Speaker 1: Hello, guys, gals and non binary pals. Welcome to the
return of Retrostatic Radio with Season two B. You already
saw the season trailer, so let's not mince words about this.
Let's dive right into Alice's adventures through the Looking Glass
starring Zach Cassidy, aj Carey, and as are Alice, as always,
Megan Claude, Niki, child of a pure, unclouded brow and
dreaming eyes of wonder. Though time maybe fleet and I
and thou are half a life asunder thy loving smile
with Shirley Hale, the love gift of a fairy tale.
I have not seen thy sunny face, nor heard thy
silver laughter. No thoughts of me shall find a place
in thy young life's hereafter enough that now thou wilt
not face to listen to my fairy tale, A tale
begun in other days when summer suns were glowing, A
simple chime that served a time, the rhythm of our rowing,
whose echoes live in memory. Yet, though envious years would
say forget, come hearken, Then her voice of dread, with
bitter tidings laden, shall summon to unwelcome bed a melancholy maiden.
We are but older children deer whose fret to find
our bedtime near without the frost, the blinding snow, the
storm wind's moody madness, without the firelight's ruddy glow, and
childhood's nest of gladness. Though shall not need the raving blast.
And though the shadow of a sigh may tremble through
the story for happy summer days gone by and vanish
summer glory, it shall not touch with breath of bail,
the pleasures of this our fairy tale. Alice sat drowsily
in the great armchair as the snowflakes fell gently against
the window pane, just as if they were kissing it.
The black kitten lying on her lap purred in the
warmth of the fire, and sleepily Alice began to wonder.
Speaker 2: Oh, oh, kitten, can you play chess?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 2: Don't look across. I'm asking you seriously. My sister and
I were playing a little while ago, and you were
watching as if you understood, and when I said check,
you purred. I mean, it was a nice check, kitty,
And really I might have one had it not been
for that nasty night night coming down upon my pieces. So, kitty, dear,
let's pretend you're the Red Queen. Oh, yes, you do
know who the Red Queen is. She's one of my
chest pieces.
Speaker 3: I'm sure if.
Speaker 2: You sat up and folded your arms, you'd look exactly
like her.
Speaker 1: Now do try it, But the kitten wouldn't. Try to
try and persuade the kitten, Alice grabbed her gently and
hoisted her towards the looking glass above the fireplace, to
perhaps show the cat how similar it was.
Speaker 2: And if you're not good directly, I shall put you
through the mirror and you shall have to deal with
that Alice, who may not be as loving as me.
How do you like that?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 2: Very well? Well, then mind your man is Dinah. And
now if you'll attend and not talk so much, I
shall tell you my ideas of our looking glass house. First,
the room you can see through the glass is just
the same as our drawing room here, just everything goes
the other way. The books are something like our books too,
only the words go the wrong way. I know that
because I've held up one of our books to it,
and then they hold up one two in the looking glassroom,
and that's what I saw. But it's not just the
looking glassroom, but a looking glass house. I know because
if you leave the door cracked to our hole, so
does the looking glass me. And you can see that
they too have a hole, and it looks very similar
to ours, but you just don't know, maybe quite different
than ours. There might be a garden, or so many
nice and wonderful things. Oh Dinah, how nice it could
be if we could go through to the looking glass
house and see the lovely things we can't see here.
Let's pretend there's a way of getting through, my cute kitty.
Let's pretend that the glass has gone all soft like gauze,
so that we can get through. Why I declare the
mirror it's turned into a mist. It'll be very easy
to get.
Speaker 1: Through now, And that is true. The mirror surface began
to form away like mist on a crystal clear lake.
In a moment, Alice was up on the mantelpiece and
through the mercurial glass steadily climbed down into the looking
glass house.
Speaker 2: Oh my, they're moving. They've come to life, the red
queen and king, and there's the white king and queen
sitting on the edge of the coal shovel, and those
castles are just walking on and on.
Speaker 1: But Alice was too experienced at wonderland travel to truly
marvel at the magic of the chessman come to life. Instead,
she hurried through the rest of the house, searching for
a garden. When she came to the stairs, she discovered
a new invention for going down quickly. She only had
to tickle her fingers on the handrail and then floated
down gently as a feather, without ever having to touch
a single step with her feet. She floated on through
the great hall, and would have continued on straight out
the front door if she hadn't caught hold of the doorpost.
But at last she had found her garden, a garden
filled with roses, daisies, and tiger lilies, with a willow
tree growing right in the center. Alice paused and quite
naturally spoke to the tiger.
Speaker 2: Lily, Oh, tiger lily, I wish you could talk. We
can talk if there's anybody worth talking to. Can all
flowers talk as well as you can? And a great
deal louder. It is only a matter for us to
be beautiful, you know. And I stand waiting wondering when
you will speak. That I to myself, was thinking about
what flower you are? You know you are the right
color to be one. I don't care about the color rose.
It's her petals. If only her petals curled up a
little bit more, she'd be all right. But aren't you
sometimes frightened about being trampled on out here with nobody
to take care of you. Well, we do have a tree,
and what good would that do if danger came? It
could bark, it can go bowfou in fuffl. Why else
would it be here? Uh, it hadn't occurred to me. Really,
silence every one of you. They know I can't spank them,
or else they wouldn't dare to tease you like that.
I don't mind tiger lily, now, daisy, if you don't
hold your tongues, oh, I'll pick you. Oh oh, oh, oh, dear.
There's only one other flower in the garden that can
move about like you. I wonder how you do it
like me. Then there must be another little girl around
here in the garden. She's one of the thorny kind.
Oh no, here she comes. That's not a girl. That's
the red Queen. She's grown a great deal. I saw
her in the ashes a few moments ago. She was
only three inches tall, and now she's had a head
taller than me. I think I shall go and meet No, no, no, no,
don't you do that. If you want to go to her,
walk the other way from her.
Speaker 1: That sounded like utter nonsense to Alice, so she set
off at once towards the Red Queen. But in an instant,
her Red majesty had vanished, and Alice had found herself
walking into the door of the looking Glass house again. So,
with nothing to do but while away the time, Alice
decided to take advice of the flowers and walk in
the opposite direction from where she had begun. It worked beautifully,
for just as soon as she started out the other way,
she came face to face with the monarch.
Speaker 2: Where did you come from? Where are you going? Look up?
Speak nicely, and don't twiddle your fingers all the time.
Oh please, your majesty. I came through the looking glass
and I don't know where I'm going because I've lost
my way. What do you mean by your way? All
the ways about here belonged to me? But why did
you come here at all? Could say? Well, you think
of what to say to save time. You've had long enough.
Now open your mouth and lift your chin up. When
you speak and always say, your majesty. I only wanted
to see what your garden was like, Your majesty, that's right,
delivery excellent, But you failed. But as for the subject matter,
I can tell you as much.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: It's a garden. When you say garden, I've seen gardens which,
compared to this, would be a wilderness. I thought I'd
try to find my way to the top of that
hill there, And when you say hill, I could show
you hills in comparison that would make that one look
like a valley. No, I doubt it. A hill can't
be a valley. That be nonsense. You may call it
nonsense if you like, But I've heard nonsense and which
that would be as sensible as a dictionary.
Speaker 1: Elice curtseyed again for fear that she had offended the
Red Queen, and they walked on for a bit until
they came to the top of that sensibly small hill.
A most curious country stretched out from the top of
that hill. It was all divided into squares by tiny
green hedges which bordered tiny straight brooks that cross them.
Speaker 2: I declare, this looks just like a large chessboard. Why
there ought to be some men moving about somewhere. Look
for yourself yonder on the horizon. The Red Knight is
capturing the White Bishop. Oh it really is. It's a great,
huge game of chess being played all over the world.
If this is the world, you know, Oh what fun.
I wish I were one of them. I wouldn't mind
even if I were a pawn, if I could only join. Oh,
of course I would best like to be a queen.
That is easily managed. You could be the White Queen's
pawn if you like, if only because her daughter is
too young to play and joy in the second square
to begin with. So when you get to the eighth square,
you'll be queen if you aren't captured. Of course, is
there any danger being captured, darling girl, There's always.
Speaker 1: Danger, And just at this moment, the Red Queen grasped
Dallas by the wrist and ran like mad. As fast
as Alice ran. The Red Queen kept urging faster, faster.
The most curious part was that the trees and the
other things around them never changed their place at all.
However fast they went, they never seemed to pass anything.
I wonder.
Speaker 2: If the things move along with us faster, don't try
to talk faster, faster faster. Are we nearly there? Nearly there?
We passed her ten minutes ago. Now faster, now, now,
faster faster. You may rest a little now, Why I
do believe we've been under this tree the whole time.
Everything's just as it was. Of course it is. What
would you have it to be? Well, where I come from,
you generally get to somewhere else when you've ran as
fast as we have for as long as we have.
That's no way to run a country now here, you see,
it takes all the running you can do to just
stay in the same place. If you want to get
anywhere else, you must run twice as fast as that.
I'd rather not try. Please, I'm quite content to stay
here only I am so hot and thirsty. Oh I
know just what you'd like? Have a biscuit?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 2: Uh do It's just the thing for you. While you're
refreshing yourself. I'll take the measurements.
Speaker 1: And so as Alice choked down the biscuit, the Red
Queen took out a measuring tape and began measuring the ground,
sticking little pegs in here.
Speaker 2: There at the end of two yards, I shall give
you your direction would you like another biscuit now? But
thank you, one is enough. First quenched, I hope at
the end of three yards I shall repeat the directions
for fear of you forgetting them. At the end of
four I shall say goodbye, and at the end of
five I shall go. So I proceed to the two
yard peg. You have already been to the first two squares,
So next is the third square. You shall get through
the third square very quickly by railway, I should think,
and then you'll find yourself in the fourth square in
no time. I should think. That square belongs to Tweedledee
and tweedled dumb. The fifth is mostly water, and the
sixth belongs to Humpty Dumpty. You make no remarks. I
didn't know a hair to make one. Just then you
should have said, it's extremely kind for you to tell me. Now, then,
the seventh is all forest, but one of the knights
shall show you the way, and in the eighth square
we shall all be queens with feasting and fun. I
proceed to the three yard peg. Eat some bread when
you want to remember anything. Now off you go, little rock,
and remember. Now I proceed to the fourth yard peg. Goodbye,
I proceed to the five yard peg.
Speaker 1: That's the last peg. The red Queen was gone, simply vanished.
And then Alice, remembering that she was a pawn in
this mad game of chess, realized that it was her move.
The third square was her objective. So she ran down
the hill, and when she came to the first little brook,
she took her first leap. Tickets tickets. Please have your
tickets ready, Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now, then miss,
show me your tickets. Child, show him your ticket.
Speaker 3: Don't keep him waiting, child. The cost is one thousand
pounds per puff.
Speaker 2: I'm afraid that I haven't got a ticket. There wasn't
a ticket office the way I came from.
Speaker 1: Don't make no excuses. You should have bought one from
the engine driver.
Speaker 3: The engine driver, don't you know it's worth a thousand
pounds a puff.
Speaker 1: Elie thought to herself. There's no use answering back to
such nonsense, since the voice did not answer her this time.
But her great surprise, they also thought in chorus, I
hope you understand what this is like, for I'm sure
I do not one.
Speaker 4: Thousand pounds per puff, one thousand pounds per pa, one
thousand pounds per puff one thousand pounds per puff, PAP
one thousand pounds per puff, one thousand pounds per pas.
Speaker 1: All the while the passengers joined in silent unison. The
train guard was looking at Alice through a telescope, and
then a microscope, then through opera glasses. At last, he
finally said, you're traveling the wrong way. Alice's traveling companions
as she took her seat were a queer group. There
was a gentleman sitting across from her who wore a
suit of paper. Next to him a goat wearing eyeglasses,
and next to him a beetle. There was sure to
be more, but Alice could not see them with how
dark the train car was. If a child should know
which way they're going, even if they don't know their
own name, she thought you knew were awaity to take
it office. You know she didn't know her hell a bit.
She have to come back from here, even if she
can't count her numbers, change the engines.
Speaker 2: At name that sounded like a horse.
Speaker 3: There's a joke out the horse sore throat, and at that.
Speaker 1: He must be able to handle care of you. Now
she must go my post. She's gonna get her head
on her She must draw the train to the rest
of the way. Never mind what they say, My dear child,
you'll take a return ticket every time the train stops.
Speaker 2: Indeed, I shan'n't. I don't belong to this railway journey
at all. I wasn't a wood just now, and I
don't know how I got here, and I wish I
were back there.
Speaker 3: There's a joke there. You know something about wood? If
you could, you know.
Speaker 2: Don't tease. So if you're so anxious to have a
joke made, why don't you make one yourself.
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: I know that you're a friend, an old friend, a
dear friend, and I know you won't hurt me even
if I am an infact. What kind of an insect?
Speaker 3: What you don't like insects? Oh, dear, oh dear.
Speaker 1: Nothing to get upset about, folks, and nothing at all?
Just the brook we have to jump over.
Speaker 2: I don't like the idea of a jumping train.
Speaker 1: Nothing to worry about, child? Are young? Everyone? Nay Alice
felt the carriage rise high into the air, and in
her fright, she got hold of the goat's beard, but
the beard melted away as soon as she touched it,
she found herself sitting in the middle of the woods.
A few feet away, standing motionless, were two fat little men,
each with his arm around the other's neck. It was
evidence at once which was which. For you see, one
had the word dumb embroidered on his collar, and the
other d.
Speaker 2: Tweetled dumb and tweetled d I suppose the word tweedled
is embroidered along the back of their collars. My, how
they stand. It's scarcely polite.
Speaker 5: If you think, well, waxworks, you ought to pay You know,
waxworks weren't paid to be looked at for nothing.
Speaker 1: Nohow country wise. If you think we're alive, you ought
to speak.
Speaker 2: I'm so very sorry.
Speaker 5: I thought I know what you're thinking about.
Speaker 1: So do I what that horrid saw tweetled dumb and
tweetled agreed to have a battle for tweedtled dumb and
tweetled rattle just then flew down the monstrous grows as
a tarbarrel, which the heroes they quite forgot that.
Speaker 5: Gra Now that's what you were thinking about, weren't it. Well, no,
it isn't so.
Speaker 1: Know how contrary wise, if it were so, it might
be and if it were so, it would be. But
it isn't so. It ain't.
Speaker 2: You two are just like big skys. First boy, no,
how next boy.
Speaker 5: Contrariwise, you're being wrong. The first thing you say in
a visitor is how do you do? And you shake hands.
Speaker 1: As the two brothers were shaking hands with each other,
they each held out their unshaking hand for Alice to shake.
Alice didn't want to shake hands with either of them first,
for fear of hurting the other's feelings. The best way
out of that difficult situation was simple. She took them
both at once, so with her arms crossed and their
arms crossed, they naturally began to dance around in a ring.
Dancing with the two of them felt quite natural, she thought.
At first they were too fast, but slowly she was
able to match their rhythm.
Speaker 2: On around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the wisel,
the weasel tripped all over his tail pop goes.
Speaker 1: The dancers were fat, at least fatter than Alice, and
despite the fact that they had started the dance, they
were soon two out of breath to continue.
Speaker 5: Four times round. It is good for one dance.
Speaker 2: Though well, it would never do to say, how do
you do now? We seem to have got beyond that point.
Shall we take a break if you're too tired?
Speaker 5: No how, but thank you for asking so much obliged?
Speaker 1: Do you enjoy poetry?
Speaker 2: Usually one shares poetry before we dance, But yes, I
suppose I do some poetry. Anyhow, Oh, could you tell
me which road leads out of the woods?
Speaker 5: What poem shall we repeat for her brother?
Speaker 1: If she likes length, then the Walrus and the Carpenter
is our longest brother.
Speaker 2: If it is very long, would you please first tell
me which road?
Speaker 5: The sun was shining on the shining with all his might.
He did his very best to make the billows smooth
and bright. And all of this was odd, for it
was the middle of the night.
Speaker 1: The moon was shining sulkingly. Because she thought the sun
had got no business to be there after the day
was done. It's very rude of him, she said, to
come and spoil the fun.
Speaker 5: The sea was wet as wet could be. The sands
were dry as dry. You could not see a cloud
because no cloud was in the sky. No birds were
flying overhead. There were no birds to fly.
Speaker 1: The walrus and the carpenter were walking close at hand.
They wept like anything to see such quantities of sand.
If this were only cleared away, they said, it would
be so grand.
Speaker 5: If seven maids with seven mops swept it for half
a year. Do you suppose the walrus said that they
could get it clear? I doubt it, said the carpenter,
and shed a bitter tear.
Speaker 1: Oh, oysters, come and walk with us. The wars did
beseech a pleasant walk, a pleasant talk along the Branny beach.
We cannot do with more than four to give a
hand to each.
Speaker 5: The eldest oyster looked at him, but never a word,
he said. The eldest oyster winked his eye and shook
his heavy head, meaning to say he did not choose
to leave the oyster bed.
Speaker 1: Before young oysters hurried up, all eager for the treat.
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed, their shoes were
clean and neat. And this was odd, because you know,
they hadn't any feet.
Speaker 5: Four young oysters followed them, and yet another four, And
thick and fast they came at last, and more and
more and more, all hoping through the frothy waves and
scrambling to the shore the.
Speaker 1: Waters and the carpenter walked on a mile or so,
and then they rested on a rock conveniently low, and
all the little oyster stood and waited in a row.
Speaker 5: The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of
many things, of shoes and chips, and feeling wax of
cabbages and kings, and why the sea is boiling hot,
and weather pigs have winged.
Speaker 1: But wait a bit, the oysters cried, before we have
our chat, for some of us are out of breath,
and all of us are fat. No hurry, said the carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.
Speaker 5: A loaf of bread, the walrus said, is what we
chiefly need. Pepper and vinegar besides, are very good. Indeed,
now if you're ready, oysters, dear, we can begin to feed.
Speaker 1: But not on us, the oysters cried, turning a little blue.
After such kindness, there would be a dismal thing to do.
The night is fine, the walrus said, do you admire
the view? It was so kind of you to come,
and you were all very nice.
Speaker 5: The carpenter said nothing but cut off another slice. I
wish you were not quite so deaf. I've had to
ask you twice. It seems a shame. The wolverin said,
to play them such a trick, after we've brought them
out so far and made them trot so quick.
Speaker 1: The carpenter said nothing, but the butter spread too thick.
I weep for you, the walrus said, I deeply sympathize
with sobs and tears. He sorted out those of the
largest size, holding his pocket handkerchief before his streaming eyes.
Speaker 5: Oh, oyster, said the carpenter, you've had a pleasant run.
Shall we be trotting home again? But the answer came
then none. And this was scarcely odd, because they'd eaten
every one.
Speaker 1: As the two tweedles stopped their poem, Alice could only
look at them in that pregnant pause. Alice made a decision.
Speaker 2: I think I liked the walrus best. He seemed to
be sorry for those poor oysters.
Speaker 5: He ain't more of them than the carpenter, though.
Speaker 1: Contry wise, the walrus held up his handkerchief so that
the carpenter couldn't count how many he took.
Speaker 2: Oh, that was mean of him. Then I like the
coppenter best. He didn't eat as many as the walrus.
Speaker 5: But he did eat as many as he could get.
Speaker 2: Well, then they're both very unpleasant characters. You boys would
never eat me. Are there any animals in these woods?
Lions or tigers or Barrett?
Speaker 5: That's only the Red King's snoring. Isn't he such a
lovely sight to see?
Speaker 1: Alice couldn't honestly say that he was. He had a
tall red nightcap on with a tassel, and he was
lying crumpled up in a frumpy, untidy heap, and his
snoring fit the snaw his head off.
Speaker 2: I'm afraid he'll catch cold with lying in the damp grass.
Speaker 5: He's streaming. Now, what do you think he's streaming about?
Speaker 2: Nobody could guess that?
Speaker 1: Why about you? Of course? And if he left off
dreaming about you, where do you suppose you'd be?
Speaker 3: Where?
Speaker 5: Now? I suppose not you, you'd be nowhere? Why you're
only a sort of thing in his tree.
Speaker 1: And if the king weren't awake, bam, you'd go out
just like a candle.
Speaker 5: I shouldn't.
Speaker 2: Besides, if I'm only the sort of thing in his dream,
what of you two? I should know?
Speaker 1: Ditto? Ditto, ditto.
Speaker 2: Hush, you'll be waking him. I'm afraid if you make
so much.
Speaker 5: Noise it's no use you talk. I could about waken
him when you're only a sort of thing from his dream.
You know very well you're not real.
Speaker 2: I am real. I am.
Speaker 1: You won't make yourself any bit realer by crying. There's
nothing to cry about.
Speaker 2: If I if I wasn't real, I shouldn't even be
able to cry.
Speaker 5: I hope you don't suppose those are real tears.
Speaker 2: I think you're talking nonsense. What a foolish thing to
cry about. At any rate, I'd best be getting out
of the wood for really, it's coming on very dark.
Do you think it's going to rain?
Speaker 5: Nope, I don't think so, not under here, anyhow.
Speaker 1: It may rain outside of it chooses. We have no
objections contrariy wise selfish things. Good night, Ellis turned startled
by the lightning, be tweetled. Dumb spring from under his umbrella,
seizing the girl by the wrist.
Speaker 5: Do you see that?
Speaker 1: His voice choked with passion, tweedled. Dumb's eyes grew large
and yellow, all in a heated moment, as he pointed
a trembling finger at the small white thing lying under
a tree.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's only a rattle, not a rattlesnake, mind you,
only an old rattle, quite old and broken.
Speaker 5: But it isn't old. It's new yesterday, I tell you,
I bought it yesterday, my nice new rattle.
Speaker 2: But what does this mean?
Speaker 5: Of course you agree to battle me?
Speaker 1: Well, I suppose so. Only she must help us dress
for the occasion. You know. Before Alice could realize what
had happened, the two brothers were off, hand in hand
into the woods, and just as fast it seemed, they
were back, with each of their arms filled with an
odd assortment of bolsters, blankets, rugs, tablecloths, oven mits, and
coal scuttles.
Speaker 5: I hope you've had a good hand at pinning and stringing.
Speaker 1: Every one of these has to go on in one
way for more fashion.
Speaker 2: Really, you too shall look more like bundles of clothes
than anything else by the time you're ready. And this
around your neck too. Keep your head from being.
Speaker 1: Cut off, you know, it's one of the most gravest
things that could happen to one's self in battle, to
get one's head cut off.
Speaker 5: Do I look very pale?
Speaker 2: Well, yes, I suppose you do a little.
Speaker 5: I'm very brave generally, only today got a bit of
a headache.
Speaker 1: And I got a toothache. Come far worse than you.
Speaker 2: Then you better not fight today.
Speaker 5: But we must fight a little bit today. But it
doesn't have to go on too long. What time is it.
Speaker 1: Now, Ah, half past four, brother.
Speaker 5: Then let us fight until six. Then we can have
dinner very.
Speaker 1: Well, brother, and she can watch us. Only you'd better
not come very close. I tend to hit everything I
see when I get very excited, that.
Speaker 5: Is, and I hit everything when in reach, whether I
can see it or not.
Speaker 2: You must hit trees pretty often, then I think.
Speaker 5: I don't suppose there'll be a tree left standing when
we've finished.
Speaker 2: All over the foolish rattle. Even just being a little
ashamed would be all right.
Speaker 5: I wouldn't have minded much, but it was new.
Speaker 2: I wish a monster would just come and eat you.
Speaker 5: There's only one thought, you know, brother, But you can
have the umbrella. It's quite pointy too. Only we must
be quick. It's getting dark as it can be.
Speaker 1: Contrariwise, it's darker even, And that was true. It was
getting darker, and so suddenly that Alice thought that it
must have been a storm coming.
Speaker 2: Oh what a thick black cloud. And look how fast
it's moving. Why it seems to have wings?
Speaker 5: Waite's some monster.
Speaker 1: The two brothers clicked their heels together and were out
of sight before Alice could even register what tweedled dumb
had said. Yet she too, sprinted for the woods, screaming
to them as she did.
Speaker 2: Wait for me, Wait for me, wait for me.
Speaker 1: Fear not listeners. For Alice does make it to the
safety of the woods. But this is the time we
have for today's episode of Retrostatic Radio. The tale of
our dear Alice's adventures through the looking Glass shall conclude
next week. We thank Megan klaud Nikki for her being
our most wonderful Alice, and say good night until next week.