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Speaker 2: Hey everyone, and welcome to Fifty Shades of Bullshit. I'm
Speaker 2: your host, Christine Lalan and this is the podcast where
Speaker 2: we uncover the truth about online dating. Now let's begin.
Speaker 2: Hey everybody, I'm Christine and I'm Steve, and we are
Speaker 2: back with fifty Shades of Bullshit again this week. Hello everybody, Hello, Hello,
Speaker 2: how you doing, Steve?
Speaker 3: I'm good. You know I've been thinking of this topic.
Speaker 3: You sent me a little message is last week and
Speaker 3: I let the wheels turn a little bit and we
Speaker 3: didn't talk about it, but I was really good. I'm
Speaker 3: really curious to see what you thought I meant and
Speaker 3: what I actually meant about our topic, which is what
Speaker 3: is your spiritual algorithm.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I'm interested to see how we both were thinking,
Speaker 2: because you know, it's open for interpretation obviously, and I'm
Speaker 2: sure there's many ways of thinking about it. I think
Speaker 2: I came at it more of a you know.
Speaker 3: Love and.
Speaker 2: Dating kind of way. What what's yours?
Speaker 3: Well, I began wondering about, you know, just they began
Speaker 3: maybe a couple of years ago, we started hearing the
Speaker 3: word algorithm. Now, of course it's been used for of course,
Speaker 3: certainly in science and technology, but we started I think
Speaker 3: the general public started to get really interested and recognize
Speaker 3: the word as we started to get ads sent to
Speaker 3: us on Instagram, Facebook, whatever, and we began to wait
Speaker 3: a minute. I was just talking about a breadmaker to
Speaker 3: a friend of mine. Why am I all of a
Speaker 3: sudden getting ads for breadmakers and links to Amazon? And
Speaker 3: then all of a sudden, all of these, all this
Speaker 3: information is being pushed to us. And in fact, I
Speaker 3: jokingly say breadmaker. But I actually did a test. Remember
Speaker 3: when we had all of the electronic equipment that everybody said, oh,
Speaker 3: it's always listening to you. It is what you said.
Speaker 3: So I started a test where I would just randomly
Speaker 3: say I want a bread maker. I'm looking for a
Speaker 3: breadmaker just now. I didn't preface it saying a L
Speaker 3: e x A. I didn't preface it saying SI R I.
Speaker 3: I didn't. I didn't say it because then, of course
Speaker 3: that's the cue you just verbally, right, Yeah, that's the
Speaker 3: cue for those systems to listen. I would just kind
Speaker 3: of randomly, I'd be driving in my car say I
Speaker 3: want a breadmaker, and I was sure that I would
Speaker 3: start getting ads for breadmakers. But no, I never did nothing,
Speaker 3: not a note really.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it happens to me all the time.
Speaker 3: Really without without giving a queue to you know. So
Speaker 3: that's interesting. I am pretty mindful about the things I
Speaker 3: click on. In fact, something sometimes i'll click on something like,
Speaker 3: oh darn, I know I'm going to now start getting
Speaker 3: all of this information. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I feel the same way, you know. I did the
Speaker 2: I did the test too. I was on the phone
Speaker 2: with a friend and I said some I just did.
Speaker 2: I did that on purpose, too. I said one thing
Speaker 2: on purpose, and within minutes of getting off the phone
Speaker 2: with my friend, Facebook, Instagram, ads everywhere all about it.
Speaker 2: And then it wasn't like maybe a month or so ago,
Speaker 2: I was I did it again, I did what you said.
Speaker 2: I set it out loud, and then by a little
Speaker 2: bit A few minutes later, maybe ten, fifteen, twenty minutes later,
Speaker 2: I open up my web browser and a banner for
Speaker 2: an AD was exactly for what I set out loud.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so interesting. Yeah, Now I know when I
Speaker 3: do a search for something, I know I'm going to
Speaker 3: start getting I know, if I get some kind of
Speaker 3: spam trying to sell me something, if I accidentally or
Speaker 3: intentionally click on it. Every now telemarketer is going to
Speaker 3: start calling me about that. But I have not had
Speaker 3: it happen yet. Start getting pushed ads or something I'm
Speaker 3: just talking about. But that's when you asked me, Hey,
Speaker 3: what should we talk about this week? I started thinking,
Speaker 3: what is it that we're attracting in our lives that's
Speaker 3: not just spiritually but emotionally. What are the patterns that
Speaker 3: I am attracting that keep reoccurring? And what are the
Speaker 3: cues that I keep putting out to the universe triggered
Speaker 3: that coming my way? So, and then I know you
Speaker 3: did some research in between, So I love to hear
Speaker 3: what you were looking for.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was kind of like looking at it as
Speaker 4: kind of like, well, my tech algorithms, you know, like
Speaker 4: my TikTok, my Instagram, they're pretty much.
Speaker 2: Showing me what I like, you know. And then I
Speaker 2: got to thinking, you know, what is my inner spiritual algorithm?
Speaker 2: You know, what is it noticing? What is it attracting?
Speaker 2: What is it bringing negatively into my life? Right? So
Speaker 2: I was like, well, what patterns are showing up for
Speaker 2: me with love, with friendships, with work? And is those
Speaker 2: algorithms serving me? So I was like also comparing it
Speaker 2: to what I look for on my TV, you know,
Speaker 2: with Hulu and Netflix and stuff, and I'll look for
Speaker 2: one thing, one thing, and I'll get ten movies about
Speaker 2: that one thing or shows about that one thing. And
Speaker 2: it's like what you were saying, you know, is that
Speaker 2: what am I? I was thinking about it as thinking
Speaker 2: about it like I was just giving those examples for
Speaker 2: technology and for television with our streaming networks. That's how
Speaker 2: the first time I heard it though, is hearing somebody say, oh,
Speaker 2: you looked up something on my Netflix and now you
Speaker 2: screwed up my algorithm. I'm like, what is that?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 2: So so I kind of thought about it as like that,
Speaker 2: and I thought, well, what am I doing inwardly that
Speaker 2: I am now creating my algorithm for my love life,
Speaker 2: my friendships, my my work, you know. And then it
Speaker 2: really got me thinking, you know, what kind of patterns
Speaker 2: have I been creating just by my own thought patterns?
Speaker 2: And that has to do a lot with what I've
Speaker 2: been teaching over the years for manifesting. You know, what
Speaker 2: are you thinking mainly about? What are you putting into
Speaker 2: your pattern of your life?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting. I have this conversation with a friend
Speaker 3: of mine where we were talking about a mutual friend
Speaker 3: that always seems to have drama around them so that
Speaker 3: they can show up and be heroic. So and this
Speaker 3: friend that I was talking to is like, yeah, why
Speaker 3: I never you know, I'm just drama free. I'm not
Speaker 3: there when shit's going down. I just it's just not
Speaker 3: my thing. But I could see when we were talking
Speaker 3: about this other friends like, oh, they're always there when
Speaker 3: the ship goes now because something about their life lesson
Speaker 3: or whatever it is about them that the the urge
Speaker 3: or desire to show up and save the day is
Speaker 3: part of their current life pattern or lessons Like oh, so,
Speaker 3: I mean, looking, what is mine? What are the things
Speaker 3: that I keep putting out or attracting in the universe,
Speaker 3: so I get to be a particular way. And it
Speaker 3: reminded me of one other thing I have this mentor.
Speaker 3: I used to produce events all over the world and
Speaker 3: transformational events. And one of the people that I worked with,
Speaker 3: she's one of the pioneers in the personal development world,
Speaker 3: and there were always breakdowns that she would show up
Speaker 3: around her. And we were having this conversation once I
Speaker 3: learned so much from her, and she said, you know,
Speaker 3: unworkability shows up around me so it can get handled
Speaker 3: and resolved. I thought that is fascinating. So whenever we
Speaker 3: would be producing an event, all the messes would show
Speaker 3: up when she'd walk into the room so that things
Speaker 3: could get resolved and handled really powerfully. So suddenly you're
Speaker 3: competent with something, and all of a sudden she walks
Speaker 3: in and I'm a gundering fool because all of my
Speaker 3: clumsiness comes to the surface. And I learned so much
Speaker 3: by having to upgrade my level of efficiency and success
Speaker 3: and effectiveness. It was so powerful, always would be with her.
Speaker 3: The funny thing is, though I have to say this
Speaker 3: is funny, it was always weird going to dinner with
Speaker 3: her because the food would always come out right because
Speaker 3: it happened all around her always. We'd laugh about this,
Speaker 3: you know, she'd always have to send her food back,
Speaker 3: like if she could just turn it on and off,
Speaker 3: it would have been.
Speaker 2: You just seriously gave me some massive fucking insight into
Speaker 2: my own life, because as you were talking a minute
Speaker 2: ago about how you know there's certain people in life
Speaker 2: that are always there when the drama happens because they
Speaker 2: can be the hero, and I thought, huh, I feel
Speaker 2: like I'm that way, but the opposite, not quite the
Speaker 2: hero thing. I was thinking in my head how I was,
Speaker 2: And then you described your friend who's the chaos coordinator
Speaker 2: basically right. So that's how it is in my life.
Speaker 2: I see it. As everybody tends to call me for solutions,
Speaker 2: I'll bring up Janice. Whenever Janice has any kind of
Speaker 2: situation that she's feeling anxious, overwhelmed, unsure, anything, she imediately
Speaker 2: text me and say, I need you know, I need
Speaker 2: I need help. This is what I'm dealing with. And
Speaker 2: I'll instantly know what she needs to do. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: then I'll give her the right words for the pep
Speaker 2: talk to put her in the right frame of mind,
Speaker 2: and then I'll give her an inner incantonation or an
Speaker 2: inner thought or exercise to do inside of her to
Speaker 2: start projecting that inner to outer And she doesn't even
Speaker 2: realize that's how I'm doing it. But when it happens,
Speaker 2: everybody turns to me. And it's like that with my work.
Speaker 2: I'm an event producer. Yeah, so I fix all the messages,
Speaker 2: so it's like, I'm I'm just like you're saying that
Speaker 2: friend of yours. So I think that there are certain
Speaker 2: people that do like that. In a way, it kind
Speaker 2: of reminds me of the people the parents who make
Speaker 2: their kids sick so that they can always, you know,
Speaker 2: like nurture them and take care of them.
Speaker 3: And Munchausen by proxies. There's a psychological condition right movie
Speaker 3: The Sixth Sense. I frustrated in that movie where your
Speaker 3: parents actually make their children sick so that they get
Speaker 3: sympathy or they can be the rescuer. Really pretty fascinating.
Speaker 3: But but I I was just.
Speaker 2: Going to say, what we were talking about with that
Speaker 2: is different than what that was.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I think and here's why I was excited
Speaker 3: about having this conversation that we actually orchestrate all of it.
Speaker 3: We co created, either consciously or unconsciously. So the dynamic
Speaker 3: that you just described with Dannis that you are like
Speaker 3: puzzle pieces that fit together and found each other because
Speaker 3: she can show up in life as needing something and
Speaker 3: you could show up as the one to provide it.
Speaker 3: So my curiosity is, are those roles that you want
Speaker 3: to keep or you know, is it time to upgrade
Speaker 3: sometimes and say listen, Dana's you are capable, you are powerful.
Speaker 3: You don't even to sort this out for you, like
Speaker 3: what's going to happen when you're not available? Sometimes?
Speaker 2: All apart, I think that she starts to There's two
Speaker 2: things about that I want to talk about. Is the
Speaker 2: first thing is I think that as she and I
Speaker 2: do this journey together. We've been friends for four years
Speaker 2: about the time that I started my podcast, and her
Speaker 2: and I, you know, she has grown so much and
Speaker 2: she's so much more capable of handling things because when
Speaker 2: she knows, instead of to panic, because I'm going to
Speaker 2: tell you what she used to be, she used to
Speaker 2: immediately panic and shut down and go into you know
Speaker 2: that can't breathe, I can't think mode. Now she doesn't
Speaker 2: do that she immediately thinks, I'm just going to call Christine,
Speaker 2: And then there are times that she can't reach me,
Speaker 2: that she's actually thought, Okay, I can't reach her, But
Speaker 2: what would.
Speaker 3: She tell me?
Speaker 2: And the other thing I was going to say is
Speaker 2: she's that way for me too. When you say it's
Speaker 2: a puzzle piece, I think that ninety five percent of
Speaker 2: my friend group, the people i'm friends with, they return
Speaker 2: that to me as well. We are givers and takers
Speaker 2: and we are for each other in those same ways.
Speaker 2: And I think that's great.
Speaker 3: I love that well. I think there's a part of
Speaker 3: this when it comes to like I used to work
Speaker 3: a lot with parents, and you know, parents who are
Speaker 3: constantly rescuing their young person I'm talking in their childhood years.
Speaker 3: If they're constantly stepping in to rescue them or resolve
Speaker 3: something or help them with homework. Not say don't do that,
Speaker 3: but if they're always stepping in, they don't give their
Speaker 3: children the chance to, you know, fall down and skin
Speaker 3: their knees a few times, and they don't discover, at
Speaker 3: least in their childhood. They may later in life how
Speaker 3: resilient they really are, how resourceful they really are, and
Speaker 3: a lot of times I would say with parents, you know,
Speaker 3: instead of giving answers, give them back some questions, you know,
Speaker 3: like in fact very young. A lot of times you remember,
Speaker 3: you know, the Terrible twos or is it two or four?
Speaker 3: Where they're saying why why why? All the time. I
Speaker 3: think it's between two and four, So why why?
Speaker 1: Why? Why?
Speaker 3: And the the exhausted parent who keeps trying to answer
Speaker 3: the question. And I was with a friend of mine
Speaker 3: once with their child, and their child was saying why,
Speaker 3: and I said, well, you're really creative, what do you think?
Speaker 3: And the child started coming up with all these creative
Speaker 3: answers about why, and they're my friend was like the
Speaker 3: lift up their jaw. They were shock. It was like,
Speaker 3: how did.
Speaker 1: You do that?
Speaker 3: I said, well, listen, what they wanted was your presence.
Speaker 3: They you know, they didn't really want your answers, and
Speaker 3: sometimes they do want answers, of course, but what they
Speaker 3: wanted then was your presence. And you're listening, and look
Speaker 3: how excited they got about and you know, coming up
Speaker 3: with lots of wise and this is especially in that
Speaker 3: stage of their life, and the kind of question they
Speaker 3: were asking. I don't remember what it was, but it
Speaker 3: was like bruteal for them to just be creative and
Speaker 3: imagine it. So it really was a learning moment for
Speaker 3: me and for my friend who was the parent as
Speaker 3: well as the child. Is pretty pretty awesome.
Speaker 2: I love that because you were when you were saying that,
Speaker 2: I was hearing in my head, you know, parent example.
Speaker 2: So it's like friend example, work example. It applies it
Speaker 2: everywhere that say, let's go back to the child thing again.
Speaker 2: So if say your child is having an issue with
Speaker 2: a teacher or or a friend or just anything in life,
Speaker 2: and they're struggling and they're having a hard time and
Speaker 2: a parent comes in and just fixes it all the
Speaker 2: time for them, Like you said, they don't learn the
Speaker 2: skills and tools that they need to solve those problems
Speaker 2: in the future. And one of the things I was
Speaker 2: thinking is that, you know, as parents, we have to
Speaker 2: teach our kids by example, how do we handle the
Speaker 2: stressful moments, how do we handle fixing solutions and problems.
Speaker 2: And by showing them, showing people that we can create
Speaker 2: these tools and find ways of solving problems, that it
Speaker 2: also helps the child start to you know, really start
Speaker 2: to think how how could I fix that? Or and
Speaker 2: then I like the idea of not only showing example,
Speaker 2: but asking questions, like say your teenager comes to you
Speaker 2: and they're broken hearted. They had a heartbreak, their boyfriend,
Speaker 2: you know, broke their hearts. And instead of the parents
Speaker 2: going I'm going to kill them, you know, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: kick as as Let's say, you know, how is it
Speaker 2: showing up for you?
Speaker 3: How?
Speaker 2: How do you think that healing would work for you?
Speaker 1: How? You know?
Speaker 2: Do you think this is something you should move forward
Speaker 2: with to get back with or break up? You know
Speaker 2: what I mean? It's like it's just like you said,
Speaker 2: using words, using examples, and I like that.
Speaker 3: Well. A lot of times I will say with clients
Speaker 3: or friends, is how do you want me to support
Speaker 3: you here? Because yeah, that's good. Times you want an answer,
Speaker 3: It's like, listen, I have no idea where to go,
Speaker 3: I don't know what to do. Give me some ideas,
Speaker 3: give me you know what should I do? Like, you know,
Speaker 3: that might be what I want in that moment? Or
Speaker 3: I think, more often and more common in relationships is
Speaker 3: what people really want. It's just the listener. Can I
Speaker 3: just say this and have you not judge it and
Speaker 3: just just let me say it and be listened to
Speaker 3: and really received. And I think more often than not,
Speaker 3: that's that's what we want, so that we could work
Speaker 3: it out for ourselves. And I think that just like
Speaker 3: we use the example of clicking the button and then
Speaker 3: being in the same algorithm again, if we if our
Speaker 3: automatic response is to give someone an answer, it's just
Speaker 3: like clicking clicking the button and you know, getting more
Speaker 3: of the same junk mail or whatever. It's because we've
Speaker 3: now looped in because I'm used to playing the role
Speaker 3: of rescuing you or giving you the answer rather than oh,
Speaker 3: let me pause here and ask you what you think
Speaker 3: would really support you. Yeah. I love that. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So for me also, one of the things that I
Speaker 2: was really focusing on when I was thinking about, you know,
Speaker 2: algorithms spiritual is it part of my life? You know,
Speaker 2: what do I do? Part of it was, you know,
Speaker 2: what you focus on expands. So if you're focusing say,
Speaker 2: what the universe feeds you, you know, is what you
Speaker 2: tune into. So it's kind of like law of attraction
Speaker 2: or the vibes that you're doing. So if you're constantly
Speaker 2: talking about bad dates, probably going to keep attracting bad dates.
Speaker 2: If you're constantly focusing, Like I have my hurt thumb.
Speaker 2: I'm constantly focusing on my hurt thumb. It's gonna throb
Speaker 2: when I don't think about it. The only time I
Speaker 2: noticed is when I bump it, hit it, or try
Speaker 2: to use it. But if you're conscious, you're conscientiously curating
Speaker 2: your your feed or your your code of what you
Speaker 2: believe in your insecurities. It's like, are you allowing that
Speaker 2: to create the algorithm for you? It's like people with
Speaker 2: shitty jobs never find great better jobs if they're just
Speaker 2: focusing on the shitty job.
Speaker 3: And what do they do? They complain about things. And
Speaker 3: I think complaints are a language that we traffic in
Speaker 3: and it just perpetuates the algorithm. So you know, the algorithm,
Speaker 3: it just keeps creating more of what we don't want.
Speaker 3: And I think we tell you use the magic word,
Speaker 3: are we consciously creating? Well, right, We're always creating. And
Speaker 3: I think that when we have something to celebrate that
Speaker 3: we love, that we are proud of and we don't
Speaker 3: acknowledge that we created it, then you know we may
Speaker 3: or may not continue to create it. But I think
Speaker 3: celebrating what works and what we want and what we're
Speaker 3: joyful about in our lives. Is a piece a half
Speaker 3: of the equation to keep creating more of that? Then
Speaker 3: I think there's another piece that we tend to overlook
Speaker 3: a lot. One is that part about complaining? But why
Speaker 3: did I create this? If it's unfavorable, if I don't
Speaker 3: like it, if it's painful, well, and why do I
Speaker 3: keep creating it? And you and I have this conversation before,
Speaker 3: like why did I create this part of my life? Well?
Speaker 3: There was something to learn here for me.
Speaker 2: Right exactly? It's like, is it something to learn? Is
Speaker 2: it something that's going to create something that makes you
Speaker 2: have a stronger backbone or more gumption or you know,
Speaker 2: be kinder or you know what I mean? Just kind
Speaker 2: of like help shave you, shape you well, just like
Speaker 2: you know, algorithms and say tech sub are unconscious or
Speaker 2: our subconscious is is you know, also guiding that algorithm
Speaker 2: for our own personal thing. And I kind of was
Speaker 2: like relating it to dating. It's like swiping because I
Speaker 2: watched that movie Swipe last night on Netflix about the
Speaker 2: women who created Bumble, and.
Speaker 3: It's so good.
Speaker 2: Okay, so good, but so freaking good. Anyway, It's kind
Speaker 2: of like we're creating our own pattern when we're constantly
Speaker 2: swiping right on the wrong person, on the wrong type
Speaker 2: of person, the wrong kind of Do you understand what
Speaker 2: I'm saying.
Speaker 3: It's like our producer, Rebel sent us in the chat.
Speaker 3: Are these things we think into the universe? Are we
Speaker 3: thinking things into existence? Well yes, I don't. I think yes, yes.
Speaker 3: But are we conscious of the thinking we're thinking or
Speaker 3: are we creating it unconsciously? And I think yeah, I
Speaker 3: think nothing exists in the universe without thought.
Speaker 2: Well, here is where I say your past.
Speaker 3: Because and I just clarify that because that came down weird. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I said nothing exists in the universe without thought. What
Speaker 3: I mean is nothing exists in our experience of the
Speaker 3: universe without thought. So it might exist outside of our experience,
Speaker 3: Like what exists for you might not exist for me. Yes,
Speaker 3: what exists for me does not exist without my thinking
Speaker 3: and awareness of it. Otherwise it's just happening and not
Speaker 3: unbeknownst to me. It ain't happened in exactly.
Speaker 2: Well, it's like no, no, no, no no. Because it
Speaker 2: made me think of something that is really important that
Speaker 2: I found out recently. I really wish i'd gathered that
Speaker 2: info because I'm just gonna vaguely talk about it. Okay,
Speaker 2: I saw something and saw this scientific journal type thing article. Okay,
Speaker 2: talking about how much we are actually perceiving in our
Speaker 2: own personal world. We can't see past ten percent ish
Speaker 2: of what's in front of us. There are things in
Speaker 2: front of me that I cannot see, and that might
Speaker 2: scare a lot of people. It's like getting in the
Speaker 2: water and not being able to see the bottom of
Speaker 2: the water. And some people can't do that. Like I
Speaker 2: went swimming in a pond a couple of weeks ago
Speaker 2: with somebody. It was fucking full of algae. It was
Speaker 2: bring to the greenest max. I jumped right in and
Speaker 2: went to town. I didn't fucking care. What's a fitch
Speaker 2: you're going to do to me? Bite me cares. My
Speaker 2: friend barely put their toes in because they were afraid
Speaker 2: of what was under the unknown. And our life daily
Speaker 2: is like that. It's like we only see ten fifteen
Speaker 2: percent of it. So what we are being shaped as.
Speaker 2: So this is one of the things I was talking about,
Speaker 2: is how trauma childhood experiences, past relationships, those program are
Speaker 2: inner thoughts. They program without getting help, without getting you know,
Speaker 2: therapy or or some type of self help without getting
Speaker 2: past trauma, getting getting through childhood experiences, getting healing from
Speaker 2: past relationships. Those are the things that are shaping our thoughts.
Speaker 2: So if someone is always constantly thinking about their trauma,
Speaker 2: past childhood, bad experiences, past relationship bad experiences, they're gonna
Speaker 2: expect nothing but bad experiences constantly. So they're creating their
Speaker 2: own algorithm of bad experiences. Because I did that. I
Speaker 2: grew up in trauma, and I took that trauma with
Speaker 2: me into every fucking relationship. So I was pulling in
Speaker 2: the same type of man that I grew up with
Speaker 2: in subtle different ways, but they all had the same
Speaker 2: shit as that because he had all of the bad stuff.
Speaker 2: And then I was picking men that had bits and pieces,
Speaker 2: thinking they were better, but not really knowing how to
Speaker 2: pick properly without healing. Once I started healing, my algorithms
Speaker 2: are different. Men show up for me, Different people in
Speaker 2: my life show up for me different ways. My friends
Speaker 2: now show up for me.
Speaker 3: You know, you ever had someone show up who you
Speaker 3: knew they were different. It's like, oh my gosh, And
Speaker 3: then all of a sudden, some element that was so
Speaker 3: familiar came up. I was like, oh my god, there
Speaker 3: I go again.
Speaker 2: Yeah, once in a while, somebody else slipped through the
Speaker 2: unemotional the the emotionally unavailable.
Speaker 3: Show up sneaky one, isn't it like you keep? You've
Speaker 3: gone through a B C type A B C D
Speaker 3: E F G all these Oh I found all the
Speaker 3: flavors unavailable that I thought there were, and uneath this
Speaker 3: person who is so different, and oh my god, and
Speaker 3: then all of a sudden, this unavailable trait slips in
Speaker 3: and like, oh my god, where did that come from?
Speaker 3: You're just the new version of unavailable. It's so funny.
Speaker 3: It is because I didn't. I just I clicked on
Speaker 3: the album them again.
Speaker 2: You know, here's what I think about that. I see
Speaker 2: it as universal. Some people call it god, some people
Speaker 2: call it whatever they want to call it. I call
Speaker 2: it universe. My universe is my God. My God is
Speaker 2: my universe, my higher self is my God, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? Especially since I went through my whole
Speaker 2: uh thing with the psychedelics, it just really shaped me
Speaker 2: differently in that aspect. So when I look at that,
Speaker 2: I see it as oh my god, I just lost
Speaker 2: my Oh my god. It just went flat on my head.
Speaker 2: What did you just say? Right before I.
Speaker 3: Started, I was talking about unavailable? Suddenly y flavor of unavailable.
Speaker 2: I see it in the universe, God or whatever, taking
Speaker 2: somebody and going, ah, this person's different, but they're still
Speaker 2: emotionally unavailable. Let's see if they still follow the same
Speaker 2: patterns or not. And when you catch it faster, you're
Speaker 2: learning faster, you're going to be You're going to get
Speaker 2: better and better and better. But if you're still even
Speaker 2: though you're choosing different people, they still are emotionally unavailable.
Speaker 2: You're still picking it and you're not noticing it right away,
Speaker 2: then you still got work to do.
Speaker 3: Well. Yeah, it's like there's a whole curriculum and we
Speaker 3: thought we worked our way through the unavailable curriculum, and
Speaker 3: then all of a sudden, there's a new freaking lesson.
Speaker 3: Wait a minute, right, I thought, you know, well, I
Speaker 3: guess I'm forever in life learning lessons about unavailable.
Speaker 2: So, you know, well, a lot several people presented themselves
Speaker 2: to me over the last few months who just and
Speaker 2: I don't necessarily mean dating, I mean like in general,
Speaker 2: who were just unemotionally unavailable, emotionally unavailable period, and I
Speaker 2: just still. I thought faster, and I'm like, yep, nope,
Speaker 2: this is not the direction I need to go. The
Speaker 2: universe gave me a sign. I said, where do I go?
Speaker 2: What direction do I go? And then here was this
Speaker 2: you know, emotionally unavailable person. Yeah, and I went, yep, nope,
Speaker 2: that's the direction I'm supposed to go over here because
Speaker 2: it showed me. Now, I couldn't chose that direction being
Speaker 2: attracted to the light of them, their energy, the concepts
Speaker 2: of what they have going on. But then that patterns
Speaker 2: there and if I didn't recognize it, then I could
Speaker 2: fall back into it.
Speaker 3: But I see it like that, Yeah, well, you know me,
Speaker 3: I'm all about supporting people moving from victimhood to consciousness
Speaker 3: and the ability to be the creator of their experience.
Speaker 3: And it's not to say that people might not get
Speaker 3: victimized by circumstances, but to take responsibility means really, oh,
Speaker 3: I created this. I created this experience not from a
Speaker 3: place of guilt or shame, but I brought in another
Speaker 3: piece of the curriculum. You know, So even if it's unpleasant,
Speaker 3: and you know, you keep choosing someone who's aggressive or
Speaker 3: someone who's you know we've used the example unavailable, but
Speaker 3: what what's your flavor that you keep creating that's unpleasant?
Speaker 3: And what is the lesson here? Like if we could
Speaker 3: if we could let go of the guilt or the
Speaker 3: shame and let go of oh why did I do
Speaker 3: this again? Or or we could let go of blaming
Speaker 3: the perpetrator out there, then we could really sit in
Speaker 3: the seat of being in power to be curious, how
Speaker 3: did I bring this flavor in again? Oh, a new
Speaker 3: flavor of this kind of person? What is the lesson here?
Speaker 3: Because we got a life curriculum. We don't know how
Speaker 3: many years we're going to have, but at least a
Speaker 3: whole curriculum to experience.
Speaker 2: Well, it's funny because it's funny that you said it
Speaker 2: that way, because it just made me think that we
Speaker 2: start saying things over and over like oh, yeah, well
Speaker 2: I'll do with that tomorrow, or I'll get a therapist
Speaker 2: next week, and we just don't realize that how much
Speaker 2: life is passing us by by putting things off and
Speaker 2: creating that pattern because tomorrow may not come for that person,
Speaker 2: or me or you or anybody that tomorrow may not come,
Speaker 2: you know, So for me, I was thinking like, how
Speaker 2: can people reset their algorithm for their life, you know,
Speaker 2: for dating, for work, for anything. And one of the
Speaker 2: ways that I came up with a couple of different ways,
Speaker 2: and one of them was thinking, you know, therapy or journaling,
Speaker 2: journaling if you're not into therapy, or maybe both, because
Speaker 2: what that does is it's to find the root of
Speaker 2: the pattern, Like what is it that we're doing that's
Speaker 2: causing the unemotional the unavailable people, or the violent people
Speaker 2: or the whatever. So finding the root of the pattern,
Speaker 2: I think is the most important thing, and that's the
Speaker 2: first step, and that's either getting into therapy or journaling
Speaker 2: or maybe you might have some other suggestions. But the
Speaker 2: other one I thought about was maybe starting out smaller
Speaker 2: if it helps with shifting your daily habits like meditation
Speaker 2: and affirmations gratitude. That could also help with your journaling
Speaker 2: is you know, by meditating having certain types of affirmations
Speaker 2: puts you in a better mindset. So if you're constantly
Speaker 2: struggling with I cannot find guys who are single. All
Speaker 2: the good ones are freaking dacon, you know, all the
Speaker 2: best ones are gay. I like saying that one a lot,
Speaker 2: and that's creating a pattern. So by creating an affirmation
Speaker 2: or a meditation or gratitude to the things that you want,
Speaker 2: it's listing the things that you really, truly, corarely want
Speaker 2: with somebody. Then it can start to create shifting different
Speaker 2: daily habits. And when you do that, you start choosing differently.
Speaker 2: And when you start choosing differently, even if it feels
Speaker 2: uncomfortable at first, those are incredible steps because it's getting
Speaker 2: you out of your comfortability that allows you to change
Speaker 2: the pattern of what you're doing, saying, feeling, thinking.
Speaker 3: You know, yeah, well, one of the things that I
Speaker 3: think is really useful is to make sure that you,
Speaker 3: for your own life, are differentiating between a crisis moment
Speaker 3: and a moment of growth, because let's basically, there are
Speaker 3: moments where if the house is on fire, you don't
Speaker 3: start wondering about, oh, it's not nice. You know, maybe
Speaker 3: we should do the landscaping differently, or maybe we should
Speaker 3: have put in a sprinkler system. That's the time when
Speaker 3: the house is on fire, put the fire out. And
Speaker 3: you know, we could extrapolate on whatever that might be
Speaker 3: emotionally in someone's life that there are crisis situations that
Speaker 3: need to be dealt with and and but then if
Speaker 3: you're not in a crisis, then I would say, and
Speaker 3: this is one of the ways I live my life
Speaker 3: is I'm I'm always in a growth inquiry, like I'm
Speaker 3: always looking for some way to explore and grow who
Speaker 3: I am. How do I get to be this way?
Speaker 3: What's possible? Where if I made choices that limit what's possible?
Speaker 3: Where do I have limiting beliefs and all of those things,
Speaker 3: So that I'm always curious and exploring and not trying
Speaker 3: to solve a problem, unless, of course, like I said,
Speaker 3: it's a crisis. You know, like I'm not problem solving
Speaker 3: because I think if if the things that we're doing,
Speaker 3: like if you meditate in order to be more peaceful,
Speaker 3: well that is almost like you're trying to solve a problem.
Speaker 3: If that little phrase in order to this, if you're
Speaker 3: if you're really stuck on the result, But if you meditate,
Speaker 3: to meditate and really see what, Like I have no
Speaker 3: idea what meditation is going to provide for me. Some
Speaker 3: people said it's going to make me more peaceful. Some
Speaker 3: people said it's going to this and that. Well, let's
Speaker 3: investigate and see what it's like. Rather than being putting
Speaker 3: all my attention on trying to be more peaceful. Let's
Speaker 3: be in an inquiry without being attached to some lesson
Speaker 3: to be learned. And I think that's a rich, rich
Speaker 3: way to experience life.
Speaker 2: Also, though, if you think about it, if you are,
Speaker 2: say then you're meditating, to meditate, a lot of answers
Speaker 2: can come to you during that time by just clearing
Speaker 2: your mind and you know, thinking about you know, those
Speaker 2: type of things. But if you're also thinking about it,
Speaker 2: if you're if you're doing the actions, like you say,
Speaker 2: just to be not to solve a problem, that a
Speaker 2: lot of the problems will start to be solved for
Speaker 2: you in messages. And I see signs and synchronicities all
Speaker 2: the time, and I think that that kind of leans
Speaker 2: towards what we're talking about is are people actually paying
Speaker 2: attention to synchronicities and signs once they've asked for solutions,
Speaker 2: Because asking for a solution but then not being open
Speaker 2: to the goddamn sign of it is not going to
Speaker 2: pict your problem. So when I say that, like, if
Speaker 2: you're hearing songs or getting messages from a text, or
Speaker 2: are you open your Facebook and there's you know, blah,
Speaker 2: blah blah, and you're thinking about it. Do you trust
Speaker 2: those signs or do you just wipe past them? Do
Speaker 2: you just keep going? And just a real fast example,
Speaker 2: because we only have ten minutes left, a real fast
Speaker 2: example is about a week or two ago, I've been
Speaker 2: really I've been struggling for the last year to know
Speaker 2: where I'm going to know. I keep saying I'm going
Speaker 2: to go to Europe, but with my new job, I'm
Speaker 2: struggling with the time difference. And I thought, well, going
Speaker 2: to Europe right now would be difficult, even more so
Speaker 2: than the time difference for me now, and I just
Speaker 2: decided to meditate. And then and then I did. I
Speaker 2: just meditated, and then I said in my meditation, Hey, spirit, guides,
Speaker 2: you know, angels, ancestors, universe, whatever I want, I'm looking
Speaker 2: for a sign or or a direction of where I'm
Speaker 2: supposed to go. How can I solve the problem of
Speaker 2: having these list of things I want and need and
Speaker 2: yet still solve a problem that I'm having. And the
Speaker 2: very next day, several things came across my attention that
Speaker 2: gave me an answer to that. And then a friend
Speaker 2: texted me and said, Hey, I'm in this exact place
Speaker 2: that I'd been shown, shown and shown, and then I
Speaker 2: had my answer. So now I know where I'm moving
Speaker 2: to for the first six months that I leave here. Awesome,
Speaker 2: and it's Mexico. I'm going to apply a del carmen Mexico.
Speaker 2: It's in the same time zone as the people I
Speaker 2: work with. It's giving me the same things here that
Speaker 2: I want from here there, meaning the ocean, the beach,
Speaker 2: but yet feel more tropical, which I don't have here.
Speaker 2: More rain, more blue ocean, you know, more clean sand,
Speaker 2: and yet be able to take my massive fucking nut
Speaker 2: of a living expense every month that I kill myself
Speaker 2: here for will will decrease by you know, let's just
Speaker 2: say I spend five thousand dollars. Let's say the truth,
Speaker 2: I spend five thousand or more just to be poor here,
Speaker 2: just to be poor, just to skim by, whereas in Mexico,
Speaker 2: were I'm going, my entire living expense will be one
Speaker 2: thousand dollars. So it solved the problem for me of
Speaker 2: being able to give me all the things I wanted
Speaker 2: and be able to lower my living expenses so that
Speaker 2: I could save more for when I do find the
Speaker 2: place that I want to be. So you got to
Speaker 2: look for those things. And here's my best suggestion on
Speaker 2: how to see those things, Okay, by raising your standards,
Speaker 2: by healing old wounds, by being intentional about what kind
Speaker 2: of love and life that we're looking to attract, which
Speaker 2: then gives us our algorithm. You know, It's kind of
Speaker 2: like if you were to say, here's an example for
Speaker 2: y'all if my spiritual algorithm, if your spiritual algorithm was
Speaker 2: like your TikTok page, would it just be dogs, tacos,
Speaker 2: and you know, emotionally unavailable men. Okay, So what I
Speaker 2: would encourage you to do is look at what your
Speaker 2: set patterns are bringing you and then say, oh, I
Speaker 2: can change my algorithm on TikTok by just searching for
Speaker 2: other things that will bring different things to my to
Speaker 2: my algorithm. It's the same thing with your life. When
Speaker 2: you start focusing on the things you're wanting to attract,
Speaker 2: then those things start coming. So you're changing your algorithm.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2: How would you say that we've got We've got another
Speaker 2: seven minutes or so. I'm just curious what your thoughts are,
Speaker 2: maybe some solutions, some things to really start helping people
Speaker 2: rethink and reprogram their algorithm for their life.
Speaker 3: You know, I think one of the biggest lessons that
Speaker 3: I've been learning and I'm still learning and still wrestling
Speaker 3: with and still exploring, is the whole idea of non attachment.
Speaker 3: I know that. You know, it's spoken of in many
Speaker 3: different ways and many different spiritual beliefs, and I think
Speaker 3: it's I think attachment. You know, attachment would be like
Speaker 3: if you are now set on Mexico and something happened
Speaker 3: and you couldn't go there, that you Yeah, so that's
Speaker 3: not attachment. You know, I'd come up with another solution. So, yeah,
Speaker 3: being attached to a solution is a pitfall.
Speaker 2: Yes, here's the thing. I was attached to going to
Speaker 2: Spain first and then doing my thing. I was attached
Speaker 2: to it. I was sold to it, I was married
Speaker 2: to it. I was fucking tied to it. And when
Speaker 2: things were coming up that were going to make it
Speaker 2: really difficult, I started to panic and think what am
Speaker 2: I going to do now?
Speaker 3: Yes, So that's a great symptom of being attached, is
Speaker 3: that all of a sudden, I'm panicking and there's like this,
Speaker 3: I've got to force this to happen and work out
Speaker 3: we see.
Speaker 2: The thing that makes me feel comfortable about this is
Speaker 2: that by going to Mexico one, I'm super close to
Speaker 2: the US. Still, okay, it's not a difficult place to go.
Speaker 2: I've been there before. I'm very comfortable with it. I
Speaker 2: have friends there, it's in the right time zone. It's
Speaker 2: gonna save me money. If I don't like it, I leave.
Speaker 2: That's how simple it is. If I feel unsafe or
Speaker 2: or not happy, I just change. That's all there is
Speaker 2: to it. I just okay, Well, if I don't like
Speaker 2: the cat videos I'm seeing on TikTok, I'm gonna now
Speaker 2: google dogg videos and I'm just gonna change.
Speaker 3: The algorithm, try to reach out and explore.
Speaker 2: Now, a couple of things in the studio said, are
Speaker 2: these things we think into the universe? Remember when when
Speaker 2: when she'd asked that, But we don't. She also goes
Speaker 2: on to say, but we don't know if we're going
Speaker 2: to want or what we think we want. So is
Speaker 2: that why we keep trying.
Speaker 3: We don't know if we're going to want what we
Speaker 3: think we want. That way, we keep trying.
Speaker 2: What's that about, rebel?
Speaker 3: You keep trying to when you keep one things you
Speaker 3: want something, you get it, you don't actually want it trying.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I see.
Speaker 3: You keep putting these things you think you want it.
Speaker 3: It's human want what you don't have, but when you
Speaker 3: get it, you don't necessarily want it.
Speaker 2: I think that's kind of like leaning towards what Steve
Speaker 2: was just saying, Are you too attached to the outcome?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: Are you?
Speaker 3: Are you so attached that you get it and it's
Speaker 3: not what you want but you keep trying to go
Speaker 3: for it anyway. Yeah, it's like I think I should
Speaker 3: want this, and then you know, I think that's true
Speaker 3: a lot from people with their relationship with money, then money,
Speaker 3: the relationshippings of it, the money, what represents buying all
Speaker 3: the things that money represents what you know, really, they
Speaker 3: think that's going to make them happy, and they get
Speaker 3: the money or they get the new car, the things
Speaker 3: that are symbols of money, and it ends up not
Speaker 3: being what they really wanted. So they're they're kind of
Speaker 3: on a hamster wheel trying to keep get more of
Speaker 3: what they think they want when maybe that really wasn't
Speaker 3: what they.
Speaker 2: Wanted, right. But if what they do is take a
Speaker 2: different energy and put it into the money, and then
Speaker 2: they also change the energy of the outcome, meaning letting
Speaker 2: it go, not caring if that is the exact ending,
Speaker 2: just knowing that you're going down a path that's going
Speaker 2: to lead you where you're eventually supposed to go, and
Speaker 2: maybe that's the direction you start, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: So it's like money if you're putting a different feeling
Speaker 2: to it, like, oh, money is just there. So what's
Speaker 2: another way you can think of it? How do I
Speaker 2: think of it? I think it differently. I don't see
Speaker 2: it as how money can make me happy. I see
Speaker 2: it as how money can move some of the difficulties
Speaker 2: that I'm having out of the way so that I
Speaker 2: can now focus on the things that are really important
Speaker 2: and special to the people in my life and my
Speaker 2: own life. So I don't see money as a powerful
Speaker 2: thing to make me happy. I see it as a
Speaker 2: tool to just be able to do the things I
Speaker 2: need to do to get to where I need to go.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I'm excited to see what you learn moving
Speaker 3: to Mexico, where the value of money is different. I
Speaker 3: think you might see the value of relationships changing and
Speaker 3: the value of money being less significant because the culture
Speaker 3: there might be have a different relationship with money. We
Speaker 3: very much in this country, in our capitalist country, and
Speaker 3: you know, a lot of agreement around it. It's a
Speaker 3: lot of conversation around what money means.
Speaker 2: I think I had this weird thing with money, you know,
Speaker 2: for a while, because we never had it. I've never
Speaker 2: I had not had it in the past, and so
Speaker 2: it was always an elusive thing that we're constantly seeking
Speaker 2: and trying to get. And I always saw it as
Speaker 2: I couldn't have the things I really needed when I
Speaker 2: didn't have the money, and when I had the money,
Speaker 2: I would spend it on the things I needed, but
Speaker 2: then I wouldn't have it, and then it was this
Speaker 2: angry cycle. And now I just see it. I just
Speaker 2: put different energy on it, and I don't see it
Speaker 2: as the outcome anymore. I see it as a tool,
Speaker 2: a tool that I use like anything else in I
Speaker 2: like my computer, my phone, you know, the things in
Speaker 2: my in my home that helped me do the things
Speaker 2: I need to do. And I don't put that kind
Speaker 2: of all end all be all energy on it anymore.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I guess maybe the answer to are One
Speaker 3: of the themes of the show is what one way to
Speaker 3: really know what your spiritual algorithm is is to really
Speaker 3: get in touch with what's important to you.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. Thanks for being here and talking about
Speaker 2: this topic with this was amazing. I appreciate. It's actually
Speaker 2: a really fun topic to talk about. So next week,
Speaker 2: just so everybody knows, next week, I've got Thomas Sawyer
Speaker 2: on the show, and he is going to come and
Speaker 2: talk to us about the psychic world, aliens, all kinds
Speaker 2: of stuff. He's gonna give me a topic and we're
Speaker 2: gonna chat. But what's really exciting is that Thomas is
Speaker 2: coming on because I'm going to introduce him as my
Speaker 2: new co host for my second podcast, not this podcast,
Speaker 2: my other podcast that's going to be all about the
Speaker 2: psychic work. So that one is going to be at
Speaker 2: the end of October. We'll keep you posting on that,
Speaker 2: but I'm going to introduce Thomas to you next week,
Speaker 2: So come back for that if you would, uh, And
Speaker 2: until then, let's just keep this shit real. If you
Speaker 2: enjoyed this episode, please share with your friends, like and
Speaker 2: follow us on Instagram at fifty Shades of Underscore Bullshit
Speaker 2: and Facebook at fifty Shades of Bullshit. Thanks so much,
Speaker 2: for listening, and we really hope to see you again
Speaker 2: next week.