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Speaker 1: Tell me what you left was like before you died.

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I had to share death experience with my dad when

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he passed. It's not like this was a part of

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my life. He totally led me down a path.

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Speaker 2: Of just understanding the greater reality.

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Speaker 1: Well, I will say first that looking back, I suffered

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more leading up to his passing, knowing that he had

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a terminal diagnosis. He passed a kidney cancer that had

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also lung cancer and had spread.

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Speaker 2: But I suffered more in all of that anticipatory grief, And.

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Speaker 1: Man, do I wish I could go back and change

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some of the ways that I interacted with my dad,

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just being more present. He used to send me these

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funny videos via email every day, animal videos, stuff that

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would make me roll my eyes, you know, crass videos,

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this thing, all kinds of things.

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Speaker 2: And I remember one.

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Speaker 1: Day he asked me, Hey, did you see that owl

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video I shared with you? And I said, you know, Dad,

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I'm saving a lot of these because I want to

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open them in the future.

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Speaker 2: And I wish I could do that differently. Now.

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Speaker 1: He was seeking to connect, and I was seeking to

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keep him around when I couldn't. I was trying to

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control an an inevitable part of life. Death is just

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like birth.

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Speaker 2: We cannot control it, we can only be in support

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of it.

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Speaker 1: So there was a lot of suffering in that way,

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sleepless nights. I remember being up until two in the

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morning reading horoscopes try to find out exactly how and

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when he was going to die. I don't even believe

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in horoscopes, didn't at the time, none of these things.

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And I was trying to control every amount of suffering.

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But I experienced his passing as simultaneously the most painful

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and beautiful, truly moment of my life. And I now

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just see it and I felt it even in the moment,

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as a sacred sacred is the best word for it,

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truly a sacred transition.

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Speaker 2: But when he actually.

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Speaker 1: Passed, about twelve hours before he took his last breath,

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he had been unconscious for days, and I was laying

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alongside him in the hospice bed that was in our

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parents' living room, and you know, I had my eyes closed,

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I was holding his hand, and I was just thinking

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about the fact that I'm never gonna hear his voice again.

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We had already had our last conversation in the middle

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of the night, you know, a few days prior, which

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we had agreed upon a sign that he might be

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able to give me when he goes, and so I

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was thinking about I'll never hear his voice again. I

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was thinking about how he'll not see my grandson start kindergarten,

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or see my grandson, you know right, really ride his

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bike for the first time without draining wheels, all these

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sorts of things. And I was also thinking about stuff

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with him, and I just kind of left unsaid and

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done because there was some forgiveness that was needed, and

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I had my own process of that through his passing,

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but it was always very like hidden, and I think

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he knew what I was doing, but we couldn't just

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explicitly have the conversation. So I was thinking about all

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these things, and it was very painful place to be,

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and almost not by choice, because of that pain, I

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just stopped thinking and instead I simply focused on all

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of the unconditional love that I was feeling for my dad,

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and in that moment, none of that stuff really mattered anymore.

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The junk, you know, of life of him, it just

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didn't matter anymore. He was just my perfectly imperfect dad

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and I loved him dearly, and so in that place

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of love, and I might say now just kind of

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surrender and letting go to that. I started experiencing in

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my mind these hues of purple that were kind of

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swirling in my mind. Haven't experienced that before, but okay, whatever.

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And then I felt this warmth that started at the

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crown of my head and just kind of slowly went

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down to my toes. And I remember thinking, oh, the

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sun must be coming in the window and just kind

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of playing tricks on me. But then I felt with

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full clarity what I can only describe as as a force.

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Speaker 2: It was like wind, but.

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Speaker 1: Not because it wasn't on my skin, and it was

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like this whoosh, and it came in from the center

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of my back into the center of my chest and

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I just felt this force, this presence, and this force

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was doing slow circles around the center of my chest,

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my heart center, and so it was just sort of

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doing this slow emotion almost.

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Speaker 2: Like are you aware? Are you aware?

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Speaker 1: And as I was aware, it traveled to my shoulder

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and it paused. And this feeling was so new, unlike

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anything I have ever felt in my life that I

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couldn't judge it. There was there was nothing to judge

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it against. I could only be with the moment, and

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that force traveled down my arm, like on the inside

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of my body, into my hand and then into my

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dad's hand, and I just knew. I knew it like

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the sky is blue. We are eternally bonded and all

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as well. Everything's fun, everything is fine. And it didn't

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even matter what that meant. You know, just if someone

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were to say that to me, well, you and your

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dad are eternally bonded, in my head, I'd start analyzing,

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what does that mean? He's dying? What do you mean

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we're eternally bonded? I'm ever going to talk to him again.

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I didn't care because it was just true. It didn't

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even matter what it meant. Yeah, we are eternally bonded.

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And I gave him a big hug, and I said

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in his ear because he couldn't hear me, but I

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knew somehow he could hear me. Dad, I don't know

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what that was, but I know you felt it too,

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and you take all that love and light in your

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core with you.

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Speaker 2: Words I didn't use.

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Speaker 1: Where was that even coming from. I was not a

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love and light person, but it was me saying.

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Speaker 2: I see you. I see you.

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Speaker 1: As the essence, as the soul, as the beautiful man,

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and the stuff, and we all have our stuff. It's junk, right,

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It's just the junk. Leave the old news behind. I'm

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okay if you go now. It was a beautiful moment

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and I actually had to leave the house because I

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had pried been with him all week and my mom

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as well, and I had to leave the house to.

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Speaker 2: Go be with my family for a few hours.

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Speaker 1: And when I left the house, I was joyous. I

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was blasting music in the car. I was singing on

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the way home, the wind, you know, windows down, the

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wind blowing, and I just remember thinking, what is wrong

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with me? I had this literally, this just elation that

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was stuck with me, and so much so that I

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didn't want to go back to the house later at night.

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I wanted that to be my last moment with my.

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Speaker 2: Dad because it was so beautiful.

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Speaker 1: But I did go back and he actually took his

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last breath at about I love this on November first,

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in the during daylight savings time change in Michigan, so

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we didn't really know exactly what time to write on

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the birth ctificate at first, because he passed when we

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are absent of time on a full Hunter's moon, on

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one one one of twenty twenty, and none of that,

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now I know is an accident. We'll be right back

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after a word from our sponsor, and now back to

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the show. I also know now, with months months later

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reflection and evidential mediumship experiences, that experience I had with him,

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that shared death experience, that was him.

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Speaker 2: We think that we're here until we stop breathing. We

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are not.

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Speaker 1: There is a lot more happening with our soul transition

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and in and out of our physical consciousness and our

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higher consciousness and the consciousness of the beyond. There's more

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happening during a dying process than meets the eye. That

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was him telling me we are eternally bonded. That was

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him giving me that experience to let me know that

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all is well well just hours after he passed away.

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It's not that I thought he was with me at all.

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I just knew I had this lovely experience. I called

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it another worldly experience. I had not heard of shared

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death experiences. I know what it was. I just knew

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it was real. But hours after he died, I pulled

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into a park just to decompress.

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Speaker 2: I just wanted to walk.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's very emotional being with someone at their passing.

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And I pulled into the parking space and I finally

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let some tears go, and they weren't even so much

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grief as just rawness and rawness of all the emotions.

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And as I was letting those tears go, I heard

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my dad's voice, his actual voice in my mind.

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Speaker 2: I didn't think it was him.

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Speaker 1: I thought I was making it up, but I heard him,

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and he said, Amby, you've cried enough tears over.

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Speaker 2: Me in your life. Get out of the car.

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Speaker 1: And I stopped, and I, you know, kind of crying,

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and I thought to mys off, gee, that's true. I

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have cried enough tears over my dad in my life.

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But also my brain just made that up. But I

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got out of the car and I started walking, and

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as I was walking, I just sort of said to myself, gee, Dad,

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I hope you're all right, and without a moment hesitation,

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instantly he was right there in my mind, his actual voice,

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and that voice said I'm just fine. I'm going to

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stick around here a while and help some people, and

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I'm happy about it. And I did stop walking, not

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because I believed that that was my dad, but I

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had this other knowing, which was I as Amber. If

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I were inventing his voice, I would not have said that.

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Amber would have said, Heaven so beautiful, I'm with my

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dog again, and my granddad agree to me, because I

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told you, that's who I hope to see one day,

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you know, in the beyond. Like, that's what I would

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have come up with. Never would I have come up

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with I'm going to stick around here a while and

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help some people. Yeah, that's not unusual. And my next

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thought was, you know outside of Okay, Well, that's interesting

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because I wouldn't have said that if I were making

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this up. But my next thought was, even if that

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were true.

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Speaker 2: Who would he be helping?

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Speaker 1: Like, I didn't even have the thought he really was

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about to guide me down a journey of awakening and

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understanding our greater reality, And so I wouldn't hear his

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voice again in my mind for about a month or

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so after that just started, like many people or you know,

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all of a sudden, baby feathers were constantly everywhere on

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the floor in my house. And I didn't really believe

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in this kind of stuff. I wanted to because it

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sounds faintciful and nice. But you know, what do you mean?

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I like science, what do you mean someone in spirit

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is trying to put objects places? That wasn't a part

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of my frame of reference or worldview, but I couldn't

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deny that these very odd synchronicities kept occurring. And then,

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you know, as I said, two days before my dad died,

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we in the middle of the night, in a moment

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of lucidity, agreed upon a sign together.

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Speaker 2: I had asked him for.

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Speaker 1: One in an email and he never wrote me back,

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probably because he didn't want to disappoint me because he

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didn't know what was next either. And in that two

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am conversation, I said, hey, Dad, he never wrote me back,

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and he kind of made a joke and goes, well,

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I suppose I should get right on that. Then, like

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in this state, he's not able to respond, you know,

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but we decided I made suggestions. I first suggested a

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leaf in my face from a really strong wind, and

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he kind of grunted, and I took that as disapproval,

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and so then I suggested a random animal. So that's

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something really random that just kind of comes up to

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me out of nowhere. And he had grunted again, which

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I just took his disapproval, and then I said, how

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about a deer in my direct walking path? And he

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opened his eyes wide in that moment and he said,

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you'll know in the eyes. And that was so that

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I took that as I agreed upon sign.

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Speaker 2: Well.

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Speaker 1: The night after he passed away, I went for a

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walk with my husband to tell him about just the

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experiences of the whole week. I hadn't really seen my

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family for a week. And as we got to the park,

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you know, it was seven o'clock PM on November two,

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here comes this insane wind and it's just blowing leaves

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in my face. Now it's November second in the Midwest,

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it gets windy. I didn't really think anything of it,

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but I startarted telling him the story of this conversation

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that I had with my dad. And as I'm telling

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the story, literally a black lab and labs for my

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dad's favorite dog.

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Speaker 2: He always had a lab his whole life.

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Speaker 1: A black lab with no owner, no collar, no leash,

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comes running up to us, barking at us.

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Speaker 2: It's got no one around.

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Speaker 1: It even kind of trails off and turns around and

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barks at us. And even my husband, who loves statistics

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at this time with Ace, was atheist, doesn't believe in

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any of this stuff. Was like, I think that dog

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wants us to follow him. And that dog literally went

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running constantly, stopping barking at us.

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Speaker 2: As we're following it, it.

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Speaker 1: Goes into the cemetery across the street, and so my

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husband and I, in our moment of common sense, said

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to each other, you know, we should probably just go

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get in the car, and there's a neighborhood in the area.

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Speaker 2: We should help this dog find it's home.

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Speaker 1: So we get in the car, we go over to

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the cemetery, we see the dog again, it stops, it's

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barking at us, and literally, from probably fifty yards away,

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my husband opens the van door and this dog just

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comes running across the cemetery field right into our van.

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We didn't even get up, and so we drive around

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the neighborhood. We find this dog's home, drop the dog off,

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and as we are rounding the corner coming down the hill,

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what is right in front of the van in the

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middle of the road.

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Speaker 2: A young buck.

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Speaker 1: It's not uncommon to see deer where I live, but

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it is very uncommon to have a buck stand in

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the middle of the road and not move, just headlights blaring,

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and this buck walked slowly, very slowly, to the side

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of the road. It was probably about seven feet from

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my car window, and it just stood there and stared

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at me. And by this point I am bawling. I

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have the window down. I'm telling the deer how beautiful

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it is. I know that this is a sign from

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my dad. I'm crying, I'm telling it thank you. It

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was just the most beautiful moment, and I knew that

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it was my dad letting me know that everything was well,

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And even though I had already felt that when we

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had that moment together, this is like the real world

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confirmation to me of that. But it kind of those

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types of things began my journey of just starting to

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open my eyes, I would say. And then as the

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weeks went by, I started to feel his presence.

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Speaker 2: I would really feel my Dad.

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Speaker 1: Go in it with an open heart, though, and an

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open mind.