1 00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:03,879 Speaker 1: Well, well, well, welcome back to talking Schmidt. You guys, 2 00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:06,799 I'm your house, Britney Schmidt. Biggie Small's is chiming in 3 00:00:06,799 --> 00:00:11,800 in the background. Hi, Hello, Hi, besties. What's going on? 4 00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:17,160 Oh my god, Biggie Biggie, he's so vocal. Yeah, you 5 00:00:17,199 --> 00:00:19,640 want to say hi to all the besties? You want 6 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:23,760 to come say hi? Wont come hang out? You're protecting 7 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,239 our house. You're protecting our house because you're a very 8 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:30,239 good boy. Oh my gosh, Hi, besties, how are you? 9 00:00:30,359 --> 00:00:32,960 What's going on? You probably noticed I'm still in the 10 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:37,799 interrogation lighting. I ordered the parts to fix the problem 11 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:41,439 last week, and then they got ruined when Amazon delivered them. 12 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,479 And you know, that's just how everything's going. How is 13 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:49,159 it March? How is it March? You guys? It feels 14 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,719 like nineteen ninety eight. It feels like the turn of 15 00:00:51,759 --> 00:00:54,479 the millennium. Like I'm burying a fucking time capsule in 16 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:58,240 my backyard under the dirt, so when the aliens find it, 17 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:01,359 they know that I fucking liked in sync. Okay, I 18 00:01:01,359 --> 00:01:03,560 don't know what's going on with time. It's not real. 19 00:01:03,679 --> 00:01:07,000 It feels like yesterday was November. I'm very confused. I 20 00:01:07,079 --> 00:01:12,000 hate it here. Hi, me and my mental illness are 21 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:17,840 here checking in on you. What's been going on with me? 22 00:01:17,879 --> 00:01:19,760 All right, you guys? I really want to tell you 23 00:01:19,799 --> 00:01:22,040 the tea. I really want to tell you the tea 24 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,439 about everything that's been going on, but I might have 25 00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,200 to be quiet, and that's a really bad place to 26 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,519 be in it. And I don't know if there's anything 27 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,760 I could have done to you that's more violent than 28 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,040 say I have fucking gossip for you and then not 29 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:35,239 tell you. That is an act of violence. And I'm sorry. 30 00:01:35,239 --> 00:01:37,439 You guys did not deserve that on this Monday morning. 31 00:01:38,519 --> 00:01:41,879 Mondays are hard enough as is, and now you feel 32 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:44,079 left out. Here's the thing. I might tell you later. 33 00:01:44,159 --> 00:01:48,480 I might dish later, but I just have hot fucking tea, 34 00:01:48,519 --> 00:01:52,319 you guys scolding. I don't like having to exercise keeping 35 00:01:52,319 --> 00:01:55,680 my mouth shut either, because that's just like, it's not 36 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,319 what I'm here for. I'm here to yap, you know. Anyway. 37 00:01:59,359 --> 00:02:02,120 I'm in Palm. I am still trying to get acclimated. 38 00:02:02,159 --> 00:02:06,840 I obviously obviously lost my iron in the move somewhere, 39 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:11,479 because this fucking shirt looks like a crumpled up love 40 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,800 letter that I was like rewriting ten times to like 41 00:02:14,879 --> 00:02:21,560 some toxic guy three years ago. Oh, dear Diary, dear Diary. Okay, 42 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:24,199 this is not going well. This isn't going well. Everyone 43 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,400 else realized this isn't going well. I'm gonna have a 44 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:30,000 fucking stroke anyway. I lost my iron and my sanity 45 00:02:30,039 --> 00:02:33,080 in this move. But that's okay because we're here together. 46 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,360 You guys have been sending me so many wonderful messages. 47 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:37,800 Thank you so much. I love you from the bottom 48 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:40,120 of my hearty, and like all those little messages keep 49 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:44,479 me going, you know they really do. I am so 50 00:02:45,319 --> 00:02:50,120 unbelievably sore right now, you guys. I did a pilates 51 00:02:50,199 --> 00:02:53,719 class for the first time ever, and oh my god, 52 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,599 I worked muscles I didn't know I had. It's I 53 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,000 can't lift my stomach to get out of bed in 54 00:02:59,039 --> 00:03:02,560 the morning. I didn't know that deep of a core existed. 55 00:03:02,719 --> 00:03:04,840 I feel like I worked out like the center of 56 00:03:04,879 --> 00:03:07,400 the fucking earth in my body. I didn't even know 57 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:10,039 it went that deep. I didn't even know. I just 58 00:03:10,039 --> 00:03:12,840 didn't even know. And now I'm just really sore and 59 00:03:12,879 --> 00:03:15,360 I'm tired, and this podcast isn't making a ton of sense. 60 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,280 But that's a gay and that's okay. We're all along 61 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:18,840 for the journey. I went to this plotates class in 62 00:03:18,879 --> 00:03:25,879 West Palm Beach and listen. It really makes you work 63 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,800 really really deep muscles. And maybe maybe I took a 64 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,159 cleanse pill the night before, and then maybe when I 65 00:03:31,199 --> 00:03:38,599 was on the reformer, I farted allegedly cannot be confirmed 66 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:41,599 or denied. I farted so loud and this girl next 67 00:03:41,599 --> 00:03:43,240 to me, so I went with my new friend here 68 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:44,639 and I thought she heard, and then I looked over 69 00:03:44,719 --> 00:03:45,960 and she just kind of like gave me a look. 70 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,560 And I was like, oh, no, she's mad at me 71 00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,639 because I farted in this class. And then I looked 72 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:51,960 the girl next to me. She's a big bitch. Okay, 73 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,319 she was a big boned Sally, and that's good. She's 74 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,960 at PILOTATEI she's doing the damn thing. I'm not judging her. 75 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,439 Big bitch gave me the evilst of evil eyes. She 76 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:05,039 glared at me, and I know she was so mad. 77 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:06,840 She was so mad because I did it and she 78 00:04:06,919 --> 00:04:08,719 knew I did it, and everyone was gonna think it 79 00:04:08,759 --> 00:04:11,639 was hard, but it was me. I'm here to say 80 00:04:11,639 --> 00:04:16,759 it was me, and I'm not sorry. I can't. Fucking 81 00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:20,040 I can't. I don't. There's too much stress in the world. 82 00:04:20,079 --> 00:04:22,879 We're expected to hold our parts in like it's just 83 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,759 the world is hard enough as is, and then there's 84 00:04:25,879 --> 00:04:28,639 air trying to leave our body out our ass and 85 00:04:28,639 --> 00:04:32,360 we're supposed to clinch so hard we don't let it out. 86 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,120 I don't have that tight of a grip on anything 87 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,800 in my life. You think I have that tight of 88 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,680 a grip on my asshole, You're out of your fucking mind. 89 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:44,839 I'm doing my best to keep my emotions inside of me. Okay, 90 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,199 I'm doing my best to tuck in the fucking crazy 91 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:51,360 with mister Manhattan and not let him know that he's 92 00:04:51,439 --> 00:04:55,120 dating a three headed fucking monster. Okay. I can't also 93 00:04:55,199 --> 00:04:59,879 be expected to keep my bodily fucking gases within me. 94 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,240 It's too much. It's too much pressure. A girl can 95 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:11,160 only take so much. I'm gonna fucking snap anyway. Palm 96 00:05:11,199 --> 00:05:14,680 Beach is going great. I will say I said this 97 00:05:14,759 --> 00:05:16,279 last week. I'm gonna say it again. I feel like 98 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,000 I'm on planet inflation. This is the most expensive city 99 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,879 I've ever been into my entire life. I don't know 100 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,600 what's going on here. I asked my friend. I was like, 101 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,560 I need a blow up or I'm gonna blow my 102 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,519 fucking brains out. And she was like, here's a girl, 103 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,560 she's amazing dead that die go to book it. Ninety 104 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:37,240 five dollars, ninety five dollars to blow dry my hair, 105 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:42,600 my four teen hairs. I laughed. I was just like, 106 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,319 do you want to shit in my fucking mouth? Like? 107 00:05:45,439 --> 00:05:48,000 What is going on in this place? Why is everything 108 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:51,879 so expensive? Does everyone really have that much money? I'm befuddled. 109 00:05:54,639 --> 00:05:57,160 I'm literally gonna fly back to La. I'm gonna fly 110 00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:58,920 back to La to go get a blowout in his 111 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:04,199 spray ten because this town's filled with crooks. They're holding 112 00:06:04,199 --> 00:06:12,839 me hostage at fucking gunpoint. Speaking of crooks, my designers, ooh, 113 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,680 I'm just gonna let you in high lines so you 114 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,240 guys can like understand why I've been so fucking angry 115 00:06:18,319 --> 00:06:21,920 about this, why it's sitting so deep within my soul. 116 00:06:23,879 --> 00:06:27,199 I didn't think they stole from us. I really didn't think. So. 117 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,959 I really just thought, hey, we don't like the two 118 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,079 couches you put in our house. Give us the receipts. 119 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,199 And then they got really defensive and they're like, dude, 120 00:06:35,199 --> 00:06:37,120 what did you not think that we can actually spend 121 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,600 the money? And I was like, why are you reacting 122 00:06:38,639 --> 00:06:40,680 like that? We're just saying we don't like it. Design 123 00:06:40,759 --> 00:06:42,959 is the most subjective thing in the planet. You surely 124 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,240 must have had somebody tell you before in the past 125 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,240 that they don't like the work that you've done, and 126 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:49,759 then you have like a normal business reaction to that. 127 00:06:50,879 --> 00:06:55,600 They got so defensive and so angry and so like, 128 00:06:57,879 --> 00:07:01,279 and another thing, they threw everything they've ever done for 129 00:07:01,319 --> 00:07:04,240 me as friends in my face, and I'm like, why 130 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:06,439 are we bringing this shit up? Like I'm so actually 131 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:10,439 genuinely confused, Like What's what's going on? We just don't 132 00:07:10,519 --> 00:07:13,279 like the fuddy duddy fucking furniture you put in our apartment, 133 00:07:13,959 --> 00:07:16,199 that's all. We're just trying to unclutter our fucking sim's 134 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,000 house because you guys got in here and just like 135 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:24,439 regurgitated Ashley showroom furniture all over the floor, and we 136 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:28,800 just want to undo the shit you guys did. They 137 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:35,560 got very nasty, very very nasty, and I was confused, 138 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,720 and I had to get past my I had to 139 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:43,439 get past my feelings being hurt, obviously, because I'm a 140 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:46,040 fucking human being, and they threw everything they ever did 141 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,319 for me as friends in my face, and I was like, 142 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,319 wait a minute, have you guys just been like waiting 143 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,600 the entire time we've been friends to like throw the 144 00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:54,439 shit in my face. They refused to give us the receipts, 145 00:07:54,439 --> 00:07:57,920 which I thought was odd. So when I was doing 146 00:07:57,959 --> 00:08:03,759 I started a dispute on the charge. And when I 147 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:09,680 was doing that, I found some egregious differences and prices, 148 00:08:10,319 --> 00:08:12,360 Like they tried to say this sheepskin that's in our 149 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,560 apartment was two hundred and eleven dollars. It's a fake 150 00:08:15,639 --> 00:08:18,600 fucking sheep skin from Amazon. I found it in two seconds. 151 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:22,120 It was fifty six dollars. I was like, huh. Interesting, 152 00:08:22,279 --> 00:08:24,439 And my mind still did not go to worst case 153 00:08:24,439 --> 00:08:26,759 scenario because I'm still giving them the benefit of the 154 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,399 doubt and I still just want them to send me 155 00:08:28,399 --> 00:08:30,439 the receipts, and the whole time, I'm holding out hope 156 00:08:30,519 --> 00:08:33,600 that my fucking fake friends did not rob me and 157 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:38,120 my boyfriend the second we came into Palm Beach. So 158 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,639 I just started the chase dispute and we're going back 159 00:08:40,639 --> 00:08:44,159 and forth on email, and then they said we're not 160 00:08:44,159 --> 00:08:46,799 giving you receipts, but here's money back. I'm not gonna 161 00:08:46,799 --> 00:08:49,440 say what amount of money. It's one fourth of what 162 00:08:49,519 --> 00:08:51,720 they spent. And I was like, why would they do 163 00:08:51,759 --> 00:08:54,519 that instead of just giving us receipts. This isn't making sense. 164 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:58,519 And then I fucking got a rage. Mambala, I got 165 00:08:58,519 --> 00:09:02,200 a rage. I was like, these fuck robbed us. I've 166 00:09:02,279 --> 00:09:04,799 pulled off every fucking skew number off every piece of 167 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,879 furniture in this apartment. And I called and I went 168 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,080 into the furniture stores and I said, how much does 169 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:15,360 this cost? When I say, they inflated everything by forty 170 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,000 to fifty percent, every single thing, I can't be sure 171 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,879 they didn't steal more because there were some things like 172 00:09:19,919 --> 00:09:21,960 from home goods and shit, I'm not going to home goods, 173 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,320 you know, but we can assume that your chotchkeys you 174 00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:29,279 got from home goods weren't seven hundred dollars. The one 175 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:33,600 that made me wooh, they tried to charge us seven 176 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:39,519 hundred dollars for rug pads. I went bursart, bitches, I 177 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:43,200 went nuts. I'm like, are you, first of all, who 178 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:45,320 the fuck do you think you're I'm Nancy fucking drew 179 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:46,960 on this, bitch, I don't have anything else to do. 180 00:09:47,159 --> 00:09:50,600 You're not dealing with some desperate housewife who's like got 181 00:09:50,639 --> 00:09:52,639 all the money in the world. Like, the amount of 182 00:09:52,639 --> 00:09:56,399 money we spent is very substantial for both of us. 183 00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:01,559 It's a lot of money, a lot, Like let's just say, 184 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:04,399 it's a lot of fucking money. That's how much we 185 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,519 gave them. And they gave us two fuddy duddy fucking 186 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:08,600 couches and tried to lie to us about what they did. 187 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:16,000 And here's the thing. I I should have known from 188 00:10:16,039 --> 00:10:18,080 the start something was off because the girl who's in 189 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,960 charge of design. Not gonna say names, because I'm being 190 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,600 as nice as I fucking can, she sent us one 191 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:26,000 nasty fucking email when we said we just want receipts, 192 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,480 Like the email that came from mister Manhattan wasn't even mean. 193 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:31,919 It's just like, we don't like it. That's subjective, that's 194 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:35,200 our call. We cannot like it. Also, design is probably 195 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,639 the most subjective thing in the planet. It is within 196 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,720 our right to not like what you did to our house. 197 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:45,360 But objectively, when you're looking around this apartment and you 198 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,759 know what furniture I brought from La which is half 199 00:10:47,799 --> 00:10:50,000 of it, and then what furniture got put in here? 200 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,840 You're like, where did the money go? Where did the 201 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,879 fucking money go? And then they came back with more money. 202 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,440 We just want to handle this privately. Want I was 203 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,320 suck my fucking whole entire dick and my ass while 204 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:06,840 you're down there fucking suck it like I. I'm not 205 00:11:06,919 --> 00:11:09,679 a nasty bitch. I'm a pretty reasonable bitch. This whole time, 206 00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:11,600 I wanted to be like my friends. Didn't fucking just 207 00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:13,799 rob us blind. I would have rather been robbed at 208 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,279 fucking gunpoint because I would never have had that much 209 00:11:16,279 --> 00:11:19,440 money on my person. I would have never had that 210 00:11:19,519 --> 00:11:21,360 much money. I mean, nobody would have ever taken that 211 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,559 much money. And the trauma I can take, the fucking 212 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:25,360 trauma of a gun being held up against my head. 213 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,320 You don't think I've done that to myself? Oh, I'm 214 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:32,000 just kidding. I have it, but like you guys, So, 215 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,240 I just want you guys to understand why I'm so 216 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,600 fucking worked up about it. We're still not done with it. 217 00:11:36,639 --> 00:11:39,720 And even had they fucked this project up royally, which 218 00:11:39,759 --> 00:11:42,799 they did, I would have still recommended them to friends 219 00:11:42,879 --> 00:11:45,399 because I still thought they were great, But now that 220 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,320 I know they're crooks, that's a different fucking story. The 221 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:49,879 worst part about it is when I told all of 222 00:11:49,879 --> 00:11:53,360 my friends, nobody was surprised. Literally the I would say. 223 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,399 The worst part is there's this one friend of mine 224 00:11:55,399 --> 00:11:58,159 who I really respect her taste. I called her and 225 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,159 I told her everything, and she was like, ugh, I 226 00:12:00,159 --> 00:12:02,840 always thought they were a tacky because I don't have taste. 227 00:12:02,919 --> 00:12:05,879 That's the other thing. I don't have great taste, Like 228 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,000 I need help in that area of my life, like 229 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,639 with wardrobe. Obviously, look at me, I look like I 230 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:14,720 just stole this off of a fucking I don't know 231 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,840 where you would find a crumpled up shirt like under 232 00:12:16,879 --> 00:12:19,240 a fucking like this is some This is an unhoused 233 00:12:19,279 --> 00:12:22,679 person's pillowcase that I'm wearing right now, Like I'm I 234 00:12:22,799 --> 00:12:24,720 do not have. There are things I have, and there 235 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,559 are things I'm good at, and there are things I'm 236 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,080 not good at. And one of the things I'm not 237 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:31,879 good at is style, and like personal style and interior design, 238 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,679 I need help with it. And it doesn't really matter 239 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:37,279 what my friends thought about their work the previous two jobs, 240 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,440 because I genuinely liked it. And they made my home 241 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,759 feel really great. So I'm I will say that, like 242 00:12:41,799 --> 00:12:44,679 I genuinely liked it, but it is hard to hear that. You, Like, 243 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,679 you have friends who thought they were fucking tacky the 244 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:51,320 whole time. That's tough. And like just the everyone's everyone's 245 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,720 feedback of this place was like, it's funny, duddy, it 246 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:58,519 looks like millennial cringe. It's you know, somebody because they 247 00:12:58,519 --> 00:13:00,679 put so many plants in here. In One of mister 248 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:05,200 Manhattan's friends was like Tarzan decorated. It looks crazy. So 249 00:13:05,399 --> 00:13:08,519 anyway we're dealing with that, that saga will be done. 250 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:11,000 I promise you by this my next podcast, I'm not 251 00:13:11,039 --> 00:13:13,240 gonna be talking about this until the fucking end of 252 00:13:13,279 --> 00:13:16,000 my life. I really honestly don't care that much. Like 253 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,080 I did care. It was, like I said, the OCD 254 00:13:18,159 --> 00:13:20,720 thinking was like spinning me out and ruining my fucking mind. 255 00:13:20,919 --> 00:13:23,159 And then I went to an energy healer and this 256 00:13:23,279 --> 00:13:25,440 was funny. I went down to this energy healer in 257 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,879 Boca and she works on the seventh dimension, which, like 258 00:13:28,919 --> 00:13:30,720 for those of you who don't know, we're existing on 259 00:13:30,759 --> 00:13:34,039 the third dimension, so we're in three D. There's many 260 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:37,039 other dimensions that exist. There's many other realms, and she 261 00:13:37,159 --> 00:13:41,240 can get to the higher up, which is the subconscious. 262 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,039 And she was working on the seventh dimension and I went. 263 00:13:44,159 --> 00:13:46,879 I came in and I was a woman on the edge. 264 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,399 Her office is in Boca. I accidentally drove to Fort Lauderdale. First. 265 00:13:50,399 --> 00:13:52,840 I drove to a Fort Lauderdale Ferrari dealership and I 266 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,240 was like, what is the Lord trying to help me 267 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,639 right now? Should I just spend every single penny I 268 00:13:56,679 --> 00:13:59,039 have and then a little more than I have on 269 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,360 a Ferrari right now? Now? Like, is that is that 270 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:05,440 what I should do? Or what is the good Lord 271 00:14:05,519 --> 00:14:11,639 telling me? You know? And here's what the good Lord 272 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,600 was telling me, turn your ass around and go to Boca, said, 273 00:14:14,639 --> 00:14:17,039 be a little more diligent when you're putting addresses. And 274 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,559 you knew you were going to book a Ratonne. Why 275 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:20,480 do you go to Fort Lauderdale, you dumb bitch. I 276 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,519 didn't realize they were so close. Once twenty five minutes away, 277 00:14:23,559 --> 00:14:25,759 one's forty. I drove forty. I was like, da da 278 00:14:25,879 --> 00:14:29,240 da da wah wa wie wo wow. I didn't take 279 00:14:29,279 --> 00:14:31,360 it that well. I called the woman and I was 280 00:14:31,399 --> 00:14:36,519 like okay, I'm so fragile, rate. I just I was 281 00:14:36,559 --> 00:14:38,720 so looking forward to the energy healing. I didn't want 282 00:14:38,759 --> 00:14:40,519 our session to be interrupted, and now I had to 283 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,120 drive back and my car was running out of battery 284 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,840 and it was just like not. I mentally am like 285 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,440 I have not been doing the best, and she was like, 286 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:51,559 it's okay, honey, just like, take some breaths. Box breathing. 287 00:14:51,639 --> 00:14:53,399 She reminded me of box breathing. And for those of 288 00:14:53,399 --> 00:14:56,000 you who don't know what box breathing is, here's your reminder. 289 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:01,200 When you're stressed to fuck and everything feels like it's 290 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,080 falling apart and you feel like you can't breathe and 291 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,200 you're crying in you're fucking Tesla in a Ferrari dealership where 292 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,039 everyone's looking at you like what is this poor person? 293 00:15:08,039 --> 00:15:13,159 And Tesla doing here? Just four breasts and hold for 294 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:19,840 four four breasts out and you do that until your 295 00:15:19,879 --> 00:15:25,080 central nervous system settles the fuck down, till it starts 296 00:15:25,159 --> 00:15:27,679 cooperating and behaving. And I did that, and I drove 297 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,799 back up and I was like, all right, whatever, and then, 298 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,440 by the grace of God, her next client canceled, and 299 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,000 I was like, what do you look at God? So 300 00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:37,320 we went and we did energy work. I got there 301 00:15:38,039 --> 00:15:41,879 one eleven, I did not leave until four oh nine. 302 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,639 She put me under a trance and worked out. I 303 00:15:44,879 --> 00:15:47,879 immediately started talking about the designers. I was like, they 304 00:15:47,919 --> 00:15:50,480 fucking robbed us. They were supposed to be my friends. 305 00:15:50,519 --> 00:15:52,799 I feel so betrayed. I can't stop thinking about it. 306 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:55,080 I'm so angry. I want to fucking slip their throats 307 00:15:55,159 --> 00:15:59,279 and drink their blood. And she's like, okay, honey, that's 308 00:15:59,279 --> 00:16:01,360 a breath to get you on your little trance here. 309 00:16:01,399 --> 00:16:02,720 And we did a bunch of healing and a bunch 310 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:07,399 of energy work, and she magically moved things around within 311 00:16:07,519 --> 00:16:12,320 me and the OCD thinking after that day stopped. Do 312 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:16,759 I still believe what they did is unjust and shitty, 313 00:16:16,879 --> 00:16:19,960 I sure do, but it's not possessing me. I don't 314 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,879 fucking care. Here's what I know to be true. I 315 00:16:22,919 --> 00:16:25,360 know for sure and for certain that Karma is a 316 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,919 bigger bitch than I could ever be. So what they 317 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,200 did to me and the money they stole from us, 318 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:38,440 Karma doesn't miss a fucking doorstep. That energy's coming back, okay. 319 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:43,080 And the whole way it was handled was unprofessional and lame. 320 00:16:43,279 --> 00:16:45,919 But like whatever, that's your karma. You want to run 321 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,840 your business that way, enjoy running it into the fucking ground, bitch, 322 00:16:49,039 --> 00:16:53,480 Like I just I don't care. I don't care. But 323 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,799 energy work is so special, and I feel like I 324 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,000 have been pointed in the writer. It's so funny to 325 00:16:58,039 --> 00:17:01,759 like go on a grand anyway. Energy work is great, 326 00:17:01,879 --> 00:17:05,079 especially like I understand the jextaposition that lies within me. Okay, 327 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:08,559 I understand. I am equal parts fucking crazy and malicious 328 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:14,319 and also like healed and doing my best. So here's 329 00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:17,279 the thing. Karma hasn't missed a doorstep for me either. Okay, 330 00:17:17,519 --> 00:17:19,480 I'm just not saying that to the people I don't like. 331 00:17:19,519 --> 00:17:21,160 I'm saying it because I know it to be true, 332 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,519 because it has hit me in the fucking face. Getting 333 00:17:23,559 --> 00:17:25,839 hit with karma is like getting hit in the face 334 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:32,359 with a fucking frying pan. Okay, doesn't feel great, but 335 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,720 you deserve it, and you deserve it and you got 336 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:38,279 to learn somehow, and that's it's all just energy. It's 337 00:17:38,319 --> 00:17:43,640 all energy, baby, It's all energy. It all comes back, 338 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,200 that's the thing. It all comes down in the fucking wash. 339 00:17:46,319 --> 00:17:48,599 So I'm just in the give it to God. Part 340 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:52,640 of the my my meltdown. Okay, I'm in the hand 341 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,480 it over. We can't we can't take this with us. 342 00:17:54,759 --> 00:17:57,279 We can't take this with us through March. Okay, March 343 00:17:58,039 --> 00:18:02,880 doesn't want February's problems. And that's the truth. Sometimes you 344 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,400 just gotta know when a problem isn't serving you. It's 345 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,720 like anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other 346 00:18:09,759 --> 00:18:13,480 person to die. Right. I just had to stop drinking 347 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,519 the poison because every day, if I chose to, I 348 00:18:15,559 --> 00:18:17,720 could wake up and I could live in that fucking rage. 349 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:25,200 I could live in that rage, but I don't want to. You, guys, 350 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:28,880 our sponsor this week, as always, is Berber hair Oil. 351 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,720 Berber hair Oil has changed my relationship with my hair. 352 00:18:31,799 --> 00:18:33,960 It went from a hate to a love relationship. And 353 00:18:34,599 --> 00:18:36,640 do I have all my hair back? No? I don't, 354 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,079 But will I get it back? Yes? And more after 355 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,960 using Berber fer I'm probably honestly gonna have to use 356 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,599 it for eighteen months to get all my hair back. 357 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,880 But that's okay because they did a real fucking chop 358 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,079 job on the fucking hair, so it takes time to 359 00:18:49,079 --> 00:18:50,880 get it back. But if you guys, use berber oil. 360 00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,240 It's Burdock oil. I've been using it twice a week. 361 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,960 I do my hair oil treatments twice a week. It 362 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,279 feels like self care. It feels like an act of 363 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,720 love to myself. And I want you all to reward 364 00:19:01,759 --> 00:19:03,720 yourself with an act of love to yourself, whether it's 365 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,240 with hair oil or with anything else that makes you happy, 366 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:08,200 brings you joy, et cetera, et cetera. Let's make sure 367 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,200 we're carving out time in our week to make ourselves 368 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:15,079 feel better about being alive, about spinning on this fucking 369 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:18,839 planet which is quite apparently becoming a housecape because the 370 00:19:18,839 --> 00:19:22,880 people here don't know how to fucking act. Go to 371 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,519 Burger dot com burbur dot com. Use my code BRIT 372 00:19:25,519 --> 00:19:29,039 for fifteen percent off your first order. Grow your habit, 373 00:19:29,279 --> 00:19:31,799 grow your hairback. Thank me later. I let me say much. Okaybye. 374 00:19:33,559 --> 00:19:35,920 Speaking of living and rage, here's something I do want 375 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:38,839 to talk about. And like I said in the last episode, 376 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:44,079 I do not talk about politics ever because I think 377 00:19:44,079 --> 00:19:46,119 it's divisive and I think it's lame, and I think 378 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,799 what I really do want to say about what's going 379 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,400 on with the Epstein files and everything that's coming out 380 00:19:52,559 --> 00:19:56,400 is if you are still fighting battles that are left 381 00:19:56,519 --> 00:19:59,480 versus right, if you are still fighting battles that are 382 00:19:59,519 --> 00:20:03,400 so cle clearly being implanted by in your brains, by 383 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:06,640 the people that are actually running the show to distract 384 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:10,079 you from what's going on. Maybe don't, maybe just take 385 00:20:10,079 --> 00:20:12,839 a step back, like I cannot believe. And this is 386 00:20:12,839 --> 00:20:14,599 gonna be old news by the time this comes out. 387 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:19,319 But people are mad at the men's hockey team, the 388 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,920 US men's First of all, they've got two brain cells 389 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:25,720 between the fourteen of them, all right. They don't have 390 00:20:26,079 --> 00:20:28,640 a ton of logic and critical thinking. They barely have 391 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,880 fucking teeth. People getting mad at them for partying with 392 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:36,200 Cash Bettel or Donald Trump, who fucking cares. That is 393 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,920 not what our lifeblood is made for. We are not 394 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:42,279 made to be so riled up about people who don't 395 00:20:42,319 --> 00:20:45,079 give a fuck about us at all. None of those 396 00:20:45,079 --> 00:20:47,279 people care about us. The men's hockey team doesn't care 397 00:20:47,319 --> 00:20:50,359 about us, The President of the United States doesn't care 398 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,519 about us. Nobody cares about us, and that has been 399 00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:55,839 made abundantly clear through the Epstein files. And if you 400 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,480 guys can't wrap your fucking heads around that I don't 401 00:20:58,519 --> 00:21:01,200 know what to tell you, but I do believe in 402 00:21:01,279 --> 00:21:04,359 my heart that politics is just a way to divide us, 403 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:06,599 and it's a way to keep the people at the 404 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,759 bottom apart so we never get strong enough to overthrow 405 00:21:09,839 --> 00:21:11,799 the ones at the top. Because if we did, god 406 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,640 forbid ever unite on this, which we should be doing 407 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:17,599 right now, all of our blood should be fucking boiling 408 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,079 with rage that they were going to an island and 409 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:23,559 abusing young children, and like if something happened to them 410 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,359 throwing them out a shoot door to the sea. We 411 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,880 should all be so incensed we can't fucking see straight. 412 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,759 Our vision should be fucking blurred by how angry we 413 00:21:32,799 --> 00:21:35,200 are that every person at the top, no matter what 414 00:21:35,319 --> 00:21:37,839 level they are, no matter what side they are, are 415 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:44,559 partaking in cruel, cruel and whether it's ritual sacrifice or whatever, 416 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:49,000 it is all the shit of the people that were 417 00:21:49,039 --> 00:21:52,720 conspiracy theorists and crazy and bat shit years ago. Is 418 00:21:52,799 --> 00:21:55,880 it's becoming true. It's not becoming true. It is true. 419 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,279 It has been true the whole time. The fucking lid 420 00:21:58,559 --> 00:22:03,640 popped off the cookie jar. Okay, And and I think 421 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,240 we need to get mad, not at each other. I 422 00:22:06,279 --> 00:22:08,079 don't think the left and the right need to still 423 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:09,920 keep getting mad at each other, because I think what 424 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,079 should be abundantly clear is that these people don't give 425 00:22:12,079 --> 00:22:14,000 a fuck about us at all. And if you're going 426 00:22:14,079 --> 00:22:16,119 to fight and fight and fight with the people that 427 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,240 do love you, the people in your family, your friends, 428 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,039 your community at large, if you're gonna fight with them 429 00:22:21,079 --> 00:22:23,799 about politics, then you are just staying at a low 430 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:28,079 vibration in this like angry cesspool, like where they want 431 00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,200 you to be. Because if you're so fired up getting 432 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:33,799 mad at each other, you're never going We're never going 433 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:39,000 to be able to unite and seek justice. And that's 434 00:22:39,039 --> 00:22:41,559 what we should be doing right now. Like I think 435 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:45,119 things are specifically implanted in our mind as a generation 436 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,319 to distract us from what's really going on. Like when 437 00:22:48,319 --> 00:22:51,519 the pandemic was going on and then the BLM riots happened, 438 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:55,160 that's not a coincidence. These people plan the fucking pandemic 439 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,759 and the BLM riots were just a way to distract us. 440 00:22:58,799 --> 00:23:01,960 They planted something that would make us so enraged that 441 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,119 we would forget there was a pandemic and go march 442 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,200 in the streets. And you guys are getting so fucking mad. 443 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,319 You're going to Michael's and you're buying signs and you're 444 00:23:09,759 --> 00:23:12,279 you know, you're making you're doing crafts because you're so 445 00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,279 fucking angry, and you're like, I'm gonna go stomp out 446 00:23:14,279 --> 00:23:16,400 in the fucking sun and one's sweat's rolling down it 447 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:20,759 And meanwhile, nobody's paying attention to the fact that there's 448 00:23:20,759 --> 00:23:23,279 a global pandemic that was planted in our society to 449 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:27,000 destabilize us. And I don't know what's really going on. 450 00:23:27,079 --> 00:23:28,799 I don't know what's really going on at the top. 451 00:23:28,839 --> 00:23:31,200 But if you use an iota of logic and you 452 00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,880 look at everything just plainly, I think you can see 453 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,599 that the people you're voting for don't care about you. 454 00:23:37,599 --> 00:23:39,720 And it does not matter on which side. I don't 455 00:23:39,759 --> 00:23:42,240 think any of them give a fuck about us. This 456 00:23:42,319 --> 00:23:44,319 is not me making a political statement. This is me 457 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:48,400 making a statement about humanity. I think as humans we 458 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,240 need to be protecting our babies and our animals, and 459 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:57,440 because they're they're innocent, and if we don't protect them, 460 00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:00,039 nobody will. And I actually want to cry about this 461 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:07,000 because like they're they're kids, and they're being they're being abused, 462 00:24:07,519 --> 00:24:10,039 and we're still getting mad at the left and the 463 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:12,680 right when like Bill Clinton is testifying and looking at 464 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:18,359 pictures and sparking and smiling like a fucking dog, pig, satanic, 465 00:24:18,559 --> 00:24:22,680 fucking creature that he is, and he's he's making a 466 00:24:22,759 --> 00:24:26,680 mockery of us, and whatever Trump's involvement is, like, that'll 467 00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,480 that'll come to light too. I feel like I'm in 468 00:24:28,559 --> 00:24:32,160 a fucking bar if I'm so angry right now. Oh, 469 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,319 they're all involved and they're all bad, and I think 470 00:24:36,319 --> 00:24:40,960 what needs to happen is the French Revolution. I think 471 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,680 we need to have a let them eat cake moment 472 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,799 where someone just says one thing that makes us so 473 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,000 mad that we start hanging them. We need to bring 474 00:24:48,039 --> 00:24:50,920 the guillotine. Guillotine is a guillotine. Guillotine. We need to 475 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,519 bring the guillotine back, and we need to hang these 476 00:24:53,519 --> 00:24:56,759 motherfuckers in a town square. I do not think there 477 00:24:56,839 --> 00:24:59,960 is any justice that comes from throwing them in jail, 478 00:25:00,599 --> 00:25:04,200 making them pay it fine. That's not justice. Justice is death. 479 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,079 And I hate to say that because I am somebody 480 00:25:06,079 --> 00:25:09,119 who is a big proponent forgiveness and forgiving people for 481 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,880 their sins. But I think since at this level, this 482 00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:19,720 atrocity this. I don't know. I just I just honestly, 483 00:25:19,759 --> 00:25:21,880 I feel like I made myself sick. I've made myself. 484 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:31,720 I work myself into a tizzy talking about this. Yeah, 485 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:35,720 we got a fucking we gotta shoot him at point 486 00:25:35,759 --> 00:25:37,839 blank range. Like, I don't know what else to say, 487 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:42,319 Like there's no there's no other solution here, it's not 488 00:25:47,759 --> 00:25:49,839 justice will never be served unless the people that are 489 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,400 doing this are eliminated. And I just don't know how 490 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:56,119 else to say that. I honestly just made myself sick. 491 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:57,440 I have like a headache and I feel like I'm 492 00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:03,000 anna puke. I don't know, you guys, I don't I 493 00:26:03,039 --> 00:26:05,079 want this podcast to be funny in light and like 494 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,400 for us to kiki and like the world is so 495 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,480 scary and horrible as it is now We're at fucking war. 496 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,960 Nobody wanted to go to war. We don't have what 497 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:16,279 are we gonna? Just aren't we already in trillions of 498 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:22,440 dollars of Dutch? Is anything real? Is anything real? Like 499 00:26:22,559 --> 00:26:26,160 China will happily sit back and watch us bleed ourselves 500 00:26:26,519 --> 00:26:29,039 out at another war in the Middle East? What is 501 00:26:29,039 --> 00:26:34,680 this for oil? Okay? All right? I don't know you guys, 502 00:26:35,079 --> 00:26:38,039 I don't know. Everything feels scary, and I didn't want 503 00:26:38,039 --> 00:26:41,200 this podcast to be this way. I really was like, 504 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,680 I'm gonna talk about how I farted in pilates, and 505 00:26:43,759 --> 00:26:47,119 like maybe I'll talk about like I just a demon 506 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:52,400 took over me and it's the one that needed to 507 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,039 speak truth and hasn't been for a long time. I 508 00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:57,440 think that's why I just had a physical reaction to it. 509 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,960 Because here's the deal, you guys, the truth is really 510 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,359 fucking uncomfortable. But I think we ought to rise up. 511 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:09,279 I think we ought to fucking rise up. I hate 512 00:27:09,279 --> 00:27:10,480 to say it. I hate to be the one that 513 00:27:10,559 --> 00:27:13,279 says it. Listen, I'm not a fucking political podcast. I'll 514 00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:15,480 leave it to Tim Dillon. But at the end of 515 00:27:15,519 --> 00:27:17,559 the day, I just feel really disheartened, and I feel 516 00:27:19,279 --> 00:27:23,039 I feel like lost and upset and sad and everything 517 00:27:23,039 --> 00:27:24,759 that I believed in my bones to be true is 518 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:32,640 true and that fucking sucks. But anyway, we'll move on, 519 00:27:32,839 --> 00:27:34,920 because that's I can't even do that. I'll make myself 520 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:38,559 more sick. I started reading, and I haven't finished, so 521 00:27:38,599 --> 00:27:40,119 i'll let you know if it's a book worth reading. 522 00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:42,000 But I started reading a book called How to Hold 523 00:27:42,039 --> 00:27:45,279 a Cockroach, And the subtitle of the book is for 524 00:27:45,319 --> 00:27:47,759 people who are free and don't even know it. And 525 00:27:47,839 --> 00:27:49,920 when I was getting into the book about how to 526 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,319 Hold a Cockroach, it basically is talking about how so 527 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,119 many of the fears that we have we have adopted 528 00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:59,359 from other people and we don't know why. And so 529 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,359 it's this worry about this little boy who saw a 530 00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,319 cockroach and he got really scared and he had this 531 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,920 really big reaction and just like a ton of fear 532 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,559 and was like trying to shoo it away. And then 533 00:28:09,559 --> 00:28:11,759 he sat down and he thought like, wait, why do 534 00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,319 I Why Why am I so scared of this cockroach? 535 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:18,359 They don't bite, it's not gonna hurt me, and it's gross, 536 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:22,880 but beyond that, it's not that scary. And he's like, oh, yeah, 537 00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:24,680 I remember when I was little, I saw my mom 538 00:28:24,759 --> 00:28:27,319 have a really big reaction to seeing a cockroach and 539 00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:29,759 she got so scared. And so I immediately from that 540 00:28:29,839 --> 00:28:32,400 day forward, decided that cockroaches were scary and if I 541 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:34,519 ever saw one, I would be afraid when I responded 542 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:39,359 when I reacted to it. So it's kind of like 543 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,039 the conscious undoing of the belief systems that we have 544 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:44,279 and what we're afraid of and making sure that we're 545 00:28:44,319 --> 00:28:47,480 actually afraid of them, and we didn't absorb that from 546 00:28:47,519 --> 00:28:50,359 somebody that we love, like a parent or somebody close 547 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:52,799 to us, like a friend. And I used to do this. 548 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:56,039 I know that I used to do this. I remember 549 00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:00,240 my friend Kate from high school, like my best friend 550 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:04,440 from high school. She would always say she hated Irish accents. 551 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,279 She didn't like Irish accents. And then all of a sudden, 552 00:29:08,359 --> 00:29:10,000 when I heard an Irish accent, I'll be like, I, 553 00:29:10,039 --> 00:29:13,640 oh fucking like that. And then I, like years later, 554 00:29:13,839 --> 00:29:15,119 was like, why do I not like it? And I 555 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:16,680 was like, oh, yeah, Kate said that, and I just 556 00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:19,599 like adopted it so quickly because I respected her and 557 00:29:19,599 --> 00:29:21,200 I adored her and I wanted to be like her. 558 00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:24,440 So I didn't like Irish accents, and then I just 559 00:29:24,519 --> 00:29:26,039 heard an Irish person talk and I was like, can 560 00:29:26,079 --> 00:29:30,920 I understand you? Not totally, but do I dislike your accent? No? 561 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,680 I think it's charming and cute. And so there is 562 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,519 a conscious unbelieving of the things that we've taught ourselves, right, 563 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,960 like belief systems are instilled in us from such a 564 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:45,880 young age, and you know, we have to make sure 565 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,519 they are our own. We have to make sure that 566 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:55,960 we've actually experienced something that wow, my brain just went blank. 567 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:59,400 We experienced something that I'm looking for a word I'm 568 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:03,640 searching for and I can't find it. That makes our 569 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:08,559 reaction to something appropriate or warranted, right, Because if we're 570 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,359 just responding to something because our mom was afraid of something, 571 00:30:11,359 --> 00:30:13,519 then we never have the experience to learn whether or 572 00:30:13,519 --> 00:30:15,599 not we're afraid of it. We just assume that we're 573 00:30:15,599 --> 00:30:17,480 afraid of it, and then we live our lives that way, 574 00:30:17,519 --> 00:30:19,559 and then we never have any real information about how 575 00:30:19,599 --> 00:30:24,319 we feel about things. And here's the other thing. Fuck cockroaches, right, 576 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:28,319 you know, like, fuck a cockroach. I am, I am 577 00:30:28,359 --> 00:30:31,160 to I fucking hate cockroaches. When I lived in Venice Beach, 578 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:33,839 we had this beautiful condo on the beach, but cockroaches 579 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:39,400 are water bugs, so they will come they'll come up 580 00:30:39,519 --> 00:30:43,039 drains and into apartments that way, and it's not great. 581 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:44,920 And I remember one time I was on the phone. 582 00:30:45,119 --> 00:30:46,799 I was talking to somebody I don't know who was. 583 00:30:46,839 --> 00:30:48,119 It was after I got back from one of my 584 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,599 Paris trips, and I was doing laundry and I was 585 00:30:50,599 --> 00:30:53,359 digging through the laundry basket and I was on the phone, 586 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,400 and I was like, yeah, you know, I really just 587 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,480 want to get a flat in Paris, like my heart 588 00:30:58,519 --> 00:31:03,039 belongs there. As I reached in, this cockroach crawled up 589 00:31:03,039 --> 00:31:05,319 my fucking arm and I was like what. And I like, 590 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,680 freak the fuck out because fuck a cockroach. I will 591 00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,920 stand by that Cockroaches are scary and I don't like 592 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:11,400 the way they look, and I don't like the way 593 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,920 health they're so fast. I don't like hunting cock I 594 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,480 don't like them. And I don't mind bugs. Like when 595 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:17,880 I was a kid, I would always if there was 596 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:19,319 a spider in the house, I would be the first 597 00:31:19,319 --> 00:31:21,039 person to go get it. If there was a bug 598 00:31:21,079 --> 00:31:23,359 that needed to get let out into the yard, I 599 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,720 would go do it. Like I don't mind bugs, they 600 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:28,519 don't generally freak me out. Like obviously, if a spider 601 00:31:28,559 --> 00:31:30,599 is crawling across my face in the middle of the night, 602 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:33,319 I will freak the fuck out. But like I don't 603 00:31:33,519 --> 00:31:37,039 see a spider and gow like I'm not. I grew 604 00:31:37,119 --> 00:31:39,240 up in a fucking barn, Like I'm not afraid of striping. 605 00:31:39,319 --> 00:31:42,359 I spent my summer's bailing. Hay okay, I had bugs 606 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,279 crawling all over me all the time, and then my 607 00:31:44,279 --> 00:31:48,480 mom fucking yelling at me wark harder, faster, like child labor. Shit. 608 00:31:48,559 --> 00:31:51,799 It was like crazy, like eighty degree summers in Wisconsin. 609 00:31:51,839 --> 00:31:53,519 My mom would just be breathing down my white He's 610 00:31:53,559 --> 00:31:59,119 so slow, Why he's so weak. I'm like, all right, mom, 611 00:31:59,559 --> 00:32:04,000 mommy's issues, you know. Anyway, I'm not afraid of bugs, 612 00:32:04,279 --> 00:32:07,279 but cockroaches they're a little too fast. That's the thing. 613 00:32:07,319 --> 00:32:10,319 They're a little too fast. If a bug's too fast, 614 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,400 I don't like it. I don't like being outrun by 615 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:15,039 a bug. I don't even like when Biggie outruns me 616 00:32:15,039 --> 00:32:17,000 because I'm like, hey, who you showing off for, mister. 617 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,119 So anyway, No, don't love a cockroach, especially not when 618 00:32:21,119 --> 00:32:22,960 it's crawling up my arm. Fuck that. But I think 619 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,519 that was God's way of humbling me in that moment. 620 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:27,839 You know, it's the good old humble yourself, or God 621 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:32,359 will do it for you. Because I was like, I 622 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:37,079 want to get a flattened Paris, and I just and 623 00:32:37,119 --> 00:32:39,400 God's like, really a flattened Paris, bitch? You have cockroaches? 624 00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:41,880 Crawling up your arm in Venice Beach. Focus on what's 625 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,240 right in front of you. You can't afford a flat 626 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:48,440 in Paris, all right, you can't afford a flatten Paris, bitch, 627 00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,039 you have a cockroach in your arm pit. And in 628 00:32:53,039 --> 00:32:55,880 that moment that thought just flew out of my head. 629 00:32:56,559 --> 00:32:59,200 I don't deserve it. I don't deserve a fucking flattened Paris. 630 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,519 Right now, I have a cock grouch in my mouth. Okay, 631 00:33:03,119 --> 00:33:04,640 So anyway, I'll let you know of How to Hold 632 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:07,079 a Cockroach is a book worth reading, But from the 633 00:33:07,079 --> 00:33:09,079 little I read of it, I'm excited. The other book 634 00:33:09,079 --> 00:33:11,960 I'm about to jump into is Rick Rubin's book on 635 00:33:12,279 --> 00:33:14,640 Living a Creative Life, which I'm very excited about because 636 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:17,200 he's obviously a genius and he's so cool. Can you 637 00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,720 imagine just being as cool as Rick Rubin, just being 638 00:33:19,759 --> 00:33:24,400 as certain in your fucking decisions and your life and 639 00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,119 your inner voice. He seems like the kind of guy 640 00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:28,680 that doesn't have a phone, or if he does, he 641 00:33:28,759 --> 00:33:30,519 leaves it in the other room and he just like 642 00:33:31,079 --> 00:33:33,079 uses it to call people into the studio. He just 643 00:33:33,119 --> 00:33:36,000 seems so fucking cool. He seems so cool. He seems 644 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,559 so tapped into source. He meditates all the time. He 645 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,680 obviously is just a a brilliant producer. If you don't 646 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:46,359 know who Rick Rubin is, look him up because he's 647 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,480 a genius. And I'm excited. I'm excited to read that book. 648 00:33:49,519 --> 00:33:51,480 You guys wanted me to tell you what books I'm reading, 649 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:55,319 are about to read or books we should read, so 650 00:33:55,319 --> 00:33:57,759 so I am. Another thing I might be doing is 651 00:33:57,799 --> 00:34:00,720 starting The Artist's Way Again, which is a nine week 652 00:34:00,759 --> 00:34:04,400 course on artists recovering your inner artist. It's a course 653 00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:07,440 for creativity, and I was thinking, since we do this 654 00:34:07,519 --> 00:34:10,559 podcast weekly, we could do if anyone is interested and 655 00:34:10,639 --> 00:34:12,159 leave it in the comments or dm me let me 656 00:34:12,199 --> 00:34:13,920 know if you would like to do this together, because 657 00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:17,400 there is a portion where you like workshop and at 658 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,079 the end you share what you did for the week 659 00:34:20,159 --> 00:34:24,000 and the goals you accomplished and the creative things you did. 660 00:34:24,079 --> 00:34:26,559 And there's something called artist date. An artist date is 661 00:34:26,559 --> 00:34:28,480 where you take yourself on a date to feed your 662 00:34:28,519 --> 00:34:30,360 inner artist. So it's like you can go on a 663 00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:33,760 solo date to the movies, or you can go on 664 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,239 you can buy paint supplies at the store and paint 665 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:41,079 or whatever, lights up your inner artist. You do that, 666 00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,679 and then we can report back and I can be like, 667 00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:45,639 I did this, what did you guys do? And what 668 00:34:45,679 --> 00:34:47,639 we could do is if everyone doesn't want to do 669 00:34:47,679 --> 00:34:50,480 it together, I could just do that at the very end. 670 00:34:50,599 --> 00:34:53,159 That could be like the cap of the podcast. So 671 00:34:53,599 --> 00:34:55,639 show of hands in the comments, let me know who 672 00:34:55,639 --> 00:34:57,519 wants to do the artists way with me, because I'm 673 00:34:57,639 --> 00:34:59,920 lending a board and I need you guys because you're 674 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:04,199 I only friends. Okay, I'm doing my best to meet 675 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,039 friends here, but I have to be careful. I have 676 00:35:06,119 --> 00:35:10,239 to be careful because, like I said in the past, 677 00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,519 I get so intoxicated and excited by female friendships because 678 00:35:13,519 --> 00:35:15,079 I didn't have any growing up, and it's all I 679 00:35:15,079 --> 00:35:17,119 ever wanted that every once in a while I let 680 00:35:17,159 --> 00:35:18,679 them in and then I'm like, oops, you're showing me 681 00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:20,199 things that I don't like. And now I'm so far 682 00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:21,880 in i can't get out and I can't leave, and 683 00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:23,440 I'm stuck and I fee blah blah blah blah blah 684 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:24,960 blah blah, and then I have to do something to 685 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:27,000 sabotage it, or I just have to wait for it 686 00:35:27,000 --> 00:35:28,639 to run its course. Even though I knew from a 687 00:35:28,679 --> 00:35:32,199 fucking month four that it was gonna fucking implode, and 688 00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:34,760 I don't want to do that anymore. So I'm just 689 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,360 trying to be a little more cautious making friends. But 690 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:41,400 it's okay. I'm okay. Everything's good. I think I'm gonna 691 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:42,920 go to New York next week. I think I'm gonna 692 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:44,719 go to LA next week and then New York the 693 00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:46,559 week after. I think that's my plan. I think I'm 694 00:35:46,559 --> 00:35:49,960 gonna go do some podcasts in LA and do some shows, 695 00:35:50,119 --> 00:35:51,920 and then I'm gonna go to New York. Mister Manhattan 696 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:53,320 wants to go see the family, so I think we're 697 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,599 gonna go do that, and then I think we'll come 698 00:35:55,639 --> 00:35:59,119 back and we'll tackle the apartment situation and the furniture 699 00:35:59,159 --> 00:36:01,360 and just refreshing the place and making it ours and 700 00:36:02,079 --> 00:36:04,559 you know, making everything feel like home. But I am 701 00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:07,159 I have turned a corner on Palm Beach and living here, 702 00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,159 I don't feel completely displaced. I think having friends and 703 00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:13,960 meetings and workouts to go to and like, just you know, living, 704 00:36:14,599 --> 00:36:17,159 I started living again. That's a very important thing to do. 705 00:36:17,199 --> 00:36:18,639 And I would like to remind you all to do 706 00:36:18,679 --> 00:36:21,039 that when you're feeling stuck, make sure you just keep 707 00:36:21,119 --> 00:36:25,000 going because you know you can't hit a moving target. 708 00:36:25,559 --> 00:36:27,599 You can't like if you're putting one foot in front 709 00:36:27,599 --> 00:36:29,599 of the other, if you're writing, if you're journaling, if 710 00:36:29,599 --> 00:36:31,800 you're working out, if you're moving your body, if you're 711 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,400 going on walks, if you're drinking water, if you're doing 712 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:37,119 the things for you that you know will make you 713 00:36:37,159 --> 00:36:40,119 feel better, you will start to feel better. It's just 714 00:36:40,199 --> 00:36:42,519 a matter of time. It is like a you know, 715 00:36:42,519 --> 00:36:45,039 if you're uncomfortable right now, or you're going through something hard, 716 00:36:46,599 --> 00:36:48,960 here's a pact I want us to make with each other. 717 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:55,199 If you're going through something fucking gnarly and you and 718 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:57,280 you are just in it, and you want to be depressed, 719 00:36:57,320 --> 00:36:59,239 and you don't want to brush your hair or your teeth, 720 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,639 or take a shower or a bath or do anything 721 00:37:01,679 --> 00:37:04,960 to take care of yourself, that's okay. I just want 722 00:37:05,039 --> 00:37:06,760 us to make a pact that you only get to 723 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,679 do that for two days. Okay, you can eat like shit. 724 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,599 You can eat a fucking pint of ice cream for 725 00:37:13,639 --> 00:37:16,079 every meal if you want, you can eat McDonald's, you 726 00:37:16,119 --> 00:37:19,960 can eat whatever. In that moment, we'll just scratch the 727 00:37:20,039 --> 00:37:23,199 little fucking itch, because there's a little itch when you're 728 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:25,320 like really deprissed, You're like, I just want to somehow 729 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,280 kill myself. You know. It's just like it's just like 730 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,079 you're down there, and you want to be down there 731 00:37:29,079 --> 00:37:32,239 because there's something a little nice about being in pain. Right, 732 00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:35,960 There's something a little self masturbatory about crying. And here's 733 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,360 the thing. Crying, Get it out. Cry as much as 734 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:40,960 you can. I love a good cry. Sometimes I can't 735 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,360 stop crying. Like when I first got here, I was 736 00:37:43,559 --> 00:37:45,480 I had a day where I was on a crying jag. 737 00:37:45,519 --> 00:37:47,719 My dad used to call it a siej, you like, 738 00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:50,679 get off the sie j. It's a fucking crying jack. 739 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,000 I can't stop. I woke up and I started crying. 740 00:37:53,519 --> 00:37:55,519 Everything I did, I was crying, crying, crying. I finally 741 00:37:55,519 --> 00:37:57,400 pulled it together for two seconds to be intimate with 742 00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,480 mister Manhattan, and then at the end he was like, 743 00:37:59,519 --> 00:38:02,039 did you come I started crying. I came to the 744 00:38:02,039 --> 00:38:06,440 conclusion that I'm fucking sad and I need to up 745 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:09,920 my anti depressants. Okay, And also, you know when I come, 746 00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,880 we're not keeping it a secret, okay. Never since the 747 00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,360 Dawn of Time? Has any woman ever kept it? I 748 00:38:16,559 --> 00:38:19,519 hate that question. Would you come? No? I don't fucking come. 749 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:21,760 What do you mean? I don't know if I've ever 750 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:23,960 come once in my life. I'm just kidding, but I 751 00:38:24,199 --> 00:38:28,239 you know, our sex life is really good. It's really 752 00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:32,119 fucking good. He's great and bad love that. But you know, 753 00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:34,960 when I'm on a CJ. And I'm crying, and then 754 00:38:35,039 --> 00:38:37,719 later we were It's funny because we were talking later, 755 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:41,599 maybe a day later or so, when I got my 756 00:38:41,599 --> 00:38:43,880 shit together, and he was saying how this move has 757 00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:45,719 been difficult for him too, and he's like, you know, 758 00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:47,760 he was like making points, and he was like, this 759 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:49,599 move is difficult for me too. I've never not lived 760 00:38:49,639 --> 00:38:51,440 in New York and I love New York and this 761 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:53,360 isn't the city and it feels so different. And also 762 00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:54,840 it's not great for me to have sex with you 763 00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:57,599 and then for you to start crying, and I'm like, well, 764 00:38:58,159 --> 00:39:00,559 I understand. But also in that moment, it's really nice 765 00:39:00,559 --> 00:39:04,800 to know he's a good man that would never do 766 00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,840 anything bad to a woman. Because some guys would have 767 00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:14,599 no problem working through tears, like Bill Clinton, Okay, Jeffrey Epstein, 768 00:39:15,039 --> 00:39:18,360 those guys, bad people, demons. Let's fucking shoot him point blank. 769 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,599 Rage it's my own. I've been thinking about it a lot. 770 00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:22,920 I haven't stopped thinking about it. You know, when things 771 00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,519 affect you deeply, you can't help it. And here's the thing. 772 00:39:25,599 --> 00:39:29,039 I'm the most apathetic person on the planet. I'm so apathetic. 773 00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:32,559 I don't I'm like Warren Iron, don't care, Warren, where 774 00:39:32,559 --> 00:39:35,239 were we last? Turkey don't care. I don't care. I 775 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,400 don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I can't care. 776 00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,239 I don't have the capacity to care. I cannot care. 777 00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:43,559 And this one, my brain got hot. My head felt 778 00:39:43,559 --> 00:39:45,679 like it was in a fucking vice grip, and I 779 00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:49,440 was like, we got we ride at fucking dawn. We 780 00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,320 gotta fucking we gotta get rid of these hose. Like 781 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:56,760 I don't, I don't know what else to do. Anyway, 782 00:39:56,800 --> 00:40:00,880 you guys, what was I saying? Cry? Oh you guys. 783 00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,199 I also cried. It is really funny. I just I 784 00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:05,880 have up my lexapro It's gonna go up a notch 785 00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:10,159 because we are struggling. I bought this really funny sex toy. 786 00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:11,960 Not a funny sex toy, the sex toy that I 787 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:13,599 wanted to use, and every time I tried to use it, 788 00:40:13,599 --> 00:40:16,960 I was getting shut down. And then I just started 789 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,800 crying and I just had this butt plug in my 790 00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:26,480 hand and I was like, what is mister Manhattan is 791 00:40:26,519 --> 00:40:28,239 just like you can't cry because I'm not letting you 792 00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:29,840 put it up. Butt plug in my ass And I 793 00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:36,679 was like that, crying over butt plugs, crying over existing. 794 00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:39,519 I'll cry over anything. I will fucking cry. But you 795 00:40:39,559 --> 00:40:41,199 know what, I'm on the other side of that. I'm 796 00:40:41,199 --> 00:40:45,400 not crying anymore. I'm fucking pissed. No, I'm not. I'm 797 00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,000 still nothing. I'm still apathetic. I'm still I'm no. You 798 00:40:48,039 --> 00:40:49,960 know what I'm not. I'm doing my best and I'm 799 00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,440 journaling and I'm getting work done and I'm working on 800 00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,360 a project. I told you guys, I'm starting that book. 801 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,320 I started it. That's where the tears are coming from now, 802 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,840 because I've been like I've been doing an uphaul and upheaval. 803 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:07,280 Is that upholl up, uprooting of the soul. It is 804 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,119 really really unearthing some shit going through all of my 805 00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:19,719 old emails from my mom, and it's tough. It's tough. 806 00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:24,400 It's tough for so many reasons. It's tough because reading 807 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:26,920 all of her emails now through the eyes that I have, 808 00:41:27,039 --> 00:41:29,000 and not through the eyes of an abused child and 809 00:41:29,039 --> 00:41:32,079 somebody that was just so scorned and angry at her 810 00:41:32,199 --> 00:41:36,559 and her unwillingness to take any accountability in her hand 811 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:40,639 in my upbringing, and how she might have not done 812 00:41:40,679 --> 00:41:42,719 it the best, and how she wasn't the best parent. 813 00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:45,760 And you know, I had eyes of anger. And every 814 00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:48,079 time you're looking, you know, that's the thing. We're always 815 00:41:48,079 --> 00:41:50,840 looking at life through different eyes. And this time I'm 816 00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:53,400 looking at it with so much compassion and so much 817 00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,960 grief and so much sadness for that poor fucking woman 818 00:41:57,679 --> 00:41:59,880 and everything she went through and everything I was not 819 00:42:00,119 --> 00:42:05,079 privy too. And reading this, writing this book is it's 820 00:42:05,079 --> 00:42:08,639 an unearthing of the soul. And I get to look 821 00:42:08,679 --> 00:42:10,440 at all of her emails and everything she sent me 822 00:42:10,519 --> 00:42:12,840 with new eyes, and I think it's good and it's 823 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:15,920 bad because it's good because I can I can see 824 00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:17,880 how many times we told each other we loved each other. 825 00:42:18,039 --> 00:42:19,760 And I always, even if I was mad at her, 826 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:21,719 even if I said have a nice life, I would 827 00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:24,639 always say love you, love you. So I did tell 828 00:42:24,639 --> 00:42:27,400 her I love you, and I thought I didn't. I 829 00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:31,159 thought maybe she didn't know, but she didn't know because 830 00:42:31,199 --> 00:42:34,159 I always told her I loved her. Oh it's hard 831 00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:43,280 about it's hard about writing it. There's a lot of layers, right, 832 00:42:43,519 --> 00:42:45,440 because I was just like a hurt little kid who 833 00:42:45,519 --> 00:42:47,800 wanted their mom to say sorry and to be accountable, 834 00:42:48,079 --> 00:42:51,519 and she couldn't and she never was going to. But 835 00:42:52,039 --> 00:42:54,400 she also did tell me many times how much she 836 00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,760 believed in me, how much she knew. After she saw 837 00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:58,480 my stand up, she was like, I always knew Y're 838 00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:00,199 going to be a star. And you know, so when 839 00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:01,639 I was young and I was hurt, and I'm saying 840 00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:03,679 young like in my twenties and I was still hurt 841 00:43:03,679 --> 00:43:06,199 and I was still in my alcoholism, I couldn't see 842 00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:07,760 her saying I always knew you were going to make 843 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,079 it and I'm so proud of you. All I saw 844 00:43:10,119 --> 00:43:12,400 her saying was I always knew you were going to 845 00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,519 be a star. And in my mind, that was her 846 00:43:14,559 --> 00:43:18,079 taking credit for it, and her taking credit of something 847 00:43:18,119 --> 00:43:20,000 she didn't do and she didn't earn in her only 848 00:43:20,079 --> 00:43:21,840 hand that she had, and it was giving me the 849 00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:25,519 trauma to metabolize to become funny enough to become a 850 00:43:25,559 --> 00:43:28,159 stand up So I was like, this is my thing. 851 00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:29,519 You don't get to be a part of it. But 852 00:43:29,559 --> 00:43:31,920 I didn't get to see a mother telling a child 853 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,599 she's so proud and like she believed in her the 854 00:43:34,599 --> 00:43:37,320 whole time. I didn't see that. And there are things 855 00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:39,800 that I can reread with new eyes also where she 856 00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:43,400 talks about you know, she was like I. In one email, 857 00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:48,719 she said, I'm going to go to hmmm, sorry, hang on, 858 00:43:49,679 --> 00:43:55,400 she said, I'm going to go to alan On to 859 00:43:55,519 --> 00:43:59,519 work on the defensive, the defensiveness that has ruined every 860 00:43:59,519 --> 00:44:04,480 single one of my relationships. And while I know now 861 00:44:04,679 --> 00:44:07,880 that that defensiveness did not come from the alcoholics in 862 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,159 her life, it certainly wasn't helped by the alcoholics in 863 00:44:10,159 --> 00:44:14,079 her life. You know, my dad and I certainly didn't 864 00:44:14,119 --> 00:44:19,840 do anyone any favors being drunk and making her feel 865 00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:24,880 like she hasn't seen or heard. So this, this book 866 00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:27,719 is going to be a motherfucker to write. It really is, 867 00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,719 and I'm so excited to write it and I cannot wait, 868 00:44:31,679 --> 00:44:34,159 and if for nothing else then to just have it 869 00:44:34,199 --> 00:44:37,159 out of my body. Like I said before, But it's 870 00:44:37,199 --> 00:44:39,679 like you guys, it's right here, and I was. When 871 00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:41,800 I was talking to my Taro lady, she said, you know, 872 00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:43,519 you need to make sure you're in therapy through this 873 00:44:43,599 --> 00:44:48,920 because it's going to be it's going to be really traumatizing. 874 00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:54,079 And re traumatizing were the exact words. So I am, 875 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:57,400 I'm in therapy, and you know, I go back and 876 00:44:57,440 --> 00:45:00,719 forth with not back and forth with therapy. I always 877 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,000 do maintenance therapy. I always do once a month. But 878 00:45:03,039 --> 00:45:04,960 I'm like, I'm in therapy right now. I need to 879 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:06,559 be in therapy right now, and I think it's good 880 00:45:06,599 --> 00:45:08,400 for people to know when they need to be in therapy. 881 00:45:09,119 --> 00:45:11,719 BE just really badly wanted to say hello to you guys. 882 00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:16,119 So hello, say hi, Hi, wave your little Paul. Say 883 00:45:16,159 --> 00:45:20,559 hello from Palm Beach. Hi, say hi to the besties, 884 00:45:22,199 --> 00:45:27,280 say hello. I just want to be clear about something 885 00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:29,480 because I became clear about something the other day, so 886 00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:30,880 I just want to be clear about it to you guys. 887 00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:33,039 Every time I've heard someone say that they're a girl's girl, 888 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:35,960 they're the worst person in the fucking world. So I 889 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,719 just want to be clear that I'm not a girl's girl. 890 00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:40,840 I'm not. I don't like a lot of girls I 891 00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:42,559 don't like a lot of these bitches. I'm gonna be 892 00:45:42,639 --> 00:45:45,239 really fucking honest. I'm not a girl's girl. I'm not 893 00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:50,039 the type of girl that I'm just not the girls. 894 00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:53,000 I'm gonna tell your man if he's doing something. I'm 895 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:57,039 gonna tell you if your man's doing something wrong, be 896 00:45:57,280 --> 00:46:00,079 do have something to say. Biggie's not a f and 897 00:46:00,199 --> 00:46:02,559 girl's girls either. Every time someone says they're a girl's girl, 898 00:46:02,679 --> 00:46:05,280 I'm just a girl's girl. I'm just a girl's girl. 899 00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:06,920 I just love the girls, and I just want to 900 00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:08,960 hang out with the girls, and this is for the girls, 901 00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:12,559 and I love the girls. Demons. Those girls are demons. 902 00:46:12,639 --> 00:46:14,639 Those are the type of girls that behind your back, 903 00:46:14,679 --> 00:46:17,000 if you had a crush on a guy, they'll go 904 00:46:17,079 --> 00:46:19,719 after them. They don't give a fuck. They don't give 905 00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:21,639 a fuck at all. I had a friend identify as 906 00:46:21,639 --> 00:46:23,559 a girl's girl, and when I went on my first 907 00:46:23,639 --> 00:46:26,320 date with mister Manhattan, she was like, oh my god, 908 00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:28,159 he's so funny and cute. What if we both went 909 00:46:28,199 --> 00:46:29,960 on the date together and he just picked which one 910 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:34,000 of us he liked best. And I was like, excuse me, 911 00:46:34,039 --> 00:46:35,880 what the fuck did you just say to me, didn't 912 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,199 you identify as a girl's girl. I will slitch your 913 00:46:38,199 --> 00:46:40,360 throat and drink your fucking blood. You're not coming on 914 00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:43,920 my first date with my future husband. That's not how 915 00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:47,960 this works. Oh my god. And then when we started 916 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,400 like falling in love with each other, she's like, I 917 00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:52,400 hate to tell you this, but you're getting love bombed. 918 00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:53,559 You know. I hate that. I'm gonna have to be 919 00:46:53,639 --> 00:46:55,400 the one to pick up all the shattered pieces after 920 00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:59,360 you brace your heart. I'm not a girl's girl. I 921 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:01,599 just want to be on record. I'm not a girl's girl. 922 00:47:02,159 --> 00:47:04,239 I don't like that many girls. I can't let these 923 00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:08,440 hoses too close to me. Bitches be tripping quite frequently. 924 00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:13,320 And anyone who has ever proclaimed to be a girl's 925 00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:17,760 girl behind closed doors and they ain't. They ain't. There 926 00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:20,320 are girls girls a girl's girl for the camera, and 927 00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:23,159 that's that's it. They don't really give a fuck about 928 00:47:23,199 --> 00:47:27,639 girls at all at all. And I don't want to 929 00:47:27,679 --> 00:47:29,320 say that I give a fuck about girls at all. 930 00:47:29,679 --> 00:47:32,599 I do. I love women. I love female friendships when 931 00:47:32,599 --> 00:47:35,960 they're reciprocal and they go both ways, that's great. But 932 00:47:36,079 --> 00:47:39,199 I'll cut a hole out so fast once I see 933 00:47:39,199 --> 00:47:42,119 your weird bitch behavior. I'm done. I'm good. I don't care. 934 00:47:42,199 --> 00:47:45,440 We don't need to fucking have closure, make nice. We 935 00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:48,400 don't have to because I know who the fuck you are, 936 00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:51,159 and you know who the fuck you are. Your masks slipped, babe, 937 00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:55,199 your masks slipped, and the whole world will soon see it, 938 00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:59,119 if they haven't already. So that's just my Let's break 939 00:47:59,159 --> 00:48:01,840 the facade on girl girls for this week, this week, 940 00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,719 and this week only. I just want to let you 941 00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:09,719 guys know that I'm not a girl's girl. I have 942 00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:11,679 some more funny stuff to tell you, guys, but I 943 00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:14,119 feel like we need to get to word of the week. 944 00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:18,519 We need to get to word of the week. I'll 945 00:48:18,519 --> 00:48:20,599 tell you the funny stories. I'll tell you the funny 946 00:48:20,639 --> 00:48:25,199 stories next week. All right, here we go. Eyes closed. 947 00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:27,679 I did just say eyes closed. My eyes we're not 948 00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:29,280 closed here. I'll do it eyes closed for real. There 949 00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:31,039 we go. Sorry, Now, I wasn't lying to you. I 950 00:48:31,079 --> 00:48:32,480 just lied to your face. You guys are like bitch. 951 00:48:32,519 --> 00:48:34,079 There's a camera on you. I can see that you're 952 00:48:34,119 --> 00:48:37,320 lying to me. Oh kid, ogee, we are going to 953 00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:44,079 do recumbent. It's an adjective. It means lying down. Recumbent 954 00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:48,719 can also mean inactive oscar Lan on the bench, recumbent 955 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,960 beneath the warm Hawaiians on recumbent rc U, m b 956 00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:56,840 n T recumbent lying down, don't they usually say like 957 00:48:56,920 --> 00:49:01,119 recumbent senators That means people that are inactive, combent congressman. 958 00:49:01,639 --> 00:49:05,840 I feel like those words go together nicely. Anyway, that's 959 00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:09,800 the word of the week. And I love you guys 960 00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:13,239 so much, and hand in hand we are going to 961 00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:15,840 get through this together. Nobody DMD me for bad advice. 962 00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:17,280 I was looking out for it. But if you guys 963 00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:19,320 don't want that anymore, that's okay. I can just yap 964 00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:21,280 for an hour. I don't give a buck at all. 965 00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:24,119 Nothing matters. We're all gonna die. I keep that in mind. 966 00:49:24,159 --> 00:49:25,639 I love you so much. I'll talk to you in 967 00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:42,719 five minutes, okay. Bye,