WEBVTT 1 00:00:12.640 --> 00:00:28.679 Alright, it's seven pm Friday. It's ninety five degrease. It's like, no, 2 00:00:28.879 --> 00:00:32.719 it's eight o'clock. But y'all, y'all catch my drift. Welcome 3 00:00:32.799 --> 00:00:37.200 back to the Black E experience. This is the ding 4 00:00:37.320 --> 00:00:41.960 ding ding ming ming the is it the celebration episode. 5 00:00:43.840 --> 00:00:50.359 It's like a celebration episode, a anniversary episode. It's like 6 00:00:50.399 --> 00:00:53.039 a new year episode, cause I'm about to reflect back 7 00:00:53.119 --> 00:01:04.079 on the year that I've had because today is actually 8 00:01:05.959 --> 00:01:12.519 the twenty six but July fourteenth made it one year 9 00:01:13.400 --> 00:01:19.439 that I've been in Dallas. I did it, y'all. I 10 00:01:19.680 --> 00:01:23.879 did it after two failed attempts. You know what I'm saying. 11 00:01:23.920 --> 00:01:27.200 First I went to Florida, and when I got there, 12 00:01:27.239 --> 00:01:29.239 we all knew that wasn't really where I wanted to be. 13 00:01:29.359 --> 00:01:31.000 But you know, I just tried to make it work 14 00:01:31.040 --> 00:01:33.079 on a fly because I'm like, oh, my dad is here, 15 00:01:33.680 --> 00:01:37.239 I don't have support. And then that didn't work out. 16 00:01:37.400 --> 00:01:39.920 And then I went to Cali and that really was 17 00:01:39.959 --> 00:01:41.640 where I wanted to be, But I did that shit 18 00:01:41.680 --> 00:01:45.480 on the fly and my wings wasn't strong enough yet, 19 00:01:45.799 --> 00:01:49.840 and I went back to de Trade again. Well not again, 20 00:01:50.480 --> 00:01:52.920 cause yeah, I just went straight there. But after that, 21 00:01:54.200 --> 00:01:56.239 I'm like, I'm gonna do this one more time. They 22 00:01:56.319 --> 00:02:00.359 say third times to charm my birthday. Three three, that's 23 00:02:00.400 --> 00:02:04.239 my lucky number, that's my favorite number. So it worked out. 24 00:02:04.400 --> 00:02:08.280 So this is the celebration episode. I had to give 25 00:02:08.319 --> 00:02:12.680 me a long, a little wine. Nothing too serious. It 26 00:02:12.680 --> 00:02:18.080 ain't no a suspades. But I should have known this 27 00:02:18.159 --> 00:02:20.280 was going to be an issue. I should have had 28 00:02:20.280 --> 00:02:23.520 this ready before I before I started. Let's see. I'm 29 00:02:23.560 --> 00:02:29.560 gonna get it though, But yes, July fourteenth made it 30 00:02:29.719 --> 00:02:34.000 one year. I can't even see where the little and 31 00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:36.919 they ain't even got the little that made me get 32 00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:39.599 yett on have to use my teeth. But I know 33 00:02:39.680 --> 00:02:41.919 y'all want to see what this mouth. Dude, that's crazy. 34 00:02:44.439 --> 00:02:48.439 It ain't look he comeing to help me, thank you. 35 00:02:50.280 --> 00:02:55.960 But anyway, July fourteenth made it one year, guys, one 36 00:02:56.439 --> 00:03:00.560 freaking year. It's been a crazy year, and I feel 37 00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:05.400 like I live on autopilot, which is really not a 38 00:03:05.439 --> 00:03:10.199 good thing. Like it's not a good thing for anybody. 39 00:03:10.199 --> 00:03:12.360 I hope y'all are not living on autopilot. I hope 40 00:03:12.400 --> 00:03:14.759 that if you are watching this and you come to 41 00:03:14.800 --> 00:03:17.360 the realization, like damn, I'm living on auto pilots, just 42 00:03:17.360 --> 00:03:20.800 getting up doing the same shit every day, just shaking 43 00:03:20.840 --> 00:03:23.680 and moving, like not even paying attention, not being present, 44 00:03:23.840 --> 00:03:28.039 like literally just zoned out going through your life. You 45 00:03:28.080 --> 00:03:31.639 cannot live your life like that, bro, I be living 46 00:03:31.639 --> 00:03:33.879 on autopilot. It wasn't until I don't even know if 47 00:03:33.919 --> 00:03:37.400 it was the actual day, like if it was the fourteenth, 48 00:03:37.639 --> 00:03:41.120 when I looked at the calendar or whatever. But I 49 00:03:41.199 --> 00:03:44.599 was like, damn, it's been a year. It's been a year. 50 00:03:44.680 --> 00:03:48.599 And then I'm a motherfucker that don't document shit besides 51 00:03:48.639 --> 00:03:51.360 the podcast, and y'all know, I done took a little 52 00:03:51.400 --> 00:03:53.879 hiatus from that just because of life in the season 53 00:03:53.879 --> 00:03:57.599 that I'm and then I'll get into that. But I 54 00:03:57.599 --> 00:04:00.080 don't take a lot of pictures. I don't do a 55 00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:07.319 lot of videos, And I think that makes me feel 56 00:04:07.360 --> 00:04:10.759 like even though that's not the only way to show 57 00:04:10.800 --> 00:04:12.960 that you mak in progress, because if I just look 58 00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:16.639 at my life, nigga, progress, you feel me. But like, 59 00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:21.000 it is good to document your journey. It is good 60 00:04:21.040 --> 00:04:23.360 to take pictures. It is good to take videos because 61 00:04:23.399 --> 00:04:24.920 you look up and be like, dang, you know what 62 00:04:24.959 --> 00:04:28.319 I'm saying, Like I look at my life and be like, dang, 63 00:04:28.360 --> 00:04:31.360 a lot has happened, but I don't have nothing to 64 00:04:31.399 --> 00:04:34.720 really like look back on. And so I look at 65 00:04:34.759 --> 00:04:37.439 some of the pictures that I do post or whatever, 66 00:04:37.480 --> 00:04:39.759 like I don't post a lot, but I do just 67 00:04:39.839 --> 00:04:42.879 look back and like, dang, just reminisce on, Dang, this 68 00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:44.959 was this, This was the day that I touched down. 69 00:04:44.959 --> 00:04:46.879 This was the day that this happened. Like or you know, 70 00:04:46.959 --> 00:04:49.000 I look at I mean, look at pictures or you 71 00:04:49.040 --> 00:04:52.160 know how you got like the little highlights on your Instagram, 72 00:04:52.360 --> 00:04:54.360 or even if you don't post the highlights, like you 73 00:04:54.360 --> 00:04:56.079 could still go back and look at like the stories 74 00:04:56.079 --> 00:04:59.279 that you posted on a certain day and thank you. 75 00:05:01.279 --> 00:05:03.720 So I kind of looked at that, and I'm just like, dang, 76 00:05:04.040 --> 00:05:10.279 we gotta pull up, we gotta poe up, Pull me up, baby, 77 00:05:10.319 --> 00:05:13.199 pull me up to the top, to the brown, the 78 00:05:13.319 --> 00:05:16.720 overflow of abundance in my life to the top. Cheers. Okay, 79 00:05:16.720 --> 00:05:24.199 we were cheersing too. We're cheersing to a successful year, 80 00:05:25.639 --> 00:05:31.959 accomplishing our goals, pressing forward, moving forward through all the obstacles, 81 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:37.160 through all the drama, through all the bullshit, thriving, glowing. 82 00:05:37.399 --> 00:05:39.000 Look at he said he came in. He was like, 83 00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:41.319 your skin looks really good. Is going out? Yeah, it's 84 00:05:41.360 --> 00:05:46.879 the fuck nigga free glow. Okay, so just baby, baby, 85 00:05:47.439 --> 00:05:52.240 pour into yourself, love yourself, listen to your intuition, follow 86 00:05:52.279 --> 00:05:59.000 your goals, work hard, beat that bitch period. Be who 87 00:05:59.040 --> 00:06:03.199 you are, Who be who you are, be who you 88 00:06:03.279 --> 00:06:07.319 are destined to be. This is Destiny's child right here. Okay, 89 00:06:07.639 --> 00:06:21.000 this is God's favorite. Cheers, go straight to the cooochie chakra. Okay, no, 90 00:06:21.120 --> 00:06:23.199 that's what. That ain't really what. I don't drink no 91 00:06:23.240 --> 00:06:25.480 more because I get hangovers every time I drink. But 92 00:06:25.600 --> 00:06:28.439 you know, drink its just make you drinking or hat 93 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:36.839 you on the phone calling. But anyway, so yeah, I 94 00:06:37.000 --> 00:06:40.759 was like, I had a little moment and I started reminiscing, 95 00:06:40.759 --> 00:06:42.360 and I'm like, oh my god, it's been a year. 96 00:06:42.560 --> 00:06:46.360 So I gotta reflect that. I gotta I got. I'm 97 00:06:46.360 --> 00:06:48.480 about to take you back, even though y'all kind of 98 00:06:48.759 --> 00:06:51.879 you know, heard the story through the episode, But now 99 00:06:51.879 --> 00:06:56.279 I gotta go back and reflect. I gotta rewind before 100 00:06:56.319 --> 00:06:58.040 I get shot to where I am today because so 101 00:06:58.120 --> 00:07:01.399 much has happened the last episode. I brought my homegirl 102 00:07:01.439 --> 00:07:05.600 Christina on here. Shout out to Christina. And even after that, 103 00:07:05.680 --> 00:07:08.240 it was so many times I didn't even say that 104 00:07:08.319 --> 00:07:10.560 Tom yet, but I'm like it was. I booked a 105 00:07:10.600 --> 00:07:14.279 session here so many times, like and I had to 106 00:07:14.319 --> 00:07:16.439 like cancel or couldn't come or like this shit just 107 00:07:16.480 --> 00:07:19.279 kept happening. I'm like, damn, like, am I ever gonna 108 00:07:19.480 --> 00:07:22.360 go back and make an episode? And so like? And 109 00:07:22.439 --> 00:07:24.079 then today I ain't gonna lie. I didn't even want 110 00:07:24.079 --> 00:07:25.879 to come today cause I was like, I want to 111 00:07:25.879 --> 00:07:27.759 get my nailsun, I want to get my lashes done, 112 00:07:27.759 --> 00:07:29.439 I want to get my toes done. I'm like, Jazmin, 113 00:07:29.560 --> 00:07:32.319 nobody cares about any of those things. These niggas can't 114 00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:34.720 even see your toes under the table right now, Like 115 00:07:34.879 --> 00:07:37.120 what just making up an excuse on top of the 116 00:07:37.120 --> 00:07:41.399 fact that it's so weird, it's so fucking I'm so 117 00:07:41.480 --> 00:07:47.639 weird and I'm so crazy. Like I complained a lot 118 00:07:48.079 --> 00:07:50.040 about and we're gonna get to all of this too. 119 00:07:50.240 --> 00:07:52.879 I complain a lot about having to work two jobs 120 00:07:53.040 --> 00:07:56.480 and oh, I'm just so tired. I'm so drained. I 121 00:07:56.519 --> 00:08:00.240 don't make no content no more. I don't do the podcast. Yeah, 122 00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:03.839 so I'm not doing yoga. I'm not being then when 123 00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:06.240 the opportunity comes, when you got the time to do it, 124 00:08:06.279 --> 00:08:09.399 when you wanna do it. I really like, the job 125 00:08:09.519 --> 00:08:12.759 is gonna fucking drain me till it ain't nothing left. 126 00:08:12.959 --> 00:08:15.000 So it's like, and you know what I'm saying, Like 127 00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:16.920 when I come in here, I light up. I love 128 00:08:17.000 --> 00:08:19.639 this shit I could do. I do do this shit 129 00:08:19.680 --> 00:08:21.399 for free, but I have gotten paid for it. But 130 00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:24.720 you know, like but I needed this. I had to 131 00:08:24.720 --> 00:08:28.879 get back to like this is going to I don't know, 132 00:08:29.079 --> 00:08:32.039 like this like light's a little fire in me. This 133 00:08:32.120 --> 00:08:34.759 is me pouring into myself. This is like what I'm 134 00:08:34.799 --> 00:08:37.039 born to, fucking do you know what I'm saying, Like, 135 00:08:37.519 --> 00:08:40.240 don't forget that the jobs, and we don't get into that, 136 00:08:40.320 --> 00:08:42.840 but the jobs, obviously I need them and that's what 137 00:08:42.919 --> 00:08:45.159 got me to this point. That's what's helping me, you know, 138 00:08:45.399 --> 00:08:48.919 like sustain and like maintain and be able to do 139 00:08:49.120 --> 00:08:51.720 everything that I need to do. But baby, this is me, 140 00:08:52.039 --> 00:08:54.759 this right here, is this is really the bread and butter. 141 00:08:54.960 --> 00:08:57.720 So like I don't know, but you know, we always 142 00:08:58.159 --> 00:09:02.600 we fall off. Sometimes we lose sight of things we 143 00:09:04.120 --> 00:09:06.399 and then you just gotta understand what season of your 144 00:09:06.440 --> 00:09:09.639 life you're in, you know, because and I'm gonna just 145 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:11.039 get to all of that. I'm gonna get to all 146 00:09:11.120 --> 00:09:14.559 of that because your girls stay going through a season, 147 00:09:14.600 --> 00:09:16.360 and every time I'm in that bitch, I'm like, when 148 00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:19.679 am I getting to the next to when you wanted 149 00:09:19.679 --> 00:09:23.480 to jump back to old seasons? Fast forward to new seasons? 150 00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:28.559 Give me the best season, like bro I but anyway, 151 00:09:28.639 --> 00:09:36.080 let's take it back. Let's take it back. Okay. July fourteenth, 152 00:09:36.120 --> 00:09:41.759 twenty twenty three, That's when I booked the one way 153 00:09:41.919 --> 00:09:48.720 flight to Dallas, and I was feeling so many different emotions, 154 00:09:48.799 --> 00:09:54.399 like I was excited to leave, I was excited to come. 155 00:09:55.399 --> 00:09:58.320 I was excited for what was ahead of me. I knew, 156 00:09:58.399 --> 00:10:01.799 I knew that it was gonna be crazy, and I 157 00:10:01.919 --> 00:10:07.080 had had mixed feelings about coming because my intuition, like 158 00:10:07.159 --> 00:10:09.240 with the situation that I was in at the time, 159 00:10:09.799 --> 00:10:13.679 my intuition was like red flag. It was like jazzmin, 160 00:10:13.759 --> 00:10:16.919 don't do it. But it was also like I can't 161 00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:19.679 stay in Detroit because nothing is happening here for me. 162 00:10:19.799 --> 00:10:21.480 You know what I'm saying. I'd have been here all 163 00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:26.200 my fucking life. The job situation is not really paying 164 00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:29.279 off for me. At the time, I was only teaching 165 00:10:29.399 --> 00:10:32.879 yoga and that is not enough money, nigga. That's like 166 00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:35.559 fill up your gas tank, get a little quick meal 167 00:10:35.639 --> 00:10:39.240 from the kony like it would like. No, it wasn't nothing. 168 00:10:39.279 --> 00:10:44.519 I love yoga, I love teaching it, but no, that's 169 00:10:44.559 --> 00:10:50.720 not it. I felt crazy as hell leaving my son. 170 00:10:51.639 --> 00:10:54.240 You know, at that time, it had only been a 171 00:10:54.279 --> 00:10:58.159 discussion between me and my son and my mom that 172 00:10:58.240 --> 00:11:00.360 I was leaving. My mom was like, I'm giving you 173 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:02.600 two weeks to figure it out, you know what I'm saying. 174 00:11:02.600 --> 00:11:05.240 And her thing was like I was gonna come back. Shit. 175 00:11:05.279 --> 00:11:07.440 I don't know. I don't know why. She thought it 176 00:11:07.480 --> 00:11:10.120 was just gonna be like, oh, you can go and 177 00:11:10.200 --> 00:11:13.039 just see what's going on. I already knew what it was. 178 00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:15.159 I was like, I'm leaving and I'm about to get 179 00:11:15.279 --> 00:11:18.639 on my shit and I'm not coming back. You know, 180 00:11:18.759 --> 00:11:21.240 I had had the discussion with my son. My son 181 00:11:21.279 --> 00:11:23.919 already knew what it was like. You know, your mama 182 00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:25.960 been trying to get on her feet and just get 183 00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:28.960 some stability for us, Like I'm not gonna have it here. 184 00:11:29.039 --> 00:11:31.080 I'm not trying to live with my mom forever, you 185 00:11:31.159 --> 00:11:33.960 know what I'm saying, And like again, it just nothing 186 00:11:34.120 --> 00:11:37.559 was happening there for me. I wasn't receiving the proper 187 00:11:37.639 --> 00:11:39.960 support from the co parent. You know what I'm saying. 188 00:11:39.960 --> 00:11:42.879 It's just like you don't really want to help me 189 00:11:43.200 --> 00:11:44.679 the way that I need to be helped. And I'm 190 00:11:44.720 --> 00:11:48.600 not saying help me, but I'm saying, like, support our 191 00:11:48.720 --> 00:11:51.200 child in the situation to where I can get on 192 00:11:51.200 --> 00:11:54.120 my feet. You just want to do oh, I'm only 193 00:11:54.120 --> 00:11:56.320 doing this over here type shit. So it was like, 194 00:11:57.480 --> 00:12:00.679 how am I ever going to be able to get 195 00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:03.159 above water? You know what I'm saying, Like, because I'm 196 00:12:03.279 --> 00:12:08.159 drowning and I'm not even able to take care of 197 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:10.600 myself and I got my kid with And I'm not 198 00:12:10.639 --> 00:12:14.279 saying that it's anybody else's respect, but as the other parent, 199 00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:18.639 you could provide support to this side to help with 200 00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:20.480 him so that I can get in a better place. 201 00:12:20.559 --> 00:12:23.600 If I'm struggling by myself, we're both struggling, then you 202 00:12:23.639 --> 00:12:27.120 know what I'm saying. And if you're able and capable, 203 00:12:27.279 --> 00:12:29.759 and you know what I'm saying, if you're able to 204 00:12:29.840 --> 00:12:32.919 do it, I don't understand why you want to see 205 00:12:32.919 --> 00:12:38.279 me struggle. So it was deuces. It was like, hey, y'all, 206 00:12:38.320 --> 00:12:40.519 I'm about to show y'all. I'm about to show y'all. 207 00:12:40.759 --> 00:12:43.519 Cause again, another thing with that whole situation, with the 208 00:12:43.559 --> 00:12:46.240 co parents situation, I feel like motherfucker's always wanted to 209 00:12:46.600 --> 00:12:48.639 play the narrative like I was just a bum ass 210 00:12:48.679 --> 00:12:50.720 bitch and I'm just not doing shit with my life 211 00:12:50.759 --> 00:12:53.039 and I'm just a dream chaser and I just live 212 00:12:53.080 --> 00:12:55.200 in this little fantasy ass land that I do because 213 00:12:55.240 --> 00:12:57.960 I'm a Pisti's but also don't play me like I'm 214 00:12:58.000 --> 00:12:59.639 a bum ass bitch and like I just don't have 215 00:12:59.639 --> 00:13:02.679 shit for myself, Like you know what I'm saying. So 216 00:13:03.399 --> 00:13:06.480 I'm a show niggas. Okay, I'm a show niggas. So 217 00:13:06.720 --> 00:13:11.360 I hopped on that flight, all these mixed emotions whatever. 218 00:13:12.200 --> 00:13:15.600 Uh. 219 00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:18.559 I remember when we like getting to the airport and 220 00:13:18.559 --> 00:13:22.639 all of that, I was just like, damn, I'm really 221 00:13:22.639 --> 00:13:26.080 fucking doing this. And then I remember like I had 222 00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:29.320 actually got on the plane and we were supposed to 223 00:13:29.320 --> 00:13:30.720 be getting ready to take off, and they was like, oh, 224 00:13:30.799 --> 00:13:32.600 it's something wrong with the plane. I'm like, oh, this 225 00:13:32.679 --> 00:13:35.000 is a sign I'm not supposed to go. This is 226 00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:37.399 God telling me not to go. And I'm like, man, 227 00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:39.639 if they tell me that, like the flight and not 228 00:13:39.720 --> 00:13:42.480 taken off, I was gonna really be heartbroken because I 229 00:13:42.519 --> 00:13:45.200 really did want to go. But I was like something 230 00:13:45.200 --> 00:13:47.639 in me was like, oh that that just mean jazz 231 00:13:47.720 --> 00:13:49.679 and you wasn't supposed to do it. But then we 232 00:13:49.720 --> 00:13:51.679 sat there for about twenty thirty minutes and they was like, 233 00:13:51.679 --> 00:13:53.120 all right, we're about to take off, and I'm like, 234 00:13:53.200 --> 00:13:58.600 oh shit, I'm about to go. So then I fucking landed. 235 00:13:58.679 --> 00:14:00.120 I got there. I'm not gonna go through it. Re 236 00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:03.559 fucking detail. Y'all know the situation, you know what I'm saying. 237 00:14:03.600 --> 00:14:06.039 The whole point for me to come here, not the 238 00:14:06.080 --> 00:14:08.799 whole point, but a very big part of the reason 239 00:14:08.840 --> 00:14:11.240 why I came here was because you know, you know, 240 00:14:11.440 --> 00:14:13.559 I thought I was locked in with somebody, so whatever. 241 00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:19.320 But immediately even through that situation, I don't know, I 242 00:14:19.399 --> 00:14:22.120 just feel like the signs were there. I'll just say 243 00:14:22.120 --> 00:14:24.879 that the signs were there for me early, so whatever, 244 00:14:25.080 --> 00:14:27.320 Like y'all, we're not gonna go through that whole situation again. 245 00:14:27.639 --> 00:14:33.639 Just a bunch of bs. And let's see fast forward, 246 00:14:33.720 --> 00:14:36.759 fast forward, so we know what happened with that situation. 247 00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:40.559 We know that I ended up leaving where I was, 248 00:14:41.559 --> 00:14:45.320 and from that point, I was like, damn, now I'm homeless. 249 00:14:45.799 --> 00:14:48.000 I have a job, but but wait, okay, wait, let 250 00:14:48.039 --> 00:14:49.279 me back up, Let me back up a little bit, 251 00:14:49.320 --> 00:14:52.080 let me back up. I love how I had a 252 00:14:52.159 --> 00:14:54.559 job as soon as I stepped off the plane. Okay, baby, 253 00:14:55.039 --> 00:14:59.159 luxury jobs, luxury hotels. Bitch always had a good ass 254 00:14:59.240 --> 00:15:04.360 job this whole fucking time. Like so whatever, yeah, whatever, 255 00:15:04.559 --> 00:15:05.960 I had a job as soon as I stepped off 256 00:15:05.960 --> 00:15:09.720 the plane, like I was, I was in my bag okay, 257 00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:15.240 like on my shit whatever, just feeling really good about myself. 258 00:15:15.279 --> 00:15:19.200 But anyway, so y'all know that little situation happened or whatever. 259 00:15:19.240 --> 00:15:21.200 Fast forward. So I left that situation, I was like, damn, 260 00:15:21.240 --> 00:15:23.679 I'm homeless, but I have a job at least, And 261 00:15:23.759 --> 00:15:30.360 so then I ended up talking to a colleague, a 262 00:15:30.399 --> 00:15:32.840 coworker that ended up let me stay with her, which 263 00:15:32.960 --> 00:15:37.679 was so fucking crazy. But again, God's favorite, God's child, 264 00:15:37.759 --> 00:15:40.960 Destiny's child, Like I don't know, shit just works out 265 00:15:40.960 --> 00:15:45.279 for me. So my coworker lets me stay with her, 266 00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:48.159 and she has a daughter and whatever, like it just 267 00:15:48.200 --> 00:15:50.960 worked out, and we worked two different shifts, like she 268 00:15:51.080 --> 00:15:55.840 worked the night shift. I worked during the day. You know, 269 00:15:55.960 --> 00:15:57.759 like I was able to stay with her daughter overnight, 270 00:15:58.000 --> 00:15:59.799 like without her feeling some type of you know what 271 00:15:59.799 --> 00:16:03.159 I'm I'm saying, like, cause it's hard to get child here, nigga, 272 00:16:03.360 --> 00:16:05.240 you know what I'm saying, especially if you baby daddy 273 00:16:05.240 --> 00:16:08.200 ain't helping. So it like everything just kind of worked out. 274 00:16:10.080 --> 00:16:14.240 So you know, I had that job, y'all know, like 275 00:16:14.279 --> 00:16:16.799 I'm not just gonna go into every fucking detail, but 276 00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:19.759 that was very good for me. I was very grateful. 277 00:16:20.080 --> 00:16:21.960 Oh wait, let me back up, Let me back up 278 00:16:23.080 --> 00:16:32.440 right rewind reine wait before that, Okay, So when I 279 00:16:32.559 --> 00:16:36.279 was that when I when I first got here, I 280 00:16:36.399 --> 00:16:42.120 was staying with my homegirl. Shout out to Chantonnay. I 281 00:16:42.159 --> 00:16:45.840 am really grateful for the relationship that her and I 282 00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:50.240 have and that we built over time. I think that 283 00:16:50.480 --> 00:16:57.080 Chantonnay was very instrumental in like my time here in Dallas, 284 00:16:57.519 --> 00:17:00.600 and like I said, she inspired me. She was actually 285 00:17:00.600 --> 00:17:03.480 supposed to come on here, but it just whatever. We'll 286 00:17:03.480 --> 00:17:06.839 see about getting her on here. But me and Chantiney 287 00:17:06.920 --> 00:17:10.359 had really connected because she's a black woman. She's a 288 00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:15.240 mother of three, a motherfucking hustler, grinder, get it out 289 00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:17.960 the mud, like you know what I'm saying, Like she's 290 00:17:19.119 --> 00:17:22.559 the epitome of a black woman. Okay, gonna get it done. 291 00:17:22.880 --> 00:17:24.599 And I think, like, you know, me and her had 292 00:17:24.640 --> 00:17:30.319 had so many conversations before I even came here, and 293 00:17:30.359 --> 00:17:32.559 I feel like our situations was kind of similar in 294 00:17:32.599 --> 00:17:37.440 certain ways and stuff. But like when I came here 295 00:17:37.599 --> 00:17:42.359 and like actually staying with her and just seeing like 296 00:17:42.519 --> 00:17:45.759 her strength and just everything, like that shit was very 297 00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:50.440 inspiring to be like, jazzmin you can do this, you 298 00:17:50.480 --> 00:17:53.920 know what I'm saying, Like because I only have one kid, 299 00:17:54.599 --> 00:17:56.519 and then my kid is not even here, you know 300 00:17:56.559 --> 00:17:59.160 what I'm saying, So it's like, get on your shit, 301 00:17:59.319 --> 00:18:04.119 do your shit whatever. So like I was just always 302 00:18:05.119 --> 00:18:10.480 inspired by her, like just her work, ethic, just excuse 303 00:18:10.559 --> 00:18:12.480 me her as like just as a mother and just 304 00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:15.799 you know, like it was just very inspiring to see. 305 00:18:15.799 --> 00:18:18.400 And I think that's kind of weird. Like I ain't 306 00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:20.720 gonna lie, but like she didn't like that shit rubbed 307 00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:25.799 off on me the whole just I don't know it 308 00:18:25.880 --> 00:18:29.000 rubbed off on me for sure, but I had to 309 00:18:29.039 --> 00:18:31.400 shout her out because like, and I mean we still 310 00:18:31.440 --> 00:18:33.640 talk to this day, you know what I'm saying, And like, 311 00:18:34.680 --> 00:18:36.960 I think she was very instrumental. And I also and 312 00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:39.599 I'm also just grateful for her, and I thank her 313 00:18:39.960 --> 00:18:42.880 because she opened up her doors to me, you know 314 00:18:42.920 --> 00:18:45.920 what I'm saying. Really didn't know her from a can 315 00:18:46.000 --> 00:18:50.960 of paint. We like, you know, we became friends through 316 00:18:51.319 --> 00:19:00.440 a mutual person. But very grateful because that really allowed 317 00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:02.279 me to get on my feet. And that's the thing, Like, 318 00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:09.319 you know, everybody, everybody's situation is not the same. I 319 00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:13.640 can't just advise somebody to just book a one way 320 00:19:13.680 --> 00:19:16.720 flight and go to another state and be like, just 321 00:19:16.759 --> 00:19:18.160 try to make it, you know what I'm saying, Like, 322 00:19:18.200 --> 00:19:21.039 your circumstances gotta be right. You gotta have a good 323 00:19:21.039 --> 00:19:23.359 support system. You gotta have your ducks in a row. 324 00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:26.440 It's not it. I mean, you can if you want to, 325 00:19:26.519 --> 00:19:29.200 but you really gotta have something. You gotta have something 326 00:19:29.240 --> 00:19:33.720 to stand on to make it. So, you know, that's 327 00:19:33.759 --> 00:19:37.559 not just something that everybody can do. But like I said, 328 00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:41.319 I'm just very grateful for her. She was very instrumental 329 00:19:41.400 --> 00:19:50.160 in this whole process, my journey always help me down, 330 00:19:50.279 --> 00:19:55.119 always have my back, like real and then okay, so 331 00:19:56.119 --> 00:19:58.000 all right, fast forward, so back to when I was 332 00:19:58.039 --> 00:20:02.440 staying with my coworker, and again we shout out to Mishka. Okay, 333 00:20:02.880 --> 00:20:06.839 because you were very instrumental in my journey as well. 334 00:20:06.920 --> 00:20:09.240 You did not have to open your doors to me, 335 00:20:09.400 --> 00:20:12.240 you know what I'm saying. Me and Mishka, we barely 336 00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:18.119 even knew each other, Like I said, we work different shifts. 337 00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:20.480 Like I would just see her on the tail end 338 00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:22.279 of her shit when she getting ready to leave at 339 00:20:22.279 --> 00:20:25.480 seven am and I'm coming in, like we exchanged words 340 00:20:25.519 --> 00:20:28.400 with laughing joke whatever. And I remember one day I 341 00:20:28.480 --> 00:20:31.160 just told her my situation in Maya when I had 342 00:20:31.240 --> 00:20:35.359 left where I was at. I stayed at a hotel 343 00:20:35.559 --> 00:20:38.680 for two days, well three days. I stayed at a 344 00:20:38.680 --> 00:20:41.000 hotel for three days, and I remember she told me. 345 00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:43.480 She was like, you know, it was going on to 346 00:20:43.599 --> 00:20:45.000 my third day and she was like, oh, well, you 347 00:20:45.039 --> 00:20:46.960 could just come stay in my house, like I got 348 00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:51.480 an extra room, I got a bed, whatever, And I'm like, okay, 349 00:20:51.839 --> 00:20:53.640 So I stayed at my hotel on the third day 350 00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:55.160 and then the next day it was like send me 351 00:20:55.200 --> 00:20:57.319 to Addy and then it was like and I'll never 352 00:20:57.400 --> 00:21:03.359 forget Okay, So okay, going back to when I when 353 00:21:03.359 --> 00:21:05.839 I left the first place, where when I left my 354 00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:08.039 first place and I was going to the second place. 355 00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:11.519 I remember how I felt that day when I was 356 00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:14.079 taking a lift to my coworker's house, and I just 357 00:21:14.400 --> 00:21:16.319 like all the emotions I was feeling. I was like, 358 00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:19.839 I don't want to like start over. I was missing 359 00:21:19.880 --> 00:21:23.079 where I used to stay. I was like dang, like 360 00:21:23.079 --> 00:21:25.160 like it was a whole different side of town. It 361 00:21:25.240 --> 00:21:27.279 was just so much. And I was just so sad 362 00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:29.680 because look, I'm getting teary eyed now because I was 363 00:21:29.720 --> 00:21:31.880 just so sad. I didn't want I didn't want to 364 00:21:31.920 --> 00:21:34.799 start over one thing about me. I'm not gonna lie. 365 00:21:34.839 --> 00:21:37.799 And it's so sad. It's so sad. I'm working on 366 00:21:38.359 --> 00:21:42.240 changing my perspective. I hate change. I'm not gonna lie. 367 00:21:42.880 --> 00:21:50.519 I absolulutely hate change. And you shouldn't because change is inevitable, 368 00:21:51.079 --> 00:21:53.799 you know what I'm saying, Like everything in life is 369 00:21:53.839 --> 00:21:57.440 constantly changing. The weather is changing, the seasons are changing, 370 00:21:57.480 --> 00:22:03.240 people are changing, You are changing, everything's changing, your job 371 00:22:03.400 --> 00:22:06.279 change whatever. You know what I'm saying, Like it's always 372 00:22:06.359 --> 00:22:10.839 new rules, it's new stuff. Everything changes, bro, so you 373 00:22:11.000 --> 00:22:14.960 have to embrace change. But it's just tough. I just 374 00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:17.759 hate it, Like I hate starting new, I hate starting 375 00:22:17.799 --> 00:22:21.200 over it because you know, it's just the uncertainty of things. 376 00:22:21.319 --> 00:22:24.480 It's like I gotta learn something new, I gotta whatever. 377 00:22:24.880 --> 00:22:26.640 Like I don't know, I just be in my scary, 378 00:22:26.839 --> 00:22:29.680 my scaredy cat bag and like I just hate change, 379 00:22:29.759 --> 00:22:32.359 but I'm working on it, so I like, so yeah, 380 00:22:32.400 --> 00:22:37.559 I just remember being in that lift and like I 381 00:22:37.599 --> 00:22:39.680 was like, oh my god, I don't want to do this. 382 00:22:39.920 --> 00:22:41.920 I didn't know how her house was gonna be. I 383 00:22:41.920 --> 00:22:44.279 didn't you know what I'm saying. And I remember my 384 00:22:44.319 --> 00:22:46.640 homegirl Panda. She was like, girl, anything is better than 385 00:22:46.640 --> 00:22:48.319 where you came from and what you were dealing with. 386 00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:53.759 Like the girl, just get over it. So yeah, and 387 00:22:53.799 --> 00:22:55.519 I just remember that day, that first day, like her 388 00:22:55.599 --> 00:22:59.000 daughter was like so hyped, like have me over there, 389 00:22:59.240 --> 00:23:04.319 Like her loved me, like kids loved me, and like 390 00:23:04.319 --> 00:23:07.000 like she thought I was her homegirl or she thought 391 00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:09.319 I was the same age as her, probably because we're 392 00:23:09.359 --> 00:23:12.359 the same hYP but you know, like it was a 393 00:23:12.480 --> 00:23:20.079 joy for sure, and again, just super fucking grateful again 394 00:23:20.359 --> 00:23:25.559 Destiny's child, God's favorite, cause I don't even know how 395 00:23:25.599 --> 00:23:29.079 the fuck I swung that. Like I remember being in 396 00:23:29.119 --> 00:23:33.640 the hotel on the third day, on that last day 397 00:23:33.720 --> 00:23:35.480 my hotel. Now, I think I'm about of cried a 398 00:23:35.519 --> 00:23:39.279 little bit that day, and I just remember like praying 399 00:23:39.400 --> 00:23:43.039 and asking God, like, bro, where do I go from here? 400 00:23:43.119 --> 00:23:45.160 Like what is the next step? What am I gonna do? 401 00:23:45.599 --> 00:23:49.480 I don't want to go back to Detroit, like, and 402 00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:52.799 then something just came over me and was like, Jazmine, 403 00:23:53.240 --> 00:23:55.519 you gotta keep going, you know what I'm saying, Like 404 00:23:55.880 --> 00:23:58.279 you not down to your last dollar? You not you 405 00:23:58.279 --> 00:24:00.359 know what I'm saying, Like just figure it out. Just 406 00:24:00.480 --> 00:24:03.839 keep going until you don't have no other options. But 407 00:24:04.920 --> 00:24:07.160 you ain't gotta give up. So I was just like 408 00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:10.920 fucking And that was like that day I decided that 409 00:24:10.920 --> 00:24:13.319 that was going to be my mindset going forward, Like 410 00:24:13.880 --> 00:24:17.559 until you ain't got no more fighting, no more options left, 411 00:24:18.079 --> 00:24:20.759 just keep fucking going, because that's what's gonna happen in life. 412 00:24:20.759 --> 00:24:25.839 You're gonna constantly, you know, come in contact with obstacles, 413 00:24:25.960 --> 00:24:31.279 speed bumps, monkey wrenches in the plant, haters, all of that, 414 00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:35.519 Like all of that, nothing's gonna stop. None of that 415 00:24:35.559 --> 00:24:39.200 shit is gonna stop, so you gotta keep fucking going. 416 00:24:39.799 --> 00:24:42.240 So I was able to do that. I was able 417 00:24:42.279 --> 00:24:50.000 to stay there, super grateful MM. So when I went there, 418 00:24:51.359 --> 00:24:58.240 it was October. So at that point I was at 419 00:24:58.319 --> 00:25:02.640 the I was at the second hotel that I had 420 00:25:02.680 --> 00:25:05.599 got a job at. Y'all know how that whole situation 421 00:25:05.680 --> 00:25:07.920 when we ain't run through all them niggas still be 422 00:25:07.920 --> 00:25:15.480 hating to this day, these motherfuckers. Okay, sidebar, The hotel 423 00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:18.279 that I work at now is right down the street 424 00:25:18.440 --> 00:25:24.680 from that hotel. We are actually required to park at 425 00:25:24.680 --> 00:25:29.920 the old hotels parking structure, right, and so sometimes I drive. 426 00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:32.440 Sometimes I don't have a car yet, but sometimes I drive. 427 00:25:32.599 --> 00:25:35.359 But I don't have a parking pass there yet, Like 428 00:25:35.559 --> 00:25:37.480 my job was on bullshit, like we don't. I don't 429 00:25:37.519 --> 00:25:39.920 know why they don't have all the parking passes for people. 430 00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:42.640 So you know, sometimes I do drive. So when I drive, 431 00:25:42.799 --> 00:25:45.240 I park in the parking structure and shout out to 432 00:25:45.240 --> 00:25:48.319 all my PMC niggas at that hotel because we still 433 00:25:48.319 --> 00:25:51.480 cool them, still my dogs. Like on my lunch break, 434 00:25:52.519 --> 00:25:56.279 I say, at least once a week, at least once 435 00:25:56.319 --> 00:25:58.119 a week, I'll walk down there and go kick it 436 00:25:58.119 --> 00:26:01.160 with my valet niggas because them is still my homeboys. 437 00:26:01.559 --> 00:26:03.720 They do not want me down there. They'd be like, 438 00:26:03.759 --> 00:26:07.000 you can't be on the property, blah blah blah. Like, Bro, 439 00:26:07.319 --> 00:26:11.000 I'm not down here causing commotion with the guests. I'm 440 00:26:11.039 --> 00:26:14.319 not speaking to y'all niggas. I'm not setting shit on fire. 441 00:26:14.519 --> 00:26:16.960 Like I can't come down here and be outside and 442 00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:20.839 talk to the valet haters. So anyway, so on the 443 00:26:20.920 --> 00:26:23.160 days that I do drive, you know, I park in there, 444 00:26:23.200 --> 00:26:25.240 but I didn't have a parking past yet. So the 445 00:26:25.319 --> 00:26:28.400 last time that I parked in there, when you have 446 00:26:28.440 --> 00:26:30.400 to walk through the hotel, you gotta walk past the 447 00:26:30.440 --> 00:26:32.839 little front desk kind of you gotta walk past the elevators. 448 00:26:32.839 --> 00:26:34.480 You gotta walk past the little Starbucks and go to 449 00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:38.839 the little back elevator. The hotel manager was getting on 450 00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:42.480 the elevator, and then it was some other other people 451 00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:44.480 that work around the hotel or whatever, and they saw 452 00:26:44.599 --> 00:26:46.920 me whatever. Some of them was talking to me, Oh, 453 00:26:46.960 --> 00:26:48.680 how's it going at such a such? I heard that 454 00:26:48.839 --> 00:26:53.400 it's cool whatever. Man, I do want to say the 455 00:26:53.440 --> 00:26:57.119 next couple of days, my current job It was actually 456 00:26:57.119 --> 00:26:59.920 on my off day. I was in the bed, which 457 00:26:59.920 --> 00:27:01.599 I really don't even get a lot off days. We're 458 00:27:01.599 --> 00:27:04.559 gonna get to that too. I was in the bed 459 00:27:06.039 --> 00:27:09.200 and oh, okay. It was on my off day for 460 00:27:09.319 --> 00:27:10.799 my main job. But I had to go to my 461 00:27:10.839 --> 00:27:13.440 second job. So I was chilling in the cut, you know, 462 00:27:13.559 --> 00:27:15.720 in the am, just waiting to go to my little 463 00:27:15.720 --> 00:27:20.039 PM shitt So my manager called me from my current job. 464 00:27:20.079 --> 00:27:22.519 I was like, hey, can you come in today? And 465 00:27:22.559 --> 00:27:25.599 I'm like, bro, I gotta go to my second job. 466 00:27:25.799 --> 00:27:27.880 But I was like at the time, I did need 467 00:27:27.880 --> 00:27:30.319 the hours and I didn't need the money, so I'm like, Okay, 468 00:27:30.440 --> 00:27:32.519 I'll come in or whatever. He was like, oh, and 469 00:27:32.559 --> 00:27:34.680 I got some tea for you. Mind you this is 470 00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:37.400 a black dude, and I'm like, this, Nick tall, he 471 00:27:37.440 --> 00:27:40.079 got some tea for me. I'm like, dangn somebody I fired, 472 00:27:40.119 --> 00:27:43.200 somebody quit, Like he got some tea. So the whole, 473 00:27:43.480 --> 00:27:45.920 the whole little morning before I get there, I'm like, 474 00:27:47.000 --> 00:27:49.799 what would he have to tell me? And the fact 475 00:27:49.799 --> 00:27:51.039 that he said that he had some tea was so 476 00:27:51.079 --> 00:27:53.799 funny to me. So I get to work. Whatever he 477 00:27:53.880 --> 00:27:56.440 ends up telling me, he like, yeah, so what's up 478 00:27:56.519 --> 00:27:58.640 with your last job? Like I never really talked to 479 00:27:58.680 --> 00:28:00.640 you about that, And so we kind of went over 480 00:28:00.680 --> 00:28:02.680 there again the reason why I had quitting all of 481 00:28:02.720 --> 00:28:04.440 that or whatever, and I'm like, yeah, they kind of 482 00:28:04.440 --> 00:28:06.119 be hating on me or whatever. He was like, yeah, 483 00:28:06.319 --> 00:28:09.039 so they called down here and was like you can't 484 00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:09.680 be down there. 485 00:28:10.319 --> 00:28:11.640 I'm like, they called you. 486 00:28:12.200 --> 00:28:14.880 It's like yeah. They were like, yeah, you know, jas Man, 487 00:28:14.920 --> 00:28:20.119 we have problems with her. Bitch, what problems? Bro? Yeah, 488 00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:21.559 they said they got a problem. He was like, well, 489 00:28:21.559 --> 00:28:23.680 I don't know anything about that. She's a great employee here. 490 00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:25.519 I don't know anything about that. They was like, yeah, 491 00:28:25.519 --> 00:28:27.519 she's been parking in a lot. He was like, well, 492 00:28:27.559 --> 00:28:29.400 we have a contract with y'all to park down there, 493 00:28:29.480 --> 00:28:32.200 so she can park down there as long as she 494 00:28:32.200 --> 00:28:34.079 got a parking pass. Okay, well, as long as she 495 00:28:34.079 --> 00:28:35.599 has a parking past. But we really just don't want 496 00:28:35.640 --> 00:28:40.160 her hanging out and sucker dick all of y'all. Y'all 497 00:28:40.279 --> 00:28:45.079 is really some haters, like am I the only person 498 00:28:45.119 --> 00:28:47.359 at y'all treat like that cause I quit? Or maybe 499 00:28:47.400 --> 00:28:50.240 because the manager didn't get no play. I don't know 500 00:28:50.279 --> 00:28:55.480 what it is, but very weird vibes. But anyway, you know, 501 00:28:56.440 --> 00:28:58.400 when I get a parking pass, I'll parking a lot. 502 00:28:59.160 --> 00:29:03.200 And that's another thing I'm deciding on if I want 503 00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:04.839 to get a car, if I want to just keep lifting. 504 00:29:04.880 --> 00:29:09.799 That's another part of the journey too, another sidebar. So 505 00:29:11.039 --> 00:29:13.920 I like how my lift experience, my lifting uber experience 506 00:29:13.960 --> 00:29:19.559 has like progressed since I've been here, because when I 507 00:29:19.640 --> 00:29:22.279 first came to Dallas, I was living for as fuck 508 00:29:22.480 --> 00:29:24.759 like kind of out in the country, like I was 509 00:29:24.759 --> 00:29:27.880 living in Farris, Texas. So when I tell people that, 510 00:29:27.920 --> 00:29:30.599 they be like, what the fuck, where's that? Or people 511 00:29:30.599 --> 00:29:32.480 that know, like, oh, that's kind of out the way, 512 00:29:33.039 --> 00:29:35.319 So it ain't that out the way. It's really like 513 00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:37.640 it was like a twenty minute drive to my job, 514 00:29:37.799 --> 00:29:41.039 but with traffic and all that, it ain't nowhere, and like, 515 00:29:41.759 --> 00:29:44.759 ain't nobody trying to take that drive in? Also, all 516 00:29:44.839 --> 00:29:47.279 the fucking boys be out there, the police be out there, 517 00:29:48.119 --> 00:29:50.359 how to tell so that ain't know where you really 518 00:29:50.400 --> 00:29:53.680 want to be driving. I'm just I'm actually paying off. Well, 519 00:29:53.839 --> 00:29:56.240 I got thirty nine dollars left on a ticket that 520 00:29:56.279 --> 00:29:58.359 I'm paying off right now. And then I had another 521 00:29:58.480 --> 00:30:01.319 ticket that I these motherfuckers. 522 00:30:01.359 --> 00:30:01.799 Man. 523 00:30:02.480 --> 00:30:06.440 I got a ticket also for not updating my license 524 00:30:06.480 --> 00:30:08.720 and getting a Texas ID. They were like, you were 525 00:30:08.799 --> 00:30:10.440 supposed to have been do this. You've been here for 526 00:30:10.519 --> 00:30:14.519 way longer than thirty days, and it's like, suck a 527 00:30:14.559 --> 00:30:17.519 dig Okay, So yeah, I gotta get my Texas ID. 528 00:30:18.559 --> 00:30:21.319 That was the whole thing, too, okay, But anyway, Yeah, 529 00:30:21.359 --> 00:30:24.480 my lift and uber experience has really progressed. So, like 530 00:30:24.559 --> 00:30:25.880 I said, when I first got here, I was in 531 00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:30.599 ferrist so far as fuck baby, catching them ubers and 532 00:30:30.720 --> 00:30:34.039 lyft to work every day. I was spending like thirty 533 00:30:34.079 --> 00:30:38.039 to fifty dollars just to get to work. Then I 534 00:30:38.079 --> 00:30:41.200 was having a lift back. Then you gotta take into 535 00:30:41.200 --> 00:30:43.519 consideration the time of the day that you're going. When 536 00:30:43.559 --> 00:30:45.559 I'm trying to get a uber at six point thirty 537 00:30:45.599 --> 00:30:49.240 in the morning, price is gonna be sky high, and 538 00:30:49.279 --> 00:30:52.960 it's not gonna be a lot of drivers. Uh afternoon, 539 00:30:53.000 --> 00:30:55.799 it's kind of cool, but still traffic whatever, like just 540 00:30:55.880 --> 00:30:57.799 all of that shit. So that shit used to add 541 00:30:58.039 --> 00:31:03.160 the fuck up. And at the time at first, when 542 00:31:03.160 --> 00:31:06.039 I first got there, my homegirl was like, you ain't 543 00:31:06.039 --> 00:31:08.640 gotta pay me nothing, which was cool because again I 544 00:31:08.680 --> 00:31:10.559 came to this bitch with like five six hundred dollars 545 00:31:10.599 --> 00:31:12.720 in my bank account, so I didn't have any money, 546 00:31:13.039 --> 00:31:15.000 you know what I'm saying, and then trying to save 547 00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:18.839 up was fucking crazy. So that was when I first 548 00:31:18.839 --> 00:31:21.799 got here. Then when I started staying with my coworker, 549 00:31:22.200 --> 00:31:27.759 I stayed a little bit closer to my job, and 550 00:31:27.880 --> 00:31:32.720 lifts were like fifteen twenty dollars. But again it depends 551 00:31:32.759 --> 00:31:34.759 on the time of day, it depends on what's going on, 552 00:31:34.839 --> 00:31:41.400 if it's raining, whatever. Because when I started my current 553 00:31:41.480 --> 00:31:45.160 job at the hotel that I'm at now, you gotta 554 00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:47.960 go through like an initiation process in that bitch, like 555 00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:51.880 they make you. They give you the bullshit shifts and 556 00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:53.599 they make you do all of the shifts when you 557 00:31:53.640 --> 00:31:56.279 first get hired there. So I was working a little 558 00:31:56.319 --> 00:31:59.160 am shift which is seventy three thirty, which that's that's 559 00:31:59.160 --> 00:32:01.039 that's my jam, that's my shit. I love that shift. 560 00:32:01.039 --> 00:32:05.160 That's what I work now, the midshift to ten am 561 00:32:05.279 --> 00:32:08.319 to like six thirty. I don't really fuck with that 562 00:32:08.920 --> 00:32:14.200 cause I'm I'm a morning person, Like I'm up at 563 00:32:14.200 --> 00:32:16.839 the ass cracking do on every day like clockwork. My 564 00:32:16.880 --> 00:32:20.119 body just wake up early as fuck, so I would 565 00:32:20.200 --> 00:32:21.839 be up early as hell, and it's like I kind 566 00:32:21.839 --> 00:32:24.440 of got to linger around until almost ten o'clock and 567 00:32:24.519 --> 00:32:26.440 go to work. And then by the time you get off, 568 00:32:26.519 --> 00:32:28.720 you can't go take care of no business, pay no bills, 569 00:32:28.759 --> 00:32:30.359 or do no shit that you gotta do. Six thirty, 570 00:32:30.400 --> 00:32:33.319 everything is pretty much closed. And then the fucking the 571 00:32:33.440 --> 00:32:36.119 day ain't over. But it's like, uh, six thirty, you 572 00:32:36.160 --> 00:32:38.599 get home, you know, it's just it's a buzz kill. 573 00:32:39.400 --> 00:32:46.039 Three to eleven fucking thirty. Who wants to work that shift? 574 00:32:46.119 --> 00:32:48.680 Not fucking me? And then you got the overnight shift, 575 00:32:48.680 --> 00:32:51.000 but I ain't doing that. I did that back in 576 00:32:51.000 --> 00:32:53.920 like two thousand and eleven, twenty twelve. But okay, so 577 00:32:54.039 --> 00:32:59.319 the three to eleven thirty. I hated that fucking shift. 578 00:32:59.480 --> 00:33:00.720 And I would try try to wake up in the 579 00:33:00.759 --> 00:33:02.480 morning and just try to do little shit, but I 580 00:33:02.519 --> 00:33:04.279 would just literally just lay in the bed until it 581 00:33:04.319 --> 00:33:05.960 was trying to go to work cause I was like it, 582 00:33:06.559 --> 00:33:08.920 My attitude was bad with that shift. It was really bad. 583 00:33:12.279 --> 00:33:13.799 And then it was also kind of like what was 584 00:33:13.799 --> 00:33:16.359 I supposed to do during that time? Cause again I 585 00:33:16.400 --> 00:33:18.359 don't have a car, you know what, I'm saying, and 586 00:33:18.400 --> 00:33:21.279 then what am I supposed to be doing in the 587 00:33:21.279 --> 00:33:23.920 morning time? It ain't I mean, it didn't stuff you 588 00:33:23.920 --> 00:33:26.319 could do to get but I just really hated that. 589 00:33:26.799 --> 00:33:31.200 And so then like I don't know, them ships would drag, 590 00:33:31.319 --> 00:33:34.200 and then it would be like, not really much to 591 00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:36.480 do at work, and you know, you gotta appear to 592 00:33:36.519 --> 00:33:38.119 be busy. You can't just be in that bitch like 593 00:33:38.119 --> 00:33:41.720 it ain't nothing to do. Them ships would drag. I 594 00:33:41.759 --> 00:33:44.640 would oh, I hated it. And then getting off at 595 00:33:44.680 --> 00:33:48.119 eleven thirty at night again either not a lot of 596 00:33:48.160 --> 00:33:52.680 drivers or the prices was sky high, and then it 597 00:33:53.440 --> 00:33:55.839 was just hell. It was hell, and I hated that. 598 00:33:56.240 --> 00:33:59.000 But then I don't know, it worked itself out and 599 00:33:59.039 --> 00:34:02.079 I got to this AM shift and I ain't fucking 600 00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:05.519 change it. So that's where I'm at with that now. 601 00:34:05.720 --> 00:34:10.440 And then I also, I have another job now. I 602 00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:13.760 work at a hotel spot as well, now, which is cool. 603 00:34:15.079 --> 00:34:22.239 I do that part time, and it's cool. People always 604 00:34:22.239 --> 00:34:23.840 ask me like, oh, would you either do one or 605 00:34:23.880 --> 00:34:26.920 the other? No, because them motherfuckers begin on my nerves sometimes, 606 00:34:26.960 --> 00:34:29.119 and then them motherfuckers begin on my nerves sometime. You 607 00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:31.000 gotta have a balance. I don't want to just be 608 00:34:31.039 --> 00:34:33.320 in one place at all times, and then I try, 609 00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:36.760 I try to just do one, but motherfuckers wasn't trying 610 00:34:36.760 --> 00:34:38.360 to pay me what I wanted. And I'm like, oh, well, 611 00:34:38.360 --> 00:34:40.039 I'm just gonna continue to work too, because that makes 612 00:34:40.119 --> 00:34:41.960 more sense because y'all nigga's not trying to give me 613 00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:48.079 the cheese that I want. I've also just and this 614 00:34:48.239 --> 00:34:49.519 I don't even want to say. This is something that 615 00:34:49.559 --> 00:34:56.800 I just recently learned. But the workplace, even at this 616 00:34:56.920 --> 00:35:00.760 big grown adult age, is like hi school, and that 617 00:35:00.760 --> 00:35:05.480 shit is sad. In workplaces be toxic as fuck. You 618 00:35:05.559 --> 00:35:08.000 really just gotta do your job and go home. You 619 00:35:08.039 --> 00:35:10.199 can have your little people that you're cool with, but 620 00:35:10.239 --> 00:35:12.679 them niggas is really not your friends. You know. Don't 621 00:35:12.719 --> 00:35:15.480 get too comfortable. But I do enjoy I enjoy both 622 00:35:15.480 --> 00:35:18.159 of my jobs, but I'm not gonna lie. That shit 623 00:35:18.440 --> 00:35:24.960 is draining as fuck. When I took on the second job, 624 00:35:29.000 --> 00:35:30.920 I felt like it was gonna be okay because it 625 00:35:31.039 --> 00:35:32.400 was just a part time. So I'm like, oh, I'm 626 00:35:32.400 --> 00:35:34.199 just gonna work a full time job and a part 627 00:35:34.199 --> 00:35:44.519 time job. It'll be cool. It'll be cool and It's 628 00:35:44.519 --> 00:35:47.679 so funny that I say that, because when I first 629 00:35:47.679 --> 00:35:50.599 came to Dallas, I was always like, Oh, I'm gonna 630 00:35:50.599 --> 00:35:52.719 get two jobs. I'm gonna really run it up. I'm 631 00:35:52.719 --> 00:35:55.360 gonna stack my money. Da da da da da. But 632 00:35:55.920 --> 00:35:57.440 in the back of my mind, I was always telling me, 633 00:35:57.519 --> 00:35:59.760 I was always trying to talk myself out of it, like, Jasmine, 634 00:35:59.760 --> 00:36:01.400 don't get two jobs. You don't wanna do that. It's 635 00:36:01.400 --> 00:36:03.320 gonna be too much, it's gonna be so overwhelming. Like 636 00:36:03.360 --> 00:36:06.119 I was always like, low key scared to work two jobs, 637 00:36:06.119 --> 00:36:08.599 so I just whatever. It just never really panned out. 638 00:36:08.760 --> 00:36:10.920 But when this opportunity came up, I'm like, Okay, I'm 639 00:36:10.920 --> 00:36:13.639 gonna do full time A part time. I'm like, I'll 640 00:36:13.679 --> 00:36:15.639 be able to do it. It'd be cool. I'm not 641 00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:17.880 gonna be tired a full time man. A part time 642 00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:27.039 I'm not gonna be tired, bitch, tired of hell, okay, 643 00:36:27.519 --> 00:36:32.639 tired baby. And then one day I looked up and 644 00:36:32.679 --> 00:36:39.360 I'm like, I'm working seven days a week, no off days, 645 00:36:40.760 --> 00:36:43.480 no off days between the two. I'm either working both 646 00:36:43.559 --> 00:36:46.679 jobs in the day or just one for like, shit, 647 00:36:46.840 --> 00:36:50.920 nine to six, nine to seven or whatever. Whatever. Fucking time, baby, 648 00:36:51.199 --> 00:36:53.119 it's not for the week. But bitch just got bills 649 00:36:53.159 --> 00:36:54.559 to pad. They got shit to do, you know what 650 00:36:54.559 --> 00:36:57.840 I'm saying, Like, but I ain't gonna lie. Recently, it 651 00:36:57.920 --> 00:37:01.320 kind of got to a point where I was waking 652 00:37:01.400 --> 00:37:03.760 up and I was feeling like my equilibrium was off. 653 00:37:03.920 --> 00:37:07.400 I was like, bro, I just don't feel good like 654 00:37:07.480 --> 00:37:10.239 my bid like, I need a break, I need a 655 00:37:10.239 --> 00:37:11.719 b I don't. And I don't even know how I 656 00:37:11.719 --> 00:37:14.039 got to the point where I'm just like working just 657 00:37:14.960 --> 00:37:16.719 but I guess it is just straight up seven days. 658 00:37:16.760 --> 00:37:18.880 I don't know the schedule is is. It's really weird. 659 00:37:18.960 --> 00:37:21.559 But I talked to my dad recently. He was like, Jazmin, 660 00:37:21.639 --> 00:37:23.440 that's not gonna work. You can't do that. You need 661 00:37:23.480 --> 00:37:26.400 a break? Are you gonna pay my rent? Are you like? 662 00:37:26.719 --> 00:37:29.599 What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed 663 00:37:29.599 --> 00:37:34.559 to do? So I mean it's going, you know, as 664 00:37:34.599 --> 00:37:36.239 good as it can. It's so funny cause every time 665 00:37:36.280 --> 00:37:38.159 I get in a lift or uber, the dudes be like, 666 00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:40.159 you know, you be making a little conversation. I'm always 667 00:37:40.199 --> 00:37:41.760 going to work. Every time I getting a fucking lyft, 668 00:37:41.960 --> 00:37:44.119 They're like, oh my god, you have two jobs. You 669 00:37:44.119 --> 00:37:45.920 need to be sitting pretty. You need to be out. 670 00:37:46.280 --> 00:37:49.760 I okay, we'll beat my band then, like take me 671 00:37:49.840 --> 00:37:53.320 back home. No, that's not how the world works. I 672 00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:56.079 don't know. I do wanna be in my soft girl era. 673 00:37:56.239 --> 00:38:02.440 L hopefully it's coming soon, hopefully. But again earlier when 674 00:38:02.440 --> 00:38:05.000 I was talking about like the different seasons of your life, 675 00:38:05.039 --> 00:38:07.079 like this is just the season I'm in, and I 676 00:38:07.199 --> 00:38:08.880 just gotta go super hard and I gotta do what 677 00:38:08.920 --> 00:38:12.039 I gotta do. Because also while I sit here, bitchmon 678 00:38:12.119 --> 00:38:15.920 and complain about having to work two jobs, you jasmine, 679 00:38:16.079 --> 00:38:18.880 let's go back to those seasons when you were unemployed 680 00:38:18.920 --> 00:38:21.519 and you set at home every fucking day, Like, dog, 681 00:38:21.599 --> 00:38:24.400 I need a job, I need some money, I need this, 682 00:38:24.920 --> 00:38:27.440 I need that. You was bored as fuck, ain't had 683 00:38:27.480 --> 00:38:32.199 nothing to dowding, twiddling your thumbs like every time a 684 00:38:32.280 --> 00:38:35.079 nigga FaceTime you, you was in the same fucking place, like damn, bitch, 685 00:38:35.079 --> 00:38:38.320 you steal in the bed. Like so you just gotta 686 00:38:38.320 --> 00:38:42.480 think about the seasons that you're in. So but one 687 00:38:42.519 --> 00:38:46.079 thing that I do make a point to do in 688 00:38:46.119 --> 00:38:49.119 this season in my life, like even though I'm tired, 689 00:38:49.519 --> 00:38:53.199 is fuck baby, when I get up every day. I 690 00:38:53.400 --> 00:38:56.239 thank God. I thank God for the roof over my head, 691 00:38:56.519 --> 00:38:59.280 for the for the crib in my name, for the 692 00:38:59.320 --> 00:39:01.760 beautiful that I live. You know what I'm saying, Because 693 00:39:02.199 --> 00:39:05.280 where I live, and this is the thing where I 694 00:39:05.360 --> 00:39:08.639 live today, I worked my ass off to get where 695 00:39:08.679 --> 00:39:12.960 I am. It's literally everything that I envision for myself 696 00:39:13.360 --> 00:39:15.880 when I used to journal about, like the type of 697 00:39:15.920 --> 00:39:18.280 apartment that I wanted to live in and all of that. 698 00:39:18.599 --> 00:39:21.440 I wanted it to be brand new, updated, Like you 699 00:39:21.480 --> 00:39:24.159 know what I'm saying, all of that shit, Like that's 700 00:39:24.199 --> 00:39:26.960 what I got, That's what the fuck I have. And 701 00:39:27.000 --> 00:39:31.000 I just remember people always trying to like talk me 702 00:39:31.119 --> 00:39:33.360 down or be like Jazmine, No, you gotta get a 703 00:39:33.400 --> 00:39:36.920 starter apartment, like you gotta craw before you walk, like 704 00:39:37.000 --> 00:39:39.039 you trying, you trying to be boogie, you trying to 705 00:39:39.079 --> 00:39:42.159 live beyond your means, blah blah, just cause you live 706 00:39:42.199 --> 00:39:44.800 in the hood, just cause you you know what I'm saying, Like, No, 707 00:39:45.039 --> 00:39:47.519 I have a certain vision for myself. I have a 708 00:39:47.559 --> 00:39:50.199 certain standard for how I want to live. It's just 709 00:39:50.280 --> 00:39:52.840 something that I see for myself and I'm going to 710 00:39:52.920 --> 00:39:56.000 do that, And that's what the fuck I did so, 711 00:39:56.280 --> 00:39:59.119 but now everybody like, oh damn, your shit cold is hell? Yo? 712 00:39:59.480 --> 00:40:02.719 Exactly cause this is what I saw for myself. Thank you, 713 00:40:02.719 --> 00:40:05.960 you know, like, this is exactly what I saw for myself. 714 00:40:06.000 --> 00:40:08.960 So every day that I wake up, I thank God 715 00:40:09.760 --> 00:40:12.239 to be in my own shit, in my own name. 716 00:40:12.719 --> 00:40:17.199 Like again, just taking myself back down memory lane, thinking 717 00:40:17.199 --> 00:40:18.840 about when I stepped off the plane and when I 718 00:40:18.920 --> 00:40:21.679 got here, like cause it was so many times, it 719 00:40:21.760 --> 00:40:24.559 was so many obstacles, It was so many monkey wrenches 720 00:40:24.599 --> 00:40:27.920 in the plan that made me feel like, damn, how 721 00:40:27.960 --> 00:40:30.480 am I gonna do this? Like what's happening? Like am 722 00:40:30.519 --> 00:40:34.800 I gonna make it? Like? It was so much fucking shit, 723 00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:38.360 so much, especially when the whole court shit with my 724 00:40:38.400 --> 00:40:40.760 baby daddy and I had to save all the money 725 00:40:40.800 --> 00:40:42.760 that I was saving up for a place or for 726 00:40:42.840 --> 00:40:44.480 a car because in the beginning I didn't know if 727 00:40:44.480 --> 00:40:48.119 I wanted a car or a place. All of that 728 00:40:48.159 --> 00:40:49.519 money that I was saving up I had to end 729 00:40:49.599 --> 00:40:51.800 up using for an attorney when I had to go 730 00:40:51.880 --> 00:40:57.920 to court. I was pissed, not you cutting into my plans, motherfucker. 731 00:40:58.320 --> 00:41:01.840 But of course, you know why not. We always gonna 732 00:41:01.840 --> 00:41:03.719 make it hard for you Jasma, We're always gonna put 733 00:41:03.719 --> 00:41:05.599 the road blocks in the way for you. Sorry, that's 734 00:41:05.639 --> 00:41:10.519 just what it is. So that. But yeah, I don't 735 00:41:10.519 --> 00:41:12.079 even know where I was in the story before I 736 00:41:12.119 --> 00:41:20.039 went off into all of that. So let's see started 737 00:41:20.119 --> 00:41:24.239 my uh so I started my second job all of that. 738 00:41:24.440 --> 00:41:30.599 Let's see fast word fast forward, cause I didn't even 739 00:41:30.599 --> 00:41:32.920 talk about I didn't. I wanted to do a episode 740 00:41:32.960 --> 00:41:35.679 before I came here with Christina, but I never did that. 741 00:41:35.880 --> 00:41:42.440 Like I had ended up going back to Detroit the 742 00:41:42.440 --> 00:41:45.760 weekend of my birthday to go see my son and stuff. 743 00:41:46.360 --> 00:41:49.760 Cause I really wanted to go back for his birthday, 744 00:41:49.880 --> 00:41:53.119 but it with work and all of day, it just 745 00:41:53.159 --> 00:41:56.000 wasn't gonna happen. So I went back the weekend of 746 00:41:56.039 --> 00:42:03.480 my birthday. I had like a little a little kickback, 747 00:42:03.800 --> 00:42:10.159 you know, at an airbnb. I spent time with my mom, 748 00:42:10.920 --> 00:42:13.039 my son, my niece. We had like went to Dave 749 00:42:13.119 --> 00:42:17.199 and Busters and shit. My son's schedule was actually pretty hectic, 750 00:42:17.320 --> 00:42:19.800 Like you would think that Nigga had two jobs. With 751 00:42:19.840 --> 00:42:21.559 everything that he got going on, he had something to 752 00:42:21.559 --> 00:42:25.079 do every day. It was hard to keep up with him. 753 00:42:25.840 --> 00:42:29.440 Had a little kickback saw like some of my family 754 00:42:29.480 --> 00:42:31.760 members and stuff like. It was cool, quick, a little 755 00:42:31.760 --> 00:42:33.920 turn around trip. But when I got there, oh man, 756 00:42:33.960 --> 00:42:36.440 when I got there, baby, when I stepped off the plane, 757 00:42:36.519 --> 00:42:39.920 it was cold as fuck. I was like, I remember 758 00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:42.239 being in that lift to the crib. I was like, 759 00:42:44.039 --> 00:42:46.880 I just felt dead inside. I felt like, what is 760 00:42:46.880 --> 00:42:51.000 it called on Lion King Pride Rock or whatever? Where 761 00:42:51.000 --> 00:42:54.239 the fuck's car was? That's what he felt like, them 762 00:42:54.280 --> 00:42:57.760 fucking trees with the branches. I was like, I don't 763 00:42:57.760 --> 00:43:00.400 want to be like, I have no desire to be 764 00:43:00.440 --> 00:43:02.800 in Detroit at all, and I'm not. It's not to 765 00:43:02.840 --> 00:43:05.840 say that it ain't good shit popping there or what like, 766 00:43:06.000 --> 00:43:09.079 you know, it's some stuff going on there, but I'm straight. 767 00:43:09.199 --> 00:43:11.440 I don't ever have to go back ever, and it's 768 00:43:11.480 --> 00:43:14.840 not my plan too. But you know, the trip it was, 769 00:43:14.960 --> 00:43:22.440 it was what it was. Whatever came back, ohso yeah, 770 00:43:22.559 --> 00:43:24.559 And that was after I had got my tax money too, 771 00:43:24.960 --> 00:43:30.440 so shout out to the taxes. So when I came 772 00:43:30.480 --> 00:43:32.280 back and I felt like it was so crazy because 773 00:43:32.280 --> 00:43:35.280 I felt like I spent some little unnecessary money when 774 00:43:35.320 --> 00:43:37.239 I went there, like I was like I should have 775 00:43:37.320 --> 00:43:41.280 just not And it wasn't nothing too crazy, but you know, 776 00:43:41.559 --> 00:43:44.599 I just I'm really a stickler about my money. So 777 00:43:46.599 --> 00:43:49.800 when I came back, I was like, Okay, I really 778 00:43:49.800 --> 00:43:51.880 got to get on the grind and find a place 779 00:43:51.920 --> 00:43:53.639 to live and all of that or whatever. So when 780 00:43:53.639 --> 00:43:56.239 I came back, I was on it. I was setting 781 00:43:56.280 --> 00:43:59.519 up my little, uh you know, little viewings of the 782 00:43:59.519 --> 00:44:03.960 property and all of that or the apartments. I'm acting 783 00:44:04.000 --> 00:44:09.039 like I was looking for a house. But yeah, so 784 00:44:09.119 --> 00:44:12.199 I had set all of those up. I had found 785 00:44:13.639 --> 00:44:15.400 was that the first place that I went to off Rip, 786 00:44:15.880 --> 00:44:18.960 I did find a place off Rip that I really liked. 787 00:44:18.960 --> 00:44:21.679 It was in the Medical district, but that wasn't a 788 00:44:21.719 --> 00:44:25.960 place I did like it. But and that one was 789 00:44:25.960 --> 00:44:29.360 a studio. So when initially I was looking at all 790 00:44:29.440 --> 00:44:32.119 studio apartments cause I'm like, you know, crawby before you 791 00:44:32.159 --> 00:44:34.119 walk type shit, like let me just start off with 792 00:44:34.239 --> 00:44:36.800 something small, just get my foot in the door. But 793 00:44:37.199 --> 00:44:39.519 I really did like the place that I looked at, 794 00:44:39.519 --> 00:44:41.960 but it was a studio. They also had a one 795 00:44:42.039 --> 00:44:43.760 bed room, but I was like, I'm not gonna pay that. 796 00:44:44.400 --> 00:44:46.239 So I was looking at the studio. But I'll never 797 00:44:46.320 --> 00:44:49.679 forget the sink, the kitchen sink in the studio was 798 00:44:49.719 --> 00:44:54.519 like this be literally like you could only put a 799 00:44:54.559 --> 00:44:56.199 cup in that, bitch. I'm like, why is this not 800 00:44:56.239 --> 00:44:59.880 a full size sink? But it was cool, it was 801 00:45:01.280 --> 00:45:03.639 and I'll never forget. I had to pay a three 802 00:45:03.719 --> 00:45:10.880 hundred dollars like deposit or whatever, non refundable, and then 803 00:45:10.920 --> 00:45:13.519 you know, these motherfuckers be asking for all of your 804 00:45:13.519 --> 00:45:17.159 fuck We want your bank statement, we want your pay stuffs. 805 00:45:17.480 --> 00:45:20.039 You gotta make three times the rent, bitch, you don't 806 00:45:20.079 --> 00:45:21.760 even make three times the rent. Let's look at your 807 00:45:21.760 --> 00:45:24.360 pay stuffs, let's check your W twos so all that 808 00:45:24.440 --> 00:45:26.599 I had paid that three hundred dollars deposit, and then 809 00:45:26.679 --> 00:45:28.599 I was almost to the point where I was, but 810 00:45:29.159 --> 00:45:32.960 I have my homegirl boyfriend trying to make like trying 811 00:45:33.000 --> 00:45:37.559 to what was he trying to do? 812 00:45:37.440 --> 00:45:38.559 Oh? 813 00:45:39.039 --> 00:45:40.800 I was like, dang, I'm gonna have to alter my 814 00:45:40.800 --> 00:45:42.760 bank statements to say that I make three times the 815 00:45:42.800 --> 00:45:45.960 rent because I don't. And he was like, I can't 816 00:45:45.960 --> 00:45:48.440 even do it, like it's not it just wouldn't go work. 817 00:45:48.440 --> 00:45:51.239 And I was like, d I was so mad because 818 00:45:51.800 --> 00:45:53.960 I had paid that three hundred dollars and that shit 819 00:45:54.039 --> 00:45:55.960 adds up, you know, it adds up. And it also, 820 00:45:56.639 --> 00:46:02.280 uh decreases the money in your account. So I remember 821 00:46:02.320 --> 00:46:04.039 they tried to follow up with me or whatever, and 822 00:46:04.079 --> 00:46:05.599 I was just like, fuck, I just gotta take the 823 00:46:05.800 --> 00:46:10.639 l because I don't make three times to rent and 824 00:46:10.679 --> 00:46:13.559 I can't falsify my bank statements. You know what I'm saying. 825 00:46:13.599 --> 00:46:15.039 I'm not about to go to jail for this shit. 826 00:46:15.800 --> 00:46:21.679 So and I remember one of my homeboys events was like, man, 827 00:46:21.880 --> 00:46:24.079 don't even worry about it. He was like, when I 828 00:46:24.119 --> 00:46:25.960 got my place here, Like you know what I'm saying. 829 00:46:26.199 --> 00:46:27.840 He went through that where he thought like he found 830 00:46:27.840 --> 00:46:29.400 a perfect place and all of that. He was like, 831 00:46:29.920 --> 00:46:32.079 that wasn't no one. He was like, watch you, you gonna 832 00:46:32.079 --> 00:46:34.119 get your spot and it's gonna be everything that you want. 833 00:46:35.280 --> 00:46:37.760 My God, that sounds good, but I'm just ready to move. 834 00:46:37.840 --> 00:46:41.159 I can't live with my coworker forever. And so then 835 00:46:41.199 --> 00:46:43.119 I went and looked at a couple more places and 836 00:46:43.159 --> 00:46:48.320 then I found, uh one of them. It was one 837 00:46:48.599 --> 00:46:50.719 of them that I really liked. But then the last 838 00:46:50.719 --> 00:46:52.800 one that I went and saw was the place that 839 00:46:52.840 --> 00:46:55.559 I live now. And so when I got to that 840 00:46:55.639 --> 00:46:58.280 last place, I was like, oh baby, this is it. 841 00:46:58.639 --> 00:47:04.199 Nice little one bedroom just decked out like everything. I 842 00:47:04.280 --> 00:47:09.719 let the kitchen, the shower, the closet, like the balcony. Amazing. 843 00:47:11.519 --> 00:47:14.039 Oh but you know what, you know what's so funny. 844 00:47:14.559 --> 00:47:18.599 The one that they showed me is not the unit 845 00:47:18.639 --> 00:47:21.760 that I moved into. And this is how I know 846 00:47:21.840 --> 00:47:27.239 that everything was divine. So I don't know. Something happened they, 847 00:47:27.440 --> 00:47:29.679 I don't know, ended up taking it off the market 848 00:47:29.760 --> 00:47:31.960 or ever somebody else got it. And I'm like, y'all 849 00:47:32.000 --> 00:47:34.719 just showed it to me and said it was moving ready, No, 850 00:47:34.880 --> 00:47:38.599 it's gone, just apply for another unit. I'm like, fucking great. 851 00:47:39.119 --> 00:47:40.800 So the one, the next one that I looked at, 852 00:47:41.159 --> 00:47:43.440 was the same type. It was still in one bedroom, 853 00:47:43.519 --> 00:47:46.239 but I guess it might have been a little bit bigger, 854 00:47:47.159 --> 00:47:50.559 and of course it costs more. And I'm like, fuck, 855 00:47:50.920 --> 00:47:53.559 like y'all are really pushing it. And at this time, 856 00:47:53.639 --> 00:47:56.519 at this time when I was applying for places, I 857 00:47:56.559 --> 00:48:00.639 only had one job at that time, so I had 858 00:48:00.679 --> 00:48:03.079 been like applying to different places and trying to get Oh, 859 00:48:03.079 --> 00:48:04.679 and I had got another. I had got a job 860 00:48:04.719 --> 00:48:07.400 at a UH, I had accepted an offer at a 861 00:48:07.440 --> 00:48:12.119 spy and I went to job. I went I went 862 00:48:12.159 --> 00:48:14.320 to work for one day, and that day that I 863 00:48:14.360 --> 00:48:15.960 got there, they told me that I would have They 864 00:48:16.000 --> 00:48:18.400 said that they had roaches in the spa shower, and 865 00:48:18.400 --> 00:48:20.079 it was like, oh yeah, so we just usually gonna 866 00:48:20.119 --> 00:48:22.400 have to clean those up. Baby. I went on my 867 00:48:22.480 --> 00:48:24.239 lunch break and I never came back cause I'm not 868 00:48:24.360 --> 00:48:28.280 cleaning up no fucking roaches, bro like. And it wasn't 869 00:48:28.320 --> 00:48:30.679 even a top tier hotel. And you know, at this point, 870 00:48:30.760 --> 00:48:34.960 I'm used to the the Forbes standard of hotels, like 871 00:48:35.079 --> 00:48:37.800 your bitch is top notch Okay, my resume is a one. 872 00:48:37.920 --> 00:48:42.519 So I just it's just a certain standard. I'm sorry, period. 873 00:48:42.800 --> 00:48:44.840 So and I'm not picking up no fucking roaches in 874 00:48:44.920 --> 00:48:49.840 your fucking spas shower, so deuces, bitch. But I ended 875 00:48:49.920 --> 00:48:54.000 up getting another job, you know whatever. So I got 876 00:48:54.000 --> 00:49:01.920 my two sources of income and and I don't know whatever, 877 00:49:01.960 --> 00:49:04.400 I get to place in May. In May, my moving 878 00:49:04.480 --> 00:49:06.320 date was May seventh. Oh that's what I was saying. 879 00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:11.079 So the first unit was not the one. So they 880 00:49:11.159 --> 00:49:13.119 ended up telling me, oh, we got another unit, and 881 00:49:13.199 --> 00:49:16.760 the unit number. I don't know if I should say it, 882 00:49:16.920 --> 00:49:19.360 y'all niggas might be trying to start the unit number 883 00:49:19.480 --> 00:49:22.119 is my son's birthday. I was like, oh, this is 884 00:49:22.159 --> 00:49:25.320 the one. I'm like, dog should be too divine for me. 885 00:49:25.960 --> 00:49:29.000 So the UNI number is my son's birthday. I was like, 886 00:49:29.039 --> 00:49:31.440 I don't give a fuck, I'm getting it. This is mine. 887 00:49:31.480 --> 00:49:34.280 Like to me, that meant it was To me, that 888 00:49:34.440 --> 00:49:37.559 meant that it was mine. So then that's not even it. 889 00:49:37.960 --> 00:49:39.599 Oh so then when I I don't even think I 890 00:49:39.639 --> 00:49:41.599 got to ghost. Oh, I did end up going to 891 00:49:41.599 --> 00:49:43.679 see it at some point. So when I went to 892 00:49:43.679 --> 00:49:45.280 see it, it was pretty much the same thing, but 893 00:49:45.320 --> 00:49:48.679 the balcony was even bigger, and I'm like, yes, this 894 00:49:48.800 --> 00:49:52.920 is it. I want to yeah. Whatever. So fast forward 895 00:49:52.920 --> 00:49:54.840 to going through all of the shit with the least 896 00:49:54.960 --> 00:49:58.480 and all of that. When I'm going through the paperwork, 897 00:49:59.079 --> 00:50:02.480 the name of like the like the I guess, like 898 00:50:02.559 --> 00:50:07.000 the top property management company over over the whole thing. 899 00:50:08.440 --> 00:50:12.400 Guess what the name was. Guess just guess what do 900 00:50:12.440 --> 00:50:18.880 y'all think it was? The property management name was the 901 00:50:19.000 --> 00:50:22.360 name of the street that I grew up on in Detroit. 902 00:50:23.239 --> 00:50:26.719 I was like, bitch, this is mine, Like, this is bro, 903 00:50:27.199 --> 00:50:31.159 this is my place, this is like God himself wrote 904 00:50:31.360 --> 00:50:33.920 That's what I'm saying, Like what's for you. It is 905 00:50:34.039 --> 00:50:36.440 for you. Your blessings ain't gonna miss you. You ain't 906 00:50:36.480 --> 00:50:38.960 gotta work. Like That's how I knew this shit was mine. 907 00:50:39.039 --> 00:50:43.239 It was destiny child, destiney be gosh chop period. So 908 00:50:44.039 --> 00:50:46.440 I didn't care. So you know, when I'm telling my 909 00:50:46.639 --> 00:50:48.480 dad and stuff, my dad like, Jess, you're gonna be 910 00:50:48.480 --> 00:50:49.559 able to pay all that, you gonna be able to 911 00:50:49.599 --> 00:50:51.840 do this? Like you sure, it don't matter. I'm about 912 00:50:51.880 --> 00:50:54.119 to make it happen because it's mine. And so you 913 00:50:54.119 --> 00:50:56.079 know what I'm saying. Everything fell in line how it 914 00:50:56.119 --> 00:50:58.840 was supposed to. A bitch got two jobs. I'm making 915 00:50:58.880 --> 00:51:03.599 it work. I'm making it hap like it is what 916 00:51:03.639 --> 00:51:11.199 it is? What else? What else? What else? I recently, 917 00:51:12.840 --> 00:51:15.599 like a couple of days ago, had just wrote out 918 00:51:15.639 --> 00:51:19.519 another six month plan and I had did I had 919 00:51:19.519 --> 00:51:22.400 wrote out a six month plan when I was still 920 00:51:22.400 --> 00:51:26.800 in Detroit, Like I hate again, this is why you 921 00:51:26.800 --> 00:51:31.800 need to document everything, writing, journaling, taking photos, taking videos, 922 00:51:32.079 --> 00:51:35.760 Like I just don't really do those things, or sometimes 923 00:51:35.760 --> 00:51:38.280 I do, but then I like the little journals that 924 00:51:38.320 --> 00:51:40.280 I brought here. I brought like three little mini journals, 925 00:51:40.320 --> 00:51:41.880 and after I was done filling them, up, I threw 926 00:51:41.880 --> 00:51:44.760 them away, so like, nah, I can't even look back 927 00:51:44.800 --> 00:51:47.280 at what I wrote to see like, yes, bitch, you 928 00:51:47.320 --> 00:51:49.400 did cross all of this off the list. But when 929 00:51:49.440 --> 00:51:53.079 I was in Detroit, I I had made a six 930 00:51:53.199 --> 00:51:55.960 month plan, and I remember I put booked one way 931 00:51:55.960 --> 00:51:59.920 flight to Dallas. Uh, get a job when you get there, 932 00:52:00.119 --> 00:52:02.039 And I had what type of job that I wanted 933 00:52:02.039 --> 00:52:05.519 to get. I said, get a job teaching yoga, looking 934 00:52:05.519 --> 00:52:08.679 at yoga studios. I did teach those three classes when 935 00:52:08.719 --> 00:52:10.320 I got here. I do want to give back to 936 00:52:10.320 --> 00:52:13.199 teaching yoga, but I've decided, like I don't really give 937 00:52:13.239 --> 00:52:16.440 a fuck about Like I don't want to teach at 938 00:52:16.440 --> 00:52:20.000 a studio. It ain't no money in that. I don't 939 00:52:20.199 --> 00:52:22.679 give a Like I want to do something for my people, 940 00:52:22.760 --> 00:52:27.039 like for my Black Girl Experience community. So that's why 941 00:52:27.079 --> 00:52:28.639 I really want to get back to the podcast and 942 00:52:28.679 --> 00:52:30.440 really focus on that and then be able to branch 943 00:52:30.480 --> 00:52:32.719 out and do my yoga from there for my people, 944 00:52:32.800 --> 00:52:35.320 like doing events and shit like that. Like I don't 945 00:52:35.320 --> 00:52:38.800 want to just be out here just I don't want 946 00:52:38.800 --> 00:52:39.960 to do it like that. I want to do it 947 00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:43.320 with my people and for me. What else did I 948 00:52:43.360 --> 00:52:45.920 put on there. I remember I was doing my three 949 00:52:46.000 --> 00:52:49.880 six nine method heavy, So if you're not familiar with 950 00:52:49.920 --> 00:52:53.519 the three six nine manifestation method, that's like when you 951 00:52:53.559 --> 00:52:57.719 write out an affirmation or whatever you want to write out. 952 00:52:57.760 --> 00:53:00.400 Like I don't remember exactly what I said, but one 953 00:53:00.400 --> 00:53:02.440 of the things that I said, like was like I 954 00:53:02.480 --> 00:53:06.800 am successful living in Dallas. I don't know it was something, 955 00:53:06.840 --> 00:53:09.480 but it was something about me being successful living in Dallas. 956 00:53:09.559 --> 00:53:13.119 So you write that three times in the morning, come 957 00:53:13.119 --> 00:53:15.559 back in the afternoon, right it six times, come back 958 00:53:15.559 --> 00:53:17.480 at night and write it nine times, and then you 959 00:53:17.559 --> 00:53:21.079 say it out loud all of them times, and then 960 00:53:22.159 --> 00:53:23.519 you know, you just do that every day. But I 961 00:53:23.599 --> 00:53:26.639 was writing like five different things on different pages. So 962 00:53:26.719 --> 00:53:28.920 for one page, I had one, I had another one, 963 00:53:28.960 --> 00:53:32.280 I had another one, and like I did that shit 964 00:53:32.360 --> 00:53:33.920 into the whole journal field up and then I threw 965 00:53:33.920 --> 00:53:38.000 it away. But for the most part, I feel like 966 00:53:38.079 --> 00:53:40.960 I pretty much crossed off everything on my list. I 967 00:53:41.000 --> 00:53:43.039 did everything that I said that I was gonna do. 968 00:53:43.880 --> 00:53:47.679 And that's the energy you gotta move with. That's the 969 00:53:47.760 --> 00:53:50.639 mindset that you gotta move with. That's the confidence that 970 00:53:50.679 --> 00:53:54.400 you gotta move with, and you gotta believe it. But 971 00:53:54.440 --> 00:53:56.239 you also have to put in the leg work to 972 00:53:56.280 --> 00:53:59.079 do those things. And then you also gotta stay preyed up. 973 00:53:59.400 --> 00:54:01.800 You gotta under staying at them. Obstacles is gonna come. 974 00:54:01.880 --> 00:54:04.440 You gotta understand that them hard times. You know what 975 00:54:04.440 --> 00:54:07.920 I'm saying, The devil is going to try to break you. 976 00:54:08.199 --> 00:54:11.039 It's like, you know what I'm saying. But again, everything 977 00:54:11.079 --> 00:54:14.360 that I went through here was like I had to 978 00:54:14.480 --> 00:54:17.119 stay in the mindset of like Jazmine, you just gotta 979 00:54:17.199 --> 00:54:20.079 keep pushing forward no matter what fucking happens, you know 980 00:54:20.079 --> 00:54:25.039 what I'm saying, Like, uh, I forgot what that is. 981 00:54:25.079 --> 00:54:29.920 Somebody had told me about something I don't know basically 982 00:54:29.960 --> 00:54:32.519 about like your back being against the wall, and like, nigga, 983 00:54:32.559 --> 00:54:34.519 all you can do is fight, you know what I'm saying. 984 00:54:34.679 --> 00:54:40.360 So yeah, that's how you gotta be. And then just 985 00:54:40.400 --> 00:54:42.800 a couple of days ago, I made another six month plan, 986 00:54:43.719 --> 00:54:45.599 but like, I need to add a lot more on here. 987 00:54:45.719 --> 00:54:49.159 It's not a lot on here, but I said get 988 00:54:49.159 --> 00:54:53.039 a twenty twenty five car cause I was kind of 989 00:54:53.039 --> 00:54:54.920 back and forth. I'm like, do I want a car 990 00:54:55.119 --> 00:54:58.840 or no? Oh, And that's another thing about my lifting 991 00:54:58.920 --> 00:55:03.000 uber experience, uh progressing. So now where I live, my 992 00:55:03.119 --> 00:55:07.000 jobs are like five minutes away from my creed, So 993 00:55:08.280 --> 00:55:10.559 it's it's I ain't even gonna say a blessing in 994 00:55:10.599 --> 00:55:16.159 the curse, but I will say now that I'm working 995 00:55:16.280 --> 00:55:20.119 two jobs, like I said, i'd be really fucking tired. 996 00:55:20.159 --> 00:55:21.480 I told you, for a minute, I was feeling like 997 00:55:21.519 --> 00:55:28.159 my equilibriom was off, Like you, it's very important to rest. 998 00:55:28.679 --> 00:55:32.320 Somebody was texting me today, one of my homegirls, like, hey, 999 00:55:32.360 --> 00:55:34.440 what's been up da? I'm like, girls, who job's been 1000 00:55:34.480 --> 00:55:37.320 kicking my ass? Like working seven days a week. She's like, 1001 00:55:37.400 --> 00:55:43.400 are you taking care of yourself? Like, I guess as 1002 00:55:43.480 --> 00:55:47.760 much as I can, but like, rest is super important. 1003 00:55:48.639 --> 00:55:50.840 Let me tell you all the funny story. Let me 1004 00:55:50.920 --> 00:55:53.440 tell y' all the fun Oh my god, this shit 1005 00:55:53.519 --> 00:56:00.719 was so funny. This was like last week. Okay, I 1006 00:56:01.559 --> 00:56:07.639 had worked both jobs this day. It's so funny. I 1007 00:56:07.719 --> 00:56:12.440 worked both jobs, right, So I had got home about 1008 00:56:13.360 --> 00:56:17.239 six pms. Shoot a whatever. Then that wasn't even that 1009 00:56:17.280 --> 00:56:18.639 fucking long. Will we think about it. So I got 1010 00:56:18.639 --> 00:56:22.679 home around six pmsh. I get into bed, and baby, 1011 00:56:23.039 --> 00:56:28.320 your girl is fucking tired. It takes me a nap, 1012 00:56:31.000 --> 00:56:37.840 I wake up. I'm pick up my phone. It's eight 1013 00:56:37.920 --> 00:56:44.039 twenty one. It's lightest fuck outside. I hopped out the 1014 00:56:44.079 --> 00:56:49.039 bed so fucking fat, Like, Bro, I was losing my shit. 1015 00:56:50.000 --> 00:56:52.480 I'm like, oh my god, my alarm didn't go up, 1016 00:56:53.239 --> 00:56:56.519 Like I'm in the bathroom just going crazy, like oh 1017 00:56:56.599 --> 00:56:58.679 my god. Like, first of all, I'm pretty sure that 1018 00:56:58.840 --> 00:57:00.719 nobody was probably gonna fire me, you know what I'm saying. 1019 00:57:00.760 --> 00:57:04.559 But it's just like, oh my god, I was going crazy. 1020 00:57:04.679 --> 00:57:06.239 And so then I come back in the room, I'm like, 1021 00:57:06.280 --> 00:57:08.360 oh my god, that didn't Nobody's even called me, like 1022 00:57:08.639 --> 00:57:10.480 and ask where I am. And that was weird to me. 1023 00:57:10.559 --> 00:57:13.800 I'm like, nobody call, like cause Nigga's gonna call, like, hey, 1024 00:57:14.159 --> 00:57:16.360 where are you? You know what I'm saying. I'm like, 1025 00:57:16.840 --> 00:57:19.440 nobody's called, and I don't know at one point, I 1026 00:57:19.440 --> 00:57:22.559 don't know at what point I realized, cause it was 1027 00:57:22.599 --> 00:57:33.039 still bright as fuck outside. It was eight twenty one pm. Bro, 1028 00:57:33.800 --> 00:57:38.719 I was so sick. But that lets you know how 1029 00:57:38.760 --> 00:57:41.559 tired I am. That lets you know how much I've been, 1030 00:57:41.679 --> 00:57:47.199 Like you know what I'm saying, Like, I was like, wow, Jazmine, 1031 00:57:47.199 --> 00:57:49.599 you need a break cause I was literally having a 1032 00:57:49.599 --> 00:57:52.719 heart attack about to die, like I'm gonna be laid 1033 00:57:52.760 --> 00:57:55.119 for work that like, and the fact that I wouldn't 1034 00:57:55.119 --> 00:57:56.559 even sleep that long. I told you I got home 1035 00:57:56.559 --> 00:57:58.400 and sick something. So I woke up at eight twenty 1036 00:57:58.440 --> 00:58:02.719 one and was just like that shit was so crazy 1037 00:58:02.760 --> 00:58:04.480 to me. But it was definitely a good laugh. It 1038 00:58:04.559 --> 00:58:07.480 was definitely a good laugh. I was so glad that 1039 00:58:07.480 --> 00:58:08.840 I was able to go back to sleep, you know 1040 00:58:08.920 --> 00:58:10.519 what I'm saying. Like I had got up, talked on 1041 00:58:10.519 --> 00:58:12.000 the phone for a little while, and I'm like, yeah, 1042 00:58:12.000 --> 00:58:14.360 it's like but that's you know what I do. Like 1043 00:58:14.440 --> 00:58:18.159 that about naps for me now, because I'm a nap girly, Okay, 1044 00:58:18.239 --> 00:58:21.039 I love me a good nap. Never gonna pass up 1045 00:58:21.039 --> 00:58:24.519 a nap. I apologize to my younger self all the 1046 00:58:24.599 --> 00:58:26.440 time for all of the naps that I never took 1047 00:58:26.480 --> 00:58:28.440 when I was a child. Like, baby, I'm taking all 1048 00:58:28.440 --> 00:58:30.880 the naps for you. Any nap you want, anytime you 1049 00:58:30.920 --> 00:58:32.960 want it. Let me know. I'm ready to get into bed. 1050 00:58:33.559 --> 00:58:36.320 So like when I used to take naps, I'm talking 1051 00:58:36.320 --> 00:58:39.719 about like still in adulthood, Like if I only had 1052 00:58:39.760 --> 00:58:41.400 one job and I came home and took a nap, 1053 00:58:41.719 --> 00:58:43.760 I would be up for the entire night, probably wouldn't 1054 00:58:43.760 --> 00:58:44.800 be able to go back to sleep until like three 1055 00:58:44.880 --> 00:58:46.800 or four am. Now, when I get home and take 1056 00:58:46.800 --> 00:58:48.880 a nap, I might wake up and then, you know, 1057 00:58:49.079 --> 00:58:50.320 or I might just go to sleep for the night, 1058 00:58:50.480 --> 00:58:51.760 but I'm not gonna wake up in then and be 1059 00:58:51.840 --> 00:58:53.199 up all night. I'm gonna be able to go back 1060 00:58:53.199 --> 00:58:59.159 to sleep, so you know, simper linings. But that was funny, sall? 1061 00:58:59.239 --> 00:59:03.000 So okay, Yeah, So on my six month plan, I 1062 00:59:03.000 --> 00:59:04.639 said I want a twenty twenty five car. Oh that's 1063 00:59:04.639 --> 00:59:07.599 what I was saying about Again, I keep getting off topic. Whatever. 1064 00:59:08.239 --> 00:59:12.519 The update on my Uber and Lyft process now is 1065 00:59:12.519 --> 00:59:14.360 that my both of my jobs are like five minutes away. 1066 00:59:14.360 --> 00:59:19.400 So my ubers be like five ten dollars mostly five 1067 00:59:19.400 --> 00:59:22.000 and six dollars. So that's cool, you know what I'm saying. 1068 00:59:22.039 --> 00:59:24.519 So when I think about that versus having a car, 1069 00:59:24.679 --> 00:59:26.920 no having to pay car insurance, I'm like, do I 1070 00:59:26.960 --> 00:59:29.559 really want to do that? But I do want a car. 1071 00:59:29.639 --> 00:59:31.679 I do want a car because then I can really 1072 00:59:31.960 --> 00:59:33.280 move how I want to move, and I can go. 1073 00:59:33.280 --> 00:59:35.320 You know what I'm saying. I don't want to be 1074 00:59:35.400 --> 00:59:37.719 lifting all over the place, Like I gotta lift to 1075 00:59:37.719 --> 00:59:39.519 go get something to eat. I gotta lift to go here, 1076 00:59:39.559 --> 00:59:40.920 I gotta you know what I'm saying, I want to 1077 00:59:40.960 --> 00:59:43.679 go to mall. It's just so much. And the worst 1078 00:59:43.719 --> 00:59:51.360 part about ubering and lifting everywhere is like when you hello, 1079 00:59:51.840 --> 00:59:58.559 we're recording, what's the play. I'll let you know when 1080 00:59:58.880 --> 01:00:05.239 where you at? All right, I hit you up when 1081 01:00:05.239 --> 01:00:12.000 I get done with this. All right. So now they'd 1082 01:00:12.000 --> 01:00:15.239 be like five six dollars whatever. But I do want 1083 01:00:15.239 --> 01:00:17.199 a car, so I put a twenty twenty five car. 1084 01:00:17.239 --> 01:00:20.599 I put like an Audi, a Bends, or I'm good 1085 01:00:20.639 --> 01:00:23.280 with a new Toyota. Toyotas are very good cars. I 1086 01:00:23.360 --> 01:00:25.920 learned that from my daddy. That's what he got me. 1087 01:00:26.639 --> 01:00:29.719 I used to have a Toyota Avalon, like back in 1088 01:00:29.760 --> 01:00:33.199 the day, and I had a I had another car. 1089 01:00:33.199 --> 01:00:34.920 I had a Toyota. It was a two door two. 1090 01:00:35.599 --> 01:00:38.400 But Toyotas are really good cars. But it's the new 1091 01:00:38.599 --> 01:00:42.239 CAMERI the twenty twenty five camera. That bitch cold. And 1092 01:00:42.280 --> 01:00:44.039 I've seen it in a really nice color. It was 1093 01:00:44.079 --> 01:00:45.760 like a I think it was said it was like 1094 01:00:45.800 --> 01:00:47.960 an ocean blue or some shit like that. That shit 1095 01:00:48.079 --> 01:00:51.519 was cold, So I don't know. But when it's time 1096 01:00:51.559 --> 01:00:56.960 to get a car, you know whatever, when my time 1097 01:00:57.000 --> 01:01:00.800 comes again, I'm not in that season yet, just wedding 1098 01:01:01.679 --> 01:01:05.800 being present where I am everything that I have manifested 1099 01:01:05.880 --> 01:01:09.480 and you know, seeing for myself thus far, It'll come 1100 01:01:09.559 --> 01:01:12.639 for that as well. And then I put get a 1101 01:01:12.679 --> 01:01:15.840 living room set because I need a living room set 1102 01:01:15.880 --> 01:01:17.559 and I need a nice TV for the living room. 1103 01:01:17.840 --> 01:01:21.039 But I'm not sweating that either. Everything takes time. I 1104 01:01:21.079 --> 01:01:23.800 really want to get some really nice statement pieces. I 1105 01:01:23.840 --> 01:01:27.000 want to. I am a minimum, a minimalist, so like 1106 01:01:27.039 --> 01:01:29.159 I don't want It's so funny. I saw a TikTok 1107 01:01:29.199 --> 01:01:33.960 video the other day of like this is why millennials 1108 01:01:33.960 --> 01:01:37.000 are a minimalists, because y'all, fucking what are they called? 1109 01:01:37.039 --> 01:01:39.719 What are the parents? What are our parents called? The boomers? Whatever? 1110 01:01:39.760 --> 01:01:40.079 The fuck? 1111 01:01:41.119 --> 01:01:43.159 You know how the motherfuckers had so much shit in 1112 01:01:43.199 --> 01:01:47.000 their house? Like for real them houses was ridiculous? Well 1113 01:01:47.000 --> 01:01:49.719 all that fucking y'all. I hate the way that our 1114 01:01:49.760 --> 01:01:51.760 parents live, Like why do you have all this shit 1115 01:01:51.800 --> 01:01:59.079 in here? Twenty couches, eighty five thousand vases? Like why? Why? Yes, 1116 01:01:59.159 --> 01:02:03.119 I want three things in my career. Okay, so that 1117 01:02:04.079 --> 01:02:06.880 a new little wardrobe, all of that, you know, just whatever. 1118 01:02:07.639 --> 01:02:09.559 That's all I have on here right now, like I said, 1119 01:02:09.639 --> 01:02:11.559 because I feel like I've crossed off a lot of 1120 01:02:11.559 --> 01:02:19.679 the other things on my list I should put I 1121 01:02:19.719 --> 01:02:22.119 gotta get the live shows pop in, I gotta get 1122 01:02:22.199 --> 01:02:24.920 I really gotta get back in my content bag and 1123 01:02:24.960 --> 01:02:26.440 all of that. So I should put that on there 1124 01:02:26.440 --> 01:02:29.559 as well, and like really building up my Black Girl 1125 01:02:29.599 --> 01:02:33.880 Experience community here. But again when the time comes, when 1126 01:02:33.880 --> 01:02:37.840 the season comes. But cause I really get down on 1127 01:02:37.880 --> 01:02:45.320 myself a lot about the hiatus that I take from 1128 01:02:45.400 --> 01:02:50.719 the podcast because again when I came out the gate 1129 01:02:51.679 --> 01:02:54.880 six almost like seven years ago with this, I was 1130 01:02:54.960 --> 01:02:58.199 recording five days a week. But I had to sit 1131 01:02:58.280 --> 01:03:03.039 myself down, Like Jazmine, you started the podcast when you 1132 01:03:03.159 --> 01:03:06.400 lost your job, so you had all the time in 1133 01:03:06.440 --> 01:03:09.079 the world to record episodes every day. You don't have 1134 01:03:09.119 --> 01:03:11.360 that luxury right now, you know what I'm saying, That's 1135 01:03:11.400 --> 01:03:14.119 not the season you're in. So again you have to 1136 01:03:14.280 --> 01:03:17.599 learn to appreciate what season in your life you're in. 1137 01:03:18.079 --> 01:03:20.679 I remember when I used to do yoga every day 1138 01:03:20.719 --> 01:03:22.599 and I was going through yoga teacher training. But I 1139 01:03:22.880 --> 01:03:25.440 remember I had, well, I didn't lose my job, they 1140 01:03:25.440 --> 01:03:27.840 had shut down where I was working or whatever, and 1141 01:03:27.880 --> 01:03:30.280 I remember at that time, I'm like, dang, how am 1142 01:03:30.320 --> 01:03:32.320 I gonna pay for yoga teacher training? But I remember 1143 01:03:32.400 --> 01:03:34.519 like I was doing yoga every day and I love that. 1144 01:03:34.599 --> 01:03:36.079 But then it was some days where I was like, dang, 1145 01:03:36.079 --> 01:03:38.840 I'm kind of I don't know my burnt out or whatever. 1146 01:03:39.199 --> 01:03:41.480 And so you know, it's just different seasons for different things. 1147 01:03:41.519 --> 01:03:43.840 So today when I wake up every day and I 1148 01:03:43.920 --> 01:03:46.159 kind of got an attitude that I do have to 1149 01:03:46.159 --> 01:03:48.559 work two jobs or I feel like I'm overwhelmed and 1150 01:03:48.639 --> 01:03:50.960 I'm overworked and all of that, it's like, bro, remember 1151 01:03:51.000 --> 01:03:52.599 when you were sitting in Detroit when you didn't have 1152 01:03:52.639 --> 01:03:54.159 a job and you didn't have money, And you know 1153 01:03:54.199 --> 01:03:58.400 what I'm saying, like you gotta appreciate the seasons. And 1154 01:03:58.440 --> 01:04:02.199 then again, like I'm not gonna it's very tough to 1155 01:04:02.239 --> 01:04:05.480 be without my son. So I have my moments which 1156 01:04:05.519 --> 01:04:08.159 are a lot where it's like damn, like i feel 1157 01:04:08.199 --> 01:04:11.360 like I'm missing out on a lot, you know, by 1158 01:04:11.400 --> 01:04:14.239 not being with him. But then again I'll look at 1159 01:04:14.280 --> 01:04:18.159 it and I'm like Jasmine, he's a young thirteen year 1160 01:04:18.199 --> 01:04:22.079 old male. It's nothing you could do for buddy right now. 1161 01:04:22.119 --> 01:04:24.119 He gotta be with his dad, you know what I'm saying. 1162 01:04:24.559 --> 01:04:29.800 And I'm glad that I was just a very big 1163 01:04:30.039 --> 01:04:33.239 influence on him in those formative years of his life 1164 01:04:33.280 --> 01:04:36.320 and I was able to be the nurturer that he needed. 1165 01:04:36.360 --> 01:04:38.320 I feel like I instilled so many great things in 1166 01:04:38.400 --> 01:04:40.599 my son like that he is going to carry with 1167 01:04:40.679 --> 01:04:43.599 him forever. But right now, his dad gotta teach him 1168 01:04:43.599 --> 01:04:45.400 how to be a young man. You know what I'm saying. 1169 01:04:45.400 --> 01:04:48.559 It's just certain things that I cannot teach. There's nothing 1170 01:04:48.599 --> 01:04:52.280 I can give him right now. He was already going 1171 01:04:52.320 --> 01:04:55.280 at my head all the time, like, uh, y' all 1172 01:04:55.360 --> 01:04:58.880 you do is baby him. Dad. I'm sorry that I'm 1173 01:04:58.920 --> 01:05:02.360 a woman, partner. I'm sorry that I'm a woman. I'm 1174 01:05:02.400 --> 01:05:06.280 sorry that I'm I'm a nurturer. Okay, all I have 1175 01:05:06.440 --> 01:05:08.719 for my son and some hugs and some kisses, it's 1176 01:05:08.760 --> 01:05:11.679 gonna be okay. You know what I'm saying. Like I'm 1177 01:05:11.719 --> 01:05:15.400 a woman and I'm a mother. I'm sorry. Sorry, Dad, 1178 01:05:15.960 --> 01:05:19.000 So again, you know what I'm saying, But that shit 1179 01:05:19.119 --> 01:05:21.960 does get to me, it does get to me, but 1180 01:05:22.760 --> 01:05:25.800 again it's just it's just the season. And again, like 1181 01:05:25.840 --> 01:05:28.039 I said in the beginning of episode, I had to 1182 01:05:28.039 --> 01:05:29.719 show niggas. I mean, I had to show my I 1183 01:05:29.760 --> 01:05:32.719 had to do this for myself, you know, but I 1184 01:05:32.760 --> 01:05:36.800 had to show niggas too, cause look how far I 1185 01:05:36.960 --> 01:05:41.199 have come. Motherfuckers wanted to paint a certain picture of me, 1186 01:05:41.840 --> 01:05:45.000 wanted to, you know, run with a certain narrative about 1187 01:05:45.079 --> 01:05:48.599 me and just make it seem like So how was 1188 01:05:48.639 --> 01:05:50.679 I able to get all this stuff done? Oh? Because 1189 01:05:50.960 --> 01:05:53.760 I didn't have to be a mom twenty four fucking 1190 01:05:53.880 --> 01:05:56.239 seven by myself, you know what I'm saying. Not to 1191 01:05:56.239 --> 01:05:58.800 say that a person wasn't being a parent, but how 1192 01:05:58.840 --> 01:06:00.880 did I get all of this stuff done? You know 1193 01:06:00.920 --> 01:06:05.159 what I'm saying. Because I was able to take you. 1194 01:06:05.519 --> 01:06:06.880 I was able to get a little bit off my 1195 01:06:06.960 --> 01:06:09.000 plate so I could do what I needed to do 1196 01:06:10.000 --> 01:06:12.480 to put myself in a better position for both me 1197 01:06:12.519 --> 01:06:16.800 and my son. Dad's to do it all the time, 1198 01:06:18.719 --> 01:06:21.880 Dad's do whatever the fuck they want to do. So 1199 01:06:22.920 --> 01:06:25.360 let me do what I need to do, you know 1200 01:06:25.400 --> 01:06:27.519 what I'm saying. Let me do what I need to do. 1201 01:06:30.000 --> 01:06:32.400 And unfortunately, I did have plans for my son to 1202 01:06:32.440 --> 01:06:35.360 come here for the summer. But again, like I said that, 1203 01:06:35.400 --> 01:06:37.840 Nigga got a schedule, like he got two jobs. But 1204 01:06:37.920 --> 01:06:41.039 I'm very proud of him and what he had going 1205 01:06:41.119 --> 01:06:43.800 on was something that he decided to do. So y'all 1206 01:06:43.800 --> 01:06:46.119 know that he plays the piano, he plays the violin, 1207 01:06:46.559 --> 01:06:51.679 He's in two orchestras. He took on band. Now baby 1208 01:06:51.679 --> 01:06:53.079 want to be a little nick Cannon. He want to 1209 01:06:53.119 --> 01:06:57.639 be mister drum line. So like he's in band as well. 1210 01:06:57.800 --> 01:07:00.480 So when my son is out there making the big 1211 01:07:00.519 --> 01:07:04.519 dollars as a music producer in a few years, yes, yes, 1212 01:07:05.159 --> 01:07:13.559 it's gonna be lit. So yeah, but again, just taking 1213 01:07:13.840 --> 01:07:19.280 all of this in, like I neg you've been through 1214 01:07:19.400 --> 01:07:26.559 so fucking much, and it's a lot more that you know, 1215 01:07:26.639 --> 01:07:29.000 people don't even know about that I don't even have 1216 01:07:29.079 --> 01:07:32.599 to get into or want to get into. But there, man, 1217 01:07:34.480 --> 01:07:42.079 it's just very important to use your discernment. It's very 1218 01:07:42.119 --> 01:07:46.880 important to listen to your intuition. It's very important to 1219 01:07:47.039 --> 01:07:52.000 make smart decisions and the best decisions for you, you know 1220 01:07:52.000 --> 01:08:00.440 what I'm saying, Like we are having a what do 1221 01:08:00.519 --> 01:08:09.400 they say? Like a what do they say, this is 1222 01:08:09.480 --> 01:08:16.720 basically like a like a spiritual experience but in a 1223 01:08:16.800 --> 01:08:19.520 human body type shit. You know what I'm saying. So 1224 01:08:20.800 --> 01:08:24.439 whatever you go through in this lifetime, please complete your mission. 1225 01:08:24.520 --> 01:08:31.359 Please complete your soul mission. Stop repeating cycles, stop repeating patterns. 1226 01:08:31.840 --> 01:08:34.000 Don't go through this life and fuck up and then 1227 01:08:34.119 --> 01:08:36.600 when it's over, it's like, okay, bitch, when you rendcard 1228 01:08:36.600 --> 01:08:38.079 and they have to come back down, you gotta come 1229 01:08:38.119 --> 01:08:41.520 back and get you know what I'm saying, Like, stop 1230 01:08:41.800 --> 01:08:46.640 going through the same shit over and over, bro. Like, 1231 01:08:49.319 --> 01:08:58.399 once you release certain shit from your life and you 1232 01:08:58.479 --> 01:09:02.279 glow up, it shows you what the problem was, you 1233 01:09:02.319 --> 01:09:04.479 know what I'm saying. It shows what the problem really is. 1234 01:09:05.079 --> 01:09:09.319 And again it's like we talk about self sabotage and 1235 01:09:09.359 --> 01:09:14.039 stuff like that, like sometimes you really gotta have a 1236 01:09:14.119 --> 01:09:17.119 moment with yourself and get to the bottom of it. 1237 01:09:17.159 --> 01:09:19.319 That's why I really, like I always talk about like 1238 01:09:19.319 --> 01:09:22.199 I really want to go to therapy, like cause again 1239 01:09:22.239 --> 01:09:24.720 I've always had to be the friend that everybody else 1240 01:09:24.760 --> 01:09:27.119 come to, and I got to be everybody else therapist. 1241 01:09:27.239 --> 01:09:29.000 Like I really want to be able to go to 1242 01:09:29.039 --> 01:09:31.760 somebody and talk about my shit real and just really 1243 01:09:31.840 --> 01:09:35.319 understand my trauma and my triggers and everything that I 1244 01:09:35.359 --> 01:09:37.880 went through. You know what I'm saying, Like I already 1245 01:09:38.800 --> 01:09:42.119 have an idea, but to talk to a professional about 1246 01:09:42.119 --> 01:09:44.560 that shit like and really work on that like is 1247 01:09:44.920 --> 01:09:49.359 a goal for myself cause I don't want to keep 1248 01:09:49.439 --> 01:09:51.720 repeating the same shit in this lifetime, you know what 1249 01:09:51.720 --> 01:09:56.560 I'm saying. And I don't want to. I don't want 1250 01:09:56.640 --> 01:10:01.279 something or somebody to hold me back from my destiny, 1251 01:10:03.359 --> 01:10:07.439 which I don't think that somebody or something could do, 1252 01:10:07.800 --> 01:10:10.000 like you know what I'm saying, because you have to 1253 01:10:10.039 --> 01:10:14.760 take accountability, you have to understand like the role that 1254 01:10:14.840 --> 01:10:20.560 you play, and you know all of that. So I 1255 01:10:20.680 --> 01:10:23.560 just I don't I don't want to let myself down. 1256 01:10:24.399 --> 01:10:27.039 I don't want to let God down. I don't want 1257 01:10:27.079 --> 01:10:29.199 to let my ancestors down. I don't want to let 1258 01:10:29.199 --> 01:10:32.880 my spirit guys because them motherfucker's been fighting for me, okay, 1259 01:10:33.560 --> 01:10:35.960 and they they be sick of my shit. They be like, 1260 01:10:36.000 --> 01:10:38.039 hey man, we trying to pull you out of this, 1261 01:10:38.159 --> 01:10:40.399 were trying to do this, and you know what I'm saying, 1262 01:10:40.399 --> 01:10:42.239 and you keep just doing the same shit over and over. 1263 01:10:42.279 --> 01:10:45.399 It's like non webout. We're gonna let your ass go there, like, 1264 01:10:46.000 --> 01:10:49.279 don't let us take our hands off you. But you know, 1265 01:10:49.479 --> 01:10:52.119 thank you God for not taking your hands off me. 1266 01:10:53.399 --> 01:10:55.640 Thank you God for not taking your hands off me 1267 01:10:55.720 --> 01:11:00.159 for real. Like that's why I'm telling you that. That's 1268 01:11:00.159 --> 01:11:03.880 why I stay preyed up. I stay in a state 1269 01:11:03.880 --> 01:11:08.359 of gratitude, and I stay putting in the legwork. I 1270 01:11:08.399 --> 01:11:11.920 stay doing what I'm supposed to do. And I will 1271 01:11:12.000 --> 01:11:17.239 say that like I always talk about this, how like 1272 01:11:17.399 --> 01:11:20.880 I always have taken the high road. I always like 1273 01:11:21.000 --> 01:11:25.600 sew good seeds. I always put out positive energy. I always, 1274 01:11:25.640 --> 01:11:28.640 you know, like even and I was talking about this 1275 01:11:28.640 --> 01:11:30.920 on Instagram the other day, like because right now we're 1276 01:11:30.960 --> 01:11:34.680 going through Saturn retrograde, which is like all about karmac 1277 01:11:34.760 --> 01:11:38.079 lessons and karma and all of that shit. So if 1278 01:11:38.279 --> 01:11:40.680 if you get in your ass by the universe right now, 1279 01:11:40.720 --> 01:11:42.920 it's probably because you got some bad karma. E done 1280 01:11:42.920 --> 01:11:46.479 did some shit to niggas. So but and I was saying, like, 1281 01:11:46.600 --> 01:11:49.680 you know, I always take the high road, even when 1282 01:11:49.680 --> 01:11:53.479 people have mistreated me or done me wrong. I just 1283 01:11:53.600 --> 01:11:57.279 move forward in life because I know that I'm gonna 1284 01:11:57.279 --> 01:11:59.880 be blessed regardless, and I know that Karma gonna spend 1285 01:11:59.880 --> 01:12:03.760 the block. So you know what I'm saying, just look 1286 01:12:03.760 --> 01:12:07.239 at your life right now. It's Saturn retrograding. And baby, 1287 01:12:07.279 --> 01:12:10.479 I'm looking at my life. I'm leveling up, I'm thriving, 1288 01:12:10.520 --> 01:12:13.720 I'm looking good, I'm glowing. I'm like I'm happy. I'm 1289 01:12:13.880 --> 01:12:19.239 at peace with myself. And that's another thing, Like I 1290 01:12:19.239 --> 01:12:23.760 don't know, like I'm at a space in my life 1291 01:12:23.760 --> 01:12:26.960 and I'm never really I feel like I've always kind 1292 01:12:26.960 --> 01:12:31.199 of been. I haven't always been this introverted as I 1293 01:12:31.239 --> 01:12:36.319 am now, cause I'm super introverted now, like y'all know, 1294 01:12:36.359 --> 01:12:37.880 to the point, like I don't like to come out 1295 01:12:37.880 --> 01:12:40.960 of my bubble, which is kind of a bad thing. 1296 01:12:41.079 --> 01:12:42.680 And I just told myself the other day that I'm 1297 01:12:42.680 --> 01:12:45.319 gonna work on that. Like my best friend had can 1298 01:12:45.319 --> 01:12:48.600 to visit me this past weekend from North Carolina, and 1299 01:12:48.680 --> 01:12:50.800 like even though I had to work both jobs every day, 1300 01:12:50.880 --> 01:12:52.399 like I still had to be a trooper and go 1301 01:12:52.439 --> 01:12:54.039 out with her and like, you know, just have a 1302 01:12:54.039 --> 01:12:57.279 good time. And y'all know, I'm not really so much 1303 01:12:57.279 --> 01:13:00.199 of a going out person, Like that's not really my thing. 1304 01:13:02.239 --> 01:13:04.560 I'm like I like to go to like concerts, and 1305 01:13:04.560 --> 01:13:06.680 shit like that. But like we was going out a 1306 01:13:06.680 --> 01:13:10.560 little bit, but it was just a reminder to myself 1307 01:13:10.600 --> 01:13:14.000 to be like Jazmine, you cannot live in a fucking bubble, 1308 01:13:14.399 --> 01:13:17.560 especially if if you want to meet the man of 1309 01:13:17.600 --> 01:13:19.560 your dreams or whatever, Like you know what I'm saying. 1310 01:13:19.560 --> 01:13:22.399 You can't just go to work and go home. You 1311 01:13:22.439 --> 01:13:25.119 want him to break into the crib, like what are you? Like? 1312 01:13:25.640 --> 01:13:29.720 So and even if I'm not looking for love or whatever, 1313 01:13:29.880 --> 01:13:33.239 like I do need to just go out and treat myself, 1314 01:13:33.279 --> 01:13:36.159 whether it's on payday, once a week or whatever. Get 1315 01:13:36.159 --> 01:13:39.600 a drink, nice dinner, go to new plate, Like I 1316 01:13:39.640 --> 01:13:41.800 still don't be going to like oh if somebody come 1317 01:13:41.800 --> 01:13:43.439 here and be like, Okay, where do I go? In Dallas? 1318 01:13:43.520 --> 01:13:45.119 I had to hit up my homegirl, like, hey, where 1319 01:13:45.159 --> 01:13:46.960 should I take my best friend? Like I don't know 1320 01:13:46.960 --> 01:13:50.880 where to go? So like but again, I don't really 1321 01:13:50.920 --> 01:13:55.199 think it's my season for that yet, you know, cause 1322 01:13:55.239 --> 01:13:57.319 I'm right now, I'm in my working season, I'm in 1323 01:13:57.359 --> 01:14:01.079 my hustling, I'm in my fucking masculine era right now. 1324 01:14:01.199 --> 01:14:04.359 Please soft girl like me, I'm gonna keep praying for 1325 01:14:04.399 --> 01:14:07.319 that every day, Like please let your girl be able 1326 01:14:07.319 --> 01:14:13.279 to let her hair down literally and figuratively. So I'm 1327 01:14:13.319 --> 01:14:15.960 just waiting to get to that season, you know. But no, 1328 01:14:16.079 --> 01:14:23.680 I definitely need to start stepping out and tell enjoying life. 1329 01:14:23.920 --> 01:14:28.840 So that's very important for me too. Did I miss anything, 1330 01:14:33.119 --> 01:14:35.039 y'all know, I usually be writing little notes in here. 1331 01:14:35.119 --> 01:14:38.119 I didn't really do too many notes, but I did wrote. 1332 01:14:38.319 --> 01:14:43.520 I did write a couple of things. I wrote this down. 1333 01:14:44.199 --> 01:14:48.000 I said, it's one thing to let another person trick 1334 01:14:48.079 --> 01:14:51.239 you off the streets or audio spot, but it's a 1335 01:14:51.279 --> 01:14:57.960 whole another thing to trick yourself out of your own spot. 1336 01:15:00.079 --> 01:15:03.720 Don't be no crash dummy. And this goes hand in 1337 01:15:03.760 --> 01:15:08.439 hand with the self sabotage, like don't be no crash dummy, 1338 01:15:08.479 --> 01:15:13.720 do not crash out. You control where your life goes. 1339 01:15:13.800 --> 01:15:16.399 And I talk, y'all know, I talk about accountability all 1340 01:15:16.439 --> 01:15:19.439 the time, like I'm gonna I'm gonna stress this till 1341 01:15:20.439 --> 01:15:25.720 the cows come home because and I and I try. 1342 01:15:31.359 --> 01:15:35.680 I feel like I take accountability. I do, I honestly do. 1343 01:15:36.039 --> 01:15:38.199 Like y'all can't tell me that I don't. If I don't, 1344 01:15:38.399 --> 01:15:42.000 somebody please tell me when I don't, Please show me 1345 01:15:42.119 --> 01:15:45.560 how I don't cause I al I always speak on 1346 01:15:45.640 --> 01:15:47.239 how I play a role in the shit that I do. 1347 01:15:47.319 --> 01:15:52.840 But like I be, I'll be wanting people to take accountability. 1348 01:15:52.880 --> 01:16:02.880 Bro stop blaming other people. Just stop, because even if 1349 01:16:02.880 --> 01:16:06.600 a person does play a rock cool Okay, we was 1350 01:16:07.199 --> 01:16:11.000 it takes to the tango cool cool, we get it. 1351 01:16:11.039 --> 01:16:19.600 We got that. But you only you have control over yourself, 1352 01:16:19.960 --> 01:16:24.319 of your life, of your circumstances. You know what I'm saying. 1353 01:16:24.479 --> 01:16:27.000 So let's let's put it back on me. Let's put 1354 01:16:27.039 --> 01:16:28.880 it back on me. Let me give you, guys an example. 1355 01:16:30.720 --> 01:16:33.880 When I was living in Detroit, I was living with 1356 01:16:33.920 --> 01:16:36.439 my mom. Me and my son were living with my mom. 1357 01:16:36.479 --> 01:16:38.840 And even before that, like I will always just be 1358 01:16:38.880 --> 01:16:41.520 bouncing around, but I will always be living with somebody else, right, 1359 01:16:41.760 --> 01:16:46.159 whether I was paying rent or not. A lot of times, 1360 01:16:46.199 --> 01:16:48.479 you know, a lot of times I did have jobs. 1361 01:16:48.960 --> 01:16:50.560 I did have a car, you know what I'm saying. 1362 01:16:50.600 --> 01:16:52.039 But then it got to a point where she got 1363 01:16:52.079 --> 01:16:54.520 bad and I didn't have jobs, and then I didn't 1364 01:16:54.520 --> 01:16:56.800 have a car, you know what I'm saying. And so 1365 01:16:57.359 --> 01:17:00.199 luckily I had that support though, but even still, like 1366 01:17:02.359 --> 01:17:05.840 shit was hard. But at the end of the day. 1367 01:17:07.640 --> 01:17:12.239 I wasn't making anything happen period, you know what I'm saying. 1368 01:17:12.520 --> 01:17:16.359 So I could blame everything else. Oh I'm not getting 1369 01:17:16.359 --> 01:17:18.279 the support that I need or whatever, you know what 1370 01:17:18.319 --> 01:17:22.039 I'm saying. But at the end of the day, Jasmine, 1371 01:17:22.079 --> 01:17:23.960 you gotta make something happen, and shit not just gonna 1372 01:17:23.960 --> 01:17:25.720 come out of the air, you know what I'm saying. 1373 01:17:26.239 --> 01:17:28.399 And I'll never forget. Like I had a conversation with 1374 01:17:28.479 --> 01:17:32.479 my mom, like right before I left, and she was 1375 01:17:32.520 --> 01:17:34.920 telling me, like, you know, you don't have to go 1376 01:17:34.960 --> 01:17:37.159 to another state to get yourself together. You don't have 1377 01:17:37.199 --> 01:17:39.600 to leave, like you could do that here. I'm like, bro, 1378 01:17:39.640 --> 01:17:41.920 look how long I've been here. You know, I've been 1379 01:17:41.960 --> 01:17:44.479 here my whole life. But I'm saying like, look and 1380 01:17:44.479 --> 01:17:46.760 then look how long I've been living here with you? 1381 01:17:46.760 --> 01:17:49.119 You know what I'm saying, Like, and nothing is happening, 1382 01:17:49.319 --> 01:17:53.560 Like it was getting to a point where it was like, bro, 1383 01:17:53.800 --> 01:17:57.439 like I cannot keep living like this. I want more 1384 01:17:57.479 --> 01:18:00.800 for myself. I see more for myself. I didn't want 1385 01:18:00.800 --> 01:18:02.960 to be there, you know what I'm saying. I was 1386 01:18:02.960 --> 01:18:04.680 telling my son. I'm like, bro, we're not gonna be 1387 01:18:04.680 --> 01:18:07.960 living with Grandma forever, like, this is not this is 1388 01:18:08.039 --> 01:18:10.840 not it. This is not the life that I want. 1389 01:18:10.880 --> 01:18:12.600 This is not the life that I see for myself. 1390 01:18:12.920 --> 01:18:15.359 And a part of me getting up and going to 1391 01:18:15.439 --> 01:18:17.800 another state was because I knew that that was gonna 1392 01:18:17.800 --> 01:18:20.439 put a fire under my ass. I knew that was 1393 01:18:20.439 --> 01:18:23.600 gonna make me work ten times harder because I don't 1394 01:18:23.640 --> 01:18:25.880 have nothing to fall back on. I don't have a 1395 01:18:25.920 --> 01:18:27.720 family member to you know what I'm saying, be in 1396 01:18:27.800 --> 01:18:30.640 my corner. I don't have anybody to be that support 1397 01:18:30.760 --> 01:18:34.119 that crutch for me. If you go out of state, 1398 01:18:34.479 --> 01:18:36.159 you gotta get it out the money, you know what 1399 01:18:36.199 --> 01:18:38.399 I'm saying, or else I am going back home. So 1400 01:18:38.479 --> 01:18:41.199 I had to not only prove to not that I 1401 01:18:41.239 --> 01:18:43.000 had to prove it to everybody else, but I had 1402 01:18:43.000 --> 01:18:44.760 to prove it to myself that I could do it. 1403 01:18:45.119 --> 01:18:50.439 So I needed to do that. And again fast forward 1404 01:18:50.439 --> 01:18:53.800 to today, Look where I am. I did this shit 1405 01:18:53.960 --> 01:18:58.439 by myself, period, you know what I'm saying. So I'm 1406 01:18:58.479 --> 01:19:01.279 proud of myself for that, super proud of myself for that. 1407 01:19:01.479 --> 01:19:06.680 And I think, like I'm very hard on myself, and 1408 01:19:06.720 --> 01:19:08.520 I want to work on that, Like I want to 1409 01:19:08.600 --> 01:19:12.399 stop being so hard on myself because the world is 1410 01:19:12.439 --> 01:19:14.640 going to tear you down. You know what I'm saying. 1411 01:19:14.680 --> 01:19:17.359 Your haters is gonna tear you down. Sometimes it be 1412 01:19:17.399 --> 01:19:19.840 your own motherfucking spot. Sometimes you be sleeping with the 1413 01:19:19.960 --> 01:19:21.960 enemy and that motherfucker be tearing you down, you know 1414 01:19:21.960 --> 01:19:24.960 what I'm saying. Like, so it's just so many different 1415 01:19:24.960 --> 01:19:28.279 angles for that shit. And it's like, stop being hard 1416 01:19:28.319 --> 01:19:32.560 on yourself, bro, because you've done a lot. You've came 1417 01:19:33.159 --> 01:19:38.640 very fucking far. And another thing is like you gotta 1418 01:19:38.800 --> 01:19:44.039 stop looking at where you are in comparison to other people, 1419 01:19:44.079 --> 01:19:46.520 because I will never forget because this like really hit, 1420 01:19:46.720 --> 01:19:50.680 like it really hit a soft spot with me, Like 1421 01:19:50.760 --> 01:19:55.239 I'll never forget. It was a conversation that I had 1422 01:19:55.279 --> 01:19:57.119 with my baby daddy. We had got into an argument 1423 01:19:57.319 --> 01:19:59.319 a long time ago, and I don't even know, like 1424 01:20:00.039 --> 01:20:01.399 it was some shit about it. At first it turned 1425 01:20:02.119 --> 01:20:04.680 about the kid, and then it was so I don't know, 1426 01:20:04.680 --> 01:20:06.840 but I remember it was a comment that he made like, oh, 1427 01:20:06.920 --> 01:20:08.880 good for you. You you just now figuring out what 1428 01:20:08.880 --> 01:20:13.119 you want to do with y'all life. We ben did that. Wow, 1429 01:20:13.239 --> 01:20:15.720 I didn't. I didn't know everybody was on the same page. 1430 01:20:15.760 --> 01:20:17.680 I didn't know everybody was running the same race. I 1431 01:20:17.680 --> 01:20:21.000 didn't know that everybody had the same resources. I didn't 1432 01:20:21.000 --> 01:20:22.960 know that, you know what I'm saying, Like, and I 1433 01:20:23.000 --> 01:20:25.960 was just like that, but again, like you really gotta 1434 01:20:26.000 --> 01:20:27.960 be careful of the people that you have around you 1435 01:20:28.039 --> 01:20:29.520 that you letting your life, you know what I'm saying. 1436 01:20:29.600 --> 01:20:34.399 Because and I know, like you know, co parenting situations 1437 01:20:34.479 --> 01:20:37.279 they go sour and shit like that. But I just 1438 01:20:37.920 --> 01:20:45.199 hate what our situation turned into like and having to 1439 01:20:45.199 --> 01:20:49.359 share a kid with somebody that like just don't like 1440 01:20:50.359 --> 01:20:53.079 lift you up, don't encourage you, don't you know what 1441 01:20:53.159 --> 01:20:56.199 I'm saying. And that's that's another thing, like as a mother, 1442 01:20:57.119 --> 01:21:00.439 and I know that other mothers can you know, agree 1443 01:21:00.479 --> 01:21:03.439 with this as well, Like I don't think that a 1444 01:21:03.479 --> 01:21:08.760 lot of men understand that, especially if you guys break 1445 01:21:08.840 --> 01:21:13.000 up and you have to coparent, Like I need to 1446 01:21:13.079 --> 01:21:19.800 be in a good space mentally, mentally, emotionally, financially, all 1447 01:21:19.840 --> 01:21:22.279 of that, you know what I'm saying, in order to 1448 01:21:22.479 --> 01:21:30.359 raise our child. So you belittling me or making the 1449 01:21:30.439 --> 01:21:34.560 situation harder or whatever like that does not make it 1450 01:21:34.600 --> 01:21:40.720 better at all, especially when you're raising somebody's child. You 1451 01:21:40.760 --> 01:21:43.960 know what I'm saying. So it's just you know, I 1452 01:21:43.960 --> 01:21:46.720 don't know. And that's what they say, Like you know 1453 01:21:46.720 --> 01:21:49.039 what I'm saying, Like you might what do they say, 1454 01:21:49.840 --> 01:21:54.439 you might forget? I don't know, is it you might 1455 01:21:54.439 --> 01:21:56.239 forget what people say or whatever, but you'll never forget 1456 01:21:56.239 --> 01:21:58.640 how that made you feel. Like, Nah, niggah, I ain't 1457 01:21:58.640 --> 01:22:01.439 gonna forget shit. I ain't gonna real shit. That's why 1458 01:22:01.439 --> 01:22:04.600 I'm out here just you know, busting up all niggas 1459 01:22:04.640 --> 01:22:12.760 every day, busting up, leveling up, period. So yeah, like 1460 01:22:13.760 --> 01:22:17.520 this has definitely been a fucking jury. And that's the thing. 1461 01:22:17.720 --> 01:22:23.479 Like life is not a race, it's not a sprint. 1462 01:22:23.520 --> 01:22:27.199 It's a marathon. Word to my nigga EBC. But another 1463 01:22:27.239 --> 01:22:31.960 thing is like just enjoy the journey, you know what 1464 01:22:32.000 --> 01:22:35.039 I'm saying. We always look forward to certain points of 1465 01:22:35.079 --> 01:22:36.680 our life like, oh, I can't wait to be winning. 1466 01:22:36.680 --> 01:22:38.000 I can't wait till I get here, I can't wait 1467 01:22:38.119 --> 01:22:41.039 till I get you know whatever you think, Oh, once 1468 01:22:41.119 --> 01:22:43.239 I get this job, or once I get this amount 1469 01:22:43.239 --> 01:22:45.399 of money, or once I do this, like and then 1470 01:22:45.439 --> 01:22:48.520 when you get that shit and they get old or 1471 01:22:48.560 --> 01:22:50.239 you know, you get past it, then you looking for 1472 01:22:50.279 --> 01:22:53.720 the next fix. It's like a It's like it's like 1473 01:22:53.720 --> 01:22:58.600 a high. It's like getting high. You're gonna constantly be 1474 01:22:58.680 --> 01:23:01.880 going after that high. And once you get something and 1475 01:23:01.920 --> 01:23:04.319 you get satisfied with it, Okay, Nah, I gotta you 1476 01:23:04.319 --> 01:23:06.399 know what I'm saying, it's a never anything. And that's 1477 01:23:06.399 --> 01:23:12.680 why we need to learn to find happiness within. Find 1478 01:23:12.720 --> 01:23:15.399 happiness and the simple things. Find happiness. And you know 1479 01:23:15.439 --> 01:23:18.479 what I'm saying, like find that peace within. And that's 1480 01:23:18.479 --> 01:23:20.399 what I was saying, Like I'm just so happy just 1481 01:23:20.439 --> 01:23:22.920 to be at peace, you know what I'm saying. Like 1482 01:23:24.760 --> 01:23:29.760 it's I don't I don't aspire to have Like I 1483 01:23:29.800 --> 01:23:33.159 don't want to just be like Boo cooo rich and 1484 01:23:33.319 --> 01:23:36.960 just I mean, I do want money, like hand over fist, 1485 01:23:37.000 --> 01:23:39.039 you know, I want to be good, but like I 1486 01:23:39.079 --> 01:23:43.760 don't aspire to be no fucking celebrity. All them people 1487 01:23:43.840 --> 01:23:48.520 is really fucking trash and just frauds and be selling 1488 01:23:48.520 --> 01:23:51.319 their soul and all on that weird shit. But I 1489 01:23:51.359 --> 01:23:53.600 don't aspire to be no fucking celebrity. I don't aspire 1490 01:23:53.640 --> 01:23:59.119 to be no fucking Bill Gates ass fucking billionaire. Like 1491 01:23:59.680 --> 01:24:02.640 I I'm good with the very simple life for real, 1492 01:24:02.840 --> 01:24:05.279 Like I'm really a plain Jane and I love that 1493 01:24:05.319 --> 01:24:08.840 about myself. Like I don't need much of everything. I 1494 01:24:08.880 --> 01:24:12.520 don't care about the clothes, the jewelry, the I don't 1495 01:24:12.560 --> 01:24:14.680 care about that shit. Like I just want to be 1496 01:24:14.760 --> 01:24:16.840 fucking happy and I want to be at peace. I 1497 01:24:16.880 --> 01:24:21.199 want to, you know, be with my son. I want 1498 01:24:21.239 --> 01:24:24.520 to be taking vacations with my best friend. I want 1499 01:24:24.520 --> 01:24:27.439 to do the podcast. I want to do my yoga. 1500 01:24:27.680 --> 01:24:30.119 I want to be in good health. I want to 1501 01:24:30.159 --> 01:24:34.000 be wealthy, you know what I'm saying, Like I don't. 1502 01:24:34.159 --> 01:24:36.640 I don't want too much of anything. And that's another thing, 1503 01:24:36.760 --> 01:24:39.279 like in relationships, I don't want too much of anything. 1504 01:24:39.520 --> 01:24:41.840 But I think that's where niggas get it twisted because 1505 01:24:41.880 --> 01:24:45.000 I'm a very simple person. Like like again, I don't 1506 01:24:45.119 --> 01:24:47.199 need the material things. All the things that I want 1507 01:24:47.199 --> 01:24:56.159 to do not cost money. I want love, respect, a commitment, happiness, 1508 01:24:56.359 --> 01:24:58.159 good sex. You know what I'm saying, Like the shit 1509 01:24:58.199 --> 01:25:03.479 that don't cost money at all, like consideration, communication, like 1510 01:25:05.479 --> 01:25:09.520 and niggas can't even give you that. Niggas can't even 1511 01:25:09.520 --> 01:25:12.199 give you that. But then another thing that I told 1512 01:25:12.239 --> 01:25:17.760 myself today was that like I realized that I settle 1513 01:25:20.760 --> 01:25:23.359 and I gotta do better because I be settling for 1514 01:25:23.479 --> 01:25:27.960 the bare fucking minimum. And I discussed myself with that, 1515 01:25:28.119 --> 01:25:33.399 like Jazmine, you deserve the fucking world. Any nigga would 1516 01:25:33.399 --> 01:25:35.439 be lucky to have you. You know what I'm saying, 1517 01:25:35.600 --> 01:25:41.399 Like do better, do better. So that's where I'm at 1518 01:25:41.439 --> 01:25:43.800 with that. But ultimately, like I just I feel like 1519 01:25:43.840 --> 01:25:46.079 I'm at peace. I'm very happy with where I am. 1520 01:25:46.239 --> 01:25:49.920 I never saw myself being like when I first got here. 1521 01:25:50.760 --> 01:25:52.960 Of course, like I said, I wasn't in Dallas. I 1522 01:25:53.039 --> 01:25:55.479 wasn't fair, so I don't know, and I still had 1523 01:25:55.560 --> 01:25:58.319 to just get used to stuff and really, you know, 1524 01:25:58.479 --> 01:26:00.680 really find my footing in my way. So when I 1525 01:26:00.680 --> 01:26:02.560 first got here, I wasn't really sure if this was 1526 01:26:02.600 --> 01:26:05.720 where I wanted to be, because ultimately I always felt like, oh, 1527 01:26:05.760 --> 01:26:07.560 California is my heart, That's where I want to be. 1528 01:26:07.720 --> 01:26:11.439 But I like Dallas, and I mean, I just feel 1529 01:26:11.439 --> 01:26:14.720 like I'm gonna do my time here, I'm gonna do 1530 01:26:14.760 --> 01:26:17.199 my season here, and then wherever life takes me after this, 1531 01:26:17.359 --> 01:26:20.239 you know, I'll go where you know, wherever the wind 1532 01:26:20.279 --> 01:26:23.439 blows me, wherever I flow with the water, but as 1533 01:26:23.479 --> 01:26:26.039 of now, I am definitely happy with where I am. 1534 01:26:26.079 --> 01:26:28.960 I literally wake up every day just so happy in 1535 01:26:29.000 --> 01:26:32.439 the space that I'm in. I love going home. That's 1536 01:26:32.439 --> 01:26:34.159 the best part of my day. Like I can't wait 1537 01:26:34.199 --> 01:26:35.880 to get home and just be in my own shit, 1538 01:26:36.359 --> 01:26:39.720 Like I love it. And again, I'm just I'm just 1539 01:26:39.760 --> 01:26:43.039 so happy just looking at where I am and what 1540 01:26:43.079 --> 01:26:46.880 I've accomplished in all of that. So there was something 1541 01:26:46.880 --> 01:26:51.439 else that this is so random. I had roll something 1542 01:26:51.439 --> 01:26:52.560 in here. I'm like, I kind of want to talk 1543 01:26:52.560 --> 01:27:00.239 about this. This is just random, this random. Compatibility or chemistry, 1544 01:27:01.800 --> 01:27:03.760 what do you guys think. I'll let you guys think 1545 01:27:03.800 --> 01:27:11.640 about that for a second. Compatibility or chemistry in a relationship. 1546 01:27:12.640 --> 01:27:18.119 I think that both are very very important. But I 1547 01:27:18.159 --> 01:27:23.039 think that compatibility is way more important than chemistry, because 1548 01:27:25.159 --> 01:27:27.800 don't don't get it twisted. Chemistry is needed for sure, 1549 01:27:28.039 --> 01:27:31.760 Like if we don't have chemistry, well I'm not fucking 1550 01:27:31.800 --> 01:27:34.159 with you. You know what I'm saying. Chemistry is very important. 1551 01:27:34.199 --> 01:27:37.600 I need that. I need that passion between us, I 1552 01:27:37.640 --> 01:27:41.319 need that connection, I need that sexual tension, Like I 1553 01:27:41.399 --> 01:27:43.399 just need that. We gotta be able to vibe. You 1554 01:27:43.439 --> 01:27:46.439 know what I'm saying, but baby, that chemistry goes out 1555 01:27:46.479 --> 01:27:49.359 the window when you realize that, oh we're not compatible. 1556 01:27:49.800 --> 01:27:56.319 You think like that you like no, and like, yeah, 1557 01:27:57.199 --> 01:28:01.119 we gotta be able to We gotta be able to 1558 01:28:01.359 --> 01:28:03.279 hit the ball back and forth on the table, you 1559 01:28:03.279 --> 01:28:07.079 know what I'm saying, Like, baby, if the compatibility is 1560 01:28:07.119 --> 01:28:10.720 not there, it's not gonna work. And I think, I 1561 01:28:10.720 --> 01:28:13.439 don't know. I guess like once you really start to 1562 01:28:13.479 --> 01:28:15.840 spend time with a person and really learn a person, 1563 01:28:16.079 --> 01:28:21.800 like I don't know, you know when the real come 1564 01:28:21.840 --> 01:28:24.119 out because a person can only pretend for so long. 1565 01:28:26.079 --> 01:28:29.760 A person can only pretend for so long. But chemistry 1566 01:28:29.800 --> 01:28:33.439 is definitely important. But like, but I will say, I'm 1567 01:28:33.439 --> 01:28:36.840 not gonna be able to have a relationship without chemistry. Like, 1568 01:28:36.920 --> 01:28:39.520 we can't just be compare we can't just be compatitive. 1569 01:28:40.199 --> 01:28:42.239 If I had to choose one, I would say compatibility. 1570 01:28:42.359 --> 01:28:46.039 But it ain't gonna go nowhere with no chemistry. We 1571 01:28:46.079 --> 01:28:48.159 ain't got no chemistry. It's just like that made me 1572 01:28:48.159 --> 01:28:50.199 feel like I'm not even attracted to you. Wers like 1573 01:28:50.319 --> 01:28:57.279 you know, Like, but I'm gonna go with compatibility, communication 1574 01:28:58.039 --> 01:29:05.680 or consideration. This is good. That's hard too, because communication 1575 01:29:05.880 --> 01:29:08.399 is very important. This is my thing. And I feel 1576 01:29:08.399 --> 01:29:09.960 like I was just telling this. I think I was 1577 01:29:09.960 --> 01:29:12.199 telling this to like my coworker the other day, like 1578 01:29:13.279 --> 01:29:16.479 she always be. She'll randomly just be telling me about 1579 01:29:16.520 --> 01:29:20.000 her like dating life and shit like that, and we 1580 01:29:20.000 --> 01:29:23.119 were talking about communication. I'm like, it only takes five 1581 01:29:23.159 --> 01:29:25.159 seconds to tell somebody something. You know what I'm saying. 1582 01:29:25.239 --> 01:29:28.520 I hate motherfuckers that act. Like, first of all, this 1583 01:29:28.560 --> 01:29:31.520 is the generation of having your your phone glued to 1584 01:29:31.600 --> 01:29:34.279 your fucking hand. You know what I'm saying, Like nobody 1585 01:29:34.399 --> 01:29:37.479 is just away from their phone. Oh I just saw this. 1586 01:29:37.600 --> 01:29:40.039 Oh I just shut up. Your phone was in your 1587 01:29:40.079 --> 01:29:43.159 fucking hand. You know what I'm saying. If you're gonna 1588 01:29:43.159 --> 01:29:46.159 have a busy day, if you don't want to be bothered, 1589 01:29:46.159 --> 01:29:48.239 if something really is going on in your life, Hey, 1590 01:29:48.279 --> 01:29:50.359 you know I'm going through something in or today gonna 1591 01:29:50.359 --> 01:29:51.960 be kind of a busy day, Like I'm not gonna 1592 01:29:52.039 --> 01:29:53.399 really be able to talk to you like that. I'll 1593 01:29:53.479 --> 01:29:57.479 hit you up, ladder, just communicate. Motherfuckers would go a 1594 01:29:57.520 --> 01:30:00.279 whole day, bitch, lose my number then you know what 1595 01:30:00.319 --> 01:30:03.920 I'm saying. Or just whatever, if it's a problem or whatever, 1596 01:30:04.119 --> 01:30:09.720 like communicate that period. It's not hard. But consideration is 1597 01:30:09.800 --> 01:30:13.439 really the one for me, I think, because it blows 1598 01:30:13.520 --> 01:30:18.560 my mind that niggas just don't consider me, Like Bro 1599 01:30:20.319 --> 01:30:22.319 and Nigga ain't ever did some shit, and you just like, 1600 01:30:22.439 --> 01:30:25.840 why the fuck with you? Ain't even you didn't even think. 1601 01:30:26.359 --> 01:30:28.960 You didn't even think to think like how that would 1602 01:30:29.000 --> 01:30:34.960 make me feel. You didn't even think like it ain't 1603 01:30:34.960 --> 01:30:37.319 even just with niggas, Like it could be somebody that 1604 01:30:38.199 --> 01:30:41.039 don't give a fuck about your time or whatever, Like 1605 01:30:41.359 --> 01:30:44.880 you ain't think that like I had nowhere to be. 1606 01:30:45.000 --> 01:30:47.520 You didn't think like I just don't like people that 1607 01:30:47.560 --> 01:30:50.119 don't have no type of consideration because I consider people 1608 01:30:50.159 --> 01:30:54.239 all the time. I'm a very considerate person like I. 1609 01:30:54.760 --> 01:31:03.079 So it's consideration for me. The next one a safe 1610 01:31:03.119 --> 01:31:10.119 life or a spontaneous life I would love to say, 1611 01:31:11.119 --> 01:31:13.399 but it's funny because I kind of live a spontaneous life. Nah. 1612 01:31:13.439 --> 01:31:17.119 I would love to say a spontaneous life, but deep 1613 01:31:17.199 --> 01:31:20.039 down inside I want to say safe life because and 1614 01:31:20.039 --> 01:31:25.079 that's the thing, like when I talk about like not 1615 01:31:25.279 --> 01:31:28.720 like in change and you know, being uncertain of the 1616 01:31:28.760 --> 01:31:30.800 future and stuff like that, I feel like everybody to 1617 01:31:30.840 --> 01:31:32.840 a certain extent wants to live a safe life, like 1618 01:31:34.880 --> 01:31:37.520 you want to feel secure, you wanna feel some type 1619 01:31:37.520 --> 01:31:39.960 of structure you you know what I'm saying, Like nobody, 1620 01:31:40.079 --> 01:31:42.000 I mean some people who are just straight up risk 1621 01:31:42.039 --> 01:31:44.760 takers and just jump through the fire. I'm gonna go 1622 01:31:44.800 --> 01:31:47.119 through the hoops. I'm just take this little Tarzan rope 1623 01:31:47.119 --> 01:31:50.520 through life like I don't I don't know, but again, 1624 01:31:51.000 --> 01:31:53.159 that is kind of the life that I live, Nigga. 1625 01:31:53.279 --> 01:31:56.520 One way flight to Dallas and just what you know 1626 01:31:56.560 --> 01:32:01.319 what I'm saying, like just VI just vibe, just vibes 1627 01:32:01.960 --> 01:32:05.319 like but that I don't know, that's where the fun is. 1628 01:32:05.359 --> 01:32:07.600 That's where the spark is in a spontaneous life. But 1629 01:32:07.880 --> 01:32:14.159 if I had to choose one, I don't know. But 1630 01:32:14.239 --> 01:32:18.159 safe life also gives like boring marriage, same thing every day, 1631 01:32:19.119 --> 01:32:23.520 stickler life. It gives it gets I ain't gonna say 1632 01:32:23.520 --> 01:32:26.439 who it gives. Safe life gives somebody. It gives a 1633 01:32:26.520 --> 01:32:31.560 nigga that I know that nigga life is safe as hell. 1634 01:32:31.760 --> 01:32:36.000 Uh yeah, that I don't know. Safe life for spontaneous life, 1635 01:32:39.359 --> 01:32:41.560 I'm gonna go out on I'm gonna say spontaneous fuck it, 1636 01:32:41.680 --> 01:32:44.319 I'm gonna say cause I need the adventure I need. 1637 01:32:44.399 --> 01:32:48.359 I need the laughs, I need the fun I need whatever. Okay, 1638 01:32:49.119 --> 01:32:57.479 passion or purpose, that's a good one too. That's a 1639 01:32:57.520 --> 01:33:00.680 good one too. Let me let me think for a second, 1640 01:33:01.479 --> 01:33:02.720 cause I have both of those. 1641 01:33:05.079 --> 01:33:15.279 Mmm, damn, that's hard. 1642 01:33:15.720 --> 01:33:25.880 Passion or purpose. I don't know, because it's so funny 1643 01:33:25.880 --> 01:33:30.239 because black Girl experiences both. For me, it's passion and 1644 01:33:30.279 --> 01:33:32.239 it's purpose. And that's why I keep coming back to 1645 01:33:32.279 --> 01:33:35.920 it no matter how long I take a break, no 1646 01:33:36.439 --> 01:33:41.359 matter how long I'm away, Like this is my passion. 1647 01:33:43.359 --> 01:33:45.039 And I was just thinking about this the other day too, 1648 01:33:45.159 --> 01:33:49.640 Like when I was little, when I was a little girl, 1649 01:33:49.880 --> 01:33:52.720 Like for Christmas, I had got this thing called a 1650 01:33:52.760 --> 01:33:53.960 Tycho video cam. 1651 01:33:53.960 --> 01:33:54.960 Google it. 1652 01:33:54.960 --> 01:33:56.920 It was like this little video camera, but you had 1653 01:33:56.960 --> 01:33:59.279 to like plug the little arcs up to the VCR. 1654 01:33:59.640 --> 01:34:01.840 Yes to my nineties babies. You had to plug it 1655 01:34:01.920 --> 01:34:03.600 up to like the VCR and put the tape in 1656 01:34:03.640 --> 01:34:07.600 there and like record or whatever. And I used to 1657 01:34:07.640 --> 01:34:10.960 record myself every day at the crib, like dancing and 1658 01:34:11.000 --> 01:34:14.560 singing to TLS. I was dancing to the TLC Crazy 1659 01:34:14.600 --> 01:34:17.920 Sexy Cool album, the Alia one and a Million album. 1660 01:34:18.680 --> 01:34:22.079 I was just on there just with all the imagination 1661 01:34:22.239 --> 01:34:25.560 in the world. My brothers was on there being crazy, 1662 01:34:27.119 --> 01:34:31.399 like but I love that shit, Like that's what I'm saying. 1663 01:34:31.439 --> 01:34:33.600 This is really my life. This is really my passion. 1664 01:34:33.600 --> 01:34:36.239 This is like, this is why I love this shit 1665 01:34:36.439 --> 01:34:38.800 because I literally been doing this forever. I used to 1666 01:34:38.840 --> 01:34:42.600 have like little tape recorders and I used to record 1667 01:34:42.680 --> 01:34:45.840 myself talking all the time, Like this is really my 1668 01:34:45.960 --> 01:34:50.920 fucking passion. So yeah, so that's my passion. But I 1669 01:34:50.960 --> 01:34:53.439 also feel like this is my purpose on a deeper 1670 01:34:53.560 --> 01:34:59.600 level because just aside from the podcast, I feel like 1671 01:34:59.720 --> 01:35:03.960 I blessed with the voice. And it's so funny because 1672 01:35:03.960 --> 01:35:06.079 when I first started recording the podcast, I used to 1673 01:35:06.119 --> 01:35:09.439 hate my voice. I used to hate my voice. I 1674 01:35:09.479 --> 01:35:12.000 was like, ugh, I sound like that, Like I didn't 1675 01:35:12.039 --> 01:35:15.880 think I sounded how I sound, But like I eventually 1676 01:35:16.000 --> 01:35:18.880 like got used to it over time. But I realized 1677 01:35:18.920 --> 01:35:22.359 that again on a much deeper level, and not in 1678 01:35:22.479 --> 01:35:25.399 no shade to the up and coming podcasts and the 1679 01:35:25.439 --> 01:35:27.640 people that be doing it, everybody gets somebody and just 1680 01:35:27.680 --> 01:35:30.479 hop on this bitch and just everybody got a podcast now, 1681 01:35:30.560 --> 01:35:34.079 Like podcast game is just so watered down. It's so 1682 01:35:34.359 --> 01:35:36.359 you know what I'm saying. But what sets me apart 1683 01:35:36.439 --> 01:35:38.199 is like, I really do this shit for real, like 1684 01:35:38.239 --> 01:35:40.560 I've been doing this shit. I do this shit forever. 1685 01:35:40.920 --> 01:35:43.640 The reason why motherfuckers relate to my shit so much 1686 01:35:43.720 --> 01:35:47.479 is because I be talking about real shit. I'll be 1687 01:35:47.479 --> 01:35:49.600 talking about my life, I'll be talking about my experience. 1688 01:35:51.159 --> 01:35:55.560 My content is pure quality, it has substance, and it's 1689 01:35:55.600 --> 01:35:58.520 gonna be timeless. Motherfuckers could turn this on in sixty 1690 01:35:58.600 --> 01:36:00.720 years and be like, hey, this is like some real shit, 1691 01:36:01.000 --> 01:36:03.239 like you know what I'm saying. That that's the thing 1692 01:36:04.159 --> 01:36:06.760 sixty years from now, when somebody gonna play this shit 1693 01:36:06.880 --> 01:36:09.520 back and I'm on fucking behind the music or some 1694 01:36:09.600 --> 01:36:14.319 shit like that, Like it's timeless, it's quality, it's you 1695 01:36:14.359 --> 01:36:18.159 know what I'm saying. And again, my shit was always 1696 01:36:18.680 --> 01:36:23.279 deeper than the surface. You know what I'm saying. I'm 1697 01:36:23.279 --> 01:36:26.800 talking about real shit. I'm promoting positivity, I'm talking about healing, 1698 01:36:27.279 --> 01:36:29.840 spiritual growth, I'm talking about life. You know what I'm saying. 1699 01:36:30.239 --> 01:36:32.600 And again, no shade to niggas that just get on 1700 01:36:32.680 --> 01:36:34.960 here and just you know, shoot the shit. That's cool, 1701 01:36:35.039 --> 01:36:38.760 But where is that gonna be sixty from sixty years 1702 01:36:38.760 --> 01:36:43.520 from now, you know what I'm saying, like the Sexy 1703 01:36:43.560 --> 01:36:46.520 Red of podcasts and not like niggas like sexy Red 1704 01:36:46.520 --> 01:36:49.720 as a rapper, but all some real shit. Her music 1705 01:36:49.840 --> 01:36:59.760 is not gonna be anywhere comparable to a Lauryn Hill 1706 01:36:59.800 --> 01:37:01.800 is not really a rapper though, Huh. I'm trying to 1707 01:37:01.840 --> 01:37:04.199 think of a rapper who's a good female rapper, like 1708 01:37:04.319 --> 01:37:08.239 a Damn who's a good female rapper, like a real 1709 01:37:10.279 --> 01:37:12.279 I don't know. I can't think of nobody that's sad, 1710 01:37:12.399 --> 01:37:16.000 that's sad, but you know what I'm saying, Like, it's 1711 01:37:16.079 --> 01:37:20.000 just certain people whose music or whatever they are, they 1712 01:37:20.039 --> 01:37:28.520 content whatever is timeless. It's substance, its quality. So but yeah, 1713 01:37:28.560 --> 01:37:32.159 so I feel like and like I was saying, like 1714 01:37:32.199 --> 01:37:34.840 so when I first was recording myself, I used to 1715 01:37:34.880 --> 01:37:36.399 be like, oh, I hate my voice. I hate the 1716 01:37:36.439 --> 01:37:40.199 way I sound, but not understanding that my voice is 1717 01:37:40.279 --> 01:37:43.600 my gift, that's my purpose, you know what I'm saying, 1718 01:37:43.640 --> 01:37:45.920 And that's why I have to really use my voice 1719 01:37:46.319 --> 01:37:49.760 in my platform in this lifetime. God is like, hey, dog, 1720 01:37:50.159 --> 01:37:53.479 we trying to let you know, like telling you before 1721 01:37:53.520 --> 01:37:56.000 you get up out of here, not gonna you know 1722 01:37:56.000 --> 01:37:58.399 what I'm saying, like you, you better do your big 1723 01:37:58.399 --> 01:38:00.760 one with what you get with what we gave, cuz 1724 01:38:02.239 --> 01:38:04.239 I don't know what's to come in the next lifetime. 1725 01:38:04.279 --> 01:38:06.560 I don't know, So I really want to be able 1726 01:38:06.560 --> 01:38:09.359 to fulfill my soul mission on this planet for real, 1727 01:38:11.479 --> 01:38:12.920 and that's my purpose. But if I had to pick 1728 01:38:12.960 --> 01:38:17.720 one passion or purpose, I'm gonna go with purpose because 1729 01:38:17.720 --> 01:38:21.399 it's deeper than the passion. You know what I'm saying, everybody. 1730 01:38:21.600 --> 01:38:23.399 One thing I always try to stress the people is 1731 01:38:23.439 --> 01:38:27.640 that everybody has a purpose in this lifetime, you know 1732 01:38:27.680 --> 01:38:31.079 what I'm saying. And I really hope that people find that. 1733 01:38:31.399 --> 01:38:34.159 You know what I'm saying. When you it's so much 1734 01:38:34.199 --> 01:38:37.640 shit to get caught up in in this world, politics, 1735 01:38:37.680 --> 01:38:40.760 just the everyday life. If you are working two jobs, like, 1736 01:38:40.800 --> 01:38:43.279 it's so much to get caught up in and not 1737 01:38:43.359 --> 01:38:46.079 have time for yourself to even figure out what your 1738 01:38:46.079 --> 01:38:48.720 purpose is. That's why it's very important to tap into 1739 01:38:48.760 --> 01:38:51.920 your passions. If you do have kids, you should cultivate 1740 01:38:52.319 --> 01:38:54.560 they passions and all of that and anything that they 1741 01:38:54.640 --> 01:38:56.880 into at a young age so that they can, you 1742 01:38:56.920 --> 01:38:58.600 know what I'm saying, fulfill whatever it is that they're 1743 01:38:58.600 --> 01:39:00.840 supposed to do because Mama don't want to be caught 1744 01:39:00.920 --> 01:39:03.119 up working a nine to five their whole fucking life. Like, 1745 01:39:03.159 --> 01:39:06.840 that's not that's not the goal, that's not the vibe. 1746 01:39:07.479 --> 01:39:15.520 The last one that I wrote down, acceptance or detachment, 1747 01:39:19.960 --> 01:39:21.640 they kind of like wanted the same in a way. 1748 01:39:21.960 --> 01:39:25.960 But if I had to choose one, acceptance or detachment. 1749 01:39:26.159 --> 01:39:33.720 So break this down really quick. Acceptance being able to 1750 01:39:33.760 --> 01:39:35.960 accept the situation for what it is. 1751 01:39:37.399 --> 01:39:38.000 It's tough. 1752 01:39:38.319 --> 01:39:42.119 It's tough. It's It's been so many instances in my 1753 01:39:42.279 --> 01:39:44.840 life where I didn't want to accept the situation for 1754 01:39:44.920 --> 01:39:47.920 what it was. I didn't want to accept a person 1755 01:39:47.960 --> 01:39:55.239 for who they was or who they are. But you 1756 01:39:55.319 --> 01:39:58.199 gotta you gotta get to that place. You gotta get 1757 01:39:58.199 --> 01:40:02.439 to that it is what it is, because once you 1758 01:40:02.560 --> 01:40:04.439 learn to accept something, then you can get to the 1759 01:40:04.479 --> 01:40:06.199 next step. Then you can be like, Okay, you know 1760 01:40:06.199 --> 01:40:10.560 what I'm saying. It's just you just gotta accept shit. 1761 01:40:10.720 --> 01:40:16.840 It's just certain things that you have to accept. You 1762 01:40:16.880 --> 01:40:19.760 can't move forward until you accept, like, you know what 1763 01:40:19.840 --> 01:40:21.319 I'm saying, Just like when you're about to sign a 1764 01:40:21.359 --> 01:40:25.079 contract or go to the next the next shit on 1765 01:40:25.119 --> 01:40:27.520 the Internet, like you gotta accept this first, like you 1766 01:40:27.600 --> 01:40:33.000 gotta accept Detachment is also very hard. It's been a 1767 01:40:33.000 --> 01:40:35.239 lot of things in my life that I didn't But again, 1768 01:40:35.279 --> 01:40:36.640 that's why I said, it's like one of the same, 1769 01:40:36.800 --> 01:40:41.520 because in order to detach, you have to accept. Right. Yeah, 1770 01:40:42.039 --> 01:40:48.760 detachment is hard, but it's needed. And or again, just 1771 01:40:48.800 --> 01:40:50.840 like with accepting, you can't go to the next step 1772 01:40:50.880 --> 01:40:54.000 without accepting. You can't go to the next step without detachment. 1773 01:40:54.520 --> 01:40:56.840 You gotta be able to less shit go. You got 1774 01:40:56.840 --> 01:40:59.520 to you gotta less shit go to move on in life, 1775 01:41:00.079 --> 01:41:04.079 to elevate, you know, new levels, new devils type shit. 1776 01:41:04.159 --> 01:41:07.840 Everybody can't go with you. You gotta detach from people. 1777 01:41:07.920 --> 01:41:12.119 You gotta detach from toxic situations, relationships. You gotta detach 1778 01:41:12.159 --> 01:41:14.359 when you and your friends ain't clicking no more, when 1779 01:41:14.399 --> 01:41:16.159 you moving on and like you know what I'm saying, 1780 01:41:16.760 --> 01:41:19.119 or maybe you just got to detach from bad habits 1781 01:41:19.239 --> 01:41:24.159 or whatever or whatever. You know what I'm saying, You 1782 01:41:24.239 --> 01:41:31.239 gotta let go. Sometimes holding on hurts you more than 1783 01:41:31.359 --> 01:41:36.880 letting go. And that's something that we learn the art 1784 01:41:36.880 --> 01:41:42.760 of detachment in yoga. So if I had to choose one, though, 1785 01:41:42.880 --> 01:41:52.960 acceptance or detachment. I think where I am right now 1786 01:41:53.000 --> 01:42:00.000 in my life, I think I'm becoming okay with acceptance. 1787 01:42:00.039 --> 01:42:01.920 It's like it's certain stuff in my life that I'm 1788 01:42:02.000 --> 01:42:07.279 learning to acceparate now. Attachment is really hard, and I'm 1789 01:42:07.279 --> 01:42:09.800 working on that too. But I feel like even like 1790 01:42:10.079 --> 01:42:13.680 I say, like these past thirty days, like, but it's 1791 01:42:13.720 --> 01:42:15.560 just because you gotta keep waking up and keep going 1792 01:42:15.600 --> 01:42:17.439 through life and just keep moving, you know what I'm saying, 1793 01:42:17.439 --> 01:42:19.800 and you just kind of slowly but surely learn to 1794 01:42:19.880 --> 01:42:24.000 except shit. Detachment is hard, Like it's it's really hard. 1795 01:42:24.479 --> 01:42:29.279 Like I'm gonna go with detachment. That's the one that 1796 01:42:29.319 --> 01:42:36.000 I'm currently working on for real. And just like with change, 1797 01:42:36.159 --> 01:42:38.359 I hate change, I hate detachment. And that's the thing. 1798 01:42:38.520 --> 01:42:40.600 When you don't want to detach, you don't want to change, 1799 01:42:40.640 --> 01:42:43.439 you want to you want to be comfortable with what 1800 01:42:43.479 --> 01:42:48.399 you're comfortable with, you know what I'm saying. So that's cool, 1801 01:42:49.000 --> 01:42:51.079 that's cool. I also have these little themes that I 1802 01:42:51.119 --> 01:42:55.760 had wrote down for like yoga flows and stuff. Surrender 1803 01:42:55.960 --> 01:42:58.880 was a theme, heart opening was a theme, Mental clarity 1804 01:42:58.960 --> 01:43:03.520 was a theme, self care was a theme, Empowerment is 1805 01:43:03.560 --> 01:43:07.119 a theme, Joy and celebration is a theme, grounding is 1806 01:43:07.159 --> 01:43:10.199 a theme, and self expiration is a thing, and like 1807 01:43:10.239 --> 01:43:14.000 they all had different like categories. Let me do it. 1808 01:43:14.119 --> 01:43:14.319 Oh. 1809 01:43:15.119 --> 01:43:20.359 I had just went online today and I was looking 1810 01:43:20.399 --> 01:43:22.880 for like new Tarot and new Oracle cars and I 1811 01:43:22.960 --> 01:43:26.000 found some. Well, actually, I be on TikTok a lot 1812 01:43:26.239 --> 01:43:28.079 and it's this one lady on there. She'd be having 1813 01:43:28.079 --> 01:43:30.760 these some really good Oracle cars and I'm like, dang, 1814 01:43:30.760 --> 01:43:33.159 where you get them cars from? She sent me the 1815 01:43:33.239 --> 01:43:35.319 link and I was like, damn, I wish I would have, 1816 01:43:36.199 --> 01:43:40.399 you know, did this sooner because I would love to 1817 01:43:40.560 --> 01:43:43.039 do a reading with those Oracle cars. So I'm a 1818 01:43:43.239 --> 01:43:49.119 order them maybe on payday because they was kind of pricey. 1819 01:43:49.159 --> 01:43:53.039 It's like, damn, bitch, eighty dollars for some Oracle cars. 1820 01:43:53.199 --> 01:43:54.760 God, but that's how much that shit. 1821 01:43:55.039 --> 01:43:58.239 I ain't gonna lie. Cars be up there, cars, good 1822 01:43:58.279 --> 01:44:01.880 cars be up there. So I don't know, but maybe 1823 01:44:02.000 --> 01:44:04.920 on the next payday I'll get them. And but I really, yeah, 1824 01:44:04.960 --> 01:44:07.119 I want to use those so I'll be tired of Taro. 1825 01:44:07.399 --> 01:44:13.479 And actually I don't be. I have not been playing 1826 01:44:13.520 --> 01:44:15.760 with Tarot cars at all, like at all. These bitch 1827 01:44:15.760 --> 01:44:17.359 has been on the show, but I pulled them out 1828 01:44:17.880 --> 01:44:20.760 today and I had pulled some for myself earlier and 1829 01:44:20.840 --> 01:44:23.520 it was so spot on. I was like, God, and 1830 01:44:23.560 --> 01:44:26.000 it's like, it's so funny because it's not like it's 1831 01:44:26.000 --> 01:44:27.960 not like I'm picking the cars out to match with 1832 01:44:28.039 --> 01:44:30.039 my situation. They came on. I'm like, this is really 1833 01:44:30.119 --> 01:44:33.760 my situation, Like that shit is funny, but no, next time, 1834 01:44:33.800 --> 01:44:39.760 I'll come back. Look, I was just telling him, I'm like, bro, 1835 01:44:39.960 --> 01:44:43.560 I know my cities is big, but like on camera, 1836 01:44:43.600 --> 01:44:48.680 they look really big, like they look really big. They 1837 01:44:48.720 --> 01:45:01.239 look really really really really really big. He said. I 1838 01:45:01.319 --> 01:45:04.720 don't think it's the camera, it's not they are big. 1839 01:45:05.079 --> 01:45:07.199 And the crazy part is, y'all will never believe is 1840 01:45:07.760 --> 01:45:12.600 I had a breast reduction before. I know, y'all like 1841 01:45:12.680 --> 01:45:16.319 what bitch. When I had a breast reduction after I 1842 01:45:16.359 --> 01:45:18.880 had my son and he was born in twenty eleven, 1843 01:45:18.920 --> 01:45:21.319 I probably had it in like twenty twelve. And the 1844 01:45:21.359 --> 01:45:23.960 crazy party is, I don't know. I think it's a 1845 01:45:24.000 --> 01:45:25.880 weight loss thing too, Like I guess, I don't know, 1846 01:45:26.399 --> 01:45:29.039 but I've never really lost weight for I mean I have, 1847 01:45:29.199 --> 01:45:33.279 but not like for real, for real, So I don't 1848 01:45:33.279 --> 01:45:34.960 know if that's the thing, like you, I don't know. 1849 01:45:35.000 --> 01:45:37.199 But anyway, when I had got it, I told them 1850 01:45:37.239 --> 01:45:40.399 that I wanted to be like a very low beacup, 1851 01:45:40.479 --> 01:45:43.840 so I made them. I was like, I don't know, 1852 01:45:43.920 --> 01:45:46.319 like thirty four beer. It seemed like they were small 1853 01:45:46.359 --> 01:45:48.800 at the time, but them bitches grew. They literally grew 1854 01:45:48.920 --> 01:45:52.800 right back like that. Shit was sick as hell. I 1855 01:45:52.840 --> 01:45:54.560 feel like I only had b side cities to a 1856 01:45:54.640 --> 01:45:58.119 day and then they was back. So it was kind 1857 01:45:58.159 --> 01:46:01.720 of a waste. And I just had a homegirl that 1858 01:46:01.880 --> 01:46:03.279 just I don't know if she got it. Did she 1859 01:46:03.319 --> 01:46:04.880 get it? I think she did say she got it, 1860 01:46:05.600 --> 01:46:07.479 And she was asking me, like what's gonna happen? What 1861 01:46:07.520 --> 01:46:10.880 do I need to know? I ain't gonna lie. They 1862 01:46:11.039 --> 01:46:14.840 was telling me to get like certain like healing like 1863 01:46:15.000 --> 01:46:19.720 creams and shit to put on. And I did have 1864 01:46:19.800 --> 01:46:22.680 like some bad scarring like and they also you gotta 1865 01:46:22.720 --> 01:46:24.199 think they took my whole nipple off and put my 1866 01:46:24.279 --> 01:46:28.079 nipple back off, so like, I don't know, it ain't 1867 01:46:28.079 --> 01:46:30.800 nothing wrong my titties. It's just it's just a little scarring, 1868 01:46:31.039 --> 01:46:32.439 you know what I'm saying. And then like on the 1869 01:46:32.479 --> 01:46:35.680 sides here, like I look like I got stabbed with them, 1870 01:46:35.720 --> 01:46:38.239 like somebody slash marsh it. But I don't really pay 1871 01:46:38.239 --> 01:46:42.640 attention to that. And you know, I don't know, but 1872 01:46:42.680 --> 01:46:45.119 you just have to learn to love yourself the way 1873 01:46:45.159 --> 01:46:46.920 that you are. I guess I don't know, but my 1874 01:46:46.960 --> 01:46:49.239 titties was big, but they still fucking big. I don't 1875 01:46:49.279 --> 01:46:52.720 know if the niggas love them. Temper rats. It's giving 1876 01:46:52.840 --> 01:47:00.600 healing energy. It's giving, it's giving healing energy. And this 1877 01:47:00.800 --> 01:47:04.439 is what is it hashtag hell Girl summer. So let's 1878 01:47:04.479 --> 01:47:09.239 focus on healing, guys. Let's focus on starting a new 1879 01:47:09.359 --> 01:47:15.319 and moving forward, new pages, new chapters, new levels, healing 1880 01:47:15.319 --> 01:47:22.560 ourselves mentally, physically, spiritually, making sure that you have a 1881 01:47:22.560 --> 01:47:26.800 good temperament. Because it's a lot of mad ass bitches 1882 01:47:26.840 --> 01:47:30.359 out here. Okay, mad as hell, Relax, take a chill pill. 1883 01:47:37.880 --> 01:47:41.760 It's the mad ass bitches hopping out for me. It ooh, 1884 01:47:41.800 --> 01:47:43.600 and I don't even be liking the rea. I'm gonna 1885 01:47:43.640 --> 01:47:46.159 read how they came out. We got the nine of 1886 01:47:46.279 --> 01:47:53.760 Cups in reverse, which is a wish unfulfilled, followed by 1887 01:47:53.880 --> 01:48:02.000 the three as swords. It's giving that someone needs to 1888 01:48:02.079 --> 01:48:10.680 heal from a breakup or like whatever, a bad relationship, whatever, Uh, 1889 01:48:10.800 --> 01:48:13.399 somebody not getting what they want. It's giving with this 1890 01:48:13.520 --> 01:48:15.920 upside down because then the right side up, it's like 1891 01:48:15.960 --> 01:48:18.479 somebody like, yeah, I got all my cups. Whatever upside 1892 01:48:18.479 --> 01:48:21.760 down is given mad with your arms folded, like not 1893 01:48:21.800 --> 01:48:23.640 getting what you want it? You know what I'm saying, 1894 01:48:24.439 --> 01:48:28.239 followed by the you know but a again, what was 1895 01:48:28.239 --> 01:48:31.560 I talking about earlier? Accountability? Like you gotta take accountability 1896 01:48:31.560 --> 01:48:34.199 for your shit. You gotta take accountability for your shit. 1897 01:48:37.039 --> 01:48:45.600 The justice is there, reviss. This is so funny, Like 1898 01:48:45.640 --> 01:48:48.000 I can't make this shit up. Bro, I don't be 1899 01:48:48.039 --> 01:48:54.399 picking these cars out. They come out themselves. Baby, you 1900 01:48:54.479 --> 01:48:57.399 need to heal whoever this message is for, you need 1901 01:48:57.439 --> 01:49:03.359 to heal. I just told you we're in Saturn retrograde 1902 01:49:03.439 --> 01:49:08.880 right now, and motherfuckers is gonna get what they deserve. 1903 01:49:09.720 --> 01:49:14.439 The seeds that you saw, that shit is gonna come back, 1904 01:49:14.560 --> 01:49:17.319 so you need to make sure you gotta move right 1905 01:49:17.399 --> 01:49:27.760 in this lifetime. The Seven of Pinnacles came out and reverse, 1906 01:49:28.119 --> 01:49:31.520 so whatever whatever you thought you was working on didn't work. 1907 01:49:33.640 --> 01:49:38.279 Page of Swords, Niggas is watching, Niggas is lurking, Nina 1908 01:49:38.359 --> 01:49:54.239 Ones and the Seven of swords. It it's giving con 1909 01:49:54.399 --> 01:50:00.239 artists vibes. It's giving scam vibes. It's giving like it's 1910 01:50:00.279 --> 01:50:04.279 giving somebody plan didn't work out. It's giving somebody's plan 1911 01:50:04.319 --> 01:50:05.840 didn't work out. You need to come up with a 1912 01:50:05.880 --> 01:50:08.239 new plan. You need to make a better plan, and 1913 01:50:08.279 --> 01:50:12.399 you need to go here. The Devil card, Bro, Bro Bro, 1914 01:50:12.560 --> 01:50:19.119 the Devil card Lord. I don't even be trying to 1915 01:50:19.159 --> 01:50:23.079 make shit about shit, but spirit gonna make shit about shit. 1916 01:50:24.720 --> 01:50:26.960 The Double card, the King of Wands and the two 1917 01:50:27.119 --> 01:50:36.720 Pinnacles in reverse again, the Devil card is giving. It 1918 01:50:36.800 --> 01:50:40.520 is giving scam vibes. It's giving con artists, it's giving 1919 01:50:40.560 --> 01:50:50.800 toxic energy. Is get bro. Like the way that you 1920 01:50:51.079 --> 01:51:04.720 move in this lifetime, the way that you move, or 1921 01:51:04.760 --> 01:51:07.920 the energy that you put out, the things that you 1922 01:51:08.079 --> 01:51:11.880 do are going to come back. Tenfolk, you know what 1923 01:51:11.920 --> 01:51:14.880 I'm saying. You're whatever you put out is going to 1924 01:51:15.000 --> 01:51:20.800 come back. So stop pretending that you know what I'm saying. 1925 01:51:20.960 --> 01:51:25.560 Like even on the Internet in general, like with Instagram 1926 01:51:25.600 --> 01:51:28.640 and everything, like a lot of people pretend and they 1927 01:51:28.680 --> 01:51:31.199 put on these facades and all of that shit. Like 1928 01:51:31.479 --> 01:51:34.600 I don't believe shit on Instagram for real, Like a 1929 01:51:34.640 --> 01:51:38.279 lot of that shit be fake and it ends up 1930 01:51:38.319 --> 01:51:41.560 coming out like just recently on TikTok, and this shit 1931 01:51:41.720 --> 01:51:43.439 was just on my feed like crazy. I guess it 1932 01:51:43.560 --> 01:51:47.319 was a couple on there, a little TikTok couple, but 1933 01:51:47.520 --> 01:51:51.640 they was very They were very toxic though, Like they 1934 01:51:51.640 --> 01:51:53.720 didn't even make cute videos or nothing. It was very 1935 01:51:53.760 --> 01:51:57.520 toxic and you could tell that they were toxic. That 1936 01:51:57.560 --> 01:52:01.319 man ended up shooting her in the face, and everybody 1937 01:52:01.359 --> 01:52:03.119 was like, oh my god, like that's what I'm saying, like, 1938 01:52:03.319 --> 01:52:05.680 and I said that that's the case with everybody, or 1939 01:52:05.840 --> 01:52:09.119 but with anything, you know what I'm saying, Like, I 1940 01:52:09.119 --> 01:52:12.000 feel like spirituality is definitely a trend now on the internet. 1941 01:52:12.079 --> 01:52:14.760 You can't believe all that. You can't be buying products 1942 01:52:14.800 --> 01:52:17.359 from everybody, you can't be just you know what I'm saying, like, 1943 01:52:17.399 --> 01:52:19.520 you don't know what people is really into. You don't 1944 01:52:19.560 --> 01:52:23.479 know what people is really on until you in the 1945 01:52:23.520 --> 01:52:28.560 same vicinity as them. Let's take a couple more and 1946 01:52:28.640 --> 01:52:30.239 be done. I don't I don't what what what is 1947 01:52:30.279 --> 01:52:31.239 the message here? 1948 01:52:34.800 --> 01:52:36.279 Everything's in reverse. 1949 01:52:37.399 --> 01:52:40.399 Six lines in reverse, page of pinnacles in reverse like 1950 01:52:40.960 --> 01:52:45.600 bad offers and not and not going nowhere. That's crazy. 1951 01:52:46.079 --> 01:52:49.399 I feel like that reading was for someone it like 1952 01:52:49.479 --> 01:52:52.319 in particular. But we're not gonna get too much into it. 1953 01:52:52.359 --> 01:52:55.560 That's just the vibes, that's the energy. But like I 1954 01:52:55.560 --> 01:53:02.600 don't know. I will say this though, back to what 1955 01:53:02.640 --> 01:53:04.039 I was saying earlier. You know how I said that 1956 01:53:04.079 --> 01:53:06.119 I hate it change and again, and I'm really working 1957 01:53:06.159 --> 01:53:12.199 on embracing it. Anybody can change. Anybody can change. Everybody 1958 01:53:12.199 --> 01:53:17.079 can change. You can change your life today. You can 1959 01:53:17.119 --> 01:53:19.960 decide to be better today. You could take a step 1960 01:53:19.960 --> 01:53:22.960 forward and do something different today, just like I did. 1961 01:53:23.279 --> 01:53:25.239 Just like I up and left Detroit and I was like, 1962 01:53:25.279 --> 01:53:26.680 I'm gonna get on my shit and I'm gonna do 1963 01:53:26.720 --> 01:53:29.800 better for myself. And I'm like, you can change, but 1964 01:53:29.880 --> 01:53:32.119 you have to be willing to do that. You know 1965 01:53:32.159 --> 01:53:36.079 what I'm saying. You can make a better life for yourself. 1966 01:53:37.600 --> 01:53:39.439 You're hearing it from the horse's mouth. You can make 1967 01:53:39.439 --> 01:53:41.960 a better life for yourself because I did it. I'm 1968 01:53:41.960 --> 01:53:45.560 doing it, you know what I'm saying. And I don't 1969 01:53:45.600 --> 01:53:48.279 know everybody, Like I said earlier, just like when I'm 1970 01:53:48.279 --> 01:53:49.800 talking about the whole little thing that stuck with me 1971 01:53:49.800 --> 01:53:51.800 about what my baby Daddy said to me, like, oh, 1972 01:53:51.880 --> 01:53:54.880 everybody else life. You know, everybody else basically got they 1973 01:53:54.920 --> 01:53:57.680 life figured out, like you just not figuring out cool. Yeah, 1974 01:53:57.720 --> 01:53:59.439 some people are just not figuring it out, you know 1975 01:53:59.479 --> 01:54:03.279 what I'm saying. And everybody is not on the same page. 1976 01:54:03.319 --> 01:54:06.239 Everybody is not running the same race. Everybody ain't got 1977 01:54:06.279 --> 01:54:08.600 on the same shoes, everybody ain't got the same resources, 1978 01:54:08.600 --> 01:54:12.600 you know what I'm saying. So walk on your path. 1979 01:54:12.800 --> 01:54:15.680 And that's where I am now, Like, that's why I'm 1980 01:54:15.720 --> 01:54:17.760 so cool with being in my own bubble. I'm so 1981 01:54:17.880 --> 01:54:20.439 cool with being alone because I'm on my own path. 1982 01:54:20.479 --> 01:54:22.520 I'm going at my own pace, and I'm at peace 1983 01:54:22.560 --> 01:54:27.359 with that. So I encourage everybody else to walk on 1984 01:54:27.399 --> 01:54:30.840 your own path, do what works for you. Like I 1985 01:54:30.880 --> 01:54:33.319 don't want y'all to look to me and just like, oh, 1986 01:54:33.479 --> 01:54:35.119 I'm gonna just do everything that Jes said and I'm 1987 01:54:35.119 --> 01:54:37.000 gonna do it her way. That may not work for you, 1988 01:54:37.000 --> 01:54:39.560 you know what I'm saying, But take whatever you know, 1989 01:54:40.159 --> 01:54:44.359 take what works for you, and leave the rest. You 1990 01:54:44.520 --> 01:54:46.239 might not be able to do everything that I did 1991 01:54:46.279 --> 01:54:48.319 and the way that I did it, but you know 1992 01:54:48.359 --> 01:54:52.800 what I'm saying, Your journey is your journey, So do 1993 01:54:52.920 --> 01:54:56.079 whatever works for you, you know what I'm saying, and do 1994 01:54:56.159 --> 01:54:58.159 it the right way and focus on healing, because that's 1995 01:54:58.199 --> 01:55:01.880 where the healing journe money is a never ending process, 1996 01:55:01.920 --> 01:55:03.239 you know what I'm saying. You're not gonna wake up 1997 01:55:03.279 --> 01:55:08.479 one day and just be completely healed. Nobody is just 1998 01:55:08.520 --> 01:55:11.399 like your everyday life is a journey, and it's like 1999 01:55:11.439 --> 01:55:13.039 you just wake up and just go with the flow. 2000 01:55:13.199 --> 01:55:16.439 Like so it's healing and some days you gonna you're 2001 01:55:16.439 --> 01:55:18.920 gonna get triggered. Some days you're gonna miss some shit. 2002 01:55:19.079 --> 01:55:21.199 Some days you're gonna cry something, you know what I'm saying, 2003 01:55:21.239 --> 01:55:24.520 Like we're human, we all go through that. But the 2004 01:55:24.600 --> 01:55:30.880 point is to keep moving forward and embracing change. And 2005 01:55:30.920 --> 01:55:35.239 that's all I got for y'all for the one year episode. Cheers,