Speaker 1: If I was Kerman in this situation, I would have
walked up to Kizzie and I was said, Hey, don't
tell anybody. But I was up on the deck and
I heard all of the decies, all the guys. They
were all saying, you're the hottest girl in.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: That would have turned that little frown upside down, if
you know what I mean. That's all she cares.
Speaker 2: If I think, I think that's actually a brilliant take
your brilliant wet handlements. Hi, Hello, and welcome to another
brand spanking welcome board. Let me take that again. I'm
gonna take it again. Ready, can you give me content.
Speaker 1: Three two one?
Speaker 2: Welcome aboard another brand spanking episode of bad TV. I'm Dylan,
That as Patrick.
Speaker 1: Great to be here, permission to come aboard.
Speaker 2: Granted, Calen is here behind the ones and twos, So
what's up with him today?
Speaker 1: He always says it like that.
Speaker 2: Does he get bad energy from him? Hey? Very fat?
Speaker 1: I'm looking fat? No me, No, you don't look fat
at all, dude.
Speaker 2: How was your turkey day?
Speaker 1: Oh well, I'll probably talk about that on APS me too. Well,
at least my mother in law didn't die on my
kitchen floor. Like she tried to last question.
Speaker 2: She tried to die. Yeah, a lot of stuff a
Patreon Salt Lake City me Ceci and Ruby tried to
do an art project yesterday with my baby. Did not go.
Speaker 1: Well, Oh, that's so funny.
Speaker 2: So did not go probably around.
Speaker 1: The same time. What is Lucy six months old? Yeah,
So we went out and got this organic paint and
we put it on this gigantic white piece of paper
on the floor and we gave it to Ellie and
she was like six or seven months old. We let
her hands go in it. None of it hit the paper, well,
some of it dripped on it. It all went in
her mouth, in her face.
Speaker 2: Oh with these people that get these clean footprints and handprints,
I don't understand. Anyways, I burned my child. We'll get
into all of it at patron dot com slash another party.
Speaker 1: While we're there doing a little housekeeping. January is when
bad TV is going to really open up wide. We
got a lot of shows coming at you. We'll be
covering Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. We'll be covering the
new season of Traders. Yes, we will be covering The
Bachelorette with three guy names Taylor, Frankie Paul.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're gonna watch that ed Gain thing that that
Oh no, hell.
Speaker 1: No, I will not watch. I will not watch a
show that a guy wears other people's faces. Okay, but
I will be watching what's that other show we're gonna watch.
Speaker 2: All Her Fault? Nope, Oh you're talking about Jarvis you are.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no,
We'll be watching something else. Anyway, It's gonna be all
all there for January, so get excited about it. I
think we're gonna put a Bachelor for free, and I
think we're gonna put Patreon behind a paywall, and.
Speaker 2: Then Patreon's gonna behind a paywall.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. And then Dylan
and I are discussing this is there's no promises. Don't
get Dylan yelling at me. We're thinking of putting our
first our recap of season one of OG below Deck
on the free feed, where we interviewed almost all the cast.
Speaker 2: Members, and I don't remember what kind of anything.
Speaker 1: Well, Dylan called one of the cast members a sea rat,
and it did not go well. One of the other
cast members, for some reason, she didn't want you to
say what state she was living in, although she seemed
kind of lonely because she didn't want to get off
the phone with us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was really sad, to be honest. Yeah, no,
Bravo was really plucking people from under bridges back for
the first season. The casting was almost batting a thousand
all lunatics and you know, they're sea rats, but they're
not lunatics. They're human beings, you know, but oge my god,
psych word shit.
Speaker 1: So while we're away on a holiday break, we may
release an episode of that and it's some of our
best work, honestly, but it's not for the faint of heart.
If you maybe listen to the first episode, and if
you're truly offended by it, definitely don't listen anymore.
Speaker 2: No, it can't get better, but listen. We love you
guys very much. We hope you had a lovely Turkey day,
calein and do you have a nice Turkey day?
Speaker 1: Very nice?
Speaker 2: You see what I'm talking about. It was a truncated
kind of bite response.
Speaker 1: That's a producer response. He doesn't want to get in
our way, man, really, yeah, where the hosts? Where the talkers?
He presses buttons.
Speaker 2: Don't demean him like that. He's attacking me, and I
still think that was too far. So listen, we have
an episode of Below Deck med to talk about a
lot of boyfriend girlfriend talk tonight. One of the most
confounding phenomenons in the sea rat world. What are you
guys doing talking about this?
Speaker 1: For especially Max? He's a stage one.
Speaker 2: Creeper stalker, Stage one creeper stock.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna get into his sea rat history.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, a lot of sea rat history tonight. I
thought it was actually quite an enjoyable episode. I'm gonna
give it eighty seven pots. Now, that's ten more pots
than I gave after the hunt. Wow, fun fact, that
was it?
Speaker 1: Oh? Okay? Did you watch Eastbound and Down first season
of Kenny Powers some of it? Okay? Well he was
chasing this girl around.
Speaker 2: Maybe too sad he was such an asshole.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was a jerk. Well, anyway, he really wanted
I know the actress is his name? It was Katie Mixon,
But I don't know what character's name was on the show.
Speaker 2: I know why you know her name?
Speaker 1: Why is that?
Speaker 2: Could you looked up if those were actually her boobs? No?
Speaker 1: I didn't no, no, no, I thought she was gorgeous. So anyway,
I compare that with something that Nate did at the
tail end of this episode, which is he crawls in
bed with Kizzie and then uh, Kermit walks in and
the lights go on and he has a second, like
second thoughts about the whole thing, right right right. I
don't think if that light didn't turn on, would he
have those second thoughts. I'm comparing this Eastbound and Down
season one, where Kenny was rubbing up against Katie Mixon's character.
He really wanted to have sex with her, but while
he was seeing her beautiful breast, he actually came in
his pants and pretended that he didn't and said, no,
I can't have sex with you, right, oh god, I
can't I have I must wait.
Speaker 2: You think Nathan came himself and that's why he had
to leave.
Speaker 1: I think either that or he thought he was he
was pushing too far if he if Kermit had gotten on,
which she looks pretty hot.
Speaker 2: You know you given the demographics of our audience, equating
this to a very specific moment from the first season
of He's Bounded Out, which Caylen, can you look up
when that came out. Where are we talking about two? Yeah,
i'd say is worse than me comparing stuff to Jarvis
Yards two thousand and nine.
Speaker 1: It's not that far back.
Speaker 2: It's very far back. How many pots?
Speaker 1: Fourteen?
Speaker 2: Caleum, what'd you think?
Speaker 1: He's great? Yeah? Great, I'd give it ninety pots.
Speaker 2: That's a lot.
Speaker 1: Oh, we have two great sponsors, by the way. One
i'm both. I'm using Lola blankets and hymns and hers.
Speaker 2: Thank you for hymns and nerves and thank you for blankets.
Speaker 1: So Sandy's pist Yeah, she's really tearing into Nate. Oh yeah,
what are your thoughts on this?
Speaker 2: I didn't think you were going to ask me that.
Speaker 1: Well, Max is around now, I got it, I got.
Speaker 2: It now, No, I don't care.
Speaker 1: I do, okay, because he's letting the charter guests drive
the boat and he's right next to him. But Nate's
getting hell for it. I mean, the guy's like a
football field away. Sandy happens to catch it because I
think she's got those binoculars. Yeah, I think this is
a Max thing, not a Nate thing. Yeah, that's he's
supposed to do.
Speaker 2: Yell at him, right, this is a this is a
very like I'm gonna take everything I heard in Marriott
Room B very literally, and I'm going to go lead
that way, right. And it's that kind of thing where like, well,
if you're the leader of the organization, that it's your fault.
It's like, I understand if we're having like structural problems
and there are things that are kind of nagging coming
up all the time, but if one person does something
completely out of pocket, it's okay to talk to them
and not fucking me about it because I didn't fucking
do nothing. You know, I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: A little side bar here. Did you ever see the
Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee porn video? No, okay, we
get this.
Speaker 2: I thought you were gonna say, documentary on their boring lives.
Speaker 1: Oh, a lot of a lot of shows on that.
Speaker 2: I definitely watched the porn though.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, remember they he had a boat. He steered
the boat with his wang.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, I didn't. I didn't. How long is
the porno?
Speaker 1: Uh? It's like clips and clips. They have sex on
the boat. They're having a party, but at one point
he whips out his wing and he steers it with
his wing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm confused about boats and how.
Speaker 1: Difficult because she was married nine times and she said
Tommy was the love of her life. Now she married
one dude named Rick Solomon twice and she had told
him he's the love of her life.
Speaker 2: I don't do this, can't keep a man thing.
Speaker 1: Well, I think you called her. He's the one who
made Paris Hilton famous because he did the sex video
with her, and he called Pamela and he said, hey,
you married me twice. He told me I was a
lit your life. And then she said, well, you.
Speaker 2: Know, all you losers, Cis white heterosexuals out there, if
you want to really piss your wife off, just say
something like like if you see Kate Becketts sale lot
of TV just got she cannot keep him on. I mean,
you'll have your fucking throats lit. Anyways, so Max wild
Card flew off with the guest Imron, who.
Speaker 1: Is hey handed out. He apologized at the end of it.
Speaker 2: Imrom Mmm, okay.
Speaker 1: He said, I apologize if I offended anybody.
Speaker 2: You know. Imron reminds me a lot of Tesla driver
I encountered today larch Mott. I'm walking down Larchmont. There's
a driveway in the Bank of America parking lot. You
know it.
Speaker 1: Well, that's where we went to lunch before we went
to the Love Is Blind from.
Speaker 2: Yes, this Tesla, there's a sidewalk. You're supposed to leave
the sidewalk clear. He lurches forward, blocking me. I can't.
I can't get I can't walk anymore. So you know
what I do. I squeeze like I'm trying to get
through a park, like like I'm trying to get in
a you know, like a tight parking spot. I'm touching
the front of his car and stuff.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're on foot.
Speaker 2: I'm on foot. So I'm squeezing in front of his
car and I'm just it's this slow move around his
bumper and I'm just front facing the entire time, and
he's looking at me like what are you doing? And
I'm just giving him a thumbs up. And I was like,
you're That's what Imbron reminds me.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, why are you engaging that?
Speaker 2: What are you talking about? Why engage in that? What
are you talking about? Why engage in that? These Tesla
drivers need to be I'm not saying put to death.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: I understand. It's a it's a cheap vehicle. I'm thinking
about getting one.
Speaker 1: Hey, let me cleanse the palette of the podcast, because
you're you're getting no, I think you're getting political or
something there, Tesla. It's only Tesla drivers that are assholes.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no, no, hang on, you're doing
this thing where where it's racist that you thought it
was racist. This is not political. Okay, this is a
fact of the fucking universe. People that drive Tesla's are assholes.
The way they drive Tesla's are assholes. Okay, Pat's Pat's
family has a Tesla.
Speaker 1: We bought it before the election. Okay, Okay, it was
a great deal.
Speaker 2: There are many more assholes on the road than Tesla's,
Mini vans, chargers, F one fifties, sometimes a Prius. Oh yeah.
There are mostly many forms of poison out there on
the road.
Speaker 1: Quick story, all right, because we got to talk about
the show.
Speaker 2: But I think you're really dragging us down. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think the audience is gonna be awestruck by this. Okay, Okay,
So I swear to God, what's that demon in fatal
destination or whatever final destination he was coming for me
last Wednesday? Does the demon have a name, final destination.
Speaker 2: Let's call him Jeff.
Speaker 1: Jeff is out for me last Wednesday, day four Thanksgiving.
So I have never had this happen to me.
Speaker 2: Can I guess?
Speaker 1: Go ahead?
Speaker 2: Truck filled with rebar in front of you, drive O.
Speaker 1: I wish no, no, no, okay, it was I'm pulling
out and I'm in Hancock Park. I don't understand the
streets that well. So I pull out a little bit
down this residential street and I'm I'm like pulled out,
like out of the street where I would have been
at fault if a car is coming anyway. This car
comes whizzing around at me, coming towards towards the driver's side.
He's gonna fucking t bone me. I just turn and
I freeze and I go. If I reverse, he could
head that way. If I pull forward, he could head
that way. And in my brain, in that instant, I said,
stay here right. He swerves right by me to the
point where he misses my backfender, to the point where
it shook my car. He was so close.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: And I hear him swerve and think I looked in
the back and I was like, thank god, he didn't
crash anything. And I just fucking buzzed out of there.
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh you it was your fault, oh.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent. Oh my, I just got the hell
out of it.
Speaker 2: What car were you driving?
Speaker 1: I was driving my work truck, work truck, assholes and
I and I gave him middle finger to Jeff, I said,
not today.
Speaker 2: Not today, you fuck u CPA fucking.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, that's the demon in Final Destination. It
wasn't the driver.
Speaker 2: No, I know. But if the demon is named Jeff,
he's a merchant of death. But also he kind of sounds.
Speaker 1: Like a CPI yess numbers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, let's talk about the show for just one second.
So Sandy says, get your shit together, and because of that,
Nathan gets ripped. You know how Nathan is when Sandy
comes down on him. He starts calling the other sea
rats pieces of shit, and he's saying I'll fucking kill
you and stuff. It's really weird, poor bastard.
Speaker 1: He's already losing his hair as it is. Now we
learn from Sandy that this this method to her madness
is she applies pressure to the sea rats, right, and
this is to bring out the best in a sea rat.
Speaker 2: Now I have some news for She's like a hydraulic
press with skittles.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's to bring out the best skittles. But
this is the news for Sandy. The ocean is filled
with sea rats that had pressure applied to them and
they just turned to the fucking bottle.
Speaker 2: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: So I don't have much faith in this methods in
and you.
Speaker 2: Know a thing or two about the bottle, Sandy. Oh yeah,
so right, let's not drive these sea rats to drink
any more than they're already doing. Can I say they
we get a shot of the pool toys and everything
floating out there. Looks like shit, looks like looks like
it looks like twenty three palms. What's that place called
thirty two palms?
Speaker 1: That's the dump with a beautiful name.
Speaker 2: Right, you go to a motel there, you know, bloodstains
on the wall and whatnot. That's what it looks like.
They put all the pool toys out in the little
kidney bean pooled. That's what it looks like. It looks
like shit. I agree, all right, So we're doing a
coaching eto co coacho coach ouwa, yes, and it is
it is a little pig. Now we'll talk about the
young suckling who gave his life and gave implies a
kind of voluntary nature. It wasn't. It was ripped from
its mother's womb and then mercilessly taken out so that
Inrod could eat it. And it's stuff like that that
makes me want to see what's after what we're doing here?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Wait, so Dylan, you're I want to get this right? Yeah,
the farmer didn't walk into the barn and said, hey, guys, hey, Jeff,
who wants to be eaten by an asshole on a boat?
Speaker 2: Raise your hand?
Speaker 1: Didn't go like that. Yeah, no, So so get this
And pigs.
Speaker 2: Pigs can't even raise their hands. So I don't know
what that guy was doing.
Speaker 1: I heard they're really intelligent. You think they get the
fuck out of there. If they're that smart, right, let's
get out of here.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So Josh says that he's got a kind of a
moral quandary with this or issue with this, which is
a rarity in the culinary arts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the culinary arts are pretty you know, duck off
a water off a dead duck's back kind of thing,
like they'll bet Fogara is fine. And you know, I've
been told that they come to love it.
Speaker 1: Banned in California, by the way, really, I think so.
Speaker 2: Goddamn Kevin Newsom just makes everything not fun. Dude, I
can't stand that fucking guy loves fires.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I want to say, see that episode of
Parts Unknown with Anthony he suffocates a fucking goat and
he actually tells the camera he's like in this tribe
or something, it's you know, it's part of the tribe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're having blood for dinner. That's right.
Speaker 1: They drink the blood after he stufficates and he turns
the camera says I I'm having a problem with this,
and then two days later he fucking hangs himself in
a No, it.
Speaker 2: Was decades later, but I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 1: He's he didn't take himself out like Keith Carroty, and
he was beating off in a closet, which one would
argue is a better way to go out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I mean. We had a a
space monkey problem in high school. You know, a space monkey.
Space monkey it's when kids choke each other and jack
each other off or something like that. They're like, you
got to stop doing that. Okay, Well, you're gonna get.
Speaker 1: Hurt and seemed like a problem at all.
Speaker 3: Okay, Meanwhile, Nate looks like a deflated balloon.
Speaker 2: Okay, meanwhile, meanwhile, right, jesz's pete. Kathy's upstairs all the time,
She's got two stripes. Why is she not up there all?
Speaker 1: Now? Who does she confide in with this?
Speaker 2: Dylan, Jeff, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Josh, Yeah, Josh the galley telling Josh about how unfair
Kathy gets to serve drinks to assholes in the sunlight
while she's stuck in all day cleaning fucking toilet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then she's like, oh, by the way, also,
I'm so horny, and then she licks her lips.
Speaker 1: This is what Josh should have said, because she did
not say that. She said therapy sessions are thirty bucks
an hour. Otherwise, get the fuck out here.
Speaker 2: Thirty bucks an hour.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a cheap right, Or he could have said,
go to better Help dot com slash bad TV.
Speaker 2: No, it's actually Rula dot com slash use that. But
we've also been sponsored by Better Help in the past,
and the issue was that they had a problem with
our ads and they were not thrilled about us.
Speaker 1: Well, I said people should uh post signing up for
better Help and tell us why they signed up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we told a couple of fans to record their
sessions and post them in the Facebook group. And we
also got pretty vivid about the events in your life
that can lead you to better help. And they weren't
thrilled about it.
Speaker 1: I think they that's when they canceled.
Speaker 2: They wrote us a letter saying it's about getting better,
it's not about looking back, and we were like, no problem.
So Asha is going to fix this whole Jizzy Kathy
thing bye, and this is an inventive conflict resolution technique.
She's gonna hold Jizzi like baby, and then she's gonna
take a shit and then hopefully things get better. I'm
not sure. I don't think that's gonna work. But listen,
Ash is great.
Speaker 1: She's good, and she's normally an out of the box thinker.
But if I was Kerman in this situation, I would
have walked up to Kizzie and I was said, Hey,
don't tell anybody. But I was up on the deck
and I heard all of the decies, all the guys,
they were all saying, you're the hottest girl. I WoT
uh that would have turned that little frown upside down.
You know what I mean, because that's all she cares.
Speaker 2: If I think, I think that's actually a brilliant I
think a brilliant way to handle this. All right, So
we get ready for dinner. But before we get ready
for dinner, let's get ready for an ad for Lola blankets.
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and plan purchased. Okay, we ride to dinner. Imron, oh, well,
getting ready, he's getting ready. He looks into mirror, says, God, damn,
am I good looking? Now you're not. You look like Skeeter.
You look like Skeeter from Doug. And then he goes
upstairs and starts talking about how it's difficult to find
maturity in twenty year old women, but he still has
sex with him anyways, I mean dad of the year.
This guy, I don't know. He's cool. He is so
fucking cool. So we get a little sea rat history
here with Kathy, and it's a sad one. They didn't
eat dinner together at the table.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll see. Let's break down the game film. Yeah,
this is the sea rat history for Kathy. Her mom
drove a cab, so she never made food for little Kathy,
so she spent a lot of time alone, which is
why she's so independent. Now, the score on the Sea
Rat sadscale is inconclusive at this point. Okay, you may
be asking why, definitely, where the fuck is Dad? I
think we all know he's been seen less than the
invisible Man, which is why she works on these boats
minus two points.
Speaker 2: Man is hardly ever seen.
Speaker 1: Unless Dylan pointed out, unless you throw pain around.
Speaker 2: You gotta throw pain around, You gotta throw a duster around.
So you get a big jacket. You just try to
put it on style around you and then you can
see the invisible Man. But as you could imagine, that's
very difficult.
Speaker 1: Don't you think if you're gonna talk about your your childhood,
at some point you might want to mention where the
other parent was.
Speaker 2: Well, who knows, it's everyone's pain and it's their Pandora's
box to kip cup or keep shut. We have to
get to that.
Speaker 1: I would arguable omitting that detail is an admission.
Speaker 2: Right right, right, okay, but not to all because we're
experienced in the ways of sea rats. You know, a
lot of people, first time viewers of the show go, oh,
that's interesting. You don't see a lot of British women
being cappies leaving their child at home. Defend for herself,
that's all they would think. But because we've done this,
we know the dad is burying himself inside the kind
of immature women that dem Ron was talking about, and
that's sad.
Speaker 1: Hey, Patty, what's your childhood like? Coffinos two? He's a selfish,
self absorbed asshole. Mom worked at a restaurant as a waitress.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's a little awkward for a first.
You don't tell that to a stranger, right, okay, Because
if I had just met you and you said that
about your family, I'd be like Jesus Christ, somebody get
this guy.
Speaker 1: With three pinos in cotail.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, forget a Leachi martini. My god. All right,
let's get to dinner.
Speaker 1: It is a I would never touch this pig me neither.
Speaker 2: Dinner is going to be a what do you call
the people what do you call the people in Barcelona?
What do you call them? No, they're not Spaniards, They're
what are they called? K Yeah, they call themselves something else.
Speaker 3: Well, he's looking Castellano or something. Catalans, Catalonian, Catalonian. It's
a Catalonian calein thank you. It is a Catalonian feast. Okay,
we've got all the hits. We've got croquets, one of
my favorite things. Who doesn't love a croquette?
Speaker 1: I love croquettes.
Speaker 2: You'd love a croquette. We've got petatis bravos. We've got
pan cun tom, We've got puss. Yeah, and we've got
this tiny little pig that raised his hand and said
I don't I actually don't want to go, and the
pig slaughter was like, oh sorry, I didn't see that
killed them anyways, So.
Speaker 1: Sad, I want to say this about that little pig, honderpots.
Speaker 2: It's a perfect dinner you put that pig, except for
the how sad it is zero pots.
Speaker 1: Most people don't like to see the head, and that's
a major turnoff for food. We don't like to see
the eyes in the head connected to the food that
we eat. We like to be disconnected from that. Here's
the idea. You want to ever want to turn all
of America in the vegetarians and under a year serve
Big Max with eyeballs.
Speaker 2: What are you talking about, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Take an eyeball from the fucking cow or something, somehow
get it in the burger meat.
Speaker 2: A lot more burgers you can get out of a
cow than an eyeball you can get. Probably, call now,
how many burgers.
Speaker 1: Open up your burger and there's a fucking eyeball there.
You'd never eat a hamburger again.
Speaker 2: Right right right? You know, it's so funny. I was
watching a documentary on the the Pangolin. It was a
dual narrative, a pangolin and a lab no lionhaired monkey,
and you know, these linehaired monkeys are in the canopies,
they're trying to find food. They've got these little babies
on their back, and it's this heartwarming tale that stretches
an hour, and you're very invested. And as they go along,
you know, they find frogs and stuff, and it's just
it's so sad, Like the commas. In between the steps
of their journey, are them ripping the heads off of
frogs with their with their teeth. You know, it's like
some nature's like too. There's too much death out there.
Speaker 1: That documentarians say about nature.
Speaker 2: Uh, A good nature documentarian has nothing to say about nature.
He or she simply documents.
Speaker 1: Right, don't I'm part of the story.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, right. And I'd be a bad documentarian because,
like you know, if there's an antelope getting ripped apart
by a couple of lines, I'd get in there and go, hey,
you gotta knock this out. You're you're eating him by
his legs.
Speaker 1: And he's still alive, and he's.
Speaker 2: Still alive, and he's wailing. Do you not hear that? Jesus?
All right? So the sea rats they smell the sweat
of the guests on their sheets, and Josh almost breaks
his tailbone doing tricks to hit on Jizzy. And to Josh,
I would say, I don't know if this is in
your book.
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, are we a dinner with the sea rats?
Speaker 2: We passed dinner?
Speaker 1: Oh I know. But after dinner it didn't that doctor Rossa.
Didn't he try and get Kathy in the hot tub
and all that.
Speaker 2: Well, it will get there. But first Josh is doing
cool little swing park or tricks on the cabinet tree
and he falls and hurts himself.
Speaker 1: Saw that that was in the trailer for the season.
By the way, was it that was really funny?
Speaker 2: Okay? Now in Cracking the Code, is there any commentary
in parkour or cool tricks to impress the lady?
Speaker 1: Maybe on a skateboard?
Speaker 2: Skateboard? Huh? Okay, Yeah, this didn't work. No, no, but listen,
who knows by the end of the season we could
have love between these two. Now the guests are really
ripping it up. Amron's trying to fuck his friend's wife
and they they pulled their pants off and they put
their raw butts on the jacuzzie, and Kathy's like, I
gotta get out of here. This is disgusting. I can
smell it from underneath the water. And we move on
to a little sea rat history. The calls her friend
and talks about what was his name, bomb Bon Bond?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Love of All Loves? He died eight months ago.
Speaker 2: No, I think was it the eighth month anniversary?
Speaker 1: It was the eight month anniversary.
Speaker 2: That can't be an anniversary, m you can't have an
eight month anniversary of death. I think it was a year.
Speaker 1: It was eight months.
Speaker 2: I don't think it was.
Speaker 1: When the year comes up and she's with Joe the Hoe,
how's he gonna take it?
Speaker 2: When she talks about I don't think you're right.
Speaker 1: When she goes to that place where he was mauled
by a bear and she throws a fucking reef in
the water, Uh huh, how's Joe the Hole gonna take it?
Speaker 2: I think as long as he's gonna have sex that night,
he'll be fine with it. That's Joe the Hoe. You know.
Speaker 1: I told my wife after I die, I don't want
anybody to bang her for at least three years, and
if she she does, I'll come back as a ghost
and give them both aids. Okay, haven't figured out the logistics. No,
not dead yet when I get there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a problem that you have to solve when
you're on the other side. And to any of our.
Speaker 1: New God, how do I give people aids?
Speaker 2: To any of our new lesseners? Sorry? Sorry about tonight.
You know, I tell my wife when I die, I
don't want anybody to bang her for three years, But
when I become a ghost, I'm going to give her aids.
It's like, what are we even doing here in this room.
Speaker 1: Hey, do you know what The worst thing that happened
to me? Though, bond cast out on her birthday words
are the wise don't die on your ground.
Speaker 2: I think that's right either.
Speaker 1: It is so every time her birthday comes around, she'll
have to think about that.
Speaker 2: That's like me. My birthday is October eleventh, So every
nine eleven, I go nine to eleven, one month till
my birthday. You know, Wow, it's really exciting. I get
really amped up.
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ.
Speaker 2: All right, m Ron wants to piss off the side
of the boat. Cathy's like, no, you can't do that's dangerous.
You fall and die. Now, if I was Kathy, just
let him see what happens. But he's told coaxed. Dare
I say to go downstairs and him and Mike start
ripping it up. They break a glass. They're like, uh,
they're like freaking frat boys young again in this Scooby
Doo hallway downstairs. Now Kathy really really wrangles these two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's part of their job.
Speaker 3: I guess you drunk to be able to fight back.
Speaker 2: Because if I, if I was a paying guest, I'd
be like, hey, clean the glass up and go give
me another fucking drink. I'm not going to bed right now.
What the hell's wrong with you? See? Right?
Speaker 1: Maybe the internal voice in their heads know that they
can still get tossed.
Speaker 2: Oh you think, yeah? Maybe? All right? So, uh, next day,
Nathan's not fucking around today, okay, and neither is Kathy.
Kathy leaves a post it note she says, I'm not
getting up it was too tough last nightsh I'd be like,
you're getting up right now? You're getting up right, Neil.
You know I'm so sad. I've been looking for this video,
a New Zealand traffic altercation. It's been scrubbed from the internet.
Speaker 1: What happened?
Speaker 2: This guy goes in. He's parked in a spot that
he's not supposed to be park So the guy reaches
in and takes his keys out of the ignition hot
start and the guy goes, I touch my fucking keys.
He goes, I'll touch your keys if I want to.
He goes, no, you won't. You won't touch my fucking shit,
you piece of fucking shit. And the the heading of
the video is he's perfected the art of swearing and
he calls him an f and a cocksucker and an
old piece of shit and it's really great. So anyways,
I can't find that. If anybody wants to help, we.
Speaker 1: Have a lot of listeners from New Zealand.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: Hey, by the way, I thought those people over there,
the Kiwis, were way more evolved than us. They don't
need to indulge in these pathetic, dehumanizing acts of.
Speaker 2: I thought that about the Kiwis as well.
Speaker 1: What's up? I don't know, you know what that was
probably Ai. That's probably some two Americans doing that, you think,
and they dubbed it with Kiwis.
Speaker 2: You're so right, you know you can't trust anything anymore?
Speaker 1: Can I ask you a quick question?
Speaker 2: Why did I talk about that? Why did I start
talking about that video? Was it something to do with
We're never gonna know. So Aisha tell's the guests. Well,
but first we we got to talk about Sandy telling
Nathan you know, it's it's come time you have to
appoint elite deckhand.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 2: Why would she do that? Why would you They all
kind of suck, so why would you force him to do.
Speaker 1: Someone did that one time and it threw a huge
wrinkle into the whole boat like it created a lot
of drama. There was no need for it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a wrench, even Wren, that's what I meant, or
a wrinkle, A wrench or a wrinkle. What what we're
both trying to say is that there's no need for this.
There's no diamond that's going to be to come from
the pressure that she's putting on Nathan to make this decision,
because Okay, you picked Joe. Max's pissed, that's your best friend.
You picked Max. He's going to drive a tender into
the side of the boat. Sandy's gonna go, why'd you
pick him? Can't pick v she's too green. There's nobody
to pick here. No diamonds, not one. So Asha tells
the guests heard you were a little drunk last night.
If I'm the primary again, I don't want you sea
rats gossiping about me and then bring it up to
me at dinner or breakfast, just you know, leave it alone.
We get some sea rat history with Max a million.
Speaker 1: This because the romance between him and Kathy are heating up.
He considers her family and he wants a family, but
not like his family because his dad stepped out on
his mom. U, that's about it.
Speaker 2: And where does that land on the I.
Speaker 3: Bet I bet my cheek.
Speaker 2: Oh well, I bet my cheek.
Speaker 1: I didn't hear it. But to answer your question, it's
a big, old fat zero okay, right, it's a story
as old as time. I mean literally, it's one plus
one equals too. It doesn't even register anymore. Right, Oh,
your dad cheering on your mom?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Wow, Wow, I'm blown away?
Speaker 2: What are you? Unique and gut red chik pain? Okay,
So breakfast has served, big puffy things are dropped on
the side of the boat, and one of the guests
ships the bed. It looked like he shit in the bed.
Did you see that? I did. There was a sheet
that was just shmeared with brown, viscous humors. It just
looked like somebody shit the bed.
Speaker 1: It was a brownie. They look like they like to
eat dessert at night.
Speaker 2: No, this would have had to have been a Puzuki
sized brownie. There was so much stainage. So the docking
needs to go very very well. Nathan's got a lot
of pressure on them, right, and the knots are blowing
twenty two nuts. That's like forty two one hundred kilometers
or something when we get into some real boat shit,
because the bow thruster goes out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to address that when we get there.
Unless we're there.
Speaker 2: Where there were.
Speaker 1: Okay, this was absolutely man manufactured drama. Sandy says, the
bow thrust overheated. You might want to test that before
you dock, you know, because that's important part of docking.
I guess important going to port. Yeah, what are those
three ugly Croatian dudes you call engineers doing all day?
Speaker 2: Well? I was going to say, you know, it's bad
when the the cole shovelers get up there. That's bad.
That's really really bad, all right, Pat, The whole thing
goes off without a hitch.
Speaker 1: Does it not manufacture drama? Dumb?
Speaker 2: You weren't a fan.
Speaker 1: That boat wasn't close to touching either one of those
boats on either side. The cameras have eyes.
Speaker 2: The cameras have eyes. Kaitlin's going to be me in fantasy?
Speaker 1: Is he really? Caylen? Do you mind checking out the
pat score?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Thanks, Bud.
Speaker 2: It's so crazy. It's like he's horrible. I don't know
why I can't beat him. He's like my kryptonite Oh boy,
he just always beats me.
Speaker 3: He spends a lot of time that it's a twenty
four to seven pats and it's not even halftime yet.
Speaker 1: Well, all right, that game's over.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1: Eleven and two. I think they're gonna have home field
advantage and a bye week.
Speaker 2: All right, sorry, that's sports card over.
Speaker 1: All, right, Tip meeting the decies still suck, Josh, you're
killing it twenty five K twenty each.
Speaker 2: Well, the guests leave, and don't let that boat hit
you on the way out right, But Joe almost shits
his pants and Max is in love? What is with
these sea rats?
Speaker 1: They're spending a lot of time in close quarters?
Speaker 2: Well, it's so funny. Max goes up to Joe the
Hoe for advice. He says, communicate clearly, Lol, Joe the Hoe,
you're telling a woman that you'd like her to meet
your mother, and then you're gonna make out with a
different sea rat aboard the vessel JOA. That's not communicating
very clearly, Joe though, If you ask me.
Speaker 1: Max scares me though, because he has anger issues and
he's also a psychostalker.
Speaker 2: I don't know about that.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? Did you hear him have that conversation.
He got mad at her because she wouldn't kiss him
at the table.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll get there, So Joe is well, we get
ready for the night out. Jizzy is out rageously horny,
and Nathan will not give Kathy any hair squish because
he can't afford to give her any. Okay, Now Joe
is falling in love with Via the Cuban, and this
is a massive step outside of his comfort zone. He
has never fucked over a female fee, a female sea
rat before in his life. Now we sit down for
dinner and we find out that Joe sent a picture
of v to his mother. What what it means?
Speaker 1: Nothing? Not to Patty. This is just a move from
a player right out of the player's Guide trying to
close some.
Speaker 2: Ass player's guide to the Galaxy Now department heads chat,
Aasha says, he, I hear what you're going through, Nathan.
Being a chief stew the first time is the hardest
thing I've ever had to do in my life. We
flashed back and she had to deal with I don't
know that that's pizza rat and that bulgarian lunatic or something.
I don't know what she was, but you know, it
made me really sad because it's there's this theme with
with below Deck, the people that do the best after
either the majority of them or you know, just riddled
with with addiction problems. And there's only fans, sex addiction,
sex addiction. I'm not saying only fans, but only fans
is cool. Make a lot of money on only fans,
I say, Ring the rag Dry men want to be
horny pigs. Ring the rag Dry, get that paper, get
the paper bow. But chefs, they seem to have these
vibrant careers after below Deck. That serial killer lizard Adam,
he's crushing it on Instagram, pretending like he's in the
woods cooking over water powered you know, spit roasts. You know,
the flesh is long, it's human flesh, but nobody's you know,
the wiser. And then Pizza Rah has some bustling Florida.
It's you know, what's what?
Speaker 1: The broken pigeon, he was un chopped.
Speaker 2: The broken pigeon. Who is that mac Oh, the guy
who's in there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, who begged us to stop talking about and basically
told me to go fuck myself.
Speaker 2: Okay, So Kathy and Max sit down for another boyfriend
girlfriend talk between the sea rat.
Speaker 1: Sorry excuse me for coughee. She turned down a kiss
from him, and then he said we need to talk,
right he prompted that car right, right right, and then
she's kind of blown away at how weird and awkward
this is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm Kathy did so great here. She was like,
you know, I really try my best to not have
these kinds of conversations, and because they're weird and uncomfortable,
and You're weird and uncomfortable, and I'm not really feeling well.
So I'm gonna go back to the boat and Max
says I'll follow. Yeah, run, Kathy, Nathan and Jizz hit
the club. It's called Space the fuck out, I think,
and Nathan says that he has put up a barrier
between him and other women's and scale what's it made of?
Angel food cake? Yeah, it's made of nothing.
Speaker 1: They are feeling each other out here, by the way,
that's what this little thing is happening. The Sea Rat's
tear it up at that club, man, Yeah, they really do.
Speaker 2: Kissy is talking to Nathan about being pissed off and
wanting to slit Kathy's throat, and Kathy comes over and goes, hey,
I've heard you say you want to slip my throat.
I just want to, you know, air out the dirty laundry.
And they move on. So Kizzie and Nathan hook up,
and we cut to Josh the clown, and he leans
in and he says, I see you. It's elongated and
a kind of creepy false satto and I don't know,
you know, producers of Below Deck, it's a little bit
like if we can get back to the McDonald's burger.
This show is a little bit like making a big mac. Right,
you shove your finger up your ass, you grab the lettuce,
you put it on the bond, and then you finish
the rest. Okay, everybody knows how to do this. This
is kind of a misstep that they make every once
in a while, the nerdy, esoteric, corny person.
Speaker 1: To be fair, Josh sat in that chair for four
hours on a Friday, and at some point a producer said, yeah,
do the makeup thing, and then they filmed him acting
like an idiot for an hour and they use way
more footage than they should.
Speaker 2: That producer's wife was texting him, I'm taking fucking everything. Yeah,
go ahead, just do the clown.
Speaker 1: Now, this is when we get to Joe the Hope,
he invites v to his hometown after knowing her for
three weeks, and then he tells her he's all in
the way, all all in, all in, Hello, Captain love Barmber.
You're a twisted, emotionally manipulative asshole. I know it because
it takes one to know what.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and that's big of you.
Speaker 1: Thank you retired. Never as bad as him, by the way, really,
I never promised stuff like that.
Speaker 2: Not even to Levin is Lana.
Speaker 1: No no. I lived with her for.
Speaker 2: Two years, not even to the dude.
Speaker 1: Well I didn't live with her. I slept at her
place for tears. I lived with her for no, no, no.
What my crime was? My friends that were girls told
me what I would do is I'd meet a girl,
hang out with her a couple times, and I go, hey,
let's go do this winery, and then we go do
a winery, and then we'd hook up, and then I'd
get bored and they'd go, you can't take her to
a winery because she's gonna think you really like her.
Speaker 2: What? Who were your friends? What do you mean that?
Who said that?
Speaker 1: Some of my friends that were girls and stuff. They go.
The girl's gonna think you really like it if you
take her to a nice place. I didn't know that.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah it might. Yeah I can see I could
see that. Yeah, you gotta you gotta take them to
like a die bar right right right. If you want
to get really fancy, you go bowling, just put up
that barrier. Let's play darts, right all right. So don't
talk about this stuff when you've been drinking, Joe, that
how you're gonna look ridiculous. Now we head back home.
Gratuitous makeout riding cowboy sessions are taking place in the
front of the van while the clown and Kermit watch
along and Kathy and Max talk about their signs whether
air intertwines with erse erse. But Asha walks in on
Nathan and Kissy. Now, your whole thing about him doing
the Kenney Powers thing is is interesting. But the only
if I could have an Elwood's moment here. The lights
were on the entire time, Oh they were. The reason
I know the lights were on the entire time is
because there's a little saying, a little thing that Nathan
said while they were getting all hot and bothered. He said,
leave the lights on. I want to leave the lights on.
That is a line that means I want to see everything. Ah. Yes,
So I think what what got him out was another
department had coming into her room. And good for him.
But this conversation he has about not being fulfilled by
this and that's why he left, that is hogwash.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And lastly, Max is feeling that Kathy is not matching
his emotions.
Speaker 2: Uh huh.
Speaker 1: They'll be done after this episode, which will set up
the Joe the.
Speaker 2: Whole right exactly. And we end with the telling Joe
the Hoe that in eight days Bond died eight months ago.
All right, get in the comments, let us know. Uh
do you know that New Zealand video I was talking about?
Have you seen Jeff and.
Speaker 1: Can Ghost give people aids?
Speaker 2: Thank you for listening. We love you. I'm Dylan. Say goodbye, Pat,
Say goodbye.