Speaker 1: This is an Unspoiled Network podcast. This is Spoiled Me
covering Dungeon Crawler Carl Book six, The Eye of the
bedlam Bride, chapters fifty five through fifty nine. In these chapters,
everything is very, very fucking sad again, SURRENDERL Gore, you.
Speaker 2: Broke my heart.
Speaker 1: You have broken my heart. Welcome to spoil Me. Welcome
to the show.
Speaker 2: Everyone.
Speaker 1: I am Natasha. Thank you very much to Michael I
guess for commissioning this episode. Michael's here in the chat,
so I feel free to say, Michael.
Speaker 2: You are on thin.
Speaker 1: I sir, I do not appreciate these feelings I'm feeling.
I don't like it. It makes me upset and very
angry and upset. And there's you know, what gets me
to is the fact that Surrender Gore's fucking been through
some shit too before this even all happened. And that's
what really makes me sad, is like she just seemed
to never catch a fucking break in her life, you know.
And I know that we can argue this about Carl also,
but it just feels like different somehow. I don't know, man,
I just oh my god, I really really hated all
of this so much, and I have to talk about
it now and I don't want to, frankly, sorry, Rob
just said in this chapter and then the sobbing emoji,
and that is correct, Michael says. The villain is admitted
to stealing experience and cheating Mango out of his prize. Yeah,
that was like such a fucking ge way to go out.
Is like saying all of that to Dona. I love
it so much. Just like, you know what, I'm gonna
throw a bone here pun intended, because I'm a dog
character and I am going to.
Speaker 2: Just let her.
Speaker 1: Have this one where she's right, I'm the villain and
what does it fucking matter? You know, my god, this
is so awful. So okay, there's a lot to talk about,
honestly in this section, and like, I mostly just want
to talk about what happened with the Rendel Gore. So
I know I'm going to have to really stay on
my shit because last time I was just I was not.
Speaker 2: I was not on my shit, all right.
Speaker 1: So fifty five starts off with a note from Crawler Porthos,
who we have met before, about not under any circumstances
teleporting a shell possessed by an evicted demon, which it
turns out we do later it seems like maybe we
do too a few actually, but you know, we'll get there.
So we have our current active deck lineup that we
get told and there is a message here about or
there's Carl remembering a message from his sponsor who's gone
now saying Samantha can help you with Donut's laundry day spell,
and he didn't get it, and then he asked Samantha
and she acted like she didn't know what they were
talking about. And you know, it's funny, guys. It's because
I ran out of time towards the end that I
didn't bring this up. But it was something that I
really clocked while I was listening to the audio book.
She says something like I'll help with the spell, and
immediately I went, what what does that mean? How can
she help with the spell? And then, like I said,
I got so distracted because I was running out of
time that I didn't bring it up. But as it
turns out, it's likely something with her that means that
she is able to bring back many more things than intended.
Karl doesn't know if she was lying about what she
could do, or if she didn't know, But later on
there's a conversation where it is suggested that maybe she
knows some but it seems like she's not quite sure either.
So anyway she manages to I was saying, like, oh,
what if she brings back the sea serpent that ines
is on. Oh imagine if that were it. She brings
back sister Nez and a snake, a thousand zombie seals,
five thousand zombie crabs, five hundred zombie adult seals, it says,
a metric fucked ton of living crabs and seals pretty
much every fish in the world, or so it seemed,
living fish and zombie fish, and alarming number of corpses.
More on this in a moment, and zero demons, and
this is I look, it's really something that this happens
in this section, and it's really not even that big
a deal in the end, Like I don't mean it
really as like not a big deal, but you get
what I'm saying. This is a fucking shit show. And
yet when you put it up against everything that goes
on later, it's like.
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, that it's nothing.
Speaker 1: It's just not So it's a and a sea snake,
by the way, is the size of a whale. So
this is a very very It's also like there's a
whole thing with.
Speaker 2: That later.
Speaker 1: Former shell of the now free demons. Asarath is like
one of the many notifications above, several of the corpses.
Your Book of Voodoo has updated with an entry for
Sister yez Kataria. And we haven't actually seen Carl interacting
with the Book of Voodoo since he got it. We've
gotten a bunch of notifications actually, but we have not
seen him writing in it really. I think maybe there
was like one time. It's just not really been a thing.
And I'm extremely curious if it's just kind of what's
the word I want, if it's been put in play
and we're purposely avoiding it as an author because we
want our readers to be surprised by some things that
result from it later, or if it's put in play
for something that is not going to happen until later.
And so there's not much that we need to worry
about with it right now. But the notifications that we
get about, like oh, there's a message for you, it's
not like right after that he opens.
Speaker 2: It and reads it, you know what I mean. It's odd.
It's odd.
Speaker 1: So anyway, this is when we get the huge like
info dump from the AI about the Madre d'Agua and
let's see the world froze.
Speaker 3: BA Boss Battles Survival Royal Special event, and we get
the fucking two announcer dudes who were clearly really really
heavily drinking, Kevin and Magnificent Troy, and these two were
unprepared and also don't really want to be doing this.
Speaker 1: I won't say that they're half hearted about it exactly,
much as they are not hiding their acerbic commentary or
dire portance of how everything is just going down the toilet,
so who cares, you know, And there's, you know, the
explanation about how all of this is not only how
did it happen and why, but that it's like, here
are all the things that could potentially go wrong, and
Donut is like trying to interact with them and be friendly,
but they don't exactly interact directly back. They interact towards
the camera while addressing her, it's, you know, let's help
those spirits remains. I don't think she realizes the danger
she's in. The mass zombie outbreak, along with the AI
deciding that crab sperm counts as a mob helped kick
off the earliest demon evictory eviction in the history of
the crawl. And this is just so Look we had
in the last section Carl being like I had to
remember the enemy of my enemy is my friend is bullshit.
The AI is not on our side, and that's what's
so annoying, is like, the crawlers are the commodity. So
if the AI wants to fuck over the game runners
the same way Karl wants to fuck over the game runners,
the AI has to fuck over the crawlers. I mean, like,
I'm sure there's a way around it if you want
to get really creative, but that just feels like the
most direct, visible way to do it. So I get
why the AI is doing it the way it's doing it.
You know, it's it's logical actually, So then we get this,
like the view of a hellscape. Let's see the sealshell
burned away, returning the demon to its original form.
Speaker 2: As the crabs.
Speaker 1: Screamed in terror, they both slammed into the lava rock ground.
The demon picked himself up and brushed himself off as
hundreds of tiny flaming centipede things came from the ground
and started to devour the now on fire crab. The
demon Yugoleth, looked up at the sky and turned in
a circle as hundreds of his fellow demons continued to
get drawn into the air like it was the rapture. Occasionally,
a portal opened high and the crackling darkness and two
creatures returned, plummeting back downward, signifying the homecoming of a
demon who'd managed to grab a soul and jump back
through the portal. I hate this fucking place, the demon muttered.
So the demons just they're not having a good time.
Speaker 2: This isn't like gleeful.
Speaker 1: You know, I kind of expected it to be the
demons are gleeful, and instead the demons are just like
a cashier at Jamba Juice.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: It just feels like, oh.
Speaker 1: God, and this is interesting to me, compelling potential.
Speaker 2: It feels like, you.
Speaker 1: Know, for maybe there's something somehow that we could somehow
figure out.
Speaker 2: I don't know, And.
Speaker 1: Let's see on screen. One of the demons turned to
another instead. At least the weather is nice here, the
screens snapped off. I swear to God, what is happening
with these dudes, I am extremely excited about this because
they just feel they feel fucking over it. You know.
It feels almost like, are these guys former crawlers?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: Is this a job?
Speaker 4: Is that what it is?
Speaker 2: Maybe that's it.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: So then there is a mention that there are eight
different parties involved it combatants and he lifts them off
and I am like counting as he's saying it, and
I noticed that he only says seven, and I'm like,
where what he Why isn't anybody asking where the eighth
one is? And it turns out that is because it's
a surprise quansiitch. I hate this man so fucking much.
In the end, he says something about how his daughter
would be ashamed, and like, that's the most that we're
gonna get. That's the closest to feeling like this guy
sees and understands how much harm he's done. And it's
not nothing, I will say, at least we get that
because with plenty of people, they have no qualms up
right up to the end, like Eva, you know, but Jesus, dude,
you couldn't have had this fucking moment a little bit earlier.
But no, it was too much about survival and rationalizing
absolutely everything through that lens. So once that's gone, that's
when you can see it.
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 1: Also, there's this fucking thing battle will commence as all
squad leaders finished choosing their allegiances, and Donut says, if
like we have to choose if ins is an Ally
or enemy, and if I pick Allay and she picks Enemy,
she gets a ten second head start. And Carl says,
pick Ally, and anyway, maybe she'll be reasonable, maybe she'll
pick Ally too, and she doesn't. But I love Carl
for being positive.
Speaker 2: It's what I would do.
Speaker 3: I am not.
Speaker 1: This is the sort of thing where I think it
really reveals who you are. You think you're trying to
predict what other people are like, but really it's you
revealing what you are like.
Speaker 2: And it is.
Speaker 1: Without question that Carl would pick Ally. There's just no
way that's him, you know. And in as not choosing that,
that makes sense too. She can't be an Ally after
what she did to pass. That's just she doesn't care
about anybody else. She acts like she says she does,
but it's just tainted with this madness that she's dealing with.
Speaker 2: I don't know what.
Speaker 1: It is, but she uses the fact that there are
demons now involved in the storyline as supporting evidence for
the fact that this whole thing is demonic activity and
that it's like, you know, the war between heaven and Hell.
And it's always funny to me when everything around you
you can dismiss and talk about as if it's not real,
but then as soon as something appears that seems to
shore up what you already thought, now, all of a sudden,
your senses can be trusted, and now it is real
and it's exactly what you thought the whole time. Okay, sure, sweetie. Whatever.
Then we jump to chapter fifty six in where we
go back in time once again to Carl getting the ring,
and it's he actually had to give up his strength
ring in order to get this ring. It looks like
that ring because it looks the same. It simply had
a different enchantment put on it. And it's a million
gold which he doesn't have, so he has to sign
a contract for a loan. This really got me, you guys,
this is it like, this is this is how it works.
They have you over a barrel and you have to
do what you have to do, And when he says
how much is the interest, it's like there's all kinds
of You have taken an interest free asterisk loan, And
in the description Columbia House is mentioned, I'm trying to
get to the.
Speaker 2: God.
Speaker 1: You've just been trained to lunch for the carrot that
has been dangled in front of you, no matter what
the cost. If society was still taking, that likely mean
you're about to lead a wage slave life of ever
increasing debt you can never get out from underneath, culminating,
and you're dying alone in a government run facility while
you meet your Social Security checks go straight to the
facility's coffers. The thing about this is that it's not
a carrot. It's fucking healthcare. We don't have it, And
so you have to put all of that on a
credit card.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It's the basics of like I need to pay for
a repair for my car, without which I will lose
my job. It's not like you can't also gain a
bunch of debt buying shit that's unnecessary. But a lot
of debt out there is for total necessities that people
are simply not paid enough to afford to pay out right.
So let's trying to find the bit where so he
dips the ring into what looks like straight up lava
and carl. When he touches it, it was very much
giving Gandolf of like, oh, it's quite cool. Let's see
embrace is the person that he has borrowed against. So
when working properly, this ring will remove most health seeping
and disease based debuff effects. May only be worn by
a worshipper of embers, will turn into a cursed item
if worn by a non worshiper. And I really want
to pay attention to that, because it doesn't say it
will perform like a curse item on a non worshipper.
It says it will turn into a curse item, which
means it will no longer be usable by Kral anymore.
If I'm not mistaken, the ring has a debt. You
may not sell this ring while the debt is attached.
If you lose this ring, the loan payment will be accelerated.
If you are expelled from the church while you are
wearing this ring, the curse effect will activate. The ring
carries a curse effect. Non worshippers who attempt to wear
this will find themselves infected with every debuff suffered by
anyone within fifty meters of this ring, which is insane, insane.
Now here's the thing. If you are willing to take
on that accelerated loan payment, maybe shoving this ring onto
the finger of an enemy would be fantastic. Does it
count as losing it if you shove it on their
finger and then yank it back off again? I think
probably if doing that means that it's no longer a
regular if. I think that would turn it into a
curse item. So you're basically like ruining it. Yeah, because
that feels like it could be super helpful, but all
of the downsides seem so acute that it would really
have to be like a complete emergency situation. Oh man,
So here comes Kwan and this fucking guy the way
that he plays the game. I really enjoy this because
I don't know there for somebody like Kwan as a writer,
you definitely are going to start and be like, how.
Speaker 2: Would this motherfucker play the game? And this is it?
Speaker 1: He would use all kinds of mystic and trap cards,
he would switch things out, he would do what he
does here, underhanded shit that you can't see coming that
you have no control because he has seized all of
the initiative in the moment. I wonder with Matt Denneman
how much he has like stopped to consider every single
character and their play style and what it would be,
and how much he knows about like card mechanics in general. Two,
Because like Kwan has the most dramatic play style, he
has the one that I'm noticing the most because of
the way it works. I don't know enough about card
mechanics to tell if what he has other characters doing
is really like like something that people who know more
would have seen before me. Oh yeah, this play style
makes total sense. For donut you know what I'm saying.
This is the first one where I've kind of gone,
oh yeah, okay, I see. So the fucking announcers start
making fun of Kwan for the moment when he lost
his arm, which like, I don't like this man, but
this is despicable, and the ten second I thought we
were friends, penalties imposed because it turns out that she
did not ally with them, So they get stuck in
place and Carl is like, I'm stuck in place. I
thought it was just gonna be the totems and I'm like,
why would you think that? And I like that He's
like I stupidly thought. I'm like, yeah you were, because
nobody else thought that, Carl, But uh yeah, these things
are like coming at him. There's like a zombie baby
seal and he is just watching it come closer and
closer as this timer runs down. This is when Kwan
does the peekaboo and you can see their cards and
later there is it's awful. So in as summons pass
and bro is fucking stuck in the terrible state that
he was in when Ogan had nearly killed him, and
he is saying, sister, please no more. I can't And
this is the worst. This is what I was afraid
of when she when she turned him into a card.
My first question was is he going to be conscious?
Is he going to understand what's going on? Is it
going to be his personality still? Like, is he as
a human being going to be stuck or are they
making a facsimile of him? And it seems like it's
fucking him and this is a nightmare and what she
is doing to him is sick.
Speaker 2: It's sick. It's fucking sick.
Speaker 1: And she says has accept your suffering, which like, bitch,
how about you accept yours of being alone? How about
that it's all right to say that to somebody else
about their cele hearing. That's interesting, Okay, cool. So she
has summoned this fucking sandworm and Kwan yanks the sandworm
away from her, and oh no is the sandworm?
Speaker 2: Note that's later.
Speaker 1: This is when he says, I pick that one, and
he grabs a card from her and forces her to
play the Flea card, so she's out of the fight
and it means that it's just Donut versus Kwan. Team
Kitteria has lost their key. The last standing deck Master
will gain their key.
Speaker 2: And it's awful.
Speaker 1: I hated this so much.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So Carl uses protective shell here, and this was wild
because I had forgotten how strong this shit was at
this point. Every mob, every demon, every zombie, the weird
low level turtle, all the crabs and seals blasted away
under my shell. It was like I'd set off a
bomb that clear room. Troy said, Hey, Samantha called, I
was going to do that. So he yells to Donut
to not keep a flee card, which she says that
she's already discarded good for you donut, She's staying on
top of her shit.
Speaker 3: And then.
Speaker 1: He switches hands with them and forces play of the
flea card. So they lose, and they lose their key
and they wind up. It's horrifying. It's horrifying, y'all. They
get teleported and wind up in the woods, and it
is first of all the panic that poor Dona is
fleeing or feeling.
Speaker 2: I really get it.
Speaker 1: I mean, Carl has a logical response to her, but
what he is saying their options are is still so
terrible that it's like, I don't even want to consider
that either, even though you know. So Carl puts out
a call to like as much of the chat as
he can reach, and it's just like, I don't know
who's out there, but Kwanchi is out, and Wren is like,
I'm sorry, I didn't say anything, but it's us. We'll
be ready, and Carl says, I cast super spreader on
him at the last second, he's going to be leaking slugs,
which does Actually that's clutch. I feel like this is
what causes.
Speaker 2: Him to lose later.
Speaker 1: I don't think he would have lost if Carl hadn't
managed to cast this on him.
Speaker 2: And ough.
Speaker 3: God.
Speaker 1: So we go to chapter fifty seven and Wren is saying, Carl,
I gotta say, those teleport traps really fucked us, and
Donut says, you're lucky he didn't blow your cheating ass up,
and when Wren is like, well, if he did, you
wouldn't have anybody blocking the door, and Donut says it
would be worth it, and I was just like, girl,
I get that you are agitated, but you have got
to stop directing this at other crawlers. Get a hold
of yourself. And later on he says to her, you
saying inflammatory shit is going to make them not trust us,
And yet Donut is lamenting that she feels like she
failed and so now we're all gonna die because I failed.
Speaker 2: But girl, you do have control.
Speaker 1: Over how you behaved towards this other player that you're
depending on right now. So if you feel like such
a failure in this way, how about you get it
together and stop failing when it comes to interpersonal relationships.
For somebody with so much charisma, she can be very
very shortsighted about dealing with people on another level.
Speaker 2: You know, Ah, God.
Speaker 1: Listen, even if we don't stop him. I have my
bone key benefit I can still open that door. And
MANI is our first priority and our friend. We're trying
to save her, but we are safe for now, okay.
And Wren is our friend too. I know you don't
like her, but we can still do this without having
to hurt our friends. And he picks up Samantha and
looks her in the eyes and he's like, I need
you to tell us what you're fucking capable of. You guys,
I am so sorry. But the way the voice the
audiobook narrator, I was gonna call him a voice actor.
He probably is also a voice actor. The way he
we don't have time.
Speaker 2: You haven't been honest with us. You have to tell
us what you can do. She just looked at me,
you mean Nike with my tongue.
Speaker 1: I lost my shit for a second. I lost my
shit for a second.
Speaker 3: Guys.
Speaker 1: I knew she was gonna make some joke, but it
was it was the delivery. It was like, even more
so than the joke itself, it was how, oh my god,
I really ten out of ten. So finally, she says,
I don't know why, but sometimes I feel stronger than
usual before I was banished. When I had my original body,
I would get more powerful when someone prayed to me
or bought a charm with my likeness, or when I
melted someone who wouldn't date one of my worshippers with
my acid Beth. You know, like normal stuff. But it's
not like that anymore. I can when you do feel stronger,
what can you do? I can fuck up anybody who
looks at me funny. I can help spells. I can
make them more powerful, but it doesn't always do what
I want. Sometimes it's a lot stronger than I thought,
and sometimes it.
Speaker 2: Doesn't work too good.
Speaker 1: I used to have this dissolve spell that was really great,
but I haven't been able to get it to work
on the outside. And sometimes my magic does stuff without
me asking. It's because of this stupid body. You have
to get me mate to the next floor so she
can get the supplies to get me into that flesh.
Speaker 2: Goleum.
Speaker 1: I can do all sorts of good stuff when I
have a real body, And I've got to say I
don't want her getting a real body, because this bitch
is so unreliable that I feel like if she had
a real body, the damage that she could do is
so much greater, and she's already really fucked things up
a few times. You know, I love you, Samantha, don't
get me wrong, but you are a disaster and she
he asks, can you teleport me? And she says, no,
I'm useless. I'm useless. Don't look upon me. I've been
faking it the whole time. It's all a lie. I'm
a fraud. How can anybody love me? You're gonna tell Louis,
aren't you. You'll tell him and he's going to reject me,
just like my king. And he's like, you've helped us
a bunch of useless What do you even mean you're
part of the team And she's like really, and he
says yeah, of course, and she says, well, why do
you want to teleport? I need a way to get
somewhere fast, but we don't know where it'll be. Into
the last minute, it's one of two places. I thought maybe,
since you've gotten Ashimiria so fast, you could teleport more
than you were saying. And she says, I told you
what really happened, and talks about a train and he's like,
you never told us any of that, and she's like, oh, well,
I don't know. I thought I did, And then she says,
why don't you do what that scary lady does. I
know you have some of those traps too, and he
starts to say I have to set those up ahead
of time, but then thinks of something and we kind
of jumped to him talking to both Mordecai and Florian.
Mordecai is saying, there's only one more of the two
part sets for sale on the market, and they're really expensive.
I'm assuming this is some kind of bomb making thing.
Florin is trying to see if you go down into
the actual like starewell, is there a way to set
traps after like going through the doorway, and he gets
an error and Florin like kind of you know, he
doesn't want to really go down this early because it's
a couple of days ahead. He can't leave again once
he's done this, but he does it to experiment on
this for Carl, which is appreciated. Um, and let's see,
the rules regarding Sterwell chambers are even more strict than
those surrounding safe rooms. And even if you could, we
only have a couple of them amongst us. I think
that Lucia kid buys them up the moment they appear
on the market, and Floren's like, yep, that and booze
is all she buys. Do me a favor, This is Florine.
If you get a word of Lucia, send me a message.
She has good and bad days, and it's been more
bad than good lately. Lee June says, she took out
half the squad who don't hold keys, and they're holding
back hoping they don't have to fight her. Any message
you send, I'll get when I pop out onto the
ninth floor, looking forward to tearing.
Speaker 2: It up again with you a god.
Speaker 1: So Carl is using Samantha, you guys, this is so
it's so awful.
Speaker 3: She is.
Speaker 1: He's putting these like little spider automatons inside her because
they won't be damaged. It's only flesh that will be
damaged with this like acid thing that she's got going on.
Michael says, Samantha is like Ethan from Cradle for me.
She's hilarious and lovable because she's happening to someone else
and entirely unpredictable. But Athan was of course quite sane
and always useful, even if he was annoying. And just
as unpredictable. Yes, Ethan was useful, but he did sometimes
get it wrong, which was always like that was always
hard to watch Samantha. I think that when she gets
it right, it's more of an accident than otherwise.
Speaker 3: Buyer zoo.
Speaker 1: So as he's doing this like she's I can take
anything you got, and this is just like don't please know,
and more commentary like this as he's like, you know,
it's very it's very uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: It's very very uncomfortable. This is when.
Speaker 1: Mordecai comes in and is like, I appreciate you wanting
to help everybody, but you have got to start worrying
about saving your own ass a little bit more. This
like the teleport traps thing, great idea, I don't think
it's gonna work for other people, and I don't know
exactly what this is yet. You can't set the trigger half,
and you can't set the trigger half and have someone
else set the anchor. If that was the case, you'd
be able to just teleport around it will using the
guild rooms to trade trap anchors with other crawlers, and
Carl's like, but we can do that. And I hadn't
even thought of it at least I can. I can
teleport if we use the automatons. We're doing it now.
I can set the anchor on the back of the
automaton and give it to someone else, and I can
go wherever I want. After this, I'm gonna make sure
Donut trains up the trap ability so she can do
it too. We might not be able to teleport directly
into a stairwell chamber, and it won't do as any
good a zapp into an area with more keys than squads,
but if there's someone out there with an extra key,
and I don't understand exactly how this works, like why
is it that he can teleport to where the automatons are? How?
Speaker 2: Why is that how that works?
Speaker 1: There's something about the function here that they have a
trap on them. So he's putting a trap where he's
at and walks into it, and where they are it
pulls him there, I guess. So anyway, Mordecai is like,
so if you get the keys, then what And he says,
I give one to Amani and one to Ren using
our flea cards. If we can't find someone with an
extra key, I'll use the bone key on myself and
Mordecai is like, all right, First of all, I get
saving Amani, but you're acting like, oh, there's gonna be
another key for No, you don't know that. And secondly,
this bone key thing, it's gonna fuck you. It's going
to fuck you. You have to know. It's not going to
take a less vital key or less vital bone. Why
would you even bet on that? And Carl is like,
I will bet on something that will result in me
still being alive and them still being alive. That's it,
that's the bet. Everybody else needs you more, Donut needs you.
It's stupid to risk it. You don't know if the
teleport trick work. I've never even heard of this bone
key benefit. I have seen other magic keys and they
don't work as advertised. Self preservation is not being selfish.
Speaker 2: You have to take.
Speaker 1: Care of yourself first. And Carl is like, look, if
I have to make a tough call, I will, but
I am going to do what I can right now,
and then says, I'll be damned if I'm not going
to do everything in my power to prevent it. I
almost made that mistake already on this floor, and I
would have lost everything. I'm not going to do it
again already on this floor. What did he almost do?
Was it death with like the spikes?
Speaker 2: Is that what he's talking about.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think what it is that he's referring to.
I don't remember. So let's see oh Ren. I think
he may have disabled the teleport traps by the entrance.
He's invisible, but chan Luna can see him. He'll reappear
once the fight starts. He hasn't come in yet, at
be cautious. Being cautious, we're hiding him. We'll confront if
he gets in.
Speaker 2: So this is he.
Speaker 1: I spun and tossed. Samantha rocketed away, and Donah as
we're waiting, asks a lot of questions about what if this,
what if that?
Speaker 2: What if this?
Speaker 1: I'm not going to get into all of that. Samantha,
that was a good throw. I'm across the street. I
queefed out the spiders. There's a sentence I never ever
want to hear again for the rest of my life. Okay, never,
do you understand me?
Speaker 2: Fifty eight?
Speaker 1: So he teleports over and is with Donut. We are
fighting the Duendez Mango is eating the ones who get close.
So I'm going to jump ahead a little here year
because I do have a fair amount to get through,
and I only have a little over fifteen minutes.
Speaker 2: Let's see, we wouldn't.
Speaker 1: Get added to this particular fight because Donut had to
be in range. She was in the middle of her
own fight far away. She chose to use her card
deck for that match, which meant she could summon her
totems as long as the battle with the Duendes was
still active. Doughnut remained safe, but using teleport traps, I
could bring her summoned totems to me. That meant, at
least I hoped. That meant that Kwan couldn't use his
snare cards on our totems, and most importantly, our totems
could attack Kwan directly without having to worry about first
dispatching his own totems. It was an exploit. Well more
than an exploit. It was a chicken shit move. I
didn't care. Yeah, I was like, how sure you that
this is gonna work? It's definitely like, you know, it's
an experiment. He's wanting to pretend that it's a lot
more of a sure thing than it was.
Speaker 3: Quan.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, slugs are still coming out of him. Ren stood
with her back to the door and she was waving
the flamethrower.
Speaker 2: Back and forth.
Speaker 1: The third member, Kulan, wasn't there at all. She still
hadn't returned from being teleported away. Ren's squad had some
tall Harry Totem summons standing in front of them, and
this is when we get the announcement that Madra Dagas
has succumbed to the zombie curse, and Amayan has made
an appearance in the realm, and you have received a
platinum to Hell in a handbasket box. So he asked
Samantha who Amayan is and she says that he is.
Let's see, you know the four cram instance of Shale.
The oldest brother calls himself the king, even though his
mommy is in charge. The ladies in the hair thought
I had banged him when I was talking about someone else.
Uh Amayan is that guy's brother. He's the youngest one.
I've never met him. We didn't have much to do
with the down there guys, if you know what I'm saying.
And he gets a quest update from Embress that this
guy you absolutely have to make some time to question
him about the murder of my son, which is insane
right now, like, oh my god, Embress fuck off, just
fuck all the way off.
Speaker 2: I hate Embress.
Speaker 1: I would love if somebody would just kill Embres and
then we could be done with all of this bullshit.
So let's see, Donut, I will combine Lazarus's Lazarus with
Skuyler and then send Jola. I'll put a time extent
on both. Here they come. So Quan starts to play
a card. Samantha lands on him and bites him. And
as she does this, Rend's totem, the fucking Sandworm card
comes out temporary immortality. Everything froze as Kwan let go
of his latest card, toss up three for two, the
icons over all five of the Act of Totems flashed
and switched. Oh shit, Wren called, pulling her flamethrower back up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's.
Speaker 2: Real bad, guys.
Speaker 1: The dread that I felt at this moment.
Speaker 2: I really.
Speaker 1: Every card he has is specifically designed to be a
little shit, you know. Oh man, So let's see fucking
oh god, the totem that has been turned against them
pulls one of Frend's friends apart, who it turns out,
is her other friend's husband, and the other friend is.
Speaker 2: Uh, the one who lost.
Speaker 1: Her daughter already, so that woman has had it by
the time like this section ends, it's just a given
that she's absolutely going to kill herself because what has she.
Speaker 2: Got left, you know.
Speaker 1: So then Jola appears. I don't like your coat, Jola said.
He's talking to Kwan. Oh my god, Uzzi Jesus Uh
and then Asahano, who is now Lord of Blight. Both
of them are gold addition, because after being killed they
split up and turn into two even better versions, which
is rad actually very cool. Let's see finish him off, guys,
I pointed at Kwan. No problem, Uzi, Jesus said, Dad,
damn it. I forgot He says, Dad, damn it, which
I do think is a very nice touch.
Speaker 2: Jola, keep the worm off our back.
Speaker 1: Jola wasn't listening to me. He only had eyes for
Kwan and I don't like your coat again, fashion critic.
Everything Kwan was wearing flu off him like an explosion.
An achievement appeared and I waved it away. Kuan groaned.
A card appeared, but it was clearly not a card
he wanted. He was naked now the stump of his
missing arm waving in the air. The stump held half
of a tattoo the top half of a young girl's face,
and then Jola turns to Carl, thieves will be eaten.
Speaker 2: Return this.
Speaker 1: So I think it's about his arm.
Speaker 3: Is that it?
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is that Jola wants Carl
to return. Oh wait, he yeah, Michael says, the cloak.
Because Carl scooped up and pulled it into my inventory.
Speaker 2: That's what it is.
Speaker 1: So Jola was like, I wanted that as a little
snack and you fucking took it.
Speaker 2: Excuse me? What the fuck?
Speaker 1: Which honestly, Jola fair, you really did something extremely helpful
right there. I know that that cloak is crazy valuable,
but I would say Jola earned it.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: So Jesus then begins to just unload into Kwan's body
with this fucking uzi and it doesn't kill him. Kwan
is really tough. My god, um I watched until a
growl from Jola took back my attention. The cat had
just finished slurping up Kwan's pants and was now looking
at me and hissing he was going to pounce, and
he's yelling Dona and the battle and she says it's
already over. She Maria is eating their corpses like popcorn,
and Jola disappears just as it pounces toward Carl. Thank god,
Oh my god, it's a close thing. I was like,
we do not need this. And this is when Kwan
says to Carl, give it back, please, And I thought
he meant his arm, but what he meant is his
ring that he was wearing on that hand that says
for Daddy on the inside, which I had completely forgotten
about this. And Carl gives it back to him, and
this is when he says she'd be ashamed of what
I'd become and then dies. Sixty player killer skulls over
this man's head.
Speaker 2: Sixty.
Speaker 1: That is so disgusting. Fuck this guy, Fuck this guy forever.
Speaker 2: My god. I hate it. I hate it.
Speaker 1: I will say, summoning these totems here very clever, really
nice move. I'm wondering if this is going to be patched,
or if this is something we can use again at
some point. It's really dangerous to do if we had
totems that are a little bit less easy to control.
In the best of times. Donut not being here might
be a big problem, like, I, you know, I don't
want us try on this with she Maria, for example,
but hm, anyway, I tried to loot Qualm, but it
wouldn't let me. Donut had to do it, and Donut
messages him that she has both of the keys, and
he is delighted like, Okay, we can get this figured out,
and is saying to Rent, I'm sorry about your friend,
but we have time, and then warning the door to
the exit stairwell has sustained damage and will become unusable
in five minutes. If the doorway crumbles, the associated associated
key will dissipate. And I wanted to punch the AI
straight in the hard drive for this one. That is
so gross. That is so gross. AI, Oh my god.
I just like, there's just nothing to be done. And
what I appreciate is that Carl runs through every particular
way this could go and why it wouldn't work, Because
sometimes in situations like this in fiction, it will feel
like a character is making a lot of assumptions that
I don't agree with and is throwing their hands up
and being like, well everything is fucked, and I'm like,
there are a few options. Actually, why are you behaving
like there aren't any? And I just get extremely frustrated.
But Carl is a lot more like me in that
he is urgently going, okay, what if this? And he
has to like follow the chain of logic and figure
out what's most likely, and it's he is a lot
more creative in his thinking. He's much more like the
creativity comes from like figuring out his way around certain
rules and things, you know. And so it's very satisfying
to read his what ifs because he's coming up with
ideas that hadn't occurred to even me, And I much
prefer that when I'm reading then waiting for a character
to fucking catch up to an idea I already had
three chapters ago, which can sometimes happen, and I hate it.
So if the system was generous and it dropped the
key to the Capitol building, we would teleport away. Ren
would get the key and she could rush into the chamber.
If the system was being a dick, and the system
was always a dick, it would drop the key to
the church. Wren would probably still be okay, they would
still have a key, but her squad would have to
make their way across town to the church, where they'd
have to get past Immani. Dona and I meanwhile would
be fucked. We'd have the key to get out, but
we'd have to get to the door in time, which
would be next to impossible. In either scenario, we'd have
to get Donut here. I could toss Samantha. That would
take two or three minutes, and that was assuming my
aim was true. I could get the Red Spider and
use loop to loop, but that would require a crawler
other than myself to switch places with Donut. It would
have to be Kulan, which would be the equivalent of
killing her. Besides, she wasn't getting up off that floor.
She remained draped over the ruined body of her husband.
There was another scenario, one Donah and I could still
pull off. I could have the Spider rush into the room.
Speaker 2: And touch Wren.
Speaker 1: They'd switch places with Reren Gon nobody would be left
to initiate a card fight. Dona and I could rush
down the stairs and be safe. However, that meant Donut
wouldn't have time to pass on the second key, the
one for the church exit, meaning no nobody else would
be able to escape. We'd be killing Imani.
Speaker 4: And I just.
Speaker 1: All of these options fucking suck and being like, oh,
maybe the system I will.
Speaker 2: Be No, it won't.
Speaker 1: No, it won't, it will not, it will not. I
hate this so much.
Speaker 2: So Wren.
Speaker 4: Is like giving up.
Speaker 1: And when I say giving up, this is not insulting,
This is not implying that, like, you shouldn't give up.
Speaker 4: I'm a big.
Speaker 2: Fan of giving up.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I will admit I often do it too easily,
but I think that we have this weird thing in
our culture will react like giving up is inherently failure,
and it's like, no, sometimes things just aren't working, and
there is no shame in being like this isn't We're
we have to find a new way.
Speaker 2: It's fine.
Speaker 1: Wren has a very interesting thought process here. So first
she's just like, yeah, I know, my friend's gonna kill herself.
Her husband is the only thing keeping her going. Carl
keeps insisting we have four days left, we can figure
something out, and She's just like, bruh, the only thing
we could figure out is somebody else to kill for
their key, and I don't want to do this. They
purposely gave us two few keys because they want to
fuck us, and I'm sorry but I'm gonna draw the
line at hurting somebody else to keep myself alive.
Speaker 2: That's not it.
Speaker 1: And he says, then you can fight us for it,
fair and square. And I love this speech. Guys, Carl,
I say this with love.
Speaker 2: You are an idiot.
Speaker 1: You can't fight us. You can't give your key to
and Moni. You have to save it for yourself. Do
you remember when you flew that airplane to save our
bubble on the fifth floor, and then when you killed
all the hunters. That's when I realized who you are.
Don't you understand You're more than just a person. If
we lose you, we lose everything. You're a symbol, You're
the embodiment of our hope. You and that fucking annoying
cat that everyone seems to like. For some reason, you
two bought a goddamn slot on Faction Wars. Everyone who
remains can't wait for the chance to fight someone real,
someone actually responsible for all this. If you two don't
get down to the next floor.
Speaker 2: We all lose that. You can't sacrifice yourself.
Speaker 1: And you know what, I know Imani thinks that too.
If you give her your key, she's just gonna try
and give it back to you really love this, guys,
because like, I love this for a couple of reasons.
It's something that I think about a lot. Actually, is
what happens when you become the face of something bigger
than yourself and you believe in the thing that you
have become the face for, but you didn't intend to
become the face and now you're stuck with this role
and you genuinely didn't want it. And this is sort
of you know, this comes up a lot in different properties,
but it's not always done in a way that I
feel like I understand or relate to, because I am
somebody who often is just like you have some power here,
take advantage of that and do something good with it.
But the power here is so tainted and controlled that
it's a really weird position that Carl is in, you know.
And Carl is just sitting here thinking about all of
the things that maybe he could have done differently, but
also acknowledges like there was no way I could have
seen most of what just happened coming. I thought of
what Mordecai had told me about Drakia, that he'd been
killed off by one of his own traps because the
showrunners had tipped the scale, had broken their own rules
to make it prematurely blow. They were exterminating us one
by one, and no matter how hard I worked, someone
was always going to be there looking over my shoulder,
wondering how they could make it more dramatic for the audience.
How soon before they decided it was my time or donuts,
my view counter remained spiked, but it was starting to
ease off now that it was clear we weren't going
to fight. That made me unreasonably angry, and that comes
up again later as well, this realization that nobody gives
a shit unless you're fighting, unless you're tap dancing for
the audience. They don't fucking care that this person is
giving up on her life, you know. So she begins
to empty out her entire inventory. Carl is still not
getting it, and it's like, what are you doing? I'm like,
how do you not see this? It's so obvious that
she is ending shit here, dude, It's so clear, it's
so and he's just he's not, you know, And he
of course has flashbacks to his mom, and she's like,
I'm donating to the war effort, and she pulls out
this weird looking knife, and she says it can kill Garrett.
Every time he regenerates, he gets another weakness. He's up
to four now, and he also has to rebond every
time he's killed, which is wild, and poor Garrett is
here freaking out. I hate this so much. Guys, they
say he won't remember, but I'm not sure this will
be the first time it happens. Each time he regenerates,
he's tougher, but he also has a new weakness, so
you have to be careful. I had a dog once
before all this. He died protecting me, and now I'm
going to protect you. I fucking knew that guy killed
her dog. I fucking knew it. I knew it. I
just it was just, you know, apparently was stabbed. I
would never get over it. I have often wondered what
Pippin would do if I were like attacked, you know,
because I've had weird interactions taking walks in my neighborhood
a couple of times, and I have also run in
two stray.
Speaker 2: Dogs a couple of times, and.
Speaker 1: The idea of him throwing himself between me and something
else makes me sick to my stomach. I can't imagine
a guy that I had been romantically involved with turning
on me and doing that to me and to my pet,
Like what that must feel like, somebody that you trusted
to that degree at one point doing that like it
is so hideous, you know?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, So.
Speaker 1: She stabs her own pet. You're going to go live
with Carl. He's going to take care of you because
I can't do it anymore. He will feed you every day,
and you're gonna be a good boy for me, won't you.
I sear to God, I can't, guys, this was too much.
She was silent for a moment. She has nothing left.
I don't either, except my faith that you, Karl, will
make somebody regret choosing this for us. I don't want
my friend killing herself to be the last thing I see.
It has to be now. I want to go out
having done something good. All I have left for this
floor is to deny them a fight.
Speaker 2: I'll take it.
Speaker 1: If I can't help you on the next floor, I
can at least give you my best gear, and I
can protect Garrett. I'm sorry, she said, and she put
him in the carrier. She paused, his new weakness is
something called reaper gaze. I don't know what that is.
She slid the carrier over to me, and before I
could talk myself out of it, I put it in
my inventory. A host of pet themed achievements appeared and disappeared.
If you do figure out some miracle before this floor
is done, make sure that sister Inez doesn't go down
the stairs. I've met Paz a few times and he's
a good man. Don't let her get away with keeping
his card. And I appreciate her pointing that out specifically.
And she has this thing, you know, a weapon that
will blow her up and is just like they want
me and Donut to fight and fuck them for that.
It was her choice and I understood why she was
doing it, but I hated it. I hated everything about it.
I hated that my views kept going down, that people
didn't care. I hated there was nothing I could do
to stop her. Okay, I finally said, standing up, trying
to hold my emotion in check, and she this is
when she gets in touch with Princess Dona. I have
a confession to make everything you're saying is true. I
was trying to steal experience the first.
Speaker 2: Time we met.
Speaker 1: I did cheat at the Pet show your Mango is
the rightful champion. I'm sorry, what a generous soul, ah,
So bonding Garrett is easy. Feed him something a few times.
Make sure it's not undead flesh, or that it's never
been touched by a hobgoblin. Try to find out what
Reaper Gay's weakness is as soon as you can. I'm
pretty sure they'll make you give him a new name,
So come up with something good. Wren's eyes flashed and
Kulan dropped several items on the ground, more rings and
potions and a glowing spear, along with multiple armor items. Here,
I can't give you my totems, but I just rearranged
my deck and took all the other cards out. You'll
have to carry them on you until you give them
to Donut. But here's all my cards. There's a few rare,
special and mystics in there in case you need them,
including these two.
Speaker 2: I never got to use them.
Speaker 1: I gathered the large pile and stuck them in the
waistban of my boxers. I wouldn't let me take them
into my inventory. You sure about this, I asked one
last time, Karl, make them suffer. I put my hand
on the dog woman's shoulder, her whole body trembled. I
will kill every last one of them, every one. I
leaned into her ear and I whispered, I God damn
swear it. And that is the end of chapter fifty nine.
Y'all who knew surrenderl Goore was going to be such
a big deal, Like they were just not that big
a part of things very often, you know. But I
was so curious about it, and she seems like such
a fucking legit. Ge I hate this so much. I'm
very curious about this tummy acre because evidently they like
to eat dinosaurs. So how is he gonna get along
with fucking mango? How is this all gonna work?
Speaker 2: Oh God, this is awful. I hate it. I hate it.
Speaker 3: I hate it. I hate it.
Speaker 2: I hate it, I hate it. I hate it.
Speaker 1: There's nothing else to be said, So I'm gonna wrap up.
But uh, thank you all for hanging out with me.
But Michael, we're gonna have words, sir, okay for you
doing this to me.
Speaker 4: M do to little motherfuckers.
Speaker 1: That was an Unspoiled Network podcast