WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:02.600 This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to k 2 00:00:02.879 --> 00:00:05.440 I AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on 3 00:00:05.519 --> 00:00:09.000 demand on the iHeartRadio app. Welcome to the Doctor Wendy 4 00:00:09.039 --> 00:00:13.080 Walls Show on I AM six forty live everywhere on 5 00:00:13.160 --> 00:00:16.839 the iHeartRadio App. Okay, if you have been listening to 6 00:00:16.879 --> 00:00:20.399 my show for the ten years ten years. I think 7 00:00:20.399 --> 00:00:22.600 it's going to be ten years in September, which is 8 00:00:22.640 --> 00:00:25.399 like in a minute, ten years that I've been on 9 00:00:25.480 --> 00:00:28.760 k I AM six forty. You know that I have 10 00:00:28.839 --> 00:00:31.839 a PhD in clinical psychology. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a 11 00:00:31.879 --> 00:00:33.359 psychology professor, not a therapist. 12 00:00:33.439 --> 00:00:34.359 Yeah yeah yeah. 13 00:00:34.399 --> 00:00:37.479 But I'm a little bit obsessed with the science of love. 14 00:00:37.600 --> 00:00:39.640 I have spent three decades of my life reading every 15 00:00:39.679 --> 00:00:43.880 little bit of scientific research that there is on dating, mating, 16 00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:48.719 and relating and the wide spectrum of how people couple 17 00:00:48.799 --> 00:00:50.880 up or triple up or whatever it may be with 18 00:00:50.960 --> 00:00:56.799 them right, And I feel like I've educated myself very well. 19 00:00:57.920 --> 00:01:00.880 I also feel that I've done a very good job 20 00:01:01.320 --> 00:01:05.920 of taking scientific information and turning it into language everybody 21 00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:08.640 can understand. And I want to be very clear, this 22 00:01:08.719 --> 00:01:14.159 does not mean that I dumb anything down. This means 23 00:01:14.680 --> 00:01:18.120 that I try my best to not use psychobabble and 24 00:01:18.200 --> 00:01:21.680 instead just say, in plain English, this is what the 25 00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:27.280 research says. Now, why you might ask have I spent 26 00:01:27.400 --> 00:01:30.760 three decades of my life studying this subject and continuing 27 00:01:30.799 --> 00:01:34.640 to do so, And I will tell you it is 28 00:01:34.680 --> 00:01:39.159 because I had so many relationship problems in my own life, 29 00:01:39.760 --> 00:01:43.400 from a young woman onwards. I have been when people say, well, 30 00:01:43.439 --> 00:01:45.239 have you been married, have you been divorced? Have you 31 00:01:45.280 --> 00:01:46.480 ever really had an affair? One? 32 00:01:46.480 --> 00:01:46.799 Have you been? 33 00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:50.560 I've been everything from a mistress to a girlfriend, to 34 00:01:50.920 --> 00:01:53.599 a wife, to a live in girlfriend, to a divorcea 35 00:01:53.799 --> 00:01:59.840 to a survivor of domestic violence, a survivor of financial abuse. 36 00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:01.760 And you're like, well, it sounds like that that's all 37 00:02:01.799 --> 00:02:06.280 your fault and your poor choices that you made. Yes, 38 00:02:06.760 --> 00:02:09.840 I did make a few porn choices. Are you holding 39 00:02:09.879 --> 00:02:13.560 your pearls when you say that poor choices? Because they 40 00:02:13.560 --> 00:02:18.719 were unconscious choices. And I want us to all stop 41 00:02:18.879 --> 00:02:23.800 judging each other and understand that our model for love, 42 00:02:24.280 --> 00:02:27.719 our idea in our head for love, is formed in 43 00:02:27.759 --> 00:02:30.479 the first three years of life, and then we go 44 00:02:30.599 --> 00:02:33.879 out in our adul romantic life and we say, hmm, 45 00:02:34.719 --> 00:02:39.120 that person feels familiar. You know, love is not about 46 00:02:39.240 --> 00:02:45.120 finding happiness, it's not about finding pleasure. Love is about 47 00:02:45.159 --> 00:02:50.360 finding the familiar. And sadly, through most of my decades 48 00:02:50.360 --> 00:02:52.800 of single life and married life and living in life 49 00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:55.360 and divorce life and single mother life and everything else, 50 00:02:56.199 --> 00:03:00.719 I was finding the familiar in people who would leave 51 00:03:00.800 --> 00:03:09.520 me with feelings of loss abandonment, sometimes highly criticized, because 52 00:03:09.879 --> 00:03:14.439 in my early life that was what love felt like. 53 00:03:15.000 --> 00:03:17.439 You see, kids are going to love their parents no 54 00:03:17.479 --> 00:03:19.319 matter what. And this is not to put down my parents. 55 00:03:19.400 --> 00:03:22.479 I think I had great parents. Like every parent, they 56 00:03:22.479 --> 00:03:25.240 did the best they could with the tools they had. 57 00:03:26.240 --> 00:03:29.800 But because of life circumstances, my dad was in the navy, 58 00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:34.080 and he was gone. He was gone more than six 59 00:03:34.120 --> 00:03:37.199 to eight months a year, in a very inconsistent pattern, 60 00:03:38.240 --> 00:03:40.199 gone for three weeks, back for two days, gone for 61 00:03:40.240 --> 00:03:42.919 three months, back for three weeks. You know, it was craziness. 62 00:03:43.719 --> 00:03:48.360 And this is the nineteen sixties where there was nobody 63 00:03:48.400 --> 00:03:48.840 had help. 64 00:03:48.919 --> 00:03:50.400 The village wasn't there. 65 00:03:50.439 --> 00:03:53.680 We were always sort of the strangers moving around all 66 00:03:53.719 --> 00:03:56.919 the time. There was no giant village of cousins because 67 00:03:56.960 --> 00:04:00.639 we were moving so much, and so half time, my 68 00:04:00.759 --> 00:04:03.439 frazzled mother with three children under the age of three, 69 00:04:04.319 --> 00:04:07.120 stop right there, three children under the age of three, 70 00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:09.479 I'm sure would leave the three of us in a 71 00:04:09.520 --> 00:04:12.319 playpen while she would just go vacuum to tune out 72 00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:15.719 the screaming. And I was at the bottom of the 73 00:04:15.759 --> 00:04:18.920 toddler tumble because I was the only girl. So I 74 00:04:18.959 --> 00:04:23.399 had brothers who were doing very naturally normal, high testosterone brotherly. 75 00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:24.360 Things like beating me up. 76 00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:29.399 And there's my model for love, longing for a man 77 00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:32.639 who would come back and save me, but being pummeled 78 00:04:32.639 --> 00:04:37.639 by what was there at the moment. Now, nobody's fault here. 79 00:04:38.120 --> 00:04:42.439 This is the nineteen sixties. The term parenting as a 80 00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:46.920 verb was never even coined until the nineteen seventies. It 81 00:04:46.959 --> 00:04:49.079 wasn't something you did. It was just you were a 82 00:04:49.160 --> 00:04:51.920 parent because there was a git around. But you didn't parent. 83 00:04:52.240 --> 00:04:54.639 You didn't try to enrich their lives, you didn't try 84 00:04:54.680 --> 00:04:57.639 to help shape their mental health. You just fed them 85 00:04:57.720 --> 00:05:02.639 until they got up. Right was the time. And so 86 00:05:03.279 --> 00:05:07.560 after many many decades suffering all kinds of relationships that 87 00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:12.519 you would judge me is for making poor choices. I 88 00:05:12.600 --> 00:05:15.600 went to therapy. I was in therapy on and off 89 00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:18.720 for eighteen years, and I learned about myself and I 90 00:05:18.800 --> 00:05:21.759 shared everything in my books. I've written three books about relationships. 91 00:05:21.800 --> 00:05:24.399 I did a dissertation on attachment theory. I know more 92 00:05:24.480 --> 00:05:27.439 about attachment theory as it relates to me than maybe 93 00:05:27.480 --> 00:05:31.519 even my therapist. So the question is why did I 94 00:05:31.519 --> 00:05:34.600 study it? Because I was obsessed with healing myself. But 95 00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:37.040 at the same time, I knew that I wasn't alone, 96 00:05:37.079 --> 00:05:42.040 that other people were struggling men and women with attachment 97 00:05:42.639 --> 00:05:45.480 I need to use the word disorders, but attachment pain, 98 00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:50.279 attachment injuries. And I am so happy to tell you. 99 00:05:50.480 --> 00:05:53.639 If you've been following me, you know that back in December, 100 00:05:54.000 --> 00:05:57.800 I proposed to my boyfriend live on air. We've been 101 00:05:57.800 --> 00:06:03.560 together four years, and this weekend we tied the knot. 102 00:06:04.279 --> 00:06:08.000 We got married. Yes, I'm missus now. No I'm not 103 00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:11.199 taking his name, and no he's not taking my name. 104 00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:17.720 Why was I able to make this commitment Because I 105 00:06:17.879 --> 00:06:21.800 reached a stage in my personal journey where I could 106 00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:27.720 tolerate kindness, where I could learn to accept care and 107 00:06:27.839 --> 00:06:30.759 know that it was okay and that I deserved it. 108 00:06:31.240 --> 00:06:33.240 And the world wasn't going to fall apart and he 109 00:06:33.319 --> 00:06:36.199 wasn't going to abandon me. But it was a very 110 00:06:36.319 --> 00:06:40.920 long journey for me. And the reason why I continue 111 00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:45.639 to do this show, continue to talk about relationships is 112 00:06:45.639 --> 00:06:49.319 because I want everyone to have the feeling I have, 113 00:06:50.360 --> 00:06:57.839 and that feeling is trust, security, and a sense of calmness. 114 00:06:58.879 --> 00:07:01.480 Now we are all also to people of a certain age, 115 00:07:01.959 --> 00:07:07.279 and people's needs change across the lifespan when they're choosing partners. 116 00:07:07.720 --> 00:07:09.920 You know, when till Death Do Us part was invented, 117 00:07:09.920 --> 00:07:11.800 death was pretty imminent, and if you're having a kind 118 00:07:11.800 --> 00:07:13.120 of grayish marriage. 119 00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:14.639 Death might be pretty imminent. 120 00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:16.600 He hates it when I make that joke, by the way, 121 00:07:16.839 --> 00:07:20.720 but I love it because a relationship is an exchange 122 00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:24.600 of care, and care can take many different forms, and 123 00:07:24.639 --> 00:07:28.240 the care that we're both anticipating in the future is 124 00:07:28.920 --> 00:07:33.639 real care in the last third of our lives. So anyway, 125 00:07:33.879 --> 00:07:39.759 congratulations to me, Congratulations to my wonderful new husband. Oh 126 00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:42.360 my god, husband, I can't believe I'm saying that after 127 00:07:42.439 --> 00:07:46.639 all these years. All right, on this show, I want 128 00:07:46.680 --> 00:07:49.720 to talk a bit a lot about love here and there, 129 00:07:50.360 --> 00:07:55.279 but also stay tuned because I have a very special 130 00:07:55.319 --> 00:07:57.759 guest at the end of the show, Who's going to 131 00:07:57.759 --> 00:08:03.040 talk to us about not only ray marriage, but gray divorce. Yeah, 132 00:08:03.120 --> 00:08:07.600 I want to prevent that. Okay, gray divorce. Hey, it 133 00:08:07.639 --> 00:08:10.519 may be natural for some, but not if you've got 134 00:08:10.800 --> 00:08:13.480 married when you're already gray. Look, I'm not gray. I 135 00:08:13.560 --> 00:08:15.120 color my hair. I just want to say, you can't 136 00:08:15.120 --> 00:08:19.240 even see a gray hair. You're listening to the Doctor 137 00:08:19.279 --> 00:08:22.160 Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. 138 00:08:22.199 --> 00:08:24.639 We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 139 00:08:25.800 --> 00:08:30.040 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 140 00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:31.439 AM six forty. 141 00:08:32.639 --> 00:08:34.480 Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on k 142 00:08:34.799 --> 00:08:38.279 I AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. So, 143 00:08:38.840 --> 00:08:41.480 if you follow me on social media, specifically TikTok, you 144 00:08:41.519 --> 00:08:43.000 know that I've got a million followers. 145 00:08:43.360 --> 00:08:45.639 You know probably if you've been following me for a while, 146 00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:49.240 that my brand is slowly in transition. So here's the thing. 147 00:08:49.279 --> 00:08:52.399 When you get stuck in one space on social media, 148 00:08:52.480 --> 00:08:55.600 it becomes everything. And the truth is, I'm so much 149 00:08:55.639 --> 00:08:59.200 more than relationship advice. Although I love to give relationship advice. 150 00:08:59.320 --> 00:09:00.000 Here's my theory. 151 00:09:00.159 --> 00:09:04.360 By the way, about my little identity transformation here. During 152 00:09:04.519 --> 00:09:08.559 all the years that I was single and had attachment 153 00:09:09.000 --> 00:09:14.720 injuries and was in therapy and was in graduate school, 154 00:09:15.360 --> 00:09:20.120 trying to put an intellectual eye on love to ultimately 155 00:09:21.000 --> 00:09:26.000 heal myself right, And so I wrote three books on relationships. 156 00:09:26.080 --> 00:09:30.600 I did a dissertation on attachment theory. I became obsessed 157 00:09:31.039 --> 00:09:34.399 with our romantic attachment style and how we could heal 158 00:09:34.639 --> 00:09:38.879 early life trauma that could lead to us finding constantly 159 00:09:38.879 --> 00:09:43.639 being attracted to partners who hurt us. So I really 160 00:09:43.679 --> 00:09:45.879 walked my walk. I don't know if you've ever heard 161 00:09:45.879 --> 00:09:48.120 that saying. I think it's from the book Jonathan Livingston 162 00:09:48.240 --> 00:09:52.639 segul we teach best what we most need to learn, 163 00:09:53.639 --> 00:09:56.279 And so I would every time I would learn something new. 164 00:09:56.679 --> 00:09:59.840 And you know, my career as a journalist a real 165 00:10:00.159 --> 00:10:03.120 taught me how to take scientific information and put it 166 00:10:03.159 --> 00:10:06.120 into language everybody could understand. So I blogged, and I 167 00:10:06.200 --> 00:10:08.600 do podcasts, and I go on radio, and I write 168 00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:10.919 books and I talk about wow, this aha moment, Oh 169 00:10:10.919 --> 00:10:12.960 my gosh, just well, look what I learned. People with 170 00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:15.720 an avoidant attachment style are mostly attracted to people with 171 00:10:15.759 --> 00:10:18.279 an anxious attachment style, and there's this constant running all 172 00:10:18.320 --> 00:10:21.559 the time in their relationship and nobody's really happy. But 173 00:10:21.639 --> 00:10:23.720 those relationships tend to last a really long time, by 174 00:10:23.720 --> 00:10:25.879 the way, because the running becomes the glue instead of 175 00:10:25.879 --> 00:10:29.120 emotional intimacy. Anyway, that would be one example of what 176 00:10:29.159 --> 00:10:33.000 I might have put in a TikTok video. So when 177 00:10:33.440 --> 00:10:38.960 I met my fiance during the pandemic and we you know, 178 00:10:39.080 --> 00:10:41.559 I continued to do all the things I've been teaching 179 00:10:41.639 --> 00:10:44.360 you guys for the last ten years on KFI. I 180 00:10:44.399 --> 00:10:46.879 did them. I did them because I've been teaching them. 181 00:10:47.240 --> 00:10:50.519 We teach best what we most need to learn. And 182 00:10:50.639 --> 00:10:54.279 I was able to build a secure attachment for the 183 00:10:54.320 --> 00:10:58.279 first time in my life. I literally this morning, we 184 00:10:58.279 --> 00:11:01.039 were in bed and I said I was going somewhere 185 00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:02.679 for the day and he was going somewhere for the day, 186 00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:04.279 and I said, oh, I'm not going to see you 187 00:11:04.320 --> 00:11:06.440 all day and he's and I said, I don't think 188 00:11:06.440 --> 00:11:09.279 I've ever had this kind of feeling where I didn't 189 00:11:09.279 --> 00:11:11.559 even want to take a day off from somebody, And 190 00:11:11.639 --> 00:11:15.279 he said me either, never had this feeling. So now 191 00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:17.919 that I have what's called a secure attachment, I find 192 00:11:17.960 --> 00:11:22.320 myself just a little a little less interested in lot, 193 00:11:22.639 --> 00:11:25.600 you know, hardcore relationship advice, although you'll notice coming up 194 00:11:25.679 --> 00:11:27.759 later in the show, I have a lot of stuff 195 00:11:27.840 --> 00:11:31.399 for happily together couples to keep it happily together. Right, 196 00:11:31.679 --> 00:11:33.720 So we're going to talk about whether a relationship can 197 00:11:33.759 --> 00:11:36.799 survive cheating. Ten topics you should be talking about to 198 00:11:36.799 --> 00:11:39.360 make your relationship stronger, et cetera. I'm still learning that, Okay, 199 00:11:39.480 --> 00:11:44.399 still keeping it with you. But anyway, So on TikTok, lately, 200 00:11:44.679 --> 00:11:46.480 you know i'd circle around. I say this to my 201 00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:48.759 students too. I get off on side railroad trains of 202 00:11:48.799 --> 00:11:51.120 stories and then I circle it back. We're talking about 203 00:11:51.159 --> 00:11:54.720 social media and kids. So on my TikTok, I've been 204 00:11:55.200 --> 00:11:59.480 doing lots of videos talking about how I'm changing, And 205 00:11:59.559 --> 00:12:02.919 one of the videos is describing a road trip I 206 00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:06.200 took during COVID with two teenagers to eight different states, 207 00:12:06.679 --> 00:12:09.360 and I at one. 208 00:12:09.440 --> 00:12:12.159 I've attended many Black Lives Matter. 209 00:12:11.960 --> 00:12:15.240 Protests because it was during those days, and one of 210 00:12:15.279 --> 00:12:18.200 them was up in a tiny town in Montana, and 211 00:12:18.320 --> 00:12:21.159 I showed video of this and I was really quite 212 00:12:21.159 --> 00:12:23.519 astounded at how many people came. 213 00:12:23.320 --> 00:12:25.240 Out fully armed. 214 00:12:26.279 --> 00:12:29.399 Well, I just showed the video right very few seconds 215 00:12:29.399 --> 00:12:32.840 of it, TikTok banned me, warned me, shut me down. 216 00:12:32.960 --> 00:12:35.080 It was the craziest and I couldn't figure out why 217 00:12:35.080 --> 00:12:35.919 I got this warning. 218 00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:37.639 I was just talking about a road trip and. 219 00:12:37.639 --> 00:12:40.000 Teenagers and what we ate and where we stayed. But 220 00:12:40.080 --> 00:12:42.879 then one of my I posted another video saying does 221 00:12:42.919 --> 00:12:44.759 anybody know why my last video was taken down? And 222 00:12:45.840 --> 00:12:48.559 then they said they don't allow pew pews. That's the code, 223 00:12:48.799 --> 00:12:51.240 that's the code that the robots can't understand pew pew. 224 00:12:52.200 --> 00:12:56.360 Apparently that means again anywhere on TikTok. So I was 225 00:12:56.480 --> 00:13:01.559 both happy about this news and upset. My wonderful video 226 00:13:01.559 --> 00:13:03.720 that I spent a long time editing got taken down. 227 00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:05.720 By the way, it did get put back up because 228 00:13:05.759 --> 00:13:08.000 I edited out that particular scene, So if you want 229 00:13:08.000 --> 00:13:09.320 to go look at it, it's up. 230 00:13:09.240 --> 00:13:10.120 There on TikTok. 231 00:13:10.720 --> 00:13:13.879 So, you know, as our government is trying harder and 232 00:13:13.919 --> 00:13:17.720 harder to protect kids, and there's all these rumors that 233 00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:20.320 TikTok is going to be banned because the Chinese are 234 00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:23.639 spying on us and our kids, and they're dominating and 235 00:13:23.639 --> 00:13:25.960 manipulating and controlling the brains of our youth. 236 00:13:26.840 --> 00:13:27.679 All very true. 237 00:13:27.799 --> 00:13:31.799 By the way, I think the social media companies are 238 00:13:31.799 --> 00:13:35.720 starting to get nervous and take some personal responsibility. The 239 00:13:35.840 --> 00:13:43.279 data is undeniable, this infinite scroll that young brains enacting. 240 00:13:44.120 --> 00:13:47.279 They're scrolling and scrolling and scrolling where they stay engaged 241 00:13:47.519 --> 00:13:50.960 in those videos as long as possible. The research is 242 00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:54.120 clear that this is not okay for kids. You see, 243 00:13:54.159 --> 00:13:57.320 because of children's brain development, they don't have a fully 244 00:13:57.320 --> 00:14:01.000 developed prefrontal cortex that's impulse control. They don't have the 245 00:14:01.000 --> 00:14:05.159 ability to stop themselves or regulate their behaviors. Right, we 246 00:14:05.200 --> 00:14:07.360 get mad at them that they're on their phones too long, 247 00:14:07.720 --> 00:14:10.120 and that's like saying, why do you keep eating all 248 00:14:10.120 --> 00:14:12.320 that sugar when we're the ones feeding it to you? Right, 249 00:14:12.759 --> 00:14:16.759 So they're addicted. They're addicted mom and dad. So technology, now, 250 00:14:17.559 --> 00:14:20.519 there have been some of the tech companies have enacted 251 00:14:20.600 --> 00:14:25.679 forty four changes across different platforms to improve youth safety 252 00:14:25.720 --> 00:14:29.320 and well being. So this includes things like listen up. 253 00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:34.000 Instagram has announced that it will filter comments considered to 254 00:14:34.080 --> 00:14:37.840 be bullying. So now, because of good AI and the robots, 255 00:14:38.039 --> 00:14:41.000 it'll scroll through the comments if it looks like it's nasty, 256 00:14:41.399 --> 00:14:42.360 then they're just going. 257 00:14:42.360 --> 00:14:43.720 To get rid of it. 258 00:14:43.720 --> 00:14:49.159 It's also using machine learning to identify bullying photos. I 259 00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:52.399 wonder what's a bullying photo. Maybe when they take someone's 260 00:14:52.399 --> 00:14:54.240 face and do weird things with it or whatever and 261 00:14:54.279 --> 00:14:55.080 making fun of them. 262 00:14:55.159 --> 00:14:55.600 I don't know. 263 00:14:58.039 --> 00:15:02.480 Also, YouTube is now going to alert users when their 264 00:15:02.519 --> 00:15:05.759 comments are deemed defensive, so you'll get a little note 265 00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:08.840 saying we don't like this on this platform, and YouTube 266 00:15:08.840 --> 00:15:14.519 promises to remove hate speech now. Privacy is another issue right. 267 00:15:15.039 --> 00:15:20.440 Instagram says it will notify miners when they are interacting 268 00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:25.360 with an adult who has been flagged for suspicious behaviors. 269 00:15:26.240 --> 00:15:29.159 Owannder of miners would be alerted about me because I 270 00:15:29.200 --> 00:15:32.360 got flagged for the gun thing. You never know, I 271 00:15:32.440 --> 00:15:34.879 might be in a system now as a bad person. 272 00:15:35.320 --> 00:15:40.320 Not that I send dms to minors anyway. And it 273 00:15:40.440 --> 00:15:44.120 also does not allow adults to this one to message 274 00:15:44.159 --> 00:15:47.440 miners who are more than two years younger than they are, 275 00:15:47.440 --> 00:15:49.440 you know, the two year gap. You know why because 276 00:15:49.480 --> 00:15:54.279 that conforms to the statutory rape thing. So statutory rape 277 00:15:54.360 --> 00:15:56.600 is like, obviously you can't have sex with somebody under 278 00:15:56.600 --> 00:16:00.799 the age of eighteen, but if you're nineteen, you could 279 00:16:00.840 --> 00:16:02.519 have sex with a seventeen year old. That's to keep 280 00:16:02.519 --> 00:16:05.200 the nineteen year olds and their girlfriends from going to 281 00:16:05.279 --> 00:16:09.159 jail for that, right, So it's two year gap. The 282 00:16:09.200 --> 00:16:11.519 other thing they're trying to do is improve time management. 283 00:16:12.120 --> 00:16:15.399 So many of the platforms YouTube Kids has in fact 284 00:16:15.759 --> 00:16:18.120 turned off auto play. You know how when you get 285 00:16:18.159 --> 00:16:19.840 on YouTube and it goes from one video to the 286 00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:22.480 another video to another video. Won't do that for kids. 287 00:16:22.679 --> 00:16:24.600 They have to search and select the new one, which 288 00:16:24.639 --> 00:16:27.480 takes time. They're also going to have more notifications telling 289 00:16:27.519 --> 00:16:29.679 people like, you've been on too long, But I'm telling 290 00:16:29.679 --> 00:16:31.720 you that doesn't work. There's this guy on TikTok who 291 00:16:31.759 --> 00:16:34.759 jumps and he goes, hold up, now you've been scrolling 292 00:16:34.799 --> 00:16:36.360 for too long, and as soon as I see him. 293 00:16:36.279 --> 00:16:39.120 I just swipe past him. So I don't really think 294 00:16:39.159 --> 00:16:39.679 that works. 295 00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:42.759 Hey, speaking of social media, when we come back, there's 296 00:16:42.799 --> 00:16:46.720 an unlikely social media platform you probably use every single 297 00:16:46.840 --> 00:16:50.039 day that's now the number one platform being used to 298 00:16:50.279 --> 00:16:52.919 find love. Let's talk about how you could use it 299 00:16:52.960 --> 00:16:55.240 if you're single. When we come back, you are listening 300 00:16:55.320 --> 00:16:57.360 to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on k I Am 301 00:16:57.399 --> 00:17:00.600 six forty We're live everywhere on the iHeart app. 302 00:17:01.279 --> 00:17:05.480 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 303 00:17:05.680 --> 00:17:07.240 AM six forty. 304 00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:09.839 Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI 305 00:17:10.079 --> 00:17:13.599 AM six forty. Well, the way that people meet and 306 00:17:13.680 --> 00:17:18.880 mate in the mating marketplace seems to have changed. I 307 00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:22.680 think people are getting sick of traditional dating apps. I 308 00:17:22.680 --> 00:17:25.240 don't know why, by the way, because I used Bumble 309 00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:28.519 and I found my love on Bumble. But I do 310 00:17:28.599 --> 00:17:31.240 want to say this, it's not about the dating apps 311 00:17:31.480 --> 00:17:34.519 that are bad. People always say I hate the dating apps. 312 00:17:34.519 --> 00:17:34.960 They're bad. 313 00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:38.839 It's not about the apps, it's about the skill. And 314 00:17:38.920 --> 00:17:40.480 I've done lots of segments in the past where I 315 00:17:40.519 --> 00:17:43.119 talked about how to use dating apps. Well, I'm going 316 00:17:43.200 --> 00:17:47.640 to continue to continue to teach that, so stay with me. Also, 317 00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:51.759 you know, I do this Patreon zoom group every Wednesday 318 00:17:51.799 --> 00:17:53.480 night at six thirty, So if you ever want to 319 00:17:53.480 --> 00:17:57.079 come on, you can ask me any questions about dating apps, 320 00:17:57.079 --> 00:17:59.400 et cetera. I'll be happy to even weigh in on 321 00:17:59.440 --> 00:18:01.400 your profile. I'll tell you what you can do. But 322 00:18:01.839 --> 00:18:06.759 new research this week from datingnews dot Com also published 323 00:18:06.759 --> 00:18:11.319 on Datingadvice dot com says that the number one platform 324 00:18:11.720 --> 00:18:13.559 that people are looking. 325 00:18:13.200 --> 00:18:17.880 For mates on is Kayla. You're not going to believe this. 326 00:18:19.319 --> 00:18:25.039 LinkedIn really LinkedIn the business more on Instagram? Uh huh wow, 327 00:18:25.079 --> 00:18:29.480 more than Instagram. Okay, So let's talk about dating and 328 00:18:29.559 --> 00:18:34.319 mating in the workplace. According to research from getnuxs dot org, 329 00:18:34.440 --> 00:18:37.720 twenty two percent of married couples in America met through 330 00:18:37.799 --> 00:18:42.079 work and fifty two percent of employees have been involved 331 00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:44.680 at one point or another in a workplace romance. 332 00:18:45.480 --> 00:18:46.079 Uh huh. 333 00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:50.160 A survey from the Society for Human Resource Management, they 334 00:18:50.200 --> 00:18:52.880 found that a quarter there's about twenty five percent, folks. 335 00:18:52.920 --> 00:18:56.200 One in four of US workers reported that they are 336 00:18:56.319 --> 00:19:00.319 open to having a workplace romance. And just last year, 337 00:19:00.799 --> 00:19:05.240 Forbes Advisor commissioned a survey of two thousand employed Americans 338 00:19:05.640 --> 00:19:08.000 and they found that sixty percent of adults have had 339 00:19:08.039 --> 00:19:12.400 a workplace romance, and of those, forty three percent married 340 00:19:12.440 --> 00:19:15.440 someone they worked with. Now, this is a problem because 341 00:19:15.480 --> 00:19:18.640 we are post me too now hashtag me too. Human 342 00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:22.920 resources departments know that romances at the workplace can be 343 00:19:23.079 --> 00:19:28.279 a legal nightmare. So it kind of makes sense to 344 00:19:28.319 --> 00:19:33.519 me that LinkedIn has exploded as an online mating marketplace. 345 00:19:34.640 --> 00:19:35.440 Let's think about it. 346 00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:37.960 Since the pandemic, everyone had to pivot right and go 347 00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:41.920 online for everything their work, et cetera. So people moved 348 00:19:41.960 --> 00:19:46.279 from water cooler conversations at the office to emails, DM zooms, 349 00:19:46.599 --> 00:19:50.119 even online networking events. I'm going to go out on 350 00:19:50.119 --> 00:19:52.480 a limb here and tell you that I would say 351 00:19:52.519 --> 00:19:56.920 that evolutionary psychologists would argue that the whole darn reason 352 00:19:57.319 --> 00:20:02.480 why people have occupations, professions, and work is less about 353 00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:07.119 basic survival and much more about increasing their mate status 354 00:20:07.160 --> 00:20:08.240 in the eyes of others. 355 00:20:08.440 --> 00:20:08.960 Let me tell you. 356 00:20:09.000 --> 00:20:11.079 When I was on the dating apps, there was no 357 00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:15.480 such thing as an employee, no such thing as a coworker. 358 00:20:16.039 --> 00:20:21.920 There were founders, vps, managers, consultants. I mean, I had 359 00:20:21.960 --> 00:20:25.400 a handyman once and I said, what do you put 360 00:20:25.440 --> 00:20:26.880 on your app profile that you do? 361 00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:31.519 And he goes, oh, that I'm in construction management. Okay, 362 00:20:31.599 --> 00:20:34.000 why not? That's what people do now. 363 00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:39.000 If you compare a LinkedIn profile with a dating app profile, 364 00:20:39.319 --> 00:20:41.519 you get so much more. In LinkedIn, you can do 365 00:20:41.559 --> 00:20:46.559 a deep dive into somebody's background. You could estimate their income, 366 00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:50.400 you can look at their whole network of people they 367 00:20:50.440 --> 00:20:54.319 even might mention their hobbies, any volunteer work they do. 368 00:20:54.880 --> 00:20:56.000 Schooling is a good one. 369 00:20:56.039 --> 00:20:58.200 What if they went to your alma Mada and you 370 00:20:58.240 --> 00:20:59.839 can call them up and go, hey, I'm an alumni, 371 00:21:00.519 --> 00:21:03.200 or what if they're from your hometown. All that is 372 00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:06.920 in most LinkedIn profiles. So here are the best benefits 373 00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:08.960 from meeting on LinkedIn. In my opinion, I'm going to 374 00:21:08.960 --> 00:21:10.160 tell you the best way to do it. After this 375 00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:13.359 Number one, you can find someone with real world common interest. 376 00:21:13.400 --> 00:21:15.799 They could be from a specific industry that you might 377 00:21:15.839 --> 00:21:19.279 be in. They might be doing charity work your college. Also, 378 00:21:19.799 --> 00:21:22.960 it allows you, when you scroll through LinkedIn profiles, to 379 00:21:23.039 --> 00:21:28.119 find really targeted commonality rather than what I would like 380 00:21:28.160 --> 00:21:32.359 to call the pithy self promotion that people write on 381 00:21:32.440 --> 00:21:37.640 dating app profiles. I mean, who doesn't love sunset, walks 382 00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:40.960 on the beach? Gag me, I'm done with it, right hiking, 383 00:21:41.039 --> 00:21:44.799 Let's go hiking right now. Another benefit of LinkedIn is 384 00:21:44.839 --> 00:21:47.119 that you can really vet people. I know that the 385 00:21:47.200 --> 00:21:50.960 dating apps in recent years allow people to connect their 386 00:21:51.000 --> 00:21:54.240 profiles with their Instagram profiles, so you can kind of 387 00:21:54.279 --> 00:21:56.079 see who their friends are. See if you know someone 388 00:21:56.119 --> 00:21:59.200 in common, but on LinkedIn, their professional network is right 389 00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:02.039 there before your eyes. You can investigate them through real 390 00:22:02.079 --> 00:22:05.240 world contexts. You can look at their comments, you can 391 00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:08.440 see who they're reviewing. And here's the best part about LinkedIn. 392 00:22:08.599 --> 00:22:10.440 Just want to say it, get it out there. There's 393 00:22:10.440 --> 00:22:14.119 no HR policy to worry about. Since the advent, as 394 00:22:14.119 --> 00:22:17.599 I mentioned of the me too movement, workplace romances have 395 00:22:17.640 --> 00:22:21.119 become a nightmare for human resource departments. Many companies have 396 00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:25.960 even enacted love contracts or complete romance prohibitions in their 397 00:22:25.960 --> 00:22:30.039 employment contracts. So so far, I mean until next month, 398 00:22:30.079 --> 00:22:33.640 I guess I don't know. LinkedIn doesn't have any HR 399 00:22:33.759 --> 00:22:37.920 hall monitor to get nosy about you noodling? 400 00:22:38.440 --> 00:22:39.319 So how do you do it? 401 00:22:39.480 --> 00:22:40.759