Speaker 1: There's a certain quality to the city around nine p m.
Speaker 1: Not late enough for most people to be done with
Speaker 1: their evenings, not early enough to justify pajamas and sleep.
Speaker 1: Our block a web of narrow downtown cross streets and
Speaker 1: dog were trees pressed between galleries and quirky coffee shops.
Speaker 1: Leans into a hush at that hour, except for the
Speaker 1: elevator has grown and the occasional rattle of high heels
Speaker 1: or skateboard wheels outside our windows. I was standing by
Speaker 1: the bay window of our four fore loft, the cold
Speaker 1: wood of the soul pressed against my leg, watching out
Speaker 1: over the city lights in the shadow of the park
Speaker 1: across the street. Our dog, Reef was somewhere below his collar,
Speaker 1: faintly jingling. Joel was with him. I couldn't see them clearly,
Speaker 1: but the corner of the building cast a bright wash
Speaker 1: over the sidewalk, and there were shadows moving jewels, hunched
Speaker 1: over in the absent minded way he walks when he's
Speaker 1: trying not to look eager Reef nosing at litter in
Speaker 1: the gutter. But that night there was a new figure,
Speaker 1: a woman, hair pulled up, long coat, bright shoes that
Speaker 1: caught the lamp light as she leaning closer to Joel.
Speaker 1: I wasn't spying, not really. The window was open, and
Speaker 1: their voices carried up in fragments. I heard laughter, hers
Speaker 1: warm and rolling than Joel's, softer but undeniably free, no prudence,
Speaker 1: intimate in a way I'd never quite tear from him,
Speaker 1: at least not since our second or third year together,
Speaker 1: though maybe before careers and leases. Enjoying taxes and a
Speaker 1: comfort of habit. My hand tensed around the stem of
Speaker 1: a wine glass, and I caught myself just two people
Speaker 1: laughing by a dog, maybe someone from one of the
Speaker 1: lower floors, a neighbor. Joel waved one hand, fingers, tracing
Speaker 1: a gesture I had seen him use when he's telling
Speaker 1: a story. The woman's laughter rose again, a light touch
Speaker 1: that brushed the edge of something private. Is this what
Speaker 1: suspicion sounds like? The split second when affection in a
Speaker 1: partner's voice seems foreign, too bright, teapracticed, too delighted for
Speaker 1: public consumption. I hated myself for not wanting him happy
Speaker 1: in that moment. Ten minutes after their laughter faded, Joel
Speaker 1: came back through our heavy front door, smelling like rain
Speaker 1: and cheeks high with color. He let Reef off the
Speaker 1: leash and drop to the rug, scruffing the dog's ears
Speaker 1: with both hands, muttering best boy in a pop up
Speaker 1: gallery scene. Reef, who normally would have trotted immediately to
Speaker 1: my side, lingered with Joel, instead, thumping his tail against
Speaker 1: Joel's leg and then sprawling alongside him with a long,
Speaker 1: trusting sigh. Joel looked up at me with unfiltered cheerfulness,
Speaker 1: the sort that's almost sticky. He eating without me, he asked,
Speaker 1: wandering to the kitchen, and I realized my possor had
Speaker 1: called past the point of comfort. He mentioned nothing about
Speaker 1: the woman, nothing about the conversation, just start of rinsing
Speaker 1: spinach in a and Ken talking about a new street
Speaker 1: me rolled down by Saint Mark's. I press light as
Speaker 1: I could manage run into any one interesting. He grinned
Speaker 1: over his shoulder, almost coy, but just the usual people
Speaker 1: and their dogs got barked at by an off leash. Chuowah,
Speaker 1: if that counts. I watched him how his lips compressed
Speaker 1: to avoid grinning. The delay of his blink, though little
Speaker 1: skip in his stride as he moved around the kitchen island.
Speaker 1: I would have given myself any explanation in that moment,
Speaker 1: but suspicion breathed into me, root and branch, and draped
Speaker 1: itself across the room. Was it possible to imagine betrayal
Speaker 1: into existence? Or was it already there creeping in through
Speaker 1: the cracks we'd left in trust. We met a decade ago,
Speaker 1: almost by accident, at a friend's opening down Williamsburg. Joel
Speaker 1: had just landed his first solo portrait series, still clinging
Speaker 1: to the afterglow of critical validation, and I was running late.
Speaker 1: She's pinching, sweating through an oversized linen jacket. He offered
Speaker 1: me a bottle of water, made some of hand joke
Speaker 1: about the performance artists locked in a glass tank, and
Speaker 1: I laughed so loud that bartonders stared. That was it.
Speaker 1: Over the next year, we stitched ourselves around each other's schedules,
Speaker 1: late night edits and coffee shops, and promptu road trips
Speaker 1: up state to photograph turning leaves, fights over through delivery
Speaker 1: roofed obsessions with friends. When we still believed adulthood would
Speaker 1: always be this delish sea uncertain, we married barefoot on
Speaker 1: a pier, family cheering from falling chairs. Joel's best friend
Speaker 1: Meyer organized hand tide bee case. Ben on neighbour now
Speaker 1: gave the toast promise, you'll make space for each other's
Speaker 1: ubwe days, Ben had said, Glass raised. We did mostly,
Speaker 1: not perfectly, but better than most people we know. The
Speaker 1: last few years have felt like standing on the bridge
Speaker 1: between inspiration and necessity. Work for me had smoothed into
Speaker 1: reliable contracts, hospital rebranding, drama, free logos for tech start ups.
Speaker 1: Joel snapped headshots, shop product videos, pieced together expition proposals.
Speaker 1: We had routines Thursday after hours at the new wine bar,
Speaker 1: Sunday mornings and sweapons with coffee and old movies, group
Speaker 1: dinners with Katy and Ben across the hall, My dropping
Speaker 1: in and announced with thrift store finds. Reef arrived two
Speaker 1: years ago, a nervous, stiff legged mup from the rescue,
Speaker 1: gray around the eyes, even then instantly imprinting on me
Speaker 1: emotional constant, the one creature always glad I was home.
Speaker 1: Joel and I fit the city's image of downtown creative
Speaker 1: couples so well. Our friends joked about making a web series.
Speaker 1: You two are the only sane ones left in this building,
Speaker 1: Katie would say, sliding a casserole onto our counter when
Speaker 1: we forgot to buy groceries amid to chaos. There was
Speaker 1: delicacy too quick, hants, squeezes and crowds, late night whispers
Speaker 1: about our next trip, a private lingo of complaints and encouragement.
Speaker 1: But lately fault lines had begun to show. There was friulance,
Speaker 1: bernat my own envy. When Joel landed a campaign, I
Speaker 1: wanted money trickling and just slowly enough to matter. We'd
Speaker 1: always maintained, maybe foolishly, that we'd rather struggle a level
Speaker 1: than settle into anything corporate or boring, still toringes of
Speaker 1: hers over who was contributing more crept in. When Joel
Speaker 1: got sullen about budgets, I snapped. When I lost inspiration,
Speaker 1: he retreated into our's hunch to violletrum our journal with jeedles.
Speaker 1: That never made sense to me. Through it, we'd always
Speaker 1: abide it by one rule, trust, but done intrude. Passwoods
Speaker 1: and shared emails are monitored, each of us free to
Speaker 1: keep our own keys and silences. It was a point
Speaker 1: of pride I thought I liked knowing nothing was ever forced.
Speaker 1: Reef started shifting loyalties a few weeks before I fust
Speaker 1: overheard Joel in the street. I told myself it was innocent.
Speaker 1: Maybe Joel had switched treats. Maybe I'd gotten lazy with walks,
Speaker 1: distracted by deadlines. But now after to night, a knacking
Speaker 1: friction pulse beneath that pattern. I remembered how after Joel's
Speaker 1: recent walks reef lingered with him tail wagging, head leaned
Speaker 1: to his shin, sometimes yanking back on the leash. If
Speaker 1: I tried to take over dogs aren't subtle? Saturday gray
Speaker 1: with drizzled Joel was already fishing for res leash by
Speaker 1: quarter to seven, the time I usually walked him, when
Speaker 1: the sky was wind out, but the sidewalks still full
Speaker 1: of afterwork stragglers. I got it tonight, he said, grabbing
Speaker 1: his keys. His voice held that leave to me ease,
Speaker 1: which for most of our marriage only surfaced in emergencies
Speaker 1: or when there was a piece on the line. You sure,
Speaker 1: I asked, forcing a yawn and casual shrug. That's wwice
Speaker 1: in a row. Are you just avoiding cleaning the kitchen?
Speaker 1: He smiled over his shoulder, almost affectionate. He pulled double shifts. Yesterday,
Speaker 1: let me handle dog patrol babe. He whistled. Reeframbled over.
Speaker 1: Joel let the leash and disappeared, hood up against the
Speaker 1: mister shoulders squad in his waxed canvas jacket. From the window,
Speaker 1: I watched another shadow merge below, maybe the same woman
Speaker 1: as the night before. My angle was off, but the
Speaker 1: gate looked familiar at this way. Purposeful minutes pass, then
Speaker 1: twenty still nothing. Dunne's grew leaping up through me. Joel
Speaker 1: reappeared almost an hour later. He was humming a track
Speaker 1: I vaguely recognized from summer parties, the sort he sneered
Speaker 1: if I played them in the car. He dropped the
Speaker 1: keys on the coundow Whitere plastered his forehead in a
Speaker 1: way that made him look ten years younger. Reef Lecian
Speaker 1: hooked Prince to the kitchen tom walling, then circled back
Speaker 1: to Joel for a path. There was a scent, maybe
Speaker 1: rose or the citrus bite of some one else's perfume.
Speaker 1: Clinging under the dog's usual smell of rain and grass,
Speaker 1: I bent on Clipbrief's collar and found it slick, as
Speaker 1: if it had been dunk to water. Did he get
Speaker 1: into the fountain again? I asked, peeling it off. Joel
Speaker 1: hesitated just a hair before answering, yeah, he's obsessed with
Speaker 1: that burrowed bath by the boga. I held back questions.
Speaker 1: I'm not a jealous partner, not since the first two
Speaker 1: years of trial and error, but the rescue of that
Speaker 1: sight walk laughter wouldn't leave my head. Later, after Joel
Speaker 1: went to the bathroom, I pressed my nose to riesaid.
Speaker 1: He was often musty, occasionally smelling faintly of bickery trash,
Speaker 1: but to night there was something sharper distracting. My next
Speaker 1: tactic was, gentle mind, if I come tomorrow? I asked
Speaker 1: to breakfast, peering into my oatmeal as if the answer
Speaker 1: didn't matter. Joel smiled, but deflected, you've been non stop
Speaker 1: all week. You need a night off. I liked the
Speaker 1: excuse to get fresh air by myself. Honestly, I couldn't argue.
Speaker 1: It was a privilege. We gave each other the right
Speaker 1: to solo walks, to quiet mental runs after hard days.
Speaker 1: But it felt suddenly like that privilege was being weaponized
Speaker 1: to keep something private. He picked at his food, looking
Speaker 1: at me over the rim of his muck. Ye share,
Speaker 1: everything's good at work, He seemed wired lately. His question
Speaker 1: was soft, habitual deflexion by concern. I reassured him, but
Speaker 1: couldn't get comfortable in my own kitchen. I'm not proud
Speaker 1: of the pressure. I felt even less proud of my
Speaker 1: next move, scanning Minuchi for confirmation by us inventing clues
Speaker 1: where none should reasonably exist. Tuesday, the winter at the
Speaker 1: Big window, saw in pink catalogs around the studio. By six,
Speaker 1: the ring was slicing sideways. Nobody walked out doors without
Speaker 1: real purpose. Joel zipped up his oldest jacket, bent to
Speaker 1: Clakreef's leash, and announced, still want the night off? Yea,
Speaker 1: I hesitated. There was nowhere to go, nothing open, no
Speaker 1: plausible excuse for being out. Take the umbrella, I said,
Speaker 1: But he shook his head, gnaw, it's fine, won't melt.
Speaker 1: He shut the door behind him, footsteps echoing past the elevator.
Speaker 1: Before I could stole him again, my phone pinged dinner
Speaker 1: group chat Maya, Ben and Katy bountering about what to
Speaker 1: try the new rom and pop up. I distracted myself
Speaker 1: with wine and string lights, waiting for Joel's return. Twenty
Speaker 1: five minutes later, he came in trailing a smell of
Speaker 1: petrisher and something more metallic. He stood in the kitchen
Speaker 1: texting with his other hand while opening a kind of
Speaker 1: dog food. I peered at his phone. A nerification flickered
Speaker 1: on screen, briefly, just an initial and a hard emogi
Speaker 1: s had Joel ever texted anyone but me with hearts?
Speaker 1: He saw me glance and flipped the phone quicklyst greened down,
Speaker 1: still apparently absorbed in spooning out food for Reef. He
Speaker 1: barely looked up as I tried to re engage, talking
Speaker 1: about a logo revision that had annoyed me all afternoon. Hey,
Speaker 1: did you ever meet that guy from the gallery last winter?
Speaker 1: The one with all the poloids? I asked, trying to
Speaker 1: bring him in. He grunted non committally, which guy? Sorry,
Speaker 1: my brains must write now. Rain knocked all my ideas loose.
Speaker 1: At dinner Thursday, the group will subdued the edge of
Speaker 1: something unresolved coloring the air. Katy, usually bright in Gossipy,
Speaker 1: seemed distracted, then made a couple of jokes about Joel's
Speaker 1: new dog walking habits, needling him you chasing after a
Speaker 1: new adventures out there man? Joel shot him a look
Speaker 1: I could only call warning, and the conversation scazard maya
Speaker 1: vibrant and stormy as ever, excused herself to the bathroom irrirely,
Speaker 1: and returned pale, sitting closer to the window than usual,
Speaker 1: another oddity in public. Joel was all private touches and
Speaker 1: performative affection, an arm cult around my waist, ham pressed
Speaker 1: to my back, long rapture, smiles at jokes he'd normally
Speaker 1: grown at at home. The intimacy cooled. He angled his
Speaker 1: body away when we brushed our teeth, stared too long
Speaker 1: at his lapped up, started and stopped conversations out of nowhere.
Speaker 1: When I reached for his hand, it felt foreign, like
Speaker 1: slipping a glove onto the wrong hand in the dark.
Speaker 1: One night, I took Reef out, determined to reverse this
Speaker 1: new dynamic. The dog hesitated in the lobby, e is percked, tense.
Speaker 1: Instead of pulling gladly toward the square as he would
Speaker 1: from me, Reef glared at the elevator doors, sniffed at
Speaker 1: the fog corner, and then quivered. When I tried to
Speaker 1: steer him toward the side street. His leash tightened. He
Speaker 1: tugged away from me. Back toward the block's father end,
Speaker 1: but not in the joyful, eager lung she used to
Speaker 1: give if he had skateboards or saw a squirrel, more
Speaker 1: like trepidation, checking for something that wasn't there. That night, kidd,
Speaker 1: he caught me in the hallway. Hey, it's o Joel
Speaker 1: at Briza. The other day she started naming the new
Speaker 1: cafe two blocks south. He was with a friend. Didn't
Speaker 1: get a good look. They were bagging up pastries for
Speaker 1: the dog. I guess she smiled. You guys seriously spoiled
Speaker 1: that dog. I tried to wave, but they were pretty
Speaker 1: into their conversation. We spoil ourselves, I laughed, but the
Speaker 1: catch and my voice must have been obvious. I found
Speaker 1: myself scanning my brain for a friend. I fit the profile.
Speaker 1: Nobody came easily to mind. Money's tight always. I check
Speaker 1: our joint account now much more than I used to.
Speaker 1: That week, an our charge pained to notification forty seven
Speaker 1: dollars a wine bar I'd never been to. I double
Speaker 1: checked the date, Tuesday at the damper night. That didn't
Speaker 1: make sense. Nothing on his work calender would put him
Speaker 1: near the strip. I scrolled back two more entrants, one
Speaker 1: for pastries at Brizo one at an independent bookstore near
Speaker 1: the park on a Friday night, when we were supposedly
Speaker 1: eating leftovers and watching ned Fix Paddy. Maybe, but it
Speaker 1: nagged at me. The next group event was a roofed
Speaker 1: up birthday party. Everyone was there, bent grilling on the
Speaker 1: portable weber katy, juggling wine glasses, maya as usual, floating
Speaker 1: between social clusters with a notebook. Joel circled like a host,
Speaker 1: never quite staying close to me, always moving to the perimeter.
Speaker 1: Midway through the night, I caught my eyes. She hovered
Speaker 1: near the snack table, her glance flicking away. Before I
Speaker 1: could read it as friendly or guilty, she left, orally,
Speaker 1: texting me the next day to apologize for a headache.
Speaker 1: Beneath the celebrations, something had shifted the group long the
Speaker 1: epicenter of our social life seemed to pull away, as
Speaker 1: if in sure which way, the current ran. Conversations faltered,
Speaker 1: are in, jokes, falling flat. I started hearing in their chatter,
Speaker 1: not boredom, b hesitance. At one point, clutching my wine
Speaker 1: at the grill, I asked jo all easy, casually, You've
Speaker 1: been out so much lately, meeting new muses. He rolled
Speaker 1: his eyes, but the tone was playful, if only created drought,
Speaker 1: fermenting ideas. Mostly I wanted to believe him, But something
Speaker 1: in how he said creative dreat nod at memory. He'd
Speaker 1: used that phrase before, but always an hon as self deprecation,
Speaker 1: never as a joke. After midnight, he pressed his palm
Speaker 1: flat against my low back, groaning for Katy's camera. I
Speaker 1: smiled for the photo, the flush freezing us together, but inside,
Speaker 1: I imagine the image of evidence in some future argument,
Speaker 1: proof but the opposite. I couldn't tell. Dog walks increase,
Speaker 1: rain or shine. Reef started arriving home exhausted, happily, spent,
Speaker 1: sometimes reluctant to even eat, until he'd collapsed by Joel's feet.
Speaker 1: One afternoon, after I'd spend hours wrestling with brand Palettess,
Speaker 1: Joel texted at six sixteen, already out with rief Behoeman thirty.
Speaker 1: This new routine had become an assailable. If I offered
Speaker 1: to join, he protested. If I suggested a different time,
Speaker 1: he made other plans. We began living parallel evenings, I
Speaker 1: in the loft, Joel returning, flushed and energized, trailing stories
Speaker 1: of local mules or outside walk interactions, but never detailing
Speaker 1: who he'd spend time with. I started to wonder if
Speaker 1: I was manufacturing the sensation of being left behind. Was
Speaker 1: Joel simply decompressing, finding new friends or locals to talk to,
Speaker 1: finally snapping out of a creative funk. May be since
Speaker 1: our last fight over money or dishes on my tendency
Speaker 1: to schedule everything, he genuinely wanted to create more distance
Speaker 1: for his own sanity. But the streak of laughter I'd overheard,
Speaker 1: the way the woman tilted her chin up as Joel
Speaker 1: told a story clon to me. On a Thursday, after
Speaker 1: another long day, I noticed Joel hovering by the window,
Speaker 1: his phone in hand. He was texting quickly than flying.
Speaker 1: A brief smile flickered across his face before he locked
Speaker 1: the screen and slipped it into his back pocket. Noticing
Speaker 1: me watching. Just Ben bugging me about the grill, he said,
Speaker 1: before I uttered a thing, A harmless lie, perhaps, But
Speaker 1: Ben was out of town all week. I felt the
Speaker 1: rumor of panic begin to crall me. For a day,
Speaker 1: I entertained the possibility I was seeing things all wrong.
Speaker 1: I called my sister Emma, venting about mine annoyances at
Speaker 1: work painting. Joel's distant but categorically not suspicious. Maybe he's
Speaker 1: planning a big surprise, she tease. Or maybe he finally
Speaker 1: likes one of your friends enough to hang out without you.
Speaker 1: We laugh, but my stomach twisted. My goat to anxious
Speaker 1: habits reappeared. Triple checking doors, refreshing accounts, walking past Joel's
Speaker 1: camicck case to see if there was new film left undeveloped.
Speaker 1: Friday afternoon, I messaged Katy, catch up soon, drinks? She replied,
Speaker 1: is he the sweek work's chaos? Next week? Later, I
Speaker 1: saw her in the stairwell with Ben, whispering, face pinched.
Speaker 1: It was small, but it's done, I debated my next move.
Speaker 1: Was there any adult reasonable step short of open accusation.
Speaker 1: Joel's history with secret sexes, hidden debts, little white lives
Speaker 1: was mild, always surfacing apologetically. I'd never found him called
Speaker 1: or manculative. If anything, he'd been the type to over confess,
Speaker 1: to declare. I accidentally spent seventy five dollars on US's
Speaker 1: kammagear hate me later yet now I felt stumbled. I
Speaker 1: found myself scanning our joint social calendars for new names.
Speaker 1: I flipped through Joel's notes on the kitchen white board
Speaker 1: at Thursday, ated Ben's hedgehots, and sat Katy's B Day
Speaker 1: gifts in his chicken scratch. Nothing stood out, so I
Speaker 1: started inventing clues. The very act of suspicion makes you
Speaker 1: sloppy with logic. Saturday, I I set a trap. Hey,
Speaker 1: could you walkrief a bit earlier? I promised my or
Speaker 1: I'd help her set up for the pop up share.
Speaker 1: Joel hesitated, checking the clock. Think I'll stick with the
Speaker 1: usual time. If that's school rain should tape her off
Speaker 1: by then his excuse checked out. The app did say
Speaker 1: storms were due to die down, but I knew Yenima's
Speaker 1: openings always needed an extra set of hands. Avoidance or
Speaker 1: legitimate choice. I left early, texted the my regrets, and
Speaker 1: lingered in the park across from our building. Instead from
Speaker 1: my bench, I tracked each ship that entered or exited
Speaker 1: our block. At just after seven, Joel emerged with Reef,
Speaker 1: pausing at the street corner. Moments later, a woman appeared,
Speaker 1: hair up, black boots, this time holding a takeaway cup
Speaker 1: from Breezo. Not the same woman as before, at least
Speaker 1: The shape was different, but they had the demeanor of
Speaker 1: old friends. Joel leaning to say something and she threw
Speaker 1: her head back, laughing, hand grazing his forearm. This was
Speaker 1: not the posture of acquaintances. They talked for ten minutes,
Speaker 1: long enough for my neck to ache from straining at
Speaker 1: my covert vantage reef. Sat down, patient, eyes bright. I
Speaker 1: wanted to storm the sidewalk leasian hand to demand an explanation,
Speaker 1: but I sat breathing fog gone to mascarf until Joel
Speaker 1: raised his phone. May be snapped a photo or checked
Speaker 1: the time. The woman handed him to take away cup,
Speaker 1: and they parted, Joel turning back home. I rushed upstairs
Speaker 1: ahead of him, seated at the kitchen island, pretending to
Speaker 1: fuss with apples and peanut butter. When Joe came in,
Speaker 1: he was gentle and easy, smelling of cinnamon. Got your
Speaker 1: new child from the place cross breeze o owner insists
Speaker 1: it'll change your life. I thanked him with the most
Speaker 1: authentic smile. I could muster. Meet anyone interesting on your walk.
Speaker 1: I prodded just some locals, dog people. This one lady
Speaker 1: from the gallery was talking up a storm. He didn't elaborate. Later,
Speaker 1: as a brushtrief out in the ruck, I found an
Speaker 1: unfamiliar dog treat in his fur, wrapped and paper stamped
Speaker 1: with a complicated logo. That night, I bet Joe called
Speaker 1: toward me, but it felt like a rehearsed gesture. I
Speaker 1: lay awake, counting his breasts, replaying side for choreography, a
Speaker 1: lining sense, and snippets of over how dial or like
Speaker 1: a script for a play. I didn't quite have all
Speaker 1: the lines do If I left my suspicions roar and unfettered,
Speaker 1: I feared they'd infect everything. If I poked at them,
Speaker 1: I risked confirming the thing I most dreaded. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to check his phone upright. That crossed the line
Speaker 1: we'd both considered sacred, a violation that would not be
Speaker 1: easily justified, even if my instincts were correct. Monday arrived,
Speaker 1: cold and restless. I decided to take matters gently into
Speaker 1: my own hands. As Joel was heading out, leash in hand,
Speaker 1: I called, actually, i'll join each night. I need the air.
Speaker 1: His face flickered just an instant surprise, disappointment, calculation. Then
Speaker 1: he nodded, Sure, let's do the big loop. We set
Speaker 1: off through the narrow side streets, Reef trotting between us,
Speaker 1: pausing to sniff at every tree. We walked, mostly in silence.
Speaker 1: I tried to gaze Joel's comfort, but got only surface
Speaker 1: level answers to benign questions about work. When we passed Brizo,
Speaker 1: he tense. No one met us this time. As we returned,
Speaker 1: I noticed a light on in the lobby of Sophie's
Speaker 1: galleyous sliver of blonde hair. I head bent over paperwork.
Speaker 1: Sophie had always been cordial with us, sometimes inviting us
Speaker 1: to after hours events. I considered stopping, and be kept walking.
Speaker 1: Joel quickened his pace, tugging meaf along without looking back
Speaker 1: at home. Reef paced him whined at the door for
Speaker 1: a full fifteen minutes, as expecting some one to return.
Speaker 1: I cave and gave him a treat, but he barely
Speaker 1: touched it. Joel busied him Elpha at his computer, uploading
Speaker 1: dozens of new photos. When I snuck a look, I
Speaker 1: saw landscaped pucks, wet leaves, mood disguise, but no people.
Speaker 1: I checked his social media, finding nothing new except for
Speaker 1: comming from Sophie, love your sense of light these days,
Speaker 1: I tried to read it with generosity, but it lunded uneasily.
Speaker 1: Late that week, as Joel left for his now customary work,
Speaker 1: I watched from the window, half hoping to catch him
Speaker 1: and some true they could not deny. Instead, he lingered
Speaker 1: at the Kurd, checked his watch, then stepped deliberately towards
Speaker 1: Sophie's gallery, the woman I had seen before. Paid coffee
Speaker 1: in hand. They talked, their bodies angled clothes, not quite touching.
Speaker 1: I only caught the faint shape of their expressions. No
Speaker 1: laughter to night, but the pause between them said plenty.
Speaker 1: After ten minutes, she handed him a folded envelope. He
Speaker 1: tucked it in his pocket, glancing quickly over his shoulder.
Speaker 1: At dinner that night, I tried again, you've seemed lighter lately,
Speaker 1: happier even is there someone new you're collaborating with? I asked,
Speaker 1: framing it as curiosity, maybe even support. He grewned, relieved. Actually, Eh,
Speaker 1: Sophia me to help curate a small solo show, nothing huge,
Speaker 1: but it's a shot. Didn't say anything because I didn't
Speaker 1: want to jinx. But she's been a blast to work with.
Speaker 1: He squeezed my hand over the table, his smile both
Speaker 1: sheepish and vulnerable. Sorry for the weird hours. Hope that's okay.
Speaker 1: Wave after wave of relief flushed me. I felt foolish
Speaker 1: for my suspicions, maybe even guilty for having doubted the
Speaker 1: one rule we'd always claimed as foundational privacy, as a
Speaker 1: sign of love, not as opposite. I congratulated him, made
Speaker 1: a toast. For the rest of the week, things felt
Speaker 1: right again. Joel was attentive, engaged, quick to small jokes.
Speaker 1: Reef seemed less anxious on walk small, content to collapse
Speaker 1: beside me at night, but the pause proved. Short days
Speaker 1: after Joel's explanation, I walked Reef downtown, determined to check
Speaker 1: out Sophy's gallery, maybe even introduce myself, reconnect a little
Speaker 1: as a partner. It was early evening, gallery hours over,
Speaker 1: but the door was unlocked. I peered inside. The small
Speaker 1: lobby held a cluster of canvasses, familiar lighting, and the
Speaker 1: smell of turpentine. Sophie's first drifted from the back room.
Speaker 1: Sharp with the irritation mid argument, I tiptoed forward, then
Speaker 1: froze through the partly open office door. I watched Joel,
Speaker 1: standing inches from Sophie, apologizing hambrushing her arm, gentle intimate.
Speaker 1: Sophie shook her head and moved away, voice rising, we
Speaker 1: can't keep meeting like this. People are talking. Joel murmured
Speaker 1: something back, too soft for me to catch, but the
Speaker 1: posture was unmistakable. Not a professional at odds moment, but
Speaker 1: a private tussle, the kind of confrontation you have only
Speaker 1: with someone to whom you owe something intimate, hot hammering,
Speaker 1: I duck back, pulling Reef with me, my mind teetering
Speaker 1: between confrontation and flight? Was this how other people discovered
Speaker 1: the truth by catching a partner in proximity, Not in
Speaker 1: the act, but in the electricity between two bodies standing
Speaker 1: too close for a moment, all explanations fell away. I
Speaker 1: lingered outside to num to walk come. Eventually they emerged,
Speaker 1: to Sophie first, fixing her scarf faced drawn, Joel following
Speaker 1: at an uncertain distance. I crossed the street, feeling their
Speaker 1: proximity like a fever. That night, he returned home, subdued,
Speaker 1: no humming, no grand gestures. I let the silence settle
Speaker 1: between us, too tired to fight, too uncertain to demand answers. Upright,
Speaker 1: Reef called by my feet, twitching into dreams likes jostling,
Speaker 1: as if trying to run towards some one, but denial
Speaker 1: has a short half life. I found myself pouring over
Speaker 1: a sheer calendar, arranging in jewels appointment times against Sophie's
Speaker 1: opening hours. It wasn't seemless. Joe often claimed to be
Speaker 1: unassued when Sophie's gallery was closed, but every time he
Speaker 1: took Grief up for these new length walks, her lights
Speaker 1: would be on her car part nearby. Ben caught me
Speaker 1: in the laundry room the next afternoon, falling towels. Has
Speaker 1: Joel handling all this gallery pressure? He asked, I stiffened.
Speaker 1: He mentioned a big project. Yea van Grant oblivious saw
Speaker 1: him the other night with that Sophie from the gallery.
Speaker 1: Looked like teenagers up There must be exciting, yeah, he winked,
Speaker 1: returning to his towels. On Instagram, Sophie posted a candid
Speaker 1: shot of Joel squatting beside Reef on the gallery steps,
Speaker 1: captioned even the toughest critics of a soft spot, there
Speaker 1: was an unfamiliar intimacy in Joel's smile, less posed more
Speaker 1: unprotected comments from friends. Oh well, what a team to collapse. Soon.
Speaker 1: I resisted the urge to message her direct, fearing the
Speaker 1: humiliation of miss reading, yet unable to avoid refreshing her page.
Speaker 1: All evening I scanned off hurtos together Joel and me,
Speaker 1: in search of some tell, some recent sign of something
Speaker 1: shifting in every one. His arm was around me, body
Speaker 1: pointed toward the camera, but in my memory, he had
Speaker 1: already turned away. The next day, still in postponement, I
Speaker 1: found Myer alone on the roof terrace, smoking, bundled in
Speaker 1: a blanket, rough weaked, she asked, flicking ash over the railing.
Speaker 1: I sat beside her, watching the city fade to indigo.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you something? My voice was thin. She
Speaker 1: looked at me, then away. I think you should talk
Speaker 1: to Joel, she whispered. That's not what I'm asking. I
Speaker 1: need the truth. May How long? Maya's eyes filled, She
Speaker 1: pinched the bridge of her nose. I didn't want to
Speaker 1: be in the middle, but months I figured you knew,
Speaker 1: or at least suspected. It isn't the first time they've
Speaker 1: been close. She rubbed her arms as if cold, and
Speaker 1: then softly, I'm so sorry I should have said something.
Speaker 1: Her answer wasn't specific, intentionally so, but it cut through
Speaker 1: every remaining rationalization I tried to erect. The next time
Speaker 1: Joel left for an evening stroll, I gathered every failed
Speaker 1: confrontation in my chest and followed, holding back just enough
Speaker 1: to keep him from noticing. I trailed half a block behind.
Speaker 1: At the community courtyard, near the alley sand which between
Speaker 1: our building and the callery, he met Sophie. No veils,
Speaker 1: no attempt at discretion. I saw their hands brush as
Speaker 1: they crossed the small square, her laughter fading as she
Speaker 1: reached up to kiss his cheek. Joel leaned in as closed,
Speaker 1: smile softening into something secret. I shrank behind a trosspin,
Speaker 1: trying not to breathe, trying not to believe. From that vantage,
Speaker 1: every feeble defense I had made for Joel's innocence, or
Speaker 1: even complicated guilt with it, I understood fully a chasm
Speaker 1: that had opened between us. I still didn't know everything,
Speaker 1: not the details, not the reason, not how deep the
Speaker 1: betrayal went, but the world I trusted, this few of
Speaker 1: friends neighbors. After ours, galleries and rescue dogs and dinner
Speaker 1: parties had closed in intimate and corrupt. The texture of
Speaker 1: my days had changed, Even if I couldn't yet say
Speaker 1: everything out loud. When I returned home an hour later,
Speaker 1: Joel was still out briefly shunk carelessly on the knob.
Speaker 1: I poured myself a glass of water, hands trembling in
Speaker 1: this su violence, as a city outside hummed with secrets.
Speaker 1: After receding along the avenues below, I drank the water
Speaker 1: ins low SIPs, lighting the child diffuse through my hands.
Speaker 1: There was a dull ake behind my eyes, as if
Speaker 1: I'd been squinting against too much light for days. My
Speaker 1: mind was full of moving parts, none connecting smoothly, every
Speaker 1: conclusion making me want to recoil and revise. For a
Speaker 1: few minutes, I stood at the sink, cycling through strategi's anger, contradiction, denial,
Speaker 1: maybe even a quiet, disappearing act. Eventually, I just rinsed
Speaker 1: my glass and set it on the cutting board. I
Speaker 1: needed to do something, anything that would uncor me in
Speaker 1: something solid. Reef circled at my feet, uncertain, tail dragging
Speaker 1: instead of its usual flax. He kept glancing at the door,
Speaker 1: then up at me, as if waiting for a key
Speaker 1: on how to act. How quickly could a dog adapt
Speaker 1: to the new order of a household? The silent withdrawal
Speaker 1: of trust. I crouched and hugged him close, more for
Speaker 1: me than for him. He lit my fingers, then patted
Speaker 1: his water bowl and drank with noisy innocence. Some time
Speaker 1: after ten, Joel texted, not a running late or even
Speaker 1: a check in, but an inchalant picked up extra treats
Speaker 1: for reef want anything from the corner store. I let
Speaker 1: the phone buzz on the counter, and only after a
Speaker 1: full minute did I take back all good, see you
Speaker 1: at home. I watched the text bubble vanish and return
Speaker 1: before he reply. On my way up. When the door
Speaker 1: finally opened, Joe crossed the threshold in his usual breezy way,
Speaker 1: a paper bag dangling from his wrists. He should have
Speaker 1: seen the line at the Delhi, he said, already unpacking
Speaker 1: God your favorite ginger shoes. Though his movements were practiced,
Speaker 1: almost performative, the way someone who's been on camera too
Speaker 1: long tries to act natural. He knelt to give retreats,
Speaker 1: scratching behind his ears, like a man holding fast to normalcy.
Speaker 1: I wondered how much of this was routine and how
Speaker 1: much was cover trying for ordinary. I asked about the
Speaker 1: shoot he claimed to be editing get anything good. To
Speaker 1: day he told me about the light by the rover,
Speaker 1: a runner who let him take some action shots, some
Speaker 1: absurd thing about a poodle and sunglasses. We talked logistics
Speaker 1: for Maya's next pop up, skirting around real feeling, trading
Speaker 1: well worn bunter. He never mentioned Sophie now at once. Later,
Speaker 1: while brushing my teeth, I heard him in the shower,
Speaker 1: singing low tune list way he did when he thought
Speaker 1: he was alone. Eight years in, I could track almost
Speaker 1: all his mids by ear, and to night he sounded
Speaker 1: and strong, but not unhappy. I tried to picture myself
Speaker 1: ambushing him with my proof, forcing the word cheating into
Speaker 1: the steam. My mouth filled with a bit of taste.
Speaker 1: Sleep was pretend. That night I watched Joel from the
Speaker 1: edge of the bed, his silouet turned away. I think
Speaker 1: out between us where we used to fall asleep, touching
Speaker 1: ankles or knees. Reef took up the space between us,
Speaker 1: a warm buffer that felt both protective and melancholy. The
Speaker 1: next morning, Joel was the first up bring coffee by
Speaker 1: the open window. He handed me a mark, the way
Speaker 1: he always did on Fridays. But I couldn't bring myself
Speaker 1: to take it from his hand right away. Big plans
Speaker 1: for the day, he asked, rifling through his bag for
Speaker 1: camera batteries, just catching up on proofs, I said, too quickly,
Speaker 1: might walk by the gallery see if Sopha needs any
Speaker 1: promo material. Mocked up. It was a reckless offer. When
Speaker 1: I hoped jeweled him into a reaction, Joel's eyes flicked
Speaker 1: to mine only a split second too long, and then
Speaker 1: he grinned that slightly forced enthusiasm. Yes, she's trying to
Speaker 1: salvage the artist's installation. He'll have your work cut out
Speaker 1: for you. The comment was too smooth that left the
Speaker 1: earth thick between us. I let the idea pass, pretending
Speaker 1: to text my then sat at my desk, files open,
Speaker 1: brainstalled out the window. The city went about its business,
Speaker 1: deliveries buzzing, dog walkers with headphones, and gallery assistants holing
Speaker 1: crates past the curb. On a whim, I fired off
Speaker 1: an email to Sophie, something vague and friendly, offering graphic
Speaker 1: support for her show. She replied four hours later that
Speaker 1: would be a dream. Anything you can spare, let meet soon.
Speaker 1: I tried to hear hesitance in our words, but found
Speaker 1: only the kind of Harry gratitude every small gallery owner develops.
Speaker 1: Saturday night, Katy and Ben had thus over full wine
Speaker 1: and a board gain in Katy's front had invented one
Speaker 1: of those complicated, cutthroat things involving alliances and abrupt betrayals.
Speaker 1: We took our places around the table. Reef stationed under
Speaker 1: my chair, hoping for pretzel scraps. Joel was animated, playful,
Speaker 1: needling me gently about my inability to strategize in any context,
Speaker 1: including real life. The whole night felt both almost normal
Speaker 1: and nearly unbearable, as if we wagged in out rolls
Speaker 1: for some one else's benefit. In the kitchen, Katy cornered
Speaker 1: me as I opened another bottle. Her voice was low, Hey,
Speaker 1: everything good with you too? Joel seems samped up lately.
Speaker 1: She didn't finish the thought, letting it danngle, I shrugged,
Speaker 1: pouring too much wine into my glass. He's busy gallery stuff.
Speaker 1: We're working through it. I WinCE up my own choice
Speaker 1: of words. Well, if you need a sound in boarder,
Speaker 1: she trailed off as Ben clattered in laughing about a
Speaker 1: spectacular defeat on the board. The interruption saved us from
Speaker 1: going further, but I left the conversation feeling raw, exposed. Surely,
Speaker 1: if Katy was noticing, it was only a matter of
Speaker 1: time before everyone else did to. That night, as I
Speaker 1: dressed for bed, I noticed Joel's golding through his phone
Speaker 1: more intently than usual. I slipped into the bathroom under
Speaker 1: the prudence of searching for lotion, and from the half
Speaker 1: open door, I saw his focus sharp and his mouth
Speaker 1: cowling at something on his green He turned it around
Speaker 1: to the knights, and quickly as I stepped out, We've
Speaker 1: curled next to me again, chin heavy on my ankle,
Speaker 1: and I realized how many nights he had chosen me
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, as if he somehow
Speaker 1: knew I'd need the comfort. I stroked as fur and
Speaker 1: watched the darken as pulse of taila outside the window.
Speaker 1: The days started to run together, an indistinct blend of
Speaker 1: avoidance and attempted affection. Joel brought home flowers one day,
Speaker 1: as sunflowers, my favorite, arranging them slowly in a chip face.
Speaker 1: Thought you could use a pit me up, he said, voice, gentle,
Speaker 1: eyes not quite meeting mine. The gesture would have charmed
Speaker 1: me any other spring, but now it felt vaguely apologetic.
Speaker 1: I set the flowers on my work table and thanked him,
Speaker 1: but the stems already looked about under the weight of
Speaker 1: their blooms. The following Tuesday, my message to ask if
Speaker 1: I wanted to preview the pop up before the soft oban.
Speaker 1: I nearly said no, but curiosity drove me. That evening,
Speaker 1: we walked the makeshift gallery space together, my pointing out
Speaker 1: where each piece would go, her hands moving notesely as
Speaker 1: she tapped measurements on her note bed. After a while,
Speaker 1: conversation drifted to the party circuit mutual friends. The general
Speaker 1: Malley is hovering in our group. Feels like everyone's playing
Speaker 1: musical chairs. My sad only half joking new alliance as
Speaker 1: fewer after hours hangs. She trailed off Joel's show with Sophie.
Speaker 1: Did you know about that before he announced it? I hesitated,
Speaker 1: unwilling to betray my ignorance or suspicions. He mentioned maybe collaborating,
Speaker 1: but not much more. Why She shrugged, biding at the
Speaker 1: inside of her cheek. I just wondered, this seemed ti,
Speaker 1: but maybe it's just me seeing patterns. Then she busied
Speaker 1: herself turning labels the right way as if regretting her candor.
Speaker 1: Walking home, the city was overcasts, nearly blue with the
Speaker 1: fur signs of dusk. I crossed the square, noting the
Speaker 1: angle's calery, our building, ben and Katy's stoop, three clusters
Speaker 1: always intersecting. I found myself a calculating pace and perspective,
Speaker 1: as though mapping out rats of betrayal in my own neighborhood.
Speaker 1: A few nights later, I called Joel just after he
Speaker 1: left for the usual loop. My voice light rehearsed, pick
Speaker 1: up a milk on your way back. There was a
Speaker 1: fractional pause before he replied, sure thing, if the late
Speaker 1: night's still open. I left the window and latch, listening
Speaker 1: for voices, the scrape of reefs claws on pavement when
Speaker 1: they returned. The next day, after Joel had left for
Speaker 1: supposed shoot in the warehouse district, I gave him to
Speaker 1: an impulse and visited Sophie's gallery again, this time in
Speaker 1: full daylight. The space glowed all sun and high white walls.
Speaker 1: Sophie greeted me at the door or her face, flushed
Speaker 1: hair coming loose from a coil. He brought fALS. She
Speaker 1: asked cherimin. I set up with my laptop at a
Speaker 1: back table, listening as she fielded phone calls, ranged installations,
Speaker 1: and gossiped with her assistant, a glossy haired woman who
Speaker 1: threw glances in my direction every so often. Joel's work
Speaker 1: is such a good fit for the new show, Sophie infused,
Speaker 1: at one point, bustling by with a stack of bubble wrap.
Speaker 1: He really pushes me to see stuff differently. Hope he
Speaker 1: stays involved even if we don't sell out opening night.
Speaker 1: I try to frame questions to invite confidences without sounding
Speaker 1: like a cross examiner. He's been getting homely. I ventured
Speaker 1: eyes on an unentitled canvas burning the candle. Huh, Sophie
Speaker 1: only grinned. He's got more energy than I do. Last
Speaker 1: week he convinced me to try some of my shoots
Speaker 1: at the park. I almost died of cold. She let
Speaker 1: that hang no hint of duplicity on her face. I
Speaker 1: was left grasping at nothing, wondering how much a gallery
Speaker 1: owner could seem both trustworthy and threatening in a single sentence.
Speaker 1: Back at home, the mailbooks creeped with too envelope to dressed.
Speaker 1: To Joel in a looping, unfamiliar hand, I snapped the
Speaker 1: picture of the return ad dress, and then caught myself guilty,
Speaker 1: stashing the letters under the magazines on the console. This
Speaker 1: was not how we'd operated, not for eight years. The
Speaker 1: breach of privacy. Even so, miner left a sour taste.
Speaker 1: When Joe came home and found me at my desk,
Speaker 1: he barely glanced at the pile, tucking the envelopes under
Speaker 1: his arm in one smooth motion, as if he'd known
Speaker 1: exactly what he was looking for. I watched, searching his
Speaker 1: face for a signal gilt relief. He just smiled. Bills
Speaker 1: and fliers, he muttered, heading for the bedroom. The nights
Speaker 1: grew longer, the dog walks more rigidly scheduled, My work
Speaker 1: lagged my sleep horse. I began to notice Reef waking
Speaker 1: at Ottoor's whining at the door always after. Joel returned.
Speaker 1: Once late at night, while I stood in the holy,
Speaker 1: rubbing sleep from my eyes, I heard muffled voices drifting
Speaker 1: from the stairwell two flows down. Someone giggled, a woman's
Speaker 1: voice pitched low. I waited hard, knocking for the footsteps
Speaker 1: on our landing, only Joel's familiar step and the elevator's
Speaker 1: glum grown. He slipped inside, shaking out his umbrella, eyes
Speaker 1: on the floor. I almost confess hunted him, then, blurting
Speaker 1: it out among the piles of shoes and damp umbrellas. Instead,
Speaker 1: I brushed past him, mutely checking the locks. The sword
Speaker 1: of silent argument that says more than any tantrum. He
Speaker 1: didn't follow me. On Thursday, one of the group chats
Speaker 1: revived the pretense of normalcy, then angle for pok a knight.
Speaker 1: My conceded to bring snacks. Kitty wouldn't commit, Joel replied, eagerly,
Speaker 1: suggesting we hoves. I scrawled through the threat, weighing if
Speaker 1: anyone was trying to tell me something in code? Had
Speaker 1: they all known? Did it matter? During that game night,
Speaker 1: laughter came easy than I expected, especially after the third round,
Speaker 1: Joel and Ben needled each other over chips, and My
Speaker 1: performed mock greetings of every one's poker fate. Only Katy
Speaker 1: seemed detached, sipping her drink, watching the room as though
Speaker 1: observing as from a great distance. When Joel left the
Speaker 1: table to walk reef, she caught my eye let's press
Speaker 1: as a folding back a comment. I thought, here it comes.
Speaker 1: I half wanted her to challenge me to force the
Speaker 1: truth out, so I wouldn't have to say it first. Instead,
Speaker 1: Katy only said you two good, the sort of question
Speaker 1: that's as much a warning as a comfort. Worse, I said,
Speaker 1: forcing a smile. She returned it, sat and crooked, then
Speaker 1: returned to picking at her cards. At midnight, everyone filtered
Speaker 1: out My hug me tight, whispering, let me know if
Speaker 1: you want to talk. I wondered again how much of
Speaker 1: my private storm was plainly visible to the people he matted.
Speaker 1: Joel returned from the walk, smelling like soap and wind.
Speaker 1: His cheeks were fleshed hands. I see we did the
Speaker 1: long route. Reef needed the exercise, he said. I pretended
Speaker 1: not to notice how long he'd been gone, nearly forty
Speaker 1: five minutes. Beneath the table, Reef panted, content but oddly subdued.
Speaker 1: Unable to sleep, I wandered into the studio, flipping through
Speaker 1: proofs and editing half finished illustrations. At one point, Joel
Speaker 1: padded in boxers and a T shirt, holding two mugs
Speaker 1: of tea. Can't sleep, Peter. He asked for softer jed
Speaker 1: lier than in weeks. He kissed my forehead, trailing fingers
Speaker 1: along my jaw, the way he used to when we
Speaker 1: first started dating, before life turned everything familiar and fraid.
Speaker 1: For a tiny moment, I let myself relax, thinking it's salvageable,
Speaker 1: we can rebuild. None of this amounts to proof. But
Speaker 1: in the morning, when I woke, Joel's side of the
Speaker 1: bed was empty and cold. We stood watched by the window,
Speaker 1: ears pricked toward the city outside all day, A plea
Speaker 1: detective in my own home, checking time stamps on Joel's
Speaker 1: last X, reviewing suspicious calendar entries, analyzing receipts with the
Speaker 1: feverish precision of an auditor. The more I looked, the
Speaker 1: more the details fitted together. But only if I started
Speaker 1: with the premise of a lie. By Sunday, I felt
Speaker 1: raw hollowed. The warmth in the air was back, the
Speaker 1: city lifting itself toward the first true days of spring.
Speaker 1: Our friend group arranged in other brunch eggs on toast
Speaker 1: mimosas the swort of easy conviviality we'd always prized. This time,
Speaker 1: the group fell to complete my texting last minute regrets,
Speaker 1: Katy arriving late with eyes shadowed. Joel wore a bright
Speaker 1: shirt I'd bought for him on impulse last summer, the
Speaker 1: one that brought out the gold in its skin. He
Speaker 1: was charming, attended to everyone but mere filling drinks, complimenting
Speaker 1: Ben's ard socks, trading cryptic jokes with the waitress. I
Speaker 1: had always admired disability to fit the mood of her room,
Speaker 1: but to day it grated because for the first time
Speaker 1: I wondered how long he had been practicing the skill
Speaker 1: for someone else. After brunch, bentry to draw me into
Speaker 1: a side conversation on the sidewalk. You doing okay, he asked,
Speaker 1: feigning interest in Reef's collar. You seemed tired, I nodded,
Speaker 1: not trusting myself to speak. Out of the corner of
Speaker 1: my eye, I saw Joel and Sophie half a block away,
Speaker 1: deep in conversation near the buck racks, laughter flashing, bright, familiar.
Speaker 1: They stood apart, but their bodies mirrored each other, hip cocked,
Speaker 1: hands moving in rhythm. The intimacy didn't require touch. It
Speaker 1: floated in the empty space between. Reef whimpered and pulled
Speaker 1: at the leash, trying to follow their trajectory. I knelt
Speaker 1: fasting with his tax just to hide my face. That afternoon,
Speaker 1: back at the loft, Joel told me he was going
Speaker 1: out to his gaut locations for the gallery opening, offering
Speaker 1: a kiss at a door, keys jingling, I stared after
Speaker 1: him before heading to the computer, ice blurring as I
Speaker 1: keyed into the bank, account, staring at new lines, Peacock
Speaker 1: wine bar thirty eight dollars, corner Market twelve dollars, Brizo
Speaker 1: sixteen dollars. Moreland could be explained by lunch or the
Speaker 1: odd snack on a walk careful, I reminded myself, don't
Speaker 1: let confirmation bys fell in the words you can't bring
Speaker 1: yourself to say a few minus minutes later, I'd promise
Speaker 1: myself I wouldn't do. I scowled one last time through
Speaker 1: Sophie's insiagram my heart in my mouth. There was Joel,
Speaker 1: caught off guard, smiling at someone out of frame, reef
Speaker 1: nosing arpa his hand. The caption The best collaborators are
Speaker 1: the ones who show up in every kind of weather.
Speaker 1: Comments told an ambiguous story, friends teasing about projects, neighbors
Speaker 1: kidding about art world's secrets. Only I felt the chill
Speaker 1: behind the words. The air in now loft thickened with
Speaker 1: what was unspoken. That night when Joel returned, damp and
Speaker 1: smelling of unfamiliar After shift, I forced myself to stay
Speaker 1: awake to track the way he moved from room to room,
Speaker 1: packing his camera, texting furtively by the light of the fridge.
Speaker 1: I almost told him I'd seen everything. Instead, I watched
Speaker 1: as he climbed into bed, culling away from me his
Speaker 1: back asilent admission of guilder. Still was too tired to dress.
Speaker 1: The next night, I followed once more when Joel left
Speaker 1: for his walk, keeping half a block behind my breadth shallow.
Speaker 1: As I rounded the corner near Sophy's gallery. They were
Speaker 1: there as I knew they'd be, standing beneath the street lamp,
Speaker 1: her hands sliding up his arm, his head bowed toward her,
Speaker 1: reef waiting patiently at their feet. When Sophie leaned in
Speaker 1: to a whisper something, Joel's hand capped her elbow. They
Speaker 1: were left lost in the sound of the passing bus.
Speaker 1: I nearly turned back, but instead across the street, watching
Speaker 1: as they parted, with Sophie vanishing into the shadows, Joe
Speaker 1: pocketing something a folded note maybe as he headed for home.
Speaker 1: My brain ran in feverish useless spirals I could wait
Speaker 1: for a confession, or I could force the issue, but
Speaker 1: part of me feared the finality of either route. I
Speaker 1: worried pressing too hard would break us beyond repair. But
Speaker 1: then again, maybe that was already done when Ess left. Finally,
Speaker 1: it was the shallow, unsatisfying sleep of some one who
Speaker 1: no longer drests her own reflection, let alone her partner's
Speaker 1: double life. All I wanted was truth, but it felt
Speaker 1: like every step toward immense sacrificing a piece of the world.
Speaker 1: We'd built, a world of secret hand squeezes, coated in jokes,
Speaker 1: late night confidences. It seemed impossible, almost absurd, to think
Speaker 1: that this was the story I'd signed up for, that
Speaker 1: a dog walk could be this thread from which everything unraveled.
Speaker 1: But that's exactly where we were. I didn't know how
Speaker 1: long I stood at the kitchen counter, but by the
Speaker 1: time I could move, the glass in my hand was
Speaker 1: warm and emptied, the water gone flat through the window.
Speaker 1: The city's night had deepened, horns quieter, bile, lights rough
Speaker 1: and yellow. The network of streets below, usually a comfort,
Speaker 1: seemed stifling, dangerous in its closeness. I told myself again
Speaker 1: that nothing truly egreedious had been witnessed. It was entirely possible,
Speaker 1: now applausible that atmosphered body language subtle as a radio
Speaker 1: frequency just out of range. But my body refused to unclench.
Speaker 1: Joel got back just after eleven. The sound of his
Speaker 1: key in the lock jowlted me like thunder. He entered
Speaker 1: as if nothing had changed. He set down his back,
Speaker 1: slipped out of his shoes, knelt to open the treat
Speaker 1: bag for reef, whose tail thumped politely against the rug
Speaker 1: but didn't quite reach the enthusiastic wag that had become
Speaker 1: so routine long day. I asked too quietly as I
Speaker 1: loaded the dish rusher. The scraps of camaraderie in my
Speaker 1: voice were feeble at best. He shrugged, shaking down from
Speaker 1: his jacket. Productive though that saft flight by the water,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't believe it. This evening took a few reference
Speaker 1: shots for Sophia's new idea. I think I finally nailed
Speaker 1: the mood, sheeees after his voice was intentionally pleasant. Rounded
Speaker 1: at the edge is so nothing jagged remained that more
Speaker 1: than anything, made it worse. There's nothing more chilling than
Speaker 1: someone you know inside out switching to return. That's just
Speaker 1: barely for inn, a perfect simulation of normal. I nodded,
Speaker 1: eyes fixed on the glasses clinking in the bottom rack.
Speaker 1: You eat, he said. He grubbed something, fingered a spot
Speaker 1: on the counter, walked off towards the bedroom, humming scrap
Speaker 1: of melody that died almost immediately. He didn't offer details,
Speaker 1: and I didn't press him, afraid of what might slip out,
Speaker 1: a feeder of us forced to answer. In the bath room,
Speaker 1: I caught myself in the mirror, face lined as if
Speaker 1: weeks had passed in a matter of hours. My hand
Speaker 1: trembled as they brushed my teeth, each movement deliberate so
Speaker 1: as not to make noise. I let the toothbush wist
Speaker 1: to my mouth long after the foam had settled, trying
Speaker 1: desperately to extend the moment. Before returning to a bed
Speaker 1: that no longer felt like mine, I slept in fits,
Speaker 1: haunted by the sense that Joel was watching me, calculating
Speaker 1: how much I knew, or worse, how much more I
Speaker 1: might endure before shattering. Every sun that night tis regular breathing,
Speaker 1: the shift of bed sheets, the dull crack of pipes
Speaker 1: became a catalyst for image and betrayals. The morning made
Speaker 1: no difference. I rose eaily, still clothed from the night before,
Speaker 1: and woke Reef by myself. I arrey lately. He hesitated
Speaker 1: at the corner, pawing at a curb, looking back as
Speaker 1: if expecting Joel to reappear. I lingered longer than usual
Speaker 1: at the route by the gallery, empty and still my
Speaker 1: head pounded, but the clarity a crave refused to materialize.
Speaker 1: Back in the loft, Joel was up, towel round his waist,
Speaker 1: peering out the window as if for hers in the day,
Speaker 1: for an audience. He turned as I entered, Did you
Speaker 1: sleep you look? I cut him off with a brittle smile.
Speaker 1: Not really, I have a client call in a few
Speaker 1: My voice apprised us both. It was clipped, dismissive, not
Speaker 1: the partner he'd grown used to. He looked at me,
Speaker 1: I searching for softness, some invitation to routine affection. Nothing came,
Speaker 1: as the day's stretched ahead routine became an elaborate, silent game.
Speaker 1: We orbited the same rounds with studied indifference. Only Reef, confused,
Speaker 1: trailed between us, torn by our shifting energies. I worked
Speaker 1: half heartedly at my desk, my mind replayed My's roof
Speaker 1: top break down, Ben's casual assumptions, Katy's searching glances. Maybe
Speaker 1: I'd let things drift because there had always been an
Speaker 1: implicit understanding Joel and I would never please each other's worlds.
Speaker 1: We believed trust was a binary, not a spectrum. I
Speaker 1: wondered if that was just a convenient story, I told
Speaker 1: myself while the real fert shaped itself in the cracks.
Speaker 1: Late afternoon brought a stone clattering rain, frow and flat
Speaker 1: against the loft windows. Joel texted he be home made,
Speaker 1: working on last minute gallery prep. Reflexively, I checked Sophie's Instagram.
Speaker 1: She had posted a black and white shot of a
Speaker 1: cafe window, streak of raynand on the table inside a
Speaker 1: blurry closed note book, and two half finished mugs. No
Speaker 1: faces this time. A new comment bayed below the image,
Speaker 1: re best bring'strooming weather. Joel's account liked it, heart visible
Speaker 1: for any one inclined to notice. I composed a message
Speaker 1: to Maya, then deleted it. I didn't want her sympathy.
Speaker 1: I wanted her certainty, and she'd already given me all
Speaker 1: sigurd By evening My hand shook as I made dinner,
Speaker 1: one of Joel's favorites, as if muscle memory were betraying me.
Speaker 1: To Reef moped under the table, refusing food. I stared
Speaker 1: at the clock. Joel was almost never genuinely laid unless
Speaker 1: he was well, unless he wanted me to know it
Speaker 1: was out of his control. To night, I suspected nothing was.
Speaker 1: He came home an hour after dark, looking when frayed,
Speaker 1: cheeks pink from exertion, not guilt. He tossed his silk
Speaker 1: jacket over a chair and flashed me what he must
Speaker 1: have hoped was a reassuring smile. Everything okay, mischief to day,
Speaker 1: I took a moment before answering, just tired, I forced
Speaker 1: myself to look up to meet his eyes. His smile faltered,
Speaker 1: the mask slipped, and for a heartbeat, he almost looked
Speaker 1: young and uncertain, like the man I'd fallen in love with,
Speaker 1: one who didn't yet know how to keep secrets from me.
Speaker 1: As we sat eat the tension was palpable, falks graping mudiately,
Speaker 1: chair squealing just a little too loud against the floor.
Speaker 1: Even Reef seemed to shrink from the table, picking at
Speaker 1: spelt kebble with less enthusiasm than usual. Half Way through,
Speaker 1: Joel cleared his throat. Sophie wants to schedule another sheet
Speaker 1: this week Friday morning. Think you could handle Reef's walk.
Speaker 1: Then he must have heard the sharpness in my reply, Ah, manage,
Speaker 1: Just keep your phone on in case anything comes up.
Speaker 1: The coded meaning was obvious, but neither of a acknowledged it.
Speaker 1: He sat down, his fork, chewed his cheek, looked like
Speaker 1: he wanted to say something, but instead took a long
Speaker 1: sip of water. The rain ended as abruptly as it began.
Speaker 1: The city reasserted itself, traffic resuming, neighbors brushing off umbrellas
Speaker 1: in our hallway at street lightspoucing gold from puddles. We
Speaker 1: moved through the rest of the night in a motionless truce,
Speaker 1: glancing at each other over the top of glowing thrones.
Speaker 1: I waited until he was in the shower before rifling
Speaker 1: for his jacket pockets, not proud, not sure what I
Speaker 1: even hoped to find. Only two wrappers from the cafe,
Speaker 1: a dog treat, a crumpled sketch of our block, and
Speaker 1: Joel's wandering distracted penmanship. Nothing damning, but nothing genuinely exculpatory either.
Speaker 1: That night, the bed was colder than ever. The next morning, Sunday,
Speaker 1: the city woke up in a rush of birds, honking
Speaker 1: horns and machinery. From the balcony, I watched the slow
Speaker 1: parade of people Joel and I had mingled with for years, neighbors,
Speaker 1: dog owners, the girl from the vinted shop who always
Speaker 1: waved up at our four four window. All of it
Speaker 1: felt impossibly distant. Joel offered to cook breakfast. He put
Speaker 1: out after bacon, brewed a French press, played an old
Speaker 1: playlist mutual favors, so familiar it was almost sad. I
Speaker 1: I sat across from him, arms cold tight, waiting for
Speaker 1: cracks to show. I tried to corral routine, to pull
Speaker 1: something back from the edge, but every shared glance, every
Speaker 1: in joke had a sticky, artificial after taste. I could
Speaker 1: hardly stand it. He made a joke about the dog
Speaker 1: having an existential crisis, and I forcedloughed, just to end
Speaker 1: the moment. Mid morning, my phone buzzed with a message
Speaker 1: from Kay Talk for loan. Just that I said yes,
Speaker 1: grateful for an excuse to step out, We met on
Speaker 1: the stoop rainwashed bricks still slick under foot, the city
Speaker 1: bright and hardtched after days of gloom. She hugged me awkwardly,
Speaker 1: then held me at arm's length, eyes tight. I didn't
Speaker 1: know how to say anything. I thought maybe I was
Speaker 1: seeing things, but bent. So joelt and Sophie together again
Speaker 1: last night. Not just friendly. I'm sorry. Her words equal
Speaker 1: parts fear apology, In fact settled and he lost fragile
Speaker 1: hope I might have had. I chirked back, sound half laugh,
Speaker 1: half sob Thank you, I said, for hollow. I needed
Speaker 1: someone say it out loud. Katy squeezed my hands. Whatever
Speaker 1: you need, I've got you bent too. She moved as
Speaker 1: if to say more than let it go, take care
Speaker 1: of yourself. O kay. I nodded, grateful and humiliated, an
Speaker 1: equal measure. As I returned upstairs, Joel was just leashing reef,
Speaker 1: already dressed for the day, hare still wet from the shore.
Speaker 1: Heading out, I asked, testing the waters. Yes, same loup,
Speaker 1: want to join. His offer came too fast, too bright,
Speaker 1: performance again, Maybe next time, I said, soft, buffirm. He hesitated,
Speaker 1: searching my face for some sign I was relenting, but
Speaker 1: I held his gaze just long enough to make him falter.
Speaker 1: He left, and I watched from the window as he
Speaker 1: made his way to the end of the block, checked
Speaker 1: his phone, and paused by Sophie's gallery. I didn't wait
Speaker 1: to see who met him. This time. By a late afternoon,
Speaker 1: the sense of suffocation grew tangible, a rising pressure in
Speaker 1: the chest. My phone vibrate at this time with a
Speaker 1: message from Meyer. Saw your message. Are you ok? Need
Speaker 1: to talk? Something in her concern so open after her
Speaker 1: previous hesdence finally ended me. I type back, Can you
Speaker 1: come over with the minutes? She rang the bell. She
Speaker 1: entered quietly and found me on the living room floor,
Speaker 1: surrounded by scattered word mock ups and empty mugs. She
Speaker 1: took one look at my face, then folded me into
Speaker 1: a hug, holding tight until my breathing east. I am sorry,
Speaker 1: Maya whispered. I should have told you sooner. I know,
Speaker 1: I murmured, but you didn't lie it. Joel died. We
Speaker 1: sat together a long while, sharing nothing but the hum
Speaker 1: of traffic and a rymic click of reef snails as
Speaker 1: he circled before collapsing next to us. She told me
Speaker 1: what she had seen new moments Joelt and Sophy had
Speaker 1: shared behind closed doors at the gallery, a brush of hair,
Speaker 1: a lingering look, hands hovering at shoulders and elbows, enough
Speaker 1: for every one in their orbit to know without having
Speaker 1: ut her word. You have to ask him, My said,
Speaker 1: at last, you deserve real words, not just this drift.
Speaker 1: Something inside me settled then, not peace, not quite resolve,
Speaker 1: but momentum. The fear of confrontation, of naming the thing
Speaker 1: that had hollowed out weeks of my life, was suddenly
Speaker 1: less in the cost of continuing like this. My left
Speaker 1: at dusk. I tided the apartment, a feavreyef stack, dishes,
Speaker 1: wiped down counters, rituals of control. As dark as returned.
Speaker 1: I paced, waiting for Joel's key in the lock. He
Speaker 1: arrived after nine arms full of groceries. Figured we could
Speaker 1: mix something together, he called, striving for ordinary. I waited
Speaker 1: until he'd unpacked the last bag. We need to talk,
Speaker 1: I said. He froze a can of chickpeas in one hand,
Speaker 1: profile taught in the kitchen light. Sure now, yes, now.
Speaker 1: He set the candowmn with exaggerated care, then turned arms folded,
Speaker 1: eyes weary. What's up? I sat at the edge of
Speaker 1: the arm chair, leaning forward, hands clasped tightly. How long
Speaker 1: has it been going on? The words landed flat, No accusation,
Speaker 1: just fatigue. Joel's mask slipt. He hesitated, searching my face
Speaker 1: for absolution. That wasn't there. I don't What are you
Speaker 1: talking about, Sophie? Are clarified? How long? He closed his eyes,
Speaker 1: lipd pressed in a hard line. Is not. It wasn't
Speaker 1: supposed to be like this? His voice cracked. The practice
Speaker 1: come gone? So How long? I pressed? Sharper? He looked
Speaker 1: past me, gaze fixed on the windows warp reflection since
Speaker 1: the new year? Five months? I didn't want. He faltered,
Speaker 1: shame seeping out from every word left, and said. I
Speaker 1: sat back, heap rising in my chest, A strange calm
Speaker 1: settling in. You lied to me, You lied to all
Speaker 1: our friends. You lied to Sophie too. Or are you
Speaker 1: promising her something separate? He flinched, face twisting. No, she knows.
Speaker 1: Nobody's making promises. There's just there's a connection. I felt stuck,
Speaker 1: and she she made me feel awake. I stared at him,
Speaker 1: waiting for the apology, the recoil of the moment that
Speaker 1: would make it all easier to hate him. All that
Speaker 1: came was a raw, staggering confession. I felt like I
Speaker 1: was fading out in my own life. I don't know
Speaker 1: why it happened, but it didn't feel real until it
Speaker 1: was too late. That's an excuse, not an answer, I
Speaker 1: said quietly. You could have left, You could have told
Speaker 1: me the truth. I thought I could fix it, that
Speaker 1: it would just stop, that nobody would have to get hurt.
Speaker 1: I laughed, a sound so burslet startled us both. You
Speaker 1: don't get to be hurt, Joel, That's not how this works.
Speaker 1: We sat in silence. Reef wandered into the room as
Speaker 1: it drawn by the pulse of distress, pressing his head
Speaker 1: against mush in. I let my hand drop on to his,
Speaker 1: grounding myself. Joel's eyes brinned. Do you want me to go,
Speaker 1: she murmured yes, I said, breathless and sure. Tonight I
Speaker 1: need space from your life before I decide what's left
Speaker 1: of us. He didn't argue. He rose, shoulders bowed, hand
Speaker 1: shaking as he growled for a bag, stuffing in clothes
Speaker 1: with the carelessness of someone already somewhere else in his mind.
Speaker 1: Reef hovered uncertainly between us, tail thumping a quiet rhythm
Speaker 1: against the floor, eyes doubting for instruction he couldn't receive.
Speaker 1: Joel leaned to scratch his ears, but Reef tucked his
Speaker 1: head away, casting a doubtless vote. I called Ben, voiced study,
Speaker 1: despite the tremor buried beneath. Can Joel come by to night?
Speaker 1: I need I need space, Ben Afropaul said yes, No
Speaker 1: questions asked. Joel zipped his back, shuffling toward the door.
Speaker 1: He turned Hope, a flicker at the bottom of his voice.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I can try to fix it if you'll
Speaker 1: let me. I shook my head once. Not tonight, maybe
Speaker 1: not ever. The door closed behind him, the latch louder
Speaker 1: than it ever had been before. The loft was cavenius,
Speaker 1: I said, for a minute at the edge of the couch,
Speaker 1: phone clamped in my hand, wreath sat heavy in my lap.
Speaker 1: The air vibrated with the tension of the inns, booken,
Speaker 1: questions and raveling. Beneath every quiet in the corridor aside,
Speaker 1: I heard Joel's footeps, receding Ben's voice low as he
Speaker 1: opened his apartment. Somewhere, maybe above or below, I could
Speaker 1: hear a neighbor's television, the clink of dishes, the city
Speaker 1: surging on, I texted my sister, Emma, can I call?
Speaker 1: Seconds later, her name pulst into view. The moment I
Speaker 1: heard her voice, I let the tears come, No longer
Speaker 1: able to categorize anger from relief from heartbreak. She sued me,
Speaker 1: promised care packages and plans, reminded me I was stronger
Speaker 1: than this rupture. After we hung up, the gravity of
Speaker 1: what had just en fall to press dam. I made
Speaker 1: an inventory in my head at dog Key's wallet, work contracts.
Speaker 1: I looked at the table, the remains of dinner, the
Speaker 1: abandoned groceries. It all looked murreed, half real. I gathered
Speaker 1: reef beard and blanket and moved them into my studio
Speaker 1: for the night, and needed him close. Needed the little
Speaker 1: comfort of a wooly body pressing against my side. As
Speaker 1: he curled up. I stroked his back until as breathing
Speaker 1: even out. His loyalty was a bomb, however insufficient. A
Speaker 1: new silence felt deep, but not empty. It was the
Speaker 1: sound of an ending, one I hadn't wanted but could
Speaker 1: finally accept. I stayed at the studio window until the
Speaker 1: sky line paled at the edges. When I let myself stand,
Speaker 1: my legs stiff, and mine thudding with exhaustion. I opened
Speaker 1: the balcony door and stepped up barefoot. The air was cold, still,
Speaker 1: slightly metallic, woure dawn. Reef followed, pressing his body close,
Speaker 1: his head heavy against my thighs, if reminding me simply
Speaker 1: it wasn't all gone, at least not everything from above.
Speaker 1: Ostreet shrank and brightened, just another stretch in a city
Speaker 1: layered with ten thousand stories like mine. I watched as
Speaker 1: Joel small in the distance, walked alone down the block.
Speaker 1: He didn't look up. He passed beneath the street lamp,
Speaker 1: shoulder square, but the buoyancy was gone. The laughter that
Speaker 1: once drifted up from the side what below had been
Speaker 1: replaced by a deeper and too quiet. For a moment,
Speaker 1: I gret the cold rail, let my eyes blow, then
Speaker 1: gently turned back inside. Reef gave a soft, helpful whack.
Speaker 1: The city moved with a promise of clean light. Not forgiveness,
Speaker 1: but something adjacent room maybe, or just stabsence. Trust once
Speaker 1: entangled can never be rewound. But as Reef pressed close
Speaker 1: against me, I realized there was at last nothing left
Speaker 1: to wake for. I went inside, gently shutting the glass
Speaker 1: door behind reef and me feeling the weight of the
Speaker 1: morning and everything that belonged to it. The kitchen felt hollow,
Speaker 1: every sound exaggerated, the click of the coffee scoop, the
Speaker 1: shadow of the front door, then spoiling of tape from
Speaker 1: a package I'd put off opening. I moved slowly, tracing
Speaker 1: the apartment on not a pilot, scared to rearrange anything
Speaker 1: in case. At mid the night before less real there
Speaker 1: was no crash, no final scream, no objects hurled or
Speaker 1: plates room. Instead, there was just the grave decency of
Speaker 1: some one leaving with their world in a gym bag
Speaker 1: and the perison left behind, forcing herself not to fold.
Speaker 1: The first thing I did was reset the locks. Almost ritual,
Speaker 1: not angry, just practical. I messaged a building manager to
Speaker 1: let them no Jowl wouldn't be using his keys any more,
Speaker 1: a request met with the flat cutesy if some one
Speaker 1: used couple splitting and life shifting around the lease agreements
Speaker 1: rather than heartbreak. When I finish, I stood in the
Speaker 1: enjoy fun in hand, realizing how feologistics actually mattered in
Speaker 1: the first twelve hours, no child's schedules, no car swaps,
Speaker 1: not even plants to divvy up. All we had was
Speaker 1: a dog, a lease, and a taut silence that sprawled
Speaker 1: over everything else we shared, then taxed. Just after ten,
Speaker 1: Joel was with him, quiet, not talking. I sent back
Speaker 1: a single thank ye and left it at that. I
Speaker 1: could only imagine their kitchen. Joel's shoulders hunched forward, picking
Speaker 1: at a mug of black coffee, answering in more nosyllables.
Speaker 1: While my own anger had burned out into coal resolve.
Speaker 1: It was impossible not to imagine him going through the
Speaker 1: first administrative humiliations of confession, sleeping on a couch, forced
Speaker 1: to explain with as few details as possible. Katy left
Speaker 1: a small box at my door and now folded on top.
Speaker 1: If you need company, you know where we are. I
Speaker 1: didn't open it for a long while. It was a
Speaker 1: care package, chocolate, I beprofen, bath salts, and a tiny
Speaker 1: pot of cactus. Her comfort was unassuming, exactly what I'd
Speaker 1: craved from some one who lived with the near shot
Speaker 1: of my laughter and nah my grief. I sat with
Speaker 1: refund the rug, feeling the steadiness of his breathing, letting
Speaker 1: his presence keep me anchor. He sprawled across my lap,
Speaker 1: every muscle warm in trusting in his eyes, there was
Speaker 1: nothing but simple faith, of faith I wanted to borrow,
Speaker 1: but knew I'd eventually have to find on my own.
Speaker 1: The day was a blur of messages, most of which
Speaker 1: I ignored. Work reminders, my promising to check in later,
Speaker 1: my sister offering to come and spend a few nights.
Speaker 1: I responded to none of them except Maya, just telling
Speaker 1: her I asked him to leave, it's happening. She sent
Speaker 1: back a heart and nothing more. By the time dusk
Speaker 1: sank in over the city, my anger was gone, replaced
Speaker 1: by something emptier and harder, a kind of decision I
Speaker 1: made myself dinner plaited enough for two out of habit
Speaker 1: than put Joel's share back in the fridge. The walls
Speaker 1: seemed thinner, the neighbor's left bleeding through, reminding me the
Speaker 1: world was carrying on unchanged. Night Preston, I closed the
Speaker 1: blind's calm by the hum of traffic that never quite
Speaker 1: subsided below our street. I found myself checking the time
Speaker 1: of pointless regularity, expecting Joel's message, Joel's keys, the echo
Speaker 1: of Joel's steps. Instead, whenever my frone buzz, the screen
Speaker 1: stayed dark or only lit up with some one else's name.
Speaker 1: I kept waiting for regret. May be a desperate apology,
Speaker 1: may be the flash of his name in my notifications. Instead,
Speaker 1: everything stayed as it was, wide, expectant and moving silence
Speaker 1: for the things I had lost and things I would
Speaker 1: now have to learn to do alone. When I finally
Speaker 1: laid down in bed, we fleeped up, without waiting for permission,
Speaker 1: called right into my ribs. I tug the covers around
Speaker 1: us both and let the city gleffe to silver on
Speaker 1: the ceiling and then to back. In the morning, I
Speaker 1: started the coffee fed reef and checked my phone. There
Speaker 1: were the first tentative practicalities, texts about share bills, requests
Speaker 1: for favor of books, talks about splitting the Wi Fi bail.
Speaker 1: If for when he should come collect what was his?
Speaker 1: I answered, without emotion, mechanical but clear. There was no
Speaker 1: reason to drag anything out, no need for second guessing.
Speaker 1: I made my decision. There were just facts to sort, numbers, keys,
Speaker 1: maybe a meeting to pass over the remaining studio gear.
Speaker 1: News of Osplit trickle through the building. I heard it
Speaker 1: in the way neighbor's voices drifted through the stair well softer,
Speaker 1: laced with sympathy, doors open to crack longer. As I
Speaker 1: woke by, I felt exposed, in strangely protected. No one
Speaker 1: would drag me through details. This was a city of
Speaker 1: adults well practiced at surviving each other's heart bricks without
Speaker 1: compounding the wound. Joel didn't come by that day. He
Speaker 1: sent a message short, careful, let me no one is
Speaker 1: good for you. I can be quick. I won't bring
Speaker 1: any one. The implication that Sophie was now an external fact,
Speaker 1: not a sect barely registered. It was the first thing
Speaker 1: he said that acknowledged the size of the break. I
Speaker 1: will read the message, then closed my phone. There would
Speaker 1: be more, but not to day. To day would be
Speaker 1: about the little things, remembering I could play a music
Speaker 1: loud if I wanted, order fred just for myself, walk
Speaker 1: grief to whatever end of the block I chose to
Speaker 1: my own small surprise, it wasn't all emptiness. There was
Speaker 1: the faintest pulse of relief, of room to breathe. The
Speaker 1: ingredients for my day were simpler coffee, sunlight, a quick shower,
Speaker 1: a leash, an open window where there had been a
Speaker 1: choreography of constant compromise. Now there was only me and
Speaker 1: the dog, who followed at my heel, waiting for instruction,
Speaker 1: and finding it sufficient just to be near. In the
Speaker 1: first late afternoon, I dropped a load of towels in
Speaker 1: the wash, less out of necessity than habit. As I
Speaker 1: waited hand's idle, I caught sight of myself in the
Speaker 1: reflection of the patio door. Hair pulled up, circles under
Speaker 1: my eyes, older maybe, but not wrecked, still recognizable. That
Speaker 1: felt like enough. The next day a letter arrived, the
Speaker 1: Joel's handwriting, apologetic looping, never quite meeting the edge of
Speaker 1: the page. He left it with Ben to pass al on.
Speaker 1: I let it sit for hours, finally opening it out
Speaker 1: of curiosity. More than anything, it was a careful, measured thing, gratitude, regret,
Speaker 1: admissions without excuses. He deserved better. You gave me more
Speaker 1: trust than I earned. I'm sorry for all the silences,
Speaker 1: and for every time I let the world come between us.
Speaker 1: I folded it back into its envelope. There was nothing
Speaker 1: in it to change the outcome, no request for return
Speaker 1: or forgiveness. That couldn't do what was already done. I
Speaker 1: placed it in a small stack by the kitchen window,
Speaker 1: maybe to read later, maybe just to forget. On the
Speaker 1: following evening, Joel and I arranged in in person exchange
Speaker 1: early before anyone in the building was likely to be
Speaker 1: coming home. He texted from outside, and I buzzed him in,
Speaker 1: putting Reef in the bedroom. To avoid the confusion, I
Speaker 1: kept the interaction brief. Some books, a frame print, he'd wanted,
Speaker 1: a few shirts. We spoke colleagues, methodical and reserved, never
Speaker 1: quite meeting each other's gaze until he paused at the threshold.
Speaker 1: Take care. He managed to voice, ruff you two, I replied, firm, steady.
Speaker 1: I closed the door after him and leaned my forehead
Speaker 1: against the wood. No tears came, just a tightness in
Speaker 1: my throat and a feeling like the first seconds after
Speaker 1: surfacing from deep underwater. When I let Reef back out,
Speaker 1: he circled the apartment once, sniffing at the door, then
Speaker 1: returned to me as if nothing had changed. I picked
Speaker 1: up his leash and we walked a block. We stayed
Speaker 1: out longer than usual, the city glowing gold in early
Speaker 1: evening air, sweet and new. Every corner, every stoop, every cafe.
Speaker 1: We passed them, not as stress pissers in some old routine,
Speaker 1: but as if rehearsing a new one. Nothing dramatic happened
Speaker 1: on that walk, just the city, a shared air, on
Speaker 1: my own, quiet conviction, reassembling itself a piece by piece.
Speaker 1: That night, back on the balcony, I felt the last
Speaker 1: clinging acheys, just a fraction, not gone but changed, a
Speaker 1: reminder rather than an injury, a scar already forming. The
Speaker 1: sky line was wide and clear, the street below empty
Speaker 1: except for the dog workers and runners, and the echo
Speaker 1: of other people's men music. I pressed my hand to
Speaker 1: Reef's back, breathed in the air, and found it inhabitable again.
Speaker 1: I listened to no laughter rising up, no secrets carried
Speaker 1: on the wind, just the steady, companionable hush of a
Speaker 1: life reclaimed.