Speaker 1: Oh, dear, do you know? I drove back today from Northamptonshire,
Speaker 1: where I was judging, not in a sort of judgy way,
Speaker 1: but in a helpful and constructive way my couple of
Speaker 1: farms which are up for a Shuffle Countryside Awards in
Speaker 1: the section called Nature Friendly Farming. And as I was
Speaker 1: driving back and got onto the A fourteen and got
Speaker 1: to the Cambridge Suffolk Borders, I started counting the number
Speaker 1: of dead munk jack that are strewn on the central reservation.
Speaker 2: And one going going.
Speaker 1: It headed up when I got to the junction that
Speaker 1: I turn off to Hawley Green twenty seven I can
Speaker 1: to just killed floated rotting eyespect my magpies just in
Speaker 1: that section twenty seven alone, and ridiculous it is. It
Speaker 1: is the killing fields of a dual carriageway of munk jack.
Speaker 2: Well, callum, take your phone off your desk please. Whoever
Speaker 2: you're being buzzed by is interrupting the dear listeners.
Speaker 1: It's the it's the Patreon group. Okay, what are they saying?
Speaker 2: How are they They're infecting our life even during the podcast,
Speaker 2: I know, yeah, infecting, Yeah, covid.
Speaker 3: I posted my chalkstream trout that I just cooked via
Speaker 3: the magic of the Internet. I didn't cook it via
Speaker 3: the Internet.
Speaker 2: I said, your microwave it using using the five g
Speaker 2: router or something.
Speaker 3: I've gone to sixteen now and it grew an extra
Speaker 3: head and multiplied, so I've worked out. I think maybe
Speaker 3: that's what Jesus did with the five thousand.
Speaker 2: Fish Bill Gates.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, geah, it was good back then.
Speaker 2: You're Charlie so sort of thin and waf like, even
Speaker 2: though he's so tall, because you didn't have good internet
Speaker 2: for the first part of his life so we couldn't cook.
Speaker 1: Well, that's very true. We didn't have internet until he
Speaker 1: was like thirteen. I mean, as listeners to countries slide.
Speaker 2: Good time for him to discover the internet. Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2: He's now gone blind.
Speaker 1: It didn't leave his room for a week. Have you
Speaker 1: noticed this biceps absolutely huge?
Speaker 4: Nothing left of him.
Speaker 2: But staring at a particularly cavacious oak tree until then.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it. Look at the curves on that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just shouts down, father, You must turn the internet off.
Speaker 4: Get dehydrated.
Speaker 1: Can you get off the phone? Yeah? Do you remember
Speaker 1: that when he used to go and sort of go
Speaker 1: on the internet and then you sort of went, someone's
Speaker 1: on the bloody phone. I mean, if he is. Quite bizarrely,
Speaker 1: I'm that old now. I can remember having a phone
Speaker 1: which was a party line. Had we had three digits
Speaker 1: as our phone number, five nine six, that was our
Speaker 1: phone number, and picking the phone up and we used
Speaker 1: to have a party line. Who on that was the
Speaker 1: vicar And so you'd sort of hear the vicar talking
Speaker 1: to some recently bereaved parishioner and I was trying to
Speaker 1: sort of go and ring up to chat up some girl,
Speaker 1: or can you fuck off redvand Hopley, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: ring up Nancy Dare here, And yeah, it was. I'm
Speaker 1: sure it probably helped the poor widow through.
Speaker 3: Can you imagine the moment when you actually step your
Speaker 3: first foot into hell? And he says, well, that was
Speaker 3: that was That was the first incident that we really
Speaker 3: started taking notice.
Speaker 1: All the bad things you've done, mister nigus have been
Speaker 1: expected hello and.
Speaker 2: They just bring out the phone book and they start
Speaker 2: with AAA and just go work through.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean then that would probably be very true
Speaker 1: for actually all three of us. Is that you know,
Speaker 1: if heaven and Hell exist, let's be perfectly and as
Speaker 1: we're only heading one way. But then I often think this,
Speaker 1: So you know, I've never been much of a one
Speaker 1: for arguing about religion. But for most of the people
Speaker 1: I know, who are utterly devout and wonderful sort of
Speaker 1: devotees of their faith, I don't think I'd want to
Speaker 1: spend eternity with them. I want to spend eternity with
Speaker 1: all the wrongins who were they were heading down south,
Speaker 1: So therefore, you know I'll be down there. I'll be saying,
Speaker 1: go on, smoke exactly still, but you can still smoke
Speaker 1: in pubs in Hell.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's basically Bristol, because Bristol has is permanently
Speaker 2: mid nineties, isn't it that never moves forward?
Speaker 1: You know, Bristol. I think I've ever been to Bristol.
Speaker 2: You haven't lived.
Speaker 1: Is it as manic as they say?
Speaker 3: I like it.
Speaker 1: It's little full of hippies.
Speaker 2: Yes, Krusty's lot. But then you've got all the sort
Speaker 2: of the sword that moved out from London as well
Speaker 2: to Bristol, and they sort of they're the ones with yoga,
Speaker 2: drumming pilates.
Speaker 1: Yeah, froom rooms like that. It was very bizarre. I
Speaker 1: went to go and do a book signing in a
Speaker 1: lovely bookshop called Hunting Raven, which is a great anyway
Speaker 1: in Froom, and I also can't afford to be there. Well,
Speaker 1: they're a lovely bookshop and the lady who runs it
Speaker 1: is a top last. But I also went to this
Speaker 1: other place, which is an absolute as you say, moved
Speaker 1: out from London for a feeling of light and space
Speaker 1: and then started off some bookshop. I don't say it
Speaker 1: because it's unfair, but he's a complete prawn. He's a
Speaker 1: mate of that shrub salt blokes and all that, and
Speaker 1: he's just a righteous sort of you know, I've moved
Speaker 1: to the countryside and I'm going to tell you how
Speaker 1: to live bloat, but I never forget Claire. And I
Speaker 1: pulled up into this car park in Froom and there
Speaker 1: was this very battered old Ford Fiesta sat there and
Speaker 1: it was so battered and horrible, with fag packets sort
Speaker 1: of absitely everywhere that you noticed it. And then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden the owners came out and there was
Speaker 1: this sort of couple who are arguing with one another,
Speaker 1: and he just suddenly shouted across the car park at well,
Speaker 1: you're a Spacker, and I thought this is brilliant, you know.
Speaker 1: Is that an insult that sort of died out in
Speaker 1: nineteen eighty two and he's still doing it, having a
Speaker 1: full domestic in a car parking from well you Spacker
Speaker 1: and I thought, there is got into the it, got
Speaker 1: into the Fiesta and drove off with his exhaust dragged
Speaker 1: along the Grend.
Speaker 2: There's a very sort of special corner of Somerset which
Speaker 2: is very much in the flatlands. Yeah, and it's you
Speaker 2: can see a hill and you can sort of see
Speaker 2: Glastonbury over there, and you can see you can see
Speaker 2: the sort of the hilly bit that's sort of blurred
Speaker 2: into becoming x more eventually, but you've got the flat bit.
Speaker 2: It's not quite Dykes, but it's sort of British water. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that sort of bit. But then all the way over
Speaker 2: to Shepton Mallet, okay as well famously home of Babysham.
Speaker 1: Really Mallet is where the as a very famous steam railway.
Speaker 1: I believe in Shepton Mallet owns the blue Bell Line,
Speaker 1: owned by David Shepherd, the wildlife artist. Yeah. Interesting, yes, well,
Speaker 1: interestingly enough, the Bluebell Line, if I'm not mistaken, is
Speaker 1: owned by David Shepherd, the wildlife artist, whose daughter Belinda
Speaker 1: was at university with my sister, whose husband is Jeremy Hobson,
Speaker 1: the author of countless books on many countryside things. So
Speaker 1: there you go.
Speaker 2: He's the only person I've know who's written a book
Speaker 2: entirely about ditches.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and bigling. I've got I've got a book,
Speaker 1: his book on biagling. Here he actually is writing a
Speaker 1: book I believe about Jack Deer, which you know, it
Speaker 1: almost sounds like we're we're all organized this podcast at
Speaker 1: the moment because he said, can I can I quote
Speaker 1: a line from words from the hedge in in my
Speaker 1: next book on Jack? I have to say authors like
Speaker 1: him I am hugely in admiration of because they are
Speaker 1: able to get the get up and go to say,
Speaker 1: oh well, better go and churn another book out, and
Speaker 1: better go and do one, and they sell and and
Speaker 1: you know that, well I am.
Speaker 4: Do you think volume is a is a metric to
Speaker 4: go for?
Speaker 2: Particularly volume of things? What I saw out of my
Speaker 2: car window on the way home, ditch right, ditches? What's that?
Speaker 2: The old phone boxes? I'm going to do.
Speaker 1: I'm going to do the photo book. The things that
Speaker 1: I've gone and see outside the twelve.
Speaker 2: Callum's first piece is Grip Grip Box with a broken handle.
Speaker 1: Cal's favorite A road. Do you know there is actually
Speaker 1: probably a best selling book in that. It's just random
Speaker 1: shots that you take. It's for your car, me and my.
Speaker 3: Cousins, missus cousins soon to be husband.
Speaker 2: Right close relative, yeah.
Speaker 3: Close relative. We always compare service stations and we.
Speaker 2: Got dr English.
Speaker 1: We say the ones that we.
Speaker 3: Stopped in and then and then we give them a
Speaker 3: bit of a rate in and just go for.
Speaker 1: A far review.
Speaker 3: There's a few that are the magic services, which is
Speaker 3: South Mims which somehow you get on and whatever you're
Speaker 3: sat NAV time says you can go in, have twenty
Speaker 3: minutes in there, come back out and you will arrive
Speaker 3: at the same time because the traffic never changes. So
Speaker 3: if you go to South Mims you get magically, you
Speaker 3: get twenty minutes back of your life.
Speaker 2: A tardis of the service station.
Speaker 4: So I like that one for it being magic, you know.
Speaker 3: An example would be Peterborough would be a sort of
Speaker 3: three and a half out of five stars.
Speaker 1: It's just it's not got a bridge. He's got a bridge.
Speaker 1: A bridge is good, you know, I.
Speaker 2: Was going to say this is completely irrelevant content, but
Speaker 2: actually comparing service stations is probably quite relatable from boost
Speaker 2: of the audience, given how many people listen to this
Speaker 2: in the car.
Speaker 1: Well, you think Glenn Glenn probably knows every single service
Speaker 1: station in the land, and in actional fact it's probably
Speaker 1: got a sort of Yes.
Speaker 2: The man who goes up and down the country selling
Speaker 2: probably the best thermal imaging devices also spend a lot
Speaker 2: of the time on the phone to me swearing.
Speaker 4: Do you think he likes?
Speaker 1: Do you think he likes?
Speaker 3: Do you think he likes a Waitrose, like just one
Speaker 3: where you can get I think he likes I think
Speaker 3: he likes a waitress.
Speaker 5: That's probably the better the better food.
Speaker 3: I reckon, I reckon it will appeal to the north
Speaker 3: in him when you get like a Waitrose or an
Speaker 3: M and S and they do stuff at very discount
Speaker 3: prices because no one's buying a whole chicken in a
Speaker 3: service station.
Speaker 2: There there you have an establishment called Booths Booths, which
Speaker 2: is the sort of the northern Waitrose. And I'm not
Speaker 2: going to spoil the rest of that because when when
Speaker 2: young Richard there comes over to Wales in a couple
Speaker 2: of weeks we're going to talk about booths and particularly
Speaker 2: the well one of the family, because it's quite an
Speaker 2: interesting story.
Speaker 1: Excellent. I do like that, you know, I have to
Speaker 1: say that there is there is one. It's not only
Speaker 1: properly a service station, but is the place you have
Speaker 1: to stop if you're going up into the Highlands, and
Speaker 1: that is the House of Brewer, the House in Brewer.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm I'm banned from the crystal section.
Speaker 1: Well, it's a bit like that. You sort of somebody somewhere,
Speaker 1: probably in about nineteen eighty four said right, who are
Speaker 1: we getting crossing our threshold and they went, there's lots
Speaker 1: of Americans. And it's more Scottish than a box of
Speaker 1: Walkers' short red biscuits. I mean, you can't move for
Speaker 1: Tartan or sag Iron brew. Oh, but is up market Scotland,
Speaker 1: so therefore it is the worst kind of Scottlan Tartan Fest.
Speaker 1: There's lots of stag. If you want Antler related deep
Speaker 1: fried Antler, No, you're at the wrong end of the
Speaker 1: scale here, callum. This is this is there's a takeaway
Speaker 1: lobster place in the car park. No, I want any
Speaker 1: part of it. They have special parking for people like
Speaker 1: you there, and it's called keep on the Raven, Keep
Speaker 1: on the Raven, Keep going, Keep going. You'll be an
Speaker 1: Aberdeen before you know it. And it is the most
Speaker 1: remarkable place. And I once a decided because I was
Speaker 1: sent the House of Brewer catalog as to what you
Speaker 1: could buy, and basically it's nothing but sort of back
Speaker 1: of the daily Telegraphs, you know, color supplements section clothing,
Speaker 1: but in Tartan. And I took lots of photographs of
Speaker 1: these and sort of tried to do a humorous thing
Speaker 1: on on Twitter about saying all this various sort of
Speaker 1: clothing and taking a piss out. My god, I might
Speaker 1: as well have gone and bared my ass at the
Speaker 1: Pope into Michael Square. It was utterly and that it
Speaker 1: was like I had absolutely desecrated the Saltire by insulting
Speaker 1: the hause of Bru is an amazing place. I suggest, callum,
Speaker 1: you have to go there and just envelop yourself. Let
Speaker 1: it wash. Let the Tartan.
Speaker 6: Wash over you. You'd like the food hall. Actually, callum, there's
Speaker 6: all sort of there's all that's not Tartan, that's plaid.
Speaker 6: But he's hanging up, holding up a checked shirt. Everyone,
Speaker 6: it's a bench shirt again. I think, isn't it not
Speaker 6: understanding how an audio podcast works?
Speaker 2: He's now showing things to.
Speaker 1: Shirts rain man, isn't he in every way? Yeah? Was
Speaker 1: it the fly where he's got sort of has a
Speaker 1: clean clothes every day? But the just exactly the same
Speaker 1: as the last day. I think you're talking about Mark Zuckerberg. Am,
Speaker 1: I who's he? The man that owns the Internet? And
Speaker 1: I thought that was Tim berners Lee. I thought he
Speaker 1: owned the internet because you're Tim oh eve.
Speaker 2: One with shagging hell and a bottom carter.
Speaker 1: Yeah that is actually the word. Yeah, okay, anyway, what
Speaker 1: are we going to talk about today?
Speaker 2: Well? I were a bit late recording this week, although
Speaker 2: listeners won't know that because you're listening to this on
Speaker 2: a Friday or a Thursday or in forty seven weeks time,
Speaker 2: because you've just discovered the show. But I was late
Speaker 2: back as i've been the furthest Afield have been since
Speaker 2: my little tree dodging incident. And that was to Liverpool.
Speaker 1: Yes, customer is did they welcome you and tell you
Speaker 1: a few jokes and sing you a song?
Speaker 2: Liverpool's a weird thing when you approach from Whales or
Speaker 2: from the south, because you go up, you drive up
Speaker 2: the world and then you go into there's two tunnels
Speaker 2: that go under the Mersey and it brings you out
Speaker 2: right in the center of the city. So it's like
Speaker 2: if you went through the Blackwall Tunnel and it brought
Speaker 2: you out on Oxford Street. It's like that. So you
Speaker 2: just suddenly in Liverpool. You've got no preamble. And we
Speaker 2: were going to something called the Outdoor Trade Show, which
Speaker 2: has been going for about twenty years. But it's as
Speaker 2: the real people say, it's a B to B event
Speaker 2: as a business to business thing, but it's where all
Speaker 2: the either manufacturers or the agencies and importers that bring
Speaker 2: in stuff from America and wherever come to meet the
Speaker 2: people who buy stuff for the shops. So it's a
Speaker 2: good place to go and see all the latest new
Speaker 2: equipment and things which I do actually need to be
Speaker 2: vaguely aware of for one of my bits of work.
Speaker 1: Did you see anything You went, Wow, that's innovative and clever.
Speaker 2: Because everything's pretty much been invented by now. What you
Speaker 2: saw was either new stuff or just stuff that was
Speaker 2: like this is better than that bit over there.
Speaker 4: Same again, but with bluetooth there's.
Speaker 2: Actually more natural cottons and fibers and things. That seems
Speaker 2: to be the thing now. So we went to see
Speaker 2: our friends over at Brand Koss, who are also the
Speaker 2: people that bring in Swan Dry, which are the new
Speaker 2: Zealand woolens, which I'm quite a big fan. I will
Speaker 2: wear them all the way through the winter, so see them.
Speaker 3: I like the one that that you were wearing, so
Speaker 3: then I definitely couldn't have bought that one. So you
Speaker 3: basically the one I liked you ruined. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: They're doing new colors in that one.
Speaker 1: Good. I need a tartan. He ruined it because he
Speaker 1: wore it, So you're saying he's a bad brand ambassador
Speaker 1: if we turned up wearing the same thing.
Speaker 3: Richard's one version is like a It's like a I
Speaker 3: could probably use as a tent should should like you
Speaker 3: know the weather kick up in.
Speaker 2: The use as a fire blanket for a large commercial fire.
Speaker 1: Well, yes, I mean this is this is the problem.
Speaker 1: You know, back in the day when I was doing
Speaker 1: lots of kit reviews and they all seem to want
Speaker 1: me to keep hold of it, so I then wear
Speaker 1: it in future shots that you would take photographs of.
Speaker 1: I could never hand on my kit that I was
Speaker 1: sent to you, because otherwise it would look like you
Speaker 1: had sort of raided your dad's wardrobe, wouldn't they here?
Speaker 3: You you got gangly arms. You're like, yeah, and two sizes.
Speaker 1: Up from me. I think, yeah, yeah, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: not it's not a good look. But I did.
Speaker 4: I did peel for some waders, if I remember.
Speaker 1: Right, you did, and you've still got them, haven't it.
Speaker 3: I still got a pair of Snowby They're pretty could actually.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Over the price, well, do you know what
Speaker 1: it was?
Speaker 4: I think they were that much money.
Speaker 1: They were. They were very sensible because in the end,
Speaker 1: I did say to Patrick Galbraith when he was the
Speaker 1: editor of Shooting Times, I said, you know, there's no
Speaker 1: point just keep sending me coats that are four hundred
Speaker 1: and sixty quid or a pair of boots that are
Speaker 1: ten gazillion pounds, because most people do not have that budget.
Speaker 1: So let's go for stuff which has got a price
Speaker 1: point where your average Johnny who reads the Shooting Times
Speaker 1: could possibly go and think, well, I'll do that. And
Speaker 1: you realize that on the whole. There were the rare
Speaker 1: occasions where you go like Brando Coss Boots or dadto
Speaker 1: you go, Actually, I would spend this much if I
Speaker 1: wanted to keep my feet warm, dry and comfortable, because
Speaker 1: they generally are that good. But then you drop down
Speaker 1: to a price point one hundred and fifty two hundred
Speaker 1: quid cheaper than them, and they're all the same, and
Speaker 1: then you realize they've all been made in the same
Speaker 1: factory anyway, by the same poor little Bangladeshi sweatshop worker.
Speaker 1: But I have to say today I was actually doing
Speaker 1: sort of. I was in the company Marcus Jansen, he
Speaker 1: of main man of Shoffle, and we were judging the
Speaker 1: two farms today with Ali Henton, your mate Callum. Two
Speaker 1: lovely people spend time with and very useful as well
Speaker 1: to get different views and opinions on what we were
Speaker 1: looking at. But because Marcus was there, I went to
Speaker 1: my because we've actually got rain for once. We've actually
Speaker 1: got some raise raining again, now, you know, which is
Speaker 1: like a miracle. But it was peeing it down this morning.
Speaker 1: And as I left the house, I went to go
Speaker 1: and pull off the peg a shuffle coat. Went no,
Speaker 1: what I'm seeing Marcus. So I went and picked up
Speaker 1: a Sasta one just to be contrary, just to be controlled,
Speaker 1: so I can pull that on and go, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: nice and dry here in my Sasta Meto pro.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well this is there's a weird thing I picked
Speaker 2: up today, and this is sort of an insight into
Speaker 2: how this this world works. So the reason we go
Speaker 2: to I go to these shows is because when I
Speaker 2: do the stuff with I will say that I've got
Speaker 2: this strange job. It's just a trained police military search
Speaker 2: and rescue every now and again.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And one of the things we do with that is
Speaker 2: I don't sell them any kits, but I make recommendations
Speaker 2: sometimes for clothing because in those environments clothing is effectively
Speaker 2: ppe and there's bits of equipment, weird stuff like water
Speaker 2: filters and things that you wouldn't think of. They're a
Speaker 2: bit boring, but when you need them, you need them.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I went to see a couple of people who haven't
Speaker 2: been to this trade show before because they're relatively new
Speaker 2: to the UK, and one was car Heart. So they
Speaker 2: do all of their posh American well expensive Americans. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: and that's so becomes sort of hipster workware.
Speaker 1: Now, yeah, it's a huge It's like north Face.
Speaker 2: North Face used to be yeah, and Canada Goose used
Speaker 2: to be just Polar expeditions.
Speaker 3: And now it's high street fashion sort of thing.
Speaker 2: It's the lad who's nicked your phone is wearing a
Speaker 2: Canada Goose. Yeah. Yeah, So when to speak to them?
Speaker 2: And so there was a few actual there's a really
Speaker 2: nice bits in their lineup that I know a couple
Speaker 2: of our clients would be interested in buying. So I said, okay,
Speaker 2: can I think your card because these people they just
Speaker 2: want to go and buy twenty or thirty units at
Speaker 2: a time, direct by straight to bay, straight to units whatever.
Speaker 2: And they said, oh no, we don't do that. What
Speaker 2: do you mean are we only sell via retailers. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but this is like the military. They'll probably buy quite
Speaker 2: a bit if they like it, you know, or it's
Speaker 2: quite a nice regular thing that'll be buying. Oh no,
Speaker 2: we can only do a via retailers. Okay, so right, fine,
Speaker 2: there's no way around that. No, no, we own you
Speaker 2: buy retailers. But you're the third military person that said
Speaker 2: that to us today. All right, okay, well that's mad.
Speaker 2: So I went down to Pinewood Clothing further down the row,
Speaker 2: who sponsored the National Gamekeepers Organization and do some very
Speaker 2: nice Swedish hunting gear. And I spoke to them and
Speaker 2: they went sure, fine, yeah, yeah, we'll send it straight
Speaker 2: to them.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's very interesting watching places that are effectively fashioned
Speaker 2: trying to break into the outdoors practical use market because
Speaker 2: they only really want to deal with a nice store
Speaker 2: and in the inner city they don't actually want to
Speaker 2: send it out to anyone. But I just thought that
Speaker 2: was it's an interesting contrast there.
Speaker 3: It's when you get high street retailers if you if
Speaker 3: you start offering outside of trade accounts, they get the
Speaker 3: right alp because the prices become different, and and you
Speaker 3: get resellers and stuff as well.
Speaker 4: For things that get they get.
Speaker 2: Out not from Hereford Well actually, yeah, that's that's that's
Speaker 2: the point. They would they would put it on an eBay.
Speaker 3: It could be a good cover. Yeah, there there's quite
Speaker 3: a few.
Speaker 1: There's quite a.
Speaker 3: Few retailers that you they will only sell free. Retailers
Speaker 3: will never sell anything direct because people just undercut and
Speaker 3: and and the retailers get get the amp basically.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's ye, there are I don't think there's a
Speaker 2: Chauff military division yet, is there, apart from sort of
Speaker 2: guards regiments.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well you say that, I mean literally every single
Speaker 1: officer in the British Army as a shoffle Glay's. It's
Speaker 1: something that I mean. We there became a point when
Speaker 1: I was in where it was almost accepted that waterproofs
Speaker 1: were that shit that they issued you. There was perfectly
Speaker 1: acceptable to wear a barber. So Barber's bought out a
Speaker 1: camouflaged waxed barber and it was although not officially issued
Speaker 1: kit ever, but it was accepted that the military wore
Speaker 1: that because the stuff they issued you just was as
Speaker 1: about as waterproof as a tea bag. So they bought
Speaker 1: out not for stalkers, they brought it out for the
Speaker 1: army so you could buy it. You bought all your
Speaker 1: kit that actually worked from Silverman's, who was a military
Speaker 1: kit retailer, and the stuff that you were issued you
Speaker 1: just put away in a locker and you had to
Speaker 1: account for when you left the unit and sort of
Speaker 1: handed it all back in because basically, other than the
Speaker 1: wooly pulley and a pair of lightweights, everything else was
Speaker 1: just crap.
Speaker 3: So when people say that to advise you to shop
Speaker 3: at an armory surplus store because it's really good kit.
Speaker 3: They're massive liars, Is that what you're saying? Yes, these
Speaker 3: days there's a lot of kit that's better. I mean,
Speaker 3: let's let's be honest with wars tend to influence how
Speaker 3: kit works. You know, we binned the land.
Speaker 1: Drover when we realized that they weren't very good with
Speaker 1: IED's and the original range, yes quite, and the boots
Speaker 1: that we had in the Falklands were just literally sponges
Speaker 1: for your feet that encouraged it actually encouraged trench foot.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: However, there was never enough towel compowder ever made to
Speaker 1: dry your feet from AMMO boots, so they thought, oh,
Speaker 1: let's go and get some new ones. So let's make
Speaker 1: them out of cardboard. But you know, yeah, it was
Speaker 1: it was just crab. But yeah, I suppose now, I mean,
Speaker 1: am I correct in saying that with the sort of
Speaker 1: kit that you're looking at, there still a lot of
Speaker 1: it is probably honed in the military sector and then
Speaker 1: it's civified and then sold to outward boundsy type people afterwards,
Speaker 1: or is it that.
Speaker 2: Other way around? Waund Yeah, Okay, so yeah, so a
Speaker 2: lot of the military kit is downstream now of civilian
Speaker 2: and environment specific developments. But then it always if it's
Speaker 2: general issue, it always has to go through the thing
Speaker 2: of how much can you make, can you regularly supply it,
Speaker 2: can you supply it the same size in the same
Speaker 2: coding for the next twenty years, and is it the
Speaker 2: right price point. But when you get to specialist units,
Speaker 2: say like mountain warfare or one of the new ranger units,
Speaker 2: so they get to go and hide in all sorts
Speaker 2: of places that do weird and wonderful things, they buy
Speaker 2: small amounts of stuff from Civvy Kit. There's also there's
Speaker 2: a companies like Brigantes, which are ex ray Marines set
Speaker 2: this up and what they do is they go to
Speaker 2: units and say, right, what's missing from your kit? What
Speaker 2: would you really like? Oh, you'd like a really lightweight
Speaker 2: mountain waterproof. And then they go to a company like Montane,
Speaker 2: who make civilian high performance mounting waterproof, and say, we
Speaker 2: want that jacket and those trousers, but I want them
Speaker 2: in this camouflage pattern instead of bright yellow, and we'll
Speaker 2: buy ten thousand units and they sell them on that way.
Speaker 2: So there is a kind of a crossover and you
Speaker 2: can buy this stuff, but it depends where you're going
Speaker 2: and what you're doing. But the kit is pretty good
Speaker 2: these days, although surplus. You don't get good stuff in
Speaker 2: surplus now because it tends to get shredded. Well, there
Speaker 2: was a period where isis were running around wearing army
Speaker 2: surplus kit because they were buying it here shipping it
Speaker 2: over there. Probably. Yeah, that's the thing when you're coming
Speaker 2: up against an enemy and you look in the back
Speaker 2: of the jacket and it's got bas was ere yes.
Speaker 1: Troop of snookes, magloof most of the most of the
Speaker 1: army now seems to be some sort of special forces
Speaker 1: or airborne. But callum, you were airborne? Am I correct?
Speaker 2: Insane? That's quite a good segue for you.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you. Tell me about how you joined
Speaker 1: the mile high club. The other.
Speaker 2: Man touch you in special places like France that.
Speaker 4: No one touched by joystick, no one looked at.
Speaker 1: Did he raise your flat?
Speaker 2: Did you do refueling.
Speaker 1: They're so ready that Did you do docking in the No?
Speaker 1: No docking? No?
Speaker 2: Did he fill your luggage compartments?
Speaker 1: Right now?
Speaker 2: Come on?
Speaker 1: Look, I was, I was, I just felt, you know,
Speaker 1: just slightly inadequate when you're suddenly said to me, oh,
Speaker 1: here I am flying to was it you went to?
Speaker 1: How did this come about?
Speaker 2: And what did you do?
Speaker 1: Basically I just did a booze cruise in the sky.
Speaker 1: Well he wasn't drinking and flying, was he?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: Is this the episode where Callum admits customers fraud?
Speaker 3: So you're allowed I don't know what you're allowed. Yes,
Speaker 3: then certain, you're allowed a certain amount, but I think
Speaker 3: anything anything more you end up having to declare whatever
Speaker 3: it is. But basically, in the next wait, what's the
Speaker 3: what's the solstice day? Twenty third? Comy first is twenty first.
Speaker 3: They go Sunday the twenty first, So on Sunday the
Speaker 3: twenty first, the people at North Wild Flying School are
Speaker 3: going to fly over to Epinay and then pick up champagne,
Speaker 3: fly back to North Wild and have a champagne festival
Speaker 3: at the Cartshed restaurant. So we're all just going to
Speaker 3: drink champagne.
Speaker 1: And what you have to do a reki.
Speaker 3: We had to do a w reki to work out
Speaker 3: we wanted to proper champagne like not there's so much
Speaker 3: a lot of champagne is just marketing bullocks, Yes, in
Speaker 3: a fizzy bottle, and that's where you're paying for You're
Speaker 3: paying expensive money for marketing hype. But some champagne, well
Speaker 3: quite a lot of champagne is delicious, and there is
Speaker 3: local growers and there's good people. So we went to
Speaker 3: Epinay and we tried lots of different champagnes and we
Speaker 3: picked some of our faves. And there's going to be
Speaker 3: like just seafood, there's going to be oysters and all
Speaker 3: sorts of fancy stuff.
Speaker 1: This is a ticket event.
Speaker 3: You can buy tickets if you If you do wish,
Speaker 3: we'll put that in the show notes.
Speaker 2: This sounds like a poor person events.
Speaker 3: It's very good. So you get three glasses of champagne.
Speaker 3: Tickets are thirty five quid. You get three thirty five
Speaker 3: pounds exactly. You get three glasses of champagne with your ticket,
Speaker 3: So that's a fifty meal thing.
Speaker 2: And do they just hand you three glasses immediately to
Speaker 2: say to deal with those?
Speaker 1: You get to try wherever you fancy, I think.
Speaker 3: And then you also get included in that ticket price,
Speaker 3: you get a ten pound food voucher.
Speaker 2: So it's basically free.
Speaker 1: So that's quick mass.
Speaker 2: That's quite a good deal in this day and age.
Speaker 2: How do you know, how does that sort of thing
Speaker 2: come about?
Speaker 4: Well, I know how much the champagne costs.
Speaker 3: So it is a very good deal because there is
Speaker 3: barely any money being made on that, because the champagne
Speaker 3: was quite expensive.
Speaker 2: Because we've got how much aviation for youel costs.
Speaker 3: Well, they all love it, didn't they, So that that's
Speaker 3: sort of their their investment. They'll pay for the jolly anyway,
Speaker 3: so it's not really on the extra.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's the plan.
Speaker 3: And I went for a reki, tried some champagnes out
Speaker 3: and some were delicious, some not so good. At one
Speaker 3: point I'm sitting in a fancy place and be like,
Speaker 3: I think this one tastes like piss.
Speaker 1: It's just like we we.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, we we yes.
Speaker 1: You see she agreed.
Speaker 4: It tastes like piss.
Speaker 1: Yeah, some of them. Some tastes like cider. They've got
Speaker 1: like a real sidery.
Speaker 3: Taste depends on not terrible grape varieties, sugar content added
Speaker 3: post how sweet the grapes are, and and yeah.
Speaker 1: There's lots of different ones. So yeah, we tried that.
Speaker 3: But light aircraft, so most people their response when I
Speaker 3: posted my Instagram story was essentially what are you doing?
Speaker 1: It does very very very swanky, Callum. I'll be honest, no,
Speaker 1: not that that was scared for me.
Speaker 2: It looks like he stolen it. That's the thing I.
Speaker 3: Mean that that that is.
Speaker 2: By asking GPT how do I lambers one two skylight?
Speaker 1: I was taking notes in the I reckon I'd have
Speaker 1: a guy, you know, I reckon.
Speaker 2: I all right, it's all in the flaps and the
Speaker 2: approach speed.
Speaker 1: James May is an amateur sort of pilot his n
Speaker 1: He's got a little error plane that he buzzes around in.
Speaker 1: And yes, it does seem to be the sort of
Speaker 1: preferred mode of transport for slightly eccentric Who your friend
Speaker 1: who owns this plane? Is he a James mate? Aren't character?
Speaker 3: It's William from the cart Shed? Who will I'm going
Speaker 3: to get him on as a guest, but just we
Speaker 3: did suggest doing a podcast, but then we ended up
Speaker 3: drinking champagne and it's quite loud in a cockpit, so
Speaker 3: that sort of didn't really work out.
Speaker 2: Dear listeners. When it comes to organizing a podcast guest,
Speaker 2: Callum is very good on the ideas thing, But then
Speaker 2: gets pissed and forgets to forget to actually do the podcast.
Speaker 1: This is about three in.
Speaker 2: Now he's done this on.
Speaker 1: This is if you do notice is this, dear listener,
Speaker 1: is that you'll notice that actually most of our guests
Speaker 1: come from Suffolk, so there was a reason for that.
Speaker 1: Let's call boys doing local exactly. And none of them
Speaker 1: can fly a plane.
Speaker 2: So yeah, but they do point at them as a
Speaker 2: fly past. Yeah, what's that doing that?
Speaker 4: Try and throw you know, some coppice hazel.
Speaker 1: Shit at them, God bloody ravens.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's faster than the steam engine.
Speaker 1: That'll never catch on.
Speaker 2: Trying to put a light aircraft in it in a trap,
Speaker 2: in a larceon trap, trying to attract another one in.
Speaker 3: So, light aircraft is a remarkable way to travel. Is
Speaker 3: it doesn't feel like you should be allowed to do it,
Speaker 3: like it does feel illegal. So you get in this
Speaker 3: sort of tiny little plane, which so the plane belongs
Speaker 3: to the flight school and you can basically just rent
Speaker 3: the plane, so you pay X amount per hour and
Speaker 3: the flight school maintained the plane. So it's very safe
Speaker 3: because they I think it's like every fifty hours it
Speaker 3: has to have a service and stuff, so it's a
Speaker 3: very safe way to travel. And then well, actually I
Speaker 3: checked the risk profile because you know, two kids at
Speaker 3: that also check my life insurance just to make sure.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure it was covered, but details the risk
Speaker 3: profile is the same essentially as riding a motorcycle.
Speaker 2: So really yeah, well depends where you're riding it. Paris,
Speaker 2: Paris Dakar is very different too.
Speaker 3: Yes, true is probably a bit harder and faster than
Speaker 3: the most but the main thing that can happen is
Speaker 3: engine failure. And you've got quite a good glide, so
Speaker 3: you go up to.
Speaker 2: Like five halfway across the channel before it happens.
Speaker 3: So when you basically you get slightly you get higher altitude.
Speaker 3: And I was like, how comes you go slightly higher
Speaker 3: when you go across the channel And he looks, he says, oh,
Speaker 3: well what happens is you know, see this line here,
Speaker 3: this is where we'll land if the engine cuts out. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so this is about where we are, So we're about halfway.
Speaker 3: This is where we're land and he said, see those
Speaker 3: oil tankers down there, like yeah, they're stopping. Distance is
Speaker 3: like four and a half miles or something ridiculous. So
Speaker 3: if you land anywhere near them. They're not going to
Speaker 3: pick you up. But if you can aim for the
Speaker 3: fishing boats over there, we should be all right, because
Speaker 3: once you send out the signal, the coastguard will say
Speaker 3: to all the fishing boats to come and pick you up.
Speaker 3: And you know, should we should we land in the sea.
Speaker 3: Put that life jacket on, now come and get you.
Speaker 2: And you said, did check out positivity of this?
Speaker 1: I know, isn't it?
Speaker 2: It's just I've done dunk tank training. It doesn't happen
Speaker 2: like that.
Speaker 1: No, No, I've done that. It's crap. Do you know?
Speaker 1: I can remember doing doing the dunk tank training module. Basically, Caaren,
Speaker 1: what they do is they make you sit in a
Speaker 1: simulation of a Puma helicopter. Oh and you have to
Speaker 1: u not the wild cat. No, no, they threw you in. Yes,
Speaker 1: you know, the initiation ceremonies my regiment were ridiculous. And
Speaker 1: you sit in a Puma helicopter simulator which basically looks
Speaker 1: like a gigantic oil drum, and you're sat in in
Speaker 1: seats that you would sit in in a Puma helicopter
Speaker 1: and you clip yourself in and then it lowers you
Speaker 1: into this very cold, very deep swimming pool, and then
Speaker 1: you're supposed to wait, and so you x exit this
Speaker 1: thing underwater in order so you don't just sort of
Speaker 1: all got once. You needs topposed to follow one after
Speaker 1: the other. And then it goes in, and then it
Speaker 1: turns you upside down with the lights on. And then
Speaker 1: the final time they dunk you in against you now
Speaker 1: know exactly what you're getting, and it feels like you're
Speaker 1: a million fathoms under the water. You're not, you're any
Speaker 1: sort of I got don't know how many foot it's
Speaker 1: not that far. But then they turn the lights out
Speaker 1: so it's pitch black, turn you upside down, and it
Speaker 1: is It's the closest I ever got to say I'm
Speaker 1: doing this.
Speaker 2: This is stupid, but it is stupid.
Speaker 1: But then you get out and you get given a certificate,
Speaker 1: and then they say, and by the way, if this
Speaker 1: happens for real life, none of this will happen because
Speaker 1: you'll die. And if you don't die immediately in the crash,
Speaker 1: you won't get out because you're going to have to
Speaker 1: go all the way to the bottom of Lockney, which
Speaker 1: is x fathoms deep, So therefore your ears will go
Speaker 1: pop and you'll die and if if you do get out,
Speaker 1: probably the swirling rotor will still chop your head off anyway.
Speaker 1: And you're thinking, I don't think I want to be
Speaker 1: in a helicopter crash, thank you very much, you know,
Speaker 1: so let's not do that. So you know, I do
Speaker 1: go on aeroplanes, but I don't think i'd like it.
Speaker 2: This is reassuring calum for next time. So if you
Speaker 2: do look like you're get a crash in the channel,
Speaker 2: just try try and suffocate yourself on a bag of
Speaker 2: peanuts or something before you get into the water.
Speaker 1: Quite take a Webley pistol with you and just said,
Speaker 1: what's that for? It's just a case with crash because
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be chopped in bits because Niggers
Speaker 1: told me that you're going We're going to die, because
Speaker 1: it's all right, we're just coasting. We're going to land
Speaker 1: on ben A Day beach. Thankfully.
Speaker 3: There's lots of coastguards knocking around in the channel at especial,
Speaker 3: especially on the French side.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't that be funny if you actually got rescued by
Speaker 1: a bunch of legals coming over and they had to
Speaker 1: put you on.
Speaker 3: I was thinking if I did go down, so I'll
Speaker 3: get back to it. But I saw I saw two migrant.
Speaker 1: Boats, did you yeah.
Speaker 3: And the French down the French coast guard, where I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, they're chasing them down, and then the
Speaker 3: pilot said, no, they're not chasing them down.
Speaker 1: They're escorting them to the border.
Speaker 3: And then once once they get past, the scooted them
Speaker 3: over the line. Once they get over the line, they say,
Speaker 3: you know, that's Narnia, your business, and then that's it done.
Speaker 3: But I thought to myself, if I did go down,
Speaker 3: all I'd have to do just ditch the passport and
Speaker 3: I get put up for like h I don't know.
Speaker 3: Maybe i'd do like seven nights at the Bell Hotel
Speaker 3: in Eppin up the road that's where they all go.
Speaker 1: That sounds quite nice, No, kids, can you imagine Kelly's face?
Speaker 1: Where have you been an illegal migrant getting I'm three
Speaker 1: meals a day.
Speaker 2: I'm now eritraying.
Speaker 1: I'm kind of the kingpin of a gang, and.
Speaker 2: Don't ruin this for me.
Speaker 1: I'm really big n Eritrayer.
Speaker 2: I'm also addicted to cats.
Speaker 3: I can get you lots of things, and I know
Speaker 3: really good hummus recipe like, if you get me some chickpeas,
Speaker 3: you're gonna have the hummus for your life.
Speaker 2: The Green Party and now just made you the mayor
Speaker 2: of Epping.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, lived like a local.
Speaker 2: He's examined the cost benefit analysis of this. It looks
Speaker 2: like it's a better option than that.
Speaker 1: I just thought a free hotel stace sounds quite nice.
Speaker 1: You went on a champagne booze cruise and a private
Speaker 1: aircraft and you came back an eritrean refugee. I mean,
Speaker 1: if that isn't the plot for a BBC one drama,
Speaker 1: I do not know what is Pitch.
Speaker 2: Brown for us.
Speaker 3: I thought it would make a good novel for a
Speaker 3: person that sort of hit their head, didn't realize where
Speaker 3: they came from, and then slowly pieced back together their
Speaker 3: former life when they when they you know, when they
Speaker 3: heard gunshots, they realized that all the other refugees were
Speaker 3: scared of them, and and you just wanted to get
Speaker 3: in a beat in line and shout.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yay. You're like, ah, maybe I
Speaker 1: was from another life. Don't worry, don't worry. I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: I'm getting clawed to write the book about it right now.
Speaker 3: I'm going for volume rather than anything else.
Speaker 2: Like Jason Jason Board, except as a gamekeeper.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a game like Jason Bourne.
Speaker 3: The gamekeeper sort of wakes up, doesn't know where he is,
Speaker 3: a bit like Taken or something like that. You know,
Speaker 3: wakes up, doesn't know where he is. He's got a
Speaker 3: very special set of skills that slowly.
Speaker 2: Carry four bags of wheat at the same time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: He knows.
Speaker 4: He knows how to protect, you know, protect grand nest.
Speaker 1: And birds, and he's.
Speaker 4: Got a compulsion to do it. It's not like the
Speaker 4: other refugees exactly.
Speaker 1: Yes, Rather than just because of catching carp randomly of
Speaker 1: river banks, you're trying to conserve them.
Speaker 4: This I could start littering, but this isn't good for
Speaker 4: the environment.
Speaker 2: On the on the way home today, I saw something
Speaker 2: and it made me immediately think of calump It was
Speaker 2: outside a pub somewhere in Queen's Ferry, sort of on
Speaker 2: the edge of the where we're all becomes.
Speaker 1: Northwest Pigeons because I don't do that.
Speaker 2: No, it was several quite nice looking vans and minibuses,
Speaker 2: all with monster carp tours all the way down the side.
Speaker 2: What's this just like mini busting over to the continent
Speaker 2: for carp fishing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you get loads of that. I might even know.
Speaker 1: Let me search Monster carp Tours.
Speaker 2: Is that a think?
Speaker 1: Yeah, so basically you play.
Speaker 3: I am not that big a fan of so I
Speaker 3: don't mind going cart fishing, but I would not like
Speaker 3: to go to a giant lake and sit there for
Speaker 3: like a week on the same place now drinking, Yeah,
Speaker 3: drinking stubbies and getting melted by the sun. Like that's
Speaker 3: how you catch seventy eighty ninety pound carp if that's
Speaker 3: what you what you want to do.
Speaker 1: But I like the adventure personally.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Monster cart tours Yeah, white and Green, great big bands.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just there was a huge fleet of them.
Speaker 2: I was looking at, going how much money is in
Speaker 2: this carpink?
Speaker 3: So they are so wants to carp tours are actually
Speaker 3: hiring the vans so you can go abroad.
Speaker 2: So was the self drive car holidays. Yeah. Also it
Speaker 2: says he if you just do that with any vide bus,
Speaker 2: surely now.
Speaker 1: But they a lot of a lot of mini bus
Speaker 1: driver operators are very very dubious about lots of people
Speaker 1: in camouflage kit covered in slime using their kit.
Speaker 2: I'm going over to France with the champagne.
Speaker 3: If you're a fan that already stinks like boilies, you
Speaker 3: go to that that guy and you could only get
Speaker 3: it smelling better.
Speaker 1: Talking about fishing, Talking about fishing, I did a talk
Speaker 1: with Mike Warner sometimes of this parish about fishing and
Speaker 1: the land of the Suffolk Show. And I'll tell you
Speaker 1: what he did, a brilliant passions of what's your passion
Speaker 1: for seafood? Passion for seafood? He did a brilliant thing.
Speaker 1: What he did was he went there with my cousin
Speaker 1: Gary and a few other people, and quite rightly, they
Speaker 1: went to the Suffolk Show, and bearing in mind we
Speaker 1: are very much a coastal county as well as an
Speaker 1: agricultural county, he went there and he showcased the fishing fleet,
Speaker 1: what's left of it in Suffolk and what you we
Speaker 1: catch off our coast. And he got Gary to go
Speaker 1: and sort of make nets and talk to people about
Speaker 1: what it is like being a professional fisherman. And it
Speaker 1: went down an absolute storm. And here and Mike and
Speaker 1: I did a quick talk in the cla stand on
Speaker 1: the second day of the show. On the in the afternoon,
Speaker 1: and it was really reassuring to see just how engaged
Speaker 1: people were, because I think it's a funny old thing.
Speaker 1: We think about the countryside, and you always think about leafy,
Speaker 1: don't you, But then the countryside is we've got a
Speaker 1: massive coastline, miles of coastline we've got, but that is
Speaker 1: still a rural community trying to go and earn living
Speaker 1: from its harvest, which is from the sea. And I
Speaker 1: think it's really good what he did, and he went
Speaker 1: down the storm.
Speaker 2: That was a good thing. Yeah, this is the thing
Speaker 2: I've often said about the the ruralness of coastlines and
Speaker 2: sort it gets forgotten.
Speaker 1: How many miles of coastline have we got? Do you know?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Don't do this. I know what you're about to do.
Speaker 1: What is he googling it?
Speaker 2: No, it's worse. He's going to do some sort of
Speaker 2: chaos theory fractaling things.
Speaker 3: Basically, basically impossible to work out how much coastline Britain
Speaker 3: has got because it's so jaggedy, and obviously the tide
Speaker 3: happens and it makes it more jaggedy. The chances of
Speaker 3: getting anywhere close to accurate figure for the coastline is
Speaker 3: basically impossible because you sort of draw quite straight line
Speaker 3: and don't make up how it is, and it works
Speaker 3: out at like X number of miles. And then when
Speaker 3: you go slightly find a detail and you draw instead
Speaker 3: of like one mile lines, you go down to like
Speaker 3: one hundred meter lines that go in straight you get
Speaker 3: like a massive amount more coastline, and then it forever
Speaker 3: changes and you can't work out where tides go or
Speaker 3: anything like that. So working out how long the British
Speaker 3: coastline is it's basically an impossible task.
Speaker 1: You could just go insane trying to figure it out.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't bother.
Speaker 1: Do you think the flat earthers don't believe in tide?
Speaker 1: Because I mean I've never actually believe in time tides. Tide,
Speaker 1: Oh tides, Oh yes, tides, yes times. No, because let's
Speaker 1: be perfectly honest, the old flat earth. I've never met
Speaker 1: a flat earth, I'll be honest, and I only believe.
Speaker 1: I only believe the chem people exist on the Internet.
Speaker 1: I think they're just no on my local pub was
Speaker 1: spray painted with the words look up in the sky.
Speaker 4: They're spraying us like bugs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, using paint.
Speaker 3: Yeah, probably sniffed the rest.
Speaker 1: Do you know what the best thing is?
Speaker 3: Anyone I've met there's like a big conspiracy theory and
Speaker 3: believes that like people are poisoning us and stuff. I
Speaker 3: know that they've spent quite a lot of their time
Speaker 3: using drugs, so they've put so so many narcotics a
Speaker 3: dangerous thing in their body. They're like, no, I won't
Speaker 3: have a vaccine, not a chance. So do you know
Speaker 3: what's in it? And I think, hey, I've seen you
Speaker 3: take a peal that you don't even know what it is.
Speaker 3: You found it on the floor. Oh see, you take
Speaker 3: something out of a pez dispenser that you didn't know
Speaker 3: what it was.
Speaker 1: What it's rugby? And you won't have a vaccine?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: In case Bill Gates is tracking your thoughts. You ain't
Speaker 1: had an independent thought in your life. You only think
Speaker 1: about footboard tits. Can't believe you've alienated all the forestry
Speaker 1: boys now, because you know, aren't they into flat earth
Speaker 1: and no tides in chem trials.
Speaker 2: I was with a load of forestry people this weekend.
Speaker 2: Yeah that's a bit blue Peter, isn't it. Well really,
Speaker 2: I was with some forestry went to the agricultural Society
Speaker 2: Felling Competition.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, this is.
Speaker 2: We've got the Royal World Show, which is in a
Speaker 2: few weeks. It's normally the week before the game fare.
Speaker 2: But there aren't any trees at the camp around a
Speaker 2: bill Wells because the've already cut them all down, so
Speaker 2: you have to have the felling competition a few weeks beforehand.
Speaker 2: And it's this year is up in the North Wales,
Speaker 2: so it's not far from here. And we had one
Speaker 2: of our patrons competing and come all the way on
Speaker 2: his own, so we went along to sort of heckle,
Speaker 2: I mean support him from.
Speaker 1: The what did you call it wood wood sport or something?
Speaker 4: Is timber not wood sports?
Speaker 1: Don't google that.
Speaker 2: I think you both really enjoy it so much. Well, Richard,
Speaker 2: you're eligible to enter. We can enter next year with
Speaker 2: your chainsaw tickets. Shall we do that? Shall we do that? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Can I be like motivational? I haven't got any change.
Speaker 1: You to do commentary on a loudspeaker. I think it'd
Speaker 1: be brilliant Calm doing the commentary.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, yes, Calumber without any briefing, just having to
Speaker 2: work out what's going on.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, he's swinging in the tree. It looks
Speaker 3: like he's gonna cut it.
Speaker 1: Let's go tree.
Speaker 2: That's a chainsaw.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you've goaw smaller than the other guys.
Speaker 1: Chainsaw. What's that going to mean?
Speaker 2: It's bas the pills, isn't it. You've got to drop
Speaker 2: a tree bang on exactly or millimeter perfect and get
Speaker 2: it the right height and the accuracy of your cut
Speaker 2: is marked. And then you've got to do some cross
Speaker 2: cutting where you've got to do two cuts into a
Speaker 2: log and they've got to meet up in the middle.
Speaker 2: And then there's another one where you've got to cross
Speaker 2: cut something on the floor and cut through almost all
Speaker 2: the way through but leaving the minimum amounts and then
Speaker 2: not hitting the floor with your chain. And there's my
Speaker 2: favorite competition, which is changing a chainsaw chain on time,
Speaker 2: which I think is quite a cool little thing because
Speaker 2: you just go to a tabletop and right and go
Speaker 2: and take off all the take off all the broad
Speaker 2: the breaking things, take the bar off, flip it over
Speaker 2: the other way around, put a new chain on, put
Speaker 2: reattach it and then done.
Speaker 1: It's like, do you know what I would do? I would,
Speaker 1: for a laugh, go there with and with a battery
Speaker 1: powered chainsaw and a chain that's really blunt. So when
Speaker 1: everyone else is the gang and they're having an argument
Speaker 1: whether husky or steel is best, I would go with
Speaker 1: a Maquisa electric saw and a chain that literally you
Speaker 1: could lick and it wouldn't draw blood, and go there
Speaker 1: and start sort of vigorously soaring back. And we did it.
Speaker 1: What what's what are you sneering at me?
Speaker 2: For?
Speaker 1: What stops throwing helmets at me?
Speaker 2: You've changed from England.
Speaker 1: Sop it.
Speaker 2: Two of the more competitive lads they were from Norfolk
Speaker 2: Garum trees and we've got some gar I think in
Speaker 2: our audience, So yes, some of that lot. But there's
Speaker 2: a question has arisen for you, Richard this yes, which
Speaker 2: is I've been told to ask you. Do you drink
Speaker 2: your port with your foot up on a chair? Well
Speaker 2: because of the gout? Well no, no, no, no, I
Speaker 2: die don't.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: Why not?
Speaker 1: It's a guards thing apparently, No, I don't do that.
Speaker 1: That's ustly ridiculous. What I do have, obviously is dry
Speaker 1: toast with every meal, because that's a regis position. But no, no,
Speaker 1: and I sit down for the French national anthem, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: but no I do beat them, yes, exactly.
Speaker 2: Isn't something to do with that you were going to
Speaker 2: ride into battle and then you realize they hadn't finished
Speaker 2: toasting the toasting so they had to they were drinking
Speaker 2: the pause whilst a foot of bit of stirrup.
Speaker 1: That is certainly something I have never come across, and
Speaker 1: not one we do. We have many questions answered. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so no is the short answer. But you know in
Speaker 1: the Nathy anything goes, so yeah, it might be all right.
Speaker 1: So any road after sure, after show, I think is
Speaker 1: essential because poor Amy has got to edit all this
Speaker 1: nonsensical nonsense into some relevant sort of form of understandable.
Speaker 1: And yes, so let's do that. So what are we
Speaker 1: going to make Callum do a noise? For? I know
Speaker 1: what we ought to do. Make him do a noise
Speaker 1: like the glide on a on a light aircraft that
Speaker 1: the calculations were completely out and he's now plummeting straight
Speaker 1: down into the path of an oncoming illegal immigrants.
Speaker 2: Vote Callan does that? And will you and I do
Speaker 2: the black box recording? Oh my god, we're gonna die.
Speaker 1: I long to die like this. Oh God, that the
Speaker 1: excellent
Speaker 2: Valdis is going to run us over