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<v Speaker 1>This is Pod Popular podcast for the people, the Great

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<v Speaker 1>Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a Great Love Debate. Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to The Great Love Debate, the world's number one

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<v Speaker 1>Dating in a Relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I'm here

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<v Speaker 1>in the fine studios of Pod Popular in Boca Raton, Florida.

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<v Speaker 1>It's very very nice here, and over the last I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know years, so we've done quite a few shows

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<v Speaker 1>about the end of relationships. And we're not doing that

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<v Speaker 1>to try and put a down around things. We are

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<v Speaker 1>in the love business here. We're selling hope around here.

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<v Speaker 1>But sometimes the best way to get into a good

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<v Speaker 1>relationship is to get out of a bad relationship. And

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<v Speaker 1>we've had authors on here, and we have had broken

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<v Speaker 1>hearted people on here, and we've had therapists on here.

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<v Speaker 1>And I've got somebody I've tried to get in here

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<v Speaker 1>for a couple of months now. I finally got her

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<v Speaker 1>busy schedule to sync with mine. She's the host of

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<v Speaker 1>Your Amazing Divorce podcast. She's been a marriage, family lawyer,

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<v Speaker 1>life coach, helping out the ladies maybe even the men.

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<v Speaker 1>For many, many years, and she's going to answer a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of my questions, which I know are a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of your questions, because you guys have been emailing me

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<v Speaker 1>this about for a long time during yaffa. How are you?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm great?

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<v Speaker 1>How are you?

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you for having me?

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<v Speaker 1>Are there too many divorces or not enough?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, that's a good question. I don't know. I guess

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<v Speaker 2>it's just about right.

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<v Speaker 1>It's right about Maybe it's not the right ones.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, things just kind of happen in relationships. People

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<v Speaker 2>just grow apart.

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<v Speaker 1>So yeah, I think so. We talked about this on

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<v Speaker 1>a prior podcast where you know the old stat that

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<v Speaker 1>half of marriages and in divorce, But there's a big

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<v Speaker 1>chunk that stay together unhappily. And there's a bunch of

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<v Speaker 1>reasons for that, kids, money or whatever. But a lot

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<v Speaker 1>of people stay into it because they just don't either

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<v Speaker 1>know how or they're afraid of the process.

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<v Speaker 2>Of divorce, absolutely one hundred percent.

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<v Speaker 1>And what are they afraid of? Are they afraid the

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<v Speaker 1>legal paperwork? They're afraid that it's going to be a mistake.

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<v Speaker 1>Are they afraid that they don't know where to turn?

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<v Speaker 1>The cost? Why? Why do all of it?

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<v Speaker 2>I think that people generally when they're in an unhappy relationship,

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<v Speaker 2>on a happy marriage, they they're afraid of the unknown,

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<v Speaker 2>you know. The people tend to stay in relationships because

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<v Speaker 2>they know what they're getting, even though it's bad.

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<v Speaker 1>The devil, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, And so you know, just as the humans

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<v Speaker 2>that we are, we're just most of us are not

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<v Speaker 2>looking for change. We might want change, but getting there

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<v Speaker 2>is difficult, and especially when you're in a bad relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's a cost, it's the kids, it's you know,

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<v Speaker 2>what am I going to do? I'm going to lose

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<v Speaker 2>half of everything. So and the fear of the legal

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<v Speaker 2>process itself is always, you know, something that's of great concern.

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<v Speaker 1>How often you run across I get that the two

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<v Speaker 1>biggest issues traditionally in divorce are money and custody. Sure,

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<v Speaker 1>how often is it that one just doesn't want to

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<v Speaker 1>get divorced? The emotion? How much of it is just

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<v Speaker 1>they're not on the same page?

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<v Speaker 2>I think most of the time, you know. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>I've been practicing now in Florida for twenty eight years,

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<v Speaker 2>and I've seen a great evolution in the law and

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<v Speaker 2>because of the legal standard that as lawyers were basically

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<v Speaker 2>governed by it's pretty simple, it's not complicated. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>there's an equitable distribution, there's asset division, presumption of fifty

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<v Speaker 2>to fifty not so challenging to figure out.

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<v Speaker 1>Right.

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<v Speaker 2>Maybe they have issues as to the value of a

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<v Speaker 2>business or the value of a real state or something,

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<v Speaker 2>but easy. You have custody issues, which nowadays most of

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<v Speaker 2>the parents work out. It's primarily they just don't want

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<v Speaker 2>to get divorced. Basically, maybe one party doesn't or again

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<v Speaker 2>they're in the process, but they're just fearful, and so

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<v Speaker 2>everyone's in this emotional state that they're just kind of

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<v Speaker 2>stuck in. I think as lawyers it's our responsibility to

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<v Speaker 2>help nudge them in that direction and let them know

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<v Speaker 2>it's going to be okay, we're going to get through this.

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<v Speaker 2>You're going to get to the better side of your life,

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<v Speaker 2>and you will.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's a big part of it, understanding when they

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<v Speaker 1>get through this storm that there's new opportunities in bright

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<v Speaker 1>sunny skies or whatever. But in the heat of the

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<v Speaker 1>emotion and whatever the reasons are for people getting divorced,

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<v Speaker 1>it's never a good thing that something has to end

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<v Speaker 1>that you at some point had high hopes.

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<v Speaker 2>For absolutely, you know, but they do get there. And

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<v Speaker 2>I have to tell you, in my twenty eight years

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<v Speaker 2>of doing this, I can maybe name on one hand

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<v Speaker 2>how many people went through the divorce process and ended

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<v Speaker 2>up being in a worse position. Very few, if I

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<v Speaker 2>was to statistically look at it, I am sure most

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<v Speaker 2>got to a better place.

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<v Speaker 1>And most, like I wish they did this years ago.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and you know it just because your family is

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<v Speaker 2>ending in the traditional sense, it's still a family if

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<v Speaker 2>you have children together, right, and so you know, many

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<v Speaker 2>people see it as a failure. I tend to see

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<v Speaker 2>it or help people to see it's the beginning of

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<v Speaker 2>some different relationship that you're going to have with your

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<v Speaker 2>ex and that can be a beautiful thing. I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm a prime example of that.

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<v Speaker 1>We were in the state of Florida as we record this,

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<v Speaker 1>and you practice in Florida. Florida is easier than some

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<v Speaker 1>other states. Some other states is like a long cooling off,

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<v Speaker 1>like I think Maryland is like that, where like you

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<v Speaker 1>can't do anything for a year.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm not sure, but I know that we are

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<v Speaker 2>one of the easier states, and there are requirements like

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<v Speaker 2>here you have to be a resident for six months

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<v Speaker 2>before you can get divorced. But there's no like if

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<v Speaker 2>after you fulfill the residency requirement, you can get divorced.

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<v Speaker 2>One party can want the divorce, the other doesn't need

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<v Speaker 2>to want it. It's still going to happen, and there's

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<v Speaker 2>no cooling off period. There's steps to get through it,

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<v Speaker 2>but it's not like you have to wait and consider

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<v Speaker 2>things and take you know, an abatement. No, it's not

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<v Speaker 2>like that now.

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<v Speaker 1>I asked a big network TV exec one time, I go,

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<v Speaker 1>how come there's not shows about divorce lawyers? And he said,

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<v Speaker 1>I go, there's a lot of legal shows, but very

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<v Speaker 1>rarely as one devoted to it, to a divorce law,

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<v Speaker 1>family law practice. And he goes, it hits too close

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<v Speaker 1>to home and people don't want to watch it. But

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<v Speaker 1>you've dove it into this, you're passionate about it. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and you spin it on your podcast in real life

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<v Speaker 1>as I am doing something that's going to help people's lives,

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<v Speaker 1>How did you get interested in this aspect of law.

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<v Speaker 2>I came from a divorce family, so my parents divorce

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<v Speaker 2>when I was five, my sister was three, and my

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<v Speaker 2>dad didn't want anything to do with us. After that.

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<v Speaker 2>A lot of it had to do with the fact

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<v Speaker 2>that we were living in Massachusetts. My mother purposely relocated

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<v Speaker 2>to Florida, so you know, distance wise, and he married

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<v Speaker 2>the woman he was having an affair with, So I

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<v Speaker 2>guess that kind of put you know, put it into

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<v Speaker 2>some perspective that you know, he chose them and his

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<v Speaker 2>new step daughter over me and my sister. So I

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<v Speaker 2>got into it because I saw my mom and I

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<v Speaker 2>saw what she went through, and she had a really

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<v Speaker 2>tough time. I remember, as a child and a young,

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<v Speaker 2>you know person, just seeing her really not recover from

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<v Speaker 2>the divorce in a very healthy way and go into

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of depression now and back. You know, when

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<v Speaker 2>I became older, I realized what it was. I thought

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<v Speaker 2>there's got to be a better way, you know, And

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<v Speaker 2>I was affected by that by not seeing my father.

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<v Speaker 2>So between that and it's really an very interesting practice.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not just about divorce. I mean, there's a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of complicated business issues and valuation can be very sophisticated.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, So.

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<v Speaker 2>I love it.

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<v Speaker 1>Not every when somebody comes to you, everybody, the first

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<v Speaker 1>meeting that somebody usually has from you, they use the phrase,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking about it and how do you engage how

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<v Speaker 1>far along the line they are in there process.

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<v Speaker 2>I can usually gauge that pretty quickly. So if I

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<v Speaker 2>was statistically to look at, I think that women when

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<v Speaker 2>they come to see me are pretty much ready to

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<v Speaker 2>get divorced. Generally. Generally, they're getting information, they've kind of

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<v Speaker 2>made up their mind. Men are kind of feeling it

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<v Speaker 2>out more. What am I going to lose? How much

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<v Speaker 2>am I going to pay? What is it going to

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<v Speaker 2>cost me?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh no, that's so sad, and uh BIG's the check?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and they're concerned about that, you know, rightfully, So

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<v Speaker 2>I get it.

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<v Speaker 1>You talked about the fifty to fifty earlier. Yeah, I know,

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<v Speaker 1>states differ. It's fifty to fifty of what you made

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<v Speaker 1>while you were married. So if you're a wealthy guy

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<v Speaker 1>and you got married and your wealth sort of stayed

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<v Speaker 1>the same, she doesn't get half of that, right or

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<v Speaker 1>does that depend on the state.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, first of all, if you're a wealthy person, not

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<v Speaker 2>just male, but female, you should have a prenup side note,

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<v Speaker 2>but but yeah, So basically, you look at the date

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<v Speaker 2>of the valuation, let's say, the marital estate before you

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<v Speaker 2>got married, and then you look at the date as

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<v Speaker 2>of the date of the filing of the divorce, and

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<v Speaker 2>you see what you had then and remained intact and

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<v Speaker 2>stayed separate and apart, and what you have now.

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<v Speaker 1>And so she spent a bunch of your money and

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<v Speaker 1>it went down.

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<v Speaker 2>That's it. It's gone, It's gone.

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<v Speaker 1>How do you have that conversation, though? How do you

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<v Speaker 1>have the prenup conversation without? I mean, that's got to

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<v Speaker 1>be so awkward unless you're super rich, and then you're like,

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<v Speaker 1>my board is making me do this?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, you know what, a lot of times, especially here

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<v Speaker 2>in South Florida, we have children of wealthy parents, trust children.

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<v Speaker 2>We have people that have already been through divorce that

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<v Speaker 2>have substantial wealth. They're smart, most of them. I have

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<v Speaker 2>to tell you that that I've had more prenups signings

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<v Speaker 2>in the last let's say, sixty days and I've had

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<v Speaker 2>in a long time. I'm getting them on a regular basis.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just smart. If you think about it, if fifty

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<v Speaker 2>percent of the people get divorced, I don't know, kind

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<v Speaker 2>of have to figure that out. Yeah, and why wouldn't you?

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<v Speaker 2>And I hear a lot of younger people getting prenups.

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<v Speaker 2>They just want to tie that part up and not

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<v Speaker 2>have to worry about it.

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<v Speaker 1>You focus mainly on women, Not.

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<v Speaker 2>Really, I focus on women for my life coaching, right well,

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<v Speaker 2>for both male and female. As a divorce lawyer, what.

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<v Speaker 1>How is the process other than what you said? And

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<v Speaker 1>they come to you and they're not quite sure, but

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<v Speaker 1>the breakup, you know, take the infidelity out of it.

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<v Speaker 1>Take it we just grew apart out of it. Do

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<v Speaker 1>you try and get into the why you're getting divorced?

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<v Speaker 1>And try and said or you're just like, okay, you

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<v Speaker 1>want to get divorced and I'm going to How much

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<v Speaker 1>of you are you blending life coaching with divorce? Well?

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<v Speaker 2>I blend it, but I think any good divorce attorney

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<v Speaker 2>first question is is your marriage irritatedly broken? Because that's

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<v Speaker 2>one of the criteria for getting divorced, and if you

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<v Speaker 2>can save the marriage, Like I have a case right

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<v Speaker 2>now where he doesn't want to be divorced, but the

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<v Speaker 2>wife has some severe substance abuse issues. He'd rather her

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<v Speaker 2>get help, but this has been ongoing for years and

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<v Speaker 2>as we know, we can't force people into treatment. So

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<v Speaker 2>he's made a decision to get divorced. Would he prefer

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<v Speaker 2>not of course. So when I spoke to him, it

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<v Speaker 2>was all about what have you tried? Have you tried

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<v Speaker 2>to get her in therapy? And how have you tried that? First?

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<v Speaker 2>Because he doesn't want this, we tried a few more things,

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<v Speaker 2>gave him some advice, and now we had to file.

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<v Speaker 2>That's a first question. But from there the life coaching

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<v Speaker 2>for me, it is just part of what I already

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<v Speaker 2>did because I truly care about my clients and I

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<v Speaker 2>want them to get to a better place. But like anything,

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<v Speaker 2>it's a cost benefit. Sometimes you can stay and work

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<v Speaker 2>things out, and if you can, I encourage that and

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<v Speaker 2>maybe open their their thoughts to some of the ideas

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<v Speaker 2>to keep the marriage together that maybe they didn't consider,

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<v Speaker 2>like a post nuptial agreement, like maybe we have financial

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<v Speaker 2>issues the wife is spending too much, or the husband's eeropsychloboge.

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<v Speaker 1>You know you can take on this, let's stay together,

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<v Speaker 1>but you can I don't want to be responsible for

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<v Speaker 1>this dad if it gets out of hand.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, And that can work in some cases, you know

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<v Speaker 2>where now they've resolved that and they can really focus

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<v Speaker 2>in on other issues in their relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>So is custody easier to work out than the money.

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<v Speaker 2>It depends. Most of the cases that I deal with,

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<v Speaker 2>I would say that the parties pretty much have the

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<v Speaker 2>best interests of the children in line, and they're able

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<v Speaker 2>to work it out. It's a little you know here

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<v Speaker 2>and there, but they work through it. Other cases not

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<v Speaker 2>so much. And I can kind of identify those clients

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<v Speaker 2>that have an agenda with the children really far away.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, you don't want to use the children as absolutely

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<v Speaker 1>as a weapon. Way. I'm always surprised at how often

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<v Speaker 1>women or a man they hate each other and think

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<v Speaker 1>they are the devil, and then they're like, oh, but

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<v Speaker 1>he's a good father. Oh sure, and they really can compartmentalize,

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<v Speaker 1>which is shocking to me. Or they're like, we made

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<v Speaker 1>this child together who we both love and we share

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<v Speaker 1>this and I see the good things in the child.

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<v Speaker 1>But they're they're really able to the compartment which is amazing.

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<v Speaker 1>Props to them.

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<v Speaker 2>It's good for them. I mean my ex husband Sam,

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<v Speaker 2>who's also a lawyer but doesn't touch family law. He

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<v Speaker 2>does medical mail practice and PI stuff him and I

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<v Speaker 2>I would consider him one of my best friends. Like literally,

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<v Speaker 2>I could call him at three in the morning.

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<v Speaker 1>I need him.

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<v Speaker 2>He's there for me same here, we just the kids.

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<v Speaker 1>Wherever do you handle your own divorce?

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<v Speaker 2>Is not because you have a fool for a client, right.

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<v Speaker 1>O.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I had somebody else handle it. But at the

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<v Speaker 2>end we really put our client, our lawyers aside, and

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<v Speaker 2>we went to mediation ourselves and we banged it out

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<v Speaker 2>in eight hours and we went to dinner.

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<v Speaker 1>How often does somebody either change their mind on the money, like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh my god, I can't I sign that and I

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<v Speaker 1>want to go back and do it again, or you

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<v Speaker 1>know what, I realized I still love him. Can we

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<v Speaker 1>can we get this back together? That's not your problem.

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<v Speaker 2>No, No, I've had the I call my annuities. I've

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<v Speaker 2>had that happened. But most of the time, when we

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<v Speaker 2>get through the process, the legal system is still you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it's got a lot of problems. So just no matter

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<v Speaker 2>how amicable, you have to do, certain things in the

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<v Speaker 2>legal process that kind of push people further apart, and

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<v Speaker 2>it's changing slowly, but by the end they usually don't

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<v Speaker 2>really consider reconciliation. But I have had a few.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So we talked about that on a podcast couple

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<v Speaker 1>of years ago. That boyfriend and girlfriends break up and

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<v Speaker 1>they get back together all the time, but rarely and

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<v Speaker 1>people are like, once the legal gets involved, it's.

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<v Speaker 2>A it changes everything.

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<v Speaker 1>It does. It changes the tone and how you see them.

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<v Speaker 1>When somebody gets divorced, how do they understand the process

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<v Speaker 1>of it or how much of it? Like you have

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<v Speaker 1>to teach them here are the steps, and here's what's

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<v Speaker 1>going to work. And it's not just you know, we

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<v Speaker 1>sit in a room and here's how we find the money,

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<v Speaker 1>and here's how we realize who gets what and whatever.

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<v Speaker 1>It's complicated. You're earning your money on this.

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<v Speaker 2>It's complicated. I call it the Ian one of divorce.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, they need an education, not to a level

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<v Speaker 2>of knowing it like I do, but they certainly need

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<v Speaker 2>to make educated decisions. And I look to them for

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<v Speaker 2>the answers. Here's your option, we can do this. Here's

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<v Speaker 2>how much it's going to cost you. What's the cost

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<v Speaker 2>benefit here? You know, if you have a man who

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<v Speaker 2>let's not say man, if you have someone who's going

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<v Speaker 2>to pay support and you're talking a five hundred dollars

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<v Speaker 2>a difference month, and we're gonna fight that. I do

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<v Speaker 2>the actual math with them, and I'll sit with them

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<v Speaker 2>and say we're fighting this. Could we look at this

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<v Speaker 2>like how much it's going to cost you in litigation

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<v Speaker 2>and time and trial, and you know, let's see if

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<v Speaker 2>we can come to a compromise here.

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<v Speaker 1>And you must run into man or woman again not

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<v Speaker 1>to stereotype somebody who has not worked in twenty years

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<v Speaker 1>or more and maybe the assets were nothing and suddenly

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<v Speaker 1>they're like, oh my god, I'm fifty four years old

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<v Speaker 1>and I got to find a job.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. That happens a lot scary a lot of traditional

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<v Speaker 2>marriages here.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know that.

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<v Speaker 2>I that in our community where we live here in Boca,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know it's changing. But I always said, listen,

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<v Speaker 2>if you get married young or whenever you get married,

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<v Speaker 2>and you're going to give up your career, you got

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<v Speaker 2>to think about that because the courts are not awarding

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<v Speaker 2>support alimony like they used to years ago, and they

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<v Speaker 2>are expecting you, whether you're fifty four or sixty to work.

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<v Speaker 2>They're going to impute income to you. Yeah, and you

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<v Speaker 2>gave up your career, and you got to take that

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<v Speaker 2>into consideration.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, if somebody gave up their career to raise the kids,

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<v Speaker 1>take care of the house. He was a doctor, had

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<v Speaker 1>a gambling problem. He lost it all and now we're divorced,

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<v Speaker 1>and then he can continue working. Sure is that factor in?

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<v Speaker 1>And then it's like, well, she gave it up, so

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<v Speaker 1>until she can get up to a certain point, he

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<v Speaker 1>still has to pay.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely that matters. And it looks at you look at

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<v Speaker 2>the standard of living. You look at what is considered

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<v Speaker 2>a need versus extras. You know, somebody has a clothing

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<v Speaker 2>habit every month of ten grand. That's probably not a need, right,

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<v Speaker 2>but there is some allowance for clothing. Let's just say

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<v Speaker 2>as an example. And then they're going to say, what

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<v Speaker 2>is her capacity for work? And let's say, and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>saying he, it's he, shey because women pay alimony as well.

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<v Speaker 2>I have it both ways. But she can work and

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<v Speaker 2>she can make X amount of dollars. We have experts

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<v Speaker 2>that come in and actually do an evaluation and it's

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<v Speaker 2>called a vocational exam, and they will basically impute income

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<v Speaker 2>to the under earning spouse and offset the alimony need,

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<v Speaker 2>and then the difference is paid by the one that

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<v Speaker 2>can pay based on his or her ability.

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<v Speaker 1>Most alimony stops when she remarries.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, that would be considered what they call permanent alimony.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, long term alimony and generally or if they're

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<v Speaker 2>in support of financial relationship, that changed, right, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>So now if you're living with somebody and you're you know,

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<v Speaker 2>you don't have as many expenses, you're being you know,

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<v Speaker 2>either directly or indirectly provided support.

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<v Speaker 1>You can can he make the case like listen, she

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<v Speaker 1>loves him and they're just not marrying because they want me.

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<v Speaker 2>To pay right, Well, you could rate, you could, yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>but we get really dig you know, you start digging

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<v Speaker 2>deep into finances and subpoenaing records and figuring it out.

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<v Speaker 2>So you know, I understand that it seems fair. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>it seems fair.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, We got to take a quick break because

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<v Speaker 1>we need to take care of our finances, but we

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<v Speaker 1>will be back on them here with Duran Yaff and

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<v Speaker 1>we're talking about all things love and divorce right after this,

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<v Speaker 1>and we are back our second marriage. Second divorce is easier.

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<v Speaker 2>I think, so is it?

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<v Speaker 1>Is it because they've been through it or so it's

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<v Speaker 1>you do get.

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<v Speaker 2>Better at Remember we started talking about the unknown. Right

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<v Speaker 2>now they know and so they're more That's maybe why

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<v Speaker 2>the divorce rate for second time marriages is higher. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know, but but.

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<v Speaker 1>They because the fantasy of the fifth ever after is gone,

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<v Speaker 1>I think, so.

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<v Speaker 2>I think there's more realistic. They're just a wiser, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>as we all get in our age.

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<v Speaker 1>But and I went through it and I survived it,

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<v Speaker 1>which is a big part of recidivism if you're talking

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<v Speaker 1>about criminal Actually they did the time, and they survived

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<v Speaker 1>and they got out. So they're like part of the

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<v Speaker 1>scariness of oh my god, I went to jail for

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<v Speaker 1>five years is gone. Yeah, yeah, you know, and so

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<v Speaker 1>part of the you know, people look at whether it's dating,

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship is a game of musical chair chairs and

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<v Speaker 1>they don't want to get stuck without a seat. So

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of times people would rather stay in a

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<v Speaker 1>bad relationship than no relationship. If they got divorced and

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<v Speaker 1>then got remarried again, a third time is not nearly

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<v Speaker 1>as far fetched as a second time was to them, absolutely,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. And how is it changing that the women

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<v Speaker 1>are paying more alimony and child support than they used to.

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<v Speaker 2>I think that certainly they're better earners now than they

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<v Speaker 2>were many years ago. So that's all factored into it

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<v Speaker 2>when you look at support, either child support or alimonies.

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<v Speaker 2>So you know, I have cases where women are the breadwinners,

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<v Speaker 2>and I think with the younger generation even more so.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, there's automen that stay home and take on

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<v Speaker 2>that responsibility and that's okay, it's good.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, how often do you run into how did

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<v Speaker 1>you ever marry this person?

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<v Speaker 2>But you know what, it's that expression elephants don't marry

414
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<v Speaker 2>giraffes or giraffes don't marry. You always wonder, like you

415
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<v Speaker 2>see this other person on the other side and you're like, oh, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>this is really not a good person. How did you

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<v Speaker 2>even get there?

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<v Speaker 1>Right?

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<v Speaker 2>But then you start to uncover things about your client,

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<v Speaker 2>You're like, oh, I see how you guys connected. But sometimes, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I had I had a really sad case where he

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<v Speaker 2>was absolutely a para what do they call it?

423
00:20:43.720 --> 00:20:45.119
<v Speaker 1>A liar?

424
00:20:45.400 --> 00:20:49.960
<v Speaker 2>You pathological liar diagnosed one hundred percent could fool anybody.

425
00:20:49.960 --> 00:20:51.759
<v Speaker 2>And that was a really sad case because she happened

426
00:20:51.799 --> 00:20:53.759
<v Speaker 2>to be one of the most amazing women I've ever met,

427
00:20:53.920 --> 00:20:56.359
<v Speaker 2>came from a great family. But he was able to

428
00:20:56.400 --> 00:20:58.960
<v Speaker 2>convince her of things that you know, others couldn't and

429
00:20:59.359 --> 00:21:01.400
<v Speaker 2>he was good at it. But other than that, I think,

430
00:21:01.480 --> 00:21:05.240
<v Speaker 2>you know, what people generally are just good relationships.

431
00:21:05.359 --> 00:21:07.519
<v Speaker 1>Just I think if you walk down the aisle, you

432
00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:10.400
<v Speaker 1>are hoping for the best. I think the men are

433
00:21:10.680 --> 00:21:13.160
<v Speaker 1>a lot of times the women. He you know, he's

434
00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:14.799
<v Speaker 1>be a good parent, could provide her get all these

435
00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:17.680
<v Speaker 1>kinds of things, all the stereotypical things. It's still she

436
00:21:17.839 --> 00:21:20.200
<v Speaker 1>dreams of the house, the dog, the white pick offense.

437
00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:23.759
<v Speaker 1>He's not even in that list. But well, I think

438
00:21:23.799 --> 00:21:26.319
<v Speaker 1>when he enters into it, which is why. You know,

439
00:21:26.680 --> 00:21:30.400
<v Speaker 1>some very very wealthy men who have written very big

440
00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:32.839
<v Speaker 1>checks for divorce, you see, get married for the fifth

441
00:21:32.960 --> 00:21:33.920
<v Speaker 1>or sixth time.

442
00:21:34.960 --> 00:21:35.680
<v Speaker 2>I love.

443
00:21:35.960 --> 00:21:38.319
<v Speaker 1>I think they do. I think they are hoping in

444
00:21:38.359 --> 00:21:40.599
<v Speaker 1>the moment or they're like, if I marry her, she

445
00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:43.359
<v Speaker 1>won't leave me. There's something about like, oh I'm gonna

446
00:21:43.400 --> 00:21:45.559
<v Speaker 1>lock her down, and they don't. They don't learn their

447
00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:47.759
<v Speaker 1>lesson after all that time.

448
00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:50.039
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, we all are just in this world

449
00:21:50.119 --> 00:21:53.480
<v Speaker 2>trying to love. Yeah, I think, and we all want that.

450
00:21:53.480 --> 00:21:55.240
<v Speaker 2>That's one of the higher needs you know that we

451
00:21:55.279 --> 00:21:55.680
<v Speaker 2>all have.

452
00:21:55.960 --> 00:21:59.039
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And even when somebody goes through something incredibly painful

453
00:21:59.119 --> 00:22:02.400
<v Speaker 1>and they have been arguing every Tuesday in court for

454
00:22:02.440 --> 00:22:05.640
<v Speaker 1>three years or whatever, there's a part of them, and

455
00:22:05.680 --> 00:22:08.960
<v Speaker 1>that's part of your job, and that's part of our job,

456
00:22:09.000 --> 00:22:12.240
<v Speaker 1>and that sort of society's job is to flame that

457
00:22:12.359 --> 00:22:14.880
<v Speaker 1>hope again and have them because once they can see

458
00:22:14.880 --> 00:22:17.160
<v Speaker 1>there's a possibility of all right, once I get through this,

459
00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:19.839
<v Speaker 1>or once I stop thinking about this or the anger

460
00:22:20.119 --> 00:22:22.920
<v Speaker 1>or the sadness subsides, I can start new again. And

461
00:22:22.960 --> 00:22:25.079
<v Speaker 1>there's still time to do that. That's look.

462
00:22:25.119 --> 00:22:29.000
<v Speaker 2>I have people getting prenuptials that are in their eighties.

463
00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:32.720
<v Speaker 2>They found love again, they found companionship, right, and they

464
00:22:33.400 --> 00:22:36.359
<v Speaker 2>want to make sure that their estates are secure for

465
00:22:36.440 --> 00:22:39.079
<v Speaker 2>their family. So they're going to have their trust all

466
00:22:39.119 --> 00:22:40.599
<v Speaker 2>in place and all this. They just want to be

467
00:22:40.680 --> 00:22:42.559
<v Speaker 2>together and it's a beautiful thing.

468
00:22:43.359 --> 00:22:49.279
<v Speaker 1>Can you if somebody dies without a will here, that's different.

469
00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:53.440
<v Speaker 1>Every state's different, Every state's different. Yeah, And can they leave?

470
00:22:53.519 --> 00:22:56.759
<v Speaker 1>Can somebody leave their estate to a dog in this state?

471
00:22:57.720 --> 00:22:59.759
<v Speaker 2>And that's not you know, that's above my.

472
00:22:59.680 --> 00:23:02.079
<v Speaker 1>Pag No, that's not what I mean. Certain states, it's like, yeah,

473
00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:05.039
<v Speaker 1>the dog has a budget, and it's eighty percent of.

474
00:23:05.680 --> 00:23:10.519
<v Speaker 2>The will dog custody cases. Do you but dogs are

475
00:23:10.599 --> 00:23:14.440
<v Speaker 2>considered chattel property from the old days, right, Yeah, so

476
00:23:14.559 --> 00:23:17.359
<v Speaker 2>I mean, we've had drawn out fights about who gets

477
00:23:17.359 --> 00:23:19.240
<v Speaker 2>a dog. And the bottom line is you can't have

478
00:23:19.279 --> 00:23:22.480
<v Speaker 2>a visitation schedule. You can agree to it separately, but

479
00:23:22.519 --> 00:23:24.839
<v Speaker 2>you can't have The courts won't order that.

480
00:23:24.920 --> 00:23:26.799
<v Speaker 1>They won't. They won't be like you get the dogs

481
00:23:26.799 --> 00:23:27.480
<v Speaker 1>on weekends.

482
00:23:27.599 --> 00:23:30.519
<v Speaker 2>There's case all right on point one person gets a dog,

483
00:23:30.680 --> 00:23:34.160
<v Speaker 2>it's considered property and that's it. I know, I know,

484
00:23:34.480 --> 00:23:37.200
<v Speaker 2>I know that'll change because we all love our for friends.

485
00:23:37.240 --> 00:23:41.640
<v Speaker 1>Well, I mean, you know, fifty years ago, until the fifties,

486
00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:44.119
<v Speaker 1>dogs were not in the house. Right, This is a

487
00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:46.960
<v Speaker 1>fairly new development, and a lot of countries are like that.

488
00:23:47.000 --> 00:23:49.640
<v Speaker 1>They're working animals and they're out and their true thousand

489
00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:52.640
<v Speaker 1>horses or whatever. And somewhere time after World War Two,

490
00:23:52.680 --> 00:23:54.119
<v Speaker 1>we decided to let the dog in the house. And

491
00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:55.559
<v Speaker 1>then the dog got in the bed, and the dog

492
00:23:55.640 --> 00:23:57.359
<v Speaker 1>was a child, and then he took over. I mean

493
00:23:57.359 --> 00:24:00.000
<v Speaker 1>he takes over. But yeah, I didn't think about it.

494
00:24:00.160 --> 00:24:03.359
<v Speaker 1>I didn't think about that dog or cat custody.

495
00:24:03.400 --> 00:24:06.920
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, oh yeah, I've had a prenup in which

496
00:24:06.960 --> 00:24:08.759
<v Speaker 2>that was going to be. That was one of the issues.

497
00:24:08.799 --> 00:24:11.839
<v Speaker 1>I get the dog, that's got to be tough. And

498
00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:14.119
<v Speaker 1>then do they do they work out visitation or is

499
00:24:14.119 --> 00:24:15.759
<v Speaker 1>that separate in the courts? Just like whatever you want

500
00:24:15.799 --> 00:24:17.200
<v Speaker 1>to figure out, figure out they ken.

501
00:24:17.240 --> 00:24:19.039
<v Speaker 2>It's just that if you can't agree, the court's going

502
00:24:19.079 --> 00:24:20.720
<v Speaker 2>to give the dog to one person.

503
00:24:21.599 --> 00:24:25.079
<v Speaker 1>Is it. I've asked some people this who have gotten

504
00:24:25.680 --> 00:24:30.759
<v Speaker 1>divorced because somebody had an affair with somebody else. Yeah,

505
00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:35.440
<v Speaker 1>And I always wondered, is it better if twenty years

506
00:24:35.480 --> 00:24:39.079
<v Speaker 1>later they're still with that person because on some levels,

507
00:24:39.119 --> 00:24:41.039
<v Speaker 1>like well, I guess it worked out for them, or

508
00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:43.240
<v Speaker 1>the pairs of people always were rooting for it to

509
00:24:43.319 --> 00:24:43.960
<v Speaker 1>not work out.

510
00:24:44.119 --> 00:24:45.759
<v Speaker 2>No, I don't know.

511
00:24:46.240 --> 00:24:48.279
<v Speaker 1>I think that would make it easier, while like, oh,

512
00:24:48.319 --> 00:24:50.279
<v Speaker 1>I guess that they were better together than we were.

513
00:24:50.680 --> 00:24:53.000
<v Speaker 2>Have I had those cases of course? And you know

514
00:24:53.079 --> 00:24:59.400
<v Speaker 2>what I mean. Look, I mean unfortunately people aren't faithful

515
00:24:59.400 --> 00:25:01.039
<v Speaker 2>from time to time. I have to tell you it's

516
00:25:01.079 --> 00:25:03.720
<v Speaker 2>not what I see is one of the maze major causes.

517
00:25:03.759 --> 00:25:06.599
<v Speaker 2>It's really more about financials and a lot about just

518
00:25:06.799 --> 00:25:10.680
<v Speaker 2>really communication. I know it sounds so cliche, right, but

519
00:25:11.039 --> 00:25:15.640
<v Speaker 2>really just not growing together. They're just growing separately, and

520
00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:18.000
<v Speaker 2>so you have to work at it right. You have

521
00:25:18.079 --> 00:25:19.720
<v Speaker 2>to really work at your marriage right.

522
00:25:19.759 --> 00:25:22.640
<v Speaker 1>They got lazy. They went from husband wife to mom

523
00:25:22.720 --> 00:25:24.680
<v Speaker 1>and dad, and then they grew apart, and.

524
00:25:24.640 --> 00:25:27.200
<v Speaker 2>Then you get comfortable. And you know, I say, sometimes

525
00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:30.039
<v Speaker 2>people spend more time on their financials like writing checks

526
00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:31.519
<v Speaker 2>or now we do it online, than they do on

527
00:25:31.640 --> 00:25:33.759
<v Speaker 2>really working on the relationship every month, and you got

528
00:25:33.799 --> 00:25:35.440
<v Speaker 2>to work at it.

529
00:25:35.480 --> 00:25:39.160
<v Speaker 1>Is there a huge rise in divorces when the youngest

530
00:25:39.240 --> 00:25:41.839
<v Speaker 1>kid turns seventeen. That's a real thing.

531
00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:44.240
<v Speaker 2>That's a real thing because a lot of people have

532
00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:47.759
<v Speaker 2>a perception that it's better to stay together even though

533
00:25:47.759 --> 00:25:49.559
<v Speaker 2>it's bad until the children leave.

534
00:25:49.759 --> 00:25:50.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

535
00:25:50.039 --> 00:25:51.839
<v Speaker 2>I have my own personal opinion on that. I'm not

536
00:25:51.920 --> 00:25:54.039
<v Speaker 2>a therapist. I'm not into that line of work, but

537
00:25:54.079 --> 00:25:55.640
<v Speaker 2>I just think it's a horrible example.

538
00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:58.079
<v Speaker 1>You were very very young when your parents got divorced.

539
00:25:59.480 --> 00:26:01.359
<v Speaker 1>You could you remember that? Oh?

540
00:26:01.440 --> 00:26:02.079
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

541
00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:04.720
<v Speaker 1>Is there an age where I guess every age is tough.

542
00:26:04.799 --> 00:26:07.680
<v Speaker 1>They're old enough to understand but not quite old enough

543
00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:12.880
<v Speaker 1>to process it. There's that's a pretty big window. What

544
00:26:12.920 --> 00:26:14.240
<v Speaker 1>do you remember about it?

545
00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:17.559
<v Speaker 2>Just I remember he took my sister and I out

546
00:26:17.559 --> 00:26:20.440
<v Speaker 2>to lunch with her, and I thought, you know, here,

547
00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:22.759
<v Speaker 2>I am like probably four or five, at almost five

548
00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:24.440
<v Speaker 2>at the time, and I thought, why am I with

549
00:26:24.519 --> 00:26:27.440
<v Speaker 2>this lady? It felt weird to me, It felt not

550
00:26:27.640 --> 00:26:30.519
<v Speaker 2>right right. A child other than that don't have a

551
00:26:30.559 --> 00:26:34.119
<v Speaker 2>lot of memory of it, right, but I do remember

552
00:26:34.160 --> 00:26:36.319
<v Speaker 2>it being something was wrong.

553
00:26:37.079 --> 00:26:40.279
<v Speaker 1>Can you work that out in court? Can she say

554
00:26:40.480 --> 00:26:44.759
<v Speaker 1>I don't he can have visitation or partial custody but

555
00:26:45.000 --> 00:26:45.759
<v Speaker 1>not around her.

556
00:26:46.119 --> 00:26:47.240
<v Speaker 2>The answer is yes and no.

557
00:26:47.440 --> 00:26:49.519
<v Speaker 1>Right he's kept doing force. Yeah.

558
00:26:49.559 --> 00:26:53.200
<v Speaker 2>So the courts in Florida very hitch's the word liberal,

559
00:26:53.240 --> 00:26:56.759
<v Speaker 2>but they're very understanding that both parents get to have

560
00:26:57.839 --> 00:27:01.400
<v Speaker 2>our due process, constitutional right to have our children and

561
00:27:01.480 --> 00:27:03.720
<v Speaker 2>to parent them as we see appropriate. And if you

562
00:27:03.799 --> 00:27:06.880
<v Speaker 2>chose to have a child with this person, then they

563
00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:09.359
<v Speaker 2>get to make some decision on who they're going to

564
00:27:09.359 --> 00:27:12.720
<v Speaker 2>expose a child to. So the courts are really reluctant

565
00:27:12.799 --> 00:27:17.000
<v Speaker 2>to say no girlfriend or boyfriend around the child unless

566
00:27:17.039 --> 00:27:20.640
<v Speaker 2>there's some best interest, like the person is using drugs

567
00:27:20.759 --> 00:27:24.039
<v Speaker 2>or just really not a good person. But generally they

568
00:27:24.079 --> 00:27:28.119
<v Speaker 2>they you know, they don't go there. I had a

569
00:27:28.160 --> 00:27:29.839
<v Speaker 2>lady today, She's like, well, I don't want him to

570
00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:33.000
<v Speaker 2>have the child because he has only one bedroom and

571
00:27:33.039 --> 00:27:35.640
<v Speaker 2>he he this is a divorce, you know, like a

572
00:27:35.680 --> 00:27:39.079
<v Speaker 2>year later and he has a new girlfriend. The daughter

573
00:27:39.160 --> 00:27:42.319
<v Speaker 2>is eight from the relationship, and the new girlfriend has

574
00:27:42.359 --> 00:27:44.920
<v Speaker 2>a child who's six, and like, where are they going

575
00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:47.000
<v Speaker 2>to sleep? And all that. I'm like, listen, the courts

576
00:27:47.000 --> 00:27:49.799
<v Speaker 2>are going to say, he's going to figure it out. Yeah,

577
00:27:49.839 --> 00:27:51.599
<v Speaker 2>you know, they're six and eight?

578
00:27:51.720 --> 00:27:53.640
<v Speaker 1>So does tie go to the mother?

579
00:27:54.240 --> 00:27:55.400
<v Speaker 2>Does what a tie?

580
00:27:55.440 --> 00:27:57.880
<v Speaker 1>It's like in baseball? The tie goes to the runner?

581
00:27:58.200 --> 00:28:00.759
<v Speaker 1>Does a tie go to the mother? I don't believe. Okay,

582
00:28:00.880 --> 00:28:03.720
<v Speaker 1>if it's no, I want the no.

583
00:28:05.519 --> 00:28:08.480
<v Speaker 2>Nh uh. That was called the tender year doctrines. That

584
00:28:08.599 --> 00:28:11.960
<v Speaker 2>was way when I first started. Primarily moms got children

585
00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:14.799
<v Speaker 2>because they presumed that up through the age. I believe

586
00:28:14.799 --> 00:28:17.400
<v Speaker 2>it was too that the mothers were necessary to care

587
00:28:17.799 --> 00:28:20.799
<v Speaker 2>and feed and do all the thing's caretaking. That was abolished.

588
00:28:20.880 --> 00:28:24.240
<v Speaker 2>That's gone. It's really many men get more time sharing

589
00:28:24.279 --> 00:28:24.720
<v Speaker 2>than women.

590
00:28:24.920 --> 00:28:29.559
<v Speaker 1>They do. Yeah, I know, but I thought it was

591
00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:32.079
<v Speaker 1>always tough that the court was going to be like that.

592
00:28:32.160 --> 00:28:37.160
<v Speaker 1>The woman has a lot more wiggle room behaviorally than

593
00:28:37.200 --> 00:28:38.200
<v Speaker 1>the man, would you know.

594
00:28:38.279 --> 00:28:41.240
<v Speaker 2>I think that is kind of a transception, is because

595
00:28:41.400 --> 00:28:44.359
<v Speaker 2>it really is a caretaker who's been the primary caretaker

596
00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:48.000
<v Speaker 2>and if the mother has been which typically in many cases,

597
00:28:48.200 --> 00:28:51.759
<v Speaker 2>is the case, then they will, you know, but it's Look,

598
00:28:51.799 --> 00:28:54.440
<v Speaker 2>there's no presumption in Florida fifty to fifty time sharing.

599
00:28:54.640 --> 00:28:57.240
<v Speaker 2>That's that's a policy here. That's not something we do.

600
00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:00.839
<v Speaker 2>But do the courts look at them? Sure they do

601
00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:02.799
<v Speaker 2>in their own minds.

602
00:29:03.240 --> 00:29:04.839
<v Speaker 1>Well, what did two people do if they're just like,

603
00:29:05.279 --> 00:29:08.960
<v Speaker 1>he's the worst father, she's the worst mother. Yeah, nobody's gonna.

604
00:29:08.759 --> 00:29:10.960
<v Speaker 2>Cave prove it. You got to prove it to the

605
00:29:11.000 --> 00:29:14.160
<v Speaker 2>court because it's best interest. And it's not easy because

606
00:29:14.160 --> 00:29:17.599
<v Speaker 2>most of these best interest issues of bad dad bad

607
00:29:17.680 --> 00:29:20.359
<v Speaker 2>mom are done in the privacy of your home.

608
00:29:20.680 --> 00:29:23.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know, can the court rule fifty to fifty

609
00:29:23.640 --> 00:29:27.920
<v Speaker 1>or so? The court can? Yes, What if somebody is well,

610
00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:31.640
<v Speaker 1>which again we're in South Florida, sure wealthy, they want

611
00:29:31.680 --> 00:29:34.319
<v Speaker 1>the custody, But the custody for them means their nanny

612
00:29:34.519 --> 00:29:36.480
<v Speaker 1>is going to do their half of the raising.

613
00:29:36.759 --> 00:29:40.720
<v Speaker 2>Is that That's a good question. You know. I always

614
00:29:40.759 --> 00:29:45.359
<v Speaker 2>say that if dad's let's just say it's dad, right,

615
00:29:45.400 --> 00:29:47.279
<v Speaker 2>and dad's around, and he has somebody that's going to

616
00:29:47.319 --> 00:29:50.839
<v Speaker 2>help with the caretaking as long as he's around, and

617
00:29:51.000 --> 00:29:54.160
<v Speaker 2>you know, he's not every night somewhere else, why not.

618
00:29:54.400 --> 00:29:56.519
<v Speaker 2>You know, the courts are going to permit that an

619
00:29:56.559 --> 00:29:58.920
<v Speaker 2>extra set of hair hands. It takes a village, right.

620
00:30:00.240 --> 00:30:03.720
<v Speaker 1>Is it a myth that the divorces went up from COVID.

621
00:30:04.599 --> 00:30:06.880
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if Florida wasn't quite locked down.

622
00:30:07.119 --> 00:30:09.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know what. I tried to figure that out,

623
00:30:09.720 --> 00:30:13.960
<v Speaker 2>and I couldn't find stats that conclusively told me that.

624
00:30:15.519 --> 00:30:18.359
<v Speaker 2>I didn't see any change. I mean, I saw some

625
00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:21.119
<v Speaker 2>change in postponed filings.

626
00:30:20.640 --> 00:30:23.279
<v Speaker 1>Right, it might have been an illusion that afterwards because

627
00:30:23.279 --> 00:30:26.000
<v Speaker 1>the courts were so backed up and they still are right,

628
00:30:26.039 --> 00:30:27.200
<v Speaker 1>and so it looked like a spike.

629
00:30:27.440 --> 00:30:27.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

630
00:30:28.119 --> 00:30:29.920
<v Speaker 1>Did you were able to do it the whole time?

631
00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:30.920
<v Speaker 1>They do it online here?

632
00:30:31.759 --> 00:30:35.559
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so you know, some out of something bad something good. Right,

633
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:38.960
<v Speaker 2>So we in our office always had zoom because I

634
00:30:39.000 --> 00:30:41.279
<v Speaker 2>found that clients run in privacy. I had one lady

635
00:30:41.279 --> 00:30:43.079
<v Speaker 2>get in the elevator, wants to come to my office.

636
00:30:43.079 --> 00:30:46.079
<v Speaker 2>Guess who was in the elevator her husband, oh man,

637
00:30:46.279 --> 00:30:48.599
<v Speaker 2>and couldn't explain it at all. Why was she there?

638
00:30:48.599 --> 00:30:50.759
<v Speaker 2>She was a stay at home mom and house maker

639
00:30:50.799 --> 00:30:51.400
<v Speaker 2>and all that.

640
00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:53.880
<v Speaker 1>And why was he there? Well, he was.

641
00:30:53.880 --> 00:30:55.720
<v Speaker 2>Visiting somebody at one of the offices.

642
00:30:56.119 --> 00:30:58.000
<v Speaker 1>And so she had no she had no.

643
00:30:57.960 --> 00:31:00.440
<v Speaker 2>Idea, and I thought, oh, this isn't good. So we

644
00:31:00.519 --> 00:31:03.680
<v Speaker 2>got zoom in place. But the courts now do most

645
00:31:03.720 --> 00:31:07.839
<v Speaker 2>of the hearings non evidentiary hearings and smaller hearings by zoom.

646
00:31:08.240 --> 00:31:11.160
<v Speaker 2>Great for clients, yeah, not always good for Like I

647
00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:13.400
<v Speaker 2>had a five day trial. You can't do that by zoom.

648
00:31:13.559 --> 00:31:15.400
<v Speaker 2>I mean, is it possible, yes, but it's going to

649
00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:18.000
<v Speaker 2>add another three days onto. How do you show somebody

650
00:31:18.119 --> 00:31:21.680
<v Speaker 2>a document? You know? How do you It's really challenging.

651
00:31:22.200 --> 00:31:25.440
<v Speaker 1>And they're not jury trials, right, they're just the judge,

652
00:31:25.680 --> 00:31:30.480
<v Speaker 1>just the judge. How often so a woman comes to

653
00:31:30.519 --> 00:31:33.599
<v Speaker 1>you or a man and they say, I'm thinking about

654
00:31:33.640 --> 00:31:36.880
<v Speaker 1>getting divorced, do you try and tell them how to

655
00:31:37.000 --> 00:31:39.599
<v Speaker 1>sock some money away for the divorce process because some

656
00:31:39.640 --> 00:31:42.359
<v Speaker 1>people don't like some people don't have access to Like

657
00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:45.480
<v Speaker 1>you brought up the woman with sneaking the meeting, Well,

658
00:31:45.480 --> 00:31:48.119
<v Speaker 1>it's tough to sneak the bill the retainer, it is.

659
00:31:49.480 --> 00:31:52.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So listen, everybody out there, have your own money,

660
00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:54.359
<v Speaker 2>have your own resources, just in case you never know.

661
00:31:54.440 --> 00:31:56.880
<v Speaker 2>And I could get into a whole topic on that one.

662
00:31:56.920 --> 00:31:59.039
<v Speaker 2>But because I have three girls, you know some always

663
00:31:59.039 --> 00:32:01.000
<v Speaker 2>telling them to make sure you're your own person, which

664
00:32:01.039 --> 00:32:02.039
<v Speaker 2>I learned from my mother.

665
00:32:02.240 --> 00:32:02.440
<v Speaker 1>Right.

666
00:32:03.319 --> 00:32:05.839
<v Speaker 2>But the answer is, yeah, someday you need your your

667
00:32:06.119 --> 00:32:10.240
<v Speaker 2>your funds, you know, and we we try to. We're

668
00:32:10.279 --> 00:32:12.880
<v Speaker 2>not like some lawyers are like, Hey, the retainer's ten grand,

669
00:32:12.880 --> 00:32:14.519
<v Speaker 2>and that's what it is. And no, it's not a

670
00:32:14.519 --> 00:32:16.880
<v Speaker 2>one size fits all because I may be able to

671
00:32:16.880 --> 00:32:20.160
<v Speaker 2>do the divorce and be more flexible or have different arrangements.

672
00:32:20.200 --> 00:32:20.839
<v Speaker 2>It depends.

673
00:32:21.480 --> 00:32:25.599
<v Speaker 1>So but you must charge more if it's a wealthy couple, right, No,

674
00:32:25.880 --> 00:32:26.440
<v Speaker 1>but you have.

675
00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:30.039
<v Speaker 2>More resources available, right, so all the buildings the same,

676
00:32:30.559 --> 00:32:33.359
<v Speaker 2>it is. Yeah, it's just you're going to probably have

677
00:32:33.440 --> 00:32:36.720
<v Speaker 2>some more complicated issues, maybe with valuation problems.

678
00:32:36.279 --> 00:32:39.359
<v Speaker 1>And that'll rack up the hours. Absolutely okay, But how

679
00:32:39.400 --> 00:32:41.160
<v Speaker 1>do you what do you do if you're the woman

680
00:32:41.279 --> 00:32:44.440
<v Speaker 1>and she hasn't had her own resources. It's you know,

681
00:32:44.559 --> 00:32:48.279
<v Speaker 1>old school traditional marriage. Are you like, I don't get

682
00:32:48.279 --> 00:32:49.119
<v Speaker 1>this on the back end?

683
00:32:49.519 --> 00:32:51.640
<v Speaker 2>No, No, I don't personally do that, and I don't

684
00:32:51.680 --> 00:32:55.200
<v Speaker 2>know many good family lawyers that do, or board certified lawyers.

685
00:32:55.200 --> 00:32:57.839
<v Speaker 2>But it's not an injury attorney, no, exactly. You can't

686
00:32:58.400 --> 00:33:01.160
<v Speaker 2>in some cases for like collection of rearg and support.

687
00:33:01.240 --> 00:33:03.119
<v Speaker 2>We can do that. I don't personally do it, but

688
00:33:03.160 --> 00:33:06.640
<v Speaker 2>some lawyers do and that's permitted. But you will get

689
00:33:06.680 --> 00:33:09.240
<v Speaker 2>to a temporary relief hearing and you will ask the

690
00:33:09.279 --> 00:33:12.599
<v Speaker 2>court to impose attorney's fees and costs and you know,

691
00:33:12.640 --> 00:33:15.279
<v Speaker 2>based on need and ability. So you just have you

692
00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:18.240
<v Speaker 2>have to jump through like about probably sixty ninety days

693
00:33:18.240 --> 00:33:18.680
<v Speaker 2>of work.

694
00:33:19.359 --> 00:33:23.440
<v Speaker 1>Are people pretty good with making the payments they're supposed

695
00:33:23.440 --> 00:33:25.160
<v Speaker 1>to make or does that depend on the state they.

696
00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:25.880
<v Speaker 2>Are with my firm?

697
00:33:26.240 --> 00:33:29.960
<v Speaker 1>Okay, certain states are tougher too, certain states. Some it's

698
00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:31.519
<v Speaker 1>criminal and some are civil. Yeah.

699
00:33:31.599 --> 00:33:34.319
<v Speaker 2>I mean here the judges understand what it takes to

700
00:33:34.359 --> 00:33:36.160
<v Speaker 2>get a case through and they understand the issues. And

701
00:33:36.200 --> 00:33:38.599
<v Speaker 2>if it's complicating, you need experts involved. I mean some

702
00:33:38.680 --> 00:33:41.720
<v Speaker 2>cases you got you know, valuation cases where you have

703
00:33:41.759 --> 00:33:43.519
<v Speaker 2>a lot of businesses and you got to bring an

704
00:33:43.559 --> 00:33:46.440
<v Speaker 2>expert in. It's like doing a value for any purpose.

705
00:33:46.880 --> 00:33:49.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. What does somebody do who they own a business together? Yeah,

706
00:33:49.839 --> 00:33:50.599
<v Speaker 1>it happens there.

707
00:33:50.720 --> 00:33:53.480
<v Speaker 2>One person is going to get it if you go

708
00:33:53.559 --> 00:33:56.839
<v Speaker 2>to trial. Now, some cases they have agreements to work together.

709
00:33:56.880 --> 00:34:00.279
<v Speaker 2>I have one couple they are in business together post

710
00:34:00.359 --> 00:34:02.960
<v Speaker 2>divorce and they chose to be in business because they

711
00:34:02.960 --> 00:34:05.359
<v Speaker 2>are amazing business partners together.

712
00:34:05.720 --> 00:34:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Or yeah, and then maybe if the business fell apart,

713
00:34:08.480 --> 00:34:10.440
<v Speaker 1>then neither neither one's going to get any money. Yes,

714
00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:12.039
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, that makes sense too, have.

715
00:34:12.079 --> 00:34:12.840
<v Speaker 2>An interest, right?

716
00:34:13.119 --> 00:34:18.519
<v Speaker 1>Huh? What the most common? Is there a length of

717
00:34:18.719 --> 00:34:22.000
<v Speaker 1>time of marriage that it's kids aside and we brought

718
00:34:22.119 --> 00:34:24.760
<v Speaker 1>that they turned seventeen? Is it the three to five

719
00:34:25.039 --> 00:34:28.000
<v Speaker 1>year part where most divorces happened or is it quicker

720
00:34:28.400 --> 00:34:28.920
<v Speaker 1>or longer?

721
00:34:29.039 --> 00:34:29.400
<v Speaker 2>Longer?

722
00:34:30.280 --> 00:34:30.559
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

723
00:34:31.000 --> 00:34:33.840
<v Speaker 2>From my experience, so I think it's somewhere around the

724
00:34:33.880 --> 00:34:35.320
<v Speaker 2>seven year seven years.

725
00:34:35.480 --> 00:34:36.800
<v Speaker 1>That's a real pay No, it's.

726
00:34:36.639 --> 00:34:38.440
<v Speaker 2>A real thing, you know, because you're still on the

727
00:34:38.480 --> 00:34:42.239
<v Speaker 2>honeymoon stage right right, and you start settling into more

728
00:34:43.079 --> 00:34:47.440
<v Speaker 2>complacency after a period of time. So yeah, you know

729
00:34:47.519 --> 00:34:49.920
<v Speaker 2>seven plus. I have a lot of long term marriages too,

730
00:34:49.960 --> 00:34:51.400
<v Speaker 2>which is anything over eighteen years?

731
00:34:51.599 --> 00:34:54.480
<v Speaker 1>What's the longest marriage? Can you say? You can say

732
00:34:54.599 --> 00:34:55.880
<v Speaker 1>over fifty years?

733
00:34:55.880 --> 00:34:56.559
<v Speaker 2>They were married.

734
00:34:57.039 --> 00:34:59.440
<v Speaker 1>I had met and she wanted to go back out,

735
00:34:59.480 --> 00:35:00.559
<v Speaker 1>and he was doubt is that?

736
00:35:00.840 --> 00:35:02.280
<v Speaker 2>Let me tell you. I had one lady come to

737
00:35:02.320 --> 00:35:04.320
<v Speaker 2>me and this is a recent case, and she's in

738
00:35:04.360 --> 00:35:06.960
<v Speaker 2>her eighties and she said, I am not going to

739
00:35:07.039 --> 00:35:08.000
<v Speaker 2>die married to him?

740
00:35:09.079 --> 00:35:09.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

741
00:35:09.679 --> 00:35:13.360
<v Speaker 2>And you know what, she has a right, she has right.

742
00:35:13.679 --> 00:35:17.639
<v Speaker 1>And sometimes that's you know, the energy levels, the health levels.

743
00:35:18.920 --> 00:35:22.159
<v Speaker 2>And remember in Florida, you get fifty percent if you

744
00:35:22.199 --> 00:35:24.840
<v Speaker 2>get through a divorce, right, you get fifty percent generally

745
00:35:24.920 --> 00:35:27.199
<v Speaker 2>from the assets. Right, it's like a net worst statement.

746
00:35:27.480 --> 00:35:30.639
<v Speaker 2>Divide it in half. You get thirty percent if the

747
00:35:30.719 --> 00:35:35.920
<v Speaker 2>person if as an estate through probate, so thirty versus fifty.

748
00:35:36.360 --> 00:35:39.440
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes they get divorced because they want that higher percentage.

749
00:35:39.639 --> 00:35:41.679
<v Speaker 2>How they can do what they want with it. Right,

750
00:35:41.719 --> 00:35:44.280
<v Speaker 2>There's a lot of times there's issues with older children.

751
00:35:44.519 --> 00:35:46.360
<v Speaker 2>They align with one parent over the.

752
00:35:46.320 --> 00:35:50.360
<v Speaker 1>Other over fifty. When they over thirty years and they

753
00:35:50.400 --> 00:35:54.679
<v Speaker 1>get divorced, it's generally more amicable or is It's hard

754
00:35:54.679 --> 00:35:55.039
<v Speaker 1>to say.

755
00:35:55.119 --> 00:35:57.840
<v Speaker 2>It's hard to say. It's the same.

756
00:35:58.159 --> 00:36:01.599
<v Speaker 1>What's the quickest you've dealt with divorced? Like they get

757
00:36:01.639 --> 00:36:03.320
<v Speaker 1>married on Friday and they're in there on Monday.

758
00:36:04.039 --> 00:36:06.559
<v Speaker 2>That's called an annulment. And hopefully they didn't have relationships.

759
00:36:06.559 --> 00:36:08.239
<v Speaker 1>Well, can you get an old? Can you get an

760
00:36:08.239 --> 00:36:09.639
<v Speaker 1>old for no reason? No?

761
00:36:09.800 --> 00:36:11.280
<v Speaker 2>It has to be based on like fraud.

762
00:36:12.159 --> 00:36:15.239
<v Speaker 1>What if like we we had never lived together, before

763
00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:17.639
<v Speaker 1>we got married, honeymoon, we moved together. I can't believe

764
00:36:17.679 --> 00:36:19.280
<v Speaker 1>he puts his socks on the floor. I can not

765
00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:19.840
<v Speaker 1>deal with this.

766
00:36:20.800 --> 00:36:21.440
<v Speaker 2>You're gonna have it.

767
00:36:21.599 --> 00:36:23.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you had an under thirty days and like, this

768
00:36:23.880 --> 00:36:24.440
<v Speaker 1>isn't working.

769
00:36:24.480 --> 00:36:27.199
<v Speaker 2>I have had a few like that, but they're rare.

770
00:36:27.719 --> 00:36:28.199
<v Speaker 2>They're rare.

771
00:36:28.679 --> 00:36:30.639
<v Speaker 1>So it's the sweet spot. It's the seven years.

772
00:36:30.719 --> 00:36:34.239
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, seven years plus seven to like eighteen. When they

773
00:36:34.280 --> 00:36:37.320
<v Speaker 2>come to me after like twenty plus years, I'm like,

774
00:36:37.360 --> 00:36:39.639
<v Speaker 2>really really, you know, so I really try to make

775
00:36:39.679 --> 00:36:42.280
<v Speaker 2>sure that this is what they really need to do,

776
00:36:42.360 --> 00:36:43.480
<v Speaker 2>want to do, should do.

777
00:36:44.199 --> 00:36:47.440
<v Speaker 1>Uh how often are you like, oh my god, I'm

778
00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:49.679
<v Speaker 1>on the other person's side. But this is my job

779
00:36:49.719 --> 00:36:52.239
<v Speaker 1>as a lawyer. Like you're a terrible wife or your

780
00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:55.000
<v Speaker 1>terrible husband, But I got to do my job. But

781
00:36:55.239 --> 00:36:57.119
<v Speaker 1>oh man, you know.

782
00:36:57.079 --> 00:36:59.320
<v Speaker 2>I don't take every case that comes to the door

783
00:36:59.400 --> 00:37:03.400
<v Speaker 2>because I've had people that have agendas and I can

784
00:37:03.440 --> 00:37:07.559
<v Speaker 2>pretty much spot that so or personalities that don't match

785
00:37:07.599 --> 00:37:09.199
<v Speaker 2>with mine. You know, because I'm gonna be a straight

786
00:37:09.199 --> 00:37:10.679
<v Speaker 2>shooter and I'm going to tell you the way it is.

787
00:37:11.679 --> 00:37:13.679
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to just do it to get paid.

788
00:37:14.119 --> 00:37:15.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to tell you listen, you gotta clean that,

789
00:37:16.599 --> 00:37:20.519
<v Speaker 2>you know up, because that personality isn't going to do

790
00:37:20.599 --> 00:37:22.679
<v Speaker 2>well for me, for you or for your case. So

791
00:37:22.760 --> 00:37:24.840
<v Speaker 2>I try to get a little control there, client control.

792
00:37:24.880 --> 00:37:27.079
<v Speaker 2>And then sometimes it doesn't work out and we're just

793
00:37:27.079 --> 00:37:27.800
<v Speaker 2>not a good match.

794
00:37:28.519 --> 00:37:30.719
<v Speaker 1>Or you're like, of course he's going to divorce you

795
00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:35.840
<v Speaker 1>or I like that and I'm like, okay, I get this, yeah,

796
00:37:36.480 --> 00:37:38.440
<v Speaker 1>or it's like oh yeah, I see what you were doing.

797
00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:39.400
<v Speaker 2>Oh boy, I've had those.

798
00:37:39.760 --> 00:37:42.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I mean every you know, divorced woman thinks she

799
00:37:43.000 --> 00:37:46.599
<v Speaker 1>happened to marry a narcissist, right, you know that's statistically

800
00:37:46.679 --> 00:37:49.000
<v Speaker 1>it's like, oh my god, there's such bad luck for everybody.

801
00:37:49.039 --> 00:37:51.880
<v Speaker 2>You know what that's that that that term is used

802
00:37:52.079 --> 00:37:53.519
<v Speaker 2>so often here I think.

803
00:37:53.440 --> 00:37:56.199
<v Speaker 1>Over you it is statistically it's like two percent of

804
00:37:56.239 --> 00:37:59.599
<v Speaker 1>people are clinical narcissists. And I'm like, maybe maybe he

805
00:37:59.639 --> 00:38:02.440
<v Speaker 1>just didn't like or maybe it's just a jerk, or

806
00:38:02.519 --> 00:38:07.199
<v Speaker 1>it's how how often are the guys like, you know what,

807
00:38:07.239 --> 00:38:09.559
<v Speaker 1>she really just wanted money, She really did just want

808
00:38:09.599 --> 00:38:12.079
<v Speaker 1>my money? And is the courts like too bad? Like

809
00:38:12.119 --> 00:38:13.480
<v Speaker 1>you didn't realize that it's too bad? Right?

810
00:38:13.559 --> 00:38:17.239
<v Speaker 2>Orts are too bad? It's really it's a mathematical calculation, right,

811
00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:20.119
<v Speaker 2>what are the assets at that data marriage data filing?

812
00:38:20.360 --> 00:38:26.599
<v Speaker 1>That's it divided. She not quite married you under false pretenses,

813
00:38:26.639 --> 00:38:28.679
<v Speaker 1>but they love you. The I love yous were probably

814
00:38:28.719 --> 00:38:30.360
<v Speaker 1>not as binding as you thought they were.

815
00:38:30.559 --> 00:38:33.079
<v Speaker 2>Look, and we have a lot of second high marriages

816
00:38:33.119 --> 00:38:37.199
<v Speaker 2>where the older person is marrying some of the younger

817
00:38:37.280 --> 00:38:40.760
<v Speaker 2>and you know, typically the and the writings on the wall.

818
00:38:41.039 --> 00:38:44.760
<v Speaker 2>I mean not every case, right, but very often, you know,

819
00:38:44.840 --> 00:38:47.519
<v Speaker 2>but love comes in different forms, and maybe being taken

820
00:38:47.559 --> 00:38:50.920
<v Speaker 2>care of and protected and knowing you're financially secure is

821
00:38:51.000 --> 00:38:52.320
<v Speaker 2>valuable and has.

822
00:38:52.199 --> 00:38:54.159
<v Speaker 1>You know, that's starting to change more too. There's more

823
00:38:54.199 --> 00:38:57.639
<v Speaker 1>women in that situation, absolutely, more sugar mamas than they're

824
00:38:57.679 --> 00:39:02.480
<v Speaker 1>used to. Yeah, yes, especially down here where she has

825
00:39:02.519 --> 00:39:04.800
<v Speaker 1>her late husband ex husband's money and then she's like,

826
00:39:04.800 --> 00:39:06.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna have fun with the young guy and then

827
00:39:06.639 --> 00:39:09.880
<v Speaker 1>he had spent two years and then that's it. I know,

828
00:39:10.800 --> 00:39:14.039
<v Speaker 1>what is the thing that people be surprised to learn

829
00:39:14.159 --> 00:39:16.920
<v Speaker 1>about getting divorced, the process of it, or.

830
00:39:17.639 --> 00:39:22.360
<v Speaker 2>Surprised about it. It's really not that complicated, really, yeah,

831
00:39:22.719 --> 00:39:25.199
<v Speaker 2>if you can, And that's why being a life coach

832
00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:28.199
<v Speaker 2>too is a helpful. I think asset for my clients,

833
00:39:28.960 --> 00:39:31.400
<v Speaker 2>but if they don't use me for life coaching and

834
00:39:31.440 --> 00:39:34.280
<v Speaker 2>they have a therapist. Look, there's the emotions of divorce,

835
00:39:34.280 --> 00:39:36.239
<v Speaker 2>and it really needs to be separate and apart from

836
00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:40.800
<v Speaker 2>the divorce and your lawyer. But the divorce itself pretty simple.

837
00:39:41.159 --> 00:39:46.960
<v Speaker 2>It's not challenging. It's all those emotions. So the biggest on,

838
00:39:47.360 --> 00:39:50.719
<v Speaker 2>the biggest myth is it's really not that bad. I

839
00:39:50.760 --> 00:39:52.719
<v Speaker 2>know you feel it is when you're in it, right,

840
00:39:52.920 --> 00:39:55.800
<v Speaker 2>but the process itself not overly complicated.

841
00:39:55.840 --> 00:39:58.920
<v Speaker 1>The process has been honed over time by the courts

842
00:39:58.960 --> 00:40:02.199
<v Speaker 1>and lots of lawyers. I was in a Why is

843
00:40:02.239 --> 00:40:08.280
<v Speaker 1>there such a plethora of injury attorney advertising? I don't know,

844
00:40:08.599 --> 00:40:11.400
<v Speaker 1>was there a law change or something that it's every

845
00:40:11.440 --> 00:40:15.159
<v Speaker 1>billboard because there used to be in the morning. I mean, well,

846
00:40:15.159 --> 00:40:18.000
<v Speaker 1>there used to be liquor. There used to be a

847
00:40:18.000 --> 00:40:20.199
<v Speaker 1>ban on liquor advertising on television. And then I went

848
00:40:20.239 --> 00:40:22.639
<v Speaker 1>away and we see more of it. So nothing changed,

849
00:40:22.679 --> 00:40:26.039
<v Speaker 1>and suddenly everybody's a injury. I mean I went through that.

850
00:40:26.079 --> 00:40:27.760
<v Speaker 1>I was in a car accident a couple of years ago.

851
00:40:29.559 --> 00:40:31.559
<v Speaker 1>I broke thirteen ribs and a lot of other things.

852
00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:36.239
<v Speaker 1>Ribs are nebulous. They hurt a lot, but they're recoverable.

853
00:40:36.760 --> 00:40:40.400
<v Speaker 1>So they said, right, there's no damage, there's no surgery.

854
00:40:39.920 --> 00:40:42.480
<v Speaker 2>There's no ultimate right, and it's tough to.

855
00:40:42.400 --> 00:40:45.800
<v Speaker 1>Wrap up the bills on it. And so it's one

856
00:40:45.800 --> 00:40:48.360
<v Speaker 1>of those things. So the lawyers like, by the time

857
00:40:48.400 --> 00:40:50.199
<v Speaker 1>we get to court on this, you're going to be fine.

858
00:40:50.559 --> 00:40:52.519
<v Speaker 1>You know, it's hard to describe how much it hurt.

859
00:40:52.840 --> 00:40:56.920
<v Speaker 2>That's that's what my ex husband does. And you'll have

860
00:40:56.960 --> 00:40:59.199
<v Speaker 2>a horrific accident, you know, and I'm sure it was

861
00:40:59.239 --> 00:41:03.320
<v Speaker 2>extremely painful and lost wages and time and all that.

862
00:41:03.480 --> 00:41:06.400
<v Speaker 2>But if you can recover physically, yeah, and you don't

863
00:41:06.400 --> 00:41:09.719
<v Speaker 2>have the damages, the permanent damage, right from what I know.

864
00:41:10.039 --> 00:41:12.559
<v Speaker 1>That's not my expertise, you know, because I know. So

865
00:41:12.599 --> 00:41:17.320
<v Speaker 1>it's like, by the time if you heal, people are like, oh, yeah,

866
00:41:17.320 --> 00:41:19.360
<v Speaker 1>broken ribs, terrible, it sucks. I'm like, I had thirteen

867
00:41:19.400 --> 00:41:21.599
<v Speaker 1>of them. They're like, yeah, you're fine now. So I

868
00:41:21.599 --> 00:41:23.599
<v Speaker 1>had we had to settle it long before we went

869
00:41:23.639 --> 00:41:26.400
<v Speaker 1>to cortcause the longer we waited, the or healed. I

870
00:41:26.559 --> 00:41:29.519
<v Speaker 1>was I know, thank god, I know, thank god, it

871
00:41:30.400 --> 00:41:32.159
<v Speaker 1>was a good thing. But I was surprised at how

872
00:41:32.320 --> 00:41:34.239
<v Speaker 1>well this was worth this, and this is worth this,

873
00:41:34.280 --> 00:41:36.159
<v Speaker 1>and then there's pain and suffering, and here's the insurance,

874
00:41:36.159 --> 00:41:39.239
<v Speaker 1>and here's what they were. It was very, very like

875
00:41:39.679 --> 00:41:41.679
<v Speaker 1>people had gone through this a million times.

876
00:41:41.760 --> 00:41:42.440
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely.

877
00:41:42.800 --> 00:41:45.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, all right, this is your first time on the podcast.

878
00:41:46.719 --> 00:41:50.159
<v Speaker 1>We play something with our guests called worst date or

879
00:41:50.320 --> 00:41:51.880
<v Speaker 1>first date. So you have to you have to think

880
00:41:51.920 --> 00:41:54.559
<v Speaker 1>back to your swinging single days. Give me either the

881
00:41:54.599 --> 00:41:57.800
<v Speaker 1>worst date you've ever had or the best first date

882
00:41:57.880 --> 00:41:58.519
<v Speaker 1>you've ever had.

883
00:41:58.599 --> 00:42:02.800
<v Speaker 2>Your choice first estate, Yes, our best first day.

884
00:42:02.840 --> 00:42:05.280
<v Speaker 1>Either the best first date or a terrible date of

885
00:42:05.280 --> 00:42:05.840
<v Speaker 1>any number.

886
00:42:05.880 --> 00:42:07.960
<v Speaker 2>First Okay, and I can see him from where I'm

887
00:42:08.000 --> 00:42:08.519
<v Speaker 2>sitting right now.

888
00:42:08.559 --> 00:42:08.960
<v Speaker 1>Oh good.

889
00:42:09.000 --> 00:42:13.159
<v Speaker 2>My husband, my current husband, we met on July third,

890
00:42:13.199 --> 00:42:17.480
<v Speaker 2>twelve years ago, and we met for lunch and at

891
00:42:17.480 --> 00:42:20.079
<v Speaker 2>the mall here and I got out, you know, of

892
00:42:20.119 --> 00:42:22.800
<v Speaker 2>work at the time, and we spent the entire I

893
00:42:22.840 --> 00:42:27.280
<v Speaker 2>canceled my entire day and the next day, that was

894
00:42:27.280 --> 00:42:30.719
<v Speaker 2>on a Friday, July third, and I saw him the

895
00:42:30.760 --> 00:42:32.800
<v Speaker 2>next day and I got married in four months.

896
00:42:33.159 --> 00:42:33.880
<v Speaker 1>Fireworks.

897
00:42:34.119 --> 00:42:39.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, wow, amazing chemistry, just like safety chemistry. I can't

898
00:42:39.440 --> 00:42:39.960
<v Speaker 2>even explain.

899
00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:42.559
<v Speaker 1>How long had you? How long were you single.

900
00:42:42.760 --> 00:42:44.400
<v Speaker 2>Oh, a couple of years, A couple of years. Yeah,

901
00:42:44.400 --> 00:42:45.960
<v Speaker 2>and I had dated you know that here and there,

902
00:42:45.960 --> 00:42:48.280
<v Speaker 2>but I wasn't. I was never really a dating type.

903
00:42:48.400 --> 00:42:51.320
<v Speaker 2>I am busy, I you know so, and I have

904
00:42:51.400 --> 00:42:52.400
<v Speaker 2>three young children.

905
00:42:52.679 --> 00:42:52.920
<v Speaker 1>Right.

906
00:42:53.039 --> 00:42:54.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so you.

907
00:42:54.000 --> 00:42:57.840
<v Speaker 1>Married fireworks state fireworks the next night. Yeah, four months later.

908
00:42:58.039 --> 00:42:59.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, good for you. Yeah.

909
00:43:00.079 --> 00:43:01.039
<v Speaker 1>Can I ask where you met?

910
00:43:01.239 --> 00:43:05.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? We met at the Grand Lux the restaurant. Yeah,

911
00:43:05.559 --> 00:43:08.440
<v Speaker 2>at the mall. Which mall is that in town center?

912
00:43:08.800 --> 00:43:11.360
<v Speaker 1>Oh? Yeah? Right here in Boca Raton there it all

913
00:43:11.400 --> 00:43:12.159
<v Speaker 1>goes down here.

914
00:43:12.639 --> 00:43:15.159
<v Speaker 2>I'm there and uh yeah, so good for you.

915
00:43:15.599 --> 00:43:18.159
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, all right, where can everybody find you if they

916
00:43:18.159 --> 00:43:19.679
<v Speaker 1>need a lawyer? Or listen to your podcast?

917
00:43:19.840 --> 00:43:23.880
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so it's your divorce, your amazing divorce. And then

918
00:43:24.239 --> 00:43:27.239
<v Speaker 2>my email dress is Dorin Yaffa and the last name

919
00:43:27.280 --> 00:43:32.000
<v Speaker 2>is spelled Yaffa at Yaffa Family Lawgroup dot com and

920
00:43:32.119 --> 00:43:34.840
<v Speaker 2>five six one two seven six three eighty zero.

921
00:43:35.079 --> 00:43:37.880
<v Speaker 1>Good job. This was fun. I've never been married or divorced,

922
00:43:37.880 --> 00:43:39.440
<v Speaker 1>but now I'm not so scared of either.

923
00:43:39.480 --> 00:43:41.199
<v Speaker 2>Okay, just remember prenup.

924
00:43:42.840 --> 00:43:45.119
<v Speaker 1>Noted see that to me, it would be hard. I'm like,

925
00:43:45.480 --> 00:43:48.119
<v Speaker 1>I just slip it across the table at Grandlox on

926
00:43:48.239 --> 00:43:48.679
<v Speaker 1>the first day.

927
00:43:48.719 --> 00:43:50.119
<v Speaker 2>It's okay. It's not for everybody.

928
00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:52.679
<v Speaker 1>It's not for everybody, but you're right, I can logistically

929
00:43:53.400 --> 00:43:55.599
<v Speaker 1>at least you have something. The worst thing is like

930
00:43:55.960 --> 00:43:58.079
<v Speaker 1>you don't have anything like prenup Like sure.

931
00:43:59.719 --> 00:43:59.920
<v Speaker 2>True?

932
00:44:00.559 --> 00:44:03.320
<v Speaker 1>All right, As far as us like share, follow, please

933
00:44:03.320 --> 00:44:05.519
<v Speaker 1>review not just your amazing divorce but our podcast to

934
00:44:05.599 --> 00:44:08.360
<v Speaker 1>Your reviews mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Shoot

935
00:44:08.440 --> 00:44:10.519
<v Speaker 1>us an email, Great Loove Debate at gmail dot COMFG

936
00:44:10.519 --> 00:44:13.760
<v Speaker 1>any questions, comments, thoughts, or divorce horror stories. We might

937
00:44:13.800 --> 00:44:16.280
<v Speaker 1>do a whole episode on that because, as always at

938
00:44:16.320 --> 00:44:19.480
<v Speaker 1>the Great Love Debate, we never stopped making love. See

939
00:44:19.480 --> 00:44:28.079
<v Speaker 1>you next time. The Great Love Debate. It's the Great

940
00:44:28.400 --> 00:44:34.079
<v Speaker 1>Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate.