Speaker 1: Tell me what you left was like before you died.
I had to share death experience with my dad when
he passed. It's not like this was a part of
my life. He totally led me down a path.
Speaker 2: Of just understanding the greater reality.
Speaker 1: Well, I will say first that looking back, I suffered
more leading up to his passing, knowing that he had
a terminal diagnosis. He passed a kidney cancer that had
also lung cancer and had spread.
Speaker 2: But I suffered more in all of that anticipatory grief, And.
Speaker 1: Man, do I wish I could go back and change
some of the ways that I interacted with my dad,
just being more present. He used to send me these
funny videos via email every day, animal videos, stuff that
would make me roll my eyes, you know, crass videos,
this thing, all kinds of things.
Speaker 2: And I remember one.
Speaker 1: Day he asked me, Hey, did you see that owl
video I shared with you? And I said, you know, Dad,
I'm saving a lot of these because I want to
open them in the future.
Speaker 2: And I wish I could do that differently. Now.
Speaker 1: He was seeking to connect, and I was seeking to
keep him around when I couldn't. I was trying to
control an an inevitable part of life. Death is just
like birth.
Speaker 2: We cannot control it, we can only be in support
of it.
Speaker 1: So there was a lot of suffering in that way,
sleepless nights. I remember being up until two in the
morning reading horoscopes try to find out exactly how and
when he was going to die. I don't even believe
in horoscopes, didn't at the time, none of these things.
And I was trying to control every amount of suffering.
But I experienced his passing as simultaneously the most painful
and beautiful, truly moment of my life. And I now
just see it and I felt it even in the moment,
as a sacred sacred is the best word for it,
truly a sacred transition.
Speaker 2: But when he actually.
Speaker 1: Passed, about twelve hours before he took his last breath,
he had been unconscious for days, and I was laying
alongside him in the hospice bed that was in our
parents' living room, and you know, I had my eyes closed,
I was holding his hand, and I was just thinking
about the fact that I'm never gonna hear his voice again.
We had already had our last conversation in the middle
of the night, you know, a few days prior, which
we had agreed upon a sign that he might be
able to give me when he goes, and so I
was thinking about I'll never hear his voice again. I
was thinking about how he'll not see my grandson start kindergarten,
or see my grandson, you know right, really ride his
bike for the first time without draining wheels, all these
sorts of things. And I was also thinking about stuff
with him, and I just kind of left unsaid and
done because there was some forgiveness that was needed, and
I had my own process of that through his passing,
but it was always very like hidden, and I think
he knew what I was doing, but we couldn't just
explicitly have the conversation. So I was thinking about all
these things, and it was very painful place to be,
and almost not by choice, because of that pain, I
just stopped thinking and instead I simply focused on all
of the unconditional love that I was feeling for my dad,
and in that moment, none of that stuff really mattered anymore.
The junk, you know, of life of him, it just
didn't matter anymore. He was just my perfectly imperfect dad
and I loved him dearly, and so in that place
of love, and I might say now just kind of
surrender and letting go to that. I started experiencing in
my mind these hues of purple that were kind of
swirling in my mind. Haven't experienced that before, but okay, whatever.
And then I felt this warmth that started at the
crown of my head and just kind of slowly went
down to my toes. And I remember thinking, oh, the
sun must be coming in the window and just kind
of playing tricks on me. But then I felt with
full clarity what I can only describe as as a force.
Speaker 2: It was like wind, but.
Speaker 1: Not because it wasn't on my skin, and it was
like this whoosh, and it came in from the center
of my back into the center of my chest and
I just felt this force, this presence, and this force
was doing slow circles around the center of my chest,
my heart center, and so it was just sort of
doing this slow emotion almost.
Speaker 2: Like are you aware? Are you aware?
Speaker 1: And as I was aware, it traveled to my shoulder
and it paused. And this feeling was so new, unlike
anything I have ever felt in my life that I
couldn't judge it. There was there was nothing to judge
it against. I could only be with the moment, and
that force traveled down my arm, like on the inside
of my body, into my hand and then into my
dad's hand, and I just knew. I knew it like
the sky is blue. We are eternally bonded and all
as well. Everything's fun, everything is fine. And it didn't
even matter what that meant. You know, just if someone
were to say that to me, well, you and your
dad are eternally bonded, in my head, I'd start analyzing,
what does that mean? He's dying? What do you mean
we're eternally bonded? I'm ever going to talk to him again.
I didn't care because it was just true. It didn't
even matter what it meant. Yeah, we are eternally bonded.
And I gave him a big hug, and I said
in his ear because he couldn't hear me, but I
knew somehow he could hear me. Dad, I don't know
what that was, but I know you felt it too,
and you take all that love and light in your
core with you.
Speaker 2: Words I didn't use.
Speaker 1: Where was that even coming from. I was not a
love and light person, but it was me saying.
Speaker 2: I see you. I see you.
Speaker 1: As the essence, as the soul, as the beautiful man,
and the stuff, and we all have our stuff. It's junk, right,
It's just the junk. Leave the old news behind. I'm
okay if you go now. It was a beautiful moment
and I actually had to leave the house because I
had pried been with him all week and my mom
as well, and I had to leave the house to.
Speaker 2: Go be with my family for a few hours.
Speaker 1: And when I left the house, I was joyous. I
was blasting music in the car. I was singing on
the way home, the wind, you know, windows down, the
wind blowing, and I just remember thinking, what is wrong
with me? I had this literally, this just elation that
was stuck with me, and so much so that I
didn't want to go back to the house later at night.
I wanted that to be my last moment with my.
Speaker 2: Dad because it was so beautiful.
Speaker 1: But I did go back and he actually took his
last breath at about I love this on November first,
in the during daylight savings time change in Michigan, so
we didn't really know exactly what time to write on
the birth ctificate at first, because he passed when we
are absent of time on a full Hunter's moon, on
one one one of twenty twenty, and none of that,
now I know is an accident. We'll be right back
after a word from our sponsor, and now back to
the show. I also know now, with months months later
reflection and evidential mediumship experiences, that experience I had with him,
that shared death experience, that was him.
Speaker 2: We think that we're here until we stop breathing. We
are not.
Speaker 1: There is a lot more happening with our soul transition
and in and out of our physical consciousness and our
higher consciousness and the consciousness of the beyond. There's more
happening during a dying process than meets the eye. That
was him telling me we are eternally bonded. That was
him giving me that experience to let me know that
all is well well just hours after he passed away.
It's not that I thought he was with me at all.
I just knew I had this lovely experience. I called
it another worldly experience. I had not heard of shared
death experiences. I know what it was. I just knew
it was real. But hours after he died, I pulled
into a park just to decompress.
Speaker 2: I just wanted to walk.
Speaker 1: You know, it's very emotional being with someone at their passing.
And I pulled into the parking space and I finally
let some tears go, and they weren't even so much
grief as just rawness and rawness of all the emotions.
And as I was letting those tears go, I heard
my dad's voice, his actual voice in my mind.
Speaker 2: I didn't think it was him.
Speaker 1: I thought I was making it up, but I heard him,
and he said, Amby, you've cried enough tears over.
Speaker 2: Me in your life. Get out of the car.
Speaker 1: And I stopped, and I, you know, kind of crying,
and I thought to mys off, gee, that's true. I
have cried enough tears over my dad in my life.
But also my brain just made that up. But I
got out of the car and I started walking, and
as I was walking, I just sort of said to myself, gee, Dad,
I hope you're all right, and without a moment hesitation,
instantly he was right there in my mind, his actual voice,
and that voice said I'm just fine. I'm going to
stick around here a while and help some people, and
I'm happy about it. And I did stop walking, not
because I believed that that was my dad, but I
had this other knowing, which was I as Amber. If
I were inventing his voice, I would not have said that.
Amber would have said, Heaven so beautiful, I'm with my
dog again, and my granddad agree to me, because I
told you, that's who I hope to see one day,
you know, in the beyond. Like, that's what I would
have come up with. Never would I have come up
with I'm going to stick around here a while and
help some people. Yeah, that's not unusual. And my next
thought was, you know outside of Okay, Well, that's interesting
because I wouldn't have said that if I were making
this up. But my next thought was, even if that
were true.
Speaker 2: Who would he be helping?
Speaker 1: Like, I didn't even have the thought he really was
about to guide me down a journey of awakening and
understanding our greater reality, And so I wouldn't hear his
voice again in my mind for about a month or
so after that just started, like many people or you know,
all of a sudden, baby feathers were constantly everywhere on
the floor in my house. And I didn't really believe
in this kind of stuff. I wanted to because it
sounds faintciful and nice. But you know, what do you mean?
I like science, what do you mean someone in spirit
is trying to put objects places? That wasn't a part
of my frame of reference or worldview, but I couldn't
deny that these very odd synchronicities kept occurring. And then,
you know, as I said, two days before my dad died,
we in the middle of the night, in a moment
of lucidity, agreed upon a sign together.
Speaker 2: I had asked him for.
Speaker 1: One in an email and he never wrote me back,
probably because he didn't want to disappoint me because he
didn't know what was next either. And in that two
am conversation, I said, hey, Dad, he never wrote me back,
and he kind of made a joke and goes, well,
I suppose I should get right on that. Then, like
in this state, he's not able to respond, you know,
but we decided I made suggestions. I first suggested a
leaf in my face from a really strong wind, and
he kind of grunted, and I took that as disapproval,
and so then I suggested a random animal. So that's
something really random that just kind of comes up to
me out of nowhere. And he had grunted again, which
I just took his disapproval, and then I said, how
about a deer in my direct walking path? And he
opened his eyes wide in that moment and he said,
you'll know in the eyes. And that was so that
I took that as I agreed upon sign.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 1: The night after he passed away, I went for a
walk with my husband to tell him about just the
experiences of the whole week. I hadn't really seen my
family for a week. And as we got to the park,
you know, it was seven o'clock PM on November two,
here comes this insane wind and it's just blowing leaves
in my face. Now it's November second in the Midwest,
it gets windy. I didn't really think anything of it,
but I startarted telling him the story of this conversation
that I had with my dad. And as I'm telling
the story, literally a black lab and labs for my
dad's favorite dog.
Speaker 2: He always had a lab his whole life.
Speaker 1: A black lab with no owner, no collar, no leash,
comes running up to us, barking at us.
Speaker 2: It's got no one around.
Speaker 1: It even kind of trails off and turns around and
barks at us. And even my husband, who loves statistics
at this time with Ace, was atheist, doesn't believe in
any of this stuff. Was like, I think that dog
wants us to follow him. And that dog literally went
running constantly, stopping barking at us.
Speaker 2: As we're following it, it.
Speaker 1: Goes into the cemetery across the street, and so my
husband and I, in our moment of common sense, said
to each other, you know, we should probably just go
get in the car, and there's a neighborhood in the area.
Speaker 2: We should help this dog find it's home.
Speaker 1: So we get in the car, we go over to
the cemetery, we see the dog again, it stops, it's
barking at us, and literally, from probably fifty yards away,
my husband opens the van door and this dog just
comes running across the cemetery field right into our van.
We didn't even get up, and so we drive around
the neighborhood. We find this dog's home, drop the dog off,
and as we are rounding the corner coming down the hill,
what is right in front of the van in the
middle of the road.
Speaker 2: A young buck.
Speaker 1: It's not uncommon to see deer where I live, but
it is very uncommon to have a buck stand in
the middle of the road and not move, just headlights blaring,
and this buck walked slowly, very slowly, to the side
of the road. It was probably about seven feet from
my car window, and it just stood there and stared
at me. And by this point I am bawling. I
have the window down. I'm telling the deer how beautiful
it is. I know that this is a sign from
my dad. I'm crying, I'm telling it thank you. It
was just the most beautiful moment, and I knew that
it was my dad letting me know that everything was well,
And even though I had already felt that when we
had that moment together, this is like the real world
confirmation to me of that. But it kind of those
types of things began my journey of just starting to
open my eyes, I would say. And then as the
weeks went by, I started to feel his presence.
Speaker 2: I would really feel my Dad.
Speaker 1: Go in it with an open heart, though, and an
open mind.