WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.720 --> 00:00:08.800 Special Operations, Colbert SPI and I. 2 00:00:10.279 --> 00:00:17.079 The Team House with your host Jack Murphy and David Park. 3 00:00:22.039 --> 00:00:25.120 Hey, everybody, welcome to Team House episode three hundred and 4 00:00:25.160 --> 00:00:30.519 sixty four. I'm Dave Park. Joining us tonight is Lee Deckleman. 5 00:00:31.519 --> 00:00:37.079 Lee is a former ranger, former SF plankholder at Triple Canopy. 6 00:00:38.520 --> 00:00:41.039 Has done a lot of great things, a lot of 7 00:00:41.039 --> 00:00:45.240 wild things, a general man about town, international man of mystery, 8 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:45.759 as it were. 9 00:00:46.600 --> 00:00:48.560 Thanks for joining us tonight, Lee. 10 00:00:50.719 --> 00:00:51.280 NICs, Dave. 11 00:00:51.359 --> 00:00:52.880 I appreciate you having me. 12 00:00:53.679 --> 00:01:00.200 I'm grateful anytime I can unpack my life story and uh, 13 00:01:00.840 --> 00:01:01.799 you know, among. 14 00:01:02.039 --> 00:01:05.560 My trod it it is a hell of a story too. 15 00:01:06.359 --> 00:01:11.239 Lee wrote a book about his life, I mean, going 16 00:01:11.280 --> 00:01:13.640 all the way back. Actually your birthday is only one 17 00:01:13.680 --> 00:01:14.319 day after mine. 18 00:01:14.959 --> 00:01:22.040 Uh so yeah, oh yeah. But uh the name of 19 00:01:22.079 --> 00:01:23.840 the book is Internal Volume. 20 00:01:25.359 --> 00:01:30.439 And as we get more into your story, you can 21 00:01:30.480 --> 00:01:33.640 tell us where Internal Volume comes from, because it's really 22 00:01:34.120 --> 00:01:36.719 it's not just a story about your life, but it's 23 00:01:36.719 --> 00:01:40.000 a story about uh I don't want to say your dysfunction, 24 00:01:40.120 --> 00:01:43.239 but but your trauma and not just you know, trauma 25 00:01:43.280 --> 00:01:47.040 from war or trauma from combat, trauma from security or whatever, 26 00:01:47.519 --> 00:01:50.959 but just the trauma is a childhood like your childhood 27 00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:55.599 was not was not a pleasant one, and sort of 28 00:01:55.640 --> 00:01:58.799 how that manifested throughout your life and things like that. 29 00:01:59.799 --> 00:02:07.159 You also founded B Yoga Strong, and right B Yoga 30 00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:08.159 Strong is. 31 00:02:08.159 --> 00:02:11.840 The name of your right. Well that five years ago 32 00:02:13.280 --> 00:02:18.479 when I founded B Yoga Strong. COVID hit right after that, 33 00:02:18.560 --> 00:02:22.039 and so I've struggled to kind of hold on to 34 00:02:22.080 --> 00:02:25.879 the foundation and and grow that. And so where that's 35 00:02:25.919 --> 00:02:29.560 at right now is is kind of on pause. But 36 00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:35.159 that was outside of just getting healthy and getting my 37 00:02:35.319 --> 00:02:38.560 own internal volume to a real low and good place. 38 00:02:40.400 --> 00:02:42.680 You know, the only other purpose I had was wanting 39 00:02:42.719 --> 00:02:49.080 to provide free yoga to my community, you know, you know, 40 00:02:49.400 --> 00:02:52.520 as a form of free therapy seven days a week 41 00:02:52.599 --> 00:02:56.280 where people would have a soft place for free to 42 00:02:56.520 --> 00:03:00.159 land at the end of a hard day. Yea. 43 00:03:00.199 --> 00:03:03.599 And so that that's the goal. 44 00:03:05.039 --> 00:03:06.680 You know. We'll probably get into it a little bit 45 00:03:06.719 --> 00:03:10.199 later when I can explain how that's kind of shifted. 46 00:03:10.520 --> 00:03:15.280 Sure, absolutely, So let's start from the beginning. Uh, we 47 00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:18.680 like to ask everybody, what is your origin story? What 48 00:03:18.879 --> 00:03:20.919 made you the man you are today? 49 00:03:23.080 --> 00:03:28.759 Well, I started out in life below average, so not 50 00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:32.199 even average when I was born. I was two and 51 00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:37.080 a half months premature, and I was cross eyed, and 52 00:03:37.159 --> 00:03:40.639 I spent months in an incubator in the ICU before 53 00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:44.759 I went to foster home. At about age six, my parents, 54 00:03:46.360 --> 00:03:52.039 my birth parents, came back and got me and along 55 00:03:52.080 --> 00:03:55.439 with my other sisters who were also in foster care, 56 00:03:58.080 --> 00:04:04.280 and we moved from Baltimore, Maryland, to Tennessee. A couple 57 00:04:04.280 --> 00:04:06.960 of years after that, and just a couple of days 58 00:04:07.000 --> 00:04:09.719 after getting to Tennessee, at age nine, you know, my 59 00:04:09.759 --> 00:04:15.000 father died, so I was on another planet. We were 60 00:04:15.080 --> 00:04:19.560 Jewish in Middle Tennessee in the nineteen seventies. I was 61 00:04:19.680 --> 00:04:23.800 nine years old, had just come from foster home. I 62 00:04:23.879 --> 00:04:29.160 really hadn't even got assimilated with my new family properly, 63 00:04:29.759 --> 00:04:32.639 and my dad was gone. So that was a really 64 00:04:33.079 --> 00:04:35.920 that was the first trauma. I remember. That was a 65 00:04:35.959 --> 00:04:43.360 real tough spot, and my mother was homicidal and suicidal, 66 00:04:43.720 --> 00:04:48.000 and so it was a very dysfunctional situation. After that, 67 00:04:48.079 --> 00:04:52.240 it got worse instead of better once we moved here 68 00:04:52.839 --> 00:04:58.399 and football. My father was really good at football. And 69 00:04:58.480 --> 00:05:00.399 I didn't know my father, but I knew he was 70 00:05:00.439 --> 00:05:02.879 a World War two veteran and he was really good 71 00:05:02.879 --> 00:05:05.680 at football, and so I wanted to be really good 72 00:05:05.720 --> 00:05:08.399 at football. The only problem was is I was the 73 00:05:08.480 --> 00:05:12.519 smallest kid in my grade every year, and I talked 74 00:05:12.519 --> 00:05:16.360 funny because I was from up North and you know, 75 00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:19.160 a little Jewish boy, and everybody was Christian. 76 00:05:19.240 --> 00:05:22.319 So I did feel like I was on another planet. 77 00:05:22.680 --> 00:05:29.000 And that led to really focusing on football, and that's 78 00:05:29.000 --> 00:05:31.759 really kind of what saved me. And when football was 79 00:05:31.800 --> 00:05:34.279 over and I didn't have the size or the grades 80 00:05:34.319 --> 00:05:39.040 to go to college, that was a real low spot 81 00:05:39.079 --> 00:05:41.319 in my life. Right after I graduated high school, and 82 00:05:41.360 --> 00:05:45.279 so I decided to join the army. I never wanted 83 00:05:45.279 --> 00:05:50.040 to be in the military. I didn't like discipline, you know. 84 00:05:50.079 --> 00:05:53.920 I was kind of a wild eyed Southern boy, a rebel, 85 00:05:55.480 --> 00:05:58.759 you know, in my nature, and so I didn't want 86 00:05:58.800 --> 00:06:02.519 to go in the military, but I did. And since 87 00:06:02.560 --> 00:06:04.839 I was going to go in, I decided, well, I'm 88 00:06:04.839 --> 00:06:06.720 not going to just go in. I want to do 89 00:06:06.759 --> 00:06:10.000 something special. Because when you grow up as a traumatized 90 00:06:10.079 --> 00:06:13.120 kid with nothing and you feel like you're nothing, you 91 00:06:13.199 --> 00:06:16.439 have to become something, right, So that's your ego, like 92 00:06:16.759 --> 00:06:19.079 you have to attach yourself to something. I have to 93 00:06:19.120 --> 00:06:23.959 be something and so being a ranger was important. That 94 00:06:24.120 --> 00:06:25.120 was my life mission. 95 00:06:25.720 --> 00:06:27.759 So, you know, you talk a little bit about the 96 00:06:27.800 --> 00:06:30.600 trauma of childhood, and you go into a lot of 97 00:06:30.639 --> 00:06:32.600 depth in the book, but I'd like to kind of 98 00:06:32.600 --> 00:06:37.959 rewind a little bit because when your parents came, you 99 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:40.720 were with your foster parents for seven years correct. 100 00:06:41.639 --> 00:06:47.279 Well, for the first year there was a lot of transitions, 101 00:06:47.279 --> 00:06:48.319 so about six years. 102 00:06:48.360 --> 00:06:51.600 Yeah, okay, and the first year you were one year old, 103 00:06:51.759 --> 00:06:55.399 so right, right, so yeah, so you weren't really keeping 104 00:06:55.399 --> 00:06:59.680 a die or anything. But you know, if you don't 105 00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:01.720 mind me talking a little bit about what's in the book, 106 00:07:01.720 --> 00:07:03.680 because I do want people to understand sort of like 107 00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:06.959 the depth of the trauma and where it started and 108 00:07:07.000 --> 00:07:11.360 then you know, because it gets you know, it ends 109 00:07:11.439 --> 00:07:16.800 up with yoga. But your mother was on volume and 110 00:07:16.839 --> 00:07:19.839 a number of other things or whatever when you were born, 111 00:07:19.879 --> 00:07:23.959 which is why your premature. She went into a deep 112 00:07:24.000 --> 00:07:29.759 depression and you were made wards of the state. You 113 00:07:29.839 --> 00:07:33.639 never like, you never really lived with your parents. Your 114 00:07:33.639 --> 00:07:37.879 foster parents were your parents. And you know, you said 115 00:07:37.879 --> 00:07:40.319 that your parents came at your biological parents came and 116 00:07:40.360 --> 00:07:43.079 got you. But you in the book, you talk about 117 00:07:43.079 --> 00:07:45.199 how they came and got you. And it wasn't just 118 00:07:45.319 --> 00:07:49.399 traumatizing for you, it's traumatizing for your for your foster parents. 119 00:07:50.680 --> 00:07:55.040 That's right. My my foster mother was crushed. A rose 120 00:07:55.240 --> 00:08:00.199 was crushed. That's all I really remember labing was she 121 00:08:00.279 --> 00:08:01.279 was crushed. 122 00:08:01.000 --> 00:08:03.399 Because they just showed up, right, they just showed up 123 00:08:03.439 --> 00:08:06.920 and said, here we are, come on kids, And that 124 00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:09.720 would show this woman who had been raising you for 125 00:08:10.800 --> 00:08:13.720 six years as. 126 00:08:13.199 --> 00:08:16.040 Her children, just wanted you to walk out the door. 127 00:08:17.199 --> 00:08:21.879 That's right. And the unfortunate part is is, you know, 128 00:08:22.120 --> 00:08:25.480 they tried to find me my whole life and get 129 00:08:25.480 --> 00:08:29.000 back in touch with me because my parents cut off 130 00:08:29.079 --> 00:08:33.159 any kind of They never spoke of them, never mentioned 131 00:08:33.159 --> 00:08:37.679 their name. And so it was through social media that 132 00:08:37.759 --> 00:08:44.240 my older foster and brother from that family finally found me. 133 00:08:44.720 --> 00:08:48.480 And it wasn't that long ago. It was around twenty thirteen. 134 00:08:48.840 --> 00:08:52.120 I was working at Facebook at the time, and they 135 00:08:52.200 --> 00:08:55.919 contacted me, and you know, it was kind of magical 136 00:08:57.120 --> 00:08:59.879 to be able to talk to them and fill some 137 00:09:00.960 --> 00:09:06.799 some voids, fill some gaps and get some ques, you know. 138 00:09:07.399 --> 00:09:11.039 Uh and and so I ultimately went and took my 139 00:09:11.240 --> 00:09:14.559 son and went and met them, and uh so that 140 00:09:14.559 --> 00:09:18.399 that was nice, but it Rose had already died, so 141 00:09:18.519 --> 00:09:21.320 I didn't get an opportunity to see her as an adult. 142 00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:24.840 And you know, if anything makes me sad about that, 143 00:09:24.919 --> 00:09:25.639 it's it's that. 144 00:09:28.240 --> 00:09:29.960 So, you know, you. 145 00:09:31.559 --> 00:09:33.960 Feel a drift. You get out of high school, you 146 00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:39.480 join the army. What was that like for you? 147 00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:41.440 You know, joining the army you didn't want to be disciplined. 148 00:09:42.200 --> 00:09:46.759 You're kind of a wild one. And now you know, 149 00:09:46.799 --> 00:09:49.600 you don't just join the army, but you go to rip, 150 00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:52.039 you know, you do all this stuff and then you 151 00:09:52.039 --> 00:09:54.559 go to battalion. What was that that that like for you? 152 00:09:56.879 --> 00:10:02.480 Well, as much as I didn't like discipline, I hated 153 00:10:02.960 --> 00:10:07.759 being a nobody. I hated just being empty, you know, 154 00:10:08.399 --> 00:10:12.360 and so I had to feel that. So it's kind 155 00:10:12.360 --> 00:10:19.080 of like you do things you normally wouldn't do when 156 00:10:19.080 --> 00:10:22.360 you want something bad enough. And so I was willing 157 00:10:22.600 --> 00:10:26.679 to do and put up with whatever they put me through. 158 00:10:27.200 --> 00:10:29.080 I would have done practically anything. 159 00:10:30.960 --> 00:10:35.519 And so the hardest part for me about becoming a 160 00:10:35.639 --> 00:10:40.440 ranger and getting into regiment was just getting there. You know, 161 00:10:40.480 --> 00:10:44.759 the problems are how problematic that can be when you 162 00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:46.919 sign up for the army thinking that you're going to 163 00:10:47.000 --> 00:10:49.080 range a regiment and you find out that you're just 164 00:10:49.120 --> 00:10:53.519 going to an infantry unit, and you don't realize that 165 00:10:53.639 --> 00:10:57.519 until you're in basic training. And so that fight to 166 00:10:57.720 --> 00:11:02.600 finally get into regiment against the army in the original contract. 167 00:11:02.919 --> 00:11:05.840 Uh, you know that that was the hardest part. 168 00:11:06.320 --> 00:11:08.159 Yeah. Yeah. 169 00:11:08.720 --> 00:11:13.600 So, as your book kind of lays out fairly, well, 170 00:11:13.639 --> 00:11:18.000 you're a bit of a scrapper and you're you're not 171 00:11:18.159 --> 00:11:23.200 crazy about authority or people abusing their authority or speaking 172 00:11:23.240 --> 00:11:26.240 to you, you know, in disrespectful ways. 173 00:11:26.799 --> 00:11:31.799 How did that mesh with you know, being young Cherry Lee? 174 00:11:32.559 --> 00:11:36.440 You know, yeah, yeah, that's a good question. So when 175 00:11:36.480 --> 00:11:38.759 I was growing up in the seventies in the South, 176 00:11:39.039 --> 00:11:40.039 you get fist fight. 177 00:11:40.519 --> 00:11:42.879 Like that was that was just normal behavior. 178 00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:47.200 Like the teachers would would just go out on the 179 00:11:47.200 --> 00:11:50.840 playground and they would gather and talk and you'd sort 180 00:11:50.919 --> 00:11:55.720 out whatever you needed to do. So being violent, being monstrous, 181 00:11:56.080 --> 00:12:03.639 of behaving like a sociopath wasn't unacceptable. And so getting 182 00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:09.320 into the military, especially into range regiment, you're almost it's 183 00:12:09.360 --> 00:12:12.600 almost an advantage to be a sociopath or to have 184 00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:17.559 be on that spectrum to the comart to be able 185 00:12:17.600 --> 00:12:22.240 to compartmentalize in that sense. And the difference between a 186 00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:25.039 good ranger and a bad ranger, or a good seal 187 00:12:25.200 --> 00:12:28.159 or a bad seal is are you wearing a white hat? 188 00:12:28.600 --> 00:12:31.639 Are you wearing a black hat? Because we're almost all 189 00:12:31.720 --> 00:12:36.559 on this on the spectrum of being sociopaths. So and 190 00:12:36.600 --> 00:12:39.200 every now and then you meet a psychopath, he's like, 191 00:12:39.720 --> 00:12:43.200 you know, it's like, wow, that guy has ice going 192 00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:44.120 through his veins. 193 00:12:44.200 --> 00:12:46.080 Like I don't want to ever cross him. 194 00:12:46.120 --> 00:12:52.720 But yeah, that was it was a dream come true 195 00:12:53.279 --> 00:12:58.480 and it was you know, the eighteen Delta course. Graduating 196 00:12:58.480 --> 00:13:00.879 an eighteen delta course was definitely a highlight of my 197 00:13:00.919 --> 00:13:04.639 military career. But my time in Ranger Battalion and my 198 00:13:04.919 --> 00:13:09.679 squad in Ranger Battalion Bravo Company, third between Second Squad, 199 00:13:10.879 --> 00:13:14.480 you know, out of my military career, that's my most 200 00:13:14.519 --> 00:13:17.879 beautiful memory. Yeah, you know, I cherished that. And so 201 00:13:18.320 --> 00:13:22.120 it's kind of tough watching some of these g Watt 202 00:13:23.080 --> 00:13:26.639 Special Ops guys kind of make us look like idiots 203 00:13:27.519 --> 00:13:31.039 with Lion and making up these stories. You know, the 204 00:13:31.080 --> 00:13:34.000 best way to go about telling your war stories is 205 00:13:34.279 --> 00:13:36.360 leave a few things out and that way you make 206 00:13:36.399 --> 00:13:39.200 sure you're not you're not gonna get in trouble or 207 00:13:39.639 --> 00:13:43.919 or or be called out for exaggerating too much. Yeah. 208 00:13:45.039 --> 00:13:51.399 So you did your time in Ranger Battalion. Are there 209 00:13:51.399 --> 00:13:54.080 any highlights that you want to cover when while you're there? 210 00:13:56.200 --> 00:14:03.159 Well, I've I've got a pretty funny story I had 211 00:14:03.159 --> 00:14:04.919 to do with my son being born while I was 212 00:14:04.960 --> 00:14:07.759 in Rage Battai. But other than that, no, it was 213 00:14:07.960 --> 00:14:11.759 it was peacetime. Yeah, so being a Ranger Battalion peacetime 214 00:14:11.879 --> 00:14:16.240 was hard. It was just straining, you know. When I 215 00:14:16.399 --> 00:14:19.120 finally went to combat, it was like, Okay, it's only 216 00:14:19.159 --> 00:14:21.840 hard when it's hard. It's not just hard on purpose. 217 00:14:22.240 --> 00:14:25.600 You know, people aren't trying to make combat hard. Your 218 00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:28.919 leadership isn't trying to make it harder on you. You know. 219 00:14:29.159 --> 00:14:32.159 So combat was a break for me. I thought peacetime 220 00:14:32.279 --> 00:14:35.360 Ranger Battalion was the hardest thing I had ever done. Yeah. 221 00:14:36.360 --> 00:14:38.919 So you, uh, do you want to tell the story 222 00:14:38.919 --> 00:14:39.519 about your son? 223 00:14:40.960 --> 00:14:43.559 Yeah, So when I was in when I was in 224 00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:49.879 the battalion, I had my second child, and Josh and 225 00:14:49.960 --> 00:14:54.360 he actually ended up going to Bravo Company, First Range 226 00:14:54.399 --> 00:14:58.039 Battalion after you graduated high school, but he was born 227 00:14:58.080 --> 00:15:06.440 there and the way that happened. You know, Uh, well 228 00:15:06.519 --> 00:15:10.039 it's not it's it's kind of a long story. Okay, 229 00:15:10.279 --> 00:15:13.000 so we might want to it's in the book, but 230 00:15:13.039 --> 00:15:13.600 it's kind. 231 00:15:13.440 --> 00:15:14.279 Of a long story. 232 00:15:14.360 --> 00:15:17.240 So all right, buy the book. Oh where can people 233 00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:17.799 find your book? 234 00:15:17.919 --> 00:15:18.720 Is it on Amazon? 235 00:15:18.799 --> 00:15:22.519 It's on Amazon? Ok. Just if you put internal volume 236 00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:27.120 or put my name in you'll see that beautiful art 237 00:15:27.559 --> 00:15:31.360 on the front covering. And that's the logo for the foundation, 238 00:15:31.480 --> 00:15:34.879 which again it's on pause and not doing anything with 239 00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:37.679 it currently. But I have been teaching over the last 240 00:15:37.720 --> 00:15:38.799 five years for free. 241 00:15:40.120 --> 00:15:42.200 Hey guys, I want to think a new sponsor that 242 00:15:42.200 --> 00:15:44.960 we have today. 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Who's the teamhouse 263 00:16:55.080 --> 00:16:59.320 brontworkware dot com. Teamhouse is the code for ten dollars off. 264 00:16:59.360 --> 00:17:01.360 I love you, Thank you, Thank you a brunt workwork 265 00:17:01.399 --> 00:17:02.200 for supporting the show. 266 00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:07.039 So you leave Ranger Battalion and you leave the Army, 267 00:17:07.559 --> 00:17:11.440 right you ets, and you joined. 268 00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:13.680 No No the So the first time I was in 269 00:17:13.720 --> 00:17:17.799 the Army, I went to ranger school as an infantryman. 270 00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:20.160 Oh okay, I couldn't. 271 00:17:19.759 --> 00:17:22.319 Get into regiment. I had to get out and then 272 00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:26.599 go back in. Okay, So get right to ultimately being 273 00:17:26.680 --> 00:17:30.599 range of battalions Okay, through Desert Storm after twentieth Special 274 00:17:30.640 --> 00:17:31.240 Forces Group. 275 00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:36.000 Okay, that's right, because you went to Desert Storm with 276 00:17:36.920 --> 00:17:38.160 a conventional. 277 00:17:37.720 --> 00:17:42.680 Unit, right, with a National Guard unit. Yeah, a disaster. 278 00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:47.480 Yeah, yeah, that's right. So then you. 279 00:17:49.240 --> 00:17:52.400 Because you got out a couple of times, so you right, 280 00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:54.440 So you go to range battalions. 281 00:17:54.480 --> 00:17:58.400 I did. I did. I went in in eighty five 282 00:17:58.480 --> 00:18:02.240 and ats and eighty eight. I got activated for Desert 283 00:18:02.240 --> 00:18:05.440 Storm in ninety to ninety one, and then I when 284 00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:08.000 I got back from there, I joined the twentiesth Special 285 00:18:08.039 --> 00:18:15.880 Forces Guard Unit and then in ninety five went back 286 00:18:15.920 --> 00:18:18.920 on active duty to first Range of Attack until I 287 00:18:19.000 --> 00:18:20.039 was medically retired. 288 00:18:20.759 --> 00:18:21.480 Hey, I got a. 289 00:18:21.519 --> 00:18:23.720 Question, because we never really have too many a ton 290 00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:26.079 of people that I asked that talk about Desert Storm. 291 00:18:26.119 --> 00:18:27.960 What was that trip like for you? 292 00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:34.720 For my unit and for my experience, it should have 293 00:18:34.839 --> 00:18:40.240 just been, you know, considered a training exercise. You know, 294 00:18:41.000 --> 00:18:44.799 we really weren't. My my unit didn't have a purpose there. 295 00:18:44.839 --> 00:18:48.759 And so when you're in a situation like that and 296 00:18:48.839 --> 00:18:51.920 you don't have really a functional purpose, you're not really 297 00:18:51.960 --> 00:18:54.599 participating in the war. 298 00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:57.119 They have to make up something for you to do. 299 00:18:57.680 --> 00:19:01.359 And so that's kind of what our unit, that's the 300 00:19:01.480 --> 00:19:07.160 space our unit landed in. And so I think the 301 00:19:07.559 --> 00:19:11.880 what I got out of Desert Storm was what the 302 00:19:11.920 --> 00:19:16.519 news says about war can be one hundred percent opposite 303 00:19:16.559 --> 00:19:18.400 of what's really going on at the time. 304 00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:20.480 I think that's the. 305 00:19:20.359 --> 00:19:24.039 First time I ever realized that because of what CNN 306 00:19:24.200 --> 00:19:27.519 was putting out versus what I was seeing with my 307 00:19:27.599 --> 00:19:31.039 own eyes. And the other thing I think I got 308 00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:34.480 out of Desert Storm was, you know, you just get 309 00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:38.039 that first combat deployment out under your belt. You know, 310 00:19:38.119 --> 00:19:44.160 it's it's a little unless you don't have a center 311 00:19:44.200 --> 00:19:47.039 in your brain that gets scared, you know, the migula, 312 00:19:47.400 --> 00:19:50.680 unless you don't have one like some of those cliff climbers. 313 00:19:51.680 --> 00:19:55.440 It's a little nerve wracking trying to keep it together. 314 00:19:55.599 --> 00:19:58.680 And you know, your first time going into a war 315 00:19:58.799 --> 00:20:02.519 where it's just an unknown, it's a complete unknown, and 316 00:20:02.599 --> 00:20:04.559 so getting that out of the way really helped. 317 00:20:07.480 --> 00:20:13.359 So, uh, you you come back from Desert Storm, you 318 00:20:13.359 --> 00:20:16.319 you go to Ranger Battalion because you didn't do the 319 00:20:16.400 --> 00:20:18.000 Q course while you were in twentieth. 320 00:20:17.640 --> 00:20:20.359 Group, Right, that's right, I just dis selection. 321 00:20:20.759 --> 00:20:25.000 Okay, so you go to one seventy five. 322 00:20:26.200 --> 00:20:32.000 That's right, okay, sorry about that. And then at the 323 00:20:32.160 --> 00:20:33.799 end of that time, do you get out again or 324 00:20:33.799 --> 00:20:35.720 do you go? Do you roll right into essef from 325 00:20:35.720 --> 00:20:37.759 there I leave? 326 00:20:39.319 --> 00:20:43.799 I was gonna. I became I was impa first bat 327 00:20:43.839 --> 00:20:46.599 and became a team leader, and I wanted to stay 328 00:20:46.640 --> 00:20:49.480 and become a squad leader because you know, I kind 329 00:20:49.480 --> 00:20:54.599 of wanted to go to the unit. And my patuito 330 00:20:54.680 --> 00:20:58.599 sergeant at the time was a real dick. And I'm 331 00:20:58.599 --> 00:21:04.200 not gonna call him out on here, but uh, everything 332 00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:08.480 else about my batoon and everything else about battalion I loved, 333 00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:14.960 except this guy. And so I just decided to put 334 00:21:15.000 --> 00:21:17.319 in a forty one eighty seven to transfer to the 335 00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:20.839 Q course. Since I had already been to selection and 336 00:21:20.880 --> 00:21:25.359 I had already been selected, it was just time to move. 337 00:21:25.240 --> 00:21:26.200 On, okay. 338 00:21:28.079 --> 00:21:30.799 So so you don't get out, you you roll into 339 00:21:30.880 --> 00:21:31.559 the Q course. 340 00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:37.039 That's right, okay? And how is that for you? 341 00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:43.200 It was the best it was. I spent almost fifteen 342 00:21:43.279 --> 00:21:46.559 years total in the military. It was the best two 343 00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:48.559 years of my military career. 344 00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:51.000 Yeah, San Antonio, is that good? 345 00:21:51.839 --> 00:21:55.599 No? No? I was the first class at brag Oh really, 346 00:21:56.440 --> 00:21:58.240 I was the first class where it was all at 347 00:21:58.279 --> 00:22:03.240 brag You had to pass the National Register Paramedic course, 348 00:22:03.319 --> 00:22:07.799 so sock them became this beast of a medical course. 349 00:22:07.799 --> 00:22:13.240 To get through and so it was very challenging. 350 00:22:14.160 --> 00:22:19.240 But if if something's done right, you know, being challenged 351 00:22:19.319 --> 00:22:21.599 is a good thing. You know, a certain type of 352 00:22:21.720 --> 00:22:26.599 stress is a good thing, you know, in the right environment. 353 00:22:27.599 --> 00:22:37.200 So great instructors, very professional operation. Everything that was done 354 00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:39.559 there was you know, respectable, honorable. 355 00:22:39.640 --> 00:22:42.079 There was you know, there was a there was a. 356 00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:47.559 High standard, you know, the opposite of anything that Tim 357 00:22:47.680 --> 00:22:51.759 Kennedy has been putting out there. You know, the Ranger Regiment, 358 00:22:51.920 --> 00:22:57.319 the Green Brace community, you know those are really special places. 359 00:22:57.680 --> 00:23:03.240 Yeah, so you fin the Q course like top Medic 360 00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:05.359 right out of the eighteen delta course. 361 00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:10.039 Yeah, well it was there was eighteen teams. So out 362 00:23:10.079 --> 00:23:14.079 of my class, I think there were no fourteen teams, 363 00:23:14.119 --> 00:23:18.880 fourteen or eighteen teams, but it was Seals Green Berets. 364 00:23:19.079 --> 00:23:22.839 That was back when the PJS still went there, the 365 00:23:22.920 --> 00:23:27.640 Independent corpsman. So everybody, everybody went to the short course 366 00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:31.759 of long course there and so out of my class, 367 00:23:31.799 --> 00:23:35.759 everybody was divided up and it was a twenty six 368 00:23:35.920 --> 00:23:40.240 mile land that course, and every couple of miles or 369 00:23:40.319 --> 00:23:45.200 kilometers there would be a medical scenario, you know, and 370 00:23:46.559 --> 00:23:49.759 it was a pass or fail, and the fail added 371 00:23:49.799 --> 00:23:53.200 fifteen minutes to your time of pass. You just continue 372 00:23:53.240 --> 00:23:56.119 to move, and it's kind of like the Tordy France. 373 00:23:57.359 --> 00:24:01.400 The first group to finish with the lowest time or 374 00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:05.119 the shortest amount of time wins. And so I was 375 00:24:05.160 --> 00:24:07.920 with the team that that won. It was four. It 376 00:24:07.960 --> 00:24:11.799 was four rangers. So it was two guys from third 377 00:24:11.920 --> 00:24:16.880 Ranger Brittalion, myself, and then a stud of a ranger. 378 00:24:18.160 --> 00:24:20.160 I can't think of his name right now, but he 379 00:24:20.240 --> 00:24:24.119 was in Best Ranger competition. He placed in Best Ranger competition, 380 00:24:24.200 --> 00:24:26.400 but I can't think of his name right now. But yeah, 381 00:24:26.599 --> 00:24:29.039 so we won the Best medic competition. I don't think 382 00:24:29.079 --> 00:24:33.960 they did it. I don't think they do it anymore logistically. 383 00:24:34.319 --> 00:24:35.799 I think it was real hard, and I think a 384 00:24:35.839 --> 00:24:38.599 lot of students didn't like it, Like the Seals did 385 00:24:38.680 --> 00:24:41.799 not like it. I'm pretty sure the pj's didn't like 386 00:24:41.839 --> 00:24:45.519 it either. The pj's just had their own way of 387 00:24:45.599 --> 00:24:48.799 doing things, so I think that's why they ultimately came 388 00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:51.319 up with their own eighteen Delta course. 389 00:24:52.599 --> 00:24:54.640 And so out of the eighteen delta course, what group 390 00:24:54.680 --> 00:24:55.519 did you get assigned to? 391 00:24:56.759 --> 00:25:01.200 Third Group? Okay, I wanted I wanted Seventh Group because 392 00:25:01.559 --> 00:25:05.720 it was peacetime as Seventh Group was the only guys 393 00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:10.160 going down range with magazines and their guns. Yea, and 394 00:25:10.279 --> 00:25:15.000 so that's that's what I wanted to do. You know, 395 00:25:16.079 --> 00:25:18.680 I didn't mind j Setz or anything like that, but 396 00:25:19.039 --> 00:25:20.720 I wanted to go shoot back people. 397 00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:21.400 Sure. 398 00:25:22.039 --> 00:25:23.200 I wanted to be that guy. 399 00:25:23.640 --> 00:25:26.519 Sure. And the Seventh Group was getting on you know. 400 00:25:26.839 --> 00:25:30.400 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 401 00:25:29.240 --> 00:25:31.279 With their second families down in Panama. 402 00:25:32.440 --> 00:25:36.200 Yeah, yeah, they could do They could do a Netflix 403 00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:41.200 series about Seventh Group during that time, last about ten years. 404 00:25:42.400 --> 00:25:47.319 So you go to Third Group focused on Africa. How 405 00:25:47.480 --> 00:25:48.079 was that for you? 406 00:25:53.279 --> 00:25:57.880 It was a disappointment. So, you know, I can be 407 00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:01.240 a purist sometimes, or I can be you know, on 408 00:26:01.319 --> 00:26:04.640 my high horse sometimes, or you know, I went through 409 00:26:04.680 --> 00:26:06.480 a lot to get there, and I had. 410 00:26:06.359 --> 00:26:07.640 A high expectation. 411 00:26:07.839 --> 00:26:11.440 And so when I went to Swaziland, Africa for the 412 00:26:11.480 --> 00:26:16.920 first time, I wanted to cure everybody. And you know, 413 00:26:17.039 --> 00:26:19.200 if there was somebody in the village that was having 414 00:26:19.240 --> 00:26:23.319 complications with a delivery or whatever, it was, and that 415 00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:26.720 was the scenario that happened that I'm that I'm was 416 00:26:26.759 --> 00:26:29.200 first upset about. You know, I want to be able 417 00:26:29.240 --> 00:26:33.440 to go and and and at least help and you know, 418 00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:35.519 not being able to do that, you know, having. 419 00:26:35.240 --> 00:26:38.599 Those kind of restrictions. 420 00:26:39.160 --> 00:26:42.440 You know. Uh, I just didn't understand it. It didn't 421 00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:48.000 make sense to me to have the type of restrictions. 422 00:26:48.039 --> 00:26:53.000 Just like in wartime sometimes the roe is geared towards 423 00:26:53.039 --> 00:26:57.519 favoring the enemy. And I don't care about the political 424 00:26:57.680 --> 00:27:01.000 or or what the narrative is. You know, the guys 425 00:27:01.039 --> 00:27:04.720 on the ground know and what's right and what's wrong, 426 00:27:04.839 --> 00:27:11.119 and so uh yeah, anyways, I get getting inside. 427 00:27:11.759 --> 00:27:15.640 It's interesting because you're not even complaining that you guys 428 00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:18.720 would get a creative MRIs while tenth group was eating 429 00:27:19.359 --> 00:27:25.000 foy grid and brought worst. You're you were just more 430 00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:27.599 taken back by the fact you couldn't do your job. 431 00:27:28.599 --> 00:27:33.680 Oh yes, yes, no, I I thought the ship with 432 00:27:33.799 --> 00:27:37.079 the sugar was part of the beauty of being you know, 433 00:27:37.079 --> 00:27:40.319 an elite operator, was you know, being able to take 434 00:27:40.319 --> 00:27:41.480 the ship with the sugar. 435 00:27:42.400 --> 00:27:45.680 I was fine with that, not you know, being lied 436 00:27:45.720 --> 00:27:51.839 to or being manipulated or ultimately being bullied, uh, which 437 00:27:51.880 --> 00:27:57.799 would happen sometimes in your career. Yeah. I I the 438 00:27:58.359 --> 00:28:03.160 the the part of me that wanted to be successful 439 00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:06.400 in the military couldn't control the part of. 440 00:28:06.400 --> 00:28:10.440 Me that you know, wasn't going to put up with that, right, 441 00:28:10.480 --> 00:28:11.480 And so you know. 442 00:28:11.480 --> 00:28:13.960 I'm not the best example. If you read my book, 443 00:28:14.200 --> 00:28:16.400 I give some good advice, but I'm not the best 444 00:28:16.440 --> 00:28:19.440 example of how to be a great soldier. 445 00:28:19.799 --> 00:28:22.519 Well, advice comes from learning, and you've done a lot 446 00:28:22.519 --> 00:28:23.279 of learning. 447 00:28:23.039 --> 00:28:24.319 Right, Yeah? 448 00:28:24.640 --> 00:28:29.200 Yeah, So what was it like? So what timeframe? What 449 00:28:29.319 --> 00:28:30.839 years are we talking about right now? 450 00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:33.960 For which job? 451 00:28:34.319 --> 00:28:37.880 For SF? While you're in third group? 452 00:28:38.119 --> 00:28:47.440 Okay? Okay, So I joined twentieth group in ninety one 453 00:28:47.559 --> 00:28:52.519 or ninety two. I went on active duty in ninety five. 454 00:28:52.680 --> 00:28:57.119 I went to the Q course in ninety six, and 455 00:28:57.240 --> 00:28:59.640 so I got medically retired in two thousand. 456 00:29:00.079 --> 00:29:04.680 Okay, So so about four years bouncing around Africa? 457 00:29:05.359 --> 00:29:07.880 What what was the what was your mission? What was 458 00:29:07.880 --> 00:29:10.759 the situation like? Because you talk about these restrictions, what 459 00:29:10.799 --> 00:29:12.519 were the concerns at the time? 460 00:29:14.720 --> 00:29:18.000 Well, we had before you know, how s F guys are. 461 00:29:18.039 --> 00:29:22.000 I mean, we went over there and everybody around us, 462 00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:23.920 you know, was in love with us. You know, we 463 00:29:23.920 --> 00:29:27.039 we went over there won the parts and minds of people, 464 00:29:27.519 --> 00:29:32.480 and not through just pure manipulation, but through just actually caring, 465 00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:35.240 you know. I mean, you know, if you're gonna be 466 00:29:35.279 --> 00:29:37.960 a great arreat, you should actually care about helping people 467 00:29:38.039 --> 00:29:41.359 because that's part of what your you know, job is, 468 00:29:41.440 --> 00:29:44.119 and so it's not just killing people. It might be 469 00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:46.839 healing them and just helping them might be the mission. 470 00:29:46.960 --> 00:29:54.079 So well, what specific I forgot that. 471 00:29:52.759 --> 00:29:55.240 That's okay, I'm just saying for for you, because we 472 00:29:55.240 --> 00:29:57.960 don't hear about the GYT as much anymore, or we 473 00:29:58.000 --> 00:30:00.599 don't hear about the time prior to the GE as 474 00:30:00.680 --> 00:30:03.480 much anymore. So in Africa at the time, you know, 475 00:30:03.640 --> 00:30:07.599 isis wasn't a concern like what what was your mission 476 00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:08.240 in Africa? 477 00:30:08.359 --> 00:30:09.559 Training? 478 00:30:09.160 --> 00:30:14.480 Training? Training? Yeah, training, you know, you you might do 479 00:30:14.599 --> 00:30:20.680 medical support, but it was usually a training mission or 480 00:30:20.680 --> 00:30:25.119 adjacet mission, and there was just a lot of downtime 481 00:30:25.240 --> 00:30:28.559 for the medics to do medical stuff, you know. I 482 00:30:28.599 --> 00:30:34.960 mean I had one person in Swaziland bring their grandfather 483 00:30:35.119 --> 00:30:39.640 in a wheelbarrow like eight miles through the mountains in 484 00:30:39.640 --> 00:30:43.279 Swaziland to be seen, and you know, he had polio, 485 00:30:43.880 --> 00:30:46.519 so there was nothing I could do. But that was 486 00:30:46.559 --> 00:30:50.519 the environment I was in. And I wanted to be 487 00:30:50.839 --> 00:30:54.119 a doctor, you know. That was a phase of my 488 00:30:54.240 --> 00:30:58.079 life where I wouldn't it wasn't important to run around 489 00:30:58.079 --> 00:31:00.880 to shoot people like. I wanted to heal people like. 490 00:31:00.960 --> 00:31:06.720 I really loved being a medic. And usually when I 491 00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:11.079 love something, i'm really good at it. So and then 492 00:31:11.079 --> 00:31:14.440 I kind of lost my love for it over time, 493 00:31:14.559 --> 00:31:17.720 and and and just moved on. 494 00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:22.160 Was that burnout or was it due to bureaucracy just 495 00:31:22.359 --> 00:31:24.279 the army doing the army thing? 496 00:31:25.720 --> 00:31:30.640 It mainly the medical field with the paperwork. That would 497 00:31:30.680 --> 00:31:33.440 be the biggest thing. Is the paperwork in the medical 498 00:31:33.440 --> 00:31:38.480 field has gotten so bad. If paperwork or school worker 499 00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:42.319 sitting still and writing and thinking like that and behaving 500 00:31:42.400 --> 00:31:45.240 like that, if that stresses you out because you're too 501 00:31:45.279 --> 00:31:49.920 much like a chimpanzee like I am, then then it 502 00:31:49.960 --> 00:31:53.920 wasn't attractive anymore. If I could go treat people and 503 00:31:53.960 --> 00:31:57.119 not have to do the paperwork, I would stand on 504 00:31:57.160 --> 00:32:01.799 my feet and treat people from daylight till dark. So 505 00:32:01.920 --> 00:32:05.000 that was that was the main thing. The other thing 506 00:32:05.200 --> 00:32:09.440 was to trauma is over time, when I became a 507 00:32:09.559 --> 00:32:15.079 nine to one one paramedic. I didn't realize how traumatized 508 00:32:15.319 --> 00:32:19.400 I was. I didn't realize that I was walking around 509 00:32:19.480 --> 00:32:23.400 with an internal volume that was so high that I 510 00:32:23.480 --> 00:32:27.440 was constantly stressed out. My blood pressure was constantly up. 511 00:32:28.880 --> 00:32:38.400 And uh so I started seeing you know, murder suicide 512 00:32:38.559 --> 00:32:47.200 stuff and veterans coming home and you know, dying, and 513 00:32:47.200 --> 00:32:49.640 and uh I just didn't want to see anymore. Yeah. 514 00:32:49.720 --> 00:32:52.559 Now, are you talking about when you were after you 515 00:32:52.640 --> 00:32:54.680 were out or when you were right? 516 00:32:54.839 --> 00:32:58.319 Right? This was? This was after Ramadi. So this was 517 00:32:58.440 --> 00:33:02.359 after killing a bunch of folks, surviving a bunch of attacks, 518 00:33:02.839 --> 00:33:07.200 feeling like Superman, coming back home and realizing that you're nothing. 519 00:33:07.599 --> 00:33:10.200 Okay, yeah, so. 520 00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:13.599 You got medically just charged in two thousand. Now I 521 00:33:13.599 --> 00:33:21.440 don't want to go the story of your medical condition. 522 00:33:22.640 --> 00:33:22.720 Is. 523 00:33:24.519 --> 00:33:26.640 People have to buy the book, people have to read 524 00:33:26.680 --> 00:33:31.319 it like it is. I had to take it in 525 00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:34.480 chunks because I could feel everything. 526 00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:38.720 It's amazing, it's amazing. 527 00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:41.039 Do you want me to give a sample? 528 00:33:42.759 --> 00:33:45.279 You can give a teaser, but I really no, No, 529 00:33:45.640 --> 00:33:46.599 that's right, that's right. 530 00:33:47.119 --> 00:33:50.359 We talked about that earlier. Yeah. Yeah, well we'll wait. 531 00:33:50.640 --> 00:33:53.519 Yeah, okay, Oh, it's just it's just what you're going 532 00:33:53.599 --> 00:33:55.880 to talk about in the. 533 00:33:56.480 --> 00:33:59.119 Case you did, but if you wanted to just just 534 00:33:59.279 --> 00:34:03.920 mention it. I was medically retired from the Army because 535 00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:07.000 they did a surgery on my bladder and went sideways 536 00:34:07.759 --> 00:34:09.400 and they had to go back in and do an 537 00:34:09.440 --> 00:34:15.000 emergency surgery right after the initial surgery, and when they 538 00:34:15.039 --> 00:34:19.440 did that, they ripped open the head of my penis, 539 00:34:19.760 --> 00:34:21.719 and multiple surgeries came after that. 540 00:34:21.880 --> 00:34:24.599 I was discharged with incontinence. 541 00:34:24.960 --> 00:34:26.880 And you know, I was still in my thirties and 542 00:34:26.920 --> 00:34:30.360 a Green beret and when all that was going on, 543 00:34:30.559 --> 00:34:33.920 so and it led to a divorce with my wife 544 00:34:33.960 --> 00:34:37.000 and kids, and so it was the worst, most traumatic 545 00:34:37.000 --> 00:34:42.960 time in my life. And it's a story that you know, 546 00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:47.559 I've never heard anybody else tell from that aspect of 547 00:34:47.880 --> 00:34:50.519 having trauma to your penis. Short of that guy that 548 00:34:50.719 --> 00:34:53.679 had his penis cut off by his wife or girlfriend. 549 00:34:53.960 --> 00:34:56.559 Find me down the road and throughout the window. He's 550 00:34:56.599 --> 00:34:58.719 got me beat. But he's the only guy I know 551 00:34:58.800 --> 00:34:59.760 of that's got me beat. 552 00:35:00.280 --> 00:35:00.760 Yeah. 553 00:35:01.400 --> 00:35:03.599 Well, I mean, I guess he made a recovery because 554 00:35:03.679 --> 00:35:04.079 didn't he. 555 00:35:04.039 --> 00:35:06.280 Go on to do porn or a porn after that? 556 00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:09.639 Well, you know, with today's technology, they could put a 557 00:35:09.639 --> 00:35:13.920 big old black penis on you, you know, and you 558 00:35:13.960 --> 00:35:18.039 could being porn and and uh and have a and 559 00:35:18.039 --> 00:35:20.400 and and have a make a lot of money doing that. 560 00:35:20.440 --> 00:35:21.199 I'm sure. 561 00:35:22.559 --> 00:35:27.960 Everybody's got a path. So yeah, and and and. 562 00:35:30.519 --> 00:35:35.840 What you just described is the perfect kind of teaser 563 00:35:35.920 --> 00:35:41.119 for it. But you go into some some detail that, 564 00:35:41.280 --> 00:35:42.880 like I said, I could feel it. 565 00:35:43.920 --> 00:35:45.440 But anyway, so. 566 00:35:45.639 --> 00:35:50.079 You leave, Uh, you leave in two thousand and two 567 00:35:50.119 --> 00:35:50.800 thousand and one. 568 00:35:51.119 --> 00:35:55.880 What did you do between between that and nine to eleven? 569 00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:04.159 Oh? Okay, So I got medically retired in May of 570 00:36:04.239 --> 00:36:07.039 two thousand. The next day I went to work as 571 00:36:07.079 --> 00:36:11.559 a paramedic in Rutherford County in Middle Tennessee in Murphysboro, Tennessee. 572 00:36:12.199 --> 00:36:14.519 The next day I went to work. 573 00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:18.519 I was of the generation in the mindset that if 574 00:36:18.559 --> 00:36:21.559 you didn't have a job, you were worthless, you were 575 00:36:21.760 --> 00:36:22.599 sorry as hell. 576 00:36:23.119 --> 00:36:24.559 So, you know, when. 577 00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:27.119 I realized I was getting put out of the military, 578 00:36:28.400 --> 00:36:33.840 the only certification I had was being a nationally registered paramedic. 579 00:36:34.280 --> 00:36:36.840 Everything else that I had done in the military wouldn't 580 00:36:36.840 --> 00:36:40.960 get me a job doing anything. So you know, you 581 00:36:40.960 --> 00:36:44.280 can't even get a job as a call anymore being 582 00:36:44.320 --> 00:36:47.159 a Green Beret or a arranger unless you have a 583 00:36:47.199 --> 00:36:52.960 college degree. So I just did I just I just 584 00:36:53.039 --> 00:36:55.039 went with it. And so the next day I was 585 00:36:55.400 --> 00:36:58.239 working as a nine to one one paramedic and I 586 00:36:58.280 --> 00:37:01.639 did that for the next two years until ultimately I 587 00:37:01.800 --> 00:37:04.920 went to become a Federal Air Marshal because of nine 588 00:37:04.920 --> 00:37:05.320 to eleven. 589 00:37:05.800 --> 00:37:08.000 And I do I want to say that we are 590 00:37:08.039 --> 00:37:12.119 skipping a lot of personal stories and anecdotes and everything, 591 00:37:12.280 --> 00:37:18.280 because while you were a paramedic at the station, was 592 00:37:18.480 --> 00:37:22.960 the I believe second ass kicking you delivered that is 593 00:37:23.000 --> 00:37:24.360 detailed in this book. 594 00:37:25.360 --> 00:37:26.079 In that year. 595 00:37:26.440 --> 00:37:28.360 Yeah, I used to in that year. 596 00:37:29.360 --> 00:37:34.960 Yeah, I think most people from our community either were 597 00:37:35.239 --> 00:37:38.880 like myself, or you know, their best friend was like 598 00:37:38.920 --> 00:37:41.079 me or something. You know, we're not too far away 599 00:37:41.159 --> 00:37:43.679 from being that or whatever. And so, you know, I 600 00:37:43.719 --> 00:37:48.480 grew up fighting. I didn't like being bullied, and so 601 00:37:51.599 --> 00:37:55.719 I had just got put out of the military. The 602 00:37:55.880 --> 00:38:00.079 trauma from that surgery, the trauma from my divorce. My 603 00:38:00.119 --> 00:38:04.199 best friend was having an affair with my wife. I 604 00:38:04.440 --> 00:38:09.199 let that go and the divorce was going fine, and 605 00:38:10.360 --> 00:38:13.079 as soon as I started seeing this hot female cop, 606 00:38:13.239 --> 00:38:17.159 my ex wife started causing drama, and my ex best 607 00:38:17.159 --> 00:38:21.800 friend started causing drama. So it's very detailed in the book, 608 00:38:21.840 --> 00:38:23.679 but I just told him, I said, well, let's just 609 00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:26.960 meet and settle it. So my best friend in my 610 00:38:27.159 --> 00:38:30.239 life had become my nemesis and I put him in 611 00:38:30.280 --> 00:38:34.800 the er. And so maybe six months after that, my 612 00:38:34.920 --> 00:38:39.000 hand had healed up pretty good. You know, being a paramedic, 613 00:38:39.639 --> 00:38:42.320 short of being an air marshal, being a paramedic was 614 00:38:42.360 --> 00:38:47.039 the best job I had for getting dates that would 615 00:38:47.039 --> 00:38:51.000 be appropriate web putting it. And so I was getting 616 00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:56.559 all the dates I wanted. And this one nurse that 617 00:38:56.719 --> 00:39:01.679 I had contacted, one of the other paramedics was seeing 618 00:39:01.760 --> 00:39:05.559 her and so he had a problem with it, and 619 00:39:05.639 --> 00:39:06.480 she was cool. 620 00:39:06.519 --> 00:39:09.760 I was like, I was like, I'm sorry, No, you 621 00:39:09.800 --> 00:39:12.400 said you contacted her, but she gave you her number 622 00:39:12.440 --> 00:39:14.519 and told you told you she was single. 623 00:39:15.519 --> 00:39:20.920 That's right, Yeah, that's an important part. Yeah. So so anyways, 624 00:39:21.000 --> 00:39:24.000 she was just one of three or four nurses or 625 00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:27.159 paramedics I was messing around with at the time, and 626 00:39:28.840 --> 00:39:34.320 he was engaged to somebody and seeing people on the side, 627 00:39:34.880 --> 00:39:41.199 and so when that conflicted, you know, he called me 628 00:39:41.320 --> 00:39:45.480 up and addressed it and I actually liked the guy 629 00:39:46.280 --> 00:39:49.199 like I liked him, and he was just being a 630 00:39:49.239 --> 00:39:51.800 real jerk to me, just talking down to me. And 631 00:39:51.920 --> 00:39:55.880 so within a minute or so, I just got mad. 632 00:39:56.199 --> 00:39:59.559 And once, once, once a fighting age mail crosses me, 633 00:39:59.639 --> 00:40:01.800 all I want to do is kill them, right, So 634 00:40:02.000 --> 00:40:06.559 I just become a chimpanzee, a sociopath, and so all 635 00:40:06.559 --> 00:40:09.880 I wanted to do was after that, So there was 636 00:40:09.920 --> 00:40:13.440 no rush. I was like, Okay, all right, that's how 637 00:40:13.440 --> 00:40:15.559 you feel about it. That's your woman. I need to 638 00:40:15.599 --> 00:40:18.480 stay away. I get it. So about two weeks later, 639 00:40:18.519 --> 00:40:21.400 I bump into him as shift changeover and I tell 640 00:40:21.480 --> 00:40:24.480 him to meet me out in the garage and we 641 00:40:24.599 --> 00:40:25.719 sorted it out. 642 00:40:26.800 --> 00:40:29.880 Hey guys, our show is sponsored by ghost Bed. Check 643 00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:33.920 them out. 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Backslash joint. 716 00:44:21.239 --> 00:44:28.159 Yeah, yes, so from there, from being a paramedic. 717 00:44:28.480 --> 00:44:31.199 And that's it's in the book. Guys, get the book. 718 00:44:32.119 --> 00:44:38.119 It's entertaining it sol you'll love it. So nine to 719 00:44:38.119 --> 00:44:41.679 eleven happens. There's that big surge for air marshals. And 720 00:44:41.840 --> 00:44:45.639 initially before they started lowering the standards, they had incredibly 721 00:44:45.719 --> 00:44:49.599 high standards, right and in a lot of former soft 722 00:44:49.599 --> 00:44:52.000 guys were going into it. It was kind of a 723 00:44:52.079 --> 00:44:57.840 network and uh, and so you went through all this training. 724 00:44:58.280 --> 00:45:01.719 They have very precise shooting standards. Because you're an air marshal, 725 00:45:03.239 --> 00:45:07.440 apparently you also meet a lot of women on the job. 726 00:45:09.880 --> 00:45:15.440 And what happened with you is what happened with a 727 00:45:15.480 --> 00:45:17.559 lot of the guys, which I think is one of 728 00:45:17.559 --> 00:45:21.960 the reasons why the standards lowered. Was triple cannot be 729 00:45:22.039 --> 00:45:25.079 starts up. It's kind of word of mouth. It's all 730 00:45:25.159 --> 00:45:27.519 like tier one, Tier two, tier three. Guy, it's all 731 00:45:27.559 --> 00:45:31.679 soft guys initially, that's that's all they're taking. The pay 732 00:45:31.800 --> 00:45:35.800 is what six hundred twelve a day? Like the pay 733 00:45:35.840 --> 00:45:36.960 is outrageous, right. 734 00:45:39.840 --> 00:45:44.800 Yeah, yeah, yeah, So you're you're you're exactly right. 735 00:45:44.880 --> 00:45:47.480 I mean, the two things that I think. 736 00:45:50.079 --> 00:45:54.480 Removed all the good people are most of the good 737 00:45:54.519 --> 00:45:59.320 people from that program or pushed them out. Was when 738 00:45:59.320 --> 00:46:03.679 the Secret Service took over and kind of changed the 739 00:46:03.719 --> 00:46:06.840 way they ran that department. A lot of people were like, 740 00:46:07.639 --> 00:46:10.119 I'm not you know, we're not doing this. This isn't 741 00:46:10.119 --> 00:46:13.920 what we signed on for. And I was part of 742 00:46:13.920 --> 00:46:21.280 that group, and so there were so many opportunities, you know, 743 00:46:21.360 --> 00:46:25.199 because they recruited so high for the Air Marshal program. 744 00:46:25.239 --> 00:46:27.599 The standards were so high that a. 745 00:46:27.480 --> 00:46:31.480 Lot of people that became Air marshals qualified in that 746 00:46:31.559 --> 00:46:35.480 initial push in two thousand and three, two thousand and 747 00:46:35.480 --> 00:46:40.360 four to Iraq in Afghanistan is contrast, which you know, 748 00:46:41.639 --> 00:46:43.880 met that standard. So it was an easy. 749 00:46:43.639 --> 00:46:49.199 Transition because Triple Canopy people may not know this, but 750 00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:54.960 Triple Canopy was known as the the soft like Triple 751 00:46:55.000 --> 00:46:59.719 Canopy was the elite security company and they had a 752 00:46:59.840 --> 00:47:02.599 very very rigorous qualification course. 753 00:47:03.800 --> 00:47:06.679 Yeah, well, I don't you know. This is the part 754 00:47:06.719 --> 00:47:09.880 of my career that I think, you know, is more 755 00:47:09.960 --> 00:47:14.519 interesting to me. So but I was there from the 756 00:47:14.559 --> 00:47:18.840 beginning and I know all the key players very well. 757 00:47:19.440 --> 00:47:24.719 And my last deployment with Triple Canopy I started in 758 00:47:25.199 --> 00:47:29.159 February of four and my last deployment with Triple Canopy 759 00:47:29.760 --> 00:47:34.079 was in twenty twelve. So I saw the beginning and 760 00:47:34.159 --> 00:47:37.039 the ending of Triple Canopy and the company that I 761 00:47:37.119 --> 00:47:41.559 started with. There's nothing I've done in my lifetime that 762 00:47:41.679 --> 00:47:48.639 compares to that organization. It was amazing, I mean absolutely amazing. 763 00:47:49.320 --> 00:47:55.719 I was a very average guy that was very grateful 764 00:47:56.039 --> 00:48:01.519 to be there twelve. You know, in twenty twelve when 765 00:48:01.559 --> 00:48:05.679 I went back, it was the most budget, bullshit company 766 00:48:07.400 --> 00:48:12.000 I had ever deployed with. Yeah, you know, so it 767 00:48:12.039 --> 00:48:16.440 was a shell of itself. And so what happens is 768 00:48:16.440 --> 00:48:19.960 is they what Triple Canopy did in the beginning was 769 00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:22.960 they said, we're going to have the best men, the 770 00:48:23.000 --> 00:48:26.480 best pay, and the best equipment. And for the first 771 00:48:26.559 --> 00:48:31.360 seven months they did that. The next seven months they 772 00:48:31.440 --> 00:48:36.679 lost sight of that. Fourteen months into it, they started 773 00:48:36.760 --> 00:48:43.199 changing and each year over time, they got further and 774 00:48:43.239 --> 00:48:49.039 further away from what they initially started as. And because 775 00:48:49.079 --> 00:48:51.760 in the beginning they cared about the guys on the ground. 776 00:48:52.239 --> 00:48:56.039 When you have a corporate office that's full of operators 777 00:48:56.320 --> 00:49:00.920 that knows that they're there to support the guys with 778 00:49:01.119 --> 00:49:05.119 body armor on, it's different than because I worked in 779 00:49:05.159 --> 00:49:09.960 corporate with the ODT later on, the corporate security culture 780 00:49:10.760 --> 00:49:14.199 thinks to corporation is the important part, and the guys 781 00:49:14.239 --> 00:49:16.280 on the ground need to listen up and do what 782 00:49:16.320 --> 00:49:19.159 they're told. And it's the complete opposite. If you want 783 00:49:19.199 --> 00:49:22.239 to operate the right way, if you want it to 784 00:49:22.280 --> 00:49:25.920 be non toxic, healthy, if you want everything to be 785 00:49:26.039 --> 00:49:29.480 on the right frequency, Triple Canopy did it right for 786 00:49:29.519 --> 00:49:32.519 the first seven months. And now I'm not saying Blackwater 787 00:49:32.559 --> 00:49:36.800 because I worked several years with Blackwater, and Blackwater and 788 00:49:36.960 --> 00:49:40.000 Eric Prince was a great company to work for, but 789 00:49:40.159 --> 00:49:44.679 they still weren't Triple Canopy in the beginning. Nobody did 790 00:49:44.920 --> 00:49:47.039 what they did right well. 791 00:49:47.079 --> 00:49:50.679 And you know when you just think of I guess 792 00:49:50.800 --> 00:49:55.400 the economics of the You know, you have all the 793 00:49:55.480 --> 00:49:58.239 g watch starts, and you have all these soft guys 794 00:49:58.280 --> 00:50:01.920 that are within three to five years of getting out 795 00:50:02.119 --> 00:50:07.440 right maybe you know, staying up on their skills whatever else. Well, 796 00:50:07.480 --> 00:50:12.480 that pool dries up eventually. And not only that, but 797 00:50:13.079 --> 00:50:17.199 where Triple Canopy can pay guys eight nine hundred dollars 798 00:50:17.280 --> 00:50:22.199 a day because they're they're giving like the cream of 799 00:50:22.199 --> 00:50:27.519 the crop there pitches, well, it's allsoft like these guys, 800 00:50:27.719 --> 00:50:30.880 they're all professionals, you know, they all know what they're doing. 801 00:50:31.599 --> 00:50:34.079 But then you have companies like cust Battles and these 802 00:50:34.079 --> 00:50:39.280 other like shit, I haven't heard that name a long time, right, 803 00:50:39.480 --> 00:50:40.679 you have these other shit show. 804 00:50:40.800 --> 00:50:42.719 First off, you need more and more people and you 805 00:50:42.760 --> 00:50:43.400 need the faster. 806 00:50:44.159 --> 00:50:46.119 The second thing is you have all these other companies 807 00:50:46.199 --> 00:50:48.599 coming in and going, well, you know, they say they're 808 00:50:48.639 --> 00:50:51.000 going to do it for you know, twenty two hundred 809 00:50:51.000 --> 00:50:54.239 dollars per manday. We can do it for you know, 810 00:50:54.400 --> 00:50:58.000 twelve hundred per manday, and we can get those same 811 00:50:58.039 --> 00:51:01.880 guys they can't, But nobody ever checks that afterwards. 812 00:51:03.119 --> 00:51:07.199 You're absolutely correct. It becomes what they call lean management 813 00:51:07.239 --> 00:51:11.280 style from a corporate aspect, it's just about the margins 814 00:51:11.320 --> 00:51:15.920 of profit and it literally becomes just a business model. 815 00:51:16.079 --> 00:51:17.760 Yeah, and like. 816 00:51:17.800 --> 00:51:21.199 EODT, like whoever thought it would be a good idea 817 00:51:21.280 --> 00:51:25.960 to take South Africans, white South Africans and put them 818 00:51:25.960 --> 00:51:29.239 in charge of black Ugandans. But that's what they did, 819 00:51:29.519 --> 00:51:36.920 and other companies followed. Because you were once paying an expat, 820 00:51:37.880 --> 00:51:43.239 whether it be you know somebody from America or you 821 00:51:43.239 --> 00:51:47.119 know a qualified person from Britain or wherever else. But 822 00:51:48.119 --> 00:51:51.480 you were once paying that person. Let's just say you're 823 00:51:51.519 --> 00:51:54.760 paying them five hundred dollars at the low end to 824 00:51:55.400 --> 00:51:58.639 do the security at the front gate or whatever. You know, 825 00:51:58.800 --> 00:52:02.519 shit worked that nobody to do. That needs to be done, 826 00:52:02.559 --> 00:52:05.360 and it needs to be done by somebody that cares 827 00:52:05.440 --> 00:52:08.840 just enough to stay awake and do their job. And 828 00:52:09.800 --> 00:52:13.480 so when you can pay you Gandan's five or six 829 00:52:13.599 --> 00:52:17.480 hundred dollars a month to do the same job, and 830 00:52:17.519 --> 00:52:20.679 they'll actually take more pride in it because it's so 831 00:52:20.800 --> 00:52:23.679 much more money than they can make. It's an opportunity 832 00:52:24.519 --> 00:52:27.159 worth leaving you Ganda to be away from their family, 833 00:52:27.199 --> 00:52:29.519 to be in harm's way. It makes that big of 834 00:52:29.559 --> 00:52:34.239 a difference. But yet they're being managed by South Africans. 835 00:52:34.400 --> 00:52:37.880 So I was actually involved in I don't know if 836 00:52:37.920 --> 00:52:43.719 you remember, but in a Baghdad there was a South 837 00:52:43.760 --> 00:52:47.639 African that was killed by a Ugandan and then the 838 00:52:47.760 --> 00:52:50.800 Ugandan killed himself at one of the bases. And I 839 00:52:50.840 --> 00:52:55.239 did the investigation on that, and it was it was, 840 00:52:55.559 --> 00:52:59.239 it was that whole concept of just racism. You know, 841 00:52:59.719 --> 00:53:03.840 they just harass those guys so much, and all those 842 00:53:03.880 --> 00:53:08.039 guys wanted to do was pull security, make money for 843 00:53:08.079 --> 00:53:12.559 the family, go home right right, and and so you 844 00:53:12.599 --> 00:53:14.960 know they would do things like have them up all 845 00:53:15.079 --> 00:53:19.599 night running from one guard shack to the other. Five 846 00:53:19.599 --> 00:53:22.840 minutes later, you know, run again. So they would just 847 00:53:23.000 --> 00:53:26.880 run them okay, so they couldn't fall asleep. You know, 848 00:53:27.039 --> 00:53:31.719 just just real brutal kind of things. So again I 849 00:53:32.079 --> 00:53:34.880 can get off track on that and get into a 850 00:53:34.920 --> 00:53:41.639 whole different chapter of life. So it was pretty awful. 851 00:53:42.639 --> 00:53:45.559 After two thousand and four, two thousand and five, In 852 00:53:45.599 --> 00:53:48.280 two thousand and six, I went to work for the 853 00:53:48.679 --> 00:53:52.840 for Uses with the ATA program. And that was other 854 00:53:53.000 --> 00:53:56.519 than being part of Team Miami and Ramadi Iraq with 855 00:53:56.679 --> 00:54:00.599 Triple Canopy, you know, an original member of that team. 856 00:54:00.639 --> 00:54:04.559 This was the next best job I'd ever had, working 857 00:54:04.559 --> 00:54:09.320 with that anti terrorist Assistance program. It was wonderful. But 858 00:54:09.639 --> 00:54:14.119 after that I started bouncing to sock. I went to 859 00:54:14.199 --> 00:54:22.280 EOD Corporate. I went to Blackwater. You know, I've been 860 00:54:22.320 --> 00:54:27.519 with Tiger Swan with Olive Group, and I may be 861 00:54:27.639 --> 00:54:30.480 missing a few unfortunately I can't remember all of them. 862 00:54:30.519 --> 00:54:34.039 But but but most of it was ship, most of 863 00:54:34.119 --> 00:54:37.360 them ship Blackwater. When Eric was there, they had it right, 864 00:54:38.280 --> 00:54:41.480 They did some cowboys stuff. But I'm not you know, 865 00:54:42.039 --> 00:54:45.800 I'm not gonna judge how savage people are gonna be 866 00:54:45.920 --> 00:54:49.159 in a scenario because I know the scenarios I had 867 00:54:49.199 --> 00:54:53.760 to be in. The what I criticized people and what 868 00:54:53.840 --> 00:54:57.519 I can't stand and what I'm against is people lying 869 00:54:58.199 --> 00:55:02.159 about what they did or didn't do, especially to profit 870 00:55:02.320 --> 00:55:05.360 from it. So I don't have a problem people that 871 00:55:05.480 --> 00:55:07.920 trained all their life to go kill folks and they 872 00:55:07.960 --> 00:55:10.199 go over there to kill folks, because that's what we 873 00:55:10.320 --> 00:55:14.280 sent people to do, and we should support that a 874 00:55:14.320 --> 00:55:16.239 little bit more than what we did. 875 00:55:17.480 --> 00:55:21.559 Let's talk about your time, because you know, you talk 876 00:55:21.599 --> 00:55:24.840 about being in combat, and for anybody who thinks that 877 00:55:24.880 --> 00:55:27.719 you weren't in combat because you were working for Triple Canopy, 878 00:55:27.960 --> 00:55:31.519 let's talk about your time. And you know t Miami 879 00:55:32.239 --> 00:55:37.960 Ramadi at that time. How many how many ambushes or 880 00:55:38.000 --> 00:55:41.000 contacts would you say you were in during that like 881 00:55:41.039 --> 00:55:42.079 three or four year period. 882 00:55:43.480 --> 00:55:48.119 Okay, So in two thousand and four in Ramadi and 883 00:55:48.159 --> 00:55:50.639 not just in Remady, but we were the team assigned 884 00:55:50.639 --> 00:55:55.119 to Ramady. We were attacked over twenty times. And when 885 00:55:55.159 --> 00:55:58.239 I say attacked, it involved an RPG a machine gun. 886 00:55:58.519 --> 00:56:01.960 We were attacked. It wasn't like somebody walked across the 887 00:56:01.960 --> 00:56:05.440 street with AK forty seven and looked at us hard. 888 00:56:05.880 --> 00:56:10.719 You know, we were attacked over twenty times, and uh 889 00:56:12.199 --> 00:56:17.440 so our principal was attacked even before the team got 890 00:56:17.480 --> 00:56:23.320 there in Ramadi and the limo was his limo was 891 00:56:23.360 --> 00:56:26.719 down hard and there was a DC reporter in the 892 00:56:26.840 --> 00:56:29.840 vehicle as well. And it was after that event, I 893 00:56:29.880 --> 00:56:34.440 think that was January or February oh four. And I 894 00:56:34.440 --> 00:56:37.599 don't know that a news reporter after that ever went 895 00:56:37.639 --> 00:56:40.639 to Ramadi. They would go to Fallujah, they would go 896 00:56:40.719 --> 00:56:44.360 to Camp Fallujah, but I don't know of one single 897 00:56:44.400 --> 00:56:48.239 reporter or anything that after Remadi. I mean, nobody wanted 898 00:56:48.280 --> 00:56:49.119 to go to Ramadi. 899 00:56:49.480 --> 00:56:49.719 Yeah. 900 00:56:50.480 --> 00:56:54.320 Now, in the book, you tell a funny story about uh, 901 00:56:54.400 --> 00:56:58.760 your principal, the ambassador ray Would. It needed to be 902 00:56:58.800 --> 00:57:03.480 a lot of the meetings that Mattis needed to be 903 00:57:03.519 --> 00:57:07.199 at and that he was. I don't want to say 904 00:57:07.199 --> 00:57:09.599 he was your canary in the coal mine because basically, 905 00:57:09.599 --> 00:57:12.559 you guys wanted to get out. Hey, you wanted to 906 00:57:12.599 --> 00:57:13.320 get out ahead of. 907 00:57:13.360 --> 00:57:20.960 Him, right, Yeah, it's a funny story. Now, but you know, 908 00:57:21.039 --> 00:57:27.480 when when you start realizing that every time you go 909 00:57:27.599 --> 00:57:31.599 to a meeting that jennerifal General Madis is at, he 910 00:57:31.679 --> 00:57:38.239 gets attacked going or coming back from every time. And 911 00:57:38.360 --> 00:57:43.719 so when you realize that pattern, you know, operating at 912 00:57:43.920 --> 00:57:47.199 tier one level, you have the freedom of going, we're 913 00:57:47.199 --> 00:57:49.719 gonna change tactics. You know, when you're in the conventional 914 00:57:49.760 --> 00:57:51.960 military and they say the convoy speed is going to 915 00:57:52.000 --> 00:57:54.480 be forty five to fifty miles an hour, or you 916 00:57:54.519 --> 00:57:56.199 can't come in and say, hey, dude, we're doing one 917 00:57:56.280 --> 00:57:58.719 hundred and twenty today. We're gonna have a kilometer in 918 00:57:58.800 --> 00:58:02.920 between us. You make contact, I'll be rolling up far 919 00:58:03.039 --> 00:58:05.719 enough back where I can dismount take the attention off, 920 00:58:05.760 --> 00:58:08.320 you know what I mean. We started doing things different 921 00:58:08.880 --> 00:58:10.280 and it worked. 922 00:58:11.199 --> 00:58:14.199 But with Mattis, you guys started like leap making sure 923 00:58:14.239 --> 00:58:16.960 that you always left before his convoy did. 924 00:58:17.440 --> 00:58:22.079 That's right, that was our That was our primary launch 925 00:58:22.599 --> 00:58:28.199 indicator was we had to leave Camp Ramady, we had 926 00:58:28.239 --> 00:58:32.639 to leave the government center, we had to leave Camp Fallujah, 927 00:58:32.679 --> 00:58:36.400 wherever it was we were meeting. We had to leave 928 00:58:37.639 --> 00:58:44.880 before General Mattis because he stopped and fought. So in protection, 929 00:58:45.119 --> 00:58:49.920 you're taught to run right, to go against your instinct. Well, 930 00:58:50.239 --> 00:58:53.719 for some people it's their instinct to run. But you know, 931 00:58:53.760 --> 00:58:57.360 when you're attacked, you're supposed to fight back. You're supposed 932 00:58:57.360 --> 00:58:59.800 to be trained to that level that your instinct is 933 00:58:59.840 --> 00:59:04.159 to fight back. And uh, General Maddis, I don't know 934 00:59:04.199 --> 00:59:07.480 if he'll ever write a book, but you know, tell 935 00:59:07.519 --> 00:59:10.559 me another two star general that you know of that 936 00:59:10.639 --> 00:59:15.039 every time he got attacked, which was regularly, they stopped 937 00:59:15.039 --> 00:59:19.599 in fault and he was right there with his marines 938 00:59:20.920 --> 00:59:23.400 doing that. So and and I've got a story of 939 00:59:23.480 --> 00:59:25.760 General Kelly also. You know, we took him down the 940 00:59:25.840 --> 00:59:29.320 hill and he told a story about uh, you know, 941 00:59:29.519 --> 00:59:32.559 the first guy he killed over there from his hum 942 00:59:32.679 --> 00:59:35.639 V And so you know, these are general officers that 943 00:59:35.719 --> 00:59:39.920 are getting out there with their men and participating in 944 00:59:39.960 --> 00:59:42.280 the war. And so I have nothing but respect for 945 00:59:42.360 --> 00:59:46.840 General Maddie. But yes, we got attacked a lot, but 946 00:59:46.960 --> 00:59:50.119 he got attacked every time he left the base. 947 00:59:50.199 --> 00:59:52.519 As far as I can remember. 948 00:59:53.840 --> 00:59:57.159 What was that because you know you had been arranging battalion, 949 00:59:57.239 --> 00:59:59.519 you had been an sf all sort of in a 950 00:59:59.559 --> 01:00:03.199 peace time. I'm military. What was that first contact like 951 01:00:03.239 --> 01:00:03.559 for you? 952 01:00:10.239 --> 01:00:18.079 The first contact I was in, it went great at first, 953 01:00:19.119 --> 01:00:23.920 so when when we got ambushed, we had the principal 954 01:00:23.960 --> 01:00:28.280 with us. I was in the follow vehicle and I 955 01:00:28.320 --> 01:00:33.960 saw four gunmen out my out my window and so 956 01:00:34.880 --> 01:00:38.039 and we were going pretty slow, and so the call came, 957 01:00:40.360 --> 01:00:45.679 you know, RPG gunners, reverse out, reverse out, and so 958 01:00:46.400 --> 01:00:50.960 one guy the videos online of this attack, but it's 959 01:00:50.960 --> 01:00:53.800 from one vehicle, so you're only hearing him on the 960 01:00:53.920 --> 01:00:58.159 radio in his vehicle because it's being recorded by the camera. 961 01:00:59.239 --> 01:01:04.159 There's five know, there's five vehicles totaling five different versions 962 01:01:04.199 --> 01:01:08.159 of what's going on. But unlike with Tim Kennedy, everybody 963 01:01:08.519 --> 01:01:11.519 basically tells the same story just from their perspective. 964 01:01:11.960 --> 01:01:15.000 How many how many grenades did you guys throw that day? 965 01:01:15.039 --> 01:01:18.119 I want to know how many grenades you threw personally? 966 01:01:18.239 --> 01:01:23.519 Well, I had there was only three or four, No, 967 01:01:24.039 --> 01:01:27.880 just kidding. I had one grenade and it was strapped 968 01:01:29.440 --> 01:01:34.000 you know, to my to my kit and uh, but 969 01:01:34.280 --> 01:01:36.559 I never used that in battle. 970 01:01:36.400 --> 01:01:39.840 Amateur hour, amateur but I was. 971 01:01:40.119 --> 01:01:44.360 I was literally taking the slack. Now, we're an armored vehicle, 972 01:01:44.440 --> 01:01:48.800 so if you're going to crack the door, you better 973 01:01:50.159 --> 01:01:53.440 know what you're doing because you don't want to unbutton 974 01:01:53.559 --> 01:01:56.480 your armor. Unless you really need to, and you thought 975 01:01:56.559 --> 01:02:00.920 that through. And I had them dead to right and 976 01:02:01.000 --> 01:02:04.239 we were starting to turn around, and I literally have 977 01:02:04.400 --> 01:02:07.800 the perfect scenario if you're right handed cracking the back 978 01:02:07.880 --> 01:02:12.840 door on the left side, looking back at three gunmen 979 01:02:12.920 --> 01:02:14.880 on a porch and one in the yard, and they're 980 01:02:14.920 --> 01:02:17.400 both you know, kind of at the they're all at 981 01:02:17.400 --> 01:02:22.360 the low ready, So I kind of had them deads right. 982 01:02:22.400 --> 01:02:25.199 So I'm taking the slack out and then he hit 983 01:02:25.280 --> 01:02:28.920 the gas and that slung me And so now I'm 984 01:02:29.039 --> 01:02:32.480 sliding across the seat and the BMW in the leather 985 01:02:32.519 --> 01:02:35.079 seat to get to the other windows so I can 986 01:02:35.159 --> 01:02:38.079 keep an eye to the so I can still see 987 01:02:38.119 --> 01:02:41.559 them because now we're turning around, and that's when the 988 01:02:41.679 --> 01:02:45.480 RPG hit the road and shattered my window and flattened 989 01:02:45.480 --> 01:02:46.199 all the tires. 990 01:02:47.880 --> 01:02:51.239 Yeah, and so I mean, I assume you guys had 991 01:02:51.320 --> 01:02:51.760 run flats. 992 01:02:51.800 --> 01:02:54.320 You didn't need to do a recovery, You didn't have 993 01:02:54.360 --> 01:02:55.719 to do a recovery or anything like that. 994 01:02:55.760 --> 01:02:59.159 You could like that we would have been dead. Yeah, Dave, 995 01:02:59.639 --> 01:03:02.480 that out of all the scenarios I've been in, and 996 01:03:02.559 --> 01:03:05.800 from a protection standpoint, I've been in a lot of 997 01:03:05.840 --> 01:03:09.239 scenarios from a protection standpoint of how to play these 998 01:03:09.239 --> 01:03:14.079 things out. And if if any of our vehicles that 999 01:03:14.199 --> 01:03:18.719 day would have stopped rolling, everybody in that vehicle would 1000 01:03:18.760 --> 01:03:21.079 have been in trouble. Yeah, it would have been in trouble. 1001 01:03:21.360 --> 01:03:24.079 They had us on both sides of the road. It 1002 01:03:24.119 --> 01:03:27.639 was a it was a major ambush that they were 1003 01:03:27.679 --> 01:03:30.519 setting up, and uh, it just looked like we caught 1004 01:03:30.559 --> 01:03:32.719 them off guard. Yeah. 1005 01:03:32.800 --> 01:03:35.840 So you know you talk about internal volume, and you 1006 01:03:35.880 --> 01:03:40.480 had mentioned it a couple of times like before this, uh, 1007 01:03:40.519 --> 01:03:43.960 before this, since an interview, before this time of your life. 1008 01:03:44.119 --> 01:03:47.559 Can you tell us what the the the internal volume 1009 01:03:47.840 --> 01:03:48.559 meant for you? 1010 01:03:52.519 --> 01:03:59.119 Yeah, So if you, I guess the best way to 1011 01:03:59.159 --> 01:04:02.000 explain this if you you go sit in a room 1012 01:04:03.000 --> 01:04:06.960 where it's quiet, turn your phone off, turn the TV. 1013 01:04:07.039 --> 01:04:11.679 It's just quiet. There's nothing that's sit there for fifteen minutes. Now, 1014 01:04:11.679 --> 01:04:15.400 if that seems like torture, your internal volume is probably high. 1015 01:04:16.559 --> 01:04:21.400 You're probably gritting your teeth. You're probably well, what animal 1016 01:04:21.800 --> 01:04:27.280 in nature can't just sit and be calm and relax 1017 01:04:27.400 --> 01:04:29.920 and the quiet? So if you can't do that, which 1018 01:04:29.960 --> 01:04:34.440 I couldn't, that's an example of you know, you're so 1019 01:04:34.519 --> 01:04:38.320 We've got all these lies and excuses and these biases 1020 01:04:38.719 --> 01:04:43.280 we tell ourselves to justify our behavior. Our self taught 1021 01:04:43.519 --> 01:04:48.760 can justify almost anything we wanted to. And so what 1022 01:04:48.960 --> 01:04:57.519 I realized was my internal volume. It wasn't whether I 1023 01:04:57.559 --> 01:05:00.280 had a new car, It wasn't whether I had a 1024 01:05:00.320 --> 01:05:05.199 great job, It wasn't whether I had the beautiful, hottest girlfriend. 1025 01:05:06.920 --> 01:05:09.320 What made me happy was how I felt on the 1026 01:05:09.320 --> 01:05:14.480 inside that internal volume, and when it was low, those 1027 01:05:14.519 --> 01:05:17.079 were the best times in my life. And it was like, so, 1028 01:05:17.239 --> 01:05:19.880 how do you have a low internal It's like, oh, 1029 01:05:19.920 --> 01:05:23.519 you have to be mindful. What does that mean? Well, 1030 01:05:23.599 --> 01:05:26.159 so then you start down that road. And so I 1031 01:05:26.239 --> 01:05:30.559 took the path of mindfulness by walking the Appalachian Trail. 1032 01:05:31.159 --> 01:05:36.239 And that was when I woke up to what to 1033 01:05:36.760 --> 01:05:41.920 actually recognize that what's going on inside me is my life. 1034 01:05:42.239 --> 01:05:45.079 What everybody else thinks and what everything else is going 1035 01:05:45.159 --> 01:05:51.119 on is something totally different. This experience. Whether you believe 1036 01:05:51.159 --> 01:05:54.119 in the Bible, whether you believe were a computer program 1037 01:05:54.239 --> 01:05:56.920 like the Matrix, no matter what you believe, you know, 1038 01:05:58.079 --> 01:06:02.360 at the end of the day, how you feel about 1039 01:06:02.480 --> 01:06:06.280 this experience. You know how you feel in your container. 1040 01:06:06.519 --> 01:06:08.480 You know we all look a little different, some fat, 1041 01:06:08.559 --> 01:06:12.920 some tall, some gifted, some not. Whatever. It's a temporary 1042 01:06:13.079 --> 01:06:17.719 container made up of bacteria, fungus, all kinds of stuff 1043 01:06:17.920 --> 01:06:22.079 from the universe that we're in right now, traveling through 1044 01:06:22.119 --> 01:06:25.320 this experience, and how you feel is what mattered. And 1045 01:06:25.440 --> 01:06:29.440 I discovered that on the Appalachian Trail, walking that spending 1046 01:06:29.440 --> 01:06:34.559 that four months by myself, you know, I found. 1047 01:06:35.239 --> 01:06:37.599 Organically how to just be present. 1048 01:06:38.079 --> 01:06:41.639 Like I got to a point, Dave where I couldn't 1049 01:06:41.679 --> 01:06:45.320 think about the future or the past. Now, imagine going 1050 01:06:45.320 --> 01:06:49.760 to sleep and not thinking about what happened today. Imagine 1051 01:06:49.760 --> 01:06:53.039 going to sleep and not thinking about your childhood. Imagine 1052 01:06:53.079 --> 01:06:57.039 waking up and not worried about work, Like I got 1053 01:06:57.119 --> 01:07:01.119 to a state of nirvana naturally by just being in 1054 01:07:01.159 --> 01:07:06.119 the woods. And if you look historically at mythology and 1055 01:07:07.159 --> 01:07:12.280 all teachings from the East, people go out into the forest, 1056 01:07:12.360 --> 01:07:14.280 They go out into the woods, they go out into 1057 01:07:14.320 --> 01:07:18.480 the desert, they go and spend time alone as something happens. 1058 01:07:18.719 --> 01:07:23.000 And that's something that happens is real, and it's a detox. 1059 01:07:23.880 --> 01:07:27.639 So your ego is toxic, and the bigger your ego, 1060 01:07:27.719 --> 01:07:31.079 the more toxic. And so I want to mention this. 1061 01:07:31.159 --> 01:07:35.800 What I love about your podcast, Dave, you and Jack 1062 01:07:36.519 --> 01:07:39.559 is you guys are the real deal. But you guys 1063 01:07:39.559 --> 01:07:45.400 don't have an ego. Like your platform, your mannerisms, your attitudes, 1064 01:07:45.480 --> 01:07:50.239 the way you guys do things. It isn't from this 1065 01:07:50.800 --> 01:07:56.719 egotistical place. And I dig that. So killing the ego 1066 01:07:56.880 --> 01:08:00.400 is what my life is about now. And the hard 1067 01:08:00.599 --> 01:08:03.679 thing with killing your ego is it's the most painful 1068 01:08:03.679 --> 01:08:07.719 thing you'll ever do, because to kill your ego means 1069 01:08:07.760 --> 01:08:10.119 I'm not a green brain anymore. I'm not a ranger. 1070 01:08:10.639 --> 01:08:14.480 I'm not some badass fistfighter from back in the day. 1071 01:08:14.519 --> 01:08:20.399 You know, I'm just an organism in this universe. 1072 01:08:21.119 --> 01:08:23.560 And how I feel is what matters. 1073 01:08:23.960 --> 01:08:28.920 How I the energy I put out, the frequency I operate, 1074 01:08:29.279 --> 01:08:33.119 how I interact with animals and humans, all that matters. 1075 01:08:33.920 --> 01:08:36.920 And so it's a it's a paradigm shift. It's a 1076 01:08:36.960 --> 01:08:42.159 complete awakening where you just search for truth. There's no 1077 01:08:42.239 --> 01:08:46.159 more manipulation, there's no more room for lives like it's 1078 01:08:46.279 --> 01:08:49.720 the truth and and that's all you want. 1079 01:08:50.720 --> 01:08:54.800 So it's it's very interesting, and I you know, look 1080 01:08:54.840 --> 01:08:57.560 forward to when we like get into sort of that 1081 01:08:57.560 --> 01:09:00.680 that journey of self discovery. But one of the reasons 1082 01:09:00.720 --> 01:09:03.319 I asked you about internal volume is because I think that, 1083 01:09:03.960 --> 01:09:06.640 you know, there are a lot of like ideas or 1084 01:09:06.760 --> 01:09:09.520 terms around it, but I like the idea of internal volume. 1085 01:09:09.600 --> 01:09:10.319 And I think that. 1086 01:09:12.319 --> 01:09:14.479 For a lot of guys in the soft community, or 1087 01:09:14.640 --> 01:09:16.319 a lot of people. 1088 01:09:16.159 --> 01:09:18.439 Not guys but girls, a lot of people who. 1089 01:09:18.479 --> 01:09:23.199 Join the military or high performing types of jobs, that 1090 01:09:23.279 --> 01:09:25.359 they have that drive and they have that internal volume, 1091 01:09:25.399 --> 01:09:28.640 and they're always kind of like seeking right. And I 1092 01:09:28.720 --> 01:09:31.239 think one of the things that many of us loved 1093 01:09:31.239 --> 01:09:37.560 about war was that finally the external volume massed the 1094 01:09:37.600 --> 01:09:43.359 internal volume, and finally, right, finally, we're finally the world 1095 01:09:43.359 --> 01:09:48.199 has come up to our standard and it's not screaming 1096 01:09:48.199 --> 01:09:53.039 anymore because now there's equilibrium. And I think that so 1097 01:09:53.159 --> 01:09:57.119 many people when they finally find that and then they 1098 01:09:57.159 --> 01:09:59.720 lose it, it's worse than not having found it. 1099 01:10:01.600 --> 01:10:06.479 Yeah, I like that. I think I'm glad you kept 1100 01:10:06.479 --> 01:10:09.640 talking about this because what I failed to connect with 1101 01:10:09.680 --> 01:10:13.640 the militaries we're familiar with inflate and deflate. You got 1102 01:10:13.640 --> 01:10:16.279 to be able to inflate deflate be a tier two god, 1103 01:10:16.600 --> 01:10:18.880 especially at operate a tier one level. You got to 1104 01:10:18.920 --> 01:10:21.119 be able to inflate and deflate well. And so what 1105 01:10:21.159 --> 01:10:24.399 does that mean? So internal volume, think about a volume 1106 01:10:24.520 --> 01:10:28.319 nog set on zero or set on ten. When you 1107 01:10:28.359 --> 01:10:34.680 set that on zero, just peace, just calm, just stillness. 1108 01:10:35.000 --> 01:10:37.840 And that's what we really want. We all, deep down 1109 01:10:38.000 --> 01:10:42.600 want to feel safe. We want to feel value, you know, worth. 1110 01:10:42.840 --> 01:10:46.239 We want to be calm, you know, like you feel 1111 01:10:46.239 --> 01:10:49.960 when you're romantic or having a nice meal. That parasympathetic 1112 01:10:50.039 --> 01:10:52.319 part of your brain. We don't want to live in 1113 01:10:52.319 --> 01:10:56.880 that chimpanzee part of our brain, that sympathetic response, that 1114 01:10:57.039 --> 01:11:01.960 fight flight, you know, freeze, fawn, you know high, you know, 1115 01:11:02.039 --> 01:11:05.039 we don't want to live in that. So learning how 1116 01:11:05.039 --> 01:11:08.159 to inflate and deflate properly is something we learn well. 1117 01:11:08.560 --> 01:11:13.359 And since they promote a monstrous side of us. So 1118 01:11:13.479 --> 01:11:18.960 when you have that rage, that internal volume, that unpacked 1119 01:11:18.960 --> 01:11:23.000 trauma from your childhood, you know, all this stuff that 1120 01:11:23.199 --> 01:11:28.880 you're suppressing so that you can be successful, because if 1121 01:11:28.920 --> 01:11:31.800 you couldn't suppress that, you be in prison, right right. 1122 01:11:32.119 --> 01:11:36.000 The guys that can suppress it become cops and military guys. 1123 01:11:36.039 --> 01:11:39.920 The guys that can't suppress it become criminals, you know. 1124 01:11:40.359 --> 01:11:44.840 And so Yeah. When you think about that knowledge, you know, 1125 01:11:44.880 --> 01:11:48.119 it's like, Okay, I'm at it. I'm flying into the objective. 1126 01:11:49.199 --> 01:11:52.640 If I'm mindful, I'm at a two. I'm focused on 1127 01:11:52.680 --> 01:11:54.039 my breathing. I know my job. 1128 01:11:54.079 --> 01:11:55.840 When I step off, I'm going left. 1129 01:11:56.079 --> 01:11:58.640 I need to make sure I don't do this next 1130 01:11:58.680 --> 01:12:00.880 phase we're gonna be here. I need to make sure 1131 01:12:00.920 --> 01:12:03.359 I don't do that. You know, you're calm, you're thinking 1132 01:12:03.399 --> 01:12:06.039 it in, you're ready, You're ready for anything. You're ready 1133 01:12:06.079 --> 01:12:10.279 to flow and go right. But when that guy comes 1134 01:12:10.319 --> 01:12:13.600 through that door, you know you need to go from 1135 01:12:13.600 --> 01:12:16.279 A two to eight. You don't need to go to ten. 1136 01:12:16.359 --> 01:12:18.319 You don't need to freak out, but you need to 1137 01:12:18.359 --> 01:12:20.600 get on it right, and then you need to come 1138 01:12:20.640 --> 01:12:23.600 back down, go back to your breathe and go. So 1139 01:12:23.680 --> 01:12:27.199 that's a mindful approach to being an operator in combat. 1140 01:12:27.279 --> 01:12:31.199 And so I think when you get the green light 1141 01:12:32.000 --> 01:12:36.800 to be monstrous, that monster and everybody has it. And 1142 01:12:36.319 --> 01:12:40.479 Carl Jung, you know, talks a great deal about the shadow, 1143 01:12:40.960 --> 01:12:44.479 you know, the monstrous. Jordan Peterson talks about you know, 1144 01:12:44.600 --> 01:12:49.399 the monster or like us monster killers. You know, when 1145 01:12:49.439 --> 01:12:53.560 you get the green light to do what you've been 1146 01:12:53.600 --> 01:13:00.399 trained to do and the freedom to do it. It's intoxic, Katie. 1147 01:13:02.039 --> 01:13:06.600 It was the highlight of my life. That there's absurbing 1148 01:13:06.800 --> 01:13:10.079 in Ramadi with triple canopy was the highlight of my life. 1149 01:13:10.279 --> 01:13:12.840 If I would have died there or died when I've 1150 01:13:12.880 --> 01:13:15.560 got home, I would have lived a complete life. So 1151 01:13:15.640 --> 01:13:19.880 everything I'm doing now is is extra is a cherry 1152 01:13:19.920 --> 01:13:24.000 on top. Okay, like you said, once you come home 1153 01:13:24.039 --> 01:13:25.960 and you don't have that, it's tough. And it was. 1154 01:13:26.079 --> 01:13:26.359 Man. 1155 01:13:26.720 --> 01:13:30.880 You know, I spent a couple of years homeless. You know, 1156 01:13:31.800 --> 01:13:36.399 it hasn't been a hugs and singing sweet songs. You know, 1157 01:13:36.439 --> 01:13:37.159 it's been tough. 1158 01:13:37.720 --> 01:13:40.439 Yeah, So let's talk about that then, because you know, 1159 01:13:40.520 --> 01:13:43.800 you you spend that time in Ramadi, and then then 1160 01:13:43.880 --> 01:13:47.279 you do more of the chase set, right, you do 1161 01:13:47.359 --> 01:13:52.159 more of the training, the supervision, the corporate stuff, and 1162 01:13:54.640 --> 01:13:57.239 you know, and I think one of the things that 1163 01:13:57.279 --> 01:13:58.439 you said hits on. 1164 01:14:00.239 --> 01:14:02.960 Why a lot of veterans have a hard time dealing 1165 01:14:03.000 --> 01:14:05.199 with the trauma and not just trauma from war, but 1166 01:14:05.239 --> 01:14:08.079 trauma that's been carried forward and then just sort of 1167 01:14:08.119 --> 01:14:12.239 like condensed in war, is that. 1168 01:14:13.760 --> 01:14:15.800 It was the highlight of your life. And it's hard 1169 01:14:15.800 --> 01:14:16.479 to find anything. 1170 01:14:16.720 --> 01:14:19.800 And so, you know, guys and girls come home from 1171 01:14:19.800 --> 01:14:23.920 that experience and it was the highlight. And now they 1172 01:14:23.960 --> 01:14:26.640 have to deal with paying bills, they have to deal 1173 01:14:26.680 --> 01:14:29.079 with you know, taxes, they have to deal with like 1174 01:14:29.720 --> 01:14:32.560 social etiquette, all this other stuff. 1175 01:14:33.399 --> 01:14:35.520 And I think. 1176 01:14:35.359 --> 01:14:36.760 A lot of them, for a lot of you know, 1177 01:14:36.880 --> 01:14:39.680 like it all gets lumped under post traumatic stress. But 1178 01:14:39.720 --> 01:14:41.600 I think for a lot of the misych, I think 1179 01:14:41.600 --> 01:14:43.880 for a lot of it'sch I did what I wanted 1180 01:14:43.920 --> 01:14:46.600 to do, Like what do I got now another thirty 1181 01:14:46.680 --> 01:14:47.279 forty years? 1182 01:14:47.640 --> 01:14:49.399 Like what am I going to do for thirty or 1183 01:14:49.439 --> 01:14:50.439 forty years? 1184 01:14:50.920 --> 01:14:53.479 Right, that's a great point. I think it's all under 1185 01:14:53.479 --> 01:14:57.079 the umbrella of PTSD. I agree with you when people 1186 01:14:57.119 --> 01:15:00.600 talk about it, but like you're saying, there's there's lots 1187 01:15:00.600 --> 01:15:08.119 of subcategories that fall under that. And yeah, I can 1188 01:15:08.159 --> 01:15:11.800 tell you from experience that part of the reason why 1189 01:15:12.279 --> 01:15:15.319 veterans are blowing their brains out in the VA park 1190 01:15:15.319 --> 01:15:17.840 a lot is because the way they're treated at the VA. 1191 01:15:17.920 --> 01:15:21.039 I can tell you that when you come home from 1192 01:15:21.119 --> 01:15:26.640 killing folks and almost being killed several times, and everybody 1193 01:15:26.680 --> 01:15:30.119 on your team makes it home and you're so grateful 1194 01:15:30.159 --> 01:15:34.920 that that's your story that everybody on your team came 1195 01:15:34.960 --> 01:15:42.399 home after all that, and you struggle to get medical 1196 01:15:42.479 --> 01:15:48.399 care and dental care and and and end up not 1197 01:15:48.600 --> 01:15:54.720 getting those things. But then illegal people, like it's being 1198 01:15:54.760 --> 01:15:59.199 promoted on television like half of America or a third 1199 01:15:59.239 --> 01:16:05.359 of America's supports illegal people in this country getting full 1200 01:16:06.000 --> 01:16:10.439 medical benefits and combat veterans aren't. You know, if you're 1201 01:16:10.439 --> 01:16:14.079 not one hundred percent disabled, you don't have dental care 1202 01:16:14.600 --> 01:16:17.560 in the VA. And so unless you have a job 1203 01:16:18.680 --> 01:16:24.079 that provides dental care after that, which you know, there's 1204 01:16:24.159 --> 01:16:27.920 problems there. So from a mental health standpoint, when you're 1205 01:16:28.079 --> 01:16:32.000 looking at okay, I'm getting older and getting old is 1206 01:16:32.039 --> 01:16:35.000 not for sistis like it's tough getting old and not 1207 01:16:35.119 --> 01:16:36.680 being able to do what you used to do when 1208 01:16:36.680 --> 01:16:40.439 your mental you know, your mental health is challenged as 1209 01:16:40.479 --> 01:16:44.439 you get old, and so it's a lot tougher. When 1210 01:16:44.479 --> 01:16:48.800 you turn on the news and you see Americans fighting 1211 01:16:48.960 --> 01:16:55.199 politicians fighting for illegals and you've been left out there 1212 01:16:55.920 --> 01:16:59.199 basically to rot. It makes you question everything. 1213 01:17:00.640 --> 01:17:04.600 So during this this high part of the g R, 1214 01:17:04.840 --> 01:17:07.720 not just you know, not just your time in Ramadi. 1215 01:17:08.199 --> 01:17:12.920 But when security is still like a very thriving industry, right, 1216 01:17:13.079 --> 01:17:15.680 there's still they're still throwing money at it. The pay 1217 01:17:15.720 --> 01:17:19.239 for the individuals have gone down, uh the equipment's gone down, 1218 01:17:19.720 --> 01:17:24.079 but the contracts are bigger, right, And you're you know, 1219 01:17:24.199 --> 01:17:25.399 finding your way through this. 1220 01:17:27.640 --> 01:17:28.600 What are you thinking? 1221 01:17:28.640 --> 01:17:31.840 Are you looking for a career, are you looking for satisfaction? 1222 01:17:32.640 --> 01:17:34.000 Are you looking for a rush? 1223 01:17:34.039 --> 01:17:34.159 Like? 1224 01:17:34.239 --> 01:17:34.960 What are you doing? 1225 01:17:36.840 --> 01:17:40.800 Well? When when I was with Triple canop you know four, 1226 01:17:41.119 --> 01:17:42.520 I thought I was going to spend the rest of 1227 01:17:42.560 --> 01:17:45.920 my life with them, and then just you know, Blackwater 1228 01:17:46.079 --> 01:17:49.479 won the contract and they offered me like three hundred 1229 01:17:49.479 --> 01:17:52.079 dollars less to do the same job in Ramadi, and 1230 01:17:52.159 --> 01:17:55.000 I was like, no, this was a new team. I 1231 01:17:55.039 --> 01:17:58.199 knew how dangerous. I'm like, oh, I'm good and so 1232 01:17:58.359 --> 01:17:59.880 I you know, that's the only reason why I turned it. 1233 01:18:01.039 --> 01:18:07.239 And uh so when I left there and went to 1234 01:18:07.479 --> 01:18:10.680 useless ATA program, I was like, I'm going to spend 1235 01:18:10.680 --> 01:18:12.920 the rest of my life doing this job. I mean 1236 01:18:12.960 --> 01:18:17.399 I loved it and it was sustainable, like, it wasn't dangerous. 1237 01:18:17.640 --> 01:18:23.960 It had everything that that you would want, except you know, 1238 01:18:24.079 --> 01:18:26.479 not being shot at or blown up like I was 1239 01:18:26.520 --> 01:18:31.520 a remodie, which I enjoyed, but long term, you. 1240 01:18:31.479 --> 01:18:32.640 Know, that's not sure. 1241 01:18:32.680 --> 01:18:34.920 You don't want to keep doing that long term. So 1242 01:18:35.159 --> 01:18:37.439 it was a great you know, I did what I 1243 01:18:37.479 --> 01:18:40.000 wanted to do. I proved to myself that I was 1244 01:18:40.039 --> 01:18:42.319 a man. You know, that's what we want to do, right, 1245 01:18:42.359 --> 01:18:44.399 We want to prove we want to be somebody. You know, 1246 01:18:44.960 --> 01:18:48.720 at the end of the day, if you really slow 1247 01:18:48.800 --> 01:18:52.039 down and look in the mirror, deepen up, there's still 1248 01:18:52.039 --> 01:18:55.319 a little boy in there, you know. And so if 1249 01:18:55.479 --> 01:18:58.039 if if you don't bring that little boy with you 1250 01:18:58.479 --> 01:19:01.439 along the way, he's still in there somewhere, curled up 1251 01:19:02.000 --> 01:19:06.439 and uh, you know, that traumatized little boy. So you know, 1252 01:19:06.600 --> 01:19:11.920 all that came to fruition. Everything culminated in my life. 1253 01:19:12.279 --> 01:19:16.319 And so it was like being a professional football player 1254 01:19:16.359 --> 01:19:18.640 and winning the Super Bowl, Like I know what it 1255 01:19:18.680 --> 01:19:21.399 feels like now to be that person. It's the same 1256 01:19:21.800 --> 01:19:26.279 internal feeling to be at the top of your game 1257 01:19:26.359 --> 01:19:31.399 and the top organization in the most dangerous little city 1258 01:19:31.439 --> 01:19:37.159 in the world, doing what you do at the highest level. Yeah. Uh, 1259 01:19:38.439 --> 01:19:41.760 and then to walk away from that and have another 1260 01:19:41.840 --> 01:19:47.920 opportunity was great. So after but I'm getting sidetracked. My 1261 01:19:48.119 --> 01:19:53.359 ex wife sent me an email and said if I 1262 01:19:53.399 --> 01:19:56.840 didn't come home, what had happened? And she had got 1263 01:19:57.039 --> 01:20:00.159 pregnant with her my ex best friend, and they we're 1264 01:20:00.199 --> 01:20:03.640 going to get married, and so now everything changed. So 1265 01:20:03.720 --> 01:20:08.760 the deal I made with her for child support, my deployment, rotation, 1266 01:20:09.199 --> 01:20:13.000 everything was perfect, everybody was happy. And then she got 1267 01:20:13.039 --> 01:20:15.520 pregnant and decide to get married and everything changed, and 1268 01:20:15.600 --> 01:20:18.960 so I had to resign from that position, come home 1269 01:20:19.439 --> 01:20:22.880 and be a full time parent so that I wouldn't 1270 01:20:22.880 --> 01:20:26.520 lose custody in my children. And so I left that job, 1271 01:20:26.880 --> 01:20:30.520 probably the best job I could have ever had, because 1272 01:20:30.520 --> 01:20:32.880 I didn't want to give up custody in my children. 1273 01:20:33.000 --> 01:20:35.359 And I know a lot of guys with our background 1274 01:20:36.039 --> 01:20:40.159 would have kept working, but I just, you know, at 1275 01:20:40.159 --> 01:20:42.359 that time, my kids meant everything to me. 1276 01:20:42.720 --> 01:20:45.520 Sure, can you tell us a little bit about the job, 1277 01:20:45.600 --> 01:20:47.760 because you know a lot of people may not be 1278 01:20:47.880 --> 01:20:49.920 familiar with USTUS or ATA. 1279 01:20:49.600 --> 01:20:56.159 Or oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's nine week deployments 1280 01:20:56.199 --> 01:21:02.039 for the bomb teams or the instant countermeasure teams. So 1281 01:21:02.760 --> 01:21:05.079 what we would do was we'd go into a place 1282 01:21:05.159 --> 01:21:12.920 like Indonesia or India a place where friends of our country, 1283 01:21:13.399 --> 01:21:16.800 and this program had been around at the time for 1284 01:21:17.000 --> 01:21:22.039 twenty something years and it's just kind of a a 1285 01:21:22.159 --> 01:21:25.760 report builder with nations, a nation builder. So we would 1286 01:21:25.760 --> 01:21:30.239 go over and teach the Indonesian Special Operations Bomb Unit 1287 01:21:33.079 --> 01:21:39.720 how to build and how to disrupt IDs of all 1288 01:21:39.800 --> 01:21:44.399 different origins. And then after they learned how to disrupt 1289 01:21:45.119 --> 01:21:49.560 those IDs, we would teach them post blast scene analysis, 1290 01:21:49.560 --> 01:21:51.680 you know, how to come in. So like when we 1291 01:21:51.680 --> 01:21:56.880 were in Indonesia, Bali had the second attack and I 1292 01:21:57.000 --> 01:22:00.479 was actually in Kudah and Bali had the time of 1293 01:22:00.560 --> 01:22:03.560 that attack, and so for that team to go in 1294 01:22:03.640 --> 01:22:09.479 there after the Rajah restaurant was blown up, you know, 1295 01:22:10.039 --> 01:22:13.279 they would go in and look for evidence of bomb 1296 01:22:13.279 --> 01:22:16.079 parts and things of that nature. So we would teach them, 1297 01:22:16.439 --> 01:22:22.640 uh those basic things and then just go to another country. 1298 01:22:22.960 --> 01:22:26.399 So you would set up, get your equipments set up 1299 01:22:26.399 --> 01:22:28.479 for a week, and then you teach them for eight 1300 01:22:28.520 --> 01:22:31.880 weeks straight and five hundred and it was great money, 1301 01:22:32.279 --> 01:22:37.439 great work, environment, great mission. And I could have done 1302 01:22:37.560 --> 01:22:43.600 that until retirement. But again, you know, life takes you 1303 01:22:44.239 --> 01:22:47.119 where it takes you, and you got to meet life 1304 01:22:47.479 --> 01:22:51.039 where it takes you and That's something I've definitely learned now. 1305 01:22:51.079 --> 01:22:55.479 So I really fought it at the time. If it 1306 01:22:55.520 --> 01:22:57.399 was to happen again, I wouldn't have. I would have 1307 01:22:57.520 --> 01:23:02.119 just you know, went along with it and not got 1308 01:23:02.159 --> 01:23:06.359 so upset and tried to you know, work from that 1309 01:23:06.479 --> 01:23:10.479 from a more mindful place. But I just I just said, Okay, 1310 01:23:10.520 --> 01:23:12.600 I'll just resign and go home and just sit at 1311 01:23:12.640 --> 01:23:16.479 home to Spider because now that I'm home, I don't 1312 01:23:16.479 --> 01:23:19.239 have to pay two thousand dollars a month child support. 1313 01:23:19.319 --> 01:23:22.039 So she just cut her nose off to spite her face, 1314 01:23:22.159 --> 01:23:22.840 and so did I. 1315 01:23:24.720 --> 01:23:28.520 So so you come back to the States, and what's 1316 01:23:28.560 --> 01:23:32.439 the job market like for you? Here's what what is 1317 01:23:32.479 --> 01:23:37.319 the future for Lee when he looks at it if. 1318 01:23:37.199 --> 01:23:42.439 I don't deploy, see it. I was. I was in demand, 1319 01:23:42.800 --> 01:23:46.199 you know, I've just come out of remody for fourteen months. 1320 01:23:47.319 --> 01:23:50.319 There was a lot of things going on in Israel 1321 01:23:50.399 --> 01:23:52.520 and other places. There was a lot of opportunities that 1322 01:23:52.600 --> 01:23:58.119 I turned down because I couldn't deploy anymore. I mean 1323 01:23:58.319 --> 01:24:03.520 really really good Abichi the agency stuff a lot of stuff, 1324 01:24:04.000 --> 01:24:08.119 and uh, I just couldn't do it. So Luckily, when 1325 01:24:08.159 --> 01:24:14.119 I was in twentieth Group. A buddy of mine, John Nettles, 1326 01:24:14.600 --> 01:24:21.039 was working with Alan Braslan. Alan owned teas in West Memphis, 1327 01:24:21.079 --> 01:24:24.920 which became Olive Group and then all of sold it 1328 01:24:25.000 --> 01:24:26.319 back to to Alan. 1329 01:24:27.720 --> 01:24:31.039 But uh, where. 1330 01:24:30.800 --> 01:24:31.600 Was I going with that? 1331 01:24:32.520 --> 01:24:35.399 Like like your your future? Like right? 1332 01:24:35.600 --> 01:24:40.199 So, so because of my relationship with John, because John 1333 01:24:40.359 --> 01:24:44.760 knew we're over in Iraq at the same time doing 1334 01:24:44.760 --> 01:24:47.359 different things. He knew I had been at Ramadi and 1335 01:24:47.479 --> 01:24:54.119 Fallujah shooting folks while doing protection work. So they got 1336 01:24:54.119 --> 01:25:02.640 a contract to teach pre deployment training for the Seal 1337 01:25:02.680 --> 01:25:08.079 teams in West Memphis, and so they contacted me to 1338 01:25:08.119 --> 01:25:13.000 be the lead instructor for all their pre deployment PSD work, 1339 01:25:13.079 --> 01:25:16.600 their protection work, high threat protection work. So I put 1340 01:25:16.640 --> 01:25:20.319 together a live fire eight eight day live fire course 1341 01:25:20.359 --> 01:25:27.079 from scratch specifically for the Seals. And if it weren't 1342 01:25:27.119 --> 01:25:32.279 for that, I wouldn't have been connected to the community 1343 01:25:32.319 --> 01:25:34.680 at all anymore. And so I was working part time 1344 01:25:34.720 --> 01:25:37.920 as a paramedic again. Luckily I left there on good 1345 01:25:38.000 --> 01:25:41.399 terms and they welcomed me back part time, and so 1346 01:25:41.520 --> 01:25:46.079 I was teaching part time, doing paramedic part time, and 1347 01:25:47.000 --> 01:25:50.640 I did that for a couple few years until things 1348 01:25:50.640 --> 01:25:55.319 had changed enough to where she allowed me to start 1349 01:25:56.039 --> 01:25:56.920 deploying again. 1350 01:25:58.159 --> 01:26:00.560 And you know, it's interesting because you met men like 1351 01:26:00.720 --> 01:26:06.720 high Threat PSD, uh, like personal Security Detail. 1352 01:26:09.159 --> 01:26:14.199 That's that was something new that came out of that you. 1353 01:26:13.640 --> 01:26:15.840 That came out as you want, right, you can't go 1354 01:26:16.039 --> 01:26:22.479 to Executive International or whatever whatever those schools are and 1355 01:26:22.600 --> 01:26:25.039 learn how to be a bodyguard in that kind of 1356 01:26:25.119 --> 01:26:28.199 environment like you have. You almost have to have a 1357 01:26:28.239 --> 01:26:30.520 military background in order to do that job. 1358 01:26:31.880 --> 01:26:33.439 You have to have a soft background. 1359 01:26:33.479 --> 01:26:35.840 I think I'll go a step further and say you 1360 01:26:35.880 --> 01:26:39.520 have to have a soft farm. High threat PSD is 1361 01:26:39.520 --> 01:26:43.640 a thinking man's game. Doing PSD in a combat zone 1362 01:26:44.520 --> 01:26:47.479 is a Tier one mission. And so you were one 1363 01:26:47.560 --> 01:26:52.199 hundred percent correct prior to g Watt. I know, maybe 1364 01:26:52.640 --> 01:26:55.439 maybe dev Group did some stuff like that, but you know, 1365 01:26:55.600 --> 01:27:01.560 Delta was the only guys really doing uh PSD, you know, 1366 01:27:01.720 --> 01:27:07.279 like they did Schwartz Costs Detail. So mad Max that 1367 01:27:08.439 --> 01:27:12.920 ran the first two selection classes for Triple Canopy. So 1368 01:27:13.000 --> 01:27:15.399 if you were in the first class or the second 1369 01:27:15.439 --> 01:27:18.720 class in the original Triple Canopy in the beginning and 1370 01:27:18.760 --> 01:27:25.239 O four, you had to pass mad Max's standards and 1371 01:27:25.279 --> 01:27:28.479 they were very high. They were Delta standards and they're 1372 01:27:28.560 --> 01:27:30.840 no joke. Anybody went through there or tell you they 1373 01:27:30.840 --> 01:27:35.319 were Delta standards. They couldn't get enough people through the pipeline, 1374 01:27:35.600 --> 01:27:38.319 so they removed mad Max and put him in another 1375 01:27:38.399 --> 01:27:42.560 capacity so they could get larger classes through because the 1376 01:27:42.680 --> 01:27:47.560 contract group, and that would be the second that would 1377 01:27:47.840 --> 01:27:51.039 Then that's when you start looking at the second seven 1378 01:27:51.119 --> 01:27:56.720 months of triple canopy in the beginning. And that's when 1379 01:27:56.880 --> 01:27:59.640 you start talking about things you talked about too, you know, 1380 01:28:00.079 --> 01:28:03.800 start getting a different level of guy in four or 1381 01:28:03.880 --> 01:28:07.239 from four to five, from five toh six, you start 1382 01:28:07.560 --> 01:28:11.840 the pay gets less higher level guys go do different things. 1383 01:28:13.039 --> 01:28:16.640 Lesser qualified guys replace those guys, and by the end 1384 01:28:16.720 --> 01:28:20.319 in Afghanistan and Iraq, you had guys that didn't have 1385 01:28:20.399 --> 01:28:25.199 soft backgrounds, some guys that just had law enforcement doing 1386 01:28:26.119 --> 01:28:29.960 jobs that once were only held by soft guys. And 1387 01:28:30.000 --> 01:28:36.680 there's a reason. Now I'm not saying, let me let 1388 01:28:36.760 --> 01:28:41.359 me caveat this. My experience in Remady the two four 1389 01:28:41.479 --> 01:28:44.880 Marines and two five marines that infantry did more than 1390 01:28:44.920 --> 01:28:48.720 the special ops and what we did ever did so 1391 01:28:49.319 --> 01:28:52.079 these infantry guys that we send a war to place 1392 01:28:52.199 --> 01:28:54.920 like Flush and Ramadi that fight day and night every 1393 01:28:55.000 --> 01:28:58.359 day in their deployment, saw a lot more and did 1394 01:28:58.359 --> 01:29:01.520 a lot more than anybody like me ever did. So 1395 01:29:01.600 --> 01:29:05.279 I'm not trying to say that, I just want to 1396 01:29:05.279 --> 01:29:10.119 make sure I make that distinguished. But for these skill sets, 1397 01:29:10.239 --> 01:29:16.479 these tier one type jobs, you know, you need to 1398 01:29:16.880 --> 01:29:19.319 have a soft background because you need to be able 1399 01:29:19.359 --> 01:29:22.880 to lead a team or be the bottom man on 1400 01:29:22.920 --> 01:29:24.800 the team. You need to be able to do you know, 1401 01:29:25.079 --> 01:29:27.840 you need to be able to inflate and deflate to 1402 01:29:27.920 --> 01:29:33.600 the full spectrum of whatever might happen. Because like when 1403 01:29:33.600 --> 01:29:38.680 we were protecting Ambassador Stu Jones going to Hillo, going 1404 01:29:38.720 --> 01:29:42.640 to Baghdad, going to Flujah, going to downtown Ramody, going 1405 01:29:43.600 --> 01:29:49.319 crossing the border into Jordan, we didn't have military support. 1406 01:29:50.079 --> 01:29:55.720 We were five vehicles, fifteen men with one principal, roaming 1407 01:29:56.239 --> 01:30:00.439 all of Iraq, you know, and a lot of times 1408 01:30:00.479 --> 01:30:03.760 we got shot. I got shot at four different times 1409 01:30:04.159 --> 01:30:09.359 by friendly fire. And somebody from I was on a 1410 01:30:09.359 --> 01:30:14.199 podcast once and I said this wrong. Somebody from Cornell. 1411 01:30:14.680 --> 01:30:18.560 I said Stanford, but it was Cornell. Somebody from Cornell 1412 01:30:18.760 --> 01:30:24.479 that was doing their doctorate or whatever on fraticide contacted 1413 01:30:24.520 --> 01:30:28.279 me because they had heard that I had four different 1414 01:30:28.319 --> 01:30:31.000 incidents where I had been shot at by friendly fire 1415 01:30:31.079 --> 01:30:33.720 and they so they wanted to talk to me about that. 1416 01:30:33.760 --> 01:30:38.840 But yeah, it was. It was four during that time, 1417 01:30:39.000 --> 01:30:43.560 really was. It was a it was a crazy time. 1418 01:30:43.840 --> 01:30:44.920 Oh yeah, a friend. 1419 01:30:45.279 --> 01:30:47.159 Oh, I gotta point this out. I gotta point this 1420 01:30:47.199 --> 01:30:48.840 out because I don't want to forget it. It's in 1421 01:30:48.920 --> 01:30:53.479 my book and it's driven me crazy. The Devil Overramady 1422 01:30:53.680 --> 01:30:59.359 sniper was not Chris Kyle. Okay, in two thousand and four, 1423 01:30:59.479 --> 01:31:03.640 the devil Vermady sniper was killing marines and army men 1424 01:31:03.760 --> 01:31:07.640 and contractors left and right. And the Devil of Vermadi 1425 01:31:07.920 --> 01:31:13.520 was Juba and Uh. He ultimately killed one of the 1426 01:31:13.560 --> 01:31:21.239 replacements Bama that replaced me when Blackwater took out replaced us. 1427 01:31:21.600 --> 01:31:26.000 He ultimately killed him about two weeks later. But Chris 1428 01:31:26.119 --> 01:31:29.760 Kyle was not the Devil of Ramadi. That was a 1429 01:31:29.800 --> 01:31:33.520 sniper that was killing Americans, not an American that was 1430 01:31:33.640 --> 01:31:36.399 killing bad guys. That was a bad guy that was 1431 01:31:36.479 --> 01:31:38.840 killing Americans. Was the devil of Ramadi. 1432 01:31:42.199 --> 01:31:50.600 Thank you for clarifying that. So sorry, I lost my 1433 01:31:50.640 --> 01:31:56.640 train of thought. Okay, So you start to work fill 1434 01:31:56.680 --> 01:31:58.600 Olive group, or you get in with that, you get 1435 01:31:58.640 --> 01:32:04.199 him with Tiger Swan with some of that sexy pipeline infiltration, 1436 01:32:04.920 --> 01:32:08.800 yeah or well yeah, uh so I was. 1437 01:32:09.000 --> 01:32:12.159 I was living like John Jay Rambo, you know, I 1438 01:32:12.199 --> 01:32:16.359 was homeless, working for cash, you know, on construction jobs 1439 01:32:16.479 --> 01:32:17.439 or whatever else. 1440 01:32:17.479 --> 01:32:21.199 You know, that's where some of us, did you know, 1441 01:32:21.479 --> 01:32:21.880 end up. 1442 01:32:22.439 --> 01:32:29.119 And so uh a guy from Blackwater reached out to 1443 01:32:29.159 --> 01:32:32.479 me and said, you know, there was this apple protest 1444 01:32:32.960 --> 01:32:36.319 at Standing Rock and they were paying like five hundred 1445 01:32:36.319 --> 01:32:40.840 dollars a day to pull security. And I was like, heck, yeah, man, 1446 01:32:40.920 --> 01:32:45.600 I was. I was in bad shape, you know. And 1447 01:32:45.760 --> 01:32:48.720 uh so that was a chance for me to try 1448 01:32:48.760 --> 01:32:51.880 to get straightened out financially and and. 1449 01:32:52.399 --> 01:32:53.800 Get my feet back under me. 1450 01:32:54.520 --> 01:32:59.239 And I went to work there and in a few months. 1451 01:33:00.199 --> 01:33:03.000 So if I go somewhere and I like it it's 1452 01:33:03.039 --> 01:33:05.520 something that want to it usually goes well. And when 1453 01:33:05.560 --> 01:33:08.000 I go somewhere I don't usually does it. So I 1454 01:33:08.039 --> 01:33:09.520 went there and it went well, And the next thing 1455 01:33:09.560 --> 01:33:13.640 I know, I'm the deputy project matter manager for Tiger 1456 01:33:13.680 --> 01:33:17.359 Swan running the entire state of Iowa where the pipeline 1457 01:33:17.439 --> 01:33:21.079 ran through, where the valve sites run through and during 1458 01:33:21.119 --> 01:33:24.479 twenty seventeen, there were two females that were leading this 1459 01:33:26.399 --> 01:33:30.680 band of domestic terrorists who were doing millions of dollars 1460 01:33:30.680 --> 01:33:35.560 of damage on the valve sites with the pipeline, the 1461 01:33:35.560 --> 01:33:39.680 control centers, and putting holes in the actual pipes. So 1462 01:33:40.960 --> 01:33:44.560 the FBI finally closed in on them and they finally 1463 01:33:46.239 --> 01:33:50.079 arrested them, and that job just went away. So, you know, 1464 01:33:50.159 --> 01:33:53.960 I had been promoted up to a deputy project manager JP, 1465 01:33:54.159 --> 01:33:56.920 who I worked for, who was the program manager. Like 1466 01:33:57.039 --> 01:34:00.439 I was like, okay, Like this is gonna work work out, 1467 01:34:01.000 --> 01:34:04.159 Like I'll stay with these guys. This is another Delta 1468 01:34:04.640 --> 01:34:08.760 operated company like Triple Canopy. Like I'm doing well. I've 1469 01:34:08.760 --> 01:34:13.239 been in well. They like my leadership style and I'm happy, 1470 01:34:13.840 --> 01:34:19.039 and I really was. My mental health was great. And 1471 01:34:19.119 --> 01:34:24.600 so people like us. If we're in a position where 1472 01:34:24.640 --> 01:34:29.880 we feel good about ourselves, we release good hormones, we thrive, 1473 01:34:31.520 --> 01:34:33.720 we lose our belly fat, you know, we get off 1474 01:34:33.760 --> 01:34:38.039 of our ass. We we you know, and and when 1475 01:34:38.079 --> 01:34:41.880 we don't, when we're in a job where we don't 1476 01:34:41.880 --> 01:34:44.680 feel like we're high enough, or we're in a job 1477 01:34:44.760 --> 01:34:46.560 we don't want to do and we have to do 1478 01:34:46.760 --> 01:34:49.840 or whatever. You know, we we have a lot of 1479 01:34:49.920 --> 01:34:53.000 negative energy and negative self talk, and we can lie 1480 01:34:53.079 --> 01:34:56.159 to ourselves and ignore that, but it can make us, 1481 01:34:56.720 --> 01:34:59.239 you know, not a good version of ourselves. And that's 1482 01:34:59.239 --> 01:35:03.119 where a diction and separating from our suffering, that's where 1483 01:35:03.159 --> 01:35:07.199 all that stuff plays in. And that's where yoga and mindfulness, 1484 01:35:07.239 --> 01:35:09.079 you know, that's where I was able to wake up 1485 01:35:09.159 --> 01:35:15.640 to just how monstrous I am and just how much 1486 01:35:15.680 --> 01:35:18.880 in denial I was about all that. 1487 01:35:20.479 --> 01:35:26.119 So after Tiger swanp like that goes away, was Facebook 1488 01:35:26.199 --> 01:35:27.680 next for you? 1489 01:35:27.720 --> 01:35:32.720 No? Facebook was before that. Facebook went away because of 1490 01:35:32.840 --> 01:35:35.920 two reasons. And I'm gonna say the first reason because 1491 01:35:35.920 --> 01:35:38.079 I don't want to sound like I'm making any excuses. 1492 01:35:38.520 --> 01:35:44.960 They politely asked me to leave. But the secondary reason for. 1493 01:35:44.840 --> 01:35:46.479 That is is DEI. 1494 01:35:47.159 --> 01:35:52.000 So Facebook was operating by DEI before there was d I. 1495 01:35:52.039 --> 01:35:54.680 They just didn't know it, but I did, you know, 1496 01:35:54.960 --> 01:35:58.399 So they didn't want They wanted guys like me and 1497 01:35:58.479 --> 01:36:02.600 guys like Steve that I won't mention his last name 1498 01:36:02.640 --> 01:36:03.359 because I don't. 1499 01:36:03.159 --> 01:36:05.399 Know if he would like that, but Steve. 1500 01:36:05.279 --> 01:36:08.439 From up in Washington State, came down from Paul Allen 1501 01:36:08.520 --> 01:36:12.399 and Bill Gates's detail to work at Facebook, and I 1502 01:36:12.479 --> 01:36:14.960 came there at the same time, and I worked the 1503 01:36:15.039 --> 01:36:17.520 day shift and he worked a night shift. And our 1504 01:36:17.640 --> 01:36:24.199 job was developed facebooks how to operate as a protection 1505 01:36:24.319 --> 01:36:30.039 to detail, and they didn't want to We we helped 1506 01:36:30.079 --> 01:36:32.920 get them to kind of a basic level, but they 1507 01:36:32.920 --> 01:36:38.000 didn't want to really do things right. And after two 1508 01:36:38.079 --> 01:36:41.560 thousand and four with Triple Canopy, I was going to 1509 01:36:41.640 --> 01:36:43.800 do things right or I was going to bitch about 1510 01:36:43.840 --> 01:36:47.319 it and leave. You know, I couldn't not do things 1511 01:36:47.399 --> 01:36:48.039 right anymore. 1512 01:36:48.239 --> 01:36:50.039 I couldn't. I could not do it. 1513 01:36:50.439 --> 01:36:54.319 So I made things kind of hard for some people there, 1514 01:36:54.359 --> 01:36:59.159 and they were frustrated with me, and and they you know, 1515 01:36:59.239 --> 01:37:01.840 they they asked me to lead, and so. 1516 01:37:03.359 --> 01:37:05.560 You know, that was part of that not being a 1517 01:37:05.600 --> 01:37:06.119 good place. 1518 01:37:06.359 --> 01:37:08.520 If I would have went to Facebook and they would 1519 01:37:08.560 --> 01:37:11.159 have said, the way you are is exactly what we're 1520 01:37:11.199 --> 01:37:14.159 looking for, which is what tigers Wan did, which is 1521 01:37:14.159 --> 01:37:17.119 what Trimple Canopy did, which is what Blackwater did. If 1522 01:37:17.119 --> 01:37:19.680 I would have got that reception, I'd still be at Facebook. 1523 01:37:22.199 --> 01:37:23.039 Yeah. 1524 01:37:23.079 --> 01:37:30.319 A lot of times, you know those those companies, you know, Microsoft, Facebook, Google, Adelson. 1525 01:37:32.720 --> 01:37:37.119 Adelson is his name right out in Vegas, Like, you know, 1526 01:37:37.359 --> 01:37:40.520 they they want the soft guys, but they want more 1527 01:37:40.520 --> 01:37:41.720 of a cop mentality. 1528 01:37:43.279 --> 01:37:49.880 Well, yes, yes, in a way like McDonald's details. Some 1529 01:37:49.920 --> 01:37:53.640 of those details are very cop secret service kind of oriented. 1530 01:37:53.720 --> 01:37:54.640 Right, So you're all. 1531 01:37:54.680 --> 01:37:58.800 Right, but but I don't mind saying this, and I 1532 01:37:58.920 --> 01:38:03.279 know what I say, your channel doesn't represent. But what 1533 01:38:03.560 --> 01:38:08.239 Facebook wanted was gays and lesbians and blacks and whites 1534 01:38:08.319 --> 01:38:12.439 and Korean. They wanted their protection detail to look like Facebook, 1535 01:38:13.079 --> 01:38:16.279 and that's what they did. So there was there was 1536 01:38:16.399 --> 01:38:20.359 lots of unqualified people that I vetted coming into the 1537 01:38:20.439 --> 01:38:27.600 team that were voted in that we're not qualified. They 1538 01:38:27.640 --> 01:38:32.640 weren't qualified to be on a local a little local garden, 1539 01:38:33.159 --> 01:38:37.159 you know, like a Verizon cell phone story, you know, 1540 01:38:38.000 --> 01:38:44.640 much less, you know, protecting billionaire CEOs and CEOs of 1541 01:38:45.159 --> 01:38:49.720 corporations that have the intellectual properties of Facebook in his brain. 1542 01:38:50.640 --> 01:38:56.520 You know, you're protecting that and so, and not to 1543 01:38:56.600 --> 01:38:59.600 mention the embarrassment, like who wants to be on a 1544 01:38:59.680 --> 01:39:02.960 protect in detail. And the only thing guys remember is 1545 01:39:03.039 --> 01:39:06.479 you're the guy that let that happen to Huckerbird, Like 1546 01:39:06.600 --> 01:39:09.680 I remember that everybody in the world remembers that, you know, 1547 01:39:09.880 --> 01:39:13.520 so you don't want to be working with idiots. And 1548 01:39:13.640 --> 01:39:16.399 uh so my standard was high and it still is. 1549 01:39:16.680 --> 01:39:18.520 So if I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it right. 1550 01:39:18.560 --> 01:39:21.159 If not, you know, just do it without me, I'll 1551 01:39:21.159 --> 01:39:24.880 go do something else. But uh yeah, they wanted and 1552 01:39:24.960 --> 01:39:29.039 they did. They There was one black guy that was 1553 01:39:29.119 --> 01:39:33.279 gay with one female that was a lesbian openly. They 1554 01:39:33.279 --> 01:39:38.439 were all young, and it was just chaos. People didn't 1555 01:39:38.680 --> 01:39:43.000 you know, you would drive the client to San Francisco 1556 01:39:43.079 --> 01:39:47.359 with no backup vehicle. So we literally had Sheryl Sandberg, 1557 01:39:47.439 --> 01:39:51.760 the COO, self made billionaire, herself on the side of 1558 01:39:51.800 --> 01:39:59.680 the interstate, broke down with the shift leader because the 1559 01:39:59.720 --> 01:40:03.159 shift leader came from seat for service and didn't even 1560 01:40:03.199 --> 01:40:06.760 have the wherewithal to have a backup vehicle. But I've 1561 01:40:06.760 --> 01:40:11.039 been screaming that stuff, you know, having ghost vehicles, doing. 1562 01:40:10.640 --> 01:40:11.880 Things right right. 1563 01:40:12.000 --> 01:40:13.960 You know, the money was there, let's do it right. 1564 01:40:14.079 --> 01:40:18.520 But it's kind of like the government, like people just 1565 01:40:18.640 --> 01:40:21.880 want to just get along. Everybody be happy and if 1566 01:40:21.920 --> 01:40:25.119 something terrible happens, just point fingers and then fix it. 1567 01:40:25.640 --> 01:40:30.560 It's like, well, let's be proactive, yeah, you know, and 1568 01:40:30.560 --> 01:40:30.960 and you know. 1569 01:40:31.039 --> 01:40:33.279 And I think that like a lot of people misinterpret 1570 01:40:33.880 --> 01:40:39.600 like the idea of it doesn't matter if somebody, if 1571 01:40:39.600 --> 01:40:42.760 a guy's a black, gay guy, or a woman is 1572 01:40:42.880 --> 01:40:46.520 an open if they know how to do the job. 1573 01:40:46.600 --> 01:40:51.000 The problem is is when you start hiring because of 1574 01:40:51.039 --> 01:40:52.920 who they are instead of what they know and what 1575 01:40:52.960 --> 01:40:53.479 they can do. 1576 01:40:54.840 --> 01:40:56.920 Let me clarify that because I know that could be 1577 01:40:57.000 --> 01:40:59.960 sensitive to people. You're exactly right, That's what I meant. 1578 01:41:01.159 --> 01:41:03.840 You know, I grew up a poor little Jewish boy 1579 01:41:03.880 --> 01:41:07.520 in Tennessee. Like I don't have some kind of racism 1580 01:41:07.600 --> 01:41:11.600 towards you know, anybody. I've I've been bullying and had 1581 01:41:11.840 --> 01:41:15.359 my own experiences in my own life and my own problems. 1582 01:41:16.439 --> 01:41:22.039 I'm about being qualified. So yeah, every everybody on the 1583 01:41:22.039 --> 01:41:24.560 team could have been gay here or lesbian if they 1584 01:41:24.560 --> 01:41:28.119 were qualified, if they if they had the qualification that 1585 01:41:28.159 --> 01:41:33.920 these people didn't. And so the motivation, just like with 1586 01:41:34.079 --> 01:41:37.479 d I, the whole problem with d I is do 1587 01:41:37.600 --> 01:41:40.760 you and here's what I asked people. You're in a 1588 01:41:40.840 --> 01:41:46.960 bad car accident and you look up and there's a paramedic. 1589 01:41:48.279 --> 01:41:53.039 Do you want a paramedic that is highly trained or 1590 01:41:53.079 --> 01:41:55.399 do you want a paramedic that is hired because of 1591 01:41:55.439 --> 01:41:59.000 the way they look and their ideology. Now, if you 1592 01:41:59.079 --> 01:42:02.760 ask anybody this in a life or death situation, what 1593 01:42:02.840 --> 01:42:05.359 do they want? If you're on an airplane and it's 1594 01:42:05.399 --> 01:42:09.359 getting hijacked? Do you want somebody like me that's gonna 1595 01:42:09.359 --> 01:42:14.199 stand up with a pistol and do whatever I gotta 1596 01:42:14.279 --> 01:42:17.039 do to get between you and the threat and get busy? 1597 01:42:17.760 --> 01:42:22.479 Or do you want somebody that just looks and believes 1598 01:42:22.520 --> 01:42:27.000 in a certain audeology in that position? Because I went 1599 01:42:27.079 --> 01:42:31.359 through the Federal Law Enforcement Academy with a black female. 1600 01:42:32.119 --> 01:42:34.520 Now I've worked with black females that can outdo me 1601 01:42:34.560 --> 01:42:38.000 in a lot of things. But this black female couldn't 1602 01:42:38.039 --> 01:42:41.000 get out of a first class seat, that's how big 1603 01:42:41.079 --> 01:42:45.720 she was. She couldn't pass the basic shooting standards that 1604 01:42:45.760 --> 01:42:52.399 were drapped to the FBI standards from the initial it 1605 01:42:52.439 --> 01:42:57.159 was the TPC, the tactical pistol course reduced out to 1606 01:42:57.279 --> 01:43:02.560 the whatever the Federal standards pistol for. So it's a 1607 01:43:03.000 --> 01:43:06.840 much lower standard that she couldn't pass it. So, but 1608 01:43:07.000 --> 01:43:11.159 guess what she graduated. So people can think whatever they 1609 01:43:11.159 --> 01:43:13.399 want to, But when you're on an air when it's 1610 01:43:13.439 --> 01:43:16.800 a job a fireman has to carry you out of 1611 01:43:16.840 --> 01:43:20.119 a burning building. You got to ask yourself. You got 1612 01:43:20.159 --> 01:43:26.600 to stop all this fighting and ask yourself, what would 1613 01:43:26.680 --> 01:43:31.319 you want Who would you hire to do those jobs? 1614 01:43:31.359 --> 01:43:35.000 Do you want them to meet a standard or you 1615 01:43:35.119 --> 01:43:37.319 do you just want them to look a certain way? 1616 01:43:37.800 --> 01:43:41.640 And so, you know, I grew up with common sense 1617 01:43:42.359 --> 01:43:44.319 and I'm gonna hold on to that. Yeah. 1618 01:43:45.199 --> 01:43:49.920 So face so Facebook is four tiger Swane So Facebook, 1619 01:43:50.279 --> 01:43:53.159 and then uh and then the yacht detail, right the 1620 01:43:53.439 --> 01:43:56.039 or the uh that? 1621 01:43:57.000 --> 01:43:59.159 Man? I you know, we could do a podcast, but 1622 01:43:59.399 --> 01:44:02.119 just one these like there's so many things when you 1623 01:44:02.199 --> 01:44:05.399 mentioned them, I'm so glad you read the book, you know, 1624 01:44:07.279 --> 01:44:08.600 because there's so much in there. 1625 01:44:08.479 --> 01:44:11.640 That you get one once again, I want to say. 1626 01:44:11.880 --> 01:44:15.520 It is highly entertaining, like your personality shines through. 1627 01:44:16.199 --> 01:44:17.920 It's it's it's an enjoyable read. 1628 01:44:19.119 --> 01:44:25.399 Yeah. So, the so the yacht thing was out of desperation, uh, 1629 01:44:25.520 --> 01:44:28.479 and and it turned into the Facebook thing. So to 1630 01:44:28.560 --> 01:44:30.279 go to the yacht thing, we have to back up 1631 01:44:30.800 --> 01:44:34.800 before the Facebook thing. But let me tell you, doing 1632 01:44:34.880 --> 01:44:39.319 yacht security and protection is shit work, man, It's shit work. 1633 01:44:39.640 --> 01:44:42.439 If you have to live with the crew, just watch 1634 01:44:42.479 --> 01:44:49.680 a couple of episodes of Below Deck. It's it's a 1635 01:44:49.760 --> 01:44:52.840 it's a tough life. It's for somebody like us to 1636 01:44:52.960 --> 01:44:55.680 go spend a couple of months on a yacht. But 1637 01:44:56.840 --> 01:45:00.039 I got to work with several billionaires in my life 1638 01:45:00.119 --> 01:45:03.640 in that capacity. I got to see them with their 1639 01:45:04.439 --> 01:45:09.000 you know, literally with their you know, their shirts to 1640 01:45:09.079 --> 01:45:13.640 offer their you know, drunk, with their guard down, and 1641 01:45:13.760 --> 01:45:17.680 you know, I got to see personal sides of them. 1642 01:45:17.920 --> 01:45:20.000 You know, you get to hear them in the backseat 1643 01:45:20.079 --> 01:45:23.359 talking business with other people. You know, you're just privy 1644 01:45:23.359 --> 01:45:28.680 to things that I won't obviously share those type of things, 1645 01:45:28.720 --> 01:45:32.920 but it's really it's really interesting. You know, I got 1646 01:45:32.960 --> 01:45:37.720 to meet the father of the DVD, uh Liber Farb. 1647 01:45:38.159 --> 01:45:39.920 He was the father of d B D and he 1648 01:45:40.039 --> 01:45:42.279 spent about a month on the yacht, and you know, 1649 01:45:42.359 --> 01:45:44.880 he's good friends with Kevin Coster and he just had 1650 01:45:45.000 --> 01:45:47.720 you know, you get to hear all these amazing stories 1651 01:45:47.760 --> 01:45:51.079 from these people and exposed to different things, and then 1652 01:45:51.119 --> 01:45:54.920 you get to see that, you know, billionaires can be miserable. 1653 01:45:56.159 --> 01:45:57.920 You know, there were some people that I work with 1654 01:45:57.960 --> 01:46:00.800 and I won't point out who because I worked with several, 1655 01:46:00.880 --> 01:46:04.880 but there were. Some of them, like Cheryl Samdberg is 1656 01:46:04.920 --> 01:46:06.920 one of the probably the best human beings I've ever 1657 01:46:06.960 --> 01:46:09.239 met in my life. I've also met some of the 1658 01:46:09.279 --> 01:46:13.119 worst in that group. So being a billionaire doesn't mean 1659 01:46:13.159 --> 01:46:17.479 you're happy. There is no correlation between being a good 1660 01:46:17.520 --> 01:46:20.800 person and being happy. There's no correlation with those things. 1661 01:46:21.600 --> 01:46:25.239 Putting these people on pedestals like we do is ridiculous, 1662 01:46:25.279 --> 01:46:27.760 Like when you get to see them who they really are. 1663 01:46:28.199 --> 01:46:30.439 Most of them you wouldn't hire to mow your yard. 1664 01:46:30.960 --> 01:46:33.720 Most of them I wouldn't hire to babysit my children, 1665 01:46:34.159 --> 01:46:39.520 like you know. So yeah, it helped me wake up 1666 01:46:39.600 --> 01:46:40.520 to a lot of things. 1667 01:46:41.520 --> 01:46:46.720 So so the yacht facebook Tiger Swan, and then Tiger 1668 01:46:46.760 --> 01:46:47.600 Swan goes away. 1669 01:46:47.680 --> 01:46:48.520 So what's next? 1670 01:46:50.279 --> 01:46:55.520 So I take I work overseas a couple gigs during 1671 01:46:55.560 --> 01:47:00.960 the hurricane disaster. Nothing noteworthy there, just typical arm security, 1672 01:47:01.079 --> 01:47:04.319 shit work, twelve hour shifts, seven days a week, good pay, 1673 01:47:04.520 --> 01:47:08.439 ship work, shit leadership. You know, good pay, and you're 1674 01:47:08.439 --> 01:47:11.479 working with good guys, guys you've worked with before. 1675 01:47:11.920 --> 01:47:14.920 So just just another gig, no big deal. 1676 01:47:15.640 --> 01:47:19.279 You learn what not to do usually on those type 1677 01:47:19.279 --> 01:47:22.239 of gigs, and that led to I'm not doing this 1678 01:47:22.319 --> 01:47:25.680 no more. I'm gonna There's an air force base in 1679 01:47:25.760 --> 01:47:30.319 my hometown, Arnold Air Force Base, Tellahoma, Tennessee's my hometown. 1680 01:47:30.600 --> 01:47:33.920 It's mainly civilians to work there. They work on you know, 1681 01:47:34.079 --> 01:47:37.800 rockets and weapons systems and things like that out there. 1682 01:47:37.840 --> 01:47:39.119 So it's mainly civilians. 1683 01:47:39.680 --> 01:47:42.279 And I'm going to get a security job out there. 1684 01:47:42.319 --> 01:47:45.720 They pay twenty something dollars an hour. It's easy work. 1685 01:47:45.800 --> 01:47:49.319 There's never been a threat there. It's my hometown. It's 1686 01:47:49.399 --> 01:47:51.840 no big deal, right, I'll just do that. They have 1687 01:47:51.920 --> 01:47:56.720 good medical insurance, and so I did that, and about 1688 01:47:56.720 --> 01:47:59.159 a year and a half into it, it turned out 1689 01:47:59.199 --> 01:48:03.079 it was shit work. Terrible word the one of the worst. 1690 01:48:02.920 --> 01:48:03.800 Jobs I've ever had. 1691 01:48:04.319 --> 01:48:08.359 And from a security standpoint, the leadership and the tactics 1692 01:48:08.359 --> 01:48:12.039 and the mindset was the worst I had ever had 1693 01:48:12.119 --> 01:48:14.479 up until that point. And it was a military base, 1694 01:48:14.600 --> 01:48:17.159 an air force base. So what are you gonna do. 1695 01:48:17.720 --> 01:48:20.079 I just show up and get your paycheck. And it's 1696 01:48:20.079 --> 01:48:23.000 a joke. It's a joke. And so about a year 1697 01:48:23.000 --> 01:48:26.199 and a half into it, I hurt my shoulder from 1698 01:48:26.359 --> 01:48:29.800 an incident in Iraq and then an incident in Africa, 1699 01:48:30.039 --> 01:48:33.319 and then I heard it again during this job, and 1700 01:48:34.439 --> 01:48:38.560 so I took leave. And as soon as I took leave, 1701 01:48:39.640 --> 01:48:44.159 Workman's callum they started trying to fire me. Well, when 1702 01:48:44.159 --> 01:48:46.760 you're trying to fire me, are you trying to do 1703 01:48:46.840 --> 01:48:50.439 anything to me? And you don't have a good reason, 1704 01:48:51.600 --> 01:48:54.920 You're gonna bring out my monster and I'm gonna feel 1705 01:48:54.960 --> 01:48:57.560 like I'm getting bullied. And when I feel like I'm 1706 01:48:57.640 --> 01:49:00.479 getting bullied, I don't care who you are, I don't 1707 01:49:00.479 --> 01:49:02.399 care what it is. I'm going to fight back. And 1708 01:49:02.520 --> 01:49:07.199 so I got a lawyer and I fought back, and 1709 01:49:07.920 --> 01:49:09.600 they decided that they didn't want to. 1710 01:49:09.520 --> 01:49:10.520 Fire me anymore. 1711 01:49:11.119 --> 01:49:14.800 And the day I was supposed to report back to work, 1712 01:49:14.880 --> 01:49:19.600 I resigned because I was going to resign all along 1713 01:49:19.760 --> 01:49:22.680 after that because of that ordeal. It went on for 1714 01:49:22.680 --> 01:49:25.079 a few months. I was going to resign all along 1715 01:49:25.119 --> 01:49:30.520 after that, and I got contacted about protecting the president 1716 01:49:30.880 --> 01:49:36.600 of Haiti in twenty nineteen, and so I jumped on 1717 01:49:36.680 --> 01:49:41.520 that and that that's the last job I ever took, 1718 01:49:41.960 --> 01:49:45.960 except for becoming a yoga teacher. So twenty nineteen, the 1719 01:49:46.000 --> 01:49:49.079 deployment to Haiti, it turned out to be the worst 1720 01:49:49.119 --> 01:49:53.319 deployment of my life, and I resigned. 1721 01:49:55.479 --> 01:49:57.960 Yeah, what what was so bad about it was that 1722 01:49:58.039 --> 01:49:59.600 the leadership. 1723 01:50:00.119 --> 01:50:04.960 Later, So the mission was real. Like President jovan l 1724 01:50:05.039 --> 01:50:08.600 got assassinated like a year later, so the mission was real. 1725 01:50:09.079 --> 01:50:12.520 The threat was real. I knew it was real. I 1726 01:50:12.680 --> 01:50:17.159 was brought down there as the senior not the not 1727 01:50:17.279 --> 01:50:23.479 the senior leader, but the senior expert on protection. I 1728 01:50:23.720 --> 01:50:26.439 was the person that dealt with the president and his wife. 1729 01:50:27.000 --> 01:50:31.039 I was the only person, including on our detail and 1730 01:50:31.039 --> 01:50:34.039 including on his detail. I was the only person that 1731 01:50:34.239 --> 01:50:36.520 was allowed to be with the president with an weapon. 1732 01:50:37.359 --> 01:50:40.640 So that was my role. I was the a I see, 1733 01:50:42.399 --> 01:50:46.560 the agent in charge, but I wasn't overall in charge. 1734 01:50:46.640 --> 01:50:51.640 I couldn't make the ultimate decisions. And so we were 1735 01:50:51.720 --> 01:50:56.000 doing some cowboys shit when all we really needed to 1736 01:50:56.039 --> 01:50:58.439 be doing was keeping an eye on him and his wife. 1737 01:50:58.960 --> 01:51:01.840 And we were doing everything but that. And it was 1738 01:51:01.880 --> 01:51:03.520 some of that cowboy stuff. 1739 01:51:03.560 --> 01:51:05.760 It was some of the stuff that you know. 1740 01:51:05.920 --> 01:51:08.760 Blackwater it got accused of in the early days. 1741 01:51:08.800 --> 01:51:10.279 It was some of the stuff that. 1742 01:51:11.880 --> 01:51:15.439 Custer Battles was accused of back in the early days. 1743 01:51:15.520 --> 01:51:20.680 Just some cowboy stuff. And this was a mature group 1744 01:51:20.720 --> 01:51:24.439 of men down there doing this mission. We had the 1745 01:51:24.520 --> 01:51:27.560 right people, we just didn't have the right mindset, the 1746 01:51:27.640 --> 01:51:30.359 right leadership, and we were focused on the wrong part 1747 01:51:30.359 --> 01:51:33.199 of the story. And I'm glad that I resigned and 1748 01:51:33.319 --> 01:51:36.600 left there because one of the guys that was on 1749 01:51:36.600 --> 01:51:39.479 my team I fired because of how bad he was. 1750 01:51:39.920 --> 01:51:42.119 And he and another guy that I had worked with 1751 01:51:42.399 --> 01:51:46.680 a couple months later killed a couple in Nashville for 1752 01:51:47.119 --> 01:51:50.159 money and they're doing life in prison and Tennessee right 1753 01:51:50.159 --> 01:51:56.479 now to two marines, one Force Marine and one what's 1754 01:51:56.520 --> 01:52:01.720 the other organization, MARSAC one WARSOK and one for uh. Yeah, 1755 01:52:01.920 --> 01:52:04.600 I've worked with both of them, and so that was 1756 01:52:04.640 --> 01:52:07.920 the kind of people some of the stuff that yeah, 1757 01:52:07.960 --> 01:52:10.840 And I was just like, no, I'm I'm leaving on 1758 01:52:10.960 --> 01:52:16.319 my terms. I'm resigning. I'm going home. You guys can 1759 01:52:16.399 --> 01:52:19.079 have this if that's how you're going to operate. And 1760 01:52:19.199 --> 01:52:21.600 so so I'm glad I. 1761 01:52:21.560 --> 01:52:24.399 Did so through all this and through you know, all 1762 01:52:24.479 --> 01:52:29.039 these years, you have this internal volume, you have this 1763 01:52:29.159 --> 01:52:30.079 trauma that that. 1764 01:52:31.520 --> 01:52:33.279 You haven't dealt with. I don't even know if you've 1765 01:52:33.319 --> 01:52:34.159 recognized it. 1766 01:52:34.520 --> 01:52:38.359 What what started you on this path first to walk 1767 01:52:38.399 --> 01:52:41.640 the appalation trail and then what took you to yoga, of. 1768 01:52:41.560 --> 01:52:48.000 All things, I was gonna kill my boss. I'm glad 1769 01:52:48.079 --> 01:52:49.960 you brought that out. I left that out, I think, 1770 01:52:50.119 --> 01:52:54.560 I don't think I brought that up. So when I 1771 01:52:54.640 --> 01:52:59.079 walked to Appalachian Trail, I felt healed. When I got 1772 01:52:59.119 --> 01:53:04.159 back off the Appalachian Trail, I slowly became me again. 1773 01:53:04.760 --> 01:53:08.960 The busy world, the noise, distress, it all worked its 1774 01:53:09.000 --> 01:53:13.079 way back in, and I had forgotten how to be, 1775 01:53:13.800 --> 01:53:18.800 to just be. I had detoxed, and now I had 1776 01:53:19.560 --> 01:53:20.399 got back on the. 1777 01:53:20.359 --> 01:53:21.520 Hairine, so to speak. 1778 01:53:21.640 --> 01:53:27.079 Sure, And so the other pivotal point was, as I 1779 01:53:27.079 --> 01:53:33.079 had had it. I was finally done. I was done 1780 01:53:33.119 --> 01:53:36.600 with the stress, the hot blood pressure. I was done 1781 01:53:37.159 --> 01:53:39.560 with being told what to do. I was, you know, 1782 01:53:39.680 --> 01:53:41.880 by stupid people. I was done with all you know. 1783 01:53:41.960 --> 01:53:43.479 I was done with all this stuff. Now I'm not 1784 01:53:43.520 --> 01:53:46.359 saying I was right about anything. I'm just answering your question. 1785 01:53:47.039 --> 01:53:50.960 I felt like I was just completely done. And when 1786 01:53:51.039 --> 01:53:55.039 my boss, who was a little retired Air Force officer, 1787 01:53:56.279 --> 01:54:00.840 when he tried to fire me for using innerpro language 1788 01:54:00.880 --> 01:54:02.920 at work. That's what they were trying to fire me 1789 01:54:03.000 --> 01:54:06.439 for a bunch of security guys and cops at an 1790 01:54:06.439 --> 01:54:08.680 Air Force base and he's trying to fire me for 1791 01:54:08.760 --> 01:54:11.760 inappropriate lightage. So of course when I got my horse anyways, 1792 01:54:12.199 --> 01:54:15.840 So but when he called me in the office and 1793 01:54:16.039 --> 01:54:20.600 told me he was gonna, you know, fire me, And 1794 01:54:21.279 --> 01:54:26.039 when I left there, I was so upset that I 1795 01:54:26.119 --> 01:54:28.239 decided I was gonna wait for him to get off work. 1796 01:54:30.000 --> 01:54:33.439 I was gonna follow him home and kill him. And 1797 01:54:33.479 --> 01:54:36.079 that's what I was gonna do. Well, and I didn't 1798 01:54:36.079 --> 01:54:41.680 have another They wasn't There wasn't another thought on my mind. 1799 01:54:41.880 --> 01:54:45.039 And you know, we didn't you know, we didn't cover 1800 01:54:45.119 --> 01:54:46.000 this to send the book. 1801 01:54:46.520 --> 01:54:49.159 But when we talked about those two fights you had 1802 01:54:49.159 --> 01:54:52.479 in that one year, the first fight almost ended that 1803 01:54:52.520 --> 01:54:57.920 way too. The guy was saved by families showing up 1804 01:54:57.920 --> 01:54:58.439 in the park. 1805 01:55:00.359 --> 01:55:04.039 That was the first time in my life. So that 1806 01:55:04.239 --> 01:55:08.640 was after being a green Bereat, but before Ramadi the 1807 01:55:08.720 --> 01:55:11.560 Triple Canopy. It was in between there. That was the 1808 01:55:11.600 --> 01:55:14.199 first time. That wasn't the first time in my life 1809 01:55:14.239 --> 01:55:17.479 i'd chase somebody with a gun or something like that, 1810 01:55:17.920 --> 01:55:21.600 but that was the first time in my life where 1811 01:55:21.720 --> 01:55:25.399 I knew I gave myself the green light to kill somebody. 1812 01:55:25.560 --> 01:55:29.560 When you get when you're somebody like us that have 1813 01:55:29.760 --> 01:55:33.439 all these skill sets, all these abilities, all these experiences, 1814 01:55:34.680 --> 01:55:41.439 but you obviously keep those things and check. When you 1815 01:55:41.479 --> 01:55:45.359 give yourself the green light to do whatever the fuck 1816 01:55:45.439 --> 01:55:50.119 you want, it's liberating. It's liberating. And when you feel 1817 01:55:50.159 --> 01:55:53.399 like it's just because it's a really bad person that 1818 01:55:53.560 --> 01:55:55.239 was trying to do something bad to you, it's just 1819 01:55:55.479 --> 01:55:58.239 it's like, just because the rest of society won't fight 1820 01:55:58.359 --> 01:56:02.439 back and and teach you a lesson, I will. So 1821 01:56:02.560 --> 01:56:05.960 when I hear about a coworker goes to work and 1822 01:56:06.039 --> 01:56:09.439 kill somebody, or like when that guy killed that insurance 1823 01:56:09.520 --> 01:56:12.600 god in New York, I don't go, oh my God, 1824 01:56:12.840 --> 01:56:15.399 go catch this guy or whatever. I go. I wonder 1825 01:56:15.439 --> 01:56:19.359 what the story is because I bet half the time 1826 01:56:19.720 --> 01:56:24.159 the person getting what they god might have had it coming. 1827 01:56:25.159 --> 01:56:28.119 That's how you know, That's how I look at those things. 1828 01:56:28.199 --> 01:56:31.159 So I was in a scenario where I was gonna 1829 01:56:31.199 --> 01:56:36.800 be that god ex everything goes and kills his boss, 1830 01:56:37.239 --> 01:56:41.000 and I'm gonna be the bad guy. You know, his 1831 01:56:41.319 --> 01:56:45.199 story are My story is not gonna be the narrative. 1832 01:56:45.840 --> 01:56:48.640 His story is gonna be the narrative. He's gonna be 1833 01:56:48.680 --> 01:56:52.359 the government. He's gonna be the media in this scenario, 1834 01:56:52.680 --> 01:56:54.960 and I'm gonna be on the ship end of the stick. 1835 01:56:55.119 --> 01:56:56.920 And that's you know, that's how those things work. 1836 01:56:58.119 --> 01:57:01.279 So you were show this was your planneror this was 1837 01:57:01.319 --> 01:57:05.800 your thought and what changed. 1838 01:57:08.520 --> 01:57:13.319 So in twenty fourteen, when I worked at Facebook, the 1839 01:57:13.359 --> 01:57:16.640 guys that came down from Washington State, from Bill Gates's 1840 01:57:16.640 --> 01:57:22.319 detail and Paul Allen's detail, they were used to smoking 1841 01:57:22.439 --> 01:57:27.479 and doing marijuan because it was legal and the corporations 1842 01:57:27.479 --> 01:57:31.760 don't have a policy against it. So Facebook was the 1843 01:57:31.840 --> 01:57:36.840 same way. So it's legal in California to do weed 1844 01:57:36.920 --> 01:57:39.720 if you have a medical marijuatera card, and it's legal 1845 01:57:40.439 --> 01:57:43.600 to do weed if you work at Facebook. I mean 1846 01:57:43.640 --> 01:57:48.880 they the campus at Facebook. Each section has its own bar, 1847 01:57:49.640 --> 01:57:52.600 you know. I mean, it's a very liberal kind of 1848 01:57:53.760 --> 01:57:58.399 it's interesting, it's fascinating kind of the dynamics out there. 1849 01:57:58.600 --> 01:58:07.880 But back to back to the point. I got back 1850 01:58:08.039 --> 01:58:10.319 to my camper. I was living in a camper at 1851 01:58:10.359 --> 01:58:13.079 the time, and I got back to the camper and 1852 01:58:13.159 --> 01:58:17.000 I had been doing Oshtonga yoga. It's a type of yoga. 1853 01:58:17.199 --> 01:58:20.119 I won't get into it because it's not important. But 1854 01:58:20.239 --> 01:58:23.960 I was doing an oshtonga practice. It takes about ninety minutes. 1855 01:58:24.640 --> 01:58:28.600 So I thought, okay, if I do yoga, I usually 1856 01:58:28.720 --> 01:58:34.600 feel better after yoga. If I do yoga, maybe i'll 1857 01:58:34.600 --> 01:58:39.079 feel better. Because my internal volume was out of ten, right, 1858 01:58:39.640 --> 01:58:42.000 like I was gonna kill him, and I wasn't just 1859 01:58:42.039 --> 01:58:46.359 gonna kill him. I was gonna hurt him, and then 1860 01:58:46.399 --> 01:58:50.840 I was gonna kill him. I was as upset everything 1861 01:58:50.920 --> 01:58:54.800 in my life that had ever pissed me off, any 1862 01:58:54.920 --> 01:58:57.319 everything in my life that I wanted to do or 1863 01:58:57.439 --> 01:58:59.840 say to get back at somebody, he was going to 1864 01:58:59.880 --> 01:59:07.840 get it. And I knew it. You yeah, I'd do it. 1865 01:59:07.880 --> 01:59:11.199 And since I had, You know, once you kill a 1866 01:59:11.239 --> 01:59:14.399 few people in a few different scenarios, you realize how 1867 01:59:14.439 --> 01:59:17.279 easy it is. That's not the hard part. Killing people 1868 01:59:17.319 --> 01:59:20.399 is not hard. It's giving yourself to greenlight to do it. 1869 01:59:20.880 --> 01:59:24.159 And so that's the hard part. 1870 01:59:23.319 --> 01:59:29.720 And yeah, well that's that's where the conundrum came in. 1871 01:59:30.000 --> 01:59:33.239 So I did ninety minutes of yoga and I still 1872 01:59:33.319 --> 01:59:37.600 wanted to kill him, and I started thinking, okay, if 1873 01:59:37.640 --> 01:59:40.479 I go kill him. At that time, there was about 1874 01:59:40.520 --> 01:59:42.279 three people or four people I. 1875 01:59:42.279 --> 01:59:46.279 Wanted to kill honestly, that had done me wrong in 1876 01:59:46.319 --> 01:59:46.840 my life. 1877 01:59:46.840 --> 01:59:49.239 And you know, if they made it legal, I'd go 1878 01:59:49.319 --> 01:59:53.119 kill those people and sleep like a baby. So I 1879 01:59:53.159 --> 01:59:55.840 started thinking, do I go kill those people? If so, 1880 01:59:56.039 --> 01:59:59.000 in what order? So my mind starts getting really busy. 1881 01:59:59.479 --> 02:00:03.119 And the only thing that ever worked for me was weed. 1882 02:00:03.960 --> 02:00:09.920 And so I called up a friend of mine and 1883 02:00:11.279 --> 02:00:14.399 I got some weed, and I smoked a bush of weed, 1884 02:00:14.479 --> 02:00:17.920 and I got really high, and I did some more yoga, 1885 02:00:18.720 --> 02:00:23.319 and I felt like giving people hugs. I didn't. I 1886 02:00:23.359 --> 02:00:26.880 didn't want to hurt him, but I didn't want to 1887 02:00:26.920 --> 02:00:29.920 go back to that job. I didn't know what to do. 1888 02:00:30.159 --> 02:00:34.880 I thought, you know, maybe I should commit myself. You know, 1889 02:00:34.920 --> 02:00:38.640 I need help, like I noticed in that moment, like 1890 02:00:38.720 --> 02:00:41.680 I got to do something, Like you got to do something, dude? 1891 02:00:42.159 --> 02:00:43.520 Is this is this? 1892 02:00:43.720 --> 02:00:48.720 So I decided I want to ask you real quick 1893 02:00:48.720 --> 02:00:52.520 before you move on, is this the first time? 1894 02:00:52.720 --> 02:00:52.920 You know? 1895 02:00:52.960 --> 02:00:58.159 Because you know, a lot of spiritual development, uh happens 1896 02:00:58.279 --> 02:01:03.159 after or potentially a lot of the spiritual development happens after. 1897 02:01:03.520 --> 02:01:05.800 I don't I don't want to call it a nervous breakdown, 1898 02:01:06.000 --> 02:01:09.439 but after people like after the ego is destroyed, right, 1899 02:01:09.720 --> 02:01:14.359 once when the ego blows up, it gives us some 1900 02:01:14.520 --> 02:01:17.520 clarity for a little while, or it can, it doesn't always. 1901 02:01:17.920 --> 02:01:26.079 But was this the first time that you had I mean, 1902 02:01:26.159 --> 02:01:28.399 I know you'd been angry before, you know, you you 1903 02:01:29.680 --> 02:01:31.760 jacked up those guys in the fire, stuff like that, 1904 02:01:32.119 --> 02:01:34.680 But is this the first time that it got to 1905 02:01:34.720 --> 02:01:37.960 that point to where it was just like like a 1906 02:01:38.000 --> 02:01:40.720 bubble bursting for you. 1907 02:01:40.760 --> 02:01:43.359 No, I had been that mad before, but it was 1908 02:01:43.439 --> 02:01:47.119 before I killed people. So going and killing them wasn't, like, 1909 02:01:48.479 --> 02:01:52.199 you know, in your multiple choices, it just wasn't a choice. 1910 02:01:52.399 --> 02:01:55.560 But what I mean is this the first was this 1911 02:01:56.520 --> 02:01:57.359 go ahead, go ahead? 1912 02:01:57.800 --> 02:02:01.159 But what you said is a very very valuable point 1913 02:02:01.239 --> 02:02:04.319 for everybody when you have an ego death. This is 1914 02:02:04.359 --> 02:02:07.359 the hardest, darkest thing. And that's where I'm at now. 1915 02:02:08.039 --> 02:02:11.279 So that was the beginning. So that was the beginning, 1916 02:02:11.840 --> 02:02:18.840 the segue into enlighten the enlightenment, the awakening, the higher consciousness. 1917 02:02:19.000 --> 02:02:21.760 There's a lot of ways of talking about it, the darkness, 1918 02:02:21.800 --> 02:02:27.760 embracing the darkness, becoming one, becoming the real you, you know, 1919 02:02:27.800 --> 02:02:31.279 because most of us don't want to admit, you know, 1920 02:02:31.560 --> 02:02:36.119 I'll say something funny, simple, but it can be profound. 1921 02:02:36.319 --> 02:02:39.079 Like most people don't want to admit they masturbate, right, 1922 02:02:39.239 --> 02:02:41.600 so the lie about it, Well, there's a lot of 1923 02:02:41.800 --> 02:02:44.680 things that people don't want to admit that to lie about. 1924 02:02:45.039 --> 02:02:49.560 But once you wake up, only the truth can work, 1925 02:02:50.199 --> 02:02:53.079 you know. And so when you kill your ego and 1926 02:02:53.159 --> 02:02:57.079 you only operate with truth, there's no facade. I'm not 1927 02:02:57.119 --> 02:02:59.279 going to be this fake person. I'm not going to 1928 02:02:59.359 --> 02:03:01.479 go try that act. I'm not going to try to 1929 02:03:01.520 --> 02:03:05.520 make this person happy. Like when you elimit all those 1930 02:03:05.600 --> 02:03:08.159 you know, it's a game changer. But when you kill 1931 02:03:08.199 --> 02:03:11.960 your ego and I'm in the process of doing that, 1932 02:03:13.039 --> 02:03:21.560 the depression or what feels like depression is that stuff 1933 02:03:22.960 --> 02:03:25.840 that you have to go through. And when you end 1934 02:03:25.920 --> 02:03:29.359 up on the other side of an ego dead, you're free. 1935 02:03:29.760 --> 02:03:33.039 You don't live in this material world in love. You 1936 02:03:33.079 --> 02:03:36.840 don't respond to the news and the ups and downs 1937 02:03:36.840 --> 02:03:41.279 and all this nonsense in this fake world it's been created. 1938 02:03:41.319 --> 02:03:45.199 You're grounded in your body, which means you're not in 1939 02:03:45.199 --> 02:03:47.600 the future of the past in your mind. So when 1940 02:03:47.840 --> 02:03:50.079 people say, what do you mean grounded in your body? 1941 02:03:50.119 --> 02:03:52.560 Of course I'm in your body. It's like, no, you 1942 02:03:52.600 --> 02:03:58.600 spend ninety five percent of your conscious day unconscious and 1943 02:03:58.800 --> 02:04:02.479 better in the subconscious. So are in the unconscious mind? 1944 02:04:03.760 --> 02:04:06.319 You know, there's about five percent of the time the 1945 02:04:06.439 --> 02:04:10.239 average person is in their body. And what I mean 1946 02:04:10.439 --> 02:04:14.479 is grounded and right now, right now, this podcast is 1947 02:04:14.640 --> 02:04:18.239 forcing me to be grounded and right now and pay 1948 02:04:18.279 --> 02:04:22.039 attention to you. But how many times during the day 1949 02:04:22.479 --> 02:04:25.159 are we thinking about something else? Driving down the road, 1950 02:04:25.199 --> 02:04:27.760 thinking about the future, past, laying in bed thinking about it. 1951 02:04:27.920 --> 02:04:32.920 You're not in your body. Once you're grounded in your body. 1952 02:04:33.520 --> 02:04:39.039 That's mindfulness, your present. And people read all these books 1953 02:04:39.079 --> 02:04:41.079 and do all these things. It's like, that's all you 1954 02:04:41.119 --> 02:04:43.680 have to do. You don't have to read anything. Just 1955 02:04:43.760 --> 02:04:48.119 start being present, stop being distracted, stop being you know. 1956 02:04:48.520 --> 02:04:53.960 And so that's my still on that you had already 1957 02:04:53.960 --> 02:04:55.680 been doing yoga up to this point. 1958 02:04:55.800 --> 02:04:57.800 Was yoga just initially? 1959 02:04:57.920 --> 02:05:01.880 Was it just you know, away for an older guy 1960 02:05:02.000 --> 02:05:04.199 with a beat up body to kind of stay in sheep? 1961 02:05:08.720 --> 02:05:12.000 That's a great question that we didn't talk about. So 1962 02:05:13.239 --> 02:05:16.800 when I finished the Appalachian Trail in twenty fifteen, a 1963 02:05:16.840 --> 02:05:19.760 friend of mine bought me the book. And every veteran 1964 02:05:19.800 --> 02:05:23.119 should read this book. Everybody with childhood trauma should read 1965 02:05:23.119 --> 02:05:26.199 this book or listen to it. The Body Keeps the 1966 02:05:26.239 --> 02:05:31.439 Score by Bessel Vandercoke. I read that book, started reading 1967 02:05:31.439 --> 02:05:35.680 that book in twenty fifteen, and I started crying and 1968 02:05:36.000 --> 02:05:41.800 I wasn't ready. And so in twenty nineteen, I was 1969 02:05:41.880 --> 02:05:45.520 ready to read it. And when I read in that book, 1970 02:05:46.359 --> 02:05:49.760 Bessel Vandercoke or some of his colleagues or people in 1971 02:05:49.800 --> 02:05:56.119 that realm did a study in twenty fourteen with traumatized 1972 02:05:56.319 --> 02:06:03.560 sexually assaulted, abused, rate incest women, a large group of that. 1973 02:06:04.000 --> 02:06:07.560 They did an extensive study in twenty fourteen, and they 1974 02:06:07.720 --> 02:06:13.159 found out that yoga does more to help trauma than 1975 02:06:13.359 --> 02:06:17.399 any medication on the market. And so I'm a very logical, 1976 02:06:18.439 --> 02:06:21.600 critical thinking type person in this phase of my life, 1977 02:06:22.039 --> 02:06:27.000 and so it was like, oh, okay, well I need 1978 02:06:27.039 --> 02:06:30.159 something to do. I need a passion of purpose in life. 1979 02:06:30.680 --> 02:06:36.359 Sheryl Sandberg's foundation lean In is this beautiful thing. She's 1980 02:06:36.399 --> 02:06:39.119 this beautiful person. Well, I want to be a beautiful thing. 1981 02:06:39.239 --> 02:06:41.560 I want to do beautiful things. So I'm going to 1982 02:06:41.640 --> 02:06:46.560 have this foundation and I'm going to teach yoga for free. 1983 02:06:47.119 --> 02:06:51.079 And it started out great at first, and COVID hit 1984 02:06:51.600 --> 02:06:57.479 and COVID, which I truly believe then and now, was 1985 02:06:59.159 --> 02:07:04.279 a false flag attack. COVID crushed people that were doing 1986 02:07:04.359 --> 02:07:08.960 things like me, hairdressers, people that owned gyms MMA, so 1987 02:07:09.119 --> 02:07:11.840 you know, it crushed people that were doing things like that. 1988 02:07:11.960 --> 02:07:14.279 So I was trying to give back something free to 1989 02:07:14.319 --> 02:07:18.319 the community. I was teaching six times or two times 1990 02:07:18.319 --> 02:07:21.960 a day, six times a week at the American Legion, 1991 02:07:22.880 --> 02:07:26.880 and so that's where I got that idea. It was 1992 02:07:26.920 --> 02:07:31.279 from that book. Somebody that could speak our language, that 1993 02:07:31.319 --> 02:07:35.159 had dealt with veterans for forty something years. He invented 1994 02:07:35.199 --> 02:07:39.039 the term PTSD. So we're better to learn about what 1995 02:07:39.079 --> 02:07:40.640 that means. Where does that come from? 1996 02:07:40.720 --> 02:07:41.640 What's that about? 1997 02:07:41.960 --> 02:07:44.720 And so you want to talk about why we act 1998 02:07:44.720 --> 02:07:47.239 the way we do or why people act the way 1999 02:07:47.279 --> 02:07:53.279 we do. It's like if I'm present and you say something, 2000 02:07:53.760 --> 02:07:57.640 there's a gap between what you say and how I respond. 2001 02:07:58.119 --> 02:08:02.680 If I'm not present that door right now start screaming boom, 2002 02:08:02.760 --> 02:08:08.159 I'm not present anymore. That ninety five percent, that chim 2003 02:08:08.279 --> 02:08:12.359 panze part of my brain is now in charge. And 2004 02:08:12.399 --> 02:08:14.520 now I turn and I rapped to the door. And 2005 02:08:14.560 --> 02:08:17.000 if it's trouble. I'm ready to meet it. I'm ready 2006 02:08:17.000 --> 02:08:20.239 to inflate to ten just like that. Well, you can't 2007 02:08:20.279 --> 02:08:23.359 operate in the civilized society like that. So that's what 2008 02:08:23.399 --> 02:08:27.239 we're dealing with. That's what we're dealing with. It's that simple. 2009 02:08:27.560 --> 02:08:30.960 It's a part of our brain that operates how we 2010 02:08:31.119 --> 02:08:35.359 behave and if we're not mindful and stay in that 2011 02:08:35.520 --> 02:08:38.439 other part of our brain, the part I'm in right now, 2012 02:08:39.199 --> 02:08:42.319 that's when those things are gonna happen. And so practicing 2013 02:08:42.760 --> 02:08:49.239 through neuropress through neuroplasticity, and through time. What is neuroplasticity. 2014 02:08:49.359 --> 02:08:53.279 It's the same thing Ivan Pavlo did with his dogs. 2015 02:08:53.479 --> 02:08:56.079 He would ring a bell, they'd salivate and then he 2016 02:08:56.199 --> 02:09:00.680 feed them. It's conditioning people. That's what they do. The 2017 02:09:00.800 --> 02:09:03.640 human You know, we were conditioned to act a certain 2018 02:09:03.680 --> 02:09:07.279 way during COVID, right, you know. It's a conditioning. So 2019 02:09:07.600 --> 02:09:10.960 you can condition yourself to do good things as well 2020 02:09:11.000 --> 02:09:14.199 as bad things. So what you do and what you 2021 02:09:14.319 --> 02:09:20.399 think about on a daily basis will change you through neuroplasticity. 2022 02:09:20.720 --> 02:09:23.760 And the younger you are, the easier and faster that 2023 02:09:23.840 --> 02:09:27.000 change will happen. But you still can be my age 2024 02:09:27.479 --> 02:09:31.199 and change. Do I think at fifty nine years old, 2025 02:09:31.920 --> 02:09:36.079 you know, I'm gonna be as you know, have zero 2026 02:09:36.319 --> 02:09:39.760 violence inside of me and be this totally different person. Know, 2027 02:09:40.199 --> 02:09:42.840 I'm always going to be me. I just need to 2028 02:09:42.880 --> 02:09:46.680 be mindful. And that's the purpose of my book, you know, 2029 02:09:46.800 --> 02:09:50.920 where a monster and mindfulness become one. You know, that's 2030 02:09:50.960 --> 02:09:53.600 the subtitle of the story of mine book. 2031 02:09:54.840 --> 02:09:59.319 So when you have this moment, you're like, something has 2032 02:09:59.359 --> 02:10:02.880 to change, and you'd already been practicing yoga, so you 2033 02:10:02.920 --> 02:10:09.399 are already aware that, Like obviously you knew that you 2034 02:10:09.479 --> 02:10:14.279 had trauma in your past, but it's coming, it's bubbling 2035 02:10:14.439 --> 02:10:16.920 up and becoming you're more aware of it. 2036 02:10:17.920 --> 02:10:23.560 How has your practice of yoga? How has anything else 2037 02:10:23.600 --> 02:10:24.399 that you've been doing? 2038 02:10:25.079 --> 02:10:25.960 How has that. 2039 02:10:29.680 --> 02:10:29.960 All right? 2040 02:10:30.159 --> 02:10:34.159 I should say, has that have you? Have you worked 2041 02:10:34.279 --> 02:10:36.159 through some of that? 2042 02:10:36.439 --> 02:10:42.119 Has have you purged or cleansed or or even you know, 2043 02:10:42.399 --> 02:10:48.479 made friends with with with your past or with that trauma? 2044 02:10:48.760 --> 02:10:50.840 Yeah, that's a great question. You know, I've been at 2045 02:10:50.840 --> 02:10:54.800 this five years and then the last year I would 2046 02:10:54.840 --> 02:10:57.720 say it's been the biggest breakthrough. I'd say in the 2047 02:10:57.800 --> 02:11:01.439 last year two years, but more the last year I 2048 02:11:01.439 --> 02:11:05.399 would say I'm really feeling the effects of the ego debt. 2049 02:11:06.239 --> 02:11:13.680 You know, I practiced meditating. You know, I have animals 2050 02:11:13.720 --> 02:11:18.279 and a hobby farm, and you know I don't focus on, 2051 02:11:18.800 --> 02:11:23.239 you know, doing great things anymore, you know, getting attention anymore, 2052 02:11:23.279 --> 02:11:27.359 and you know earlier, you know, especially last year. You know, 2053 02:11:27.399 --> 02:11:30.920 it's like I'm a minimalist. I got on social media 2054 02:11:30.960 --> 02:11:33.079 to try to promote my book because if the book 2055 02:11:33.119 --> 02:11:35.439 does good, I can have the money for a free 2056 02:11:35.520 --> 02:11:39.319 yoga studio and pay instructors to give yoga for free. 2057 02:11:39.359 --> 02:11:40.880 You know, it'll all come to fruition. 2058 02:11:41.199 --> 02:11:45.319 But what I found out was chasing that was wanting something, 2059 02:11:47.039 --> 02:11:50.960 and that's my ego, you know, And you start going, well, 2060 02:11:50.960 --> 02:11:54.119 hold on, it's like no, Like, if you really want 2061 02:11:54.159 --> 02:11:56.079 to get down to it, if you really want to 2062 02:11:56.119 --> 02:12:01.600 do this right, That's what it's about about, just being 2063 02:12:02.880 --> 02:12:08.760 just being right here, just being calm, being mindful, not 2064 02:12:08.920 --> 02:12:13.159 letting everything else affect you. And I'm not there yet, 2065 02:12:13.199 --> 02:12:16.159 Like I still deal with anxiety and depression and I 2066 02:12:16.279 --> 02:12:20.560 have really bad days sometimes. But what I'm doing right now, 2067 02:12:20.880 --> 02:12:22.920 I'm at the part of the ego death. If you 2068 02:12:23.039 --> 02:12:26.520 look into what Carl Jung or a lot of the 2069 02:12:26.680 --> 02:12:29.640 experts talk about the ego death, you know, and it 2070 02:12:29.760 --> 02:12:33.720 was great that you understand that, and we're talking to that, 2071 02:12:33.960 --> 02:12:38.039 but you know, when you get to that, there's an 2072 02:12:38.359 --> 02:12:46.439 anti social isolation, quiet stillness aspect of that that can 2073 02:12:46.520 --> 02:12:49.399 make you not want to be around humans. And so 2074 02:12:50.560 --> 02:12:53.880 I kind of realized that in my quest I was 2075 02:12:53.920 --> 02:12:58.600 being a little hypocritical. I was talking about being, you know, 2076 02:12:59.199 --> 02:13:02.319 killing my e go and I'm out here trying to 2077 02:13:02.359 --> 02:13:04.840 get on podcasts and trying to promote my book and 2078 02:13:04.880 --> 02:13:07.000 I'm on social media and whatever. It's like. 2079 02:13:08.960 --> 02:13:10.119 I'm lying to myself. 2080 02:13:10.680 --> 02:13:13.560 So that's where you have to back up and with 2081 02:13:13.680 --> 02:13:17.680 those biases and that self talk and that justification and go, 2082 02:13:18.079 --> 02:13:21.279 hey man, you know, if I if my book's supposed 2083 02:13:21.279 --> 02:13:24.359 to do well, it's just gonna do well. I wrote it. 2084 02:13:24.600 --> 02:13:30.039 And that's karma. And karma's not punishment. Karma is what 2085 02:13:30.159 --> 02:13:35.960 you do. And so if you do great things, great 2086 02:13:35.960 --> 02:13:39.439 things are gonna happen in your life. You reap what 2087 02:13:39.520 --> 02:13:42.119 you sew. It is a cause and effects. It's a 2088 02:13:42.159 --> 02:13:45.760 real thing, and I believe in it one percent. I 2089 02:13:45.840 --> 02:13:51.399 think when I die, everything that I did to somebody else, 2090 02:13:51.520 --> 02:13:57.079 I'm going to experience, and that's karma. I'm gonna experience 2091 02:13:57.199 --> 02:14:01.439 myself what I did to people. Everybody I killed in Iraq, 2092 02:14:01.680 --> 02:14:03.800 I'm an experience and what it was like to get 2093 02:14:03.920 --> 02:14:06.399 killed by me. Every girl that I ever lied to, 2094 02:14:06.520 --> 02:14:11.039 or cheated on or hurt you or monstrous towards, I'm 2095 02:14:11.039 --> 02:14:14.520 going to experience what I did to them, you know. 2096 02:14:14.800 --> 02:14:18.479 And that's what hell is to me. You know, That's 2097 02:14:18.520 --> 02:14:21.279 that's how I look at things, and so you know 2098 02:14:21.359 --> 02:14:26.399 when I look at Carmen, now, it's serious. And I 2099 02:14:26.479 --> 02:14:29.920 want to make sure that whatever I'm putting out and 2100 02:14:29.960 --> 02:14:34.720 whatever I experience with animals or humans or other living 2101 02:14:34.800 --> 02:14:38.520 things is as beautiful and kind and as loving as 2102 02:14:38.560 --> 02:14:43.640 I'm capable of. But there's no guarantees. I'm still me, 2103 02:14:44.119 --> 02:14:47.720 and if I'm not mindful and things get crazy enough, 2104 02:14:47.840 --> 02:14:51.600 I'm gonna I'm gonna act like a an alpha team 2105 02:14:51.680 --> 02:14:54.840 leader and ranger battalion or a you know, a shooter 2106 02:14:54.960 --> 02:14:55.479 in Iraq. 2107 02:14:55.880 --> 02:15:02.359 Yeah, thank you so much. Leave for for sharing well, 2108 02:15:02.600 --> 02:15:04.079 first off, for writing this book. 2109 02:15:04.079 --> 02:15:08.479 It's it's amazing. And also for coming on and sharing 2110 02:15:08.520 --> 02:15:11.239 your story with us. I really appreciate it. 2111 02:15:11.840 --> 02:15:14.920 Have it's my it's my pleasure. You know, out of 2112 02:15:15.000 --> 02:15:18.600 the there's some great podcast out there with UH and 2113 02:15:18.880 --> 02:15:23.640 within the special ops community, but you know, within that realm. 2114 02:15:23.720 --> 02:15:25.720 You know, you guys have been my favorite for a while. 2115 02:15:25.760 --> 02:15:28.119 I just like your style, like the way you guys 2116 02:15:28.119 --> 02:15:32.439 do business, very respectful. Uh. There there's no ego, even 2117 02:15:32.439 --> 02:15:36.640 though you guys could. You guys have incredible backgrounds, and 2118 02:15:36.680 --> 02:15:40.880 what you're both doing right now is still doing great things. 2119 02:15:40.880 --> 02:15:44.399 So you know, I appreciate you know, I'm nobody, you know, 2120 02:15:44.560 --> 02:15:48.479 to be somebody in our community, you gotta do something 2121 02:15:48.520 --> 02:15:51.600 that gets in the news and do something for valor. 2122 02:15:52.159 --> 02:15:56.600 And so I'm just grateful that I could unpack that 2123 02:15:56.680 --> 02:15:59.760 I could have an honor an opportunity to say that 2124 02:15:59.800 --> 02:16:04.359 you can be a below average person and then find 2125 02:16:04.399 --> 02:16:08.359 a way to catch up to the group and spend 2126 02:16:08.439 --> 02:16:10.640 the rest of your life just surrounding yourself with good 2127 02:16:10.680 --> 02:16:14.359 people and try to work above average even if you 2128 02:16:14.439 --> 02:16:19.239 started out below average. You know, you can manifest whatever 2129 02:16:19.279 --> 02:16:23.680 you want, but you got to start paying attention to 2130 02:16:23.800 --> 02:16:28.520 your internal narrative. If you're talking negative and talking shit 2131 02:16:28.640 --> 02:16:31.560 but acting nice to people, you're full of shit. You're 2132 02:16:31.560 --> 02:16:34.680 two different fucking people. You know. The outside's got to 2133 02:16:34.719 --> 02:16:37.159 match the inside, and if it doesn't, you need to 2134 02:16:37.159 --> 02:16:38.879 look in the mirror until it does. 2135 02:16:40.680 --> 02:16:47.600 It's so true Internal Volume. Find it on Amazon. 2136 02:16:49.159 --> 02:16:49.360 You know. 2137 02:16:49.680 --> 02:16:54.840 Uh, you guys, it's a hell over read. I'll just 2138 02:16:54.879 --> 02:16:59.920 say that it is. It is quite exciting. Is there 2139 02:16:59.920 --> 02:17:05.520 anything that we missed? Anything that I failed to talk 2140 02:17:05.520 --> 02:17:06.879 about or ask you about that you. 2141 02:17:07.840 --> 02:17:11.280 Uh, we were probably We've probably gone a long time, 2142 02:17:11.879 --> 02:17:13.399 so I don't want to drag it out. I just 2143 02:17:13.440 --> 02:17:18.879 want to say a shout out to Joe Price. I 2144 02:17:18.920 --> 02:17:21.040 hope that we can get justice one day for job 2145 02:17:21.159 --> 02:17:24.360 Price and John Chapman and folks like that. I hope 2146 02:17:24.360 --> 02:17:28.079 we can clean up the special ops community a little better, 2147 02:17:28.239 --> 02:17:31.079 like with what you guys are doing with Tim Kennedy. 2148 02:17:31.200 --> 02:17:33.840 You know, guys like me really appreciate that. It's really 2149 02:17:33.879 --> 02:17:39.319 triggering for things like that to happen in our community. 2150 02:17:39.440 --> 02:17:43.639 So seeing people pleasing that up quickly and holding a standard, 2151 02:17:43.959 --> 02:17:46.079 it makes me proud again that I was a green 2152 02:17:46.120 --> 02:17:48.639 brat and that I was a ranger. So I really 2153 02:17:48.719 --> 02:17:52.760 appreciate that. And I just want to say that if 2154 02:17:52.799 --> 02:17:55.719 anybody you know, I just finally got one hundred percent 2155 02:17:55.920 --> 02:17:59.120 VA after twenty something years of fighting. I got a 2156 02:17:59.159 --> 02:18:02.319 great guy at anybody wants to reach out at Lee 2157 02:18:02.440 --> 02:18:05.520 Decleman at gmail dot com, I'll hook you up with 2158 02:18:05.559 --> 02:18:08.600 a great god. He got me and my sister one 2159 02:18:08.680 --> 02:18:11.239 hundred percent, you know, in about a year a year 2160 02:18:11.280 --> 02:18:14.319 and a half. And so I know, I got a 2161 02:18:14.360 --> 02:18:17.680 lot of guys are fighting to just get the basic 2162 02:18:17.760 --> 02:18:21.479 care and if you need help, please reach out and 2163 02:18:21.680 --> 02:18:24.280 tunnels to towers, that's where I give my money. They're 2164 02:18:24.319 --> 02:18:28.719 doing great things for homeless veterans, and so I just 2165 02:18:28.760 --> 02:18:32.879 want to shout out to them. You know, anything we 2166 02:18:32.959 --> 02:18:36.959 can do is veterans to help veterans, lift them up, 2167 02:18:37.280 --> 02:18:39.840 and the veterans that have been lifted up by lies, 2168 02:18:40.040 --> 02:18:43.719 let's bring them back down and let's bring that harmonious 2169 02:18:43.760 --> 02:18:45.280 balance back to our community. 2170 02:18:45.840 --> 02:18:50.399 And that that would be a great thing to see 2171 02:18:50.520 --> 02:18:51.639 happened for my die. 2172 02:18:51.799 --> 02:18:52.600 It would be amazing. 2173 02:18:53.319 --> 02:18:53.680 Uh D. 2174 02:18:53.840 --> 02:18:55.159 Do we have any questions? 2175 02:18:55.680 --> 02:18:55.760 No? 2176 02:18:56.040 --> 02:19:01.639 Okay, where can people? Are you on social media? Or no? 2177 02:19:01.639 --> 02:19:04.280 No? If somebody wants to reach out to me about anything, 2178 02:19:05.159 --> 02:19:07.639 I'm living small. You know, I'm not going to be 2179 02:19:07.680 --> 02:19:10.399 a public even if this book does real good. 2180 02:19:10.479 --> 02:19:12.520 You know, I just want to kind of do my thing. 2181 02:19:12.639 --> 02:19:15.399 But if I can help anybody or anybody has any 2182 02:19:15.479 --> 02:19:19.200 questions or you know, Lee Decklman D E C K 2183 02:19:19.479 --> 02:19:23.600 E L M A n at gmail dot com, you know. 2184 02:19:23.559 --> 02:19:25.200 How to help anybody in any way I can. 2185 02:19:25.280 --> 02:19:27.879 But you know, my book's about a traumatic life that 2186 02:19:28.000 --> 02:19:30.760 has a little bit of war in it. 2187 02:19:30.760 --> 02:19:32.079 It's not a war story. 2188 02:19:32.520 --> 02:19:35.159 Oh, it's a worst story. Like the whole book is 2189 02:19:35.200 --> 02:19:35.920 a worst story. 2190 02:19:37.000 --> 02:19:37.200 Yeah. 2191 02:19:37.280 --> 02:19:40.000 Well, in a way there may not. There may not. 2192 02:19:40.079 --> 02:19:42.719 It may not be an Iraq or Afghanistan vate. It's 2193 02:19:42.760 --> 02:19:43.520 a war story. 2194 02:19:44.600 --> 02:19:46.840 And well, the last thing I want to say is 2195 02:19:47.879 --> 02:19:51.479 I'm no hero. I've never done anything heroic. But everything 2196 02:19:51.520 --> 02:19:52.479 in that book is true. 2197 02:19:52.959 --> 02:19:56.520 Yeah, and I think you know, you know a lot 2198 02:19:56.559 --> 02:19:59.200 of our viewers are history bossed, or they like the 2199 02:19:59.239 --> 02:20:02.680 military or you know, the intelligence community or special operations community. 2200 02:20:03.399 --> 02:20:05.280 If you know, this. 2201 02:20:05.159 --> 02:20:09.760 Is a book honestly, because it's not just about the military. 2202 02:20:11.559 --> 02:20:14.040 It's a book that like everybody can relate to in 2203 02:20:14.040 --> 02:20:19.479 one way or another. You know, it's it's your story. 2204 02:20:20.000 --> 02:20:24.079 So you know, I really hope people do pick this 2205 02:20:24.239 --> 02:20:28.719 up and read it. We're going to go now, uh, 2206 02:20:29.200 --> 02:20:33.600 we are going to do a uh team house after 2207 02:20:33.719 --> 02:20:37.000 dark Uh, for our patron subscribers after this. 2208 02:20:37.520 --> 02:20:37.719 Uh. 2209 02:20:37.719 --> 02:20:40.639 So if you're a patron subscriber and you want some 2210 02:20:41.639 --> 02:20:44.079 spicy tales, uh, that's where. 2211 02:20:43.959 --> 02:20:48.120 You'll find them. So thank you everybody. We really appreciate it. Lee, 2212 02:20:48.239 --> 02:20:49.639 thank you so much for your time. 2213 02:20:49.760 --> 02:20:52.159 Thank you so much, Thank you so much. 2214 02:20:53.239 --> 02:20:55.040 Hey, guys, I want to tell all of you today 2215 02:20:55.159 --> 02:20:58.319 about a new newsletter that we're launching that encompasses both 2216 02:20:58.440 --> 02:21:02.600 the team House Podcast, eyes On Podcast, and the high 2217 02:21:02.680 --> 02:21:07.399 Side News outlet, which I run with Sean Naylor. The 2218 02:21:07.399 --> 02:21:10.040 newsletter is gonna be once a week. It's gonna come 2219 02:21:10.040 --> 02:21:12.719 into your inbox and you're gonna get the most current 2220 02:21:12.760 --> 02:21:17.920 podcasts on eyes On and the Teamhouse and whatever's topical 2221 02:21:18.159 --> 02:21:20.840 or current on the high Side. So it's another way 2222 02:21:20.840 --> 02:21:22.959 for us to get the information out to you as 2223 02:21:23.120 --> 02:21:26.600 social media algorithms are pretty iffy and you never really 2224 02:21:26.600 --> 02:21:28.879 know what you're gonna get. So this is a once 2225 02:21:28.920 --> 02:21:31.520 a week email. It'll slide into your inbox and it 2226 02:21:31.559 --> 02:21:33.719 will have you know the greatest hits of that week. 2227 02:21:33.799 --> 02:21:36.239 It's really good checking it out. 2228 02:21:37.120 --> 02:21:41.399 The website for it is Teamhouse Podcast dot kit dot com, 2229 02:21:41.399 --> 02:21:46.280 slash Join Teamhouse Podcast, dot Kit dot com slash Join. 2230 02:21:47.159 --> 02:21:49.280 You go there and you enter into your email list, 2231 02:21:49.479 --> 02:21:53.120 or you enter your email into the little thing on 2232 02:21:53.159 --> 02:21:55.559 the website and you're good to go. And that'll be it. 2233 02:21:56.319 --> 02:21:59.399 So we really appreciate your support and hope you'll consider 2234 02:21:59.440 --> 02:21:59.959 signing up. 2235 02:22:00.200 --> 02:22:00.920 Where's the link. 2236 02:22:01.799 --> 02:22:04.319 The link will also be down the description if you're 2237 02:22:04.360 --> 02:22:04.879 looking for it 2238 02:22:04.920 --> 02:22:09.360 There, and that's Teamhouse Podcast, dot kit k I t 2239 02:22:09.639 --> 02:22:14.520 Kilo India, Tango dot com, backslash joint