WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:02.200 Hello, ever you want, and welcome back to the podcast episode. 2 00:00:02.279 --> 00:00:04.040 My name is Alicia Gogin, the host of the Globe 3 00:00:04.120 --> 00:00:06.879 Secrets podcast. Why I help you expand your mind and 4 00:00:06.879 --> 00:00:08.839 become more self aware so that you can glow up 5 00:00:08.919 --> 00:00:12.679 into the best version of yourself. Hello, how are we 6 00:00:12.759 --> 00:00:17.000 doing today? I hope everyone is doing fantastic. I'm excited 7 00:00:17.000 --> 00:00:19.760 to talk about this topic today because you guys ask 8 00:00:19.879 --> 00:00:23.679 me a lot about this about how to build self trust, 9 00:00:23.719 --> 00:00:26.079 how to trust yourself. So I want to give you 10 00:00:26.120 --> 00:00:28.640 my tips in my advice and what I have found 11 00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:30.640 has worked for me and what I see in others 12 00:00:31.120 --> 00:00:34.679 when it comes to becoming a woman who deeply trusts herself. 13 00:00:34.960 --> 00:00:37.920 I feel like a lot of us have struggled with this, 14 00:00:38.320 --> 00:00:41.479 specially women, I find, but there's men who listen to 15 00:00:41.479 --> 00:00:44.079 this podcast. So please take this advice and use it 16 00:00:44.119 --> 00:00:46.399 as you will. But I have struggled in my life 17 00:00:46.439 --> 00:00:49.200 and I see you guys struggle in your lives when 18 00:00:49.280 --> 00:00:53.119 it comes to decision making, low confidence within yourself, when 19 00:00:53.159 --> 00:00:56.320 you are facing challenges in your life, not knowing how 20 00:00:56.359 --> 00:00:59.799 to have independence, being codependent, and I think a big 21 00:00:59.880 --> 00:01:02.399 one for a lot of the questions that I get 22 00:01:02.439 --> 00:01:07.159 surrounding self. Trust is having a lack of consistency and 23 00:01:07.239 --> 00:01:11.319 like showing up for yourself, which in turn usually equates 24 00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:14.000 to this feeling of, oh, I don't trust myself because 25 00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:16.120 I never do the things that I say that I 26 00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:18.400 want to do. Now, something I want you to see 27 00:01:18.439 --> 00:01:23.200 here is you wanting to trust yourself. You wanting to 28 00:01:23.239 --> 00:01:26.239 be consistent, you wanting to not be anxious, not be 29 00:01:26.879 --> 00:01:31.120 codependent on someone, to be independent, to really just believe 30 00:01:31.200 --> 00:01:34.439 in yourself, and to feel like you are resilient through 31 00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:38.799 hard times. What all of that really is is safety. 32 00:01:39.200 --> 00:01:42.200 You are looking for safety within your own self, your 33 00:01:42.239 --> 00:01:45.159 own life, and even in other people when you're wanting 34 00:01:45.200 --> 00:01:48.599 to trust them. So when you're asking the question how 35 00:01:48.640 --> 00:01:51.920 do I trust myself, what you're really asking, in my 36 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:56.439 personal opinion is how do I feel safe within myself 37 00:01:56.760 --> 00:02:00.719 and my life? So let's talk about that, and I 38 00:02:00.840 --> 00:02:05.359 think what will help is to see how one usually 39 00:02:06.200 --> 00:02:09.039 ends up trusting someone else, like someone external, like a 40 00:02:09.080 --> 00:02:11.680 friend or a family member or a relationship, and then 41 00:02:11.719 --> 00:02:14.280 we can kind of reflect that back and see how 42 00:02:14.319 --> 00:02:19.039 we can really apply the same ways we learn to 43 00:02:19.080 --> 00:02:22.919 trust people to ourselves. And I also want to give 44 00:02:22.960 --> 00:02:25.360 you some of the tips that I have just learned 45 00:02:25.360 --> 00:02:27.639 over my journey of like things that have just helped 46 00:02:27.639 --> 00:02:31.360 me be somebody who deeply trusts herself and like backs herself, 47 00:02:31.680 --> 00:02:34.439 and a few steps at the end of this episode 48 00:02:34.439 --> 00:02:37.599 that you can kind of really apply moving forward to 49 00:02:37.759 --> 00:02:41.280 help build that trust within yourself. So when you trust someone, 50 00:02:42.000 --> 00:02:45.479 you trust someone because you feel safe with them. And 51 00:02:45.560 --> 00:02:49.199 what makes you feel safe with a person, And let's 52 00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:52.719 just hypothetically, like think about if we were in a 53 00:02:52.759 --> 00:02:56.719 healthy sense of trusting people. What I have observed within 54 00:02:56.800 --> 00:02:59.840 my own relationships, which, by the way I have strow 55 00:03:00.400 --> 00:03:02.400 with being able to trust people in my life. I 56 00:03:02.439 --> 00:03:05.080 basically have summed it up into two things that I've 57 00:03:05.080 --> 00:03:07.439 witnessed within myself and when I'm learning to trust people, 58 00:03:07.479 --> 00:03:09.759 and like, what I think is important when it comes 59 00:03:09.840 --> 00:03:11.919 to feeling safe and trusting someone. One way that I 60 00:03:11.960 --> 00:03:15.360 feel like I can trust someone is when I can 61 00:03:15.400 --> 00:03:18.199 be comfortable around them. And what I really mean is 62 00:03:18.599 --> 00:03:22.759 there's this sense of unconditional love. There's this feeling that 63 00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:25.840 when I'm with my friend, she is not judging me, 64 00:03:26.080 --> 00:03:28.520 or my mother is not judging me, or my boyfriend 65 00:03:28.560 --> 00:03:32.639 is not judging me. And there's also this sense of relatability, 66 00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:35.879 because when you are around people who make it known 67 00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:37.800 that you can be yourself and they're not going to 68 00:03:37.919 --> 00:03:40.800 judge you, you're going to open up more, you're gonna 69 00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:43.840 be more authentic, and you're going to trust that it's 70 00:03:43.960 --> 00:03:46.879 okay to be yourself, and that really leads into you 71 00:03:47.039 --> 00:03:51.639 feeling safe. Now. I find the second part of what 72 00:03:51.680 --> 00:03:54.039 it really means to actually like know you can trust 73 00:03:54.039 --> 00:03:58.840 someone is that the person that you are trusting is reliable. 74 00:03:59.039 --> 00:04:02.159 They are consistent in your life, They will show up 75 00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:05.960 when it's important, They are not running away from problems, 76 00:04:05.960 --> 00:04:08.960 from situations, they have the capacity to be able to 77 00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:12.360 hold you in certain times, etc. So when I find 78 00:04:12.680 --> 00:04:16.759 a person where it's very clear that they are very 79 00:04:16.839 --> 00:04:21.040 non judgmental, they are themselves, they are usually like authentically themselves, 80 00:04:21.079 --> 00:04:23.000 which is why you can probably believe that you can 81 00:04:23.000 --> 00:04:26.839 be yourself around them. They're really open, They're just unconditionally loving, 82 00:04:27.399 --> 00:04:32.040 and they are reliable, and they're consistent and they're stable 83 00:04:32.120 --> 00:04:34.959 within your life and they're showing up. That is when 84 00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:39.639 I find I usually melt into trusting someone. And I 85 00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:42.439 will use the example of my best friend Joye and 86 00:04:42.600 --> 00:04:46.399 my mother, my best friend Joyee. I feel like I 87 00:04:46.399 --> 00:04:50.279 can be authentically myself. I can be authentically myself because 88 00:04:50.319 --> 00:04:54.040 she is herself as well. It's very non judgmental. We're 89 00:04:54.040 --> 00:04:57.600 on the same page. We're just real, We're just like 90 00:04:57.839 --> 00:05:01.639 we're not like these people pleaser we're not these well, 91 00:05:01.759 --> 00:05:03.519 actually I take that back. I feel like I'm probably 92 00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:06.360 more of a people pleaser than she is in different aspects, 93 00:05:06.399 --> 00:05:09.560 but like not within our own relationship whatever. We have 94 00:05:09.759 --> 00:05:13.439 created this bond, which by the way, takes time, where 95 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:17.480 we are just ourselves. Okay, So that is one component 96 00:05:17.519 --> 00:05:20.120 where I believe that I can really come to her 97 00:05:20.120 --> 00:05:21.680 and I can trust her and I know she's not 98 00:05:21.720 --> 00:05:24.120 going to judge me. But the second half is she 99 00:05:24.399 --> 00:05:28.120 is very stable in my life. She is the most consistent, 100 00:05:28.759 --> 00:05:33.720 most stable person, somebody who is so reliable in every 101 00:05:33.759 --> 00:05:38.399 aspect genuinely of one's life, where I can look at 102 00:05:38.439 --> 00:05:40.560 her and be like, I know you will be there 103 00:05:40.600 --> 00:05:43.120 for me if things get tough, if I need to 104 00:05:43.120 --> 00:05:44.800 come to you with any of my problems, You're going 105 00:05:44.879 --> 00:05:46.480 to pick up the phone, You're going to be there, 106 00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:48.480 You're going to show up, You're going to do the things. 107 00:05:48.480 --> 00:05:50.040 If I have to rely on you for something. You 108 00:05:50.079 --> 00:05:52.959 will be there. If I get sick, you will be there, X, 109 00:05:53.040 --> 00:05:56.040 Y and Z. So that is a perfect recipe for 110 00:05:56.079 --> 00:05:59.000 me to be able to trust someone in my life. 111 00:05:59.519 --> 00:06:02.839 My mother on the other hand, which I love my mom. 112 00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:05.519 I literally love her. There's no one that I love 113 00:06:05.600 --> 00:06:09.120 more than my mom. There's no other feeling that I've 114 00:06:09.120 --> 00:06:11.959 ever felt, maybe like with Joey, like shout out to Joeye, 115 00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:15.319 like love you so much. But I feel like my 116 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:18.000 mom was the first person and the only person really 117 00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:22.040 that taught me unconditional love. And she's just a beautiful 118 00:06:22.120 --> 00:06:25.839 human being. So on one hand, she has always been 119 00:06:26.079 --> 00:06:31.199 so accepting, so lovely to me, so like be your 120 00:06:31.240 --> 00:06:33.720 authentic self like I used to even when I was 121 00:06:33.720 --> 00:06:35.680 like in high school, Like you know when you go 122 00:06:35.720 --> 00:06:38.920 through the awkward stages and you just like judge yourself 123 00:06:39.000 --> 00:06:41.600 or you feel like, oh my boy doesn't look like this, 124 00:06:41.879 --> 00:06:44.319 or oh I'm not pretty enough, like she would always 125 00:06:44.439 --> 00:06:46.519 tell me like the opposite, being like you're beautiful like 126 00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:49.680 this that she never spoke down on herself. She never 127 00:06:49.720 --> 00:06:52.240 talked about her weight, she never dieted, she never did 128 00:06:52.319 --> 00:06:55.560 any of that because she accepted herself and she looked 129 00:06:55.560 --> 00:06:58.399 at herself in a really good light, and obviously she 130 00:06:58.399 --> 00:07:01.120 didn't want me to feel like that as well. So anyways, 131 00:07:01.160 --> 00:07:03.319 there's at that aspect. So I just like always knew 132 00:07:03.319 --> 00:07:05.360 I could come to her with really anything. She always 133 00:07:05.519 --> 00:07:09.519 created that safe space. But unfortunately, throughout some of my 134 00:07:09.680 --> 00:07:15.720 years she became unreliable in some senses. And that's just 135 00:07:16.040 --> 00:07:18.000 that's life. If you guys know my story, then you 136 00:07:18.079 --> 00:07:20.720 know people have their own things that they go through 137 00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:23.120 in their lives where unfortunately they're not able to show up, 138 00:07:23.160 --> 00:07:25.560 they're not able to be that consistent, that reliable, and 139 00:07:25.600 --> 00:07:28.519 in general, like I just think that not everyone is 140 00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:31.920 going to be the most perfect person that you can 141 00:07:32.040 --> 00:07:34.560 like fully put all your trust in. Right, and even 142 00:07:34.600 --> 00:07:37.800 before all the chaos that had happened in our lives 143 00:07:38.480 --> 00:07:41.000 throughout my teens and into my twenties, like kind of 144 00:07:41.000 --> 00:07:44.720 like leading up to like more, around this time, she 145 00:07:44.839 --> 00:07:47.160 had to work a lot. There was times where she 146 00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:49.199 wasn't able to pick me up from school, or my 147 00:07:49.240 --> 00:07:51.079 dad wasn't able to pick me up from school, And 148 00:07:51.279 --> 00:07:53.959 when somebody is struggling with any sort of mental health 149 00:07:54.079 --> 00:07:58.959 or cycles, sabotage, addictions, all those things, unfortunately, there's times 150 00:07:59.000 --> 00:08:03.800 where they're not reliable. So I wasn't able to fully 151 00:08:04.360 --> 00:08:09.480 continue that like real deep trust within her because of 152 00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:12.800 that component. And it's not necessarily even the worst thing, 153 00:08:12.839 --> 00:08:14.680 like I said, because there's just gonna be people that 154 00:08:14.839 --> 00:08:17.120 unfortunately it's just like that's just the name of the game. 155 00:08:17.399 --> 00:08:19.519 But I just want you to see how like when 156 00:08:19.560 --> 00:08:22.279 I think about trusting somebody, I am going to feel 157 00:08:22.360 --> 00:08:24.879 like I can fully trust them if they have those 158 00:08:24.879 --> 00:08:30.199 two components of that unconditional accepting love but also that reliability. 159 00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:32.960 Like there needs to be both of those things because 160 00:08:33.000 --> 00:08:36.080 if not, yeah, it's great that I can come to you, 161 00:08:36.559 --> 00:08:39.279 but in terms of like really important things, I'm gonna 162 00:08:39.279 --> 00:08:41.519 be stressed out because I don't know if you're going 163 00:08:41.600 --> 00:08:43.159 to be able to pick up the phone when I 164 00:08:43.240 --> 00:08:46.639 need you. And this is the same relationship and the 165 00:08:46.720 --> 00:08:50.120 same two aspects that we need to look at and 166 00:08:50.360 --> 00:08:53.039 adopt within our own lives when it comes to our 167 00:08:53.240 --> 00:08:57.519 self trust. Okay, so let's break it down kind of again, 168 00:08:57.679 --> 00:09:02.320 but towards ourselves. There's two components that personally, for me, 169 00:09:02.840 --> 00:09:04.320 make it so I can look in the mirror and 170 00:09:04.360 --> 00:09:06.600 I can just like sit in my consciousness and sit 171 00:09:06.679 --> 00:09:09.320 in like the reality of who I am and be like, no, 172 00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:12.159 I really trust myself, like I deeply trust myself. I 173 00:09:12.200 --> 00:09:14.559 feel like I have my own back. I feel like 174 00:09:14.600 --> 00:09:19.519 I can navigate this world, this chaotic, crazy life that 175 00:09:19.559 --> 00:09:22.360 I have that's so beautiful. But I feel like I 176 00:09:22.399 --> 00:09:24.519 can do that. And there's two main things that really 177 00:09:24.559 --> 00:09:26.879 make me feel so grounded in that. And the first 178 00:09:26.919 --> 00:09:32.000 thing is to accept myself. How do you accept yourself though, 179 00:09:32.120 --> 00:09:34.320 Because I feel like this is where a lot of 180 00:09:34.360 --> 00:09:36.440 you guys really struggle with And I talk about this 181 00:09:36.480 --> 00:09:38.360 a lot. And when I say, you, guys, yeah, I've 182 00:09:38.360 --> 00:09:40.960 struggled with it before, I'm so much better at this now. 183 00:09:41.000 --> 00:09:46.440 Sometimes it's hard for you to accept yourself because when 184 00:09:46.519 --> 00:09:51.519 you feel any sort of shame, whether that be because 185 00:09:51.519 --> 00:09:54.799 you've let yourself down or your past or things aren't 186 00:09:54.799 --> 00:09:58.080 perfect in your life, you are really uncomfortable and you 187 00:09:58.159 --> 00:10:01.720 do not accept that part your reality to be true 188 00:10:01.799 --> 00:10:04.919 about you. It's almost like you have this sense of 189 00:10:05.320 --> 00:10:09.080 conditional love on yourself. If I show up, if I'm 190 00:10:09.120 --> 00:10:12.159 a good girl, if i feel like I'm measuring up 191 00:10:12.360 --> 00:10:16.279 against these women over here or society over here, then 192 00:10:16.360 --> 00:10:19.159 I will accept myself. But on the flip side, because 193 00:10:19.200 --> 00:10:21.799 I don't unconditionally love myself and accept the fact that 194 00:10:21.799 --> 00:10:24.960 I'm a flawed human being. When I mess up, when 195 00:10:24.960 --> 00:10:27.039 I make a mistake, when I don't have the answer, 196 00:10:27.480 --> 00:10:31.080 I'm going to shame myself and be mad at myself 197 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:33.559 and carry that shame with me. And I'm not going 198 00:10:33.600 --> 00:10:36.600 to release that. I'm not going to sink into that 199 00:10:36.720 --> 00:10:39.720 and accept what the reality is, which is I'm a 200 00:10:39.799 --> 00:10:42.559 human being and I'm flawed. So what I have learned 201 00:10:42.799 --> 00:10:45.120 on my journey when it comes to self acceptance is, 202 00:10:45.799 --> 00:10:49.440 first I like to understand why things played out the 203 00:10:49.480 --> 00:10:52.080 way that they did, whether it is I made a 204 00:10:52.120 --> 00:10:54.279 mistake or I didn't know, or I got back into 205 00:10:54.279 --> 00:10:58.360 a toxic relationship, or I didn't have boundaries. By the way, 206 00:10:58.519 --> 00:11:01.279 let's just like skip hop and jump right back to 207 00:11:01.320 --> 00:11:03.799 the beginning of this. There's a reason why you don't 208 00:11:03.840 --> 00:11:06.080 have boundaries. There's a reason why you have an ancients attachment. 209 00:11:06.200 --> 00:11:08.519 There's a reason why you keep accepting the bare minimum. 210 00:11:08.519 --> 00:11:10.679 This is not to mean that we're going to accept 211 00:11:10.720 --> 00:11:13.360 it and just like use trauma as an excuse as 212 00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:16.279 to like why your life is a mess. But you 213 00:11:16.399 --> 00:11:19.039 need to have a lot of self compassion and love 214 00:11:19.080 --> 00:11:21.519 for yourself and be like, let me look at why 215 00:11:21.559 --> 00:11:22.960 my life is like this and why I don't trust 216 00:11:23.000 --> 00:11:24.759 myself and why I don't even accept myself in the 217 00:11:24.759 --> 00:11:27.639 first place, And you'll come to find there's reasons for that. 218 00:11:27.759 --> 00:11:30.480 You might have grown up in a childhood where your 219 00:11:30.480 --> 00:11:33.480 parents didn't teach you proper boundaries, there was no real 220 00:11:33.559 --> 00:11:35.320 consistent love in your life, there was a lot of 221 00:11:35.399 --> 00:11:38.840 judgment in your household, there was a lot of instability. 222 00:11:39.120 --> 00:11:41.399 So it's no wonder you don't know how to create 223 00:11:41.399 --> 00:11:43.519 stability in your own life. You can't get mad at 224 00:11:43.519 --> 00:11:46.360 yourself for that, and that's going to be the piece 225 00:11:46.399 --> 00:11:48.279 that you need if you really want to feel like 226 00:11:48.320 --> 00:11:51.320 you deeply trust yourself. I feel like we're always looking 227 00:11:51.960 --> 00:11:54.080 on like the external of like, Okay, what are the 228 00:11:54.120 --> 00:11:55.799 three steps If I just like go to the gym more, 229 00:11:55.840 --> 00:11:57.279 if I like eat right, or if I like hit 230 00:11:57.320 --> 00:11:59.159 those goals and I'm gonna trust myself, It's like it 231 00:11:59.240 --> 00:12:01.960 runs way deeper than that. I promise you it runs 232 00:12:02.039 --> 00:12:04.919 way deeper than that. And the way that you are 233 00:12:04.960 --> 00:12:07.960 even going to feel like you can accept yourself is 234 00:12:08.480 --> 00:12:13.919 being okay with those negative emotions, those feelings of disappointment 235 00:12:14.080 --> 00:12:17.159 of wow, I'm not maybe like the most perfect person, 236 00:12:17.360 --> 00:12:19.759 and I can understand why I'm not because I have 237 00:12:19.840 --> 00:12:22.200 this pattern or I have this trauma and that's okay, 238 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:26.960 that is okay. How can I understand myself more, understand 239 00:12:26.960 --> 00:12:30.240 why I operate like this and give myself grace instead 240 00:12:30.240 --> 00:12:33.679 of bash myself, instead of carry the weight of this 241 00:12:33.799 --> 00:12:36.080 shame that is not even really needed. And that is 242 00:12:36.159 --> 00:12:39.559 so huge when it comes to building real self trust. 243 00:12:39.600 --> 00:12:41.840 And there's actually a Pinterest quote that I saved and 244 00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:51.159 it says unlearned shame, all kinds of shame, abuse, unemployment, sickness, vulnerability, longing, desire, mistakes, failures. 245 00:12:51.720 --> 00:12:54.039 You need not be ashamed of what you are feeling 246 00:12:54.120 --> 00:12:58.399 or living. Freedom and shame cannot coexist. And it's really true. 247 00:12:58.919 --> 00:13:02.519 You have to re lease this shame and this self 248 00:13:02.600 --> 00:13:05.440 hatred that you have towards the things that have happened 249 00:13:05.480 --> 00:13:07.960 in your life. You have to learn to let go. 250 00:13:08.159 --> 00:13:10.320 You have to learn to embrace it. You have to 251 00:13:10.399 --> 00:13:12.919 learn to accept it. And I'm not saying that's an 252 00:13:12.960 --> 00:13:16.480 easy task. It's really not. I understand that, but it's 253 00:13:16.519 --> 00:13:21.080 like the alternative is you moving through life being mad 254 00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:24.639 at yourself for being a human being and carrying the 255 00:13:24.679 --> 00:13:28.480 weight of those feelings. Sometimes you're allowed to be sick, 256 00:13:28.519 --> 00:13:32.240 Sometimes you're allowed to be unemployed. Sometimes you're allowed to 257 00:13:32.279 --> 00:13:35.519 have made mistakes. You do not need to be ashamed 258 00:13:35.639 --> 00:13:38.600 for that. You just never learned in your life how 259 00:13:38.639 --> 00:13:42.759 to be comfortable with those feelings of disappointment, whether it's 260 00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:46.080 you've disappointing someone else or someone disappointing you, or you 261 00:13:46.159 --> 00:13:52.799 disappointing yourself, or failure, or feeling rejection or feeling loss instead, 262 00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:56.600 because you didn't know how to have a relationship with 263 00:13:56.639 --> 00:14:00.279 those lower negative emotions, you just felt, oh my god, gosh, 264 00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:02.279 I shouldn't be feeling like this, and now I feel 265 00:14:02.279 --> 00:14:05.080 really terrible about myself because I shouldn't be feeling like this, 266 00:14:05.360 --> 00:14:09.039 and then you go into this shame cycle. It's not needed. 267 00:14:09.159 --> 00:14:13.759 Unfortunately a lot of us, even myself, we were really 268 00:14:13.799 --> 00:14:19.120 not taught how to be comfortable with uncomfortable emotions and feelings. 269 00:14:19.360 --> 00:14:22.159 And if you want to be somebody who deeply trusts 270 00:14:22.159 --> 00:14:25.279 themselves and accepts themselves, and you want to step into 271 00:14:25.320 --> 00:14:27.799 womanhood honestly, because that's what I really feel like it 272 00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:34.799 is it's really just being more comfortable with the fact that, yeah, hmm, 273 00:14:36.159 --> 00:14:39.919 I'm a human being, Like, damn, I don't know the answer. 274 00:14:40.480 --> 00:14:44.720 I am scared right now. I feel vulnerable right now. 275 00:14:45.279 --> 00:14:50.679 I am afraid to lose this person. I am upset 276 00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:55.759 at myself for not doing better, and I can see 277 00:14:55.879 --> 00:14:58.840 why I didn't do better, and I can extend myself grace. 278 00:14:58.879 --> 00:15:00.559 But at the end of the day, all of that 279 00:15:00.879 --> 00:15:03.480 is what it is, which is that's what I'm feeling 280 00:15:03.600 --> 00:15:06.840 right now, and I don't need to try and even 281 00:15:06.919 --> 00:15:10.039 change that. Can I learn how to welcome it more? 282 00:15:10.200 --> 00:15:12.799 Can I accept more of that? Bringing it back to 283 00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:15.960 my mother, if I'm feeling sad or I'm feeling like, 284 00:15:16.039 --> 00:15:18.679 oh I'm so embarrassed I did something wrong or bad 285 00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:22.399 or this, that she's welcoming me. She's not also like 286 00:15:22.720 --> 00:15:26.000 enabling me, but she's just being like, you're a human being. 287 00:15:26.360 --> 00:15:29.679 It's okay, I still love you anyways. That is the 288 00:15:29.840 --> 00:15:31.840 energy that you want to have with yourself, and I 289 00:15:31.879 --> 00:15:34.559 promise you, if you keep practicing that, you will go 290 00:15:35.159 --> 00:15:39.279 so much further in life. Okay. The second part of 291 00:15:39.320 --> 00:15:44.080 being able to trust yourself is building real reliability within 292 00:15:44.120 --> 00:15:45.840 your life and I think that this is probably where 293 00:15:45.840 --> 00:15:49.279 you guys came to this episode for or probably an 294 00:15:49.320 --> 00:15:52.519 idea of what it really means to build trust. And 295 00:15:52.840 --> 00:15:56.519 this is going to be important when it comes to 296 00:15:56.679 --> 00:15:58.399 the things that you do in your own life, but 297 00:15:58.519 --> 00:16:03.799 also the requirements and the standards that you have with people, places, 298 00:16:03.799 --> 00:16:06.120 and things like outside of you as well in your life. 299 00:16:06.200 --> 00:16:08.200 So I have a little bit of a list of 300 00:16:08.240 --> 00:16:10.039 some things that I think are important to think about 301 00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:12.480 when it comes to building reliability in your life. So 302 00:16:12.559 --> 00:16:16.399 the first thing is no longer lying to yourself or others. 303 00:16:16.679 --> 00:16:20.120 This is something we do way more than we think. 304 00:16:20.360 --> 00:16:26.039 And when I was wanting to transform my life, one 305 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:28.879 of the aspects that I was focusing on that I 306 00:16:28.919 --> 00:16:31.639 became really real with myself on was the fact that 307 00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:34.559 I would lie to myself and I would lie to 308 00:16:34.679 --> 00:16:37.080 others a lot. Not in a way that was like 309 00:16:37.200 --> 00:16:39.759 I was like this pathological liar, but I would like 310 00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:44.039 say white lies, or essentially I would be a people pleaser, right, 311 00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:46.120 So I would say something even though I knew that 312 00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:48.000 I didn't really want to do it, or I wouldn't 313 00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:50.120 follow through with it or this that, or I would 314 00:16:50.120 --> 00:16:51.840 tell myself, oh I want to hit this goal. I 315 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:54.039 want to do this thing, and I would like speak 316 00:16:54.080 --> 00:16:57.320 it out into existence, knowing damn well that I know 317 00:16:57.480 --> 00:16:59.840 myself and I'm not gonna take those steps to do 318 00:16:59.879 --> 00:17:01.559 it or like I don't really want to do it, 319 00:17:01.600 --> 00:17:04.559 like without doing any like introspection. And the reason why 320 00:17:04.559 --> 00:17:07.559 I'm saying this is so important is because you are 321 00:17:07.799 --> 00:17:11.160 very aware of when you are lying to yourself and 322 00:17:11.240 --> 00:17:13.759 to others, even if you're not like actually conscious of it, 323 00:17:13.799 --> 00:17:15.920 like you just do it automatically. It's like it's automatic thing, 324 00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:17.720 especially like when you're people pleasing in this that. But 325 00:17:17.799 --> 00:17:19.920 it's almost like you have this like young part of you, 326 00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:22.240 like you're inner child. You can say, who's kind of 327 00:17:22.279 --> 00:17:26.960 like watching you as an adult and she's watching you 328 00:17:27.480 --> 00:17:29.440 say that you're gonna do X, Y and Z, and 329 00:17:29.480 --> 00:17:32.680 then you keep not doing it, and she's like, how 330 00:17:32.720 --> 00:17:35.680 many times are you gonna keep doing this? And you 331 00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:38.839 know what, I don't really trust you because every time 332 00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:41.480 you say you're gonna go to the gym, or you're 333 00:17:41.480 --> 00:17:43.839 gonna hang out with these people, or you make plans, 334 00:17:43.920 --> 00:17:45.960 knowing damn well, we know dan well in our heads, 335 00:17:46.119 --> 00:17:48.400 we don't want to do that. You keep doing that, 336 00:17:48.440 --> 00:17:51.240 and you keep failing at that and not following through 337 00:17:51.279 --> 00:17:54.240 with that, I'm gonna get to point and this is 338 00:17:54.240 --> 00:17:57.279 what happens. I'm gonna get to a point now where 339 00:17:57.319 --> 00:18:00.400 I really don't trust anything that you say. And so 340 00:18:00.440 --> 00:18:02.160 now I'm going to judge you all the time when 341 00:18:02.200 --> 00:18:04.400 you go through the life. I'm just gonna like sit 342 00:18:04.440 --> 00:18:06.559 in the back of your head and be like, you're 343 00:18:06.559 --> 00:18:09.960 a liar, You're not actually serious about this, You're not 344 00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:12.680 actually going to do that. There's literally like an inner child. 345 00:18:12.680 --> 00:18:16.880 That's like watching you continuously break promises the same way 346 00:18:17.119 --> 00:18:20.400 you probably did when you watched a parent continue to 347 00:18:20.480 --> 00:18:23.759 break promises to you or didn't show up or wasn't reliable. 348 00:18:24.119 --> 00:18:27.400 So it's really important that you show up for yourself 349 00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:30.559 in a way of just stop lying to yourself so 350 00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:33.839 much and stop lying to other people. And what does 351 00:18:33.880 --> 00:18:36.400 this really look like? It just means like, stop committing 352 00:18:36.440 --> 00:18:39.000 to things that you know realistically you're not going to 353 00:18:39.039 --> 00:18:41.119 be able to live out or you're not going to 354 00:18:41.200 --> 00:18:43.680 be able to follow through with. And you have to 355 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:46.839 get comfortable with being a disappointment to some people. Sometimes 356 00:18:47.039 --> 00:18:49.279 you have to get comfortable with the fact that, oh, 357 00:18:49.319 --> 00:18:50.920 people might not lock you if you if you don't 358 00:18:50.920 --> 00:18:52.519 show up, I don't know, like you know, it depends 359 00:18:52.519 --> 00:18:53.839 on what it is that you're doing. I remember I 360 00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:56.279 used to always like be asked by a lot of 361 00:18:56.279 --> 00:18:58.359 my party friends, like back in the day, especially when 362 00:18:58.359 --> 00:19:00.640 I got into self development to go on the weekends 363 00:19:00.680 --> 00:19:02.640 and this that, and I never really wanted to go, 364 00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:04.000 Like I knew deep down I didn't want to go. 365 00:19:04.039 --> 00:19:05.359 I didn't want to drink, I don't want to rooin 366 00:19:05.400 --> 00:19:07.559 my schedule and this that. But because of the people 367 00:19:07.559 --> 00:19:09.440 pleaser and I was like too uncomfortable to say no, 368 00:19:09.599 --> 00:19:12.480 I would say yes, and then by the time the 369 00:19:12.519 --> 00:19:15.279 week end came around, I would always come up with 370 00:19:15.319 --> 00:19:17.119 some stupid excuse to the point where it's just like 371 00:19:17.240 --> 00:19:19.799 I knew that I look like this flake and this 372 00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:21.960 like liar and this that, And I really could have 373 00:19:22.119 --> 00:19:24.839 just stopped all of that by just being real with 374 00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:27.559 my friends and being like, Hey, I'm not interested in 375 00:19:27.599 --> 00:19:29.200 going to this thing on the weekend, Hey do you 376 00:19:29.240 --> 00:19:31.480 want to do something during the day on this day. Instead, 377 00:19:31.480 --> 00:19:33.200 I would just like wait till the last minute, and 378 00:19:33.240 --> 00:19:35.680 I would keep saying yes to things that I knew 379 00:19:36.319 --> 00:19:37.960 if I was going to be real with myself. I 380 00:19:38.039 --> 00:19:40.359 knew I wasn't actually down for I didn't want So 381 00:19:40.440 --> 00:19:43.920 that's a huge part of building real trust within yourself. 382 00:19:43.960 --> 00:19:45.799 And I think just being realistic with yourself when it 383 00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:47.680 comes to your goals and setting goals and things like 384 00:19:47.720 --> 00:19:51.319 that can be an example of like not lying to yourself. 385 00:19:51.599 --> 00:19:53.920 You know what you're gonna accomplish during the week. If 386 00:19:53.960 --> 00:19:55.759 you have been not going to the gym for the 387 00:19:55.759 --> 00:19:58.200 past year, why do you keep telling yourself and speaking 388 00:19:58.240 --> 00:20:00.119 it out loud and telling all your friends about it, 389 00:20:00.400 --> 00:20:03.200 that you're going to the gym this week. You're going 390 00:20:03.240 --> 00:20:04.519 to the gym, and it's going to be five days 391 00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:06.680 a week when you've never gone to the gym like 392 00:20:06.839 --> 00:20:10.240 consistently once a week at least for like the entire year. 393 00:20:10.240 --> 00:20:11.799 You know what I mean. And again, it's not to 394 00:20:11.799 --> 00:20:14.079 say that you don't want to have aspirations and goals, 395 00:20:14.440 --> 00:20:17.480 but be realistic with yourself. And I always bring the 396 00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:19.279 example of, like, you know how everyone says I want 397 00:20:19.279 --> 00:20:20.480 to start a YouTube channel, I want to start a 398 00:20:20.519 --> 00:20:23.119 YouTube channel. Stop talking about the YouTube channel until you 399 00:20:23.200 --> 00:20:25.640 do it, please stop seriously. And I had to get 400 00:20:25.680 --> 00:20:27.519 real with myself about that as well. I had to 401 00:20:27.519 --> 00:20:29.759