Speaker 1: The best way to support softcore History is by going
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If you can't support us that way, please like and
leave a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and subscribe
to our YouTube. Just search softcore History on YouTube. This
week on Softcore History, we're talking about a famous feud.
Absolutely no one has ever heard of. Victorian era authors
Charles Dickens and Hans Christian Anderson met randomly at a
party in the eighteen forties and had a friendship that
lasted over a decade, despite only one of them wanting
to be a part of it. All of this culminated
in the worst five weeks of Charles Dickens' life when
Hans Christian Anderson came to visit him in England. This
is the story of how one celebrity pissed off another
celebrity in the eighteen hundreds to no end.
Speaker 2: Welcome to softcore History.
Speaker 1: What is up? Welcome back to softcore History. I am
your host for the week, Rob Fox, and I'm feeling great,
feeling excited, joined as always by Dan Richester.
Speaker 2: I'm feeling hot, feeling hot?
Speaker 1: Is it?
Speaker 2: The lights could be the lights, but it could also
be me coming off the couch rolling on one ninety
one after ten years of not bowling. No boy, no
big deal.
Speaker 1: We'll save that for the Patreon. The civilians don't want
to hear this shit.
Speaker 2: That's an athlete right there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, two hundred is perfect.
Speaker 2: Three hundred. Oh, but I fucked up on the mat
for an I fucked up on the ninth. Friend, it's
still both in the one ninety one.
Speaker 1: Why does that even mean? And it's like I would
have had a better score if I didn't have a
worse school.
Speaker 2: Well, the tenth frame only matters if you get to
either spare or strike the ninth frame right right to
continue it. Otherwise, the max you can do in the
ten frame is thirty.
Speaker 1: So you fucked up the big scoring opportunity. Yes, you
couldn't put it in the end zone in the red zone.
Your red zone possession but.
Speaker 2: I followed it with a strike and spare, So we're good,
all right.
Speaker 1: Joined this week by Gabby Monte Mayor.
Speaker 3: Hello.
Speaker 1: Back for more at Gab Monty Across Socials. Check it
out Local Austin stand up. That's not how I know you,
but doing stuff, doing stuff some things sometimes sometimes where's
your latest show at? I feel like we never did
the top of the show.
Speaker 3: Oh I don't even I mean, I don't even know.
Speaker 2: I think I stop trying to be every other podcast.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't need to plug anything.
Speaker 2: Sorry.
Speaker 3: If someone wants to find me, they'll find me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, especially this crowd.
Speaker 2: It's always the best thing. Rather they did it comedy podcast,
they just lead off the first five minutes. I'll be in.
Speaker 1: I spoke can on Tuesday. There's a lot of comedians
that travel. When I'm like, how are you making money
doing this?
Speaker 2: There's people I know that travel and make money. I'm like, how, Yeah,
who is it?
Speaker 1: Just this? People need something? I actually understand it in
like New York or but like who in Like Saint
Louis has comedy clubs and I'm like, Who's going to
the Funny Bone on a fucking Wednesday?
Speaker 3: Tons of people.
Speaker 2: It's crazy to me.
Speaker 1: That's crazy to.
Speaker 3: Me because also they'll paper the room so they'll just
sit out an email and be like if you want
free tickets, like if you can't sell all your tickets.
Speaker 2: Yea, yeah, yeah, good for them, good for them.
Speaker 3: Good love to see people thrive whatever they want.
Speaker 1: Honestly, if you were single, like that seems like a
sweet life to be honest Like traveling around.
Speaker 3: As a woman, not so much even as a dude. Dude,
that would so being on the road all year, and
it's like bad accommodation. Its like it's either comedy condos.
Speaker 1: Which is like, I don't know that is.
Speaker 3: It's basically like the owner of a club has a
condo that you know that they bought.
Speaker 1: Oh no, you don't need to stay it like a
holiday inn.
Speaker 3: No, so you'll stay there for free. But it's like
it's gross, Like it's like a it looks like an
Eastern European airbnb, like it's just like gray and and.
Speaker 2: Then you gotta drink it like a helium chain in
Des Moines.
Speaker 1: Yeah that I don't mind as much. I can do
two things anywhere drink and sleep. Yeah, but the sleep,
but I would prefer to be. I would prefer to
be in a shitty hotel to a shitty ran I.
Speaker 3: Don't want a shitty anything. That's that's why I'm I
can't do the road, dog shit.
Speaker 2: It's tough. So yeah, I look for me in Boone,
North Carolina next Thursday.
Speaker 1: But I would that sounds fun, and you know that
sounds fun. You just had app State on your mind.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but they also just got tobliterated by a hurricane.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's probably pretty bad there right now. They did
obliterate jam you though, But we're not here to talk
about college football. We're here to talk about history. And
I'm a fun one today. I feel like because it
doesn't involve murder and religion and like any crazy shit
like that.
Speaker 2: It involves nothing at all. It's just we're just gonna
gonna be.
Speaker 3: Like history of sound.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, so the many scientists believe the first sound.
Speaker 2: You will about Jake. He has some of our most
listened to podcasts ing History of Pets, History of History
of Music.
Speaker 1: Sound Yeah sound yeah, yeah. It wasn't music. Music would
even recorded sound a little bit of sense, It was
just sound.
Speaker 2: The people yearn for broadness.
Speaker 1: They're not gonna like this one. Then this is a
hyper specific episode. We're here to talk about being a
bad house guest.
Speaker 3: Great timely.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess it is. I didn't think about that,
but it is with the holidays coming up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is about two famous people in history.
Speaker 2: Some could argue the Pilgrims were some of the worst
house guests.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean they're squatters.
Speaker 1: Basically, they weren't using that land. We are you just
gonna what are you gonna do?
Speaker 3: Just use your land? Yeah, let it, let it live.
Speaker 1: No one was living there if you're not living there, Like,
it is funny to me that the same people who
not wrongly by the way, are like you took the
Indians land, but like no one was living on that land.
If you like have a huge lot now, like if
you have a humongous like five acre, they'd be like,
who needs that? Like me, me, I need it, like
plans I don't have it.
Speaker 3: You might, you know, like you might not have been
using it that moment, but maybe you had plans for
it if you wanted to gardens farm.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we made maize better corn on the cob beats
beats maze a thousand times out of a thousand.
Speaker 1: I'll actually do you two better on that. Europeans improved
significantly potato usage. I don't know what Indians were doing
with potatoes, but it is not or two a French
fry or quite a few or vodka for that matter.
And this one Irish dilemma, Yeah, this one could actually
go either way, So give me your thoughts on it.
Speaker 2: The potatoes.
Speaker 1: Who uses tomatoes better? Europeans or North Americans? Well we
made pizza, yeah, but salsa is fucking rad. Yeah, but
the best saucea of course, is made in New York City. Yeah,
or I would actually I feel.
Speaker 3: Like there's more varieties of European tomatoes.
Speaker 1: I mean, Italian food alone feels like it wins the
tomato war over But although that's ironic because I would
most days rather eat salsa than or like Mexican food
with salta on it. Then like a pasta, I don't
like pasta that much. Not a pasta guy, pasta guy. No,
not bread boy. I try not to be Yeah.
Speaker 3: I'm not a bread girl, but I do miss pasta.
Like good pasta to hit your.
Speaker 2: Carb macros pretty easily with just a little bit of pasta.
Speaker 1: Square lasagnya and you got it for the week basically.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't need any more than that. Yeah, you
enough energy to just go hamm in the gym for
two weeks.
Speaker 1: That's what uh. Serena Williams, I believe the night before
any bit any match, would just go bananas on some carbonara.
Speaker 3: I was just gonna say carbonaro is like, yeah, that's
what I.
Speaker 1: Carb Anara, heavy on the carb. Yeah.
Speaker 3: She would just like butter and cream and cheese and bacon.
Speaker 2: Just carbat and carbs, like just gives you all that
energy you need to just take down a little petite Russian.
Speaker 1: It was funny. The only thing funnier than watching Serena
Williams beat the shit out of like a one hundred
and ten pound yeah like Russian or Ukrainian or Bulgarian
woman was when she would lose to them and I
would just be.
Speaker 2: Like, how how could you possibly?
Speaker 1: There was Actually it was an Italian woman and it
was like the US Open semi finals in like we
worked at TFM. I remember watching the game the match
live at work, and this was like it was like
a skeleton woman, like she was just like and Serena
lost to her and I was just like, how is
this possible?
Speaker 3: I do love watching when they lose, like they just
don't hold it in at all, like when they're pissed
off at themselves, or like when they're yelling or breaking rackets.
I love it.
Speaker 1: Tennis players a psychopaths.
Speaker 3: You're fucking insane that you don't.
Speaker 1: You can't be mentally healthy and be a tennis player. No,
Roger Federer is a miracle to be honest, like Legacy
did Meth. Pete Sampress doesn't have a personality, so he
never had any personality.
Speaker 3: To lose, and he's apparently very cheap.
Speaker 1: Pete Sampress, Yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Read a Agassi's book and he had made some bet
and I read like Pete Sampress was there and he
bet his dinner companion, like, oh, I bet he doesn't
tip the valet more than five bucks, and then on
the way out he gave the valet twenty bucks. He
was like, how much should Pete tip you?
Speaker 1: And he was like a dollar out of the great stew.
That sounds accurate to Pete.
Speaker 2: Tiger Woods also cheap man.
Speaker 1: Never liked Sampress. Anyone who is a Sampress fan is
boring as shit. But yeah, watching Serena Williams lose to
a pow was always interesting. Uh it was just like
bad didn't eat your carbonare. But anyway, we're talking about
bathouse guests today, and specifically we're talking.
Speaker 2: About me coming over for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, you are not invited?
Speaker 2: Why not?
Speaker 1: And you don't remember my address?
Speaker 2: I know where you live. You know I'm gonna knock
up all right. You are in a gated community. I
do not know how to access it. I could hop
the fence though.
Speaker 1: Just wait for another car to go through. It's very easy.
This gate doesn't work very well.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's sound like the security guard.
Speaker 1: Not a tower. There's not a little man in a box.
Speaker 2: There should be a drawbridge and a moat.
Speaker 3: There should be a mote.
Speaker 1: Yes, I agree with that, but the HOA fees would
be hired to pay for all the drowning lawsuits.
Speaker 2: There is a medieval castle in Texas.
Speaker 1: I've seen it the one way to Frecksburgh.
Speaker 2: Yeah I believe so. Oh yeah, yeah, I went sweet.
I think you have wine there, like a wine I
think so. They might have converted it to it. But
I was just some fucking just trying to live his
grease edder days.
Speaker 3: We're so tacky.
Speaker 2: You wouldn't want to live in a castle.
Speaker 3: In Europe but not here to build a castle from scratch,
that's so like, that's embarrassing.
Speaker 1: You just have a house.
Speaker 2: But Gabby, what if there were castles before?
Speaker 1: Before before? That's one of my One of my favorite
stand up bits I ever heard was a guy who
was like, yeah, but it's probably a lie, Like, but
I love the story anyway. So yeah, my girlfriend's real dumb. Uh.
He was in Saint Louis. He was doing anythings, Like
we were driving over the bridge and she was like,
she saw the arch and she was like, who built that?
And and he was like, I just turned around, was like,
nobody knows. Yeah, nobody knows.
Speaker 2: Nobody knows.
Speaker 1: It's just been there. I like that. I want I
want to think the same thing. Yeah, I want to
think the same thing, like the cast the castle, the Outlander.
Think when did that get built?
Speaker 3: We don't know, Like you could look on Google Earth
for satellite images where it didn't exist, like it definitely
is in the last twenty years.
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, Google doesn't matter to some people. I saw
a clip going viral on Instagram the other day talking
about how an Egyptian tomb was found under an Ohio
farm seems inaccurate. It was Its very easy to factor
you put that in there. Yeah, people spent an entire
at least a minute because it was on Instagram just
talking about this Egyptian tomb under Ohio that referred to
some giants.
Speaker 1: It is very We have done an episode on North
American giants.
Speaker 2: Egyptian though, Yeah, why not Egypt from via Ohio?
Speaker 1: Do a little do the jew the Joseph Smith Mormon thing,
like ancient people just sailed across the.
Speaker 3: They just got here and nobody knows how.
Speaker 2: They weren't far from Memphis, TC.
Speaker 1: I do think, which was named by the way, because
there is it on the same parallel, really not why
the whole area. There's a lot of cities named after
Egyptian cities. Philadelphia, well, that's different because a Philadelphia is
a Greek name.
Speaker 2: Yes, but it is in Egypt.
Speaker 1: That's fine, But it wasn't name till Alexander got there,
so it's a little different. So but like Cairo, Illinois, Memphis, Tennessee,
all this stuff, they were named because they were finding
mounds from Native Americans there pyramids essentially mound pyramids, and
they were like, oh, this is like new Egypt. So
they just started naming cities after Egyptian cities.
Speaker 3: Oh versus stupid or.
Speaker 1: What else were we supposed to do make up our
own names? Yeah? Stupid?
Speaker 2: No, that's how you get some really bad names. You
go with the classics. Otherwise you end up with like
but I like.
Speaker 3: When they put new Like, if you're going to reuse
a name.
Speaker 1: I do, it should be New Memphis.
Speaker 3: Like New York. Old York is cool.
Speaker 2: I've never been to Old York. Is that where your
boyfe is from?
Speaker 3: No, but we went there for a weekend.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just check it out. What's better New York Old York?
Speaker 3: I mean, they're very different, but Old York fucking is.
It's cool. It has like a New Orleans vibe.
Speaker 2: I like when you split it north and South North
Dkota South got to North Carolina South Carolina. Yeah, very basic.
Speaker 1: I'm into that. All right, let's get into this episode.
Good Lord been seventeen minutes, so it's easy to forget
that famous people were alive at the same time a
lot of times. Rightly, we know, like the Beatles and
Elvis were around at the same time. But the further
you get back, the more you sort of like silo people,
you know what I mean, Like it's easy to forget
that Mozart and the Marquis de Lafayette, the man who
helped America get free, were the same age.
Speaker 2: The craziest thing being like Helen Keller and Martin Luther
King were alive at the same time.
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, right exactly, Like it just weird, you just
silo people off kind of.
Speaker 2: Helen Keller was best friends with the Japanese emperor.
Speaker 1: She met Hirohido and encouraged him to hit Pearl Harbor
mm hm.
Speaker 2: And she was all about eugenics, which is ironic. But no,
she wasn't born that way. She wasn't more than six
months later.
Speaker 1: She would not She would not be dancing along to
that Lady Gaga song if she could have heard it, uh,
which she could not because she was not allegedly allegedly,
I think she heard everything.
Speaker 2: So yeah, she was a fraud.
Speaker 1: Perfect example of two people who were alive and working
and famous at the same thing at the same time
that you just kind of don't think about. Is Charles
Dickens and Hans Christian Anderson.
Speaker 3: Huh yeah, HCA seems much more modern in my mind.
Speaker 1: Exact same time. Han, Well, maybe that's because Hans Christian Anderson.
If you don't know his works, they include The Emperor's
New Clothes, The Little Mermaid, The Princess and the p
The Ugly Duckling, and Thumbollina are some of his most
famous fairy tales. All bangers, all bangers, and he was
one of the most famous, one of the most famous
authors at the Time's New Groove kind of that's what
it's based on. Oh, I mean, that's what that movie
is based on. So he was born in Denmark. Obviously,
Charles Dickens is English, but they were big famous writers
at the same time. Now, Dickens got famous first, although
most of his biggest works didn't come out till after
the two met. Uh, he was still already super famous
by the time they did meet. Dickens was arguably the
most famous, the most famous period content creator of that era.
Mm hmm. That is how we shall refer to both
of these content creators content creators.
Speaker 2: Of course, yeah from now on. Yeah, but Dickens was
around the same time as never mind, who are you
gonna say Twain. Yeah, so I would say Twain's up there.
Speaker 1: I Twain was, I will say this Dickens. They were
alive at the same time. Dickens was famous before Twain.
Speaker 3: Twain was like, when did we don't have a We
don't have an adjective for Twain or Hans san Anderson
the way we have Dickens dickensiean.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So they were alive at the same time. But
Dickens was putting out his best work in the eighteen
forties and eighteen fifties, and Twain was putting out his
Huckleberry Finn came out in eighteen eighty four.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we referred to it as Twinees twenties twain Esque,
not twenties Dickensian twain esque. All right, So it turns
out like a lot of people.
Speaker 1: Like so it was a thing. When the Beatles met Elvis,
allegedly they freaked out because they were huge Elvis fans.
They were huge chuck Berry fans. Well, when Hans Christian
Anderson met Charles Dickens, he was a huge fan of Dickens,
so he freaked out. He was like, oh my god,
I love you. You're the fucking best I'm a huge
fan and Hans Christian Anderson. When they met, they were
in London and they were at a little Soarez Hans
Christian Anderson. Obviously, Dickens was already famous, already a big author.
Hans had just had his first kind of big hits,
and he was on a sort of European tour. His
stuff had just been translated into English, so he was
he was on a promo tour in England.
Speaker 3: Runs a suprena Carpenter Dickens's Taylor swift.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Great way to put it, perfect way to put it.
In fact, it's a perfect That was a perfect analogy.
That's I'll take no notice. Our audience is ninety six percent. Man,
I don't know if they I found out who Sabrina
Carpenter was like three weeks ago.
Speaker 1: Well do you like her? Not?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: Do you think she's hot?
Speaker 2: What I mean, obviously she's attractive, but a she's a tiny,
tiny woman, and she she kind of seems tryhardy, she's
bratt she's trying to do over sexualize herself because I
guess she was a child star, so she has to
make up for.
Speaker 1: She's ironically sexualizing herself. But it's also straightforward. It's both. Yes,
your monkey brain can't handle the layers that this woman.
Speaker 2: It's one of those girls that tries so hard to
be cool and over sexualize herself and then she's a
total fucking nothing in bed. I bet she's.
Speaker 3: I don't think any celebrities are good in bed. No,
like you can't beat you like.
Speaker 1: I disagree, And let me tell you why. I think
that she's getting the best dick of her life right now.
I also think Taylor Swift is getting the best dick
of her life.
Speaker 2: Doesn't require her to do anything but yeah, yeah, but
but they're both also having sex with celebrities.
Speaker 1: To what I'm saying, though, the difference is though Barry
Kugan looks like a fucking sewer creature. He does, and
so he's got to give good dick.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, that's the thing if you if you're not,
if you're not a pure ten, right, you gotta serve.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and hasn't been famous his whole life, so yeah,
you would think he's hotel.
Speaker 3: He is weird looking, and he is short for a man,
is he. I think he's a lot of actors are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's actor height five eight Yeah, Yeah, that's actor hep,
that's actor he jesus uh. And then Kelsey Obviously he's famous,
but he's a big dumb athlete who just like, oh.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's a himbo.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah yeah, but he doesn't really. Some athletes are
just kind of lazy too.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 3: Some athletes will be like, all right, he's not having
a good year, is he?
Speaker 2: He waits to the playoffs?
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, it's one of the Chiefs are nine and one.
The quarterbacks not having a good year. Mahomes is having
a statistically not a great year.
Speaker 2: Let's not date this guy's evergreen cont.
Speaker 1: Well, maybe Mahomes will suck ass for the next six years.
You never know.
Speaker 3: Wait, they meet up.
Speaker 1: So they meet So they meet at the soiree, and
and Hans Groscier Jenerson is like, hey, I'm here. I
just translated my work. I love you so much, You're
You're awesome. I'm like a huge fan. And they say,
never meet your heroes. But the moral of this story
you should never meet your fans.
Speaker 2: Oh, Dickens was actually cool? What Dickens was cool? This
dude's a fucking loser.
Speaker 3: In my mind, it would have been the other way around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is it goes real, real bad.
Speaker 3: Aren't the Danes a little a little off?
Speaker 1: Oh? I don't know if the Danes are, but Hans
Christian Anderson is straight up autistic, and that is what
the story is all about.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, autistic house guest doesn't sound bad.
Speaker 3: As it does. They they don't pick up on social cues.
So when you're like, I think I'm going to turn
in and they're like, oh, I've got a lot of energy,
what do you mean, they're a little like, I'll.
Speaker 1: Come to bed with you and I will discuss things
with you like that is this whole episode, is what
this is about.
Speaker 3: There's no coffee left. I guess you must make more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll get into it. So, by the way, first
I wanted to say, because this is just an interesting.
Speaker 2: So it's just refillming pots of coffee. That sounds awesome.
Speaker 1: So it's really funny to me. By the way, I
don't know why I thought it was like never meet
your fans or whatever. And I don't want to like
shit on fans because we're a podcast with.
Speaker 2: Are you subtweeting our entire honit right now?
Speaker 1: But one thing that I thought about when writing that
line was, you know what's weird about the Kendrick Lamar
not like us? The dis track on Drake not like us.
Speaker 2: It's mostly sung by white men.
Speaker 1: No, he calls him a fan. You're a fan. You
a fan? You a fan? Calls him a fan a bunch, right,
Like that's an insult, which is insulting to say to
another artist.
Speaker 2: Especially one of the biggest artists in the world.
Speaker 1: But why would the fans bop along to that, because
all he's saying to Drake is that you're as low
as the other people listening to this song.
Speaker 3: I'm still But fans, it's like if you just like
the thing and you have no interest in doing the thing,
that's one thing. Like that's a that's a cleaner relationship
versus like fans that are like, oh, I'm a writer too,
read my script, read my yeah, whatever, Like that's that's
more of like a like it's a transactional fan relationship.
Speaker 1: I just it just I think it's just very hard
for me to listen to that and not be like,
how does not every fan think, like what, I'm a fan?
Not a fan? He was his muse.
Speaker 2: Kendrick had not made music in quite some time and
all of a sudden just made track after track.
Speaker 3: Are you Drake?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm big time team Drake. I think Kendrick's
a loser.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Dan, like it's the shit on me for like
in crappy music. Then he loves Drake.
Speaker 2: Drake's for me, like, like, I know what he is.
He makes nothing but hits.
Speaker 1: No, Drake sucks.
Speaker 2: His music sucks.
Speaker 1: And I thought that before Kendrick Lamar Drake is mediocre
as fuck.
Speaker 2: It's not true, absolutely vapid. I will always have Take
Care twenty eleven the album to my college days.
Speaker 1: Your sentimental attachment to it is meaningless to me. It sucks.
It's bad.
Speaker 2: It's not bad.
Speaker 1: It's it's not good.
Speaker 2: I mean he's literally one of the biggest artists in
the world.
Speaker 1: Anyway, remember that the next time you listen to it.
Not like us is that. One of Kendrick Lamar's biggest
dishes on Drake is that he is as low as you,
the person listening.
Speaker 3: To you, the person giving me the stream.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Rob does that. When you come in studio, he
just kind of spits on it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you fucking other fan, I would I would
love to just spit in the face. What do you
can do about it? Fan?
Speaker 2: Not even a fan.
Speaker 1: Fan?
Speaker 2: You'll watch us? You don watch us talking to these
little microphones, A little fan, little cook.
Speaker 1: There's nothing more cook than being a fan. I go
home and I stare at a wall.
Speaker 3: You don't listen to podcasts.
Speaker 2: Rob doesn't he podcast He hits that we're into this industry.
Why would I listen to I have to do that
every day? How is that relaxing to come home?
Speaker 1: Like? Does a chef want to come home and cook?
Speaker 2: You listen to top forty music.
Speaker 1: I listen to all types of music.
Speaker 2: It's mostly Top four in your head.
Speaker 1: Literally not. I will listen to not Like Us and
then switch over to switch over to the Deer Evan
Hanson soundtrack, switch over to fucking Racntours, and then switch
over to fucking Sabrina Carpenter, and then switch over to
fucking Fish and then switch over to fucking Blink one
eighty two. Suck my I listened to only Top forty.
I will listen to literally anything.
Speaker 2: I really can't talk though. You know what I've been
listening to at the gym lately, Drake, No, it's worse.
You know how I'm in a crusader phase right now.
Speaker 1: Oh Jesus, So you listen to Gregorian Chance?
Speaker 2: You just I'm listening to Chance in the Rain?
Speaker 1: What the fuck? That's mentally ill.
Speaker 3: To listen to that at the gym, Like that's something
you listen to when you're like going to sleep.
Speaker 2: It's like thoughtless.
Speaker 1: I know, it's weird, like you is racing so much
in a face, I'll put on Viking.
Speaker 2: Like the Viking music has the drums, so that's a
little bit more amped up.
Speaker 3: I like the uh sea shanties.
Speaker 1: Sea shanty's good.
Speaker 3: Yeah, or like Irish, those Irish like drinking songs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the fucking lads that went viral during COVID wearing
the tight.
Speaker 1: Sea shanties were a big TikTok jun for a while,
although I realized there's like several Beatles songs that are
just sea shanties, including Yellow Submarine. Yello Submarine is a
sea shanty totally. I want to just be totally clear
on that. We Maria. That is something you scream while drunk,
yeah on a boat. Yeah. Uh so anyway, Hans, well
not at first, so Hans is like, oh my god,
I love you, blah blah, blah, and they have a
nice interaction and he leaves to go back to Denmark
and he writes to his friends on the way back
that Dickens quote quite answers the best ideas I had
formed of him. So he's like, Dickens, Charles Dickens was
everything in more so awesome. I love Charles Dickens. And
a couple of weeks later, Dickens is like, oh, you know,
I think I was weird but sweet, so he sent
him a package containing a note and some copies of
a dozen of his books. And Anderson, who was noted
for his social awkwardness, noted for his noted for his
complete lack of understanding social cues being a normal human being,
was like, oh my god, we're in love. Like we're
the best friends that ever existed.
Speaker 2: That is fun when you encounter somebody and they're talking
about another person that they've maybe hung out with once
or twice, and like, oh, dude, we're great friends.
Speaker 1: Dude.
Speaker 2: He's just fucking shit, dude, I'll text want me to
hit him up right now. I can get him on
the phone right now.
Speaker 1: You have his number. No, we m on Instagram a lot.
It's fucking but like, yeah, like it's text.
Speaker 2: That's texting, right, They're like, yeah, dude, me and Mickey
gaw were best friends. Yeah, dude, I'll hit him up.
We've DMD like four times. So he produced the show.
Speaker 1: Once he becomes Hans Christination becomes obsessed with Charles Dickens, right,
it is literally like you are a normal person, like
like some like a You're like a normal like I
guess rapper or whatever. And you meet Kanye West, want
peak Kanye West once? Like you clarified, Yeah, two thousand
and eight, And.
Speaker 2: I mean meeting Kanye right now is very on the table.
Speaker 1: Oh we cold easily.
Speaker 3: It's a lot easier now he's a platform.
Speaker 1: He also recorded one of his albums at the W
in Austin. Really he was living at the W in
Austin for a minute.
Speaker 2: I will still listen to Kanye.
Speaker 3: I've been on an old Kanye kick lately.
Speaker 1: It is nothing. His insanity has nothing to do with
that music.
Speaker 2: He has the best gym track. He does, Blood on
the Leaves.
Speaker 3: So many black skinhead they used to be when I
was in college. That'd be like my hype up music before.
Speaker 2: It reminds me of Yeah, Travis Scott did the exact
same song on his new album. It's just like a
total rip off of Black Skin.
Speaker 3: And I listen to him.
Speaker 2: He's a murderer because he killed a lot of people.
Speaker 3: Because he killed a lot of people.
Speaker 1: I think that his music crushes people people. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
specifically and honestly, that's an irresponsible song to make. You've
already crushed people to death at your concerts and get
people hyped. Yeah, you just have like drones flying over
the crowd, missing them with cocaine, and that song comes on.
Speaker 3: You didn't even like apologize or like, you know, because
he could have had like a reckoning.
Speaker 1: I think it's the type of thing where on the
low he's proud of it and he's like, dude, my
music gets people going so hard. Imagine this, Imagine this scenario.
Like our podcast made someone laugh so hard that they
they stroked in the car. They were listening to a car.
They laughed so hard they swerved into oncoming traffic and died.
And we were like, oh, that's horrible. We never but like,
on the like that's a bit of a bad honor.
Behind the scenes, we're like, dude, where the funniest motherfuckers go.
We gotta do guild. Yeah, and that would make me proud.
So in a way I understand what Travis Scott is
going through.
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean cocaine dealers or any type of drug
dealer kind of thinks that way too, right, Like their
productilled somebody. That's how you get business.
Speaker 1: If it's too pure, it's not how you lose business.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not stepped on technically. No, No, dude, you
don't understand the game like I do. Uh. If you
do kill somebody, people seek that out. They're like, shit,
that that's a strong stuff. That's a good stuff. But
isn't That's not the case anymore.
Speaker 1: It is now.
Speaker 2: It's just I'm not even talking about I'm talking about heroin.
Really so old school heroin. You want to kill me heroin? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess if you do it in the right dosage,
then it's just efficient heroin. But if you do too
much of it, then it's killed me. Heroin.
Speaker 3: I think it's just fun until it's not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like most things, I would go to old school
with it.
Speaker 2: Maybe guess smopium.
Speaker 1: I have smoked opium before on accident.
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
Speaker 1: I mean someone I was at a party in high school.
Someone passed me a.
Speaker 3: Bowl and you thought, oh, yeah, why wouldn't you think
that it's just weird?
Speaker 1: And I was like that tasted weird and they're like,
it's opium and I was like, what the fuck?
Speaker 2: And you were at his house for four days.
Speaker 3: Like you doping.
Speaker 1: I was like, where did you even get this? Do
you have a time machine? What the fuck in Saint
Louis Is?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wouldn't have thought a big Chinese population in
Saint Louis.
Speaker 1: I did live near the Chinatown of Saint Louis.
Speaker 2: That's probably where he got there.
Speaker 1: We're no opium den though, thou three.
Speaker 3: Just because it's not on Guelp doesn't mean it's not.
Speaker 1: There fair enough. Yeah, Hans Christian Anderson is now like, oh,
me and Dickens are best friends. So for the next
nine years, Hans Christian Anderson sends him letters fan mail.
The letters were basically like.
Speaker 2: You're the best.
Speaker 1: Oh, you're so amazing. Will you read my books?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: I read your most recent serialized story in the London
Times or whatever I had it sent to me. It
was amazing. You're such a brilliant writer.
Speaker 2: I love you.
Speaker 1: And dick Busy leave them on rud no. But you
can tell, like at first Dickens is like, oh, thank
you so sweet, and eventually it just becomes like okay, yeah,
like he does right back. But it's the Victorian equivalent
of kaols yeah sweet.
Speaker 2: I mean, I do have a bunch of d ms
from fans. That's just mean, after meme after meme, I've.
Speaker 3: Had people heart everything and keep I.
Speaker 2: Don't even do it at this point. I used to,
but they they've sent it for like two or three
years straight, and I've just because I have to clear
the notification. It bothers me. If I have notifications, I
have to look at it every time, so I just scroll,
and I mean.
Speaker 1: Any video or meme without comment, I'm not replying to
without comment.
Speaker 2: No comment, just meme video reply.
Speaker 3: If you wait long enough, the DM notifications go away
because I leave things.
Speaker 2: Look at you, girl, it would still bother me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're getting slid into.
Speaker 3: Not often, but sometimes it's like there's like a few
reply guys that I'm just like, that's I don't really.
Speaker 2: I only have guys that like reply to your stuff
a lot, yeah, and like as.
Speaker 1: They only have replied ask a question. Women don't do
that ship. It's dudes.
Speaker 3: It's too embarrassing, is it.
Speaker 1: Do you do you have shame that men don't possess?
Speaker 3: Probably, well, yeah, womanhood is shame.
Speaker 2: The woman doesn't lead the dance fair, she's along for
the ride.
Speaker 1: Fucking fans like a good girl, fucking fan. This this
episode is entitled fuck fans.
Speaker 2: We're just gonna get rid of our entire audience.
Speaker 3: And if you hate them, subscribe to the Patriot to
really tell.
Speaker 2: Hans was that's what they want? They need us to
neg them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you little bit pay me that maybe I'll
reply to your dumb ship fuck you.
Speaker 3: Honestly, that would be a good tier of like pay pig, Yeah,
like a pay pig tear, like they just pay double
and then they're like they get priority on your in
your inbox, Dan has to reply.
Speaker 1: Actually, that is a thing on Instagram already, because you
can subscribe to people's Instagram.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it's kind of a thing on our Patreon
because we have a discord, and I will respond to
you on the discord because.
Speaker 1: You do pay, you're in the discord, you're a patron describer.
Speaker 3: Dan's in the discord.
Speaker 1: I haven't been in a minute.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll get in there. I'll respond to people, but
definitely not Instagram and discord. I can't do both.
Speaker 1: It's a lot.
Speaker 2: It's a lot of talks better, it's a lot of
talking to a lot of different people. And most of
the notifications I get, the memes that are sent to
me aren't even for our show, None of them are.
They're like, pass this along to such and such. I'm like, no, no,
we'll not send it to them. Yeah, and if yeah,
I'm not your messenger boy.
Speaker 1: So in eighteen fifty six, nine years of letters later,
dickens Is finally just sends him like a fuck you letter.
Speaker 3: Ooh what does it say?
Speaker 1: I don't know what it says, but it's essentially like
very If you understand social cues and the English language,
you would understand that it's the sort of flattery that
is obviously sarcastic and mean, you know what I mean.
Like it?
Speaker 3: But he doesn't.
Speaker 1: But Hans does not.
Speaker 2: Think about the pressure as a writer though every letter
you send has to be kind of top notch, yes,
kind of, Although I like, I can't send a bad writer.
Speaker 1: There's a great thirty rocks, there's a great thirty Rock
joke where.
Speaker 2: Some you know, some people comes more naturally, some people
kind of hammer it out a lot of editing and stuff.
But if you're just writing a letter to.
Speaker 1: Let it rip. There's a good thirty Rock joke where
Liz was talking to Jack and she's like, He's like, like,
he's like, you need to send me a card for
whatever my daughter's birth I think it was, and and
he was like, and don't make it funny. And she's like,
but I'm a comedy writer, so I think people maybe
expect it. And he's like, they don't. They hate it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, you didn't feel that kind of pressure though,
when you were giving your best man speech.
Speaker 1: I gave a very normal best man speech.
Speaker 3: That's I don't like to be funny when in heartfelt
I gave.
Speaker 1: I did, and I did the right amount of humor.
I feel like, in the right amount.
Speaker 2: I expected from the best man though, to have a
bit of humor.
Speaker 1: I did, and I did give a bit of humor.
Speaker 3: I told you get one, you get one good at.
Speaker 1: Two little funny stories, like not back to back either,
like one funny story then another funny like a tinier
funny story. Later and it was just your complimentary The rest.
Speaker 3: Of it paid coming build the tension.
Speaker 1: Right, You felt no pressure released the ten Oh I
felt a lot of pressure because they knew that too.
Everyone was like, oh, he does funny.
Speaker 3: Did you work on it for a long time or
did you?
Speaker 1: I outlined it mostly that day me too. I had
like points in my head, but yeah, like I knew
what I was going to say to some except before that,
but yeah, I did it that.
Speaker 2: You should have just gave the best man speech like
your brother did.
Speaker 1: For you, oh mean, and.
Speaker 3: With nothing and with nothing about how much he loves you.
Speaker 2: Yea even honestly ever brought it around.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know me was one thing, but like he
didn't even say anything nice about my wife on her wedding.
Speaker 3: So like that's like Taylor's dad at Veronica and Taylor's wedding. Yeah,
Taylor's dad's speech was all about.
Speaker 1: Well, I guess you're lesbian.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all about all all the different ways that nobody
gave a fuck about Taylor or her wants or needs
as a child, and all the ways that he doesn't
understand her and didn't talk about Veronica once. It was
like Taylor hated wearing dresses, and Taylor hated this and
she wanted to do this.
Speaker 1: Thought she grew out of the whole less boat thing.
But turns out here we are, I'm paying for this
whole thing. Yeah.
Speaker 3: It was like, but we love you anyway, Taylor, even
though you won't wear a dress.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but shouldn't Veronica's family pay for the wedding?
Speaker 3: They did?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was gonna say, oh.
Speaker 1: That's right. Yeah, I mean, obviously wedding between two women.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but I guess she's not the groom. The
groom doesn't pay for the groom.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't get go to the hustle.
Speaker 2: And I mean Taylor, it was Taylor is a groom
for really.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they paid for the rehearsal dinner.
Speaker 1: Obviously, it was a great wedding, and I actually like
her dad, but it was just great conversations with him.
Speaker 3: It was just not it's not.
Speaker 1: A real wedding unless a family member pisses you. So
for me, me and Courtney both had a family member
to do that. But that's as far as I'll go
into into that. For her sake, So Dickens sends this letter.
Speaker 2: Was it the girl that didn't show what the friend
that didn't.
Speaker 1: Show not friend a closer than that?
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So anyway, Hans gets this letter and Dickens is like, oh,
you're so great and cool and I've loved these letters
you said are awesome. I've loved our last nine years
the correspondents. In fact, why don't you visit that's how
great your letters have been. Come on and stay with
me for a while. And Hans was like, oh, great,
I'll pack my I'm coming.
Speaker 2: There's an invitation. Yep, thank you.
Speaker 1: So in March eighteen said.
Speaker 3: They need a sarcasm font. We always have. Yeah, it's
a continued problem.
Speaker 1: I don't think even the font would have helped here. No,
But so in eighteen fifty seven of March, Anderson's like, awesome,
I'm coming for two weeks in the summer. I'm gonna
stay with you for two weeks.
Speaker 3: Oh, two weeks is a long time for a house guest.
Speaker 1: And Anderson wrote, but at least back then, I will
give credit to everything slower. Right, you can't expect someone.
Speaker 3: If it takes like a month to get there.
Speaker 1: He expects some one's only be there for three days. Yeah,
so he said a fortnight I think that's fairy. Anderson wrote, quote,
my visit is intended for you alone above all. Always
leave me a small corner in your heart.
Speaker 2: That's all he wants, not rooming board, just a place
in his heart, a small corner. Why is he going
to be so cold and calculated?
Speaker 1: So he shows up in July eighteen fifty seven, he
gets and this is already not a good time for
Charles Dickens, by the way, not divorce U. He's considering
leaving his wife for the teenager he's having sex with.
Speaker 2: Sure, that's not really hard on him.
Speaker 1: It's a little harder, not a dilemma. And then this
weird Dane comes over.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like his home life isn't great.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can maybe distract.
Speaker 3: So when you're fighting with your wife, is not the
time to invite.
Speaker 2: To distract your wife with this man.
Speaker 1: And Dickens is single, Get your side down. He's not
there for her, He's only there for him. So Dickens
is also and he'll do him a solary, making I
think his acting debut, but definitely acting for the first
time for not that frequently of a time.
Speaker 2: Like, hey man, you're really gonna do me a favor
if you take my wife out shopping right now. Would
love that. If you did it, it will make your
wife want to leave you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, grandam to that, I mean granted that. But yeah,
Dickens or Anderson was there for Dickens. Uh so. And
by the way, so Dickens was forty four, the chicky
was banging was seventeen, and he was also acting I
think for the first time but certainly not a lot
of times before that if he had in a play,
and so that was fucking with them. And this chick
was actually an actress in the play. That's how they met.
And on top of that, Dickens was having I guess
artistic business trouble or whatever because his latest serial that
he was putting in the newspapers that would probably eventually
be a book called Little Dorrit was getting horrific reviews,
so bad things all around, not a good time. And
then Anderson shows up. He's thinking about leaving his wife
for a teenager.
Speaker 3: So did Anderson say I'm coming yeah, or he just
shot up Okay.
Speaker 2: He wrote the letter in March and was like I'll
be there.
Speaker 3: This is why I have friends that do this when
like I'm like, stop feeding the strays. Like stop letting
these people think that you are their friend. And they're like, oh, well,
they're so nice. I'm like, of course they're nice. They're
fucking weird and they don't have any friends and that's
why they're latching on you. Yea, And ten years later
some of them are still around.
Speaker 1: They're nice, But do you want to introduce them to
the people you know?
Speaker 2: No, right, or like yeah, but that's the entire standard.
Speaker 3: Or when you introduce people to them to people you know,
you have to like like hedge it and be like
this is my friend and like you know, she's the
one I told you about, and like she's kind of weird,
like she's just kind of in love with me. I'm like, yeah, okay, yeah,
some dude at the stop feeding the strays.
Speaker 2: Some guy at the gym came up to me and
he's trying to plan like us going out, get getting
drinks and stuff being boys. Wait really yeah, and I
feel bad. I'm just like I don't want to do it.
Speaker 3: See you're you're the kind that you're the kind I
haven't done it yet, but he has your number, doesn't He?
Speaker 2: No contact follows the podcast now, so maybe i'll hear this,
but yikes, I don't know how to tell him, like, hey, man, like,
I don't know, I don't really have an interest like
in being your friend outside of the gym.
Speaker 1: Oh, he's a gym friend.
Speaker 2: He's a gym friend. Yeah, I have a lot of
gym friends. Okay, I don't really want to hang out
with them outside of the gym. Yeah, it's like a
work friend exactly where he's like, like, seeing you outside
of this elm is weird.
Speaker 1: Like, hey, we can do work happy hours. Yeah, and
obviously we're boys here, Dude, I got a life that you.
Speaker 3: I've got a lot of stuff to do. This isn't Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my best friend at the gym is fifty years old.
He has a four kids, a wife. Wait is this
the guy a different different person?
Speaker 3: Oh, okay, it's actual best friend.
Speaker 2: Guys, John would never do this to me. He knows,
he knows his place. We text, Well, we'll talk to
He has four kids.
Speaker 3: He's got shit going on too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't want to go out with you.
Speaker 2: No, But I mean this kid's probably like.
Speaker 1: Allright, God help you if he gets divorced.
Speaker 3: But yeah, divorce is hard on everyone ever, on the
whole community.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: To be fair, though, I think he is new to town,
so he's just trying. I think he's just trying to
make friends. That's rough. I know, you're like, hey, you're.
Speaker 3: A group hang.
Speaker 1: You're barking up the wrong.
Speaker 3: One on one hang is aggressive.
Speaker 2: You know what, though I've been right, Maybe I'll invite
him for like when I go out with like four
or five.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you never had new to town problems here. I
feel like because he came into a work an office
that was like.
Speaker 2: Because our office we used to go out like twenty deep.
Speaker 1: I had new to town problems when I moved here
because when I moved here, the TFM office was five people.
One was married, one was Ross Bowlan who kind of
like had his own thing going on and everything like that.
Oh no, I'm sorry. Two were married and then the
other two like Ross has just had his own friends, right.
Speaker 2: And then I lived with like Jared and Booby.
Speaker 1: I know, like I didn't have anyone to go out
with for months. So sometimes when people were like, dude,
why'd you hang out with college, they'd be like, oh
what people had to hang out with?
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's all I got fat going out because
I went out like six nights a.
Speaker 1: Week drinking beer. Yeah, just don't drink beer. I know,
fucking tequila water. I know I was, I was a
wild boy, yeah and that, but that was also pre
selter Era.
Speaker 3: Can you imagine pre Seltzer such a far off time,
I feel like pre iPhone? Yeah, pre Uber.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine how different college would have been with Seltzer?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Oh Uber had just come out, and like, but I
moved here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when I moved to Austin, Uber had knock about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was in Austin, but then it also went
away and it went away. Yeah, and then we had
like ride Austin for two years.
Speaker 1: Never forget yelling at the entire TFM office for bitching
about Uber going away and me being like, how many
you fucking voted? And no one raised their hands because
I had I.
Speaker 2: Would never rob. Yeah, I'm trying to stay off the grid,
trying to avoid Jerry Doddy.
Speaker 1: You literally work online, but uh it's really to avoid
Jerry Doddy. Okay, fair enough. So Hans shows up and
as soon as he does, shit gets weird. Like I said,
he was not good at picking up on social cues
or any kind of formal demeanor at all. And also,
for whatever reason, I don't know if this is like
autism or social disorder or whatever, he kind of always
demanded that he be the center of attention.
Speaker 3: I hate that.
Speaker 1: Like he was always like, why aren't you paying attention
to me? I'm the guest. We don't do that. Why
aren't you paying attention.
Speaker 3: To even have an even as a guest. I'm like
sometimes I'm like, I just need a morning to myself. Yeah,
Like I just want to be not perceived even though
I'm in your home.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be in my room for four hours.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I just want to read my book and
drink coffee and like not talk to this type of guests.
Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent. Like if my like sister visits
or something and she's like, I'm just gonna be in
the room reading or I'm gonna go to a coffee
shop for a little while out myself.
Speaker 3: That's a good guest, is like make yourself scarce.
Speaker 1: Especially when they like if you especially if you do
it like for me when the kids are napping, because
it's nice to have an extra hand set of hands.
So like you go when the kids are down and
we're all good. Yeah, love it.
Speaker 2: You know what if it is somebody like your brother though,
uh he does that right, Like he's keeping to himself,
he's doing his own thing, but then he like brings
back some lady. Other than that, I.
Speaker 3: Mean with children in the house, I think that's bad.
But I feel like if you don't, if it's just
like a house of adults, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Just do you always minding his own business, doing his
own thing.
Speaker 1: You're not minding your own business if you're shoving your
dick in a random chicks put see eight feet away
from when my kid sleeps.
Speaker 3: But I didn't exist, kids didn't exist.
Speaker 1: Then that's whatever. I guess I'll just live with that.
But like, yeah, I'm saying it.
Speaker 3: I don't think it's like I wouldn't be mad if
somebody was in my guest.
Speaker 2: You know what's that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't be roping like you're at a fucking rodeo.
Who's that near my kids?
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially because she can be here in the morning
and shit like that she stays by the way, those
children will.
Speaker 1: Be awake before the dirty horror is Oh so dirty
horror has to walk through and like at least be
seen by the children. Now right now, they're not making memories,
So any question they ask you can literally just say, like, you.
Speaker 2: Don't know if they're making memories yet.
Speaker 1: Rory might be Finns certainly not.
Speaker 2: Kids are different just because you were a blank slate.
Speaker 1: I think my first memory is two or three.
Speaker 3: It was like four.
Speaker 1: I have a three year old memory for a three
year old's memory, for sure.
Speaker 2: I've always been on grind mentality ever since I came
out of.
Speaker 3: The womb and said, you don't remember much.
Speaker 2: I remember everything.
Speaker 1: Why haven't you put it to use? Why you're just
like so smart that you don't there's no point to
Did I.
Speaker 2: Have already told you I'm on the five D? You don't.
You haven't reached my level of conscience.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you took a lot of rooms at a ren fairs.
Speaker 3: Oh you're dead? Like how much like a heroic dose?
Speaker 2: I did a hero's dose? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Nice?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 2: And I followed are one of our guests on the show,
Scott Lopez, who was dressed as a wizard. Yeah that
was fun. That's fun for me.
Speaker 3: Did you like were things moving? I love when things moved?
Speaker 2: The best one? So is you know out in the wilderness?
Speaker 3: Yeah, like trees, trees vibrate, super clear sky.
Speaker 2: The stars were illuminating like through my soul.
Speaker 3: I want to do that.
Speaker 2: It's fantastic. It was beautiful outside. And then I came
down and the crowd at the ren fair is not
what you want.
Speaker 3: A lot of ugos and fatties.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so wet. He kind of hits you. It does
kind of ruined the experience. But you for a good
four hours. I was just bad.
Speaker 1: And it would be really funny if you just like
found someone you thought was beautiful and then the mushrooms
go away.
Speaker 3: She's a control Yeah.
Speaker 1: Actually, his experience sounded very accurate to that time period
in a lot of ways. Smell looks like you were.
You might have gone back in time.
Speaker 2: Oh I smell bad, but the people too, right.
Speaker 3: You had like some sort of you had like furry
some something on your.
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, I mean I was dressed as a bike
and I had some legging for on me. I was
with Shay and she was like, you smell like Donkey
dick that's nice. Smell bad, So what.
Speaker 1: It Hans do? Hans immediately gets to Charles Dickens's place
and complains about how cold it is.
Speaker 3: We're a jacket.
Speaker 1: Yeah, July and the first morning after Hans arrived. So
the next morning after Hans arrived, Charles Dickens comes downstairs
and he finds his son with Hans, and his son
is shaving Hans.
Speaker 2: Yes, how old is the sun?
Speaker 1: Not that old?
Speaker 3: But hunh shaving his head.
Speaker 1: Yeah, shaving his face.
Speaker 2: It's just face kind of like it was straight.
Speaker 1: And Charles Dickens is like.
Speaker 2: He just giving like a seven year old a straight land.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, no, no, yeah, yes, seven year old was
shaving Hans.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And Charles Dickens is like, what the fuck?
Speaker 3: Day one is? Day two is pretty harsh like day
one really like day twelve. Maybe you have a good
enough relationship.
Speaker 2: So he's like, I don't put it past them though,
Like three year olds were working in the mines, all right, they're.
Speaker 3: Working to they want to use their hands.
Speaker 2: They were working in factories.
Speaker 3: They want shaving, sweeping, children want to labor.
Speaker 2: I guarantee he already knew how to shave someone.
Speaker 1: Maybe he did because he was doing it. I guess
an okay, John Dickens was like what the fuck? And
Hans Christiansen is like, well, in Denmark, it's tradition for
when you have a house guest, for the the eldest
boy to shave the house guest every morning. And Charles
Dickens was like, I'm not in fucking Denmark, Oh my god.
And so he was like so for the rest of
the time that Hans stayed there, Dickens has just had
a standing bill, a standing tab at the nearest barber
to have Hans shaved every morning. And he's my son
is not shaving, he's.
Speaker 3: Paying for it. Like, go get yourself shaved.
Speaker 1: My son is not. You're a famous author too, or
shave yourself. He's like, my son's not fucking shaving you.
Every morning. I will set an appointment at the barber
down the street.
Speaker 2: What do you do?
Speaker 3: You don't have a seven year old boy around, like
do you?
Speaker 2: Does?
Speaker 3: He go somewhere every day.
Speaker 1: Which just like when you stay there. So Hans was
just like, oh, when I wake up tomorrow, the boy
was shaved me.
Speaker 2: This is how it goes. I'm gonna do that with
your child. I'm gonna break him like a Ramsey broke reek.
Speaker 1: You know, my god, I am a very excited for
my child to accidentally to have a spirit broken. Yeah,
no to accidentally sleep.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna mentally torment your child to the point that
I can give him a straight razor. I think you're welcome,
and he will shave it.
Speaker 1: He'll kill you anyway, I'm not too worried about it.
Speaker 2: I'll get a nice trim up.
Speaker 1: Rory will slaughter you.
Speaker 2: Uh well, Finn's gonna be on my side so that
it was all good.
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one night during dinner shortly after this, uh, Charles Dickens.
They're having people over there, having guests, right whatever, And
one of the ladies was gonna sit down at the table,
and Dickens held out his arm to take her over
to the table, and Hans is like, oh boy, we
all get to hold hands with Charles. And he popped
up and holds Charles's other art like goes with Charles,
and it's like, yay, we're walking around together. We are
the best friends.
Speaker 3: That I hate it. Oh I would have kicked him out.
Speaker 2: Well, funny you say that, because not only give him
another chance, not not only did Charles not.
Speaker 1: Kick him out? Going to get worse, Hans stayed three
weeks longer than.
Speaker 3: The two weeks is enough, five weeks.
Speaker 1: Five weeks total he stayed with them.
Speaker 2: It's insane, by the way, I know, I mean the
conversion they're in the metric system. Days are different. Sure,
that's usually how it goes in Denmark.
Speaker 1: As I mentioned earlier, Dickens was acting in a play
at the time. It's how he met his teen lover.
So at the premiere of that play he.
Speaker 2: Had the chops. Was he a good actor?
Speaker 1: Apparently he was fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he wasn't like a Tarantino. I would say he
was like a Tarantino writing himself into stuff.
Speaker 1: Well it wasn't. It was not his play The Worst Deliver.
It was his buddy's place. So actually it was like
Tarantino in Dust Till Dog, but it.
Speaker 3: Still had the foot thing, it still had his thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think Robert Rodriguez through that. To Quentin that
was just a little boney threw boner like he was like, Quentin,
what do you want to get paid? And he was
like se my Hike's.
Speaker 3: Foot, Sema Hiak's foot in my mouth. Which I was
on an open mic one time and there was this
like autistic weirdo guy and a stripper doing comedy, and
the autistic weirdo guy is just like in the front
row and she just starts making fun of him and
she's like, I bet you would love it if I
and like he was like yeah. And so it ultimately
escalated to her taking her shoe off, putting her foot
in her mouth, and sliding Lone Star down her calve
into his mouth. She saw my Hyak lone Star into
this open micro.
Speaker 1: I would pay to go to that.
Speaker 3: It was hilarious. It was like medium. It's like he
didn't stand up for a while, like you have a boner,
don't you? You fucking pa.
Speaker 2: That's what Rob wants to do do our fans, That's
what he makes them drinks. He wants to treat them
like such.
Speaker 1: I would I would do the Sammahaiak monologue from that
movie and be like, you'll be my dog.
Speaker 3: That's basically what you already did in the intro.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let me reiterate, you'll be my dog.
Speaker 2: Tarantino in Pulp Fiction also decent, but there's a lot
of roles where it's just like, man, it's just Tarantino.
Speaker 3: You just can't like I wish you would do more
like the stan Lee thing where he's just like a
he pops in a cameo, a guy at a cafe
who says one word.
Speaker 1: First off, Pulp Fiction is the movie where he just
wants to say the N word because there's no reason
to say it then. But I think he drops it
in Reservoir Dogs as well. That makes a lot more sense.
Speaker 2: Obviously, Django makes sense. He doesn't drop it.
Speaker 1: And he doesn't drop it in Jango he goes Hi black.
Speaker 2: Blackie.
Speaker 1: No, he says black, he goes a black because he's
also doing an Australian accent for some reason.
Speaker 2: Of course, a lot of Australian slavers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, it is what it is.
Speaker 2: But it is funny because Tarantino not a great actor,
but you know who like crushes all of his roles,
who Scorsese what.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what he's in.
Speaker 2: He writes himself into stuff and he's great.
Speaker 1: I know, I just don't remember any of it because
it's like one line. Yeah, it's not a lot, but
he delivers it. Quentin Tarantino has one of the biggest
monologues in Reservoir Dogs.
Speaker 3: Gotta keep it moving, got to keep them wanting more.
Speaker 2: Don't do too much Yeah yeah, I mean just hit
your notes, can get out.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Don't make yourself the start. You're the fucking writer. Yeah,
it's your movie director. Don't make yourself.
Speaker 1: Hard, hire move, do everything, do everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we know we've seen exec board.
Speaker 1: I was not the leading exec board. But you know what, I.
Speaker 2: Weren't the leading exec board.
Speaker 1: No, it's an ensemble.
Speaker 2: That's not true.
Speaker 1: It was definitely true.
Speaker 2: You were the guy, You're the president.
Speaker 1: The two best episodes actually the two best episodes. I'm
in the least and I wrote it that way coincidence.
I'm not. I'm like rarely the lead in those episodes.
Go back and watch them, bost watch.
Speaker 3: I think Dan's just mad at you today, Dan just
servant heat.
Speaker 1: What's funny is is that the episode that did the
best on TikTok is me with the lead. That's the
one that got a million views.
Speaker 3: The teens love it.
Speaker 1: So my dick jen z icon right here anyway, Like
I said, Charles Dickens, He's in a play, right and
Dickens is the leading role. And Queen Victoria is in
the audience at this premiere in two seats, and Hans
Christian Anderson is so proud of his friend at this premiere,
this huge London premiere, that he loudly, attention catchingly bursts
into tears at the performance during the I guess during
the bows. It was just like, oh.
Speaker 3: God, Joe, I don't think I've even cried to my
friend's weddings. You're right, that's so fucking me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hate horrific.
Speaker 2: He was also, when's the last time you cried me? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Today? Whatever my mom told me, I can't bring my
dog for taste getting and I got pretty pissed.
Speaker 2: Oh no, that's I mean, that's understandable. Yeah, my dog
has ulcers in his eyes now, and I tear it.
Speaker 1: Up and he didn't.
Speaker 2: They're gonna burst.
Speaker 1: He didn't tear up.
Speaker 2: He's gonna have to get his eyes removed at something,
both of them, one for sure, the second one is
starting to sorry drops. I gotta I gotta fill it
with eye drops three times a day. He hates it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta just pin him down. And yeah, it's
dog medicine. So apparently Anderson, like I said, he also
liked to be the center of attention. Right, Yeah, let's
move on from your dog. Uh, don't.
Speaker 3: Sorry about Chase though.
Speaker 2: When's the last time you cried the birth of your children? No,
at your wedding. No, you didn't cry your wedding. No,
shouldn't you cry when you see your wife walked down
the aisle?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: It was kind of cold that day, wasn't that.
Speaker 1: Little Chili? Little Chili wasn't bad.
Speaker 2: It was New Orleans. It was like beautiful.
Speaker 3: It was cold, it was breezing, it was gusty, it.
Speaker 1: Was a little it was a little cooler than I might.
Speaker 3: Have been crying just because of the wind.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I truly don't know. You weren't
just tearing up from the beauty of your wife. Na.
I'd hit that already, like this is gonna be the
rest of my life. Yeah, I'm gonna build a life
with this woman.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, thank god, Oh, thank god.
Speaker 3: Out of the race.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So he's crying at the play.
Speaker 1: He's crying the play. He also is super like I said,
he also always wants to be the center of attention,
so he's super hyped to find out that Queen Victoria
and Prince Albert, who's also there, were aware of his presence.
He made I guess he probably made sure. He's like,
tell oh, the Queen is here, to tell her that
the author of those fairy tales is here. And I
think someone told her and she was like hmm.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, famously they don't care.
Speaker 2: So did he have a weird dick? Is that why
it's called the Prince Albert? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I gotta know.
Speaker 1: Probably.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So he's still though, he's looking that up right now?
Speaker 1: Was hell? Yah. Anderson still ended up getting very upset
at the plays, like after party, like after the play
was over, because people weren't excited enough that he was there,
and he got very angry about it, got very just
like dramatic about it that people weren't happy to know
that the author of The Little Mermaid was walking around.
People should know me, including Queen Victoria. He thought he'd
get a better response.
Speaker 2: Also, all time podcast softcore history ever.
Speaker 1: Hear of it? Yeah, no big deal. Also, while he
was staying, he his family.
Speaker 2: Host producer No love for Me, No love for Danny
Boy sucks, dude, donn't tell you. Former writer for Rah
you get love, total frat movie, you get love fucking
dot com not enough.
Speaker 3: Wait. Prince Albert, it's rumored that he had the piercing
and it used to be called the Victorian Haberdashers called
it the dressing ring, and they used it to secure
the penis to the leg and it was popular because
men wore tight trousers and the piercing helped make the
penis less visible. The legend has it that also Prince
Albert used the piercing to pull back the foreskin to
keep his penis smelling fresh. So it's not to offend
the queen, so it's more of a hygiene thing.
Speaker 1: That is, by the way, when people are like, oh,
it's so weird, Americans get circumcised. Whatever dicks get dirty inside,
dicks do get dirty. Stuff gets in there, stuff gets
in there.
Speaker 2: I think it's a baby's choice.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 3: I don't think you should circumcise. I think everyone should
be uncircumcised. And if you want to be circumcised, you
can do it a real full surgery when you're older.
Speaker 1: Though. It's like chicken pox. It's not a big deal
when you're a baby.
Speaker 2: Right, That's why I'm saying, you leave like two cookies
for the baby.
Speaker 1: This one is crawl too.
Speaker 2: I mean, obviously he probably can't crawl, but he can
just point to it.
Speaker 3: They can't point either.
Speaker 1: They don't know what's going on.
Speaker 3: Their eyes aren't even.
Speaker 2: They can look at something first.
Speaker 3: They don't even They can't look.
Speaker 2: Babies are useless. Yes, yes, cut their dicks off, not off,
just their the foreskin.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: I would never circumcise because I want I want my
son to be able to study abroad and blend in.
Speaker 2: No, you want to be a trailblazer.
Speaker 1: You a crave that American dick?
Speaker 2: Yeah, a little Texas twang with a circumcised pe.
Speaker 3: I think it's I don't know, I think it's better uncircumcised.
Speaker 2: No, that's your personal preference.
Speaker 1: I would explain your current boyfriend all the lint linch
sometimes gets.
Speaker 3: Strapped in there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, good luck enjoy that.
Speaker 3: Sometimes you have to like.
Speaker 2: You spit it out. You have a little hair ball, well, like.
Speaker 3: You can't spit it out, you have to like come
up and it's kind of you know, like a like
a buzzkill because you're like your cat.
Speaker 1: Just you're what a case for uncircumcisions fair enough? That is,
by the way, like because when my kids.
Speaker 2: I've never had to worry about that with my penis.
Speaker 1: Ever, never gotten lint in my penis, not once.
Speaker 3: Well, you also lost one hundred thousand feeling sensors, pleasure sensors.
So think about how good your orgasms could be.
Speaker 2: It feels really good now, Yeah, I don't want to imagine.
Speaker 3: What would it be like feeling ten times better.
Speaker 1: I hear that night i'd have a problem, and I
just don't buy it.
Speaker 2: I'd have a problem.
Speaker 1: Sounds like Americans go longer.
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, I'm lasting fifteen seconds if I have
a hundred thousand pleasure not gonna.
Speaker 3: Go pleasurable for anybody but you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have that many. I'm crushing it now, but
no one else is good.
Speaker 2: So also, key right, you gotta chaf your dick to
the point where you can't feel anything so you can
last forever.
Speaker 1: You gotta uh yeah, what do you call it? Not
last right, calcify you.
Speaker 2: To calcify your dick so like no puzzy could ever
get you off. So all straight as hell.
Speaker 1: Also, Hans Christian Anderson, by the way, uh learned that
one of his writing I guess books or essays or something,
I don't know, uh, didn't get a good review while
he was staying with Dickens, so he ran out onto
their front lawn and started weeping uncontrollably and loudly for hours.
Speaker 3: He's so dramatic, he's so he's like the worst theater kid.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and I have a funny story about that too,
we'll get to. Also, as a country boy, Anderson was
suspicious of the London crowd and was terrified he'd be
pickpocketed in the city. Dickens noted that one time Anderson
got in a cab and the cab took a root
he didn't expect to get to where they were going.
Anderson immediately thought he was going to be robbed and
murdered and started having a panic attack.
Speaker 3: Jesus, he's so annoying.
Speaker 1: This guy's kind of rad He would also just constantly,
for whatever reason, back to the autism craft.
Speaker 3: Like what kinds of crafts is he making things that
are useful?
Speaker 1: He would cut paper into all sorts of patterns. So imagine,
just like your house guests is just making paper snowflake.
What do you calls?
Speaker 3: He sounds like buddy the elf he did?
Speaker 2: Buddy he buddy, You come home and homie just made
a bunch of paper cranes.
Speaker 3: That's that's not that's folding, not cutting.
Speaker 2: Regardless, somebody made a bunch of paper cranes for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah. If my house is filled with litter, I'm not happy.
Speaker 3: Literally like yeah, like that's the thing. Crafting is not
a clean endeavor now, And think does.
Speaker 1: This sound like a man that cleans up after himself.
Speaker 3: No, he can't even shave himself. Why would he know
where the can?
Speaker 1: Not traditional? For in Denmark for the house guests to
clean up after his crafts, it's traditional for the host
to clean up after the house guests crafting clips.
Speaker 3: Of paper go everywhere, glues.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be finding pieces of paper for years. It's
like dogg hairs.
Speaker 3: And you know that those floors have just like you know,
like that's uneven Woodah, there's little piece of little bits
get stuck into this.
Speaker 1: Literally, no such thing as a vacuum crop.
Speaker 2: I come over to your house and I cook a meal,
you're expecting me to clean it too.
Speaker 1: Why would you come over and cook you like you're
certainly not invited to do that.
Speaker 2: And I would expecraid that I'd make too good of
a meal for you.
Speaker 1: No, I would also I gotta say.
Speaker 3: Boiled chicken and broccoli and rice would No, dude, I'm
a great cook.
Speaker 2: I would just stunt all over your wife. That's what
it is.
Speaker 1: I would expect you to keep things like decent. Like
you clean. You don't have to like fully clean clean,
clean as you go, clean as you go.
Speaker 2: I cook, you clean. Then the rule, yes see, that's.
Speaker 1: What I'm afraid of is you're like deep frying things
and there's flour everywhere, and no matter like what happens,
like I have to clean up the nightmare mess that
you made, and you're.
Speaker 2: Just like you gotta crack a few eggs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's just eggshells on the floor and ship. Yeah
it looks like a kitchen, like it looks like a
fucking restaurant. Kill.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I will be frying things like chicken palm.
Speaker 3: Yeah, don't. Don't cook at other people's houses.
Speaker 2: I have to write you over for a nice meal.
You're not going to clean my house if I cook for.
Speaker 3: You, how would we clean your whole house?
Speaker 2: Seems courteous? I don't know. It seems like the right
thing to do.
Speaker 3: From the Hans Christian Anderson school of guesting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, uh so. Finally, after five weeks of daily insane behavior,
Anderson leaves. He sensed he was no longer welcome.
Speaker 3: Actually, oh, he sensed it.
Speaker 2: He had seen that bad. It could have been worse.
Speaker 1: No, it's it's as bad as every bit, as bad
as it sounds.
Speaker 3: Horrible.
Speaker 1: Every single day is like what I.
Speaker 3: Wouldn't have lid. I would have kicked him out. Also,
I think I would have been tried as a witch.
Like I don't think I would have been able to
hold down a husband at this time. I would have
been I'm too mouthy, but I just wouldn't have tolerated it.
But get this fucking guy out, get out.
Speaker 1: Well, see, the problem is is that Dickens's wife had
to pick her battles because she was trying to hold
onto him because he's banging a seventeen year old. Yeah,
I guess so Anderson since he was no longer welcome. Finally,
he sent an apology note that said, kindly forget the
unfavorable aspect which our life together may have shown you
of me.
Speaker 3: Oh you mean all aspects? I mean everything ever he
did single fuck did favor I forget everything I did.
Speaker 1: Dickens himself went into the room that Hans slept in
and wrote on the mirror Hans Anderson slept in this
room for five weeks, which seemed to the family ages.
Speaker 3: He rough that on the mirror. Yep, he had big feelings.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, he on the mirror. He didn't run see
one of those like motivational mirror guys.
Speaker 3: He put lipstick on him.
Speaker 1: He wrote a lot of other stuff about Anderson, though
not on the mirror. He he Dickens basically called Anderson
vocally illiterate. He was like, he can't pronounce the name
of his own book in Italian. His translator thinks that
he can't even speak Danish. Like his translator was like,
I don't understand what he's saying in fucking Danish. Uh
he spoke, he said, he spoke French like Peter the
Wild Boy, and spoke English like those at the Deaf
and Dumb school. Like just fucking hated this guy.
Speaker 3: Although he speaks three four languages, so.
Speaker 1: I apparently he speaks none. He just knows some words
in each is according to Dickens.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there is a silver lining. Guys, this man,
for all of his tom foolery, actually brought Charles Dickens
and his wife closer together and they got back.
Speaker 1: Oh did they Nope, the exact opposite. And we'll get
to that.
Speaker 3: Actually, both trials and tribulations do bring people together.
Speaker 1: And this did not have that.
Speaker 2: Going through like tragedy together. Yeah, that unites.
Speaker 1: This did not happen.
Speaker 2: I mean think about nine to eleven. Yeah, we were
never a more We weren't a better country than nine twelve, nine.
Speaker 3: To twelve, two thousand and one, never better. It's been downhill.
Speaker 2: Since truly, like everyone was hard down.
Speaker 3: We had Toby Keith writing anthems, just the one anthem,
but fucking We'll put a boot in your rest.
Speaker 2: It was enough of it, a dude, And we did.
Speaker 3: We did eventually.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we didn't lose.
Speaker 2: We didn't lose on the battlefield, h anutrition, dude of time.
Speaker 1: It was just people just got bored. We literally lost
two wars because we got bored. We got bored. So
both men actually wrote stories based on this encounter. Oh,
apparently in David Copperfield. In Dickinson's David Copperfield, you're right.
The villain You're Riyah Heap is based at least physically
on Anderson. You're right, Heaps like a bony, weird guy
like Anderson. And Hans Christian Anderson was allegedly inspired to
write based on his very embarrassing trip with Dickens, The
Ugly Duckling.
Speaker 3: Oh that is actually pretty good though, that one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Except the problem is is that the ugly Duckling
apparently just had a shitty personality, and maybe that's why
everyone hated the ugly duckling.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, the ugly It wasn't that you were ugly,
it was that you were wrong.
Speaker 1: I actually I was thinking about the duckling. I was
thinking about this when I wrote this, and I was like,
you know, I like I was mean to a lot
of people in grade school in high school. I think
a lot of other people were too. Obviously I'm not
the only person who's ever done this, and some of
them didn't deserve it, but also some of them were
genuinely off putting.
Speaker 3: Well, and some people just need to be told. And
I think, I think the fuck away from me, yes,
and like you just fucking.
Speaker 2: I felt that way about a couple guys in my
fraternity same. I was literally like, I remember, towards the
end of my round, I'm like, was I hard on
these guys? Maybe I should make amends, maybe, like before
I leave.
Speaker 3: You know, we were like, if you don't like them,
what's two amend?
Speaker 2: But like you know, we're adults on our way out.
Maybe try to say face or like make good with
this guy, and then you would talk to them be.
Speaker 3: Like, oh no, I was right for it reminded us
to why I don't like you.
Speaker 1: I So there was I remember we would there was
this one guy. I won't say when it was grade
school or high school, but we would always get angry
at him because there was only a certain amount of
people allowed at the lunch table. Each lunch table, we
couldn't have like twelve people at the table whatever.
Speaker 2: And he would always get to our table before every
other friend had a seat, and so one friend would
have to be left out and go to another table.
Speaker 1: We were not friends with this person.
Speaker 3: We didn't like this person, and now there's not enough
tables for you guys to find your own time.
Speaker 2: And he if he's the first person there, go do
another table.
Speaker 1: No he's not. He'd be like the fifth person there.
He would take like the last seat or second to
last seat, and then we would be like, hey would
lee and like everything he said was annoying, and he
would try to be like and it was just like, dude,
get the fuck out, Like why are you here, Like
don't you have other people? You're taking a seat from
someone we wanted to see he didn't. And that's not
even the most agreed to say. But there are a
lot like, there are a lot of people that I
was probably a dickhead to in grade school, high school,
college that didn't deserve it, but.
Speaker 2: But sit next to you.
Speaker 1: But there were also a fair amount of people where
it's like looking back, it's like, no, no, no. They
were weird and off putting, an annoying and insistent. And
I actually don't regret telling him to fuck off.
Speaker 3: I don't think it's bad. I think we need to
be more honest, Like you don't have to be mean,
but you can just be truthful.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing, though, is that sometimes without those
people you would not be mean. At first. You'd be like, hey, and.
Speaker 3: They yeah, you give them an inch, they take a mile, right, And.
Speaker 2: Then it gets to the point where the only thing
you can do is be mean. That's the nice part
about the Northeast. Everyone's pretty direct. Yeah, they don't have
that Southern hospitality.
Speaker 1: Now, just to uh and this on a high note,
Hans Christian Anderson's stay with the Dickens family was arguably
the worst thing to ever happen to the Dickens family
until one year later, because in eighteen fifty eight, Charles
Dickens was forty five and his lover was eighteen. At
that point, divorce was would have been too scandalous for
someone as famous as him, so instead, he publicly accused
his wife of not loving their children and being mentally ill.
Speaker 2: No Oh, dude, Dickens sucks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what a dick Uh maybe.
Speaker 3: Our prince the dick and Dickens.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe our dude the house guest.
Speaker 1: Dickens also attempted to have his wife institutionalized. Yeah, dude
fucked so thrown into a mental asyl in the eighteen forties, eighteen.
Speaker 3: Fifties so he can fuck his child bride.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm with the Dane on this. Now, the dame
was probably in the right now. This failed, so they
just separated but never divorced. Captain left, never saw her
husband again, but was only able to take one of
her children with.
Speaker 3: Her, not the shaver, not the first born.
Speaker 1: Think it was the daughter. So I think maybe Charles
kept the shaver. Yeah, yeah, yikes, that is the story.
Speaker 2: Come here, boy probably needs a shame.
Speaker 3: Pro needs a shave.
Speaker 1: That's the story of the author of The Little Mermaid
was a horrible house guest to Charles. Dickens's the worst.
Speaker 2: Now that I've heard pretty much both sides, I mean,
last little un asshole. Yeah, No, dude, Dickens sucks. What's
his claim to fame?
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think the real lesson is don't invite
Dan to spend the night based on who he's siding
with in this situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, were we talking now?
Speaker 3: I don't think you'd be a very house.
Speaker 1: Pretty funny to come downstairs and watch Dan bleeding out
as my three year fucking straight edge racer.
Speaker 2: I've an incredible house guest.
Speaker 1: I truly I would just stand over you dying and
be like, I don't know what you expected to happen.
Speaker 3: Just pan frying, really messy fucking ship.
Speaker 2: You'll clean this, right, he's like flipping the bacon with
just the pan oils flying everywhere. You've never been on
a trip with us too, Like anywhere really for the
for the job, just San Antonio. I think maybe Miami
in Miami. Yeah, but we were in hotels Miami, I forget.
Speaker 1: No, we were in airbn me and Miami.
Speaker 2: That's right. But yeah, dude, i'mn incredible house guest. I'm
the guy I make. I mean, you might have to
clean your sheets.
Speaker 1: You make a big mess, clean the sheets.
Speaker 2: Yeah, probably gonna crank it.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, because of commerce sweat. You're so sweaty today.
Speaker 2: It was hot in here. We just turned the heat off.
Speaker 1: It was that little tweener time and yeah, and what
do you call it in Texas where you don't. No,
you gotta turn both on AC in the day heat
at night.
Speaker 2: But I also just glistened, like I have good skin.
Look my skin?
Speaker 1: You get your a little shiny? Should have wiped down
for the camera.
Speaker 2: Did just skincare right here? Just wash my face. I
don't have to do anything else.
Speaker 1: But for the camera. Whatever. What did you guys learn today?
Speaker 2: Hot Dickens is a jackass that tried to institutionalize any
good people in this store. No, they're both Hitler, actually no,
Dickens Hitler and also the worst. This guy deserved everything
you got.
Speaker 3: Ye, I mean like you get what you give, and
it sounds like he deserved it.
Speaker 1: It's very much he you guessing the movie? Like what
about Bob?
Speaker 2: He wrote in an ironic invitation and then got it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, don't do irony, No, stick to stick to the classics.
Speaker 1: B direct, be direct direct. And then Hitler is Dickens. Yeah,
who's your Hitler?
Speaker 3: I guess Dickens. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'd say the wife for not keeping up.
Speaker 3: I think she's blameless, yeah, other than not aging backwards
for not being eighteen. Yeah, that's Hitler. It's a seventeen
year old home run.
Speaker 1: You know what hitler is? Whoever being in a movie
or play. Yeah, because you're you're just going to cheat.
Look at Ariana.
Speaker 3: Grande's dude, Oh my god, Yeah, he left his newborn baby.
Speaker 1: And why it's so egregious.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but for Ariana Grande, for a little a living
skeleton for sketch.
Speaker 2: I agree, she's grossy, she's so she's getting around so bad.
Speaker 3: Her hair, everything she's been wearing on this press tour.
Speaker 2: Arian Grande seven years ago.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, but now now she looks like a
fucking pretty it's getting pretty bad, pale scarecrow.
Speaker 2: She's a heroin act.
Speaker 1: She's it's heroin chic. The nineties are bad.
Speaker 3: She looks bad. It's because of it's ozembic cheek.
Speaker 1: Now it is a.
Speaker 2: The google fats removed from her cheeks.
Speaker 3: Yeah, not good.
Speaker 1: RP. All right, Well that's all I got.
Speaker 2: That's Rob's dream woman.
Speaker 3: Kind of Carli Rae Jepson too.
Speaker 1: She's turned thirty nine.
Speaker 3: She's appropriate.
Speaker 2: It's too old for you, too.
Speaker 3: Old for me.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't date a chick older than me. Ever, anyway,
I'm not even the maturity of my own age, So
why would I date eight? Why would I date a
woman order than me? And he'd like, literally like it
was rich. Well that's fine, Oh Carly, I would do
for sure. But she's an artist, so she's probably not
as mature as she's supposed to be there, exactly right,
that's a different story.
Speaker 2: Are you coming to grips with your own mortality at
thirty eight? Uh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've I've completely realized that I'm going to be
okay with death because like when I'm dying, because I'm
already okay with so many things like in my life
being dead that like my body's like my my, my
brain chemistry is just prep. I can already feel the
battlefield prep. I can feel the prep where it's like
I'll be on my deathbed dying, Like I wouldn't be
okay dying at forty two. I'd fight that. But if
I'm like eighty five and it's just time I'm slipping away,
I feel like my brain's gonna be like it's cool,
and I'll be like, oh, I guess it is cool.
All the chemicals are telling me it's cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not scared of dying. I was on the
roof yesterday putting up Christmas lights and the neighbors like
be careful, and I'm like good tip, Like, yeah, if
I fall off this roof, it'll be fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but what if you'd like a vegetable. You know,
you don't die, but you're like severely paralyzed.
Speaker 3: Everyone around me knows to unplug me if I if
I like.
Speaker 1: I say, there's no fur to death, right, they're just
just unplugged someone for limb. You might have to unplug yourself.
On that one.
Speaker 2: You'd have to enter one of those pods that apparently
don't work.
Speaker 3: That sucks to try to die and it doesn't work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they had to choke this lady to death.
Speaker 3: Dub's a dub, just like nitrogen poisoning.
Speaker 1: It doesn't it work, It doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: Nitrogen doesn't matter if you went by one or one hundred.
Did you win? She did find the sweet embrace of death. Yeah,
wins win ultimately. But anyways, man, you well, it wasn't
even with this machine wins win. That was kind of
a John Henry situation, right, like he's going against the
man always beats machine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, always AI is not ready for what we're gonna bring.
Speaker 2: Keep hammering those little sticks into the railroad that's bred
learned today.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well for dan Chester and Gabby, thank you so
much for.
Speaker 3: Being here anytime. I'd love to do it.
Speaker 2: Keep hammering.
Speaker 1: I'm Rob Fox.
Speaker 2: You just got saw serve