Speaker 1: The pipe by anonymous Randolph Crescent n W. My dear Pew,
Speaker 1: I hope you will like the pipe which I send
Speaker 1: with this. It is rather a curious example of a
Speaker 1: certain school of Indian carving, and as a present from yours,
Speaker 1: jruly Joseph Tress. It was really very handsome of Tress.
Speaker 1: Very handsome, the more especially as I was aware that
Speaker 1: to give presents was not exactly in Tress's line. The
Speaker 1: truth is that when I saw what manner of pipe
Speaker 1: it was, I was amazed. It was contained in a
Speaker 1: sandalwood box, which was itself with some remarkable specimens of carving.
Speaker 1: I used the word remarkable advisedly, because although the workmanship
Speaker 1: was undoubtedly in its way artistic, the result could not
Speaker 1: be described as beautiful. The carver had thought proper to
Speaker 1: ornament the box with some of the ugliest figures I
Speaker 1: remember to have seen. They appeared to me to be devils,
Speaker 1: or perhaps they were intended to represent deity, appertaining to
Speaker 1: some mythological system with which, thank goodness, I am unacquainted.
Speaker 1: The pipe itself was worthy of the case in which
Speaker 1: it was contained. It was of Mersham, with an amber mouthpiece.
Speaker 1: It was rather too large for ordinary smoking. But then,
Speaker 1: of course one doesn't smoke a pipe like that. There
Speaker 1: are pipes in my collection which I should as soon
Speaker 1: think of smoking as I should have eating. Ask a
Speaker 1: China maniac to let you have afternoon tea out of
Speaker 1: his old chelsea, and you will learn some home truths
Speaker 1: as to the durability of human friendships. The glory of
Speaker 1: the pipe, as Tress had suggested, lay in its carving.
Speaker 1: Not that I claimed that it was beautiful, any more
Speaker 1: than I make such a claim for the carving on
Speaker 1: the box. But as Tress said in his note, it
Speaker 1: was curious. The stem and the bowl were quite plain,
Speaker 1: But on the edge of the bull was perched to
Speaker 1: some kind of lizard. I told myself it was an
Speaker 1: octopus when I first saw it, but I have since
Speaker 1: had reason to believe that it was some almost unique
Speaker 1: memory of the lizard tribe. The creature was represented as
Speaker 1: climbing over the edge of the bowl down toward to
Speaker 1: the stem, and its legs or feelers or tentacula, or
Speaker 1: whatever the things are called, where, if I may use
Speaker 1: a vulgarism, sprawling about all over the place. For instance,
Speaker 1: two or three of them were twined about the bowl.
Speaker 1: Two or three of them were twisted round the stem,
Speaker 1: and one, a particularly horrible one, was uplifted in the air,
Speaker 1: so that if you put the pipe in your mouth,
Speaker 1: the thing was pointing straight at your nose. Not the
Speaker 1: least agreeable feature about the creature was that it was
Speaker 1: hideously lifelike. It appeared to have been carved in amber,
Speaker 1: but some coloring matter must have been introduced, for inside
Speaker 1: the amber. The creature was of a peculiarly ghastly green.
Speaker 1: The more I examined the pipe, the more amazed I
Speaker 1: was at Trest's generosity. He and I are rival collectors.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to say in so many words that
Speaker 1: his collection of pipes contains nothing but rubbish, because as
Speaker 1: a matter of fact, he has two or three rather
Speaker 1: decent specimens. But to compare his collection to mine would
Speaker 1: be absurd. Tress is conscious of this, and he resents it.
Speaker 1: He resents it to such an extent that he has
Speaker 1: been known, at least on one occasion to declare that
Speaker 1: one single pipe of his I believe he alluded to
Speaker 1: the brum again relic preposterously attributed to Sir Walter Raleigh,
Speaker 1: was worth the whole of my collection put together. Although
Speaker 1: I have forgotten this, as I hope I always shall
Speaker 1: forgive remarks made when envious passions get the better of
Speaker 1: our nobler nature, even of a Joseph Truss, it is
Speaker 1: not to be supposed that I have forgotten it. He
Speaker 1: was therefore not at all the sort of person from
Speaker 1: whom I expected to receive a present, and such a present.
Speaker 1: I do not believe that he himself had a finer
Speaker 1: pipe in his collection, and to have given it to
Speaker 1: me I had misjudged the man. I wondered where he
Speaker 1: had got it from. I had seen his pipes, I
Speaker 1: knew them off by heart, and some nice trumper he
Speaker 1: has among them, too, But I had never seen that
Speaker 1: by me before. The more I looked at it, the
Speaker 1: more my amazement grew. The beast perched upon the edge
Speaker 1: of the bowl was so lifelike. Its two beadlike eyes
Speaker 1: seemed to gleam at me with positively human intelligence. The
Speaker 1: pipe fascinated it to such an extent that I actually
Speaker 1: resolved to smoke it. I filled it with perik. Ordinarily
Speaker 1: I used bird's eye, But on those very rare occasions
Speaker 1: on which I use a specimen, I smoked perique. I
Speaker 1: let it up with a small sensation of excitement. As
Speaker 1: I did so, I kept my eyes perforce fixed upon
Speaker 1: the beast. The beast pointed its upraised tentacle directly at
Speaker 1: me as I inhaled the pungent tobacco. That that tentacle
Speaker 1: impressed me with a feeling of actual uncanniness. It was
Speaker 1: broad daylight, and I was smoking in front of the window.
Speaker 1: Yet to such an extent was I affected that it
Speaker 1: seemed to me that the tentacle was not only vibrating, which,
Speaker 1: owing to the peculiarity of its position, was quite within
Speaker 1: the range of probability, but actually moving, elongating, stretching forward,
Speaker 1: that is, farther towards me and toward the tip of
Speaker 1: my nose. So impressed was I by this idea, that
Speaker 1: I took the pipe out of my mouth and minutely
Speaker 1: examined the beast. Really, the delusion was excusable, So cunningly
Speaker 1: had the artist wrought that he succeeded in producing a
Speaker 1: creature which such was as its uncanniness I could only
Speaker 1: hope had no original in nature. Replacing the pipe between
Speaker 1: my lips, I took several whiffs. Never had smoking had
Speaker 1: such an effect on me. Before either the pipe or
Speaker 1: the creature on it exercised some singular fascination, I seemed,
Speaker 1: without an instant's warning, to be passing into some land
Speaker 1: of dreams. I saw the beast, which was perched upon
Speaker 1: the bowl, writhe and twist. I saw it lift itself
Speaker 1: bodily from the Meresham Feeling better now, I looked up.
Speaker 1: Joseph Chress was speaking, What's the matter? Have I been ill?
Speaker 1: You appear to have been in some kind of swoon.
Speaker 1: Trest's tone was peculiar, even a little dry swoon. I
Speaker 1: never was guilty of such a thing in my life,
Speaker 1: nor was I until I smoked that pipe. I sat up.
Speaker 1: The act of sitting up bade me conscious of the
Speaker 1: fact that I had been lying down, conscious too, that
Speaker 1: I was feeling more than a little dazed. It seemed
Speaker 1: as though I was waking out of some strange lethargic sleep,
Speaker 1: a kind of feeling which I have read of and
Speaker 1: heard about, but never before experienced. Where am I? Ye're
Speaker 1: on the couch in your own room. You were on
Speaker 1: the floor, but I thought it would be better to
Speaker 1: pick you up and place you on the couch. Though
Speaker 1: no one performed the same kind office to me. When
Speaker 1: I was on the floor again, Tress's tone was distinctly dry.
Speaker 1: How came you here, Ah, that's the question. He rubbed
Speaker 1: his chin, a habit of his which has annoyed me
Speaker 1: more than once before. Or do you think you're sufficiently
Speaker 1: recovered to enable you to understand a simple explanation. I
Speaker 1: stared at him, amazed. He went on stroking his chin.
Speaker 1: The truth is that when I sent you the pipe,
Speaker 1: I made a slight omission. And omission I omitted to
Speaker 1: advise you not to smoke it. And why because well,
Speaker 1: I have reason to believe the thing is drugged, drugged
Speaker 1: or poisoned poison. I was wide awake enough. Then I
Speaker 1: jumped off the couch with a celerity which proved it.
Speaker 1: It is this way I became its owner, in rather
Speaker 1: a singular manner. He paused as if for me to
Speaker 1: make a remark, but I was silent. It is not
Speaker 1: often that I smoke a specimen. But for some reason
Speaker 1: I did smoke this. I commenced to smoke it. That
Speaker 1: is how long I continued to smoke it is more
Speaker 1: than I can say. It had on me the same
Speaker 1: peculiar effect which it appears to have had on you.
Speaker 1: When I recovered consciousness, I was lying on the floor,
Speaker 1: on the floor, on the floor, and about as uncomfortable
Speaker 1: a position as you can easily conceive. I was lying
Speaker 1: face down, ruth with my legs bent under me. I
Speaker 1: was never so surprised in my life as when I
Speaker 1: found myself where I was. At first, I supposed that
Speaker 1: I had had a stroke, But by degrees it dawned
Speaker 1: upon me. I didn't feel as though I had had
Speaker 1: a stroke. Dress, by the way, has been an army surgeon.
Speaker 1: I was conscious of distinct nausea. Looking about, I saw
Speaker 1: the pipe with me. It had fallen on the floor.
Speaker 1: I took it for granted, considering the delicacy of the carving,
Speaker 1: that the fall had broken it. But when I picked
Speaker 1: it up, I found it quite uninjured. While I was
Speaker 1: examining it, a thought flashed to my brain. Might it
Speaker 1: not be answerable for what had happened to me? Suppose,
Speaker 1: for instance, it was drugged. I had heard of such things. Besides,
Speaker 1: in my case were present all the symptoms of drug poisoning.
Speaker 1: Though what drug had been used I couldn't in the
Speaker 1: least conceive. I resolved that I would give the pipe
Speaker 1: another trial, on yourself or on another party, meaning me,
Speaker 1: on myself, my dear phew, on myself. At that point
Speaker 1: of my investigations, I had not begun to think of you.
Speaker 1: I lit it up and had another smoke. With what result, well,
Speaker 1: that depends on the standpoint from which you regard the
Speaker 1: whole thing. From one point of view, the result was
Speaker 1: wholly satisfactory. I proved that the thing was drugged, and more,
Speaker 1: did you have another fall? I did, and something else besides.
Speaker 1: On that account, I presume you resolved to pass the
Speaker 1: treasure on to me, partly on that account and partly
Speaker 1: on another. On my word, I appreciate your generosity. You
Speaker 1: might have labeled the thing as poison exactly, But then
Speaker 1: you must remember how often you have told told me
Speaker 1: that you never smoke your specimens. That was no reason
Speaker 1: why you shouldn't have given me a hint that the
Speaker 1: thing was more dangerous than dynamite. That did occur to
Speaker 1: me afterwards. Therefore, I called the supply the slight omission.
Speaker 1: Slight omission you call it. I wonder what you have
Speaker 1: called it if you had found me dead, if I
Speaker 1: had known that you intended smoking it, I should not
Speaker 1: have been at all surprised if I had, really, Tress,
Speaker 1: I appreciate your kindness more and more. Where is this
Speaker 1: example of your splendid benevolence. Have you pocketed it, regretting
Speaker 1: your laps in the unaccustomed paths of generosity? Or is
Speaker 1: it smashed to atoms? Neither the one nor the other.
Speaker 1: You will find the pipe upon the table. I neither
Speaker 1: desire its restoration, nor is it in any way injured.
Speaker 1: It is merely an expression of personal opinion when I
Speaker 1: say that I don't believe that it could be injured.
Speaker 1: Of course, having discovered its deleterious properties, you will want
Speaker 1: to smoke it again. You will therefore be able to
Speaker 1: enjoy the consciousness of being the possessor of what I
Speaker 1: honestly believe to be the most remarkable pipe in existence.
Speaker 1: Good day, Peugh. He was gone before I could say
Speaker 1: a word. I immediately concluded from the precipitancy of his
Speaker 1: flight that the pipe was injured. But when I subjected
Speaker 1: it to close examination, I could discover no signs of damage.
Speaker 1: While I was still eyeing it with jealous scrutiny, the
Speaker 1: door reopened and Tress came in again. By the way, Peugh.
Speaker 1: There's one thing I might mention, especially as I know
Speaker 1: it won't make any difference to you. That depends on
Speaker 1: what it is. If you have changed your mind and
Speaker 1: want the pipe back again, I tell you frankly that
Speaker 1: it won't, and my opinion, a thing once given is
Speaker 1: given for good. Quite so I don't want it back again.
Speaker 1: You may make your mind easy on that point. I
Speaker 1: merely wanted to tell you why I gave it to you.
Speaker 1: You have told me that already, only partly, my dear pew,
Speaker 1: only partly. You don't suppose I should have given you
Speaker 1: such a pipe as that merely because it happened to
Speaker 1: be drugged scarcely. I gave it to you because I discovered,
Speaker 1: from indisputable evidence, and to my cost, that it was haunted. Haunted, yes, haunted.
Speaker 1: Good day. He was gone again. I ran out of
Speaker 1: the room and shouted after him down the stairs. He
Speaker 1: was already at the bottom of the flight dress. Come back.
Speaker 1: What do you mean by talking such nonsense? Of course,
Speaker 1: it's only nonsense. We know that sort of thing always
Speaker 1: is nonsense. Are you sure to have any reason to
Speaker 1: suppose that there is something in it. Besides nonsense. You
Speaker 1: may think it worth your while to make inquiries of me,
Speaker 1: but I won't have that pipe back again in my
Speaker 1: possession on any terms. Mind that the bang of the
Speaker 1: front door told me that he had gone out into
Speaker 1: the street. I let him go, I laughed to myself
Speaker 1: as I re entered the room, haunted. That was not
Speaker 1: a bad idea of his. I saw the whole position
Speaker 1: at a glance. The truth of the matter was that
Speaker 1: he did regret his generosity, and he was ready to
Speaker 1: go to any lengths if he could only succeed in
Speaker 1: conjoling me into restoring his gift. He was aware that
Speaker 1: I have views upon certain matters which are not wholly
Speaker 1: in accordance with those which are popularly supposed to be
Speaker 1: the views of the day, and particularly that on the
Speaker 1: question of what are commonly called supernatural visitations, I have
Speaker 1: a standpoint of my own. Therefore, it was not a
Speaker 1: bad move on his part to try to make me
Speaker 1: believe that about the pipe on which he knew I
Speaker 1: had set my heart, there was something which could not
Speaker 1: be accounted for by ordinary laws. Yet, as his own
Speaker 1: sense would have told him, it would do if he
Speaker 1: had only allowed himself to reflect for a moment. The
Speaker 1: move failed because I am not yet so far gone
Speaker 1: as to suppose that a pipe a thing of mercham
Speaker 1: and amber in the sense in which I understand the word,
Speaker 1: could be haunted a pipe a mere pipe. Hoo. I
Speaker 1: thought the creature's legs were twined right round the bull.
Speaker 1: I was holding the pipe in my hand, regarding it
Speaker 1: with the affectionate eyes with which a connoisseur does regard
Speaker 1: a curio. When I induced to make this exclamation, I
Speaker 1: was certainly under the impression that when I first took
Speaker 1: the pipe out of the box, two, if not three,
Speaker 1: of the feelers had been twined about the bull, twined
Speaker 1: tightly so that you could not see daylight between them
Speaker 1: and it. Now they were almost entirely detached, only the
Speaker 1: tips touching the mersham, and those particular feelers were gathered up,
Speaker 1: as though the creature were in the act of taking
Speaker 1: a spring. Of course, I was under a misapprehension the
Speaker 1: feelers couldn't have been twined a moment before. I should
Speaker 1: have been ready to put a thousand to one that
Speaker 1: they were. Still. One does make mistakes, and very egregious
Speaker 1: mistakes at times. At the same time, I confess that
Speaker 1: when I saw that dreadful looking animal poised on the
Speaker 1: extreme edge of the bowl for all the world, as
Speaker 1: though were just going to spring at me, I was
Speaker 1: a little started. I remembered that when I was smoking
Speaker 1: the pipe, I did think I saw the uplifted tentacle
Speaker 1: moving as though it were reaching out to me. And
Speaker 1: I had a clear recollection that, just as I had
Speaker 1: been sinking into that strange state of unconsciousness, I had
Speaker 1: been under the impression that the creature was writhing and twisting,
Speaker 1: as though it had suddenly become instinct with life. Under
Speaker 1: the circumstances, these reflections were not pleasant. I wished Trest
Speaker 1: had not talked that nonsense about the thing being haunted.
Speaker 1: It was surely sufficient to know that it was drugged
Speaker 1: and poisonous. Without anything else, I replaced it in the
Speaker 1: sandalwood box. I locked a box in the cabinet. Quite
Speaker 1: apart from the question as to whether that pipe was
Speaker 1: or was not haunted, I know what haunted me. It
Speaker 1: was with me in a figurative which was worse than
Speaker 1: actual since all the day, still worse. It was with
Speaker 1: me all the night. It was with me in my dreams.
Speaker 1: Such dreams possibly not yet wholly recovered from the effects
Speaker 1: of that insidious drug. But whether or no, it was
Speaker 1: very wrong of trust to set my thoughts into such
Speaker 1: a channel. He knows that I am of a highly
Speaker 1: imaginative temperament, and that it is easier to get morbid
Speaker 1: thoughts into my mind than to get them out again.
Speaker 1: Before that night was through, I wished very heartily that
Speaker 1: I had never seen the pipe. I awoke from one
Speaker 1: nightmare to fall into another. One dreadful dream was with
Speaker 1: me all the time of a hideous green reptile which
Speaker 1: advanced toward me out of some awful darkness, slowly inch
Speaker 1: by inch, until it clutched me around the neck, and,
Speaker 1: gluing its lips to mine, sucked the life's blood out
Speaker 1: of my veins as it embraced me with a slimy kiss.
Speaker 1: Such dreams are not RESTful. I woke anything but refreshed
Speaker 1: when the morning came, and when I got up and dressed,
Speaker 1: I felt that on the whole it would perhaps have
Speaker 1: been better if I never had gone to bed. My
Speaker 1: nerves were unstrung, and I had that generally tremulous feeling,
Speaker 1: which is I believe an inseparable companion of the more
Speaker 1: advanced stages of dipsomnia. I ate no breakfast. I am
Speaker 1: no breakfast eater as a rule, But that morning I
Speaker 1: had absolutely nothing. If this sort of thing is to continue,
Speaker 1: I will let Trust have his pipe again. He may
Speaker 1: have the laugh of me, but anything is better than this.
Speaker 1: It was with almost funeral foreboding, so that I went
Speaker 1: to the cabinet in which I had placed the sandal
Speaker 1: wood box. But when I opened it, my feelings of
Speaker 1: gloom partially vanished. Of what fantasies had I been guilty?
Speaker 1: It must have been entire delusion on my part to
Speaker 1: suppose those tentacula had ever been twined about the bowl.
Speaker 1: The creature was in exactly the same position in which
Speaker 1: I had left the day before, As of course I
Speaker 1: knew it would be poised as if about to spring.
Speaker 1: I was telling myself how foolish I had been to
Speaker 1: allow myself to dwell for a moment on trust His
Speaker 1: words when Martin Brasher was shown in Brasher is an
Speaker 1: old friend of mine. We have a common ground ghosts,
Speaker 1: only we approach them from different points of view. He
Speaker 1: takes the scientific, psychological and query side. He's always anxious
Speaker 1: to hear of a ghosts that he may have an
Speaker 1: opportunity of showing it up. I have something in your
Speaker 1: line here, I observed, as he came in in my line.
Speaker 1: How so I'm not pipe mad, No, but you're ghost mad,
Speaker 1: and this is a haunted pipe, a haunted pipe. I
Speaker 1: think you're rather more mad about my ghosts, my dear pew,
Speaker 1: than I am. Then I told him all about it.
Speaker 1: He was deeply interested, especially when I told him that
Speaker 1: the pipe was dropped. But when I repeated Truss's words
Speaker 1: about its being haunted and mentioned my own delusion about
Speaker 1: the creature moving, he took a more serious view of
Speaker 1: the case than I had suspected he would do. I
Speaker 1: propose that we have on Trust's suggestion, and go and
Speaker 1: make inquiries of him. But you don't really think that
Speaker 1: there is anything in it on these subjects. I never
Speaker 1: allow myself to think at all. There are Trust's words,
Speaker 1: and there is your story. It's agreed on all hands
Speaker 1: that the pipe has peculiar properties. It seems to me
Speaker 1: that there is a sufficient case here to merit inquiry,
Speaker 1: he persuaded me. I went with him the pipe and
Speaker 1: the sandalwood box went to trust received us with a grin,
Speaker 1: a grin which was accentuated when I placed the sandalwood
Speaker 1: box on the table. You understand he said that a
Speaker 1: gift is a gift on known terms. Will I consent
Speaker 1: to receive that pipe back in my possession. I was
Speaker 1: rather nettled by his tone. You need be under no alarm.
Speaker 1: I have no intention of suggesting anything of the kind.
Speaker 1: Our business here, began Brasher. I must own that his
Speaker 1: manner is a little p is of a scientific I
Speaker 1: may say, also, and at the same time of a
Speaker 1: judicial nature. Our object is the pursuit of truth and
Speaker 1: the advancement of inquiry. Have you been trying another smoke?
Speaker 1: Inquired Tress, nodding his head toward me. Before I had
Speaker 1: time to answer, Brasher went droning on. Our friend here
Speaker 1: tells me that you say this pipe is haunted. I
Speaker 1: say it is haunted because it is haunted. I looked
Speaker 1: at Truss. I half suspected that he was poking fun
Speaker 1: at us, But he appeared to be serious enough in
Speaker 1: these matters, remarked Brasher, as though he were giving utterance
Speaker 1: to a new and important truth. There is a scientific
Speaker 1: and a non scientific method of inquiry. The scientific method
Speaker 1: is to begin at the beginning. I ask how this
Speaker 1: pipe came into your possession. Tress paused before he answered,
Speaker 1: you may ask. He paused again, Oh you, sir, certainly
Speaker 1: they may ask. But it doesn't follow that I shall
Speaker 1: tell you. Surely your object like ours can be. But
Speaker 1: spreading about of the truth, I don't see it at all.
Speaker 1: It is possible to imagine a case in which the
Speaker 1: spreading about of the truth might make me look a
Speaker 1: little awkward. Indeed, Rasher pursed up his lips. Your words
Speaker 1: almost lead one to suppose that there was something about
Speaker 1: your method of acquiring the pipe which you have good
Speaker 1: and weighty reasons for concealing. I don't know why I
Speaker 1: should conceal the thing from you. I don't suppose either
Speaker 1: of you is any better than I am. I don't
Speaker 1: mind telling you how I got the pipe. I stole it,
Speaker 1: stole it. Rasher seemed both amazed and shocked, But I,
Speaker 1: who had previous experience of Trest's methods of adding to
Speaker 1: his collection, was not at all surprised. Some of the
Speaker 1: pipes which he calls his. If only the whole truth
Speaker 1: about or publicly known, would send him to jail. That's nothing,
Speaker 1: he continued, all collector steal. The ethh commandment was not
Speaker 1: intended to apply to them. Why Pew there has conveyed
Speaker 1: three fourths of the pipe which he flatters himself, are his.
Speaker 1: I was so dumbfoundered by the charge that it took
Speaker 1: my breath away. I sat in an astounded silence. Tress
Speaker 1: went raving on. I was so shy of this particular
Speaker 1: pipe when I had obtained it that I put it
Speaker 1: away for quite three months. I took it out to
Speaker 1: have a look at it. Something about the thing so
Speaker 1: tickled me that I resolved to smoke it, owing to
Speaker 1: peculiar circumstances attending the manner in which the thing came
Speaker 1: into my possession on which I need not dwell. You
Speaker 1: don't like to dwell on those sort of things, do you, Pew.
Speaker 1: I knew really nothing about the pipe, as was the
Speaker 1: gaze with pew. One peculiarity. I learned from actual experience.
Speaker 1: It was also from actual experience that I learned that
Speaker 1: the thing was well, I said, haunted. But you may
Speaker 1: use any other word you like. Tell us as briefly
Speaker 1: as possible what it was you really did discover? Take
Speaker 1: the pipe out of the box. Brasher took the pipe
Speaker 1: out of the box and held it in his hand.
Speaker 1: You see that creature on it. Well, when I first
Speaker 1: had it, it was underneath the pipe. How do you
Speaker 1: mean that it was underneath the pipe? It was bunched
Speaker 1: together underneath the stem, just at the end of the mouthpiece,
Speaker 1: and the same way in which a fly might be
Speaker 1: suspended from the ceiling. When I began to smoke the pipe,
Speaker 1: I saw the creature move, but I thought that unconsciousness
Speaker 1: immediately followed. It did follow, but not before I saw
Speaker 1: that the thing was moving. It was because I thought
Speaker 1: that I had been, in a way a victim of delirium,
Speaker 1: that I tried the second smoke, suspecting that the thing
Speaker 1: was drugged. I swallowed what I believed would prove a
Speaker 1: powerful antidote. It enabled me to resist the influence of
Speaker 1: the narcotic much longer than before, and while I still
Speaker 1: retained my senses, I saw the creature crawl along the
Speaker 1: stem and over the bowl. It was that sight, I believe,
Speaker 1: as much as anything else, which sent me silly. When
Speaker 1: I came to I then and there decided to present
Speaker 1: the pipe to Pew. There is one more thing, I
Speaker 1: would remark. When the pipe left me, the creature's legs
Speaker 1: were twined about the bull. Now they are withdrawn. Possibly, you, Pew,
Speaker 1: I able to cap my little story with a little
Speaker 1: one which is all your own. I certainly did imagine
Speaker 1: that I saw the creature move, but I supposed that
Speaker 1: while I was under the influence of the drug, imagination
Speaker 1: had played me a trick. Not a bit of it
Speaker 1: depend upon it. The beast is bewitched. Even to my eye,
Speaker 1: it looks as though it were into a trained eye
Speaker 1: like yours, Pew. You've been looking for the devil a
Speaker 1: long time, and you've got him at last. Aye, I
Speaker 1: wish you wouldn't make those remarks, Tress. They jar on me,
Speaker 1: I confess, interpolated Brasher. I noticed that he had put
Speaker 1: the pipe down on the table, as though he were
Speaker 1: tired of holding it. That, to my thinking, such remarks
Speaker 1: are not appropriate. At the same time, what you have
Speaker 1: told us is I am bound to allow a little curious,
Speaker 1: But of course what I require is ocular demonstration. I
Speaker 1: haven't seen the movement myself. No, what you very soon
Speaker 1: will do if you care to have a pull at
Speaker 1: the pipe on your own account, do Brasher to oblige me.
Speaker 1: There's a dear. It appears then that the movement is
Speaker 1: only observable when the pipe is smoked. We have at
Speaker 1: least arrived at step number one. Here's a match, Brasher,
Speaker 1: light it up, and we shall have arrived at step
Speaker 1: number two. Dress lit a match and held it out
Speaker 1: to Brasher. Brasher retreated from its neighborhood. Thank you, mister Tress.
Speaker 1: I am no smoker, as you are aware, and I
Speaker 1: have no desire to acquire the art of smoking by
Speaker 1: means of a poisoned pipe. Dress laughed. He blew out
Speaker 1: the match and threw it into the grate. Then I'll
Speaker 1: tell you what I'll do. I'll have up Bob Bob.
Speaker 1: Why Bob Bob? Whose real name was Robert Haines, though
Speaker 1: I should think he must have forgotten the fact, so
Speaker 1: seldom was he addressed by It was Trest's servant. He
Speaker 1: had been an old soldier and had accompanied his master
Speaker 1: when he left the service. He was as depraved a
Speaker 1: character as Tress himself. I am not sure even that
Speaker 1: he was not worse than his master. I shall never
Speaker 1: forget how he once behaved toward myself. He actually had
Speaker 1: the assurance to accuse me of attempting to steal though
Speaker 1: ardur Street relic, which Trest fondly deludes himself, was once
Speaker 1: the property of Sir Walter Raleigh. The truth is that
Speaker 1: I had slipped it with my handkerchief into my pocket
Speaker 1: in a fit of absence of mind. A man who
Speaker 1: could accuse me of such a thing would be guilty
Speaker 1: of anything. I was therefore quite at one with Brasher
Speaker 1: when he explained what Bob could possibly be wanted for.
Speaker 1: Tress explained, I'll get him to smoke the pipe, he said.
Speaker 1: Brasher and I exchanged glances, but we refrained from speech.
Speaker 1: It won't do him any harm, said Tress. What not
Speaker 1: a poisoned pipe, asked Brasher. It's not poisoned. It's only drugged.
Speaker 1: Only drugged. Nothing hurts Bob. He is like an ostrich.
Speaker 1: He has digestive organs which are peculiarly his own. It
Speaker 1: will only serve him as it served me, and Pew,
Speaker 1: it will knock him over. It is all done in
Speaker 1: the pursuit of truth and for the advancement of inquiry.
Speaker 1: I could see that Brasher did not altogether like the
Speaker 1: tone in which Tress repeated his words. As for me,
Speaker 1: it was not to be supposed that I should put
Speaker 1: myself out in a matter which in no way concerned me.
Speaker 1: If Trust chose to poison the man, it was his affair,
Speaker 1: not mine. He went to the door and shouted, Bob,
Speaker 1: come here, you scoundrel. That is the way in which
Speaker 1: he speaks to him. No really decent servant would stand it.
Speaker 1: I shouldn't care to address an alder my servant in
Speaker 1: such a way. He would give me notice. On the spot.
Speaker 1: Bob came in. He is a great, hulking fellow who
Speaker 1: is always on the grin. Tress had a decanter of
Speaker 1: brandy in his hand. He filled a tumbler with a
Speaker 1: neat spirit. Bob, what would you say to a glassful
Speaker 1: of brandy? The real thing, my boy? Thank you, sir.
Speaker 1: And what would you say to a pull at a
Speaker 1: pipe when the brandy is drunk? A pipe? The fellow
Speaker 1: is sharp enough when he likes I saw him look
Speaker 1: at the pipe upon the table, and then at us,
Speaker 1: and then a gleam of intelligence came into his eyes.
Speaker 1: I'd do it for a dollar, sir, A dollar, you thief.
Speaker 1: I meant ten shillings, sir, ten shillings, you brazen vagabond.
Speaker 1: I should have said a pound. A pound was ever
Speaker 1: the like of that? Do I understand you to ask
Speaker 1: a pound for taking a pull at your master's pipe.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking that I'll have to make it too. The
Speaker 1: deuce you are here, Pew, lend me a pound. I'm
Speaker 1: afraid I've left my purse behind. Then lend me ten shillings, aneneus,
Speaker 1: I doubt if I have more than five. Then give
Speaker 1: me the five, and Brasher lend me the other fifteen.
Speaker 1: Brasher lent him the fifteen. I doubt if we shall
Speaker 1: either of us ever see our money again. He handed
Speaker 1: the pound to Bob. Here's the brandy. Drink it up.
Speaker 1: Bob drank it without a word, draining the glass of
Speaker 1: every drop. And here's the pipe. Is it poisoned, sir? Poisoned?
Speaker 1: You villain? What do you mean? It isn't the first
Speaker 1: time I've seen your tricks, sir? Is it now? And
Speaker 1: you're not the one to give a pound for nothing
Speaker 1: at all? If it kills me, you'll send my body
Speaker 1: to my mother. She'd like to know I was dead.
Speaker 1: Send your body to your grandmother, you idiot. Sit down
Speaker 1: and smoke Bob sat down. Dress had filled the pipe
Speaker 1: and handed it with a lighted match to Bob. The
Speaker 1: fellow declined the match. He handled the pipe there gingerly,
Speaker 1: turning it over and over, eyeing it with his eyes.
Speaker 1: Thank you, sir. I'll light it up myself. If it's
Speaker 1: the same to you, I carry matches of my own.
Speaker 1: It's a beautiful pipe entirely. I never see the likes
Speaker 1: of it for ugliness. And what's the slimy looking enviroment
Speaker 1: that looks as though it would like to have my life?
Speaker 1: Is it living or is it dead? Come? We don't
Speaker 1: want to sit here all day, my man. Well, sir,
Speaker 1: the look of this here pipe has quite upset in
Speaker 1: my stomach. And I'd like another drop of liquor, if
Speaker 1: it's the same to you, another drop? Why she tumblr
Speaker 1: full already? Here's another tumblerfull to put on top of that.
Speaker 1: You won't want the pipe to kill you. You'll be
Speaker 1: killed before you get to it. And isn't it better
Speaker 1: to die a natural death? Bob emptied the second tumbler
Speaker 1: of brandy as though it were water. I believe he
Speaker 1: would empty a hogshead without turning a hair. Then he
Speaker 1: gave another look at the pipe, then taking a match
Speaker 1: from his waistcoast pocket. He drew a long breath, as
Speaker 1: though he were resigning himself to fate, striking the match
Speaker 1: on the seat of his trousers while shaded by his hand.
Speaker 1: The flame was gathering strength. He looked at each of
Speaker 1: us in turn. When he looked at Tress, I distinctly
Speaker 1: saw him wink his eye. What my feelings would have
Speaker 1: been if a servant of mine had winked his eye
Speaker 1: at me, I'm unable to imagine. The match was applied
Speaker 1: to the tobacco, a puff of smoke came through his lips.
Speaker 1: The pipe was light During this process of lighting the pipe,
Speaker 1: we had sat. I do not wish to use exaggerated language,
Speaker 1: but we had sat and watched that alcoholic scamp's proceedings
Speaker 1: as though we were witnessing in action which would leave
Speaker 1: its mark upon the age. When we saw the pipe
Speaker 1: was lighted, we gave a simultaneous start. Brasher put his
Speaker 1: hands under his coattails and gave a kind of hop.
Speaker 1: I raised myself a good six inches from my chair,
Speaker 1: and Tress rubbed his palms together with a chuckle. Bob
Speaker 1: alone was calm, now, cried Tress. You'll see the devil moving.
Speaker 1: Bob took the pipe from between his lips. See what
Speaker 1: he said, Bob, you rascal. Put that pipe back into
Speaker 1: your mouth and smoke it for your life. Bob was
Speaker 1: eyeing the pipe. Askance, I daresay, But what I want
Speaker 1: to know is whether this here Varmint's dead or whether
Speaker 1: he isn't. I don't want to have him flying at
Speaker 1: my nose, and he looks vicious enough for anything. Give
Speaker 1: me back that pound, you thief, and get out of
Speaker 1: my house and bundle. I ain't going to give you
Speaker 1: back no pound. Then smoke that pipe. I am smokin it,
Speaker 1: ain't I. With the utmost deliberation, Bob returned the pipe
Speaker 1: to his mouth. He admitted another with or two of smoke.
Speaker 1: Now now cried Tress, all excitement and wagging his hand
Speaker 1: in the air. We gathered round. As we did so,
Speaker 1: Bob again withdrew the pipe. What is the meaning of
Speaker 1: all this here? I ain't goin to have you playin
Speaker 1: none of your larks on me. I know there's somethin up,
Speaker 1: but I ain't goin to throw my life away for
Speaker 1: twenty shillings. Not quite I ain't dress whose temper is
Speaker 1: not at any time one of the best was seized
Speaker 1: with quite a spasm of rage. As I live, my lad,
Speaker 1: if you try to cheat me by taking that pipe
Speaker 1: from between your lips until I tell you you leave
Speaker 1: this room that instant never again to be a servant
Speaker 1: of mine. I presume the fellow knew from long experience
Speaker 1: when his master meant what he said, and when he didn't.
Speaker 1: Without an attempt at remonstrance, he replaced the pie. He
Speaker 1: continued stolidly to puff away dress. Caught me by the arm.
Speaker 1: What did I tell you there? There? That tentacle is moving.
Speaker 1: The uplifted tentacle was moving. It was doing what I
Speaker 1: had seen it do as I supposed in my distorted imagination.
Speaker 1: It was reaching forward. Undoubtedly Bob saw what it was doing.
Speaker 1: But whether in obedience to his master's commands or whether
Speaker 1: because the drug was already beginning to take effect, he
Speaker 1: made no movement to withdraw the pipe. He watched the
Speaker 1: slowly advancing tentacle coming closer and closer toward his nose,
Speaker 1: with an expression of such intense horror on his countenance
Speaker 1: that it became quite shocking. Farther and farther. The creature
Speaker 1: reached forward, until on a sudden, with a sort of jerk,
Speaker 1: the movement assumed a downward direction, and the tentacle was
Speaker 1: slowly lowered until the tip rested on the stem of
Speaker 1: the pipe. For a moment, the creature remained motionless. I
Speaker 1: was quieting my nerves with the reflection that this thing
Speaker 1: was but some trick of the carver's art, and that
Speaker 1: what we had seen we had seen in a sort
Speaker 1: of nightmare. When the whole hideous reptile was seized with
Speaker 1: what seemed to be a fit of convulsive shuddering, it
Speaker 1: seemed to be in agony. It trembled so violently that
Speaker 1: I expected to see it loosen its hold of the
Speaker 1: stem and fall to the ground. I was sufficiently mastered
Speaker 1: myself to steal a glance at Bob. We had had
Speaker 1: an inkling of what might happen. He was wholly unprepared
Speaker 1: as he saw that dreadful, human looking creature coming to life,
Speaker 1: as it seemed within an inch or two of his nose.
Speaker 1: His eyes dilated to twice their usual size. I hoped
Speaker 1: for his sake that unconsciousness would supervene through the action
Speaker 1: of the drug before, through sheer fright, his senses left him.
Speaker 1: Perhaps mechanically, he puffed steadily on. The creature shuddered, became
Speaker 1: more violent. It appeared to swell before our eyes. Then,
Speaker 1: just as suddenly as it began, the shuddering ceased. There
Speaker 1: was another instant of questions. Then the creature began to
Speaker 1: crawl along the stem of the pipe. It moved with
Speaker 1: marvelous caution, the merest fraction of an inch at a time,
Speaker 1: but still it moved. Our eyes were riveted on it
Speaker 1: with a fascination which was absolutely nauseous. I am unpleasantly affected,
Speaker 1: even as I think of it now. My dreams of
Speaker 1: the night before I had been nothing to this. Slowly, slowly,
Speaker 1: it went nearer and nearer to the smoker's nose. Its
Speaker 1: mode of progression was in the highest degree unsightly. It glided,
Speaker 1: never so far as I could see, removing its tentacles
Speaker 1: from the stem of the pipe. It slipped its hindmost
Speaker 1: feelers onward until they came up to those which were
Speaker 1: in advance. Then in their turn it advanced those which
Speaker 1: were in front. It seemed, too to move with the
Speaker 1: utmost labor, shuddering, as though it were in pain. We
Speaker 1: were all, for our parts speechless. I was momentarily hoping
Speaker 1: that the drug would take effect on Bob, either his
Speaker 1: constitution enabled him to offer a strong resistance to narcotics,
Speaker 1: or else the large quantity of neat spirit which he
Speaker 1: had drunk acted as Tress had malevantly intended that it
Speaker 1: should as an antidote. It seemed to me that he
Speaker 1: would never succumb. On with the creature on and on
Speaker 1: in its infinitesimal progression, I was spellbound. I would have
Speaker 1: given the world to scream, to have been able to
Speaker 1: utter a sound. I could do nothing else but watch.
Speaker 1: The creature had reached the end of the stem. It
Speaker 1: had gained the amber mouthpiece. It was within an inch
Speaker 1: of the smoker's nose. Still on it went. It seemed
Speaker 1: to move with greater freedom. On the amber. It increased
Speaker 1: its rate of progress. It was actually touching the foremost
Speaker 1: feature of the smoker's countenance. I expected to see it
Speaker 1: grip the wretched Bob. When it began to oscillate from
Speaker 1: side to side, its oscillations increased in violence. It fell
Speaker 1: to the floor that same instant. The narcotic prevailed. Bob
Speaker 1: slipped sideways from the chair, the pipe still head tightly
Speaker 1: between his rooted jaws. We were silent. There lay Bob
Speaker 1: close beside him, lay the creature. A few more inches
Speaker 1: to the left, and he would have fallen on and
Speaker 1: squashed it flat. It had fallen on its back. Its
Speaker 1: feelers were extended upward. They were writhing and twisting and
Speaker 1: turning in the air. Tress was the first to speak,
Speaker 1: I think a little brandy won't be a miss. Emptying
Speaker 1: the remainder of the brandy into a glass, he swallowed
Speaker 1: it at a drop. Now for a closer examination of
Speaker 1: our friend. Taking a pair of tongs from the grate,
Speaker 1: he nipped the creature between them. He deposited upon the table.
Speaker 1: I rather fancy that this is a case for dissection.
Speaker 1: He took a pen knife from his waistcoat pocket. Opening
Speaker 1: the large blade, he thrust its point into the object
Speaker 1: on the table. Little or no resistance seemed to be
Speaker 1: offered to the passage of the blade, But as it
Speaker 1: was inserted, the tentaculus simultaneously began to writhe and twist.
Speaker 1: Tressed withdrew the knife, I thought, so. He held a
Speaker 1: blade out for our inspection. The point was covered with
Speaker 1: some viscid looking matter. That's blood. The thing's alive, alive, alive,
Speaker 1: that's the secret of the whole performance. But but me, no,
Speaker 1: but my pew, the mysteries exploded. One more ghost is
Speaker 1: lost to the world. The person from whom I obtained
Speaker 1: that pipe was an Indian juggler, up to many tricks
Speaker 1: of the trade. He or someone for him, got hold
Speaker 1: of the sweet thing and reptiles and a sweeter thing
Speaker 1: would I imagine be hard to find, and covered it
Speaker 1: with some preparation of possibly gum arabic. He allowed this
Speaker 1: to harden. Then he stuck the thing, still living, for
Speaker 1: those sort of gentry are hard to kill, to the pipe.
Speaker 1: The consequence was that when anyone lit up, the warmth
Speaker 1: was communicated to the adhesive agent. Again some preparation of
Speaker 1: gum no doubt it moistened it, and the creature, with
Speaker 1: infinite difficulty, was able to move. But I am open
Speaker 1: to lay odds with any gentleman of the sporting tastes
Speaker 1: that this time the creature's traveling days are done. It
Speaker 1: has given me rather a larger taste of the horror
Speaker 1: than is good for my digestion. With the aid of
Speaker 1: the tongs. He removed the creature from the table. He
Speaker 1: placed it on the hearth. Before Brasher or I had
Speaker 1: any notion of what it was he intended to do,
Speaker 1: he covered it with a heavy marble paper weight. Then
Speaker 1: he stood upon the weight, and between the marble and
Speaker 1: the hearth, he ground the creature flat. While the execution
Speaker 1: was still proceeding, Bob sat up upon the floor. HULLO, Yes,
Speaker 1: what's happened. We've emptied the bottle, Bob, said Tress. But
Speaker 1: there's another where that came from. Perhaps you could drink
Speaker 1: another tumberful, my boy, Bob drank it. Footnote, These gentry
Speaker 1: are hard to kill. Here is fact, not fantasy. Lizard
Speaker 1: yarns no less sensational than this mystery story can be
Speaker 1: found between the covers of solemn zoological textbooks. Reptiles, indeed,
Speaker 1: are far from finicky in the matters of air space
Speaker 1: and especially Warmthugs and other such sluggish blooded creatures have
Speaker 1: lived after being frozen fast in ice. Their blood is
Speaker 1: little warmer than air or water, enjoying no extra casing
Speaker 1: of fur or feathers. Air and food seem held in
Speaker 1: light esteem by lizards. Their blood need not be highly oxygenated,
Speaker 1: it nourishes just as well when impure. In temperate climes,
Speaker 1: lizards lie torpid and buried all winter. Some species of
Speaker 1: the tropic deserts sleep peacefully all summer. Their anatomy includes
Speaker 1: no means for the continuous introduction and expulsion of air.
Speaker 1: Reptilian lungs are little more than closed sacs without cell structure.
Speaker 1: If any further zoological fact were needed to verify the
Speaker 1: denowment of the pipe, it might be the general statement
Speaker 1: that lizards are abnormal broats. Anyhow, consider the chameleons of
Speaker 1: unsettled hue, and what is one to think of an
Speaker 1: animal which, when captured by the tail, is able to
Speaker 1: make its escape by wilfully shuffling off that appendage. Editor