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Enjoy your exploration. I gotta tell you, Nikki, I'm so
proud of you for putting the pin to paper, your
hands on that computer. Because so many times throughout our
history we all get the interpretation of someone else's story.
We can't say that about you. Now you are sharing
your story forward and I love this kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Yeah, it was you know. I
decided to do it, am I decided to do it.
I decided to do it as authentically and honestly as possible,
and I just went with it. Took a while, you know,
as a whole process, but I am extremely proud and
ready to.
Speaker 1: Share what was the wall that you faced when you
said it took a while, Because as an author, I
understand that, but I don't believe in writer's block. So
what what what do you mean by take a while?
Speaker 2: Well, you know, I had a lot of you know,
I went back my whole childhood, my whole life, A
lot of it was with addiction, and I really had
to make sure that I had the fact straight that
I you know, I had remembered things. So I took
like at least a year or so where I you know,
interviewed people that were there, got records, you know, I
always had my phone with me, and anywhere I was,
I would just put you know, record and voice tape
things that I remembered, and then I had to transcribe them.
I mean, that was that was a while. That took
a year or so to just do that. And then
you've got to write it, and you've got to organize
all that stuff. A whole lifetime of organization and writing,
and then you know, the agent comes on and the
selling and then there the rewrites. It's it's a process.
Speaker 1: I laughed because when you say rewrites, I'm going, oh
my god, been there done it? Oh my god. When
that letter comes inder that call says, yeah, to do
one more time, and you want to use every dirty
word in the book, which you go, no, shut up,
shut shut shut, shut up.
Speaker 2: You know, I got so lucky. I have like incredible
you know, publisher editors, and you know, there wasn't an
incredibly like a massive amount of you know, structural changes.
It was it was a lot of other stuff. So
I got pretty lucky with that. So and then the
people at my publishing company are just awesome people. But yeah,
it's a process, and you still have to go back,
and you still have to you know, change and flip it.
At one point I had flipped parts and and changed
the structure of you know how I was going to
tell the story that was much earlier on. But yeah,
it's so much to do in writing a book well
worth it.
Speaker 1: Though, you said something that really really got my attention,
which was you said you went back to interview people.
Oh my god, what was that like? Because now these
people you're talking with are talking about something you know
a lot about, and sometimes you've just got to sit
back and let them share their story.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, writing a story like this about addiction
and about things that went on and and you know,
prison and the streets and and and and also the trauma,
there's so much to get down and there's so much
to make sure that you get right. You know, there's
times I had to I didn't remember in age. I
had to back it up and think, Okay, what year
was that, who was alive? You know, where was I?
What house was that in so that I could kind
of like, you know, corner myself into that that time period.
And so I had to ask family, I had to
ask people I knew, like what happened? What did you see?
Because I wanted to make sure that I did the
best I could in getting down the actual facts. But yeah,
it was it was interesting, and and we would go
back and forth and it would and would bring up
more memories and more things. But but I made sure
I did that because it was really important for me
to get it right.
Speaker 1: You when you when you talk about addiction, I've I've
got a podcast on iHeartRadio called Creativity is the Addiction.
So when I hear you talk about addiction, I'm sitting
here thinking, did this book become your next addiction? Because
when it comes to writing and creativity, oh my god,
it consumes you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And you know, I because I am a
felon and I have a record and the way that
I've chose to move through life I've always kind of
been a hustler, and I've had, you know, odd jobs,
and so you know, at one point at writing this book,
I had multiple jobs. I was delivering flowers from like
seven am to seven pm, or you know, doing some
kind of odd job. And so I would do that
and then I would come home and I would eat
and I would try to sleep for a few hours,
and then I would get up and spend the night,
you know, I don't know, two to six am, three
to six am, what five am, writing and organizing and
you know, trying to get it done and then thinking
about it. So if I was out during the day working,
I was thinking about it. And again I had my
phone on me, so I was always recording things that
I wanted to do that I wanted to say.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, man, those hours though, that's little Wayne hours, man.
I mean, I get up at six o'clock in the morning,
but come on that early in the morning and you're
expecting your body to give it to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It was rough, it was, but it was the
only way I was going to get it done. I
had to pay the bills and I had to keep
myself going, so, you know, I had to do what
I had to do, which is which is a theme
in my life.
Speaker 1: So then when you're up that early and you're putting
words on a page, and I'm going to tie that
into this description of the book, unflinchingly raw. Do you
think that being up that early in the morning took
down your guards to where you could be unflinchingly raw?
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. I mean the fact that I was hustling
and running and I still had a kid at home
and I was just trying to get everything done and
get this book down. I was definitely raw, and I
was definitely you know, giving everything I had. But also
it was a decision I made. I wanted to be
unflinchingly raw. I wanted to be honest, and I wanted
to make sure that it was completely authentic. And that's
the place I came from when I was writing the book.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and look who's attention you got Piper Kerman. Come on, now,
you can't go any higher than that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, so lucky, so blessed, And you know,
she read it and she wrote such a beautiful review.
You know, she also sent me a letter on the
side in the review, and it was just so kind
and so supportive about you know, being a writer, and
and the kind of people that I'll I'll run into,
and and and that it's a you know, a good
world to be and how you know, how how how
how great everything like it was just I just felt
so touched by, you know, the added support that she
gave me. What an awesome person she is well and.
Speaker 1: Just hearing your heart. Now, I've got to go back
to this quote you said. You said, I'm a felon,
a felon with the record. Okay, here's the thing. I've
read your book. I know what your book is all about.
How about a felon with a real, authentic record that
has music on it. And here's my record. How do
you like these songs?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's yeah, it is uh, it's it's
out there and and it is uh. And I am
a felon and I am a recovered person. And I
guess if we did a record of my life, it
would be about the journey. It would be about the healing,
it would be about the process. It would be about
the giving back and the paying in the connecting.
Speaker 1: Well, you're paying forward with this book in the way
that I can't imagine how many people are going to
be sitting there inside those moments of aloneness, and they're
gonna say, I'm writing a book. How do I know
I'm writing a book because NICKI made the way happen.
Nicki is the one that's given me that opportunity to
take that step.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The best thing, the best the best reviews, the
best feedback I've gotten is that it's touched people in
all different ways. It's inspired people to tell their story.
It's inspired people to heal. It's inspired people to give
more compassion and have more empathy for people that are
our addicts, have been in prison, have been on the streets,
and you know, it's just bringing people together. And I'm
loving it that this is this is what it's all about.
Speaker 1: See, and you just described the everyday, average person who's
not in prison, but yet they're trapped and they're imprisoned
in their own careers, their own personal lives. I mean,
you're you're you're speaking to everybody that's behind a wall
that they either created or were put behind.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I try to end the book like that.
You know, I really ramp it up at the end.
I try to talk about my journey. I get into
at the final part, you know, the healing and what
direction I went in. And at the very end, you know,
I kind of bring everyone in and say, you know what,
we all deserve this, not just me, everyone.
Speaker 1: Please do not move. There's more with Nicki Mamano coming
up next the name of her book, Breaking Good, a memoir.
We are back with author Nicki Mimano. Somewhere along the line, though,
you had to say, I realize I have to trust
people inside these four walls of prison? But do I
trust myself? Did you ever face that mall or that
wall or that mirror?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean I didn't trust myself. I had so
much pain, you know, and I you know have you know,
I had insecurities and all that kind of stuff. But
you know, I eventually had to, you know, face it.
And I say that in the book book. You know,
I was a runner, but at some point you got
to turn around and you got to stare those demons down.
And it did take a while, and it's a lifelong process.
I'm still doing it. I will be doing it forever.
But I have, you know, I had an incredible therapist
and incredible friends and support system, and I finally decided
no more. I'm doing the work, and the work has
been the most beautiful, painful, you know, beautiful and painful
part of my life. And I wouldn't change anything, not
a thing.
Speaker 1: That's such an open door for a reader, that is
such an amazing path for someone to say, my God,
that's exactly the needle in the haystack that I've been
looking for. You are speaking the street in a way
where people can relate with you and open their own
journeys forward.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and people are telling me, you know, it's so relatable.
They feel like the journey with me. They feel like
they see themselves in this part. And you know, when
writing the book, I knew, I knew that there was
something for everyone. I knew there was something for the addict.
I knew there was something for the person in prison.
I knew there was something for the kid on the streets,
and I knew there was something for the friend of
the addict, or the family of you know, this person,
or even the mom, the mom and you know in
town that's just doing their best. And finding out that
it actually hit that way has been uh, you know,
just it's just so powerful for me.
Speaker 1: So there's one thing that I keep hearing. And this
is going to be a brave, honest question, and that
is we We talked about the attic and and and
and the attic and the attic in the attic. Now
I have to ask the question, how are you dealing
with that voice that is endlessly in your head, that
keeps using that word when when readers on this side
are saying, I see you as a leader.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I I wasn't. I will always be
an addict. And I did that, you know, of trauma.
I did that because of a you know, the issues
that I had, but I, you know, I got through it.
And I I'm just so grateful. I'm so grateful. I
feel like I've been given so much grace. And the
idea of using now is so far behind me in
the rear view mirror, and I live in the present moment.
I yeah, you know, how hard is that?
Speaker 1: But you know.
Speaker 2: It managed to work on that and find a way.
And I say all the time, it's a process and
it's a lifetime of work. So there are times where I,
you know, I stumble back a little, and then I
make sure that if I took a step back, I
take two or three forward. But you know live. I
live every day and again feel God so incredibly lucky.
Speaker 1: You speak of something inside this book, and right away
my imagination called it a marriage, because in reality, these
things that you bring up in this book are a marriage.
And I hope that it opens up people's hearts. Addiction,
trauma and recovery. That's a marriage that is always going
to happen, and with you speaking openly about it, people
can heal. Now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and everyone's got a shot. And I say that like,
you know, if we have brave enough to turn around
and stare those demons down like you, we've got a shot.
We've all got a shot, and we can all do it.
And that's one of the messages that I wanted to
get out there. You know, everyone can do this and
and and and it's hard, it's hard work, and and
I know that sometimes the demons beat us. And that's
that's okay. Like I'm ready. People are ready, you know,
to hold out our hands and and and pull you up,
you know, whenever you're ready. But let's let's do this.
Let's do the work. Let's let's get let's get better.
Speaker 1: When you speak of those demons, do you feel like
Russell Crowe in that movie Beautiful Mind. No matter where
you go, you can see those demons next to you,
but nobody else can.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it's really interesting. There's there's you know,
I've lived this life and then some people's you know,
they think, how did you live that life? And for me,
it was just my life and I kind of got
through it and it doesn't seem as as as wild
as other people see it. But you know, but it
is still there and and I still have to face that.
I wake up some mornings and the demons are there,
and I have to go, Okay, you know, we're getting
up today, we're gonna go walk, we're gonna go get
in the shower, we're gonna go call someone and do something.
And some days are easier than others. But in you know,
it's just it's it's a daily it's daily work, it's
daily process.
Speaker 1: Do you work in it in the way of saying,
like at two three o'clock in the morning, when that
demon wakes you up and you say, ah, eleven o'clock
is your time, This is my time right now? Do
you do you put those rules down?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've learned how to do that. I think there
was a time in my life where my trauma and
pain just overtook me whenever. And I think as we
do that healing journey, and we kind of get to
see the reasons why we do things, the buttons that
were put the you know, the way that we've managed life.
We get to learn how to take control and and
then and then you know, in doing that, it affords us,
you know, the possibilities are endless.
Speaker 1: Who is your teacher or the person that planted the
empowerment here, because I mean, your openness reminds me so
much of Julia Cameron, the artist way, who was the
one that opened you up so that you could put
pen to paper.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, I guess the person that taught me
the most about myself is my therapist. And that's a
whole journey in the book. And put that in the
book because that that relationship and and what she's done
for me is so important. But you know, she had
said to me at one point, I said to her,
look at me, Look what I've done, you know, like
look at look at the person I was. And she said,
there's there's no other way your life would have gone.
Like what do you look? Look what look what was
done to you? Like you did everything you could and
it wasn't going to happen any other way. You are okay?
And I remember thinking I'm okay, like I I yeah, right,
I am, I'm I'm a good person. I'm ok And
so you know, from there I was able to say, okay,
all right, let's let's let we can do this. And
and and from there we we we broke it down.
We break it down all the time. And I I
I work on those things. I work on how to
how to love myself and how to be a better human,
a better person.
Speaker 1: Wo I'm gonna ask you a personal question. Or my
brother Allie ever talked about because he went to prison
for meth and so he used to say, he say, man,
everything is great. Man. I found Jesus in prison. And
I said, Jesus was in prison? What cell was he in?
Who did you find while you were in there?
Speaker 2: You know? For me, I was very young, okay, and
I yeah, I was twenty one, twenty two, and I
didn't understand what was going on. I didn't have you know,
there were so many opportunities for me to get out
or and I didn't. I didn't talk. I didn't do
any of that, and for multiple reasons, I had loyalty.
I also had fear. But I just remember also not
understanding the gravity of what was going on. So it
wasn't really until later I got out. I still fumbled
until I got pregnant, because then I was a homeless,
addictive prostitute. And then I was pregnant, and that's when
I stood back in front of the judge and my
lawyer was like, one more shot, give her one more shot.
And I remember that was the moment that was like, Okay,
I want the shot now, And that's where I found myself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, those moments, it's like how do you put that
in a bottle and reach right? It reminds me of
eleanor Rigby, you know from the Beatles. You know what's
sitting in that jar by the door and who is
it waiting for?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, And you know it's when we take when
do we take the shot at? For me, it wasn't
in prison when it should have been. And you know
there's other times where I just went out on addiction
and got all messed up. But you know, at some
point it does it hits us all. And I've had
multiple ones that was my first one. But there's times
in my life where I've had other dark knights of
the soul where you're just sitting there and you're facing
the darkness and you're like, what am I going to
do with this? And that's where I've found myself most
in that dark, dark dark times.
Speaker 1: Did you rely on hid and speak? In other words,
we both know what darkness is, but you relied on
a way of writing to where you knew what it was.
But the reader is going to pick something else up.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean I put down everything I could as
honestly as I could, and you know, I think people
are going to take from it, you know what it
works for them. I talked about the way my mind works.
I talked about, you know, the mistakes I made, and
I did that because I wanted to be real And
I hope it reaches people and I hope that whatever
it is that they get from it, it helps and
and and and plants something in them so that you know,
they can they can they can find themselves too.
Speaker 1: Is that your cursive writing in the book? You had
my attention at Hello, my god when I saw that
cursive writing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, oh, oh, do you mean with.
Speaker 1: The in the book, which yeah, And I sat there
and I thought, is this her handwriting? Did she put
her handwriting inside this book? Because with the cursive writing
and stuff, it's it's got to be your handwriting because
I can feel something from that.
Speaker 2: So no, that's the cover. It was actually done by
an artist, so it's not even font. And then in
there is all layout and stuff. But the one part
that little note I wrote, that was done in a
handwriting that represented, you know, where I was at the moment,
and you know, I kind of put out what I
was feeling and where I was coming from. And then
that was matched well because it does serve that purpose.
Speaker 1: It opened up my imagination of, oh my god, she's
going to teach people to write to get it out
of their system that you don't have to hold on
to it. And I just I just took such a
spiritual connection to it because it's like it's like, oh
my god, it's so authentic, it's so real, it's so happening.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and and and the whole book is authentic and
real and happening. And I write the book so that,
you know, I feel like I want the reader to
take my hand and go on the journey. I want
you to know what everything feels like. And the feedback
I've gotten is that that's how people are perceiving it.
And you know, that's the connection right there, and that's
the trust. People trust me, they trust my story, and
they trust me as a writer because I was completely honest.
Speaker 1: Wow wow Wow. Where can people go to find out
more about you? Because we're just scratching the surface here,
we're not even diving into the real, deep dark stuff
that becomes sunshine.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, you know my website nicki mimato dot
com and I A kk I m A M m
A n O is my website. You can go there
contact me there. I would love to speak and talk.
Starting to do that, and I think it's just a
wonderful thing. And the books are everywhere, so you know,
get my book and read it and and you know,
go to my website and send me an email tell
me what you think. I'd love to hear it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and grab a yellow highlighter because you're going to
learn a lot of new stuff in it that you're
going to need later on. And you don't need to
go where was it? Where was it? Where was it?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Thank you. Well, please come back to this show anytime
in the future. Nikki. The door is always going to
be open for you.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Was such a pleasure.
Speaker 1: Well you be brilliant today.
Speaker 2: Okay you as well take care