Speaker 1: Good morning for mel It's your good friend Clayton here
as usual with the what was your name?
Speaker 2: Chris? Chris?
Speaker 3: Chris Chris? Hey, say hello Chris.
Speaker 2: Yeah hello, it's been over Yeah. So I died over
a year ago and my eternal punishment is to do
this podcast where we interview everyone in the afterlife. So Clayton,
what are we doing today? Who's our guest?
Speaker 3: Well, before we get into that, can you give me
your hand? Shake my hand? Will you?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: Ah, gotcha?
Speaker 2: Now we're handcuffed together.
Speaker 3: That's right, Yes, we are handcuffed together because you there's
a trick here.
Speaker 2: We doing another magic trick.
Speaker 3: No, no magic trick. You never found my nose. It's
probably not gonna come back for a while. But you
have been getting really squarely here lately, young man.
Speaker 1: So I don't trust you when we go out, and
we're going on a field trip today. But do not
think that this is some sort of reward because you
have been very naughty in fact. Okay, go ahead, take
this breathcase.
Speaker 3: Hold on to this.
Speaker 2: What is this?
Speaker 3: You're my assistant, so you got to carry my.
Speaker 2: Briefcase, all right, So hold onto this, okay, and then.
Speaker 1: Give me a hug because wh don't you tell a
porta It's it's a long distance, so you need to
hug me.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, okay, all right, all right here we are?
Where is this?
Speaker 3: Oh? This is this is pregatory?
Speaker 2: Chris? Oh yeah, wow, yeah that makes a lot of nothing.
Speaker 3: Yep. Yeah, they really like the color bathe here. Yeah,
you know this you could have ended up here, Chris.
Speaker 1: This could have been you remember that time that you
dinged a car but you didn't leave a note.
Speaker 3: You know, if you left that note, you probably would
have ended up here.
Speaker 2: But you know, yeah, I mean it's dims the breaks.
It's okay, I guess I mean, it's just yeah, it's
very okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, well I guess we gotta head over
over into this door here.
Speaker 3: Listeners at home. It's just a giant blank beije void
that we're in right now.
Speaker 2: Okay, So what is this room?
Speaker 3: This is the this is the waiting room.
Speaker 2: The waiting room that's right for for purgatory.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we just got to wait here for a bit
and then we'll be we'll be summing.
Speaker 2: But wait, wait is it is it purgatory? Just a
waiting room?
Speaker 1: So we're in like a waiting room within a larger
waiting room, is what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, I do
recognize the redundancy in that, but I don't know. Our
meeting will begin shortly, I'm sure.
Speaker 2: Okay. And what are we what are we doing here?
Speaker 4: We should be ready for you now if you could
follow me?
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, this way.
Speaker 2: Gone, Chris, Okay, this is the same goal we just
went in.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know. Yeah, we're back in that giant room
from before.
Speaker 4: Okay, whatever, okay, okay, is there anyone else in? You're
a party or should we just get started?
Speaker 3: Nope?
Speaker 2: Just me and my guy? Hi here?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Who?
Speaker 2: Hi?
Speaker 4: Who is this fellow?
Speaker 2: I'm his assistant? I carried the briefcase.
Speaker 4: Why are you chained to him? Uh?
Speaker 2: I was bad? He's been bad.
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Okay? And what was your name again, ma'am?
Speaker 4: Oh men? My name is Dory, you know, arbitrator for
purgatory h extra planar intermediary do a lot of different
stuff up here on human resources.
Speaker 3: So purgatory Dory, that's that's what I'm gonna call you.
Speaker 4: I would rather not I Dory is what I go by,
you know.
Speaker 3: Okay, Purgatory Dory. You got it.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's gonna all right, send.
Speaker 2: Some a little new Uh. What are we doing here?
Speaker 4: We're here for the War Summit protocol Some of us
refer to it as wus up, just in case you
weren't familiar. But we're going to be discussing sort of
updating the terms of warfare, negotiating those terms. So we'll
actually be joined by Lucy from Heaven.
Speaker 3: Late as usual, there's typical angel behavior. Wait, I hear something.
What is that here? She comes?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 6: Man, Dory, that bathroom ruined. I absolutely I took the
biggest ship. Oh god, so get on that after this?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Why am I here?
Speaker 4: It's the War Summit protocols.
Speaker 5: What's up?
Speaker 4: I've I've sent so many memos about this?
Speaker 3: How what's up?
Speaker 6: Why is this man chained up to this man? Have
you no shame?
Speaker 1: I'm a d man, okay? In this little man is
a man boy and he keeps getting away. Hi, Lucy,
I'm Clayton. I'm the new Minister of War from Hell
Secretary of War right.
Speaker 6: Whatever, whatever, Chris whatever, All right, what's what's happening?
Speaker 4: Well, as you're aware, we do meet semi regularly to
discuss the terms of warfare and as I suppose, mister Clayton,
Ministry Secretary of Warfare for hell, when did you come
into this position?
Speaker 3: Oh? I have been in it for a ripe two
or three months now? I lost count?
Speaker 5: Oh two months? Okay, Dori, you're wasting my time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, how long have you been you doing your job?
Speaker 6: Lucy, I've been doing it for billions and billions of years.
Speaker 4: Oh so more of a senior position.
Speaker 5: I have lost count. Yeah, you stoop little thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you think you're so big and bad even though
you're good. You can tell you big, big war veteran
over here. Oh well, intimidating.
Speaker 4: I'm sure Clayton has also experienced war, certainly with with
your title, right, doubt it, Clayton, Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: No, Tons, I've uh you know, I've called duty, battlefield, battlefront,
call of duty.
Speaker 2: Door.
Speaker 5: Do you see who we're talking to?
Speaker 1: Listen, I've done several tours in for dance. Okay, I'll
have you know.
Speaker 6: This man is is what are those called the twitch streamers?
Speaker 5: Up and earth?
Speaker 4: Are you a twitch streamer? Clayton?
Speaker 5: Is that?
Speaker 2: Is that what you're he's trying to He's trying to
get started figuring out the streaming text. He's had a
hard time with that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they won't give me affiliate, so it's yeah, it's rough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but he's working on it.
Speaker 5: These are nubes.
Speaker 4: Well for your benefit, Uh, mister Clayton, Minister Clayton, what
do you.
Speaker 3: Prefer, Secretary, Just Clayton, just good old Clayton. Yeah, purgatory doory, secretary.
Speaker 4: That's okay, Well, Minister Clayton, Secretary Clayton. I know you
guys are not necessarily the most comfortable with each other.
There's not always the most friendly atmosphere, we could say.
So part of this will be determining, you know, what's
allowed in battle when you inevitably have to face off
against each other.
Speaker 6: So everything's allowed, well not have you been to war.
Everything's allowed when you're in the midst of battle. Well,
you know, and there's blood and death all around.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, we're probably gonna have to nerve our weapons
because you know, we're we're about to kick some major
angel ass, I mean.
Speaker 3: Wiping the floor with you guys. You don't even know
what's coming.
Speaker 5: Who is this man?
Speaker 3: He comes in here already.
Speaker 2: I'm Clayton, I'm Chris.
Speaker 3: That's Chris.
Speaker 5: I don't care what your name is.
Speaker 4: Well, this is already off to a really great start.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 4: So you you talk about your your weaponry, Clayton. That's
that's somewhere to start. What what kind of weapons would
you like to put on the table? Proverbiably, Please don't
put actual, you know, weapons on the table. We have
determined in purgatory there should be some limits. Okay, So
what what weapons would you like to propose that we
can discuss?
Speaker 1: For First of all, you know from the last WHAT'SOP meeting,
you guys took goring with demon horns off the table.
Speaker 3: I want those back.
Speaker 1: I want to I want to gore someone with my horns, okay,
and then I want to take I don't want these
angels using their dang halos as frisbees, because they're sharp,
and they're dangerous and unwieldy and it's not fair.
Speaker 4: We we nixed the goring with the horns purely because
it was unsanitary. So maybe if you disgusting, yeah, maybe
if you put some some sanitization procedures in place, we
could readconsider.
Speaker 5: Some gloves, the latex gloves.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, latex on the horns.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not gonna put condoms on my horns.
That's that's how intimidating is that coming in with a
couple of robbers.
Speaker 5: It's protection, it is protection.
Speaker 1: Okay, well in the middle, we'll put some pyr l
on the horns before battle.
Speaker 5: Okay, nothing's worse than a viral infection. I will say.
Speaker 3: That for once. I agree with you.
Speaker 4: Okay, and so we're we're still keeping h throwing your
halo as an option unless you can provide a reason
why we shouldn't.
Speaker 1: Clayton, I just I'm You're gonna be honest. I'm just
jealous because we don't have any cool projectile weapons. Our
horns cannot be removed, at least not comfortably.
Speaker 3: It's just not cool.
Speaker 2: So, uh, you've thrown me, that's true.
Speaker 3: Can we throw Chris?
Speaker 6: You have your human spear? I would like to actually
talk about that, this human man of a spear?
Speaker 5: Is that allowed?
Speaker 6: Can we all have human companions with us as well,
chained up to our ankles while we drag them across
the trenches?
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm a for it.
Speaker 4: Generally we discourage the use of humans in non human combat,
so it is a little alarming to see you hear, Chris,
no offense to you.
Speaker 2: I'm sure, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm just as embarrassed as
you are.
Speaker 4: Well, you know, I just think, to be honest, you're
not outfitted for supernatural combat of this nature, so we
try to discourage it, Lucy, but it does seem a
bit a bit one sided.
Speaker 5: You have a point there, Yeah, I have many points.
Speaker 1: Well I got I got two points up here, and
then I got two points in my hands. That's right,
boom double no fingers, suck it, this immature man.
Speaker 4: I can submit a request for an addendum to see
if the side from Heaven could start integrating humans in
some capacity, you know, in Hell it's more of a punishment.
I would have to figure out how fighting would be
a reward for Heaven's side.
Speaker 6: Well, listen, I feel like I can find some humans
who would love to get dragged around and help a
good cause. You know, we can even promise them maybe
a ticket to Heaven, you know, maybe like a vouch
sure of some kind.
Speaker 4: So like a purgatory escapement plan, right right right?
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, well, how would you want topply stop it?
Speaker 4: Do we still want to use holy grenades on Heaven's side. Yes, okay, yes, yes,
it's it's it's really justifiable. If you I can explain
what No, I.
Speaker 1: Want to use blooney as my weapon to counter their
holy grenades.
Speaker 3: Blooney on the list?
Speaker 6: What's what's this bolooney this man is talking about?
Speaker 3: I don't know. You're spouting it all the time.
Speaker 5: You're you're bologny.
Speaker 4: We are not. Okay, this is okay, let's take a breath.
We should use this time to be productive. Okay. So
I can sense there's a lot of uh tension, and
so what I'd like to propose is team building exercises
we could try so that we're not just shouting baloney
at each other.
Speaker 1: Fifteen minutes ice ice melters, the com ice ice melters.
Speaker 4: Ice melters? Yeah, oh oh, ice breakers? What I think
you're referring to?
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I come from Hell.
Speaker 5: Sorry, yeah, culture idiots, idiots.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, yeah, he's he's used to tridents.
Speaker 4: More so that oh that reminds me to add tridents
to the list of weapons. Okay, I'll make a note
of that. All right, So why don't we do this.
Let's let's start with a fairly simple exchange that I
like to call the game of possibilities. Okay, this should
be fun. It's a game. What we're going to do
is I. Yeah, well she's she's had.
Speaker 3: Okay, well she's be disrespectful. All right, No, you'd begatory Dory.
Speaker 5: You are wasting my time here.
Speaker 4: My name is Dory, and I care for Dory.
Speaker 5: Don't you change this.
Speaker 3: I care for purgatory Dory.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, we don't need to.
Speaker 5: She cares for me. Okay, this is.
Speaker 4: All very flattering, but I've only met some of you
just in the last goodness knows how long. It feels
like it's been forever.
Speaker 2: Well, that's purgatory for you.
Speaker 4: That is purgatory. That's kind of our whole thing. Game
of possibilities, really simple. I am going to give one
of you. Let's actually, let's start with Lucy. I'm going
to give Lucy an object, and Clayton and Chris you're
gonna look away. I don't want you to see what
I'm giving Lucy. And this will help you guys work
on your communication.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 4: She is going to describe the object or what it's
used for, and all you guys have to do is
guess what the item is. Okay, So we're gonna work
on how we communicate. We're gonna make this something really positive.
All right, so you too, turn around. Don't look over here.
I'm gonna be watching you, all right, Lucy, here's your item.
All you have to do is describe it what it's
used for in a way that they can guess what
it is, all right, whenever you're ready.
Speaker 6: It is strong, it has much strength, very hard, great communications. Ah,
and I can easily shove it up your ass.
Speaker 2: That could be anything, though, Yeah, I knew that.
Speaker 3: That's You're not really narrowing it down. I gotta be honest.
Speaker 4: Okayon, how do you ask a question about the item?
Speaker 6: Spoiler alert, it's my fist? Then I'll punch you so
goddamn hard in your face.
Speaker 3: Why did you give her a fist?
Speaker 4: It's not I didn't give her a fist.
Speaker 6: I gave her and I might shove it up your
ass if you don't leave this establishment.
Speaker 4: No, no, I didn't give her a fist. I actually
gave her a small figurine of a Teddy Bear. I
don't know how she came up with.
Speaker 5: It's gone, Yeah, it's gone.
Speaker 2: On the terms of work, are they allowed to fist curious.
Is that on the list.
Speaker 4: We didn't We didn't have that on the list.
Speaker 5: Fisting is needed in combat?
Speaker 3: Is it's an absolute necessity? Yeah? No, I think it's
I think we can all agree we need fisting on the.
Speaker 5: Dorry. I need that written down right now.
Speaker 4: This is what you're going to agree on. Okay, I
will take small victories. They agree this.
Speaker 5: Bump, I will not touch you agree on fisting.
Speaker 4: Okay, I made a note of that. That's not ideal,
but at least you're starting to agree.
Speaker 1: For the record, Pertory Joy, I still hate her. Oh like,
I do not trust this woman.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 6: It's shocking, really, because this man comes here. Well, waste
my time.
Speaker 1: We're eternal. We have nothing but time. Tell how am
I wasting time when you have nothing?
Speaker 5: I need my time. I have things to do.
Speaker 1: I'm an angel, A big, big important angel. Yeah wow, wow,
talk about how important you are?
Speaker 5: Well, okay, I have very important we actually Oh.
Speaker 4: Okay, that did not work as well as I hoped
it would. The game of possibilities, Uh, possibly not valuable.
So how about a different one. There's a game called
winterer Loser, which is not what you think it is.
Because I know you're gonna think it's a competition.
Speaker 2: It's note.
Speaker 4: It's no, there's no real winner or loser. It's about
reframing negative situations into positive learning experiences. Okay, So why
don't we have Clayton, you can take the lead here.
All I'm gonna ask of you is think about something
negative that happened in your life, staring.
Speaker 3: At it right now. I'm looking right at Okay.
Speaker 4: So what I'm going to ask that you do is
you think of that experience, that negative experience, and then
what we're going to do is Lucy is going to
take that experience and reframe it in a positive aspect.
We're going to look for the silver lining of this
bad experience. Okay. So, so Clayton, what is what is
a negative experience you've had?
Speaker 3: Oh? Where do I start? Off the top of my head?
Speaker 1: I can recall on my six hundred and sixty sixth birthday.
Speaker 3: It's a big one. It's a big birthday.
Speaker 1: My brother said that he had a party, but he
did not say that the party was for me. Basically,
my brother Satan had a party, but it was not
a birthday party.
Speaker 3: He just had a party. And I wasn't invited on
my birthday.
Speaker 4: Oh, it's very hurt that's that is that is very hurtful.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, Lucy. This is where,
having heard that story from Clayton, what I would ask
is what what could you see as a as a
positive on that event? What could we take away from
that that we put in a positive light, make it
a silver lining of that situation.
Speaker 6: It was an absolute fucking rager, amazing party, amazing drink.
Speaker 3: But you would do the you would do the you
went to my birthday. Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, I am not a loser like you.
Speaker 3: I am not. I am not a loser. I am
a winner.
Speaker 2: You are.
Speaker 5: You're a loser and a new I'm not a new
the police call of duty?
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, how does it work as far as assigning
win and lose to this? In this game? Who wins?
Speaker 4: There is there is no winner and there is no loser.
That's it's a miss misnomer. Perhaps it's it's about making well.
It's about taking an experience that might make you feel
like a loser and turning it into something that makes
you feel like a winner. It worked, It did not work, Okay,
it didn't work.
Speaker 1: I don't care you think I bothered by that. I'm
not bothered by that. So I'm moving on. What other
kind of ice melters do we have?
Speaker 5: Ice Breaker? You stupid thing.
Speaker 3: You're a stupid yours and you're bology, you're boloone.
Speaker 5: You're blown.
Speaker 4: Okay. It seems like when our loser wasn't really a winner,
who was more of a loser. So we're not going
to do that. Let's, uh, let's try something more physical here.
Clearly the more emotional existential ones aren't working. Let's try
something physical. We're going to do a trust fall.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 4: I want to have you both do this. Certainly you
must be familiar with trust falls, Clayton, why don't you
go first?
Speaker 1: I don't know about trust falls, okay, especially not with
this angel here, because the last time that you know,
the demons, we we did a trust fall up in heaven.
We fell all the way down the hell and then
they didn't let us come back up.
Speaker 3: All right, My brother was there, he knows.
Speaker 2: Yeah, fallen angel, that's all an angel.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's right, that's right, Lucy. I used to be
one of you.
Speaker 4: Sure, Okay, So we're going to set up a ladder.
Speaker 3: Here, okay, big beige ladder, Well.
Speaker 4: That's our color of choice. And then you're going to
climb up and then you're just going to free fall.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Chris, you gotta get on this ladder with me.
It's yeah, it should support us.
Speaker 2: Book.
Speaker 3: Come come on, come on, but that's just plumb slower slower, right, hurry, Okay,
here we go.
Speaker 2: All right, this is a really high this is really high.
Speaker 4: Well, we really want to make sure you guys are
committed to this. Lucy. You're gonna be right here, okay,
and you're just gonna catch him when he falls because
you trust him and he trusts you. And this is
the foundation we're gonna build today.
Speaker 5: Okay, of course, all.
Speaker 7: Right, all right, here we go incoming purgatory toy. She
drumped me on purpose.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I did not see, No, I think I did
not see.
Speaker 3: I was looking away, but I counted down. I counted
down and said, where're gonna go away?
Speaker 5: I was distracted.
Speaker 1: Wow, Wow, you know what hey get Once you get
on the ladder, it's your turn, your turn, Lucy, go ahead.
Speaker 4: See why don't why don't we You can demonstrate what
trust is when you get up there. And you'll fall
and they'll catch.
Speaker 5: You, right right, okay, So.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're all right, we're totally ready for you down here, Lucy,
all right, go ahead, fall and all right?
Speaker 5: Three two one fall?
Speaker 3: What okay?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 3: Purgatory story. She's using her wings, she's cheating.
Speaker 6: Why would I trust you?
Speaker 5: Why would I trust?
Speaker 3: I would have dropped you?
Speaker 6: And look at what I did. I don't have any
any pain whatsoever. You have much pain because of that fall.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you you're a pain in my ass.
Speaker 2: I hate you.
Speaker 4: I don't know what I thought was going to happen here.
Speaker 5: You never trust the enemy, is what we learned here.
Speaker 3: What is that sun Zoo? Because he's an hell, I
can ask him.
Speaker 6: You say many words that make no sense because you
are a small, tiny thing irrelevant in my eyes.
Speaker 3: I'm huge, I'm ripped.
Speaker 5: You know you're very small.
Speaker 3: Actually no, I'm quite large.
Speaker 6: You're a tiny man, very small and pathetic.
Speaker 3: You think I'm small?
Speaker 2: Will get him?
Speaker 5: Shoulders squish you? Looking at Why are you on your shoulders.
Speaker 3: Right now? We can fight.
Speaker 6: I don't think you understand. Absolutely wreck your ship.
Speaker 3: Your comprehendo. I understand. I'm going to kick your ass.
Speaker 4: Okay, you know what, there's no fighting in purgatory, so
let's just stop all that. And that actually brings us
to a great point in the negotiations. If you are
going to fight, where should that take place?
Speaker 6: Well, it's not that bad here. It's beige. Yeah, everything
is beige. There's unlimited space. I think the fight should
be in purgatory.
Speaker 3: No, a great area. I like the ground. It's nice
for falling onto.
Speaker 6: You can see the contrast of the blood with the red,
and the beige would look very nice.
Speaker 4: It's so hard to get blood out of the furniture.
I really can't emphasize enough. There's no fight.
Speaker 2: Are agreeing. They are agreeing on that. I just want
to point that out they do.
Speaker 3: This is a pretty sweet location for a fight.
Speaker 6: I mean, it is an open space. I will not
have a war in my lovely heaven. I refuse to
have that.
Speaker 3: That's fine, I wouldn't you want to go up there.
Speaker 1: But you know what, you guys can come on down
any time, because we're gonna have the home field advantage
down in Hell, all right, so bring it.
Speaker 5: I will also agree. I will.
Speaker 6: I don't mind fighting in hell. It is already dirty.
It's disgusting. I don't mind fighting there.
Speaker 4: For the sake of Purgatory. I'm gonna put down Hell
because I don't think my bosses will approve Purgatory, but
I will put that as a close second choice. How
about that?
Speaker 5: Fine? Oy?
Speaker 3: What about uh about Valhalla? Do that?
Speaker 6: Valhalla is sketchy? It's the ghetto. I don't want to
go there. I refuse to have my war there.
Speaker 4: Vahalla isn't permitted. It's not permitted for that.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right? So no, Well maybe maybe next time.
Speaker 6: I don't want third I don't want third parties coming in.
Speaker 2: Okay, fine, Not that Clayton would know much about parties,
Am I right?
Speaker 5: If human has jokes out, I like him.
Speaker 3: Okay. Uh, Twilight Zone, cool with that.
Speaker 1: I mean that's it's a little trippy, but I think
that that's a decent spot for a war.
Speaker 5: That is fine with me.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 6: I still am thinking that Purgatory might be the place
for the war.
Speaker 2: I think so.
Speaker 4: I can't emphasize enough. We are not zoned for that.
Speaker 5: The beige is so nice it is we.
Speaker 4: Would like to keep it that way. I'm fairly certain
if angels and demons fought here it would no longer
be bage.
Speaker 5: Oh no, it will be disgusting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'd be red with the blood of my enemies.
Speaker 6: What this man said, Well, I don't angels, we don't bleed.
Speaker 4: I'm not going to approve that, but I, like I said,
making a note that you would prefer purgatory. But we
have hell, we have the did we say we thought
the twilight Zone?
Speaker 3: Twilight Zone's cool?
Speaker 4: Yeah, work, okayalalla?
Speaker 3: Nirvana?
Speaker 4: Nirvana? Interesting?
Speaker 3: No, I'm just saying I love their music.
Speaker 4: Oh you're talking about a soundtrack to accompany the fight?
Speaker 2: I mean cool?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I think that that's going to amp up
my true pretty well.
Speaker 4: So okay, okay, yeah, Lucy, do you have any musical requests?
Speaker 5: The only music is the scream of my enemies?
Speaker 3: Come as you are?
Speaker 5: A location choice I might have might be a happy.
Speaker 3: Valley, Oh happy valley?
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, I think that is a good one.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: What what is happy valley?
Speaker 3: Chris?
Speaker 1: Happy valley on the place that you go to he's new,
he's new. It's the place you go to when you've
taken too much acid or you've like, you know, you're
at a really crazy mushroom trip.
Speaker 2: It's that's that's the actual physical place.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you go.
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, great place for a war, great place.
Speaker 3: Good, good job, Lucy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 4: See you guys are this is this is great. We're
all now we're really connecting. We're coming up with this
is collaboration, guys.
Speaker 3: What is it good for? Absolutely?
Speaker 2: It's another soundtrack.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm just I'm just throwing out more song choices. Okay, yeah,
write that down. Purgatory story.
Speaker 4: Okay, it's story, but yes, I will write that down.
I'm writing it down.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 4: Great. I feel like we've got a good selection of
locations for this battle. That really just leaves the kind
of big question of what do you get if you win? Right?
What is this way to answer your question, Clayton war?
What is it good for?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 5: What?
Speaker 4: What do you want? Is my final.
Speaker 3: Spoils of war? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yes to the victor of the spoil Lucy.
Speaker 3: Go ahead. I want to hear what lame idea you have.
Speaker 6: Well, it is not lame, but I want to save
the souls of millions. I want world peace, which is
why I fight and put my angels on the front
lines for world peace.
Speaker 4: Wow, lovely, Okay.
Speaker 2: All right, Wow?
Speaker 1: Hey, miss America over here, miss miss Universe. Wow out, Chris, Chris, stop,
can clap with your hand cuff to me?
Speaker 2: Okay, well you're the okay pathetic.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, Heaven's side is accounted for. Thank you, Lucy
Clayton for Hell. What would you what would your spoils
be that you'd like me to put in for?
Speaker 1: I want all the demons to be allowed to go
to Heaven, and I want to ship in God's beds.
Oh what I want to I want to lay in
his bed, in his clean white bed.
Speaker 3: Sheets, and I just want to ship in them.
Speaker 6: So, if I'm understanding correctly, you are going to put
your demons on the front lines, get them absolutely murdered
so you could ship in God's bed.
Speaker 3: Yep, that's pretty much. That's pretty much it.
Speaker 2: What about like the I don't know Antichrist or or
like taking over Earth or.
Speaker 1: That stuffs probably gonna happen eventually, I don't know. But
I'm actually I'm texting my brother right now and he
agrees he wants to shit in God's bed, So we
we will take turns shitting in God's bed and he
has to sleep in it. That's the other term God
has to sleep in the shitty bed sheets.
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna go out on a on a limb
here and say, I do not think that's going to
get CO signed.
Speaker 5: It's not going to get CO signed.
Speaker 3: No, we'll see take it to the big man. See
what he says.
Speaker 5: I will not Why would I do that.
Speaker 1: It's not your job, Lucy, it's purgatory Dory's job.
Speaker 5: I will not let just I will not let Dorry
do that.
Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure I'll be fired if I even propose that.
Speaker 5: You are shameful, you little man.
Speaker 1: Oh, I will shit in God's bed. No, No, I
will take a ship.
Speaker 6: In the toilet, or go back to where you came from.
Go take a ship over there.
Speaker 3: No, I'm I'm holding it in. I'm holding it.
Speaker 1: In waiting for God's bed sheets. Le discussed sheets will
be my toilet paper. I tell you, I.
Speaker 6: Will shove my fists so far up your ass. I
will grab the poop. I will grab the ship that
you have been saving four weeks, and I will then
throw it to your face so you will never shit
on God's bed.
Speaker 2: But but wait, if it went in his face, wouldn't
it come back out as ass? And it would just
reload like.
Speaker 5: We will not eat it.
Speaker 6: I will not look more, it will not enter his intestines.
Speaker 2: Is that allowed?
Speaker 5: I will submit it all over his face.
Speaker 3: It's not allowed.
Speaker 4: It's definitely not allowed. There's no part of this that's allowed.
Speaker 5: I'll use a paint brush and start painting.
Speaker 1: Then I will grab Chris and I will squeeze him
like a toothpaste tube and shit in God's bed.
Speaker 2: I shit be not. I don't want to shit the
bed on this one.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, well too bad. Your handcuffed to me.
You have no choice. So we pro trapped up here?
Is this is all we need?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 4: I mean I feel like I've gotten way more than
I asked for. So uh yeah, I'll take all of
your terms. We'll complete the war summit protocols and submit everything. Yes,
what's up? And then I'll send out the memo detailing
what was approved what wasn't. I would suspect a lot
will not be approved, and you can file any concerns
or complaints. But this will establish the terms of your
conflict and how you can wage war and blah blah blah.
Please don't fight in purgatory and don't shit in God's bed.
That's that'll cover it for me.
Speaker 1: All right, okay, Well, to be continued, purgatory dory. It
has been a pleasure, Thank you so much.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just story.
Speaker 3: Lucy what Lucy?
Speaker 4: What?
Speaker 3: See you on the battlefield, That's all I gotta say.
Speaker 6: Bring your men, bring your swords, and you will regret
the day you ever came here.
Speaker 1: Like God, No, he's about to have some pretty stinky
I shall not whatever.
Speaker 3: All right, see you later, birds.
Speaker 2: Come on, Chris, all right, bye bye, nice to meet y'all. Both.
Speaker 3: All right, all right, hug me, hug me.
Speaker 2: We gotta tell for it and right goodbye.
Speaker 3: All right, we're back in help. Wow, what a day,
What a day.
Speaker 2: I didn't know. There's a lot of rules. I didn't
know there was so like regulated.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, We're not gonna follow any that ship now,
I'm not doing any of that. In fact, I'm gonna
nuke Keaven right now. All right, yeah, I mean, what
are they gonna do?
Speaker 3: What are they gonna do? They gonnaunish us? We live
in hell.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Chris, you have that briefcase, Chris, the brief briefcase.
Speaker 3: I gave it to you before the meeting.
Speaker 2: I know. But then whenever we did the trust falls,
I set it down so that you climb the ladder.
Speaker 1: You left the briefcase with Lucy in purgatory. Dory God, Chris,
that had the launch codes. It had the nuclear launch
codes in it.
Speaker 2: Well should have told me. You just said I was
the same.
Speaker 1: I just I told you to hold on to the briefcase.
Now there are no God. Now Lucy has our launch codes. Great,
all right, well I'm gonna have to go talk to
my brother about that.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, guys, Chris, would you tell them what
they gotta do?
Speaker 2: Leave us a rating wherever you're listening to this because
that helps us out, and be sure to follow us
on socialt at Morning from Hell. If you want to
see what Purgatory looks like, then go to at Morning
from Hell on Instagram. We'll have a picture of it.
Speaker 3: Yep. All right, Hail Clayton. All right, hey guys, thanks
for listening to another episode. Good Morning from Help.
Speaker 1: That was a fun one and I wanted to thank
our guests Hanna McCarthy and Fiona Nova for being on
with us.
Speaker 3: Guys, Thank you so much for having us.
Speaker 4: Thank you for having us. It was so fun.
Speaker 1: I loved it for our listeners, how can they find you,
guys on social media and follow your work.
Speaker 6: You can find me on Twitter at Fiona Nova and
then Instagram at Fionaanda Score Nova and you can also
find me on Achievement Hunter. We play games, we do
things for.
Speaker 4: Me again, I'm Hannah MacCarthy. You can find me on
Twitter at high Hello Underscore Hannah on Instagram at Hi
Hello Hannah. I was able to get it without an
underscore that time. Wow for me. I also do a
weekly D and D show called Role Initiative that is
a lot of fun. Someday I'll be lucky enough to
play D and D with Blaine and Chris. But Fiona's
guested on our D and D show, which was super fun.
So love D and D, So there's that as well.
So yeah, thanks for.
Speaker 2: Having thanks for having, thanks coming on guys. Bye bye