Speaker 1: Conny, gather Roul Dirty Cony, did gain.
Speaker 2: Join the Questing is and Charted.
Speaker 3: Join the icy Blast.
Speaker 4: Six writers face off by a roll of the dice
fell quite dirty, leaving nothing behind but fingerprints and a
tall tale, stealing carts, breaking parts with plenty.
Speaker 5: Of time to kill and icy.
Speaker 1: Maasters.
Speaker 2: Ten disols ticing know the camp be tasty Fasts, Come
and join the dice Faster.
Speaker 6: Hey, there're Ay Devian's Junior Adventures and friends. Welcome to
the next episode of The Authors and Dragons Presents The
Dice E Bassar Season two, a D and D video
podcast where great authors play badly. I'm Mk Gibson, the
dungeon Master and author of Villain's Rule to Beat the
Devil and moore with me today we have Robert Bevan back, sir,
how are you?
Speaker 5: I'm doing all right hanging in there? Huh. Yes, my
name is Robert Bevan. I play the role of Jewelserer,
the Sorcerer, the Sorcerer with the Musserer in real life.
Fine right. The Caverns and Creature series of comedy fantasy
novels and short stories, starting with the first book, Critical Failures,
leading up to the tenth book, Critical failures ten and
working on eleven right now, and a lot of shingles
and other shit. Go read them.
Speaker 6: Think we're wondering about the other ship. Speak about the
other ship, Rick wal Terry, sir, how are you apparently
being other shit?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 6: I was kind of leaning into like you and better
the same person and maybe the light side dark s eye,
but I fucked that at segway up, so you know,
let's just skip over that, Rick, sir, wonderful man that
you are.
Speaker 7: How are you today? Great job, and I you totally
threw me off. My name is Rick will Terran. When
I'm not busy being another piece of shit, I play
moo face Eater. In real life, I write several things,
but I got a couple of things in the pipeline
right now. I have a fantasy Tecto thriller called Wings
of God, which will be coming up from Faal Staff
at some point, and I'm busy finishing up a new
horror comedy called Mike the Werewolf, So keep an eye
out for that stuff.
Speaker 6: Awesome news, Drew, Hey, sir, how are you today?
Speaker 8: I am excellent. I am a player who embodies Cabert
the Expedient half Man, half Horse, of course, and in
regular life, I am Drew Hayzes and I write books
such as Superpowers and PCs and Fred the Vampire Accountant,
the final book of which is coming out this Halloween,
All Accounts settled. I have also launched the first sequel
on my Patreon, the Holly Clause sequel to Shingles The
Holly's Jolly Christmas, a action rom com slasher fusion that
I really loved and I am happy to go back
and visit. And I just wrapped up the What to
Wear Wolf on the Patreon, so go check that out.
Speaker 9: Oh sounds good, Miss Kaplan, How are you today?
Speaker 8: Hey?
Speaker 3: Hi, I'm pretty good. I am wrapping up my own
draft at the moment. I'm Emily and I read under
the name e M. Kaplan, including the forthcoming Larceny and
Lae's Second Mystery of the Virtual Vigilante series, And today
I'm playing Claudia. I have done my homework so I
don't need to go to GM or DM detention, and
I fixed up my koal attack hopefully, I hope.
Speaker 6: So, because I was looking at your character Sheep like
an hour and a half ago and it wasn't done.
So you mean all in in the last few seconds,
so we'll find out how that goes and cramming it
in at the very end, Steve whether orll sir, how
are you?
Speaker 1: I'm then fine, Kiba. What the audience doesn't realize is
like we're all very jovial to each other when when
we're recording, but as soon as that record orders off,
we're like, for fuck sake, Kemily, will you saw out
your mac grace.
Speaker 8: It's just like slowly fade away to anybody.
Speaker 6: Like Steve stepped away from the Micaus.
Speaker 1: He grumbled, Okay, it was like I'm gonna fade away
as as a threaten whole of your lives. So yeah,
I'm glad you've got that sort of Emily that was
making me fucking furious.
Speaker 6: Way to bring the whole thing down again, Emily, you.
Speaker 3: Think I care about you now?
Speaker 6: What, I'm proud of you now than I remember before.
Thank you.
Speaker 1: I'm Steve Weaverell. I write The Doom Say Journeys with
File Stuff books and various other books as well. Put
my name in Google see what happens a rabbit hole possibly,
and I play Stan Dan deliver professional folk hero not
so professional or.
Speaker 9: Heroic about Foxy.
Speaker 1: Is he foxy? Oh he's maximum folksy.
Speaker 9: Yeah, all right, cool folk maxing.
Speaker 6: Got that's what the kids are saying.
Speaker 5: All right.
Speaker 6: Before we go to the game, I want to take
a moment your mind everyone that you're not or the
and D family thing you're missing out. He over to
patreon dot com slash Authors and Dragons, check out the
various tears and the perks, and find the one that
works best for you. For just two bucks a month,
join our discard, chat with our fans, chat with us,
and have it all around great time. For five bucks
a month, you get the Discord channels plus additional channels
when we hang out, and you can be part of
this game live or some of our fans can be
this very moment listening to us play this game live.
We've hire our tiers of course and more swag. Find
out what works best for you, or you can head
over to Authors and Dragons dot com dot dasherat dot
com to find some more cool gear and merchandise.
Speaker 9: Do you have any Do we have any cool gear
or new merchandise?
Speaker 6: Yes, crickets, okay, I'm sure we have great stuff and
the thing right now, all of our merchandise is cool.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not a single thing we do and that
isn't cool. I met new cool.
Speaker 6: I mean, I know the last one we had was
the Hamburger Hindrance that so, but I probably probably don't
have any new updates.
Speaker 9: Be sure we work on something anyway.
Speaker 6: If you don't have the cash, because you want to
support us in other ways, go to wherever you get
your podcasts or whether you watch YouTube or whatever, leave
comments like subscribe to all that stuff. It helps me
way more than you realize. All right, with a shilling
out of the way, is everybody ready to play?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, all right, greetings all This is Connie Stands Conscience.
Speaker 1: How are you?
Speaker 6: When we last left the dicey Bassards, this rocous team
of rebel routers rallied together to save Stan and a
few innocent nobody's from a blazing book burning Yep, you
heard that right? These people am I right? Answering the
call of the captain, the brave and the bold members
of the team meaning Claudia and Cobert charged into the
ship's burning library and immediately doused the flames with magical water.
Cabert did and Claudia helped somehow which means the other
half of the crew, the selfish and the stupid, were
off doing their own thing. Joyce remained on the ground,
reflecting after his one man meet murdered tentacle Orgy, while
Moog had hand up an ELF's asshole, taunted the totally
innocent party, and Frostus frosted the murderous Calzone monster to
death personally I like cold pizza covering georceer and a
blanket of congeening cheese. Moog took off to join the
rest of the dicey Bassards as they fought a steam
demon in the ship's spa, the pamper champ well they
tried to fight one, Stan was tossed into an icy
water bath, Cabert had his wind spirit inhaled, and Moog
was strapped down and subjugated. Sub jubjugated, subjected to a
bone deep manicure. Only Claudia had the muxy to transform
into a murder bear and fight the steam demon. After
saving a few drowning spa patrons, Stan used his magic
mug to create a craft of refreshing Kirkland like beer,
which he threw on the fire in the hopes of
poisoning the Vapor's monster and possibly waking up his beloved Drocer.
Speaker 9: And that's where we pick.
Speaker 1: Up what, Yeah, remember I pulled some beer on the
steam thing. I remember that.
Speaker 6: This is all legitimate because I I always listened back
to the episodes of Get My Recaps Straight, and I'm like,
this is all legit.
Speaker 8: That sounds about right for our amount of fullshit.
Speaker 1: Sounds like something we would do, all.
Speaker 6: Right, So what what I wanna do is because we
missed Bob last timnight thin, we let people who are
not getting their daily dose of Bob M and b Drocerer.
You are coming to after you uh last year recalled
you dove inside of a giant cheeseburger uh naked?
Speaker 8: Uh?
Speaker 9: I guess that goes without saying.
Speaker 6: And you ut least the arms of a dar where
you were eating, fucking and killing this this burger all
at once it exploded in a meat pile. You were
left on the floor where you kind of passed out
from that.
Speaker 5: Bill, How am I going to top that?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 5: I'm done? Uh?
Speaker 6: It was pretty good, dude, It was really cool. As
you start to come to uh Rashard the bard is
a dead He's to your side there there are people
trying to just get back to being, like realizing what
the hell just happened in this restaurant. And there what
appears to be an eleven year old kid standing over you,
staring at you your naked body.
Speaker 5: Oh my, uh, good morning, jorcerer.
Speaker 6: You uh you wake up? Look over and there is
an Elvin boy with a kind of a mischievous face,
kind of a dark and brooding persona around him, and
he's just staring at you.
Speaker 9: He goes, how you doing now?
Speaker 5: Is there like Hamburger, viscera everywhere?
Speaker 6: Yes, there is.
Speaker 5: I would like to take a chunk of meat and
put it over my nethers.
Speaker 6: Hey, I don't worry about it, ballo. I know I
look young, but I'm an elf, so I'm actually like
like forty three.
Speaker 5: Oh well, then I'll uh.
Speaker 6: A kid in elf terms, but like in as far
as you humans are concerned, I'm like, so, hey, I
don't know if you remember me or not.
Speaker 9: My name is Eric green Tree. I was hanging out
with the Tonally sent a party.
Speaker 6: I need you to do me a favor. I've got
my personal demon is running running havoc all over the ship.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 8: That sounds like a drunk talking if I've ever heard,
but my personal demon is running at like all over
this fucking his name is Whiskey.
Speaker 6: There is the kid like Moog's nemesis, Eric green Tree,
the child he's been trying to murder since since he's
been on his camera. It was a warlock. His his
demon is the one that's responsible for poor dead Bethany
or Deathanye as we were calling her. Uh, the one
who's been going around causing all the havoc and basic
creating all the monsters you've been fighting for the.
Speaker 9: Last few episodes.
Speaker 6: So this kid, this elf kid who uh, his parents
were the ones trying to kill him and bring him
back from the dead. That's where a Claudia story came
into play. Anyway, he is now confronting Georgier and he says, hey, listen, man,
here's how it's going to go down. As long as
you stay out of my way. I don't care, as
my demon is going to get the rest of the people
on the ship. The more power he gets, the more
power I get, I seem to grow up a little
bit more, a little bit faster, the more he eats.
So stay out of my way and you're fine, but
do me a favor. I'm going to give you so
much more power and so much more free will, and
so much more everything you've possibly got. All you have
to do is just kill that moog guy. He's a
pain in my ass and I want him dead. So
you kill him, and you I guarantee you will walk
away from this alive. I can't speak for the rest
of your friends, but you will definitely live.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 6: Cool, and the kid just ups and starts to just
walk away a countrum.
Speaker 1: But really, it's like, if you fight move the most
dangerous and terrifying person on this ship, you'll get out
of this alife. I don't know if that's true. You know,
I would be willing to let you say no. Claudia
is far more terrifying.
Speaker 6: I mean the child murder who turns into a faceless
like ten foot.
Speaker 1: Did she any soul accidentally kills children?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it just ever so slightly. That's a difference. Like
I'm tied to a chair, gonna get manicure right now,
me come.
Speaker 3: On from the other room. Claude's like, somebody need a
child killed?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 6: Uh so, Joriser, While you're doing that conundrum, this person
there's one of the people in the patrons in the
restaurant walk runs up to. He was like, oh, you're
you're one of those people, the people that can cast spells.
You're part You're one of the team, the adventury team.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 6: Perhaps great, your friends are in a lot of pain.
They're in double right now, and you need to go.
Speaker 1: You know, one of the adventuring heroes.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 1: But perhaps, he says, making himself to too out of
real beef.
Speaker 5: I just woke up. I don't know. I don't want
to commit to any answers right now.
Speaker 6: You're just just you're discombibling with I like, but you're
they're they're you need to get over to the yoga studio.
They're all being torn up right now. Off to the
yoga studio, all right, Joser, you run off to the
yoga studio.
Speaker 9: That's what you said you're doing, correct?
Speaker 5: Sure? Yeah, okay, where's jimp Uh?
Speaker 6: He disappeared a long time ago. I think I got
killed in like during the attack during the what's called
way back when during you guys are fighting the theater fight,
because I know the closet and the thing.
Speaker 8: I definitely like to imagine Gorcer was saying that out
loud coming back the motherfucker.
Speaker 6: All right, So Jorser, you run into the one, you
go out to one of the portals, go to the
next one. Also, did you bother stop in picking up clothes?
Speaker 5: I didn't say so, I did. I still have a
chunk of meat to put on my my nethers.
Speaker 6: Okay, I'm assuming that you just kind of hot us.
So you have basically a meat merkin going on. Oh man,
that's a shirt.
Speaker 8: So it's basically Georgier are doing Lady Gaga.
Speaker 6: Oh wow, Georger. So you run into the bend you
over yoga studio. You look around, and you don't see
the dicey bassards. You see the totally innocent party. So
this poor person got the god who you guys confused? Regardless,
every single one of the yoga u so people around
the perimeter are all dead. Around the central daist there
there is a demon known as super Friendly Bendy Wendy,
and every single one of the totally innocent member totally
innocent party are contorted in what appears to be bone
breaking anatomically impossible twisted yoga poses.
Speaker 9: They are crying and pain and for help.
Speaker 5: Oh fuck this place. I need to go find my team.
Speaker 6: All right, that's what we're gonna leave you for the moment.
Now we're gonna jump back over to We're gonna jump
back over to the U are regular crew? Who are
is still in the spa we left over with stand
pouring beer on the steam right there?
Speaker 1: Not just any bait. Maybe Kirkland Lights a cold.
Speaker 6: Refreshing, cold refreshing Kirkland Like the demon shrank a little
bit because from the alcoholic steam. This thing is all
about relaxation and beers anything but the vapors and the
beer seems to be poisoning to the creature. And uh yeah,
that's where we left you. So you did that action, Claudia,
you are still facing off against a demon Kabera. You're
off to the side and mood. You are still strapped
down getting your ure, trying to like the the mister
finger files are trying to like grind your past, your
nails and into your flash to flesh into you the bones.
Speaker 5: So and you know this is a fantasy world because
Kirkland Light still exists.
Speaker 3: A single tear run down Pop's cheek.
Speaker 6: Stand, what do you want to do?
Speaker 1: How am I having an effect on this thing? I
mean I realized this isn't hard science.
Speaker 6: But I do know that, Yes, you realize because it
screamed in pain the moment you poured like vapors beer
in the air.
Speaker 1: So I don't see if I can recruit somebody's idle
bastards in the spa to do the same.
Speaker 6: Well, there are other people are stuck, so everyone else
around like people are actually like so to the to
a round move people are stuck in their chairs and
they're like they're having their their fingers ground down to stumps.
The people over on the massage tables are being bent
and twisted in the wrong directions. And you save people
that were like drowning the others. So this is come
a torture. This is the steamer bite, who is like
taking your pleasure, making your relaxation pleasure, and turning.
Speaker 1: It against you. Yeah, I thought i'd saved some people
a day just be.
Speaker 6: Yeah, there's they're huffing and puffing up in the water
where you save them from five feet of water where
they were drowning.
Speaker 1: So who's this cat by the steam thing? I have
a great trek record of trying to make cats be useful.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so that's that's one of the cat people that's
over here by this, like basically this is this hot
lava rock kind of thing who's getting their feet stuck
into lava rock and they're being tortured by some unseen
forces that are like kind of like that poor little.
Speaker 9: Droid from the Revenge of the Jedi.
Speaker 1: Song I used to freak me out when I was
a kid Return of the Jedi saw. Yeah, yeah, I
always tell you that. Now I'm an adult, I can
see the funny.
Speaker 8: Side, But.
Speaker 6: Torture that robox sleeve.
Speaker 1: Life's not always fair, Droid. They programmed you to feel
pain for some reason.
Speaker 8: Metallicaus they am bust in through a windows.
Speaker 1: I suppose I should try and start rescuing people while
just casually dumping beer into this, uh this lava pit. Okay,
so you know what, I'm gonna save the cat. Apparently
I've heard people like that. Okay, read in a book somewhere.
You run over there, yep, pouring beer along as I go,
gold freshing.
Speaker 6: But beer from the magic mug pouring in there. It's
definitely upsetting the steam demon. And the more and more
beer you pour, you're sort of the air itself is
started to have that.
Speaker 9: Oh, that's kind of like even the.
Speaker 6: Air, so it tastes like beers, so that you're getting
errated alcohol.
Speaker 9: It's starting to permeate.
Speaker 6: So if you keep going, we're gonna just start doing
saving throws against Uh, basically you're just hot boxing booze.
Speaker 1: So okay, I'm not seeing it downside to that. Yeah,
I'll pull some over this cat as well. Okay, uh
favor the cat is having a bad time.
Speaker 9: That is true. That is true.
Speaker 6: So you grabbed the cat, you pull them. You're trying
to pull them out of the lot of they give me,
just give me an athletics role. You're trying to just
tackle this cat against the unseeen forces who are trying
to keep his cat's feet into the the lava rocks.
Speaker 1: Also, I don't know if anyone here has seen what
happens when you accidentally spill an entire point of flagg
got onto a cat. But it is hilarious. Let you
stress accidentally and it wasn't me, it was some other guy,
right friend? Yeah, athletics, did you say, yes, sir? Okay,
let's yank this pussy.
Speaker 6: U thirteen above average, so yeah, you got and me
you certainly start pulling this to Basi out of the
out of the flames. Its feet are very crispy, very
burnt up, but they are pulled away and very much
not being tortured anymore.
Speaker 1: Good job, excellent, That should get me some points for
the listeners. Well, if I have it is that all
of my actions.
Speaker 6: Uh you moved you bonus action in actions if you
quip or something you want to say.
Speaker 9: But yes, we were moving on.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to point to the assumed that to
Bacsi has his own cup, yes, and say, everybody does,
keep putting a very specific kind of booze onto this
at this lava rock, and don't fall in again.
Speaker 5: He said, k okay, I'll do that.
Speaker 6: Immediately it turns away, starts looking himself at it, starts
grooming himself like a.
Speaker 9: Zippy You just you stopped existing ten seconds later.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, saving the cat is always a complete waste
of time.
Speaker 6: All right, Claudia murder bear form, You've got a big
steam demon from me. Who shrinks Who's shrink a little bit,
He's back to his normal size. He and hailed a
co bears wind spirit. But now that there's booze in
the air, he does not like that, would you.
Speaker 3: Like to do it nice? And I'd like to slash
it him, not only to stoke my rage, keep my
rage going, but you know, to one more importantly, to
try out my shortcuts.
Speaker 9: Okay, I like to see these shortcuts.
Speaker 6: Let's see. Le's see if you digital work.
Speaker 3: There's one, I get two.
Speaker 6: So it's a yeah, you get too, but that's a three,
so D twenty two. Uh, you can roll to you
it's a big miss.
Speaker 9: So well, that seems to hang on. You did that wrong, by.
Speaker 3: The way, heavily. Okay, what do I do?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 6: So for the sake of this, just for the moment,
for roll your dagger, because your your claws counts. They
are precisions for.
Speaker 9: You so that you can usually dict thearity.
Speaker 6: So it's six sixteen to hit, all right, and we're
just gonna tack on two extra damage, so twelve damage
because you.
Speaker 9: Get two damage from the extrolution of rage.
Speaker 6: So based off of that. So all right, so sixteen
hits as a twelve twelve magical damage. Cool, you slash
into it first, first attack, yes.
Speaker 9: And then give me your second attack.
Speaker 6: Okay, cool, thirteen more damage, very much, big hits and
you're gonna take you're going to take it about five
damage a fire damage because you're getting cyprotal steam damage
back on you. Okay, but you heard it pretty pretty good.
Like the steam's vncing out of like ay screeches. It's
it's in pain, Cobert. Now, do you want to move
or anything you want to do? Are you good?
Speaker 8: No?
Speaker 3: I'm good?
Speaker 1: Okay, Cobert?
Speaker 8: All right, Well, the steam and demon is still around,
and I don't want to risk casting any more fucking spirits.
But thirty feet I believe is enough to do a
thorn whip.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: We tried that last time. You missed and you whipped
yourself under the chin like Indiana Jones.
Speaker 8: Yes, well this time I'll try not to natural one
natural twenty bloody hell does a twenty hit, I'll allow.
Speaker 9: It's fine, all right.
Speaker 8: Quick piercing damage.
Speaker 6: You hit that, and because you're far enough away, it
doesn't hurt you. Claudia take three more heat damage as
a venting piece of steam smashes you in the face. Sorry, Well,
you've got a melee person up in its business. So
it's got the steep these vented steam that's going somewhere.
Speaker 8: So yeah, yeah, yeah, and that is about what I
can do. Co Bear is not really built for combat.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you have sandwaige yourself between two wardrobes, so there's
not much further you can go. In fact, you are
literally up against a wall.
Speaker 8: So yes, that that was the intent. I was trying
to mitigate the amount of damage I was taking from
the environment.
Speaker 6: Moog, you are still strapped down by invisible forces in
a chair, having your fingers and toes, you have no
boots on.
Speaker 9: What would you like to do?
Speaker 7: Remind move of game that we used to play back
in Eye Coucher Klan, where we would capture elf slaves
and force them to off own fingers.
Speaker 1: A lot more fun back then. I guess I will
try to break out.
Speaker 6: Okay, give me an athletics roll, all right, twenty I'll
allow it. Yes, Smooth rages up, lifting his hands up
from this beautician's chair, pulling arms and feed up whileas
unseen spirits are taking your boots off and your toes
are staring back at your your boots of walking all over.
Your are being pulled slightly away by unseen spectral forces.
Speaker 9: But you are free from the chair.
Speaker 7: All right, I guess I will I will get up
and start and to start heading back to towards the fight.
Speaker 6: Yep, so you get a whole fifteen feet because you
basically standing standing up took basically happier movement. All right,
so that is your movement. You can action. You can
use your action to actually move I'll allow the breakout
to be a free action.
Speaker 1: Are any of the people who are trapped in these
chairs elves? Uh?
Speaker 6: No? Two commoners and what appears to be some kind
of like a hairless monk.
Speaker 9: Guys, so yeah, you're cool.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's a shame.
Speaker 9: But they are screaming in pain. That that matters.
Speaker 7: I will cast a ray of frost at the demon.
Speaker 1: Okay sixteen for.
Speaker 6: Uh it works? It does great. You like, you solidify
a lot of the steam and the crystallize at crackles
and it does not like that, you know, I mean,
this is like it's not happy. So good job and Clauda.
You see pieces of the section of the steam start
to coalesce. You see more of a fleshy attacks. So
the next time you next for your next hit, you
have advantage against it. Okay, cool, jorcever, it is your
turn now seeing where you're at. You were staring at
those people being bent and twisted in the wrong ways
until the innocent party would like to stay there and
try to fight in friends.
Speaker 5: No, I'm gonna go look for my friends.
Speaker 6: Okay, Now, were you guys saying anything out loud? Because
you all still have the bracelets that can like have
two way transmissions, So what were you guys saying out
loud that Georgier might be able to hear a clue
on where you are.
Speaker 1: At tying to yank dad pussy.
Speaker 6: The whorehouse.
Speaker 1: That's all I've got to go on. Surely of a
people set stuff.
Speaker 3: Clod just said, ah at one.
Speaker 7: Point, I'm pretty sure Moo would have talked about gnawing
off elf fingers out loud probably yeah.
Speaker 6: And Combert, would you have said anything out loud? Nope,
trying noise to die.
Speaker 1: He's hiding and noises.
Speaker 8: It was me like sandwiching myself between two bureaus and
Whittingham a distance, not making it very clear.
Speaker 6: I imagine now my head because the way the characters too,
I feel like you're just literally facing the wall, give
your shoulder like that that that petulant chow whipping his
hand and go away.
Speaker 8: No, No, I'm facing the thread. I'm ready to wild.
Shape of this motherfucker is charging? Are you nuts?
Speaker 6: All right? So, based on the conversation that you think
you might have heard, grocer, where would you like to go?
Speaker 5: What are my options? Again?
Speaker 6: Oh, there are a lot of options, you actually about
all the different all the different places on the ship.
That the okay, So there's the spa, the paper champ,
the gym, the flex deck, the bar, restaurant, the Possible Taste,
which you just left, the pool, wet dreams, survival games,
play your day away, theater, showboating, sex club, Nole's bar.
Speaker 5: All right, sex, it's got to be the sex club.
All I heard was jank that pussy.
Speaker 6: All right, So we're going to jorcer. You run in through,
you run through the portal because you know what you heard.
You know you heard yank that pussy. See you run
across uh, out of the portal, into the deck, into
the brothel portal and now you run into uh no
Hole's bar, and the familiar aroma of orgy hits your
hit your nose, you know, uh, it's actually and it
really hasn't been that long. It's only been a couple
hours since you were here last So there is still
that pleasure pile that would have been popped like the
sexy pimple that it was uh in their closet of
refractory breed. Look like they're ready for a round two.
And they see like everybody's like Jorce and they wave
at Juice because, as you recall it last time, there
was a whole lot of a lot of touching going on.
Speaker 5: All right, but I don't see I don't see my group.
Speaker 6: Now, you do realize since these are communication bracelets, you
can talk into the bracelets.
Speaker 5: All right, Well, I'll try that in a second. First,
I want to ask the crowd, is there any anywhere
else one mighty yank pussy?
Speaker 9: At least two thirds of the people raise their hand.
Speaker 5: That's not working. I'll use the bracelet. Where the pussy?
Speaker 1: Where are.
Speaker 6: Uh? The rest of the team. You hear jorcepher awake
it alive now and that voice that is asking like
where should he where should the yang the pussy?
Speaker 5: This is a very unhelpful group.
Speaker 6: No one wantsn't talking about. I'm hiding Georgia. You've been
abandoned by your friends. I didn't mean to tell you this.
Speaker 1: This is all about he was just asking the people
at the whole house that I've talked to my bracelet.
Speaker 8: Oh I I genuinely forgot we had the communication bracelets
of my being honest.
Speaker 6: That's okay.
Speaker 8: So we're supposed to be able to hear you.
Speaker 6: Yeah, because yes, they're basically walky talkings on your wrist
that I said we could talk so you could find
each other as you went to different places.
Speaker 8: So yeah, gotcha. I still say nothing. I'm not pissing
off the steam monster for joyceerer actually is now. I
intentionally say nothing. Kebar is trying to turn it down.
He's looking for the volume button. Shut up, Shut the
fuck up. It's like my phone's ringing. In the movie
No No Fuck.
Speaker 3: Claudia will yell about the steam and the steam Monster.
But I don't know if she could talk as Koala Kala.
Speaker 6: So give me a performance role, like you know what,
let's find out.
Speaker 5: A horse grumbling Kala noises.
Speaker 8: I'll understand you. Uh if that makes you feel better too, well, Emily,
what did you say? I speak?
Speaker 3: Everything I said was there's a huge ass monster.
Speaker 1: It's Koala.
Speaker 3: People are losing their fingernails.
Speaker 8: There you go, all right? I still say nothing.
Speaker 6: Do that with you will Georger back to the top
of the order. Stand.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got my hands free. I can reply to
this message. Okay, Geger, you're alive. That's great news. But
maybe no, maybe not a permanent condition. But when you
come over to the spa please, there's a nice relaxing
steam bath we need your help with. And then I'm
gonna lit a cigar at the end of the last.
Speaker 6: That in direction and a cigar.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going to give that to the cat because
I have not seen a cat smoke a cigar since
like ninety ninety six on the on boomerang and I
miss it. So yeah, I'm just going to enjoy that
image of at the backs he's smoking cigar.
Speaker 9: Oh, he graciously accepts it, you know.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's please, that's pleasing to me. All right, I
enjoyed it.
Speaker 6: He takes us to cigars, takes a few steps over,
luckily says, takes his feet or kill him, sits down
the chair, not realizing what he's doing, gets locked in,
and then the mysterious forces start to like grind his
his birk feet and his toesails and then his fingernails.
Speaker 1: Oh well, that's a less an appealing mental image, but
still funny.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 1: Uh, okay, I'm signaled to Jaucer. I've given a cat cigar.
How many actions do I have left?
Speaker 6: Okay, I'll see give you I say, talking free action,
giving the thing the cigar bonus action.
Speaker 9: I'll give you an action and a movement left.
Speaker 1: Okay. I will move up to the Moog. Say, Moog,
you're good at killing things. Any idea how to kill
a steam demon? Of it than pouring beer into the atmosphere,
which I will do if my other hens.
Speaker 7: Nice mook' say best way to kill steam and demon
is pretended Elf.
Speaker 1: That seems to be you'll go to solution. I mean,
I'm not knocking your strategy. It works exactly.
Speaker 6: This is like the third or fourth beer you poured
into the steam stand.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 9: Give me a constitution saving throw please.
Speaker 1: Here we go, Lucky thirteen.
Speaker 6: Uh, you're fine for now. It's only beer, but you're
starting to feel like, oh I've been I'm inhaling who
it's a beer Bog.
Speaker 7: Had considering his last attack is moo. Remember as child
growing up, Elve's not like being frozen to death neither
due demons.
Speaker 1: You're right, It really does seem that every specific weakness
and elf has is shared by most living organisms. How
convenient I was wrong about you?
Speaker 6: Move?
Speaker 1: What do you lacking creativity? You more than make up
for a murderous vendetta.
Speaker 6: Uh kowala face, bloody quala face. Say Claude, is need
three times in the mirror, she will appear.
Speaker 3: It's your term, not not even three times? Once?
Speaker 8: Is good?
Speaker 6: Oh god, that's work. She's way fucked more scared than
that ring girl. All right, you're at your turn.
Speaker 3: All right, it's goin to do a couple more attacks.
Speaker 6: Okay, you know what, the creature never got to turn.
I'm go good them two this time. All right, I'm
a bad deal. Okay, eight miss it? Oh no, dak
twenty two? Yeah, you definitely hit seven nineteen damaged?
Speaker 1: Holy shit?
Speaker 6: Is that adding in the sneak attack? I've been adding
in a whole time. Okay, ten damage?
Speaker 5: Cool?
Speaker 6: Okay, it's it's still very wound. To give me a
second attack, okay, and that one misses could bear your turn.
Speaker 8: I think you could take a wild guess what I'm doing.
Thorn whip, Yes, indeed, it rhymes with hide and thorn whip.
Twenty seven.
Speaker 9: Ooh, that's pretty good.
Speaker 6: So is that a natural?
Speaker 8: Uh? I don't think so, you know it is? Wait
it shouldn't be, yeah, because my plus seven.
Speaker 9: So yeah, not twenty twenty.
Speaker 8: That's weird.
Speaker 1: That didn't show yea, yeah, it's not showing that lily.
Speaker 8: Yeah all right, So well it did give me the
critical damage, so six and then seven, so that totals
out to thirteen thirteen.
Speaker 6: Uh, it's it's pretty good now for the sake for
a little bit of the flavor, which is anything you
like to do, like flavor taxs you like to do
with your whip. You've got a hold of it, like
call like Indiana Jones, what would I like to do
with this?
Speaker 5: Uh?
Speaker 8: We since it has kind of a shape in the
tokens on the YouTube. Hint, hint, go check out the YouTube.
Uh Cabert will this time uh lash the whip out,
catching it around the neck, digging the thorns in, and
then yanking hard to twist it and cause a big
gout of steam to pour out.
Speaker 6: Okay? Uh uh drew Romeo D four north south east
west one two three four and that's where the steam's
gonna go. One north all right, So no one's there
events and missed everybody. I will say this, you spun it,
so it's it's it's spun around pretty good, and invented
it's steam up north Way and missed everybody. So it
didn't burn Claudia this time.
Speaker 8: All right, I did something. That's the high point of
Kubert this episode. Everybody, you can go home now.
Speaker 3: You know that Sam comes in clutch all the time.
Though seriously, Oh.
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's like the one good druid attacks Bell. All right.
Speaker 6: Uh so the demon s tema gonna turn last time,
he's going to uh right himself.
Speaker 9: He's upset about that.
Speaker 6: Uh, he is going to point a finger at Cobert. Cobert,
give me a constitution saving throw.
Speaker 8: Well, I guess the good thing is I don't have
to worry about losing my fucking elemental Oh that's a four, all.
Speaker 6: Right, Cobert. You are flung across the room by the
telekinetic forces.
Speaker 8: Oh oh am I am I?
Speaker 5: Am I?
Speaker 8: Or am I thrown two inches into the things I
have barricaded myself against.
Speaker 6: Uh it's you are pulled by unseen forces. I'm staying again,
Launched across to the mid lane of the springs. You
could land onto the massage table or unseen forces are
now backing out trying to massage your four hooves into
like your legs in various directions. They are quite quite bendy.
Nothing bad a s happen yet, but you are you
are starting to feel a lot of pain as your
legs are being bent in direction they weren't meant to go,
all right? Uh and then for his se second movie,
he's going to turn and face Claudia and he's going
to take a swing at Claudia with fiery, steamy hands.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 6: Just even with a plus seven, he's going to miss.
So he misses.
Speaker 9: All right, that's cool that it was a big move
for the whole thing.
Speaker 6: Yay, jorce where yeh bud? Where you going?
Speaker 5: All right? I guess I've been given directions. I'll head
to the spa.
Speaker 6: All right, I'll gonna go grab your character from the
smutty patudi the brothel, and uh, like a big thing
of Keystone cops, you run back out of the brothel,
across the hall into the spa, and you burst forth
into boom. There you go. You run in Hello, and
you see a fifteen foot demon made of steam and
pain fighting a bloody face, koala to the north. You
see a bear strapped down and started screaming pain, move
and stand are coming direction and everyone else, everyone else
you's seen in the room is somehow being tortured through
pleasure and relaxation.
Speaker 3: Oh boy, bloody face, call will wave hello.
Speaker 6: You know, give me to the performance role. Let's see
how you sound this time.
Speaker 3: Okay, it's pretty good.
Speaker 9: Fifteen a bat so.
Speaker 6: I don't know if it's quite speech, but it's definitely
it's inviting.
Speaker 9: What do you want to do, Sarah Bevan? Since you
you're just your movie, you have an action.
Speaker 5: I guess you know, if I can't move anymore, I
guess I'll fire off a spell at that scary looking thing.
Speaker 6: Yeah, by all means wall right, Yeah.
Speaker 5: I was on the fence. But I'll do a ray
of frost at the at the steam steam and demon.
Got it?
Speaker 6: I mean you have Vulter's blast too, there's more damage.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I'll do that. There you go. There it
is okay, I'll just blast doesn't do it?
Speaker 1: Doesn't it's a D ten Yeah, D ten ray frost
is two D eight Oh is it?
Speaker 5: Oh well, I've already rolled the Eldritch blast.
Speaker 8: I think it depends on how Yeah, if we're level five,
it should be two D eight.
Speaker 6: Uh, don't you when you guys are you guys?
Speaker 9: You guys aren't.
Speaker 6: When you guys reach you can start doing two beams
at a time, so two separate attack roles when you
get a certain level warlock. Sorry my bad, regardless, you
hit it for four uh, you slap it around bosh.
It gets hit pretty hard like resistance or yeah, oh no,
you hit it. You hit it like it was already hurt.
It's it's not looking pretty anymore. It's been pretty messed
up in this fight so far. So it's like you
hit it like there's this big puncture. Your force shoots
right through the big hole of the steam, and like you,
the creature crackles in pain and another gallt of steam
comes out and Claudia takes four more uh fire damage
in your face from the vented hole in.
Speaker 1: It's I have penetrated to a jiltras.
Speaker 6: I recognized. H you can stand top order. It's your turn.
What do you want to do?
Speaker 1: Mood didn't go this round.
Speaker 6: You broke free.
Speaker 9: You ran every talk.
Speaker 6: Oh fine, I will allow it all right, move?
Speaker 5: What are you doing.
Speaker 6: Well.
Speaker 7: I'm kind of getting to flank with the Clodia. Okay,
oh nice, all right, and I guess I will I
will attack with the orphan splitter, go for it. Is
this advantage seventeen for eleven slashing. Got it all right,
And you guys get you get one or two tacks
around this because I had to put a level into
warlock only get one attack.
Speaker 6: You might still get all the way around. I guess not.
Speaker 9: I guess not.
Speaker 6: H that's fine, it doesn't matter. That's more than enough.
You you finally you finish it off the slot. Your
lady goes through the steam cleaves the theme in half
and both you're going to take five fire damage to
your face as it evaporates it up steam of pain
and it's gone, so boom. As soon as the steam
demon disappears, the people who are being tortured, they're no
longer being held down. Unfortunately, their lack of fingers and
toes from being ground down still exists. Kaber, you're luckily
your your legs are not being twisted, and you're now
you're just laying on the table all Horsey style. That's
about it.
Speaker 8: So this is why I ask for the light touch massages.
Speaker 6: George, or there's still a bloody face quall in front
of your ataxia.
Speaker 1: That's just saying.
Speaker 5: I seem to recall something about Kirkland light.
Speaker 8: The room.
Speaker 6: The room does have a whiff, a very familiar with
of of a certain frothy brew.
Speaker 5: Is uh, is Stan still pouring beer into the pit?
Speaker 1: Yeah? That's That's been my only contribution to this fight.
Speaker 5: Even if it's no longer useful. I'd like to uh,
I'd like to help.
Speaker 1: Okay, stand o say to to everybody like, oh, you're
all free now the danger has passed thanks to my
plucky crew. You can think it's light to probably I
shake a hand, but you don't have much of one left.
Speaker 5: I suppose I'm gonna filter filter it through myself, and
I'm just gonna drink Kirkling light and piss into the pit,
okay until until we do something else.
Speaker 6: In a matter of no time, the rooms, the sense
of burning beer shifts slightly to the sense of frothy
piss by way of Kirkland light.
Speaker 9: So not much has changed.
Speaker 1: I'm hoping it's really killed the vibe. It sounds like
it's a good time to leave.
Speaker 6: Here's some of those statues. It's like, you know, the
baby peeing into the fountain, kind of like that, but grosser.
Speaker 1: You're welcome, you welcome. Pay no attention to the man
pissing into the sting.
Speaker 6: Because, if I'm not mistaken, Jorcer is naked, probably with
his hat, one leg up and his he's peeing through
the meat wad that was hiding his.
Speaker 5: Wien or something.
Speaker 6: No, I took that off, the meat murking When did
you take the meat murking off? I don't recall this
because I needed to pee. No, I'm gonna snack on
it while I'm pee.
Speaker 7: Oh, let me let me ask a question. Since it
was grinding these people's digits, are there? Are there like
severed fingers and toes on the ground?
Speaker 6: Now, No, it's bloody, So just just take a file
and start stun at your finger and don't stop until
you reach the second knuckle. It's just ground meat and
blood and it's just ground down. It wasn't chopped off.
It's just ground away.
Speaker 1: So yeah, but no elves leave now, all.
Speaker 3: Right, Claudia will do two more slashes that the pee
missed in the air.
Speaker 6: Eyes, you're gonna lose your You're gonna lose your rage
unless you are attacked or you attack something. So you're
gonna punch anbody, you're gonna lose your rage. This will
be a second for the day, so there's no more raging.
Speaker 3: No, yeah, she's gonna stop raging.
Speaker 6: Okay. Uh, the murder air disappears and Claudia Classic reappears.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we know that the totally Indescent Party went to
yoga studio, right, yes you do? Yeah, okay, then I'm
going to suggest that a team that we go along
and hindered them. I'll try and say that diplomatically. A Hey, team,
I know that totally innocent party. I was supposed to
be working with us, and they're fighting another demon in
the yoga studio. But I think it'd be great if
we somehow fucked that up for them and took the credit.
That wasn't a diplomatic because I thought I was going
to make.
Speaker 5: I should probably weigh in. I think they're all dead.
Speaker 1: Oh well, that's even better.
Speaker 6: We usually I'll say for Georgia, you recall, like the
random NPC's were all dead. Wow, they were all bents
as you were recalled to them. They were all the
total in the party. Was kind of all contorted and
bents in unnatural ways, but you're alive and screaming in pain.
Speaker 5: Correction, they're all dying. Fantastic, and there's a little elf
child standing staring at my wonder who wanted me to
kill moog? Okay, well that last part sounds like you
just hit your head, But the first part it imagine
it looks on their faces when we saved them from
their own inevitable destruction, better looking than their faces right
now because they're kind of fucked up.
Speaker 1: Yes, excellent, wonderful. This is all going first. Anyone want
to grab dinner?
Speaker 5: Yes, I've got a handful right now.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I have a zero appetite.
Speaker 6: Now, all of your bracelets starts to bleep at once
as an emergency call comes through. Uh oh god, uh
nicey passards.
Speaker 2: This is Julie.
Speaker 6: This is not good. This is very much not good.
The totally party really screwed up. They could not stop
the demon in the yoga studio. They are all up
on the main deck now and there appears be a
little elf boy and a demon and another demon and
they're calling you out and you don't show up, they're
going to capsize the whole ship. Oh and the captains
I'm steering. I'm really I'm fucking scared right now. I
kind of need to help your your only hope.
Speaker 5: God damn it, give me. This is the first useful
thing I've ever done. And then it just fucking unnecessary.
Speaker 8: Oh shit, guys, I got bad news. I'm out of
third level spells. I can't do water walk and haul.
Speaker 3: You all, and I'm out of rages, and I'm pretty wounded.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm pretty wounded as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm out of spells. Joce, Right, just that little
note for the future. Next time you have urgent information,
maybe tell it before you stop pissing in a fighting
in a fountain and eating handfuls of meat.
Speaker 5: Oh like, but eight seconds, it would have made it
a difference.
Speaker 1: I've achieved a lot in eight seconds in my time.
Speaker 8: I can't cut to just in time.
Speaker 9: I made a child.
Speaker 8: Wait twice, Oh there's two, no both times.
Speaker 1: Anyway. Well, the good news is, Moog, you're probably going
to get to kill an elf. The bad news is
it seems like all these monsters were distractions and our
true enemy is now in a position of let's just say,
temporary superiority. As we are all fucked. Moo will just
point out that ships typically have lifeboats. Hmmm, it's not
the most heroic suggestion you've ever made. Moo Oh, look
at me, mister. I'm all about killing the elves, and
then all of a sudden, as if six lots of
elves die, moo wins, they'll probably be rescued by the
water elves. You know what the elves are like. They're
always looking out for each other, aren't they. Fucking water
elves seem.
Speaker 6: So, you guys are all definitely hurt.
Speaker 5: Correct.
Speaker 1: I think I'm a largely straight out of trouble.
Speaker 5: I'm okay, I'm either hurt or haven't been keeping track
of my hit points properly.
Speaker 6: Well, you did get a few hits during the fight
at the words God. So do you guys have any
healing potions or anything like that?
Speaker 1: I moved to proposed that Joecer's cheesnat counts as a
short rest.
Speaker 8: All right, okay, hang on, I do it looks like
I do need to cast a spell? I am down
a little bit.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't have anything except for some reason, a
sex mallet in my inventory.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you took that from the mayor the Mayor's house,
one of the one of the three big witches.
Speaker 3: Or the oh dang good memory.
Speaker 6: Well, yeah, it's the sex mallet from the other the
torture thing. I came over one of the hags. I
think it was the Annas Hag.
Speaker 9: She was the sex fiend.
Speaker 8: All right, I'm going to cast a round of good
berries to get to get ten good berries home of
the good berries. I will eat five of them myself here.
Speaker 6: Before you, before you start eating good berries, because then
you shit yourself, because remember what happens.
Speaker 8: That's only if we do the super smoothy God.
Speaker 6: I will remind Okay, everybody, give me a history check
because technically this all happened in the same day. Even
though we've been playing for a long time, this all
happened in the same day.
Speaker 8: So Moove gets a twenty one gets at thirteen.
Speaker 6: All right, So Moog, you do recall that you guys
were shipped over in crates, So there was an entire
holding area that could have any number of things are
being shipped from place to place because you remember the
Grand Whimsy. Besides being of a great place where we
like to have fun. Ef thing makes a lot of
its money by shipping, so you god knows what you
can find in some of those shipp containers.
Speaker 1: Moog thinks we should rob place blind before fighting demons.
Speaker 8: That makes sense. They flipped the boat. We're not going
to get anything, and if we have to escape, you know,
at least we yeah, we we escape.
Speaker 1: Icons find a single crack in that strategy, Yeah.
Speaker 5: I mean it's there, and we'll we'll probably suffer no
repercussions from it.
Speaker 8: Yeah, you've all got a wild shape in your back
pocket to swim away from this. Right.
Speaker 1: Look, the boat's and chaos. Stealing things should technically be
very easy, and it's on the way, and Mogile point
out creates Fluat.
Speaker 8: At least we're like, we're still not threatening the entire ship.
We're still the better people here, not great, but better.
Speaker 9: As you imagine.
Speaker 6: You guys are doing the smork and walk and talk
as Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Stan was saying to his communicat watch, don't worry.
We're on our way. Will be about fifteen minutes.
Speaker 6: Hold them all, I'd like, let's say we're going to
crash the ship. The Captain's like, I don't know to
steer this thing. This is not looking good.
Speaker 5: Please hurry up.
Speaker 1: It's fine, girls, was taking a shit will be fifteen
minutes for eight hours.
Speaker 8: Listen. Just make sure you radio the shore and tell
them that whatever happens, it's the fault of the totally
innocent party. Make sure that gets across.
Speaker 6: The total parties on deck right now. They're not looking
good good.
Speaker 1: Let's make sure they know, tell them they stuck, Tell
them to be better adventurous.
Speaker 8: We're getting real sick of these assholes. Let's just make
sure this gets all the way out there.
Speaker 3: Do these risk watches have Wi Fi? Can swim?
Speaker 8: We're on magic social media totally. The party shits the
bet again.
Speaker 6: And I see like swim. But it is an open
ocean now anyway. So you guys, you guys, come out
from the portal, go to the deck, go down one
deck when you guys originally should up and he come
down to the cargo crates, where as you recall, I
believe like you were shipped over in various containers, all
types of things. I think you're being even in costumes
and all types of all types of some you have
a lot of crates in front of you.
Speaker 9: There's actually and some of some of.
Speaker 6: The the Warford's workers who are they are like loading
and checking on the grade as well. So be at
your disposal, and so you guys can start. If you
guys want to start investigating here, you can.
Speaker 1: Well, let's let's employ the people who actually know what
they're doing, and we can probably blag that they know
we're kind of working with Julie.
Speaker 5: Will you do that. I'm gonna just start opening shit.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, I will try and blag the workers. Okay,
you there automatoms. Julie sent me down to look for
specifically healing potions or anything that might give us an
advantage in a possibly deaf deifying escapade. You got anything
like that?
Speaker 6: They all look at each other, wonder who's authority?
Speaker 1: Definitely from Julie. Julie, you'll send it to watch what.
Speaker 6: She screams from the watch.
Speaker 8: Yes see, sounded like authority to me.
Speaker 1: Extremely afarreative.
Speaker 6: Uh. They start pointing around. So several of the crates
they pointed like it do have a various various tiers
of magical items, but like most of them are like
healing potions, healing scrolls, things of that nature. So you
could start everyone could like grab grab a you have
enough to definitely heal up all the way to fool
you'd like to, and then grab say we could grab
an additional two or three standard healing potions per person.
Speaker 1: Nice fill your boots.
Speaker 6: Uh, you do find one case crate that has a
suit two or three excuse me, three superior healing potions
inside of them, so they're like the big ones.
Speaker 5: So it's like, what is it?
Speaker 6: It's like forty four plus sixteen or something like that.
So they're very, very very expensive. And Julie gave you
authority there are three superior here League potions.
Speaker 9: Distribute those as you see fit.
Speaker 1: Nice stand will also lean into one of the war
Forge and say, you know, if you have just like
a spare water breathing potion, even if you only have one,
just let me.
Speaker 6: Out sense just talking on the slide, the war Forge
kind of gives you the robotic wink, which means his
face does not and he points to this one create.
Speaker 1: Nice, Oh, put in my ventry free healing potions. Who
wants to superior healing potion?
Speaker 8: No, I could knock one back.
Speaker 1: Yeah, probably George Seer should get one because he tends
to be squishy.
Speaker 8: What's what Chris Stats on a superior eighty four plus eight. Whoa,
that's way better than I thought it was going to be. Jesus, Oh,
it's way.
Speaker 6: But it's it's above your level.
Speaker 9: That's the whole point.
Speaker 6: Like these are rare expensive.
Speaker 8: And yeah, well they shouldn't have left them around our asses.
Speaker 1: Right well, Juliet, like the things we do for the
greater good.
Speaker 8: Indeed, all right, I'm back at full and.
Speaker 1: I want to surreptitiously checking out another crate while they
hit Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 6: You can be as as as casual overt or covert
as you see, just.
Speaker 1: Very casual, got it? Inspecting the merchandise.
Speaker 8: All right?
Speaker 6: You look aside and there are definitely a thing of
potions and there at least four of them have this
awkwad blue tinge to them with a little like little
wavy with water wave like symbols on the side of
the glass.
Speaker 1: Oh this looks promising for you, say four now, witch
of these bastards do I like the best?
Speaker 5: You know what I'm gonna.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be upfront about it. Garberka shapesh Yeah right, yeah, Japs,
I may have a solution to our imminent drowning problem.
There seems to be some poshes of water breathing here,
so I'm going to start horse kicking everybody out of
the Claudia has always has already clarified that Koala bears
can swim, so you can chill be fine. Also, I
think he's made of straw. I don't know. I'm sure
be a raft. Yeah, can you use Claudia as a raft?
Speaker 8: I'm honestly thinking it might end up I shape shift
into a bird and then just occasionally land on Claudia
while scouting for late.
Speaker 1: I think we've got a workable Plan B.
Speaker 3: You owe me a lift, buddy.
Speaker 8: I mean, you guys are gonna have to be like
swimming her in whatever direction I indicate underneath.
Speaker 1: Stan will just take this. I'll hold onto the ease
for now, and when it comes to Plan B, my
my secret pass code will be oh shit, run, that's
how you know to Plan B is under way.
Speaker 8: Oh, it feels like we should probably ask just to
be safe. There's nothing down here that's like highly explosive. Right,
I turn to the war Forged, give me.
Speaker 6: A persuasion roll.
Speaker 8: Well, then my two.
Speaker 9: Or it's kind of shrugs.
Speaker 8: I would have been clear that wasn't a negative one
bumped up? That was a three. I have a negative
one to my career.
Speaker 3: Can can Claudia give that a try as well? She
is sure very fond of the exploding things.
Speaker 6: Twenty three? Yeah, this one war force just kind of
leans against this one. Craigo's tap tap tap.
Speaker 7: Cloudia gave a speech about basically, it's like, do you
know what happens when you strap a child to like gunpowder?
Speaker 8: Look, I Compar's not going to make use of that,
but I figure somebody in this party is.
Speaker 3: Going to, all right, what is in this crate?
Speaker 6: All right? You pull the crate open, and it is
the fantasy version of like dynamite. Essentially, it's like like
these like basically compacted uh potion bottles that once you
give them like they once you twist the tops, the
potions start to mix, like the wax segle between them
start to mix, and this chemical you like you're looking
at it. Give me an intelligence check real.
Speaker 3: Fast, okay, two gents, just.
Speaker 9: Straight intelligence twelve twelve.
Speaker 6: As far as you're concerned, you've got an indefinite amount
of time. Just twist as soon as you whenever you
throw it is whenever you throw it, you don't got
to worry at all. Just twist it, crack it. It's
like a glow stick and like the the liquors are
clearly gonna mix and it'll stay that way until you
throw it. You don't have to worry about time at all.
You're good.
Speaker 3: How many of these can I carry?
Speaker 8: Uh?
Speaker 6: There are six in the case?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 3: Can I carry?
Speaker 6: Slightly large? I mean they're they're basically two, but they're
basically to the size of two softballs next together, so
it's like they are larger than average.
Speaker 3: So I'm thinking I can carry two, well, one in
each hand.
Speaker 6: Yes, but if you have if you have you have
a bag of holding, or think that you can carry.
Speaker 1: The rest, you have a bad you big to like
put on your drink for pocket.
Speaker 6: And they're too big, Like they each one feels a.
Speaker 3: Hand, So okay, she's gonna like balance them all in
the crook of arm and take it off, take them
back to her her house. Whoever has a bag of folding.
Speaker 1: Just casually juggling m horse kickser.
Speaker 6: Thus adds the.
Speaker 7: Wu was impressed with how well that worked for clothing,
so he's gonna try and ask the war for It's
like it's like there would happened to be any weapons
here that are that are extra use for for killing
demons or elves.
Speaker 6: Uh, give me a persuasion role twelve. Uh they kind
of he just kind of gestures at you, tut.
Speaker 5: Uh nice, What what am I finding in random creates?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 6: So you have found once again, you have you have
managed to find a costume crate. You have managed to
find uh.
Speaker 5: The first thing that fits?
Speaker 6: All right, So you're worrying what appears to be the
costume of a like a a what's like? What's there
like the little lollipop girl? Chiley Temple, Shirley Temple, thank
you so Shirley Temple outfit? Hopeing this is for the theater.
You find a book a trace of extremely rare tones
and novels first edition, hand to hand, eliminated, Uh prints
of books. You find candies and chocolates and spices, and
what appears to be more sex toys.
Speaker 5: All right, I'll grab a sex toy.
Speaker 6: Okay, you pull on something else and interfere. It's a bit,
it's it could just be a cudgel. It's got a
floppy end. Uh, it's big, it's it could be a
two hundred mall for all you care. It's it's it's
it's a we'll just call this a wamp and bildo.
Speaker 5: So wamp and dooldo. I'll put it in my inventory. Gotcha?
Speaker 8: That?
Speaker 1: Okay? Well, let's cool that plan C.
Speaker 6: And I think that's what we're gonna call this episode
of the Dicey Bastards as they arm themselves with bombs,
dildos and more so. Also, that's a great name for
an episode, right there. Uh and he yes, it may
have anything they want to do, do or say before
we sign off for this.
Speaker 8: Episode, stay in school. Our Claudia is gonna get you.
Speaker 1: It'd be cool if Joe ser are like Clacs the
del there like a shotgun and then says something cool.
It's like click clack, let's get my fucked.
Speaker 5: Try to think of something before next episode.
Speaker 6: And I hope you do so. Preparing to face off
against Eric Ricci and the Demon on the final showdown
between Moons Nemesis and uh and basically just where he's
gonna prove racism, right, that's we're gonna end this episode
The Dicey Bastards on behalf of Steve Weather or Rick
Walterierry Drew Hayes, Robert Bevan and Emily Captain and MK Gibson.
We're the Dicey Bassards and you've been great and we'll
see you all next time. Bye everybody, Bye bye.
Speaker 10: You've been listening to Dicey Bastard's Cat to see if
Orphans and Dragons check us out at Orphors and Dragons
dot com. I look up our Patreon if you want
to supporters, get secret content, and hang out on our
discord music by the door Call four.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's yank this pussy h