Speaker 1: Alright, it's seven pm Friday. It's ninety five degrease. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: it's eight o'clock. But y'all, y'all catch my drift. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to the Black E experience. This is the ding
Speaker 1: ding ding ming ming the is it the celebration episode.
Speaker 1: It's like a celebration episode, a anniversary episode. It's like
Speaker 1: a new year episode, cause I'm about to reflect back
Speaker 1: on the year that I've had because today is actually
Speaker 1: the twenty six but July fourteenth made it one year
Speaker 1: that I've been in Dallas. I did it, y'all. I
Speaker 1: did it after two failed attempts. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: First I went to Florida, and when I got there,
Speaker 1: we all knew that wasn't really where I wanted to be.
Speaker 1: But you know, I just tried to make it work
Speaker 1: on a fly because I'm like, oh, my dad is here,
Speaker 1: I don't have support. And then that didn't work out.
Speaker 1: And then I went to Cali and that really was
Speaker 1: where I wanted to be, But I did that shit
Speaker 1: on the fly and my wings wasn't strong enough yet,
Speaker 1: and I went back to de Trade again. Well not again,
Speaker 1: cause yeah, I just went straight there. But after that,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna do this one more time. They
Speaker 1: say third times to charm my birthday. Three three, that's
Speaker 1: my lucky number, that's my favorite number. So it worked out.
Speaker 1: So this is the celebration episode. I had to give
Speaker 1: me a long, a little wine. Nothing too serious. It
Speaker 1: ain't no a suspades. But I should have known this
Speaker 1: was going to be an issue. I should have had
Speaker 1: this ready before I before I started. Let's see. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get it though, But yes, July fourteenth made it
Speaker 1: one year. I can't even see where the little and
Speaker 1: they ain't even got the little that made me get
Speaker 1: yett on have to use my teeth. But I know
Speaker 1: y'all want to see what this mouth. Dude, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: It ain't look he comeing to help me, thank you.
Speaker 1: But anyway, July fourteenth made it one year, guys, one
Speaker 1: freaking year. It's been a crazy year, and I feel
Speaker 1: like I live on autopilot, which is really not a
Speaker 1: good thing. Like it's not a good thing for anybody.
Speaker 1: I hope y'all are not living on autopilot. I hope
Speaker 1: that if you are watching this and you come to
Speaker 1: the realization, like damn, I'm living on auto pilots, just
Speaker 1: getting up doing the same shit every day, just shaking
Speaker 1: and moving, like not even paying attention, not being present,
Speaker 1: like literally just zoned out going through your life. You
Speaker 1: cannot live your life like that, bro, I be living
Speaker 1: on autopilot. It wasn't until I don't even know if
Speaker 1: it was the actual day, like if it was the fourteenth,
Speaker 1: when I looked at the calendar or whatever. But I
Speaker 1: was like, damn, it's been a year. It's been a year.
Speaker 1: And then I'm a motherfucker that don't document shit besides
Speaker 1: the podcast, and y'all know, I done took a little
Speaker 1: hiatus from that just because of life in the season
Speaker 1: that I'm and then I'll get into that. But I
Speaker 1: don't take a lot of pictures. I don't do a
Speaker 1: lot of videos, And I think that makes me feel
Speaker 1: like even though that's not the only way to show
Speaker 1: that you mak in progress, because if I just look
Speaker 1: at my life, nigga, progress, you feel me. But like,
Speaker 1: it is good to document your journey. It is good
Speaker 1: to take pictures. It is good to take videos because
Speaker 1: you look up and be like, dang, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like I look at my life and be like, dang,
Speaker 1: a lot has happened, but I don't have nothing to
Speaker 1: really like look back on. And so I look at
Speaker 1: some of the pictures that I do post or whatever,
Speaker 1: like I don't post a lot, but I do just
Speaker 1: look back and like, dang, just reminisce on, Dang, this
Speaker 1: was this, This was the day that I touched down.
Speaker 1: This was the day that this happened. Like or you know,
Speaker 1: I look at I mean, look at pictures or you
Speaker 1: know how you got like the little highlights on your Instagram,
Speaker 1: or even if you don't post the highlights, like you
Speaker 1: could still go back and look at like the stories
Speaker 1: that you posted on a certain day and thank you.
Speaker 1: So I kind of looked at that, and I'm just like, dang,
Speaker 1: we gotta pull up, we gotta poe up, Pull me up, baby,
Speaker 1: pull me up to the top, to the brown, the
Speaker 1: overflow of abundance in my life to the top. Cheers. Okay,
Speaker 1: we were cheersing too. We're cheersing to a successful year,
Speaker 1: accomplishing our goals, pressing forward, moving forward through all the obstacles,
Speaker 1: through all the drama, through all the bullshit, thriving, glowing.
Speaker 1: Look at he said he came in. He was like,
Speaker 1: your skin looks really good. Is going out? Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: the fuck nigga free glow. Okay, so just baby, baby,
Speaker 1: pour into yourself, love yourself, listen to your intuition, follow
Speaker 1: your goals, work hard, beat that bitch period. Be who
Speaker 1: you are, Who be who you are, be who you
Speaker 1: are destined to be. This is Destiny's child right here. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is God's favorite. Cheers, go straight to the cooochie chakra. Okay, no,
Speaker 1: that's what. That ain't really what. I don't drink no
Speaker 1: more because I get hangovers every time I drink. But
Speaker 1: you know, drink its just make you drinking or hat
Speaker 1: you on the phone calling. But anyway, so yeah, I
Speaker 1: was like, I had a little moment and I started reminiscing,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh my god, it's been a year.
Speaker 1: So I gotta reflect that. I gotta I got. I'm
Speaker 1: about to take you back, even though y'all kind of
Speaker 1: you know, heard the story through the episode, But now
Speaker 1: I gotta go back and reflect. I gotta rewind before
Speaker 1: I get shot to where I am today because so
Speaker 1: much has happened the last episode. I brought my homegirl
Speaker 1: Christina on here. Shout out to Christina. And even after that,
Speaker 1: it was so many times I didn't even say that
Speaker 1: Tom yet, but I'm like it was. I booked a
Speaker 1: session here so many times, like and I had to
Speaker 1: like cancel or couldn't come or like this shit just
Speaker 1: kept happening. I'm like, damn, like, am I ever gonna
Speaker 1: go back and make an episode? And so like? And
Speaker 1: then today I ain't gonna lie. I didn't even want
Speaker 1: to come today cause I was like, I want to
Speaker 1: get my nailsun, I want to get my lashes done,
Speaker 1: I want to get my toes done. I'm like, Jazmin,
Speaker 1: nobody cares about any of those things. These niggas can't
Speaker 1: even see your toes under the table right now, Like
Speaker 1: what just making up an excuse on top of the
Speaker 1: fact that it's so weird, it's so fucking I'm so
Speaker 1: weird and I'm so crazy. Like I complained a lot
Speaker 1: about and we're gonna get to all of this too.
Speaker 1: I complain a lot about having to work two jobs
Speaker 1: and oh, I'm just so tired. I'm so drained. I
Speaker 1: don't make no content no more. I don't do the podcast. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm not doing yoga. I'm not being then when
Speaker 1: the opportunity comes, when you got the time to do it,
Speaker 1: when you wanna do it. I really like, the job
Speaker 1: is gonna fucking drain me till it ain't nothing left.
Speaker 1: So it's like, and you know what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: when I come in here, I light up. I love
Speaker 1: this shit I could do. I do do this shit
Speaker 1: for free, but I have gotten paid for it. But
Speaker 1: you know, like but I needed this. I had to
Speaker 1: get back to like this is going to I don't know,
Speaker 1: like this like light's a little fire in me. This
Speaker 1: is me pouring into myself. This is like what I'm
Speaker 1: born to, fucking do you know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: don't forget that the jobs, and we don't get into that,
Speaker 1: but the jobs, obviously I need them and that's what
Speaker 1: got me to this point. That's what's helping me, you know,
Speaker 1: like sustain and like maintain and be able to do
Speaker 1: everything that I need to do. But baby, this is me,
Speaker 1: this right here, is this is really the bread and butter.
Speaker 1: So like I don't know, but you know, we always
Speaker 1: we fall off. Sometimes we lose sight of things we
Speaker 1: and then you just gotta understand what season of your
Speaker 1: life you're in, you know, because and I'm gonna just
Speaker 1: get to all of that. I'm gonna get to all
Speaker 1: of that because your girls stay going through a season,
Speaker 1: and every time I'm in that bitch, I'm like, when
Speaker 1: am I getting to the next to when you wanted
Speaker 1: to jump back to old seasons? Fast forward to new seasons?
Speaker 1: Give me the best season, like bro I but anyway,
Speaker 1: let's take it back. Let's take it back. Okay. July fourteenth,
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, That's when I booked the one way
Speaker 1: flight to Dallas, and I was feeling so many different emotions,
Speaker 1: like I was excited to leave, I was excited to come.
Speaker 1: I was excited for what was ahead of me. I knew,
Speaker 1: I knew that it was gonna be crazy, and I
Speaker 1: had had mixed feelings about coming because my intuition, like
Speaker 1: with the situation that I was in at the time,
Speaker 1: my intuition was like red flag. It was like jazzmin,
Speaker 1: don't do it. But it was also like I can't
Speaker 1: stay in Detroit because nothing is happening here for me.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I'd have been here all
Speaker 1: my fucking life. The job situation is not really paying
Speaker 1: off for me. At the time, I was only teaching
Speaker 1: yoga and that is not enough money, nigga. That's like
Speaker 1: fill up your gas tank, get a little quick meal
Speaker 1: from the kony like it would like. No, it wasn't nothing.
Speaker 1: I love yoga, I love teaching it, but no, that's
Speaker 1: not it. I felt crazy as hell leaving my son.
Speaker 1: You know, at that time, it had only been a
Speaker 1: discussion between me and my son and my mom that
Speaker 1: I was leaving. My mom was like, I'm giving you
Speaker 1: two weeks to figure it out, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And her thing was like I was gonna come back. Shit.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know why. She thought it
Speaker 1: was just gonna be like, oh, you can go and
Speaker 1: just see what's going on. I already knew what it was.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm leaving and I'm about to get
Speaker 1: on my shit and I'm not coming back. You know,
Speaker 1: I had had the discussion with my son. My son
Speaker 1: already knew what it was like. You know, your mama
Speaker 1: been trying to get on her feet and just get
Speaker 1: some stability for us, Like I'm not gonna have it here.
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to live with my mom forever, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, And like again, it just nothing
Speaker 1: was happening there for me. I wasn't receiving the proper
Speaker 1: support from the co parent. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It's just like you don't really want to help me
Speaker 1: the way that I need to be helped. And I'm
Speaker 1: not saying help me, but I'm saying, like, support our
Speaker 1: child in the situation to where I can get on
Speaker 1: my feet. You just want to do oh, I'm only
Speaker 1: doing this over here type shit. So it was like,
Speaker 1: how am I ever going to be able to get
Speaker 1: above water? You know what I'm saying, Like, because I'm
Speaker 1: drowning and I'm not even able to take care of
Speaker 1: myself and I got my kid with And I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that it's anybody else's respect, but as the other parent,
Speaker 1: you could provide support to this side to help with
Speaker 1: him so that I can get in a better place.
Speaker 1: If I'm struggling by myself, we're both struggling, then you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And if you're able and capable,
Speaker 1: and you know what I'm saying, if you're able to
Speaker 1: do it, I don't understand why you want to see
Speaker 1: me struggle. So it was deuces. It was like, hey, y'all,
Speaker 1: I'm about to show y'all. I'm about to show y'all.
Speaker 1: Cause again, another thing with that whole situation, with the
Speaker 1: co parents situation, I feel like motherfucker's always wanted to
Speaker 1: play the narrative like I was just a bum ass
Speaker 1: bitch and I'm just not doing shit with my life
Speaker 1: and I'm just a dream chaser and I just live
Speaker 1: in this little fantasy ass land that I do because
Speaker 1: I'm a Pisti's but also don't play me like I'm
Speaker 1: a bum ass bitch and like I just don't have
Speaker 1: shit for myself, Like you know what I'm saying. So
Speaker 1: I'm a show niggas. Okay, I'm a show niggas. So
Speaker 1: I hopped on that flight, all these mixed emotions whatever.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: I remember when we like getting to the airport and
Speaker 1: all of that, I was just like, damn, I'm really
Speaker 1: fucking doing this. And then I remember like I had
Speaker 1: actually got on the plane and we were supposed to
Speaker 1: be getting ready to take off, and they was like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's something wrong with the plane. I'm like, oh, this
Speaker 1: is a sign I'm not supposed to go. This is
Speaker 1: God telling me not to go. And I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: if they tell me that, like the flight and not
Speaker 1: taken off, I was gonna really be heartbroken because I
Speaker 1: really did want to go. But I was like something
Speaker 1: in me was like, oh that that just mean jazz
Speaker 1: and you wasn't supposed to do it. But then we
Speaker 1: sat there for about twenty thirty minutes and they was like,
Speaker 1: all right, we're about to take off, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, I'm about to go. So then I fucking landed.
Speaker 1: I got there. I'm not gonna go through it. Re
Speaker 1: fucking detail. Y'all know the situation, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: The whole point for me to come here, not the
Speaker 1: whole point, but a very big part of the reason
Speaker 1: why I came here was because you know, you know,
Speaker 1: I thought I was locked in with somebody, so whatever.
Speaker 1: But immediately even through that situation, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: just feel like the signs were there. I'll just say
Speaker 1: that the signs were there for me early, so whatever,
Speaker 1: Like y'all, we're not gonna go through that whole situation again.
Speaker 1: Just a bunch of bs. And let's see fast forward,
Speaker 1: fast forward, so we know what happened with that situation.
Speaker 1: We know that I ended up leaving where I was,
Speaker 1: and from that point, I was like, damn, now I'm homeless.
Speaker 1: I have a job, but but wait, okay, wait, let
Speaker 1: me back up, Let me back up a little bit,
Speaker 1: let me back up. I love how I had a
Speaker 1: job as soon as I stepped off the plane. Okay, baby,
Speaker 1: luxury jobs, luxury hotels. Bitch always had a good ass
Speaker 1: job this whole fucking time. Like so whatever, yeah, whatever,
Speaker 1: I had a job as soon as I stepped off
Speaker 1: the plane, like I was, I was in my bag okay,
Speaker 1: like on my shit whatever, just feeling really good about myself.
Speaker 1: But anyway, so y'all know that little situation happened or whatever.
Speaker 1: Fast forward. So I left that situation, I was like, damn,
Speaker 1: I'm homeless, but I have a job at least, And
Speaker 1: so then I ended up talking to a colleague, a
Speaker 1: coworker that ended up let me stay with her, which
Speaker 1: was so fucking crazy. But again, God's favorite, God's child,
Speaker 1: Destiny's child, Like I don't know, shit just works out
Speaker 1: for me. So my coworker lets me stay with her,
Speaker 1: and she has a daughter and whatever, like it just
Speaker 1: worked out, and we worked two different shifts, like she
Speaker 1: worked the night shift. I worked during the day. You know,
Speaker 1: like I was able to stay with her daughter overnight,
Speaker 1: like without her feeling some type of you know what
Speaker 1: I'm I'm saying, like, cause it's hard to get child here, nigga,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, especially if you baby daddy
Speaker 1: ain't helping. So it like everything just kind of worked out.
Speaker 1: So you know, I had that job, y'all know, like
Speaker 1: I'm not just gonna go into every fucking detail, but
Speaker 1: that was very good for me. I was very grateful.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, let me back up, Let me back up
Speaker 1: right rewind reine wait before that, Okay, So when I
Speaker 1: was that when I when I first got here, I
Speaker 1: was staying with my homegirl. Shout out to Chantonnay. I
Speaker 1: am really grateful for the relationship that her and I
Speaker 1: have and that we built over time. I think that
Speaker 1: Chantonnay was very instrumental in like my time here in Dallas,
Speaker 1: and like I said, she inspired me. She was actually
Speaker 1: supposed to come on here, but it just whatever. We'll
Speaker 1: see about getting her on here. But me and Chantiney
Speaker 1: had really connected because she's a black woman. She's a
Speaker 1: mother of three, a motherfucking hustler, grinder, get it out
Speaker 1: the mud, like you know what I'm saying, Like she's
Speaker 1: the epitome of a black woman. Okay, gonna get it done.
Speaker 1: And I think, like, you know, me and her had
Speaker 1: had so many conversations before I even came here, and
Speaker 1: I feel like our situations was kind of similar in
Speaker 1: certain ways and stuff. But like when I came here
Speaker 1: and like actually staying with her and just seeing like
Speaker 1: her strength and just everything, like that shit was very
Speaker 1: inspiring to be like, jazzmin you can do this, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like because I only have one kid,
Speaker 1: and then my kid is not even here, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, So it's like, get on your shit,
Speaker 1: do your shit whatever. So like I was just always
Speaker 1: inspired by her, like just her work, ethic, just excuse
Speaker 1: me her as like just as a mother and just
Speaker 1: you know, like it was just very inspiring to see.
Speaker 1: And I think that's kind of weird. Like I ain't
Speaker 1: gonna lie, but like she didn't like that shit rubbed
Speaker 1: off on me the whole just I don't know it
Speaker 1: rubbed off on me for sure, but I had to
Speaker 1: shout her out because like, and I mean we still
Speaker 1: talk to this day, you know what I'm saying, And like,
Speaker 1: I think she was very instrumental. And I also and
Speaker 1: I'm also just grateful for her, and I thank her
Speaker 1: because she opened up her doors to me, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Really didn't know her from a can
Speaker 1: of paint. We like, you know, we became friends through
Speaker 1: a mutual person. But very grateful because that really allowed
Speaker 1: me to get on my feet. And that's the thing, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, everybody, everybody's situation is not the same. I
Speaker 1: can't just advise somebody to just book a one way
Speaker 1: flight and go to another state and be like, just
Speaker 1: try to make it, you know what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: your circumstances gotta be right. You gotta have a good
Speaker 1: support system. You gotta have your ducks in a row.
Speaker 1: It's not it. I mean, you can if you want to,
Speaker 1: but you really gotta have something. You gotta have something
Speaker 1: to stand on to make it. So, you know, that's
Speaker 1: not just something that everybody can do. But like I said,
Speaker 1: I'm just very grateful for her. She was very instrumental
Speaker 1: in this whole process, my journey always help me down,
Speaker 1: always have my back, like real and then okay, so
Speaker 1: all right, fast forward, so back to when I was
Speaker 1: staying with my coworker, and again we shout out to Mishka. Okay,
Speaker 1: because you were very instrumental in my journey as well.
Speaker 1: You did not have to open your doors to me,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Me and Mishka, we barely
Speaker 1: even knew each other, Like I said, we work different shifts.
Speaker 1: Like I would just see her on the tail end
Speaker 1: of her shit when she getting ready to leave at
Speaker 1: seven am and I'm coming in, like we exchanged words
Speaker 1: with laughing joke whatever. And I remember one day I
Speaker 1: just told her my situation in Maya when I had
Speaker 1: left where I was at. I stayed at a hotel
Speaker 1: for two days, well three days. I stayed at a
Speaker 1: hotel for three days, and I remember she told me.
Speaker 1: She was like, you know, it was going on to
Speaker 1: my third day and she was like, oh, well, you
Speaker 1: could just come stay in my house, like I got
Speaker 1: an extra room, I got a bed, whatever, And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: So I stayed at my hotel on the third day
Speaker 1: and then the next day it was like send me
Speaker 1: to Addy and then it was like and I'll never
Speaker 1: forget Okay, So okay, going back to when I when
Speaker 1: I left the first place, where when I left my
Speaker 1: first place and I was going to the second place.
Speaker 1: I remember how I felt that day when I was
Speaker 1: taking a lift to my coworker's house, and I just
Speaker 1: like all the emotions I was feeling. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to like start over. I was missing
Speaker 1: where I used to stay. I was like dang, like
Speaker 1: like it was a whole different side of town. It
Speaker 1: was just so much. And I was just so sad
Speaker 1: because look, I'm getting teary eyed now because I was
Speaker 1: just so sad. I didn't want I didn't want to
Speaker 1: start over one thing about me. I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: And it's so sad. It's so sad. I'm working on
Speaker 1: changing my perspective. I hate change. I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: I absolulutely hate change. And you shouldn't because change is inevitable,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like everything in life is
Speaker 1: constantly changing. The weather is changing, the seasons are changing,
Speaker 1: people are changing, You are changing, everything's changing, your job
Speaker 1: change whatever. You know what I'm saying, Like it's always
Speaker 1: new rules, it's new stuff. Everything changes, bro, so you
Speaker 1: have to embrace change. But it's just tough. I just
Speaker 1: hate it, Like I hate starting new, I hate starting
Speaker 1: over it because you know, it's just the uncertainty of things.
Speaker 1: It's like I gotta learn something new, I gotta whatever.
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, I just be in my scary,
Speaker 1: my scaredy cat bag and like I just hate change,
Speaker 1: but I'm working on it, so I like, so yeah,
Speaker 1: I just remember being in that lift and like I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I don't want to do this.
Speaker 1: I didn't know how her house was gonna be. I
Speaker 1: didn't you know what I'm saying. And I remember my
Speaker 1: homegirl Panda. She was like, girl, anything is better than
Speaker 1: where you came from and what you were dealing with.
Speaker 1: Like the girl, just get over it. So yeah, and
Speaker 1: I just remember that day, that first day, like her
Speaker 1: daughter was like so hyped, like have me over there,
Speaker 1: Like her loved me, like kids loved me, and like
Speaker 1: like she thought I was her homegirl or she thought
Speaker 1: I was the same age as her, probably because we're
Speaker 1: the same hYP but you know, like it was a
Speaker 1: joy for sure, and again, just super fucking grateful again
Speaker 1: Destiny's child, God's favorite, cause I don't even know how
Speaker 1: the fuck I swung that. Like I remember being in
Speaker 1: the hotel on the third day, on that last day
Speaker 1: my hotel. Now, I think I'm about of cried a
Speaker 1: little bit that day, and I just remember like praying
Speaker 1: and asking God, like, bro, where do I go from here?
Speaker 1: Like what is the next step? What am I gonna do?
Speaker 1: I don't want to go back to Detroit, like, and
Speaker 1: then something just came over me and was like, Jazmine,
Speaker 1: you gotta keep going, you know what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: you not down to your last dollar? You not you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like just figure it out. Just
Speaker 1: keep going until you don't have no other options. But
Speaker 1: you ain't gotta give up. So I was just like
Speaker 1: fucking And that was like that day I decided that
Speaker 1: that was going to be my mindset going forward, Like
Speaker 1: until you ain't got no more fighting, no more options left,
Speaker 1: just keep fucking going, because that's what's gonna happen in life.
Speaker 1: You're gonna constantly, you know, come in contact with obstacles,
Speaker 1: speed bumps, monkey wrenches in the plant, haters, all of that,
Speaker 1: Like all of that, nothing's gonna stop. None of that
Speaker 1: shit is gonna stop, so you gotta keep fucking going.
Speaker 1: So I was able to do that. I was able
Speaker 1: to stay there, super grateful MM. So when I went there,
Speaker 1: it was October. So at that point I was at
Speaker 1: the I was at the second hotel that I had
Speaker 1: got a job at. Y'all know how that whole situation
Speaker 1: when we ain't run through all them niggas still be
Speaker 1: hating to this day, these motherfuckers. Okay, sidebar, The hotel
Speaker 1: that I work at now is right down the street
Speaker 1: from that hotel. We are actually required to park at
Speaker 1: the old hotels parking structure, right, and so sometimes I drive.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't have a car yet, but sometimes I drive.
Speaker 1: But I don't have a parking pass there yet, Like
Speaker 1: my job was on bullshit, like we don't. I don't
Speaker 1: know why they don't have all the parking passes for people.
Speaker 1: So you know, sometimes I do drive. So when I drive,
Speaker 1: I park in the parking structure and shout out to
Speaker 1: all my PMC niggas at that hotel because we still
Speaker 1: cool them, still my dogs. Like on my lunch break,
Speaker 1: I say, at least once a week, at least once
Speaker 1: a week, I'll walk down there and go kick it
Speaker 1: with my valet niggas because them is still my homeboys.
Speaker 1: They do not want me down there. They'd be like,
Speaker 1: you can't be on the property, blah blah blah. Like, Bro,
Speaker 1: I'm not down here causing commotion with the guests. I'm
Speaker 1: not speaking to y'all niggas. I'm not setting shit on fire.
Speaker 1: Like I can't come down here and be outside and
Speaker 1: talk to the valet haters. So anyway, so on the
Speaker 1: days that I do drive, you know, I park in there,
Speaker 1: but I didn't have a parking past yet. So the
Speaker 1: last time that I parked in there, when you have
Speaker 1: to walk through the hotel, you gotta walk past the
Speaker 1: little front desk kind of you gotta walk past the elevators.
Speaker 1: You gotta walk past the little Starbucks and go to
Speaker 1: the little back elevator. The hotel manager was getting on
Speaker 1: the elevator, and then it was some other other people
Speaker 1: that work around the hotel or whatever, and they saw
Speaker 1: me whatever. Some of them was talking to me, Oh,
Speaker 1: how's it going at such a such? I heard that
Speaker 1: it's cool whatever. Man, I do want to say the
Speaker 1: next couple of days, my current job It was actually
Speaker 1: on my off day. I was in the bed, which
Speaker 1: I really don't even get a lot off days. We're
Speaker 1: gonna get to that too. I was in the bed
Speaker 1: and oh, okay. It was on my off day for
Speaker 1: my main job. But I had to go to my
Speaker 1: second job. So I was chilling in the cut, you know,
Speaker 1: in the am, just waiting to go to my little
Speaker 1: PM shitt So my manager called me from my current job.
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, can you come in today? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, bro, I gotta go to my second job.
Speaker 1: But I was like at the time, I did need
Speaker 1: the hours and I didn't need the money, so I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll come in or whatever. He was like, oh, and
Speaker 1: I got some tea for you. Mind you this is
Speaker 1: a black dude, and I'm like, this, Nick tall, he
Speaker 1: got some tea for me. I'm like, dangn somebody I fired,
Speaker 1: somebody quit, Like he got some tea. So the whole,
Speaker 1: the whole little morning before I get there, I'm like,
Speaker 1: what would he have to tell me? And the fact
Speaker 1: that he said that he had some tea was so
Speaker 1: funny to me. So I get to work. Whatever he
Speaker 1: ends up telling me, he like, yeah, so what's up
Speaker 1: with your last job? Like I never really talked to
Speaker 1: you about that, And so we kind of went over
Speaker 1: there again the reason why I had quitting all of
Speaker 1: that or whatever, and I'm like, yeah, they kind of
Speaker 1: be hating on me or whatever. He was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: so they called down here and was like you can't
Speaker 1: be down there.
Speaker 2: I'm like, they called you.
Speaker 1: It's like yeah. They were like, yeah, you know, jas Man,
Speaker 1: we have problems with her. Bitch, what problems? Bro? Yeah,
Speaker 1: they said they got a problem. He was like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about that. She's a great employee here.
Speaker 1: I don't know anything about that. They was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: she's been parking in a lot. He was like, well,
Speaker 1: we have a contract with y'all to park down there,
Speaker 1: so she can park down there as long as she
Speaker 1: got a parking pass. Okay, well, as long as she
Speaker 1: has a parking past. But we really just don't want
Speaker 1: her hanging out and sucker dick all of y'all. Y'all
Speaker 1: is really some haters, like am I the only person
Speaker 1: at y'all treat like that cause I quit? Or maybe
Speaker 1: because the manager didn't get no play. I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is, but very weird vibes. But anyway, you know,
Speaker 1: when I get a parking pass, I'll parking a lot.
Speaker 1: And that's another thing I'm deciding on if I want
Speaker 1: to get a car, if I want to just keep lifting.
Speaker 1: That's another part of the journey too, another sidebar. So
Speaker 1: I like how my lift experience, my lifting uber experience
Speaker 1: has like progressed since I've been here, because when I
Speaker 1: first came to Dallas, I was living for as fuck
Speaker 1: like kind of out in the country, like I was
Speaker 1: living in Farris, Texas. So when I tell people that,
Speaker 1: they be like, what the fuck, where's that? Or people
Speaker 1: that know, like, oh, that's kind of out the way,
Speaker 1: So it ain't that out the way. It's really like
Speaker 1: it was like a twenty minute drive to my job,
Speaker 1: but with traffic and all that, it ain't nowhere, and like,
Speaker 1: ain't nobody trying to take that drive in? Also, all
Speaker 1: the fucking boys be out there, the police be out there,
Speaker 1: how to tell so that ain't know where you really
Speaker 1: want to be driving. I'm just I'm actually paying off. Well,
Speaker 1: I got thirty nine dollars left on a ticket that
Speaker 1: I'm paying off right now. And then I had another
Speaker 1: ticket that I these motherfuckers.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: I got a ticket also for not updating my license
Speaker 1: and getting a Texas ID. They were like, you were
Speaker 1: supposed to have been do this. You've been here for
Speaker 1: way longer than thirty days, and it's like, suck a
Speaker 1: dig Okay, So yeah, I gotta get my Texas ID.
Speaker 1: That was the whole thing, too, okay, But anyway, Yeah,
Speaker 1: my lift and uber experience has really progressed. So, like
Speaker 1: I said, when I first got here, I was in
Speaker 1: ferrist so far as fuck baby, catching them ubers and
Speaker 1: lyft to work every day. I was spending like thirty
Speaker 1: to fifty dollars just to get to work. Then I
Speaker 1: was having a lift back. Then you gotta take into
Speaker 1: consideration the time of the day that you're going. When
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get a uber at six point thirty
Speaker 1: in the morning, price is gonna be sky high, and
Speaker 1: it's not gonna be a lot of drivers. Uh afternoon,
Speaker 1: it's kind of cool, but still traffic whatever, like just
Speaker 1: all of that shit. So that shit used to add
Speaker 1: the fuck up. And at the time at first, when
Speaker 1: I first got there, my homegirl was like, you ain't
Speaker 1: gotta pay me nothing, which was cool because again I
Speaker 1: came to this bitch with like five six hundred dollars
Speaker 1: in my bank account, so I didn't have any money,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, and then trying to save
Speaker 1: up was fucking crazy. So that was when I first
Speaker 1: got here. Then when I started staying with my coworker,
Speaker 1: I stayed a little bit closer to my job, and
Speaker 1: lifts were like fifteen twenty dollars. But again it depends
Speaker 1: on the time of day, it depends on what's going on,
Speaker 1: if it's raining, whatever. Because when I started my current
Speaker 1: job at the hotel that I'm at now, you gotta
Speaker 1: go through like an initiation process in that bitch, like
Speaker 1: they make you. They give you the bullshit shifts and
Speaker 1: they make you do all of the shifts when you
Speaker 1: first get hired there. So I was working a little
Speaker 1: am shift which is seventy three thirty, which that's that's
Speaker 1: that's my jam, that's my shit. I love that shift.
Speaker 1: That's what I work now, the midshift to ten am
Speaker 1: to like six thirty. I don't really fuck with that
Speaker 1: cause I'm I'm a morning person, Like I'm up at
Speaker 1: the ass cracking do on every day like clockwork. My
Speaker 1: body just wake up early as fuck, so I would
Speaker 1: be up early as hell, and it's like I kind
Speaker 1: of got to linger around until almost ten o'clock and
Speaker 1: go to work. And then by the time you get off,
Speaker 1: you can't go take care of no business, pay no bills,
Speaker 1: or do no shit that you gotta do. Six thirty,
Speaker 1: everything is pretty much closed. And then the fucking the
Speaker 1: day ain't over. But it's like, uh, six thirty, you
Speaker 1: get home, you know, it's just it's a buzz kill.
Speaker 1: Three to eleven fucking thirty. Who wants to work that shift?
Speaker 1: Not fucking me? And then you got the overnight shift,
Speaker 1: but I ain't doing that. I did that back in
Speaker 1: like two thousand and eleven, twenty twelve. But okay, so
Speaker 1: the three to eleven thirty. I hated that fucking shift.
Speaker 1: And I would try try to wake up in the
Speaker 1: morning and just try to do little shit, but I
Speaker 1: would just literally just lay in the bed until it
Speaker 1: was trying to go to work cause I was like it,
Speaker 1: My attitude was bad with that shift. It was really bad.
Speaker 1: And then it was also kind of like what was
Speaker 1: I supposed to do during that time? Cause again I
Speaker 1: don't have a car, you know what, I'm saying, and
Speaker 1: then what am I supposed to be doing in the
Speaker 1: morning time? It ain't I mean, it didn't stuff you
Speaker 1: could do to get but I just really hated that.
Speaker 1: And so then like I don't know, them ships would drag,
Speaker 1: and then it would be like, not really much to
Speaker 1: do at work, and you know, you gotta appear to
Speaker 1: be busy. You can't just be in that bitch like
Speaker 1: it ain't nothing to do. Them ships would drag. I
Speaker 1: would oh, I hated it. And then getting off at
Speaker 1: eleven thirty at night again either not a lot of
Speaker 1: drivers or the prices was sky high, and then it
Speaker 1: was just hell. It was hell, and I hated that.
Speaker 1: But then I don't know, it worked itself out and
Speaker 1: I got to this AM shift and I ain't fucking
Speaker 1: change it. So that's where I'm at with that now.
Speaker 1: And then I also, I have another job now. I
Speaker 1: work at a hotel spot as well, now, which is cool.
Speaker 1: I do that part time, and it's cool. People always
Speaker 1: ask me like, oh, would you either do one or
Speaker 1: the other? No, because them motherfuckers begin on my nerves sometimes,
Speaker 1: and then them motherfuckers begin on my nerves sometime. You
Speaker 1: gotta have a balance. I don't want to just be
Speaker 1: in one place at all times, and then I try,
Speaker 1: I try to just do one, but motherfuckers wasn't trying
Speaker 1: to pay me what I wanted. And I'm like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna continue to work too, because that makes
Speaker 1: more sense because y'all nigga's not trying to give me
Speaker 1: the cheese that I want. I've also just and this
Speaker 1: I don't even want to say. This is something that
Speaker 1: I just recently learned. But the workplace, even at this
Speaker 1: big grown adult age, is like hi school, and that
Speaker 1: shit is sad. In workplaces be toxic as fuck. You
Speaker 1: really just gotta do your job and go home. You
Speaker 1: can have your little people that you're cool with, but
Speaker 1: them niggas is really not your friends. You know. Don't
Speaker 1: get too comfortable. But I do enjoy I enjoy both
Speaker 1: of my jobs, but I'm not gonna lie. That shit
Speaker 1: is draining as fuck. When I took on the second job,
Speaker 1: I felt like it was gonna be okay because it
Speaker 1: was just a part time. So I'm like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna work a full time job and a part
Speaker 1: time job. It'll be cool. It'll be cool and It's
Speaker 1: so funny that I say that, because when I first
Speaker 1: came to Dallas, I was always like, Oh, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get two jobs. I'm gonna really run it up. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna stack my money. Da da da da da. But
Speaker 1: in the back of my mind, I was always telling me,
Speaker 1: I was always trying to talk myself out of it, like, Jasmine,
Speaker 1: don't get two jobs. You don't wanna do that. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be too much, it's gonna be so overwhelming. Like
Speaker 1: I was always like, low key scared to work two jobs,
Speaker 1: so I just whatever. It just never really panned out.
Speaker 1: But when this opportunity came up, I'm like, Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do full time A part time. I'm like, I'll
Speaker 1: be able to do it. It'd be cool. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna be tired a full time man. A part time
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be tired, bitch, tired of hell, okay,
Speaker 1: tired baby. And then one day I looked up and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm working seven days a week, no off days,
Speaker 1: no off days between the two. I'm either working both
Speaker 1: jobs in the day or just one for like, shit,
Speaker 1: nine to six, nine to seven or whatever. Whatever. Fucking time, baby,
Speaker 1: it's not for the week. But bitch just got bills
Speaker 1: to pad. They got shit to do, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, but I ain't gonna lie. Recently, it
Speaker 1: kind of got to a point where I was waking
Speaker 1: up and I was feeling like my equilibrium was off.
Speaker 1: I was like, bro, I just don't feel good like
Speaker 1: my bid like, I need a break, I need a
Speaker 1: b I don't. And I don't even know how I
Speaker 1: got to the point where I'm just like working just
Speaker 1: but I guess it is just straight up seven days.
Speaker 1: I don't know the schedule is is. It's really weird.
Speaker 1: But I talked to my dad recently. He was like, Jazmin,
Speaker 1: that's not gonna work. You can't do that. You need
Speaker 1: a break? Are you gonna pay my rent? Are you like?
Speaker 1: What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed
Speaker 1: to do? So I mean it's going, you know, as
Speaker 1: good as it can. It's so funny cause every time
Speaker 1: I get in a lift or uber, the dudes be like,
Speaker 1: you know, you be making a little conversation. I'm always
Speaker 1: going to work. Every time I getting a fucking lyft,
Speaker 1: They're like, oh my god, you have two jobs. You
Speaker 1: need to be sitting pretty. You need to be out.
Speaker 1: I okay, we'll beat my band then, like take me
Speaker 1: back home. No, that's not how the world works. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I do wanna be in my soft girl era.
Speaker 1: L hopefully it's coming soon, hopefully. But again earlier when
Speaker 1: I was talking about like the different seasons of your life,
Speaker 1: like this is just the season I'm in, and I
Speaker 1: just gotta go super hard and I gotta do what
Speaker 1: I gotta do. Because also while I sit here, bitchmon
Speaker 1: and complain about having to work two jobs, you jasmine,
Speaker 1: let's go back to those seasons when you were unemployed
Speaker 1: and you set at home every fucking day, Like, dog,
Speaker 1: I need a job, I need some money, I need this,
Speaker 1: I need that. You was bored as fuck, ain't had
Speaker 1: nothing to dowding, twiddling your thumbs like every time a
Speaker 1: nigga FaceTime you, you was in the same fucking place, like damn, bitch,
Speaker 1: you steal in the bed. Like so you just gotta
Speaker 1: think about the seasons that you're in. So but one
Speaker 1: thing that I do make a point to do in
Speaker 1: this season in my life, like even though I'm tired,
Speaker 1: is fuck baby, when I get up every day. I
Speaker 1: thank God. I thank God for the roof over my head,
Speaker 1: for the for the crib in my name, for the
Speaker 1: beautiful that I live. You know what I'm saying, Because
Speaker 1: where I live, and this is the thing where I
Speaker 1: live today, I worked my ass off to get where
Speaker 1: I am. It's literally everything that I envision for myself
Speaker 1: when I used to journal about, like the type of
Speaker 1: apartment that I wanted to live in and all of that.
Speaker 1: I wanted it to be brand new, updated, Like you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, all of that shit, Like that's
Speaker 1: what I got, That's what the fuck I have. And
Speaker 1: I just remember people always trying to like talk me
Speaker 1: down or be like Jazmine, No, you gotta get a
Speaker 1: starter apartment, like you gotta craw before you walk, like
Speaker 1: you trying, you trying to be boogie, you trying to
Speaker 1: live beyond your means, blah blah, just cause you live
Speaker 1: in the hood, just cause you you know what I'm saying, Like, No,
Speaker 1: I have a certain vision for myself. I have a
Speaker 1: certain standard for how I want to live. It's just
Speaker 1: something that I see for myself and I'm going to
Speaker 1: do that, And that's what the fuck I did so,
Speaker 1: but now everybody like, oh damn, your shit cold is hell? Yo?
Speaker 1: Exactly cause this is what I saw for myself. Thank you,
Speaker 1: you know, like, this is exactly what I saw for myself.
Speaker 1: So every day that I wake up, I thank God
Speaker 1: to be in my own shit, in my own name.
Speaker 1: Like again, just taking myself back down memory lane, thinking
Speaker 1: about when I stepped off the plane and when I
Speaker 1: got here, like cause it was so many times, it
Speaker 1: was so many obstacles, It was so many monkey wrenches
Speaker 1: in the plan that made me feel like, damn, how
Speaker 1: am I gonna do this? Like what's happening? Like am
Speaker 1: I gonna make it? Like? It was so much fucking shit,
Speaker 1: so much, especially when the whole court shit with my
Speaker 1: baby daddy and I had to save all the money
Speaker 1: that I was saving up for a place or for
Speaker 1: a car because in the beginning I didn't know if
Speaker 1: I wanted a car or a place. All of that
Speaker 1: money that I was saving up I had to end
Speaker 1: up using for an attorney when I had to go
Speaker 1: to court. I was pissed, not you cutting into my plans, motherfucker.
Speaker 1: But of course, you know why not. We always gonna
Speaker 1: make it hard for you Jasma, We're always gonna put
Speaker 1: the road blocks in the way for you. Sorry, that's
Speaker 1: just what it is. So that. But yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: even know where I was in the story before I
Speaker 1: went off into all of that. So let's see started
Speaker 1: my uh so I started my second job all of that.
Speaker 1: Let's see fast word fast forward, cause I didn't even
Speaker 1: talk about I didn't. I wanted to do a episode
Speaker 1: before I came here with Christina, but I never did that.
Speaker 1: Like I had ended up going back to Detroit the
Speaker 1: weekend of my birthday to go see my son and stuff.
Speaker 1: Cause I really wanted to go back for his birthday,
Speaker 1: but it with work and all of day, it just
Speaker 1: wasn't gonna happen. So I went back the weekend of
Speaker 1: my birthday. I had like a little a little kickback,
Speaker 1: you know, at an airbnb. I spent time with my mom,
Speaker 1: my son, my niece. We had like went to Dave
Speaker 1: and Busters and shit. My son's schedule was actually pretty hectic,
Speaker 1: Like you would think that Nigga had two jobs. With
Speaker 1: everything that he got going on, he had something to
Speaker 1: do every day. It was hard to keep up with him.
Speaker 1: Had a little kickback saw like some of my family
Speaker 1: members and stuff like. It was cool, quick, a little
Speaker 1: turn around trip. But when I got there, oh man,
Speaker 1: when I got there, baby, when I stepped off the plane,
Speaker 1: it was cold as fuck. I was like, I remember
Speaker 1: being in that lift to the crib. I was like,
Speaker 1: I just felt dead inside. I felt like, what is
Speaker 1: it called on Lion King Pride Rock or whatever? Where
Speaker 1: the fuck's car was? That's what he felt like, them
Speaker 1: fucking trees with the branches. I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be like, I have no desire to be
Speaker 1: in Detroit at all, and I'm not. It's not to
Speaker 1: say that it ain't good shit popping there or what like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's some stuff going on there, but I'm straight.
Speaker 1: I don't ever have to go back ever, and it's
Speaker 1: not my plan too. But you know, the trip it was,
Speaker 1: it was what it was. Whatever came back, ohso yeah,
Speaker 1: And that was after I had got my tax money too,
Speaker 1: so shout out to the taxes. So when I came
Speaker 1: back and I felt like it was so crazy because
Speaker 1: I felt like I spent some little unnecessary money when
Speaker 1: I went there, like I was like I should have
Speaker 1: just not And it wasn't nothing too crazy, but you know,
Speaker 1: I just I'm really a stickler about my money. So
Speaker 1: when I came back, I was like, Okay, I really
Speaker 1: got to get on the grind and find a place
Speaker 1: to live and all of that or whatever. So when
Speaker 1: I came back, I was on it. I was setting
Speaker 1: up my little, uh you know, little viewings of the
Speaker 1: property and all of that or the apartments. I'm acting
Speaker 1: like I was looking for a house. But yeah, so
Speaker 1: I had set all of those up. I had found
Speaker 1: was that the first place that I went to off Rip,
Speaker 1: I did find a place off Rip that I really liked.
Speaker 1: It was in the Medical district, but that wasn't a
Speaker 1: place I did like it. But and that one was
Speaker 1: a studio. So when initially I was looking at all
Speaker 1: studio apartments cause I'm like, you know, crawby before you
Speaker 1: walk type shit, like let me just start off with
Speaker 1: something small, just get my foot in the door. But
Speaker 1: I really did like the place that I looked at,
Speaker 1: but it was a studio. They also had a one
Speaker 1: bed room, but I was like, I'm not gonna pay that.
Speaker 1: So I was looking at the studio. But I'll never
Speaker 1: forget the sink, the kitchen sink in the studio was
Speaker 1: like this be literally like you could only put a
Speaker 1: cup in that, bitch. I'm like, why is this not
Speaker 1: a full size sink? But it was cool, it was
Speaker 1: and I'll never forget. I had to pay a three
Speaker 1: hundred dollars like deposit or whatever, non refundable, and then
Speaker 1: you know, these motherfuckers be asking for all of your
Speaker 1: fuck We want your bank statement, we want your pay stuffs.
Speaker 1: You gotta make three times the rent, bitch, you don't
Speaker 1: even make three times the rent. Let's look at your
Speaker 1: pay stuffs, let's check your W twos so all that
Speaker 1: I had paid that three hundred dollars deposit, and then
Speaker 1: I was almost to the point where I was, but
Speaker 1: I have my homegirl boyfriend trying to make like trying
Speaker 1: to what was he trying to do?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: I was like, dang, I'm gonna have to alter my
Speaker 1: bank statements to say that I make three times the
Speaker 1: rent because I don't. And he was like, I can't
Speaker 1: even do it, like it's not it just wouldn't go work.
Speaker 1: And I was like, d I was so mad because
Speaker 1: I had paid that three hundred dollars and that shit
Speaker 1: adds up, you know, it adds up. And it also,
Speaker 1: uh decreases the money in your account. So I remember
Speaker 1: they tried to follow up with me or whatever, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, fuck, I just gotta take the
Speaker 1: l because I don't make three times to rent and
Speaker 1: I can't falsify my bank statements. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I'm not about to go to jail for this shit.
Speaker 1: So and I remember one of my homeboys events was like, man,
Speaker 1: don't even worry about it. He was like, when I
Speaker 1: got my place here, Like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: He went through that where he thought like he found
Speaker 1: a perfect place and all of that. He was like,
Speaker 1: that wasn't no one. He was like, watch you, you gonna
Speaker 1: get your spot and it's gonna be everything that you want.
Speaker 1: My God, that sounds good, but I'm just ready to move.
Speaker 1: I can't live with my coworker forever. And so then
Speaker 1: I went and looked at a couple more places and
Speaker 1: then I found, uh one of them. It was one
Speaker 1: of them that I really liked. But then the last
Speaker 1: one that I went and saw was the place that
Speaker 1: I live now. And so when I got to that
Speaker 1: last place, I was like, oh baby, this is it.
Speaker 1: Nice little one bedroom just decked out like everything. I
Speaker 1: let the kitchen, the shower, the closet, like the balcony. Amazing.
Speaker 1: Oh but you know what, you know what's so funny.
Speaker 1: The one that they showed me is not the unit
Speaker 1: that I moved into. And this is how I know
Speaker 1: that everything was divine. So I don't know. Something happened they,
Speaker 1: I don't know, ended up taking it off the market
Speaker 1: or ever somebody else got it. And I'm like, y'all
Speaker 1: just showed it to me and said it was moving ready, No,
Speaker 1: it's gone, just apply for another unit. I'm like, fucking great.
Speaker 1: So the one, the next one that I looked at,
Speaker 1: was the same type. It was still in one bedroom,
Speaker 1: but I guess it might have been a little bit bigger,
Speaker 1: and of course it costs more. And I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 1: like y'all are really pushing it. And at this time,
Speaker 1: at this time when I was applying for places, I
Speaker 1: only had one job at that time, so I had
Speaker 1: been like applying to different places and trying to get Oh,
Speaker 1: and I had got another. I had got a job
Speaker 1: at a UH, I had accepted an offer at a
Speaker 1: spy and I went to job. I went I went
Speaker 1: to work for one day, and that day that I
Speaker 1: got there, they told me that I would have They
Speaker 1: said that they had roaches in the spa shower, and
Speaker 1: it was like, oh yeah, so we just usually gonna
Speaker 1: have to clean those up. Baby. I went on my
Speaker 1: lunch break and I never came back cause I'm not
Speaker 1: cleaning up no fucking roaches, bro like. And it wasn't
Speaker 1: even a top tier hotel. And you know, at this point,
Speaker 1: I'm used to the the Forbes standard of hotels, like
Speaker 1: your bitch is top notch Okay, my resume is a one.
Speaker 1: So I just it's just a certain standard. I'm sorry, period.
Speaker 1: So and I'm not picking up no fucking roaches in
Speaker 1: your fucking spas shower, so deuces, bitch. But I ended
Speaker 1: up getting another job, you know whatever. So I got
Speaker 1: my two sources of income and and I don't know whatever,
Speaker 1: I get to place in May. In May, my moving
Speaker 1: date was May seventh. Oh that's what I was saying.
Speaker 1: So the first unit was not the one. So they
Speaker 1: ended up telling me, oh, we got another unit, and
Speaker 1: the unit number. I don't know if I should say it,
Speaker 1: y'all niggas might be trying to start the unit number
Speaker 1: is my son's birthday. I was like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: the one. I'm like, dog should be too divine for me.
Speaker 1: So the UNI number is my son's birthday. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck, I'm getting it. This is mine.
Speaker 1: Like to me, that meant it was To me, that
Speaker 1: meant that it was mine. So then that's not even it.
Speaker 1: Oh so then when I I don't even think I
Speaker 1: got to ghost. Oh, I did end up going to
Speaker 1: see it at some point. So when I went to
Speaker 1: see it, it was pretty much the same thing, but
Speaker 1: the balcony was even bigger, and I'm like, yes, this
Speaker 1: is it. I want to yeah. Whatever. So fast forward
Speaker 1: to going through all of the shit with the least
Speaker 1: and all of that. When I'm going through the paperwork,
Speaker 1: the name of like the like the I guess, like
Speaker 1: the top property management company over over the whole thing.
Speaker 1: Guess what the name was. Guess just guess what do
Speaker 1: y'all think it was? The property management name was the
Speaker 1: name of the street that I grew up on in Detroit.
Speaker 1: I was like, bitch, this is mine, Like, this is bro,
Speaker 1: this is my place, this is like God himself wrote
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying, Like what's for you. It is
Speaker 1: for you. Your blessings ain't gonna miss you. You ain't
Speaker 1: gotta work. Like That's how I knew this shit was mine.
Speaker 1: It was destiny child, destiney be gosh chop period. So
Speaker 1: I didn't care. So you know, when I'm telling my
Speaker 1: dad and stuff, my dad like, Jess, you're gonna be
Speaker 1: able to pay all that, you gonna be able to
Speaker 1: do this? Like you sure, it don't matter. I'm about
Speaker 1: to make it happen because it's mine. And so you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Everything fell in line how it
Speaker 1: was supposed to. A bitch got two jobs. I'm making
Speaker 1: it work. I'm making it hap like it is what
Speaker 1: it is? What else? What else? What else? I recently,
Speaker 1: like a couple of days ago, had just wrote out
Speaker 1: another six month plan and I had did I had
Speaker 1: wrote out a six month plan when I was still
Speaker 1: in Detroit, Like I hate again, this is why you
Speaker 1: need to document everything, writing, journaling, taking photos, taking videos,
Speaker 1: Like I just don't really do those things, or sometimes
Speaker 1: I do, but then I like the little journals that
Speaker 1: I brought here. I brought like three little mini journals,
Speaker 1: and after I was done filling them, up, I threw
Speaker 1: them away, so like, nah, I can't even look back
Speaker 1: at what I wrote to see like, yes, bitch, you
Speaker 1: did cross all of this off the list. But when
Speaker 1: I was in Detroit, I I had made a six
Speaker 1: month plan, and I remember I put booked one way
Speaker 1: flight to Dallas. Uh, get a job when you get there,
Speaker 1: And I had what type of job that I wanted
Speaker 1: to get. I said, get a job teaching yoga, looking
Speaker 1: at yoga studios. I did teach those three classes when
Speaker 1: I got here. I do want to give back to
Speaker 1: teaching yoga, but I've decided, like I don't really give
Speaker 1: a fuck about Like I don't want to teach at
Speaker 1: a studio. It ain't no money in that. I don't
Speaker 1: give a Like I want to do something for my people,
Speaker 1: like for my Black Girl Experience community. So that's why
Speaker 1: I really want to get back to the podcast and
Speaker 1: really focus on that and then be able to branch
Speaker 1: out and do my yoga from there for my people,
Speaker 1: like doing events and shit like that. Like I don't
Speaker 1: want to just be out here just I don't want
Speaker 1: to do it like that. I want to do it
Speaker 1: with my people and for me. What else did I
Speaker 1: put on there. I remember I was doing my three
Speaker 1: six nine method heavy, So if you're not familiar with
Speaker 1: the three six nine manifestation method, that's like when you
Speaker 1: write out an affirmation or whatever you want to write out.
Speaker 1: Like I don't remember exactly what I said, but one
Speaker 1: of the things that I said, like was like I
Speaker 1: am successful living in Dallas. I don't know it was something,
Speaker 1: but it was something about me being successful living in Dallas.
Speaker 1: So you write that three times in the morning, come
Speaker 1: back in the afternoon, right it six times, come back
Speaker 1: at night and write it nine times, and then you
Speaker 1: say it out loud all of them times, and then
Speaker 1: you know, you just do that every day. But I
Speaker 1: was writing like five different things on different pages. So
Speaker 1: for one page, I had one, I had another one,
Speaker 1: I had another one, and like I did that shit
Speaker 1: into the whole journal field up and then I threw
Speaker 1: it away. But for the most part, I feel like
Speaker 1: I pretty much crossed off everything on my list. I
Speaker 1: did everything that I said that I was gonna do.
Speaker 1: And that's the energy you gotta move with. That's the
Speaker 1: mindset that you gotta move with. That's the confidence that
Speaker 1: you gotta move with, and you gotta believe it. But
Speaker 1: you also have to put in the leg work to
Speaker 1: do those things. And then you also gotta stay preyed up.
Speaker 1: You gotta under staying at them. Obstacles is gonna come.
Speaker 1: You gotta understand that them hard times. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, The devil is going to try to break you.
Speaker 1: It's like, you know what I'm saying. But again, everything
Speaker 1: that I went through here was like I had to
Speaker 1: stay in the mindset of like Jazmine, you just gotta
Speaker 1: keep pushing forward no matter what fucking happens, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like, uh, I forgot what that is.
Speaker 1: Somebody had told me about something I don't know basically
Speaker 1: about like your back being against the wall, and like, nigga,
Speaker 1: all you can do is fight, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's how you gotta be. And then just
Speaker 1: a couple of days ago, I made another six month plan,
Speaker 1: but like, I need to add a lot more on here.
Speaker 1: It's not a lot on here, but I said get
Speaker 1: a twenty twenty five car cause I was kind of
Speaker 1: back and forth. I'm like, do I want a car
Speaker 1: or no? Oh, And that's another thing about my lifting
Speaker 1: uber experience, uh progressing. So now where I live, my
Speaker 1: jobs are like five minutes away from my creed, So
Speaker 1: it's it's I ain't even gonna say a blessing in
Speaker 1: the curse, but I will say now that I'm working
Speaker 1: two jobs, like I said, i'd be really fucking tired.
Speaker 1: I told you, for a minute, I was feeling like
Speaker 1: my equilibriom was off, Like you, it's very important to rest.
Speaker 1: Somebody was texting me today, one of my homegirls, like, hey,
Speaker 1: what's been up da? I'm like, girls, who job's been
Speaker 1: kicking my ass? Like working seven days a week. She's like,
Speaker 1: are you taking care of yourself? Like, I guess as
Speaker 1: much as I can, but like, rest is super important.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you all the funny story. Let me
Speaker 1: tell y' all the fun Oh my god, this shit
Speaker 1: was so funny. This was like last week. Okay, I
Speaker 1: had worked both jobs this day. It's so funny. I
Speaker 1: worked both jobs, right, So I had got home about
Speaker 1: six pms. Shoot a whatever. Then that wasn't even that
Speaker 1: fucking long. Will we think about it. So I got
Speaker 1: home around six pmsh. I get into bed, and baby,
Speaker 1: your girl is fucking tired. It takes me a nap,
Speaker 1: I wake up. I'm pick up my phone. It's eight
Speaker 1: twenty one. It's lightest fuck outside. I hopped out the
Speaker 1: bed so fucking fat, Like, Bro, I was losing my shit.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, my alarm didn't go up,
Speaker 1: Like I'm in the bathroom just going crazy, like oh
Speaker 1: my god. Like, first of all, I'm pretty sure that
Speaker 1: nobody was probably gonna fire me, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But it's just like, oh my god, I was going crazy.
Speaker 1: And so then I come back in the room, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that didn't Nobody's even called me, like
Speaker 1: and ask where I am. And that was weird to me.
Speaker 1: I'm like, nobody call, like cause Nigga's gonna call, like, hey,
Speaker 1: where are you? You know what I'm saying. I'm like,
Speaker 1: nobody's called, and I don't know at one point, I
Speaker 1: don't know at what point I realized, cause it was
Speaker 1: still bright as fuck outside. It was eight twenty one pm. Bro,
Speaker 1: I was so sick. But that lets you know how
Speaker 1: tired I am. That lets you know how much I've been,
Speaker 1: Like you know what I'm saying, Like, I was like, wow, Jazmine,
Speaker 1: you need a break cause I was literally having a
Speaker 1: heart attack about to die, like I'm gonna be laid
Speaker 1: for work that like, and the fact that I wouldn't
Speaker 1: even sleep that long. I told you I got home
Speaker 1: and sick something. So I woke up at eight twenty
Speaker 1: one and was just like that shit was so crazy
Speaker 1: to me. But it was definitely a good laugh. It
Speaker 1: was definitely a good laugh. I was so glad that
Speaker 1: I was able to go back to sleep, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like I had got up, talked on
Speaker 1: the phone for a little while, and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like but that's you know what I do. Like
Speaker 1: that about naps for me now, because I'm a nap girly, Okay,
Speaker 1: I love me a good nap. Never gonna pass up
Speaker 1: a nap. I apologize to my younger self all the
Speaker 1: time for all of the naps that I never took
Speaker 1: when I was a child. Like, baby, I'm taking all
Speaker 1: the naps for you. Any nap you want, anytime you
Speaker 1: want it. Let me know. I'm ready to get into bed.
Speaker 1: So like when I used to take naps, I'm talking
Speaker 1: about like still in adulthood, Like if I only had
Speaker 1: one job and I came home and took a nap,
Speaker 1: I would be up for the entire night, probably wouldn't
Speaker 1: be able to go back to sleep until like three
Speaker 1: or four am. Now, when I get home and take
Speaker 1: a nap, I might wake up and then, you know,
Speaker 1: or I might just go to sleep for the night,
Speaker 1: but I'm not gonna wake up in then and be
Speaker 1: up all night. I'm gonna be able to go back
Speaker 1: to sleep, so you know, simper linings. But that was funny, sall?
Speaker 1: So okay, Yeah, So on my six month plan, I
Speaker 1: said I want a twenty twenty five car. Oh that's
Speaker 1: what I was saying about Again, I keep getting off topic. Whatever.
Speaker 1: The update on my Uber and Lyft process now is
Speaker 1: that my both of my jobs are like five minutes away.
Speaker 1: So my ubers be like five ten dollars mostly five
Speaker 1: and six dollars. So that's cool, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So when I think about that versus having a car,
Speaker 1: no having to pay car insurance, I'm like, do I
Speaker 1: really want to do that? But I do want a car.
Speaker 1: I do want a car because then I can really
Speaker 1: move how I want to move, and I can go.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I don't want to be
Speaker 1: lifting all over the place, Like I gotta lift to
Speaker 1: go get something to eat. I gotta lift to go here,
Speaker 1: I gotta you know what I'm saying, I want to
Speaker 1: go to mall. It's just so much. And the worst
Speaker 1: part about ubering and lifting everywhere is like when you hello,
Speaker 1: we're recording, what's the play. I'll let you know when
Speaker 1: where you at? All right, I hit you up when
Speaker 1: I get done with this. All right. So now they'd
Speaker 1: be like five six dollars whatever. But I do want
Speaker 1: a car, so I put a twenty twenty five car.
Speaker 1: I put like an Audi, a Bends, or I'm good
Speaker 1: with a new Toyota. Toyotas are very good cars. I
Speaker 1: learned that from my daddy. That's what he got me.
Speaker 1: I used to have a Toyota Avalon, like back in
Speaker 1: the day, and I had a I had another car.
Speaker 1: I had a Toyota. It was a two door two.
Speaker 1: But Toyotas are really good cars. But it's the new
Speaker 1: CAMERI the twenty twenty five camera. That bitch cold. And
Speaker 1: I've seen it in a really nice color. It was
Speaker 1: like a I think it was said it was like
Speaker 1: an ocean blue or some shit like that. That shit
Speaker 1: was cold, So I don't know. But when it's time
Speaker 1: to get a car, you know whatever, when my time
Speaker 1: comes again, I'm not in that season yet, just wedding
Speaker 1: being present where I am everything that I have manifested
Speaker 1: and you know, seeing for myself thus far, It'll come
Speaker 1: for that as well. And then I put get a
Speaker 1: living room set because I need a living room set
Speaker 1: and I need a nice TV for the living room.
Speaker 1: But I'm not sweating that either. Everything takes time. I
Speaker 1: really want to get some really nice statement pieces. I
Speaker 1: want to. I am a minimum, a minimalist, so like
Speaker 1: I don't want It's so funny. I saw a TikTok
Speaker 1: video the other day of like this is why millennials
Speaker 1: are a minimalists, because y'all, fucking what are they called?
Speaker 1: What are the parents? What are our parents called? The boomers? Whatever?
Speaker 2: The fuck?
Speaker 1: You know how the motherfuckers had so much shit in
Speaker 1: their house? Like for real them houses was ridiculous? Well
Speaker 1: all that fucking y'all. I hate the way that our
Speaker 1: parents live, Like why do you have all this shit
Speaker 1: in here? Twenty couches, eighty five thousand vases? Like why? Why? Yes,
Speaker 1: I want three things in my career. Okay, so that
Speaker 1: a new little wardrobe, all of that, you know, just whatever.
Speaker 1: That's all I have on here right now, like I said,
Speaker 1: because I feel like I've crossed off a lot of
Speaker 1: the other things on my list I should put I
Speaker 1: gotta get the live shows pop in, I gotta get
Speaker 1: I really gotta get back in my content bag and
Speaker 1: all of that. So I should put that on there
Speaker 1: as well, and like really building up my Black Girl
Speaker 1: Experience community here. But again when the time comes, when
Speaker 1: the season comes. But cause I really get down on
Speaker 1: myself a lot about the hiatus that I take from
Speaker 1: the podcast because again when I came out the gate
Speaker 1: six almost like seven years ago with this, I was
Speaker 1: recording five days a week. But I had to sit
Speaker 1: myself down, Like Jazmine, you started the podcast when you
Speaker 1: lost your job, so you had all the time in
Speaker 1: the world to record episodes every day. You don't have
Speaker 1: that luxury right now, you know what I'm saying, That's
Speaker 1: not the season you're in. So again you have to
Speaker 1: learn to appreciate what season in your life you're in.
Speaker 1: I remember when I used to do yoga every day
Speaker 1: and I was going through yoga teacher training. But I
Speaker 1: remember I had, well, I didn't lose my job, they
Speaker 1: had shut down where I was working or whatever, and
Speaker 1: I remember at that time, I'm like, dang, how am
Speaker 1: I gonna pay for yoga teacher training? But I remember
Speaker 1: like I was doing yoga every day and I love that.
Speaker 1: But then it was some days where I was like, dang,
Speaker 1: I'm kind of I don't know my burnt out or whatever.
Speaker 1: And so you know, it's just different seasons for different things.
Speaker 1: So today when I wake up every day and I
Speaker 1: kind of got an attitude that I do have to
Speaker 1: work two jobs or I feel like I'm overwhelmed and
Speaker 1: I'm overworked and all of that, it's like, bro, remember
Speaker 1: when you were sitting in Detroit when you didn't have
Speaker 1: a job and you didn't have money, And you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, like you gotta appreciate the seasons. And
Speaker 1: then again, like I'm not gonna it's very tough to
Speaker 1: be without my son. So I have my moments which
Speaker 1: are a lot where it's like damn, like i feel
Speaker 1: like I'm missing out on a lot, you know, by
Speaker 1: not being with him. But then again I'll look at
Speaker 1: it and I'm like Jasmine, he's a young thirteen year
Speaker 1: old male. It's nothing you could do for buddy right now.
Speaker 1: He gotta be with his dad, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And I'm glad that I was just a very big
Speaker 1: influence on him in those formative years of his life
Speaker 1: and I was able to be the nurturer that he needed.
Speaker 1: I feel like I instilled so many great things in
Speaker 1: my son like that he is going to carry with
Speaker 1: him forever. But right now, his dad gotta teach him
Speaker 1: how to be a young man. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: It's just certain things that I cannot teach. There's nothing
Speaker 1: I can give him right now. He was already going
Speaker 1: at my head all the time, like, uh, y' all
Speaker 1: you do is baby him. Dad. I'm sorry that I'm
Speaker 1: a woman, partner. I'm sorry that I'm a woman. I'm
Speaker 1: sorry that I'm I'm a nurturer. Okay, all I have
Speaker 1: for my son and some hugs and some kisses, it's
Speaker 1: gonna be okay. You know what I'm saying. Like I'm
Speaker 1: a woman and I'm a mother. I'm sorry. Sorry, Dad,
Speaker 1: So again, you know what I'm saying, But that shit
Speaker 1: does get to me, it does get to me, but
Speaker 1: again it's just it's just the season. And again, like
Speaker 1: I said in the beginning of episode, I had to
Speaker 1: show niggas. I mean, I had to show my I
Speaker 1: had to do this for myself, you know, but I
Speaker 1: had to show niggas too, cause look how far I
Speaker 1: have come. Motherfuckers wanted to paint a certain picture of me,
Speaker 1: wanted to, you know, run with a certain narrative about
Speaker 1: me and just make it seem like So how was
Speaker 1: I able to get all this stuff done? Oh? Because
Speaker 1: I didn't have to be a mom twenty four fucking
Speaker 1: seven by myself, you know what I'm saying. Not to
Speaker 1: say that a person wasn't being a parent, but how
Speaker 1: did I get all of this stuff done? You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Because I was able to take you.
Speaker 1: I was able to get a little bit off my
Speaker 1: plate so I could do what I needed to do
Speaker 1: to put myself in a better position for both me
Speaker 1: and my son. Dad's to do it all the time,
Speaker 1: Dad's do whatever the fuck they want to do. So
Speaker 1: let me do what I need to do, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Let me do what I need to do.
Speaker 1: And unfortunately, I did have plans for my son to
Speaker 1: come here for the summer. But again, like I said that,
Speaker 1: Nigga got a schedule, like he got two jobs. But
Speaker 1: I'm very proud of him and what he had going
Speaker 1: on was something that he decided to do. So y'all
Speaker 1: know that he plays the piano, he plays the violin,
Speaker 1: He's in two orchestras. He took on band. Now baby
Speaker 1: want to be a little nick Cannon. He want to
Speaker 1: be mister drum line. So like he's in band as well.
Speaker 1: So when my son is out there making the big
Speaker 1: dollars as a music producer in a few years, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be lit. So yeah, but again, just taking
Speaker 1: all of this in, like I neg you've been through
Speaker 1: so fucking much, and it's a lot more that you know,
Speaker 1: people don't even know about that I don't even have
Speaker 1: to get into or want to get into. But there, man,
Speaker 1: it's just very important to use your discernment. It's very
Speaker 1: important to listen to your intuition. It's very important to
Speaker 1: make smart decisions and the best decisions for you, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like we are having a what do
Speaker 1: they say? Like a what do they say, this is
Speaker 1: basically like a like a spiritual experience but in a
Speaker 1: human body type shit. You know what I'm saying. So
Speaker 1: whatever you go through in this lifetime, please complete your mission.
Speaker 1: Please complete your soul mission. Stop repeating cycles, stop repeating patterns.
Speaker 1: Don't go through this life and fuck up and then
Speaker 1: when it's over, it's like, okay, bitch, when you rendcard
Speaker 1: and they have to come back down, you gotta come
Speaker 1: back and get you know what I'm saying, Like, stop
Speaker 1: going through the same shit over and over, bro. Like,
Speaker 1: once you release certain shit from your life and you
Speaker 1: glow up, it shows you what the problem was, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. It shows what the problem really is.
Speaker 1: And again it's like we talk about self sabotage and
Speaker 1: stuff like that, like sometimes you really gotta have a
Speaker 1: moment with yourself and get to the bottom of it.
Speaker 1: That's why I really, like I always talk about like
Speaker 1: I really want to go to therapy, like cause again
Speaker 1: I've always had to be the friend that everybody else
Speaker 1: come to, and I got to be everybody else therapist.
Speaker 1: Like I really want to be able to go to
Speaker 1: somebody and talk about my shit real and just really
Speaker 1: understand my trauma and my triggers and everything that I
Speaker 1: went through. You know what I'm saying, Like I already
Speaker 1: have an idea, but to talk to a professional about
Speaker 1: that shit like and really work on that like is
Speaker 1: a goal for myself cause I don't want to keep
Speaker 1: repeating the same shit in this lifetime, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And I don't want to. I don't want
Speaker 1: something or somebody to hold me back from my destiny,
Speaker 1: which I don't think that somebody or something could do,
Speaker 1: like you know what I'm saying, because you have to
Speaker 1: take accountability, you have to understand like the role that
Speaker 1: you play, and you know all of that. So I
Speaker 1: just I don't I don't want to let myself down.
Speaker 1: I don't want to let God down. I don't want
Speaker 1: to let my ancestors down. I don't want to let
Speaker 1: my spirit guys because them motherfucker's been fighting for me, okay,
Speaker 1: and they they be sick of my shit. They be like,
Speaker 1: hey man, we trying to pull you out of this,
Speaker 1: were trying to do this, and you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and you keep just doing the same shit over and over.
Speaker 1: It's like non webout. We're gonna let your ass go there, like,
Speaker 1: don't let us take our hands off you. But you know,
Speaker 1: thank you God for not taking your hands off me.
Speaker 1: Thank you God for not taking your hands off me
Speaker 1: for real. Like that's why I'm telling you that. That's
Speaker 1: why I stay preyed up. I stay in a state
Speaker 1: of gratitude, and I stay putting in the legwork. I
Speaker 1: stay doing what I'm supposed to do. And I will
Speaker 1: say that like I always talk about this, how like
Speaker 1: I always have taken the high road. I always like
Speaker 1: sew good seeds. I always put out positive energy. I always,
Speaker 1: you know, like even and I was talking about this
Speaker 1: on Instagram the other day, like because right now we're
Speaker 1: going through Saturn retrograde, which is like all about karmac
Speaker 1: lessons and karma and all of that shit. So if
Speaker 1: if you get in your ass by the universe right now,
Speaker 1: it's probably because you got some bad karma. E done
Speaker 1: did some shit to niggas. So but and I was saying, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I always take the high road, even when
Speaker 1: people have mistreated me or done me wrong. I just
Speaker 1: move forward in life because I know that I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be blessed regardless, and I know that Karma gonna spend
Speaker 1: the block. So you know what I'm saying, just look
Speaker 1: at your life right now. It's Saturn retrograding. And baby,
Speaker 1: I'm looking at my life. I'm leveling up, I'm thriving,
Speaker 1: I'm looking good, I'm glowing. I'm like I'm happy. I'm
Speaker 1: at peace with myself. And that's another thing, Like I
Speaker 1: don't know, like I'm at a space in my life
Speaker 1: and I'm never really I feel like I've always kind
Speaker 1: of been. I haven't always been this introverted as I
Speaker 1: am now, cause I'm super introverted now, like y'all know,
Speaker 1: to the point, like I don't like to come out
Speaker 1: of my bubble, which is kind of a bad thing.
Speaker 1: And I just told myself the other day that I'm
Speaker 1: gonna work on that. Like my best friend had can
Speaker 1: to visit me this past weekend from North Carolina, and
Speaker 1: like even though I had to work both jobs every day,
Speaker 1: like I still had to be a trooper and go
Speaker 1: out with her and like, you know, just have a
Speaker 1: good time. And y'all know, I'm not really so much
Speaker 1: of a going out person, Like that's not really my thing.
Speaker 1: I'm like I like to go to like concerts, and
Speaker 1: shit like that. But like we was going out a
Speaker 1: little bit, but it was just a reminder to myself
Speaker 1: to be like Jazmine, you cannot live in a fucking bubble,
Speaker 1: especially if if you want to meet the man of
Speaker 1: your dreams or whatever, Like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You can't just go to work and go home. You
Speaker 1: want him to break into the crib, like what are you? Like?
Speaker 1: So and even if I'm not looking for love or whatever,
Speaker 1: like I do need to just go out and treat myself,
Speaker 1: whether it's on payday, once a week or whatever. Get
Speaker 1: a drink, nice dinner, go to new plate, Like I
Speaker 1: still don't be going to like oh if somebody come
Speaker 1: here and be like, Okay, where do I go? In Dallas?
Speaker 1: I had to hit up my homegirl, like, hey, where
Speaker 1: should I take my best friend? Like I don't know
Speaker 1: where to go? So like but again, I don't really
Speaker 1: think it's my season for that yet, you know, cause
Speaker 1: I'm right now, I'm in my working season, I'm in
Speaker 1: my hustling, I'm in my fucking masculine era right now.
Speaker 1: Please soft girl like me, I'm gonna keep praying for
Speaker 1: that every day, Like please let your girl be able
Speaker 1: to let her hair down literally and figuratively. So I'm
Speaker 1: just waiting to get to that season, you know. But no,
Speaker 1: I definitely need to start stepping out and tell enjoying life.
Speaker 1: So that's very important for me too. Did I miss anything,
Speaker 1: y'all know, I usually be writing little notes in here.
Speaker 1: I didn't really do too many notes, but I did wrote.
Speaker 1: I did write a couple of things. I wrote this down.
Speaker 1: I said, it's one thing to let another person trick
Speaker 1: you off the streets or audio spot, but it's a
Speaker 1: whole another thing to trick yourself out of your own spot.
Speaker 1: Don't be no crash dummy. And this goes hand in
Speaker 1: hand with the self sabotage, like don't be no crash dummy,
Speaker 1: do not crash out. You control where your life goes.
Speaker 1: And I talk, y'all know, I talk about accountability all
Speaker 1: the time, like I'm gonna I'm gonna stress this till
Speaker 1: the cows come home because and I and I try.
Speaker 1: I feel like I take accountability. I do, I honestly do.
Speaker 1: Like y'all can't tell me that I don't. If I don't,
Speaker 1: somebody please tell me when I don't, Please show me
Speaker 1: how I don't cause I al I always speak on
Speaker 1: how I play a role in the shit that I do.
Speaker 1: But like I be, I'll be wanting people to take accountability.
Speaker 1: Bro stop blaming other people. Just stop, because even if
Speaker 1: a person does play a rock cool Okay, we was
Speaker 1: it takes to the tango cool cool, we get it.
Speaker 1: We got that. But you only you have control over yourself,
Speaker 1: of your life, of your circumstances. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So let's let's put it back on me. Let's put
Speaker 1: it back on me. Let me give you, guys an example.
Speaker 1: When I was living in Detroit, I was living with
Speaker 1: my mom. Me and my son were living with my mom.
Speaker 1: And even before that, like I will always just be
Speaker 1: bouncing around, but I will always be living with somebody else, right,
Speaker 1: whether I was paying rent or not. A lot of times,
Speaker 1: you know, a lot of times I did have jobs.
Speaker 1: I did have a car, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But then it got to a point where she got
Speaker 1: bad and I didn't have jobs, and then I didn't
Speaker 1: have a car, you know what I'm saying. And so
Speaker 1: luckily I had that support though, but even still, like
Speaker 1: shit was hard. But at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: I wasn't making anything happen period, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So I could blame everything else. Oh I'm not getting
Speaker 1: the support that I need or whatever, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. But at the end of the day, Jasmine,
Speaker 1: you gotta make something happen, and shit not just gonna
Speaker 1: come out of the air, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And I'll never forget. Like I had a conversation with
Speaker 1: my mom, like right before I left, and she was
Speaker 1: telling me, like, you know, you don't have to go
Speaker 1: to another state to get yourself together. You don't have
Speaker 1: to leave, like you could do that here. I'm like, bro,
Speaker 1: look how long I've been here. You know, I've been
Speaker 1: here my whole life. But I'm saying like, look and
Speaker 1: then look how long I've been living here with you?
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, and nothing is happening,
Speaker 1: Like it was getting to a point where it was like, bro,
Speaker 1: like I cannot keep living like this. I want more
Speaker 1: for myself. I see more for myself. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to be there, you know what I'm saying. I was
Speaker 1: telling my son. I'm like, bro, we're not gonna be
Speaker 1: living with Grandma forever, like, this is not this is
Speaker 1: not it. This is not the life that I want.
Speaker 1: This is not the life that I see for myself.
Speaker 1: And a part of me getting up and going to
Speaker 1: another state was because I knew that that was gonna
Speaker 1: put a fire under my ass. I knew that was
Speaker 1: gonna make me work ten times harder because I don't
Speaker 1: have nothing to fall back on. I don't have a
Speaker 1: family member to you know what I'm saying, be in
Speaker 1: my corner. I don't have anybody to be that support
Speaker 1: that crutch for me. If you go out of state,
Speaker 1: you gotta get it out the money, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, or else I am going back home. So
Speaker 1: I had to not only prove to not that I
Speaker 1: had to prove it to everybody else, but I had
Speaker 1: to prove it to myself that I could do it.
Speaker 1: So I needed to do that. And again fast forward
Speaker 1: to today, Look where I am. I did this shit
Speaker 1: by myself, period, you know what I'm saying. So I'm
Speaker 1: proud of myself for that, super proud of myself for that.
Speaker 1: And I think, like I'm very hard on myself, and
Speaker 1: I want to work on that, Like I want to
Speaker 1: stop being so hard on myself because the world is
Speaker 1: going to tear you down. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Your haters is gonna tear you down. Sometimes it be
Speaker 1: your own motherfucking spot. Sometimes you be sleeping with the
Speaker 1: enemy and that motherfucker be tearing you down, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like, so it's just so many different
Speaker 1: angles for that shit. And it's like, stop being hard
Speaker 1: on yourself, bro, because you've done a lot. You've came
Speaker 1: very fucking far. And another thing is like you gotta
Speaker 1: stop looking at where you are in comparison to other people,
Speaker 1: because I will never forget because this like really hit,
Speaker 1: like it really hit a soft spot with me, Like
Speaker 1: I'll never forget. It was a conversation that I had
Speaker 1: with my baby daddy. We had got into an argument
Speaker 1: a long time ago, and I don't even know, like
Speaker 1: it was some shit about it. At first it turned
Speaker 1: about the kid, and then it was so I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I remember it was a comment that he made like, oh,
Speaker 1: good for you. You you just now figuring out what
Speaker 1: you want to do with y'all life. We ben did that. Wow,
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't know everybody was on the same page.
Speaker 1: I didn't know everybody was running the same race. I
Speaker 1: didn't know that everybody had the same resources. I didn't
Speaker 1: know that, you know what I'm saying, Like, and I
Speaker 1: was just like that, but again, like you really gotta
Speaker 1: be careful of the people that you have around you
Speaker 1: that you letting your life, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Because and I know, like you know, co parenting situations
Speaker 1: they go sour and shit like that. But I just
Speaker 1: hate what our situation turned into like and having to
Speaker 1: share a kid with somebody that like just don't like
Speaker 1: lift you up, don't encourage you, don't you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And that's that's another thing, like as a mother,
Speaker 1: and I know that other mothers can you know, agree
Speaker 1: with this as well, Like I don't think that a
Speaker 1: lot of men understand that, especially if you guys break
Speaker 1: up and you have to coparent, Like I need to
Speaker 1: be in a good space mentally, mentally, emotionally, financially, all
Speaker 1: of that, you know what I'm saying, in order to
Speaker 1: raise our child. So you belittling me or making the
Speaker 1: situation harder or whatever like that does not make it
Speaker 1: better at all, especially when you're raising somebody's child. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So it's just you know, I
Speaker 1: don't know. And that's what they say, Like you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like you might what do they say,
Speaker 1: you might forget? I don't know, is it you might
Speaker 1: forget what people say or whatever, but you'll never forget
Speaker 1: how that made you feel. Like, Nah, niggah, I ain't
Speaker 1: gonna forget shit. I ain't gonna real shit. That's why
Speaker 1: I'm out here just you know, busting up all niggas
Speaker 1: every day, busting up, leveling up, period. So yeah, like
Speaker 1: this has definitely been a fucking jury. And that's the thing.
Speaker 1: Like life is not a race, it's not a sprint.
Speaker 1: It's a marathon. Word to my nigga EBC. But another
Speaker 1: thing is like just enjoy the journey, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. We always look forward to certain points of
Speaker 1: our life like, oh, I can't wait to be winning.
Speaker 1: I can't wait till I get here, I can't wait
Speaker 1: till I get you know whatever you think, Oh, once
Speaker 1: I get this job, or once I get this amount
Speaker 1: of money, or once I do this, like and then
Speaker 1: when you get that shit and they get old or
Speaker 1: you know, you get past it, then you looking for
Speaker 1: the next fix. It's like a It's like it's like
Speaker 1: a high. It's like getting high. You're gonna constantly be
Speaker 1: going after that high. And once you get something and
Speaker 1: you get satisfied with it, Okay, Nah, I gotta you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, it's a never anything. And that's
Speaker 1: why we need to learn to find happiness within. Find
Speaker 1: happiness and the simple things. Find happiness. And you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, like find that peace within. And that's
Speaker 1: what I was saying, Like I'm just so happy just
Speaker 1: to be at peace, you know what I'm saying. Like
Speaker 1: it's I don't I don't aspire to have Like I
Speaker 1: don't want to just be like Boo cooo rich and
Speaker 1: just I mean, I do want money, like hand over fist,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to be good, but like I
Speaker 1: don't aspire to be no fucking celebrity. All them people
Speaker 1: is really fucking trash and just frauds and be selling
Speaker 1: their soul and all on that weird shit. But I
Speaker 1: don't aspire to be no fucking celebrity. I don't aspire
Speaker 1: to be no fucking Bill Gates ass fucking billionaire. Like
Speaker 1: I I'm good with the very simple life for real,
Speaker 1: Like I'm really a plain Jane and I love that
Speaker 1: about myself. Like I don't need much of everything. I
Speaker 1: don't care about the clothes, the jewelry, the I don't
Speaker 1: care about that shit. Like I just want to be
Speaker 1: fucking happy and I want to be at peace. I
Speaker 1: want to, you know, be with my son. I want
Speaker 1: to be taking vacations with my best friend. I want
Speaker 1: to do the podcast. I want to do my yoga.
Speaker 1: I want to be in good health. I want to
Speaker 1: be wealthy, you know what I'm saying, Like I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't want too much of anything. And that's another thing,
Speaker 1: like in relationships, I don't want too much of anything.
Speaker 1: But I think that's where niggas get it twisted because
Speaker 1: I'm a very simple person. Like like again, I don't
Speaker 1: need the material things. All the things that I want
Speaker 1: to do not cost money. I want love, respect, a commitment, happiness,
Speaker 1: good sex. You know what I'm saying, Like the shit
Speaker 1: that don't cost money at all, like consideration, communication, like
Speaker 1: and niggas can't even give you that. Niggas can't even
Speaker 1: give you that. But then another thing that I told
Speaker 1: myself today was that like I realized that I settle
Speaker 1: and I gotta do better because I be settling for
Speaker 1: the bare fucking minimum. And I discussed myself with that,
Speaker 1: like Jazmine, you deserve the fucking world. Any nigga would
Speaker 1: be lucky to have you. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like do better, do better. So that's where I'm at
Speaker 1: with that. But ultimately, like I just I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm at peace. I'm very happy with where I am.
Speaker 1: I never saw myself being like when I first got here.
Speaker 1: Of course, like I said, I wasn't in Dallas. I
Speaker 1: wasn't fair, so I don't know, and I still had
Speaker 1: to just get used to stuff and really, you know,
Speaker 1: really find my footing in my way. So when I
Speaker 1: first got here, I wasn't really sure if this was
Speaker 1: where I wanted to be, because ultimately I always felt like, oh,
Speaker 1: California is my heart, That's where I want to be.
Speaker 1: But I like Dallas, and I mean, I just feel
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna do my time here, I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: my season here, and then wherever life takes me after this,
Speaker 1: you know, I'll go where you know, wherever the wind
Speaker 1: blows me, wherever I flow with the water, but as
Speaker 1: of now, I am definitely happy with where I am.
Speaker 1: I literally wake up every day just so happy in
Speaker 1: the space that I'm in. I love going home. That's
Speaker 1: the best part of my day. Like I can't wait
Speaker 1: to get home and just be in my own shit,
Speaker 1: Like I love it. And again, I'm just I'm just
Speaker 1: so happy just looking at where I am and what
Speaker 1: I've accomplished in all of that. So there was something
Speaker 1: else that this is so random. I had roll something
Speaker 1: in here. I'm like, I kind of want to talk
Speaker 1: about this. This is just random, this random. Compatibility or chemistry,
Speaker 1: what do you guys think. I'll let you guys think
Speaker 1: about that for a second. Compatibility or chemistry in a relationship.
Speaker 1: I think that both are very very important. But I
Speaker 1: think that compatibility is way more important than chemistry, because
Speaker 1: don't don't get it twisted. Chemistry is needed for sure,
Speaker 1: Like if we don't have chemistry, well I'm not fucking
Speaker 1: with you. You know what I'm saying. Chemistry is very important.
Speaker 1: I need that. I need that passion between us, I
Speaker 1: need that connection, I need that sexual tension, Like I
Speaker 1: just need that. We gotta be able to vibe. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, but baby, that chemistry goes out
Speaker 1: the window when you realize that, oh we're not compatible.
Speaker 1: You think like that you like no, and like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we gotta be able to We gotta be able to
Speaker 1: hit the ball back and forth on the table, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, baby, if the compatibility is
Speaker 1: not there, it's not gonna work. And I think, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I guess like once you really start to
Speaker 1: spend time with a person and really learn a person,
Speaker 1: like I don't know, you know when the real come
Speaker 1: out because a person can only pretend for so long.
Speaker 1: A person can only pretend for so long. But chemistry
Speaker 1: is definitely important. But like, but I will say, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna be able to have a relationship without chemistry. Like,
Speaker 1: we can't just be compare we can't just be compatitive.
Speaker 1: If I had to choose one, I would say compatibility.
Speaker 1: But it ain't gonna go nowhere with no chemistry. We
Speaker 1: ain't got no chemistry. It's just like that made me
Speaker 1: feel like I'm not even attracted to you. Wers like
Speaker 1: you know, Like, but I'm gonna go with compatibility, communication
Speaker 1: or consideration. This is good. That's hard too, because communication
Speaker 1: is very important. This is my thing. And I feel
Speaker 1: like I was just telling this. I think I was
Speaker 1: telling this to like my coworker the other day, like
Speaker 1: she always be. She'll randomly just be telling me about
Speaker 1: her like dating life and shit like that, and we
Speaker 1: were talking about communication. I'm like, it only takes five
Speaker 1: seconds to tell somebody something. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I hate motherfuckers that act. Like, first of all, this
Speaker 1: is the generation of having your your phone glued to
Speaker 1: your fucking hand. You know what I'm saying, Like nobody
Speaker 1: is just away from their phone. Oh I just saw this.
Speaker 1: Oh I just shut up. Your phone was in your
Speaker 1: fucking hand. You know what I'm saying. If you're gonna
Speaker 1: have a busy day, if you don't want to be bothered,
Speaker 1: if something really is going on in your life, Hey,
Speaker 1: you know I'm going through something in or today gonna
Speaker 1: be kind of a busy day, Like I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: really be able to talk to you like that. I'll
Speaker 1: hit you up, ladder, just communicate. Motherfuckers would go a
Speaker 1: whole day, bitch, lose my number then you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Or just whatever, if it's a problem or whatever,
Speaker 1: like communicate that period. It's not hard. But consideration is
Speaker 1: really the one for me, I think, because it blows
Speaker 1: my mind that niggas just don't consider me, Like Bro
Speaker 1: and Nigga ain't ever did some shit, and you just like,
Speaker 1: why the fuck with you? Ain't even you didn't even think.
Speaker 1: You didn't even think to think like how that would
Speaker 1: make me feel. You didn't even think like it ain't
Speaker 1: even just with niggas, Like it could be somebody that
Speaker 1: don't give a fuck about your time or whatever, Like
Speaker 1: you ain't think that like I had nowhere to be.
Speaker 1: You didn't think like I just don't like people that
Speaker 1: don't have no type of consideration because I consider people
Speaker 1: all the time. I'm a very considerate person like I.
Speaker 1: So it's consideration for me. The next one a safe
Speaker 1: life or a spontaneous life I would love to say,
Speaker 1: but it's funny because I kind of live a spontaneous life. Nah.
Speaker 1: I would love to say a spontaneous life, but deep
Speaker 1: down inside I want to say safe life because and
Speaker 1: that's the thing, like when I talk about like not
Speaker 1: like in change and you know, being uncertain of the
Speaker 1: future and stuff like that, I feel like everybody to
Speaker 1: a certain extent wants to live a safe life, like
Speaker 1: you want to feel secure, you wanna feel some type
Speaker 1: of structure you you know what I'm saying, Like nobody,
Speaker 1: I mean some people who are just straight up risk
Speaker 1: takers and just jump through the fire. I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: through the hoops. I'm just take this little Tarzan rope
Speaker 1: through life like I don't I don't know, but again,
Speaker 1: that is kind of the life that I live, Nigga.
Speaker 1: One way flight to Dallas and just what you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, like just VI just vibe, just vibes
Speaker 1: like but that I don't know, that's where the fun is.
Speaker 1: That's where the spark is in a spontaneous life. But
Speaker 1: if I had to choose one, I don't know. But
Speaker 1: safe life also gives like boring marriage, same thing every day,
Speaker 1: stickler life. It gives it gets I ain't gonna say
Speaker 1: who it gives. Safe life gives somebody. It gives a
Speaker 1: nigga that I know that nigga life is safe as hell.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, that I don't know. Safe life for spontaneous life,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go out on I'm gonna say spontaneous fuck it,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say cause I need the adventure I need.
Speaker 1: I need the laughs, I need the fun I need whatever. Okay,
Speaker 1: passion or purpose, that's a good one too. That's a
Speaker 1: good one too. Let me let me think for a second,
Speaker 1: cause I have both of those.
Speaker 2: Mmm, damn, that's hard.
Speaker 1: Passion or purpose. I don't know, because it's so funny
Speaker 1: because black Girl experiences both. For me, it's passion and
Speaker 1: it's purpose. And that's why I keep coming back to
Speaker 1: it no matter how long I take a break, no
Speaker 1: matter how long I'm away, Like this is my passion.
Speaker 1: And I was just thinking about this the other day too,
Speaker 1: Like when I was little, when I was a little girl,
Speaker 1: Like for Christmas, I had got this thing called a
Speaker 1: Tycho video cam.
Speaker 2: Google it.
Speaker 1: It was like this little video camera, but you had
Speaker 1: to like plug the little arcs up to the VCR.
Speaker 1: Yes to my nineties babies. You had to plug it
Speaker 1: up to like the VCR and put the tape in
Speaker 1: there and like record or whatever. And I used to
Speaker 1: record myself every day at the crib, like dancing and
Speaker 1: singing to TLS. I was dancing to the TLC Crazy
Speaker 1: Sexy Cool album, the Alia one and a Million album.
Speaker 1: I was just on there just with all the imagination
Speaker 1: in the world. My brothers was on there being crazy,
Speaker 1: like but I love that shit, Like that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: This is really my life. This is really my passion.
Speaker 1: This is like, this is why I love this shit
Speaker 1: because I literally been doing this forever. I used to
Speaker 1: have like little tape recorders and I used to record
Speaker 1: myself talking all the time, Like this is really my
Speaker 1: fucking passion. So yeah, so that's my passion. But I
Speaker 1: also feel like this is my purpose on a deeper
Speaker 1: level because just aside from the podcast, I feel like
Speaker 1: I blessed with the voice. And it's so funny because
Speaker 1: when I first started recording the podcast, I used to
Speaker 1: hate my voice. I used to hate my voice. I
Speaker 1: was like, ugh, I sound like that, Like I didn't
Speaker 1: think I sounded how I sound, But like I eventually
Speaker 1: like got used to it over time. But I realized
Speaker 1: that again on a much deeper level, and not in
Speaker 1: no shade to the up and coming podcasts and the
Speaker 1: people that be doing it, everybody gets somebody and just
Speaker 1: hop on this bitch and just everybody got a podcast now,
Speaker 1: Like podcast game is just so watered down. It's so
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But what sets me apart
Speaker 1: is like, I really do this shit for real, like
Speaker 1: I've been doing this shit. I do this shit forever.
Speaker 1: The reason why motherfuckers relate to my shit so much
Speaker 1: is because I be talking about real shit. I'll be
Speaker 1: talking about my life, I'll be talking about my experience.
Speaker 1: My content is pure quality, it has substance, and it's
Speaker 1: gonna be timeless. Motherfuckers could turn this on in sixty
Speaker 1: years and be like, hey, this is like some real shit,
Speaker 1: like you know what I'm saying. That that's the thing
Speaker 1: sixty years from now, when somebody gonna play this shit
Speaker 1: back and I'm on fucking behind the music or some
Speaker 1: shit like that, Like it's timeless, it's quality, it's you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And again, my shit was always
Speaker 1: deeper than the surface. You know what I'm saying. I'm
Speaker 1: talking about real shit. I'm promoting positivity, I'm talking about healing,
Speaker 1: spiritual growth, I'm talking about life. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And again, no shade to niggas that just get on
Speaker 1: here and just you know, shoot the shit. That's cool,
Speaker 1: But where is that gonna be sixty from sixty years
Speaker 1: from now, you know what I'm saying, like the Sexy
Speaker 1: Red of podcasts and not like niggas like sexy Red
Speaker 1: as a rapper, but all some real shit. Her music
Speaker 1: is not gonna be anywhere comparable to a Lauryn Hill
Speaker 1: is not really a rapper though, Huh. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: think of a rapper who's a good female rapper, like
Speaker 1: a Damn who's a good female rapper, like a real
Speaker 1: I don't know. I can't think of nobody that's sad,
Speaker 1: that's sad, but you know what I'm saying, Like, it's
Speaker 1: just certain people whose music or whatever they are, they
Speaker 1: content whatever is timeless. It's substance, its quality. So but yeah,
Speaker 1: so I feel like and like I was saying, like
Speaker 1: so when I first was recording myself, I used to
Speaker 1: be like, oh, I hate my voice. I hate the
Speaker 1: way I sound, but not understanding that my voice is
Speaker 1: my gift, that's my purpose, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: And that's why I have to really use my voice
Speaker 1: in my platform in this lifetime. God is like, hey, dog,
Speaker 1: we trying to let you know, like telling you before
Speaker 1: you get up out of here, not gonna you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, like you, you better do your big
Speaker 1: one with what you get with what we gave, cuz
Speaker 1: I don't know what's to come in the next lifetime.
Speaker 1: I don't know, So I really want to be able
Speaker 1: to fulfill my soul mission on this planet for real,
Speaker 1: and that's my purpose. But if I had to pick
Speaker 1: one passion or purpose, I'm gonna go with purpose because
Speaker 1: it's deeper than the passion. You know what I'm saying, everybody.
Speaker 1: One thing I always try to stress the people is
Speaker 1: that everybody has a purpose in this lifetime, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And I really hope that people find that.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. When you it's so much
Speaker 1: shit to get caught up in in this world, politics,
Speaker 1: just the everyday life. If you are working two jobs, like,
Speaker 1: it's so much to get caught up in and not
Speaker 1: have time for yourself to even figure out what your
Speaker 1: purpose is. That's why it's very important to tap into
Speaker 1: your passions. If you do have kids, you should cultivate
Speaker 1: they passions and all of that and anything that they
Speaker 1: into at a young age so that they can, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, fulfill whatever it is that they're
Speaker 1: supposed to do because Mama don't want to be caught
Speaker 1: up working a nine to five their whole fucking life. Like,
Speaker 1: that's not that's not the goal, that's not the vibe.
Speaker 1: The last one that I wrote down, acceptance or detachment,
Speaker 1: they kind of like wanted the same in a way.
Speaker 1: But if I had to choose one, acceptance or detachment.
Speaker 1: So break this down really quick. Acceptance being able to
Speaker 1: accept the situation for what it is.
Speaker 2: It's tough.
Speaker 1: It's tough. It's It's been so many instances in my
Speaker 1: life where I didn't want to accept the situation for
Speaker 1: what it was. I didn't want to accept a person
Speaker 1: for who they was or who they are. But you
Speaker 1: gotta you gotta get to that place. You gotta get
Speaker 1: to that it is what it is, because once you
Speaker 1: learn to accept something, then you can get to the
Speaker 1: next step. Then you can be like, Okay, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. It's just you just gotta accept shit.
Speaker 1: It's just certain things that you have to accept. You
Speaker 1: can't move forward until you accept, like, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Just like when you're about to sign a
Speaker 1: contract or go to the next the next shit on
Speaker 1: the Internet, like you gotta accept this first, like you
Speaker 1: gotta accept Detachment is also very hard. It's been a
Speaker 1: lot of things in my life that I didn't But again,
Speaker 1: that's why I said, it's like one of the same,
Speaker 1: because in order to detach, you have to accept. Right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: detachment is hard, but it's needed. And or again, just
Speaker 1: like with accepting, you can't go to the next step
Speaker 1: without accepting. You can't go to the next step without detachment.
Speaker 1: You gotta be able to less shit go. You got
Speaker 1: to you gotta less shit go to move on in life,
Speaker 1: to elevate, you know, new levels, new devils type shit.
Speaker 1: Everybody can't go with you. You gotta detach from people.
Speaker 1: You gotta detach from toxic situations, relationships. You gotta detach
Speaker 1: when you and your friends ain't clicking no more, when
Speaker 1: you moving on and like you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: or maybe you just got to detach from bad habits
Speaker 1: or whatever or whatever. You know what I'm saying, You
Speaker 1: gotta let go. Sometimes holding on hurts you more than
Speaker 1: letting go. And that's something that we learn the art
Speaker 1: of detachment in yoga. So if I had to choose one, though,
Speaker 1: acceptance or detachment. I think where I am right now
Speaker 1: in my life, I think I'm becoming okay with acceptance.
Speaker 1: It's like it's certain stuff in my life that I'm
Speaker 1: learning to acceparate now. Attachment is really hard, and I'm
Speaker 1: working on that too. But I feel like even like
Speaker 1: I say, like these past thirty days, like, but it's
Speaker 1: just because you gotta keep waking up and keep going
Speaker 1: through life and just keep moving, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and you just kind of slowly but surely learn to
Speaker 1: except shit. Detachment is hard, Like it's it's really hard.
Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna go with detachment. That's the one that
Speaker 1: I'm currently working on for real. And just like with change,
Speaker 1: I hate change, I hate detachment. And that's the thing.
Speaker 1: When you don't want to detach, you don't want to change,
Speaker 1: you want to you want to be comfortable with what
Speaker 1: you're comfortable with, you know what I'm saying. So that's cool,
Speaker 1: that's cool. I also have these little themes that I
Speaker 1: had wrote down for like yoga flows and stuff. Surrender
Speaker 1: was a theme, heart opening was a theme, Mental clarity
Speaker 1: was a theme, self care was a theme, Empowerment is
Speaker 1: a theme, Joy and celebration is a theme, grounding is
Speaker 1: a theme, and self expiration is a thing, and like
Speaker 1: they all had different like categories. Let me do it.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 1: I had just went online today and I was looking
Speaker 1: for like new Tarot and new Oracle cars and I
Speaker 1: found some. Well, actually, I be on TikTok a lot
Speaker 1: and it's this one lady on there. She'd be having
Speaker 1: these some really good Oracle cars and I'm like, dang,
Speaker 1: where you get them cars from? She sent me the
Speaker 1: link and I was like, damn, I wish I would have,
Speaker 1: you know, did this sooner because I would love to
Speaker 1: do a reading with those Oracle cars. So I'm a
Speaker 1: order them maybe on payday because they was kind of pricey.
Speaker 1: It's like, damn, bitch, eighty dollars for some Oracle cars.
Speaker 2: God, but that's how much that shit.
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna lie. Cars be up there, cars, good
Speaker 1: cars be up there. So I don't know, but maybe
Speaker 1: on the next payday I'll get them. And but I really, yeah,
Speaker 1: I want to use those so I'll be tired of Taro.
Speaker 1: And actually I don't be. I have not been playing
Speaker 1: with Tarot cars at all, like at all. These bitch
Speaker 1: has been on the show, but I pulled them out
Speaker 1: today and I had pulled some for myself earlier and
Speaker 1: it was so spot on. I was like, God, and
Speaker 1: it's like, it's so funny because it's not like it's
Speaker 1: not like I'm picking the cars out to match with
Speaker 1: my situation. They came on. I'm like, this is really
Speaker 1: my situation, Like that shit is funny, but no, next time,
Speaker 1: I'll come back. Look, I was just telling him, I'm like, bro,
Speaker 1: I know my cities is big, but like on camera,
Speaker 1: they look really big, like they look really big. They
Speaker 1: look really really really really really big. He said. I
Speaker 1: don't think it's the camera, it's not they are big.
Speaker 1: And the crazy part is, y'all will never believe is
Speaker 1: I had a breast reduction before. I know, y'all like
Speaker 1: what bitch. When I had a breast reduction after I
Speaker 1: had my son and he was born in twenty eleven,
Speaker 1: I probably had it in like twenty twelve. And the
Speaker 1: crazy party is, I don't know. I think it's a
Speaker 1: weight loss thing too, Like I guess, I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I've never really lost weight for I mean I have,
Speaker 1: but not like for real, for real, So I don't
Speaker 1: know if that's the thing, like you, I don't know.
Speaker 1: But anyway, when I had got it, I told them
Speaker 1: that I wanted to be like a very low beacup,
Speaker 1: so I made them. I was like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: like thirty four beer. It seemed like they were small
Speaker 1: at the time, but them bitches grew. They literally grew
Speaker 1: right back like that. Shit was sick as hell. I
Speaker 1: feel like I only had b side cities to a
Speaker 1: day and then they was back. So it was kind
Speaker 1: of a waste. And I just had a homegirl that
Speaker 1: just I don't know if she got it. Did she
Speaker 1: get it? I think she did say she got it,
Speaker 1: And she was asking me, like what's gonna happen? What
Speaker 1: do I need to know? I ain't gonna lie. They
Speaker 1: was telling me to get like certain like healing like
Speaker 1: creams and shit to put on. And I did have
Speaker 1: like some bad scarring like and they also you gotta
Speaker 1: think they took my whole nipple off and put my
Speaker 1: nipple back off, so like, I don't know, it ain't
Speaker 1: nothing wrong my titties. It's just it's just a little scarring,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And then like on the
Speaker 1: sides here, like I look like I got stabbed with them,
Speaker 1: like somebody slash marsh it. But I don't really pay
Speaker 1: attention to that. And you know, I don't know, but
Speaker 1: you just have to learn to love yourself the way
Speaker 1: that you are. I guess I don't know, but my
Speaker 1: titties was big, but they still fucking big. I don't
Speaker 1: know if the niggas love them. Temper rats. It's giving
Speaker 1: healing energy. It's giving, it's giving healing energy. And this
Speaker 1: is what is it hashtag hell Girl summer. So let's
Speaker 1: focus on healing, guys. Let's focus on starting a new
Speaker 1: and moving forward, new pages, new chapters, new levels, healing
Speaker 1: ourselves mentally, physically, spiritually, making sure that you have a
Speaker 1: good temperament. Because it's a lot of mad ass bitches
Speaker 1: out here. Okay, mad as hell, Relax, take a chill pill.
Speaker 1: It's the mad ass bitches hopping out for me. It ooh,
Speaker 1: and I don't even be liking the rea. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: read how they came out. We got the nine of
Speaker 1: Cups in reverse, which is a wish unfulfilled, followed by
Speaker 1: the three as swords. It's giving that someone needs to
Speaker 1: heal from a breakup or like whatever, a bad relationship, whatever, Uh,
Speaker 1: somebody not getting what they want. It's giving with this
Speaker 1: upside down because then the right side up, it's like
Speaker 1: somebody like, yeah, I got all my cups. Whatever upside
Speaker 1: down is given mad with your arms folded, like not
Speaker 1: getting what you want it? You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: followed by the you know but a again, what was
Speaker 1: I talking about earlier? Accountability? Like you gotta take accountability
Speaker 1: for your shit. You gotta take accountability for your shit.
Speaker 1: The justice is there, reviss. This is so funny, Like
Speaker 1: I can't make this shit up. Bro, I don't be
Speaker 1: picking these cars out. They come out themselves. Baby, you
Speaker 1: need to heal whoever this message is for, you need
Speaker 1: to heal. I just told you we're in Saturn retrograde
Speaker 1: right now, and motherfuckers is gonna get what they deserve.
Speaker 1: The seeds that you saw, that shit is gonna come back,
Speaker 1: so you need to make sure you gotta move right
Speaker 1: in this lifetime. The Seven of Pinnacles came out and reverse,
Speaker 1: so whatever whatever you thought you was working on didn't work.
Speaker 1: Page of Swords, Niggas is watching, Niggas is lurking, Nina
Speaker 1: Ones and the Seven of swords. It it's giving con
Speaker 1: artists vibes. It's giving scam vibes. It's giving like it's
Speaker 1: giving somebody plan didn't work out. It's giving somebody's plan
Speaker 1: didn't work out. You need to come up with a
Speaker 1: new plan. You need to make a better plan, and
Speaker 1: you need to go here. The Devil card, Bro, Bro Bro,
Speaker 1: the Devil card Lord. I don't even be trying to
Speaker 1: make shit about shit, but spirit gonna make shit about shit.
Speaker 1: The Double card, the King of Wands and the two
Speaker 1: Pinnacles in reverse again, the Devil card is giving. It
Speaker 1: is giving scam vibes. It's giving con artists, it's giving
Speaker 1: toxic energy. Is get bro. Like the way that you
Speaker 1: move in this lifetime, the way that you move, or
Speaker 1: the energy that you put out, the things that you
Speaker 1: do are going to come back. Tenfolk, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. You're whatever you put out is going to
Speaker 1: come back. So stop pretending that you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Like even on the Internet in general, like with Instagram
Speaker 1: and everything, like a lot of people pretend and they
Speaker 1: put on these facades and all of that shit. Like
Speaker 1: I don't believe shit on Instagram for real, Like a
Speaker 1: lot of that shit be fake and it ends up
Speaker 1: coming out like just recently on TikTok, and this shit
Speaker 1: was just on my feed like crazy. I guess it
Speaker 1: was a couple on there, a little TikTok couple, but
Speaker 1: they was very They were very toxic though, Like they
Speaker 1: didn't even make cute videos or nothing. It was very
Speaker 1: toxic and you could tell that they were toxic. That
Speaker 1: man ended up shooting her in the face, and everybody
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, like that's what I'm saying, like,
Speaker 1: and I said that that's the case with everybody, or
Speaker 1: but with anything, you know what I'm saying, Like, I
Speaker 1: feel like spirituality is definitely a trend now on the internet.
Speaker 1: You can't believe all that. You can't be buying products
Speaker 1: from everybody, you can't be just you know what I'm saying, like,
Speaker 1: you don't know what people is really into. You don't
Speaker 1: know what people is really on until you in the
Speaker 1: same vicinity as them. Let's take a couple more and
Speaker 1: be done. I don't I don't what what what is
Speaker 1: the message here?
Speaker 2: Everything's in reverse.
Speaker 1: Six lines in reverse, page of pinnacles in reverse like
Speaker 1: bad offers and not and not going nowhere. That's crazy.
Speaker 1: I feel like that reading was for someone it like
Speaker 1: in particular. But we're not gonna get too much into it.
Speaker 1: That's just the vibes, that's the energy. But like I
Speaker 1: don't know. I will say this though, back to what
Speaker 1: I was saying earlier. You know how I said that
Speaker 1: I hate it change and again, and I'm really working
Speaker 1: on embracing it. Anybody can change. Anybody can change. Everybody
Speaker 1: can change. You can change your life today. You can
Speaker 1: decide to be better today. You could take a step
Speaker 1: forward and do something different today, just like I did.
Speaker 1: Just like I up and left Detroit and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get on my shit and I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: better for myself. And I'm like, you can change, but
Speaker 1: you have to be willing to do that. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. You can make a better life for yourself.
Speaker 1: You're hearing it from the horse's mouth. You can make
Speaker 1: a better life for yourself because I did it. I'm
Speaker 1: doing it, you know what I'm saying. And I don't
Speaker 1: know everybody, Like I said earlier, just like when I'm
Speaker 1: talking about the whole little thing that stuck with me
Speaker 1: about what my baby Daddy said to me, like, oh,
Speaker 1: everybody else life. You know, everybody else basically got they
Speaker 1: life figured out, like you just not figuring out cool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: some people are just not figuring it out, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And everybody is not on the same page.
Speaker 1: Everybody is not running the same race. Everybody ain't got
Speaker 1: on the same shoes, everybody ain't got the same resources,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So walk on your path.
Speaker 1: And that's where I am now, Like, that's why I'm
Speaker 1: so cool with being in my own bubble. I'm so
Speaker 1: cool with being alone because I'm on my own path.
Speaker 1: I'm going at my own pace, and I'm at peace
Speaker 1: with that. So I encourage everybody else to walk on
Speaker 1: your own path, do what works for you. Like I
Speaker 1: don't want y'all to look to me and just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just do everything that Jes said and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do it her way. That may not work for you,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, But take whatever you know,
Speaker 1: take what works for you, and leave the rest. You
Speaker 1: might not be able to do everything that I did
Speaker 1: and the way that I did it, but you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Your journey is your journey, So do
Speaker 1: whatever works for you, you know what I'm saying, and do
Speaker 1: it the right way and focus on healing, because that's
Speaker 1: where the healing journe money is a never ending process,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. You're not gonna wake up
Speaker 1: one day and just be completely healed. Nobody is just
Speaker 1: like your everyday life is a journey, and it's like
Speaker 1: you just wake up and just go with the flow.
Speaker 1: Like so it's healing and some days you gonna you're
Speaker 1: gonna get triggered. Some days you're gonna miss some shit.
Speaker 1: Some days you're gonna cry something, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like we're human, we all go through that. But the
Speaker 1: point is to keep moving forward and embracing change. And
Speaker 1: that's all I got for y'all for the one year episode. Cheers,