through a thought process.
Speaker 2: We learn how to think from our parents, whether we
Speaker 2: like it or not, correct and so that's what we
Speaker 2: pass on down to our kids. Is when you're really
Speaker 2: young and you're watching your parents and you watch how
Speaker 2: they cope with things, that's put in your unconsciousness like, well,
Speaker 2: this is my answer if things. If I get stressed,
Speaker 2: I can always pull myself a drink. When I get older,
Speaker 2: I can always do that. So we're passing on this
Speaker 2: thought process and that becomes could be a blessing or
Speaker 2: could be a curse that's going on.
Speaker 4: You want to know because you know, I don't mind
Speaker 4: sharing about stuff, and so I drop little nuggets here
Speaker 4: and there. But when I was growing up, Uh, my
Speaker 4: parents did not like each other at all, and so
Speaker 4: my dad was very like controlling, militaristic type whatever. My
Speaker 4: mom's coping mechanism when my dad would say something would
Speaker 4: be to stand behind him and flip him off or
Speaker 4: say the F word. And that shaped like I'm going
Speaker 4: through all this bullying stuff. I'm trying to grow up.
Speaker 4: And then I turned into basically a buttle because that's
Speaker 4: what I'm learning at home is flipping off your parent
Speaker 4: behind their back and whatever. And so all of those
Speaker 4: things were shaping my behavior when I was growing up,
Speaker 4: and like couldn't understand you know what actual love was
Speaker 4: because I'm seeing like the kind of love my parents have,
Speaker 4: the kind of love that they had for us as kids,
Speaker 4: and so my brain can't equate all of these things.
Speaker 3: It took me a long long time to be like,
Speaker 3: you know what, like, I don't want my daughter growing
Speaker 3: up like this.
Speaker 4: I want things to be different. I'm gonna break this.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna show her different, I'm gonna teach her different.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be different because this is not the way
Speaker 4: to respond to people. This is not whatever. And so
Speaker 4: each situation that you and counter, especially if you've encountered
Speaker 4: it the same thing or the same type of situation before,
Speaker 4: it's all about how you train your brain to reprocess
Speaker 4: that to respond in a different manner, because why beat
Speaker 4: your head against the wall every single time? Why not
Speaker 4: try something different that doesn't involve that. And that's the
Speaker 4: only way that we can grow as a person and
Speaker 4: also spiritually, is when we realize.
Speaker 3: What's going on and change that.
Speaker 2: Well, if you're self aware, I think if you were sure.
Speaker 3: It took me a long time to be self aware.
Speaker 2: I used to say this ends with me, This ends.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to put my kids through what I
Speaker 2: got put through. My parents got through. You know this
Speaker 2: ends with me, and it sounds like you did the
Speaker 2: same thing. Now, notice that was an addiction or a habit,
Speaker 2: but you learned from your mom. Is a addiction or
Speaker 2: a habit. So one of the things I help people
Speaker 2: get over their addictions because I understand how the brain works.
Speaker 2: I understand how we form habits. Our brain is made
Speaker 2: to be addicted to things. That is the way the
Speaker 2: way our brain is made. You tie your shoes, you
Speaker 2: tie your shoes. You tie your shoes. You don't have
Speaker 2: to think about tying your shoes. Your brain is made
Speaker 2: to be addicted to Here's how I tie my shoes.
Speaker 2: Somebody tries to teach you a different way to tie your shoes,
Speaker 2: you want to die.
Speaker 4: It's muscle memory, right, We build up muscle memory and
Speaker 4: then we're like, I really don't know any other way
Speaker 4: to tie my shoes.
Speaker 2: So, if you think about it, one of the things
Speaker 2: I say to people, even if you don't think you
Speaker 2: have any addictions, everybody, because we're talking about uniqueness, everybody
Speaker 2: has a unique way that they build a habit. Everybody
Speaker 2: has a unique way that they get rid of a habit.
Speaker 2: And you can't do it, don't. So all all addiction
Speaker 2: breaking is habit replacement, right, can't just stop smoking? You
Speaker 2: have to form a new habit. Do you know how
Speaker 2: you form new habits? And so even at you know,
Speaker 2: I'm I'm sixty two, I'm still trying, Like every year,
Speaker 2: I'm trying to form a new habit in some area
Speaker 2: of my life. I stink it's a benefit, but it
Speaker 2: might not seem like a benefit to other people. You know,
Speaker 2: like I'm not really getting rid of like smoking anything,
Speaker 2: but I'm trying to constantly practice and keep my brain,
Speaker 2: you know, more plastic on how I learn how to
Speaker 2: change my habits because if I run into something that
Speaker 2: is really important to get rid of, I want to
Speaker 2: know this is how I change out my habit. So
Speaker 2: I try to help people learn their unique process for
Speaker 2: how they exchange out a habit. And that again gets
Speaker 2: back to their experience. You know, their nurture and then
Speaker 2: who they are nature wise, and that's key, and that
Speaker 2: gets the communication. Because your brain is made of words.
Speaker 2: It's your brain's then, right, and those are all words.
Speaker 2: So how you communicate actually is going to hinder a
Speaker 2: person's ability to break an addiction or help them depending
Speaker 2: on how.
Speaker 4: And addiction you know, or or habit formation is very
Speaker 4: prevalent in our society today because not just with drugs
Speaker 4: and alcohol, but think about social media, right, and and
Speaker 4: the amount of people that are literally addicted to their phone,
Speaker 4: and they're addicted to likes and shares, which goes back
Speaker 4: to what affirmation of you? Right, And so that goes
Speaker 4: back to your own ego and your own self and
Speaker 4: you were not getting all of these things throughout your
Speaker 4: life in relationships, so you're looking for that to be
Speaker 4: filled on social media, right, You're looking for oh my gosh,
Speaker 4: well one hundred and seventeen people just liked what I said,
Speaker 4: So you know, you get that feeling of instant gratification.
Speaker 4: You're getting those endorphins because you're getting some kind of
Speaker 4: validation for your ego. And so that is a very
Speaker 4: addictive behavior. And if you talk to people about like
Speaker 4: your addictive behavior, these are the things that are going
Speaker 4: on in your life because of this addiction. But why
Speaker 4: are you so addicted? What is what are you trying
Speaker 4: to fill with that particular addiction.
Speaker 2: Right, But you just went all the way to the
Speaker 2: end of it is self esteem. You you just literally
Speaker 2: went to the end of it, like underneath, like I
Speaker 2: do this bad habit, it's because I'm trying to cope
Speaker 2: with this situation because I was raised this way, because
Speaker 2: this is my self esteem level. That's you just went
Speaker 2: right to the end of it. So I like say,
Speaker 2: self esteem is confidence in your uniqueness. So people who
Speaker 2: don't know who they are, they just want confidence. So
Speaker 2: it's confidence in uniqueness. But if I don't know who
Speaker 2: I am, I just want confidence. And that's the likes.
Speaker 2: So if somebody feels good about people they don't even know,
Speaker 2: saying you're amazing, I call that low self esteem. No
Speaker 2: self esteem is I get pleasure at other people's pain.
Speaker 2: I only feel good when I'm hurting other people, and
Speaker 2: that's that's narcissists and everything. But there's so many low
Speaker 2: self esteem people out there, and.
Speaker 3: One hundred percent, so.
Speaker 2: Many of these influencers that people look up to are.
Speaker 4: I was going to say, the most depressed lost people
Speaker 4: that you could ever want to meet. And why is
Speaker 4: that is because they have that void and they're searching
Speaker 4: for anything and everything they can to fill, you know,
Speaker 4: because they don't know who they are. And that's the
Speaker 4: whole thing. Like people ask all the time, like how
Speaker 4: do you find your purpose? Like how do you find who?
Speaker 4: Who you're supposed to be, what you're supposed to be doing,
Speaker 4: what you know God wants you to do or whatever,
Speaker 4: and all like what you just said about the self
Speaker 4: esteem levels. Of course that goes all the way back
Speaker 4: to episode one, right, But all of these things that
Speaker 4: we do, you are are subconsciously us trying to figure
Speaker 4: out who we are.
Speaker 2: What and what and solving it. How though you said
Speaker 2: it all these things.
Speaker 4: External, right, and it is everything is external, and the
Speaker 4: thing that we to me as very important and it
Speaker 4: was very important for me when I'm finally like an
Speaker 4: adult now and figuring out like who I am and
Speaker 4: what I'm supposed to be doing and the kind of
Speaker 4: person that I am and I think when talking about
Speaker 4: because you know, like in the first first episode we did,
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm a compassion server.
Speaker 3: That's like my thing.
Speaker 4: And I think the reason why I'm a compassion server
Speaker 4: is because of all of the trials and tribulations and
Speaker 4: junk that I went through growing up that shaped me.
Speaker 4: And basically that's how I found like my purpose in
Speaker 4: my path. Now, if I wouldn't have gone through any
Speaker 4: of those things, I would not be a compassion server.
Speaker 3: They perform.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So the thing is is that what's happening is
Speaker 2: is that we are trying to feel we're deceived. Really,
Speaker 2: these are more self esteem people are deceived because the
Speaker 2: answer is getting confidence in who I am. They look
Speaker 2: at everything, just like you said, everything external to fill
Speaker 2: an internal answer, and it's never gonna work. And then
Speaker 2: the more likes to get, the more they think they're
Speaker 2: gonna get closer to it.
Speaker 4: And then and then the bores their personality gets, and
Speaker 4: the more that they change emotionally and mentally because they're
Speaker 4: constantly it's like a high that they're chasing, right, And
Speaker 4: you can only have, you know, two Dorito's when you
Speaker 4: start out, and then by the end of the day
Speaker 4: you have to have the whole bag of Dorito's. Then
Speaker 4: next week you have to have two bags of Dorito's.
Speaker 4: You know, it's like that constant need to up because
Speaker 4: your body craves that exter the extra endorphins that you
Speaker 4: get from that momentary high.
Speaker 3: Because people liked your post.
Speaker 2: There's nothing that's going to drive people more than achieving fulfillment,
Speaker 2: which is high self esteem. There's nothing more. So when
Speaker 2: they're trying to do that and they feel like they're
Speaker 2: getting closer, but they know they don't have it, they
Speaker 2: try twice as hard, five times hard, everything you're saying,
Speaker 2: and then they just they just crash. So that's the
Speaker 2: thing is these people who are influencers so deceived in
Speaker 2: the thinking it's all about likes and it's that. So
Speaker 2: mid self esteem is when you feel better when somebody
Speaker 2: you look up to affirms you. So with somebody. So
Speaker 2: this is where a lot of the goal is with
Speaker 2: the kids, is the parents with their kids is I
Speaker 2: you know, low self esteem is is other kids say
Speaker 2: do this and I do it, and the parents go,
Speaker 2: if they said jump off a bridge, and you jump
Speaker 2: off a bridge, why are you? Why do you want
Speaker 2: the affirmation of a bunch of knuckleheads. That's what the
Speaker 2: parents are trying to say. That's low self esteem. Mid
Speaker 2: self esteem is the parents saying, why don't you want
Speaker 2: the affirmation of your coach or your teacher, or your
Speaker 2: pastor or your parents. Why don't you want their affirmation?
Speaker 2: So that seems to be the goal, But the problem
Speaker 2: with mid self esteem is as soon as you get
Speaker 2: that affirmation, you don't need anymore. I tell the story
Speaker 2: of going into the school and this teacher tells me
Speaker 2: how thirty years ago he was interning or teaching at
Speaker 2: some college and this real genius mathematician sat at the
Speaker 2: lunch table and gave the guy compliment. And I will
Speaker 2: tell you he's still telling that story because he doesn't
Speaker 2: need any more compliments, and he doesn't need to grow
Speaker 2: anymore because thirty years ago he got this great compliment.
Speaker 2: Glory days. Thirty years ago, my high school team won
Speaker 2: the championship, and I don't need to grow anymore. So
Speaker 2: mid self esteem stops. High self esteem is when you're
Speaker 2: so confident in who you are that you don't feel
Speaker 2: better about yourself. When someone affirms you, you feel better
Speaker 2: about them. So if you think in your life, there's
Speaker 2: an area of your life, everybody has an area of
Speaker 2: their life where they know they're so good at something
Speaker 2: that when people compliment them and they go, I know that,
Speaker 2: but I'm impressed you realize that about me, But I
Speaker 2: already know that. The goal what I try to do
Speaker 2: is help people get to that level in the majority
Speaker 2: of their life. That first step is knowing your uniqueness.
Speaker 2: When you know your uniqueness, you get right to mid
Speaker 2: self esteem because now you're trying to grow in confidence
Speaker 2: in that uniqueness versus if you don't know your uniqueness,
Speaker 2: then you're running around looking for confidence or likes.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: That's why I think that's so important, And I think
Speaker 2: if you look back over your life, it's really a
Speaker 2: growth in self esteem. As you got more confident in
Speaker 2: who you were, you realize when people said stuff about you,
Speaker 2: you win. This is more about them than it does
Speaker 2: about me. And that's the moment when I start seeing
Speaker 2: when I'm helping people their self esteem change is when
Speaker 2: people say stuff about them and they go, wait, that
Speaker 2: I don't care what they say about me, it's telling
Speaker 2: me about them. That's when I know they're starting to flip.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: It's funny. That's one of the things that.
Speaker 4: People say, like on a regular basis, and it'll come
Speaker 4: up in conversation, just casual conversation, when they're like, it's
Speaker 4: kind of like a back ended compliment. I guess when
Speaker 4: they're like, you just really don't care what people think.
Speaker 3: About you, do you?
Speaker 2: What do you say to that?
Speaker 4: No, I don't because I'm so comfortable with who I am,
Speaker 4: right that people's outside opinion of me does not matter.
Speaker 4: It's not a reflection on me, it's a reflection on them.
Speaker 4: So if somebody, you know, like feels the need to
Speaker 4: pick at me or say something bad about me to
Speaker 4: make themselves feel better, that's a dumb problem.
Speaker 2: That's what you pieced it together, though most people wouldn't say.
Speaker 2: What you said is if people are picking on me
Speaker 2: and you go on, you say in order to make
Speaker 2: themselves feel better. So you understand that, Oh yeah, when
Speaker 2: did you reach the point where you realize it doesn't
Speaker 2: bother me what people say about me?
Speaker 3: You know what?
Speaker 4: I was probably in my forties by that time.
Speaker 3: And it's an.
Speaker 4: Amazing like transformation because people are always like, oh, I
Speaker 4: can't wait until I get to that point where I
Speaker 4: don't care what people think.
Speaker 3: That's a whole mindset thing.
Speaker 2: Not. Yeah, it's literally a transformation, it is.
Speaker 4: And it's it's when you get to that point where
Speaker 4: you don't care, you know, because people are just rude, right,
Speaker 4: and so it's like they pick you apart for your looks,
Speaker 4: your clothes, your whatever whatever whatever, And I'm like, I'm
Speaker 4: totally fine with that.
Speaker 3: I'm a thrift store shopper. I love it.
Speaker 4: You know, I'm the person that I am because I
Speaker 4: love it, and what they say is not going to
Speaker 4: change the way that that I am or who I am.
Speaker 4: And so it probably wasn't until I got to my
Speaker 4: fifties where I'm like, you know what, I'm like, I
Speaker 4: feel like I've arrived. I'm still a work in progress,
Speaker 4: mind you, because.
Speaker 2: We all are.
Speaker 4: God's not done with the sanctification of me yet.
Speaker 2: But there is a level. When you hit that level
Speaker 2: that is transformation. Yeah, and so now you see things,
Speaker 2: you know, you look at that and go, Okay, this
Speaker 2: says more about them. We talked about this in the
Speaker 2: Happiness episode. When people talk to me, my first thought
Speaker 2: I call it the backward step, is everybody's just trying
Speaker 2: to be happy, right, there's four ways to be happy.
Speaker 2: How is this person trying to be happy? If they're
Speaker 2: putting me down, that's that three twenty, that's that narcissist.
Speaker 2: They are trying to be happy at my expense, right,
Speaker 2: that's but that's you know what.
Speaker 4: The where I'm at now, if that's going to make
Speaker 4: them feel better, that's going to make them happy for
Speaker 4: five minutes.
Speaker 3: Hop at it.
Speaker 4: There you go, I really don't care because in the
Speaker 4: grand scheme of things, like they're they're lack, they'rein right,
Speaker 4: is not going to unsettle or shake me from my foundation.
Speaker 2: Okay, so this moves into communication. So the thing is
Speaker 2: is when I'm helping people go through this transformation, and
Speaker 2: I love that use that word because that's exactly what
Speaker 2: it is. Communication. What the words we say, the words
Speaker 2: we hear, and the words we think form our brain.
Speaker 2: It is forming your brain. So when somebody says these things,
Speaker 2: you're a horrible person, you're this year that what I've
Speaker 2: taught people see that is affecting your brain. That is
Speaker 2: rewiring your brain. That's changing your brain to a more
Speaker 2: negative perspective and negative thought loop. What I teach people
Speaker 2: to do is to defend their thought. Is to say,
Speaker 2: she believes I'm a horrible person. She believes. So if
Speaker 2: you say that that communication, you're taking their communication, You're
Speaker 2: putting your communication on it. That defends your brain to
Speaker 2: it is factual. They believe it. It's not factual. I'm
Speaker 2: a horrible person, right, But if I take that, now
Speaker 2: I'm building on a lie. So I'll teach that. So
Speaker 2: the communication is really where the rubber hits grow. That
Speaker 2: is how we grow and become transformed. That is how
Speaker 2: we go the other way. And a lot of this
Speaker 2: social media is really bad communication.
Speaker 4: Well, and what you said are perfect examples of triggers
Speaker 4: for people, right, because in our everyday communication, people start
Speaker 4: to believe what other people say about them and they
Speaker 4: internalize that as that's part of their self, right, that's
Speaker 4: part of their ego, Like, uh, you're ugly, you're fat,
Speaker 4: you're whatever, Like nobody's gonna love you, You're a torrible person,
Speaker 4: you're stupid, you're all these things, right, all these labels
Speaker 4: and words that people like to throw around that have
Speaker 4: negative connotation, and people take those and they internalize them
Speaker 4: literally all.
Speaker 3: The time, all the time.
Speaker 4: And it's like and it's like, why why do you
Speaker 4: think you're a bad person? Because you're not a bad person.
Speaker 4: I think you're a fantastic person, like you have you know,
Speaker 4: here's a list of traits that I love about you,
Speaker 4: you know, and and whatever, and so trying to give
Speaker 4: somebody back, like positive affirmation and positive words so they
Speaker 4: can soak that in to their sponge instead of arbon.
Speaker 2: If there were really no self esteem, they do what
Speaker 2: I was teaching the opposite way. She thinks i'med that.
Speaker 2: She thinks I'm of that, but I'm not really. So
Speaker 2: So one thing is is when we communicate, we want
Speaker 2: to understand the unique of the person. But let's go
Speaker 2: back to what you're saying about this automatic And there's
Speaker 2: an amazing example of this. So I believe it was Microsoft.
Speaker 2: So you know, we had all these AI chatbots and
Speaker 2: all this stuff.
Speaker 3: One of the v by the way, the very.
Speaker 2: First ones was called Tay t a Y and it
Speaker 2: stood for teen age youth.
Speaker 3: I tay okay.
Speaker 2: So it was a Microsoft chat box and I'm going
Speaker 2: to say somewhere between twenty sixteen twenty eighteen. They put
Speaker 2: it on Twitter at the time, that Twitter, and it
Speaker 2: had all these exchanges, and within twenty four hours they
Speaker 2: had to take Tay down because Tay was quoting pro hitler.
Speaker 2: Oh all right, misogynistic.
Speaker 3: Okays all right?
Speaker 2: So what happened People were talking to it in this
Speaker 2: negative communication style. It was absorbing it and giving it
Speaker 2: back and it went off.
Speaker 4: Track, right, And that's us right, that's under said us right,
Speaker 4: And that is like the root base of like people's
Speaker 4: emotional baggage. That they carry around with them like literally
Speaker 4: every single day is always in the back of their
Speaker 4: mind all the negative things that anybody has ever said
Speaker 4: to them. And how often as a society do we
Speaker 4: say positive things about other people?
Speaker 2: Right, But again, we got to make sure it matches
Speaker 2: the uniqueness. Here I tell you a story. This is
Speaker 2: a really interesting story because this brings everything together that
Speaker 2: we talked about. There was a kid in school and
Speaker 2: his teachers had trauma and in form care and this kid
Speaker 2: in the first three months of school had eighty eight
Speaker 2: seclusions and restraints, so eighty eight times they had to
Speaker 2: put their hand on the kid. When you when you
Speaker 2: do that to a kid in school, you got to
Speaker 2: write it. You got to document I put my hand
Speaker 2: on this kid, or they put them in a room
Speaker 2: and closed the door. Seclusion eighty eight times in three months,
Speaker 2: so more than once a day on average. This is
Speaker 2: how the teachers were handling this kid. This kid got
Speaker 2: moved to a teacher who had the flow SESS training
Speaker 2: and I gave a talk at a conference and it
Speaker 2: was the fourth year of this conference. That conference was
Speaker 2: like I'm going to say, six years ago, and they
Speaker 2: haven't had the conference since I shut down the conferences
Speaker 2: to say yes is I said, this kid got flows
Speaker 2: as training or the teacher got flows as training. And
Speaker 2: in the next six months we cut that down by
Speaker 2: seventy five percent, and everybody applauded. And then I said,
Speaker 2: I lied to you. I said, over the next six months,
Speaker 2: that kid experienced zero seclusions or nurse trains z e R.
Speaker 2: Nobody clapped. When I was done with my talk, nobody clapped.
Speaker 2: And then the final day, when there was supposed to
Speaker 2: be a group meeting, the rest of the crowd sent
Speaker 2: a person to talk to me and the head person
Speaker 2: and they said, everybody hates you, and they never had
Speaker 2: the conference again. Now, why would everybody clap if I
Speaker 2: cut the seclusions restrained by seventy five percent and everybody
Speaker 2: get upset? When I said I cut.
Speaker 4: Them out completely, I had a thought pop into my head.
Speaker 4: A lot of people love confrontation, They love that bullying mentality.
Speaker 4: They enjoyed putting that kid in seclusion and restraint because
Speaker 4: you know what, it made them feel better.
Speaker 2: So I'm a philosophical person. You're a very philosophical person.
Speaker 2: I like to say there's two views of the universe.
Speaker 2: So there is the malevolent view of the universe. The
Speaker 2: universe is a bad place, and we're here to minimize
Speaker 2: the badness. There's the benevolent view. God said everything was
Speaker 2: very good. The universe is a great place, and we're
Speaker 2: the ones messing it up. When I got that number
Speaker 2: to zero, who was triggering that kid eighty eight times?
Speaker 3: Nobody?
Speaker 2: The teacher. Oh yeah, so that kid never had to
Speaker 2: experience any of this, But how is the teacher triggering him?
Speaker 2: The teacher was triggering that kid because of communication. That
Speaker 2: teacher spoke against the kid's uniqueness, and that teacher used
Speaker 2: a lot of direct language. You need to do this,
Speaker 2: You do that, You're a bad kid. You're so those
Speaker 2: things will trigger people. If I say a bunch of
Speaker 2: youth statements, you can trigger somebody. Or if I would say,
Speaker 2: like your compassion server, you're a weak person. You know
Speaker 2: you have to do this that goes against your service.
Speaker 2: You tell me, I'm gonna know it all because the teacher.
Speaker 2: It's not about you, but it's gonna bother me. So
Speaker 2: the thing is is that the school system, there was
Speaker 2: a bigger school system that threatened the school system we're in.
Speaker 2: They didn't want them to share that story, because schools
Speaker 2: would rather keep having the kids experience seclusion and restraints
Speaker 2: than admit the reason the kids have is because how
Speaker 2: the teachers communicate with the kid well.
Speaker 4: And that goes back to our ego, right, because we,
Speaker 4: for the love of God, wouldn't want a bruised ego
Speaker 4: to be like, I'm at fault as a teacher, like
Speaker 4: I'm the one that was causing undue stress to this child.
Speaker 4: People don't want to acknowledge wrongness. They have a hard
Speaker 4: time admitting when they're wrong, admitting that.
Speaker 3: They have faults or flaws or whatever. And so.
Speaker 4: You know, why would school system or an employer, or
Speaker 4: healthcare system or anybody for that matter want to have
Speaker 4: somebody come in and go provide the training that you
Speaker 4: have so that people could actually all understand each other
Speaker 4: and get along when it's easier just to.
Speaker 3: Let people be.
Speaker 2: People and bark orders and treat people like they're all
Speaker 2: the same where they're That's the thing is people are
Speaker 2: already going to chat GPT for psychological help, going to
Speaker 2: chat GPT for for advice on their dating. Right, I'm
Speaker 2: dating this woman, this happened, What should I do? Chat
Speaker 2: GPT isn't saying, well, what's her uniqueness because she's a
Speaker 2: human chat GPT is going doesn't matter. Here's how us
Speaker 2: robots date. She's a robot. Let me give you advice
Speaker 2: to date a robot. And that's what's going on. So
Speaker 2: that's where we're kind of losing this this this intangible
Speaker 2: drivers understanding uniqueness of the person because their uniqueness determines
Speaker 2: how I'm going to.
Speaker 4: Talk to them one hundred And that's that's why again,
Speaker 4: I'm not a fan of modern the.
Speaker 3: I'm not a fan of.
Speaker 4: Counseling programs that a lot of churches have because they
Speaker 4: don't know how to address people as different people. Okay,
Speaker 4: so you know, like they have the book about love languages, right,
Speaker 4: and everybody has a different love language, which granted, is
Speaker 4: important to know if you're in a long term relationship,
Speaker 4: like why that why like not getting twenty birthday presents
Speaker 4: for your spouse upset them?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: The thing about love language is I used to get
Speaker 2: this question all the time. And the thing about love
Speaker 2: language is this is a lot like personality tests. So
Speaker 2: when I meet people who are in the personality test business,
Speaker 2: I say, here's the value of a personality test if
Speaker 2: this person is unstable, if they're about to trigger, they're
Speaker 2: about to get really upset. What do I need to
Speaker 2: do to stop them become becoming triggered? So control piece perfect,
Speaker 2: you know, those are the those are the like the personality.
Speaker 2: So if this person a control person, if they're getting unstable,
Speaker 2: give them control so they're not unstable, right right, But
Speaker 2: that's never going to cause people to get better. It's
Speaker 2: never going to cause people to have a lot of energy.
Speaker 2: You know. That's where the uniqueness comes in. If I
Speaker 2: know the uniqueness, I know how to talk to them
Speaker 2: so that they get more energy. Love language is the
Speaker 2: same thing. What the love language really does to say,
Speaker 2: look it, if this person is starting to get unstable,
Speaker 2: what can you do for them so they don't freak out?
Speaker 4: Well, is not going to build I was going to
Speaker 4: relate love language to okay, so that your your spouse
Speaker 4: is mad because you didn't get them twenty birthday presents?
Speaker 3: Right right? What is.
Speaker 4: So upsetting to them? Like what piece of the puzzle
Speaker 4: is missing or what is triggering them emotionally wise because
Speaker 4: they didn't get that. So to me, it goes back
Speaker 4: to root basic like communication and also back to what
Speaker 4: is their uniqueness. They're unique because of things that that
Speaker 4: shape them and stuff, and so.
Speaker 3: Why that doesn't tell books right? But why do they fit?
Speaker 2: That's a love language. I touch them, that's a love language. There.
Speaker 2: I don't need to learn about them. I don't need
Speaker 2: to see them as a right person. I don't need
Speaker 2: to look. I don't need to put all this effort.
Speaker 2: I could buy this easy book so as a band aid, and.
Speaker 4: So like for the the people that are thinking that,
Speaker 4: I'm enforcing like the love language thing. What I want
Speaker 4: you to take away from this And reason why I
Speaker 4: mentioned that is because like take take the spouse that
Speaker 4: is like requires constant like affection and attention Number one,
Speaker 4: why are they like that? Because they didn't get that
Speaker 4: growing up? So how does that jive with what their
Speaker 4: uniqueness is and what kind of person they are? Guaranteed
Speaker 4: they're probably like definitely not a compassion for time, you
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying. But it's like, how did their
Speaker 4: their past shape them? Because love languages go along with triggers,
Speaker 4: in my personal.
Speaker 2: Opinion, enabling though, it's like, right, I need to give.
Speaker 3: Them this one hundred percent to.
Speaker 2: Keep them pacified. I'm never grown them I'm never helping
Speaker 2: them get monergy. That's why when you understand person's uniqueness,
Speaker 2: I like to go past all this stuff and reach
Speaker 2: out of uniqueness. I counsel counselors. So people who are
Speaker 2: in the business of counseling, when they're having issues, they
Speaker 2: come to me and I help them through that because
Speaker 2: it's kind.
Speaker 3: Don't teach this kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: Well, because there's stuff doesn't really work. Funny, but it doesn't.
Speaker 2: And and one of the people I'm I'm working with
Speaker 2: right now, I get to learn all the latest stuff.
Speaker 2: And it was interesting because this person said, we learn,
Speaker 2: you know, emotions and feelings this way because these things
Speaker 2: block us from reaching reaching the person. So if you
Speaker 2: think about it, what this person was explained to me
Speaker 2: is how looks at if I'm looking at you as
Speaker 2: a counselor you know, I'm trying to help you. You're
Speaker 2: my patient. I have all these techniques to break down
Speaker 2: your walls, and it's very aggressive and I'm coming at
Speaker 2: you and I recognizing what you're doing, I'm going, okay,
Speaker 2: I need to use this when you do this to
Speaker 2: break down this to negate that that's like a chess
Speaker 2: match versus what I do is I want to understand
Speaker 2: who you are right sure, what walls you have, and
Speaker 2: I want to draw out your uniqueness and we dissolve
Speaker 2: those issues. And this health professional said, your way is
Speaker 2: so much more efficient. I'm going to start using what
Speaker 2: you're doing.
Speaker 4: And if you think about like counseling and they have
Speaker 4: all of these tools and they're forcefully gonna like break
Speaker 4: down the barriers and they're going to make the patient
Speaker 4: talk to you or whatever, think about how re triggering
Speaker 4: that is for a lot of patients, especially anyone who
Speaker 4: has ever dealt with traumas on a deep, deep level.
Speaker 3: That is such a bad idea.
Speaker 2: Well why why is it a bad idea? Because it's
Speaker 2: going to put off the person getting well for a
Speaker 2: longer period of time, which means you have to meet
Speaker 2: with them more, which means you can charge and meet
Speaker 2: the time you meet with them. Well, it sounds like
Speaker 2: a pretty good money maker strategy.
Speaker 4: That's kind of like the medical industry as a whole.
Speaker 4: But that's it's designed for dollar signs. It's not designed
Speaker 4: for mental health.
Speaker 2: And when I be with people, it's eight sessions and
Speaker 2: at the end of eight you're going to be in
Speaker 2: flow and you're going to be able to actually help
Speaker 2: other people. But we're done, You're going to be able
Speaker 2: to help yourself. There's a sunset on this. This is
Speaker 2: not going to be for the next five years.
Speaker 4: You're gonna pay well, you mean, I don't have to
Speaker 4: come and see you for twenty seven years of therapy
Speaker 4: and still be in the we're building a relationship stage.
Speaker 2: Yeah. See, that's and that's that's the difference, you know.
Speaker 2: The other I want to point out something else I
Speaker 2: thought was interesting because you talked about this being like triggers,
Speaker 2: and it's really I always look at a deception and
Speaker 2: with the love languages things there. The thing is is
Speaker 2: when somebody affirms you, you feel good for forty eight
Speaker 2: or seventy two hours, and that's as long as your
Speaker 2: short term memory lasts. So that's what's really happening. You
Speaker 2: get affirmed and you think about it and it feels good,
Speaker 2: but then when your short term memory goes, you don't.
Speaker 4: Remember it, and then you go, he should have bought
Speaker 4: me the blah blah blah instead of this.
Speaker 2: Well, what I see guys do to their wives, and
Speaker 2: I can imagine a bunch of women watching this and
Speaker 2: they're about to just drop their head. Is I see
Speaker 2: guys going you know, you know, honey, when you affirm me,
Speaker 2: it makes me feel so good and happy. I think
Speaker 2: I could be happy if you would just affirm me
Speaker 2: all the time. And the thing is is that it's enabling.
Speaker 2: One of the things is that when you affirmed somebody
Speaker 2: else for a reason, and you did this earlier, when
Speaker 2: you said when you listed why someone was great, you
Speaker 2: had these attributes, right, So you didn't say you're great,
Speaker 2: you're great, you're great. You went hey, you're smart, you're
Speaker 2: easy to talk to. You you have all these attributes.
Speaker 2: So I say that as affirming for a cause, because
Speaker 2: affirming people is not healthy, right, No affirming for a cause.
Speaker 2: So just the way you said it, when you affirm
Speaker 2: somebody for a cause, you feel good past seventy two
Speaker 2: hours because your unconscious sees that and it keeps kicking
Speaker 2: out chemicals. So the way to truly be happy long
Speaker 2: term is not to get affirmed.
Speaker 3: It's to affirm people.
Speaker 4: Hence hence the compassion server in me, right, because I
Speaker 4: want to do for other people.
Speaker 3: And that's why.
Speaker 4: I am definitely not a person that needs like constant
Speaker 4: affirmation and whatever.
Speaker 3: I don't need gifts. I'm not that kind of person.
Speaker 3: But I love how.
Speaker 4: A lot of my friends or whatever, they'll be like, oh,
Speaker 4: I'm so depressed whatever, and somebody's being all weird with
Speaker 4: me and I don't think they like me or whatever,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, you know what, Like, you're such an
Speaker 4: amazing person because you're always thinking about other people. I
Speaker 4: love how you're always helping someone else, you know, and all.
Speaker 3: Of these things. And then they're like, oh, like you.
Speaker 4: See that in me, And it makes people like take
Speaker 4: a step back and forget about that negative connotation that
Speaker 4: somebody tried to attach to you. And they're like, oh,
Speaker 4: well I do. I am always helping.
Speaker 2: They just did that, so they didn't go, no, that's
Speaker 2: what you think I do. That's the key. The minute
Speaker 2: they did the I do, they accepted it. But you
Speaker 2: doing that gives you pleasure chemicals and.
Speaker 4: Oh it's my literally, my favorite thing on the planet
Speaker 4: is is making someone else feel good and preferably like permanently,
Speaker 4: you know, like with joy instead of temporary happiness.
Speaker 2: I love you you said that because because I have
Speaker 2: people who say I'm not a genuinely or generally happy person.
Speaker 2: And happiness is we talked about. This is is getting
Speaker 2: pleasure chemicals in response to something around twenty dollars in
Speaker 2: the parking. I'm happy. Joy is feeling the pleasure chemicals
Speaker 2: regards wardless of the context. So that's when they stand
Speaker 2: sally are generally happy. I'm not a joyful person. People
Speaker 2: who love, people who affirm others have joy. They have
Speaker 2: these chemicals regardless of what's happening. That's what you've experienced.
Speaker 2: So that but it's a transformation, so you've got it.
Speaker 2: The transformation is when the person goes, wait a minute,
Speaker 2: Rather than my strategy beginning as many likes and as
Speaker 2: many affirmations, I'm gonna affirm people to.
Speaker 3: Cause one hundred percent.
Speaker 4: And you know it can be as simple as you know,
Speaker 4: if God puts it on your heart, or buying to
Speaker 4: text somebody just to check on him or whatever that is,
Speaker 4: that's reaffirming to that person, right that somebody else has
Speaker 4: their best interest in mind, somebody else cares, somebody else
Speaker 4: is thinking about them. So it's not always like you know,
Speaker 4: giving a present or anything like that. It's just the
Speaker 4: simple basic thing of human kindness, right kind of it
Speaker 4: kind of goes back to the whole biblical sense that
Speaker 4: you know, we're supposed to have mercy, grace, compassion, kindness,
Speaker 4: and love for other people. And the greatest of all
Speaker 4: is love. Like you show other people that you are
Speaker 4: thinking about them, even if you just send something short
Speaker 4: like hey, just checking in on you, you know, if
Speaker 4: you're not a phone call kind of person and you
Speaker 4: only want to text, because that's why society works these days.
Speaker 4: But just letting that person know that they're on your
Speaker 4: mind and that you care about them because a really
Speaker 4: long way, right.
Speaker 2: And again, it benefits you to do that, it makes
Speaker 2: you healthier. But the thing also, I think you have
Speaker 2: a real good feel of how to communicate to that
Speaker 2: person's uniqueness. Saying this to this person works because but
Speaker 2: you know, saying that same thing to this person doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: So that's the key in that communication is are you
Speaker 2: matching the communication. Our unconscious is ninety percent of our brain.
Speaker 2: Our conscious is ten percent. Remember you're a mind or
Speaker 2: soul working through that, so our addictions are in that
Speaker 2: ninety So trying to use your conscious to overcome that
Speaker 2: and your unconscious is the thing that gives you all
Speaker 2: these pleasure chemicals. So trying to use your conscious to
Speaker 2: get happy and have a strategy. It's flawed. Everything you're
Speaker 2: doing is exactly the right way your behavior is. What's
Speaker 2: changing is showing your unconscious. Hey, get off my back
Speaker 2: about the snake thing. You know, don't cause me to
Speaker 2: go that because you did the behavior.
Speaker 4: Rather than I can go out and tickle one today
Speaker 4: if I want to, just gidding, not gonna go that
Speaker 4: far yet.
Speaker 3: I'm still in progress. I said, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: But that's the thing is that an addiction is the
Speaker 2: same thing. So it's like to sit there and try
Speaker 2: to think you're going to consciously overcome these things. It's
Speaker 2: recognizing it and then the behavior. Literally a lot of
Speaker 2: times it's doing that opposite. The best way to break
Speaker 2: an addiction is to do the opposite. So we said,
Speaker 2: you know, I have this addiction to people affirming me.
Speaker 2: The way to break it is to affirm others. You
Speaker 2: end up better off and you replace that habit of
Speaker 2: having to be affirmed with affirming other people.
Speaker 4: One hundred percent. And a lot of addiction type stuff
Speaker 4: centers around, like you talked about earlier, finding other things
Speaker 4: to be addicted to. So, like I told you before
Speaker 4: the show, I'm like a super creative kind of person,
Speaker 4: and it's never the same thing. And so one time
Speaker 4: I'm like writing stories and I'm writing poetry, and another
Speaker 4: time I'm making something or making custom candy or tea
Speaker 4: or whatever. Like, it's always something different, always letting me
Speaker 4: be creative in a different kind of outlet. And that's
Speaker 4: the kind of thing that people with addictive type personalities,
Speaker 4: especially when they get in a routine and a rut,
Speaker 4: throw something different in because it reshapes that need for
Speaker 4: us to do the same.
Speaker 3: Thing over and over and over again.
Speaker 4: And that teaches us how to retrain our brain to
Speaker 4: not always respond with the same response or action.
Speaker 2: Right. So everybody's unique mind soul, everybody's brain is unique.
Speaker 2: So you can't really write a book right explain what
Speaker 2: we're explaining. So that's why you get these books that
Speaker 2: are just really superficial and right and specific little tools
Speaker 2: and really guarding again a problem. We have this program,
Speaker 2: it's an impact and the program is to teach you
Speaker 2: how the brain works. So you figure out your uniqueness,
Speaker 2: you figure out how your brain works, and then you
Speaker 2: understand how to get yourself even and flow. So that's
Speaker 2: that's kind of the thing that that I do, and
Speaker 2: it's it's just the opposite of everything out there. I
Speaker 2: know it's hard to communicate what we do. It flows
Speaker 2: that dot com. But the thing is is we really
Speaker 2: try to help people understand their uniqueness and how their
Speaker 2: unique brain works so that they can make their adjustments.
Speaker 2: But to sit there and say, anytime someone says I
Speaker 2: read this book and here's the answer, I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: it's either the answer I call resolve. It's either the
Speaker 2: answer to stop the bleeding, you know, which is the
Speaker 2: yeah band aid. So that's love language. That's the band aid,
Speaker 2: or it's going to convince you you're robot and that ain't gonna.
Speaker 4: Work one hundred person. And that's why I love what
Speaker 4: you do because number one, like I said before, I'm
Speaker 4: like a huge nerd when it comes to brain type
Speaker 4: stuff and you know, the brain chemicals and how it
Speaker 4: works in conjunction with our thoughts and our behaviors and
Speaker 4: all of those kind of things. But I'm so happy
Speaker 4: that you're doing it because, like I said, I don't
Speaker 4: I'm not a fan of modern therapy. I think they're
Speaker 4: completely missing the boat when trying to help people learn
Speaker 4: or grow or change behaviors or thought processes or anything
Speaker 4: like that. So I'm so thankful that you are doing
Speaker 4: what you're doing because the amount of people that you're
Speaker 4: helping and the ripple effect that you have because others
Speaker 4: people are seeing the change and the people that have
Speaker 4: gone through the.
Speaker 3: It's fantastic. And that word of mouth and.
Speaker 4: Uh line of sight, I guess you could say, seeing
Speaker 4: that the transformation of people is impressive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, We're gonna be talking more about transformation in the
Speaker 2: future on flow sets because we we've seen so many
Speaker 2: people have transformed that I think I've figured out kind
Speaker 2: of the equation for transformation and how that occurs. So
Speaker 2: it's something maybe we'll talk about that in the future episode.
Speaker 4: About I am more than willing because, like I told
Speaker 4: you before, I love having these conversations and it's it's
Speaker 4: fascinating to me and it's stuff that's like right up
Speaker 4: my alley.
Speaker 3: So I'm on board with that.
Speaker 2: Nice.
Speaker 4: So, my dear John, thank you again for joining me
Speaker 4: today for another.
Speaker 2: This goes so fast for me.
Speaker 3: I really enjoy it and I'm like, what is the
Speaker 3: next one? Oh darn it, I.
Speaker 4: Have to wait two weeks. I don't like this. We right,
Speaker 4: I have to make this a regular call.
Speaker 3: John, just say.
Speaker 2: I enjoy this.
Speaker 3: So where can people find you?
Speaker 2: At?
Speaker 3: My dear well.
Speaker 2: Flowsys dot com is where I do all the minding
Speaker 2: brain stuff. I also the reason why I have a
Speaker 2: model for the mind and brain is I have a
Speaker 2: non contradictory model for God. So I wrote a book
Speaker 2: called Modeling Good. And if you go to Modelinggod dot
Speaker 2: com all one word, that's where that book is. There's
Speaker 2: also a second book called Modeling Good's Wills. We were
Speaker 2: talking about that kind of at the start of knowing
Speaker 2: whether God wanted this thing to happen or not, and
Speaker 2: so I help people understand that. So those are the
Speaker 2: two places most people can find me.
Speaker 3: Can they find you on Instagram or Twitter?
Speaker 2: Instagram and Twitter is Modeling God is my handle all
Speaker 2: one word. All modeling got on Instagram and Twitter as well.
Speaker 4: All right, And if people have not checked out flow
Speaker 4: Says yet, or if you've not looked at those books,
Speaker 4: please make it a point to do so, especially if
Speaker 4: you are struggling in any realm. Make sure that you
Speaker 4: go check thus out. You will not regret it, I
Speaker 4: promise you so. For me and for John, thanks for
Speaker 4: joining us for another episode, and we will see you
Speaker 4: next time.
Speaker 3: Have a great day.