Speaker 1: You're watching Chewing the Cud with River Scott and Mike
Speaker 1: Benyon Row And I've.
Speaker 2: Watched those sheets like three times, but you can still tell. Hello,
Speaker 2: you're watching Chewing the Cud. You're weekly a lighthearted look
Speaker 2: at the world through a slightly glittery kaleidoscope. I'm River
Speaker 2: Scott and here with me today. It's someone who understands
Speaker 2: their arts and their elbow, but only because of the gap.
Speaker 2: It's Mike boobs out ho Hello, darling, how are you hello?
Speaker 3: It's a big gap.
Speaker 4: And is one slightly hairier than the other.
Speaker 1: I do have very hairy arms.
Speaker 3: I don't want to lie.
Speaker 1: My art is like a forest.
Speaker 4: Delightful. So good to be back. This is the high
Speaker 4: class chat that I've missed. You know. How have you
Speaker 4: been okay? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Getting through? How about yourself?
Speaker 1: Phone?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Not bad?
Speaker 4: Faffing about in the little dangley. You have got my
Speaker 4: dangle on today, thought i'd you know, shows it up
Speaker 4: a little bit.
Speaker 1: And my pearl necklace, as I say, someone's giving you
Speaker 1: a pearl necklace as usual.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 4: So what have you got for me today, Mike?
Speaker 1: Well, I'm bringing you a story about something wholesome, well,
Speaker 1: something for a hole and then we're going to get
Speaker 1: all crafty and crafty queens.
Speaker 4: Oh I do love a crafty queen.
Speaker 2: We even have a game that you can play along
Speaker 2: with the own but on screen now you can see
Speaker 2: our contact details. It's at the cud TV and if
Speaker 2: you want to catch up on previous episodes you can
Speaker 2: binge them all.
Speaker 4: Just look for Sturing the cud on YouTube.
Speaker 1: And you can see the names of people have reached
Speaker 1: out and touched es in your unusual ways, going along
Speaker 1: the bottom of the screen.
Speaker 3: But now it's time for River in the show.
Speaker 1: Is all right, we'll get it.
Speaker 4: You go to the gym, keep getting kicked out, I'll
Speaker 4: tell you anyway. So you know the Glass Blood Queen Awards, Yeah,
Speaker 4: remember those.
Speaker 3: I'm aware of their work.
Speaker 4: Okay, good? And are you aware of Patty Lapoone.
Speaker 1: I love Patty la Poe for two reasons. Okay, she's
Speaker 1: an icon and her name sounds a little bit rude.
Speaker 4: It does, doesn't it. It could be a euphemism Patty Lapolee. Well, anyway,
Speaker 4: Patty Lapone there she is. Bless her.
Speaker 2: She was in that Marvel's Agatha All Along, which was
Speaker 2: actually quite good, which I think was mostly because it
Speaker 2: had a skinny twink in it and it had her
Speaker 2: being like an icon. And also it had nothing to
Speaker 2: do with all the other Marvel movies really because they're.
Speaker 1: All there was a link there, but it was very
Speaker 1: much a last bit of the episode kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Last episode, that's the link.
Speaker 2: Seems Yeah, that's enough, go enjoyed that. Anyway, she popped
Speaker 2: in to the to the Gloo Awards. She wasn't Its
Speaker 2: just sense of surprise appearance. What makes it sound like
Speaker 2: she just kind of wandered past. Have you got a minute?
Speaker 4: Yeah, she just got a drinking very rhianna.
Speaker 3: Going towards the toilet, got through the wrong door, Like shit,
Speaker 3: I love.
Speaker 2: That though all the other way like dot Cotton, She's
Speaker 2: just got a cup ofd in a cigarette and she
Speaker 2: just like.
Speaker 4: All right whatever.
Speaker 2: Anyway, she was there, she made a surprise appearance, and
Speaker 2: she included iconic quotes from RuPaul's Drag Race as well
Speaker 2: as historic lgbt Q plus activists. Well, yeah, she quoted
Speaker 2: Angela Davis, I am no longer accepting the things I
Speaker 2: cannot change.
Speaker 4: I am changing the things I cannot accept. All right,
Speaker 4: good quote?
Speaker 2: Yep, she quoted Harvey Milk coming out is the most
Speaker 2: political thing you can do.
Speaker 4: No, no, please, don't shoot me. Ah oh no, she
Speaker 4: didn't rest of that quote.
Speaker 3: I don't think he said no, no, don't shoot me.
Speaker 1: I think he was just shot, wasn't he Well you should.
Speaker 4: Probably said, ah, oh burger.
Speaker 2: He wasn't English anyway, This is probably importation.
Speaker 4: Shall we crash on? And then some drag dragwayagway daga.
Speaker 2: He did some Dragways stuff as well, like you're perfect,
Speaker 2: you're beautiful, you look like Linda Evangelista. And if you
Speaker 2: can't love yourself, how in the hell you're gonna love
Speaker 2: somebody else?
Speaker 4: Now? All right, fine? Like she was at this thing,
Speaker 4: she was doing some quotes.
Speaker 2: I think apparently the audience reaction was massive applause and
Speaker 2: lots of like splush on social media because she's saying
Speaker 2: memes basically.
Speaker 3: Oh look, popular culture.
Speaker 1: I'm young, I'm down with the kids fans.
Speaker 4: Quote said Patty the Pone reciting Dragways Dwagway. I'm doing it.
Speaker 2: I had a bit of a bad pone myself. Reciting
Speaker 2: drag race quotes is the cultural reset we need?
Speaker 4: What does that mean?
Speaker 2: How is her reciting some quotes a cultural reset. But
Speaker 2: it's like if I were a fan there, I think
Speaker 2: I would have said, are you and well, do we
Speaker 2: need to call an ambulance?
Speaker 4: If you like? You wander in and you just start
Speaker 4: quoting other people and wander off again, like.
Speaker 3: She's gone to the bar. She was on the way
Speaker 3: to the toilet.
Speaker 4: Got lots Anyway, I don't know what the point of
Speaker 4: that was.
Speaker 3: Pat Opponent, Glad Awards.
Speaker 4: Cool, Yeah, crash it on story too, Kick Connor and
Speaker 4: Charles Melton. Do you know who they are?
Speaker 1: I do know who one of those is?
Speaker 4: Okay, well they shared a kiss.
Speaker 1: You want one of those is in heart Stopper?
Speaker 4: Oh lovely not gob Stopper. No, that's the other one,
Speaker 4: isn't it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's on a specialist website.
Speaker 2: Anyway, there's a film called Warfare there they are, Oh dear.
Speaker 2: They both look about twelve and also they don't Neither
Speaker 2: of them looked like they were ready for that photo
Speaker 2: to be taken.
Speaker 1: Just kind of want little lines up saying how tall
Speaker 1: they are a little number.
Speaker 2: That's a bit guess who as well? They've got very
Speaker 2: generic faces, haven't they? Like they could be AI if
Speaker 2: you didn't know that they were real people. They could
Speaker 2: have been put together by AI.
Speaker 3: There's nothing to prove that they're not.
Speaker 4: That's true anyway.
Speaker 2: Well, apparently there's a gritty war Iraq, a gritty Iraq
Speaker 2: war drama coming out, and they've got a snug in it.
Speaker 2: It's described as a brief, passionate, emotionally charged kiss in
Speaker 2: one scene.
Speaker 4: There we go, that's that in the film?
Speaker 1: No, that's then just kissing in public.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was going to say, that doesn't look like it's
Speaker 2: in the film unless it's a very low unless it
Speaker 2: is the one I'm thinking of.
Speaker 1: But there's there's tension in that face. That's not an
Speaker 1: enjoyable passionate kiss.
Speaker 4: It looks like Yeah, it looks like that looks like
Speaker 4: two rugby players who've lost a.
Speaker 3: Bet that's kissing his net.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so is this actually in the film. So they
Speaker 4: do kiss in the film, I believe, all right, And
Speaker 4: then they did a quick snog.
Speaker 3: And kiss him.
Speaker 2: Now all right, a passionate, emotionally charged kiss scene which
Speaker 2: is very brief, but it sparked strong responses.
Speaker 1: So all right, many guess where the strong responsors were from.
Speaker 4: Or loins?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, it wasn't there wasn't the political left,
Speaker 1: was it? Not?
Speaker 3: Surprisingly?
Speaker 2: But then see when it's like it's a brief it's
Speaker 2: a brief scene to beef kiss in one scene that's
Speaker 2: not really It's not like the whole film is gay
Speaker 2: or anything. I'm all right, well, they're just going to
Speaker 2: crop that out for any market that doesn't like the gays,
Speaker 2: aren't they so?
Speaker 4: But then.
Speaker 2: Many praise the scene for queer visibility in traditionally hyper
Speaker 2: masculine genre.
Speaker 4: But again, it's just a quick snug. It wasn't even
Speaker 4: snug as oh, we're dead spoilers. I don't know. I'm
Speaker 4: not going to watch it, get less of a fact.
Speaker 2: To be honest, two people, two pretty twinkie boys have
Speaker 2: a bit of a snug in a film that doesn't
Speaker 2: make any difference at all to the plot and will
Speaker 2: be cut out for any audience that might not like it.
Speaker 2: He said he was proud of the role and felt
Speaker 2: safe filming the scenes because he's acting. He's not actually
Speaker 2: in a war zone. Probably, yeah, anyway, crashing on.
Speaker 1: Just throwing shit about now.
Speaker 2: Anyway, that's how passionately I feel about not caring about
Speaker 2: this film. Okay, crushing on third thing, Liza Minelly, not
Speaker 2: Lisa with a with an because Lisa with the S
Speaker 2: is like, I'm definitely having a pattular pone moment anyway, Yeah,
Speaker 2: she's going.
Speaker 1: To be how are you if Lee was here to
Speaker 1: do that? So I just have to do Okay, that's
Speaker 1: the impression of Laza.
Speaker 3: Cool.
Speaker 4: Sure, Yeah, why not?
Speaker 2: Written here on my card it says big news. Okay,
Speaker 2: Liza Minelli is to appear in drag Race season seventeen finale.
Speaker 1: Oh it's kind of big news, is it. She's still alive,
Speaker 1: that's big news.
Speaker 2: She will guests Starr in season seventeen finale Reaul's Drag Race,
Speaker 2: which will air in April.
Speaker 4: Blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: She'll be honored with the Giving Us Everything Lifetime Achievement Award.
Speaker 2: Christ That looks like a muppet version of Liza and
Speaker 2: La or now, actually it looks a bit like if
Speaker 2: you if this was taken into this picture was taken
Speaker 2: entirely out of context, I could see this in some
Speaker 2: kind of weird horror movie, a bit like death becomes her,
Speaker 2: but instead of drinking the potion, RuPaul's character is just
Speaker 2: physically drawing the life energy out of Liza.
Speaker 1: And this is Lisa's grabbing hold of ms forearm. There
Speaker 1: just got the rum outlet.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's just kind of it very much looks like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like RuPaul is drawing the life energy out of
Speaker 2: Liza and leaving her a husk of a human.
Speaker 1: And all lives has just started doing that to RuPaul.
Speaker 4: And it's going to go the other way.
Speaker 1: It's just started though, So this is the Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: not well, no, but.
Speaker 2: She's been doing drag race for so long now, I
Speaker 2: mean she's not going to start. Okay, Well she's old,
Speaker 2: isn't she. Yeah, well, this is a lifetime Achievement award.
Speaker 2: I didn't know when did RuPaul start giving out.
Speaker 1: Awards lifetime achievement awards.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but to me, like a lifetime achievement award is stop.
Speaker 2: Now you're done, Like you've done enough, Like you have
Speaker 2: achieved your lifetime is done. Go have a sit down,
Speaker 2: maybe have a holiday. Yeah, she's not getting up, is
Speaker 2: the thing. But like why is RuPaul giving out awards?
Speaker 3: So I think this is because of is that a
Speaker 3: screen between the two them.
Speaker 1: It's like you may touch Lazer, but she may she
Speaker 1: may touch you, but you may not touch her. They
Speaker 1: did this roast thing where they give an honorary award
Speaker 1: to someone and then they roast the drag Queen's roast
Speaker 1: the person, So it could be a.
Speaker 4: Roast thing basically be elder abuse at this point, wouldn't it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but she goes willingly.
Speaker 4: It's her own help, right, dear? All right? So okay,
Speaker 4: uh yeah, it's a slow news week.
Speaker 1: Sorry, thanks for I'm very excited to see if she's
Speaker 1: still alive.
Speaker 2: To be fair, you're welcome, Mike, and stay tuned because
Speaker 2: after the break we're going to have a look at
Speaker 2: what Mike's been googling this week.
Speaker 4: In the buzz.
Speaker 2: Welcome back, you are watching Chewing the Cud and now
Speaker 2: we get ready for eleven minutes of dick jokes as
Speaker 2: opposed to everything else we've done so far.
Speaker 5: Mike the buzz, Why is that an aggressive thing?
Speaker 3: So, Michael the Buzz, IM just.
Speaker 2: Trying to inject some excitement, some dynamism, Okay, being a
Speaker 2: bit professional.
Speaker 1: I just read a little bit.
Speaker 4: These seats Scotch guarded.
Speaker 1: No, we've had to replace that chair.
Speaker 4: I did wonder why it smelt like that in here.
Speaker 4: I just thought it was a smell.
Speaker 1: No, our normal chair has been taken away to be
Speaker 1: drag clean. So we've got temperare generated tracing because we
Speaker 1: want it back. Okay, Intimate fun objects same to you,
Speaker 1: like sex toys. Oh go on then like back in
Speaker 1: the room now, now we're back in the room.
Speaker 2: Flanged end, learn that the hard way. He needs to
Speaker 2: have a flanged end on it, and.
Speaker 1: Make sure it's not any sort of like dints and
Speaker 1: things are smooth.
Speaker 4: No glass nothing glass, nothing glass.
Speaker 1: Hollow glass, solid glasses fine, not safety glass because that shatters.
Speaker 3: Anyways.
Speaker 1: Anyway, there's been a study and research about them, right
Speaker 1: and finding with you.
Speaker 4: Have you done your own research on them? Is that
Speaker 4: what you're telling me?
Speaker 1: No, because this is about the UK Ye I very
Speaker 1: rarely venture outside my O bedroom with these things, not never,
Speaker 1: very rarely, And it's about finding the average length and
Speaker 1: therefore the towel that takes the biggest sex toys.
Speaker 2: Okay, that seems like a yeah, the science, some scientists
Speaker 2: have done this. We've cured cancer, have we Yeah, all
Speaker 2: of that sort of cancer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, world piece is sorted.
Speaker 2: Climate change, all that shit's done right in that case, Yeah,
Speaker 2: let's measure dildos, go for it.
Speaker 1: So where do you think I'm that lovely blackened out
Speaker 1: map of the UK The biggest dildos user.
Speaker 2: Well, I am from Doncaster and there was always a
Speaker 2: thing knocking around about cast might be something in the water,
Speaker 2: because apparently a lot of the boys around there were
Speaker 2: blessed in that area, if not in any other I'd
Speaker 2: say biggest dildos either in the big cities because they're
Speaker 2: all dirty perverts in big cities everyone knows that, or
Speaker 2: out in the countryside somewhere because they just can't get
Speaker 2: enough and there's nothing else to do on a Saturday night,
Speaker 2: so they just slowly go in from pinky finger to
Speaker 2: traffic cone.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 4: So so basically, I don't know. That was a lot
Speaker 4: of words for I don't know, wasn't it.
Speaker 1: We had a thought process, yeah, helpful.
Speaker 2: And I talked about how boys from Doncaster have got
Speaker 2: really big dicks.
Speaker 1: But you moved there where you.
Speaker 4: Moved, I moved. I moved away from there, thank you
Speaker 4: very much. I was born there how day.
Speaker 1: So Hereford is the place that has is the biggest
Speaker 1: bill doos okay, with an average size of seven point
Speaker 1: thirteen inches.
Speaker 4: Gosh, still quite Dogcaster's on the list.
Speaker 3: I was waiting for that number six.
Speaker 4: Doncaster, Oh, I mean that's fine. Jersey it's number two, right,
Speaker 4: that's almost French, though you can't trust them.
Speaker 1: Wigan, Halifax, Inverness. So we've got a mixture, Hell, Hampstead,
Speaker 1: a mixture of cities and in the middle of where
Speaker 1: kind of places.
Speaker 4: I mean they all seem quite middle of nowhere places
Speaker 4: to me. None of those are.
Speaker 2: I mean, Peterborough is quite a big city, but it's miserable,
Speaker 2: so you'd need something to wake up to, you wouldn't. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's not places people want to be like. Yeah, oh
Speaker 2: I live in Peterborough. I'm going to stay in bed
Speaker 2: and just go to town on myself rather than deal
Speaker 2: with the reality of my life.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I can't blame him, really can't fault him anyway.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Inverness, that's I mean, it's dark six months of
Speaker 2: the years up there, and we've all met.
Speaker 4: We've all met ven, haven't we.
Speaker 2: Well, No, he's not from in I don't He's Scottish,
Speaker 2: it's all. I just wanted to elude something about our friend.
Speaker 4: Now I feel bad.
Speaker 3: I don't to milk that later, not actually milking, but
Speaker 3: well that's I.
Speaker 4: Am a drink.
Speaker 3: Too, it's fine anyway.
Speaker 1: So smaller towns and cities exabit a higher use of
Speaker 1: bigger sex toys.
Speaker 2: Is that because in bigger cities you think you could
Speaker 2: probably get someone with one, there's more chance of having
Speaker 2: a more diverse array of pain on offer. So in
Speaker 2: smaller cities you're like, we haven't really got what I want.
Speaker 2: I've got a bit of a niche going on, so
Speaker 2: I'll have to order one in.
Speaker 1: We believe. So the research didn't go into the reasons why.
Speaker 1: It just basically said, wap out your sex toys.
Speaker 4: Let's especially they're holding out for more funding. That's what
Speaker 4: that is.
Speaker 1: But yeah, apparently the average penis size the UK is
Speaker 1: approximately five point six three inches, meaning that these people
Speaker 1: in these cities are size queens.
Speaker 2: So it's about five and a half inches, isn't it.
Speaker 2: Well yeah, it's about right, about five inches.
Speaker 3: That's nine yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's nice.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's about fun.
Speaker 1: So yeah, you're playing one potato too potatoes, remember two
Speaker 1: potato three?
Speaker 4: Just remember an X of mine?
Speaker 3: Soorry, carry on, very thin arms. How do you feel
Speaker 3: about chocolate?
Speaker 4: Yes? Please?
Speaker 3: Okay, I said, how do you feel about it?
Speaker 1: Not?
Speaker 4: Did you want some.
Speaker 1: Specifically a mars bar.
Speaker 4: Are you again not offering me a mars bar?
Speaker 1: I'm not offering as I feel about a mars bar.
Speaker 4: I would love a mars bar.
Speaker 1: Yes please, Okay, wonderful you're not getting one, just asking
Speaker 1: you where do you like them? Well, shoppers in B
Speaker 1: and M that well known right establishment, live life, love everywhere.
Speaker 1: I've been getting very excited over the return of a
Speaker 1: mars bar, which is the raspberry mars bar. The face,
Speaker 1: carry on, what's with that face?
Speaker 2: It's we've run out of ideas for stuff. We're just
Speaker 2: smashing things together now there's nothing new. We couldn't just
Speaker 2: make a new bar. You've got to get a Mars
Speaker 2: bar and turn it raspberry.
Speaker 1: It's like when they love it raspberry, just that you know,
Speaker 1: the nougar anything at the.
Speaker 4: Bottom, all right.
Speaker 2: It's like when dairy milk has like, oh, this one's
Speaker 2: got biscoff in it. Like why it's because they're all
Speaker 2: member that's in the same factory, so they could just
Speaker 2: go like that and oh this one's got popping candy
Speaker 2: and jelly beans in it.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 1: I like the disc of chocolate one that they launched
Speaker 1: pure and simply because they already have bisc off biscuits
Speaker 1: with chocolate. Yeah, they've just changed the ratio.
Speaker 2: They did one a few years ago that was like
Speaker 2: ritz crackers with chocolate on and like, okay, sure, why
Speaker 2: not be on the same fact, it's massive factory. Just
Speaker 2: sprain chocolate left, right and center and see how it tastes.
Speaker 2: That's gone weird in my head already. Carry on, please,
Speaker 2: like a shop you would go to for food stuffs?
Speaker 3: What some people do? Do you get food in B
Speaker 3: and M?
Speaker 4: I thought it was like cleaning products and like.
Speaker 3: The diffood, well food and wine.
Speaker 4: Wine. I was about to say toilet.
Speaker 2: I was about to say, like cleaning products, like toilet cleaner,
Speaker 2: and then you said whine and those two they seem
Speaker 2: like they'd be very close together on the shelves.
Speaker 1: Well, no, no, and have got a good selection of wines,
Speaker 1: I said, a good selection, not a selection of good
Speaker 1: but yeah, it's one pound per bar, A pound for
Speaker 1: a Mars bar all long with an ETP, so it's
Speaker 1: not that much more.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I know I'm shouting into my microphone. I've gone
Speaker 2: a little bit on unprofession A pound for a Mars bar.
Speaker 4: Burn it down.
Speaker 1: What the mars bar.
Speaker 4: Yes, all dribbling.
Speaker 3: And if you want to burn something, dad, so you
Speaker 3: go all dribbley. Why do not share that with us?
Speaker 3: We are at the social media.
Speaker 4: Do not share what's gone dribbling with us on social media?
Speaker 4: Thank you very much? Sorry?
Speaker 1: Do I want to see it? And it brings us
Speaker 1: nicely to our story.
Speaker 4: Of the week of christ ow story of the week.
Speaker 3: What do you do in the morning? So what's your
Speaker 3: morning routine?
Speaker 2: I swear, roll over and wait for the afternoon. No,
Speaker 2: I get up and go to the gym. Usually that's
Speaker 2: where I've got these going on, you know. Boo, all right,
Speaker 2: we get it, let's get those Yeah, there we go. Yeah,
Speaker 2: let's get a bit of that. Yeah, okay, I'm very single.
Speaker 1: So it's about influencers morning routine called Ashton Hall.
Speaker 4: Could not care less? Sorry, sorry, sorry, carry on.
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm very influencer, goes to the gym a lot.
Speaker 2: You'd have to as a fitness influence. You're so much
Speaker 2: of a fitness employer. If you just sat on your
Speaker 2: arse on eight pizza, would you.
Speaker 1: Is a good fitness I want to influencing and being
Speaker 1: really bad at fitness. I could do that job today.
Speaker 3: We're going to be a kebab for breakfast, a cold.
Speaker 3: We're going to ignore the salad and the.
Speaker 4: Sauce is tears. It's going to think about my life
Speaker 4: and cry onto a kebab and then eat it.
Speaker 1: Oh, that used to be my Sunday mornings.
Speaker 3: But we could leave the keb instead of a man.
Speaker 3: That's what you would have wanted.
Speaker 1: Too much insight there. Ashton Hall was fitness instructor, bringins
Speaker 1: his day at three fifty two am, very specific time.
Speaker 3: Okay. He removes his mouth tape. Who's taping her mouth?
Speaker 4: Wouldn't like to keep it taped?
Speaker 3: And then nose tape?
Speaker 1: Yeah right, And then a bag and driggle water. He
Speaker 1: does push ups on his balcony, similar to go to
Speaker 1: the gym.
Speaker 3: He then engages in reading and journaling.
Speaker 4: It's euphromism. He's having a wank, that's what that is.
Speaker 3: And then he shoves his face in a bowl of
Speaker 3: ice water multiple times.
Speaker 2: I feel like I would do that too if I
Speaker 2: had to talk to him for more than ten seconds.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just like you see, the thing is ice on
Speaker 1: the face first in the morning. John Crawford's is this like.
Speaker 4: When people get a couple of spoons out of the fridge.
Speaker 3: I demented beads.
Speaker 4: I did that once. It was extremely uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: Did you go right and demented beads?
Speaker 4: That hurts to bed because because you could? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, face the horrors of life. So yeah, he basically
Speaker 1: from three point fifty two till nine am, he's doing
Speaker 1: his morning routine.
Speaker 4: When he starts working, that's five hours.
Speaker 1: Of morning routine. It's good that he's got nothing else
Speaker 1: better to do.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean does then he go back to bed?
Speaker 4: Is that his day?
Speaker 1: No, he goes to work at that point.
Speaker 4: I thought he was an influencer will work.
Speaker 1: But the routine has taken over six hundred and seventy
Speaker 1: seven million views.
Speaker 4: Is that lots of people going, what the fuck is
Speaker 4: wrong with this guy? All? Right? Yeah, fair enough?
Speaker 1: So yeah, so weldn Ashton for doing buggerall that's all
Speaker 1: from the bulls this week.
Speaker 2: I feel like he really needs, I was gonna say, more,
Speaker 2: to do more in his life. Maybe he just needs
Speaker 2: to slap well, yeah.
Speaker 3: Don't go anywhere. That's cool.
Speaker 1: We have a game for to play along with another
Speaker 1: game of the week.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to Chewing the Could with me. River Scott's
Speaker 2: and my good friend Mike bend it back slow. Now
Speaker 2: this is the part where we play a.
Speaker 4: Challenging game of list it with our very own list
Speaker 4: writer off your pop go on.
Speaker 5: List day of the week.
Speaker 1: So we're going to play list it, which is where
Speaker 1: I give River a little my fingers disappearing.
Speaker 4: Ah, that's creepy.
Speaker 1: That's a little bit with maybe someone's gone back in
Speaker 1: town and inter favor with my parents meeting, which you
Speaker 1: know will be interesting because their cousins they won't. But
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you a topic and you have
Speaker 1: to give me ten things within thirty seconds from that list.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, are you ready?
Speaker 4: Probably not, but.
Speaker 1: Anyway, so I want ten things in thirty seconds that
Speaker 1: you'd find in a leather daddy's closet.
Speaker 2: In a leather daddy's closet, okay, start the clock. Go oh,
Speaker 2: A chapeau, a leather cap, some kind of waistcoating things,
Speaker 2: some chaps at least one bound and gag twink, some
Speaker 2: leather oil to keep things clean and supple.
Speaker 4: A spanky thing like a paddle type thing.
Speaker 3: Okay, I was going to accept a spanky thing about you.
Speaker 2: Would Yeah, right, I've got four mores to go. Oh,
Speaker 2: some shiny boots, some boot shiny, some leather.
Speaker 1: Polish, leather, polish.
Speaker 4: Okay, I've come. Sorry, that's all i've got.
Speaker 3: So you've got are you out of ten?
Speaker 4: Eight?
Speaker 1: Which is a respectable school? Not a winning school, but
Speaker 1: a respectable. So the next one went to a list
Speaker 1: of ten things within thirty seconds of euphemisms for a
Speaker 1: late night hook up.
Speaker 4: A late night hook up, okay, A gentleman caller h
Speaker 4: ordering takeout. Oh, I don't know that. A booty call.
Speaker 4: You've got you put me on the spot, putting someone
Speaker 4: on the spot.
Speaker 3: That's not that. No, that's not allowing that one.
Speaker 4: Oh, I lost it banging a stranger.
Speaker 1: I would have accepted hook up.
Speaker 4: I think I did say hook up, didn't I know.
Speaker 1: It was in the question you said who that's not?
Speaker 1: That's not you late night.
Speaker 4: I think I was just swearing randomly at that point.
Speaker 1: I think you just went to the swell. I like
Speaker 1: gentlemen caller.
Speaker 4: I like a gentleman caller.
Speaker 3: It sounds for it's like, are they courting? Was my
Speaker 3: grand's favorite thing? S Are they Are they courting? No,
Speaker 3: they're just a gentleman.
Speaker 4: Caller hanging like the back gate in a galey.
Speaker 1: I want a new list ten things again within thirty
Speaker 1: seconds of drag. Names that could be inspired by household objects.
Speaker 2: And go, uh household of us, patty o'door, patio furniture.
Speaker 4: That's two. They're very similar, mind related. Lou roll like
Speaker 4: lou roll Yeah, mister Sheen, will that do?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Because put all right?
Speaker 4: Uh, I'm bad at I'm bad at this.
Speaker 2: You know you think, as a professional writer this would
Speaker 2: be right up my alley, but apparently not.
Speaker 4: Sopha set, Sophie set, No, that was a rework, Sophie set.
Speaker 2: I want to take three, three and a half, three
Speaker 2: and a half, Yeah, I got Sophie said, it's a
Speaker 2: four point all right, all right, it's only four.
Speaker 3: Either down?
Speaker 4: Would you?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: That's one? All right? That's what more? You say that
Speaker 4: as if like that's the answer, like you want to
Speaker 4: I gave you four, you gave me one, and you
Speaker 4: had like as long as it took to research the
Speaker 4: thing in the first place. Have you got have you
Speaker 4: got six more to trot out to really show me up?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 4: No question, no further question.
Speaker 3: I'm not on trial here.
Speaker 1: I have another list all right.
Speaker 2: Is it going to be easier than coming up with
Speaker 2: ten drag names in thirty seconds?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: There, I want ten ways to say I'm gay without
Speaker 1: saying I'm gay.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm on the other bus. I play for the
Speaker 2: other team. I'm a sausage jockey. I'm an uphill gardener.
Speaker 2: I'm an evening botanist.
Speaker 4: That's a real one. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I I like my toast butters. On the other side.
Speaker 2: I played the left handed piccolo.
Speaker 4: What me, I don't know. I'm making them up. I
Speaker 4: like to tickle the ivories even all right, Okay, I
Speaker 4: play the pink obo. That's two musical instruments. Does that count?
Speaker 4: That's okay, all right. I like banging the big gay drum.
Speaker 4: I like riding big hardcocks. Okay, that's not part of
Speaker 4: the game. That was just you know, he's just just
Speaker 4: mentioning sten stuff. What about a friend of Dorothy for
Speaker 4: about them? That's a classic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, that's another one. I would have got there eventually.
Speaker 2: Like you only wanted ten, You're gonna give me thirty seconds.
Speaker 3: It's about if you can finish quickly. Talky about finishing quickly.
Speaker 1: I want tend things now that you could say inappropriately
Speaker 1: while watching Eurovision.
Speaker 4: Cool? Uh? What that would be an appropriate thing to
Speaker 4: say during during Europe.
Speaker 3: If you're on your own, I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't watch Eurovision. It's something you do with friends.
Speaker 2: I don't have any friends. No, I'm drawing a blank
Speaker 2: on that one. I'm sorry, love, you've lost me. I've
Speaker 2: got on the list. Or just want to like wait
Speaker 2: out the clock and then mock me, Just mock you
Speaker 2: now if you want, you know, I know you're busy,
Speaker 2: clearly if you're coming up with games like this, I.
Speaker 1: Have paid no researchers for this.
Speaker 4: Almost two minut so googling went into this.
Speaker 1: This game almost thirty seconds of Chad schipt In.
Speaker 2: This game, we're burning the world, but we're creating some
Speaker 2: mediocre comedy in the in the mediocre, well comedy was more.
Speaker 3: Mediocre? Is a stretch? Okay? So ten things not to
Speaker 3: say it pride?
Speaker 4: Do you do you do pride? I suppose, all right,
Speaker 4: ten things not to say it pride, but.
Speaker 1: Would definitely say after three drinks, Uh, oh.
Speaker 2: That outfits far too small. I think I shagged his boyfriend, Like,
Speaker 2: what's your name again? Did we have sex in the
Speaker 2: in the club?
Speaker 4: Is that my drink? Now? That's definitely my drink? Do
Speaker 4: you want to step outside.
Speaker 1: People for a drink?
Speaker 3: What you're propositioning people will a confused drink? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Okay, I'm gonna get it where you can vote. Uh?
Speaker 4: What else would I say it? Pride? You look familiar?
Speaker 4: Did I meet you in a dark room once?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 4: Why don't you and five of your favorite friends come
Speaker 4: around to mind later? So none of these.
Speaker 1: Things, none of these things was specific to Pride. There
Speaker 1: could be any Saturday night for you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wanna say no points? Okay, no, Well, have
Speaker 4: you got any examples of ship that I could have said?
Speaker 3: How about.
Speaker 1: Unusual places to hide? A strap on bill?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Inside you is not one?
Speaker 4: Well, that's just wiped out all ten of my that's
Speaker 4: not new places to hide if.
Speaker 3: Bathroom cabinet.
Speaker 4: Okay, So in.
Speaker 2: A bar, under a table, under the pillow in the bathroom, Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's in the bath.
Speaker 4: In the dog's chew toy.
Speaker 1: Box, because that's ncas a dog chew toy. You don't
Speaker 1: clearly don't have a dog. If a dog gets old
Speaker 1: of a dill door, a dog has got a new
Speaker 1: chew toy.
Speaker 4: I haven't got a dog or a dildo. So you know,
Speaker 4: I never needed one other places to hide a dildo
Speaker 4: using it as a curtain rail.
Speaker 3: What got very small?
Speaker 4: Have curtains in your house? All right?
Speaker 3: I've got very big windows.
Speaker 1: That a double end of well could spare you in half.
Speaker 4: So big your window is. I suppose.
Speaker 2: We've all learned about you in the size of your window.
Speaker 2: It's more more of a marm door than a window.
Speaker 1: I want to wine window at home.
Speaker 3: You want to wine window like a glory hole, but
Speaker 3: with wine.
Speaker 4: The best kind of glory whole.
Speaker 3: Yeah, anyway, Okay, that's enough for now. Stick around because
Speaker 3: coming up after this short break, we're going.
Speaker 1: To get a craft on in Crafty Queens.
Speaker 4: Welcome back.
Speaker 2: You are still inexplicably watching River and Mike on chewing
Speaker 2: the cold. Now it's time to spend eleven minutes of
Speaker 2: our finite life on this weird little planet making something
Speaker 2: in something, just making something in Crafty Queens.
Speaker 1: Apparently I have been told I have to cover up
Speaker 1: the blue plaster with the yellow thing. People are getting
Speaker 1: very upset with my finger disappearing.
Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, you should at least buy him a
Speaker 4: drink first.
Speaker 1: Why, and too, I have been inspired by your choice
Speaker 1: of outfit today for the crafty queens. So yes, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna leave it there. So all right, you go
Speaker 1: to the gym.
Speaker 3: We know, right, anyway, we're going to.
Speaker 4: Make something beautiful that seems unlikely.
Speaker 3: It's happened very all likely. So what we need to say.
Speaker 3: I've got a couple of little things. Okay.
Speaker 1: The first thing we're going to use is a sheet
Speaker 1: of a full paper.
Speaker 3: Okay. Now, what I want you to do is on
Speaker 3: the top edge.
Speaker 4: This portray on landscape. Let's get let's let's start, okay,
Speaker 4: So in landscape mode, landscape mode okay, okay.
Speaker 3: Along the top edge.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we're just just edging right. You want maybe
Speaker 1: just maybe a centimeter, okay, going along of pattern or color,
Speaker 1: pattern or color. Yeah, so I'm giving you some some
Speaker 1: coloring pens. All right, so just like maybe top centimeter,
Speaker 1: two centimeters. I don't the top I'll just patent color. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'll leave it to your imagination.
Speaker 4: What you do. I think you can all imaginate. When
Speaker 4: I'm going to draw, it's going to be knobs. Okay.
Speaker 3: It's very upset when you see it.
Speaker 4: Then, I've never been upset to see a knob, well.
Speaker 1: Disappointed maybe, yeah, if you I'm not.
Speaker 4: Quite good.
Speaker 3: Every penis is unique, so it's.
Speaker 4: Okay, And yet somehow they all look the same.
Speaker 3: They're like angry old men. Legs just be just you
Speaker 3: just okay?
Speaker 4: Does it curve violently to one side?
Speaker 3: It's well, I could caught through a bit like a pig.
Speaker 1: I did actually hook.
Speaker 2: Up with a guy whose dick curved through all three planes.
Speaker 2: It was really bizarre. Did you get and he was
Speaker 2: He was a lovely guy and the sex was fine,
Speaker 2: but yeah, climing up or to the side, it kind
Speaker 2: of did both.
Speaker 4: It was yeah, not like dramatically, It wasn't like actually
Speaker 4: just a.
Speaker 2: Corks group, but it definitely moved through all three planes
Speaker 2: in a way I wasn't expecting. I don't know where
Speaker 2: I'm going with that particular story. Feel free to crash on.
Speaker 3: I was just letting you keep going.
Speaker 4: That's a mistake.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why you were enjoying yourself.
Speaker 3: We were all learning something new, all.
Speaker 1: Right, we were connecting some of it.
Speaker 4: Drawn some knobs.
Speaker 1: Okay, you've drawn some knobs. I've done blocks of color,
Speaker 1: all right, Okay, So now what I wanted to do
Speaker 1: right this is where you're gonna be absettely lots of knobs.
Speaker 1: Is I want you to cut along the shortredge into strips?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 4: How big or small? Mind?
Speaker 3: You want the strips to be around?
Speaker 4: About?
Speaker 3: Is that big?
Speaker 1: So?
Speaker 4: Is that that sends to me?
Speaker 3: That sounds to me that's a fingernail.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna some of these knobs are going to be cut.
Speaker 2: That's okay, Yeah, nothing wrong with it. I mean I
Speaker 2: prefer among cut like it seals in the flavor a
Speaker 2: bit more.
Speaker 4: But to each their own.
Speaker 3: Choice has been made there anyway. So from that point,
Speaker 3: I think you've got enough there river. That's okay.
Speaker 4: I've only got one more to do, so carry on. Okay.
Speaker 1: What you want to do is you want to trim
Speaker 1: them down to about half the length. At this point
Speaker 1: it feels like a waste of paper.
Speaker 3: It does, doesn't it? And time and life and all
Speaker 3: of those things.
Speaker 4: More and the Internet's time. We're wasting everyone's time, right, okay?
Speaker 4: So what minute? What is to half length? Now?
Speaker 3: So it half all of them? All of them?
Speaker 4: Okay, So can do them all at once, or.
Speaker 1: Do them all at once or in like a small batch.
Speaker 1: I did them as a group.
Speaker 4: So yeah, so they all want to be roughly the
Speaker 4: same length.
Speaker 1: Roughly the same length.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we do like it rough or we do like
Speaker 3: doing it as a group.
Speaker 4: Takes a lot of the pressure off.
Speaker 1: So the next thing we're going to do is I've
Speaker 1: given you a long stick.
Speaker 4: Yeah I saw that. I wonder what that was about, and.
Speaker 3: A piece of string.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Okay, what I wanted to do is tire
Speaker 1: a little loop in the end of the string.
Speaker 4: Hang on, I'm still cutting me knobs, right, try tire
Speaker 4: looping a bit of string.
Speaker 1: Yep, So we've got a little loop, and then thread
Speaker 1: it through and then tie off. So we don't want
Speaker 1: to make this a permanent attachment.
Speaker 4: Okay, so loop in me string.
Speaker 1: So basically you fix the string to it, yeah, and
Speaker 1: then tighten it up so it's nice and tight but
Speaker 1: not permanent.
Speaker 4: Is that too high up the stick?
Speaker 1: That's probably little bit too high up the stick because
Speaker 1: you went a little bit, but not not a lot
Speaker 1: by that. We can go from that.
Speaker 3: Now with these little strips.
Speaker 4: What you've done, now, I know there we.
Speaker 1: With these little strips of paper. What we're going to
Speaker 1: do is we're going to twist them round the stick.
Speaker 1: And the string starting at the non patent colored end. Right, okay,
Speaker 1: twisted twist twist.
Speaker 4: Right have I do I need more string on the end?
Speaker 4: Do I need more length?
Speaker 3: You string need to cover the length of the stick.
Speaker 4: It does just that's fine, Yeah, all right, Okay.
Speaker 1: So with the paper, you're going to twist the twisted
Speaker 1: twisted twist twist all the way up to the knob,
Speaker 1: all the way up to the thing that you're colored
Speaker 1: in or drawn, and then at that point you want
Speaker 1: to add a teeny tiny drop of super duper glue
Speaker 1: to glue it down.
Speaker 4: This does not seem like the kind of thing I
Speaker 4: should be allowed to do. That's all right. I didn't
Speaker 4: need to use that hand for the next week anyway.
Speaker 3: Okay, drives quite quickly, so okay.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's super glue. It's quite famous for that. Hey
Speaker 2: what no, I'm still sticking it, still sticking the glue
Speaker 2: tube to my hand.
Speaker 3: Ah, how are you not able to do this?
Speaker 4: Can't touch anything? Now?
Speaker 3: I can't touch this, do.
Speaker 4: Dude?
Speaker 3: Can't touch It's going to.
Speaker 2: Do the loreene kind of euphoria crab dance till it's
Speaker 2: dried and try again. All Right, I've glued it to
Speaker 2: the paper, which is glued to the table.
Speaker 4: This ends badly, This ends really ship.
Speaker 3: Okay there, okay, so once you've done that with lots
Speaker 3: of paper strip.
Speaker 4: Stop saying that. Once you've done this, once you've done that,
Speaker 4: shut up.
Speaker 3: Okay, now you have completed that task.
Speaker 1: Shut it, you slag.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 2: It reminds me of in recipes where you've got like
Speaker 2: the first bit and then it says, meanwhile, d.
Speaker 3: Bone of quail.
Speaker 1: So we're going to just push the little things that
Speaker 1: you've made off the stick.
Speaker 4: It can bloody weight. I'm not done wrapping bits of
Speaker 4: paper with knobs drawn on a round a.
Speaker 3: Stick, stick and string.
Speaker 4: Oh it's the string I have to stick again.
Speaker 3: It's fine, we'll just keep just.
Speaker 4: Right done it. Yeah? What now?
Speaker 1: Okay, so you know you peel the string off and
Speaker 1: thottle things you wrap around off the stick? What so
Speaker 1: you just this just slide them.
Speaker 4: Off right, so they're still on the string.
Speaker 1: It's not on the string, but not on the stick, right,
Speaker 1: very tight on that one.
Speaker 4: No, they've all glued to stick.
Speaker 3: I've got to splinter, have a little bracelet, I have knobs.
Speaker 4: I could have just super glued the paper directly to
Speaker 4: my finger, because that was happening anyway, And if I
Speaker 4: glued it to my wrist instead of my finger, I'd
Speaker 4: be ahead of you.
Speaker 3: A little bracelet, a necklace if you kept going.
Speaker 1: Remember, if you can't get any peanut or any vegin
Speaker 1: or anything in between, you could be a crafty queen.
Speaker 3: Little necklacy thing.
Speaker 4: Shit stuck to me hands.
Speaker 1: It's not my fault, you're not delicate. Okay, Well that's
Speaker 1: almost the end of the show for now. But on
Speaker 1: screen now you can see how contact details. It's at
Speaker 1: the cud tv.
Speaker 3: On social media.
Speaker 1: If you want to catch one previous episode, you can
Speaker 1: always give us a binge on YouTube look for Chewing
Speaker 1: the Cud.
Speaker 4: Thank you for watching and we will see you next week. Bye.