Speaker 1: The sound of Eric's roll about trundling over the threshold
Speaker 1: was my signal to close the Netflix window. It was
Speaker 1: just after eleven on Sunday night, later than he promised.
Speaker 1: The only light in the living room was the blue
Speaker 1: glow of the aquarium water, shifting shadows over his slutched
Speaker 1: frame as he stooped to unlace his boots and drop
Speaker 1: his gear in a pile. I set my phone on
Speaker 1: the coffee table, careful not sound invasion. He made it.
Speaker 1: I called, keeping my voice easy. Did the roads behave?
Speaker 1: Eric managed to smile more of an upward rich and
Speaker 1: pulled me in for an awkward, half hearted hab that
Speaker 1: left the scent of hotel soap in my hair. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just a lawn drive. I need to get clean, he muttered,
Speaker 1: already heading for the master bath, bag slung over one shoulder.
Speaker 1: I waited, trying to read something in the hunch of
Speaker 1: his back. Nothing. Just tired, I told myself, no reason
Speaker 1: to analyze. Fifteen minutes later, he reappeared in sweatpaint's hair damp.
Speaker 1: I was curled into the couch, scrolling through my group dreads.
Speaker 1: He should see what just sent me one of those
Speaker 1: deep fried astrological memes right on them for our garbage week.
Speaker 1: He ap perched beside me, not touching, then picked up
Speaker 1: his foam without really looking at me. Ha, sorry, just tired.
Speaker 1: What did she say? Nothing, it's dumb. I closed my
Speaker 1: group chat with a false laugh. I'll let the silence stretch,
Speaker 1: expecting him to fill it. Usually he'd fall straight into
Speaker 1: high lights from his trip, resort gossip, some embarrassing coworker story. Instead,
Speaker 1: I got the quiet monoton clicking of his thumbs on glass,
Speaker 1: a walls thick a sound proofing. My eyes found the
Speaker 1: open edge of a ski duffel, sitting incongruous by the
Speaker 1: laundry door. I waited until he finally looked up, catching
Speaker 1: my gaze briefly before blinking away. Remember we need to
Speaker 1: finalize our dinner reservation for Saturday, I said, picking my
Speaker 1: words as if they were stones to hop across a river.
Speaker 1: Eyeric's response was muted. Let's see how this week goes.
Speaker 1: Work is just insane. I might have to go on
Speaker 1: Friday a beat. Then it's our anniversary, you know that right?
Speaker 1: He didn't meet my eyes, of course, it's just his
Speaker 1: sentence trailed away and vanished into the glow of his screen,
Speaker 1: and never mind, I said more sharply than I intended,
Speaker 1: and busied myself for full in my water bottle. There
Speaker 1: was no fight, just fatigue, and I made myself believe
Speaker 1: I respected that, even while some small animal inside me
Speaker 1: scratched at the bars. By midnight, I crawled into bed
Speaker 1: with my book waiting through the wall. I could hear
Speaker 1: Eric's soft laugh in the rattle of keys on his laptop,
Speaker 1: headphones on, shoulders hunched. He never brought his lap up
Speaker 1: into bed, not even during deadline. Hell. I blinked at
Speaker 1: my page, the words blurring. It's nothing, he's he compressing,
Speaker 1: Do not spiral. I didn't sleep, while each time I drifted,
Speaker 1: I startled awake, thinking I heard a sound of him
Speaker 1: slipping out, or backwards footsteps on the hardwood. Morning arrived
Speaker 1: too soon, The winter liked pale and uncertain. The only
Speaker 1: sign Erik had slept at all was the indentation on
Speaker 1: his pillow. He was already up, pacing the kitchen, gulping
Speaker 1: coffee from my favorite mug fun prop beside the toaster.
Speaker 1: I offered him half a bagel, and he murmured a
Speaker 1: distracted thanks, then fished his keys from the basket, pecked
Speaker 1: my cheek of cold, dry lips and duck. At the door,
Speaker 1: I found a skip bag abandoned in the hallway, sipped
Speaker 1: in streaked with frozen slush. Usually he left it propped
Speaker 1: the cook closet, with the gear at least hot disassembled.
Speaker 1: I knelt to open it, planning to toss the damp
Speaker 1: things into the wash before the dancers started to smell. Inside.
Speaker 1: The gloves and hat were thrown together, boots scoffed and cold.
Speaker 1: A Hotel brand of water bottle rolled out, and I
Speaker 1: gathered everything in my arms, pausing when his flask tumbled free.
Speaker 1: One I hadn't seen before, Matt Black, subtly monoground initials
Speaker 1: I didn't recognize engraved on bottom a gift from a coworker, Probably,
Speaker 1: I reasoned. I tucked it on to the shelf and
Speaker 1: forced myself to let the rescuer. The relief of being
Speaker 1: busy got me through the morning. Beyond our living room windows,
Speaker 1: the city exhaled its noisy Monday routine, carhorns barking one
Speaker 1: who was making their lips around Zochre. I usually ran
Speaker 1: with Eric, while at least made coffee for both of
Speaker 1: us before plunging into work. But to day I made
Speaker 1: my cup alone. Scrolling absent mindedly through Instagram, I blinked
Speaker 1: away the strange discomfort and tried to summon memories of
Speaker 1: our earliest day's, little reminders of normal, the first few
Speaker 1: months back, when we'd bump into each other at the
Speaker 1: Blue Cat and Jewel of a trivia shouted answers with
Speaker 1: competitive glee, drawing the bartender into our cross fire. I
Speaker 1: remembered the weirdly specific bets we made to winnipick the
Speaker 1: brunch spot loser covered the uber, all pretexts for where
Speaker 1: I was talking. It had felt like discovering a missing
Speaker 1: half who laughed at my dumbest jokes and matched my
Speaker 1: stride in South Congress, teasing hands grazing, as if by
Speaker 1: accident we'd built something in those shared years. Seven now
Speaker 1: a layering of routines and closeness that made strangers of
Speaker 1: parties assumed we'd always been together. Our socialize mesh so
Speaker 1: thoroughly the friends strot We operated as a units are
Speaker 1: and aerk, volunteering for fun runs and hosting friends coming gatherings.
Speaker 1: Synchronized paces of the running club shared Spotify playlists for
Speaker 1: road trips. He thrived in the infinite energy of Austin's
Speaker 1: start up world, always closing deals from patios or corralling
Speaker 1: lose acquaintances into future coal operations. My own career shift,
Speaker 1: leaving the base certainty of commercial real estate to freelance,
Speaker 1: was Eric's idea. Why burn out for someone else's quota
Speaker 1: when you're already the most organized person I know. I
Speaker 1: sometimes struggled to keep up with this pace. Eric's network
Speaker 1: felt bottomless, always someone new to eat with, another conference
Speaker 1: or team hunt. It enchanted me and unnerved me in
Speaker 1: equal measure. My inscurities cropped up after I left my
Speaker 1: office jaw the seat of my pant's client hunting made
Speaker 1: me valley security while he collected new business cars like trophies. Still,
Speaker 1: our rituals grounded a Sunday brunch anniversary scavenger hunts, camping
Speaker 1: on our shared birthday week at the annual open journaling night,
Speaker 1: where we'd write what we loved about the last year
Speaker 1: together in swap pages. We had mutual friends, thick as siblings,
Speaker 1: Julia with hoblanchier and talent for organizing chaos, being the
Speaker 1: most entangled in our orbit. She and Eric could overlap
Speaker 1: through volunteer work before meeting me, and in all the
Speaker 1: time I'd known her, there'd be no lines, no secrets.
Speaker 1: Our lives overlapped at every edge, work talk, friend talk,
Speaker 1: neighbor talk, running club gossip once happened to Eric's Workaholism
Speaker 1: sometimes classed with my craving for danteime, and we'd had
Speaker 1: shouting matches that usually ended with apologies and a long hug.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I was jealous of his energy, of how easily
Speaker 1: people gathered around him, of the opportunities he never seemed
Speaker 1: to flop. He knew that he never used it against me.
Speaker 1: When my younger sister's marriage blew a pot after months
Speaker 1: of covertec's messages and bowling suspicion, I'd wept and confess
Speaker 1: my fears to Eric. Promise, we'll never just fake it.
Speaker 1: If something's wrong, please say something. He pressed my hands
Speaker 1: to his heart and nodded serious. He was solid. I
Speaker 1: truly believe that, even when my mind replayed what IF's
Speaker 1: late at night, seeking patterns that might not exist. Still,
Speaker 1: that Monday after the trip, there was a ripper, barely
Speaker 1: visible except to someone attuned to weather shifts. I asked
Speaker 1: Eric about the slopes while handing him his laptop bag
Speaker 1: as he laced his shoes decent powder. Did anyone actually
Speaker 1: break a bone this time? He zipped up. Naw, just
Speaker 1: the usual. Roman drank too much, Julia lost her glove.
Speaker 1: Ben got altitude sickness. Same as always. He rattled off,
Speaker 1: but his tone was clipped, and his eyes flicked past
Speaker 1: me to the digital clock over my shoulder. No inside jokes,
Speaker 1: No two outrageous to be true anecdotes about coworker's tumbling
Speaker 1: into snow banks. It was possible, I'd asked in the
Speaker 1: raw morning deadlines crowding him a calendar notification chining, But
Speaker 1: I couldn't shake the sense that our words sat on
Speaker 1: a surface that had grown weirdly slick. Later that afternoon,
Speaker 1: I saw it. Died bills. While waiting for a client call,
Speaker 1: I nearly glazed past the restaurant charge on our joint
Speaker 1: car at a place called Zrella on six upscale marked
Speaker 1: at one hundred seventy eight all is seventy cents. The
Speaker 1: time Stump landed midday Saree. During the trip, I put
Speaker 1: my head into Eric's office while he typed frantically. Had
Speaker 1: fun slung around his neck. Who did you wine and
Speaker 1: dine at Sorella? Unusually formal after a day on the
Speaker 1: slopes snow. He barely glanced up. Oh that weemy, Roman
Speaker 1: and a few from work decided to splurge on the
Speaker 1: way back. You know those group travel splurges. I grin, teasing,
Speaker 1: trying to show off for the out of towners. Eric
Speaker 1: half shrugged, smiling thinly. It was just easier to let
Speaker 1: the lightest fooks pick. Honestly, I wasn't that hungry group dynamics.
Speaker 1: You know, the answer fit technically, except we both knew
Speaker 1: he found group decisions hopelessly inefficient and usually led the
Speaker 1: charge for drive through Tacos. I let it slide, a
Speaker 1: post it note in my mindful Later that evening was
Speaker 1: but club now virtual again, since two of us had
Speaker 1: moved cross country. Julia appeared on my screen hare in
Speaker 1: a messy bun bottle of malbick beside her. We gossiped
Speaker 1: as the others faltered in discussing the trip, and fast forward.
Speaker 1: Julia stifling a yawn, so has Eric's calf. He texted
Speaker 1: something cryptic about ruining his soft game with an Elfit
Speaker 1: hot tubbed her Julia's eyes flicked sideways, then she closed
Speaker 1: her laptop for a moment, her face vanishing into high
Speaker 1: deaf static square. A few minutes later, she tagged in
Speaker 1: the chat have to run WiFi bilipping night. Yo'll love love,
Speaker 1: and she was gone. I stared at her message, something
Speaker 1: about the forced chair clattering in my chest. Afterward, I rationalists,
Speaker 1: everyone's tired, everyone's over stimulated. Julia's always got a clock
Speaker 1: running through her, ten things on her mind. Still, when
Speaker 1: I brushed my teeth that night, Eric was already in bed,
Speaker 1: arms folded over his chest, eyes fixed on whatever he
Speaker 1: was streaming. I caught myself glancing at his phone, face
Speaker 1: down beside him, then at the streaks of fading Town
Speaker 1: on his wrist. I felt a hot flush of guilt
Speaker 1: for even thinking of snooping. That's not what we do,
Speaker 1: I scolded myself. He deserves trust. All the little things
Speaker 1: add up to nothing unless you make them something. Over breakfast,
Speaker 1: I floated the idea of an anniversary get away, nothing fancy,
Speaker 1: maybe a cabby near Fredericksburg or just a spaw night.
Speaker 1: Eric's head was buried in a sluck channel on his phone.
Speaker 1: Think we could swing a couple night away this year,
Speaker 1: He scowled, not looking at me. Maybe, but let's just
Speaker 1: keep it chill, I might. Honestly, it's just been a
Speaker 1: lot work over the trip both, babe. I just need
Speaker 1: a beat to catch up. Can we decide later? I nodded,
Speaker 1: biting my tongue. The irony of croving togetherness while sitting
Speaker 1: three feet apart was not lost on me. That week.
Speaker 1: It was as if the subtle current had reversed in
Speaker 1: our house. Dinners were still shared, but now the conversation
Speaker 1: ebb been pulled around Eric's vague resistance. If I asked
Speaker 1: too many questions about projects at his new office, about
Speaker 1: who shared rides to the slopes, even about changes to
Speaker 1: his ten k train schedule, he'd paddle sideways with a
Speaker 1: snarky joke, or twist the conversation toward me. You're the
Speaker 1: one with three new clients. Tell me who's driving you crazy? Now?
Speaker 1: When he did reach for affection, showlder squeezes brief half hugs,
Speaker 1: it felt like a performance executed just a beat too late.
Speaker 1: I wanted to shape myself, stop cataloging every mistime gesture.
Speaker 1: Surely this was a rough patch after too much stimulation,
Speaker 1: but I found myself waiting for him to say the
Speaker 1: thing that would set us back on track, or at
Speaker 1: least to act anoyd that I seemed distant. Instead, he
Speaker 1: offered silence, or, more often, his back bent over a
Speaker 1: phone running. Had once been our shelter from this kind
Speaker 1: of static. We'd lace up, headphones off and run the
Speaker 1: length of ladybird like and companionable silence, catching our breath
Speaker 1: at the far bridge, mocking each other's playlists. Now each
Speaker 1: morning i'd find his note heading out early. Need to
Speaker 1: clear my head. I tiptoed to the front window and
Speaker 1: see him stride off, headphones clammed, body language closed, the
Speaker 1: rectangle of his phone visible in his hoodie pocket. On Wednesday,
Speaker 1: I got another clear Beauty Co hotel charge, this time
Speaker 1: in Austin time stumped. Late Thursday night, Eric had told
Speaker 1: me he was going to pass out early, exhausted from
Speaker 1: back to back strategy sessions. The charge was ninety four
Speaker 1: dollars odd for him. When I brought it up, he
Speaker 1: dismissed it. Oh that happy after the crew, but I
Speaker 1: left early. They booked us a lounge space at the condola.
Speaker 1: I had like two drinks. Called it. He smiled, just enough,
Speaker 1: work hard, pretend we still party harder. You know the script.
Speaker 1: Later in the market for produce, I ran into Julia.
Speaker 1: She looked up from squeezing tomatoes, and for half seconds
Speaker 1: seemed entirely herself. We stop to talking about mutual friends,
Speaker 1: about the bat avocados, and when I referenced last week's brunch,
Speaker 1: she darted an apologetic glance at her phone and said,
Speaker 1: I have to run. I'll text soon. The hug she
Speaker 1: gave was rigid, barely touching. I told myself she must
Speaker 1: be hungover or resentful of her overbook schedule. Weeks earlier,
Speaker 1: she and Eric could spend our's planning a surprise for me,
Speaker 1: something they whispered about, plottingless and sending me text teases
Speaker 1: about what to expect. There'd be none of that anticipation
Speaker 1: this time. After Julia left, I texted Roman, safe, predictable,
Speaker 1: always a little oblivious. How was the last night of
Speaker 1: the trip any scandal I should know about? Or just
Speaker 1: standard Shenanigan's, He replied with a burst of emojis punctuated
Speaker 1: with Honestly, By the end, everyone had pretty much pared
Speaker 1: off and drifted to their respective bets. I can barely
Speaker 1: remember the snow card game, but it was chaos. Something
Speaker 1: about the phrasing and settled me, I replied, Even Lindsay,
Speaker 1: I didn't know she was there. Roman's reply was, oh, yeah, surprise,
Speaker 1: you didn't know that she's fun. Thought Eric would have
Speaker 1: mentioned her. I tapped my phone away, the words cold
Speaker 1: in my hand. Later, scrolling through attacked Instagram's story on
Speaker 1: myze Feta grees selfie blows and laughter and firelight, I
Speaker 1: noticed someone cropped at the edge next to Eric, the
Speaker 1: hand visible over his shoulder, the flash illuminating a band
Speaker 1: of copper hair. Lindsay Erick, perpetually chatty cowoker, whom I'd
Speaker 1: only met at parties. She had never come up as
Speaker 1: a travel companion before. Eric Homelate dropped his keys on
Speaker 1: the counter with practice indifference. As I grilled vegetables for dinner,
Speaker 1: he came in from the shower, hair towel wrapped, face
Speaker 1: ruddy as if from sunburn, not wind. I still can't
Speaker 1: believe you people preferst notice, sand I joked, half hoping
Speaker 1: for banter. Instead, he shrugged, fiddling with his Apple Watch. Later,
Speaker 1: as I vacuumed under the sofa, impulse cleaning always sued
Speaker 1: me on anxious days. Something hot snagged in the hose.
Speaker 1: I bent down and retrieved a rose gold hoop earring,
Speaker 1: delicate and familiar, the kind that clickchat we'd hoasted plenty
Speaker 1: of gatherings in that room, but something about the ear
Speaker 1: ring shine felt for recent. I showed it to Eric
Speaker 1: as he shut down his lopped up that night, mystery
Speaker 1: guested for is this yours? He glanced at it, then
Speaker 1: back to the screen. Probably got left after that brunch
Speaker 1: with Julier in Maya. Let's be real, I barely noticed
Speaker 1: these things any more, but I swept under their last week.
Speaker 1: I just thought he cut me off, Babe. You know
Speaker 1: how people are after one too many Paseco's. It's not
Speaker 1: a mystery, just clutter, he grinned, But the edges were wrong,
Speaker 1: his voice too brisk. I dropped the ear ring on
Speaker 1: the entry table and sure what answer I actually wanted.
Speaker 1: The pattern had changed, But I doubted myself more than
Speaker 1: I doubted Eric. My tendency to react over react, as
Speaker 1: my mother called it, was legendary in our family. I
Speaker 1: reminded myself of all the reasons he deserved my trust,
Speaker 1: all the normal explainable things about schedules, friends and parties.
Speaker 1: But I couldn't shake the idea that I was living
Speaker 1: in a version of our life that was slightly, imperceptibly
Speaker 1: off axis. Over days, the distance grew physical, The bed
Speaker 1: felt too big. Sometimes after dinner, Eric made a show
Speaker 1: of staying up to finish up a spreadsheet to headphones
Speaker 1: on gaze averted. I kept busy with work, crushing for appointments,
Speaker 1: but found myself watching doors for signs of movement, checking
Speaker 1: the ring on my finger. Feeling exposed. I started joling
Speaker 1: late at night, scrolling down tiny oddities. The hours he
Speaker 1: spent running alone. His weird jokes went not about his coworkers,
Speaker 1: the earring, the lies I was ladding myself overlook. The
Speaker 1: more I wrote, the more the entries ceased to resemble
Speaker 1: the person I thought. I was a trusting wife, yes,
Speaker 1: but not a detective, not a conspiracist. But my pen
Speaker 1: kept moving. One Thursday morning, awoke with a resolve, a
Speaker 1: desire to force the ambiguity into clarity. At breakfast, I said,
Speaker 1: the earring across the table between us. I found this
Speaker 1: under the couch. None of our friends were these do they?
Speaker 1: Eric looked, rolled it between his fingers, then made a face.
Speaker 1: Are you really going through lost and fun now? I
Speaker 1: just thought maybe it belonged to one of your coworkers, Lindsey.
Speaker 1: Maybe he stills, then exhaled with exaggerated patience. Do you
Speaker 1: want to just ask me something? He sounded like he
Speaker 1: sinking up to something shady? Are you He rolled his eyes. God, Sarah, No,
Speaker 1: it's just been a weird month at work, and I
Speaker 1: honestly I let loose too much on the trip. We
Speaker 1: played musical beds that last night, every one was swapping rooms,
Speaker 1: drinking weight too much. When not twenty one any more,
Speaker 1: I woke up with a hangover and maybe maybe someone
Speaker 1: dropped that earring. That's it. I tried not to let
Speaker 1: my relie sound too obvious. So you just avoided talking
Speaker 1: to me about it because you felt childish? He grinned.
Speaker 1: Sheepish now sort of embarrassed. I guessed, if you want
Speaker 1: to check my texts, go ahead. But nothing happened, Babe,
Speaker 1: I promise his words and did the not in my chest,
Speaker 1: if only partially. Over the next few days, things felt easier.
Speaker 1: Eric scheduled at dinner impromptu, but with all the trappings
Speaker 1: of what made us work jokes matching cocktails a competitive
Speaker 1: game of dots in the bar. After, for the first
Speaker 1: time in weeks of the tension seemed to melt, replaced
Speaker 1: by batful humor about being old thoughts in a young
Speaker 1: man's profession. He even started planning an anniversary brunch, suggesting
Speaker 1: a new spot i'd wanted to try. Julia texted me
Speaker 1: a funny meme, and the chap returned at least a
Speaker 1: little to normal. But anxiety is a living thing, a
Speaker 1: weed and of cracks, and my mind kept tracing back
Speaker 1: over our stories, finding small bits that didn't quite fit.
Speaker 1: A few days later, I met a new client a
Speaker 1: cuff shop downtown. It was mid morning, the background hum
Speaker 1: of espresso machines and conversation making it hard to focus.
Speaker 1: I'd I've finished my meeting and started to gather my things.
Speaker 1: I heard a familiar voice behind me, Julia, talking urrogantly
Speaker 1: into her phone at table near the window. No listen,
Speaker 1: you promised she would never find out. That was the
Speaker 1: only reason I went along. She turned and saw me,
Speaker 1: her eyes widening with something between dread and apology. I hesitated,
Speaker 1: waiting for her to wave me over, but she quickly
Speaker 1: looked away. Hunching over her coffee, dropping her voice to
Speaker 1: hurried whisper, cold shot through me, spined to finger tips.
Speaker 1: For the rest of the day, I replayed Julia's words,
Speaker 1: wondering was she talking about me, about Eric, or was
Speaker 1: this just another fit of my imagination assembling unrelated fragments.
Speaker 1: That night, Eric brought home take out, chatting cheerfully about
Speaker 1: an upcoming board game night. He asked if I wanted
Speaker 1: to go, and I mumbled an excuse about needing to
Speaker 1: catch up on emails. We ate on the sofa, grazing
Speaker 1: at box noodles while half watching a movie. Maybe this
Speaker 1: was our normal now, I thought, maybe suspicion, too, could
Speaker 1: become a routine. Later, I set about cleaning the kitchen.
Speaker 1: I wiped down the counters, stack dishes, and opened one
Speaker 1: of the lower cabinets to discover a stack of empty
Speaker 1: wine bottles, more than I remembered drinking these past couple weeks.
Speaker 1: We weren't big drinkers. I hesitated, uncertain whether to chalk
Speaker 1: it up to parties or something else. I snapped the
Speaker 1: photo on my phone and closed the cabinet, breathing a
Speaker 1: little faster. The next afternoon, determined to get a context.
Speaker 1: I tried texting Julia, let's grab coffee, No gender, just
Speaker 1: miss your face, she answered hours later, crazy busy this week,
Speaker 1: let's rain check cool. I tried to let it drop,
Speaker 1: but something in her distance nod. Instead. I went digging
Speaker 1: through my own phone for group messages from during the trip.
Speaker 1: I couldn't find the one Eric had mentioned briefly, the
Speaker 1: snokeout game, the showdown at the ski cabin. I scrolled
Speaker 1: through chad after chat, but the night in question was blank. Disturbed,
Speaker 1: I checked Eric's laptop, the one he been glued to
Speaker 1: since the trip, but found nothing but spreadsheets and open
Speaker 1: tabs with tet blocks. His phone was always on him,
Speaker 1: never left alone any more. My knee theory, formed late
Speaker 1: at night in the darkness, was the I'd let jealousy
Speaker 1: morph into delusion. Maybe there was nothing concrete, only hurtful
Speaker 1: evidence of how quickly we could drift apart. Maybe Julia's
Speaker 1: words had nothing to do with me at all, and
Speaker 1: Eric really was just much thin at work, embarrassed by
Speaker 1: week end debauchery. Maybe the earring, the hotel bill, the
Speaker 1: crotched Instagram shot were all chess pieces in the game.
Speaker 1: I was inventing out of boredom, fear, or habit. But
Speaker 1: the tension didn't let go. If anything, it seemed to
Speaker 1: be coooning every part of my life with their cost
Speaker 1: shed Spotify recommendations, our half finished Crosswood puzzles, the in
Speaker 1: jouk stalling or dying mad sentence. On Saturday, when I
Speaker 1: ran into my Er outside the co op, I asked
Speaker 1: her about the trip, feigning curiosity about mountain views. I
Speaker 1: saw your story looked like a blast. Lindsey seemed to
Speaker 1: be having fun too. Didn't realize she made it up.
Speaker 1: There may shot me a quizzical look. You didn't know
Speaker 1: She and Air Corps like the last two at the
Speaker 1: bar that night. They didn't come to the car game,
Speaker 1: did their own thing. I guess my stomach twisted. I
Speaker 1: laughed too loudly, changed the subject, and quickly excused myself
Speaker 1: to go pay for groceries. Back home, the house was silent.
Speaker 1: I wandered from room to room, pretending to tidy, stealing
Speaker 1: myself for what I might do next. I was tired
Speaker 1: of feeling like a stranger in the place I had
Speaker 1: worked to make comfortable mine. I remembered Orck's comment, if
Speaker 1: you want to check my ticks. Go ahead and try it,
Speaker 1: but he changed his passwords since the trip, not a
Speaker 1: sign of guilt. Necessarily, he'd done it before, after a
Speaker 1: fishing scare at his office. Still it didn't suit me.
Speaker 1: On Monday, as I was prepping for an afternoon showing,
Speaker 1: Eric bustled in, chatting on his bluetooth therapiece. Hyeh yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll send the draft by five, Lindy, just make sure
Speaker 1: you see Roman. Okay, great, yeah, I'm here now. He
Speaker 1: hung up and immediately launched into a story about a
Speaker 1: nightmare deliveried at work. I watched him suddenly aware of
Speaker 1: the choreography, the jokes, the drop names, the quick laugh
Speaker 1: oler routine. He was trying to distract me, or maybe
Speaker 1: distract himself. That evening, after we climbed into bed, I
Speaker 1: rolled toward him and ass did you ever figure out
Speaker 1: whose earing that was? He shifted away. Probably Julius Omiyas.
Speaker 1: One of them will text you about it soon. Don't worry.
Speaker 1: Did you talk to Lindy today? He stiffened. We were
Speaker 1: on a call with the whole team. Why no reason?
Speaker 1: Just sounded like it was a rough trip for everyone.
Speaker 1: He pressed his lips together, face half in chatter. It's fine, sir,
Speaker 1: nothing happened, I promise. Ogah, he reached out, squeezing my arm. Seriously,
Speaker 1: you're worrying too much. I lay awake, staring at the ceiling,
Speaker 1: running through what I really knew. The week passed in
Speaker 1: alternating waves of business and empty hours. Eric spent more
Speaker 1: time out of the house than in it, long runs,
Speaker 1: late meetings, and promptu happy hours. I stopped asking where
Speaker 1: he was going, stopped tracking the hours because every question
Speaker 1: felt loaded, every answer and complete. Desperate for something concrete,
Speaker 1: I sorted through the trashfolder in Eric's in books as
Speaker 1: he showered one Sunday morning, an old lift receipts stared
Speaker 1: up at me. Timestamp for the night after the ski
Speaker 1: triplisted to an address I didn't recognize south of the River,
Speaker 1: not where any of his coworkers live, not in any
Speaker 1: of the neighborhoods we frequent it. He told me he
Speaker 1: was meeting room and for a quick drink at night.
Speaker 1: The drop off location didn't fit. I took a photo
Speaker 1: with my phone. Feeling shaky, I told myself not to
Speaker 1: jump to conclusions. Maybe he'd given a ride to some
Speaker 1: one else. Maybe mebe. The possibilities palled up no unsatisfying.
Speaker 1: Throughout all of this, I started to realize how tightly
Speaker 1: my life was bonded to Erk's how every morning and
Speaker 1: every muted joke, every incide reference or petulant argument, each
Speaker 1: friend's fleeting expression or roll of the eyes constituted the
Speaker 1: net I called my marriage. Now, each knot in that
Speaker 1: net fell strained. I'm deep down, I wasn't sure how
Speaker 1: long it would hold. Monday melted into Tuesday, a bleary,
Speaker 1: slow fuse of days in which I lived amotopilot appointments,
Speaker 1: polite smiles, small talk with neighbors about traffic and the
Speaker 1: new bakery opening two blocks away. No one could have
Speaker 1: guessed from the outside that anything about my marriage was breaking.
Speaker 1: I carried my routines like armor, careful to keep my
Speaker 1: voice even and my eyes bright. I home elder groceries, folded, laundry,
Speaker 1: emptied the dishwasher, seeking little victories of order, as if
Speaker 1: Ninus might restore a balance. I placed the unfamiliar black
Speaker 1: flask on the kitchen shelf, so I dying it, like
Speaker 1: it might suddenly declare its true origin during a long
Speaker 1: after lunch. I know the steric stuffle was still sitting,
Speaker 1: half emptied by the closet. Normally he'd at least hung
Speaker 1: his jacket, toss a ski bibs in the laundry, or
Speaker 1: brag about surviving Moguls without bruising his middle aged pride.
Speaker 1: Now seemed he wanted no trace of the trip left
Speaker 1: out in the open, yet couldn't bring himself to deal
Speaker 1: with it either. I reached inside the duffel one more
Speaker 1: time less to search for evidence than that of frustration
Speaker 1: at how lazily it had been abandoned. Along with the
Speaker 1: spare gloves and a bold apodee, I found a crumpled
Speaker 1: resort map, a half few stick of lip balm, and
Speaker 1: a small folded hotel Toiletry's back handriton on the outside
Speaker 1: in broad block letters era left at Despiel. At first,
Speaker 1: I barked out a tired laugh. Lindsay must have left
Speaker 1: it for him at the checking count, and maybe she'd
Speaker 1: known he'd forget it. Maybe it was nothing, maybe maybe
Speaker 1: maybe I tossed the bag into the miscellaneous drawer, which
Speaker 1: was overfalling with mementos and manuals for gadget Sweet up Grown.
Speaker 1: But the knot in my stomach tightened another notch. That night,
Speaker 1: Eric returned later than usual, his voice already warm from
Speaker 1: a couple of drinks, his smile broad but practiced. He
Speaker 1: set it to go box on the counter, borderedy that
Speaker 1: wave kil quno bowl you like? Sorry for the late
Speaker 1: heads up, lindsays, running the new cr rampilot and needed
Speaker 1: me to put out like twenty tech fires. I tried
Speaker 1: not to flinch at her name. Thanks, you could have texted.
Speaker 1: I ended up just eating cereal earlier. He groaned, God, sorry,
Speaker 1: I lost track. There used to be a time when
Speaker 1: missing dinner would spark a mile fight, petty bickering, irritations
Speaker 1: that always ended and compromise all after to night. I
Speaker 1: couldn't even summon the energy to sound annoyed. We ate
Speaker 1: at the kitchen island, both on our phones. I wanted
Speaker 1: to ask for details, Why so much overtime? Why was
Speaker 1: Lindsey suddenly his business world shadow? Why did his works
Speaker 1: start and end with her? But I told myself to
Speaker 1: breathe pick the right moment, don't let this turn hostile
Speaker 1: before your facts. Did your team decide on an off
Speaker 1: side for next quarter? I forced the question, aiming for breezy,
Speaker 1: small tork Eric, white sauce from his mouth. Probably Denver,
Speaker 1: you know, snow Bunner is run the world. He winked,
Speaker 1: but the gesture fell flat. I counted with a weak smile.
Speaker 1: Sounds like you already had plenty of elevation last week,
Speaker 1: he shrugged, looking away. Ye, well, maybe too much bonding.
Speaker 1: It could have been a joke or simply a throwaway line.
Speaker 1: I let it pass. I couldn't shake the image julious
Speaker 1: hushed words, had planned it to my mind, you promised
Speaker 1: she would never find out? Was this she me or
Speaker 1: some one else? Was Julie talking to Eric or to
Speaker 1: another person entirely lying in bed? I heard Eric's phone
Speaker 1: vibrate his chest, briefly illuminated by the blue white light
Speaker 1: of a notification. He unlocked it, quickly, turning away from me.
Speaker 1: Funny mean from Rumman, he mumbled, I swallowed. Maybe next
Speaker 1: time you'll forward the good ones to me, he grunted,
Speaker 1: plugging in his charger and rolling away. I stared into
Speaker 1: the darkness, listening to the faint, almost guilty hush of
Speaker 1: his breath deepening. I tried to convince myself this was normal,
Speaker 1: that all couples had weeks of felt stretch that secrets
Speaker 1: were the fabric of adult life, and most when fatal
Speaker 1: Fairrisday brought another run of minor evidence, more ambiguous than damning.
Speaker 1: I was in the guest room, pulling out sheets for
Speaker 1: the cleaners when I noticed a faint unfamiliars and something floral,
Speaker 1: distinctly not my detergent. I couldn't identify the brand. I
Speaker 1: wondered if we had guess stay more recently than I remembered,
Speaker 1: but our social calendar had thinned or trickle of events.
Speaker 1: I pressed my nose to the pillow case. It could
Speaker 1: have come from any one, a barrow row jacket, a
Speaker 1: friend's perfume, a new detergent at the laundromat, but it
Speaker 1: felt wrong, out of place. That afternoon, Julie texted running
Speaker 1: late for bar rain check brunch next week. This followed
Speaker 1: three days of ghosting. I should have shoved it off instead,
Speaker 1: I replied, all good, hope you surviving the week, I added, smiley,
Speaker 1: sick with the urge to ask out wright, but what
Speaker 1: aren't you telling me? Instead? I put my phone face down,
Speaker 1: ashamed at my own cowardice. Friday, during a brief break
Speaker 1: between showings. A scrawled through Eric's Instagram. He'd barely posted lately,
Speaker 1: except for one group photo from the slopes caption team
Speaker 1: that shreads together to viskne Together. I clicked through tags
Speaker 1: to Lindsay's account. She posted a series of stories ski
Speaker 1: boots kicked up by a fire pit, shots of wide
Speaker 1: mountain skies, and finally, a clumsy, fast moving video showing
Speaker 1: the back view of Eric lining up shots at the
Speaker 1: resort bar. In a video, their shoulders bumped, and for
Speaker 1: a moment I could imagine her reaching out just beyond frame.
Speaker 1: I screen shutted it, feeling ridiculous evidence of what people laugh,
Speaker 1: people drank. My husband was not a technomnastic monk. If anything,
Speaker 1: his ability to bond with co workers was his superbar.
Speaker 1: But I couldn't shake the image that evening the air
Speaker 1: between Rik and me was dreadbare. We all bitted each other,
Speaker 1: bumping into elbows at the sink, sharing can laughter, a
Speaker 1: sickcomer run neither of us cared about. In that moment,
Speaker 1: I wanted nothing more than to ask him to sit
Speaker 1: across from me and promise, truly promised, the version of
Speaker 1: our life we live was real. Saveday morning, we jogged
Speaker 1: together for the first time in a month. It was
Speaker 1: humid Eirekat pays a full step ahead Earward's inn, only
Speaker 1: half listening when I called out a question, Do you
Speaker 1: remember when we first started running together? I offered half
Speaker 1: way through the loop, he gin, sweat glinting along his
Speaker 1: hair line. Of course, you left me in the dust
Speaker 1: and then made me pancakes to gloat. I smiled, winded,
Speaker 1: maybe we should go back to making bets winter Pi's dinner.
Speaker 1: He shook his head. No bets this week, Babe and
Speaker 1: two wiped out by everything else. It was a small thing,
Speaker 1: but the avoidance dune. After our cool down, we stopped
Speaker 1: at a smoothie stand. Aer checked his phone while waiting,
Speaker 1: Who are you texting? He showed me his green a
Speaker 1: Slack group chat string. If we should circle back on
Speaker 1: this messages, I saw Lindsay's profile photo appear in the notifications.
Speaker 1: Eric tapped the phone away quickly. I tried to sound normal.
Speaker 1: He too, worked pretty closely these days, ha. He nodded, Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's got ahead for ops, she just gets stuff done.
Speaker 1: He didn't elaborate. Back at the house, a storm started up,
Speaker 1: thunder cracking clothes, rain hammering the windows. The air inside
Speaker 1: felt heavy, thick with all the words we weren't saying.
Speaker 1: I busied myself at dinner, chopping on in so fiercely
Speaker 1: that my eyes watered beyond what was reasonable. Half Way
Speaker 1: through prepping, my phone buzzed Roman's name on the screen. Hey, Sarah,
Speaker 1: of random questions, you have the photos from the last
Speaker 1: night at the lodge? Lost mine in a phone reset.
Speaker 1: I bit my let, thinking I only got a few,
Speaker 1: ping them to the group chat. But maybe Julia, oh
Speaker 1: my save more A long pause. Yeah, Actually, Julia look
Speaker 1: freaked out when I asked, said something about not all
Speaker 1: the photos being for public consumption. Hah, weird, right, I
Speaker 1: stared out at the wet street, the reflection of lightning
Speaker 1: arching a long part cause weird. Maybe people were just
Speaker 1: acting up. Roman sent, thinking face emoji, possibly too much yerger,
Speaker 1: not enough dignity. When er it passed through the kitchen,
Speaker 1: I watched his face. Did Julia talk to you? Roman said,
Speaker 1: you guys nearly got kicked out of the lounge for
Speaker 1: a flash. Eric looked truly startled. Hap, Oh, she's exaggerating.
Speaker 1: We got a little rowdy, but nothing insane. I think
Speaker 1: she's just been tense lately, But did anything actually happen? Like?
Speaker 1: Was someone out of line? He scowl, almost petulant. Why
Speaker 1: does everyone think we were a bunch of frat boys?
Speaker 1: We went up for work mostly. Yeah, there was drinking,
Speaker 1: but people weren't doing lines in the jacuzzi promise. The
Speaker 1: way he spoke offensively, too fast, made me want to
Speaker 1: push more, but the moment was gone, the distraction of
Speaker 1: a boiling pot stealing my chance. If I confronted him upright,
Speaker 1: what would he even say? We're telling him about Julia's words,
Speaker 1: serve any purpose or just tip my hand that I'd
Speaker 1: been eavesdropping and sneaping. The next day, I texted my
Speaker 1: privately real talk. Was our crew that wild at the
Speaker 1: lodge last weekend? Her reply came after a few minutes. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I was asleep by midnight most nights. I just know.
Speaker 1: Not everyone made it to a card gain Saturday. Some
Speaker 1: must have hung back at the borrower, drifted off. Do
Speaker 1: you remember well Lindsay ended up? Were she and Eric
Speaker 1: with the guys another beat? I kind of thought they'd
Speaker 1: gone to find munchies, but I didn't see them until breakfast.
Speaker 1: Every one was scattershot. By then, ha, scattershot. It was
Speaker 1: the perfect word, I thought, scattershot stories, scattershut memories, scattershot trust.
Speaker 1: Late that night, as I tosson turned struggling to find sleep,
Speaker 1: I heard Eric on a call in the spare room.
Speaker 1: The door was almost closed, but I caught a snatch
Speaker 1: through the wood. I know, seriously, we just have to
Speaker 1: be smart about the snow. She doesn't suspect. Calm down.
Speaker 1: The low reassuring to him wasn't one he used with
Speaker 1: clients or family, not even with me, not when he
Speaker 1: thought he was in control. He emerged a few minutes later,
Speaker 1: eyes white when he saw me awake on the sofa,
Speaker 1: couldn't sleep, restless, I guess. He knelt beside me, smoothing
Speaker 1: hair from my face, his hand trembling almost imperceptibly. We'll
Speaker 1: get back to normal, okay. I just I need a
Speaker 1: little space to sort my stuff out, that's all. Don't
Speaker 1: read into every little mood, please. It felt like a
Speaker 1: plea delivered beneath a rising tide. I nodded, letting my
Speaker 1: hand rest against his. I'm trying. Just feels like lines
Speaker 1: are blurn lately, and I don't know which ones matter.
Speaker 1: He kissed my forehead with unexpected tenderness and disappeared into
Speaker 1: the kitchen, rattling a glass. By Tuesday, I felt absurdly raw.
Speaker 1: My work suffered a double book declined by accident, and
Speaker 1: forgot to send paperwork, the mess bleeding over into myself image.
Speaker 1: I was never flaky, I was never distracted. Before Julia
Speaker 1: hadn't answered any at my last three texts romans sent
Speaker 1: upon Phil gave, as if to prove everyone was still
Speaker 1: light hearted. I put my head down on the desk,
Speaker 1: closing my eyes, trying to remember when my friendships hadn't
Speaker 1: felt like a test. Desperate for company, I signed on
Speaker 1: early for virtual book Club Thursday night, hoping to catch
Speaker 1: Julia before everyone joined. To my surprise, Lindsey appeared first,
Speaker 1: apparently invited by Julie, since you too haven't crossed passing
Speaker 1: for ever, how screen filled the grid, high cheek bones,
Speaker 1: auburn hair in a messy knot, sipping comboche as if
Speaker 1: she'd never had a stress in her life. I said hello,
Speaker 1: surprised at how easy my voice sounded. Did you recover
Speaker 1: from our adventure? She offered, smiling. I think I was
Speaker 1: the only one not hungover for the drive. I tried
Speaker 1: to read her to find evidence, but she was annoyingly composed.
Speaker 1: We must have missed each other during game night, I reply.
Speaker 1: She grinned, Oh, I was wipe crushed super earily. Not
Speaker 1: my proudest moment. There kept the crew lively, though I
Speaker 1: couldn't keep up, She sipped, I shifting up to her
Speaker 1: homework cam. Was she lying just skirting specifics? My brain
Speaker 1: shewed on the possibilities while the others joined, and we
Speaker 1: were swept up in piecemeal literary debate. Afterward, I lingered
Speaker 1: in the virtual hallway, hoping for a private moment with Julia. Instead,
Speaker 1: as soon as the last farewell sounded, Julia's little avatar
Speaker 1: blinked off. No chance for honesty, and the disappointment sat
Speaker 1: heavy on my chest. Friday morning, Eric was already out
Speaker 1: when I woke. I wandered the kitchen, landed at the
Speaker 1: miscellaneous drawer, pulled out the hotel toiletry's back and opened it.
Speaker 1: Inside an open toothbrush, a small bottle of exfoliating cleanser,
Speaker 1: and a little sticky note that read simply for Emergencies
Speaker 1: with a heart and an initial al. The handwriting was
Speaker 1: round it cheerful, not mine, not any of our friends.
Speaker 1: I pressed the sticky to my palm, fingers curling tight.
Speaker 1: At lunch, I met with a new client at a
Speaker 1: busy cough shop near sav lamar. My thoughts wandered, barely
Speaker 1: registering her questions about home values and zoning time lines.
Speaker 1: In a clatter of cups and steam, I heard unmistakably
Speaker 1: Julia's laughed behind me, just out of view. I glanced
Speaker 1: over my shoulder and watched as Julia, hunched and paler
Speaker 1: than usual, carved small circles into her coffee with a spoon.
Speaker 1: She was arguing quietly on the phone, her words clipped
Speaker 1: and careful. No listen, you promised she would never find out.
Speaker 1: That was the only reason I would along. Her voice
Speaker 1: was sharper than I ever heard it, lest the peacekeeper,
Speaker 1: more the coronered accomplice. As she set her phone down,
Speaker 1: Julie caught my gaze. Her eyes widened, full of apology,
Speaker 1: and she gave the smallest shake of her head. It
Speaker 1: could have meant anything, denial, warning, refusal to say more.
Speaker 1: I tried. I had to force a smile, but my
Speaker 1: mouth barely evaded. After my meeting, I stepped outside and
Speaker 1: on instinct text to Julia was that about me? Do
Speaker 1: we need to talk? The word need was deliberate, the
Speaker 1: written equivalent of a white flag. Minutes later, she wrote back,
Speaker 1: it's not my place to say. Please talk to Eric.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, sir, I really am. I stared at
Speaker 1: the screen until my vision blurred. That night, Eric came
Speaker 1: home bubbling with surface chair. I greped. I figured we
Speaker 1: hadn't had anything good in ages want to watch that
Speaker 1: murdered documentary. I wanted to sweep everything off the counter,
Speaker 1: force the conversation, yell and a man, and not let
Speaker 1: the night end until I called the troop from beneath
Speaker 1: his smooth explanations. I nearly did. Instead, I just smiled, sure, thanks.
Speaker 1: He poured us each a glass of wine. I sipped mine,
Speaker 1: waiting for courage to catch up with resentment. During the film,
Speaker 1: Eric seemed him rapture, but I watched him more than
Speaker 1: the screen. I watched as his eyes dotted to his
Speaker 1: phone with each vibration. I watched his knuckles whiten. I
Speaker 1: watched the mass clip just for a flash when I
Speaker 1: reached for his hand and he flinched, as if my
Speaker 1: skin was ice. After he fell asleep. I paced the hallway.
Speaker 1: I wanted a storm into his office, shake him awake,
Speaker 1: but I felt hollowed out by the day, the week,
Speaker 1: the months of uncertainty. I looked forrancos in the patents
Speaker 1: of our home, the way shoes lined the map by
Speaker 1: the door of the jumble of keys and loose coins
Speaker 1: in the bowl, the faint bubble of air in the
Speaker 1: old aquarium. I tried Lindsay's name in Facebook search, scrolling
Speaker 1: through public purse for clues. Most were work means, generic
Speaker 1: sunset photos, vague allusions to big changes, and group gratitude
Speaker 1: for the team. Only once stood out, five days ago.
Speaker 1: Lindsey had liked to pose from Eric one that I
Speaker 1: hadn't even noticed. A short inside jokistatus, nothing like a
Speaker 1: little vertical for perspective. I scanned the comments. Lindsay's was
Speaker 1: a cryptic some nights are very long, indeed, followed by
Speaker 1: a winking face. I wanted desperately to believe it was meaningless,
Speaker 1: but nothing felt meaningless now. I crawled into bed, shivering
Speaker 1: though the night was warm, and held myself still as
Speaker 1: Eric drifted toward me, watching himself close breath slow, and
Speaker 1: even for a moment in the darkness, I was sure
Speaker 1: I could feel as hot pounding too fast, but I
Speaker 1: couldn't say whether the cadence belonged to him were to me.
Speaker 1: Saturday morning, all pretense of routine crumbled. I woke before
Speaker 1: dawn and went to Eric's office. It was unlocked, littered
Speaker 1: with empty coffee cups and bills. I opened his laptop.
Speaker 1: It prompted for a password. Once early in our relationship,
Speaker 1: he kept it the same as has formed my birthday,
Speaker 1: punctuated by an exclamation point. Now, after three hopeful tries,
Speaker 1: the screen flashed in correct and locked me up. I
Speaker 1: went to his thresholder safe, impersonal, nothing sensitive, nothing incriminating,
Speaker 1: except for one entry, a lift receipt from the night
Speaker 1: after the ski trip, destined for an address on Old
Speaker 1: Troff that meant nothing to me. Not Romans, not Julia's,
Speaker 1: not Lindsay's listed apartment, at least not according to group directories,
Speaker 1: ten miles south nearer, nothing we frequented. I copied the address,
Speaker 1: then closed the computer. The house was silent, too silent,
Speaker 1: except for the soft trickle of the aquarium. When there
Speaker 1: appeared mid morning, he looked rumpled, but energized fresh from
Speaker 1: a run. Too cheery. He tried pulling me into a kiss,
Speaker 1: but I tensed. Long night, I ventured, He shrugged, nonchalant,
Speaker 1: just couldn't sleep, too much on my mind with coarterly targets.
Speaker 1: I waited. He filled the silence with small stories about
Speaker 1: podcast hosts, absurd news. The pedestrian trenexer comprised his in books.
Speaker 1: I tried to break in, who's got your running so
Speaker 1: early these days? He laughed too loudly, Me, myself and
Speaker 1: my therapists joking. No, really, it's just easier to think
Speaker 1: when I'm moving. I let the answer sit. If he
Speaker 1: noticed my skepticism, he didn't show it by noan my
Speaker 1: chest rob with the weight of it all. I texted Maya,
Speaker 1: pushing for a missing puzzle piece. What really happened after
Speaker 1: the bar? Why? I just keep hearing different versions? Her
Speaker 1: reply was careful, I honestly don't know. Some people headed out,
Speaker 1: some pewed up, some stay, some came back late. I
Speaker 1: crash early. Maybe ask Eric directly. The circle was closing.
Speaker 1: Everyone else was either unwilling to admit what they saw
Speaker 1: or genuinely didn't know. Monday afternoon, Ball stood by fatigue
Speaker 1: and anger. I tried to find a deleted group chaff
Speaker 1: from the trip of the snow card game that everyone
Speaker 1: supposedly bailed on. It was on my phone. Eric had
Speaker 1: been the original organizer. His worzapp feeds were gone. Only
Speaker 1: recent chats remained. Too deliberate, he purged. Between meetings, he'd said,
Speaker 1: clean start, But clean starts don't erase shadows. If anything,
Speaker 1: the attempt was a confession in its own right. At sunset,
Speaker 1: I watched Eric standing in the back yard with a bier,
Speaker 1: staring at the fence like he was waiting for the
Speaker 1: earth to open and swallow him. I went out, bracing
Speaker 1: against the late spring wind. I like this time of day,
Speaker 1: I said, you can almost believe things slow down, just
Speaker 1: for a minute. He nodded and didn't meet my gaze. Eric,
Speaker 1: I tried, I want to believe you. I do, but
Speaker 1: lately it feels like I'm alone, even when you're standing
Speaker 1: right here. He turned, eyes huge and rim with exhaustion. Sarah,
Speaker 1: you're not alone. I'm just I'm working through some things.
Speaker 1: Can you let me get there? The request sounded like
Speaker 1: a death sentence for who we've been. I retreated inside
Speaker 1: setting the sticky note with lindsays for emergencies out on
Speaker 1: his office chair. I lay awake, mind buzzing one way
Speaker 1: or another. I would force the truth into daylight. I
Speaker 1: would not become a ghost haunting my own life, not
Speaker 1: for him, not for any one. I barely slept that night,
Speaker 1: twissing beneath the sheets, drifting in and out to the
Speaker 1: sound of Erreic pacing the floorboard somewhere in the house,
Speaker 1: even with both doors closed, every movement led through the
Speaker 1: soft clink of a glass, the short size the hall
Speaker 1: of that of a shoe dropping against ale. I stared
Speaker 1: up at the ceiling, replaying every word we'd spoken and
Speaker 1: not spoken since his return from the trip. The stick
Speaker 1: you know from Lindsey sat half olded on the night's
Speaker 1: then its edges, curling, her tiny heart, staring at me.
Speaker 1: I wanted to squeez it until the paper tore, just
Speaker 1: for the satisfaction of destroying something that might have meant
Speaker 1: nothing or everything. By the time the sun split through
Speaker 1: the blinds, I decided I couldn't live in the shadow
Speaker 1: version of our marriage, where every exchange was two moves
Speaker 1: behind the actual game. I walked through the house on
Speaker 1: atto pilot Lake's non breath, shallow, pressing past the tender
Speaker 1: ache in my chest where hope and suspicion had been
Speaker 1: fighting for weeks. Eric had left before seven and early meeting.
Speaker 1: He'd clinged forced rough as he kissed my hair and
Speaker 1: snatched his laptop back. I heard the front door snig shure.
Speaker 1: Silence returned dickon absolute. I texted Julia, I'm not angry,
Speaker 1: but I need you to look me and yay the
Speaker 1: bubbles on the screen, However, it blinked out, returned not
Speaker 1: to day, sir, I can't please. A coal flat stone
Speaker 1: dropped into my stomach. There was no path forward but through,
Speaker 1: I realized, and no ally. I needed the truth spoken aloud,
Speaker 1: not pieced together from her seats inside on glances. I
Speaker 1: sat on our bed and dial Maya. She picked up, distracted,
Speaker 1: her voice muffled with traffic noise. Hey, what's up, Maya?
Speaker 1: I need to ask something. Was there anything about the
Speaker 1: last night at the lodge that you didn't say? A
Speaker 1: long exhil Sarah, I told you I went to bed early.
Speaker 1: Maybe I should have stayed. I'm sorry, I she cut off.
Speaker 1: The trip just got complicated at the end. Look ask Eric,
Speaker 1: you deserve a real answer, I will, I said, and
Speaker 1: hung up. I went into Eric's office just to breathe.
Speaker 1: There he touched, trying to summonate the anger or clarity.
Speaker 1: I stared at the computer, at the black flask, the
Speaker 1: toiletry spag flots and from a life I'd thought was
Speaker 1: oldly every object in this room was now suspect. Every
Speaker 1: trink it possible, bout it in a secret. Mid morning,
Speaker 1: I sat at the dining table and started writing a list.
Speaker 1: Across a page, I scribbled of requestion that still drilled
Speaker 1: a hole in my chest. Where did the year in
Speaker 1: come from? Really? Why was Lindsey at the trip? What
Speaker 1: happened in that missing group chat? What did the lift
Speaker 1: address mean? What did Julie hear see or protact? I
Speaker 1: stared at the listrew blow eyes until the words bled together.
Speaker 1: By noon, my phone buzzed to Eric, asking if I
Speaker 1: wanted lunch. I stared at the screen, thumb hovering before replying,
Speaker 1: come home after your meeting. We need to talk no more, avoiding.
Speaker 1: His reply was nearer instant. I can be home in
Speaker 1: an hour, Please s don't do this over text. I
Speaker 1: stood in the kitchen, counting the minute, arms wrapped tight
Speaker 1: around myself, as if to keep muskin from splintering. The
Speaker 1: cockhands jerked forward. The wind battered the windows for the
Speaker 1: first time since the whole thing began unraveling. I was
Speaker 1: ready to risk everything just for a straight answer. When
Speaker 1: Eric walked in, he looked instantly werry his tiere ascuwe
Speaker 1: eyes reden did not from tears, just exhaustion or too
Speaker 1: much staring its greens. He set his stuff down with
Speaker 1: false gentleness, like a man laying out his weapons before surrender. Hey,
Speaker 1: he said, not movin' closer. Hi, My own voice startled me. Clayton, Thin,
Speaker 1: we need to talk now. He nodded, twisting his wedding ring,
Speaker 1: the tiny, almost nickid acquired hiking last year catch in
Speaker 1: the light. But yeah. He ambled over to one of
Speaker 1: the kitchen stools, not quite meeting my gaze. I laid
Speaker 1: the list in front of him. No more jokes, no
Speaker 1: more destructions. Thou want to know what happened on that trip.
Speaker 1: Everything I've pieced together says it wasn't what you said,
Speaker 1: and I want you to say it. Eric exhaled heavily.
Speaker 1: I say up, please, it was just a trip. I
Speaker 1: know I've been off, but nothing happened, not the way
Speaker 1: you think. Then explain. I held up the earring, the
Speaker 1: toilet roofs bag, my phone with the lift receipt, the
Speaker 1: photo of Lindsey's sticky note. He looked at them like
Speaker 1: they were evidence in a case he'd already lost. Ay, look, okay,
Speaker 1: we drank too much. People crashed in weare places, Linde,
Speaker 1: you left stuff, people swap bathrooms. The earring. I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure it's Mys. She always loses it. I shook my
Speaker 1: head to stop Julia's voice in the cafe, Lindsay's sticking note,
Speaker 1: the deleted group chat, the lift ride, Lindsay's call and
Speaker 1: speaker the other night, I answered Eric. She mentioned a
Speaker 1: plan and keeping this quite for every one's sake. I
Speaker 1: know I sound paranoid, but I'm not making this up.
Speaker 1: Please tell me the truth so I don't have to
Speaker 1: keep living in a guessing game. He looked stricken, lower
Speaker 1: lip between his teeth, shoulders hunched, the silence pressed in
Speaker 1: a physical weight. It was nothing, Sarah, I swear Lindsey
Speaker 1: was drunk. She was. He trailed off, eyes filling with
Speaker 1: something that looked like panic or disgusted at himself. Did
Speaker 1: you sleep with her? My voice trembled. Was it just
Speaker 1: the once or more? He put his head in his hands,
Speaker 1: elbows on the counter. It was just one night at
Speaker 1: the lodge, the last night everyone else crushed, She stayed up.
Speaker 1: I was drunk, frustrated. We God, it was a mistake,
Speaker 1: the worst thing I've ever done. But I stopped it.
Speaker 1: I swear I couldn't even look at myself The next morning.
Speaker 1: I felt something crack, quick, searing, sentient beneath my ribs.
Speaker 1: But I kept my tone steady, matching his words step
Speaker 1: for step. So you lied again and again to me,
Speaker 1: to Julia, to all your friends, and you let them
Speaker 1: cover free you. He hesitated. Julia found out by accident.
Speaker 1: She saw me leave Lindsay's room. She freaked out, beg
Speaker 1: me to shut it down. Swore she keep it secret
Speaker 1: if I did, for everyone's sake, Lindsay's been panicking to
Speaker 1: know there was nothing after that I entered it. If
Speaker 1: you can even call it that, it was a one
Speaker 1: night mistake. I wanted to pretend it never happened, to
Speaker 1: get back to life with you, fix things on my own.
Speaker 1: I know that doesn't make sense. I know, I swallowed,
Speaker 1: searching his face for even a hint of the man
Speaker 1: I married, and since then, the secrecy, the deleted chats,
Speaker 1: the avoidance. Has it been about covering your own skin?
Speaker 1: Or were you planning to tell me? He closed his
Speaker 1: eyes both. I was scared of losing you, of burning
Speaker 1: everything down. I thought maybe if I tried hard enough,
Speaker 1: if I didn't mess up again, it could fade like
Speaker 1: it never happened. The room contracted to the space between us.
Speaker 1: My heart beat so hard. I pressed my palm to Mastonam,
Speaker 1: what about work? What about Lindsay? It didn't bleed into
Speaker 1: anything else. No more text trips, meetings. He shook his head,
Speaker 1: mouth open in a wordless play. Nothing after. She's applying
Speaker 1: for jobs elsewhere. She wants to be done too. I'm
Speaker 1: not proud. I'm sick with it with you. I hesitated
Speaker 1: pain rolling through me, hot enough that I almost bent double.
Speaker 1: And Julia does she know? I know? He looked like
Speaker 1: he might throw up. I told her you were getting suspicious,
Speaker 1: but she didn't want to go behind your back. She's
Speaker 1: pissed of both of us, especially me. She should be
Speaker 1: the choke laugh escaped me half sob half disbelief. Do
Speaker 1: you get how many people you conscripted into this lie?
Speaker 1: Eric shook his head, tears gathering at the corners of
Speaker 1: his red eyes. No, no, I couldn't see past the panic.
Speaker 1: I thought protecting you was keeping the secret. I see now,
Speaker 1: how stupid that is. I'm sorry, Sarah, so sorry. His
Speaker 1: apology was a pitiful thing, echoing against years of inside
Speaker 1: jokes and soft mornings, and all are not so distant
Speaker 1: plalms I could hear somewhere in the house, the low
Speaker 1: gurgle of the aquarium. Even the fish were innocent by Sanders.
Speaker 1: I pressed my hands flat on the table, needing to
Speaker 1: feel something steady. Were you safe? He blinked, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I was. I swear it. I understand if you don't
Speaker 1: believe me. I nodded. Do you love her? His head
Speaker 1: jerked up. God, absolutely not. It was nothing like that.
Speaker 1: I love you, only you. I let his words hang.
Speaker 1: I didn't know if I believed them or if I
Speaker 1: simply couldn't unhear them. Either way, they no longer sounded
Speaker 1: like the promise I'd built my whole world around. Slowly, methodically,
Speaker 1: I gathered the evidence pal into my arms, the earring,
Speaker 1: the stickin' her my phone, the crumpled left receipt unpressed
Speaker 1: them together as if they might fuse into one simple answer,
Speaker 1: something I could burn or break or throw from a rooftop.
Speaker 1: In that moment, the future with erk, the one built
Speaker 1: and small recurring drawers, and the certainty of every little
Speaker 1: richual felt like it existed only on the other side
Speaker 1: of a locked glass door. No matter how much I
Speaker 1: wanted to crack had opened. The wall between us was
Speaker 1: now unbreakable. Eric watch blinking breath coming in, then swallowing gasps.
Speaker 1: I could see his shoulder trembling. What do I do now, sir?
Speaker 1: I almost said, that's not my problem to solve, but
Speaker 1: the words jammed behind my teeth, splintery and useless. Instead,
Speaker 1: I turned wordless, locking the urged scream or sob into
Speaker 1: the movement of my feet. As across the kitchen to
Speaker 1: the hallway. I could feel Eric's eyes on me, pleading
Speaker 1: for an outcome he didn't deserve one I could no
Speaker 1: longer give. I went to the bedroom, kneeling by my
Speaker 1: side of the bed, and pulled out the old weaken duffel.
Speaker 1: My hands occupied themselves with the bland practical labor of
Speaker 1: packing jeans, underwear, toiletreeries, running shoes. The work steadied me.
Speaker 1: I texted Julia from the walking closet. I know everything.
Speaker 1: Don't worry. I'm not angry at you, but I need time.
Speaker 1: I sent another to Roman. I'll be out of touch
Speaker 1: for a bit. When I returned to the kitchen, Eric
Speaker 1: was sitting at the table, face crumpled, his muck and touched.
Speaker 1: I'm going, I said, quietly, de myers for now, I can't.
Speaker 1: I just can't be here. He nodded, lips moving, but
Speaker 1: no soundscaping. I picked up my back, pausing at the
Speaker 1: threshold of our bedroom, the heels of my shoes echoing
Speaker 1: on the tile. I crossed into the living room, my
Speaker 1: heart thudding so loudly. I needed to steady myself on
Speaker 1: the door frame. Eric followed, keeping distance, arms crossed tight
Speaker 1: against his body. Please, sir, please don't leave like this.
Speaker 1: Let's try. I raised a hand, not quite trusting myself
Speaker 1: to speak. Don't. I can't hear another spin. I'll be
Speaker 1: in touch when I know what I want next. He stopped,
Speaker 1: as wide, tears streaking his cheeks, sileant. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: I love you. I'm so sorry. His voice was broken
Speaker 1: beyond recognition. I looked at the table, the wedding photo
Speaker 1: in the silver frame, the coupon for the anniversary dinner,
Speaker 1: blinking out caw reminders. I grabbed one item, a leather
Speaker 1: bound notebook, the journaling one we'd always shared on anniversaries,
Speaker 1: and tucked it under my arm. Then, with Eric still
Speaker 1: a statue in the entryway, I stepped outside, closing the
Speaker 1: door behind me. The lock click shut with an authority
Speaker 1: that neither of us could undo, but wouldn't hate me.
Speaker 1: As I reached the driveway's shop as a blade sun
Speaker 1: light glanced off car windows, in different to the internal
Speaker 1: collapse occurring inside the house i'd called home, I fumbled
Speaker 1: the kak keys's hand shaking, but managed to slide into
Speaker 1: the seat. I sat there, gripping the steering wheel long's
Speaker 1: clawing for air, for a solid minute before I could
Speaker 1: bring myself to move. I started the engine and called Meyer.
Speaker 1: She didn't answer, but her voicemail tone was unexpectedly soothing,
Speaker 1: filling the car with empty possibility. I drove away, slowly,
Speaker 1: not looking in the rary mirror of the pat bag
Speaker 1: beside me. In that notebook, heavy with empty pages and
Speaker 1: scrupled promises on the seat back at mys I let
Speaker 1: myself in, quietly, set my bag in the guest room,
Speaker 1: and sat at the edge of the unfamiliar bed. The
Speaker 1: silence here was different, lestrigmental, just waiting, a place between
Speaker 1: endings and beginnings. My phone buzzed with several notifications Eric Julia.
Speaker 1: I shoved it into my bag, then pulled out the
Speaker 1: leather note book. My hands shook as I peeled back
Speaker 1: to cover, but then steadied. Finally, I uncaptain pen, pressing
Speaker 1: its tip to the clean paper. No need for liicitous space.
Speaker 1: I stared at the blankness, letting the possibility settle in.
Speaker 1: No script, no performance, just the wild openness of the unwritten.
Speaker 1: I kept my hand paused for a moment. The only
Speaker 1: movement in the room was the trembling of my thumb.
Speaker 1: I wrote nothing. The silence pressed so heavily that it
Speaker 1: almost made my ears ring. I tried to gather myself,
Speaker 1: tried to come to the right word or sentence, something
Speaker 1: to contain the breach, but everything in me recoiled from
Speaker 1: the idea of neatly narrating my life. Now, no version
Speaker 1: of the truth I could sketch would feel real while
Speaker 1: I was still in free fall. Eventually, I let the
Speaker 1: pen fall to the page, scrolling a jagged line, just
Speaker 1: to break inertia. For for a long time, I stared
Speaker 1: at the way it wandered, uneven and abrupt, like a
Speaker 1: migration across the emptiness, the mark of a person leaving
Speaker 1: or being left. I pulled my knees up, hugging myself
Speaker 1: in the unfamiliar bedroom, surrounded by the faintsitess of myes deterted.
Speaker 1: The urged retreat to cocking myself deeper was overwhelming, but
Speaker 1: I forced myself to stand and splash water on my face,
Speaker 1: tamping down the swelling headache behind my eyes. I listened
Speaker 1: for sounds from the street of mechanics of someone else's
Speaker 1: ordinary Tuesday, and wondered how I would ever re enter
Speaker 1: the world by groceries, answer emails, call my mother, live
Speaker 1: at all, without everything dulling or distorting. In the glare
Speaker 1: of this betrayal, my phone buzzed again, still in my bag, persistent,
Speaker 1: I let it ring, then die. I couldn't bear to
Speaker 1: see if it was Eric or Julia or someone else.
Speaker 1: Realizing the depth of the fallout. In the kitchen, I
Speaker 1: found tea bags and filled the kettle, hand slow and deliberate,
Speaker 1: each motion and attempt at regaining a sense of agency
Speaker 1: over my own body. Mike came home at afternoon, grocery
Speaker 1: bags on her arms, eyebrows lifted in a sympathetic, tough smile.
Speaker 1: When she saw me in the kitchen, she set the
Speaker 1: bags down quietly and reached from my hand, giving it
Speaker 1: a brief anchoring squeeze. Stay as long as you need,
Speaker 1: she said, simply you want anything. I've cookie dough in
Speaker 1: a freezer, left over from some fail pinterest idea. I
Speaker 1: managed something between a laugh and a gasp, gratitude maybe,
Speaker 1: or just the absurdity of small kindnesses in the face
Speaker 1: of my own unraveling. Thanks. I think I'll just set
Speaker 1: she nodded, in impact groceries, respecting the quiet her movements
Speaker 1: on showy, unfamiliar. We existed side by side, her in
Speaker 1: the small hum of routine, me in the shadow of
Speaker 1: everything I was processing. She didn't bush, I didn't chatter.
Speaker 1: I might have drifted for an hour or more, mind
Speaker 1: flickering between blankness and cruel hyper awareness, heart raising and
Speaker 1: subsiding on unpredictable tides. Then, not long after dusk, the doorbell.
Speaker 1: Ran I startled upright, mind immediately composing disaster scenariozeric pounding
Speaker 1: on the door as seen on the porch the neighbors
Speaker 1: as audience. But it wasn't Eric. It was Julia. She
Speaker 1: stood in the narrow and rectangle of porch light, her
Speaker 1: face train the edges dissolved by the dusk. She held
Speaker 1: an envelope in one hand, her phone in the other.
Speaker 1: Knuckles white Meyer opened the door, her glance making clear
Speaker 1: that this visit was neither plan nor unnecessarily welcome. Sarah, Please,
Speaker 1: can I talk to you? They won't stay if you
Speaker 1: don't want my look to me for a signal. I
Speaker 1: tightened my jaw, then nodded, exhausted by secrets, but too
Speaker 1: emptied out to turn any one away. Come in, I
Speaker 1: told her softly, and she entered, glancing around my's entry
Speaker 1: as if to memorize every detail. My made a tactful exit,
Speaker 1: mumbling something about the garbage needing to be taken out
Speaker 1: for a moment. Julia and I stood face to face
Speaker 1: in the little hallway two go, swearing the skin of
Speaker 1: old friends. I'm sorry, she started, voice, wabbling, I should
Speaker 1: have if I should have told you sooner. I told
Speaker 1: Eric to confess. I made him swear. She held out
Speaker 1: the envelope, pan shaking. I wrote it down because I thought,
Speaker 1: maybe one day you need to hear from me directly.
Speaker 1: I haven't spoken to Lindsey. I tried to keep you
Speaker 1: separated from it all, and it was so wrong, but
Speaker 1: I couldn't figure out which loyalty mattered most. I took
Speaker 1: the envelope, unable to open it. Yet there were a
Speaker 1: hundred things I wanted to say, accusation, forgiveness, solace, condemnation,
Speaker 1: but no phrase survived the journey from Guttatng. Julius stuttered.
Speaker 1: He was a mess. The day after. He looked destroyed.
Speaker 1: He begged me not to tell you. I tried to
Speaker 1: get him to own up, but I couldn't have thought.
Speaker 1: If everyone just moved on, no one would get hurt
Speaker 1: any more. I stared down at the envelope. But someone
Speaker 1: always gets hurt. That doesn't go away because you cover tracks,
Speaker 1: that just splinters. Julia, I needed my friend, I needed
Speaker 1: the truth. Her shoulders caved in, as if the words
Speaker 1: physically struck her. I know you can't ever forgive me,
Speaker 1: and I understand, but if you need anything anything from me.
Speaker 1: Please let me at least try to make it right,
Speaker 1: or bear some of this with you. A silence enfolded
Speaker 1: between us, unsparing, too honest for further platitudes. Somewhere outside
Speaker 1: a car alarm shoulder then fell silent. It was a
Speaker 1: relief when my returned her presence enough to loosen the tension.
Speaker 1: Julia hugged herself, swallowing tears. I'll go, I just I
Speaker 1: wanted you to hear me say it. I nodded as
Speaker 1: she slipped out the door. The envelope still clenched him
Speaker 1: my hand, like a receipt for all the versions of
Speaker 1: the past week. I could no longer re write. My
Speaker 1: body felt raw, my muscles motherless. I retreated to the
Speaker 1: guest room, sitting on the edge of the unfamiliar bed,
Speaker 1: and finally opened the envelope. Inside was a letter handrton
Speaker 1: Julius hurried script, fearing eerratic under the strain, I read,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry for what happened with Eric, for not
Speaker 1: telling you, for thinking silence was better. You are the
Speaker 1: best friend I've had. I was selfish. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to lose you or let him sing further. That's not
Speaker 1: an excuse. I hope some day you understand I was
Speaker 1: trying to keep the world from shattering, even though that's
Speaker 1: exactly what happened. I'm here if you want to yell
Speaker 1: or not speak at all, Love Jaye. There was comfort
Speaker 1: in the clumsiness, the recognition that even complicity hadn't been
Speaker 1: simple or easy for her. That didn't absolve anything, but
Speaker 1: it made the edges less jagged. My phone chied. I
Speaker 1: let it lie for ten, maybe fifteen minutes, out of
Speaker 1: some stubborn streak of dignity. But when I finally picked
Speaker 1: it up, I saw Eric's name in the notifications. I
Speaker 1: didn't open the message right away. I called him, unable
Speaker 1: to stop myself from wanting the last exchange to be
Speaker 1: not just one more script, but no honest recutive. Where
Speaker 1: the fracture had really left us? He answered on the
Speaker 1: first rein voice horse haunted, Sir, I'm not coming home,
Speaker 1: not to night, maybe not ever, I said, the words,
Speaker 1: emerging carefully, evenly. I'll collect what I need any time. Eric,
Speaker 1: I need a real answer, one you haven't given yourself yet.
Speaker 1: You don't get to ask me to fix the thing
Speaker 1: you broke. He broke into sobs. Low painful, harsh. Please, sir,
Speaker 1: I I don't even know how to ask you for forgiveness.
Speaker 1: Don't ask, I said, quietly, Just start being honest with yourself,
Speaker 1: with everyone. Let me be the one who decides if
Speaker 1: I ever want to speak to you again. There were
Speaker 1: seconds of silence, the huff of his rugged breathing distorted
Speaker 1: by digital static. I'll respect what you need, he whispered.
Speaker 1: If you want, I'll leave the house. I'll whatever you need.
Speaker 1: I nodded, though he couldn't see. I'll let you know
Speaker 1: when I'll text about my things. We hung up. There
Speaker 1: was no ceremony to it, no final fight, just exhaustion
Speaker 1: and a sense of closure shaped like resignation. That night,
Speaker 1: I slept only in fits, body cycling through adrenaline, an
Speaker 1: emptiness lost, and flickers of strange relief. I woke before dawn,
Speaker 1: pad silent through my's kitchen and made ti watching the
Speaker 1: sky light outside Austin's sleepy morning noises carried in a
Speaker 1: garbage truck, the wereer of early runners, the city layering it.
Speaker 1: You shall hum over my private disaster. With the first
Speaker 1: light spreading on the floor. I made myself go home.
Speaker 1: I let my know quietly promising i'd call if I
Speaker 1: needed anything. She hugged me without words, holding on a
Speaker 1: moment longer than she needed, letting me borrow her steadiness.
Speaker 1: I drove across the city as if under warder, every
Speaker 1: landmark a reminder of routines with Eric, a little graveyard
Speaker 1: of memories I wasn't sure I wanted to keep. His
Speaker 1: car was gone from the driveway. I parked beside the curb,
Speaker 1: steeled myself, then unlocked the door and entered. The place
Speaker 1: was oppressively clean, as if absence and order had made
Speaker 1: a pack to RaSE the life i'd barely finish living.
Speaker 1: The anniversary flowers i'd planned to bring home sat as
Speaker 1: a wilted bundle on the floral tablecloth, already yellowing. I
Speaker 1: moved through the house quietly, collecting what I needed, a
Speaker 1: week's clothes, my lapped up chargers, a few books, the
Speaker 1: print from our first road trip together. I avoided our bedroom,
Speaker 1: opting for the smaller guest bath, careful not to touch
Speaker 1: Eric's things. I didn't want to tempt myself with looking
Speaker 1: for further evidence. There were no more unters I could stomach.
Speaker 1: In the living room, I paused at the framed forter
Speaker 1: from my wedding us with grinning faces, arms slung around
Speaker 1: Julia and Roman and Maya, the crowd oblivious in the
Speaker 1: moment everything that would come. I hesitated, then left it
Speaker 1: on the table, unable to throw away my own history
Speaker 1: just yet, but unwilling to carry it into this new,
Speaker 1: raw interim of my life. Before I left, I scribbled
Speaker 1: a note for Erica's short paragraph, neither accusation nor forgiveness,
Speaker 1: just a plain acknowledgment of the line we crossed in
Speaker 1: Culdam Cross. I left it on his night stand under
Speaker 1: his watch, and pulled the door shut behind me. Outside,
Speaker 1: the air was brisk and full of the city's in
Speaker 1: different energy. I paused the bag heavy on my shoulder
Speaker 1: and let myself breathe it in. As I stood on
Speaker 1: the porch, the phone buzzed one last time. It was
Speaker 1: a message from Julia. I'm here whenever, and I love you.
Speaker 1: I should have told you. I am sorry, I typed
Speaker 1: back hand steady. I know we'll talk. I just need time.
Speaker 1: I dropped my phone in my bag and kept walking, stepped,
Speaker 1: growing lighter with every block I put between myself and
Speaker 1: the has behind me. The iquainant but didn't break me.
Speaker 1: When I reached the little coffee shop at the end
Speaker 1: of my street, I found myself ducking inside, grateful for
Speaker 1: the smell of beans and the bustle of early rise
Speaker 1: of strangers. I ordered a cappuccino, took a window seat,
Speaker 1: and watched the parade of commuters, runners, and parents with
Speaker 1: strollers falling pastiche belonging to their own universe, oblivious to mine.
Speaker 1: A breuist hesed the edge of the notebook in my bag.
Speaker 1: I ease it out, sat it on the table, page
Speaker 1: past the last entry we'd ever written together, our anniversary
Speaker 1: list full of next year, we all intentions that no
Speaker 1: longer held shape. I opened to a fresh page. For
Speaker 1: a long still moment, I held the pen up of
Speaker 1: the empty space, letting the weight of the clean paper
Speaker 1: sattle under my hand, I wrote, in a hand steadied
Speaker 1: by everything I just lost. This is my story now.
Speaker 1: I closed my eyes, exhaled, and began