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Speaker 1: Welcome back, besties. It's me. We're on the mend Listen.

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Am I doing great? Guys? Am I ever doing great? Actually?

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I'm doing alright. I really am doing alright. I you

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know that forgiveness ritual I told you guys, But actually

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I can't just jump right into this. Hold on a second.

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I gotta promote my show. Sometimes I forget I'm a

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stand up comedian and you guys too too, because I'm

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barely on the road. But I have Raleigh on June

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seventeenth in Nashville on the eighteenth, June seventeenth, June eighteenth, Raleigh, Nashville, respectively.

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Please come. My tickets are on my site at Brittany

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Schmidt dot com. I would love to see you guys

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out there. I don't know if I know how to

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do comedy. I don't know what I'm gonna talk about,

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but we'll figure it out together. Okay. I hope to

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see you guys on the road. Okay, back to me,

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enough about my career. Back to my mental health illness. Yeah,

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I'm okay, So i I'll be honest. Ever since Biggie died,

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I've really been exercising something that I learned in La

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and not LA. Well, I guess LA, but AA. One

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of my friends in AA always used to say, you

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can't hit a moving target, which means your depression and

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your anxiety and everything can't catch up to you if

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you keep moving. And I think there's a lot of

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validity in that. Grief is kind of what I was

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running away from this time though. And here's the thing.

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You can't hit a moving target. I have been moving

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so fast since my little angel baby went to the

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next realm, to the better realm, I have been moving

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so fast. I've been doing so much. I've been so productive.

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I've been working out, I've been traveling, I've been rah

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rah rah, and it's been really, really nice. But what's

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been happening is this sort of underlying rage. Like this rage,

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I've been talking about it like it just pops its

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head up all of a sudden and I'll just like snap,

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And I've been snapping at Max and I've been biting

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at people, and I just am like, this is not

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who I am, This is not who I identify as.

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So I can't keep running away from this, like I can't.

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I can't run long enough, hard enough, fast enough for

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this to not catch up to me eventually. So yesterday

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I did a hypnotherapy session and I have this wonderful

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hypnotherapist in she's in LA but we do Zoom sessions

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and if you ever want to do any of her sessions,

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she has them. They can be all on Zoom. And

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she is so efficient and so effective and I love

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her madly. Ironically, her site is called Love Yourself Madly,

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Like that's her whole thing, and it's it does not

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matter what you need to talk about. It's not traditional

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talk therapy in that like what's wrong? Was it your

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mom who caused this problem? Was it your dad? Was

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it your sibling? Was it that time you got thrown

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into a dumpster by your best like do? We don't

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do that stuff. We talk more like high level. We

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usually talk about career and love and life and how

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we're feeling spiritually, and it's much more of it's not

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like fluffier, but it's much lighter usually, But we have

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had a few sessions where we get into the weeds,

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because how we act as people is always dictated by

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our experiences and how they're sitting within us. Right, if

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we don't let pain or trauma move through our body,

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then it stays in our body, and so I didn't

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really give myself a chance to let this pain move

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through my body. I was just I've had my blinders

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on you guys. I've been like, I gotta do this,

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i gotta launch a patreonic, I'm gonna do cameos. Now,

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I'm gonna do this. Like the stuff you're seeing me

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do online is a fraction of what I'm doing behind

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closed doors. My life used to be pretty laxadaisical. I

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would wake up, meditate, drink some water, read a book,

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go to pilates. Ladi dai dadi da was my life. Okay,

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that was my life. But now I'm like, bitch, you

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got to work like that's the only thing that's going

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to keep me from like sinking into the deepest, darkest

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depression of my life. So that's what I've been doing,

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and honestly, you guys, it does make me feel really good.

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I love working. I'm a hard worker. I've always been

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raised to work. I literally started working when I was

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ten years old. My mom had a real estate company

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and she would make me telemarket Can you imagine a

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ten year old telemarketing for real estate. I was like, hi,

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my name is Brittany, and do you want to refinance

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your house? They're like, uh, how old are you? Well?

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I was like, I don't even know what the word

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refinance means, but do you want to refinance your house?

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And then here was the trick. She didn't pay me

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hourly for this work, so I just had to cold

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call as a ten year old. That was cold calling.

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And I would only get paid if someone refinanced their house.

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And I would get paid one hundred dollars if someone

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refinanced their house. Child labor at its finest, But she

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should put that money in my savings account, my college

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savings account, which on my eighteenth birthday she stole from me.

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So listen, I never got the money. I still my

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mom still owes me money. But I love working. I've

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always loved working. I think one of the things I

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find the most challenging about being in comedy and being

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my own boss and having to like self not self regulate,

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but you know, be in charge of my own schedule

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is that if I don't have someone breathing down my

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neck being like you gotta fucking do this, bitch, then

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I oftentimes don't do it. You know, I'm like, if

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I can just like Ski de Dee de d through life,

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I will. But Biggie's death really put the foot on

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my fucking neck to be like, all right, let's go,

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let's do all the things we've been saying we were

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gonna do, and like actually fucking do them. So I've

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been doing that and then I got into my hypnotherapy

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session yesterday and she's like, how are you? And I

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was like, I'm not good. Biggie died, but you know,

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I have this going on. I have this going on.

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I have this going on. And she's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, reverse,

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what do you mean Biggie died? Like what you can't

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just say that so nonchalant, And I'm like, I don't.

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I can't talk about it, Like I literally can't talk

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about it. And then what we ended up doing is

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that forgiveness ritual, And so this works for all different things.

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The forgiveness ritual that I told you guys about the

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other week, where you envision a person, place, or thing

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and you say I'm angry, that I'm sad, that I'm

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accepting that I'm in denial that like, and you just

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let it go. I was just ah, like scream crying

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like I'm in denial that I'm never gonna get to

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cuddle them again. I'm in denial it. He's not gonna

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crawl under my bed sheets. I'm in denialot, he's not

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gonna wake me up by stepping on my face accidentally,

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when he's trying to go get water. I'm in And

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I just let it rip, like I was so. I

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had so much sadness inside of me, and I still do.

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It's not gone. It's just like when you're able to

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articulate it and move through it, it really moves things

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in your body, you know, Like I've just been holding

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on to this grief that has turned into two anger,

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you know. And and I don't want to be an

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angry person. You know, I don't want to listen. I

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struggle enough with my mental health. We all know that. Like,

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I don't want to be somebody who, on top of that,

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is angry. I've never identified as angry. I don't have

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a short temper. I'm not a nasty person. If you

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push my buttons, sure i'll fucking snap. Sure I'll fucking

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say some nasty stuff. And here's the thing about me,

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I am fifty percent my mother all we do our

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whole lives is try to be nothing like our parents.

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And then one day you wake up and you look

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in the mirror and I'm like, I'm fifty percent mom,

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and I'm fifty percent Dad. And I got the good

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stuff and I got the bad stuff. But I am

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their stuff. And that's why I am the way I am.

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You know, So I you know I'm I can be

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a nasty bitch. My mom was a nasty bitch. Like

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my mom could meet you for forty five seconds, figure

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out the things you hated the most about yourself. She

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would storm in the fucking chamber for whenever you pissed

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her off, and then she would just hurl those epithets

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and she would just fucking ruin not only your day,

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your life. The insult she would say were they would

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sit in your soul until the day you died. That's

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how powerful she was at insulting people. That is a superpower,

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not one that anyone really wants or needs, if I'm

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being honest, but it is a superpower, like I remember

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one day. So, I don't know if I've ever really

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talked about my ex stepmom on here. I don't think

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I have my dad married another woman for like fifteen

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years or I don't know how many years. It was

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way too many years, because she was an alcoholic bridge troll,

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and that is what my mom called her. One day,

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my mom was mad at her and she so she

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was short. She was the ex step mom was short.

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She was like five two. She had big eighties hair,

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an orange tan. She looked like Donald Trump. And she

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was a drunk like not like oh, cuty, cutesy, lay

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down in the middle of the yard, naked drunk like

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any time we lost her, we knew she was naked

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and passed out somewhere like that kind of drunk, like

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she would fall asleep on a floor in the middle

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of a party, like a drug like. She would come

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home from the bar and drive her car through the

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garage door, not the garage door, like the up and

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down garage door, the door that went from the house

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the garage to the house, like like her pontiac grandam

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would be in the kitchen like this kind of drunk,

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like dragged down, nasty, nasty, little drunk. And my mom

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one day just snapped on her and was like, you

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little alcoholic bridge troll. Ah. She never recovered to this day.

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She never recovered. I don't talk to her. We haven't

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spoken in ten years. But I mean until the day

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she walked out of the door and never came back again.

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She would say, can you believe your mother called me

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a data? And me and my dad would just look

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at each other and laugh because she was right. My

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mom was always always right. She would say the most

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horrifying thing, but she was never wrong. And you know,

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I don't know where I was going with this other

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than I can be really nasty and I don't want

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to be an angry person anymore, you know, And so

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losing a pet is the worst thing in the world.

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I've talked about it already. There's nothing worse. But I

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don't want it to like fun fundamentally change me as

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a person, make me cold and hard and sad and angry,

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Like I just need to move through it. And so

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I did that forgiveness ritual with my hypnotherapist, and you guys,

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I just felt so much lighter. And I'm going to

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be sad for the rest of time, probably in some

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small portion. There are certain losses you have in life

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where people say time heals everything, and it doesn't. It

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really doesn't. It doesn't make anything better. It makes it

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less potent, it makes it less like, Oh, that happened

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two weeks ago, and it's still so fresh in my mind.

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But there are times when you lose a piece of

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your heart and you never get it back. And that's

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what growing up is, and that's what the pleasure of

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growing old is. It's every time you experience there's different

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tiers of pain in our life, right and you experience

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one tier of grief and you're like, Oh, it can't

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get worse than this, and then something else happens and

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then you're like, oh, it can't get worse than this,

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and then something else happens and you're like, I guess

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it's just going to keep getting worse forever because this

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pain is insurmountable. It is so so much so it's

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so it's just I my heart goes out to any

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of you if you're going through anything right now, whether

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it is a divorce, a loss of a loved one,

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a loss of a pet, a loss of a parent.

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I know Mother's Day was yesterday if you And this

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is another thing, like I do really feel like there

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should be like a mass unsubscribed button for people without

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mothers on Mother's Day because it is so torturous and like,

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I'm very at peace with the loss of my mom.

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I love her so much more in her death than

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I could in her life. I understand her on a

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cellular level now I have done so much healing and

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I'm obsessed with her and I think she's the baddest bitch.

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But in this life, she was just a bitch, you know.

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In this life, she was just a hurt tormented Like

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she reminded me of like a rabid you know, like

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a stray animal backed into the corner of a barn.

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Like that's how she always was. Like but yeah, because

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she was. She was coming from a place where she

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had been hurt so unbelievably in her life. She didn't

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know how to deal with it. She didn't know how

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to articulate it. But I mean, I don't know where

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00:12:51,039 --> 00:12:52,919
I was going with that other than like I love

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00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,039
my mom. Oh, that's where I was going Mother's Day.

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I really just feel like people without Mom should be

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able to let companies know, like, don't send me this

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00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:03,360
four hundred times. I'm getting text I'm getting emails, I'm

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00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,200
getting all this onslaught of like make sure your mom

247
00:13:06,279 --> 00:13:10,840
gets a present like her gift. What was her death?

248
00:13:11,120 --> 00:13:13,600
She's out of here, you know. She got one last

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gift and it was right between her eyes. You guys,

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00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:21,159
I shouldn't say that our sponsor this week is Berber Haircare.

251
00:13:21,279 --> 00:13:27,120
You guys. I am constantly in a little oil day,

252
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253
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I can't even tell you. And I know a lot

254
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of you guys are like, we see your hair up,

255
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,200
and can we see it down? Sure? Fine, I'll get

256
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a blowout and I'll show you how nice it is.

257
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But I can tell you that my hairdresser last time

258
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I was in LA was like, holy shit, your hair's back,

259
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And yes, it has been nine months of consistent use.

260
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264
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to the tip. And it's great. I don't know what

265
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else to say. It's great. You derma roll your hair,

266
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you put it in. If you leave it in overnight,

267
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that's ideal. I've been leaving it in for like two days.

268
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I don't know, I don't I just love it. I

269
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love it. My hair is so soft and so silky smooth,

270
00:14:17,279 --> 00:14:19,919
and it's getting so strong, and I love it so much,

271
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and I hope you guys love it as much as

272
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I do. Please go to Burber dot com br bur

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dot com and use the code Brit for fifteen percent

277
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off your first order. Thank me later, you guys. Another

278
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sponsor of our show this week is Happy Caps Happy

279
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Caps Wellness. Mushrooms are listen. They're they're making a wave.

280
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They're making a wave in the in the wellness community.

281
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,759
I know a lot of people that are ditching their

282
00:14:54,759 --> 00:14:57,919
antidepressants for micro do saying I'm not one of them.

283
00:14:58,039 --> 00:14:59,759
I can't say that. I honestly am one of them.

284
00:14:59,759 --> 00:15:01,480
You you know, when I become one of them, I'll

285
00:15:01,519 --> 00:15:03,480
tell you. I'm always honest with you, guys, I always

286
00:15:03,519 --> 00:15:08,399
tell you everything. But if if a little psychedelic adventure

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is in your future, please go to Happy Caps dot com.

288
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293
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it's HCW twenty And you guys will really enjoy the ride,

294
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:35,000
whether it's a micro ride or a macro ride. You're

295
00:15:35,039 --> 00:15:39,360
going to the moon, besties, Okay, love you by. It's

296
00:15:39,399 --> 00:15:42,799
funny how much, well, it's not funny as an understandable.

297
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,519
How much suicide really bothers people? It really does. It

298
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:49,039
really doesn't sit well in anyone's soul. When anyone commits suicide.

299
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They're like, you're not supposed to do that. But I'm like,

300
00:15:51,679 --> 00:15:54,480
I hate it when people are like I don't understand.

301
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,840
I don't understand why anyone would ever commit suicide. It's like,

302
00:15:57,919 --> 00:16:01,720
really you don't. Are you not paying attention? I say

303
00:16:01,799 --> 00:16:03,720
this at shows now, I'm like, who here has never

304
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:08,480
considered suicide? You know? People raise their hand. There was

305
00:16:08,519 --> 00:16:09,840
this one woman the other day that I was like,

306
00:16:09,879 --> 00:16:11,399
what do you do? She's like, I'm a single mom,

307
00:16:11,519 --> 00:16:14,120
and I'm like, you've never thought of it. You've never

308
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:17,080
thought of it. I mean, just another woman was just like,

309
00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:19,320
I've never thought of it. I work at a museum,

310
00:16:19,399 --> 00:16:21,480
and I was like, you've never thought about it. You've

311
00:16:21,519 --> 00:16:24,759
never looked around and been like, Wow, people really respect

312
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:27,080
the dead more than the living. I could become a relic.

313
00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:29,399
I could get the fuck out of here, but no,

314
00:16:29,559 --> 00:16:32,159
I mean kudos to people who haven't, because I really

315
00:16:32,279 --> 00:16:35,159
never had until like my late twenties. My depression didn't

316
00:16:35,159 --> 00:16:38,360
set in until I quit drinking. And when I quit drinking,

317
00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:41,919
that's when the floodgates opened, and it was depression and

318
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:45,360
anxiety and all these feelings that I never could articulate

319
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,480
or even really understand. I had because I had been

320
00:16:47,559 --> 00:16:51,720
self medicating, and guess what, the medication works. I hate

321
00:16:51,759 --> 00:16:53,480
when people are like, you can't just drink your way

322
00:16:53,519 --> 00:16:56,320
through you can. You can drink your way through everything

323
00:16:56,799 --> 00:16:59,279
until you can't until it stops working. But for some

324
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,840
people it never stops working. It never stops working. You know,

325
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,359
like my dad, if he took a few days off

326
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,640
from having beers, some big feelings might catch up to him,

327
00:17:10,039 --> 00:17:12,559
but he doesn't, and so he's just the happiest dude ever.

328
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,799
He works hard, he drinks, beers, he fishes, he hunts,

329
00:17:15,839 --> 00:17:19,319
and he fucking is super happy. And also, my dad

330
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,519
is down in Florida now, which is amazing, you guys,

331
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,319
It's very exciting. I love having him here. I cooked

332
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,680
him dinner the other night. He's working on Max's bagel shop.

333
00:17:31,039 --> 00:17:34,720
We are going deep sea fishing this weekend. Like, I

334
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,599
just love having my dad here. He's the best dude

335
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:42,759
in the whole world. And when we're gonna figure out

336
00:17:42,799 --> 00:17:44,680
a time, excuse me, we're going to figure out a

337
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,400
time for him to come back on the podcast. And also,

338
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:47,960
I saw a lot of you guys wanted me to

339
00:17:48,039 --> 00:17:51,640
have my sister. Excuse me, I have burpies wanted to

340
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,519
have my sister on the podcast. I love my sister

341
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,480
so so much. She's so smart, you guys. Listen to this.

342
00:17:57,079 --> 00:18:00,480
Her company, So she's working for a private, private company.

343
00:18:00,759 --> 00:18:04,920
She's one of nine people, and this company is working

344
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:09,240
on a drug to cure guaucoma. And they've had a

345
00:18:09,319 --> 00:18:14,119
ton of success. And her company, it was just in

346
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:19,839
the Wall Street Journal, just got bought for two point

347
00:18:20,039 --> 00:18:27,599
four five billion dollars. I'm sorry, what, I'm sorry? What

348
00:18:28,599 --> 00:18:31,359
is she officially the coolest person in her family. Absolutely.

349
00:18:31,519 --> 00:18:34,319
I was like, Wow, she really came from behind and

350
00:18:35,519 --> 00:18:39,680
became the coolest, Like that is insane. You none of

351
00:18:39,799 --> 00:18:41,759
us know anything about science. Fine, I'm not gonna put

352
00:18:41,759 --> 00:18:43,640
that on you. Guys. Maybe you know something about science,

353
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:47,240
but you if you could imagine how unbelievably successful this

354
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,440
drug must be that they think it's worth right now

355
00:18:50,559 --> 00:18:52,799
before it even hit the market two point four or

356
00:18:52,839 --> 00:18:58,200
five billion dollars. My sister's so fucking cool, Are you

357
00:18:58,319 --> 00:19:01,039
kidding me? She's one of nine people working on that drug,

358
00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,240
testing that drug, making that drug a real thing, and

359
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:10,200
she's gonna get pipe. That's fucking rat so exciting. But yeah,

360
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:12,160
so my dad's here. I saw you on Around the podcast.

361
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,039
My sister's a very private person. She really doesn't like

362
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,680
being a part of this life that I've created for myself.

363
00:19:19,079 --> 00:19:21,160
You know, even when I shot my special in Chicago,

364
00:19:21,319 --> 00:19:23,319
I had like a dad cam where you know, my

365
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,680
dad was in the picture, my sister was sitting right

366
00:19:25,759 --> 00:19:27,519
next to him, and so for some of the shots

367
00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:29,160
she was in there, and I was like, is it

368
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,400
okay you like stay in these shots? And she's like please, no,

369
00:19:32,599 --> 00:19:34,319
Like she just is a very private person. And I

370
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:38,039
really respect that, Like she literally like has a beautiful

371
00:19:38,079 --> 00:19:41,279
cabin in the woods and like horses and chickens and dogs,

372
00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:43,799
and like she lives the life that I wish I

373
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,480
could live. Like I wish you guys so badly. I

374
00:19:46,559 --> 00:19:48,640
could just move to the woods. I keep journaling about

375
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,359
this every morning in my morning pages. I'm like, could

376
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,519
I just move to a log cabin? Like, could I

377
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,400
actually do this? Because when I was growing up, we

378
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,079
had a cabin in Eagle River, Wisconsin, And every time

379
00:19:58,119 --> 00:19:59,920
I went up there, it was the happiest I ever wrot.

380
00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:02,640
I was never happier. I would go on the hammock,

381
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,240
I would read Harry Potter. I would come in, we'd

382
00:20:05,319 --> 00:20:09,039
cook a meal, i'd eat, I'd play scravel, and then

383
00:20:09,079 --> 00:20:11,160
we'd go to bed and do it all over again.

384
00:20:11,279 --> 00:20:13,160
And it was kind of creepy, but it was really

385
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:18,920
fun and like rustic and charming and peaceful. I just

386
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:22,920
fear with everything technology, we're just getting too far away

387
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,000
from what we're supposed to be doing here, and one

388
00:20:25,079 --> 00:20:27,119
day we're all just gonna be reclusive and weird, and

389
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,759
we're not gonna have communication skills and we're not gonna

390
00:20:29,759 --> 00:20:31,759
have a tan our skin's all gonna be white and

391
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,880
strange and see through and not if you follow my

392
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,759
skin caroutine. But I don't know. I'm just worried for us, guys.

393
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:42,480
I'm worried for us as a as a society that

394
00:20:42,519 --> 00:20:44,480
we're not headed in the right direction. I feel a

395
00:20:44,519 --> 00:20:48,799
little scared. But I'm trying to be more optimistic lately. Okay,

396
00:20:48,839 --> 00:20:51,640
I'm still practicing my gratitude list. I'm still very grateful.

397
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,160
Everything's good and nothing matters because we're all gonna die.

398
00:20:56,279 --> 00:21:01,119
See how quickly I just snap back into my old self. Okay.

399
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:06,279
So I want to get into something and I don't

400
00:21:06,319 --> 00:21:07,920
want to get into it for the same reasons I've

401
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,400
gotten into it before. Because I am at the point

402
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:14,799
with this now where we're done, we're moving on, and

403
00:21:15,039 --> 00:21:17,680
now is the time where we reflect and we look

404
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,200
at the lessons we can learn and the things we

405
00:21:20,319 --> 00:21:24,319
can take away from situations that made us uncomfortable. I

406
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,920
will go into this by first saying I was very,

407
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:32,319
very very activated by the hell fire acid bath that

408
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:36,279
went on with these designers. I have never, out of respect,

409
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:40,519
ever said their names. However, they did have a lawyer

410
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,720
send me a letter saying that I said it over

411
00:21:43,799 --> 00:21:46,079
and over again, question Mark, and I have it. But

412
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,599
now I'm going to because there's nothing against the law.

413
00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,160
There's nothing legally that says I can't, you know, speak

414
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,039
freely about a design firm that I've had issues with

415
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,599
or a company in general that I've had issues with.

416
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:05,839
So they're called jaw Renovations, and they're run by a

417
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:10,119
woman named Whitney and a man named Jordan. And I

418
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,359
know they're watching the pod, so HI like and subscribe.

419
00:22:14,079 --> 00:22:16,480
And I only know they're watching everything I do because

420
00:22:16,559 --> 00:22:18,480
the lawyer put it in the letter, which is like

421
00:22:18,519 --> 00:22:22,240
a little embarrassing. Honestly, it's like, get a life, Get

422
00:22:22,279 --> 00:22:28,359
a life. But now that this has come to an end,

423
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,359
so like I said, we did get lawyers involved. But

424
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:34,359
I'm at the point with my heart and like my

425
00:22:34,559 --> 00:22:37,960
soul that I don't care. I cannot go on. I

426
00:22:38,039 --> 00:22:41,519
cannot give this another ounce of my precious energy. I

427
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,079
have so many things going on right now that are

428
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:46,799
so much bigger than this that, like being tied up

429
00:22:46,839 --> 00:22:51,480
in a lawsuit is not something I'm interested in doing.

430
00:22:52,599 --> 00:22:54,519
What I will do, I'm not gonna give you guys

431
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:58,200
all the juicy details here because I can't. And I'm

432
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,000
not doing this to say like, well, come to the page,

433
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,240
but on the patreon, I am going to read the

434
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,240
back and forth between the attorneys. There are some like

435
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:08,440
very funny things in there, so so that's gonna be

436
00:23:08,519 --> 00:23:10,000
on the Patreon. I would love if you guys came

437
00:23:10,039 --> 00:23:11,519
over there. I do want to say thank you all

438
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:13,920
all of you who signed up. That means so much

439
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,720
to me. It really it's not like even actually a

440
00:23:18,759 --> 00:23:21,119
way for me to make money. It's just for me

441
00:23:21,279 --> 00:23:24,440
to break even. So if you can go on there

442
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:26,079
and support me. I have two tiers. I have the

443
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:30,680
three dollars tier, which is basically like ten to fifteen

444
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:34,119
minutes of extra chit chat each week, and then I

445
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,400
have the six dollar tier, where I read a chapter

446
00:23:36,599 --> 00:23:39,519
of my book. I have gotten some feedback already. You

447
00:23:39,599 --> 00:23:41,920
guys are saying the three dollars tier is too cheap

448
00:23:42,039 --> 00:23:45,640
and the you know so, and I've talked to a

449
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:49,119
few people who have done patreons before. I might change it,

450
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:54,799
but I'm not going to anytime soon. The industry standard

451
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,960
is five dollars, but I'm gonna start at three dollars.

452
00:23:57,559 --> 00:23:59,880
If you guys, if you can't come to five. That's

453
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,599
that's no worries. I'm gonna keep you guys like grandfathered

454
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:10,240
in there. But so maybe that does incentivize you to act. Now. Yeah,

455
00:24:10,319 --> 00:24:12,599
I just want to say I really appreciate anyone who's

456
00:24:12,599 --> 00:24:14,200
been over there, and I'm gonna give you like the

457
00:24:14,319 --> 00:24:16,480
scalding hot tea. And that's where I'm gonna be like

458
00:24:16,519 --> 00:24:18,279
a little mean. I'm not going to be a mean

459
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:23,880
on here because listen, these pig designers, I'm just kidding

460
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,200
and I'm not calling them pigs for any other reason

461
00:24:27,599 --> 00:24:31,359
other than they're messy. They're just messy. They're messy people,

462
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:35,079
and they did a messy thing and they have no accountability,

463
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:38,200
and they really dig it to a point where I

464
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,599
was like, oh my god, like our lawyers going back

465
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,720
and forth about like two kids on a playground being like,

466
00:24:43,039 --> 00:24:45,319
n you did this and you did this and you

467
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,559
did that, like it just really like I was reading

468
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,839
it and I was just like this is so fucking pathetic,

469
00:24:50,039 --> 00:24:53,640
Like this is just like such an activation of wounds.

470
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:58,599
Right Like so for me, I think it's infuriating that

471
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:07,039
people ca and get away with it's not listen, it

472
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:11,160
is criminal activity to take money from someone saying you're

473
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,079
spending it on something and then have no evidence that

474
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:17,119
you spent it anywhere it is. I think what they

475
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:22,119
did is objectively disgusting, and I think taking advantage of

476
00:25:22,319 --> 00:25:27,279
people that you, especially called your friends, is gross. Their

477
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,720
retort was that they had done a lot of stuff

478
00:25:29,759 --> 00:25:31,880
for me in the past, including and I will say

479
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,759
they did help me with my set design for God

480
00:25:35,799 --> 00:25:38,160
what was that special called Sorry Dad? The Sorry Dad Special.

481
00:25:39,839 --> 00:25:41,440
I never said I would pay them. I told them

482
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,200
the budget had already gone to someone else who was

483
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:49,400
pretty useless, and they offered help as friends, and they

484
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,160
had done a few things like that for me in

485
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:55,519
the past. The Whitney flew out and helped me with

486
00:25:55,640 --> 00:26:00,519
my podcast photoshoot. If I'm being completely transparent, it was

487
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:03,119
her idea. She offered to help, and I paid for

488
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:06,799
the flight out. There was never any conversation of I

489
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:08,720
should have paid her or I owed her money. I

490
00:26:08,799 --> 00:26:11,240
am somebody who pays people on time all the time.

491
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,480
I want to pay people what they're worth for what

492
00:26:14,559 --> 00:26:18,240
they're doing. That was something that was offered as a service,

493
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:24,279
as something she was doing as a friend. There's one

494
00:26:24,319 --> 00:26:26,680
other thing, Oh, when I was selling all my stuff

495
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,319
in Beverly Hills. She was like, I've done this before.

496
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,960
I'm great at this, you know, I can fly out

497
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,680
and help. And so I paid for her flight. I

498
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:35,599
flew her out and she helped, and she did help.

499
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:41,319
She was a huge help. Again, there's never any conversation

500
00:26:41,799 --> 00:26:45,200
of payment or that being something she was doing outside

501
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,559
of the realm of friendship. It seemed like something she

502
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,640
was offering me as a friend. It was very generous,

503
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:53,720
it was very helpful, you know, and I did my

504
00:26:53,839 --> 00:26:55,559
best to take care of what I could. I took

505
00:26:55,599 --> 00:26:57,640
care of the flight, I paid for the meals. I did,

506
00:26:57,799 --> 00:27:00,039
you know, what I could and what I should. And

507
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,759
at no point was there any like that's a situation

508
00:27:02,839 --> 00:27:05,079
where like I would have easily given her a percentage

509
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:06,799
of the sales. You know, it's like it's a one

510
00:27:06,839 --> 00:27:09,000
to one. If you're selling this stuff, then take you know,

511
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:15,200
ten percent of whatever. That was never you know, never discussed.

512
00:27:15,319 --> 00:27:18,160
But all of these things were put in an email

513
00:27:18,279 --> 00:27:22,160
from the lawyer about things that they would retroactively be

514
00:27:22,319 --> 00:27:27,680
charging me for, which, aside from it being shitty, like

515
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:33,160
a very shitty it's, first of all, it has nothing

516
00:27:33,279 --> 00:27:36,480
to do with what went on here, because what went

517
00:27:36,559 --> 00:27:38,759
on in West Palm Beach is we gave them forty grand,

518
00:27:38,799 --> 00:27:41,480
they spent about seventy five hundred, and the rest they pocketed.

519
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:45,920
I would implore them to give me receipts. Still to

520
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,559
this day they will not. They refuse to because they

521
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,480
know that they put in writing a bunch of lies

522
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,640
about how much things cost, and they didn't cost that much.

523
00:27:54,839 --> 00:27:58,559
And I know that I'm not saying this from a

524
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,160
place of anger. I'm saying this from a place of

525
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:07,880
it's interesting how two people or three people, or however

526
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,799
many people. Let's just say two people, because I'm going

527
00:28:10,839 --> 00:28:14,160
to group Jaw as one group and then me and

528
00:28:14,319 --> 00:28:18,119
Max as another group. It's interesting to me how two

529
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:24,119
people can have the same thing happened to them and

530
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:29,319
have completely different experiences. Right So, And I also want

531
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,599
to say this, I don't think they're bad people. I

532
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:36,160
don't think they came into this being vindictive or shitty,

533
00:28:36,599 --> 00:28:40,400
or I think they were scheming a little bit. But

534
00:28:40,519 --> 00:28:43,000
I don't think they're bad people. I think desperate people

535
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,599
do bad things. And I've talked about this before on

536
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:52,480
the podcast. I think that people are all some of

537
00:28:52,599 --> 00:28:55,279
us are. I don't think anyone's good or anyone's bad.

538
00:28:55,359 --> 00:28:58,720
I think we all do things that are classified as

539
00:28:58,799 --> 00:29:00,960
moral and good, and we all do things that are

540
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,519
classified as immoral or bad. And I think, you know,

541
00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:08,279
the situation we're in really dictates how we behave. And

542
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:13,240
I don't want to paint people as bad people just

543
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:18,279
because they did a bad thing, because I've done bad things.

544
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,839
I have done many, many bad things that like, if

545
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,920
people knew about it, it would be very easy to

546
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,920
judge me and be like, that's a bad person. She

547
00:29:27,079 --> 00:29:30,720
did that. That's a bad person. But and I'm again,

548
00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:32,880
I'm never gonna sit here and be like I'm a

549
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:34,839
good person. Like I just want you guys to know

550
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:36,960
I'm a good person, because I'm a good person. Because

551
00:29:37,079 --> 00:29:38,640
anyone who has to tell you they're a good person,

552
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,720
it is probably not a good person. Their shadow self

553
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:45,480
is very large and it's very spooky. Okay, But I

554
00:29:45,759 --> 00:29:50,039
think what happened in this situation is they have been

555
00:29:50,119 --> 00:29:54,599
holding resentments in their heart and soul towards me probably

556
00:29:54,839 --> 00:29:58,440
the whole time, and they had been doing these favors

557
00:29:58,599 --> 00:30:03,880
for me as friends, and then the one time that

558
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,680
I didn't, I wasn't so appreciative and so like blown

559
00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,480
away by their work. And I did ask for accounting,

560
00:30:10,519 --> 00:30:13,680
and I did ask for receipts. Their wounds got activated

561
00:30:14,119 --> 00:30:20,119
and they were they started to again act from a

562
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:23,799
place that's not who they are. But it's like we

563
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,359
get as people, we get so hyper defensive in situations

564
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:31,880
when our feelings get hurt, when things are lost in translation,

565
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,240
it's just like what I was saying about my mom earlier.

566
00:30:34,319 --> 00:30:36,759
My mom's whole life, she lived this way because she

567
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,759
was in so much pain that she couldn't talk about.

568
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:43,000
And and I think when people have pain and hold pain,

569
00:30:43,359 --> 00:30:46,519
and you know, they think they have to prove their

570
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:50,880
value or prove their worth, it can come out really nasty,

571
00:30:51,039 --> 00:30:53,880
like when you have to prove no, I belong in

572
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,680
this person's life. No I've I've I've earned my keep here,

573
00:30:58,319 --> 00:31:02,279
I've done so much for you, I you know, blah

574
00:31:02,279 --> 00:31:04,400
blah blah blah blah, whatever it is. I think that's

575
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:07,480
what was happening. This person was acting out of a wound,

576
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:13,200
like a deep, deep wound. And objectively, I can say

577
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,559
there's a lot of insecurity between those two and there's

578
00:31:16,559 --> 00:31:18,480
a lot of insecurity in all of us. I'm not

579
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:23,279
saying that like I'm insecure about things. I have horrible

580
00:31:23,359 --> 00:31:26,440
insecurities in my life. I'm trying to think of them

581
00:31:26,519 --> 00:31:28,400
right now, trying to think of one, but I can't.

582
00:31:28,519 --> 00:31:32,319
I'm just kidding. I you know, I have insecurities about

583
00:31:32,319 --> 00:31:34,640
my body. I have insecurities about my age. I have

584
00:31:35,079 --> 00:31:38,880
insecurities about my career and why it's not further ahead.

585
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:45,400
I have insecurities. I have insecurities. I am not objectively

586
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,319
an insecure person. I wouldn't say that's like one of

587
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:51,279
my leading traits. I am only confident because I have

588
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,400
been torn down so much and I had to do

589
00:31:53,559 --> 00:31:56,559
so much work on myself to rebuild myself and love myself.

590
00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:59,160
That's the only reason I have the confidence that I have.

591
00:32:00,119 --> 00:32:06,599
But these two are a bit more insecure. And I

592
00:32:06,759 --> 00:32:12,240
think when you're insecure and you do great work, and

593
00:32:12,319 --> 00:32:15,599
you do beautiful work, and you get applause for your work,

594
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,839
and you get adored for your work, that helps to

595
00:32:19,039 --> 00:32:21,000
stave off the part of you, the piece of you

596
00:32:21,079 --> 00:32:23,759
inside of you that thinks I'm not enough, I'm not

597
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,119
good enough, I don't belong here, I shouldn't da da

598
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:31,240
da da dah. Right, and then when your work becomes

599
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:35,680
the thing that keeps you from hating yourself and someone

600
00:32:35,759 --> 00:32:41,759
attacks your work, you go into an otherworldly spiral, which

601
00:32:41,839 --> 00:32:48,960
is what I witnessed with the female designer. I witnessed

602
00:32:51,519 --> 00:32:55,359
injury on full display. Just injury. This is just a hurt,

603
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:59,079
wounded bird, and like my heart actually does break for her,

604
00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:03,599
because you know, if you could take the wound out

605
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:07,440
of it, and you could take the big feelings that

606
00:33:07,559 --> 00:33:10,079
come from the wound out of it, and you could

607
00:33:10,079 --> 00:33:12,559
have just kept this as business. And you know, me

608
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,799
saying I don't like my place was not an attack

609
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,759
on your self worth. It's not an attack on who

610
00:33:17,839 --> 00:33:21,039
you are as an interior designer, or what your potential

611
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,720
is or any of that. Because, like I've said, I've

612
00:33:23,759 --> 00:33:26,079
said this till I'm blue in the face. Even though

613
00:33:26,079 --> 00:33:27,799
I didn't like what they did to my place this time,

614
00:33:28,279 --> 00:33:32,160
if they had fixed it and acted fucking normal and

615
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,440
just acted actually, they didn't have to act normal. They

616
00:33:34,519 --> 00:33:36,960
just had to act like they owned a business, not

617
00:33:37,119 --> 00:33:40,079
like we were on a playground, because that's what they did.

618
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,319
And if they would have just acted like you know,

619
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:48,680
respectable business owners came fixed it, not thrown a fucking fit.

620
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,960
Then I think I would have continued to promote them

621
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,279
until the day I died, and like, listen, go look

622
00:33:55,319 --> 00:33:57,480
at their stuff. Maybe it is something that you like

623
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,559
and maybe they can help you. I don't want to

624
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:02,839
take business away from them. Like that's another thing that

625
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:05,400
came through in the lawyer, you know, and the lawyer

626
00:34:05,559 --> 00:34:08,159
saying like, I don't know, I'm going to get into

627
00:34:08,199 --> 00:34:11,199
that on the Patreon, but but maybe their work is

628
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:16,000
your vibe. It's not mine anymore because I have too

629
00:34:16,119 --> 00:34:20,639
much bad blood. But and it, you know, it's not everyone's.

630
00:34:20,679 --> 00:34:27,000
Here's the thing, like, interior design is very very subjective, objective, subjective,

631
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:30,519
and so you might like it. And you know, they're

632
00:34:30,599 --> 00:34:33,559
mostly in the Midwest, and they're gonna crush there because

633
00:34:34,639 --> 00:34:36,800
it's the best thing the Midwest has ever seen. That's

634
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,519
for sure. I think coastal elites will find, you know,

635
00:34:40,639 --> 00:34:43,920
they'll have a few more options. But but I do

636
00:34:44,079 --> 00:34:47,280
wish them continued success. I have been praying for them,

637
00:34:47,679 --> 00:34:51,159
like frankly, I have been because I want them to

638
00:34:51,199 --> 00:34:53,639
get everything that they want in life. I want them

639
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:59,159
to be happy and find love. And you know, Scrooge

640
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:01,920
mcdock in Money and I want everyone to get what

641
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:03,519
they want in life. The world will be a better

642
00:35:03,559 --> 00:35:05,719
place if everyone gets what they want in life. But

643
00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:10,400
what I want to talk about more is this sort

644
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,760
of phenomenon of people being in the exact same situation

645
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:18,679
having different experiences. And I've done a little bit of

646
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:23,679
research on this, and you know a few reasons this happens. One,

647
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:26,440
there's different histories, So what you've lived through before shapes

648
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,920
what something means to you now. So rejection, I think

649
00:35:30,639 --> 00:35:37,480
can be it can be particularly hard. It can be

650
00:35:37,599 --> 00:35:45,280
particularly hard. Not rejections, it's critiques. Can be hard for addicts, right,

651
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,960
And I'm an addict, and I know that because I've

652
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:53,559
gotten feedback before that's been helpful, like it would have

653
00:35:53,639 --> 00:35:55,880
really been helpful. But I hold it in my heart

654
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,599
and I get angry and I'm rageful and I'm resentful,

655
00:35:58,599 --> 00:36:03,159
and instead of taking that feedback, I do nothing and

656
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:08,000
then and then that's it. I have a really hard

657
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:13,039
time taking feedback. I think similarly, this jaw has had

658
00:36:13,039 --> 00:36:15,400
a really hard time taking feedback. I can't speak to

659
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:18,199
either of their histories. I could, but it's none of

660
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:22,719
my business. But I think the ability to take feedback

661
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:27,199
and learning how to take feedback is really important, especially

662
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,960
when you know when this all started, there was never

663
00:36:30,079 --> 00:36:32,840
any cruel intentions. It's not like anyone sent an email

664
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:36,639
being like I fucking hate this shit. We both were like.

665
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:40,239
My email especially was like I'm devastated. My heart is broken.

666
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:43,840
I've been I'm usually so obsessed with everything you guys do.

667
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:46,039
I just like, I'm so sad to even be writing this.

668
00:36:46,199 --> 00:36:49,159
That's how it started. And the response was like, wow,

669
00:36:49,199 --> 00:36:52,280
waited this, this sidden this s and it was just

670
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,239
like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. They

671
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:59,239
started immediately talking about things that we never ever needed

672
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:02,199
to talk about. We never needed to talk about anything

673
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:04,639
they had done for me in the past. It's completely irrelevant.

674
00:37:05,679 --> 00:37:07,960
We never needed to talk about how many hours they

675
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:10,519
worked because they were on a flat raiate. It's completely irrelevant.

676
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:14,840
They just like continued to bring up complete irrelevancies, and

677
00:37:17,559 --> 00:37:19,760
then we got to a really nasty place, you know,

678
00:37:20,079 --> 00:37:24,199
And I think, looking back on everything, I really don't

679
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:27,000
think if I could do it again, I wouldn't have

680
00:37:27,039 --> 00:37:29,599
handled it differently because I really did start from a

681
00:37:29,639 --> 00:37:32,400
place of compassion and love and support for them and

682
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,760
everything they've ever done for me. I think the whole

683
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:42,320
process was very illuminating. There was, you know, something that

684
00:37:42,519 --> 00:37:44,880
came up in one of the emails from the lawyers,

685
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,119
which is basically like, we've worked with Brittany on this

686
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:54,239
like trust based sort of model before, and you know,

687
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,719
we've never had any issues with it, which is like,

688
00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:58,679
you know, it's a funny way to say, like we've

689
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:02,880
been able to pull the rug over her eyes for

690
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:05,400
a while, you know. And if I do really go

691
00:38:05,519 --> 00:38:08,199
back to like actual accounting of what those two places

692
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,400
in the past cost me, they were overcharging me the

693
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:12,880
whole time. That's none of my business. That's their business,

694
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,960
it's their business model, it's their karma, it's their lives.

695
00:38:18,119 --> 00:38:20,039
Karma's a bigger bitch than I could ever be. So

696
00:38:21,679 --> 00:38:25,199
good luck, you know, good luck working that way. Another

697
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:29,039
reason that people can experience the same situation differently is

698
00:38:29,079 --> 00:38:33,559
because of different needs, sensitivities, and values. So the same

699
00:38:33,599 --> 00:38:38,239
situation can hit different pressure points. And this is this

700
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:42,119
is you know, it's there's a big sensitivity around self

701
00:38:42,199 --> 00:38:46,840
worth here and value. And when Max and I thought

702
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:51,239
we were just simply like complaining not complaining, we just

703
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:54,119
thought we were like raising our concerns with the job

704
00:38:54,199 --> 00:38:58,840
they did. Their sensitivity is just took over. It was.

705
00:38:59,079 --> 00:39:02,559
It came from a it came from a really wounded

706
00:39:02,679 --> 00:39:05,000
place of like, no, we're good enough. No this is

707
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,639
good enough. No, this is what you ask for. A no,

708
00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:08,360
like no we're not going to fix it. No you

709
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:10,039
can fix it. No we did enough for you. No no, no,

710
00:39:10,079 --> 00:39:12,840
no no. And it was just like, oh, oh my goodness,

711
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:24,159
Like what happened here? So what's this meaning making? Okay?

712
00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:26,280
So meaning making? This is the point I'm at now.

713
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:28,559
What matters the most is often the story someone tells

714
00:39:28,639 --> 00:39:33,199
themselves afterwards. So for a while, you guys were with

715
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:37,159
me for the ride. For a while, I was very enraged.

716
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,000
I don't like to live that way, and I've said

717
00:39:41,039 --> 00:39:42,840
that at the beginning of this podcast. Even with the

718
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,000
Biggie thing, I've been enraged. I've had a year of rage,

719
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:49,239
and that's really uncomfortable for me. That's not a space

720
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,639
that I enjoy living in. I don't feel comfortable there.

721
00:39:51,679 --> 00:39:53,679
I don't feel cozy there, I don't feel safe there.

722
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,159
I don't trust myself when I'm angry, I don't trust

723
00:39:57,199 --> 00:39:59,440
the things I'm going to say, I don't trust the

724
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,039
things I'm going to I don't trust myself. And so

725
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,559
what I've done in the past few weeks is taking

726
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:08,719
taken a meaningful pivot right and looking at looking at

727
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,800
the situation, I think, what can I learn? How can

728
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:13,800
I move forward? And how can I be a better person?

729
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,400
Because what is the lesson here? Nothing happens to you

730
00:40:16,639 --> 00:40:20,199
for no reason. Everything happens for a reason. So a

731
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:24,880
few lessons I've learned. Want trust no bitch, you literally

732
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,599
trust no bitch. No no, I joke about that, but like,

733
00:40:27,679 --> 00:40:30,199
don't be so trusting, Like you cannot be trusting of people,

734
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:34,719
whether or not you think they're your friends. You know,

735
00:40:35,039 --> 00:40:38,639
whatever relationship you have with them, you have to cross

736
00:40:38,679 --> 00:40:40,880
your t's and dot your eyes and make sure that

737
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:45,760
make sure that you're not getting bamboozled. Because it really

738
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:50,880
didn't feel good to get bamboozled. And I'm so grateful

739
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:54,920
that Chase ruled in my favor, and you know, the

740
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:58,239
we did get half of the payment back. I feel

741
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:00,679
so bad for Max because he paid cash and so

742
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:03,760
they're just like all the way to the bank with

743
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:08,719
that no right, yeah, I mean, listen, whatever, whatever they

744
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,320
spent it on. Good for them. I'm sure it's more

745
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,159
designer clothes so they can be like head to toe

746
00:41:12,199 --> 00:41:15,000
at tacky as fuck. Because that's by the way, you guys,

747
00:41:15,079 --> 00:41:17,159
this is just another like PSA, this has nothing to

748
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:20,320
do with anyone or anything, but if you wear designer,

749
00:41:21,519 --> 00:41:26,480
designer anything, it's kind of fucking tacky. Like I think

750
00:41:26,639 --> 00:41:29,239
quiet luxury is in right now. And I say that

751
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:32,000
like wearing a slutty sorry dad tank top, like you're

752
00:41:32,039 --> 00:41:33,960
never gonna look to me for fashion advice. But like

753
00:41:34,159 --> 00:41:37,760
if you think wearing Gucci or Prada like brings you

754
00:41:38,039 --> 00:41:40,800
value or makes you look rich or cool, it makes

755
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:44,079
you look bad with money, Like it really makes you

756
00:41:44,199 --> 00:41:49,039
look like you're mismanaging your finances. You look tacky, especially

757
00:41:49,039 --> 00:41:52,039
if you're mixing designers. You're never supposed to mix Prada

758
00:41:52,159 --> 00:41:54,559
with Gucci with Chanel with no, no, no, no, no,

759
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:58,840
you look tacky. It's a it's a it's a it's

760
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:02,719
a desperation that you're wearing on your clothes. So my

761
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:08,719
advice to anyone who wants to, you know, look like

762
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:13,000
they got something going on. Quiet luxury. Okay, quiet luxury.

763
00:42:13,079 --> 00:42:15,880
That's where we're living these days, Babe, We're not spending

764
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:19,400
money on designers. We've gone over this before. Designers just

765
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:21,920
charge out the ass for things that are worth like

766
00:42:22,079 --> 00:42:25,360
twenty six dollars. You're paying fifty six hundred dollars for

767
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:28,360
a purse that's worth twenty six dollars. Who's the clown?

768
00:42:28,519 --> 00:42:31,360
You're the clown. Don't be the clown. Don't be the clown.

769
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:35,639
Head to tone designer because you look broke. You actually

770
00:42:35,679 --> 00:42:38,400
look broke, So don't dress like that because that's weird vibes.

771
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:41,400
But the meaning making is at the end of this,

772
00:42:41,639 --> 00:42:44,400
like what do we take away from this? So mine

773
00:42:44,519 --> 00:42:47,079
is a big lesson in two things, trust and discernment.

774
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:50,559
For me, trust, I have to I have to stop

775
00:42:50,599 --> 00:42:53,320
trusting so easily. I need to exercise a lot more

776
00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:55,480
discernment when I let people into my life. When I

777
00:42:55,559 --> 00:42:59,920
feel their energy is insincere, I need to listen to that,

778
00:43:00,639 --> 00:43:03,239
because I have felt that with both of them. And

779
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:06,760
I'm actually going to go into a specific story on

780
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:13,159
the Patreon it feels too rude to share here. There

781
00:43:13,239 --> 00:43:15,480
was one story that made me one incident that made

782
00:43:15,519 --> 00:43:19,440
me go like er, something was really off, and I

783
00:43:19,519 --> 00:43:21,760
didn't listen to my gut. And then another one is,

784
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,159
so I actually met with my landlord yesterday. And my

785
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:28,639
landlord she's this fabulous woman. She has been in Palm

786
00:43:28,679 --> 00:43:30,760
Beach for like forty years. She's the best. She came

787
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,440
over when the designers were here, when Jaw was in

788
00:43:33,519 --> 00:43:39,159
our house. And it's funny because the story we got

789
00:43:39,199 --> 00:43:42,039
from Jaw was that, like, the landlord loved it and

790
00:43:42,159 --> 00:43:45,079
it was so great. And when we go to lunch,

791
00:43:45,159 --> 00:43:47,639
we sat down and she's like, so those designers, huh

792
00:43:48,199 --> 00:43:50,920
And I could tell that she was like, and I

793
00:43:51,039 --> 00:43:53,840
was like, yeah, they ended up. You know, they completely

794
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:55,559
fucked our place up. And on top of that, they

795
00:43:55,599 --> 00:44:00,639
took a bunch of money from us. And she she

796
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:02,960
was like, oh, I'm so glad you hated it. She's

797
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:06,159
like it was disgusting. She's like there was stuff everywhere.

798
00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:09,599
It made no sense. And you know, she's like, and

799
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:12,440
the guy, the guy was nice, but she's like, it's

800
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:14,320
not the kind of nice that I trust. It's the

801
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:16,320
kind of nice that I don't trust. Like you're nice

802
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:20,760
because you're overcompensating for something. You're too nice. And I've

803
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:22,920
always I always felt that way about him. I felt

804
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:26,119
that way that, Like, he was like nice nasty is

805
00:44:26,159 --> 00:44:28,480
the best way I can put it, And like, listen,

806
00:44:28,559 --> 00:44:31,760
a lot of gays aren't nice nasty. Most of them

807
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:34,159
are just straight up nasty. I prefer straight up nasty.

808
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:35,920
Most of my gays that are my best friends are

809
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:39,760
fucking nasty. All right. They're nasty, they're cutting, they're mean.

810
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,039
They're the best people in the world. I love them

811
00:44:42,119 --> 00:44:44,840
so much. But he was like nice, but underneath I

812
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:50,880
could feel that he was just scathing. So yeah, for me,

813
00:44:51,039 --> 00:44:55,639
it's trust and discernment. And then also it was like

814
00:44:55,719 --> 00:44:59,480
a really good relationship building experience for Max and I, Like,

815
00:44:59,679 --> 00:45:01,920
was it comfortable. No, we got into like quite a

816
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:03,960
few fights about it. It was obviously horrible to have

817
00:45:04,079 --> 00:45:09,800
my friends rip us off. Not a good feeling, but yeah,

818
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:11,960
I think in general, just like it was a really

819
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,519
good It made us so much stronger. This whole year

820
00:45:14,559 --> 00:45:16,320
has made us so much stronger. We've been through so

821
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,440
much together and I'm like more in love with him

822
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:20,880
now than I've ever been. And I know that's corny

823
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:22,960
and tacky and like who actually says that, But like

824
00:45:23,039 --> 00:45:25,199
I do think when you go through hardshit as a couple,

825
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,320
it makes your relationship a lot stronger, and like, yeah,

826
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,639
we've been together, just shy of a year, but like

827
00:45:31,119 --> 00:45:33,400
we've been together. Like we both looked at each other

828
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:34,920
the other day and we're like, hey, are we having

829
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,840
like our ten year anniversary next month? Because it feels

830
00:45:38,039 --> 00:45:42,239
it feels like we might be. So anyway, I hope

831
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,239
you know in this, I'm sure they took away a

832
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:47,599
lot of wonderful things too, not wonderful. Listen, this wasn't

833
00:45:47,679 --> 00:45:49,800
fun for anyone. No one had fun doing this, like

834
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:54,000
fighting with friends, relationship falling apart. You took this from me,

835
00:45:54,159 --> 00:45:57,119
You did that like nobody had fun here. I think

836
00:45:57,159 --> 00:46:02,320
everyone's nervous systems were probably shot. And yeah, again, I

837
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:03,880
don't think they're bad people. I just think they did

838
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:06,000
a bad thing. I think desperate people do bad things.

839
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:11,719
And you know, oh, well, good luck to you guys.

840
00:46:12,039 --> 00:46:17,000
I really do wish you all the best. Okay, So

841
00:46:17,079 --> 00:46:20,559
here's another thing that I want to talk about before

842
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:26,440
we skidadle. So this came up recently and in my relationship. Obviously,

843
00:46:27,559 --> 00:46:32,639
something happened where we were out on a boat and

844
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:34,920
not the fishing boat. We were on a yacht. Not

845
00:46:35,119 --> 00:46:37,760
to brag, not bragging. It wasn't ours. Our friend invited

846
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:39,760
us and it was one of my friends, one of

847
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:46,159
my newer friends. And I said something and then Max

848
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:48,880
corrected me in like kind of a nasty way, like

849
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:52,039
he just like just like kind of nasty, like shut

850
00:46:52,079 --> 00:46:53,760
me down. And then when I sat there because I

851
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:56,000
was aghast, I was like, how dare you fucking talk

852
00:46:56,039 --> 00:46:58,000
to me like that in public in front of people.

853
00:46:58,639 --> 00:47:02,960
He just like eyes for word, didn't even acknowledge me.

854
00:47:03,039 --> 00:47:05,639
And I was like, oh, you little bitch, you little

855
00:47:05,719 --> 00:47:08,320
gemini bitch. I'm in a fucking slager throat and drunk

856
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:12,519
your blood. But he we talked about it the other

857
00:47:12,639 --> 00:47:14,480
night and I was like, I don't think it's appropriate

858
00:47:15,079 --> 00:47:18,039
that you do that. I think if you need to

859
00:47:18,159 --> 00:47:20,480
correct me about something, you need to correct me in

860
00:47:20,639 --> 00:47:23,559
private and in public you need to support me, like

861
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:25,840
we need to support each other publicly. And I think

862
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:28,039
that's just a good thing in general for couples to

863
00:47:28,159 --> 00:47:34,280
understand that correct your partner in private and support them

864
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:37,639
in public, because when you correct them in public and

865
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:41,840
you undermine them in public, it doesn't make you look cool,

866
00:47:42,599 --> 00:47:45,000
it makes your partner look like a fucking idiot. For

867
00:47:45,119 --> 00:47:47,320
picking you. It made me look like a Hong Kong

868
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:49,599
on my fucking clown knows that. I was like, this

869
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:51,559
is my man. Look at my man being mean to

870
00:47:51,639 --> 00:47:54,840
me on a boat. Isn't that nice? Like yeah, it

871
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:58,920
was a real Hong kok moment. So we had to

872
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:00,840
talk about it, and he didn't really have any defense

873
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,239
other than he was hungry and he's sorry. And this

874
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:05,320
is another thing. This is another thing we're done with.

875
00:48:05,519 --> 00:48:09,199
Okay in this year, the hanger thing, I'm over it.

876
00:48:09,599 --> 00:48:12,639
We can't keep doing hanger as an excuse for being

877
00:48:13,039 --> 00:48:18,800
horrible people. Okay, if you're hungry, feed yourself. You are

878
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:22,280
an adult unless you don't have the means, which, by

879
00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:23,960
the way, people that don't have money for food, they

880
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:25,800
sit on the side of the road and they beg

881
00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:29,239
for change so they can get food or meth in

882
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,000
which case you don't need food. But we're not doing

883
00:48:32,079 --> 00:48:35,119
the hanger thing, the hanger thing in this year twenty

884
00:48:35,199 --> 00:48:38,440
twenty six, our Lord and Savior is done. You're an adult.

885
00:48:39,039 --> 00:48:42,360
Feed yourself. Your low blood sugar cannot be an excuse

886
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:46,079
for why you're being mean to me. That's insane. Like

887
00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:50,800
literally just learn, like when your body says I'm hungry

888
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:53,039
feed it, so that the next thing yelling when your

889
00:48:53,079 --> 00:48:54,800
body yells at you and is like, hey, I'm hungry,

890
00:48:55,079 --> 00:48:57,119
feed it, so the next thing yelling isn't you at

891
00:48:57,159 --> 00:48:59,920
your girlfriend? Okay, because i don't have the fucking patience,

892
00:49:01,079 --> 00:49:02,760
and I'm at the point right now where i will

893
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:05,760
yell back, bitch, I'm gonna yell back. I'm usually very

894
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:07,360
zen and very chill, and I'm just like, all right,

895
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:09,519
I'll take that abuse. I'll take that micro abuse. I'll

896
00:49:09,519 --> 00:49:11,880
take that mic. I'm not taking any micro abuses anymore.

897
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:15,079
I'm not taking any abuses anymore. I'm fucking sick of it.

898
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:20,559
I am sick of it. Oh my god, Okay, I

899
00:49:20,639 --> 00:49:24,800
think I have one more, one more DM. I've been

900
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:28,559
sending Mike these dms. Sure he loves it. I've never

901
00:49:28,639 --> 00:49:31,480
worked with a client who struggled with romantic obsession and

902
00:49:31,599 --> 00:49:35,119
didn't also lack purpose in their life. Obsession is often

903
00:49:35,199 --> 00:49:38,559
a distraction from an unfulfilling reality. It gives you a

904
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:42,119
project to focus on something intense to analyze, instead of

905
00:49:42,199 --> 00:49:45,559
turning inward. Because the obsession rarely has much to do

906
00:49:45,679 --> 00:49:47,360
with the other person, it has to do with the

907
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:50,599
strategy you developed to cope with loneliness, lack of purpose,

908
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:54,320
or unmet needs. The solution isn't getting the person, it's

909
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:57,880
regaining purpose, creating fulfillment, and expanding your world so one

910
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:02,920
person is no longer main source of excitement. I thought

911
00:50:02,960 --> 00:50:04,960
this was so interesting because I think a lot of

912
00:50:05,079 --> 00:50:09,920
us girlies hyper fixate on love and finding love and

913
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:12,480
finding meaningful partnership and all of that stuff. And I

914
00:50:12,559 --> 00:50:15,760
think that's also important and valid and relevant. And I

915
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:18,280
don't think you should not focus on that if that's

916
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:20,039
something that's very important to you, but I want you

917
00:50:20,119 --> 00:50:21,599
to make sure that you look at your lives and

918
00:50:21,679 --> 00:50:23,880
make sure that they're full in the way your life

919
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:26,000
is full in the way it needs to be right,

920
00:50:26,119 --> 00:50:30,760
Because I just think I really relate to this, Like

921
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:33,519
anytime I've been like, oh I need a man, I

922
00:50:33,639 --> 00:50:35,960
need a man, I want any time I've ever thought

923
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:39,599
I want a baby, that's when nothing is going, I'm

924
00:50:39,719 --> 00:50:42,320
doing nothing. I'm like, I'm so fucking bored in my

925
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:44,880
life needs purpose, I'm gonna make a baby. And I've

926
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:47,119
never been somebody. Here's the thing, here's the difference between

927
00:50:47,199 --> 00:50:48,960
me and a lot of girly pops. A lot of

928
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,000
curly pops grow up and they're like, I need to

929
00:50:51,039 --> 00:50:53,519
be a mother. I have this urge to be a mother.

930
00:50:53,679 --> 00:50:55,599
It's all I want to like, it is what I

931
00:50:55,679 --> 00:50:57,719
want to live for. I think women like that should

932
00:50:57,719 --> 00:50:59,840
become mothers. Those are the ones that deserve to be

933
00:51:00,159 --> 00:51:03,239
mothers and absolutely should become mothers. People like me that

934
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:04,800
are like I could leave it. I could take it

935
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:06,800
or leave it. I don't know. I don't know if

936
00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:09,960
it's right for me, because sometimes I think I just

937
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:11,800
get bored and I'm like, should we have a baby.

938
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:14,239
Like I did that during the pandemic. I was like,

939
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:17,559
all right, I'm bored. Should we have a kid? Instead?

940
00:51:17,599 --> 00:51:20,519
I wrote a book. You know. It's like and I

941
00:51:20,599 --> 00:51:22,280
don't know which one would be more fulfilling because I

942
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:23,960
haven't had a kid yet, But like, writing a book

943
00:51:24,039 --> 00:51:26,800
was pretty fucking cool. You know, I'm working on doing

944
00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:28,840
it again. But I just want you, guys, if you're

945
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:32,159
like desperately searching for love, make sure that your life

946
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:34,880
is full in other ways. And if it's not, maybe

947
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,159
you should be doing the creative, the artists way with me.

948
00:51:38,400 --> 00:51:40,760
Maybe there's a really good idea that I just came

949
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:44,000
up with right there, right on the spot. Okay, we're

950
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:45,400
gonna do our word of the week because I forgot

951
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:48,960
it last week and you guys yelled at me. You

952
00:51:49,039 --> 00:51:51,199
guys be yelling at me a lot. You know that

953
00:51:51,559 --> 00:52:01,119
in the DMS hegemony h so H E G E

954
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:05,199
M O N Y hegemony. It's a noun. It means

955
00:52:05,280 --> 00:52:09,000
predominant influence, especially in reference to the affairs of nations.

956
00:52:09,199 --> 00:52:12,280
To say one nation practices hegemonia over another is to

957
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:16,880
suggest that it exercises undue influence over conduct, more's or

958
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:21,280
administration within that nation. What a word that will never use.

959
00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:25,719
Hegemony our foes. Hegemony will not stop with his control

960
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:29,480
of smaller nations. His aim is world domination. Dun dun

961
00:52:29,639 --> 00:52:36,000
doll hegemony. Okay, you guys, I'm doing bad vice for

962
00:52:36,119 --> 00:52:39,400
the week. Let's go. Okay. I was just curious if

963
00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:43,079
you had any advice for weight loss, specifically after getting sober,

964
00:52:43,679 --> 00:52:46,280
or suggestions with it. A little backstory. I used to

965
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:49,280
smoke weed consistently for about seven years. And what I

966
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,480
mean by consistently, I mean I smoked multiple times a day.

967
00:52:52,599 --> 00:52:54,239
I always had a pen on me and I would

968
00:52:54,239 --> 00:52:56,559
spend a lot of money on it. I smoke so

969
00:52:56,679 --> 00:52:58,800
much it affected my eating habits to the point where

970
00:52:58,840 --> 00:53:01,360
I was barely eating once a day. Wow, that is

971
00:53:01,559 --> 00:53:07,159
the reverse effect of smoking pot good for you. That's

972
00:53:07,199 --> 00:53:09,360
like when you do cocaine and you fall asleep. You know,

973
00:53:09,559 --> 00:53:11,039
That's what I did. The first time I did coke,

974
00:53:11,119 --> 00:53:13,239
I went to sleep. My ex boyfriend was like, I

975
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:14,800
thought I killed you, And I'm like, and you just

976
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,599
left me in the bed, and he's like, yeah. Anyway.

977
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,599
A little over a year ago, I stopped smoking altogether.

978
00:53:20,679 --> 00:53:22,360
The first month or two was hard, but after that

979
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:24,920
I pushed through it. Now I'm thirteen months off weed.

980
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:28,639
Congratulations and super happy about it. The problem I'm struggling

981
00:53:28,679 --> 00:53:30,639
with is during the thirteen months, I gained a lot

982
00:53:30,679 --> 00:53:33,880
of weight seventy pounds to be exact. Before I smoked weed,

983
00:53:33,960 --> 00:53:35,880
I never had an issue with my weight. I was

984
00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:38,519
never insecure or thought too much about it. Now that

985
00:53:38,559 --> 00:53:41,639
I'm substantially overweight, I can't stop obsessing over it. I

986
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:43,679
had the thought the other day that maybe I shouldn't

987
00:53:43,719 --> 00:53:46,480
have stopped, or was it even worth it to stop.

988
00:53:46,559 --> 00:53:49,000
I'm in a healthy relationship and I have no outside

989
00:53:49,039 --> 00:53:52,039
pressure about losing weight. Internally, I keep beating myself up.

990
00:53:52,119 --> 00:53:54,239
I started working out and cutting back on my eating,

991
00:53:54,280 --> 00:53:56,079
and I've lost ten pounds so far in about a month.

992
00:53:56,119 --> 00:54:00,239
That's great. So I just know I'm doing something right.

993
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:03,800
It's just the thoughts that I keep wrestling with this.

994
00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:06,119
Sorry if this was long, Love you so much, Love

995
00:54:06,199 --> 00:54:10,119
you back. First of all, congrats on smoking weed. Taking

996
00:54:10,159 --> 00:54:12,400
anything out of your life that's keeping you from yourself

997
00:54:12,559 --> 00:54:15,840
is always a positive. I've literally never heard of somebody

998
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:18,199
who smokes all the time and doesn't eat, so that's

999
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:23,840
also great. Congrats on being the outlier there. Okay, So

1000
00:54:24,119 --> 00:54:28,119
unfortunately this is all diet and exercise, and I think

1001
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:30,840
the easiest thing anyone can do for exercise when they

1002
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:33,239
don't want to go to the gym and like slogging

1003
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:36,840
out is ten thousand steps a day. So when you're

1004
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:39,920
doing ten thousand steps a day and drink your water, sister,

1005
00:54:40,119 --> 00:54:42,199
we need you to be drinking a gallon of water

1006
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:44,599
a day. Literally, look at this huge Stanley cup I

1007
00:54:44,639 --> 00:54:50,119
have right next to me right now. Water will help

1008
00:54:50,199 --> 00:54:52,639
you flesh everything out, and yes, you can get a

1009
00:54:52,679 --> 00:54:55,400
little water weight, but water weight is better than real weight. Okay,

1010
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:59,760
and then it wouldn't hurt for you to maybe do

1011
00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:04,599
a Macro's diet where you understand what your body needs

1012
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:07,760
to be in a deficit and you can go you

1013
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:10,599
can find this online. I'm sure AI can help you.

1014
00:55:10,679 --> 00:55:13,079
Now if you put in your height and weight and

1015
00:55:13,199 --> 00:55:18,119
your goals, I guarantee chatch Ebt could make you make

1016
00:55:18,199 --> 00:55:20,599
you something. The problem is you do have to weigh food,

1017
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:23,519
and that can be triggering for people with any sort

1018
00:55:23,559 --> 00:55:27,360
of disordered eating, disordered thinking. It was tricky even for me,

1019
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:30,000
I'm gonna be honest, because I just was like, I

1020
00:55:30,079 --> 00:55:32,079
can't eat more than Oh, I can't eat that, and

1021
00:55:32,159 --> 00:55:34,159
I can't have a cookie, and I can't have and

1022
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:36,519
like that's not a headspace I like to live in,

1023
00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:40,440
you know. So could I be like shredded? It could be.

1024
00:55:41,159 --> 00:55:43,679
I have been, but I was also the most miserable

1025
00:55:43,679 --> 00:55:45,039
I've ever been in my life. So I don't think

1026
00:55:45,079 --> 00:55:47,119
shredded is the goal. I think healthy is the goal.

1027
00:55:47,159 --> 00:55:49,079
And I think in order for you to understand how

1028
00:55:49,159 --> 00:55:51,480
to get to a healthy body weight, Macros for a

1029
00:55:51,519 --> 00:55:55,320
little while will help you just kind of understand mentally,

1030
00:55:55,480 --> 00:55:58,360
like what you need to be eating in order to

1031
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:00,280
lose that weight and then I don't know what your

1032
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:02,559
relationship is like with working out, but three to five

1033
00:56:02,639 --> 00:56:05,079
times a week is kind of the dream. And if

1034
00:56:05,119 --> 00:56:06,719
you can do ten thousand steps a d eight, it's

1035
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:09,719
not only good for losing weight because it's a ton

1036
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:13,119
of fucking cardio. It's just easy cardio. It's really good

1037
00:56:13,199 --> 00:56:15,440
for the mental Okay, to be outside, to be getting

1038
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:18,559
that sun. You gotta do that. I'm glad that there's

1039
00:56:18,599 --> 00:56:22,039
no one in your life saying anything mean about you, Like,

1040
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:24,840
just take care of yourself, love yourself, Know that the

1041
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:27,320
body you want is already. You already have the body

1042
00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:30,840
you want. You just have to work a little harder

1043
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:33,920
to you know, get a few pounds off. But it

1044
00:56:34,000 --> 00:56:36,159
sounds like if you lost ten pounds in a month,

1045
00:56:36,639 --> 00:56:40,920
you know what to do. And just love yourself and

1046
00:56:41,039 --> 00:56:43,039
just know the body of your dreams is already is

1047
00:56:43,039 --> 00:56:46,599
already in there, and just yeah, take care of yourself.

1048
00:56:46,679 --> 00:56:48,599
Chin up. Don't go back to smoking weed. Here's the thing.

1049
00:56:48,639 --> 00:56:51,360
Smoking weed is not fucking cool, all right, It's not cool.

1050
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:53,360
I go back and forth with it, and I'm like,

1051
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:57,320
what is this thing weed? Like, let's really talk about weed.

1052
00:56:57,360 --> 00:57:00,719
What does it do. It makes you dumb and fat

1053
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:07,360
mostly not you apparently, and then also insane, like there's

1054
00:57:07,360 --> 00:57:09,159
also a chance it can just like one day, turn

1055
00:57:09,199 --> 00:57:12,000
you schizophrenic and you never go back, Like what's the

1056
00:57:12,079 --> 00:57:14,039
what's the net positive? I guess back in school, like

1057
00:57:14,079 --> 00:57:17,320
when we used to be stoners and legals, Like it's like,

1058
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:19,119
I don't know. Weed for me was great when I

1059
00:57:19,199 --> 00:57:21,480
was hungover because I needed to take the edge off.

1060
00:57:21,760 --> 00:57:23,480
But now that I don't have hangovers, I'm like, I

1061
00:57:23,519 --> 00:57:26,400
don't what edge am I taking off? I'm just turning

1062
00:57:26,480 --> 00:57:30,599
into a fucking loser. So losers, smoke weed. You don't

1063
00:57:30,639 --> 00:57:34,440
need to. I love you so much, and keep your

1064
00:57:34,519 --> 00:57:38,599
gin up, gin up, tits out. That's the rules. Okay,

1065
00:57:39,119 --> 00:57:42,480
see you later, restie. Uh. Okay, you guys. If I'm

1066
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:44,599
gonna lose you here because you're not doing the artists way,

1067
00:57:44,679 --> 00:57:46,960
then goodbye. I love you so much. I'll see you

1068
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:51,440
uh next week. Also, if you want a little more,

1069
00:57:51,519 --> 00:57:55,199
come to the Patreon. I'm gonna gossip over there. Okay,

1070
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:59,320
I love you so much. Goodbye. Okay, what's up artists Way, lovers?

1071
00:58:00,119 --> 00:58:02,559
How we doing? I did see a comment or two

1072
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:06,679
saying you're getting a little bored with just doing morning pages.

1073
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:09,519
And you know, some people are saying the check ins

1074
00:58:09,559 --> 00:58:12,039
are keeping you accountable. Some people say they need more.

1075
00:58:12,719 --> 00:58:15,559
If you need more, go to the dms on the YouTube.

1076
00:58:15,639 --> 00:58:17,559
And I think you guys need to unite on your

1077
00:58:17,599 --> 00:58:20,360
own and maybe do a WhatsApp group and check in

1078
00:58:20,599 --> 00:58:25,199
and do like a little accountability group. And there's also

1079
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:29,000
a site or a platform called ooh, I forget what

1080
00:58:29,079 --> 00:58:37,159
it's called title. No, that's jay Z's streaming network. Anyway,

1081
00:58:37,199 --> 00:58:39,519
there are like forums where you can do this and

1082
00:58:39,599 --> 00:58:42,719
it's a little less it's a little more private, so

1083
00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:44,960
you don't have to all exchange phone numbers on WhatsApp.

1084
00:58:46,199 --> 00:58:48,320
But if you guys do need more accountability, you want

1085
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:50,840
to check in on your homework each week, do that,

1086
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,360
get in a group, keep each other accountable. I know

1087
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:56,559
there's maybe only like fifteen of us doing this, so

1088
00:58:57,039 --> 00:58:59,639
it is a small group and we can all keep

1089
00:58:59,679 --> 00:59:02,000
each other accountable. I think it's really important, and I

1090
00:59:02,079 --> 00:59:04,320
think the work we're doing together is really important. So

1091
00:59:04,360 --> 00:59:06,800
I just want to take the beginning of this to

1092
00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:09,440
congratulate you on another week of doing work that's really

1093
00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:12,320
important and I hope is in some way feeding your soul.

1094
00:59:13,480 --> 00:59:15,719
So this week is Week three, it's about recovering a

1095
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:19,000
sense of power. The first thing it talks about is anger,

1096
00:59:19,119 --> 00:59:22,239
anger being fuel and anger is one of these emotions

1097
00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:24,599
that's really uncomfortable. I was just talking about it literally

1098
00:59:24,639 --> 00:59:28,280
all podcasts how it makes me very uncomfortable. But anger,

1099
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:31,880
when it's towards creativity is actually very useful because it's

1100
00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:33,840
a bit of a compass, right. It shows us where

1101
00:59:33,840 --> 00:59:35,559
we want to go. So if we're mad a person

1102
00:59:35,679 --> 00:59:37,639
did a thing that we think we could do better,

1103
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,519
that anger is a compass. Envy is a compass, and

1104
00:59:41,559 --> 00:59:44,039
anger is a compass. So anything you're jealous of, anything

1105
00:59:44,079 --> 00:59:46,880
you're envious of, and anything you're angry about. Those are

1106
00:59:46,920 --> 00:59:49,679
all three very strong compasses, and they're guiding points in

1107
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:51,559
your life, and I think you need to use them. Right,

1108
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:55,559
Angers meant to be listened to. It's a voice, it's

1109
00:59:55,599 --> 00:59:57,719
a shout, it's a plea, it's a demand. It's meant

1110
00:59:57,760 --> 01:00:00,559
to be respected because it's a map. It shows us

1111
01:00:00,599 --> 01:00:03,119
what our boundaries are and it shows us where we

1112
01:00:03,239 --> 01:00:05,400
want to go. It's also a sign of health. So

1113
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:07,360
if anger is coming back to you in this creative

1114
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:09,880
recovery journey. And you're starting to get mad about shit,

1115
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:13,320
that's a good sign. If you're starting to get angry

1116
01:00:13,400 --> 01:00:15,880
and uncomfortable, that's actually a really good sign. And actually,

1117
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:18,000
now that I said that all outloud, maybe that's part

1118
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,320
of the reason. No, I'm getting I've been angry this

1119
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:23,000
year about other things. But listen, there's no shortage on

1120
01:00:23,159 --> 01:00:28,639
rage over here. So anger is the fuel that propels

1121
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:33,199
us into our new life. Right, Sloth, apathy, and despair

1122
01:00:33,320 --> 01:00:36,719
are the enemy, but anger is not. Anger is our friend.

1123
01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:41,880
So don't judge yourself if you're starting to get angry

1124
01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:44,920
during this process. It's part of it. The anger, the rage,

1125
01:00:45,920 --> 01:00:51,039
the what is it? I'm trying to think of the

1126
01:00:51,159 --> 01:00:55,079
rat and the cage. No, I'm still just a rat

1127
01:00:55,119 --> 01:00:58,400
in a cage. I'm in a rage whatever. You guys

1128
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:01,159
know the song I'm talking about, Okay, So don't be

1129
01:01:01,239 --> 01:01:05,079
scared of anger. Listen to it, really listen to it,

1130
01:01:05,199 --> 01:01:08,159
because it is a really good way to figure out

1131
01:01:08,559 --> 01:01:12,559
what you want to do with your life creatively. So synchronicity,

1132
01:01:12,639 --> 01:01:15,280
you guys, answered prayers are scary, and when they start

1133
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:17,280
to get answered, they're terrifying. And I'm going to tell

1134
01:01:17,280 --> 01:01:18,840
you guys a secret. I didn't say it on the

1135
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:22,400
regular podcast. This is technically still the regular podcast, but

1136
01:01:22,440 --> 01:01:25,119
I know most of you guys stop listening to this,

1137
01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:29,400
so and I don't want to say it because I

1138
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:33,280
don't want to say things that aren't fully done yet.

1139
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:35,519
You know, when you mentioned something before it's fully cooked,

1140
01:01:35,519 --> 01:01:37,320
and then like you burn it and overcook it and

1141
01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:40,400
then it's it's toast and it no longer exists, and

1142
01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:42,000
then you have to tell everyone that you told about

1143
01:01:42,000 --> 01:01:44,280
the cake that the cake is burnt. And that's what

1144
01:01:44,360 --> 01:01:45,800
I'm That's where I'm at right now. But there is

1145
01:01:45,840 --> 01:01:49,079
a there's something in my life that I've wanted. I've

1146
01:01:49,159 --> 01:01:53,239
spoke publicly about wanting it, and it's getting closer. It's

1147
01:01:53,280 --> 01:01:56,840
getting closer. Things are aligning for me, and synchronicity is

1148
01:01:57,239 --> 01:02:01,320
very apparent for me right now. And the closer it gets,

1149
01:02:01,599 --> 01:02:03,360
the more scared I get, and the more I'm like,

1150
01:02:03,440 --> 01:02:05,000
do I really want to do this? Do I have

1151
01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:07,000
the time to do this? Do I have the patience

1152
01:02:07,039 --> 01:02:08,599
to do this? Am I a good enough writer to

1153
01:02:08,679 --> 01:02:15,079
do this? And I think it is scarier, you know,

1154
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:18,440
it's scarier to imagine a life that's really full of

1155
01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:20,519
everything you want and you getting everything than it is

1156
01:02:20,639 --> 01:02:23,840
to imagine, just like your life, staying small and in control,

1157
01:02:23,920 --> 01:02:25,639
because that's the thing. As humans, we think we can

1158
01:02:25,679 --> 01:02:29,480
control everything, and we can control almost nothing. But we

1159
01:02:29,559 --> 01:02:31,920
feel like we're in control when we're in situations that

1160
01:02:31,960 --> 01:02:35,079
are familiar to us, right, so the unfamiliar becomes really scary.

1161
01:02:36,280 --> 01:02:39,159
But answer prayers are scary. Why else the cautionary phrase

1162
01:02:39,239 --> 01:02:41,039
watch out for what you pray for. You might just

1163
01:02:41,159 --> 01:02:44,119
get it right. It's my experience. We're much more afraid

1164
01:02:44,119 --> 01:02:46,000
that there might be a god than we are that

1165
01:02:46,039 --> 01:02:49,119
there might not be. Incidents like those above happen to us. Yeah,

1166
01:02:49,159 --> 01:02:52,079
we dismiss them as sheer coincidence. So anytime something happens

1167
01:02:52,119 --> 01:02:53,920
to you where you say, you know, I want to

1168
01:02:53,960 --> 01:02:55,920
get into a comedy class, and then you meet or

1169
01:02:55,920 --> 01:02:57,440
I want to learn how to do comedy, and then

1170
01:02:57,480 --> 01:03:01,440
you meet a comedy teacher on an airplane, or I

1171
01:03:01,519 --> 01:03:04,960
want to get into a writing class, and then you

1172
01:03:05,119 --> 01:03:09,239
meet a published author and somebody who can point you

1173
01:03:09,280 --> 01:03:11,159
in the right direction. We like to brush that off

1174
01:03:11,199 --> 01:03:14,760
as coincidence. That's not coincidence and synchronicity, that's our divine

1175
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:18,320
creator helping us move in the direction that he knows

1176
01:03:18,400 --> 01:03:23,079
we can go. Okay, life is what we make it.

1177
01:03:23,599 --> 01:03:27,360
Synchronicity loosely defined as a fortuitous intermeshing of events. We

1178
01:03:27,480 --> 01:03:30,280
used to call it serendipity. God is efficient. I have

1179
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:33,400
many time marveled at the sleight of hand with which

1180
01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:37,079
the universe delivers its treats. In my experience, the universe

1181
01:03:37,159 --> 01:03:40,039
falls in with worthy plans and most especially with festive

1182
01:03:40,159 --> 01:03:44,320
and expansive ones. Remember that creativity is a tribal experience,

1183
01:03:44,400 --> 01:03:47,159
and that tribal elders will initiate the gifted youngsters who

1184
01:03:47,199 --> 01:03:49,639
cross their path. We like to pretend it's hard to

1185
01:03:49,679 --> 01:03:51,960
follow our heart streams. The truth is it's difficult to

1186
01:03:52,039 --> 01:03:54,719
avoid walking through the many doors that will open. The

1187
01:03:54,880 --> 01:03:58,360
universe is prodigal in its support. We are miserly in

1188
01:03:58,480 --> 01:04:04,440
what we expect, miserly and what we accept. Okay, whatever

1189
01:04:04,519 --> 01:04:06,440
you think you can do or believe you can do,

1190
01:04:06,599 --> 01:04:10,440
begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it. Okay.

1191
01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:12,920
So the next thing we need to talk about is shame.

1192
01:04:13,760 --> 01:04:16,639
So shame is a controlling device. Shaming someone is an

1193
01:04:16,639 --> 01:04:18,840
attempt to prevent the person from behaving in a way

1194
01:04:18,880 --> 01:04:22,119
that embarrasses us. The act of making art exposes a

1195
01:04:22,199 --> 01:04:25,599
society to itself. Art brings things to light. It illuminates us.

1196
01:04:25,679 --> 01:04:28,440
It sheds light on our lingering darkness. It casts a

1197
01:04:28,519 --> 01:04:31,360
beam into our heart of our own darkness, and says, See,

1198
01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:35,480
the child is made to feel shame for bringing shame

1199
01:04:35,559 --> 01:04:37,559
to the family. But did the child bring shame. No,

1200
01:04:37,719 --> 01:04:40,280
the child brought shameful things to light the family. Shame

1201
01:04:40,559 --> 01:04:44,280
predated and caused the child's distress. This is a really

1202
01:04:44,360 --> 01:04:46,480
interesting one and something that I struggle with a lot

1203
01:04:46,519 --> 01:04:49,599
with my own family, because my family thinks I'm the problem, right.

1204
01:04:49,679 --> 01:04:51,760
They think I'm the problem because I talk about the

1205
01:04:51,800 --> 01:04:55,960
horrible shit that's gone on. What they don't realize is

1206
01:04:56,119 --> 01:04:59,440
like the perpetrator is the problem, the person who caused

1207
01:04:59,480 --> 01:05:01,840
all of these who the person who did all this

1208
01:05:01,920 --> 01:05:04,400
horrible shit is the problem. It's not me. I'm just

1209
01:05:04,440 --> 01:05:06,719
the one talking about it, talking about it openly, talking

1210
01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:11,480
about it freely, because I think that, you know, especially

1211
01:05:11,519 --> 01:05:14,840
when in family systems, there are bad things that have happened,

1212
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:17,960
Like you know, there's different levels of bad. But it

1213
01:05:18,039 --> 01:05:20,519
could be like Dad had an affair with the secretary

1214
01:05:20,559 --> 01:05:23,760
and my brother's only my half brother or dad or

1215
01:05:24,199 --> 01:05:31,119
you know, whatever it is, Grandpa's abusive sexually and physically

1216
01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:35,000
and verbally and whatever. You know, Like, whatever it is,

1217
01:05:35,239 --> 01:05:37,920
whatever you're bringing to light, your family is always going

1218
01:05:37,960 --> 01:05:41,920
to make you feel like you're the problem because they

1219
01:05:42,360 --> 01:05:46,039
don't want to metabolize how horrific it is that they

1220
01:05:46,159 --> 01:05:49,599
live in a family with such with such flaws. But

1221
01:05:49,719 --> 01:05:52,719
that's the thing about shame. And Brene Brown talks about

1222
01:05:52,719 --> 01:05:54,800
shame better than anyone. If you haven't listened to her

1223
01:05:54,960 --> 01:05:57,480
ted talk on shame, you need to, because she talks

1224
01:05:57,519 --> 01:05:59,239
about shame and when you push it down, how it

1225
01:05:59,320 --> 01:06:01,800
metastas that is into as cancer, you know, like it

1226
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:05,480
turns into something much worse because it's pushed down. And

1227
01:06:05,559 --> 01:06:09,320
if we just gave it the platform to express itself,

1228
01:06:09,440 --> 01:06:11,400
it wouldn't be so big and scary and it wouldn't

1229
01:06:11,440 --> 01:06:14,159
eat away at our bodies, souls and minds. Right, So

1230
01:06:14,360 --> 01:06:19,360
shame in the sense of art is it's similar. Right,

1231
01:06:19,519 --> 01:06:21,639
So if we are newer artists and we get a

1232
01:06:21,679 --> 01:06:24,679
bad review or someone critiques us or says something nasty,

1233
01:06:25,239 --> 01:06:27,119
that can be the thing that makes us not want

1234
01:06:27,159 --> 01:06:29,559
to make any more art. Or somebody says something that

1235
01:06:29,639 --> 01:06:31,559
you're like, I knew that about myself the whole time.

1236
01:06:31,880 --> 01:06:33,800
I knew I was a stupid whore and I shouldn't

1237
01:06:33,840 --> 01:06:36,039
open my mouth. And my stand up's good if you

1238
01:06:36,239 --> 01:06:38,119
listen to it without the volume on, Like, I knew

1239
01:06:38,119 --> 01:06:39,760
all those things to be true, and those can sit

1240
01:06:39,800 --> 01:06:41,880
in our heart and soul and keep us from creating more.

1241
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:44,400
But what you have to understand about critics and people

1242
01:06:44,440 --> 01:06:47,360
that are saying that those are oftentimes repressed artists, right,

1243
01:06:47,840 --> 01:06:50,679
and they're trying to put you down because they themselves

1244
01:06:50,719 --> 01:06:54,159
are down. Once you understand that, all of the feedback

1245
01:06:54,199 --> 01:06:57,360
in the world can't hurt you, you know, especially if

1246
01:06:57,400 --> 01:07:03,960
it's nasty, and you know, to be clear, oh, this

1247
01:07:04,159 --> 01:07:06,840
is something a phenomenon that happens, and it has happened

1248
01:07:06,840 --> 01:07:09,079
to me before. Like once you get near the finish line,

1249
01:07:09,119 --> 01:07:11,840
you start to freak out. Right, once the painting's almost done,

1250
01:07:11,880 --> 01:07:13,440
you're like, oh, you know what, we don't need to

1251
01:07:13,480 --> 01:07:15,880
finish this. I did the exercise. We're good. Once the

1252
01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:17,480
book is almost done, you get near the end and

1253
01:07:17,559 --> 01:07:18,880
you're like, I don't think I need to tell this

1254
01:07:18,960 --> 01:07:21,960
story anymore. Once you know, for me, A perfect example

1255
01:07:22,079 --> 01:07:24,480
was my first stand up special from hode Housewife when

1256
01:07:24,519 --> 01:07:26,920
I put that out. Before I put that out the

1257
01:07:27,280 --> 01:07:29,639
two months before I put that out, I literally had

1258
01:07:29,679 --> 01:07:32,000
to have my manager and agent and everyone talked me

1259
01:07:32,079 --> 01:07:33,599
off the fucking ledge because I said, I don't need

1260
01:07:33,639 --> 01:07:35,679
to put this out anymore because it's not my reality

1261
01:07:35,719 --> 01:07:38,039
and it's not my truth. I was in the process

1262
01:07:38,079 --> 01:07:40,440
of getting a divorce. The whole special was about being married,

1263
01:07:40,480 --> 01:07:43,079
and I wanted to shelf it and they're like, you

1264
01:07:43,159 --> 01:07:45,079
did it, just put it out. Who cares. It's the

1265
01:07:45,159 --> 01:07:47,360
thing that blew my career up. I'm so grateful I

1266
01:07:47,440 --> 01:07:49,199
put it out, and thank god I didn't listen to

1267
01:07:49,320 --> 01:07:51,079
that little voice inside of my head because that little

1268
01:07:51,119 --> 01:07:52,760
voice inside of my head was trying to keep me

1269
01:07:53,960 --> 01:07:57,480
from experiencing success. And truly, it's trying to keep you

1270
01:07:57,559 --> 01:08:01,039
from experiencing shame and embarrassment and feeling a failure, right,

1271
01:08:01,199 --> 01:08:05,000
But like also it does keep you from experiencing success,

1272
01:08:05,079 --> 01:08:08,679
So just be really really careful with that. And also

1273
01:08:08,800 --> 01:08:11,320
another thing to be really clear about is not all

1274
01:08:11,400 --> 01:08:14,079
criticism is bad. Some criticism, you know, if it's from

1275
01:08:14,119 --> 01:08:15,880
the right person, if it's from a mentor if it's

1276
01:08:15,920 --> 01:08:18,720
from somebody, a professional in the field who has a

1277
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:20,600
ton of experience and can tell you how to do

1278
01:08:20,720 --> 01:08:24,279
this thing better, easier, quicker, faster, whatever, with the same

1279
01:08:24,359 --> 01:08:27,239
success rate. Listen. You have to listen to the people

1280
01:08:27,279 --> 01:08:30,119
around you that are good and good They have goodwill,

1281
01:08:30,199 --> 01:08:32,800
good intentions, and they want the best for you. Because

1282
01:08:32,880 --> 01:08:35,920
then their criticism isn't It's not this horrible, painful thing.

1283
01:08:35,960 --> 01:08:38,479
It's just criticism, right, And a little criticism can be

1284
01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:40,239
good because it can push you in a direction and

1285
01:08:40,319 --> 01:08:47,399
get you to where you want to go faster. Okay,

1286
01:08:48,239 --> 01:08:50,560
we learn that when our art reveals a secret of

1287
01:08:50,640 --> 01:08:53,159
the human soul, those watching it may try to shame

1288
01:08:53,239 --> 01:08:58,000
us for making it. I experienced this a lot. You

1289
01:08:58,119 --> 01:09:00,720
guys might experience this too. I don't know what sort

1290
01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:03,319
of artistic journeys you're going to go on, So I

1291
01:09:03,479 --> 01:09:07,079
experience this a lot because a lot of the subject

1292
01:09:07,119 --> 01:09:10,039
matter that I talk about is very dark and a

1293
01:09:10,119 --> 01:09:12,439
lot of and a lot of it's taboo. I talk

1294
01:09:12,479 --> 01:09:18,039
about suicide, I talk about rape, I talk about abortions.

1295
01:09:18,119 --> 01:09:21,239
I talk about things that society generally likes to tiptoe

1296
01:09:21,279 --> 01:09:24,319
around or skirt away from, so people get very angry,

1297
01:09:24,439 --> 01:09:26,680
and they want to make you feel so ashamed that

1298
01:09:26,880 --> 01:09:29,640
you dare to speak of these things. And it's so

1299
01:09:29,760 --> 01:09:32,520
funny as a society, how they really, really really can

1300
01:09:32,600 --> 01:09:34,960
still try and push you down, even if they're important

1301
01:09:35,000 --> 01:09:37,319
conversations or things that should be brought to light, or

1302
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:42,720
you know, anything like that. I just think it's it's

1303
01:09:42,760 --> 01:09:47,000
a really interesting group collective human behavior of trying to

1304
01:09:47,119 --> 01:09:50,720
shame people that have the audacity to speak the truth. So,

1305
01:09:51,279 --> 01:09:56,960
whether you're writing or painting, or you know what, doing sculptures,

1306
01:09:57,000 --> 01:09:59,560
whatever art you're doing, if anything is you know, ever

1307
01:09:59,640 --> 01:10:02,920
gonna make anyone uncomfortable by looking at it, just be prepared,

1308
01:10:03,840 --> 01:10:06,359
be prepared for the onslaught of shamers. But just know

1309
01:10:06,479 --> 01:10:09,840
that those people are just not They're not okay in

1310
01:10:09,920 --> 01:10:12,159
their own bones. They're not okay in their own skin

1311
01:10:12,399 --> 01:10:16,640
enough to confront the uncomfortable things that exist in this world.

1312
01:10:16,720 --> 01:10:22,000
It has nothing to do with you, Okay. So here's

1313
01:10:22,039 --> 01:10:24,159
the thing. At these times when people start to shame you,

1314
01:10:24,159 --> 01:10:26,479
you can't. You have to be very firm with yourself

1315
01:10:26,520 --> 01:10:28,760
and not pick up the first doubt. We simply cannot

1316
01:10:28,800 --> 01:10:31,239
allow the first negative thinking to take hold, taking the

1317
01:10:31,319 --> 01:10:33,520
first doubt is like picking up the first drink for

1318
01:10:33,560 --> 01:10:36,520
an alcoholic. Once in our system, the doubt will take

1319
01:10:36,520 --> 01:10:40,000
another doubt and another. Because the antidote for shame is

1320
01:10:40,119 --> 01:10:42,439
self love and self praise. This is what you need

1321
01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:45,199
to do. You need to when a doubt creeps in

1322
01:10:45,399 --> 01:10:47,560
or someone says something horrible, you have to say, I'm

1323
01:10:48,439 --> 01:10:52,279
good enough, I am brave, I am trying. Since when

1324
01:10:52,359 --> 01:10:55,920
did it become lame to try? Since when I don't

1325
01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:58,560
know this person, I don't know this faceless bot on

1326
01:10:58,680 --> 01:11:01,840
the internet, you know, saying horrible shit about me. You

1327
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:04,359
don't need to give into it. It's like, you know,

1328
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:07,479
you just can't take the first out. You need to

1329
01:11:07,560 --> 01:11:11,239
learn how to deal with criticism. And there's some steps

1330
01:11:11,279 --> 01:11:15,920
here in this chapter that you need to do. There's

1331
01:11:16,000 --> 01:11:19,000
a bit on detective worth. There's there's some in this

1332
01:11:19,159 --> 01:11:22,399
chapter about growth. So growth is a ratic forward movement,

1333
01:11:22,439 --> 01:11:25,640
two steps forward, one step back. Remember that and be

1334
01:11:25,800 --> 01:11:29,800
very gentle with yourself. Okay, God helps those who help themselves.

1335
01:11:30,359 --> 01:11:32,199
If you do one nice thing a day for yourself,

1336
01:11:32,279 --> 01:11:35,800
God will do two more. You need to experiment with

1337
01:11:35,960 --> 01:11:38,720
solitude and quiet time, check in with yourself. See how

1338
01:11:38,720 --> 01:11:40,800
you're feeling. Take care of your inner artists, take care

1339
01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:44,159
of your inner child. Make sure you do your homework

1340
01:11:44,199 --> 01:11:46,239
for this week. I hope you guys are all doing

1341
01:11:46,279 --> 01:11:49,079
your morning pages. I've been doing my morning pages. I've

1342
01:11:49,119 --> 01:11:53,119
also been doing my artist date this week. I did

1343
01:11:53,800 --> 01:11:55,960
like it's not a color by number, but Jonathan Adler

1344
01:11:56,039 --> 01:11:58,840
did this collab with Michael's where you can go buy

1345
01:11:58,920 --> 01:12:01,199
some of his art and pay, and so that's what

1346
01:12:01,319 --> 01:12:03,800
I've been up to this week, just painting a little

1347
01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:06,640
bit and it's nice to just it's like again, it's

1348
01:12:06,640 --> 01:12:10,319
another form of meditation. It's just you know, I'm not

1349
01:12:10,560 --> 01:12:13,159
beaming with joy, but I am just quiet and I'm

1350
01:12:13,239 --> 01:12:16,840
focused and I am I'm in the zone. So I

1351
01:12:16,920 --> 01:12:18,479
hope you guys are in the zone. I'm so proud

1352
01:12:18,479 --> 01:12:19,960
of you guys for doing this work with me. I

1353
01:12:20,079 --> 01:12:22,640
love you so much. If you have any questions, DM

1354
01:12:22,760 --> 01:12:25,159
the Talk and Schmidt page. My other page gets way

1355
01:12:25,159 --> 01:12:30,279
too many dms for me to even see. DM me

1356
01:12:30,399 --> 01:12:32,279
if you need me. I love you so much and

1357
01:12:32,359 --> 01:12:34,079
I'll see you next week. Bestie's okay. Bye,